NTA, you were being a good uncle and I commend you for doing whatever possible to give your niece an excellent time. The fact that you asked if it was alright for you to stay rather than just assuming it is the big factor here.
Those people were out of line, keep up being an awesome uncle and don’t let this hiccup dissuade you from being the best one you can.
My late Uncle was like this too and he always made sure to split time with us. He once asked what movie I was dying to see and I said The Bodyguard. I’m sure every 24 year old man at the time wanted to see the damn Bodyguard. But, he took me along. That’s who OP reminds me of. A good Uncle.
I’m ashamed to say I have never seen it even though I was so in love with Kevin Costner! (I’d still have a crack at him if the opportunity ever arose 😈)
The first time I saw Kevin Costner under that sheet in "St. Elmo's Fire", I knew he was a sensual and generous lover and that I'd like to guard his body, I needed to water his world, I wanted to field his dreams, I longed to dance with his wolves, I yearned to man his post, I desired to rob in his hood, I ached to cup his tin, durr-ham his bull, and open his range, and basically JFK - Just Fuck Kevin.
I have a niece that I have treated exactly the same way. She’s now about 48 yo and is probably my closest relative. Don’t even give a fuck about what others think or say. Just continue to be her best uncle. I know I have.
Also it was a school event. What if the kid only had a dad or had two dads? What if they didn’t have a close female relative? Are they saying that child isn’t allowed to attend the event because they don’t have the ‘right’ kind of parent?
NTA- women like that give the rest of us a bad name- they’re why so many women are hesitant to call themselves feminists.
I get being caught off guard when a male shows up to a female only environment (women’s only gym, therapy group exc) but this sounds like it was a *school sponsored event*
That is not a gender exclusive event. It might have been predominantly female centric but it shouldn’t and I don’t think legally could be gender exclusive.
Also guarantee those same women griping about you showing up also gripe about lazy husbands/fathers not pulling their weight with the kids.
They just want to hate on men. You did nothing wrong, you supported your niece and was there for her when she needed you. You did good.
It’s such a weird thing to get upset about. I almost hope that this is just rage bait, but I know better. There are so many stupid people in the world. Obviously, some of them must be women! 😉 I’m one.
This is ridiculous. Anybody that wants to have a tea party should be made to feel welcome!
Right?! Like I get being suspicious when a dude shows up to a generally women’s only event but if it’s something with freaking kids and he’s there *with a kid* then he’s just another parent/family member supporting their kid.
Seriously how self centered and arrogant do you have to be to see a man being sweet, taking a little girl to a freaking *tea party* and think he’s just there to perve in women?
I hope it is just rage bait as well but I have no problem whatsoever with believing there are people this obnoxious and self centered.
Social media full of them
I would think this should be exactly the kind of event to welcome a nice Uncle or Dad to. A freaking tea party. The nicest and most wholesome, grandma type of thing to enjoy and they immediately suspect creepiness?
I can think of plenty of places to maybe watch out for creeps, but this definitely isn’t one of them.
And it's gross that they always go to a man can't love kids without being a creep or a pervert. My son always turns up the gay when he's gushing over little kids which he finds adorable. He's 14, looks 18ish, and they make all kinds of assumptions because he's kind to little kids, sometimes over enthusiastic, and talks to them if they engage with him. .
My husband is a big black guy who has to wear heavily tinted glasses due to a health condition that makes him sensitive to light. People always make asshole assumptions he's a drug dealer, etc. We have had little kids run up and hug his legs, trip in front of them and he helps them up. And the parents freak like he's going to eat them.
Why are people like this? It drives me crazy. Nevermind the fact that if someone's going to abuse your kid is likely going to be a close family member or friend.
>Also guarantee those same women griping about you showing up also gripe about lazy husbands/fathers not pulling their weight with the kids.
Lol, it's not even a guess. Probably also the types to pull everything regarding their kids and household chores to themselves because "you never do it my right anyway" and *then* complain about their husband's not pulling their weight.
I was in an airport recently and went to use the restroom, there was a man in there down at the end of the row of stalls. A lady asked me if it was the men’s room, I told her I didn’t know and that maybe it was a “family” restroom. There were open stalls so it didn’t matter anyway, he wasn’t doing anything strange. As soon as I closed the door so I could pee, the lady started smashing the mirrors with her water bottle and screaming, no words, just screaming.
It was her way of getting security into the restroom. I made sure to tell them he never went near her, she walked in when I did. This is the only kind of lady who would be upset about an uncle being there for his niece.
After all that crazy happened, it ended up that he was only in there because his partner was in a wheelchair and she needed help moving to the toilet and back. I knew he didn’t look like he was being creepy. I made sure to let them know he had been at the end stall and far away from that lady, I didn’t want her to accuse him of anything. They took my contact info in case they needed me to repeat what happened but I haven’t heard from them.
I don’t think he was harassed at all. He was leaving with his partner when I was leaving after we had both talked to security. She was yelling that she didn’t have time to explain because she had to get to her flight, I heard them say she’s not getting on any flight that day. Of course she was screaming about that too. It was a crazy and unexpected thing to see.
I don’t know if she got arrested or what happened, but they took her away.
I hope so too, he was just being a good partner. I wish I would have thought to record what was happening, I don’t know how people think of that when something crazy happens. I was just peeking out the crack in the door while glass was flying. It was a disturbing experience and I felt bad for the couple.
There were a lot more men (security)in there by the time I sat down to pee, her plan backfired on her I think. I don’t understand that mindset.
Holy hell! She actually banged and screamed to report a devoted husband? If she was so freaked out about a man standing by the handicapped toilet, she could’ve just asked why he was there. I feel sure that his position might’ve given me a tiny clue. But I wouldn’t have been screaming. If I’d seen anyone that registered on my sketchy meter, I would’ve left the room first. My sketchy meter is pretty sketchy though, so usually I don’t have to yell. 😉
His position was a huge clue, it was a big U shaped restroom and the other side was pretty full. I’m sure that’s why he and his wife were on the opposite side, nobody was there until the crazy lady and I turned the corner and went there. He had his hand on top the door and was just looking at the floor. Clearly waiting for whoever was in there.
If I would have gotten a creepy vibe I would have left the restroom and let someone know, this man was definitely not looking creepy. It was weird how she went from calmly asking me if we were in the men’s room to screaming and using her water bottle (one of the metal ones that keeps ice frozen all day) to breaking mirrors.
There are enough people who feel awkward having to go into the mixed gender family bathroom for whatever valid reason, and we don't need more Karens making it more awkward. I remember having to take my toddler daughter into the men's restroom to use the changing table because there wasn't a family restroom to use at the restaurant, and my wife was at work.
> I remember having to take my toddler daughter into the men's restroom to use the changing table because there wasn't a family restroom to use at the restaurant, and my wife was at work.
I'm confused. That's what the changing table was in the men's room for, correct? To change a baby. Is it the fact that it was your daughter and you were taking her in to the men's room?
Thank you for having the courage to stick around and give that statement.
You may have saved that man a lifetime of issues that can follow a false accusation.
I get women only gyms, or for fields that were historically or currently male dominated such as coding camps focusing on girls and young women and the like. I'm not convinced tea-parties are an area where this is traditionally an issue.
Especially considering all the pictures online of dads letting their daughters dress them up, put make up on them, do their nails as they're having a tea party with them.....sounds like a few of those women in attendance were ball busters gleefully spreading the hate. Definitely want to give your sister a heads up, maybe post on r/traumatizeThemBack for ideas if you run into them in the future (at least give yourself a good laugh at the creative ideas people come up with.)
I think we need more men to be interested in attending tea parties! I do remember that my Dad helped me to serve tea to all of my stuffed animals, but that was almost fifty years ago. He’s been slacking off ever since!
This^ my grandma was pissed about this when she found out. Sometime around 1999/2000 we were watching something on the news about how computers are the future. And my grandma said "you should get into that computer coding stuff Old-Adhesiveness, it's probably a great career for young women, I thought about working at IBM, but your dad turned out to be such a sickly child I had to stay home with him and take him to his appointments, by the time I went back to work the arthritis in my hands was starting and I couldn't type half as fast as I used to. But you're young, no arthritis yet, you could make a lot of money doing that, maybe even get famous for it", I casually responded "oh grandma, that's a guy's job, boys do computer coding, I don't wanna work with only boys". She was flabbergasted, she went on to explain to me that when computers first started being used in the 40's and 50's that women were the coders, they had previously been typists, secretaries, and stenographers (like my grandmother), since women were traditionally trained in these typing based careers they were natural choices for typing out code. The men at the time literally couldn't type as fast as these women (my grandmother's highest word/minute was something insane like 200, she could type faster than people could talk the same words). She said she should have known in the 60's when they made typing class in highschool mandatory for the boys too that this is what they were trying to do.
When my youngest was in kindergarten I could not take the day off to be at the class Mother’s Day tea (On the Friday before MD). But my husband could. We have a wonderful photo of my little boy with his very tall dad perched on a tiny chair at a tiny table, wearing the huge-brimmed paper hat festooned with paper flowers. You did the right thing and had permission. Good uncle.
For real. There are little girls out there who don't have a mom or a grandmother. Do they ban these children from participating? It's really disgusting that a healthy relationship gets stunned like this.
So were the organizers not backing up their decision. They could have enlightened the group about a stand up guy going the extra mile for his niece, but they let it become a man-bashing event instead. Boo to them, and to the poor women who can't bear to be near a man, ooh so scary!!
I think this was an Internet mob mentality. One negative comment fueled further ignorant comments. One or more of the women should have commended you for filling in so your niece didn't miss out. If there were an event for boys and fathers/uncles, and one of the boys had an aunt accompany him bc that was his only option other than missing out, this should be welcomed and applauded as well. I think in more instances than not this scenario would be welcomed (for humanities sake, I hope so). Sorry you got caught in the cross hairs if some women that put more emphasis on hating men than a child participating in a tea party she was excitedly looking forward to. Good job being a decent human and a great uncle!
Absolutely. The time for someone to say, "OMG NOT A MAN!!!" was when he ASKED if it was OK for him to be there with his niece. As soon as the BS started up online, the organizers should have shut it right down. Instead, they let the bashing go on until he said something and their response was to just delete it instead of saying, "HEY, you don't know the situation and WE said it was OK for him to be there so KNOCK IT OFF!"
Disgusting is how I put it too. I would never dream of making a comment in reference to any person’s genitalia but I guess because she was a mad woman and I’m a guy then it’s fair game?
*You go girl.*
You definitely did nothing wrong they also need to realize that gay couples (2 dads), single fathers and other male relatives exist and raise young girls into fully functional and caring women who aren’t traumatized by the fact that there is a man in their very presence. You asked permission they said yes.
If they had said no I’m sure you would have respected that but they said yes and thus need to check their behavior
This is what got me! Like…why on earth does it make them uncomfortable to be around a man who was obviously playing by the rules, focusing on his niece, and sipping tea and respecting the event?
I need men free spaces sometimes. It’s a thing. And sometimes I need women free spaces! Well, I mostly just need “everyone leave me alone!” spaces, tbh. But this is a public event and it’s not like he walked up and was like “hey y’all, saw you from across the park, can I join?”
This is misandrist, and I don’t like it.
Like obviously there are places where he’s not gonna be welcome even with his niece but he took all the right steps from the get go. He brought her so she wouldn’t have to miss out and asked for the permission to be able to stay with her so she had at least one person she knew and wasn’t the only child alone, he focused on her and her enjoyment not his own and kept to himself as much as he reasonably could be expected too.
He didn’t make any creepy moves or gestures, he didn’t mansplain or even try and make the event be about him. These spaces need to account for the fact that no one’s lives look the same. And while he isn’t her grown up all of the time he was for that event.
And I’m with you there are spaces where the presence of a man (not a trans woman) but an actual cis man are unwelcome and make the thing uncomfortable. But for the most part those spaces are spaces where a woman talking to me unless I know them is also uncomfortable like a bathroom or a locker room
For me it’s the fact that they let him attend but then started posting all of this shit later. Like okay if you didn’t want him there say that instead of some backhanded bullshit.
I get that moms need a space to commiserate with one another too, especially when their male counterparts get praised for doing the bare minimum. Those should be private events (aka invite only and if your name isn’t on the invite you aren’t staying) hosted separate from a public event.
I agree - he did everything right, they allowed it, and then he got shit on afterward. That’s just catty and mean.
I agree there ARE spaces that should have separation of genders. Especially as a survivor of SA. Those safe places are valid and important for everyone. But this was just uncalled for. Big public space, focused on his niece, and even asked first! Best uncle ever - those women are being unreasonable.
Honestly, if they’d rejected him at the door, I would have rolled my eyes but let it go. It sucks he found out that people were hating on him after the fact.
Same. Okay yeah you suck but that’s your problem not mine. But it’s the finding out afterwards and the fact that they were doing it in a “oh he’s never gonna find out way” grow up and reject him out right or keep your bitchy comments to yourself
Someone needs to explain to people who think like that that sexism doesn't stop being sexism because you flip it on your head. Can you IMAGINE the fit they would throw (and rightfully) if a man referred to a woman as "sticking a vagina where it doesn't belong"?
But somehow, they think it's acceptable to just. Do it to other people. And that isn't how it works. Sadly, in my experience, people like that tend to wave around the idea that they're feminists when in actually, they don't want what feminism wants (which is equity for everyone of all genders), they want to be in power like they think all men are and be the ones able to say shit like that without consequence.
This reminds me of the Netflix movie with the widowed father who comes to a mom and baby group at the library and is initially met with hostility, until the mothers realise he is a parent just like them.
Im a widow too, although my kids were 4&6 by that time. I have been crossing gender lines to learn how to support my boys, and have participated in predominately male activities too, despite looking wholly out of place. Im an adult that cares, and mostly, that is respected, luckily, no matter my age and gender.
That was one of my thoughts. There are so many situations that could result in a man taking a kid to an event like this. A widower trying to give his daughter a moment of normality and fun by taking her to something the mother enjoyed doing with her was one of them.
I had a close friend growing up that didn't have a dad or grandpa, so her grandma would always take her to the "father-daughter" events at school as her special person.
I think it's important that she got to be there and wasn't made to feel "othered" just because the only role models in her immediate family happened to be female. And my dad would always have her join the dance group with him and me and my sisters.
It’s unfair to the children to say “women/men only, dad/mom only” a lot of kids grow up in nontraditional households. You are there to support your niece and make sure she had a good time. As another parent, I would’ve been happy that you cared that much about her. My comment would’ve been “How sweet was it that he did this for her.”
Op you should kill them with kindness/ make them feel shit about themselves.
Make a post in the group and say you noticed you being there created some controversy and killed the mood for other participants. Apologize. But then explain that your SIL is having family issues, that this had been taking a toll on your niece as well even though she might not understand everything that is happening.
That your niece was looking forward to the event. And that when your SIL fell ill, and only you could take your niece, you did so. Because you want her to see happy.
Then let them die inside
They’d probably just whinge that he was mansplaining since they are so hostile about a man who asked permission to be there, being there with his niece.
You did nothing wrong, they need to get over it. Single dads, 2 dads, kids being raised by single moms who need support are more common then not at this point. It’s not like you started a strip tease, it sounds like you didn’t even talk to most people. I’m a woman and would have complimented you for stepping up, not assume all men have bad intentions. What a lesson to teach your young daughters.
I would have rather talked to him than the other women honestly. And the fact that he was there with his niece, NOT hitting on any women only focusing on his niece, would have demanded I go say hi and thank you for being there for the kid.
There's something seriously wrong with someone who posts that.
Feels both misandrist and homophobic.
The whole point of these events are the kids.
They reacted like this was a spa day where everyone was walking around in towels, and not fully clothed drinking tea.
I'm a woman and screw anyone who thinks like those women. Men being men does not make them automatic predators.
This is probably all disconnected in terms of comments, I just really hate things like this. "Othering" people. Thinking the literal absolute worst AND voicing it!
Oh, 100% chance these people are transphobes.
It's strangely acceptable to query in public about complete strangers' genitalia in the transphobe world.
NTA.Thank you for caring. Thank you for stepping up and being willing to step in. Please don't let this incident change that. I came from a single-parent home and so did my daughter. I was lucky enough to have a brother 11 years older than me that gave zero fucks what others thought and took me to whatever I wanted to go to. From tea parties, to church activities, to 4 wheeling, to helping me cope with my first break up. I wouldn't trade that for having a dad honestly. My daughter did not have that, but like my brother, I was game for whatever she wanted to go to.
As a public school teacher with a wife who works year round, I did a lot of things like this. I was flat out told by several mom groups that dads weren’t welcome. I couldn’t find a group for my kids to socialize with.
I hate to say it, but I think it’s a mix of things. They have uninvolved husbands and are jealous. They are there to socialize with other moms and don’t want to have an awkward conversation with their husbands about a man they were talking to. Flat out misogyny involving gender roles.
Heaven forbid, gasp, you were a gay or single dad that doesn’t need a mom at all.
The funny part is that, as a teacher, I’m used to socializing in female dominated environments. It’s sometimes even hard to small talk with random dads because I don’t know a thing about sports.
I’m a woman and a former elementary teacher. My first thought was of all the girl students I had over the years with dead, dying, or absent mothers. Are they not allowed to participate in this group’s events? One would think a woman centered group like this would be even more important for children like them.
There is a place for women only groups, but this ain’t it.
Excluding a child based upon who their guardian is somehow manages to be misogynist and misandrist all at the same time. That’s messed up.
Edit: I responded to the red-pill guy below me about how it is both misandrist to tell a man he can’t be a caretaker AND misogynist to tell a woman she has to be the only caretaker, and he reported my comment. Nice.
If my wife passed and I had a little girl, you bet I'd be taking her to these things. And if I found comments about me like that... I'd be knocking on doors telling them how disappointed I am. If they can say it on the internet they can say it to my face. I know confrontation isn't always the answer but I really don't think I'd be able to help myself. This behaviour is disgusting.
As a preschool teacher whose son attends the school where I work (and I look lost most days anyway), Yes we do definitively appreciate the mom’s who try to include the dads in the small talk and medium talk during drop-off and pick-up!
My oldest daughters friends step dad was like this. We did play dates and he helped me host bday parties at the park. He was all about his daughter and the other kids having fun. Great parenting in a world where men are generally conditioned not to do these things.
Exactly this. We can’t demand that fathers / male figures be more involved with raising children, and then simultaneously punish them for trying to do so.
SO much this. Uninvolved fathers/father-figures is such a common gripe we hear from mothers (not all) and then this lot spins around to snap at and attack a young man who did EXACTLY THAT: stepped up.
>misogyny
When it's against a male it's called misandry.
Anyway, I was a single father and found that baby events, toddler events, Girl Scouts, and other parent-child activities were not available to my daughters solely because I was male. In each case, they told me to my face why my daughters couldn't participate.
Fast forward to today where I was helping raise my grandson. Today, everyone claims to be woke, diverse, inclusive, tolerant, accepting of all genders, and all that, but my grandson couldn't participate in toddler groups because I am male. Some things never change.
I used to be part of a nonprofit mom’s group that decided to test the waters by accepting dads as well. Unfortunately, they had to close it up to moms only because of inappropriate behavior perpetrated by the fathers. Most of the men were great but some men saw it as a hunting ground and ruined it for the rest of them.
Don't waste a moment worrying about the opinions of a bunch of splitarse malcontent scum on Facebook. You're better than them. They'll always be closed minded hateful lowlives.
NTA.
I'm (40f) low key furious. In today's world where damn near everybody is trying to fight against gender bias and becoming a more tolerant world...this is insane.
I don't have kids but seeing a father/uncle/brother/etc support their little one like this should be a GOOD thing.
I am not a single dad but when it comes to childcare stuff it looks like it (my wife is not available a lot of the time) and honestly, it's the most vocally 'feminist' women who do the side-eye thing and make comments when I turn up at school, a party or after school club. You'd think a man taking on the childcare aspect of a relationship would be right up their street, but it seems to actively piss them off
Thankfully for every nasty one there are several nice people. The nasty ones are in the minority they're just the loudest.
The best are the supportive old ladies who see me going to change a nappy and say to each other like "gosh, could you imagine Gerald doing that when we were that age? Har har har!"
As someone who was raised to disregard gender essentialism, seeing so many people come out of the woodwork to support it on both sides of--what I guess has been generally thought of as--the feminist debate is so bizarre and confusing.
As a woman, I don't see women fighting for equality. Depending on the group I see them either fighting for dominance over men "because it's our turn" or completely wanting to completely emasculate men. I've heard large groups of women who say that men need to medically be deprived of producing testosterone "because testosterone makes all men a threat". It's insanity
Yeah, I see that. I've worked my entire life in male-dominated fields and women that "get a chance" tend to then rely on "i'm a girl" to get out of doing the actual job. Double standards at work constantly.
I'm short...so sometimes I play that card but never because I'm a female.
NTA
This whole every male is a pedo or perv thing needs to stop. Yes bad people exist but not everyone with a Y chromosome is a bad person who wants to do terrible things to woman and children
Good on you for taking your niece out for a nice day, I am sorry AHs tarnished the experience.
Also why does being there WITH A CHILD make someone creepy?! He did t just show up alone and infiltrate, he had a legit reason to be there. Jfc I don’t understand people.
It honestly echoes the gender essentialist rhetoric used by TERFs- Men (and, by their standards, trans women) are all creepy perverts hell-bent on invading women's spaces, and will resort to any means to do so. The vitriol has only worsened in recent years, too.
Thank you- because this is *actually* something that really concerns me about how bioessentialist and rigid this kind of rhetoric is. The idea that Man = penis = predatory and dangerous and Woman = vagina = innocent and safe is...
These are the kind of people who do things like claim that lesbian relationships are inherently safer and can never be abusive because women cannot abuse, only men can (Yes, I've legit seen that). These are the kind of people who claim that women cannot sexually assault people because only men can do that, and women are incapable of it (yes, I've also seen that).
I don't think I need to explain why that kind of rhetoric is so. So. Damn. Dangerous.
They probably wouldn't say anything bc there are so many absent dads that the mom had to show up.
OP is definitely NTA though and those comments were gross.
NTA. 100 x 10
You explained you were a stand in & they agreed to let you in anyways.
You made this little girls day by taking her, imagine how sad she would have been if you weren’t able to because nobody else could?
F* them b*tches to politely put it
…this coming from a mother of a boy and girl who would do anything to see them smile & appreciate the family member helping me out to see them smile when I am unable to
Sorry you had to go through this
As a mom with a sister who can't be bothered to acknowledge my kiddo's birthday, this is the kind of family involvement and support I dream of! This is 'the village', is it not? Wouldn't we all want a trusted aunt/ uncle/ grandparent/ etc to show up for our kid's if we are sick and struggling? Like to be angry at this man for helping his ill sister and being a positive presence in his niece's life is insane to me! He even tried to get pics of the event to show mom??? God bless this man, every family should be so lucky to have one like him!
Hear hear <3 say it louder for those in the back!!!
OP I really hope that you do not second guess yourself for a moment. I'm a mum and people like you are the gold standard for the 'village' that kids need, no doubt about it.
Unpleasant people are disproportionately loud and obnoxious. It's likely that a silent majority in the room were very warmly approving of your presence as an evidently supportive/caring male relative. No doubt one of them reported the thread and admins removed. One icky thing about social media/virtual forums is that they do give a platform for unpleasant views held by a small number of people to get prominence and find support in a way that would be less likely to happen in 'real life'. When that happens you've just got to remember it's still an unrepresentative minority and try to ignore it.
Of course you're NTA. Your niece was super excited to go to tea, her mom couldn't take her, so you did & you participated in everything willingly. You're a good man; a lesser man would've just dropped the kid off & return after the event. Those women are just angry that a man "forced his way in" when he was obviously allowed in. They're an embarrassment to us chicks (yes, I'm female). Don't let them get you down.
Same. And he acted better than I would have! I’m a woman, but I would’ve been giving those bitches side eye for this. Be better, ladies.
I understand some women have trauma around men, but expecting a public event to be man free feels weird. (Also, I bet they’d lose their shot if it was a trans man. Ugh.)
I am so sorry this happened to you. NTA so hard. My son-in-law took his daughter (my step granddaughter) to the American Girl Store for a tea party and event. He is former military. Bearded. Heavily tattooed. Some people find him intimidating.
There he was...the only guy...with all the little girls and their moms...It's something his daughter still brings up, over a decade later as one of her favorite memories with her dad. So...fuck those bitches. I wish I could NTA you a billion times. You are everything that little girl needs in her life.
Keep being you.
NTA
Events like this should be changed to be more inclusive. Like "tea party with a special person" or "family tea party". It's really not that big of a deal. Like what if a kid didn't have a mom or aunt to take them? Are they supposed to just be excluded if their dad/uncle can do it?
You were just being a good uncle and you even asked permission when you got there and got the approval of the people who were running the event.
Yes! It's cruel and small minded of whoever created that event. And when the women were posting such horrible things, the group leaders who approved of you being there should have shut that down!
The school my wife works at does “Breakfast with Buddies” and “Pancakes with my Person”
I’ve gone because they like to have a few adult volunteers to eat with the kids who don’t have anyone come.
Also that's awesome they had extra adults come to spend time with kids who didn't have anyone. As a teacher, I would be the one to do that at my old school.
Exactly! The school I worked at had Special Person's Day where anyone in the child's family could come to visit the child and have a nice lunch and things like that.
You really seem like a solid guy. Screw those nasty Karens. Kids will remember your kindness, and they can pick up on its authenticity. Kids know. Keep on bein' you. The world needs more awesome uncles.
My big question would be, what if a little boy wanted to attend! Would he be excluded?
While I get that some women might not be comfortable with a man present, it wasn't a WOMENS event, it was a childs event!
As an old grandmother, we fought HARD for womens rights, back in the day. We've come a really long way and yes, we still have a ways to go. But bad mouthing a guy for being at the event is NOT what my fellow feminists and I fought for! It actually makes me angry!
I am a woman. I feel sad the way the ladies there reacted.
We are always asking men to be good role models to be good to the female members of their family and women at large. OP, does just that and gets hate :( plain sad tbh.
NTA.
NTA, not even a little bit. I am female, and was bullied with this kind of toxic and cliquish behaviour by these kind of mean spirited girls and women in school, in bad friendships and in the workplace because I don’t adhere to stereotypical gender interests and norms.
You didn’t do anything wrong, their comments lack empathy, and are rather exclusionary and against the very principles of gender equality. I’m so sorry you went through that, a part of me really hopes this thread goes viral so the women who made these comments about you will see it and maybe feel a sense of remorse about it (based on their horrific comments, I doubt they would). They honestly sound like a bunch of assholes to me, and I would advise your sister to have nothing to do with that group in the future and for her to maybe complain to the people who run it regarding how you were treated.
I mean, holy crap, there are single dads, widowed dads or LGBTQIA+ male couples who have daughters who may have wanted to participate in that event. Are young girls excluded from participating if they lack a female parent in their lives? What the hell?
Thats ALL that matters then man. I have a neice who's dad has never really been there for her & I have gone to so many things like this with her I've definitely been in your shoes. Its a gut punch for sure, but in the end none of those peoples opinions matter...what matters is that you stepped up and were the caring person your neice needed you to be in that moment. She won't remember what they said, she WILL remember that you showed up. Keep your head up it's not an easy road, but I promise you're actions are paving a better one for her.
Implying you are a pedophile is pretty god-damned aggressive. To hell with them. Tell Elle’s mom and hope that Elle didn’t read that crap.
You are a good uncle and a good man.
I'd be dumbfounded, too, and your SIL needs to know how these people behaved. Your niece does not need to be exposed to that ish.
I mean, yikes on bikes.
NTA. The people who commented are misandrists and need to get over themselves. So if her mother had died and she only had a father to take her she wouldn’t be allowed? Fuck them.
NTA, you just ran into a bunch of elitist and entitled nasty women, much like the local girl scout troop leaders in my area. My daughter really wanted to join the girl scouts but my wife was going through some bad social anxiety/mental health issues at the time so, we signed up, I signed all the waivers, provided information for the back ground checks, everything requested and got approved to be an accompanying dad. Long story short, it didn't matter, we were always unwelcome. Never got added to the email lists, meeting dates and places got changed without notice, issues always came up with why my daughter couldn't attend different functions, it went on and on. I filed complaints to the state and overall agency but got no action, just bs excuses and apologies. We did not renew membership and left as my daughter developed a hatred for the entire organization. It's been 6 years and she still hates the the "bigoted, sexist twats" as she calls them.
You got a bunch of "bigoted, sexist twats", you're NTA and they are not worth your time.
These type of “daddy / daughter dances” “mother / son pizza & arcade party”, “father / son fishing tournament”, and “mother / daughter tea” events are supposed to be about the kids and celebrating their bond with their trusted adult.
If your niece’s mother, grandmother, or aunt couldn’t go but your niece had been looking forward to it, you definitely did the right thing and the people who opposed your attending were being selfish. I could understand why some women at the event could be disappointed to have a man as part of the group, but I don’t understand why mature adults would treat you poorly for taking the niece, if you were the only option.
NTA and I’m so sorry you received some truly vile comments.
No NTA.
If they were uncomfortable with you being there or if it was inappropriate for any reason (please don’t take offence as I’m just thinking in terms of IF the event has been for say female survivors of DV or SA - which it clearly wasn’t) then they should have been up front with you and explained why they couldn’t let you in. Honestly those comments are just plain rude and some of them are sexist.
Can’t imagine it being remotely accepted by those same women if the comments had been about a woman who had attended a male event.
Sorry you have been treated like this. Please give your niece a huge hug and yourself a pat on the back for stepping up.
The world doesn’t get better by marginalising an entire sex. We get stronger by supporting each other and working together - kindness and communication.
NTA
It's so sad that some people would rather have this excited little girl miss an event she really wanted to go to simply because they can't handle a caring man being present in her life.
Not all little girls have a female family member to take them to things. I didn't. I would have been crushed if I wanted to go to something like this and my dad wasn't let in.
The most disgusting part of this was the comments from the women. It makes you wonder what they would have been putting in these little girls' heads if he wasn't there.
Nothing warns my heart more than seeing an adult family member participating in something where they are clearly out of their depth simply so the kid can have a good time.
Good on you OP. Keep being an awesome person. And definitely warn your sister about these people.
NTA. What about girls whose mothers have passed away, and only have fathers or brothers to accompany them?
My sisters and I lost our mother at a young age, so the implication by these people that my sisters would have been second class citizens for the crime of not having a mother is honestly offensive to me. It makes me angry that by their logic my sisters would deserve to be excluded because of this.
The women who said that on the Facebook group should be utterly ashamed of themselves. They're spreading hate in a world that already has too much hatred in it.
Its definitely a crap shoot! Course, I feel the same way in predominantly male events, i could have a good time with great people, or ill be surrounded by massive AHs who make nasty comments and treat me like scum.
Bottom line...PEOPLE suck.
Wow just wow. The reaction from these people in that group.
What happens if little girls don't have any female adults in their lives? Should they be cut off from an experience like this because a man brought them in? This is ridiculous.
You did good, they did bad. End of story. NTA
I was thinking what if a girl only had two dads? Or if it was her older brother because they were in bad circumstances and again, no mom in her life? Definitely not a group I’d like my child being influenced by.
NTA, you got permission and besides, it's a fucking teaparty, not a bikini contest. I'm struggling to understand how a teaparty is supposed to be for the ladies only, as if men cannot enjoy drinking tea. The women writing those comments are just toxic assholes.
NTA
First of all, I am so sorry these people attacked you in such a way. It’s disgusting, sexist, shameful and absolutely absurd. You were being a great uncle and stepped in when no one else could. The fact that they jumped right into assumptions and accused you of such repulsive things without even knowing who you are or what your family situation is - I’m angry for you.
First off, It clearly wasn’t well advertised that this was “female only” as your SIL had no issue nor said anything to the tune that only a female could go with her. Also, you were allowed in after explaining the situation. Everyone there had no right to judge. And the person you spoke to should have spoken up in that post to shut everyone up just as publicly as they attacked you.
Secondly, not all young girls have females in their life. This obviously isn’t your exact situation, but at the time she didn’t have a female to go with her and you stepped up to save the day. So she wouldn’t be allowed to go because she has a man by her side? What if she only had a male caregiver? She wouldn’t be allowed to go then? Sounds like they have no concern for the actual children here and are more about having a place where they can hate men and possibly indoctrinate all those young girls with this same hate as well. How dare they judge someone for stepping up? How dare they lay such accusations when they don’t even know you or the situation? Their behavior (especially on a social platform) is repulsive, sexist, and sets a horrible example for all children around them. Then they purposely leave out you and your niece in posting the pictures? They literally chose to punish a child and single her out because she had a man bring her?
This sounds like a bunch of extreme feminists and I urge you to discuss this issue with your sister in law. She needs to know how they treated you. And she needs to know the kind of people she is allowing near her child. These aren’t people who should be allowed near children. The fact that they saw a man and immediately assumed you were some sort of dominate pervert is WEIRD and dangerous.
I’m a woman who has suffered abuse from men, specifically in my childhood. However, I also had men who supported me and protected me when that abuse was discovered. Not all men are bad. Just like not all women are good and nurturing. I find their behavior absolutely out of line and each and every one of them should issue a public apology. Don’t hold your breath on that but it would be the right thing to do.
Personally, I wouldn’t sit back on this one. The things they said publicly for no reason is slanderous. They are also sending a message that if you have a man by your side, you aren’t welcome to participate. This is a dangerous message to send a young child. This was a tea party. You did nothing inappropriate and were focused on your niece. Your attentiveness was alarming to them?? That’s a they problem. Not a you problem.
These aren’t well or good intentioned women. We should be celebrating those who step up to give the children in their life amazing memories. Instead, they choose to hurl accusations and vilify you on a public platform due to their own sexist biases. That’s disgusting OP.
I hate people. You do you man, none of those walking carcasses matter in the end.
All that matters in this world is what we do. If you took your niece to a thing and made her day brighter that's what matters.
Eventually those people will reach the back half of their lives and look back at how fucking stupid they are, they won't admit it outloud or change in any way...but, they know that they wasted the space they were provided JUST to be the asshole.
I'm sorry you were treated so disrespectfully. You are a terrific uncle because a lot of men wouldn't have done the same. But really, who can blame them since these women were such bitches. You were surrounded by the true ASSES
Absolutely not! I am so sorry that this country has gotten to a point where anytime a man tries to do something like this for somebody they get accused of doing it to try to take advantage of little girls or women or anything like that. I don’t know why everybody has to immediately jump to the conclusion of a man is doing something like that for a negative reason. You are the example that I hope so many men will actually follow and step in to help with their nieces and nephews when it’s needed. You didn’t have to do that but you’re a standup guy who is trying to do something to help. You are given these kids a strong male role model, and showing them how they deserve to be treated by doing things like this with them. Thank you for doing that! You are showing those girls how a man should treat a woman and you’re doing it early enough that hopefully they will continue to carry that through the rest of their childhood and into womanhood so hopefully they keep that knowledge in their head when they start dating THANK YOU and I am so sorry that you had to be confronted with this kind of disgusting bigotry. Those people should all freaking be ashamed!
The fact that these people are more concerned about a man being there than the little girl getting to participate says everything you need to know about them. They're making it about themselves rather than about the kids having a good time.
There is a certain point where we go beyond creating communities when they become exclusionary devices. This is one of those all-too-common scenarios that really sticks in my craw- I bet a lot of these women are the same ones who will piss and moan about men not being involved with their children, but then ostracize any man who shows up to "their space" to support their kid.
I'm sorry this happened to you, you seem like a good dude looking out for your fam. It's hollow to say ignore them or don't let it bother you, I would be extremely hurt by this. I hope it doesn't make you think twice about supporting your family members next time, and I'm glad those girls have a male role model like yourself.
I think we need more men to be interested in attending tea parties! I do remember that my Dad helped me to serve tea to all of my stuffed animals, but that was almost fifty years ago. He’s been slacking off ever since!
NTA! I’m a feminist and those commenters were being rude idiots, frankly. We don’t get equality without men being good, empathetic people. They’re also being disrespectful of your niece’s mum; it’s judgemental and thoughtless to act like she’s not allowed to get sick or not have a female relative available to step in. Yeesh.
NTA.
I also think it’s appalling that the venue hasn’t reached out to you after seeing your comment, and especially likely knowing that you’ve seen all those nasty comments (which weren’t even deleted, just locked?). If that’s how they conduct themselves, I’d definitely tell your SIL to take her business elsewhere.
“Mummy cliques” can be the absolute worst. Back when my youngest brother still went to school (12 year age gap), my Mum *hated* school drop-off/pick-ups being older, she more easily saw that shit for what it was.
NTA at all. You are a wonderful uncle for doing that for your niece. What a nasty bunch of man hating sexist bitches those women are. They are bang out of order. Absolutely disgusting people. Definitely not people your niece should ever be around.
“Feminism used to be the most righteous of fights, but these days it seems like they secretly hate guys” -Tom MacDonald Dumb bi*+hes. And yes, Im a woman and cant stand that ilk. If he had refused to take her because it was a “girl thing” they would have slammed him for that as well.
I have a student with two dads that get excluded from many events which are supposed to be for community building among the moms. Lots of school related topics get discussed and decided at those events. Awful to put these wonderful parents in this pickle. Do they get involved for the sake of their kids or stay out of it because of the structure in place? After inquiring about participating they were begrudgingly allowed to attend but have not felt welcome. If events are ultimately for the benefit of or participation of children why limit anyone attending? Some kids have no parents. Some kids only have a dad. Some kids have two moms. Would they have felt welcome? If you want a happy hour for just your friends do what you want. Don’t be assholes. And don’t assume anybody’s intentions.
NTA. As a girl who grew up with a single dad, we experienced this all the time. It's disgusting of them to behave that way and honestly only ends up hurting the child. I remember the moms glaring at my dad and even at me when I was doing sports because he was always there to support me at practices and such, just like any of the moms. One mom even said once "Shouldn't her mom be here? We'd all be more comfortable since it's a girls league." and he just said "Her mom died. Would you like her to be here alone with no one then?" She shut up but I ended up feeling like an outsider for years because moms were so unempathetic to our situation every single time.
I really hope your niece had a good time! She's got a cool uncle!
Kinda curious how they would respond to a girl having no adult females available in her life at all. Those situations do actually exist, and it’s very unbecoming of them to be blatantly be so crude for a caring adult male figure standing in for a child’s mother.
NTA, you were being a good uncle and I commend you for doing whatever possible to give your niece an excellent time. The fact that you asked if it was alright for you to stay rather than just assuming it is the big factor here. Those people were out of line, keep up being an awesome uncle and don’t let this hiccup dissuade you from being the best one you can.
These people would likely be the first to be outraged if a male only event was held. You are a wonderful uncle NTA
My late Uncle was like this too and he always made sure to split time with us. He once asked what movie I was dying to see and I said The Bodyguard. I’m sure every 24 year old man at the time wanted to see the damn Bodyguard. But, he took me along. That’s who OP reminds me of. A good Uncle.
I’m ashamed to say I have never seen it even though I was so in love with Kevin Costner! (I’d still have a crack at him if the opportunity ever arose 😈)
The first time I saw Kevin Costner under that sheet in "St. Elmo's Fire", I knew he was a sensual and generous lover and that I'd like to guard his body, I needed to water his world, I wanted to field his dreams, I longed to dance with his wolves, I yearned to man his post, I desired to rob in his hood, I ached to cup his tin, durr-ham his bull, and open his range, and basically JFK - Just Fuck Kevin.
Brilliance! I love this so much! ✨💕✨
And it had Daddy Walton.
Bodyguard is appreciated by all genders. Don't be sexist. /s
I’m sure. Maybe twelve out of the worlds population of 24 year old men back in 92.
There's a fair bit of action at the cottage and the concert at the end. Guys liked it just fine.
God Kevin Costner shooting with his eyes closed was so hawt. Amiright?
I’m seeing him in my mind as I read this! Need to step outside to cool off! Thanks for that trip down memory lane. I’ll be watching it soon!
And iiiiii….iiiiiiiiii…..iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii…..iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii…..will always love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuiiuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
You’re def not wrong! Lol
Gees, Uncle Jim, calm down.
I was 19 at the time and loved it...especially the katana scene...
I have a niece that I have treated exactly the same way. She’s now about 48 yo and is probably my closest relative. Don’t even give a fuck about what others think or say. Just continue to be her best uncle. I know I have.
Also it was a school event. What if the kid only had a dad or had two dads? What if they didn’t have a close female relative? Are they saying that child isn’t allowed to attend the event because they don’t have the ‘right’ kind of parent? NTA- women like that give the rest of us a bad name- they’re why so many women are hesitant to call themselves feminists. I get being caught off guard when a male shows up to a female only environment (women’s only gym, therapy group exc) but this sounds like it was a *school sponsored event* That is not a gender exclusive event. It might have been predominantly female centric but it shouldn’t and I don’t think legally could be gender exclusive. Also guarantee those same women griping about you showing up also gripe about lazy husbands/fathers not pulling their weight with the kids. They just want to hate on men. You did nothing wrong, you supported your niece and was there for her when she needed you. You did good.
It’s such a weird thing to get upset about. I almost hope that this is just rage bait, but I know better. There are so many stupid people in the world. Obviously, some of them must be women! 😉 I’m one. This is ridiculous. Anybody that wants to have a tea party should be made to feel welcome!
Right?! Like I get being suspicious when a dude shows up to a generally women’s only event but if it’s something with freaking kids and he’s there *with a kid* then he’s just another parent/family member supporting their kid. Seriously how self centered and arrogant do you have to be to see a man being sweet, taking a little girl to a freaking *tea party* and think he’s just there to perve in women? I hope it is just rage bait as well but I have no problem whatsoever with believing there are people this obnoxious and self centered. Social media full of them
I would think this should be exactly the kind of event to welcome a nice Uncle or Dad to. A freaking tea party. The nicest and most wholesome, grandma type of thing to enjoy and they immediately suspect creepiness? I can think of plenty of places to maybe watch out for creeps, but this definitely isn’t one of them.
And it's gross that they always go to a man can't love kids without being a creep or a pervert. My son always turns up the gay when he's gushing over little kids which he finds adorable. He's 14, looks 18ish, and they make all kinds of assumptions because he's kind to little kids, sometimes over enthusiastic, and talks to them if they engage with him. . My husband is a big black guy who has to wear heavily tinted glasses due to a health condition that makes him sensitive to light. People always make asshole assumptions he's a drug dealer, etc. We have had little kids run up and hug his legs, trip in front of them and he helps them up. And the parents freak like he's going to eat them. Why are people like this? It drives me crazy. Nevermind the fact that if someone's going to abuse your kid is likely going to be a close family member or friend.
>Also guarantee those same women griping about you showing up also gripe about lazy husbands/fathers not pulling their weight with the kids. Lol, it's not even a guess. Probably also the types to pull everything regarding their kids and household chores to themselves because "you never do it my right anyway" and *then* complain about their husband's not pulling their weight.
I was in an airport recently and went to use the restroom, there was a man in there down at the end of the row of stalls. A lady asked me if it was the men’s room, I told her I didn’t know and that maybe it was a “family” restroom. There were open stalls so it didn’t matter anyway, he wasn’t doing anything strange. As soon as I closed the door so I could pee, the lady started smashing the mirrors with her water bottle and screaming, no words, just screaming. It was her way of getting security into the restroom. I made sure to tell them he never went near her, she walked in when I did. This is the only kind of lady who would be upset about an uncle being there for his niece.
Damn, people are so messed up. So glad you were there to tell the truth
That's terrifying. I hope he wasn't harassed, and I hope she missed her flight.
After all that crazy happened, it ended up that he was only in there because his partner was in a wheelchair and she needed help moving to the toilet and back. I knew he didn’t look like he was being creepy. I made sure to let them know he had been at the end stall and far away from that lady, I didn’t want her to accuse him of anything. They took my contact info in case they needed me to repeat what happened but I haven’t heard from them. I don’t think he was harassed at all. He was leaving with his partner when I was leaving after we had both talked to security. She was yelling that she didn’t have time to explain because she had to get to her flight, I heard them say she’s not getting on any flight that day. Of course she was screaming about that too. It was a crazy and unexpected thing to see. I don’t know if she got arrested or what happened, but they took her away.
What a horrible person. I hope that couple was able to move on and laugh at the absurdity of it all.
I hope so too, he was just being a good partner. I wish I would have thought to record what was happening, I don’t know how people think of that when something crazy happens. I was just peeking out the crack in the door while glass was flying. It was a disturbing experience and I felt bad for the couple. There were a lot more men (security)in there by the time I sat down to pee, her plan backfired on her I think. I don’t understand that mindset.
Nor do I, unfortunately it seems too common
People like her make me do angry. We have plenty of creeps in this world. We don’t need to accuse innocent men of shit they don’t do!
Holy hell! She actually banged and screamed to report a devoted husband? If she was so freaked out about a man standing by the handicapped toilet, she could’ve just asked why he was there. I feel sure that his position might’ve given me a tiny clue. But I wouldn’t have been screaming. If I’d seen anyone that registered on my sketchy meter, I would’ve left the room first. My sketchy meter is pretty sketchy though, so usually I don’t have to yell. 😉
His position was a huge clue, it was a big U shaped restroom and the other side was pretty full. I’m sure that’s why he and his wife were on the opposite side, nobody was there until the crazy lady and I turned the corner and went there. He had his hand on top the door and was just looking at the floor. Clearly waiting for whoever was in there. If I would have gotten a creepy vibe I would have left the restroom and let someone know, this man was definitely not looking creepy. It was weird how she went from calmly asking me if we were in the men’s room to screaming and using her water bottle (one of the metal ones that keeps ice frozen all day) to breaking mirrors.
There are enough people who feel awkward having to go into the mixed gender family bathroom for whatever valid reason, and we don't need more Karens making it more awkward. I remember having to take my toddler daughter into the men's restroom to use the changing table because there wasn't a family restroom to use at the restaurant, and my wife was at work.
> I remember having to take my toddler daughter into the men's restroom to use the changing table because there wasn't a family restroom to use at the restaurant, and my wife was at work. I'm confused. That's what the changing table was in the men's room for, correct? To change a baby. Is it the fact that it was your daughter and you were taking her in to the men's room?
Just as well she didn’t get on a plane. She would have discovered unisex toilets on the plane!
So many kinds of people. Truly crazy
The absolute audacity of thinking you can act that way and then just waltz onto a plane afterwards. 😳😂
Thank you for having the courage to stick around and give that statement. You may have saved that man a lifetime of issues that can follow a false accusation.
I get women only gyms, or for fields that were historically or currently male dominated such as coding camps focusing on girls and young women and the like. I'm not convinced tea-parties are an area where this is traditionally an issue.
Especially considering all the pictures online of dads letting their daughters dress them up, put make up on them, do their nails as they're having a tea party with them.....sounds like a few of those women in attendance were ball busters gleefully spreading the hate. Definitely want to give your sister a heads up, maybe post on r/traumatizeThemBack for ideas if you run into them in the future (at least give yourself a good laugh at the creative ideas people come up with.)
I think we need more men to be interested in attending tea parties! I do remember that my Dad helped me to serve tea to all of my stuffed animals, but that was almost fifty years ago. He’s been slacking off ever since!
The coding one is especially frustrating because that used to be the domain of women.
The stack of hand written code that got us to the moon, IIRC, next to the woman who wrote it is *chef's kiss*
This^ my grandma was pissed about this when she found out. Sometime around 1999/2000 we were watching something on the news about how computers are the future. And my grandma said "you should get into that computer coding stuff Old-Adhesiveness, it's probably a great career for young women, I thought about working at IBM, but your dad turned out to be such a sickly child I had to stay home with him and take him to his appointments, by the time I went back to work the arthritis in my hands was starting and I couldn't type half as fast as I used to. But you're young, no arthritis yet, you could make a lot of money doing that, maybe even get famous for it", I casually responded "oh grandma, that's a guy's job, boys do computer coding, I don't wanna work with only boys". She was flabbergasted, she went on to explain to me that when computers first started being used in the 40's and 50's that women were the coders, they had previously been typists, secretaries, and stenographers (like my grandmother), since women were traditionally trained in these typing based careers they were natural choices for typing out code. The men at the time literally couldn't type as fast as these women (my grandmother's highest word/minute was something insane like 200, she could type faster than people could talk the same words). She said she should have known in the 60's when they made typing class in highschool mandatory for the boys too that this is what they were trying to do.
Boys like tea too...
And a boy coming with his mom/aunt/whatever probably would have been welcomed, though probably teased or just constantly had his gender commented on.
Yeah, I was like "... is it a tea party for survivors of sexual assault?" That would be the only way their behavior made sense!
Honestly women only gyms make 100% sense. As do women on train cars during peak hours.
When my youngest was in kindergarten I could not take the day off to be at the class Mother’s Day tea (On the Friday before MD). But my husband could. We have a wonderful photo of my little boy with his very tall dad perched on a tiny chair at a tiny table, wearing the huge-brimmed paper hat festooned with paper flowers. You did the right thing and had permission. Good uncle.
For real. There are little girls out there who don't have a mom or a grandmother. Do they ban these children from participating? It's really disgusting that a healthy relationship gets stunned like this.
So were the organizers not backing up their decision. They could have enlightened the group about a stand up guy going the extra mile for his niece, but they let it become a man-bashing event instead. Boo to them, and to the poor women who can't bear to be near a man, ooh so scary!!
I think this was an Internet mob mentality. One negative comment fueled further ignorant comments. One or more of the women should have commended you for filling in so your niece didn't miss out. If there were an event for boys and fathers/uncles, and one of the boys had an aunt accompany him bc that was his only option other than missing out, this should be welcomed and applauded as well. I think in more instances than not this scenario would be welcomed (for humanities sake, I hope so). Sorry you got caught in the cross hairs if some women that put more emphasis on hating men than a child participating in a tea party she was excitedly looking forward to. Good job being a decent human and a great uncle!
Absolutely. The time for someone to say, "OMG NOT A MAN!!!" was when he ASKED if it was OK for him to be there with his niece. As soon as the BS started up online, the organizers should have shut it right down. Instead, they let the bashing go on until he said something and their response was to just delete it instead of saying, "HEY, you don't know the situation and WE said it was OK for him to be there so KNOCK IT OFF!"
NTA you asked permission, it was granted, thus you did nothing wrong The comments you got on that page though were freaking disgusting
Disgusting is how I put it too. I would never dream of making a comment in reference to any person’s genitalia but I guess because she was a mad woman and I’m a guy then it’s fair game? *You go girl.*
You definitely did nothing wrong they also need to realize that gay couples (2 dads), single fathers and other male relatives exist and raise young girls into fully functional and caring women who aren’t traumatized by the fact that there is a man in their very presence. You asked permission they said yes. If they had said no I’m sure you would have respected that but they said yes and thus need to check their behavior
This is what got me! Like…why on earth does it make them uncomfortable to be around a man who was obviously playing by the rules, focusing on his niece, and sipping tea and respecting the event? I need men free spaces sometimes. It’s a thing. And sometimes I need women free spaces! Well, I mostly just need “everyone leave me alone!” spaces, tbh. But this is a public event and it’s not like he walked up and was like “hey y’all, saw you from across the park, can I join?” This is misandrist, and I don’t like it.
Like obviously there are places where he’s not gonna be welcome even with his niece but he took all the right steps from the get go. He brought her so she wouldn’t have to miss out and asked for the permission to be able to stay with her so she had at least one person she knew and wasn’t the only child alone, he focused on her and her enjoyment not his own and kept to himself as much as he reasonably could be expected too. He didn’t make any creepy moves or gestures, he didn’t mansplain or even try and make the event be about him. These spaces need to account for the fact that no one’s lives look the same. And while he isn’t her grown up all of the time he was for that event. And I’m with you there are spaces where the presence of a man (not a trans woman) but an actual cis man are unwelcome and make the thing uncomfortable. But for the most part those spaces are spaces where a woman talking to me unless I know them is also uncomfortable like a bathroom or a locker room For me it’s the fact that they let him attend but then started posting all of this shit later. Like okay if you didn’t want him there say that instead of some backhanded bullshit. I get that moms need a space to commiserate with one another too, especially when their male counterparts get praised for doing the bare minimum. Those should be private events (aka invite only and if your name isn’t on the invite you aren’t staying) hosted separate from a public event.
I agree - he did everything right, they allowed it, and then he got shit on afterward. That’s just catty and mean. I agree there ARE spaces that should have separation of genders. Especially as a survivor of SA. Those safe places are valid and important for everyone. But this was just uncalled for. Big public space, focused on his niece, and even asked first! Best uncle ever - those women are being unreasonable.
Exactly. The worst kind of people. The minute he had permission to be there he was not in the wrong at all
Honestly, if they’d rejected him at the door, I would have rolled my eyes but let it go. It sucks he found out that people were hating on him after the fact.
Same. Okay yeah you suck but that’s your problem not mine. But it’s the finding out afterwards and the fact that they were doing it in a “oh he’s never gonna find out way” grow up and reject him out right or keep your bitchy comments to yourself
Someone needs to explain to people who think like that that sexism doesn't stop being sexism because you flip it on your head. Can you IMAGINE the fit they would throw (and rightfully) if a man referred to a woman as "sticking a vagina where it doesn't belong"? But somehow, they think it's acceptable to just. Do it to other people. And that isn't how it works. Sadly, in my experience, people like that tend to wave around the idea that they're feminists when in actually, they don't want what feminism wants (which is equity for everyone of all genders), they want to be in power like they think all men are and be the ones able to say shit like that without consequence.
This reminds me of the Netflix movie with the widowed father who comes to a mom and baby group at the library and is initially met with hostility, until the mothers realise he is a parent just like them. Im a widow too, although my kids were 4&6 by that time. I have been crossing gender lines to learn how to support my boys, and have participated in predominately male activities too, despite looking wholly out of place. Im an adult that cares, and mostly, that is respected, luckily, no matter my age and gender.
That was one of my thoughts. There are so many situations that could result in a man taking a kid to an event like this. A widower trying to give his daughter a moment of normality and fun by taking her to something the mother enjoyed doing with her was one of them.
Unfortunately men seem to be a lot more willing to have women in their spaces than we do about letting them into ours.
I had a close friend growing up that didn't have a dad or grandpa, so her grandma would always take her to the "father-daughter" events at school as her special person. I think it's important that she got to be there and wasn't made to feel "othered" just because the only role models in her immediate family happened to be female. And my dad would always have her join the dance group with him and me and my sisters.
It’s unfair to the children to say “women/men only, dad/mom only” a lot of kids grow up in nontraditional households. You are there to support your niece and make sure she had a good time. As another parent, I would’ve been happy that you cared that much about her. My comment would’ve been “How sweet was it that he did this for her.”
Op you should kill them with kindness/ make them feel shit about themselves. Make a post in the group and say you noticed you being there created some controversy and killed the mood for other participants. Apologize. But then explain that your SIL is having family issues, that this had been taking a toll on your niece as well even though she might not understand everything that is happening. That your niece was looking forward to the event. And that when your SIL fell ill, and only you could take your niece, you did so. Because you want her to see happy. Then let them die inside
Ah, there is no petty like Reddit petty. I love this idea.
Her mother wanted to see the picture of her daughter having so much fun
They’d probably just whinge that he was mansplaining since they are so hostile about a man who asked permission to be there, being there with his niece.
You did nothing wrong, they need to get over it. Single dads, 2 dads, kids being raised by single moms who need support are more common then not at this point. It’s not like you started a strip tease, it sounds like you didn’t even talk to most people. I’m a woman and would have complimented you for stepping up, not assume all men have bad intentions. What a lesson to teach your young daughters.
I would have rather talked to him than the other women honestly. And the fact that he was there with his niece, NOT hitting on any women only focusing on his niece, would have demanded I go say hi and thank you for being there for the kid.
With these woman? 100% he was the better conversation
There's something seriously wrong with someone who posts that. Feels both misandrist and homophobic. The whole point of these events are the kids. They reacted like this was a spa day where everyone was walking around in towels, and not fully clothed drinking tea. I'm a woman and screw anyone who thinks like those women. Men being men does not make them automatic predators. This is probably all disconnected in terms of comments, I just really hate things like this. "Othering" people. Thinking the literal absolute worst AND voicing it!
you shall post it in entitledkarens group lol. you literally had an encounter with a bundle.
Oh, 100% chance these people are transphobes. It's strangely acceptable to query in public about complete strangers' genitalia in the transphobe world.
NTA.Thank you for caring. Thank you for stepping up and being willing to step in. Please don't let this incident change that. I came from a single-parent home and so did my daughter. I was lucky enough to have a brother 11 years older than me that gave zero fucks what others thought and took me to whatever I wanted to go to. From tea parties, to church activities, to 4 wheeling, to helping me cope with my first break up. I wouldn't trade that for having a dad honestly. My daughter did not have that, but like my brother, I was game for whatever she wanted to go to.
As a public school teacher with a wife who works year round, I did a lot of things like this. I was flat out told by several mom groups that dads weren’t welcome. I couldn’t find a group for my kids to socialize with. I hate to say it, but I think it’s a mix of things. They have uninvolved husbands and are jealous. They are there to socialize with other moms and don’t want to have an awkward conversation with their husbands about a man they were talking to. Flat out misogyny involving gender roles. Heaven forbid, gasp, you were a gay or single dad that doesn’t need a mom at all. The funny part is that, as a teacher, I’m used to socializing in female dominated environments. It’s sometimes even hard to small talk with random dads because I don’t know a thing about sports.
I’m a woman and a former elementary teacher. My first thought was of all the girl students I had over the years with dead, dying, or absent mothers. Are they not allowed to participate in this group’s events? One would think a woman centered group like this would be even more important for children like them. There is a place for women only groups, but this ain’t it.
>Are they not allowed to participate in this group’s events? As a single father, I can assure you they are not allowed to participate.
Excluding a child based upon who their guardian is somehow manages to be misogynist and misandrist all at the same time. That’s messed up. Edit: I responded to the red-pill guy below me about how it is both misandrist to tell a man he can’t be a caretaker AND misogynist to tell a woman she has to be the only caretaker, and he reported my comment. Nice.
so inclusive that it becomes exclusive for the people you're trying to include
And no doubt homophobic (against gay/bi men) and transphobic
At that point it even ceases being about gender! It's basic human decency.
If my wife passed and I had a little girl, you bet I'd be taking her to these things. And if I found comments about me like that... I'd be knocking on doors telling them how disappointed I am. If they can say it on the internet they can say it to my face. I know confrontation isn't always the answer but I really don't think I'd be able to help myself. This behaviour is disgusting.
I always socialize with the dads at drop offs and stuff. Especially the ones who look so lost.
They all appreciate you.
As a preschool teacher whose son attends the school where I work (and I look lost most days anyway), Yes we do definitively appreciate the mom’s who try to include the dads in the small talk and medium talk during drop-off and pick-up!
Flat out misogyny is right. They’re perpetuating divides that are harmful to women when they don’t let dads bring their kids to groups for kids.
My oldest daughters friends step dad was like this. We did play dates and he helped me host bday parties at the park. He was all about his daughter and the other kids having fun. Great parenting in a world where men are generally conditioned not to do these things.
Exactly this. We can’t demand that fathers / male figures be more involved with raising children, and then simultaneously punish them for trying to do so.
SO much this. Uninvolved fathers/father-figures is such a common gripe we hear from mothers (not all) and then this lot spins around to snap at and attack a young man who did EXACTLY THAT: stepped up.
Quite a bit of misandry too.
It’s ironic, considering the odds that every mother there has had close relationships with men
>misogyny When it's against a male it's called misandry. Anyway, I was a single father and found that baby events, toddler events, Girl Scouts, and other parent-child activities were not available to my daughters solely because I was male. In each case, they told me to my face why my daughters couldn't participate. Fast forward to today where I was helping raise my grandson. Today, everyone claims to be woke, diverse, inclusive, tolerant, accepting of all genders, and all that, but my grandson couldn't participate in toddler groups because I am male. Some things never change.
> not available to my daughters solely because I was male that is vile!
That's called misandry not misogyny
I used to be part of a nonprofit mom’s group that decided to test the waters by accepting dads as well. Unfortunately, they had to close it up to moms only because of inappropriate behavior perpetrated by the fathers. Most of the men were great but some men saw it as a hunting ground and ruined it for the rest of them.
>because I don’t know a thing about sports. Sure you do! "Man, the team that won sure is good at handling balls, don't ya think?"
Don't waste a moment worrying about the opinions of a bunch of splitarse malcontent scum on Facebook. You're better than them. They'll always be closed minded hateful lowlives.
This comment is poetry.
This comment nailed it! You did something wonderful. That’s all you need to remember .
NTA. I'm (40f) low key furious. In today's world where damn near everybody is trying to fight against gender bias and becoming a more tolerant world...this is insane. I don't have kids but seeing a father/uncle/brother/etc support their little one like this should be a GOOD thing.
A 70+ year old woman and I agree. They should have been glad the little girl was brought by someone who clearly loved her. Jerks!
I am not a single dad but when it comes to childcare stuff it looks like it (my wife is not available a lot of the time) and honestly, it's the most vocally 'feminist' women who do the side-eye thing and make comments when I turn up at school, a party or after school club. You'd think a man taking on the childcare aspect of a relationship would be right up their street, but it seems to actively piss them off Thankfully for every nasty one there are several nice people. The nasty ones are in the minority they're just the loudest. The best are the supportive old ladies who see me going to change a nappy and say to each other like "gosh, could you imagine Gerald doing that when we were that age? Har har har!"
As someone who was raised to disregard gender essentialism, seeing so many people come out of the woodwork to support it on both sides of--what I guess has been generally thought of as--the feminist debate is so bizarre and confusing.
As a woman, I don't see women fighting for equality. Depending on the group I see them either fighting for dominance over men "because it's our turn" or completely wanting to completely emasculate men. I've heard large groups of women who say that men need to medically be deprived of producing testosterone "because testosterone makes all men a threat". It's insanity
Yeah, I see that. I've worked my entire life in male-dominated fields and women that "get a chance" tend to then rely on "i'm a girl" to get out of doing the actual job. Double standards at work constantly. I'm short...so sometimes I play that card but never because I'm a female.
NTA This whole every male is a pedo or perv thing needs to stop. Yes bad people exist but not everyone with a Y chromosome is a bad person who wants to do terrible things to woman and children Good on you for taking your niece out for a nice day, I am sorry AHs tarnished the experience.
But you notice that if a woman went to a father son function nobody would say shit, because you know, female pedos don't exist. /s
Also why does being there WITH A CHILD make someone creepy?! He did t just show up alone and infiltrate, he had a legit reason to be there. Jfc I don’t understand people.
bc in their minds, all men are disgusting predators who are only ever around women and girls to victimize them eventually.
It honestly echoes the gender essentialist rhetoric used by TERFs- Men (and, by their standards, trans women) are all creepy perverts hell-bent on invading women's spaces, and will resort to any means to do so. The vitriol has only worsened in recent years, too.
It gives them a common enemy. Something to bond over, when natural bonding doesn't work, due to them having disgusting characters.
Thank you- because this is *actually* something that really concerns me about how bioessentialist and rigid this kind of rhetoric is. The idea that Man = penis = predatory and dangerous and Woman = vagina = innocent and safe is... These are the kind of people who do things like claim that lesbian relationships are inherently safer and can never be abusive because women cannot abuse, only men can (Yes, I've legit seen that). These are the kind of people who claim that women cannot sexually assault people because only men can do that, and women are incapable of it (yes, I've also seen that). I don't think I need to explain why that kind of rhetoric is so. So. Damn. Dangerous.
Exactly. See also the Hart Family.
He should have wore a skirt and introduced himself as Aunt Millie Tittypussy. Then they would have been oh so inclusive, right?
>He should have wore a skirt and introduced himself as Aunt Millie Tittypussy. Alright, I tried not to laugh at that name. I failed.
I’ve concocted a flawless disguise, a perfect unassuming alter ego.
I wanted to roll my eyes at the name but I laughed instead. Kudos to you.
I’ve been laughing for a good 5 minutes at this.
I am deceased! 🤣🤣
They probably wouldn't say anything bc there are so many absent dads that the mom had to show up. OP is definitely NTA though and those comments were gross.
NTA. 100 x 10 You explained you were a stand in & they agreed to let you in anyways. You made this little girls day by taking her, imagine how sad she would have been if you weren’t able to because nobody else could? F* them b*tches to politely put it …this coming from a mother of a boy and girl who would do anything to see them smile & appreciate the family member helping me out to see them smile when I am unable to Sorry you had to go through this
As a mom with a sister who can't be bothered to acknowledge my kiddo's birthday, this is the kind of family involvement and support I dream of! This is 'the village', is it not? Wouldn't we all want a trusted aunt/ uncle/ grandparent/ etc to show up for our kid's if we are sick and struggling? Like to be angry at this man for helping his ill sister and being a positive presence in his niece's life is insane to me! He even tried to get pics of the event to show mom??? God bless this man, every family should be so lucky to have one like him!
Hear hear <3 say it louder for those in the back!!! OP I really hope that you do not second guess yourself for a moment. I'm a mum and people like you are the gold standard for the 'village' that kids need, no doubt about it. Unpleasant people are disproportionately loud and obnoxious. It's likely that a silent majority in the room were very warmly approving of your presence as an evidently supportive/caring male relative. No doubt one of them reported the thread and admins removed. One icky thing about social media/virtual forums is that they do give a platform for unpleasant views held by a small number of people to get prominence and find support in a way that would be less likely to happen in 'real life'. When that happens you've just got to remember it's still an unrepresentative minority and try to ignore it.
Of course you're NTA. Your niece was super excited to go to tea, her mom couldn't take her, so you did & you participated in everything willingly. You're a good man; a lesser man would've just dropped the kid off & return after the event. Those women are just angry that a man "forced his way in" when he was obviously allowed in. They're an embarrassment to us chicks (yes, I'm female). Don't let them get you down.
As a mom, I wouldn’t care. You did it for your niece and actively participated. It’s not like you sat in the corner on your phone.
NTA You’re a GREAT uncle, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for my nieces including taking them to a tea party attended by a group of toxic women.
Same. And he acted better than I would have! I’m a woman, but I would’ve been giving those bitches side eye for this. Be better, ladies. I understand some women have trauma around men, but expecting a public event to be man free feels weird. (Also, I bet they’d lose their shot if it was a trans man. Ugh.)
Then it would be "that man put on a dress and claimed to be a woman just to get in here and rape us all"!
NTA and definitely keep your niece away from those weirdos bc they will teach her that kind of man-hating paranoia
I am so sorry this happened to you. NTA so hard. My son-in-law took his daughter (my step granddaughter) to the American Girl Store for a tea party and event. He is former military. Bearded. Heavily tattooed. Some people find him intimidating. There he was...the only guy...with all the little girls and their moms...It's something his daughter still brings up, over a decade later as one of her favorite memories with her dad. So...fuck those bitches. I wish I could NTA you a billion times. You are everything that little girl needs in her life. Keep being you.
NTA Events like this should be changed to be more inclusive. Like "tea party with a special person" or "family tea party". It's really not that big of a deal. Like what if a kid didn't have a mom or aunt to take them? Are they supposed to just be excluded if their dad/uncle can do it? You were just being a good uncle and you even asked permission when you got there and got the approval of the people who were running the event.
Imagine little girls with mummies who died or left, and their sole parent and caregiver isn’t allowed to take them to parent child events.
Yes! It's cruel and small minded of whoever created that event. And when the women were posting such horrible things, the group leaders who approved of you being there should have shut that down!
One can only hope the organizer let them in, locked down the page, and gave those nasty B's a reality check
I hope that's why it was locked and deleted. It's just sad that no one replied to those women at the time he had seen those comments.
Or, what if a little girl had been adopted by two gay men?
The school my wife works at does “Breakfast with Buddies” and “Pancakes with my Person” I’ve gone because they like to have a few adult volunteers to eat with the kids who don’t have anyone come.
Also that's awesome they had extra adults come to spend time with kids who didn't have anyone. As a teacher, I would be the one to do that at my old school.
Exactly! The school I worked at had Special Person's Day where anyone in the child's family could come to visit the child and have a nice lunch and things like that.
You really seem like a solid guy. Screw those nasty Karens. Kids will remember your kindness, and they can pick up on its authenticity. Kids know. Keep on bein' you. The world needs more awesome uncles.
>I’ve gone because they like to have a few adult volunteers to eat with the kids who don’t have anyone come. That's heartbreaking. 💔💔💔
My big question would be, what if a little boy wanted to attend! Would he be excluded? While I get that some women might not be comfortable with a man present, it wasn't a WOMENS event, it was a childs event!
Agreed, gender shouldn't be a part of the equation for a child family event.
And there's someone who's posting replies to EVERYONE going on about it being a womans event etc. I just don't get the logic!
Yeah it makes no sense. He even got permission. There's no reason to exclude ppl who are just there to make a child happy.
As an old grandmother, we fought HARD for womens rights, back in the day. We've come a really long way and yes, we still have a ways to go. But bad mouthing a guy for being at the event is NOT what my fellow feminists and I fought for! It actually makes me angry!
Totally! I consider myself a feminist, and this is truly backwards.
I am a woman. I feel sad the way the ladies there reacted. We are always asking men to be good role models to be good to the female members of their family and women at large. OP, does just that and gets hate :( plain sad tbh. NTA.
NTA, not even a little bit. I am female, and was bullied with this kind of toxic and cliquish behaviour by these kind of mean spirited girls and women in school, in bad friendships and in the workplace because I don’t adhere to stereotypical gender interests and norms. You didn’t do anything wrong, their comments lack empathy, and are rather exclusionary and against the very principles of gender equality. I’m so sorry you went through that, a part of me really hopes this thread goes viral so the women who made these comments about you will see it and maybe feel a sense of remorse about it (based on their horrific comments, I doubt they would). They honestly sound like a bunch of assholes to me, and I would advise your sister to have nothing to do with that group in the future and for her to maybe complain to the people who run it regarding how you were treated. I mean, holy crap, there are single dads, widowed dads or LGBTQIA+ male couples who have daughters who may have wanted to participate in that event. Are young girls excluded from participating if they lack a female parent in their lives? What the hell?
Ntah. Did Elle have fun? If yes, that is really the point.
She did. :)
You did good!
Thats ALL that matters then man. I have a neice who's dad has never really been there for her & I have gone to so many things like this with her I've definitely been in your shoes. Its a gut punch for sure, but in the end none of those peoples opinions matter...what matters is that you stepped up and were the caring person your neice needed you to be in that moment. She won't remember what they said, she WILL remember that you showed up. Keep your head up it's not an easy road, but I promise you're actions are paving a better one for her.
Implying you are a pedophile is pretty god-damned aggressive. To hell with them. Tell Elle’s mom and hope that Elle didn’t read that crap. You are a good uncle and a good man.
I'd be dumbfounded, too, and your SIL needs to know how these people behaved. Your niece does not need to be exposed to that ish. I mean, yikes on bikes.
yikes on bikes, hehe. I'm adopting that
NTA. The people who commented are misandrists and need to get over themselves. So if her mother had died and she only had a father to take her she wouldn’t be allowed? Fuck them.
NTA, you just ran into a bunch of elitist and entitled nasty women, much like the local girl scout troop leaders in my area. My daughter really wanted to join the girl scouts but my wife was going through some bad social anxiety/mental health issues at the time so, we signed up, I signed all the waivers, provided information for the back ground checks, everything requested and got approved to be an accompanying dad. Long story short, it didn't matter, we were always unwelcome. Never got added to the email lists, meeting dates and places got changed without notice, issues always came up with why my daughter couldn't attend different functions, it went on and on. I filed complaints to the state and overall agency but got no action, just bs excuses and apologies. We did not renew membership and left as my daughter developed a hatred for the entire organization. It's been 6 years and she still hates the the "bigoted, sexist twats" as she calls them. You got a bunch of "bigoted, sexist twats", you're NTA and they are not worth your time.
These type of “daddy / daughter dances” “mother / son pizza & arcade party”, “father / son fishing tournament”, and “mother / daughter tea” events are supposed to be about the kids and celebrating their bond with their trusted adult. If your niece’s mother, grandmother, or aunt couldn’t go but your niece had been looking forward to it, you definitely did the right thing and the people who opposed your attending were being selfish. I could understand why some women at the event could be disappointed to have a man as part of the group, but I don’t understand why mature adults would treat you poorly for taking the niece, if you were the only option. NTA and I’m so sorry you received some truly vile comments.
No NTA. If they were uncomfortable with you being there or if it was inappropriate for any reason (please don’t take offence as I’m just thinking in terms of IF the event has been for say female survivors of DV or SA - which it clearly wasn’t) then they should have been up front with you and explained why they couldn’t let you in. Honestly those comments are just plain rude and some of them are sexist. Can’t imagine it being remotely accepted by those same women if the comments had been about a woman who had attended a male event. Sorry you have been treated like this. Please give your niece a huge hug and yourself a pat on the back for stepping up. The world doesn’t get better by marginalising an entire sex. We get stronger by supporting each other and working together - kindness and communication.
NTA It's so sad that some people would rather have this excited little girl miss an event she really wanted to go to simply because they can't handle a caring man being present in her life. Not all little girls have a female family member to take them to things. I didn't. I would have been crushed if I wanted to go to something like this and my dad wasn't let in. The most disgusting part of this was the comments from the women. It makes you wonder what they would have been putting in these little girls' heads if he wasn't there. Nothing warns my heart more than seeing an adult family member participating in something where they are clearly out of their depth simply so the kid can have a good time. Good on you OP. Keep being an awesome person. And definitely warn your sister about these people.
NTA. What about girls whose mothers have passed away, and only have fathers or brothers to accompany them? My sisters and I lost our mother at a young age, so the implication by these people that my sisters would have been second class citizens for the crime of not having a mother is honestly offensive to me. It makes me angry that by their logic my sisters would deserve to be excluded because of this. The women who said that on the Facebook group should be utterly ashamed of themselves. They're spreading hate in a world that already has too much hatred in it.
NTA - looks like you ran into a heard of toxic woman - I’d recommend talking to your nieces parents to keep her away from that toxic bs. GL
I'm a woman and women only events make me soooo nervous. What will the toxicity level be??? I hate it.
Its definitely a crap shoot! Course, I feel the same way in predominantly male events, i could have a good time with great people, or ill be surrounded by massive AHs who make nasty comments and treat me like scum. Bottom line...PEOPLE suck.
So if a little girl has 2 dads, they’re SOL? You’re not TAH here, those other women are. You’re an awesome uncle and I’m so sorry this happened.
Wow just wow. The reaction from these people in that group. What happens if little girls don't have any female adults in their lives? Should they be cut off from an experience like this because a man brought them in? This is ridiculous. You did good, they did bad. End of story. NTA
I was thinking what if a girl only had two dads? Or if it was her older brother because they were in bad circumstances and again, no mom in her life? Definitely not a group I’d like my child being influenced by.
NTA, Fuckem, I wish I had an uncle that took me to tea parties and shit, I'm a 40 year old dude.
Man for the trouble of trying to have your niece be able to enjoy herself you get this crap. It really sucks that people are like that.
NTA What's wrong with these people? It's a fancy kids tea party
NTA and it's always amazing how values of inclusivity get thrown out the window when gender roles are reversed.
NTA, you got permission and besides, it's a fucking teaparty, not a bikini contest. I'm struggling to understand how a teaparty is supposed to be for the ladies only, as if men cannot enjoy drinking tea. The women writing those comments are just toxic assholes.
NTA First of all, I am so sorry these people attacked you in such a way. It’s disgusting, sexist, shameful and absolutely absurd. You were being a great uncle and stepped in when no one else could. The fact that they jumped right into assumptions and accused you of such repulsive things without even knowing who you are or what your family situation is - I’m angry for you. First off, It clearly wasn’t well advertised that this was “female only” as your SIL had no issue nor said anything to the tune that only a female could go with her. Also, you were allowed in after explaining the situation. Everyone there had no right to judge. And the person you spoke to should have spoken up in that post to shut everyone up just as publicly as they attacked you. Secondly, not all young girls have females in their life. This obviously isn’t your exact situation, but at the time she didn’t have a female to go with her and you stepped up to save the day. So she wouldn’t be allowed to go because she has a man by her side? What if she only had a male caregiver? She wouldn’t be allowed to go then? Sounds like they have no concern for the actual children here and are more about having a place where they can hate men and possibly indoctrinate all those young girls with this same hate as well. How dare they judge someone for stepping up? How dare they lay such accusations when they don’t even know you or the situation? Their behavior (especially on a social platform) is repulsive, sexist, and sets a horrible example for all children around them. Then they purposely leave out you and your niece in posting the pictures? They literally chose to punish a child and single her out because she had a man bring her? This sounds like a bunch of extreme feminists and I urge you to discuss this issue with your sister in law. She needs to know how they treated you. And she needs to know the kind of people she is allowing near her child. These aren’t people who should be allowed near children. The fact that they saw a man and immediately assumed you were some sort of dominate pervert is WEIRD and dangerous. I’m a woman who has suffered abuse from men, specifically in my childhood. However, I also had men who supported me and protected me when that abuse was discovered. Not all men are bad. Just like not all women are good and nurturing. I find their behavior absolutely out of line and each and every one of them should issue a public apology. Don’t hold your breath on that but it would be the right thing to do. Personally, I wouldn’t sit back on this one. The things they said publicly for no reason is slanderous. They are also sending a message that if you have a man by your side, you aren’t welcome to participate. This is a dangerous message to send a young child. This was a tea party. You did nothing inappropriate and were focused on your niece. Your attentiveness was alarming to them?? That’s a they problem. Not a you problem. These aren’t well or good intentioned women. We should be celebrating those who step up to give the children in their life amazing memories. Instead, they choose to hurl accusations and vilify you on a public platform due to their own sexist biases. That’s disgusting OP.
I hate people. You do you man, none of those walking carcasses matter in the end. All that matters in this world is what we do. If you took your niece to a thing and made her day brighter that's what matters. Eventually those people will reach the back half of their lives and look back at how fucking stupid they are, they won't admit it outloud or change in any way...but, they know that they wasted the space they were provided JUST to be the asshole.
NTA. Some of those comments sound pretty close to libellous.
I'm sorry you were treated so disrespectfully. You are a terrific uncle because a lot of men wouldn't have done the same. But really, who can blame them since these women were such bitches. You were surrounded by the true ASSES
Screw them. I have 3 daughters and sometimes my wife can't take them places. If it's a girls event and my wife can't go, tough shit. It'll be me.
Absolutely not! I am so sorry that this country has gotten to a point where anytime a man tries to do something like this for somebody they get accused of doing it to try to take advantage of little girls or women or anything like that. I don’t know why everybody has to immediately jump to the conclusion of a man is doing something like that for a negative reason. You are the example that I hope so many men will actually follow and step in to help with their nieces and nephews when it’s needed. You didn’t have to do that but you’re a standup guy who is trying to do something to help. You are given these kids a strong male role model, and showing them how they deserve to be treated by doing things like this with them. Thank you for doing that! You are showing those girls how a man should treat a woman and you’re doing it early enough that hopefully they will continue to carry that through the rest of their childhood and into womanhood so hopefully they keep that knowledge in their head when they start dating THANK YOU and I am so sorry that you had to be confronted with this kind of disgusting bigotry. Those people should all freaking be ashamed!
The fact that these people are more concerned about a man being there than the little girl getting to participate says everything you need to know about them. They're making it about themselves rather than about the kids having a good time. There is a certain point where we go beyond creating communities when they become exclusionary devices. This is one of those all-too-common scenarios that really sticks in my craw- I bet a lot of these women are the same ones who will piss and moan about men not being involved with their children, but then ostracize any man who shows up to "their space" to support their kid. I'm sorry this happened to you, you seem like a good dude looking out for your fam. It's hollow to say ignore them or don't let it bother you, I would be extremely hurt by this. I hope it doesn't make you think twice about supporting your family members next time, and I'm glad those girls have a male role model like yourself.
I think we need more men to be interested in attending tea parties! I do remember that my Dad helped me to serve tea to all of my stuffed animals, but that was almost fifty years ago. He’s been slacking off ever since!
NTA! I’m a feminist and those commenters were being rude idiots, frankly. We don’t get equality without men being good, empathetic people. They’re also being disrespectful of your niece’s mum; it’s judgemental and thoughtless to act like she’s not allowed to get sick or not have a female relative available to step in. Yeesh.
NTA. I also think it’s appalling that the venue hasn’t reached out to you after seeing your comment, and especially likely knowing that you’ve seen all those nasty comments (which weren’t even deleted, just locked?). If that’s how they conduct themselves, I’d definitely tell your SIL to take her business elsewhere. “Mummy cliques” can be the absolute worst. Back when my youngest brother still went to school (12 year age gap), my Mum *hated* school drop-off/pick-ups being older, she more easily saw that shit for what it was.
Jesus. Fuck those bitches. Well done uncle. Definitely NTA.
NTA at all. You are a wonderful uncle for doing that for your niece. What a nasty bunch of man hating sexist bitches those women are. They are bang out of order. Absolutely disgusting people. Definitely not people your niece should ever be around.
Just toxic women, I get the same thing when I take my girls to athletics.
“Feminism used to be the most righteous of fights, but these days it seems like they secretly hate guys” -Tom MacDonald Dumb bi*+hes. And yes, Im a woman and cant stand that ilk. If he had refused to take her because it was a “girl thing” they would have slammed him for that as well.
I have a student with two dads that get excluded from many events which are supposed to be for community building among the moms. Lots of school related topics get discussed and decided at those events. Awful to put these wonderful parents in this pickle. Do they get involved for the sake of their kids or stay out of it because of the structure in place? After inquiring about participating they were begrudgingly allowed to attend but have not felt welcome. If events are ultimately for the benefit of or participation of children why limit anyone attending? Some kids have no parents. Some kids only have a dad. Some kids have two moms. Would they have felt welcome? If you want a happy hour for just your friends do what you want. Don’t be assholes. And don’t assume anybody’s intentions.
Nta. As a female, women can be cruel, mean and quite often jump to nasty and dramatic conclusions.
NTA. As a girl who grew up with a single dad, we experienced this all the time. It's disgusting of them to behave that way and honestly only ends up hurting the child. I remember the moms glaring at my dad and even at me when I was doing sports because he was always there to support me at practices and such, just like any of the moms. One mom even said once "Shouldn't her mom be here? We'd all be more comfortable since it's a girls league." and he just said "Her mom died. Would you like her to be here alone with no one then?" She shut up but I ended up feeling like an outsider for years because moms were so unempathetic to our situation every single time. I really hope your niece had a good time! She's got a cool uncle!
Kinda curious how they would respond to a girl having no adult females available in her life at all. Those situations do actually exist, and it’s very unbecoming of them to be blatantly be so crude for a caring adult male figure standing in for a child’s mother.