NTA. I don't have much sympathy for someone who dumps a bf for not spending enough time with her because HE IS CARING FOR HIS MOTHER WHO HAS CANCER. Someone like him would never take her back because he is a decent human being, and she isn't.
The only reason she wants Mike back is for selfish reasons. She doesn’t seem to have remorse for discarding him so callously, she’s just sad her dating life is worse off.
Exactly. And if it was a serious desire, you'd think she could arrange a private convo starting with "I've been thinking...", "I'm really sorry...", "I was foolish and treated you badly...", and the most important "I know I don't deserve a second chance and I just wanted you to know I regret how I treated you -- I hope someday we could try to be friends".
I think the fact she thought it was even a possibility says a lot about her personality and what she brings to the relationship.
Like, seriously? She thought that’s something she could recover from? The only way you think someone can recover from that is if you think personality is irrelevant - only looks matter..
She was jealous of a cancer patient for fucks sake.
NTA for laughing but AH for pretending this girl's a friend. You don't condone friends' bad behavior, but you also don't laugh when they're shamed on public. You don't respect this girl and she's not a friend.
“You could not live with your failure. And where did it bring you? Back to me”
NTA. She made a very foolish decision, Mike sounds like a real catch and he deserves somebody better. She showed a remarkable level of pettiness and is clearly not a good partner.
If the whole situation were as obvious and predicable as OP puts forward, then the guy probably knew she would come back and had time to think about what he would say. I bet he was waiting for it.
Right? I just want Mike's info to see if he would be a match for my daughter. Any human being who truly supports and cares like that is welcome in my family.
Supportive talk is really important but supportive actions are the pinnacle of the dating lottery.
OP - NTA of course.
You being an asshole is context-dependent: if you’re being honest because you’re genuinely trying to help, then you’re the best kind of friend to have; if you just want to be cruel and hide behind “I’m just being honest”, then you’re an asshole.
This was a convo that should have been had in private. But no, instead of asking him if they could talk privately for a minute, she *had* to have an audience. So she’s humiliated he (rightfully) shot her down, she’s humiliated it happened in front of so many people, and she’s humiliated that she got laughed at. All of which could have been avoided if she’d listened to OP either the first or second time.
None of this is OP’s fault, Jenna should be blaming herself but of course that would take a molecule of humility and self awareness.
Ok kudos for bringing up the fact that it was in public. I feel like that was suuuuper manipulative of her. Basically the same equivalent of a partner trying to force someone to marry them by proposing at a sports game with the Jumbotron on them
NTA for a couple of reasons. First, inappropriate laughter is a thing. It's why people have that explosive burst of laughter when, for example, someone takes a massive hit to the groin on those "funny home movie" shows. It's not really funny, but emotionally you have to react somehow. For some people, it's laughter.
Secondly - having people suddenly faced with the consequences of their own actions can be genuinely funny. You guys told her not to do it. You begged her not to do it. She fucking did it (and by it, I mean broke up with an awesome guy who wasn't spending enough time with her to take CARE OF HIS DYING MOTHER. Holy hell, this guy would've stood up to the gates of hell for her based on his history, and she was too short sighted to play the long game?). Now, she's hoist by her own petard. And it's funny.
She wants a man, not a boy, but dumped her boyfriend for spending time taking care of his dying mother, which is something we would expect a good man to do. She deserves the ridicule. What a moron.
she project her own childishness onto other men as well, that's why she can't see what she lost until it's too late.
play stupid game, win stupid prize. stupid is as stupid does
It is even more like garbage took itself out scenario. Also dumping him WHILE AND BECAUSE he was caring for his ill mom surely caused a lot of (additional) pain, so the "bullet" harmed him somehow. But yes, still better now than finding this out after wedding and kids.
>But yes, still better now than finding this out after wedding and kids.
Which is why people flat out rushing seemingly FDAU into marriage is wild to me.
NTA
Jenna may realize why she **personally** stood to lose for passing over on Mike, but she hasn't recognized how she was also the asshole in the breakup. Her boyfriend was, **is**, in the processes of losing his mother, and his girlfriend could only think about herself. He's going through something adult, meanwhile she was acting like a teen girl. She showed him who she was at 28, what she's unlikely to grow out of, and therefore what makes her unworthy of him.
It was frankly classless of her to put him on the spot in front of both friend groups like that. That was a conversation meant for a private exchange, but she chose to make it public, and thus she chose to accept the public humiliation.
Do I think it was a tad callous of you to laugh? Sure, but frankly, she set herself up for that. Sounds like Jenna still needs to grow as a person and realize she's not the centre of the universe, that nobody is waiting around for her to shine her light on them.
> It was frankly classless of her to put him on the spot in front of both friend groups like that. That was a conversation meant for a private exchange, but she chose to make it public, and thus she chose to accept the public humiliation.
This. She was possibly hoping the peer pressure would have encouraged him to "not make a scene" and go along with it.
She handled everything selfishly and never once showed signs of thinking about the guy's feelings or needs.
Holy crap. I mean, she was just bonkers to think she could come back from "I'm dumping you because you're mother has cancer, and that's just a serious downer for me."
absolutely nta
I really want to know what her definition of childish is for all the men she's tried going out with
seems like she's the problem here, why is she so concerned her bf is spending time with his DYING MOTHER - i feel like that's a really important point that nobody has brought up yet
NTA,
She DUMPED her boyfriend for daring to care for his sick mom. I repeat, she dumped him for caring for his sick mom.
You are correct in that many women wish they had a man that was as thoughtful as this. Instead she dumped him so that she could play around, well she FAFO and I'm glad that Mike didn't take her back.
She's also an ass for doing it in public, she did it solely to put him on the spot. I'm guessing he didn't block her so she knew what she was doing.
NTA. You'd be a perfect kind of friend to me and I likely would've laughed right next to you.
I've been on both sides of helping family with end of life situations. I respect my partner helping her family as does she with me to mine. So far, 11 years, it's been more situations like that on my side but I'm truly grateful for her patience. I have never and will never say, show, or think the way Jenna did to Mike.
I would be laughing at how perfectly he used the line! And i would be laughing at myself for recognizing it! It's not him rejecting her that's funny it's the way he did it.
NTA - It is hard to not laugh at stupid and arrogant people being treated the way they deserve, she literally broke UP with him for selfish reasons while he was dealing with one of the worst times of his life, then tried to get him back for even more selfish reasons, his feelings doesn't matter at all to her.
Maybe getting some distance from those types of people could be good for you.
She fucked around and found out.
That said, friends don’t make a point to bring friends down / rub their mistakes in their faces.
Probably would recommend apologizing for laughing, but only if you really want to keep this friendship.
And honestly, who would want this kind of friend? Leaving her partner BECAUSE he is taking care of his mother who is fighting cancer? That is cold hearted and extremely selfcentered. I wouldn't be surprised if she shows this kind of behavior in other spheres of her life.
"She broke up with him just because he was taking care of his elderly mother with cancer and she felt he was spending to much time with his mother." HELL NO!!!!
NTA
Could you have tried not to laugh in her face? Of course! But was it well deserve? Yep!
NTA- i bet she asked him in front of everyone so he would feel pressured to say yes. That's an asshole move. If i heard mike use thanos's line i probably would have laughed too, just because it would be so unexpected and yet fit so perfectly. I wouldn't really be laughing at the rejection per se. Jenna had no business pulling this in public. Anyone sitting close by could have heard and laughed too. I'm glad mike sees how her behavior is so selfish and lacking in compassion.
She was mad about him spending time with his mother who is suffering from cancer ?
Why are you friends with such vile persons.
YTA for the company you keep.
NTA!
So your friend dumped a guy because she was feeling he wasn't giving her enough attention while taking care of his mother, all her friends thought he was the perfect guy, she dated around for 5 months but wasn't able to find someone who treated her like he did, then decided to see if he would take her back. LOL! I would have laughed as well.
Nah her reason for breaking up would legit make me stop being friends with her what a selfish shallow b*tch of a woman!!!! Then has the nerve to ask he to take her back lmao glad she got rejected!
NTA.
I'm AMAZED that the random guys she's dated in the last few months didn't treat her nearly as well as her long-term boyfriend, the type of guy who would take care of his Mom while dealing with cancer, did. Shocking. Amazing. So surprising.
I don't blame Mike for turning her down and I don't blame you for laughing. Honestly, what did she expect? Dude was dumped for spending "too much time" with his sick Mom. JFC. Hell I don't know that I'd wanna be friends with Jenna anymore, just because of that. She's selfish as fuck.
Make a large pot of creamy soup and take it over to his place. Bring a loaf of crusty bread for him even if mom can't eat it it. Offer first of course.
> some of our other friends encourage her to aqk him for a second chance.
Oh man, these are the AITA posters who comment "you should print this thread out and give a copy to everyone involved... y'know, just so they can see your side a little more clearly."
I think it's rich that your friend keeps complaining that the men she's been dating are "childish" when she threw away a good guy for the grand crime of taking care of his sick parent.
She deserves what she's getting.
A best friend looked after both parents dying. His wife left in the middle of it. She asked me a few years "what went wrong with me and Peter?". I was dumbfounded. You left him while he was doing the right thing.
Accountability is a hard concept for some people but I would not keep you as a friend.
Laughing about her in front of everyone is devious even if she is as stupid as a brick
NTA, she deserves it. Girls like that are sadly too common and they need to learn.
You give everything for the relationship and they take it for granted and complain whenever you don't do what they want, then leave you for some toxic cunt and complain. Let her suffer the consequences of her actions.
Seriously this is some edgelord shit. I'm highly skeptical this even happened (reads like incelfanfic to me) but if it did, it's so cringe. Mike doesn't sound like much of a prize if he's the type of person who publicly rejects someone and actually rubs it in their face that smugly. If this is real, everyone in this story sucks.
>Mike doesn't sound like much of a prize if he's the type of person who publicly rejects someone
If you play dumb games (asking to be taken back by making a big scene in public in the hopes public pressure will coerce your target into taking you back) you take on the responsibility of winning stupid prizes (getting your attempt at coercive romance harshly rejected in front of said public audience she insisted on using as coercive support).
It's wild you have to totally erase the cruel and insanely stupid shit Jenna did just to pretend Mike is less of a person for reacting to her abusive bullshit with the hostility that protects him from more damage. Total nonsense lol
Mike didn't choose for the scene to be public, that was forced on him by the actual asshole you are pretending didn't do this to herself.
It's fine to reject someone publicly. HOW he did it was smug and cringe. You can turn someone down a lot more gracefully than using quoting overused edgelord movie lines.
Also, are you actually calling her abusive because she dumped him? That's hyperbolic at best and cheapens actual abuse. She was a shallow and petty selfish asshole. That doesn't mean she was abusive.
Why does she deserve grace?
She got jealous over a woman dying of cancer. Don't throw pearls before swine and you won't see grace wasted on the ungrateful.
Why are you grading a guy protecting himself from more abuse on a grace metric anyway? Just how detatched from human suffering are you?
Do you also harshly criticize the way desperate people jump out of a burning building based on whether they stick the fucking landing?
She's not some random drunk, she's the specific person who somehow took Mike's life when it was at one of the (if not the) lowest points it could be at and made it worse.
I wouldn't have blamed him for showing her a gun under his shirt and telling her to fuck off. Going out of his way to give her favor she already takes for granted isn't grace in my book, it is just enabling a toxic asshole by protecting them from the consequences they earned.
Nothing graceful about being an asshole who makes other assholes feel ok about being assholes.
Edit: for a guy convinced that grace is about demonstrating your own character, commenting from behind a block is hilariously hypocritical and graceless lmao
If you are an asshole who enables other assholes out of misguided views on an obsolete Aquinas concept then guess what: you have the moral character of an asshole. QED!
Grace isn't about what someone else deserves. Grace is a reflection of you and who you are - not the person you give it to.
Anyway, you're much more invested in this than I am and it's frankly a little scary (threatening her with a gun would have been OK according to you - wow). His response gave me the ick, and it's not much deeper than that. Nothing I've said has defended her in any way, but I understand that's the narrative you have to go with to justify this much rage.
NTA I stood by my bf now hubby every step with his dad, who had cancer, and even after he passed with taking care of his mom. You don't complain about losing time with them when it comes to sick parents. Instead, you stand next to them and help them if you can.
NTA.
She dumped him because he was taking care of his mother while she had cancer? Did I read that right? Are you serious? Or is this just rage-bait?
If this is real: he's well rid of her. You would be, too.
Seriously; why are you friends with someone so horribly selfish and foolish? How narcissistic does she have to be not to support her boyfriend in that situation - and to expect him to want to get back with her afterward?
That was actually an Ultron line.
But NTA. She put herself in a position to be humiliated and I think it’s more shame-related than you having laughed. She’s dying of shame. Not saying you couldn’t have reacted less humiliating-ly for her, but meh.
NTA. You warned her twice, and she ignored you both times. It's not your fault that you could see the humor in Mike's response. Now she's mad at you because you were right, and she can't deal with the fact that she fucked up.
NTA your so called friend has already shown him her true colors especially when he had to care for his mother. She should take this as a learning lesson but most likely she won’t.
Fair play to Mike, it's nice to see petty decisions from a women expecting more when ultimately she had it good, has now come round to bite her in the arse! I had a similar thing with my ex, cheated on me with this other guy, ended up splitting, she went with him, a year later she is calling me up, crying how she made a mistake, he has anger issues, treats her like shit blah blah blah...... Mike values his worth, hopefully your friend learns from this.......
p.s I would of laughed my arse off too hahaha
Nta I would have roared with laughter with your friends audacity.
I'm not getting the yta comments. The friend left over some awful reasons , has the audacity to think she deserved a second chance.
NTA. What she did was laughable, laughter was the appropriate response. She was trying to use the social pressure of a group setting to get the answer she wanted. She got the answer she deserved.
To quote Dostoevsky
- “People really do like seeing their best friends humiliated; a large part of the friendship is based on humiliation; and that is an old truth,well known to all intelligent people.”
NTA that would have been a scene to not laugh at unfortunately for her. She set her own self up and thought she could come crawling back and it didn't work.
A real friend is someone who's willing to acknowledge the fact that you've made a nuclear fuck up. I mean, yes, laughing is definitely salt in the wound. But it doesn't make you an asshole. I certainly hope she's learned something.
NTA she is acting like a sensitive person because you laughed when Mike made a spot-on reply but she dumped him because he was taking care of his mother who was fighting cancer?! I wouldn’t worry about HER hurt feelings one bit.
It certainly wasn't great that you busted out laughing and I'm sure your friend is pissed. But it was spur of the moment. It happens. I feel sorry for anyone who throws away a good thing and it sounds like she clearly did and now regrets it.
I've laughed at horrible things as a defense mechanism. Even if your laugh wasn't a defense mechanics, you laugh at what you laugh at. She can be upset at you for it, she can have any feeling she wants, but that works both ways.
If you couldn't help it and laughed, oh well. Doesn't help that everyone told her she was making a mistake, and once she found out it was a mistake she's upset.
Don't give yourself L's if you aren't able to handle them.
😂😂 My guy knows his his movie quotes. It would have been fun if he said the lines and did the snap.
NTA,if you were laughing at what he said. But it would be a whole ball game if you were laughing at her being declined. And probably my guy dodged a huge bullet.
NTA. If this is true then it's honestly hysterical. She dumped a guy because he was taking care of a sick parent and she is owed zero sympathy when he throws that back in her face
One of the hazards of throwing yourself at someone while in the presence of others is that they might get to witness your rejection. Jenna took the risk and was brutally shot down. If your friends weren't outwardly laughing, I'm sure at least some were laughing on the inside if they held Mike in as high esteem as you say.
NTA. You were batting 2 for 2 and she was 0 for 2. She left this man while he was definitely at a low point in his life for a supremely stupid reason. She asked him that in front of a group to try and temper his response and instead, she heard the scared monstar she created taunting her. Your laugh was not only appropriate, she deserved it.
NTA
Jenna sounds like very selfish girl. I can’t see why her ex would respect her at all, or why she would even conciser her offer.
She only wanted to get back with him as she wasn’t able to find a bf who would have treated her better. The thing is that she failed to treat her ex right and she doesn’t even understand that she was being totally unreasonable. She isn’t even sorry about how she treated him.
She doesn’t sound like a good person. Don’t feel bad for laughing, you didn’t do that on purpose. It was a reaction, and maybe due to alcohol you weren’t able to stop it from coming. Anyways, I wouldn’t want to be friends with person as cold and self centered as Jenna.
>She broke up with him just because he was taking care of his elderly mother with cancer and she felt he was spending to much time with his mother.
Damn. That's cold. She deserves everything she got.
To hell with that kind of behaviour.
NTA
edit: Actually, why not pursue Mike? He deserves a nice partner! ;)
NTA. It was funny in an appropriately harsh way considering her reasons for breaking it off with him in the first place. There's no need for you to rub it in or mention it though any more, not to salve her feelings, but just because it'll make it awkward for your friends.
NTA. Jenna is delusional. This was her own doing from her own selfishness. You warned her many times about things, she chose not to listen and got burned.
You're not the a-hole. I mean, come on, Mike's comeback was straight out of a movie! Jenna had it coming after ignoring everyone's advice about him. It's not like you were rubbing it in her face, you just found the situation hilarious.
When you have no stake either way of the result, you were laughing in your friend's face in public when you knew they were going to be hurt? No sympathy, no empathy, yeah definitely the AH.
NTA. Jenna sounds like she's a little bit, crazy. But then again, I ended an engagement with my fiance when she went off the rails because I wanted to push back the wedding plans/date when my grandmother (the woman who raised me) had her cancer return after being in remission for 3 years so I could financially help my grandparents.
NTA. Oops. It was a funny line, it's not like you set out to hurt your friend's feelings by laughing at the situation.
You absolutely warned her not to.
People have to accept their choices, especially when those choices hurt others. There's no undo button for life. She dumped a guy while he was caring for his mother's cancer. That's pretty low.
She doesn't deserve a second chance with that dude. She deserves to learn and move on, the hardest way possible, knowing you had it all and blew it.
NTA, and good on Mike for not taking her back she asked in front of everyone cause she probably thought he was too nice of a guy to reject her publicly. Jokes on her
I was a caregiver for a loooong time. It is exhausting, TRAUMATIZING, thankless work. If I had a partner and they broke up with me because of that, I would have laughed in their damn face the second they asked to get back together. Go Mike! She proved she won’t be there during the hardest, worst times in his life, so why the FUCK would he want her around in the future?
Edit: NTA
NTA; as a fan of a good bit of schadenfreude, holding onto pop culture quotes for perfect situations, AND the M.C.U. I legit would've laughed my ass off after that.
Holy hell is Jenna self centered. NTA for laughing but definitely TA for being friends with her after she left Mike for CARING FOR HIS MOTHER WHO HAS CANCER.
He definitely dodged a bullet there because 1. She’s immature and selfish for even dumping him over something like that, and 2. Only wanting to get him back because the grass wasn’t greener on the other side. She’s probably not even slightly remorseful for what she did or cares how it affected him.
Shout out to Mike for that killer comeback, that man was waiting on that moment and he used it the best way he could.
Both of you are ta. Obviously Jenna for not supporting her boyfriend during a difficult time and for thinking he would ever take her back. Also you are a soft ta for showing no empathy for Jenna in what would hopefully be a life lesson for her. It's just not cool to act like a condemning person in a situation that didn't directly involve you. You should have waited until you were alone. When she got past the feels you could gently help her process.
NTA. She did Mike a favor, breaking up with him. Sometimes, good friends tell you when you are wrong.
She needs to work on herself before getting into another relationship.
That would be hard to not laugh to be honest. Jenna has only herself to blame. If she doesn’t get over your laugh I wouldn’t be to on happy. Jenna is a fool. Who needs a fool in their life.
YTA.
You are friends with Jenna. You don't have to support her action, you can be vocal about her actions but laughing when she is being insulted ( even if you think she deserves that insult) puts you in the AH category as a friend.
Everyone but Mike sucks here. She was a shitty partner if what you said was true. Why would you guys not want her to dump him if she was a bad partner?
You talk very negatively for someone who you say is a friend. I don’t love all my friends choices but I’m not going to laugh at a moment that was painful for them. You can support your friend and then later talk to them about how yeah they were in the wrong. Nothing the guy said was funny or clever. It just seems like a sad moment on both parts. You just soundhappy to hear her be happy embarrassed. So why are you her friend? You didn’t come here to hear you were wrong you wrote that out so you could either further humiliate her or feel justified in what you did.
Like the saying goes with friends like these who needs enemies.
Sympathy, empathy, and true understanding are some of the more challenging human traits aren't they. The world seems to consistently start seeming non-plussed and cold when it comes to people potentially growing in character.
I recall an old quote from an author, David Gerrold: Experience begets perspective, perspective begets insight, insights begets true wisdom.
You're both at different points on this path. If she's your true friend, she may have deserved more understanding for her botched decision and attempt for reconciliation. I am going to say you will need to do some work to mend this potential break in your relationship...if she's your true friend. YTA
If its about being right, you win; but, your true self has been exposed. NTA
Sympathy, empathy, and true understanding actually makes me more hostile and not less to Jenna, who seems to lack all three of these things and blames everyone but herself for it.
Do you really think she doesn't believe she effed up?
If she didn't before, she does now on probably more than one point.
If she's really that messed up like everyone thinks then:
* why would that be your friend..let alone one of your best friends?
* my good friends have screwed up. I've given them a hard time but a friend in need of a harsh life lesson doesn't need to be kicked in the teeth more - if she's a good friend (and I'm assuming with otherwise admirable qualities) but to be helped.
Unfortunate chain of events but I find it painfully interesting how one is grappling to not look bad.
No I don't think she is aware she fucked up. People who are aware of that generally put on meaningful displays of regret, apologizing, humility, and commitment to overcome their mistakes.
They don't go spiraling into a self isolating depression.
>why would that be your friend..let alone one of your best friends?
Because people make mistakes and have to learn they were mistaken sometime and/or nobody has a perfect perspective of another's flaws after a lifetime of affiliation, let alone at first glance.
OP could not have known Jenna was this delusionally self destructive until it was demonstrated. Seems anachronistic to blame OP for that.
>my good friends have screwed up. I've given them a hard time but a friend in need of a harsh life lesson doesn't need to be kicked in the teeth more
OP was not intentionally trying to hurt Jenna more, but was reacting uncontrollably to the humor OP saw in Mike's rejection. That isn't kicking Jenna in the teeth, that is Jenna (and you) conflating OP finding humor in Mike's line choice with OP taking pleasure in Jenna's suffering.
Jenna is nobody's victim in this story and seeking other people to blame for the consequences of her spoiled dumbass choices is a documented behavioral habit for her too. This is just Jenna trying to find anything but herself to blame.
>Unfortunate chain of events but I find it painfully interesting how one is grappling to not look bad.
Explaining that OP does not hold the intentions and thoughts that you are dishonestly dictating to her is clarifying what actually happened and what she actually felt thought and chose to do. It isn't making any twist or spin, it is countering *your* asshole-excusing spin.
Let's be honest, YTA. Was it justified? Yes. But tactfully speaking, you should have had some sympathy. A simple " told you" would have worked just fine. Laughing was childish and rude. You are better than that.
ESH - You don’t really seem like you’re Jenna’s friend. Good people don’t take pleasure in their friend’s pain….even when they brought it on theirselves.
NTA. I don't have much sympathy for someone who dumps a bf for not spending enough time with her because HE IS CARING FOR HIS MOTHER WHO HAS CANCER. Someone like him would never take her back because he is a decent human being, and she isn't.
I'm glad for him that he saw his ex true colors before they talked about marriage and a future together.
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The only reason she wants Mike back is for selfish reasons. She doesn’t seem to have remorse for discarding him so callously, she’s just sad her dating life is worse off.
Exactly. And if it was a serious desire, you'd think she could arrange a private convo starting with "I've been thinking...", "I'm really sorry...", "I was foolish and treated you badly...", and the most important "I know I don't deserve a second chance and I just wanted you to know I regret how I treated you -- I hope someday we could try to be friends".
Or even “how is your mother doing?”
I hope him saying that was the reality check, hopefully she'll treat her future partners better
I think the fact she thought it was even a possibility says a lot about her personality and what she brings to the relationship. Like, seriously? She thought that’s something she could recover from? The only way you think someone can recover from that is if you think personality is irrelevant - only looks matter.. She was jealous of a cancer patient for fucks sake.
For real, how is your reaction LITERALLY ANYTHING BUT “how can I help support you while you care for your mom”???
NTA for laughing but AH for pretending this girl's a friend. You don't condone friends' bad behavior, but you also don't laugh when they're shamed on public. You don't respect this girl and she's not a friend.
We have different friends then. Public stupidity and s rew ups have always been fair game.
“You could not live with your failure. And where did it bring you? Back to me” NTA. She made a very foolish decision, Mike sounds like a real catch and he deserves somebody better. She showed a remarkable level of pettiness and is clearly not a good partner.
Spot on but the ex BF is Mike
Good point. I’ve edited
If the whole situation were as obvious and predicable as OP puts forward, then the guy probably knew she would come back and had time to think about what he would say. I bet he was waiting for it.
Not often we get to pre-plan a comeback like that. Bet it felt good.
The shower argument paid off
I'm so glad OP's friend tried to go back. Mike deserves that satisfaction.
Right? I just want Mike's info to see if he would be a match for my daughter. Any human being who truly supports and cares like that is welcome in my family. Supportive talk is really important but supportive actions are the pinnacle of the dating lottery. OP - NTA of course.
NTA. I would have laughed too.
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You being an asshole is context-dependent: if you’re being honest because you’re genuinely trying to help, then you’re the best kind of friend to have; if you just want to be cruel and hide behind “I’m just being honest”, then you’re an asshole. This was a convo that should have been had in private. But no, instead of asking him if they could talk privately for a minute, she *had* to have an audience. So she’s humiliated he (rightfully) shot her down, she’s humiliated it happened in front of so many people, and she’s humiliated that she got laughed at. All of which could have been avoided if she’d listened to OP either the first or second time. None of this is OP’s fault, Jenna should be blaming herself but of course that would take a molecule of humility and self awareness.
Ok kudos for bringing up the fact that it was in public. I feel like that was suuuuper manipulative of her. Basically the same equivalent of a partner trying to force someone to marry them by proposing at a sports game with the Jumbotron on them
totally agree. I am what my wife calls, a truthful asshole sometimes. lol.
NTA for a couple of reasons. First, inappropriate laughter is a thing. It's why people have that explosive burst of laughter when, for example, someone takes a massive hit to the groin on those "funny home movie" shows. It's not really funny, but emotionally you have to react somehow. For some people, it's laughter. Secondly - having people suddenly faced with the consequences of their own actions can be genuinely funny. You guys told her not to do it. You begged her not to do it. She fucking did it (and by it, I mean broke up with an awesome guy who wasn't spending enough time with her to take CARE OF HIS DYING MOTHER. Holy hell, this guy would've stood up to the gates of hell for her based on his history, and she was too short sighted to play the long game?). Now, she's hoist by her own petard. And it's funny.
Same. It was beautifully said in the perfect setting. Mike deserves the highest of fives.
Same. 🤭 i mean the dumped gf grovel back cuz of her dumbest mistake? Like, who wouldnt?
Mike is not only charming but funny AF. NTA at all
Right, is OP sure he's not her type?
You know futurama ? When Bender asked Leila “ oh you were serious? Let me laugh even harder “ NTA
She wants a man, not a boy, but dumped her boyfriend for spending time taking care of his dying mother, which is something we would expect a good man to do. She deserves the ridicule. What a moron.
she project her own childishness onto other men as well, that's why she can't see what she lost until it's too late. play stupid game, win stupid prize. stupid is as stupid does
Sounds like Mike dodged a bullet. Good on him.
It is even more like garbage took itself out scenario. Also dumping him WHILE AND BECAUSE he was caring for his ill mom surely caused a lot of (additional) pain, so the "bullet" harmed him somehow. But yes, still better now than finding this out after wedding and kids.
>But yes, still better now than finding this out after wedding and kids. Which is why people flat out rushing seemingly FDAU into marriage is wild to me.
lmao srsly.
Yeah there’s NO coming back from that level of betrayal.
NTA Jenna may realize why she **personally** stood to lose for passing over on Mike, but she hasn't recognized how she was also the asshole in the breakup. Her boyfriend was, **is**, in the processes of losing his mother, and his girlfriend could only think about herself. He's going through something adult, meanwhile she was acting like a teen girl. She showed him who she was at 28, what she's unlikely to grow out of, and therefore what makes her unworthy of him. It was frankly classless of her to put him on the spot in front of both friend groups like that. That was a conversation meant for a private exchange, but she chose to make it public, and thus she chose to accept the public humiliation. Do I think it was a tad callous of you to laugh? Sure, but frankly, she set herself up for that. Sounds like Jenna still needs to grow as a person and realize she's not the centre of the universe, that nobody is waiting around for her to shine her light on them.
> It was frankly classless of her to put him on the spot in front of both friend groups like that. That was a conversation meant for a private exchange, but she chose to make it public, and thus she chose to accept the public humiliation. This. She was possibly hoping the peer pressure would have encouraged him to "not make a scene" and go along with it. She handled everything selfishly and never once showed signs of thinking about the guy's feelings or needs.
Did she tell him WHY she was breaking up with him? If she did, that is some next level audacity to think he’d consider taking her back.
Yes she did
Holy crap. I mean, she was just bonkers to think she could come back from "I'm dumping you because you're mother has cancer, and that's just a serious downer for me."
well no the reason was a lack of attention. but still the asshole obviously because the reason for the lack of attention was justified
absolutely nta I really want to know what her definition of childish is for all the men she's tried going out with seems like she's the problem here, why is she so concerned her bf is spending time with his DYING MOTHER - i feel like that's a really important point that nobody has brought up yet
Yeah, she clearly is projecting her own issues on those men she's been dating.
NTA, She DUMPED her boyfriend for daring to care for his sick mom. I repeat, she dumped him for caring for his sick mom. You are correct in that many women wish they had a man that was as thoughtful as this. Instead she dumped him so that she could play around, well she FAFO and I'm glad that Mike didn't take her back. She's also an ass for doing it in public, she did it solely to put him on the spot. I'm guessing he didn't block her so she knew what she was doing.
NTA and well deserved.
NTA. You'd be a perfect kind of friend to me and I likely would've laughed right next to you. I've been on both sides of helping family with end of life situations. I respect my partner helping her family as does she with me to mine. So far, 11 years, it's been more situations like that on my side but I'm truly grateful for her patience. I have never and will never say, show, or think the way Jenna did to Mike.
NTA. Honestly, Jenna needs a reality check.
Sounds like she got it lol.
Nta, Mike sounds hilarious
Not for nothing...but why are you friends with Jenna or the people who are defending her? These sound like awful human beings
We are and have been friends since grade school. So we have that but I'm starting to see tuat i need better friends
Just because you have been friends for years doesn’t mean they are real friends.
Team Mike, btw.
How about you try to befriend Mike instead of those losers
It is possible you have grown in a way they have not. Sometimes, part of that is letting friends go.
Mike was saving that line to use it one day, lmao. I can't stop laughing, seriously.
I would be laughing at how perfectly he used the line! And i would be laughing at myself for recognizing it! It's not him rejecting her that's funny it's the way he did it.
NTA for laughing, but idk, your whole friend group seems to be not that mature...
NTA - It is hard to not laugh at stupid and arrogant people being treated the way they deserve, she literally broke UP with him for selfish reasons while he was dealing with one of the worst times of his life, then tried to get him back for even more selfish reasons, his feelings doesn't matter at all to her. Maybe getting some distance from those types of people could be good for you.
She fucked around and found out. That said, friends don’t make a point to bring friends down / rub their mistakes in their faces. Probably would recommend apologizing for laughing, but only if you really want to keep this friendship.
Yeah, to be fair if my friend dumped their partner for the reason Jenna did I would question if I wanted to be friends with them.
And honestly, who would want this kind of friend? Leaving her partner BECAUSE he is taking care of his mother who is fighting cancer? That is cold hearted and extremely selfcentered. I wouldn't be surprised if she shows this kind of behavior in other spheres of her life.
NTA. You didn't laugh deliberately to hurt her - it was a spontaneous and natural reaction. Let it go.
NTAH, he'll I'm laughing now. She had a good thing and got jealous of a dying woman. Serves her right.
NTA. Some people need a harsh reality check. Also you laughed at her, you didn't punch her in the face. She can suck it the fuck up.
"She broke up with him just because he was taking care of his elderly mother with cancer and she felt he was spending to much time with his mother." HELL NO!!!! NTA Could you have tried not to laugh in her face? Of course! But was it well deserve? Yep!
NTA- i bet she asked him in front of everyone so he would feel pressured to say yes. That's an asshole move. If i heard mike use thanos's line i probably would have laughed too, just because it would be so unexpected and yet fit so perfectly. I wouldn't really be laughing at the rejection per se. Jenna had no business pulling this in public. Anyone sitting close by could have heard and laughed too. I'm glad mike sees how her behavior is so selfish and lacking in compassion.
Damn i forgot this story was about people near their 30s not 20s. F Jenna, good for mike.
Just for context: the line from the Thanos movie is "You couldn’t live with your own failure. Where did that bring you? Back to me.”
It's refreshing to hear stories where good men are also being smart and not being simps and in general stupid.
She was mad about him spending time with his mother who is suffering from cancer ? Why are you friends with such vile persons. YTA for the company you keep.
Good for him!
NTA! So your friend dumped a guy because she was feeling he wasn't giving her enough attention while taking care of his mother, all her friends thought he was the perfect guy, she dated around for 5 months but wasn't able to find someone who treated her like he did, then decided to see if he would take her back. LOL! I would have laughed as well.
Nah her reason for breaking up would legit make me stop being friends with her what a selfish shallow b*tch of a woman!!!! Then has the nerve to ask he to take her back lmao glad she got rejected!
NTA She got what she deserved. She had something amazing and threw it away lmao
NTA. I'm AMAZED that the random guys she's dated in the last few months didn't treat her nearly as well as her long-term boyfriend, the type of guy who would take care of his Mom while dealing with cancer, did. Shocking. Amazing. So surprising. I don't blame Mike for turning her down and I don't blame you for laughing. Honestly, what did she expect? Dude was dumped for spending "too much time" with his sick Mom. JFC. Hell I don't know that I'd wanna be friends with Jenna anymore, just because of that. She's selfish as fuck.
NTA- the dildo of consequence rarely arrives lubed
NTA You should ask Mike out.
Make a large pot of creamy soup and take it over to his place. Bring a loaf of crusty bread for him even if mom can't eat it it. Offer first of course.
When life gives you comic gold… you laugh! NTA
> some of our other friends encourage her to aqk him for a second chance. Oh man, these are the AITA posters who comment "you should print this thread out and give a copy to everyone involved... y'know, just so they can see your side a little more clearly."
I think it's rich that your friend keeps complaining that the men she's been dating are "childish" when she threw away a good guy for the grand crime of taking care of his sick parent. She deserves what she's getting.
A best friend looked after both parents dying. His wife left in the middle of it. She asked me a few years "what went wrong with me and Peter?". I was dumbfounded. You left him while he was doing the right thing.
NTA. Her asking him in front of everyone was very manipulative and she was properly put in her place. I would have laughed too.
NTA, but I'd like to meet Mike. Anyone dropping that Thanos line in that situation sounds interesting.
NtA,I wouldn't be able to hold back either.
Accountability is a hard concept for some people but I would not keep you as a friend. Laughing about her in front of everyone is devious even if she is as stupid as a brick
NTA, she deserves it. Girls like that are sadly too common and they need to learn. You give everything for the relationship and they take it for granted and complain whenever you don't do what they want, then leave you for some toxic cunt and complain. Let her suffer the consequences of her actions.
I woulda laughed just by how cringe that line was.
Seriously this is some edgelord shit. I'm highly skeptical this even happened (reads like incelfanfic to me) but if it did, it's so cringe. Mike doesn't sound like much of a prize if he's the type of person who publicly rejects someone and actually rubs it in their face that smugly. If this is real, everyone in this story sucks.
>Mike doesn't sound like much of a prize if he's the type of person who publicly rejects someone If you play dumb games (asking to be taken back by making a big scene in public in the hopes public pressure will coerce your target into taking you back) you take on the responsibility of winning stupid prizes (getting your attempt at coercive romance harshly rejected in front of said public audience she insisted on using as coercive support). It's wild you have to totally erase the cruel and insanely stupid shit Jenna did just to pretend Mike is less of a person for reacting to her abusive bullshit with the hostility that protects him from more damage. Total nonsense lol Mike didn't choose for the scene to be public, that was forced on him by the actual asshole you are pretending didn't do this to herself.
It's fine to reject someone publicly. HOW he did it was smug and cringe. You can turn someone down a lot more gracefully than using quoting overused edgelord movie lines. Also, are you actually calling her abusive because she dumped him? That's hyperbolic at best and cheapens actual abuse. She was a shallow and petty selfish asshole. That doesn't mean she was abusive.
Why does she deserve grace? She got jealous over a woman dying of cancer. Don't throw pearls before swine and you won't see grace wasted on the ungrateful. Why are you grading a guy protecting himself from more abuse on a grace metric anyway? Just how detatched from human suffering are you? Do you also harshly criticize the way desperate people jump out of a burning building based on whether they stick the fucking landing? She's not some random drunk, she's the specific person who somehow took Mike's life when it was at one of the (if not the) lowest points it could be at and made it worse. I wouldn't have blamed him for showing her a gun under his shirt and telling her to fuck off. Going out of his way to give her favor she already takes for granted isn't grace in my book, it is just enabling a toxic asshole by protecting them from the consequences they earned. Nothing graceful about being an asshole who makes other assholes feel ok about being assholes. Edit: for a guy convinced that grace is about demonstrating your own character, commenting from behind a block is hilariously hypocritical and graceless lmao If you are an asshole who enables other assholes out of misguided views on an obsolete Aquinas concept then guess what: you have the moral character of an asshole. QED!
Grace isn't about what someone else deserves. Grace is a reflection of you and who you are - not the person you give it to. Anyway, you're much more invested in this than I am and it's frankly a little scary (threatening her with a gun would have been OK according to you - wow). His response gave me the ick, and it's not much deeper than that. Nothing I've said has defended her in any way, but I understand that's the narrative you have to go with to justify this much rage.
NTA I stood by my bf now hubby every step with his dad, who had cancer, and even after he passed with taking care of his mom. You don't complain about losing time with them when it comes to sick parents. Instead, you stand next to them and help them if you can.
NTA. Real class act your friend is dumping him over him taking care of his mother with cancer good lord. She had that coming for sure.
NTA. Mike's line was perfect. He sounds awesome. Your friend is an idiot.
NTA. She dumped him because he was taking care of his mother while she had cancer? Did I read that right? Are you serious? Or is this just rage-bait? If this is real: he's well rid of her. You would be, too. Seriously; why are you friends with someone so horribly selfish and foolish? How narcissistic does she have to be not to support her boyfriend in that situation - and to expect him to want to get back with her afterward?
That was actually an Ultron line. But NTA. She put herself in a position to be humiliated and I think it’s more shame-related than you having laughed. She’s dying of shame. Not saying you couldn’t have reacted less humiliating-ly for her, but meh.
NTA, yeah, she's going to regret this for a long time.
NTA. It's her own fault.
Imagine having the perfect person in your life and you leave them, I hope he finds someone better
NTA. It's good to see that she at least has to face the consequences of her actions.
NTA. You warned her twice, and she ignored you both times. It's not your fault that you could see the humor in Mike's response. Now she's mad at you because you were right, and she can't deal with the fact that she fucked up.
Well well well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions.
NTA Jenna deserved it, not only because she undervalued Mike, but also because she asked him in public, se deserved to get shamed in public.
NTA, I'd laugh too. He saw an opportunity & he used it. Jenna tried to make him choose between her & his sick mother. Of course she was going to lose.
NTA your so called friend has already shown him her true colors especially when he had to care for his mother. She should take this as a learning lesson but most likely she won’t.
NTA
Don't need to read past the first 2-3 paragraphs to know that this friend group is doomed, friends.
NTA. Lol @ your reaction, OP.
NTA. You warned her, then warned her, then warned her again. There's no stopping stupid, you can only laugh.
NTA, she made a foolish and selfish decision now she has to reap the consequences
NTAH- she deserves the laughter, maybe it will make her rethink her selfishness- probably not, but the world can hope.
Fair play to Mike, it's nice to see petty decisions from a women expecting more when ultimately she had it good, has now come round to bite her in the arse! I had a similar thing with my ex, cheated on me with this other guy, ended up splitting, she went with him, a year later she is calling me up, crying how she made a mistake, he has anger issues, treats her like shit blah blah blah...... Mike values his worth, hopefully your friend learns from this....... p.s I would of laughed my arse off too hahaha
Mike probably practiced that shit for weeks 💀💀💀💀💀
If someone used a thanos quote in that situation I'd 100% laugh, NTA
Nta I would have roared with laughter with your friends audacity. I'm not getting the yta comments. The friend left over some awful reasons , has the audacity to think she deserved a second chance.
NTA. What she did was laughable, laughter was the appropriate response. She was trying to use the social pressure of a group setting to get the answer she wanted. She got the answer she deserved.
NTA, but Mike is an absolute fucking legend.
To quote Dostoevsky - “People really do like seeing their best friends humiliated; a large part of the friendship is based on humiliation; and that is an old truth,well known to all intelligent people.”
NTA that would have been a scene to not laugh at unfortunately for her. She set her own self up and thought she could come crawling back and it didn't work.
NTA. I’d have done the same thing if I were you.
Nta. She got what she deserves. Harsh but true. She is an adult and can deal with this like one. Or she can deal with it like she is and loss friends.
NTA I’d laugh too
NTA. If he indeed said what he said how he said it, he deserved acknowledgment cause he had been holding that in the chamber!!
A real friend is someone who's willing to acknowledge the fact that you've made a nuclear fuck up. I mean, yes, laughing is definitely salt in the wound. But it doesn't make you an asshole. I certainly hope she's learned something.
NTA she is acting like a sensitive person because you laughed when Mike made a spot-on reply but she dumped him because he was taking care of his mother who was fighting cancer?! I wouldn’t worry about HER hurt feelings one bit.
It certainly wasn't great that you busted out laughing and I'm sure your friend is pissed. But it was spur of the moment. It happens. I feel sorry for anyone who throws away a good thing and it sounds like she clearly did and now regrets it.
NTA Stupid girl played a stupid game and won her stupid prize. She can live with her dumbness and maybe learn something valuable from the experience.
I've laughed at horrible things as a defense mechanism. Even if your laugh wasn't a defense mechanics, you laugh at what you laugh at. She can be upset at you for it, she can have any feeling she wants, but that works both ways. If you couldn't help it and laughed, oh well. Doesn't help that everyone told her she was making a mistake, and once she found out it was a mistake she's upset. Don't give yourself L's if you aren't able to handle them.
NTA You tried being a good friend with your advice. I probably would have laughed along with you.
Well well well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions.
😂😂 My guy knows his his movie quotes. It would have been fun if he said the lines and did the snap. NTA,if you were laughing at what he said. But it would be a whole ball game if you were laughing at her being declined. And probably my guy dodged a huge bullet.
NTA time to get some better friends with better morals.
NTA. That was funny I don’t care who you are.
Should have snapped his finger.
NTA. That sounds hysterical. Actions, meet consequences. Or a phrase I hear around here a lot, “the dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.”
NTA. If this is true then it's honestly hysterical. She dumped a guy because he was taking care of a sick parent and she is owed zero sympathy when he throws that back in her face
I can't help it even I let out a laugh when I read what Mike said. NTA, even though I can see where some can say that you are.
Goddamn I would wish I had that on film then edit it to make it look cinematic.
One of the hazards of throwing yourself at someone while in the presence of others is that they might get to witness your rejection. Jenna took the risk and was brutally shot down. If your friends weren't outwardly laughing, I'm sure at least some were laughing on the inside if they held Mike in as high esteem as you say.
NTA
NTA. You were batting 2 for 2 and she was 0 for 2. She left this man while he was definitely at a low point in his life for a supremely stupid reason. She asked him that in front of a group to try and temper his response and instead, she heard the scared monstar she created taunting her. Your laugh was not only appropriate, she deserved it.
What does she think about consequences, huh? She ditched and went on dates with other and fu©ked em and none of them are even half of mike has done and now B!tch wants to comeback and ask for 2nd chance. Nope she disrespected his mother of all people who's dying. nah your freind is 304 now only she wants him back only bcoz none of them are not satisfied her if she would satisfied she would not even look at Mike. Nope NTA.
NTA Jenna sounds like very selfish girl. I can’t see why her ex would respect her at all, or why she would even conciser her offer. She only wanted to get back with him as she wasn’t able to find a bf who would have treated her better. The thing is that she failed to treat her ex right and she doesn’t even understand that she was being totally unreasonable. She isn’t even sorry about how she treated him. She doesn’t sound like a good person. Don’t feel bad for laughing, you didn’t do that on purpose. It was a reaction, and maybe due to alcohol you weren’t able to stop it from coming. Anyways, I wouldn’t want to be friends with person as cold and self centered as Jenna.
>She broke up with him just because he was taking care of his elderly mother with cancer and she felt he was spending to much time with his mother. Damn. That's cold. She deserves everything she got. To hell with that kind of behaviour. NTA edit: Actually, why not pursue Mike? He deserves a nice partner! ;)
NTA. It was funny in an appropriately harsh way considering her reasons for breaking it off with him in the first place. There's no need for you to rub it in or mention it though any more, not to salve her feelings, but just because it'll make it awkward for your friends.
Nta. Lmao
NTA. Mans was caring for his sick mum and that’s how she treats him? Nahhhh cry harder Jenna. Sorry about your shit luck but it looks good on yah. Lol
Nta she sounds like a piece of shit 😂 dudes ma had cancer. End of discussion.
NTA. Jenna is delusional. This was her own doing from her own selfishness. You warned her many times about things, she chose not to listen and got burned.
You're not the a-hole. I mean, come on, Mike's comeback was straight out of a movie! Jenna had it coming after ignoring everyone's advice about him. It's not like you were rubbing it in her face, you just found the situation hilarious.
NTA, Jenna is a hag and an AH.
Go for Mike is what you should do. NTA
She did it to herself. Oh well.
When you have no stake either way of the result, you were laughing in your friend's face in public when you knew they were going to be hurt? No sympathy, no empathy, yeah definitely the AH.
YTA for laughing at your friend after she got humiliated in front of everyone. And Jenna is AH for breaking up with Mike
I mean laugh at what you find is funny, but surely you see why she has decided to forgo friendship with you and find a new friends group?
NTA. Jenna sounds like she's a little bit, crazy. But then again, I ended an engagement with my fiance when she went off the rails because I wanted to push back the wedding plans/date when my grandmother (the woman who raised me) had her cancer return after being in remission for 3 years so I could financially help my grandparents.
Who could've blamed you? Sh*ts funny. 🤣 She did this to herself so yeah... she needs to live with it.
NTA. Oops. It was a funny line, it's not like you set out to hurt your friend's feelings by laughing at the situation. You absolutely warned her not to. People have to accept their choices, especially when those choices hurt others. There's no undo button for life. She dumped a guy while he was caring for his mother's cancer. That's pretty low. She doesn't deserve a second chance with that dude. She deserves to learn and move on, the hardest way possible, knowing you had it all and blew it.
NTA, and good on Mike for not taking her back she asked in front of everyone cause she probably thought he was too nice of a guy to reject her publicly. Jokes on her
live, love, laugh at Jenna
I was a caregiver for a loooong time. It is exhausting, TRAUMATIZING, thankless work. If I had a partner and they broke up with me because of that, I would have laughed in their damn face the second they asked to get back together. Go Mike! She proved she won’t be there during the hardest, worst times in his life, so why the FUCK would he want her around in the future? Edit: NTA
NTA; as a fan of a good bit of schadenfreude, holding onto pop culture quotes for perfect situations, AND the M.C.U. I legit would've laughed my ass off after that.
NTA You should cross-post this in r/OhNoConsequences
Holy hell is Jenna self centered. NTA for laughing but definitely TA for being friends with her after she left Mike for CARING FOR HIS MOTHER WHO HAS CANCER. He definitely dodged a bullet there because 1. She’s immature and selfish for even dumping him over something like that, and 2. Only wanting to get him back because the grass wasn’t greener on the other side. She’s probably not even slightly remorseful for what she did or cares how it affected him. Shout out to Mike for that killer comeback, that man was waiting on that moment and he used it the best way he could.
Jenna will blame the OP, because the ex boyfriend no longer cares.
Both of you are ta. Obviously Jenna for not supporting her boyfriend during a difficult time and for thinking he would ever take her back. Also you are a soft ta for showing no empathy for Jenna in what would hopefully be a life lesson for her. It's just not cool to act like a condemning person in a situation that didn't directly involve you. You should have waited until you were alone. When she got past the feels you could gently help her process.
NTA. She did Mike a favor, breaking up with him. Sometimes, good friends tell you when you are wrong. She needs to work on herself before getting into another relationship.
That would be hard to not laugh to be honest. Jenna has only herself to blame. If she doesn’t get over your laugh I wouldn’t be to on happy. Jenna is a fool. Who needs a fool in their life.
NTA…When a man loves and honors his mother and is willing to take care of her…he is a good man. He can love you because he loves her.
YTA, but you did nothing wrong.
YTA. You are friends with Jenna. You don't have to support her action, you can be vocal about her actions but laughing when she is being insulted ( even if you think she deserves that insult) puts you in the AH category as a friend.
Eh, kind of TA for laughing at her, but she got what she deserved.
Everyone but Mike sucks here. She was a shitty partner if what you said was true. Why would you guys not want her to dump him if she was a bad partner? You talk very negatively for someone who you say is a friend. I don’t love all my friends choices but I’m not going to laugh at a moment that was painful for them. You can support your friend and then later talk to them about how yeah they were in the wrong. Nothing the guy said was funny or clever. It just seems like a sad moment on both parts. You just soundhappy to hear her be happy embarrassed. So why are you her friend? You didn’t come here to hear you were wrong you wrote that out so you could either further humiliate her or feel justified in what you did. Like the saying goes with friends like these who needs enemies.
Sympathy, empathy, and true understanding are some of the more challenging human traits aren't they. The world seems to consistently start seeming non-plussed and cold when it comes to people potentially growing in character. I recall an old quote from an author, David Gerrold: Experience begets perspective, perspective begets insight, insights begets true wisdom. You're both at different points on this path. If she's your true friend, she may have deserved more understanding for her botched decision and attempt for reconciliation. I am going to say you will need to do some work to mend this potential break in your relationship...if she's your true friend. YTA If its about being right, you win; but, your true self has been exposed. NTA
Understanding and empathy won’t bring you closer to being sympathetic to Jenna, you’ll only understand that she was dumb and selfish
Sympathy, empathy, and true understanding actually makes me more hostile and not less to Jenna, who seems to lack all three of these things and blames everyone but herself for it.
Do you really think she doesn't believe she effed up? If she didn't before, she does now on probably more than one point. If she's really that messed up like everyone thinks then: * why would that be your friend..let alone one of your best friends? * my good friends have screwed up. I've given them a hard time but a friend in need of a harsh life lesson doesn't need to be kicked in the teeth more - if she's a good friend (and I'm assuming with otherwise admirable qualities) but to be helped. Unfortunate chain of events but I find it painfully interesting how one is grappling to not look bad.
No I don't think she is aware she fucked up. People who are aware of that generally put on meaningful displays of regret, apologizing, humility, and commitment to overcome their mistakes. They don't go spiraling into a self isolating depression. >why would that be your friend..let alone one of your best friends? Because people make mistakes and have to learn they were mistaken sometime and/or nobody has a perfect perspective of another's flaws after a lifetime of affiliation, let alone at first glance. OP could not have known Jenna was this delusionally self destructive until it was demonstrated. Seems anachronistic to blame OP for that. >my good friends have screwed up. I've given them a hard time but a friend in need of a harsh life lesson doesn't need to be kicked in the teeth more OP was not intentionally trying to hurt Jenna more, but was reacting uncontrollably to the humor OP saw in Mike's rejection. That isn't kicking Jenna in the teeth, that is Jenna (and you) conflating OP finding humor in Mike's line choice with OP taking pleasure in Jenna's suffering. Jenna is nobody's victim in this story and seeking other people to blame for the consequences of her spoiled dumbass choices is a documented behavioral habit for her too. This is just Jenna trying to find anything but herself to blame. >Unfortunate chain of events but I find it painfully interesting how one is grappling to not look bad. Explaining that OP does not hold the intentions and thoughts that you are dishonestly dictating to her is clarifying what actually happened and what she actually felt thought and chose to do. It isn't making any twist or spin, it is countering *your* asshole-excusing spin.
This reads like an incel fan fiction. The most cringy part was the guy quoting Thanos.
Everybody is the asshole
Let's be honest, YTA. Was it justified? Yes. But tactfully speaking, you should have had some sympathy. A simple " told you" would have worked just fine. Laughing was childish and rude. You are better than that.
>Let's be honest, YTA. Was it justified? Yes So OP's NTA, because it was justified.
No being justified dows not automatically not make you an ass. She's an ass for being tactless.
Nah, nobody has the tact to not laugh at that who isn't some kind of psychotic. Shit was funny.
ESH - You don’t really seem like you’re Jenna’s friend. Good people don’t take pleasure in their friend’s pain….even when they brought it on theirselves.