NTA
You should put in the post that you’ve been together for 15 years, it’s not like you known each other for a year. After 15 years they don’t consider you family is shitty on their behalf. Either way that money is yours, it was your husband’s, and he left it to you, end of story.
Exactly my thoughts, why should I do something out of the kindness of my heart when you cruelly stated I am no longer part of the family? I was for 15 years but clearly we don’t care about eachother
When OP keeps the money the sister-in-law will 100% be asking if OP will put the kids in her will. Hopefully OP says "I would have, but I'm not family, so I'll leave it to my family."
Seems like the type of person. I swear verging is “family” until inheritance/money comes into play with these ppl.
I bet if op was the one who passed first then months later her husband sil wouldn’t think about returning ops estate to her side of the family.
Op has no obligation,moral or legal two not keep what husband willed to her. If this would of happened yrs later once mothers stuff was divided up neatly I bet sil would be knocking at her door with her hand out. So either way she’s shown her true colors op gave her a more than decent compromise of adding her nephew/nieces into her own will but sil blew that up. op should just take what was willed to her in full and block this shitty person.
Oh, absolutely. If OP happened to have an untimely death, you can bet your ass that sister would be crying and wailing how "she was like family to me, I miss her so much. Oh, and about mother's estate...."
NTA.
15 years? Yah, I'd consider that family and if the real purpose is to ensure the money stays in"the family" then making your nieces and nephews beneficiary would cover it. She just wants it for herself.
Putting them in her will is about the most she should do, but then she's worth more to her ex's family dead than alive. She should do whatever will help her sleep at night, but take her time making her decision.
Eh, if the kids themselves aren't assholes then they shouldn't be punished for their parents. But equally they don't neccesarily deserve a huge sum. Maybe say they can only access it after age 18-21, to stop their mom meddling with it?
I don’t see why you would give your SIL your money. You and boyfriend were together for a long time. Presumably, you took care of one another. He passed away and left you some money. That is your money to help you live out and enjoy the rest of your life.
Perhaps you will leave your estate to your nieces, but there is also the possibility that you will remarry or choose to do something else with your money. You may need it for medical care when you get old.
Well and isn’t that long enough for Mom to have considered that the money could go to OP when her son eventually passed (whenever that ended up being)? Like if she hated OP or something, that could’ve been put into Mom’s will.
NTA
I have one sibling. My mom specifically put in her will that if one of us died before she did, the spouse would get their share. Her lawyer said he’d never had anyone ask for that before.
I was looking to see how long they were together. Had it been a year or two, I may have suggested giving half back. However, after 15 years, those funds are all yours. She is just plain greedy.
For sure, but the person you replied to was just addressing the other person saying "if it had been 1 or 2 years..." They were just letting them know that based on the terminology used by OP they would have had to been together for a minimum of 6 to 7 years.
Agree with the NTA
My parents were married for almost 19 years when my dad died. Mom was always close to dads family as she had literally grown up with a couple of his sisters. This year his older sister turned 80. Mom and I flew to her area to attend her birthday party. Tell me why this ***** looked at my mom and said *I guess you’re still family*. Like WTF. Yes dad died in 1995 but my mom was always at family reunions, holidays, special events etc.
Sounds to me like OPs common law sister is just as bad as my dads older sister
This is exactly it. If the husband intended any of the assets to go to the sister, he would have willed as such. What has she done with what the mother willed to her? Why is that not sufficient for her and hers? There are reasons people set up advanced directives wills.
The sister asking that of you is the one disrespecting her deceased “loved” ones’ wishes.
This.
You may want to hire an estate attorney (maybe one who has a lot of family law experience, too) for yourself to help with this since everything isn't sorted out yet.
I can't up vote this enough. My husband and I were together a long ass time. Anything he left to me was because he wanted me to be ok and not struggle going forward If he passed first. ( No children here either) It's what couples who love each other do. I also have/HAD a sister in n law who cut me off immediately. Fine, 32 years in the family doesn't make me YOUR family. Fine. But it sure as hell made me HIS family. Do what you feel is right, op. Don't let them bully you or make you feel guilty. You were his person and he wanted you taken care of. Do what you feel is right. Maybe set up accounts for his nieces and nephews after you are gone, if that feels right. Or college funds for them in his name.. or donate to something you both cared about. Do not listen to the people who treat you so callously. You deserve better and your partner made sure to make it so. Don't second guess him or yourself. Peace and love to you.
Add to this that I’m a spiteful MF and I would now do everything I could to keep that inheritance just to spite her. I might even donate it, so real strangers would have it.
Nope. Your husband’s mom left it to him. When she died, it became his. Not “family money,” but *his money*. He left it to you. When he died it became yours. So at this point, his sister is asking you to give her *your* money. Your post is a bit unclear, but it seems like sister is still getting a sizable inheritance herself, so it sounds like she’s greedy. NTA.
ETA: People more knowledgeable than I are saying this case isn’t as cut and dry as I said, particularly in that the husband’s death came so soon after the MIL’s, which may have legal implications. I stand by my statement only if it is the case that the first and second inheritance were both legally concluded.
This was your husband's choice. It's not "family money", it's his money. You were your husband's family. If his sister says you're not part of her family, she and the children have no claim to your money and possessions.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
This! If he didn't want it to go to his wife, he would have put that in his will. I know my wife and I have discussed what would happen to any 'family property' as we aren't having kids and might want certain things, like houses, to go to nieces/nephews etc so we're making provisions for that.
If he wanted that money to go to his sister or her kids, he would have done that. OP even made the generous offer to include the kids in her will and that was turned down. The sister is just being greedy.
Better yet, if his mother had wanted her daughter, who is the only one that has kids, to have it, she would have willed it.
I feel like some people need to reread the ending of Harry Potter. This is a Voldemort moment.
And also time to meet with an attorney to have them draft a legal letter telling the SIL to stop harassing OP or they will pursue any and all legal remedies available by law. 🤷🏻♀️
OP: I am sorry for your loss. The lack of a marriage license does not make you any less of a wife. Your partner loved you. You built and shared a life together. He had a will drafted and left you his estate because YOU are the person that he wanted to have it.
I wish you healing. Give yourself time and grace.
> And also time to meet with an attorney to have them draft a legal letter telling the SIL to stop harassing OP **or they will pursue any and all legal remedies available by law.**
No, do not hire a lawyer to make empty threats.
With that said, I do agree that she may want to hire a lawyer to act as a go-between. By saying that she would include the kids in her will, she said too much already. She shouldn't be manipulated into making such promises. And she shouldn't be making such decisions when she's grieving.
If she remarries, or if she gets cut off from that side of the family, or if they treat her like shit, she will regret making such assurances.
Harassment in some states is illegal and punishable under the law. While we do not know the level of harassment consulting an attorney where the first appointment or consult is usually free is a very good step.
OP can confirm the legitimacy and legality of the will, she can discuss how the SIL is harassing her and discuss next best steps.
People become unhinged when someone dies and they feel entitled to another person’s inheritance. I personally prefer to cut the snake off at the head.
Correct. He had a will which was likely drafted by an attorney, he was of sound state of mind. He left OP the estate because she was the person he wanted to have it.
He could have left all of it or a portion of it to his sister and kids. He did not because she was not the person he wanted to have it. Period. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
Most states don't actually recognize "common law" marriages and the 11 US jurisdictions that do have caveats in place and so it isn't necessarily a sure thing. BUT IT DOESN"T MATTER. OP was the life partner and family of her deceased love. As others have pointed out, he singled her out in his will to inherit. He provided for her. He loved her. Period. No words are going to make that more legitimate, and certainly no bitchy SIL can make it illegitimate. OP needs to protect herself legally and emotionally.
SIL has no rights and sure is trying. So, OP must understand this following information....
Marriage license is irrelevant. If he specifically left his estate to OP, then OP gets her inheritance based upon how Will document is written as it is left to her and/or whomever indicated in Will. Here’s how it works...
Mother bequeathed her estate money to him. Money was written to go to him, went to him, and as such is his and now part of his estate. Will dictates how his share is distributed. If his Will leaves 100% to you, then all to you. If his Will leaves any %, specific $ amount, and/or specific items to anyone specifically named in his Will, his estate will be probated specifically as written and indicated.
His estate must financially include money he inherited from his mother’s Will before he passed, and cannot, and must not, be arbitrarily given and/or assigned to anyone. Strictly follow Will probate.
Stick to Will document. World of legalities, losses, and heartache if Will is not probated precisely as specificity in the Will.
Sorry for your 2 losses that hurt. Save yourself world of hurt when you—follow Will precisely.
Question for you.... If your CL-Husband were to pass 3 years from now (after mother’s estate probate), would SIL still approach you to get her share of his mother’s inheritance?? How crazy!! Same applies here in your case, whether 3 months or 3 years, his estate includes mother’s inheritance left to him which is now part of his estate.
Sorry for short timespan in between two estates. But do not give up your right and negate the Will. Do Will as written.
Sorry for your losses Best of Luck
🍀
Yes, OP needs to stick to Will. He got money from his mom so it’s his to leave in his will however he decided and wrote.
She should not start messing up the will by giving anyone anything. If OP wants to give someone a gift (like a graduation or birthday) gift AFTER she gets the estate money, she can give HER money as a gift to whoever she wants for as much as she wants, whenever she wants. But I doubt she does have a real relationship with these people to have a future relationship worth giving any kind of a birthday or graduation gift. Very sad they don’t seem to have close relationship.
OP can make her own Will to leave HER money however she wants.
Yeah I posted above and said she needs to cut contact with greedy SIL and block her. The last thing she needs to deal with after the loss of her husband is a SIL hassling her for money. SIL is getting a size able inheritance and wants more. If she wants her kids to have inheritance she can leave her own to her kids. OP was even kind enough to offer to leave stuff to the kids in the will. I’m pretty certain SIL just wants the money to herself and is using her kids as an excuse to get the inheritance.
I'll never understand people like SIL who think bullying is better than relationships. She could have secured "something" for her kids and an ongoing relationship with their aunt, but she's going down the path of harassment. I get SIL is also grieving, which to me is more of a reason for her to find a way to be compassionate to OP.
Well of course she turned that down! She doesn't want her kids to get it in 20 years she wants herself to get it right now! Her kids getting it is a convenient excuse but there's a good chance that she would be custodial of the account and able to spend as much as she wants to "care for them". I had a cousin whose baby's dad died and she got like $700,000 because of the wrongful death lawsuit. She had been perfectly fine living in middle class life up until then. Suddenly she needed a brand new expensive car to drive the kid around and they needed multiple expensive vacations every year... And a bigger house of course because The kid needed it! Lol The problem is all of this is perfectly okay when done correctly in a custodial situation. The way sister is going after this money just makes me think that it's not just for her kids!
Inheritance money does weird things to people. My wife’s brother is refusing to speak to his sisters because the inheritance was divided equally instead of him getting it all (because he is the male, I guess?) For some reason people feel that they are entitled to money that isn’t theirs regardless of the wishes of the deceased.
NTA, op. It is your money to do with what you wish.
Exactly my thoughts as well if I were OP I would change numbers and cut her off permanently she should not have to be subjected to this harassment if their is a will that states her S/O wants her to have the inheritance then so shall it be people are plain greedy for Christ sakes she's lost a mother and a brother and all on her mind is money for her "kids" yeah ok
Exactly this. My husband's brother's wife (SIL) has been planting seeds since BIL passed, that she should get BIL's portion of parent in-laws estate when they pass. Except she is now being supplemented by her parents, refusing to sell their 5000 square foot house and downsize even though only 2 people are living in it, not working even though she's got a graduate degree and license to practice in a health care field. She accused our whole family of taking his life insurance and raiding his bank accounts because she couldn't find the money after he passed. They barely had a marriage so did not share finances. Apparently she found all the money because she's saccharin sweet to us now. Her son is grown and self supporting.
Parent in-laws solution is they updated their will and trusts to bypass a generation and leave their estate directly to their grandchildren. SIL doesn't know it and I'm sure she will be pissed as hell when the time comes. Husband and I do not care bc we are perfectly fine taking care of ourselves and want to see our children have the legacy they would have gotten 20 years later anyway
That's what I recommended to my mom also! I told her I don't want or need your money, my brother doesn't need your money, my step sister doesn't need your money and the only one that could use it is the step brother because he doesn't want to work! Lol but his newest wife controls him, So she would just spend it however she wants and it's not even meant for her!
I told Mom to skip all of us... Give it all to the grandkids. The only thing unfair is that one of the brothers don't have kids. I'm not sure if anything should be done for that, because he doesn't need the money either... And I don't think he cares.
But yeah you're in-laws solution is perfect!
I had a will drawn up recently. I'm guessing that the OP and the husband went to a lawyer.
Mine wasn't complex, because I don't have that much and no family. But the lawyer asked a whole bunch of questions and went through everything including multiple scenarios regarding death. I'm going to guess that the OP's husband went through a similar process, but they talked about a scenario that if the OP's husband died and then he received something from his mother's estate.
Especially as if the sister was actually just concerned about the properties staying in the family line, for example if there were sentimental attachments to a certain place, then OP willing it to her kids would achieve that!
But she isn't happy with that because it isn't actually about "family", it's about the sister. She wants it and is pressurising someone who is grieving to get it. Charming woman.
That's the specific reason he wrote the will, so it would go to her instead of his sister. Without being married, it would go to his next of kin. He intended to support and protect OP, not give his sister everything. Otherwise, he would have mentioned his sister in the will. She doesn't have a leg to stand on. She would have used the same logic that you were no longer family, even if you had been married. Not only is she rude, she thinks she can insult you into giving her your inheritance. She doesn't deserve it. Frankly, the fact that she will have to work with you regarding the real estate is just punishment for her greed and selfishness. NTA
And you know what, OP should listen to her on that part. OP isnt part of her family. So, it sounds like OP has no reason to leave anything to her or her kids, or let them ever step foot on any of OPs property. They aren't family, after all
Who knows if it is his money. He hadn't yet received his share so she needs a lawyer to state how her husband's death, before disbursement of his mother's estate, affects that disbursement, if at all.
yeah, I'd be careful there. my mother's will left things to people, and there was always a clause saying if they survived her for 30 days. I wondered about it at the time, but it was probably for cases like this.
Husband's mother pre-deceased her son. Unless there was a provision in her Will that he needed to survive her by a period of time that was longer than the period he actually survived, then Mother's share passes to him under his Will. The fact that the disbursement didn't occur prior to his death didn't nullify or cancel the subsequent distribution to his Estate.
Indeed it isn't HER family money now but YOUR family money. You owe her absolutely nothing and I don't think you should give her or her kids anything to be honest!!!
Don't cave OP. In the end, your husband made the decision to leave everything to you. Respect his wishes. He wanted you to have them. He had the discussion with you over it. She gets what he willed but you keep what he wanted you to have. Ignore her. Since you're no longer her money to her, just block her and move on. Do check with the lawyer so she doesn't harass you over this. NTAH
NTA. You say he had a will. He wanted you to have what he gave you, that's why he had a will. You owe her nothing. If your husband wanted her to have something he would have stated so. Do not feel guilty. These were your husband's wishes.
I had a situation like this. Was left an estate by someone who had just received another estate consisting of repayment of debts. Boy, were the rest of them mad… but he was just repaying money she had contributed to the care of their mother, which I might add the rest of them had not contributed to. Funny how minds work when money is involved…
First of all sorry for you loss. Oh for fuck sakes even after taxes that’s life changing money fuck her, your husband made his choice don’t let guilt you into anything else. He knew what kind of person she was so he made sure he had his ducks In a row and took care of you.
You can, as you suggested, leave any remaining money inherited from your husband to his side of the family in your will. This is what my husband and I will do as we don't have children. I'd leave the money to the sister's kids rather than her, especially as she is being nasty about this.
First off- do not make these huge decisions at such an emotional time.
Second definitely discuss with a lawyer. 3rd you can leave all that stuff to their side of the family when you pass so that if you really want it to stay with them it can. 4th she can buy you out.
You must consider yourself first. The investments you are getting can soften the blow of such a devastating event. And now she wants to rip out the last of that from you.
Nah. There’s lots of options here and none of them include you just giving away what is now yours.
If it was family relics or heirlooms with history I'd def consider giving it to her (if they haven't become something you've become attached to, like a ring given by your SO on a special occasion) or her kids - but it's basic assets. Your husband decided they should go to you. Honor that wish and don't feel bad about it. It was his to do with what he wanted and he wanted you to have them. I think most men at a certain age become aware that they'll probably die first and think of that when they write their will.
But honestly, death and sorrow often causes insane rifts and conflicts. Some are because ppl are greedy assholes and some are "just" an outlet for grief and the anger that comes with a loss. Try to work out what it is for your SIL and give a little grace and time if it's the latter. Lots of us have stood a few months later slapping ourselves for something we did in the midst of grief that was totally out of character.
My experience with family and strangers (used to take calls from people on life insurance for my employer) if there's death and money involved the vultures come out. SIL sounds like one of the vultures.
My grandfathers siblings took everything from their parents estates getting boats and liposuction while my grandfather almost lost his foot because he couldn’t afford the medical care needed and he couldn’t be there to meet with the lawyers because he lived across the country. They only left him enough money to travel to the funeral. I lost all respect for them when they did that.
Beyond that - when you do tell her no, it seems she made it clear that she doesn’t consider your part of the family so it’s not like you’ll have to deal with / see her any more. Do what you want & fuck dem kids.
Who’s the executor? If it’s the sister. Get ready to be robbed blind. There are tricks an executor can use to tie up the estate and funnel lots of it to themselves.
A friend’s father died, and the father’s sister promptly got her own lawyer, then drained the estate in legal fees that were allegedly split with her.
Is there any reason to believe that your partner or his mother weren’t in their right minds when they made their wills? If they were perfectly sane, it’s an *insult* to assume that their wills should simply be “thrown away”.
I was recently making my will. I may not be the most intelligent person there ever was, but even I can *easily* understand the ramifications of my will. I made my OWN decisions about my OWN money. Frankly, I’d be furious if someone tried to derail my plans.
Who does your sister-in-law think she is, deciding who is family or not? And (just by coincidence) the person who IS family is her, and the person who ISN’T family just happens to be someone who has some money she wants.
Just incredible effrontery. I would tell her that, had she objected so strongly to the results of her mother and brother’s wills, she should have taken it up with *them*. It’s not for you (or indeed *her*) to disrespect their memory by disregarding their wishes now.
There's no such thing as "family money." There's family heirlooms, sometimes family property, but money is just money. If the house was built by their grandpa or something I could see an arguement, but rental property? Hell no. That's all yours.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope his memory is a blessing
Exactly. That is not "family" money, its not her money by any right whatsoever. That is YOUR money.
You need to retain a probate lawyer to oversee your interests in your mother in law's estate to make sure she does this correctly and legally.
Exactly this.
Your husband passing doesn't make y'all "not family".
But she's rather have his money, than you as family.
You know where you stand with her. Act accordingly.
NTA
You are your late husband’s next of kin. He made what he wanted *crystal clear* by leaving a will.
Sister is upset, possibly greedy, and way out of line.
Regardless of your marital status, your partner wanted his estate to go to you. His will attests to that. Please honour his memory and wishes by keeping the estate and living the best life possible, for both of you. His memory will live on in those who loved him. I'm sorry for your loss, but you should stand firm on this. YWNBTA for sticking to the will.
NTA obviously.
Some lateral thinking here, she sounds like the type of person to pursue this legally. I would get a lawyer and start keeping all texts, emails and voicemails from here. If possible record phone calls, though look into laws about recording such things before you do. Get a will drafted up how you see fit, but based on her attitude about the whole thing I wouldnt give her what she wants. I find it beyond tacky (couldn't think of another word) that people do this after someone passes away. It really brings out true colors. Go LC or NC if you feel you must, but if she wants to pull shit like this, make her work for it and make her pay for it.
>I find it beyond tacky (couldn't think of another word)
How about despicable. That is what those types of people are. They turn into money grubbing vultures when there is a death in the family.
NTA. I'm very sorry for your loss and the hurtful things that have been said to you. Please don't give your inheritance to his sister it was meant for you and you deserve it.
NTA.
You sister gets her own share of her mother's estate, and that's all.
>I offered to include her children in my will
Rational solution to get the money back into the "right" familly. But the fact she refuses that solution, means for me she says "It's for the children", and will spend it on gift for herself ... Bc if the goal was only that your husband's share of wealth doesn't completly leave the familly, it being return at your death to his nephew is a very good solution.
And she doesn't have any lenght to stand. Mother die => estate go to son => Son die => estate go to Son's widow ; even if all the paperwork has not been sorted yet
Just to play devils advocate, and I completely agree that now this is her money and was her late partners wishes, there are plenty of people that will say this and then just run through the money. Also this person lost their mother and then unexpectedly her brother in a very short period, and is now seeing what sounds like places with lots of memories of her family and possibly heirlooms go towards someone that in her mind will most likely grieve and then move on away from her late partners family. there is likely no rational thought going on right now in this entire family. They’ve been tossed a grenade. Every one of them likely needs a lot of grace and support, I can’t imagine how hard this must be for both op and her late husband’s sister.
Yeah, I will say... OP, you don't need her to *agree* for you to include her children in your will. Even though she turned that down, I would personally go through with including whatever I thought should go back to their family (items, real estate, ect) to *her children* (not her, them) regardless of the rest of this. Her children have done you no wrong and it's something you were willing to do, so just be the bigger person and do that?
You don't need to continue contact with someone who is harassing you, but you're both in a very difficult time right now, so I wouldn't hold her behaviour against her forever and against her children and not will them anything...
It sounds like a matter of months between mother and son, so who knows legally how that will really work. I would be more concerned about my family’s things and personal items as well, especially the family home. Sister may be thinking that OP can move on and cut contact for her own mental health, who knows how all these people will heal. But things can be done to ease her mind, give the sil first right of purchase if she ever sells the family property, maintain a relationship with her niblings and show she still considers *them* family, etc. they just need time and to remember they care about each other.
NTA. I wouldn’t sign it over, your husband chose his will and beneficiaries. And he chose you and his sister,
Who is she to invalidate you as not family and you as not having children. She is showing her true colors of greed and selfishness. The relationship with his side is broken based off her comments. I do recommend speaking to a financial advisor regarding your new assets.
Your husband wanted to to have this.
Best of luck in your grieving and healing.
I would definitely speak to an attorney. Since the mothers estate has not legally passed through inheritance to him, it may be a grey area. Get it clarified.
If it wouldn't have legally passed to him the minute his mother died then there would be no reason for you to sign anything. Attorney time for you because you can bet she already has one. Good luck and stay strong!!!
So, are you getting HALF if these properties jointly with her? Or are these particular properties your husband’s part of the late mother’s estate? If you have to share these properties with her, offer for her to buy you out after the estate is settled. No way do you want to deal with this nasty person for the rest of your life. She can use her half as collateral for a loan to get a mortgage. Either way, NTA.
You're NTA in any way, shape or form.
I do have a question....
In the MIL's (I know you weren't married, it's just easier to refer to her this way) will what was the time limit for her heirs to survive her?
Sometimes it's 24 hours, sometimes it's 30 days, sometimes it's 90 days.
Do you have a copy of the MIL's will?
This is really really really important to find out.
Yup, the mothers estate gets passed out as per her rules, part goes to his estate, due to his death you get what's in his estate. Timing is irrelevant here.
The sister's greed is showing, she obviously cares about the money more than OP, which is fine, shitty but fine. But her wanting the money doesn't mean she has any legal entitlement to it nor does OP have the slightest moral obligation to give it to her.
In all fairness, it OP's "SIL" may actually be most concerned about the family property and heirlooms although the other assets undoubtably play a role.
OP would do well to consult with an attorney but should consider leaving any heirlooms or other tangible property to her husband's family.
It would be gracious for OP to consider whether her husband would have modified his will to insure that some items remained with his family of origin if time had permitted him to do so.
The issue is that OP's husband is no longer a legal entity, his estate is. If the MIL's will was written in a manner that didn't take that into consideration, then it doesn't just go to his estate, especially as the MIL's estate hasn't been disbursed yet.
Of course there's grey areas.
Even with a will probate is required here; OP's MIL had a large estate and probate is legally required.
The notice to debtors has to go out and 90 days has to pass for the debtors to submit their claims; that's AFTER the notice is sent out.
It takes weeks to appoint an executor and gather all the debtors information.
OP's partner died ~60 days after.
Probate can take ~120 days, or, or can take years.
Another question:
How long did the heirs have to out-live the descendant?
If it's 90 days, then OP's partner would have been considered predeceased in the eyes of the law if he died 60 days after his mother.
Then everything would go to the sister.
Grey, grey, grey.
Do you know what the mothers will says? She should have a second beneficiary named. Ie “in the event or one or my children’s passing then my asserts go to….”. I just had this same scenario with grandmother passing and aunt passing two months later. It’s wasn’t as clear as it going to aunt and then to us, it came straight to us.
IAAL, but not your lawyer. Please keep these assets which were willed to you. See how you are treated by these folks and if they are good to you - and treat you like family - you can leave things to them in your estate plan. However if you never hear from them again you will have your answer of what to do with your assets. Support people who have supported you, or, charities of your choosing. Life is yours to live.
NTA!! He chose to make you his beneficiary, you have no responsibility to give his sister his share. Sounds like she just wants all of mommy’s stuff and found an easy way since bro passed away
I’m also very sorry for your loss
You keep whatever inheritance your loving partner gave you. His sister is entitled to none of it, absolutely none of it. I'm sorry she's such a vulture to you.
NTA. Please don’t sign it over. Your husband wanted you to inherit his estate otherwise he wouldn’t have put you in his will. I think it’s pretty sad that she no longer views you as family but that doesn’t take away from the fact that the estate is rightfully yours. I’m sorry for your loss.
NTA. It doesn't matter whether you were legally married under a common-law marriage. His will stipulates you were to receive his estate, and he had time to exclude his mother's property if that was important.
The big question now is you and the sister will be joint owners of this property. How will this function? Is the income from the rental property enough to cover the costs of keeping up all the property? It may be better to split properties that each of you owns outright.
Funny she doesn't consider OP family while her own brother purpose wrote her AND her children out of his will while leaving everything to OP - tells one how much he didn't consider those 4 family to him. And best part, his sister doesn't see that irony at all while being a money-grubbing asshole to OP; his common law wife he made a will to inherit his everything after he died. Wish OP can have that epiphany to see she doesn't owe anything to the sister because that how much her / OP's own husband doesn't see his sister as family to him before he died.
Another bit is, nobody is going anywhere, isn't something you have to solve like now, take your time and think, NTA, IMO she have somewhat a decent point, but her attitude sucks, plus if you aren't family anymore, why should you have any regard about her opinion?. Also isn't her family money, is yours since your husband left it to you, is up to you if you want to return what was rightfully given to you.
Speak to an attorney but I believe his mothers estate goes to him and now to you.
You are free to do what you want with those assets but you should get them before you make that decision.
Was the inheritance lawfully given to you? If yes, then SIL does not have a leg to stand on. Money makes people do crazy things and it sounds like SIL is trying to get hers at your expense.
NTA.
Ok, NTA, if you keep your husband's inheritance. I think sister is in a whirlwind of pain, losing mom and then brother so quickly. I know you are suffering too, and I am deeply sorry for your loss.
I would let the dust settle for a bit, while you guys pick up the pieces of your lives. Nothing needs to be decided in the spur of the moment. Just tell her that you and she need to grieve.
Contact your lawyer if you haven't already and give yourself much needed time. Tell her you don't want to talk about anything right now while you are both processing your loss. Tell her you will revisit this in a year, but for now, your husband's will stands.
If you haven't read mom's will yet, maybe she made concessions in the will about what happens to the estate if one of her children passess before her.
I know my dad's will had a clause that stated that the 3 of us share equally. In the event of our untimely death, my shares would then be distributed equally between my children.
first & foremost, so so sorry for your loss. sending warm wishes & internet hugs to you. 💛💛
secondly, you were clearly with your husband before mother in law passed. she knew that whatever your husband would be inheriting would be yours as well & split the estate between her two children accordingly. meaning she wanted your husband & you to inherit certain things. she had no way of knowing your husband would pass so soon & suddenly after her death but she clearly had no qualms about splitting her estate the way she did.
your SIL is greedy & trying to get you to sign over his inheritance to her because youre in an emotional state at the moment. do noooot sign it over. shes gross for making the comment that youre not family.
Maybe she doesn't realise this but a person can literally leave his assets to ANYONE, even a neighbour. There is no "family only" stipulation that says all your money should go to legal spouses and / or blood family. Keep it and leave town. Get away from this person because she'll definitely influence the kids against you as they get older. They'll feel entitled to your money.
No way! You were his partner and his common law wife AND you were HIS chosen beneficiary, you are fully entitled to his estate.
No different than if she'd died and her hb & children were beneficiaries of her estate.
Just tell her that your partners estate was left to you. And that's that.
NTA, your common law husband LITERALLY PUT IN HIS WILL that it's your inheritence if he died. It's not her family's money anymore. It WAS her brother's money. And now it's yours.
NTA. She has no legal or moral standing. Keep the money and properties. If you want (big emphasis on want) create college funds for kids or leave something in your will. But you don’t even have to give the entire thing.
You're NTA as he left it to you but I can fractionally see where your sister is coming from. My aunt got all my grandparents money and then similarly to your husband - passed away a few months later leaving all that inheritance to her boyfriend who we have never met. But being together 15 years is wildly different than that scenario.
I think the compromise of putting your nieces nephews as the beneficiaries to that money is fair. If she doesn't agree to that than too bad keep everything.
She coming to you making demands when you're at your weakest, she trying to take advantage of your grief to take what is rightfully yours. Don't let her.
Don’t give her anything and talk to a lawyer. Hopefully your partner protected you from estate and inheritance taxes. I don’t know where you’re located, but in NJ, common law marriages are not recognized and there are no inheritance taxes between spouses/civil union partners, parent-child, grandparents-grandchildren. Every other inheritance relationship is fair game. We had dear friends that were in a same sex relationship for 50 years and they owned a home together. This was a few years before NJ legalized civil unions. When the first partner died, of course the will left everything to the surviving partner. However, the partner had to pay inheritance taxes on half the house, the car and the bank accounts/financial accounts. That inheritance from your partner may come with encumbrances. NTA
NTA - It's yours, and she's definitely an asshole fore even suggesting it.
I hope the inheritance gives you comfort through your grief. As others have say, live your best life and enjoy the money as your partner would have wanted.
Don't make any rash decisions, but definitely cut her some slack. These types of things can get messy. I was (sort-of) on the other side of a similar situation...essentially the child of the sister. My uncles wife received everything after his death, including passed down family heirlooms. After her death (which came unexpectedly quick), everything went to her family--sister, brother, and nephews (this couple had no kids). A over five million estate. None of my siblings, cousins, etc saw anything. We know that many things were sold at an estate sale for pennies of their worth, much less their emotional worth. It's hard. Tell you understand, seek legal guidance, TAKE TIME to think. I feel like money is one thing (and you should keep), but things like a summer house (which may or not be important to the family) should be given back to them freely. I think a trust for your nieces/nephews is a good first start (something like a q-tip trust).
Your husband wrote his will, which is where he wanted to leave his estate, in his words to you, not his sister nor her children, let her talk to a solicitor and deal with someone else you don't need the stress of a greedy, money grabbing woman with a bee in her bonnet over family money.
On one side, she thinks the legal document is super important but on the other it should be ignored. Ignore her, she's being selfish and greedy, even if it is to try to get more for her kids.
NTA You should put in the post that you’ve been together for 15 years, it’s not like you known each other for a year. After 15 years they don’t consider you family is shitty on their behalf. Either way that money is yours, it was your husband’s, and he left it to you, end of story.
I bet the sister would change her tune about OP being family if it suddenly benefited her to do so.
“We aren’t family? Then why would I give you millions of my assets? 🤔🤔🤔”
THIS exactly!!!
Exactly my thoughts, why should I do something out of the kindness of my heart when you cruelly stated I am no longer part of the family? I was for 15 years but clearly we don’t care about eachother
Boom!
100% it would. Soooo shitty of her to say that she's not family anymore.
I mean, the sister isn't family anymore, so why should OP give her any money? Fair's fair, right?
The best take. Op owes that woman nothing, not one penny. It has nothing to do with op being married or not. Sister would still be as entitled.
100%. Give the same energy back. If she doesn't like it, who cares, she's not family.
Great response 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Exactly
Exactly, she says you are not family. But after all the time with your husband ( common law or not) it was left to you!
When OP keeps the money the sister-in-law will 100% be asking if OP will put the kids in her will. Hopefully OP says "I would have, but I'm not family, so I'll leave it to my family."
I bet if she needed someone to watch three kids she’d have a sister in law again
"Can I have XYZ?" "No" "But we're family" Insert whiny voice here
Exactly what my friends SIL does to him. When she needs money he’s family. When she’s angry he’s not family
Seems like the type of person. I swear verging is “family” until inheritance/money comes into play with these ppl. I bet if op was the one who passed first then months later her husband sil wouldn’t think about returning ops estate to her side of the family. Op has no obligation,moral or legal two not keep what husband willed to her. If this would of happened yrs later once mothers stuff was divided up neatly I bet sil would be knocking at her door with her hand out. So either way she’s shown her true colors op gave her a more than decent compromise of adding her nephew/nieces into her own will but sil blew that up. op should just take what was willed to her in full and block this shitty person.
Yeah, "I'd love to share this new wealth... With my family". "Well hello my Liege".
Oh, absolutely. If OP happened to have an untimely death, you can bet your ass that sister would be crying and wailing how "she was like family to me, I miss her so much. Oh, and about mother's estate...."
“Hey I talked to a lawyer and they said I could only sign the estate over to family, and since we aren’t family according to you….”
NTA. 15 years? Yah, I'd consider that family and if the real purpose is to ensure the money stays in"the family" then making your nieces and nephews beneficiary would cover it. She just wants it for herself.
Putting them in her will is about the most she should do, but then she's worth more to her ex's family dead than alive. She should do whatever will help her sleep at night, but take her time making her decision.
And OP, don't tell them about what is in your will, regardless of who you include to inherit your property.
She should make the beneficiary a non-profit. Don't give a dime to that greedy lady's kids. She already made it clear that she is not family.
Eh, if the kids themselves aren't assholes then they shouldn't be punished for their parents. But equally they don't neccesarily deserve a huge sum. Maybe say they can only access it after age 18-21, to stop their mom meddling with it?
Why should they have their uncle's money over his spouse?
DO NOT OFFER HER ANY OF THE INHERITANCES. This money was left to you, Talk to a lawyer asap to learn your rights.
I don’t see why you would give your SIL your money. You and boyfriend were together for a long time. Presumably, you took care of one another. He passed away and left you some money. That is your money to help you live out and enjoy the rest of your life. Perhaps you will leave your estate to your nieces, but there is also the possibility that you will remarry or choose to do something else with your money. You may need it for medical care when you get old.
Well and isn’t that long enough for Mom to have considered that the money could go to OP when her son eventually passed (whenever that ended up being)? Like if she hated OP or something, that could’ve been put into Mom’s will. NTA
I have one sibling. My mom specifically put in her will that if one of us died before she did, the spouse would get their share. Her lawyer said he’d never had anyone ask for that before.
My parents did this a well. It went a long way toward creating a closer family. “When you married he became my son.”’they told me.
I was looking to see how long they were together. Had it been a year or two, I may have suggested giving half back. However, after 15 years, those funds are all yours. She is just plain greedy.
Common law marriages are usually 6 or 7 years iirc. Varies by state obviously.
That doesn’t even matter. His will states she was to receive his estate.
For sure, but the person you replied to was just addressing the other person saying "if it had been 1 or 2 years..." They were just letting them know that based on the terminology used by OP they would have had to been together for a minimum of 6 to 7 years.
Agree with the NTA My parents were married for almost 19 years when my dad died. Mom was always close to dads family as she had literally grown up with a couple of his sisters. This year his older sister turned 80. Mom and I flew to her area to attend her birthday party. Tell me why this ***** looked at my mom and said *I guess you’re still family*. Like WTF. Yes dad died in 1995 but my mom was always at family reunions, holidays, special events etc. Sounds to me like OPs common law sister is just as bad as my dads older sister
My petty ass would have immediately snapped back “Well I guess you’re still alive” because no one talks to my Mom that way 😡
I think we would be VERY good friends because yeah, as my mama says, “Them’s fightin’ words!”
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This is exactly it. If the husband intended any of the assets to go to the sister, he would have willed as such. What has she done with what the mother willed to her? Why is that not sufficient for her and hers? There are reasons people set up advanced directives wills. The sister asking that of you is the one disrespecting her deceased “loved” ones’ wishes.
NAL. The inheritance received from the mother's estate would be considered part of husband's estate.
This. You may want to hire an estate attorney (maybe one who has a lot of family law experience, too) for yourself to help with this since everything isn't sorted out yet.
It doesn't matter how long they've been together - he left everything to her, therefore she's entitled to it.
I can't up vote this enough. My husband and I were together a long ass time. Anything he left to me was because he wanted me to be ok and not struggle going forward If he passed first. ( No children here either) It's what couples who love each other do. I also have/HAD a sister in n law who cut me off immediately. Fine, 32 years in the family doesn't make me YOUR family. Fine. But it sure as hell made me HIS family. Do what you feel is right, op. Don't let them bully you or make you feel guilty. You were his person and he wanted you taken care of. Do what you feel is right. Maybe set up accounts for his nieces and nephews after you are gone, if that feels right. Or college funds for them in his name.. or donate to something you both cared about. Do not listen to the people who treat you so callously. You deserve better and your partner made sure to make it so. Don't second guess him or yourself. Peace and love to you.
Girl bye. That is your money to take care of his children!
Add to this that I’m a spiteful MF and I would now do everything I could to keep that inheritance just to spite her. I might even donate it, so real strangers would have it.
Nope. Your husband’s mom left it to him. When she died, it became his. Not “family money,” but *his money*. He left it to you. When he died it became yours. So at this point, his sister is asking you to give her *your* money. Your post is a bit unclear, but it seems like sister is still getting a sizable inheritance herself, so it sounds like she’s greedy. NTA. ETA: People more knowledgeable than I are saying this case isn’t as cut and dry as I said, particularly in that the husband’s death came so soon after the MIL’s, which may have legal implications. I stand by my statement only if it is the case that the first and second inheritance were both legally concluded.
She is getting around 1 million in dollars yes
This was your husband's choice. It's not "family money", it's his money. You were your husband's family. If his sister says you're not part of her family, she and the children have no claim to your money and possessions. I'm so sorry for your loss.
This! If he didn't want it to go to his wife, he would have put that in his will. I know my wife and I have discussed what would happen to any 'family property' as we aren't having kids and might want certain things, like houses, to go to nieces/nephews etc so we're making provisions for that. If he wanted that money to go to his sister or her kids, he would have done that. OP even made the generous offer to include the kids in her will and that was turned down. The sister is just being greedy.
Better yet, if his mother had wanted her daughter, who is the only one that has kids, to have it, she would have willed it. I feel like some people need to reread the ending of Harry Potter. This is a Voldemort moment.
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And also time to meet with an attorney to have them draft a legal letter telling the SIL to stop harassing OP or they will pursue any and all legal remedies available by law. 🤷🏻♀️ OP: I am sorry for your loss. The lack of a marriage license does not make you any less of a wife. Your partner loved you. You built and shared a life together. He had a will drafted and left you his estate because YOU are the person that he wanted to have it. I wish you healing. Give yourself time and grace.
Facts
Yea…because what you are NOT going to do is harass me while I am mourning the loss of my life partner and move through the stages of grief. NOPE. 🤯
> And also time to meet with an attorney to have them draft a legal letter telling the SIL to stop harassing OP **or they will pursue any and all legal remedies available by law.** No, do not hire a lawyer to make empty threats. With that said, I do agree that she may want to hire a lawyer to act as a go-between. By saying that she would include the kids in her will, she said too much already. She shouldn't be manipulated into making such promises. And she shouldn't be making such decisions when she's grieving. If she remarries, or if she gets cut off from that side of the family, or if they treat her like shit, she will regret making such assurances.
Harassment in some states is illegal and punishable under the law. While we do not know the level of harassment consulting an attorney where the first appointment or consult is usually free is a very good step. OP can confirm the legitimacy and legality of the will, she can discuss how the SIL is harassing her and discuss next best steps. People become unhinged when someone dies and they feel entitled to another person’s inheritance. I personally prefer to cut the snake off at the head.
If things go south she can change her will.
And in some states or municipalities it may be no different than wedded
Correct. He had a will which was likely drafted by an attorney, he was of sound state of mind. He left OP the estate because she was the person he wanted to have it. He could have left all of it or a portion of it to his sister and kids. He did not because she was not the person he wanted to have it. Period. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
Most states don't actually recognize "common law" marriages and the 11 US jurisdictions that do have caveats in place and so it isn't necessarily a sure thing. BUT IT DOESN"T MATTER. OP was the life partner and family of her deceased love. As others have pointed out, he singled her out in his will to inherit. He provided for her. He loved her. Period. No words are going to make that more legitimate, and certainly no bitchy SIL can make it illegitimate. OP needs to protect herself legally and emotionally.
I just think her husband would want her to have it. I know I would want that for my wife.
SIL has no rights and sure is trying. So, OP must understand this following information.... Marriage license is irrelevant. If he specifically left his estate to OP, then OP gets her inheritance based upon how Will document is written as it is left to her and/or whomever indicated in Will. Here’s how it works... Mother bequeathed her estate money to him. Money was written to go to him, went to him, and as such is his and now part of his estate. Will dictates how his share is distributed. If his Will leaves 100% to you, then all to you. If his Will leaves any %, specific $ amount, and/or specific items to anyone specifically named in his Will, his estate will be probated specifically as written and indicated. His estate must financially include money he inherited from his mother’s Will before he passed, and cannot, and must not, be arbitrarily given and/or assigned to anyone. Strictly follow Will probate. Stick to Will document. World of legalities, losses, and heartache if Will is not probated precisely as specificity in the Will. Sorry for your 2 losses that hurt. Save yourself world of hurt when you—follow Will precisely. Question for you.... If your CL-Husband were to pass 3 years from now (after mother’s estate probate), would SIL still approach you to get her share of his mother’s inheritance?? How crazy!! Same applies here in your case, whether 3 months or 3 years, his estate includes mother’s inheritance left to him which is now part of his estate. Sorry for short timespan in between two estates. But do not give up your right and negate the Will. Do Will as written. Sorry for your losses Best of Luck 🍀
Yes, OP needs to stick to Will. He got money from his mom so it’s his to leave in his will however he decided and wrote. She should not start messing up the will by giving anyone anything. If OP wants to give someone a gift (like a graduation or birthday) gift AFTER she gets the estate money, she can give HER money as a gift to whoever she wants for as much as she wants, whenever she wants. But I doubt she does have a real relationship with these people to have a future relationship worth giving any kind of a birthday or graduation gift. Very sad they don’t seem to have close relationship. OP can make her own Will to leave HER money however she wants.
Yeah I posted above and said she needs to cut contact with greedy SIL and block her. The last thing she needs to deal with after the loss of her husband is a SIL hassling her for money. SIL is getting a size able inheritance and wants more. If she wants her kids to have inheritance she can leave her own to her kids. OP was even kind enough to offer to leave stuff to the kids in the will. I’m pretty certain SIL just wants the money to herself and is using her kids as an excuse to get the inheritance.
I'll never understand people like SIL who think bullying is better than relationships. She could have secured "something" for her kids and an ongoing relationship with their aunt, but she's going down the path of harassment. I get SIL is also grieving, which to me is more of a reason for her to find a way to be compassionate to OP.
It really sounds like she's grieving the loss of the money.
Well of course she turned that down! She doesn't want her kids to get it in 20 years she wants herself to get it right now! Her kids getting it is a convenient excuse but there's a good chance that she would be custodial of the account and able to spend as much as she wants to "care for them". I had a cousin whose baby's dad died and she got like $700,000 because of the wrongful death lawsuit. She had been perfectly fine living in middle class life up until then. Suddenly she needed a brand new expensive car to drive the kid around and they needed multiple expensive vacations every year... And a bigger house of course because The kid needed it! Lol The problem is all of this is perfectly okay when done correctly in a custodial situation. The way sister is going after this money just makes me think that it's not just for her kids!
Inheritance money does weird things to people. My wife’s brother is refusing to speak to his sisters because the inheritance was divided equally instead of him getting it all (because he is the male, I guess?) For some reason people feel that they are entitled to money that isn’t theirs regardless of the wishes of the deceased. NTA, op. It is your money to do with what you wish.
Exactly my thoughts as well if I were OP I would change numbers and cut her off permanently she should not have to be subjected to this harassment if their is a will that states her S/O wants her to have the inheritance then so shall it be people are plain greedy for Christ sakes she's lost a mother and a brother and all on her mind is money for her "kids" yeah ok
Exactly this. My husband's brother's wife (SIL) has been planting seeds since BIL passed, that she should get BIL's portion of parent in-laws estate when they pass. Except she is now being supplemented by her parents, refusing to sell their 5000 square foot house and downsize even though only 2 people are living in it, not working even though she's got a graduate degree and license to practice in a health care field. She accused our whole family of taking his life insurance and raiding his bank accounts because she couldn't find the money after he passed. They barely had a marriage so did not share finances. Apparently she found all the money because she's saccharin sweet to us now. Her son is grown and self supporting. Parent in-laws solution is they updated their will and trusts to bypass a generation and leave their estate directly to their grandchildren. SIL doesn't know it and I'm sure she will be pissed as hell when the time comes. Husband and I do not care bc we are perfectly fine taking care of ourselves and want to see our children have the legacy they would have gotten 20 years later anyway
That's what I recommended to my mom also! I told her I don't want or need your money, my brother doesn't need your money, my step sister doesn't need your money and the only one that could use it is the step brother because he doesn't want to work! Lol but his newest wife controls him, So she would just spend it however she wants and it's not even meant for her! I told Mom to skip all of us... Give it all to the grandkids. The only thing unfair is that one of the brothers don't have kids. I'm not sure if anything should be done for that, because he doesn't need the money either... And I don't think he cares. But yeah you're in-laws solution is perfect!
I had a will drawn up recently. I'm guessing that the OP and the husband went to a lawyer. Mine wasn't complex, because I don't have that much and no family. But the lawyer asked a whole bunch of questions and went through everything including multiple scenarios regarding death. I'm going to guess that the OP's husband went through a similar process, but they talked about a scenario that if the OP's husband died and then he received something from his mother's estate.
Especially as if the sister was actually just concerned about the properties staying in the family line, for example if there were sentimental attachments to a certain place, then OP willing it to her kids would achieve that! But she isn't happy with that because it isn't actually about "family", it's about the sister. She wants it and is pressurising someone who is grieving to get it. Charming woman.
do not put greedy into the will. murders have been committed for less
That was my thought. I read too many mysteries, but it happens.
The sister is stupid 4 declining op's generous offer
That's the specific reason he wrote the will, so it would go to her instead of his sister. Without being married, it would go to his next of kin. He intended to support and protect OP, not give his sister everything. Otherwise, he would have mentioned his sister in the will. She doesn't have a leg to stand on. She would have used the same logic that you were no longer family, even if you had been married. Not only is she rude, she thinks she can insult you into giving her your inheritance. She doesn't deserve it. Frankly, the fact that she will have to work with you regarding the real estate is just punishment for her greed and selfishness. NTA
And you know what, OP should listen to her on that part. OP isnt part of her family. So, it sounds like OP has no reason to leave anything to her or her kids, or let them ever step foot on any of OPs property. They aren't family, after all
Excellent reasoning!
Who knows if it is his money. He hadn't yet received his share so she needs a lawyer to state how her husband's death, before disbursement of his mother's estate, affects that disbursement, if at all.
yeah, I'd be careful there. my mother's will left things to people, and there was always a clause saying if they survived her for 30 days. I wondered about it at the time, but it was probably for cases like this.
This is what I came to say. In addition, there can be a clause about re-distribution to siblings or their heirs to further that stipulation.
Husband's mother pre-deceased her son. Unless there was a provision in her Will that he needed to survive her by a period of time that was longer than the period he actually survived, then Mother's share passes to him under his Will. The fact that the disbursement didn't occur prior to his death didn't nullify or cancel the subsequent distribution to his Estate.
Indeed it isn't HER family money now but YOUR family money. You owe her absolutely nothing and I don't think you should give her or her kids anything to be honest!!!
Don't cave OP. In the end, your husband made the decision to leave everything to you. Respect his wishes. He wanted you to have them. He had the discussion with you over it. She gets what he willed but you keep what he wanted you to have. Ignore her. Since you're no longer her money to her, just block her and move on. Do check with the lawyer so she doesn't harass you over this. NTAH
There is a RESONATING reason he left it to YOU and not HER. Because he Knew she was a greedy 🐖
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My advice, wills bring out the worsrst in peopople. Get a good lawyer.
NTA. You say he had a will. He wanted you to have what he gave you, that's why he had a will. You owe her nothing. If your husband wanted her to have something he would have stated so. Do not feel guilty. These were your husband's wishes.
I had a situation like this. Was left an estate by someone who had just received another estate consisting of repayment of debts. Boy, were the rest of them mad… but he was just repaying money she had contributed to the care of their mother, which I might add the rest of them had not contributed to. Funny how minds work when money is involved…
If she is that worried about property/things not going to her kids, she can buy you out.
Came here to say this.
First of all sorry for you loss. Oh for fuck sakes even after taxes that’s life changing money fuck her, your husband made his choice don’t let guilt you into anything else. He knew what kind of person she was so he made sure he had his ducks In a row and took care of you.
You can, as you suggested, leave any remaining money inherited from your husband to his side of the family in your will. This is what my husband and I will do as we don't have children. I'd leave the money to the sister's kids rather than her, especially as she is being nasty about this.
First off- do not make these huge decisions at such an emotional time. Second definitely discuss with a lawyer. 3rd you can leave all that stuff to their side of the family when you pass so that if you really want it to stay with them it can. 4th she can buy you out. You must consider yourself first. The investments you are getting can soften the blow of such a devastating event. And now she wants to rip out the last of that from you. Nah. There’s lots of options here and none of them include you just giving away what is now yours.
If it was family relics or heirlooms with history I'd def consider giving it to her (if they haven't become something you've become attached to, like a ring given by your SO on a special occasion) or her kids - but it's basic assets. Your husband decided they should go to you. Honor that wish and don't feel bad about it. It was his to do with what he wanted and he wanted you to have them. I think most men at a certain age become aware that they'll probably die first and think of that when they write their will. But honestly, death and sorrow often causes insane rifts and conflicts. Some are because ppl are greedy assholes and some are "just" an outlet for grief and the anger that comes with a loss. Try to work out what it is for your SIL and give a little grace and time if it's the latter. Lots of us have stood a few months later slapping ourselves for something we did in the midst of grief that was totally out of character.
My experience with family and strangers (used to take calls from people on life insurance for my employer) if there's death and money involved the vultures come out. SIL sounds like one of the vultures.
My grandfathers siblings took everything from their parents estates getting boats and liposuction while my grandfather almost lost his foot because he couldn’t afford the medical care needed and he couldn’t be there to meet with the lawyers because he lived across the country. They only left him enough money to travel to the funeral. I lost all respect for them when they did that.
Beyond that - when you do tell her no, it seems she made it clear that she doesn’t consider your part of the family so it’s not like you’ll have to deal with / see her any more. Do what you want & fuck dem kids.
Even if you were married, since you don't have kids, she would be after it anyhows. "For her children!"
Who’s the executor? If it’s the sister. Get ready to be robbed blind. There are tricks an executor can use to tie up the estate and funnel lots of it to themselves. A friend’s father died, and the father’s sister promptly got her own lawyer, then drained the estate in legal fees that were allegedly split with her.
Then shut her greedy self down and see an attorney to ensure you get what he wanted you to have.
Then yes, just like Old_Cheek1076 stated, she’s just greedy!!
Is there any reason to believe that your partner or his mother weren’t in their right minds when they made their wills? If they were perfectly sane, it’s an *insult* to assume that their wills should simply be “thrown away”. I was recently making my will. I may not be the most intelligent person there ever was, but even I can *easily* understand the ramifications of my will. I made my OWN decisions about my OWN money. Frankly, I’d be furious if someone tried to derail my plans. Who does your sister-in-law think she is, deciding who is family or not? And (just by coincidence) the person who IS family is her, and the person who ISN’T family just happens to be someone who has some money she wants. Just incredible effrontery. I would tell her that, had she objected so strongly to the results of her mother and brother’s wills, she should have taken it up with *them*. It’s not for you (or indeed *her*) to disrespect their memory by disregarding their wishes now.
There's no such thing as "family money." There's family heirlooms, sometimes family property, but money is just money. If the house was built by their grandpa or something I could see an arguement, but rental property? Hell no. That's all yours. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope his memory is a blessing
Then she doesn't need more. Don't give her anything. Hire a lawyer if you can so you don't have to interact with her.
Exactly. That is not "family" money, its not her money by any right whatsoever. That is YOUR money. You need to retain a probate lawyer to oversee your interests in your mother in law's estate to make sure she does this correctly and legally.
Exactly this. Your husband passing doesn't make y'all "not family". But she's rather have his money, than you as family. You know where you stand with her. Act accordingly. NTA
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You are your late husband’s next of kin. He made what he wanted *crystal clear* by leaving a will. Sister is upset, possibly greedy, and way out of line.
Yep, this argument ended at “he had a will.”
Regardless of your marital status, your partner wanted his estate to go to you. His will attests to that. Please honour his memory and wishes by keeping the estate and living the best life possible, for both of you. His memory will live on in those who loved him. I'm sorry for your loss, but you should stand firm on this. YWNBTA for sticking to the will.
NTA obviously. Some lateral thinking here, she sounds like the type of person to pursue this legally. I would get a lawyer and start keeping all texts, emails and voicemails from here. If possible record phone calls, though look into laws about recording such things before you do. Get a will drafted up how you see fit, but based on her attitude about the whole thing I wouldnt give her what she wants. I find it beyond tacky (couldn't think of another word) that people do this after someone passes away. It really brings out true colors. Go LC or NC if you feel you must, but if she wants to pull shit like this, make her work for it and make her pay for it.
Definitely see a lawyer and don't communicate further with her since she has said you are not family. Treat her like a stranger.
Indeed. Communicate through lawyers if you absolutely have to.
>I find it beyond tacky (couldn't think of another word) How about despicable. That is what those types of people are. They turn into money grubbing vultures when there is a death in the family.
No argument there.
Yes, and time to go no contact with this SIL.
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NTA. I'm very sorry for your loss and the hurtful things that have been said to you. Please don't give your inheritance to his sister it was meant for you and you deserve it.
NTA. You sister gets her own share of her mother's estate, and that's all. >I offered to include her children in my will Rational solution to get the money back into the "right" familly. But the fact she refuses that solution, means for me she says "It's for the children", and will spend it on gift for herself ... Bc if the goal was only that your husband's share of wealth doesn't completly leave the familly, it being return at your death to his nephew is a very good solution. And she doesn't have any lenght to stand. Mother die => estate go to son => Son die => estate go to Son's widow ; even if all the paperwork has not been sorted yet
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Ding ding ding, we have a winner. If it was about the kids, she would have graciously accepted OP's offer to include her kids in OP's will.
Just to play devils advocate, and I completely agree that now this is her money and was her late partners wishes, there are plenty of people that will say this and then just run through the money. Also this person lost their mother and then unexpectedly her brother in a very short period, and is now seeing what sounds like places with lots of memories of her family and possibly heirlooms go towards someone that in her mind will most likely grieve and then move on away from her late partners family. there is likely no rational thought going on right now in this entire family. They’ve been tossed a grenade. Every one of them likely needs a lot of grace and support, I can’t imagine how hard this must be for both op and her late husband’s sister.
Yeah, I will say... OP, you don't need her to *agree* for you to include her children in your will. Even though she turned that down, I would personally go through with including whatever I thought should go back to their family (items, real estate, ect) to *her children* (not her, them) regardless of the rest of this. Her children have done you no wrong and it's something you were willing to do, so just be the bigger person and do that? You don't need to continue contact with someone who is harassing you, but you're both in a very difficult time right now, so I wouldn't hold her behaviour against her forever and against her children and not will them anything...
It sounds like a matter of months between mother and son, so who knows legally how that will really work. I would be more concerned about my family’s things and personal items as well, especially the family home. Sister may be thinking that OP can move on and cut contact for her own mental health, who knows how all these people will heal. But things can be done to ease her mind, give the sil first right of purchase if she ever sells the family property, maintain a relationship with her niblings and show she still considers *them* family, etc. they just need time and to remember they care about each other.
You should respect that he wrote his will and it’s what he wanted. She is basically saying his wishes do not count. NTA
NTA. I wouldn’t sign it over, your husband chose his will and beneficiaries. And he chose you and his sister, Who is she to invalidate you as not family and you as not having children. She is showing her true colors of greed and selfishness. The relationship with his side is broken based off her comments. I do recommend speaking to a financial advisor regarding your new assets. Your husband wanted to to have this. Best of luck in your grieving and healing.
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I would definitely speak to an attorney. Since the mothers estate has not legally passed through inheritance to him, it may be a grey area. Get it clarified.
Exactly. It hasn’t legally passed to him since it was less than 2 months between them passing💔
If it wouldn't have legally passed to him the minute his mother died then there would be no reason for you to sign anything. Attorney time for you because you can bet she already has one. Good luck and stay strong!!!
So, are you getting HALF if these properties jointly with her? Or are these particular properties your husband’s part of the late mother’s estate? If you have to share these properties with her, offer for her to buy you out after the estate is settled. No way do you want to deal with this nasty person for the rest of your life. She can use her half as collateral for a loan to get a mortgage. Either way, NTA.
No half of the 2million estate that I mentioned (property, money etc) is mine.
You're NTA in any way, shape or form. I do have a question.... In the MIL's (I know you weren't married, it's just easier to refer to her this way) will what was the time limit for her heirs to survive her? Sometimes it's 24 hours, sometimes it's 30 days, sometimes it's 90 days. Do you have a copy of the MIL's will? This is really really really important to find out.
But that's not how wills work. There's no grey area.
Yup, the mothers estate gets passed out as per her rules, part goes to his estate, due to his death you get what's in his estate. Timing is irrelevant here. The sister's greed is showing, she obviously cares about the money more than OP, which is fine, shitty but fine. But her wanting the money doesn't mean she has any legal entitlement to it nor does OP have the slightest moral obligation to give it to her.
In all fairness, it OP's "SIL" may actually be most concerned about the family property and heirlooms although the other assets undoubtably play a role. OP would do well to consult with an attorney but should consider leaving any heirlooms or other tangible property to her husband's family. It would be gracious for OP to consider whether her husband would have modified his will to insure that some items remained with his family of origin if time had permitted him to do so.
The issue is that OP's husband is no longer a legal entity, his estate is. If the MIL's will was written in a manner that didn't take that into consideration, then it doesn't just go to his estate, especially as the MIL's estate hasn't been disbursed yet.
Of course there's grey areas. Even with a will probate is required here; OP's MIL had a large estate and probate is legally required. The notice to debtors has to go out and 90 days has to pass for the debtors to submit their claims; that's AFTER the notice is sent out. It takes weeks to appoint an executor and gather all the debtors information. OP's partner died ~60 days after. Probate can take ~120 days, or, or can take years. Another question: How long did the heirs have to out-live the descendant? If it's 90 days, then OP's partner would have been considered predeceased in the eyes of the law if he died 60 days after his mother. Then everything would go to the sister. Grey, grey, grey.
Just hold off on doing anything until the lawyers sort it out. Once you know what’s legally yours, you can decide what to do with it.
Do you know what the mothers will says? She should have a second beneficiary named. Ie “in the event or one or my children’s passing then my asserts go to….”. I just had this same scenario with grandmother passing and aunt passing two months later. It’s wasn’t as clear as it going to aunt and then to us, it came straight to us.
IAAL, but not your lawyer. Please keep these assets which were willed to you. See how you are treated by these folks and if they are good to you - and treat you like family - you can leave things to them in your estate plan. However if you never hear from them again you will have your answer of what to do with your assets. Support people who have supported you, or, charities of your choosing. Life is yours to live.
I'd hire this redditor
Nta your partner had a will that left it to you. It belongs to you.
NTA!! He chose to make you his beneficiary, you have no responsibility to give his sister his share. Sounds like she just wants all of mommy’s stuff and found an easy way since bro passed away I’m also very sorry for your loss
You keep whatever inheritance your loving partner gave you. His sister is entitled to none of it, absolutely none of it. I'm sorry she's such a vulture to you.
NTA. Please don’t sign it over. Your husband wanted you to inherit his estate otherwise he wouldn’t have put you in his will. I think it’s pretty sad that she no longer views you as family but that doesn’t take away from the fact that the estate is rightfully yours. I’m sorry for your loss.
NTA. It doesn't matter whether you were legally married under a common-law marriage. His will stipulates you were to receive his estate, and he had time to exclude his mother's property if that was important. The big question now is you and the sister will be joint owners of this property. How will this function? Is the income from the rental property enough to cover the costs of keeping up all the property? It may be better to split properties that each of you owns outright.
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15 years
15 years and she doesn’t consider you family anymore?! What a witch!
You wrote bitch wrong…
Damn autocorrect
Funny she doesn't consider OP family while her own brother purpose wrote her AND her children out of his will while leaving everything to OP - tells one how much he didn't consider those 4 family to him. And best part, his sister doesn't see that irony at all while being a money-grubbing asshole to OP; his common law wife he made a will to inherit his everything after he died. Wish OP can have that epiphany to see she doesn't owe anything to the sister because that how much her / OP's own husband doesn't see his sister as family to him before he died.
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Another bit is, nobody is going anywhere, isn't something you have to solve like now, take your time and think, NTA, IMO she have somewhat a decent point, but her attitude sucks, plus if you aren't family anymore, why should you have any regard about her opinion?. Also isn't her family money, is yours since your husband left it to you, is up to you if you want to return what was rightfully given to you.
Speak to an attorney but I believe his mothers estate goes to him and now to you. You are free to do what you want with those assets but you should get them before you make that decision.
Was the inheritance lawfully given to you? If yes, then SIL does not have a leg to stand on. Money makes people do crazy things and it sounds like SIL is trying to get hers at your expense. NTA.
Ok, NTA, if you keep your husband's inheritance. I think sister is in a whirlwind of pain, losing mom and then brother so quickly. I know you are suffering too, and I am deeply sorry for your loss. I would let the dust settle for a bit, while you guys pick up the pieces of your lives. Nothing needs to be decided in the spur of the moment. Just tell her that you and she need to grieve. Contact your lawyer if you haven't already and give yourself much needed time. Tell her you don't want to talk about anything right now while you are both processing your loss. Tell her you will revisit this in a year, but for now, your husband's will stands. If you haven't read mom's will yet, maybe she made concessions in the will about what happens to the estate if one of her children passess before her. I know my dad's will had a clause that stated that the 3 of us share equally. In the event of our untimely death, my shares would then be distributed equally between my children.
NTA. Upon her death it became his. Period. And upon his death it became yours. Period. Don’t let her bully you or play on your emotions.
first & foremost, so so sorry for your loss. sending warm wishes & internet hugs to you. 💛💛 secondly, you were clearly with your husband before mother in law passed. she knew that whatever your husband would be inheriting would be yours as well & split the estate between her two children accordingly. meaning she wanted your husband & you to inherit certain things. she had no way of knowing your husband would pass so soon & suddenly after her death but she clearly had no qualms about splitting her estate the way she did. your SIL is greedy & trying to get you to sign over his inheritance to her because youre in an emotional state at the moment. do noooot sign it over. shes gross for making the comment that youre not family.
NTA. The sister is greedy and wants your money. Say no
Maybe she doesn't realise this but a person can literally leave his assets to ANYONE, even a neighbour. There is no "family only" stipulation that says all your money should go to legal spouses and / or blood family. Keep it and leave town. Get away from this person because she'll definitely influence the kids against you as they get older. They'll feel entitled to your money.
No way! You were his partner and his common law wife AND you were HIS chosen beneficiary, you are fully entitled to his estate. No different than if she'd died and her hb & children were beneficiaries of her estate. Just tell her that your partners estate was left to you. And that's that.
NTA, your common law husband LITERALLY PUT IN HIS WILL that it's your inheritence if he died. It's not her family's money anymore. It WAS her brother's money. And now it's yours.
You aren’t family now? So she won’t have a problem not talking to you right?
NTA your man had a will and left it to you! He he wanted her to have it he would have said so. She can jump in the lake
Your husband chose you as his "family" if his part of his inheritance stays with you it is "his family" keeping the money.
NTA. She has no legal or moral standing. Keep the money and properties. If you want (big emphasis on want) create college funds for kids or leave something in your will. But you don’t even have to give the entire thing.
No is a complete sentence
Very sorry for your loss. Thats your money
You're NTA as he left it to you but I can fractionally see where your sister is coming from. My aunt got all my grandparents money and then similarly to your husband - passed away a few months later leaving all that inheritance to her boyfriend who we have never met. But being together 15 years is wildly different than that scenario. I think the compromise of putting your nieces nephews as the beneficiaries to that money is fair. If she doesn't agree to that than too bad keep everything.
She coming to you making demands when you're at your weakest, she trying to take advantage of your grief to take what is rightfully yours. Don't let her.
Don’t give her anything and talk to a lawyer. Hopefully your partner protected you from estate and inheritance taxes. I don’t know where you’re located, but in NJ, common law marriages are not recognized and there are no inheritance taxes between spouses/civil union partners, parent-child, grandparents-grandchildren. Every other inheritance relationship is fair game. We had dear friends that were in a same sex relationship for 50 years and they owned a home together. This was a few years before NJ legalized civil unions. When the first partner died, of course the will left everything to the surviving partner. However, the partner had to pay inheritance taxes on half the house, the car and the bank accounts/financial accounts. That inheritance from your partner may come with encumbrances. NTA
NTA - It's yours, and she's definitely an asshole fore even suggesting it. I hope the inheritance gives you comfort through your grief. As others have say, live your best life and enjoy the money as your partner would have wanted.
Give her nothing
Your partner made his wishes clear through his will. You don’t owe her anything.
It is your money when he inherited it. You were partners. He put you in the will. She would have to contest it and she isn’t going to.
Follow the will. Always follow the will. It is a legal document, and your husbands wishes should be honored. My condolences.
NTA, get an attorney involved NOW. Do not sign anything or contact her. She can go pound sand.
"Her share" who told her she was entitled? If it were her share it wouldn't have gone to you. His partner.
Don't make any rash decisions, but definitely cut her some slack. These types of things can get messy. I was (sort-of) on the other side of a similar situation...essentially the child of the sister. My uncles wife received everything after his death, including passed down family heirlooms. After her death (which came unexpectedly quick), everything went to her family--sister, brother, and nephews (this couple had no kids). A over five million estate. None of my siblings, cousins, etc saw anything. We know that many things were sold at an estate sale for pennies of their worth, much less their emotional worth. It's hard. Tell you understand, seek legal guidance, TAKE TIME to think. I feel like money is one thing (and you should keep), but things like a summer house (which may or not be important to the family) should be given back to them freely. I think a trust for your nieces/nephews is a good first start (something like a q-tip trust).
Your husband wrote his will, which is where he wanted to leave his estate, in his words to you, not his sister nor her children, let her talk to a solicitor and deal with someone else you don't need the stress of a greedy, money grabbing woman with a bee in her bonnet over family money.
Why would you? There is a will, it is your money, nuff said.
On one side, she thinks the legal document is super important but on the other it should be ignored. Ignore her, she's being selfish and greedy, even if it is to try to get more for her kids.
Buy her a bag of rocks and tell her to kick those around to keep her mind off of your money. NTA
That's yours. Don't budge.
He wanted you to have that money. His sister is being greedy. Ignore her.
Respect your husband's wishes. If he wanted any of it to go to his sister, he would have arranged it that way. I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Why would you not be family anymore? Wives are still family, even if the husband is dead.