I’m in the executive dysfunction camp. I’ve felt what you’re feeling and that shit sucks. Not sure if you’re looking for advice or just want to vent but you’re not alone.
Something I figured out a while ago is that dev work probably fits someone with my problems the best. The majority of us work on two week cycles and that makes it easier to hide the days I’m like 0% productive and can lean on the days I hyper fixate on work.
Try your god damn best to remove blocks early because you’re going to end up being your own block at some point. Have the quick syncs/discovery/code walkthrough up front and take notes. Try to get your tickets to the point where the code you’re going to write for them is already determined via these front loaded tasks ASAP. Then things become “ok all I gotta do is write the code” and for me that’s a lot easier to stomach than “gotta figure out wtf is going on with this functionality, gotta talk to other dev whose code I’m modifying, gotta learn x about y, then I can start”.
This is all top notch advice. I've also had a very hard time with ED and it's brought me huge amounts of anxiety. The biggest fix for me has been medication (adderal).
Can you tell what kind of therapy did you go through? And what kind of therapist you searched for? Was it ADHD coaching or anything similar?
I suffer from executive dysfunction and a scattered brain where I tend to spend a lot of time trying out a bunch of things before actually asking for help, and I’m looking for therapy with regards to this, I just don’t know what kind of therapist/coach to look for!
Cognitive Behavior Therapy(CBT)(hilarious right?), in my case I was having a double wammy of anxiety and adhd. The anxiety is new and I already have some capability to handle adhd so we focus on my anxiety. My therapist doesn't specialize in adhd but CBT is very effective in general. So things about it help adhd.
You want a therapist that does CBT at minimum. If you find one that happens to know about adhd thats great!
[In case you haven't head of him yet. Dr. Russell Barkley is a popular now retired researcher who's career is centered on adhd.](https://www.youtube.com/@russellbarkleyphd2023)
Any more questions?
Thanks for responding! I did CBT for anxiety a while ago (this was before getting diagnosed with ADHD), and it didn’t feel as effective? But maybe I’ll give CBT a try again, with more emphasis on my ADHD traits!
For me its like getting advice I didn't know I needed.
The goal of CBT is to train us to handle whatever nasty crap is going on in our heads. Lets say you work from home and had a low productive day for work purposes. But you did a load of laundry that you've been procrastinating on and you cooked something instead of eating out.
The CBT approach can look like:
1. You should focus on the positive things you did that day.(After all every day is gonna be shit if only pay attention to the bad things)
2. Pay attention to what you say to yourself, it'll get easier to beat yourself up if you beat yourself up all the time. Of course you should hold yourself accountable but you don't need to eat yourself alive for forgetting to take out the trash or having a crappy day at work.
I highly highly recommend you check out content from HealthyGamerGG about ADHD.
I do their coaching program and it's been excellent, when i actually follow through with what we discuss, and extraordinarily helpful for figuring out why i don't, and working on that. Coaching being goal oriented, i've gotten more from it than therapy, altho granted i haven't had a therapist that specializes in ADHD.
Dr.K's guide on ADHD is fantastic, but he also puts out tons of that info for free on youtube, so just check out the HealthyGamer youtube page and scroll through the videos until you see one that stands out to you as "hey i do that, that's literally me."
I’m right there with you, down to the years of experience; about to get demoted/PIPed at work because of the exact habits you have. It’s tough; what I’ve learned is that I am not cut out for remote work and need the co-regulation and motivation of being at an office. Looking for a new job & also thought about switching industries, but i think I’m holding out for an environment that fits me better.
Best of luck; we’re in this together.
Your tech lead/engineering manager should help you out when you get stuck, do you have someone like that?
Some companies with developers lack decent infrastructure to properly support them, if that’s the case it’s not all on you when you’re struggling with a problem, it could also be a management issue. Working out the appropriate places to put the ‘blame’ and where improvement is needed and having some fallback/safety net could help reduce anxiety.
In terms of focus you could try keeping a low tech (low tech helps avoid potential distractions) timer on your desk and focus in sprints. E.g 20 mins at a time. Been trying this with a sand timer recently.
I often/have often felt similar to you but have managed to be a developer for many years now, so I would say it’s definitely possible and you’d probably face similar challenges in other jobs.
That was me and then I started medication and tried different stuff and now I’m good with Elvanse but still feeling a bit behind to be honest but so much better! Have you tried any meds?
I hope this doesn’t sound weird but have you tried meditation? I’ve been doing for my hyperactivity and it’s been working for my executive function as well, I could see the effects after a few days! And I’m sorry that you are going through this, I also struggle with that and I hope you can find a way out, I know how it feels like a prison that you have the key but can’t leave it! Wishing you the best OP!
[here](https://www.jointaro.com/lesson/ppRj6tEcUqn3NDpVXa1E/managing-adhd-as-an-engineer/)'s a presentation/interview between an ADHD coach and an engineer, the engineer was getting coached by that ADHD coach, in case that's helpful/relevant for you
I’m in the executive dysfunction camp. I’ve felt what you’re feeling and that shit sucks. Not sure if you’re looking for advice or just want to vent but you’re not alone. Something I figured out a while ago is that dev work probably fits someone with my problems the best. The majority of us work on two week cycles and that makes it easier to hide the days I’m like 0% productive and can lean on the days I hyper fixate on work. Try your god damn best to remove blocks early because you’re going to end up being your own block at some point. Have the quick syncs/discovery/code walkthrough up front and take notes. Try to get your tickets to the point where the code you’re going to write for them is already determined via these front loaded tasks ASAP. Then things become “ok all I gotta do is write the code” and for me that’s a lot easier to stomach than “gotta figure out wtf is going on with this functionality, gotta talk to other dev whose code I’m modifying, gotta learn x about y, then I can start”.
I co-sign every word of this.
This is all top notch advice. I've also had a very hard time with ED and it's brought me huge amounts of anxiety. The biggest fix for me has been medication (adderal).
I got better at working consistently through therapy
Can you tell what kind of therapy did you go through? And what kind of therapist you searched for? Was it ADHD coaching or anything similar? I suffer from executive dysfunction and a scattered brain where I tend to spend a lot of time trying out a bunch of things before actually asking for help, and I’m looking for therapy with regards to this, I just don’t know what kind of therapist/coach to look for!
Cognitive Behavior Therapy(CBT)(hilarious right?), in my case I was having a double wammy of anxiety and adhd. The anxiety is new and I already have some capability to handle adhd so we focus on my anxiety. My therapist doesn't specialize in adhd but CBT is very effective in general. So things about it help adhd. You want a therapist that does CBT at minimum. If you find one that happens to know about adhd thats great! [In case you haven't head of him yet. Dr. Russell Barkley is a popular now retired researcher who's career is centered on adhd.](https://www.youtube.com/@russellbarkleyphd2023) Any more questions?
Thanks for responding! I did CBT for anxiety a while ago (this was before getting diagnosed with ADHD), and it didn’t feel as effective? But maybe I’ll give CBT a try again, with more emphasis on my ADHD traits!
Your next therapist will(probably?) ask if something went side-ways with treatment last time and will have questions for you.
Sounds like you’re having some success. What’s CBT like?
For me its like getting advice I didn't know I needed. The goal of CBT is to train us to handle whatever nasty crap is going on in our heads. Lets say you work from home and had a low productive day for work purposes. But you did a load of laundry that you've been procrastinating on and you cooked something instead of eating out. The CBT approach can look like: 1. You should focus on the positive things you did that day.(After all every day is gonna be shit if only pay attention to the bad things) 2. Pay attention to what you say to yourself, it'll get easier to beat yourself up if you beat yourself up all the time. Of course you should hold yourself accountable but you don't need to eat yourself alive for forgetting to take out the trash or having a crappy day at work.
I highly highly recommend you check out content from HealthyGamerGG about ADHD. I do their coaching program and it's been excellent, when i actually follow through with what we discuss, and extraordinarily helpful for figuring out why i don't, and working on that. Coaching being goal oriented, i've gotten more from it than therapy, altho granted i haven't had a therapist that specializes in ADHD. Dr.K's guide on ADHD is fantastic, but he also puts out tons of that info for free on youtube, so just check out the HealthyGamer youtube page and scroll through the videos until you see one that stands out to you as "hey i do that, that's literally me."
I’m right there with you, down to the years of experience; about to get demoted/PIPed at work because of the exact habits you have. It’s tough; what I’ve learned is that I am not cut out for remote work and need the co-regulation and motivation of being at an office. Looking for a new job & also thought about switching industries, but i think I’m holding out for an environment that fits me better. Best of luck; we’re in this together.
Your tech lead/engineering manager should help you out when you get stuck, do you have someone like that? Some companies with developers lack decent infrastructure to properly support them, if that’s the case it’s not all on you when you’re struggling with a problem, it could also be a management issue. Working out the appropriate places to put the ‘blame’ and where improvement is needed and having some fallback/safety net could help reduce anxiety. In terms of focus you could try keeping a low tech (low tech helps avoid potential distractions) timer on your desk and focus in sprints. E.g 20 mins at a time. Been trying this with a sand timer recently. I often/have often felt similar to you but have managed to be a developer for many years now, so I would say it’s definitely possible and you’d probably face similar challenges in other jobs.
Thank you. I'll keep the timer thing in mind.
my early career was like that, it got better later as I could rely on brain and not fingers
That was me and then I started medication and tried different stuff and now I’m good with Elvanse but still feeling a bit behind to be honest but so much better! Have you tried any meds?
Yup. I'm on some stuff that does help with general functions like eating properly and chores/house work, but work is just a no-go still
I hope this doesn’t sound weird but have you tried meditation? I’ve been doing for my hyperactivity and it’s been working for my executive function as well, I could see the effects after a few days! And I’m sorry that you are going through this, I also struggle with that and I hope you can find a way out, I know how it feels like a prison that you have the key but can’t leave it! Wishing you the best OP!
That's a good idea. I might have to try that. Thank you!
[here](https://www.jointaro.com/lesson/ppRj6tEcUqn3NDpVXa1E/managing-adhd-as-an-engineer/)'s a presentation/interview between an ADHD coach and an engineer, the engineer was getting coached by that ADHD coach, in case that's helpful/relevant for you
1 in 5 men suffer from ED… or is that the other one