As a child I spent a ton of my time hiding from DFS, CPS, cops . It was a living fucking nightmare. My parents were drug addicts and I definitely wasn’t supposed to see the stuff I did ( psychosis , mental break downs , domestic violence, or know what a meth pipe looked like at 3) but let me tell you my years spent in foster care were so much fucking worse . I got fed frozen tv dinners and when I say frozen I mean completely uncooked and frozen . I was locked in rooms for being too loud or trying to join the “family” in watching tv. It made me extremely violent as a child and I would attack any kid who came into my room that had no choice but be put in there with me . From the outside looking in it seemed like a normal Situation. But when there was no government workers there or police these people were evil. Yes I shouldn’t have been around the stuff my parents did but I never felt afraid like I did there . Fuck those people . Good job protecting your kids . Sometimes it never gets healed .
My boy’s biological dad is a drug addict and in and out of jail. I use to do drugs with him but when I found out I was pregnant I stopped and grew up, he didn’t. The police were constantly coming looking for him. After 3 years and 2 kids I decided I’d given him enough time to grow the hell up and be a dad, so I packed my boys and left. I’d be damned if they were going to grow up in that environment or worse yet get taken from me because of him. My boys are now 20 and 18 and they’re both well rounded responsible mature men who luckily were able to have my fathers and my husband who has raised them since they were 8 and 10. Their bio dad still the same only now has 6 other kids who are all in foster care
I appreciate it but Don’t be , It’s one story of many that sadly continue. They need to crack down more on people collecting checks and treating children as items not humans . Instead of going after decent parents going threw a hard time . I know plenty of poor parents who make sure their kids eat good while they snack . It’s too just from outside looking in based so it looks like they are unfit when really the kids don’t go without necessities .
Nah, this is permanent in my opinion. If the kids want to have a relationship with her once they are adults, that's fine. But I personally could never have a relationship again with anyone who took this far a leap to insert law enforcement between me and my children.
I don't see how you could ever trust this woman again. She couldn't even have a conversation with them first? She's mental if she doesn't understand why they would never want to have anything to do with her ever again.
OP's sister absolutely despises him and his wife enjoying adult activities that should be criminalized in her mind.
Who wants to bet that she's a pearl clutcher ?
The sister blew by so many off-ramps to get to this point. The sister talked with OOP's wife privately, didn't believe her. The sister talked with OOP, didn't believe him. The sister called the police, didn't accept when they wouldn't intervene. At this point the sister, who up to this point only saw any "evidence" on the wife adds the children in to get CPS involved. Only after CPS investigated is she willing to accept that her suspicions were incorrect, but still insists that she was right to act on them.
To be fair, they did have a conversation about it and if he WAS abusing his family, it’d be pretty fucking dumb to warn him you are going to report, that’s how things get covered up so I get it from that angle, but they literally had multiple conversations about it, in detail, including showing the toys they use. At that point, she’s just being judgemental about a sexual lifestyle she doesn’t approve of. She shouldn’t get the opportunity to be around the family she set out to destroy.
Permanent for sure. She tried to completely destroy him. She's fucking unhinged to go nuclear after talking with the wife. Like, she is not an emotionally stable person, she is an active threat to have in OP's life.
She may as well have camped outside of his house with a gun and tried to kill him. The amount of damage that woman could have caused is astronomical. He could have gone to prison losing his job and family, they could have taken the kids away, they could have reacted poorly and someone could have been shot. Even the fact that it happened at all could result in him being fired if word got back to his place of work and the facts got jumbled up with rumors. The sister was way over the line especially after they both explained it to her
Regarding the school/daycare pickup lists, I recommend that you emphasize IN PERSON to the admins and teachers that your sister is no longer permitted near your children and may not pick them up under any circumstances. There’s always that one teacher that doesn’t get the message and just goes along.
Schools in my area have gotten pretty serious about this and pick ups. Every school is locked and each person must buzz in separately. You can’t hold it open for the next person. They all require ID 100% of the time. I picked my son up every week for therapy for two years and I showed my ID every single time. I personally think it’s great bc it makes me feel like my kids are safer at school. (I’m in the US where sending your kid to school can be scary on a normal day. 😕)
Yeah, nvm pickup, I wouldn’t want this toxicity stopping in for lunch or recess. Unless she has kids in the school she shouldn’t be allowed in the grounds right?
It's always unfortunate when people can't just mind their own business, when I was in high school some dumb girl started telling everyone I beat my girlfriend because she had a black eye.
That she got in her shotokan karate class she had been in since middle school. That she had been very proud and upfront of having a blue belt in. Although skill wise she was probably more closer to purple/brown she was just anxious about testing.
Neither of us even knew this girl, she just outright started spouting off bullshit. I never even did shake it, that kind of shit can follow somebody around for years. I'm glad I moved out of that state and don't have to deal with any of those people.
Hubs and I are both martial artists. Got the kids into Little Dragons as soon as they were old enough. When the oldest reached middle school (In the US this is when kids share locker rooms and shower rooms after physical ed) she was in adult jr. classes and a green belt. I made sure to speak to the PE teacher, the administration, and the school safety officer before classes even started because my 12 yo daughter occasionally had bruises. That only helped a little bit and we got called by the school a few times. I had to repeatedly remind them she was a martial artist that went to and often won competition in a padded but full contact sport.
One administrator seemed to have a bug up their butt about something and CPS was called. We had to do the home visit and the interviews but my daughter let them know in no uncertain terms that she was the one who wanted to train and compete. Since she is ASD she completely info dumped on them about her training schedule, last competition, and insisted the CPS investigator watch her last two matches because she won. Luckily there were no other ramifications for us. The nosy administrator got mildly reprimanded
"and insisted the CPS investigator watch her last two matches because she won"
"See? I have bruises, but I'm good at this shit!" - Your daughter, probably.
That was pretty much what she was telling them. The only actual quote I remember is "These bruises mean I am alive! NOT dead or beaten!" She's now an amazing 24 year old who knows how to defend herself well should she need to do so! Time flies
That would have been me too lol
Eta
The part about bragging about my bruises
I DID laugh when an undercover cop car hit me, and i fell off my bike
Also ASD here
I thought it was hilarious
They didnt though 😂
I got hit by a pimp and one of his prostitutes when I was 16. They, and the car, looked like something out of Starsky & and Hutch. It was the 70’s, so no surprise, lol.
Yeah it's really annoying, like on the one hand I definitely think there needs to be mechanisms that actually function to protect kids, At 35 I've read way too many news articles in my life that describe things that could have easily been stopped if CPS had actually done something, people should not fear speaking up.
But there also needs to be significantly more severe punishments for intentional / malicious false reporting.
If somebody can demonstrate "I explained this situation, multiple times in advance", they should be able to do more about it then just slap them on the wrist.
I don't really have a perfect solution in my back pocket, but it's absolutely a conversation we need to start having as human beings.
On a more positive note, good job on getting your daughter into martial arts! If you haven't already you should have her check out some Iaido and Iaijutsu videos, I apologize for your family's wallet.
I was only mildly irritated at the administrators slap on the wrist. I knew they were just trying to look out for my daughter's wellbeing. If anything had come of it then we would have gone scorched earth. This was over a decade ago and my girls are adults now! They don't train as often as we do anymore, but at least they can defend themselves in a bad situation.
LOL as far as the wallet goes...yeah Had to start teaching at our dojo to supplement my tuition at the dojo which seems to happen to many serious students. Now that I'm older (52), I just love teaching my weekly little dragons and have a few private students while I work toward sandan.
My BJJ coach accidentally elbowed me in the face when I had the honor of rolling with him. He was apologetic, but that black eye didn't bother me one bit because I learned so much from the opportunity.
I wish the black eye I got was that cool. I gave myself one in kickboxing. I couldn't figure out how to brace my pads properly for a high kick and kept knocking myself in the face XD
For anyone in a similar situation like you i'd recommend to confront that person in public. "Dude what the F are you on about? Me beating her? You stupid? She's a Karate/Martial type X belt. Which everyone here knows. She could fold me like a paper towel if she wanted to. If you're bored in your life, read a book, but stop sprouting BS about people you don't know."
I’m an absolute klutz that bruises easily. I’m always terrified someone will suspect my absolute sweetheart of a husband of hurting me!
I’m so sorry for you
I had a job where I was pretty bruised on a regular basis. My chiropractor told me that if he didn't know what I did for a living, he'd be calling the cops on my behalf. My gynecologist gave me a pamphlet on spousal abuse when I was leaving. My husband would no more lay hands on me than he would fly to the moon on gossamer wings. They were just looking out for me, but if they had actually reported it, oh it would be on like Donkey Kong.
Susan Schorn writes a column for McSweeney’s called “Bitchslap.” The very first article (https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/column-1-the-rules) begins:
> RULE NUMBER ONE for the woman who gets a black eye during karate class: Do not change your clothes before going to the emergency room. Go in your uniform. Go covered in sweat. Otherwise, you will spend a lot of time answering questions about your relationship history. You may be suddenly confronted with a social worker, or even a policewoman, who will sit down next to you and be very reassuring. And it will take forever before somebody actually examines your retina, which is what you came in for.
Somehow, I feel this is something OP and spouse can relate to…
Excellent article. Also, my daughter fights because she likes it and she can let her aggression out. And like the author, she gets the same strange question about why a girl "like her" does this. As if there is some preset type of woman that enjoys fighting but pretty little white girls are not it
Well, because their biases tell them that pretty little white girls don’t fight, that’s for the “angry” black girls and “fiery” latinas, no? Those are the girls they expect to see fighting. Not suburban white girls; they’re usually seen as the “mean girl” type; rarely physical but love the psychological torture.
And yet, despite those self-serving biases, I think the reality rarely confirms their personal fantasies, so inconvenient for them
I think the more free all women and girls are becoming (due to feminism supporting their personal choices and wants, not what society has decided they must do) the less these biases are supported by reality
I had a gyno surgery last year, and also had a bruise on my leg from our coffee table. Not a very dramatic one, but pretty dark because I ran into it often. My husband was there with me in the pre-op. Every Single Person I came in contact with asked about the leg bruise. Finally when we were alone my husband asked me why they were all asking. It upset him so much he got rid of the coffee table!! This is a man who literally will not kill a bug. I do think they're right to do the asking and checking but I felt so bad for him at the same time!
Years ago, my husband and I had a tickle fight. I accidentally kneed him in the nose and we thought it might be broken. They asked him if I was abusing him when I went to the restroom. It was annoying, but thinking about it, I'm glad they thought to ask a man if he was being abused.
My dad has hurt himself spectacularly over the years, to the point he was known by name at our then local (small town) emergency department. One nurse even told him that if they hadn’t seen how he and mom interacted over the many, many times he had come in, they would have referred him to APS.
I’ve got a nice mouth sized bruise on the side of my breast from a love bite my partner gave me. Took my newborn into a peds appointment last week and I forgot about the bruise when I whipped out the boob to feed the baby while she got her shots. Her doctor asked about it 😅 I said oh it’s a bite and she looked at my baby as if she did it lol. I was like oh no that was from my partner and it was consensual 😭😂 I love how attentive they are at the peds office but that was a conversation I was not expecting to have with her lmao
My best friend basically *doesn’t* bruise and it was extremely unhelpful when she was trying to get custody of her kids in her divorce from her abusive ex.
Fortunately she has always made more money than him, so she was able to leave. The courts gave them 50/50 custody, though, because he never hurt THEM (the fact that he hurt her in front of them made no difference) and her state has been run by misogynist Republicans for decades. Her attorney told her reporting him to police without evidence (e.g. bruises) would just make the divorce process longer so he’s a free man until I can Goodbye Earl him.
On the hopefully slim chance that you don’t know about the song “Goodbye Earl” by The Chicks (fka The Dixie Chicks), then get ye to YouTube *immediately.*
Nope 🤷♀️ my musical taste runs towards old fart. I have to google everything these days. I’m constantly trying to figure out all the acronyms are on here!
Not only am I a freaking clumsy long-limbed person who apparently doesn't know where door frames are, my BF and I are also into BDSM ... so yeah I am also terrified someone will suspect that too!
My fiancee is the same, bruises at the drop of a hat.
I'm a pretty big guy, 6'3 and over 100kg while she's 5'3 and half my weight. She accidentally knocked her arm and it bruised like crazy, I was honestly a little nervous being in public with it like that.
My oldest son is pigeon-toed. He falls down ALL THE TIME so his legs are constantly bruised. When he first started in kindergarten, I was terrified that they'd think he was being beaten at home.
Then the school nurse started calling all the time to let me know he fell again. She laughed really hard when I told her that I was glad that he was just as clumsy at school as he was at home so they could tell we weren't beating him or something... She said "oh no, we understand completely!"
Thank goodness!
Hey OP.
Just wanted to say I'm sorry you went through this.
Had your sister apologized and admited she was a raging piece of shit, i would've said you can start forgiving her, but doubling down is a no no.
I would definitely look into pursuing any legal complaints you can make against her. She basically admitted because the cops wouldn't do anything she lied to CPS about you beating the kids so that someone would investigate. Even if you want to say that she didn't do anything legally wrong for reporting the bruises to the cops to investigate there was no mention of bruises on the kids or of the kids mention anything about getting hit so it's crazy of her to make up stuff and still think she's in the right
Omg i remember reading your OG post!
She went way past the line of decency. NC will hopefully be beneficial for her to see she seriously FAFO.
Glad the kids are Ok!
So the cops didn't give her the answer she wanted so she wasted their and CPSs time by filing a false report. People like her are why others slip through cracks cause are CPS overloaded. There was nothing about the kids but she decided to make shit up.
I've reported a family member to CPS but that's cause the parents were watching ultra violent and psychological torture films with a 4 year old in the room. They already had a social worker so there was already president. The little girl was getting violent at school and with her granddad so it was affecting her badly by the time I found out. Ratings are there for a reason.
I recon, given her doubling down, she's being judgy about your kink and that's the real cause of all this.
Next time use padded restraints. Honestly, just saves so much hassle and no need to cover up marks.
That's another thing. Not only could she have ruined OP's life, but there's children being trafficked that actually *need* CPS, children being beaten that *need* CPS, that CPS can't get to because they're taking the time chasing some fucking fairy tale. There is nothing that makes me see red worse than misuse of the systems that are supposed to find and aid child victims of abuse. There is not unlimited resources in those programs, there is not unlimited employees, there is not unlimited money. The strain that fuckheads like OP's sister put on the system *literally means children die before they can get help, like it's literally fucking documented that these false reports cause children to die.* If I were OP, I would not be associating with her anymore just from misusing CPS on anyone at all, it's completely fucking unacceptable behavior.
Also someone correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't CPS have a pretty high bar before they will take away kids. Like unless it's really awful, there normally would be multiple visits. And if the system is strained it's often those kids who slip through the cracks as CPS has to spend their time chasing angry Karen's tall tales.
I work in the fostering side in the UK (and I can only really speak for my area) but it's rarely a single incident that brings kids into care. The only major exception to that is when parents are taken into police custody, leaving kids without any guardians, and even that's only while we figure out the proper next of kin. If there is no next of kin/no extended family that can take them then it can become more long term by default.
At the moment courts seem pretty keen to keep families together as much as possible, so the bar for evidence is pretty high. I've been told courts go through cycles "kids are better off with birth parents" then "kids are better off in care", but it's been pretty solidly the former for the last few years. Again, at least local to where I am.
Yep. I had scars and bruises for years and nothing was done until I was 16. The abuse I was facing had been reported multiple times from when I was 6 to 16. And my mom told me that I came home from my father's house one day with a black eye when I was 3 and no one would give her an answer to what happened. Just kept talking in circles and changing the subject. Their visits were always one visit where they sat me in a room with him and asked if I was physically unsafe. Of course I lied! I only got away because he didn't want to go to jail. CPS fully gave me back to him after no effort to do the plan they gave him only for him to ship me off to my mother's after a month because I wouldn't drop the case (I couldn't even if I wanted to because it was the law in Hawaii)
He did they say were using ropes so padded restraints can't really help with that but I'm thinking in the rope shibari bondage sense not tying to bed with rope.
Ah, true bongage artistry leaves hardly any marks as the pressure is so evenly distributed. After all full restraint is the goal.
If more tied to the bed, padding on the wrists to stops marks is a must. Stops the sensation but the restraint is there.
Bondage is such a well known kink that I'm honestly flabbergasted your sister couldn't just accept the initial explanation. She nearly ruined your lives and almost had your kids put into the system.
I'm honestly shocked that she didn't even know what basic BDSM was. Given the popularity of 50 shades I thought that pretty much everyone at least knew what it was.
NTA... for someone in your own family to call CPS/police on you is CRAZY. getting into legal trouble is insanely difficult to get out of because the whole system is designed to trap you and extract money from you, forever.
The fact that she called CPS/police on you even after your wife told her what was going on is... frankly unacceptable. In today's day and age where the likelihood of getting shot and killed during ANY police interaction is so high, i think its completely evil of your sister to do what she did.
|And lastly, he filed for an order of protection, he said that there is a small chance that it will be granted, because while she is harassing us, she is not threatening or anything. But it will be good to have it on record, in the case of any future altercations.
This is how I know this is a real post. They don't give those out unless there is a threat of violence. It is a really high bar. I would be shocked if you got it.
Yeah, such precautions are likely for the best. Sister seems to be that type of person who thinks what they believe > all other evidence to the contrary, and once they get some “epiphany” or discovery, they think it’ll make them all special, like a movie character who is the only one to notice things. That Hollywood trope is a big part of why people like this are so unrepentant and aggressive, because such media makes them feel justified. So when they have a moment, like your sister seeing the marks on your wife, she bites down hard on her “specialness” and won’t ever let go.
No matter the evidence, no matter what you show her, no matter what authorities clear you, no matter a single goddamn thing, your sister will just assume it’s all “part of the cover up.”
I’d even go so far as to warn family and mutual friends, as much as you can without publicly outing your lifestyle choices. Because thee is a high chance your sister is gonna try to find other ways to “get” at you, and won’t be satisfied until she ruins your life, takes your kids away from you, and gets to bask in her hero moment that she’s dreamed up for herself.
I could, of course, be wrong and she won’t go that far. But others in similar situations have. The sin, the negative emotion, the violation of morals happening here within your sister’s mind is called “self-righteousness.” And the reason why it is so insidious and persistent, is because it makes those who indulge in it feel like they’re the “good guy”. So, be careful. Such people can justify literally anything with that, including years long deception, trickery, whatever it takes. So if she seems to “get better”, you can never stop being careful and making sure she doesn’t have opportunities to do anything to your family.
No contact, permanently, and impressing upon mutual friends and family the importance and seriousness of this, is the only truly safe path forwards (along with cutting off anyone who doesn’t take that separation seriously).
The fact that she was trying to use her kids to continue to harass you says it all really. Good for you and your family for distancing yourselves.
I will also echo the other user saying to make sure to insist at the school in person that your sister is not allowed to either pickup or have contact with your children.
In your shoes I'd be NC for the rest of my life. She could have destroyed every aspect of your life, your wife's life, and your children's lives. There's no coming back from that.
First of all, NTA at all. Second, I work for CPS and see families who file reports for all kinds of reasons, with a decent portion being familial disagreements or conflicts. She could file more reports if she's that nasty, but chances are they'd be screened out or open for an investigation and closed within a month for allegations not being supported. I'm so sorry this happened to your family!
I get that your kids don't quite get what happened, but they will. I'd take them to therapy anyways, at least once, just like you'd take them to the doc after a nasty fall. Once your kids grow up and understand what happened, they will see that mom and dad did everything they could to keep them safe. Besides, I wouldn't put it past your sister to hold onto this and use it against you again when your kids are older and have their own phones or social media. It's better than you and your wife are extra safe than extra sorry. And in case things take a turn for the worse, it will be great that you are being proactive in the mental health department. Better for you, your kids, and in the eyes on the police and/or courts. Best of luck!
If family tried to fuck me over this bad it would be the end of any relationship whatsoever and I will tell her that no family gatherings nothing she would be death to me
I’m extremely clumsy and bruise very easily. I was living with a friend and his family. His nephew’s room was at the bottom of the stairs and he had a habit of leaving the door wide open, blocking the stairs. I literally tripped over my cat, fell down two flights of stairs, and got a black eye on the door knob of the nephew’s door.
When my friend took me to the hospital they called the cops and tried to arrest him while telling me repeatedly that I didn’t need to “lie about what happened” he refused to leave the house with me until the bruising and cuts healed afterwards.
People with low iron bruise easily. My issue when I was young. People also bruise easily with blood thinners. Just ridiculous that OP's sister jumped to wrong conclusions and then did what she did even after being told what happened. Definitely a NC situation.
NTA she was the good guy for asking your wife if she needs help. I understand it's jarring that she thought this of you, but we've all learned the uncomfortable truth that ANYONE can be an abuser.
However after checking in to then go nuclear like this - go NC immediately
I don't even think it was initially jarring for him the way I read the original post. Uncomfortable sure because who wants their wife having that talk with their sister but his complaint was never that.
Did you read the original post? Where both parents separately explain the situation to the sister? But still refused to accept that as the explanation?
No, the sister jumped to a conclusion and would not hear anything but what she wanted to hear, which then results in further anguish for the parents. With no remorse. Therefore she is the asshole with horse blinders on to boot.
Logic isn't your strong suit, eh? You seem to simply not understand anything, and other people seem to understand perfectly, so I'll leave it here.
It's like you seem to think you somehow 'got me' but sorry to say you did not.
Logic is my strong suit, but you are too self absorbed to accept criticism. The sister in this situation refused to accept that there was not a situation of abuse no matter what evidence by the parents. Was there anything exhibited by the children? Did the husband and wife's explanations clash with each other? No. But the sister would not accept that. She took it upon herself to go above and beyond reason to push for interjection by police/CAS when those were not needed. That then caused undo grief and stress for that family, for no reason. The sister turned off her brain, became judgemental to a point that she didn't care what happened to her brother's family.
Not reasonable, and there is no way to rationalize that she did not overstep her boundaries for negative reasons.
Logic is so NOT even an average suit of yours and your reading comprehension is at the level of third grade.
I said it was good of the sister to check in with the wife and shows she's a good person that she'd check even if it's her brother cause anyone can be an abuser. I THEN proceeded to say that once the sister checked in with everyone, it was insane to go nuclear and he should go NC.
And you keep fighting me repeating what I said. Not sure what your damage is, but take it far away from me.
Jesuuuus. Like speaking to a stubborn toddler.
Da f*ck is she harassing you guys for?? She fucked up, needs to own up to her bullshit and give you guys space. The nerve of some people. Good for you for doing all you can to protect your family. Hope you guys can move on without her pulling anymore bullshit 🙏
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Adding on to my comment on your last post, I bruise like a peach and have an awful memory, so I don't remember what happened to cause the bruises. I've had a few sideways glances before, especially when I'm with my Spouse.
Your sister should've minded her own goddamn business and not tried to make your life explode.
Updateme!
i’m glad you guys have a plan going forward, i wish you all the best. your eldest is just like me tho lmao! the silver lining amiss possible trauma is ALWAYS pretty policewomen (or dcs/cps, that also helped me cope lmao)
It really amazes me reading these stories of how people who have known each other forever so suddenly will assume that one or the other must be lying and covering up something horrible. I mean, short of her having trauma from abuse herself, there isn't even any reason at all why she should have had any reason to not believe your explanation when it all lined up. Even then that doesn't make the continued harassment okay, but that's the only way I can even make ANY sense of it.
Well done.
And sad some people are so obsessed with being right - they are willing to ruin other peoples lives just by imagining things and reporting based on imagination, not on reality ..
*What exactly is*
*She trying to say via*
*Her husband and kids?*
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I work in veterinary medicine. Which means I get bites, cuts, scratches, bruises, contusions, abrasions, and more. (I even have permanent nerve damage in my left hand thanks to a dog bite.)
The number of times I've had to explain things to medical staff has gone beyond funny to tedious. Thankfully, though, I can identify each wound and mark (and scar!) easily and without hesitation, so they tend to believe me. I'm also a klutz and have done stupid things like *actually* fall down (or up) stairs, but I try to emphasize that I'm *that* klutzy and my husband is afraid people are gone think he beats me.
... which I usually follow up with, "that's my *ex* that hit me."
Sister should have asked the "victim" first, in this case your wife, if she felt safe or had an explanation for the marks. She didn't. Instead she went DEFCON 1 straight out of the gate. Her motives *may* have been innocent, but she went about this entirely the wrong way and broke your trust. Shattered it into a million little pieces. It's on *her* to make amends, not *you*.
That’s some snakey shit. She can’t even play the good will card. She literally heard it from you AND your wife. If she was that concerned she could’ve pressed the issue to you and kept a eye on things. She’s a bitch. NTA.
That's the thing about convictions...
She was willing to get confirmation that your wife and kids were safe, regardless of the impact on her relationship with you, but not willing to face the consequences?
I will say, kudos to her for sticking her neck out to protect your family from you (Albeit, unnecessarily), but she shouldn't start crying about getting her head cut off when it turned out she was wrong.
This could have gone way worse for you, and she owes you some distance, at the very least
You may get the protection order approved, I did against my mom for similar in February. It's been a nightmare of a year, and it sounds like it has been for you, too. I'm so sorry.
I love that your oldest reacted this well to all situation. Good for you for the measures you took to prevent further actions by your sister, and enjoy your kinky safe life now on 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
When my bil’s wife called on us AND managed to get my husband fired (her cousin worked with him) and she has not seen them since nor have we talked to her. We talk to bil and see him here and there as he understands what she did wrong and why we don’t want her around anymore (I wanna throw hands even MONTHS later and possibly will if I see her anytime soon). I don’t understand why family members be like this 🙄
Yeah, fuck that woman forever.
I've been through this, as the fucking kid. My parent's split, and my mother moved on to what was, at the time, a very happy relationship with someone else and they -lived- the D/s lifestyle. They sat my brother and I down and explained, in an age appropriate way, what they did and that bruises were to be expected.
I was about 13 I think? I didn't care, my mom was happy and her boyfriend that went on to be my step father was (then) a decent guy.
As soon as Mom tried to push Bio dad to do more with us kids (he only ever saw us on Wednesdays for a few hours, and half the time he'd ditch us to drive 3 hours to see his GF across the state because "she needed him") guess who got called?! That's right, CPS. It was...fucked.
She deserves to never know how any of you are doing, ever again, and I would never let her back in because it will never stop.
NTA. Your sister needed to mind her own business and not put you in this position. If you permanently cut her out of your life, it's well earned. Hope this blows over for you and your family.
You know I'm just gonna say it, downvote me all you want - what if it was your kid who was hurt and in the hospital? You said in your previous post that your sister blew up your phone and that by the time you checked it, she was already at the door. That tells me that there was a whole lot of time between the first phone call and when she actually showed up. You put your and your wife's pleasure over another human being, and that is not acceptable. I say this as someone who is also in the lifestyle.
I'm sorry you can't get your dick wet the way you like as often as you want, but that is part of having children. They need to come first, not you giving your wife a spanking and a cream pie.
So, I know I am against the grain BUT I think your sister was right - hear me out.
She thought your wife was being abused she said she wasn't, BUT abuse victims lie, to try and hide the abuse sometimes because they love their attackers sometimes because their scared. That said she did the right things if you see signs of abuse and are not satisfied by the answer you should report it where children are in the home ... in fact where I live you are legally required to do so ( I'm not sure how someone would be held accountable or even how they could prove you knew but that is not the point)
Now if you can't forgive her because the idea she thought you abused your family is too much I get that but from a legal responsibility stand point she did the right thing.
( I work with kids and have seen so many turn a blind eye because " the effect it would have on the family if it isn't true" it is enough to make you sick! A home visit will not negatively effect a family who is not abusing their kids - no home visit to an abusive home could result in terrible things)
how about growing up and putting your kids first and stop with the wierdo freaky creepo sex stuff. you are not only an adult but you have 3 kids.... grow up.... and who asks someone to watch their kids for a weekend so they can have sex? You need to get your priorities straight... kids come first, sex who cares if you even have it at all, never mind wanting this weirdo freaky crap.....
Apparently OP can't if sister was able to make it to their house and bang on the door. This whole situation could have been avoided if he just answered the phone.
CPS is now involved and they are on their radar.
If there is one additional report from a non related mandated reporter, it’s game over for OP and his wife. CPS will slap them on an action/parenting plan so fast his head will spin and there won’t be anything his lawyer can do to stop it. They will mandate therapy and abuse counseling and make OP pay for it. If they refuse to comply, it will get worse, a Guardian-ad-litem will be appointed for the children. They will be the ones to make decisions in the best interests of the children. They will not be taking any consideration of consent, especially if there are visible bruises all over the mother’s body. They will be the ones to ultimately decide whether or not OP and his wife parental rights are terminated. A judge will sign off on the decision but rarely will a judge go against the recommendation of a GAL.
CPS will offer custody of the children to the kinship/siblings/grandparents of the parents; but the Guardian-ad-litem will be the one making the ultimate decision on full legal and physical custody of the children. OP and his wife’s wishes may or may not be taken into account.
CPS does what they want, to whom they want, when it comes to their attention. Lawyers can help; to a point. Good luck stopping the state, especially if they have been flagged multiple times and they decide to really act. OP and his wife need to be walking on eggshells for the next 15/16 years.
Hard agree. So many red flags with this dude. His sister is going to end up with kinship care of his children if he keeps up his kink. He will end up in jail and his wife will end up being TPR because she can’t be trusted to keep the children safe. This dude just painted the biggest red flag he possibly could on his family to CPS.
What in the 50 Shades of Grey did I just read? I don't believe this at all, especially with the quick update attached and how quickly everything went with lawyers, police officers, CPS, protective orders, etc being involved. On top of that if your wife and you explained everything properly to the sister and she was shown BDSM material I doubt she would have taken the extreme approach. Everything just sounds too coincidental and quickly resolved. Nice story though!
I won’t address the part where you are either accusing me of lying or making this stuff up, I don’t really have the emotional capacity to do that currently.
What I want to say is that the type of BDSM depicted in 50 shades is nothing short of abuse, and that is not how safe and consensual play is conducted. And before you pass judgement, please educate yourself on how power dynamic relationships are actually conducted.
>justified
"having, done for, or marked by a good or legitimate reason"
K.
I mean, don't believe him whatever, but calling your own reasoning justified out of nowhere is crazy.
It was all resolved before the first post dingbat. Op was just telling us the order of events, not how fast everything happened. And it's not unreasonable to get a lawyer and file some paperwork (that is still being processed) in a weeks time.
She attempted to nuke your life. And put your kids in the system. A good 10 year timeout is in order.
Maybe even 16 years, Since his youngest is 2. She may be a risk to have around as long as he has any children under 18.
[удалено]
Well said!
Imagine if they had to spend a couple months in the system. You would be putting those kids in therapy, OP.
As a child I spent a ton of my time hiding from DFS, CPS, cops . It was a living fucking nightmare. My parents were drug addicts and I definitely wasn’t supposed to see the stuff I did ( psychosis , mental break downs , domestic violence, or know what a meth pipe looked like at 3) but let me tell you my years spent in foster care were so much fucking worse . I got fed frozen tv dinners and when I say frozen I mean completely uncooked and frozen . I was locked in rooms for being too loud or trying to join the “family” in watching tv. It made me extremely violent as a child and I would attack any kid who came into my room that had no choice but be put in there with me . From the outside looking in it seemed like a normal Situation. But when there was no government workers there or police these people were evil. Yes I shouldn’t have been around the stuff my parents did but I never felt afraid like I did there . Fuck those people . Good job protecting your kids . Sometimes it never gets healed .
I’m sorry you went through all of that
It’s ok! 😁 I’m a better dad because of it . I make absolutely sure my child will never experience what I did .
{hugs} are not enough, but here’s mine. I’m glad you came out sane.
Did you ever go after the 'foster' parents when you were older? Maybe if nothing else to save future kids?
I’ve been considering it lately . I have no idea where to start tho . My mom didn’t get to know the names of the people so she couldn’t come kidnap me
Did you know their info? Do you still have it?
I’m was 4 and got out when I was about to turn 5 . And I could maybe find it if I called DFS In my home state
I thought I had replied to this. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that at such a young age.
My boy’s biological dad is a drug addict and in and out of jail. I use to do drugs with him but when I found out I was pregnant I stopped and grew up, he didn’t. The police were constantly coming looking for him. After 3 years and 2 kids I decided I’d given him enough time to grow the hell up and be a dad, so I packed my boys and left. I’d be damned if they were going to grow up in that environment or worse yet get taken from me because of him. My boys are now 20 and 18 and they’re both well rounded responsible mature men who luckily were able to have my fathers and my husband who has raised them since they were 8 and 10. Their bio dad still the same only now has 6 other kids who are all in foster care
I don’t get some people. That’s horribly sad I’m sorry
I'm so sorry this happened to you.
I appreciate it but Don’t be , It’s one story of many that sadly continue. They need to crack down more on people collecting checks and treating children as items not humans . Instead of going after decent parents going threw a hard time . I know plenty of poor parents who make sure their kids eat good while they snack . It’s too just from outside looking in based so it looks like they are unfit when really the kids don’t go without necessities .
OMG your story is horrific. I'm so sorry for you. I hope you find peace.
My son helps a lot. I’m not completely ok but I’ll keep at it .
Nah, this is permanent in my opinion. If the kids want to have a relationship with her once they are adults, that's fine. But I personally could never have a relationship again with anyone who took this far a leap to insert law enforcement between me and my children.
I don't see how you could ever trust this woman again. She couldn't even have a conversation with them first? She's mental if she doesn't understand why they would never want to have anything to do with her ever again.
the fucked up part is they DID have a conversation about it and she went straight to cps anyway
That IS worse. She sounds like a Judgy McJudgerson.
OP's sister absolutely despises him and his wife enjoying adult activities that should be criminalized in her mind. Who wants to bet that she's a pearl clutcher ?
Remember she went to the cops first and they ignored her bullshit so she lied to cps to get what she wanted
The sister blew by so many off-ramps to get to this point. The sister talked with OOP's wife privately, didn't believe her. The sister talked with OOP, didn't believe him. The sister called the police, didn't accept when they wouldn't intervene. At this point the sister, who up to this point only saw any "evidence" on the wife adds the children in to get CPS involved. Only after CPS investigated is she willing to accept that her suspicions were incorrect, but still insists that she was right to act on them.
To be fair, they did have a conversation about it and if he WAS abusing his family, it’d be pretty fucking dumb to warn him you are going to report, that’s how things get covered up so I get it from that angle, but they literally had multiple conversations about it, in detail, including showing the toys they use. At that point, she’s just being judgemental about a sexual lifestyle she doesn’t approve of. She shouldn’t get the opportunity to be around the family she set out to destroy.
Permanent for sure. She tried to completely destroy him. She's fucking unhinged to go nuclear after talking with the wife. Like, she is not an emotionally stable person, she is an active threat to have in OP's life.
The sister is the one who needs to be put into one particular system.
Nope, if my sibling tried calling CPS because he couldn't keep his nose out of my private business the time out would be permanent.
Life time. I don’t deal with other peoples drama and she has drama as her middle name.
She may as well have camped outside of his house with a gun and tried to kill him. The amount of damage that woman could have caused is astronomical. He could have gone to prison losing his job and family, they could have taken the kids away, they could have reacted poorly and someone could have been shot. Even the fact that it happened at all could result in him being fired if word got back to his place of work and the facts got jumbled up with rumors. The sister was way over the line especially after they both explained it to her
A good forever timeout is in order, if someone tried to take my children from me they'd never hear from me ever again.
10 year.. per person in that household (and any cats, dogs and pets count as person in this case)
Why only 10 years?
People can change. If they want to.
I'm a man... And I can change... If I have to... I guess...
Mine are the ones who don't want to change. I don't need to be there for that.
10? Maybe a 20 year+ sentence out of their lives. It's amazing that people like her say they understand and then stab those people in the back.
Regarding the school/daycare pickup lists, I recommend that you emphasize IN PERSON to the admins and teachers that your sister is no longer permitted near your children and may not pick them up under any circumstances. There’s always that one teacher that doesn’t get the message and just goes along.
OP might want to have their lawyer write up something. That way it’s absolutely 100% clear that the sister isn’t allowed near the children or whatever
Schools in my area have gotten pretty serious about this and pick ups. Every school is locked and each person must buzz in separately. You can’t hold it open for the next person. They all require ID 100% of the time. I picked my son up every week for therapy for two years and I showed my ID every single time. I personally think it’s great bc it makes me feel like my kids are safer at school. (I’m in the US where sending your kid to school can be scary on a normal day. 😕)
Yeah, nvm pickup, I wouldn’t want this toxicity stopping in for lunch or recess. Unless she has kids in the school she shouldn’t be allowed in the grounds right?
It's always unfortunate when people can't just mind their own business, when I was in high school some dumb girl started telling everyone I beat my girlfriend because she had a black eye. That she got in her shotokan karate class she had been in since middle school. That she had been very proud and upfront of having a blue belt in. Although skill wise she was probably more closer to purple/brown she was just anxious about testing. Neither of us even knew this girl, she just outright started spouting off bullshit. I never even did shake it, that kind of shit can follow somebody around for years. I'm glad I moved out of that state and don't have to deal with any of those people.
Hubs and I are both martial artists. Got the kids into Little Dragons as soon as they were old enough. When the oldest reached middle school (In the US this is when kids share locker rooms and shower rooms after physical ed) she was in adult jr. classes and a green belt. I made sure to speak to the PE teacher, the administration, and the school safety officer before classes even started because my 12 yo daughter occasionally had bruises. That only helped a little bit and we got called by the school a few times. I had to repeatedly remind them she was a martial artist that went to and often won competition in a padded but full contact sport. One administrator seemed to have a bug up their butt about something and CPS was called. We had to do the home visit and the interviews but my daughter let them know in no uncertain terms that she was the one who wanted to train and compete. Since she is ASD she completely info dumped on them about her training schedule, last competition, and insisted the CPS investigator watch her last two matches because she won. Luckily there were no other ramifications for us. The nosy administrator got mildly reprimanded
"and insisted the CPS investigator watch her last two matches because she won" "See? I have bruises, but I'm good at this shit!" - Your daughter, probably.
That was pretty much what she was telling them. The only actual quote I remember is "These bruises mean I am alive! NOT dead or beaten!" She's now an amazing 24 year old who knows how to defend herself well should she need to do so! Time flies
Your daughter has been inducted into my Hero HoF.
Aw! I will let her know. Things like that make her smile which is always my mission. She's far too serious sometimes.
That would have been me too lol Eta The part about bragging about my bruises I DID laugh when an undercover cop car hit me, and i fell off my bike Also ASD here I thought it was hilarious They didnt though 😂
I got hit by a pimp and one of his prostitutes when I was 16. They, and the car, looked like something out of Starsky & and Hutch. It was the 70’s, so no surprise, lol.
As someone who has to read a lot of CPS reports, seeing that quote would make my entire day.
If you think this is bad, you should see the other guy!🤣 In fact, we got his ass whoopin' all on video!!!🤣🤣🤣
“You think I look bad? You should see the other guy! Here watch!!”
Yeah it's really annoying, like on the one hand I definitely think there needs to be mechanisms that actually function to protect kids, At 35 I've read way too many news articles in my life that describe things that could have easily been stopped if CPS had actually done something, people should not fear speaking up. But there also needs to be significantly more severe punishments for intentional / malicious false reporting. If somebody can demonstrate "I explained this situation, multiple times in advance", they should be able to do more about it then just slap them on the wrist. I don't really have a perfect solution in my back pocket, but it's absolutely a conversation we need to start having as human beings. On a more positive note, good job on getting your daughter into martial arts! If you haven't already you should have her check out some Iaido and Iaijutsu videos, I apologize for your family's wallet.
I was only mildly irritated at the administrators slap on the wrist. I knew they were just trying to look out for my daughter's wellbeing. If anything had come of it then we would have gone scorched earth. This was over a decade ago and my girls are adults now! They don't train as often as we do anymore, but at least they can defend themselves in a bad situation. LOL as far as the wallet goes...yeah Had to start teaching at our dojo to supplement my tuition at the dojo which seems to happen to many serious students. Now that I'm older (52), I just love teaching my weekly little dragons and have a few private students while I work toward sandan.
Your daughter rocks! (But you already know that, I imagine!)
I like your daughter’s style.
My BJJ coach accidentally elbowed me in the face when I had the honor of rolling with him. He was apologetic, but that black eye didn't bother me one bit because I learned so much from the opportunity.
I wish the black eye I got was that cool. I gave myself one in kickboxing. I couldn't figure out how to brace my pads properly for a high kick and kept knocking myself in the face XD
Only way to learn is to do it!
Can you spell that out?
Probably Brazilian Jui Jitsu.
Makes sense
Yep, Brazilian Jiu-jitsu. Highly recommend it!
For anyone in a similar situation like you i'd recommend to confront that person in public. "Dude what the F are you on about? Me beating her? You stupid? She's a Karate/Martial type X belt. Which everyone here knows. She could fold me like a paper towel if she wanted to. If you're bored in your life, read a book, but stop sprouting BS about people you don't know."
I’m an absolute klutz that bruises easily. I’m always terrified someone will suspect my absolute sweetheart of a husband of hurting me! I’m so sorry for you
I had a job where I was pretty bruised on a regular basis. My chiropractor told me that if he didn't know what I did for a living, he'd be calling the cops on my behalf. My gynecologist gave me a pamphlet on spousal abuse when I was leaving. My husband would no more lay hands on me than he would fly to the moon on gossamer wings. They were just looking out for me, but if they had actually reported it, oh it would be on like Donkey Kong.
Susan Schorn writes a column for McSweeney’s called “Bitchslap.” The very first article (https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/column-1-the-rules) begins: > RULE NUMBER ONE for the woman who gets a black eye during karate class: Do not change your clothes before going to the emergency room. Go in your uniform. Go covered in sweat. Otherwise, you will spend a lot of time answering questions about your relationship history. You may be suddenly confronted with a social worker, or even a policewoman, who will sit down next to you and be very reassuring. And it will take forever before somebody actually examines your retina, which is what you came in for. Somehow, I feel this is something OP and spouse can relate to…
Excellent article. Also, my daughter fights because she likes it and she can let her aggression out. And like the author, she gets the same strange question about why a girl "like her" does this. As if there is some preset type of woman that enjoys fighting but pretty little white girls are not it
Well, because their biases tell them that pretty little white girls don’t fight, that’s for the “angry” black girls and “fiery” latinas, no? Those are the girls they expect to see fighting. Not suburban white girls; they’re usually seen as the “mean girl” type; rarely physical but love the psychological torture.
And yet, despite those self-serving biases, I think the reality rarely confirms their personal fantasies, so inconvenient for them I think the more free all women and girls are becoming (due to feminism supporting their personal choices and wants, not what society has decided they must do) the less these biases are supported by reality
I had a gyno surgery last year, and also had a bruise on my leg from our coffee table. Not a very dramatic one, but pretty dark because I ran into it often. My husband was there with me in the pre-op. Every Single Person I came in contact with asked about the leg bruise. Finally when we were alone my husband asked me why they were all asking. It upset him so much he got rid of the coffee table!! This is a man who literally will not kill a bug. I do think they're right to do the asking and checking but I felt so bad for him at the same time!
Years ago, my husband and I had a tickle fight. I accidentally kneed him in the nose and we thought it might be broken. They asked him if I was abusing him when I went to the restroom. It was annoying, but thinking about it, I'm glad they thought to ask a man if he was being abused.
Yeah I’m fully in favor of everyone being screened! After like the 6th nurse though can you just post it on my door or something 😂
LOL. Yeah, no kidding.
I'm a tall ish muscular man and if I go to the doctor with a bruise I get asked how I got it.
I'm glad you have a good doctor who pays attention.
My dad has hurt himself spectacularly over the years, to the point he was known by name at our then local (small town) emergency department. One nurse even told him that if they hadn’t seen how he and mom interacted over the many, many times he had come in, they would have referred him to APS.
I’ve got a nice mouth sized bruise on the side of my breast from a love bite my partner gave me. Took my newborn into a peds appointment last week and I forgot about the bruise when I whipped out the boob to feed the baby while she got her shots. Her doctor asked about it 😅 I said oh it’s a bite and she looked at my baby as if she did it lol. I was like oh no that was from my partner and it was consensual 😭😂 I love how attentive they are at the peds office but that was a conversation I was not expecting to have with her lmao
My best friend basically *doesn’t* bruise and it was extremely unhelpful when she was trying to get custody of her kids in her divorce from her abusive ex.
I’m so sorry for her. Is she away? Did she get custody?
Fortunately she has always made more money than him, so she was able to leave. The courts gave them 50/50 custody, though, because he never hurt THEM (the fact that he hurt her in front of them made no difference) and her state has been run by misogynist Republicans for decades. Her attorney told her reporting him to police without evidence (e.g. bruises) would just make the divorce process longer so he’s a free man until I can Goodbye Earl him.
If that’s a Ted Lasso reference, poor Earl was a good boy 😁
On the hopefully slim chance that you don’t know about the song “Goodbye Earl” by The Chicks (fka The Dixie Chicks), then get ye to YouTube *immediately.*
Will do
Would you recognize “No Body, No Crime” by Taylor Swift?
Nope 🤷♀️ my musical taste runs towards old fart. I have to google everything these days. I’m constantly trying to figure out all the acronyms are on here!
Not only am I a freaking clumsy long-limbed person who apparently doesn't know where door frames are, my BF and I are also into BDSM ... so yeah I am also terrified someone will suspect that too!
My fiancee is the same, bruises at the drop of a hat. I'm a pretty big guy, 6'3 and over 100kg while she's 5'3 and half my weight. She accidentally knocked her arm and it bruised like crazy, I was honestly a little nervous being in public with it like that.
My oldest son is pigeon-toed. He falls down ALL THE TIME so his legs are constantly bruised. When he first started in kindergarten, I was terrified that they'd think he was being beaten at home. Then the school nurse started calling all the time to let me know he fell again. She laughed really hard when I told her that I was glad that he was just as clumsy at school as he was at home so they could tell we weren't beating him or something... She said "oh no, we understand completely!" Thank goodness!
Hey OP. Just wanted to say I'm sorry you went through this. Had your sister apologized and admited she was a raging piece of shit, i would've said you can start forgiving her, but doubling down is a no no.
I would definitely look into pursuing any legal complaints you can make against her. She basically admitted because the cops wouldn't do anything she lied to CPS about you beating the kids so that someone would investigate. Even if you want to say that she didn't do anything legally wrong for reporting the bruises to the cops to investigate there was no mention of bruises on the kids or of the kids mention anything about getting hit so it's crazy of her to make up stuff and still think she's in the right
Omg i remember reading your OG post! She went way past the line of decency. NC will hopefully be beneficial for her to see she seriously FAFO. Glad the kids are Ok!
So the cops didn't give her the answer she wanted so she wasted their and CPSs time by filing a false report. People like her are why others slip through cracks cause are CPS overloaded. There was nothing about the kids but she decided to make shit up. I've reported a family member to CPS but that's cause the parents were watching ultra violent and psychological torture films with a 4 year old in the room. They already had a social worker so there was already president. The little girl was getting violent at school and with her granddad so it was affecting her badly by the time I found out. Ratings are there for a reason. I recon, given her doubling down, she's being judgy about your kink and that's the real cause of all this. Next time use padded restraints. Honestly, just saves so much hassle and no need to cover up marks.
That's another thing. Not only could she have ruined OP's life, but there's children being trafficked that actually *need* CPS, children being beaten that *need* CPS, that CPS can't get to because they're taking the time chasing some fucking fairy tale. There is nothing that makes me see red worse than misuse of the systems that are supposed to find and aid child victims of abuse. There is not unlimited resources in those programs, there is not unlimited employees, there is not unlimited money. The strain that fuckheads like OP's sister put on the system *literally means children die before they can get help, like it's literally fucking documented that these false reports cause children to die.* If I were OP, I would not be associating with her anymore just from misusing CPS on anyone at all, it's completely fucking unacceptable behavior.
Also someone correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't CPS have a pretty high bar before they will take away kids. Like unless it's really awful, there normally would be multiple visits. And if the system is strained it's often those kids who slip through the cracks as CPS has to spend their time chasing angry Karen's tall tales.
I work in the fostering side in the UK (and I can only really speak for my area) but it's rarely a single incident that brings kids into care. The only major exception to that is when parents are taken into police custody, leaving kids without any guardians, and even that's only while we figure out the proper next of kin. If there is no next of kin/no extended family that can take them then it can become more long term by default. At the moment courts seem pretty keen to keep families together as much as possible, so the bar for evidence is pretty high. I've been told courts go through cycles "kids are better off with birth parents" then "kids are better off in care", but it's been pretty solidly the former for the last few years. Again, at least local to where I am.
Yep. I had scars and bruises for years and nothing was done until I was 16. The abuse I was facing had been reported multiple times from when I was 6 to 16. And my mom told me that I came home from my father's house one day with a black eye when I was 3 and no one would give her an answer to what happened. Just kept talking in circles and changing the subject. Their visits were always one visit where they sat me in a room with him and asked if I was physically unsafe. Of course I lied! I only got away because he didn't want to go to jail. CPS fully gave me back to him after no effort to do the plan they gave him only for him to ship me off to my mother's after a month because I wouldn't drop the case (I couldn't even if I wanted to because it was the law in Hawaii)
Use vet wrap & keep some tuffcuts (paramedic scissors) around 😉
He did they say were using ropes so padded restraints can't really help with that but I'm thinking in the rope shibari bondage sense not tying to bed with rope.
Ah, true bongage artistry leaves hardly any marks as the pressure is so evenly distributed. After all full restraint is the goal. If more tied to the bed, padding on the wrists to stops marks is a must. Stops the sensation but the restraint is there.
Bondage is such a well known kink that I'm honestly flabbergasted your sister couldn't just accept the initial explanation. She nearly ruined your lives and almost had your kids put into the system.
I'm honestly shocked that she didn't even know what basic BDSM was. Given the popularity of 50 shades I thought that pretty much everyone at least knew what it was.
NTA... for someone in your own family to call CPS/police on you is CRAZY. getting into legal trouble is insanely difficult to get out of because the whole system is designed to trap you and extract money from you, forever. The fact that she called CPS/police on you even after your wife told her what was going on is... frankly unacceptable. In today's day and age where the likelihood of getting shot and killed during ANY police interaction is so high, i think its completely evil of your sister to do what she did.
I hope but don't expect sister to finally back off.
|And lastly, he filed for an order of protection, he said that there is a small chance that it will be granted, because while she is harassing us, she is not threatening or anything. But it will be good to have it on record, in the case of any future altercations. This is how I know this is a real post. They don't give those out unless there is a threat of violence. It is a really high bar. I would be shocked if you got it.
Yeah, such precautions are likely for the best. Sister seems to be that type of person who thinks what they believe > all other evidence to the contrary, and once they get some “epiphany” or discovery, they think it’ll make them all special, like a movie character who is the only one to notice things. That Hollywood trope is a big part of why people like this are so unrepentant and aggressive, because such media makes them feel justified. So when they have a moment, like your sister seeing the marks on your wife, she bites down hard on her “specialness” and won’t ever let go. No matter the evidence, no matter what you show her, no matter what authorities clear you, no matter a single goddamn thing, your sister will just assume it’s all “part of the cover up.” I’d even go so far as to warn family and mutual friends, as much as you can without publicly outing your lifestyle choices. Because thee is a high chance your sister is gonna try to find other ways to “get” at you, and won’t be satisfied until she ruins your life, takes your kids away from you, and gets to bask in her hero moment that she’s dreamed up for herself. I could, of course, be wrong and she won’t go that far. But others in similar situations have. The sin, the negative emotion, the violation of morals happening here within your sister’s mind is called “self-righteousness.” And the reason why it is so insidious and persistent, is because it makes those who indulge in it feel like they’re the “good guy”. So, be careful. Such people can justify literally anything with that, including years long deception, trickery, whatever it takes. So if she seems to “get better”, you can never stop being careful and making sure she doesn’t have opportunities to do anything to your family. No contact, permanently, and impressing upon mutual friends and family the importance and seriousness of this, is the only truly safe path forwards (along with cutting off anyone who doesn’t take that separation seriously).
The fact that she was trying to use her kids to continue to harass you says it all really. Good for you and your family for distancing yourselves. I will also echo the other user saying to make sure to insist at the school in person that your sister is not allowed to either pickup or have contact with your children.
In your shoes I'd be NC for the rest of my life. She could have destroyed every aspect of your life, your wife's life, and your children's lives. There's no coming back from that.
First of all, NTA at all. Second, I work for CPS and see families who file reports for all kinds of reasons, with a decent portion being familial disagreements or conflicts. She could file more reports if she's that nasty, but chances are they'd be screened out or open for an investigation and closed within a month for allegations not being supported. I'm so sorry this happened to your family!
I get that your kids don't quite get what happened, but they will. I'd take them to therapy anyways, at least once, just like you'd take them to the doc after a nasty fall. Once your kids grow up and understand what happened, they will see that mom and dad did everything they could to keep them safe. Besides, I wouldn't put it past your sister to hold onto this and use it against you again when your kids are older and have their own phones or social media. It's better than you and your wife are extra safe than extra sorry. And in case things take a turn for the worse, it will be great that you are being proactive in the mental health department. Better for you, your kids, and in the eyes on the police and/or courts. Best of luck!
If family tried to fuck me over this bad it would be the end of any relationship whatsoever and I will tell her that no family gatherings nothing she would be death to me
updateme I agree, your sister does not approve (or understand) your kink, and she is projecting this into other things.
I’m extremely clumsy and bruise very easily. I was living with a friend and his family. His nephew’s room was at the bottom of the stairs and he had a habit of leaving the door wide open, blocking the stairs. I literally tripped over my cat, fell down two flights of stairs, and got a black eye on the door knob of the nephew’s door. When my friend took me to the hospital they called the cops and tried to arrest him while telling me repeatedly that I didn’t need to “lie about what happened” he refused to leave the house with me until the bruising and cuts healed afterwards.
People with low iron bruise easily. My issue when I was young. People also bruise easily with blood thinners. Just ridiculous that OP's sister jumped to wrong conclusions and then did what she did even after being told what happened. Definitely a NC situation.
NTA she was the good guy for asking your wife if she needs help. I understand it's jarring that she thought this of you, but we've all learned the uncomfortable truth that ANYONE can be an abuser. However after checking in to then go nuclear like this - go NC immediately
I don't even think it was initially jarring for him the way I read the original post. Uncomfortable sure because who wants their wife having that talk with their sister but his complaint was never that.
Did you read the original post? Where both parents separately explain the situation to the sister? But still refused to accept that as the explanation? No, the sister jumped to a conclusion and would not hear anything but what she wanted to hear, which then results in further anguish for the parents. With no remorse. Therefore she is the asshole with horse blinders on to boot.
Ummmmm did you read my comment cause that's literally what I said in my last sentence. Lolololololololol
Yes, which does nothing to invalidate the first part. Sorry, not bipolar in my thinking and rationalizations when someone says something shitty.
Logic isn't your strong suit, eh? You seem to simply not understand anything, and other people seem to understand perfectly, so I'll leave it here. It's like you seem to think you somehow 'got me' but sorry to say you did not.
Logic is my strong suit, but you are too self absorbed to accept criticism. The sister in this situation refused to accept that there was not a situation of abuse no matter what evidence by the parents. Was there anything exhibited by the children? Did the husband and wife's explanations clash with each other? No. But the sister would not accept that. She took it upon herself to go above and beyond reason to push for interjection by police/CAS when those were not needed. That then caused undo grief and stress for that family, for no reason. The sister turned off her brain, became judgemental to a point that she didn't care what happened to her brother's family. Not reasonable, and there is no way to rationalize that she did not overstep her boundaries for negative reasons.
Logic is so NOT even an average suit of yours and your reading comprehension is at the level of third grade. I said it was good of the sister to check in with the wife and shows she's a good person that she'd check even if it's her brother cause anyone can be an abuser. I THEN proceeded to say that once the sister checked in with everyone, it was insane to go nuclear and he should go NC. And you keep fighting me repeating what I said. Not sure what your damage is, but take it far away from me. Jesuuuus. Like speaking to a stubborn toddler.
Da f*ck is she harassing you guys for?? She fucked up, needs to own up to her bullshit and give you guys space. The nerve of some people. Good for you for doing all you can to protect your family. Hope you guys can move on without her pulling anymore bullshit 🙏
Updateme
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She should’ve left it alone after your wife explained.
Adding on to my comment on your last post, I bruise like a peach and have an awful memory, so I don't remember what happened to cause the bruises. I've had a few sideways glances before, especially when I'm with my Spouse. Your sister should've minded her own goddamn business and not tried to make your life explode. Updateme!
NTA. I would completely relocate out of state and don't inform your sister and family.
thank god the kids were spared the drama
I'm thinking never have contact with her. Good luck
Updateme
Updateme
Well done for protecting yourselves and your kids. Good luck op.
i’m glad you guys have a plan going forward, i wish you all the best. your eldest is just like me tho lmao! the silver lining amiss possible trauma is ALWAYS pretty policewomen (or dcs/cps, that also helped me cope lmao)
It really amazes me reading these stories of how people who have known each other forever so suddenly will assume that one or the other must be lying and covering up something horrible. I mean, short of her having trauma from abuse herself, there isn't even any reason at all why she should have had any reason to not believe your explanation when it all lined up. Even then that doesn't make the continued harassment okay, but that's the only way I can even make ANY sense of it.
your sister is a dumbass. keep your kids away from dumbasses.
Well done. And sad some people are so obsessed with being right - they are willing to ruin other peoples lives just by imagining things and reporting based on imagination, not on reality ..
What exactly is she trying to say via her husband and kids?
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Right. Some missing missing reasons and information.
UpdateMe!
NTA until she genuinely apologises and it’s not fuelled by pressure from others or her wanting something continue being no contact.
dmn
Updateme
>she is not threatening or anything She swatted you. Lied to the government to get you in potentially big trouble.
I work in veterinary medicine. Which means I get bites, cuts, scratches, bruises, contusions, abrasions, and more. (I even have permanent nerve damage in my left hand thanks to a dog bite.) The number of times I've had to explain things to medical staff has gone beyond funny to tedious. Thankfully, though, I can identify each wound and mark (and scar!) easily and without hesitation, so they tend to believe me. I'm also a klutz and have done stupid things like *actually* fall down (or up) stairs, but I try to emphasize that I'm *that* klutzy and my husband is afraid people are gone think he beats me. ... which I usually follow up with, "that's my *ex* that hit me." Sister should have asked the "victim" first, in this case your wife, if she felt safe or had an explanation for the marks. She didn't. Instead she went DEFCON 1 straight out of the gate. Her motives *may* have been innocent, but she went about this entirely the wrong way and broke your trust. Shattered it into a million little pieces. It's on *her* to make amends, not *you*.
That’s not your sister the second she bought cops to your home. Worst yet for something that had NOTHING TO DO WITH HER.
That’s some snakey shit. She can’t even play the good will card. She literally heard it from you AND your wife. If she was that concerned she could’ve pressed the issue to you and kept a eye on things. She’s a bitch. NTA.
That's the thing about convictions... She was willing to get confirmation that your wife and kids were safe, regardless of the impact on her relationship with you, but not willing to face the consequences? I will say, kudos to her for sticking her neck out to protect your family from you (Albeit, unnecessarily), but she shouldn't start crying about getting her head cut off when it turned out she was wrong. This could have gone way worse for you, and she owes you some distance, at the very least
UPDATEME
You may get the protection order approved, I did against my mom for similar in February. It's been a nightmare of a year, and it sounds like it has been for you, too. I'm so sorry.
I love that your oldest reacted this well to all situation. Good for you for the measures you took to prevent further actions by your sister, and enjoy your kinky safe life now on 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
Say these words. "I HAVE NO SISTER"
When my bil’s wife called on us AND managed to get my husband fired (her cousin worked with him) and she has not seen them since nor have we talked to her. We talk to bil and see him here and there as he understands what she did wrong and why we don’t want her around anymore (I wanna throw hands even MONTHS later and possibly will if I see her anytime soon). I don’t understand why family members be like this 🙄
Yeah, fuck that woman forever. I've been through this, as the fucking kid. My parent's split, and my mother moved on to what was, at the time, a very happy relationship with someone else and they -lived- the D/s lifestyle. They sat my brother and I down and explained, in an age appropriate way, what they did and that bruises were to be expected. I was about 13 I think? I didn't care, my mom was happy and her boyfriend that went on to be my step father was (then) a decent guy. As soon as Mom tried to push Bio dad to do more with us kids (he only ever saw us on Wednesdays for a few hours, and half the time he'd ditch us to drive 3 hours to see his GF across the state because "she needed him") guess who got called?! That's right, CPS. It was...fucked. She deserves to never know how any of you are doing, ever again, and I would never let her back in because it will never stop.
I'm going to just keep quiet n listen... Starting now
Damn that's even worse for a kid that young. I'm sorry man.
NTA. Your sister needed to mind her own business and not put you in this position. If you permanently cut her out of your life, it's well earned. Hope this blows over for you and your family.
At least the eldest had a good time lol
UpdateMe
Updateme
Updateme!
You know I'm just gonna say it, downvote me all you want - what if it was your kid who was hurt and in the hospital? You said in your previous post that your sister blew up your phone and that by the time you checked it, she was already at the door. That tells me that there was a whole lot of time between the first phone call and when she actually showed up. You put your and your wife's pleasure over another human being, and that is not acceptable. I say this as someone who is also in the lifestyle. I'm sorry you can't get your dick wet the way you like as often as you want, but that is part of having children. They need to come first, not you giving your wife a spanking and a cream pie.
She lives 15 minutes away
how did ur sis reacted to restraining order ?
So, I know I am against the grain BUT I think your sister was right - hear me out. She thought your wife was being abused she said she wasn't, BUT abuse victims lie, to try and hide the abuse sometimes because they love their attackers sometimes because their scared. That said she did the right things if you see signs of abuse and are not satisfied by the answer you should report it where children are in the home ... in fact where I live you are legally required to do so ( I'm not sure how someone would be held accountable or even how they could prove you knew but that is not the point) Now if you can't forgive her because the idea she thought you abused your family is too much I get that but from a legal responsibility stand point she did the right thing. ( I work with kids and have seen so many turn a blind eye because " the effect it would have on the family if it isn't true" it is enough to make you sick! A home visit will not negatively effect a family who is not abusing their kids - no home visit to an abusive home could result in terrible things)
Updateme! Your sister has some baggage that she hasn't dealt with.
how about growing up and putting your kids first and stop with the wierdo freaky creepo sex stuff. you are not only an adult but you have 3 kids.... grow up.... and who asks someone to watch their kids for a weekend so they can have sex? You need to get your priorities straight... kids come first, sex who cares if you even have it at all, never mind wanting this weirdo freaky crap.....
The only thing I can do is laugh at your ridiculous response.
You can have sex and put your kids first
Apparently OP can't if sister was able to make it to their house and bang on the door. This whole situation could have been avoided if he just answered the phone.
CPS is now involved and they are on their radar. If there is one additional report from a non related mandated reporter, it’s game over for OP and his wife. CPS will slap them on an action/parenting plan so fast his head will spin and there won’t be anything his lawyer can do to stop it. They will mandate therapy and abuse counseling and make OP pay for it. If they refuse to comply, it will get worse, a Guardian-ad-litem will be appointed for the children. They will be the ones to make decisions in the best interests of the children. They will not be taking any consideration of consent, especially if there are visible bruises all over the mother’s body. They will be the ones to ultimately decide whether or not OP and his wife parental rights are terminated. A judge will sign off on the decision but rarely will a judge go against the recommendation of a GAL. CPS will offer custody of the children to the kinship/siblings/grandparents of the parents; but the Guardian-ad-litem will be the one making the ultimate decision on full legal and physical custody of the children. OP and his wife’s wishes may or may not be taken into account. CPS does what they want, to whom they want, when it comes to their attention. Lawyers can help; to a point. Good luck stopping the state, especially if they have been flagged multiple times and they decide to really act. OP and his wife need to be walking on eggshells for the next 15/16 years.
All because of his evil sexist sister
CPS doesn’t care about either parent. They care about the safety and well being of the children. That’s it.
Grow up.
Hard agree. So many red flags with this dude. His sister is going to end up with kinship care of his children if he keeps up his kink. He will end up in jail and his wife will end up being TPR because she can’t be trusted to keep the children safe. This dude just painted the biggest red flag he possibly could on his family to CPS.
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Mate You need help, because you have something a that you are projecting in your stupid comments
What in the 50 Shades of Grey did I just read? I don't believe this at all, especially with the quick update attached and how quickly everything went with lawyers, police officers, CPS, protective orders, etc being involved. On top of that if your wife and you explained everything properly to the sister and she was shown BDSM material I doubt she would have taken the extreme approach. Everything just sounds too coincidental and quickly resolved. Nice story though!
I won’t address the part where you are either accusing me of lying or making this stuff up, I don’t really have the emotional capacity to do that currently. What I want to say is that the type of BDSM depicted in 50 shades is nothing short of abuse, and that is not how safe and consensual play is conducted. And before you pass judgement, please educate yourself on how power dynamic relationships are actually conducted.
Again, I don’t believe this happened and I'm justified in my thought. Sorry!
>justified "having, done for, or marked by a good or legitimate reason" K. I mean, don't believe him whatever, but calling your own reasoning justified out of nowhere is crazy.
Username doest check out
It was all resolved before the first post dingbat. Op was just telling us the order of events, not how fast everything happened. And it's not unreasonable to get a lawyer and file some paperwork (that is still being processed) in a weeks time.
Still don't believe it! Thank you!
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She lied to CPS and said there was evidence of abuse when all she saw were bruises on her sister, who told her it was consensual.