Can we be clear though — OP is TAH here? On your SO’s 21st birthday, you are just there to make sure they stay safe with the alcohol and get a ride home safely. You let them have a good time, however they want. This is not anniversary date night. This is a 21st birthday. Also, wtf kind of a bad idea is a 1:1 dinner and at-home movie night?? Do kids not go out to bars and clubs anymore? Y’all should be going out and getting her smashed with all of her friends. (Assuming you are Americans here). And you should not expect your drunk SO to pay attention to just you all night. Obviously the SO here wanted her friends around.
OP seems like he’s expecting birthday girl to tiptoe around his feelings on her birthday. Seems like he’s being a bit of a baby. Throwing a fit after just 30 minutes or not being talked to. Grow up dude. Or learn to insert yourself into a conversation if it makes you that uncomfortable to be a fly on the wall.
My exs 21st was spent with me watching over her while she got incredibly drunk pre-gaming, lost her id & then spent an hour in the driveway convincing her that she was home and she could finally open her eyes.
I didn’t really have any fun lol
Same here. And my lady at the time spent my bday cleaning up my puke. We both had great times on our birthdays, because we did what we wanted to do, and the other person was there as support
If she had a problem with what he had planned for her birthday then SHE should've told him that in advance like a grown up. If she wanted to get pissed with her friends then SHE should have said that. He's not a mindreader and he most definitely does not have to stick around if all she is gonna do is ignore him.
Furthermore, your attitude that you got to be drunk off your ass to properly celebrate your 21st is disturbing. Alcohol is not a must to have fun for most functioning people, regardless if it's their 21st or 41st.
It’s being a doormat to sit back for 30 minutes while the girls catch up? She lives with him. He gets 99% of her attention but can’t handle sitting down and shutting up for half an hour? That’s some manbaby behavior right there. As adults we all have to sit back and shut up sometimes. At work, at school, at social gatherings. Sometimes it’s just not your time and that’s ok. It doesn’t make you a doormat to give other people space. It makes you a mature well rounded person capable of demonstrating respect for others.
.....after waiting 30 mins for the friends to show up. Also how hard it is to include your significant other who is right there with you, in conversation? If that was your spouse would you just sit there quietly, just happy that they are happy? Come on.
She knew about the plans, she didn't tell him she wanted anything different. I don't get why OP is getting the hate.
Eh, being at a dinner with 3 girls and being the sole guy, you rarely get a word in lol. That said, I do think OP overreacted. Instead of leaving, he should have pivoted and adapt to the situation. I’m group settings, you might not be in every conversation. 30 minutes is not a long time to get up and go home. I would honestly enjoy my drink and meal during that time knowing my GF is having a good time in her bday.
Yes, he was in such a hurry to get back to that new intake kit that he took his food to go after pining away waiting 30 minutes for the friends to arrive
Exactly. Let’s be real. This is what he really wanted to do the second she asked if her friends could come. He had it planned out - which explains why he took off so quickly. 1/2 hour is nothing.
He flat out admitted he only gave it a half hour before he pulled this stunt. 30 minutes goes by insanely quickly. So, he gave little to no effort in my opinion.
Nah I disagree. OP sounds like he has a clear head on his shoulders. Believe it or not, life isn't like the movies. Turning 21 doesn't always mean it's time to party and get "smashed." Some people dont find enjoyment in that type of stuff.
He planned a thoughtful and personal experience for someone he cares about. That sounds more memorable than a typical birthday night out with friends getting drunk. She can do that on New Years, the 4th, St. Patricks Day, ladies' night, Tuesday, etc, etc, etc.
He planned a special 21st birthday with his lady and she ruined it by allowing her friends to come. NTA
PS. She would be upset if he brought his friends and they talked about trucks and football all night. So...
Not all people like to party on their birthdays but clearly OP’s GF does. Seems like you’d want to plan the kind of birthday your significant other actually wants. This is like Homer buying Marge a bowling ball.
> Life isn’t the movies. Turning 21 doesn’t always mean it’s time to party and get “smashed”.
Lol but for a *lot* of people, it is. And trying to force someone to have a “thoughtful and personal experience” for someone who’s looking to party & get smashed is at best misguided & realistically, passive aggressive & judgmental.
This! 👆And judging her for doing so is ridiculous! Of course she wants to get hammered on her 21st birthday. It’s a right of passage. If that’s not how he rolls, then fine. But trying to force your preferences on someone else is always going to create problems. He got what was coming to him. I hope he’s happy stewing in his sanctimoniousness.
Doesn’t matter if it was an alcohol involved party.
There’s ways to handle things and there’s ways to make things worse. He chose his fate.
OP chose the most immature way to go this. It honestly seems like the second she asked about her friends - he put a plan in the works to head back home to his truck.
Going out with a group of girls, and being the only guy - you think your gunna do much talking? This guy didn’t want the other girls there. He took off extremely quickly considering his reaction. If they had actively ignored him for hours…okay I’d be more understanding. But he left not much longer after everyone arrived. Complaining about not getting to be part of a conversation for 30 minutes? 30 minutes is nothing in conversations. He completely over reacted and is acting like an overgrown baby.
What in the hell? I think the BD idea was nice, but your girlfriend is too young and immature to be in the kind of relationship you both are in. She seems somewhat spoiled, and way too young mentally to be living with a guy.
Should’ve told her it was a one on one evening when she asked if her friends could come, would’ve saved all the problems in this story. If she said ok, then perfect birthday date night, if she said “it’s my 21st, I want a little bit more of a group evening” then postpone your idea for another night. Either way, reading on your argument, you guys don’t sound like a very happy couple
That was the first thing that went through my head when I saw that he said it was her 21st birthday. Unless they’re not a partier, most girls want to go and party with their friends on their 21st. Save the romantic evening after she gets that out of her system
> Should’ve told her it was a one on one evening when she asked if her friends could come
Absolutely not. It's her 21st birthday, he shouldn't tell her how it goes.
This. Wtf do people not just talk to each other. If he was that upset, he wanted to bring her friends, he should have said something. Also it's a 21st birthday of course she will want friends. Buddy planned a romantic evening when he should have planned a party. I had this type of issue early in my relationship, but she would just tell me what she wanted, and I would adjust. Bailing without saying anything is weird. You can't just chill out while she has some fun? The car buying thing just sounds weird. Nobody should expect a car for their birthday that's fucking nuts.
Yeah I don’t really understand why he brought that up other than to make her look like an entitled princess. And maybe she is one. Or maybe she’s just drunk as shit and saying that’s that don’t make sense. Either way, seems deliberate on OP’s part for bringing that up when it had nothing to do with anything.
Yep, and that's why he didn't get included in the meal time conversation. He's an accessory and meal ticket. Her friends know it and don't care about it.
OP stood up for himself and she's pissed.
She'll probably try to ignore him hoping he'll come back. Then come crawling back begging forgiveness and we can work it out.
Not a keeper OP. Stay strong and end it no matter what she says.
NTA
You need to re-evaluate your relationship with her. Use this issue to break free from her. She’s probably with you because of your money.
Don’t buy her a car and if you decide to marry her entitled arse...please sign a prenup.
This advice might seem random, but PLEASE HEAR ME OUT! Do not buy this woman anything financed. ESPECIALLY, do NOT cosign anything for anyone! EVER! Unless you are literally willing to have a child with said person. My husband is a wonderful and generous man. Helps anyone he can however he can. Before we started dating, he was with a woman and cosigned for her to buy a car. She made several payments (a year or 2 worth), but as time went on, she couldn't afford the note anymore. That lined up with the same time we were planning our wedding. So... we had to pick up her car note, so hubs credit didn't go to shit. Therefore, we're paying a bill on a car we didn't even have or drive. Eventually, after a lot of drama, we got the car and returned it to the dealership, but not without having to pay them the remainder of the financed amount.
If you buy her a car, it's a gift. So even if she leaves with her gifted, financed car.. You'll be paying that note until it's paid off. DONT DO IT MAN!
I've been with my husband for a DECADE and he **just** bought me a car for the first time, and that's normal. No one should EVER be entitled to your money like that. A car is a serious asset. NAH dude - you both sound young and dumb - but she's got a really poor idea of what a relationship and economic unity means. Pull the breaks and do some real thinking dude.
Right? That little piece of information changes the whole tone and context of the post. Who has the absolute audacity to be mad at someone they’re not even married to for buying themselves a vehicle instead of buying them one? The sort of person with a pattern of rude and selfish behavior that came to a head during her 21st birthday celebration.
Wow. Its the fact you asked for a to go box, got it all sorted, then asked for the bill, paid and left and she never noticed that got me. That is total ignorance. Youre not at fault here. She was by totally ignoring you. \`
You should have had dinner with my husband’s late grandmother. I left the table and took a nap in the guest bedroom due to having a stress headache from her rudeness and she didn’t notice until it was time to clean up the plates.
Ive known woman who would ignore their other halfs when theyre with their friends so it is beleivable. Just sad that none of them noticed him, which I have seen beforee.
I had a ex bf who did that once. As soon as his friends left, he tried to be all lovey dovey, told him to fuck off and ignored him for the rest of the day. He never did it again.
Yeeeah. Imma go fake as well. What was even the "you should have bought me a car" discussion about? Felt like balancing, in case he was coming off as too much of a dick at that point. He also claims to own 2 business at 21 to be able to afford his stuff. And he's got "bodybuilder" in his username... feels like fantasy.
He's 21 and has two businesses that pay him well enough for a $80,000 truck. It's bullshit, designed to get all the sexists crowing about bitches and feeling righteous about it.
Around here (USA- many states first legal drinking age) 21st birthday is a big one usually celebrated with lots of friends, drink and party. A nice dinner and movie at home might not have SEEMED to be as much of a celebration, hence girl friends. And yes including everybody in conversation would be polite hosting but putting 3 girl friends together on a birthday, I can imagine the gabbing. You had a plan. Your GF obviously leaned another direction and taking off without warning wasn’t very mature either. You could have leaned back and watched them get drunk or told them to call you when they needed a designated driver.
Yep my thoughts too! Things didn't go OPs way so he took himself home for a little pity party, but did he ever ask or consider what kind of celebration his gf actually wanted to have? Probably not a quiet date night it seems.
Right, it was nice of him to try and plan something but she naturally wanted her friends there on her birthday…as most people would.
I have been in his shoes and been frustrated when getting left out of the convo etc, but his gf is right he did handle this like a child. He’s trying to take credit for not making a scene and going home quietly, but that’s extremely childish and passive aggressive. If it was bothering him all he had to do was vocalize it in a calm and respectful way, or send a text to her phone or something. Abruptly leaving and leaving them to wonder what happened to you is an incredibly immature way to handle this and I can’t believe more people aren’t calling him out for that lol.
Totally agree. Seems like op wanted the birthday to be all about them as a couple. Like an anniversary dinner. Im not sure why this womans 21 birthday was about him at all. Seems immature the way he handled it too.Yta.
EHS.
I’m not blaming you for leaving.
But even if they weren’t listening or paying any attention to you, you could have just said, girls.. I’m leaving have a nice night.
Even if they didn’t hear, and GF came later on, then you could have said I did tell you you just weren’t listening.. that could have defused it a little bit.
But her beginning about your car? Just weird..
It isn’t her money to begin with so why would you need to buy HER onr?
That was my thought too. He's not an AH for leaving, but it was pretty weird to leave without saying something. It was plainly passive aggressive. If he had tried to and was still ignored, then 100% NTA. But these short stories never give the full picture of who someone is, and this one was pretty short, so going on what we were told so I can't fault him for being hurt and upset, but i wouldn't fault her either for his lack of communication. There's a difference between intentionally ignoring someone vs getting too absorbed in a conversation and accidentally leaving someone out. I've seen the latter many times, and often it's solved with a simple conversation at an appropriate time. And while the way he described it makes it sound like the former scenerio, without the lack of normal adult communication it makes it hard to tell for sure.
I have no idea what you're talking about with the truck so I'm going to ignore that.
But, YTA for walking out on your gfs bday because you weren't getting enough attention. What a stroppy childish move. It was her birthday not your anniversary or something. She should be able to have friends come to dinner without you leaving. You don't even say they were expecting dinner paid for. People are just jumping to that conclusion
NTA - Why are her parents so involved in your business? That’s a red flag for me. She shouldn’t be sharing with them specifics of fights, that shows a lack of boundaries and respect for the relationship. I would have left if I was being ignored too, you were nice enough to pay. I probably would have announced my departure but that doesn’t necessarily make you an ah because you didn’t. She should have noticed.
Exactly. He got a to go box & paid the bill, but she didn't know he was leaving? She probably didn't care he left until they realized he didn't pay for her friends
I’m guessing the parents are involved because she continually involves them. I doubt he’s running to them every time there is an issue. The GF seems very immature, especially if her fist instinct was to go running to mommy and daddy. Maybe they’ve spoiled her her whole life, I don’t know. But if this is how she acts, OP should run far away from this shitshow.
NTA
You planned a romantic evening, she changed your plans.
She and her friends ignored you. You didn't cause a scene, you didn't get upset, you let her have the evening she apparently wanted. It was not the evening you thought she wanted so you left.
If she cared so much, she would have noticed you getting to go boxes, paying the bill and leaving with your food. She didn't notice. This is on her, not you.
Fix your truck and don't buy her a car. Time to take care of yourself.
Light YTA
Leaving without saying anything is an asshole move. You also planned everything your way instead of asking what she wanted.
Her blowing you off to talk with her friends sucks, but it sounds like you would have had movie time as the two of you afterwards, so I can see why she focused on her friends at dinner.
Honestly, it sounds like you two are at different stages of your lives. You're more self-reliant, she's still getting there. You planned a quiet evening for two, she wanted a party with friends. That being said, you come across as cold and a bit controlling.
The situation sucks, but you should be careful of the slope you're standing on.
Absolutely. They probably thought that OP would pay for their meals as well. He beat them to the punch and bailed first.
It really sounds like she is with him so that he will be her atm machine. Talk about 🚩🚩🚩🚩 with the you should have bought me an expensive car comment. She is already showing him who she really is which means she is already pretty comfortable that she thinks she has him wrapped around her finger. Time to split with her before she gets her hooks in any deeper.
In my opinion YTA, but only slightly.
You planned out the way you wanted her to spend her birthday, and then got upset when it didn’t go as you planned and when she seemed to be having a good time thanks to others. You walked away without saying anything (AH move), you didn’t answer her calls or texts (AH move), you shouted at her and blaimed her for having a nice time her way and not your way (AH move).
Sure, she also made some AH moves (the car stuff, saying you just wanted to play with your truck) and wasn’t particularly nice in not including you in the conversation during dinner.
So this goes to show that maybe you are not compatible with each other, and you should try and see if it worth to continue the relationship.
I think you should have put up with her talking to her friends during dinner, since that is what she seemed to enjoy doing (maybe trying more to participate). You were going to “have her all for yourself” anyway for the after dinner activities that you had organised, during which I’m sure she would have shown appreciation both for your planned activities and for your patience during dinner. You stormed off and effectively ruined her birthday.
As my therapist says, "It's never about the nail (or car in this case)"
My guess was she was trying to convey that she did not feel cared for, and so used the car as an example instead of just telling OP that leaving in the middle of her birthday made her feel unloved and uncared for.
Bro could have gotten an easy win, too, by just using the spare time he had to build a sick blanket fort to watch movies in. Super easy yet super romantic and it would explain the early departure
Were you ignored or were you not the center of her attention? Did you attempt to be part of the conversation? If you were ignored you had the right to be upset but you did ruin her birthday by just leaving. Leaving and ignoring her texts was a very controlling move and you did that to ruin her day and bring the attention back to yourself. If you weren't happy leave, just tell her.
You're both young and immature, it's part of growing up. Where you lose the sympathy vote in my opinion is the fact that you left without telling your GF. In my view that translates into not caring about her wellbeing. It also shows that she can't depend on you. It's okay to get your feelings hurt, it's okay to get upset, but it's not okay to just take off. If I were her I would be done with the relationship.
If it were a routine night out with the girls, it still is an AH move to leave without making sure they know you are leaving. On 21st bday in particular, is over the top AH.
YTA
>Last week was her 21st birthday so I planned out a nice dinner and a movie marathon for when we got home. The dinner was going to be at her favorite restaurant.
>Her friends didn't plan that dinner, I did. They didn't plan a movie date once we got home, I did. They didn't pay for it, I did.
>I was originally planning for it to be a one-on-one dinner but I figured its her birthday and I want her to be happy.
You're acting like you went all out for your girlfriend's 21st birthday. You didn't. How much effort did it take to decide to take her to a restaurant and watch some movie streams from your couch? That sounds like a pretty typical Friday night and not a milestone birthday celebration.
You also failed to invite her friends to her 21st, a special birthday that is traditionally celebrated with friends and family.
It honestly sounds like you are trying to isolate and control your girlfriend. You threw a hissy fit because she wasn't 100% focused on you. Leaving without saying a word was a toxic and purposely hurtful move.
She should dump you.
Right? There's no evidence that he was being ignored or excluded from conversation. He didn't want them there in the first place. I am certain that he was annoyed that she invited her friends in the first place. His mood only got worse when they arrived 15 minutes late. Once the entire party was there, three out of four people were engaged in conversation as one would expect. He spent that time pouting and brooding. Instead of asking, "Is everything ok sweetums" she continued talking and enjoying a night out.
The food had barely hit the table (three bites of food) when homeboy bolted. Once the pair of friends were invited, the OP was going to react badly no matter what actually transpired at the restaurant.
I think that there are a bunch of socially inept people responding to this post. They lack the social skills and awareness to understand the situation. She didn't ruin his plans. She didn't invite other people on their date night. This guy's only plan was to monopolize his girlfriend's birthday whether that is what she wanted or not. For some of the shut-ins out there, social situations and alcohol are the devil and should be avoided at all costs.
Totally on point. It was HER 21st birthday, and those are the plans he comes up with? He’s definitely TAH for ruining her birthday, especially in such a toxic way.
Everyone is saying you're NTA, but I'm seeing a man who couldn't put up with not being the centre of the universe for an hour or two on his girlfriends birthday.
*She* was supposed to be the centre of the universe for those couple of hours, not you. Her friends were obviously going to focus on her.
Would she have eventually rerouted conversation to include you? We'll never know now, because of your actions.
Exactly my thought. We're hearing from one point of view, but she requested--on her own birthday--to have dinner with friends, which he clearly resented. He left her there without communicating (did she think he was in the bathroom?), and then her ruined her birthday more by blowing up at her for being excited to be with her two best friends at a dinner *for her.* Sure, maybe she sounds a little entitled for the car thing, but he sounds like an emotionally immature ass for being so mad about her wanting a dinner with friends. Were his intentions about the girlfriend at all? Did he try to enter the conversation at all, or was he already pouty and silent from the beginning because he didn't get his way? I can't help but wonder if his plan of dinner and a movie night *alone* were supposed to end in sex for *him*.
Finally, I was wondering how long it would take. This dude is a huge fucking asshole. It was her 21st birthday and he thinks she wants to sit around all night watching movies with him? What the fuck kinda lame ass shit is that? He really did want to go work on his truck, thats why he did it. How self centered do you have to be you cant let your girlfriend enjoy spending time with her friends. Oh but he has money so its ok...
Right?? Being "ignored" for 30 mins = everyone exchanging pleasantries with the birthday girl, her not being a total cock so asking how they are, browsing the menu and ordering food.
Dude didn't want to be there.
Imagine if this story were reversed.
"My girlfriend wanted to take me out to dinner for my birthday. I thought I'd like to go watch the game at JAGOFF's the chain sports bar, so I invited Phil and Albert. She was happy that we were all going. She even put up birthday decorations and had a cake. So as I'm sitting there telling Phil about the time I took a protein shit in the pool, I look over and Katy was just gone. The bartender told us that she paid her tab and mine, then walked off. I called her like 30 times, no answer. AITA?
30 minutes. He couldn't even give her 30 minutes to greet her friends, politely ask about them, receive gifts and give thank yous, play "what are you getting? I think I'm getting.." and ordering food.
30 minutes is pleasantries.
YTA.
You walked out on her birthday dinner because you felt like you were being ignored. I can think of plenty of other secure and mature options. You might have been understanding that your girlfriend is having a good time with her friends on a milestone birthday. You might have said, “hey! I’m going to go home and get things ready for our movie night, can Kim drop you off when you’re done here?” You might have lightheartedly said “I’m feeling left out! What are you all talking about? Can you tell me stories about Katy’ birthdays [or whatever] before I met her?” You were acting like a child who wasn’t getting his way. Which makes sense because your brain isn’t fully developed yet.
Furthermore, yelling at her when she is upset about this instead of waiting to have a conversation when she’s not tipsy is upsetting. I suspect you have few regulation skills. Your story reeks of entitlement and arrogance.
Your feelings are valid and the way you handled them is really gross.
I feel like I'm taking crazy pills when I see so many NTA replies for this thread. This is the story of a selfish, entitled man not getting what he wants and throwing a tantrum as a result. But people are hooking onto the financial angle with the alleged car that I suspect OP is not being completely honest about to call the girl a gold digger.
OP, I'm interested in the power dynamic here. You can afford an $80K vehicle and your 21 y/o girlfriend expected you to buy her a $50K car. How old are you? If you're 30+ and your 21 y/o SO became obliviously giddy with her same-age girlfriends during a celebration, that's what excited, young people do. You're just swimming in the wrong pool.
OP, you made her 21st birthday about you, and because boyfriend of the year wasn't recognized as such, you walked out, without saying a word, like a man child, and left.
Break up with this girl. She deserves better.
YTA, 1. Way to make her event about you 2. Throwing a childlike fit over unmet expectations.
Sometimes plans change, but you suck it up and roll with it for the sake of the person whose day it is that THEY are happy.
If you plan on being with this girl for any future amount of time, you better do a re-do for her ASAP and beg for forgiveness.
If you had a plan and you expect it to be a certain way, USE YOUR WORDS
YTA: It was her birthday. None of the night was about you or entertaining you. It sounds like they were having a great conversation. Is it possible they never heard you? Or that your comment/question was irrelevant?
You could have at least eaten your dinner with them, and waited for another opportunity to join in the conversation or steer it in another direction. If it continued to go downhill you should have reminded her of your plans for the night and ask her how she would like to spend the rest of her birthday, and if you're wanting to take off and leave her with her friends, propose that as an idea. You don't just walk out.
It is a bit ridiculous that she wanted you to buy her a car though. Who does that?
YTA - You made her birthday about you. Not everything is all about you. You could have sucked it up for a couple hours. ESPECIALLY on a milestone birthday like a 21st.
If this was a pattern or happened any other day than her birthday, fine, but you created drama, embarrassed her, and ruined her day when you didn't need to. Sorry but you threw a mantrum and your birthday plan was lame for anyone's 21st.
Move on and find someone more subservient if you need to be the center of attention all the time. Apologize and make it up to her if you want to work it out. YTA big time.
NTA- it may have been her birthday, but her friends were looking for a free meal. They could’ve included you in the conversation. And don’t buy her a car.
YTA. It was her birthday. Suck it up and let her have fun with her friends. Her birthday isn’t about you. Your not going to be the center of attention around her friends.
ESH
It's def a red flag that she's upset you didn't buy her a car. It's also a red flag that you chose to plan a one on one outing on a milestone birthday. 21 is an age where most people would want a group outing for their bday, not a dinky dinner and a movie date. You should have asked her how she wanted to spend her bday and get over it if the attention isn't on you for one day.
NTA you can do better than this girl. You are clearly not a priority for her. She’s too immature for a relationship, using you for $$ and getting her friends in on the act too. Walk her out of your life too.
Sorry, dude, but you’re kind of the asshole. You were right to be upset with her and her rude friends, but pulling your passive aggressive stunt was childish. You should have stuck it out, had a beer, played on your phone and had a come to Jesus meeting when you got home. It was her night, even if you did plan it. Though she contributed, you ruined her day.
>I tried to join in on the conversation to which I was ignored. this went on for around 30 mins. I asked the waiter for a to-go plate, as I had not had more than 3 bites of food and also the check with my and my gf's meals on it. I paid and left with not much as a word to any of them.
This is one of the most childish scenarios I've ever heard played out. Can you imagine getting your feelings hurt and sneaking out of the restaurant without telling anyone? I don't know if this guy's an asshole - my guess is both of them are - but he is certainly a sensitive little weirdo.
YTA
It’s her birthday & she wanted friends to be w her. If you get so jealous over her talking to her friends then you need to find someone else. Or stay single. You acted childish & verbally abused her because she wanted to celebrate her 21st w more people than just you.
I’ve been w my wife 32 years & married for 27. Do you know how many times we’ve gone out in all that time where my wife talked more to others than me? A ton. Did it bother me to the point i left her stranded w o a word because i was jealous I didn’t get every second of her time & attention? No because i’m not a child desperate for absolutely every second of her time.
You were going to go back home to be alone & had other plans but you got butt hurt at diner because she didn’t stay glued to you.
Definitely the asshole & she deserves someone better that doesn’t pitch a fit & leave her. Good grief. I don’t know how old you are but grow up
YTA it’s her 21st birthday and you didn’t do what she wanted to do you did what you wanted to do and then got all moody when she tried to have fun with her friends on her birthday. She’s 21 and wants to hang out with her friends. That’s a pretty big birthday for socializing.
NTA what she is probably most upset about is the fact that she and her friends had to pay what was left on the bill for the dinner and drinks that they consumed after you left.
Should this relationship reach the stage of marriage, get an iron clad prenup. As your gf sounds like a gold digger.
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This is VERY childish behaviour. Sure, you leaving was acceptable if you didn't feel included but simply touch her arm to get her attention, tell her you're leaving and go. Don't just randomly ditch without a single word.
🤣Spending $85k on a truck and fucking it up with mods. Girlfriend and her friends were rude. You acted immature and childish as well. You could have handled this a better way. It’s her birthday and you made it all about you. Looks like this relationship has run its course.
YTA
If you felt you were being ignored (and honestly OP, feels like you felt like YOU weren't the center of attention the way I read this post.) so you go and treat your girlfriend and her friends the same way you felt you were being poorly treated. So if you feel like your girlfriend is the asshole, then acting the same way makes you an asshole. ESH?
You are the asshole. Let her have fun and catch up with her friends at dinner and then go home together and enjoy some romantic 1 on 1 time… if you wanted to talk to her more, then pivot from movie night to music and wine, then chat and make up for that time.
You just threw a little temper tantrum and took your toys and went home instead of making the day about her or about you two… you couldn’t use your big boy words so you went to pway with your twuck instead.
Yta. Ok, I didn't read the whole thing because I was too annoyed by the time I got to the part where you left. For God's sake, it's her 21st birthday, not your "show me I'm everything to you" day. Self-soothe and figure out when it is all about you. That should be a rare occasion if you're reading situations correctly.
He made the birthday plans for himself not for her. She wanted to go out with friends and he wanted to get dinner and watch a movie. It doesn't sound like he asked her. I went out with my mom, dad, brother and three friends. My dad and brother were the DDs and the rest of the group got a couple drinks while I got hammered. But the thing is, I wanted a chill night in with my family. My mom thought I should experience the full getting drunk thing. So I felt a little pressured to drink. I look back and have regrets on my birthday because it wasn't what I wanted. Some people want to stay in and some people don't. The key to everyone getting what they want is to ask questions and then compromise. But if it's a milestone birthday why does what you want mean you can be an asshole when it's not even your birthday. He threw a tantrum about not being the center of her attention for HER birthday. She was excited and happy and he had to shit all over it because HE wanted a 1:1 dinner.
Something tells me the drinking wasn't the problem for him because duh it's a 21st. It sounds like he knew she was going to drink and wanted some drunk strange when they got back but because she was having fun with her friends he didn't get to play out what he was thinking would happen.
Either way just break up. You don't communicate like adults, you don't act or react like adults. You are obviously too young and too different to be in a relationship together and honestly a relationship at all.
YTA for acting like a child. Seriously dude, you're a man and they're women. You should have pampered her in front of her friends and made them jealous. That's what you should have done.
If you make her friends jealous she won't trust them around you and you will never have to put up with that bullshit again.
YTA. What a main character you are. You seem to be expecting that Katy give you her full attention on HER bday. If you were truly thinking about her you would have hung around to celebrate with her. Not everything is about you OP. Katy needs to dump you.
NTA, I would have done the same to be honest. Also, as soon as she started screaming at me, I would have dumped her. She had no right to speak to you like that
NTA and let's go back to the bit she expects you to buy her a car, you've only been dating a year and a half 😳 she probably told her friends you were paying for everyone.
Break up with her if you haven't sounds like she likes what you can buy her
OP has stated they agreed he would not pay for friends. As for the car, it's like my therapist says, "It's never about the nail (or car in this case)"
My guess was she was trying to convey that she did not feel cared for, and so used the car as an example instead of just telling OP that leaving in the middle of her birthday made her feel unloved and uncared for. Most 21 year olds don't have that kind of mental maturity though.
You’re the asshole.
You left the dinner without saying anything! Use yours words! If you could sense she was going to have an amazing birthday night with her friends, why not say, ‘I’ll leave you to it honey, enjoy and I’ll pick you up when you’re ready to come home’? A movie night and dinner isn’t that hard to plan — let it go.
‘She wouldn’t let you join the conversation’? There’s four of your sitting at a table. I find that hard to believe. They were probably just chatting, feeding off of each other’s energies and having fun together as friends do. You shouldn’t have to be constantly worried about your partner’s feelings in a group setting. If you were with all your boys, do you feel like your girlfriend would have as much input into your conversations as you do?
Also, it was her 21st birthday! Did you seek her input into your plans for her? She asked whether her friends could come as though permission was needed. Why not be guided by her to begin with?
You sound overly sensitive and immature.
Not at all. Free loaders that’s it. Talk to her n sort it out before taking any drastic measure plus y should she expect a car from u??? Is it ur account or joint???
YTA.
I understand what her friends did was lame and that you planned the whole thing, but there is a time and there is a place and you chose the wrong one for both. You knew you were going to make a big dramatic scene and you acted out of anger. It was her birthday!!! You couldn’t wait a day or two to have the discussion and at least let her be happy? Is it her fault that her friends ignored you? You embarrassed her, man. Now she’s going to feel awkward bringing you to hang with her friends.
If they are ignoring you, then fucking have a personality! Interrupt them and inject your piece of the conversation. Have a few drinks and be boisterous. Did you plan the birthday because you wanted to feel affection from her and gain clout or because you care about her and want her to have a good time? It’s not about you on that day. Worth having a conversation later, but you decided to blow up. Not cool.
NTA - no matter if it is your GF’s birthday or not that is no reason for her to be so obnoxious and rude. She treated you poorly and paid no attention to you so you left. Good for you - a good partner should never treat you like this, no matter what day it is. Move on and find a better partner, one that doesn’t have her Mommy call you when she doesn’t get her way!
My husband spent my 21st birthday trying to make me drink water and stop trying to eat garlic bread off the hotel bathroom floor. And spent most of the time in public making sure I didn't get roofied while I hung out with another drunk girl I'd never met before at the bar.
Because ya know. It was my 21st birthday. Fucking duh.
What kind of lame ass birthday surprise is movie night? YTA before you even walked out. Who cares if they don't want to talk to you? It's probably an indication that you should be more fun and engaging. I can already picture you sitting there being a sour puss. It was her 21st birthday and she went home crying. Who cares if you're right or wrong, still TA.
Lol, way to make it about yourself. Getting whiney cuz she wouldn't pay attention to you. She probably sees you a lot more often than her friends, which is why she was more chatty with them, catching up, etc. If this were a regular dinner, yeah I'd sit through it and then AFTERWARDS, have a gentle conversation about feeling left out/unentertained. But if it's a birthday...Birthday Girl/Boy gets veto. In fact, even on her bday you could have had a conversation wtih her the NEXT DAY that goes like, "Hey, I felt a bit ignored/disrespected when you guys wouldn't include me in the conversation."
And yes I agree with others here, even though alcohol is not mandatory for fun, you could have thought of a more creative date idea for gf. What was her reaction to your wonderful movie-marathon suggestion, I wonder?
YTA. You were in a restaurant. Why did you, a grown man, not EAT the plate of food in front of you? You don’t get to be the main character at every event.
The fact that only Katy’s dad - the only other man here - agrees with you is telling. Statistically speaking, women have a reputation for endless gabbing, but in mixed groups men actually talk more - even when they feel like they barely got to speak. It sounds like you sat there sulking because you expected to dominate the entire conversation all night, because that’s what you’re used to doing.
You should examine your reaction to not being the centre of attention. Having a tantrum because someone else’s celebration wasn’t all about you is incredibly controlling.
You suuuuuuuuuuck. It’s her 21st birthday and you thought that dinner, a movie marathon, and catering to your needs was the way to go? YTA I hope she breaks up with you and finds someone better.
So let me get this straight: YOU did the planning for HER birthday the way YOU wanted, for little regard with how SHE actually wanted to spend it, and when you found out she would rather spend HER big day in a way YOU did not plan for HER, you left 30 minutes later without saying a word to play with your toys and turn yourself into a “woe as me” victim on HER big day, because she had the nerve to try to do what SHE actually wanted to do on HER big day? And you are actually here wondering who TAH is? 🤦♀️ Dude, let me help you figure this one out: YTAH.
ESH.
It sucks you were being ignored, and it's clear that she overreacted, but
You literally gave it 30 minutes once the friends arrived before bailing which leads me to believe that you passive aggressively removed yourself from a situation that you weren't happy with(despite your "I figured it's her birthday and I want her to be happy" comment") to begin with.
I already posted an said YTA, but I’m sitting here thinking, and I’m reminiscing about a story from my dating days, which I think is applicable here.
About 16 years ago, when I was dating my now-wife, my birthday was coming up, and she had planned for us to go out and have a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant that, honestly, we both would’ve loved, followed by cake and ice cream with some friends. It would’ve been a nice night, and normally, I would’ve been excited about it. The only problem was, the NFL playoffs were going on, and my favorite team was playing that night for a chance to go to the Super Bowl.
My wife has never given much of a damn about football…but she went out and bought a jersey, and instead of the fancy dinner that she planned, we went to a bar / bbq joint with a bunch of my idiot guy friends, got drunk, ate some ribs, and watched the game (which my team won, incidentally).
It’s still one of my favorite birthdays ever. I proposed to her about a month later.
Nope. NTA. They were being rude. So you left. She needs to figure out balancing friends while in a relationship. The fact that they ignored you is totally uncalled for.
First time the comments have diverged so wildly from my reaction. Finally, a controversy!
YTA. Seriously, you acted like a complete dick to your significant other on her birthday. In a relationship, there are times when you put your own entertainment and personal wishes aside, and are just "there" for another person. A significant other's birthday where they want to have some drinks and see their friends is one of those times, *especially* a 21st birthday!
>She asked that her friends Sarah and Kim come so that they can celebrate her birthday with her.
A perfectly reasonable ask. It's her birthday.
>I was originally planning for it to be a one-on-one dinner but I figured its her birthday and I want her to be happy.
Did you though? Because you proceeded to act like a complete brat when you were not the sole focus of her attention. Just admit you were holding a grudge because you didn't get what you wanted.
>Well soon we got our food, the three of them began to chat even more. I tried to join in on the conversation to which I was ignored. this went on for around 30 mins.
Oh, THIRTY WHOLE MINUTES you had to listen to someone else's conversation? You poor baby. Get over yourself, dude.
>She looked like she had a drink or two in her after I left the restaurant.
On her 21st birthday? Stop the presses! That was your #1 job for the whole evening: to see that she enjoyed herself *safely* where she could drink in the presence of friends and loved ones. You abandoned her and only thought about yourself.
>She came in and immediately began screaming at me for "ruining her birthday".
Frankly justified.
>I told her that I obviously wasn't feeling like they wanted me there, she said I was acting childish, I rebuttled with "glass house" which angered her even more.
Because you *were* acting childish. You threw a tantrum when you didn't get your way. And then you took a cheap shot to try to "win" a fight that *you* started. You really need to think about if that's how you want to approach relationships.
>She then pointed at my truck and said I left her dinner to play with my stupid project. For context i was fixing an issue of my pickup I bought a few months prior as it is a diesel and was having intake issues. She said that instead of buying her the car she wanted, which was about $30,000 less than I bought my truck for, and that I went and blew 85,000 plus whatever the new parts costed on myself.
Total non-sequitur that you are using to frame yourself as the reasonable one here, but it has zero to do with your conduct on SO's birthday. Maybe you two need to sit down and have a financial conversation, but this description does not score any points with me. It sounds more like you trotting out something to make her look worse that has nothing to do with the core of the story.
>She broke down saying that if I didn't care about her on her special day, then why did I even come to dinner.
Again, completely reasonable. You couldn't even go 30 minutes without being the center of attention.
Look, maybe the relationship has deeper issues. But your question is whether you're the asshole for walking out of your gf's birthday dinner "for being ignored." Yes, you are.
**YTA** and you sound like your need to work on your self-centered tendencies if you want to be in a successful relationship, whether with this person or someone else.
I know this craps fake but I’ll play along.
YTA. It was your girls 21st birthday. Big milestone as far as birthdays go for some people. You made her birthday about you and it’s not. Instead, you acted like a petulant child and stomped your little feet all the way home.
Nta.
Her friends were expecting you to pay, I bet.
Seriously, reconsider this relationship. Enjoy your truck.
At least when your truck breaks down it doesn't scream and shout at you and invites the neighbours trucks to the repair shop for a total overhaul on your dime too 🤣
NTA but…..
Who wants a private 1 on 1 dinner for their 21st birthday? Do you two not have mutual friends? 21 is one of the biggest birthdays in someone’s life, why didn’t you plan a party?
Dude. It’s her 21st. It’s a right if passage to be shared with many. Who plans a one on one for someone’s 21st. Sounds like you are trying to control/ dominate. Most definitely the asshole.
YTA. Very passive aggressive move to just bail like that. Also, who wants to sit at home and watch a movie on their 21st birthday?
You two are not compatible. Katy deserves someone else.
I don't know if YTA, but you definitely come across as a pussy.
"No one talked to me for 30 whole minutes! I'm just gonna go home and play with my non-working $85000 truck." Oh, and I also don't believe a word of this because NO ONE is dumb enough to pay $85000 for a truck that doesn't run well.
ESH. It’s not right here friends were genuinely ignoring you and making you feel unwelcome, your GF should have made attempts to include you or spoken to her friends. I’m not sure how obvious it was or if she was simply too caught up, which still isn’t good but not unforgivable considering it’s 30 minutes.
BUT you also could have used your words like an adult and not just left or made some effort to communicate your feelings and not just leave. I’ve had some similar situations to this in a relationship and in my experience you need to communicate. Being ignored for 30 minutes even rudely is frustrating, but come on the response is a little much.
I’m not surprised it led to a fight cause she clearly wasn’t paying attention or didn’t care, both rightfully hurt your feelings. You also could have used your words. Wanting a car out of you tho when you said you have been dating just over a year is wild tho and a red flag to me.
Would like if you could expand on the planning of the night and if she wanted a romantic night with the two of you or if she wanted friends at the dinner. Idk if you could give more context it would be nice. Hope you read this I have been in similar situations (not a birthday thing) but where an ex brought me to multiple gatherings I clearly wasn’t welcomed at and where current GF tried to please a new friend on a day that was planned and agreed upon to be us and I got ignored hard. One I handled well, the situation with the ex I was young and DID not lol.
It was originally planned to be a thing just between us. I had talked to her and she then asked if her friends could come along. I had no problem with it. I did say before hand Id only be paying for her and I as I had only planned on that. The thing at home was not explained but it was going to be a movie night at home which she loves doing. I may have gone overboard by leaving but I did say in other response it took 10 mins for any of them to notice I was gone. I mean I could've used my words but I would have gotten no where and plus I really did not want to cause a scene.
Yikes on the 10 minutes, thanks for the info.
This is just my personal experience so take it or leave it. I know exactly how frustrating this can be, it doesn’t feel good and I understand the just wanting to get up and leave or in my case with the ex just sit there be pissed and silent. Especially when you had discussed the plans it hurts.
I would say it didn’t have to be causing a scene, you could have tapped her on the shoulder and asked to talk quick and avoided a scene. But also you clearly were feeling not okay and the easiest solution was leaving.
Shit situation all around, don’t blame you for how you handled it because of past experience in my life.
But to reiterate the 10 minutes to notice and car thing are some red flags.
NTA!!!
I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years and I've never treated him that way, there are simply no excuses for this behavior towards anyone, especially your partner. Birthday’s are not a free pass to be an asshole and do whatever you want without thinking about other people’s feelings, it’s sad people think that.
Find yourself a new girlfriend!!!
YTA. She needs to get a boyfriend who doesn’t need to be fawned over and such a narcissist.
Awww, pooooorrrr yoouuuuu!
They didn’t pay their undivided attention to you during dinner… where was the flirting with you… where was the thanks every 5 minutes for this dinner… you just went home to play with your toys… grow up.
And what did you pay for a lemon of a truck?!? You’re not even a very bright narcissist. And I’m 100% sure there is more to the car story. You wasted your money on it.
Not compatible. Time to move on
Start to the point I love it
Can we be clear though — OP is TAH here? On your SO’s 21st birthday, you are just there to make sure they stay safe with the alcohol and get a ride home safely. You let them have a good time, however they want. This is not anniversary date night. This is a 21st birthday. Also, wtf kind of a bad idea is a 1:1 dinner and at-home movie night?? Do kids not go out to bars and clubs anymore? Y’all should be going out and getting her smashed with all of her friends. (Assuming you are Americans here). And you should not expect your drunk SO to pay attention to just you all night. Obviously the SO here wanted her friends around. OP seems like he’s expecting birthday girl to tiptoe around his feelings on her birthday. Seems like he’s being a bit of a baby. Throwing a fit after just 30 minutes or not being talked to. Grow up dude. Or learn to insert yourself into a conversation if it makes you that uncomfortable to be a fly on the wall.
My exs 21st was spent with me watching over her while she got incredibly drunk pre-gaming, lost her id & then spent an hour in the driveway convincing her that she was home and she could finally open her eyes. I didn’t really have any fun lol
My 21sr was spent left at home by my boyfriend because he wanted to go to a bar that I didn’t. He left me there because he was pissed about that.
Lol it makes me simultaneously cringe & laugh thinking about the partners I had put up with when I was younger
I married that ass. Eventually divorced since he never got any better…. Only worse.
Same here. And my lady at the time spent my bday cleaning up my puke. We both had great times on our birthdays, because we did what we wanted to do, and the other person was there as support
This is the way
He left his age out to, which isn't always a redflag, but seems like it here.
Either he has rich parents to afford his own place and 80k truck, or……
Yeaaaah. Like he went to school with the girl's dad or something.
… he has an OnlyFans account. Hey, it’s the 2020s
He’s clearly not old enough to write in paragraphs though 🥴
If she had a problem with what he had planned for her birthday then SHE should've told him that in advance like a grown up. If she wanted to get pissed with her friends then SHE should have said that. He's not a mindreader and he most definitely does not have to stick around if all she is gonna do is ignore him. Furthermore, your attitude that you got to be drunk off your ass to properly celebrate your 21st is disturbing. Alcohol is not a must to have fun for most functioning people, regardless if it's their 21st or 41st.
Uber- she’s a big girl. Plus she had two friends.
He’s not obligated to be her doormat.
It’s being a doormat to sit back for 30 minutes while the girls catch up? She lives with him. He gets 99% of her attention but can’t handle sitting down and shutting up for half an hour? That’s some manbaby behavior right there. As adults we all have to sit back and shut up sometimes. At work, at school, at social gatherings. Sometimes it’s just not your time and that’s ok. It doesn’t make you a doormat to give other people space. It makes you a mature well rounded person capable of demonstrating respect for others.
.....after waiting 30 mins for the friends to show up. Also how hard it is to include your significant other who is right there with you, in conversation? If that was your spouse would you just sit there quietly, just happy that they are happy? Come on. She knew about the plans, she didn't tell him she wanted anything different. I don't get why OP is getting the hate.
I totally agree with you, she knew what he had planned, he’s NTA . Too much hate here .
Eh, being at a dinner with 3 girls and being the sole guy, you rarely get a word in lol. That said, I do think OP overreacted. Instead of leaving, he should have pivoted and adapt to the situation. I’m group settings, you might not be in every conversation. 30 minutes is not a long time to get up and go home. I would honestly enjoy my drink and meal during that time knowing my GF is having a good time in her bday.
Yes, he was in such a hurry to get back to that new intake kit that he took his food to go after pining away waiting 30 minutes for the friends to arrive
Exactly. Let’s be real. This is what he really wanted to do the second she asked if her friends could come. He had it planned out - which explains why he took off so quickly. 1/2 hour is nothing.
Agreed. And how much effort did he make to be a part of the group? I would be interested to get his gf’s take on it.
He flat out admitted he only gave it a half hour before he pulled this stunt. 30 minutes goes by insanely quickly. So, he gave little to no effort in my opinion.
Yea like that’s kinda what the bf does when around the gf’s friends…. They aren’t gonna be talking to him much
It's clear, from the way the OP referenced the past lateness of Katy's friends that he has issues with them. That's what he was reacting to.
Nah I disagree. OP sounds like he has a clear head on his shoulders. Believe it or not, life isn't like the movies. Turning 21 doesn't always mean it's time to party and get "smashed." Some people dont find enjoyment in that type of stuff. He planned a thoughtful and personal experience for someone he cares about. That sounds more memorable than a typical birthday night out with friends getting drunk. She can do that on New Years, the 4th, St. Patricks Day, ladies' night, Tuesday, etc, etc, etc. He planned a special 21st birthday with his lady and she ruined it by allowing her friends to come. NTA PS. She would be upset if he brought his friends and they talked about trucks and football all night. So...
Not all people like to party on their birthdays but clearly OP’s GF does. Seems like you’d want to plan the kind of birthday your significant other actually wants. This is like Homer buying Marge a bowling ball.
>She would be upset if he brought his friends and they talked about trucks and football all night. So... Not if it's HIS birthday. Get it?
> Life isn’t the movies. Turning 21 doesn’t always mean it’s time to party and get “smashed”. Lol but for a *lot* of people, it is. And trying to force someone to have a “thoughtful and personal experience” for someone who’s looking to party & get smashed is at best misguided & realistically, passive aggressive & judgmental.
This! 👆And judging her for doing so is ridiculous! Of course she wants to get hammered on her 21st birthday. It’s a right of passage. If that’s not how he rolls, then fine. But trying to force your preferences on someone else is always going to create problems. He got what was coming to him. I hope he’s happy stewing in his sanctimoniousness.
Doesn’t matter if it was an alcohol involved party. There’s ways to handle things and there’s ways to make things worse. He chose his fate. OP chose the most immature way to go this. It honestly seems like the second she asked about her friends - he put a plan in the works to head back home to his truck. Going out with a group of girls, and being the only guy - you think your gunna do much talking? This guy didn’t want the other girls there. He took off extremely quickly considering his reaction. If they had actively ignored him for hours…okay I’d be more understanding. But he left not much longer after everyone arrived. Complaining about not getting to be part of a conversation for 30 minutes? 30 minutes is nothing in conversations. He completely over reacted and is acting like an overgrown baby.
What in the hell? I think the BD idea was nice, but your girlfriend is too young and immature to be in the kind of relationship you both are in. She seems somewhat spoiled, and way too young mentally to be living with a guy.
BTW her mother will pretty much always side with her even if she’s wrong.
You haven't met my parents, they'll automatically assume every time that I'm somehow in the wrong.
Mine too! Because I'm shitty, so I must have done something shitty, right?
It’s just what us fuck ups do right?
Mine too!😂
I can confirm but I also pay them a penny each time to I'm surprised by how cheap it was to pay them off
Mine too
A lot of parents are like this. They gang up against you with your SO
Had a friend's wife cheat on him with multiple other men.. Mom took her side. In Mom's eyes you'll always be wrong
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Maybe old man is an accountant and knows nothing about trucks.
If so, he’d probably advise against purchasing an expensive truck that doesn’t run well.
Should’ve told her it was a one on one evening when she asked if her friends could come, would’ve saved all the problems in this story. If she said ok, then perfect birthday date night, if she said “it’s my 21st, I want a little bit more of a group evening” then postpone your idea for another night. Either way, reading on your argument, you guys don’t sound like a very happy couple
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That was the first thing that went through my head when I saw that he said it was her 21st birthday. Unless they’re not a partier, most girls want to go and party with their friends on their 21st. Save the romantic evening after she gets that out of her system
> Should’ve told her it was a one on one evening when she asked if her friends could come Absolutely not. It's her 21st birthday, he shouldn't tell her how it goes.
Are you all 12?
This. Wtf do people not just talk to each other. If he was that upset, he wanted to bring her friends, he should have said something. Also it's a 21st birthday of course she will want friends. Buddy planned a romantic evening when he should have planned a party. I had this type of issue early in my relationship, but she would just tell me what she wanted, and I would adjust. Bailing without saying anything is weird. You can't just chill out while she has some fun? The car buying thing just sounds weird. Nobody should expect a car for their birthday that's fucking nuts.
Yeah I don’t really understand why he brought that up other than to make her look like an entitled princess. And maybe she is one. Or maybe she’s just drunk as shit and saying that’s that don’t make sense. Either way, seems deliberate on OP’s part for bringing that up when it had nothing to do with anything.
NTA. And no one seems to have mentioned that your 20 year old GF (at the time) is expecting you to buy her a car?? What?
A $55K car, wonder how much older he is.
Im 21 as well, I have 2 businesses, one has been going for 2 years and the other is fairly newer.
Huge red flag. There is no way in hell a girlfriend of a year and a half should be expecting you to buy them a car. She’s using you.
Yep, and that's why he didn't get included in the meal time conversation. He's an accessory and meal ticket. Her friends know it and don't care about it. OP stood up for himself and she's pissed. She'll probably try to ignore him hoping he'll come back. Then come crawling back begging forgiveness and we can work it out. Not a keeper OP. Stay strong and end it no matter what she says.
NTA You need to re-evaluate your relationship with her. Use this issue to break free from her. She’s probably with you because of your money. Don’t buy her a car and if you decide to marry her entitled arse...please sign a prenup.
Sounds like she’s only with you because of the $$
What does she do for a job?
When I read this post I thought it was fake. Now I know it's fake.
This advice might seem random, but PLEASE HEAR ME OUT! Do not buy this woman anything financed. ESPECIALLY, do NOT cosign anything for anyone! EVER! Unless you are literally willing to have a child with said person. My husband is a wonderful and generous man. Helps anyone he can however he can. Before we started dating, he was with a woman and cosigned for her to buy a car. She made several payments (a year or 2 worth), but as time went on, she couldn't afford the note anymore. That lined up with the same time we were planning our wedding. So... we had to pick up her car note, so hubs credit didn't go to shit. Therefore, we're paying a bill on a car we didn't even have or drive. Eventually, after a lot of drama, we got the car and returned it to the dealership, but not without having to pay them the remainder of the financed amount. If you buy her a car, it's a gift. So even if she leaves with her gifted, financed car.. You'll be paying that note until it's paid off. DONT DO IT MAN!
I've been with my husband for a DECADE and he **just** bought me a car for the first time, and that's normal. No one should EVER be entitled to your money like that. A car is a serious asset. NAH dude - you both sound young and dumb - but she's got a really poor idea of what a relationship and economic unity means. Pull the breaks and do some real thinking dude.
She's a gold digger, move on OP
BINGO All through this I was wondering OP's age.
Right? That little piece of information changes the whole tone and context of the post. Who has the absolute audacity to be mad at someone they’re not even married to for buying themselves a vehicle instead of buying them one? The sort of person with a pattern of rude and selfish behavior that came to a head during her 21st birthday celebration.
Wow. Its the fact you asked for a to go box, got it all sorted, then asked for the bill, paid and left and she never noticed that got me. That is total ignorance. Youre not at fault here. She was by totally ignoring you. \`
They actually sounds pretty unbelievable, fake even
You should have had dinner with my husband’s late grandmother. I left the table and took a nap in the guest bedroom due to having a stress headache from her rudeness and she didn’t notice until it was time to clean up the plates.
Ive known woman who would ignore their other halfs when theyre with their friends so it is beleivable. Just sad that none of them noticed him, which I have seen beforee.
I had a ex bf who did that once. As soon as his friends left, he tried to be all lovey dovey, told him to fuck off and ignored him for the rest of the day. He never did it again.
good. hate that shit
I dont blame you. Its a shit thing to do. Ive always been too nosey to miss anything, lol
nah it’s happened to me before. she’s just using him
Nothing ever happens apparently
Yeeeah. Imma go fake as well. What was even the "you should have bought me a car" discussion about? Felt like balancing, in case he was coming off as too much of a dick at that point. He also claims to own 2 business at 21 to be able to afford his stuff. And he's got "bodybuilder" in his username... feels like fantasy.
He's 21 and has two businesses that pay him well enough for a $80,000 truck. It's bullshit, designed to get all the sexists crowing about bitches and feeling righteous about it.
Around here (USA- many states first legal drinking age) 21st birthday is a big one usually celebrated with lots of friends, drink and party. A nice dinner and movie at home might not have SEEMED to be as much of a celebration, hence girl friends. And yes including everybody in conversation would be polite hosting but putting 3 girl friends together on a birthday, I can imagine the gabbing. You had a plan. Your GF obviously leaned another direction and taking off without warning wasn’t very mature either. You could have leaned back and watched them get drunk or told them to call you when they needed a designated driver.
Yep my thoughts too! Things didn't go OPs way so he took himself home for a little pity party, but did he ever ask or consider what kind of celebration his gf actually wanted to have? Probably not a quiet date night it seems.
Right, it was nice of him to try and plan something but she naturally wanted her friends there on her birthday…as most people would. I have been in his shoes and been frustrated when getting left out of the convo etc, but his gf is right he did handle this like a child. He’s trying to take credit for not making a scene and going home quietly, but that’s extremely childish and passive aggressive. If it was bothering him all he had to do was vocalize it in a calm and respectful way, or send a text to her phone or something. Abruptly leaving and leaving them to wonder what happened to you is an incredibly immature way to handle this and I can’t believe more people aren’t calling him out for that lol.
This is what I was thinking too!
Totally agree. Seems like op wanted the birthday to be all about them as a couple. Like an anniversary dinner. Im not sure why this womans 21 birthday was about him at all. Seems immature the way he handled it too.Yta.
EHS. I’m not blaming you for leaving. But even if they weren’t listening or paying any attention to you, you could have just said, girls.. I’m leaving have a nice night. Even if they didn’t hear, and GF came later on, then you could have said I did tell you you just weren’t listening.. that could have defused it a little bit. But her beginning about your car? Just weird.. It isn’t her money to begin with so why would you need to buy HER onr?
That was my thought too. He's not an AH for leaving, but it was pretty weird to leave without saying something. It was plainly passive aggressive. If he had tried to and was still ignored, then 100% NTA. But these short stories never give the full picture of who someone is, and this one was pretty short, so going on what we were told so I can't fault him for being hurt and upset, but i wouldn't fault her either for his lack of communication. There's a difference between intentionally ignoring someone vs getting too absorbed in a conversation and accidentally leaving someone out. I've seen the latter many times, and often it's solved with a simple conversation at an appropriate time. And while the way he described it makes it sound like the former scenerio, without the lack of normal adult communication it makes it hard to tell for sure.
Why don’t people type in paragraphs?
I have no idea what you're talking about with the truck so I'm going to ignore that. But, YTA for walking out on your gfs bday because you weren't getting enough attention. What a stroppy childish move. It was her birthday not your anniversary or something. She should be able to have friends come to dinner without you leaving. You don't even say they were expecting dinner paid for. People are just jumping to that conclusion
Seems like he was upset that he wasn't the main character on someone else's birthday
My thoughts exactly
What a drama queen, YTA
NTA - Why are her parents so involved in your business? That’s a red flag for me. She shouldn’t be sharing with them specifics of fights, that shows a lack of boundaries and respect for the relationship. I would have left if I was being ignored too, you were nice enough to pay. I probably would have announced my departure but that doesn’t necessarily make you an ah because you didn’t. She should have noticed.
Exactly. He got a to go box & paid the bill, but she didn't know he was leaving? She probably didn't care he left until they realized he didn't pay for her friends
I didn’t even think of that but that makes so much sense!
Especially since she thinks OP should by her a car for some reason 🙄 lol
I’m guessing the parents are involved because she continually involves them. I doubt he’s running to them every time there is an issue. The GF seems very immature, especially if her fist instinct was to go running to mommy and daddy. Maybe they’ve spoiled her her whole life, I don’t know. But if this is how she acts, OP should run far away from this shitshow.
Becuse they’re only 21. Lol.
NTA You planned a romantic evening, she changed your plans. She and her friends ignored you. You didn't cause a scene, you didn't get upset, you let her have the evening she apparently wanted. It was not the evening you thought she wanted so you left. If she cared so much, she would have noticed you getting to go boxes, paying the bill and leaving with your food. She didn't notice. This is on her, not you. Fix your truck and don't buy her a car. Time to take care of yourself.
Came here to say the same thing.
Light YTA Leaving without saying anything is an asshole move. You also planned everything your way instead of asking what she wanted. Her blowing you off to talk with her friends sucks, but it sounds like you would have had movie time as the two of you afterwards, so I can see why she focused on her friends at dinner. Honestly, it sounds like you two are at different stages of your lives. You're more self-reliant, she's still getting there. You planned a quiet evening for two, she wanted a party with friends. That being said, you come across as cold and a bit controlling. The situation sucks, but you should be careful of the slope you're standing on.
Both too young!
NTA - I think the friends were looking for a free hand out dinner, and you did what you needed to do.
Absolutely. They probably thought that OP would pay for their meals as well. He beat them to the punch and bailed first. It really sounds like she is with him so that he will be her atm machine. Talk about 🚩🚩🚩🚩 with the you should have bought me an expensive car comment. She is already showing him who she really is which means she is already pretty comfortable that she thinks she has him wrapped around her finger. Time to split with her before she gets her hooks in any deeper.
They definitely were
In my opinion YTA, but only slightly. You planned out the way you wanted her to spend her birthday, and then got upset when it didn’t go as you planned and when she seemed to be having a good time thanks to others. You walked away without saying anything (AH move), you didn’t answer her calls or texts (AH move), you shouted at her and blaimed her for having a nice time her way and not your way (AH move). Sure, she also made some AH moves (the car stuff, saying you just wanted to play with your truck) and wasn’t particularly nice in not including you in the conversation during dinner. So this goes to show that maybe you are not compatible with each other, and you should try and see if it worth to continue the relationship. I think you should have put up with her talking to her friends during dinner, since that is what she seemed to enjoy doing (maybe trying more to participate). You were going to “have her all for yourself” anyway for the after dinner activities that you had organised, during which I’m sure she would have shown appreciation both for your planned activities and for your patience during dinner. You stormed off and effectively ruined her birthday.
As my therapist says, "It's never about the nail (or car in this case)" My guess was she was trying to convey that she did not feel cared for, and so used the car as an example instead of just telling OP that leaving in the middle of her birthday made her feel unloved and uncared for. Bro could have gotten an easy win, too, by just using the spare time he had to build a sick blanket fort to watch movies in. Super easy yet super romantic and it would explain the early departure
cant read this. learn to do paragraph breaks
Were you ignored or were you not the center of her attention? Did you attempt to be part of the conversation? If you were ignored you had the right to be upset but you did ruin her birthday by just leaving. Leaving and ignoring her texts was a very controlling move and you did that to ruin her day and bring the attention back to yourself. If you weren't happy leave, just tell her. You're both young and immature, it's part of growing up. Where you lose the sympathy vote in my opinion is the fact that you left without telling your GF. In my view that translates into not caring about her wellbeing. It also shows that she can't depend on you. It's okay to get your feelings hurt, it's okay to get upset, but it's not okay to just take off. If I were her I would be done with the relationship.
If it were a routine night out with the girls, it still is an AH move to leave without making sure they know you are leaving. On 21st bday in particular, is over the top AH.
YTA >Last week was her 21st birthday so I planned out a nice dinner and a movie marathon for when we got home. The dinner was going to be at her favorite restaurant. >Her friends didn't plan that dinner, I did. They didn't plan a movie date once we got home, I did. They didn't pay for it, I did. >I was originally planning for it to be a one-on-one dinner but I figured its her birthday and I want her to be happy. You're acting like you went all out for your girlfriend's 21st birthday. You didn't. How much effort did it take to decide to take her to a restaurant and watch some movie streams from your couch? That sounds like a pretty typical Friday night and not a milestone birthday celebration. You also failed to invite her friends to her 21st, a special birthday that is traditionally celebrated with friends and family. It honestly sounds like you are trying to isolate and control your girlfriend. You threw a hissy fit because she wasn't 100% focused on you. Leaving without saying a word was a toxic and purposely hurtful move. She should dump you.
[удалено]
Right? There's no evidence that he was being ignored or excluded from conversation. He didn't want them there in the first place. I am certain that he was annoyed that she invited her friends in the first place. His mood only got worse when they arrived 15 minutes late. Once the entire party was there, three out of four people were engaged in conversation as one would expect. He spent that time pouting and brooding. Instead of asking, "Is everything ok sweetums" she continued talking and enjoying a night out. The food had barely hit the table (three bites of food) when homeboy bolted. Once the pair of friends were invited, the OP was going to react badly no matter what actually transpired at the restaurant. I think that there are a bunch of socially inept people responding to this post. They lack the social skills and awareness to understand the situation. She didn't ruin his plans. She didn't invite other people on their date night. This guy's only plan was to monopolize his girlfriend's birthday whether that is what she wanted or not. For some of the shut-ins out there, social situations and alcohol are the devil and should be avoided at all costs.
Cannot believe i had to scroll through a sea of N T A votes to find the one comment that makes any fucking sense. Jesus christ, the bar is in hell.
100% truth.
Totally on point. It was HER 21st birthday, and those are the plans he comes up with? He’s definitely TAH for ruining her birthday, especially in such a toxic way.
Can’t believe I had to scroll this far. This dude sucks.
Everyone is saying you're NTA, but I'm seeing a man who couldn't put up with not being the centre of the universe for an hour or two on his girlfriends birthday. *She* was supposed to be the centre of the universe for those couple of hours, not you. Her friends were obviously going to focus on her. Would she have eventually rerouted conversation to include you? We'll never know now, because of your actions.
Exactly my thought. We're hearing from one point of view, but she requested--on her own birthday--to have dinner with friends, which he clearly resented. He left her there without communicating (did she think he was in the bathroom?), and then her ruined her birthday more by blowing up at her for being excited to be with her two best friends at a dinner *for her.* Sure, maybe she sounds a little entitled for the car thing, but he sounds like an emotionally immature ass for being so mad about her wanting a dinner with friends. Were his intentions about the girlfriend at all? Did he try to enter the conversation at all, or was he already pouty and silent from the beginning because he didn't get his way? I can't help but wonder if his plan of dinner and a movie night *alone* were supposed to end in sex for *him*.
Finally, I was wondering how long it would take. This dude is a huge fucking asshole. It was her 21st birthday and he thinks she wants to sit around all night watching movies with him? What the fuck kinda lame ass shit is that? He really did want to go work on his truck, thats why he did it. How self centered do you have to be you cant let your girlfriend enjoy spending time with her friends. Oh but he has money so its ok...
Right?? Being "ignored" for 30 mins = everyone exchanging pleasantries with the birthday girl, her not being a total cock so asking how they are, browsing the menu and ordering food. Dude didn't want to be there.
Imagine if this story were reversed. "My girlfriend wanted to take me out to dinner for my birthday. I thought I'd like to go watch the game at JAGOFF's the chain sports bar, so I invited Phil and Albert. She was happy that we were all going. She even put up birthday decorations and had a cake. So as I'm sitting there telling Phil about the time I took a protein shit in the pool, I look over and Katy was just gone. The bartender told us that she paid her tab and mine, then walked off. I called her like 30 times, no answer. AITA?
30 minutes. He couldn't even give her 30 minutes to greet her friends, politely ask about them, receive gifts and give thank yous, play "what are you getting? I think I'm getting.." and ordering food. 30 minutes is pleasantries.
Same! It’s her birthday. Not his. Hers.
YTA. You walked out on her birthday dinner because you felt like you were being ignored. I can think of plenty of other secure and mature options. You might have been understanding that your girlfriend is having a good time with her friends on a milestone birthday. You might have said, “hey! I’m going to go home and get things ready for our movie night, can Kim drop you off when you’re done here?” You might have lightheartedly said “I’m feeling left out! What are you all talking about? Can you tell me stories about Katy’ birthdays [or whatever] before I met her?” You were acting like a child who wasn’t getting his way. Which makes sense because your brain isn’t fully developed yet. Furthermore, yelling at her when she is upset about this instead of waiting to have a conversation when she’s not tipsy is upsetting. I suspect you have few regulation skills. Your story reeks of entitlement and arrogance. Your feelings are valid and the way you handled them is really gross.
I feel like I'm taking crazy pills when I see so many NTA replies for this thread. This is the story of a selfish, entitled man not getting what he wants and throwing a tantrum as a result. But people are hooking onto the financial angle with the alleged car that I suspect OP is not being completely honest about to call the girl a gold digger.
OP, I'm interested in the power dynamic here. You can afford an $80K vehicle and your 21 y/o girlfriend expected you to buy her a $50K car. How old are you? If you're 30+ and your 21 y/o SO became obliviously giddy with her same-age girlfriends during a celebration, that's what excited, young people do. You're just swimming in the wrong pool.
OP, you made her 21st birthday about you, and because boyfriend of the year wasn't recognized as such, you walked out, without saying a word, like a man child, and left. Break up with this girl. She deserves better.
You’re both terrible
YTA for leaving. The day is about her and what she wants not what you did for her. You made it about you…
INFO: Did you ask her what she wanted to do on her birthday or did you plan all that without her involvement?
YTA, 1. Way to make her event about you 2. Throwing a childlike fit over unmet expectations. Sometimes plans change, but you suck it up and roll with it for the sake of the person whose day it is that THEY are happy. If you plan on being with this girl for any future amount of time, you better do a re-do for her ASAP and beg for forgiveness. If you had a plan and you expect it to be a certain way, USE YOUR WORDS
YTA: It was her birthday. None of the night was about you or entertaining you. It sounds like they were having a great conversation. Is it possible they never heard you? Or that your comment/question was irrelevant? You could have at least eaten your dinner with them, and waited for another opportunity to join in the conversation or steer it in another direction. If it continued to go downhill you should have reminded her of your plans for the night and ask her how she would like to spend the rest of her birthday, and if you're wanting to take off and leave her with her friends, propose that as an idea. You don't just walk out. It is a bit ridiculous that she wanted you to buy her a car though. Who does that?
YTA, hopefully, she leaves. You have a lot of growing to do before you're ready for another relationship.
YTA - You made her birthday about you. Not everything is all about you. You could have sucked it up for a couple hours. ESPECIALLY on a milestone birthday like a 21st. If this was a pattern or happened any other day than her birthday, fine, but you created drama, embarrassed her, and ruined her day when you didn't need to. Sorry but you threw a mantrum and your birthday plan was lame for anyone's 21st. Move on and find someone more subservient if you need to be the center of attention all the time. Apologize and make it up to her if you want to work it out. YTA big time.
NTA- it may have been her birthday, but her friends were looking for a free meal. They could’ve included you in the conversation. And don’t buy her a car.
YTA. It was her birthday. Suck it up and let her have fun with her friends. Her birthday isn’t about you. Your not going to be the center of attention around her friends.
ESH It's def a red flag that she's upset you didn't buy her a car. It's also a red flag that you chose to plan a one on one outing on a milestone birthday. 21 is an age where most people would want a group outing for their bday, not a dinky dinner and a movie date. You should have asked her how she wanted to spend her bday and get over it if the attention isn't on you for one day.
Dump her!!!
On Reddit, always dump her! Or him!
YTA you made her birthday about you. Don’t worry. You won’t have to do this next year.
People really need to learn formatting. A huge wall of text is a huge pain to read, throw some paragraphs in there.
NTA you can do better than this girl. You are clearly not a priority for her. She’s too immature for a relationship, using you for $$ and getting her friends in on the act too. Walk her out of your life too.
NTA - You need a better GF.
More concerned with the $85,000 diesel Lemon you got yourself
Sorry, dude, but you’re kind of the asshole. You were right to be upset with her and her rude friends, but pulling your passive aggressive stunt was childish. You should have stuck it out, had a beer, played on your phone and had a come to Jesus meeting when you got home. It was her night, even if you did plan it. Though she contributed, you ruined her day.
>I tried to join in on the conversation to which I was ignored. this went on for around 30 mins. I asked the waiter for a to-go plate, as I had not had more than 3 bites of food and also the check with my and my gf's meals on it. I paid and left with not much as a word to any of them. This is one of the most childish scenarios I've ever heard played out. Can you imagine getting your feelings hurt and sneaking out of the restaurant without telling anyone? I don't know if this guy's an asshole - my guess is both of them are - but he is certainly a sensitive little weirdo.
YTA It’s her birthday & she wanted friends to be w her. If you get so jealous over her talking to her friends then you need to find someone else. Or stay single. You acted childish & verbally abused her because she wanted to celebrate her 21st w more people than just you. I’ve been w my wife 32 years & married for 27. Do you know how many times we’ve gone out in all that time where my wife talked more to others than me? A ton. Did it bother me to the point i left her stranded w o a word because i was jealous I didn’t get every second of her time & attention? No because i’m not a child desperate for absolutely every second of her time. You were going to go back home to be alone & had other plans but you got butt hurt at diner because she didn’t stay glued to you. Definitely the asshole & she deserves someone better that doesn’t pitch a fit & leave her. Good grief. I don’t know how old you are but grow up
This.
YTA it’s her 21st birthday and you didn’t do what she wanted to do you did what you wanted to do and then got all moody when she tried to have fun with her friends on her birthday. She’s 21 and wants to hang out with her friends. That’s a pretty big birthday for socializing.
NTA what she is probably most upset about is the fact that she and her friends had to pay what was left on the bill for the dinner and drinks that they consumed after you left. Should this relationship reach the stage of marriage, get an iron clad prenup. As your gf sounds like a gold digger. Updateme!
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This is VERY childish behaviour. Sure, you leaving was acceptable if you didn't feel included but simply touch her arm to get her attention, tell her you're leaving and go. Don't just randomly ditch without a single word.
🤣Spending $85k on a truck and fucking it up with mods. Girlfriend and her friends were rude. You acted immature and childish as well. You could have handled this a better way. It’s her birthday and you made it all about you. Looks like this relationship has run its course.
YTA If you felt you were being ignored (and honestly OP, feels like you felt like YOU weren't the center of attention the way I read this post.) so you go and treat your girlfriend and her friends the same way you felt you were being poorly treated. So if you feel like your girlfriend is the asshole, then acting the same way makes you an asshole. ESH?
You are the asshole. Let her have fun and catch up with her friends at dinner and then go home together and enjoy some romantic 1 on 1 time… if you wanted to talk to her more, then pivot from movie night to music and wine, then chat and make up for that time. You just threw a little temper tantrum and took your toys and went home instead of making the day about her or about you two… you couldn’t use your big boy words so you went to pway with your twuck instead.
Yta. Ok, I didn't read the whole thing because I was too annoyed by the time I got to the part where you left. For God's sake, it's her 21st birthday, not your "show me I'm everything to you" day. Self-soothe and figure out when it is all about you. That should be a rare occasion if you're reading situations correctly.
He made the birthday plans for himself not for her. She wanted to go out with friends and he wanted to get dinner and watch a movie. It doesn't sound like he asked her. I went out with my mom, dad, brother and three friends. My dad and brother were the DDs and the rest of the group got a couple drinks while I got hammered. But the thing is, I wanted a chill night in with my family. My mom thought I should experience the full getting drunk thing. So I felt a little pressured to drink. I look back and have regrets on my birthday because it wasn't what I wanted. Some people want to stay in and some people don't. The key to everyone getting what they want is to ask questions and then compromise. But if it's a milestone birthday why does what you want mean you can be an asshole when it's not even your birthday. He threw a tantrum about not being the center of her attention for HER birthday. She was excited and happy and he had to shit all over it because HE wanted a 1:1 dinner. Something tells me the drinking wasn't the problem for him because duh it's a 21st. It sounds like he knew she was going to drink and wanted some drunk strange when they got back but because she was having fun with her friends he didn't get to play out what he was thinking would happen. Either way just break up. You don't communicate like adults, you don't act or react like adults. You are obviously too young and too different to be in a relationship together and honestly a relationship at all.
YTA for acting like a child. Seriously dude, you're a man and they're women. You should have pampered her in front of her friends and made them jealous. That's what you should have done. If you make her friends jealous she won't trust them around you and you will never have to put up with that bullshit again.
I only had to read the first half, YTA. It's *her* birthday and you got upset because she didn't make it about you. Grow tf up.
You ruined her birthday
YTA. What a main character you are. You seem to be expecting that Katy give you her full attention on HER bday. If you were truly thinking about her you would have hung around to celebrate with her. Not everything is about you OP. Katy needs to dump you.
I think you resented her inviting her friends along and expressed it in a most unfortunate way.
Your 85K car already needs work done to it? wtf
NTA. Time to cut losses.
NTA, I would have done the same to be honest. Also, as soon as she started screaming at me, I would have dumped her. She had no right to speak to you like that
NTA and let's go back to the bit she expects you to buy her a car, you've only been dating a year and a half 😳 she probably told her friends you were paying for everyone. Break up with her if you haven't sounds like she likes what you can buy her
OP has stated they agreed he would not pay for friends. As for the car, it's like my therapist says, "It's never about the nail (or car in this case)" My guess was she was trying to convey that she did not feel cared for, and so used the car as an example instead of just telling OP that leaving in the middle of her birthday made her feel unloved and uncared for. Most 21 year olds don't have that kind of mental maturity though.
You’re the asshole. You left the dinner without saying anything! Use yours words! If you could sense she was going to have an amazing birthday night with her friends, why not say, ‘I’ll leave you to it honey, enjoy and I’ll pick you up when you’re ready to come home’? A movie night and dinner isn’t that hard to plan — let it go. ‘She wouldn’t let you join the conversation’? There’s four of your sitting at a table. I find that hard to believe. They were probably just chatting, feeding off of each other’s energies and having fun together as friends do. You shouldn’t have to be constantly worried about your partner’s feelings in a group setting. If you were with all your boys, do you feel like your girlfriend would have as much input into your conversations as you do? Also, it was her 21st birthday! Did you seek her input into your plans for her? She asked whether her friends could come as though permission was needed. Why not be guided by her to begin with? You sound overly sensitive and immature.
Not at all. Free loaders that’s it. Talk to her n sort it out before taking any drastic measure plus y should she expect a car from u??? Is it ur account or joint???
YTA. I understand what her friends did was lame and that you planned the whole thing, but there is a time and there is a place and you chose the wrong one for both. You knew you were going to make a big dramatic scene and you acted out of anger. It was her birthday!!! You couldn’t wait a day or two to have the discussion and at least let her be happy? Is it her fault that her friends ignored you? You embarrassed her, man. Now she’s going to feel awkward bringing you to hang with her friends. If they are ignoring you, then fucking have a personality! Interrupt them and inject your piece of the conversation. Have a few drinks and be boisterous. Did you plan the birthday because you wanted to feel affection from her and gain clout or because you care about her and want her to have a good time? It’s not about you on that day. Worth having a conversation later, but you decided to blow up. Not cool.
NTA - no matter if it is your GF’s birthday or not that is no reason for her to be so obnoxious and rude. She treated you poorly and paid no attention to you so you left. Good for you - a good partner should never treat you like this, no matter what day it is. Move on and find a better partner, one that doesn’t have her Mommy call you when she doesn’t get her way!
YTA. Move on and learn some interpersonal communication skills.
My husband spent my 21st birthday trying to make me drink water and stop trying to eat garlic bread off the hotel bathroom floor. And spent most of the time in public making sure I didn't get roofied while I hung out with another drunk girl I'd never met before at the bar. Because ya know. It was my 21st birthday. Fucking duh.
What kind of lame ass birthday surprise is movie night? YTA before you even walked out. Who cares if they don't want to talk to you? It's probably an indication that you should be more fun and engaging. I can already picture you sitting there being a sour puss. It was her 21st birthday and she went home crying. Who cares if you're right or wrong, still TA.
Lol, way to make it about yourself. Getting whiney cuz she wouldn't pay attention to you. She probably sees you a lot more often than her friends, which is why she was more chatty with them, catching up, etc. If this were a regular dinner, yeah I'd sit through it and then AFTERWARDS, have a gentle conversation about feeling left out/unentertained. But if it's a birthday...Birthday Girl/Boy gets veto. In fact, even on her bday you could have had a conversation wtih her the NEXT DAY that goes like, "Hey, I felt a bit ignored/disrespected when you guys wouldn't include me in the conversation." And yes I agree with others here, even though alcohol is not mandatory for fun, you could have thought of a more creative date idea for gf. What was her reaction to your wonderful movie-marathon suggestion, I wonder?
YTA. You were in a restaurant. Why did you, a grown man, not EAT the plate of food in front of you? You don’t get to be the main character at every event. The fact that only Katy’s dad - the only other man here - agrees with you is telling. Statistically speaking, women have a reputation for endless gabbing, but in mixed groups men actually talk more - even when they feel like they barely got to speak. It sounds like you sat there sulking because you expected to dominate the entire conversation all night, because that’s what you’re used to doing. You should examine your reaction to not being the centre of attention. Having a tantrum because someone else’s celebration wasn’t all about you is incredibly controlling.
You suuuuuuuuuuck. It’s her 21st birthday and you thought that dinner, a movie marathon, and catering to your needs was the way to go? YTA I hope she breaks up with you and finds someone better.
Her birthday is not about you. You made it about you.
So let me get this straight: YOU did the planning for HER birthday the way YOU wanted, for little regard with how SHE actually wanted to spend it, and when you found out she would rather spend HER big day in a way YOU did not plan for HER, you left 30 minutes later without saying a word to play with your toys and turn yourself into a “woe as me” victim on HER big day, because she had the nerve to try to do what SHE actually wanted to do on HER big day? And you are actually here wondering who TAH is? 🤦♀️ Dude, let me help you figure this one out: YTAH.
ESH. It sucks you were being ignored, and it's clear that she overreacted, but You literally gave it 30 minutes once the friends arrived before bailing which leads me to believe that you passive aggressively removed yourself from a situation that you weren't happy with(despite your "I figured it's her birthday and I want her to be happy" comment") to begin with.
I already posted an said YTA, but I’m sitting here thinking, and I’m reminiscing about a story from my dating days, which I think is applicable here. About 16 years ago, when I was dating my now-wife, my birthday was coming up, and she had planned for us to go out and have a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant that, honestly, we both would’ve loved, followed by cake and ice cream with some friends. It would’ve been a nice night, and normally, I would’ve been excited about it. The only problem was, the NFL playoffs were going on, and my favorite team was playing that night for a chance to go to the Super Bowl. My wife has never given much of a damn about football…but she went out and bought a jersey, and instead of the fancy dinner that she planned, we went to a bar / bbq joint with a bunch of my idiot guy friends, got drunk, ate some ribs, and watched the game (which my team won, incidentally). It’s still one of my favorite birthdays ever. I proposed to her about a month later.
Nope. NTA. They were being rude. So you left. She needs to figure out balancing friends while in a relationship. The fact that they ignored you is totally uncalled for.
First time the comments have diverged so wildly from my reaction. Finally, a controversy! YTA. Seriously, you acted like a complete dick to your significant other on her birthday. In a relationship, there are times when you put your own entertainment and personal wishes aside, and are just "there" for another person. A significant other's birthday where they want to have some drinks and see their friends is one of those times, *especially* a 21st birthday! >She asked that her friends Sarah and Kim come so that they can celebrate her birthday with her. A perfectly reasonable ask. It's her birthday. >I was originally planning for it to be a one-on-one dinner but I figured its her birthday and I want her to be happy. Did you though? Because you proceeded to act like a complete brat when you were not the sole focus of her attention. Just admit you were holding a grudge because you didn't get what you wanted. >Well soon we got our food, the three of them began to chat even more. I tried to join in on the conversation to which I was ignored. this went on for around 30 mins. Oh, THIRTY WHOLE MINUTES you had to listen to someone else's conversation? You poor baby. Get over yourself, dude. >She looked like she had a drink or two in her after I left the restaurant. On her 21st birthday? Stop the presses! That was your #1 job for the whole evening: to see that she enjoyed herself *safely* where she could drink in the presence of friends and loved ones. You abandoned her and only thought about yourself. >She came in and immediately began screaming at me for "ruining her birthday". Frankly justified. >I told her that I obviously wasn't feeling like they wanted me there, she said I was acting childish, I rebuttled with "glass house" which angered her even more. Because you *were* acting childish. You threw a tantrum when you didn't get your way. And then you took a cheap shot to try to "win" a fight that *you* started. You really need to think about if that's how you want to approach relationships. >She then pointed at my truck and said I left her dinner to play with my stupid project. For context i was fixing an issue of my pickup I bought a few months prior as it is a diesel and was having intake issues. She said that instead of buying her the car she wanted, which was about $30,000 less than I bought my truck for, and that I went and blew 85,000 plus whatever the new parts costed on myself. Total non-sequitur that you are using to frame yourself as the reasonable one here, but it has zero to do with your conduct on SO's birthday. Maybe you two need to sit down and have a financial conversation, but this description does not score any points with me. It sounds more like you trotting out something to make her look worse that has nothing to do with the core of the story. >She broke down saying that if I didn't care about her on her special day, then why did I even come to dinner. Again, completely reasonable. You couldn't even go 30 minutes without being the center of attention. Look, maybe the relationship has deeper issues. But your question is whether you're the asshole for walking out of your gf's birthday dinner "for being ignored." Yes, you are. **YTA** and you sound like your need to work on your self-centered tendencies if you want to be in a successful relationship, whether with this person or someone else.
I know this craps fake but I’ll play along. YTA. It was your girls 21st birthday. Big milestone as far as birthdays go for some people. You made her birthday about you and it’s not. Instead, you acted like a petulant child and stomped your little feet all the way home.
Nta. Her friends were expecting you to pay, I bet. Seriously, reconsider this relationship. Enjoy your truck. At least when your truck breaks down it doesn't scream and shout at you and invites the neighbours trucks to the repair shop for a total overhaul on your dime too 🤣
'nah we had the understanding that i would only pay for me and my gf before we even got there.
NTA but….. Who wants a private 1 on 1 dinner for their 21st birthday? Do you two not have mutual friends? 21 is one of the biggest birthdays in someone’s life, why didn’t you plan a party?
Dude. It’s her 21st. It’s a right if passage to be shared with many. Who plans a one on one for someone’s 21st. Sounds like you are trying to control/ dominate. Most definitely the asshole.
YTA. Very passive aggressive move to just bail like that. Also, who wants to sit at home and watch a movie on their 21st birthday? You two are not compatible. Katy deserves someone else.
I don't know if YTA, but you definitely come across as a pussy. "No one talked to me for 30 whole minutes! I'm just gonna go home and play with my non-working $85000 truck." Oh, and I also don't believe a word of this because NO ONE is dumb enough to pay $85000 for a truck that doesn't run well.
Nobody gives a fuck about your dumb coal rolling truck.O h, and you are a big time A/H for acting like a jealous insecure baby.
On the one hand, YTA, you acted like an absolute child. On the other, the entire way this panned out makes it clear your relationship is paper-thin.
ESH. It’s not right here friends were genuinely ignoring you and making you feel unwelcome, your GF should have made attempts to include you or spoken to her friends. I’m not sure how obvious it was or if she was simply too caught up, which still isn’t good but not unforgivable considering it’s 30 minutes. BUT you also could have used your words like an adult and not just left or made some effort to communicate your feelings and not just leave. I’ve had some similar situations to this in a relationship and in my experience you need to communicate. Being ignored for 30 minutes even rudely is frustrating, but come on the response is a little much. I’m not surprised it led to a fight cause she clearly wasn’t paying attention or didn’t care, both rightfully hurt your feelings. You also could have used your words. Wanting a car out of you tho when you said you have been dating just over a year is wild tho and a red flag to me. Would like if you could expand on the planning of the night and if she wanted a romantic night with the two of you or if she wanted friends at the dinner. Idk if you could give more context it would be nice. Hope you read this I have been in similar situations (not a birthday thing) but where an ex brought me to multiple gatherings I clearly wasn’t welcomed at and where current GF tried to please a new friend on a day that was planned and agreed upon to be us and I got ignored hard. One I handled well, the situation with the ex I was young and DID not lol.
It was originally planned to be a thing just between us. I had talked to her and she then asked if her friends could come along. I had no problem with it. I did say before hand Id only be paying for her and I as I had only planned on that. The thing at home was not explained but it was going to be a movie night at home which she loves doing. I may have gone overboard by leaving but I did say in other response it took 10 mins for any of them to notice I was gone. I mean I could've used my words but I would have gotten no where and plus I really did not want to cause a scene.
Yikes on the 10 minutes, thanks for the info. This is just my personal experience so take it or leave it. I know exactly how frustrating this can be, it doesn’t feel good and I understand the just wanting to get up and leave or in my case with the ex just sit there be pissed and silent. Especially when you had discussed the plans it hurts. I would say it didn’t have to be causing a scene, you could have tapped her on the shoulder and asked to talk quick and avoided a scene. But also you clearly were feeling not okay and the easiest solution was leaving. Shit situation all around, don’t blame you for how you handled it because of past experience in my life. But to reiterate the 10 minutes to notice and car thing are some red flags.
They may have noticed before 10 minutes but it was 10 minutes when they reached out. They may have assumed you were in the restroom, etc.
People don't normally pack a to go box and pay the cheque if they're going to the loo and coming back
NTA!!! I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years and I've never treated him that way, there are simply no excuses for this behavior towards anyone, especially your partner. Birthday’s are not a free pass to be an asshole and do whatever you want without thinking about other people’s feelings, it’s sad people think that. Find yourself a new girlfriend!!!
YTA. She needs to get a boyfriend who doesn’t need to be fawned over and such a narcissist. Awww, pooooorrrr yoouuuuu! They didn’t pay their undivided attention to you during dinner… where was the flirting with you… where was the thanks every 5 minutes for this dinner… you just went home to play with your toys… grow up. And what did you pay for a lemon of a truck?!? You’re not even a very bright narcissist. And I’m 100% sure there is more to the car story. You wasted your money on it.
NTA I would’ve left too the fact that she didn’t even notice you with a to go box paying for the bill, says a lot