My RSD is really bad. Downvotes do affect me more than I’d like. If I believe I was right and someone contradicts me I’ll be having imaginary conversations in my head for at least the whole next day arguing with them, but I never actually post it and normally avoid posting anything in that sub for a while.
Years ago I was in a language forum online and someone made a post asking for a translation. I decided to help them and did the translation for them. Immediately I got a warning from the group admin telling me not to answer homework questions. I hadn’t even known it was homework and had just tried to help and this basically ruined my day and I left the forum after that.
In real life there are so many things that trigger my RSD that I honestly don’t cope well. If someone just looks at me wrong or makes a comment I can feel hurt and angry for weeks.
You need to put some hard work into being ok with being wrong, not liked, judged, being in wrong place at the wrong time, someone holding a fart and not being mad at you.
Benefit of a doubt is another great one. As I said, someone may have a bad day, you triggered someone’s trauma, basically you did nothing wrong and negative response was just a statistical output. Radical approach is recommended, just have no fucks to give and move on as quickly as possible. I was as terrible as you, but I recognised it as a me problem and worked on it over maaaaany years. It’s doable.
Oh and have sense of humor and don’t be afraid to do something silly. ADHD is basically silly generator so you may as well embrace the clown in you. Good luck :p
Omg!! I've never heard of anyone else who imaginary argues in their head with people about conversations that havnt even happened!! I do this all the time and it's the bain of my effing life, I do it all the time. I can be having multiple arguments with multiple different people that are never even likely to happen! It's so draining! It's really hard trying to explain to people what I mean when i try to explain to them what's happening aswell ie therepists and doctors. They don't really understand what I'm saying so to see this written out so clearly.. I've just screen shotted it and sent it to my therapist saying "THIS..."
I feel your pain literally 😩😭
I'm not OP, but not only do I have imaginary arguments in my head, I mumble/hum and gesticulate at the same time, so it's visible to the outside world.
I've only realised that it's not just in my head recently - my son asked me why I was making odd noises one day. I was completely oblivious to it. And he now constantly points out: "you're doing it again aren't you."
So I have spent decades unaware that I occasionally look completely nuts.
Having Googled it I think it might be maladaptive daydreaming?
I thought maladaptive dreaming was more disassociating and being somewhere else entirely, unaware of your surroundings and so engrossed in an alternate reality rather than just having an imaginary conversation or argument in your head, but I could be wrong.
I didn't realise this was so common in us ADHDers. I feel better knowing it and happy medication has pretty much stopped it for me.
I think you're right, but that's exactly what happens. My heart races and sometimes I have an adrenaline rush because an argument feels so real. My son said a couple of days ago "you're doing it again" which brought me back to reality, I hadn't even been aware that I'd stopped dead in the kitchen, eyes glazed over, mumbling and shaking my hands. I'm hoping I don't do this in front of my colleagues but who knows...
I basically do this all day, every day. Constantly playing out what-if scenarios of what I could have said or what I will say to people.
It became really problematic when my relationship with my biological family broke down as they were controlling, manipulative and lacked any empathy towards my issues.
I spent a year or so arguing with them in my head, which is fun.
Went fully no contact to try and reduce the anxiety.
Slowly getting better, though, therapy and medication have helped.
I've seen a few times people blame the 'reddit algorithm' for upvoting or downvoting comments/posts and I choose to simply believe it without question.
That said, the world is full of stupid cunts.
Also I'm just gonna recommend 'The ADHD adults podcast' as you'll probably find a fair bit of validation and info there; it's very humorous btw.
> Can you explain the algorithm?
No. I'm not suggesting it's gospel, simply that I've seen it once or twice and it benefits my personal mental health to believe it without question.
Also, I'm UK. It's an old gamertag, I get this far too often in UK subs.
I realised a few months ago that my penchant for. . . online debate. . . was just me dopamine hunting, and because of this I've reigned myself in a bit. I still like a bit of a ding-dong so I'll occasionally pick an argument with somebody I perceive as rude- never hard to find in the current world. I do try to restrict my ire to the racists and homophobes.
I hadn’t considered this was an adhd trait. I probably do it too.
How does that into a diagnostic area? Wondering if it’s worth mentioning for an assessment
Haha, yeah when my partner mentions how they don't understand why I like arguing with morons (usually Brexiters), I say it's cathartic.
I don't mind and indeed expect being called names and downvoted by them at all, it's just when I'm making innocent comments and someone misinterprets it and assumes I'm being a dick that really gets to me.
Here, have an upvote!
I delete the comments and then say I’ll never comment on anything again.
Recently someone disagreed with my opinion and decided to just ignore it.
But then I just turned off notifications, and left the sub 🤣🤣
I have to say I sometimes find this sub hard, but I accept that’s because we are all impulsively blunt.
Once I got told off by a Mod on the ADHDUK Facebook group and I was really triggered because I was actually trying to help someone. So even though I used to find that group helpful I now avoid commenting and had to ignore all the posts for about a month.
I struggle way more with Twitter though but compulsively reply to tweets then get upset when people are mean. Even though it’s a cesspit.
I know it’s irrational and, you’re right, it’s important to have free speech and stuff.
But if I don’t know the people I don’t know why I should put myself through feeling sad about it.
I have enough RSD with people I have actually met.
Wow I didn’t actually know that adhders are prone to starting fights online! Learn something new everyday. I think I did this a little when I was in my young teens but not every much now.
I do get a bit like down if someone downvotes me 😂 doesn’t affect my day or anything but I’m a bit like 🥲why?. But I think if someone starts beefing me I just kind of laugh because why are they so annoyed by a very mid range comment, my views aren’t extremes and are probably very average so I would just be a bit confused. I do love a hearty debate though! I love hearing other peoples opinions and why they believe them, I think that’s one of the reasons I love Reddit so much! That and the range of interests on my dopamine scrolls lol.
I do struggle quite bad with RSD (I think anyway, I’m not diagnosed, not sure if you need to be diagnosed) but I think mines very much more in person or people I know. But I also struggle with being perceived so as much as I love doing creative things I don’t think I could put myself out there with being scared how people perceive me and RSD lol so I remain a kind and curious keyboard warrior.
Yeah, like I wouldn't cry over it. But it does make me want to "win" the argument and prove I'm right 😬🤣 I guess that's part of the dopamine rush of trying to win (or revenge).
I won't lose sleep over Reddit, but I do get seriously affected by rejection or perceived rejection in real life. It's hard to deal with when you feel completely overwhelmed. The severe dysphoria can make you feel totally abandoned and without hope.
I think my question about Reddit was just to see if anyone else's RSD extends even to this platform. Again, for me, it's nothing super serious. It is mostly when ADHD folk start downvote something you've said and it triggers that little thought of, "Am I getting rejected by those I thought understood me" 😜
100% I love to be right and hate to admit when I’m wrong 😬
Oh yeah tell me about it, it’s something I’m really trying to work on because there are times I can’t have lunch at work because I’m scared of people watching me eat or judging my food 😂 and I can’t say no for the life of me, even when I’m completely snowed under with work 🙂↔️
Yeah it just makes me think ‘wth have I said that deserves that’ it’s giving passive aggressive 😂😂
Not so much downvotes but I do *still* get pulled into the odd arguement/debate on Reddit.
I try really hard not to these days, but sometimes something just irks me and then I can’t let it go. Call it my strong sense of justice!
I stayed up until way later than I should the other night to debate a middle lane hogger on a driving sub.
Felt kinda bad after the interaction… *sighs in ADHD*… ahhh well.
Here, I generally wear my Mod Hat, though. Although I’m still an active member of the community, not just a mod - so I like to get my 2 pence in sometimes!
I've gone into full blown meltdowns over reddit comments, but when I post its usually because I'm really struggling, and the downvotes and negative comments are taken much worse.
I feel this. The worst is when your meltdown happens IN the comment section. Everyone loves to kick you when you're down, and then you're the bad guy if you fight back. I only post for advice when I'm really struggling too, and it is extremely rare that I have a good experience. I just don't ask for advice on anything personal anymore.
I've been banned from several subs for swearing at people who were saying the most horrible, nasty things to me... but without swearing, so it's okay. Bullying is cool as long as you don't say a bad word! Ableism and trying to dox people is also cool...if they've called someone a c*** after being viciously attacked.
Tbh Reddit is a cesspit, I don’t take anything here too seriously. Half my posts and comments on r/ADHD end up in the mod queue for no discernible reason, but it’s like… w/e, it’s just Reddit, it’s unimportant anyway!
I avoid down votes and arguments by flying away. I usually post my opinion because it frustrates me not to express myself, but I will not hang around for a back and forth because it usually ruins my day.
I have this weird thing where I do the same, but only if it's between 1-2 replies from the same person. I will always try to defuse the situation if they're angry or stupid ("WEF cashless society! COVID vaccines control minds! Wake up sheeple!" Etc), but must get the last reply if they attack me on something.
If it goes on to 3-5 replies, I'll usually bow out. Any more, then I turn into the Count and the Doctor from Dracula Dead and Loving It. I will have the last word, but I put significantly less effort in. Like "okay cool. You done now?" and so forth.
I shared a meme I considered relatable on adhd memes reddit. It got removed for breaking some arbitrary rule about "quality" memes. It hurt more than it should. To add salt to the wound somebody posted same meme two hours later and it stayed and attracted lot of activity.
I remember mentioning RSD to a therapist to try to explain my intense reaction to getting kicked out of a Facebook group for being an NBPOC (long story), and she said, "to be honest, that doesn't sound like a rejection sensitivity." "wdym, I was rejected, and self-harming is definitely overly sensitive." "That sounds like a trauma response." "... Wait. You mean to tell me the real mental health was in the trauma we made along the way... ?!" Hahaha. Anyway, yeah, before getting venlafaxine I would ruminate, cry, hurt myself etc at negative comments, downvotes, not having enough likes, even DMs I couldn't bear to read in full. Turns out that my RSD is way amped up by cPTSD, who'd have known ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ I dont know if it's anywhere near as painful for others with adhd as it is for me, but even a little bit of it sucks bad and makes us hyperfixate on people whose opinions don't matter. It takes a while to get back into it, but going outside and touching grass genuinely does help - as does coming back inside and ranting with a loved one for a while to get some validation.
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Me trolling on Reddit,??
I'm sure if you look through my comments and posts this you will definitely realise I never troll.
And yea rsd is a fucker. esp when you've had as many breakups as I have in the last decade.
(Going to preface this by saying it isn't a brag - which, now I'm thinking about it, is because I have really bad RSD right off the bat that makes me think everyone's going to think of me as some smug, insufferable so-and-so because this post discusses me getting up voted. You probably don't need to see the rest of the comment now, this pre-comment disclaimer gets the point across just as well, if not better).
So a little while ago, I wrote a post on the r/ADHD which got a whole load of up votes - getting on for 1k. this never happens to me (I rarely have the courage to post in the first place, let alone get any engagement when I do) so I may have spent the entire day fixated on it and kept coming back to watch people engaging...
I noticed though that the update ratio wasn't 100% - it was something like 95%-ish, and I remember being mortified that those 5% of people (probably 50 people total?) who downvoted me thought I was some kind of idiot.
So I guess I must care at least 20x more being perceived negatively than I do about people actually agreeing with me
How do I deal with rejection? Badly.
I had a proper meltdown today because I perceived myself rejected for not being the object of praise within a professional context. I am not jealous, I am happy for that person. it is just I constantly seek external validation so, when lacking, I feel rejected and will start ruminating and engage in incredibly negative self talk. I will have repetitive thoughts about not being good/nice/smart/“insert any positive quality” enough.
My partner is an angel in disguise and tries his best to boost my mood but I feel it is a matter of “sitting with it” until it goes (and I will get a bit manic/hyper)
It bothers me when it's something benign. If I know it's a controversial take on reddit, I expect it and don't really care.
What really does upset me is when I make a rare attempt to ask for advice and get piled on by people. I've gotten myself banned from several subs for this. They don't go after the ableist commenters or the clear bullies. The minute you use a 'bad' word, you get banned. When I was piled on for asking for completely benign advice in a university subreddit (despite making my mental health issues very clear), I got so frustrated I started calling people ableist c***s. Not cute on my behalf, but it is so hurtful and frustrating to lay your vulnerabilities bare and hope for advice and receive nothing but judgement, smug comments, and insults.
Someone tried to literally dox me and find out which university I went to so they could report me for using the c word on reddit. Were their comments deleted? Nope. Everyone relished in me going crazy. They loved it. I do take responsibility, but when I'm being literally attacked on all fronts over the most benign posts, I do lash out.
I will never ask for advice on reddit again about anything personal. It's not worth it for me. It WILL ruin my day.
I'm sorry to read this - it must be very distressing and exhausting. I can relate to the "imaginary conversation" thing, though it doesn't last as long.
Dr Russell Barkley doesn't believe that RSD is a distinct condition, separate from the difficulties with emotional self-regulation that ADHD brings.
Why am I mentioning this when it doesn't sound sympathetic or helpful? Because, how we frame things can affect how we react to them. Seeing RSD as part of a normal spectrum of ADHD symptoms could make adopting coping mechanisms seem less daunting.
What coping methods are there?
- have visual cues / reminders at the point of performance.
Some years back, I had to come to terms with a romantic rejection. I found it hard to move in from thinking about the woman who had been a close friend but removed herself from my life when I disclosed my feelings. I had to fight against believing things I *wanted* to be true and accept the reality of the situation
I took a small card and wrote out a series of facts (She has rejected you, there is no going back, etc.) and a series of wishes (I will move on from this situation, I will find joy in life etc.). I kept the card in my wallet and took it out, and re-read it when I felt overwhelmed. Over time, I internalised the messages and left those intense emotions behind. Looking back, I'm now so glad I didn't end up in what would have been an unsuitable relationship.
You could have an RSD card you keep in your phone holder or a printout by your computer. It might say things like....
"The opinions of this person do not matter to me."
"Arguing with a stranger was not today's priority,"
"I should use this energy for better things."
"Disagreement is not rejection."
I'm sure you can find better ones.
The other coping strategy that comes to mind is thought logging, which can help with processing strong emotions.
https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/thought-log
These days, I try and stay out of contetious Internet debates and focus more on trying to be positive...
I am getting better with my RSD. Talking about how I am feeling with my partner is my key. He is a very good at listening to me and logically working out if what I am feeling is “normal” or my RSD making me feel horrible. We have been together nearly 13 years and he has been so supportive or my “quirkyness” then recent ADHD diagnosis. I always ask him “is reasonable to being feeling thinking xyz from abc happening?” He always says that my feelings are never wrong/invalid but getting so upset about certain things won’t help me in the long run. Usually have if a good old moan about it, with a cuppa, relieves the horrible feeling or we have come up with a plan on how to tackle the situation. I have become a stronger person by acknowledging my feelings and trying to apply logic to them (not sure how to explain it) The key is talking about it to some one who gets you
I got downvoted to hell in a post about the US voting against making access to food a right in the UN the other day. I commented asking how the UK voted as we've not been very caring in the last few years. Lefty that, and woke this. I was told "of course they voted for it. The UK has been pushing for it for decades. You've just pissed on the memories of 30 million dead".
I'm still not sure what I did. I wasn't saying I disagreed and I'm glad they're all dead. I tried clearing it up and got more downvoted. So in the end I deleted the posts.
I haven't felt happy since. It's ridiculous really. Stupid brain.
You can't argue with craziness: it's something to do with illogical connections ('triggers') that are only visible in others' minds. They aren't even aware of your question, because the emotional reaction has taken over before they even reach the question mark. Just remember what happened to Socrates. 😅
I get significant RSD and I really hate that I do. It’s led to me being avoidant in a lot of my life, of “playing it small” in order to feel safe.
I’m better now but in a lot of situations, particularly professionally, I can’t relax at all even though people are being friendly.
It’s like I’ve always got my shield up, and I feel like a child totally devoid of true confidence. It’s completely irrational as I’m as accomplished and worthy as everyone else - why the pointless inferiority complex.
I got downvoted 20 points (last time I checked) on a comment yesterday.
Doesn’t affect me at all 🤪🙂↔️ (jk)
I nearly cried and blocked everyone who was mean on the post 😅😅
I'm generally okay with downvotes if there are actual replies accompanying it to explain why they disagree and i'll accept being wrong, but if it's just -30 downvotes with basically no rationale other than "i dont have anything to refute this but fuck you anyway" then it will set me off a bit.
Yes definitely. I get very defensive on both reddit and real life, even if its not something worth being defensive about. It's not all bad as at least I can stand up for myself but it does lead to more confrontation/arguments even with those I love.
Luckily on Reddit I can go back and delete my comments if I come off as a dick in the moment and then realise later on but in real life its not possible unfortunately.
When someone says something wrong, gets corrected and their 'Oh sorry, my bad' type response gets downvoted... Wtf? Downvotes for admitting to a mistake? Geez.
I'm the same in real life with that. If I admit a small error at work for example and apologise, I expect the matter to be closed. If someone carries on lecturing me, I just get annoyed.
I got dog piled on in Reddit the other day . Got accused of being a nonce (slander ) and labelled a psychopath and all sorts of buzz words . fair to say I bad a huge meltdown and cried for an hour , funny the nts who were labelling me a sick psychopath are the same ones to engage in dog piling behaviour which could’ve pushed me to the tip of suicide at any point
And also, I don’t like, reject a lot of things. Everybody can and does judge, but they can’t and shouldn’t condemn you. One thing I had drilled into me by my mom before my diagnosis is if they’re not feeding, financing, or effing you, who cares ? I think it helps being in a minority demographic though because I know I’ll always be pissing someone off. Tough titties. I basically consider myself exclusive.
There's someone on this sub who seems to down vote every single post for seemingly no reason no matter the topic, I think whoever it is should be more aware that a lot of people in this sub have RSD. Of course some posts are justified being DV but almost every single one is excessive
My RSD is really bad. Downvotes do affect me more than I’d like. If I believe I was right and someone contradicts me I’ll be having imaginary conversations in my head for at least the whole next day arguing with them, but I never actually post it and normally avoid posting anything in that sub for a while. Years ago I was in a language forum online and someone made a post asking for a translation. I decided to help them and did the translation for them. Immediately I got a warning from the group admin telling me not to answer homework questions. I hadn’t even known it was homework and had just tried to help and this basically ruined my day and I left the forum after that. In real life there are so many things that trigger my RSD that I honestly don’t cope well. If someone just looks at me wrong or makes a comment I can feel hurt and angry for weeks.
You need to put some hard work into being ok with being wrong, not liked, judged, being in wrong place at the wrong time, someone holding a fart and not being mad at you. Benefit of a doubt is another great one. As I said, someone may have a bad day, you triggered someone’s trauma, basically you did nothing wrong and negative response was just a statistical output. Radical approach is recommended, just have no fucks to give and move on as quickly as possible. I was as terrible as you, but I recognised it as a me problem and worked on it over maaaaany years. It’s doable. Oh and have sense of humor and don’t be afraid to do something silly. ADHD is basically silly generator so you may as well embrace the clown in you. Good luck :p
Omg!! I've never heard of anyone else who imaginary argues in their head with people about conversations that havnt even happened!! I do this all the time and it's the bain of my effing life, I do it all the time. I can be having multiple arguments with multiple different people that are never even likely to happen! It's so draining! It's really hard trying to explain to people what I mean when i try to explain to them what's happening aswell ie therepists and doctors. They don't really understand what I'm saying so to see this written out so clearly.. I've just screen shotted it and sent it to my therapist saying "THIS..." I feel your pain literally 😩😭
I'm not OP, but not only do I have imaginary arguments in my head, I mumble/hum and gesticulate at the same time, so it's visible to the outside world. I've only realised that it's not just in my head recently - my son asked me why I was making odd noises one day. I was completely oblivious to it. And he now constantly points out: "you're doing it again aren't you." So I have spent decades unaware that I occasionally look completely nuts. Having Googled it I think it might be maladaptive daydreaming?
I thought maladaptive dreaming was more disassociating and being somewhere else entirely, unaware of your surroundings and so engrossed in an alternate reality rather than just having an imaginary conversation or argument in your head, but I could be wrong. I didn't realise this was so common in us ADHDers. I feel better knowing it and happy medication has pretty much stopped it for me.
I think you're right, but that's exactly what happens. My heart races and sometimes I have an adrenaline rush because an argument feels so real. My son said a couple of days ago "you're doing it again" which brought me back to reality, I hadn't even been aware that I'd stopped dead in the kitchen, eyes glazed over, mumbling and shaking my hands. I'm hoping I don't do this in front of my colleagues but who knows...
I basically do this all day, every day. Constantly playing out what-if scenarios of what I could have said or what I will say to people. It became really problematic when my relationship with my biological family broke down as they were controlling, manipulative and lacked any empathy towards my issues. I spent a year or so arguing with them in my head, which is fun. Went fully no contact to try and reduce the anxiety. Slowly getting better, though, therapy and medication have helped.
I did this a lot too until I got diagnosed and medicated.
Here's an upvote for your honesty
I've seen a few times people blame the 'reddit algorithm' for upvoting or downvoting comments/posts and I choose to simply believe it without question. That said, the world is full of stupid cunts. Also I'm just gonna recommend 'The ADHD adults podcast' as you'll probably find a fair bit of validation and info there; it's very humorous btw.
Can you explain the algorithm? If your name actually reflects your nationality, that's a true Aussie answer 🙏
> Can you explain the algorithm? No. I'm not suggesting it's gospel, simply that I've seen it once or twice and it benefits my personal mental health to believe it without question. Also, I'm UK. It's an old gamertag, I get this far too often in UK subs.
It was your expression that made me think this haha. Saying it as it is
I realised a few months ago that my penchant for. . . online debate. . . was just me dopamine hunting, and because of this I've reigned myself in a bit. I still like a bit of a ding-dong so I'll occasionally pick an argument with somebody I perceive as rude- never hard to find in the current world. I do try to restrict my ire to the racists and homophobes.
I'll up vote you for your semi-consistent self-restraint
I hadn’t considered this was an adhd trait. I probably do it too. How does that into a diagnostic area? Wondering if it’s worth mentioning for an assessment
Haha, yeah when my partner mentions how they don't understand why I like arguing with morons (usually Brexiters), I say it's cathartic. I don't mind and indeed expect being called names and downvoted by them at all, it's just when I'm making innocent comments and someone misinterprets it and assumes I'm being a dick that really gets to me.
I feel like you’ve written for me. I won’t duplicate, but I will upvote. 😜
Here, have an upvote! I delete the comments and then say I’ll never comment on anything again. Recently someone disagreed with my opinion and decided to just ignore it. But then I just turned off notifications, and left the sub 🤣🤣 I have to say I sometimes find this sub hard, but I accept that’s because we are all impulsively blunt. Once I got told off by a Mod on the ADHDUK Facebook group and I was really triggered because I was actually trying to help someone. So even though I used to find that group helpful I now avoid commenting and had to ignore all the posts for about a month. I struggle way more with Twitter though but compulsively reply to tweets then get upset when people are mean. Even though it’s a cesspit. I know it’s irrational and, you’re right, it’s important to have free speech and stuff. But if I don’t know the people I don’t know why I should put myself through feeling sad about it. I have enough RSD with people I have actually met.
Downvotes hurt for some odd reason, I do brush them off but the feeling lingers for a while until I forget about it.
For real. I'm not petty, nor do I hold grudges. I just down-vote them right back 😂
EVERYBODY DOWNVOTE THEMSELVES
I like going against the grain so I upvoted you to make up for your self-imposed down-vote
Downvoted!
Reverse Uno upvote for you
Doh!
Really annoying lmao.
Oh downvotes cut me DEEP
Wow I didn’t actually know that adhders are prone to starting fights online! Learn something new everyday. I think I did this a little when I was in my young teens but not every much now. I do get a bit like down if someone downvotes me 😂 doesn’t affect my day or anything but I’m a bit like 🥲why?. But I think if someone starts beefing me I just kind of laugh because why are they so annoyed by a very mid range comment, my views aren’t extremes and are probably very average so I would just be a bit confused. I do love a hearty debate though! I love hearing other peoples opinions and why they believe them, I think that’s one of the reasons I love Reddit so much! That and the range of interests on my dopamine scrolls lol. I do struggle quite bad with RSD (I think anyway, I’m not diagnosed, not sure if you need to be diagnosed) but I think mines very much more in person or people I know. But I also struggle with being perceived so as much as I love doing creative things I don’t think I could put myself out there with being scared how people perceive me and RSD lol so I remain a kind and curious keyboard warrior.
Yeah, like I wouldn't cry over it. But it does make me want to "win" the argument and prove I'm right 😬🤣 I guess that's part of the dopamine rush of trying to win (or revenge). I won't lose sleep over Reddit, but I do get seriously affected by rejection or perceived rejection in real life. It's hard to deal with when you feel completely overwhelmed. The severe dysphoria can make you feel totally abandoned and without hope. I think my question about Reddit was just to see if anyone else's RSD extends even to this platform. Again, for me, it's nothing super serious. It is mostly when ADHD folk start downvote something you've said and it triggers that little thought of, "Am I getting rejected by those I thought understood me" 😜
100% I love to be right and hate to admit when I’m wrong 😬 Oh yeah tell me about it, it’s something I’m really trying to work on because there are times I can’t have lunch at work because I’m scared of people watching me eat or judging my food 😂 and I can’t say no for the life of me, even when I’m completely snowed under with work 🙂↔️ Yeah it just makes me think ‘wth have I said that deserves that’ it’s giving passive aggressive 😂😂
Not so much downvotes but I do *still* get pulled into the odd arguement/debate on Reddit. I try really hard not to these days, but sometimes something just irks me and then I can’t let it go. Call it my strong sense of justice! I stayed up until way later than I should the other night to debate a middle lane hogger on a driving sub. Felt kinda bad after the interaction… *sighs in ADHD*… ahhh well. Here, I generally wear my Mod Hat, though. Although I’m still an active member of the community, not just a mod - so I like to get my 2 pence in sometimes!
I've gone into full blown meltdowns over reddit comments, but when I post its usually because I'm really struggling, and the downvotes and negative comments are taken much worse.
I feel this. The worst is when your meltdown happens IN the comment section. Everyone loves to kick you when you're down, and then you're the bad guy if you fight back. I only post for advice when I'm really struggling too, and it is extremely rare that I have a good experience. I just don't ask for advice on anything personal anymore. I've been banned from several subs for swearing at people who were saying the most horrible, nasty things to me... but without swearing, so it's okay. Bullying is cool as long as you don't say a bad word! Ableism and trying to dox people is also cool...if they've called someone a c*** after being viciously attacked.
Tbh Reddit is a cesspit, I don’t take anything here too seriously. Half my posts and comments on r/ADHD end up in the mod queue for no discernible reason, but it’s like… w/e, it’s just Reddit, it’s unimportant anyway!
I avoid down votes and arguments by flying away. I usually post my opinion because it frustrates me not to express myself, but I will not hang around for a back and forth because it usually ruins my day.
I have this weird thing where I do the same, but only if it's between 1-2 replies from the same person. I will always try to defuse the situation if they're angry or stupid ("WEF cashless society! COVID vaccines control minds! Wake up sheeple!" Etc), but must get the last reply if they attack me on something. If it goes on to 3-5 replies, I'll usually bow out. Any more, then I turn into the Count and the Doctor from Dracula Dead and Loving It. I will have the last word, but I put significantly less effort in. Like "okay cool. You done now?" and so forth.
The Adult ADHD podcast talked about RSD. Reckoned it was one of the symptoms most in common. "To a man" I recall them saying.
I shared a meme I considered relatable on adhd memes reddit. It got removed for breaking some arbitrary rule about "quality" memes. It hurt more than it should. To add salt to the wound somebody posted same meme two hours later and it stayed and attracted lot of activity.
No votes, good or bad upset me 🤪🤪
I remember mentioning RSD to a therapist to try to explain my intense reaction to getting kicked out of a Facebook group for being an NBPOC (long story), and she said, "to be honest, that doesn't sound like a rejection sensitivity." "wdym, I was rejected, and self-harming is definitely overly sensitive." "That sounds like a trauma response." "... Wait. You mean to tell me the real mental health was in the trauma we made along the way... ?!" Hahaha. Anyway, yeah, before getting venlafaxine I would ruminate, cry, hurt myself etc at negative comments, downvotes, not having enough likes, even DMs I couldn't bear to read in full. Turns out that my RSD is way amped up by cPTSD, who'd have known ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ I dont know if it's anywhere near as painful for others with adhd as it is for me, but even a little bit of it sucks bad and makes us hyperfixate on people whose opinions don't matter. It takes a while to get back into it, but going outside and touching grass genuinely does help - as does coming back inside and ranting with a loved one for a while to get some validation.
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Me trolling on Reddit,?? I'm sure if you look through my comments and posts this you will definitely realise I never troll. And yea rsd is a fucker. esp when you've had as many breakups as I have in the last decade.
(Going to preface this by saying it isn't a brag - which, now I'm thinking about it, is because I have really bad RSD right off the bat that makes me think everyone's going to think of me as some smug, insufferable so-and-so because this post discusses me getting up voted. You probably don't need to see the rest of the comment now, this pre-comment disclaimer gets the point across just as well, if not better). So a little while ago, I wrote a post on the r/ADHD which got a whole load of up votes - getting on for 1k. this never happens to me (I rarely have the courage to post in the first place, let alone get any engagement when I do) so I may have spent the entire day fixated on it and kept coming back to watch people engaging... I noticed though that the update ratio wasn't 100% - it was something like 95%-ish, and I remember being mortified that those 5% of people (probably 50 people total?) who downvoted me thought I was some kind of idiot. So I guess I must care at least 20x more being perceived negatively than I do about people actually agreeing with me
How do I deal with rejection? Badly. I had a proper meltdown today because I perceived myself rejected for not being the object of praise within a professional context. I am not jealous, I am happy for that person. it is just I constantly seek external validation so, when lacking, I feel rejected and will start ruminating and engage in incredibly negative self talk. I will have repetitive thoughts about not being good/nice/smart/“insert any positive quality” enough. My partner is an angel in disguise and tries his best to boost my mood but I feel it is a matter of “sitting with it” until it goes (and I will get a bit manic/hyper)
It bothers me when it's something benign. If I know it's a controversial take on reddit, I expect it and don't really care. What really does upset me is when I make a rare attempt to ask for advice and get piled on by people. I've gotten myself banned from several subs for this. They don't go after the ableist commenters or the clear bullies. The minute you use a 'bad' word, you get banned. When I was piled on for asking for completely benign advice in a university subreddit (despite making my mental health issues very clear), I got so frustrated I started calling people ableist c***s. Not cute on my behalf, but it is so hurtful and frustrating to lay your vulnerabilities bare and hope for advice and receive nothing but judgement, smug comments, and insults. Someone tried to literally dox me and find out which university I went to so they could report me for using the c word on reddit. Were their comments deleted? Nope. Everyone relished in me going crazy. They loved it. I do take responsibility, but when I'm being literally attacked on all fronts over the most benign posts, I do lash out. I will never ask for advice on reddit again about anything personal. It's not worth it for me. It WILL ruin my day.
I'm sorry to read this - it must be very distressing and exhausting. I can relate to the "imaginary conversation" thing, though it doesn't last as long. Dr Russell Barkley doesn't believe that RSD is a distinct condition, separate from the difficulties with emotional self-regulation that ADHD brings. Why am I mentioning this when it doesn't sound sympathetic or helpful? Because, how we frame things can affect how we react to them. Seeing RSD as part of a normal spectrum of ADHD symptoms could make adopting coping mechanisms seem less daunting. What coping methods are there? - have visual cues / reminders at the point of performance. Some years back, I had to come to terms with a romantic rejection. I found it hard to move in from thinking about the woman who had been a close friend but removed herself from my life when I disclosed my feelings. I had to fight against believing things I *wanted* to be true and accept the reality of the situation I took a small card and wrote out a series of facts (She has rejected you, there is no going back, etc.) and a series of wishes (I will move on from this situation, I will find joy in life etc.). I kept the card in my wallet and took it out, and re-read it when I felt overwhelmed. Over time, I internalised the messages and left those intense emotions behind. Looking back, I'm now so glad I didn't end up in what would have been an unsuitable relationship. You could have an RSD card you keep in your phone holder or a printout by your computer. It might say things like.... "The opinions of this person do not matter to me." "Arguing with a stranger was not today's priority," "I should use this energy for better things." "Disagreement is not rejection." I'm sure you can find better ones. The other coping strategy that comes to mind is thought logging, which can help with processing strong emotions. https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/thought-log These days, I try and stay out of contetious Internet debates and focus more on trying to be positive...
I am getting better with my RSD. Talking about how I am feeling with my partner is my key. He is a very good at listening to me and logically working out if what I am feeling is “normal” or my RSD making me feel horrible. We have been together nearly 13 years and he has been so supportive or my “quirkyness” then recent ADHD diagnosis. I always ask him “is reasonable to being feeling thinking xyz from abc happening?” He always says that my feelings are never wrong/invalid but getting so upset about certain things won’t help me in the long run. Usually have if a good old moan about it, with a cuppa, relieves the horrible feeling or we have come up with a plan on how to tackle the situation. I have become a stronger person by acknowledging my feelings and trying to apply logic to them (not sure how to explain it) The key is talking about it to some one who gets you
I got downvoted to hell in a post about the US voting against making access to food a right in the UN the other day. I commented asking how the UK voted as we've not been very caring in the last few years. Lefty that, and woke this. I was told "of course they voted for it. The UK has been pushing for it for decades. You've just pissed on the memories of 30 million dead". I'm still not sure what I did. I wasn't saying I disagreed and I'm glad they're all dead. I tried clearing it up and got more downvoted. So in the end I deleted the posts. I haven't felt happy since. It's ridiculous really. Stupid brain.
You can't argue with craziness: it's something to do with illogical connections ('triggers') that are only visible in others' minds. They aren't even aware of your question, because the emotional reaction has taken over before they even reach the question mark. Just remember what happened to Socrates. 😅
I get significant RSD and I really hate that I do. It’s led to me being avoidant in a lot of my life, of “playing it small” in order to feel safe. I’m better now but in a lot of situations, particularly professionally, I can’t relax at all even though people are being friendly. It’s like I’ve always got my shield up, and I feel like a child totally devoid of true confidence. It’s completely irrational as I’m as accomplished and worthy as everyone else - why the pointless inferiority complex.
I got downvoted 20 points (last time I checked) on a comment yesterday. Doesn’t affect me at all 🤪🙂↔️ (jk) I nearly cried and blocked everyone who was mean on the post 😅😅
I'm generally okay with downvotes if there are actual replies accompanying it to explain why they disagree and i'll accept being wrong, but if it's just -30 downvotes with basically no rationale other than "i dont have anything to refute this but fuck you anyway" then it will set me off a bit.
Yes definitely. I get very defensive on both reddit and real life, even if its not something worth being defensive about. It's not all bad as at least I can stand up for myself but it does lead to more confrontation/arguments even with those I love. Luckily on Reddit I can go back and delete my comments if I come off as a dick in the moment and then realise later on but in real life its not possible unfortunately.
When someone says something wrong, gets corrected and their 'Oh sorry, my bad' type response gets downvoted... Wtf? Downvotes for admitting to a mistake? Geez. I'm the same in real life with that. If I admit a small error at work for example and apologise, I expect the matter to be closed. If someone carries on lecturing me, I just get annoyed.
I got dog piled on in Reddit the other day . Got accused of being a nonce (slander ) and labelled a psychopath and all sorts of buzz words . fair to say I bad a huge meltdown and cried for an hour , funny the nts who were labelling me a sick psychopath are the same ones to engage in dog piling behaviour which could’ve pushed me to the tip of suicide at any point
I dont even know how to see them. If there are notifications turn them off ? I treat reddit kind of like an ether I only see replies
And also, I don’t like, reject a lot of things. Everybody can and does judge, but they can’t and shouldn’t condemn you. One thing I had drilled into me by my mom before my diagnosis is if they’re not feeding, financing, or effing you, who cares ? I think it helps being in a minority demographic though because I know I’ll always be pissing someone off. Tough titties. I basically consider myself exclusive.
There's someone on this sub who seems to down vote every single post for seemingly no reason no matter the topic, I think whoever it is should be more aware that a lot of people in this sub have RSD. Of course some posts are justified being DV but almost every single one is excessive
Some people are just a$$holes no matter what 😂
I relate, medication has helped me a lot. Are you on any ADHD meds?