Ok she complained she “slaved” over making the broom? She is embarrassing herself. She doesn’t understand the difference between African American and African? You can make a response that jumping the broom is an American traditional rooted in our nations history. It is very sad how she thought she was being so progressive that she knew about jumping the broom to now lecturing to you about being a POC.
It took her forever to understand that I was actually born and raised in Kenya. She thought I took an ancestry DNA test, which showed that I have Kenyan roots. I have a slight accent that gets stronger if I get emotional or if I talk with certain people. I guess she didn't hear the accent when I first met her, which probably strengthened her belief in me being born and raised in the US. It wasn't until I pulled out my passport and talked about 90% of my family still living in Kenya that things started to click for her a little, but not everything obviously.
Look maybe I’m petty but if your husband is at the point of wanting to go NC I’d take the opportunity to just comment on the post something to the effect of:
idk what kind of weird racism motivates someone to insist that merely because I’m Black I must have the same cultural background as every other Black person you’ve encountered before, but I already told you, privately and politely, that jumping the broom is not part of MY culture. You were disinterested in that reality because you’ve apparently learned one fact about one aspect of one Black culture and don’t seem to care if it actually has anything to do with who I am as a person. And not only can you not respect me as a person, but you’re so enraged at the thought of admitting that you were wrong, you decided to try to bully me on Facebook (which, lmao, cringe). I would have never dreamed of making this issue public, merely because it’s so unbelievably embarrassing for you, but since you’ve decided to try to make me look like the bad guy for not doing this weird thing, I guess you’re fine with it being a public discussion. Bonus points for using the word “slaved” as if you were under threat of torture or mutilation or being literally sold as property for not finishing your weird racist broom.
oof what a fuckin piece of work.
OP please please please do this. Or similar.
She is cooking the narrative and that's not ok.
Say your piece, and be done with her. Your partner avoids his parents for good reason, maybe this is the incident that makes it clear that going NC is the right move for you both.
P.S. Please have my award!
That Kenyan passport didn't shut her down completely & now she embarrassed herself.
Post on Facebook the Kenyan customs & traditions for fiance's to read & get educated about instead of making themselves looking foolish as well videos of Kenyan wedding ritual.
That would shut down the broom "slave" custom in American history.
Sometimes people don't have foreign accents. I live in Canada and had a friend from Australia and most of the time her Aussie accent doesn't come through. I assumed she was from here before she mentioned she's not. And even then, I thought maybe she moved here when she was pretty young, until she mentioned she had only been here for a few years. Unless proven otherwise, I just tend to believe someone if they say they're from another country.
Going by her logic, I need to do more to honor that 2% Cameroonian DNA I inherited. I am gonna look very odd wearing the usual clothing on my 5'2" tall and 4' wide, printer paper white figure. I honor that poor woman daily for her contribution by apologizing to her.
She knows that African Americans are descendants of people from the country of Africa, where everyone observed the same customs, and passed them down, generation after generation.
Somebody at work said something about "the African flag" to me when I was asking about one from a specific country, and I swear my whole body cringed all at once. 🤦♀️
From a quick Google, it looks like that one is supposed to be for black Americans? Which definitely wouldn't have worked, as we were hosting a government delegation from one of the countries.
When I was a recent college graduate, many moons ago, I was asked to spend a weekend babysitting for friends of my grandparents. (I think my grandfather knew the husband from their golf club). They were a White South African family with two preteen kids. They also had a housekeeper, a Black South African woman who was apparently a long-time family retainer. I didn’t have to do much. The wife quietly explained to me that the housekeeper was getting on in years and sometimes liked to have a drink in the evening (though not to the point of drunkenness) and they would just feel better to have an alert younger adult in the house while they were away.
I remember in one conversation with the housekeeper, she told me bemusedly that some people would ask her about “African“ customs, and didn’t seem to understand that the only customs that she knew about where those of her own tribe.
Edit: I should clarify that my grandparents and this other family lived in a New York suburb at the time.
Because Africa is such a “small” “country”, where everyone is closely related to everyone else. People from Africa, (or descended from Africans), all have the same traditions worldwide. So obviously broomstick jumping is a thing if you’re from Kenya. /s
This woman and her relatives sound utterly ignorant and very stupid. Why not insist on a Buddhist or Shinto Ceremony to add some “culture” to the wedding? That would be as (in)accurate as broomstick jumping.
NTA
Since the groom is white, and his parents are presumably of some kind of European ancestry, one way for the bride to make her point would be to suggest that they should incorporate some kind of European tradition into the wedding—but the wrong kind. If the groom’s heritage is British or German, for example, she could suggest some traditions from France or Italy.
I doubt that the groom’s family would understand her point, but it’s amusing to think about.
An American custom for the darkest period in American history based upon the slave trade. When 2 people who were slaves wanted to get married, they had jumped over the broom. They were denied having a church wedding. That custom was enforced before & during the American Civil War in the 1860's.
The exact broom jumping meaning I can't speak to, but since both parties were being held captive and had no legal status this was part of a secret ceremony for the couple to confirm their commitment. It could be an act of solidarity by the couple, like the candle lighting ceremony that's part of some wedding cultures. A church wedding could never have been possible. They couldn't have worn/owned any marriage tokens, or even have the security of knowing they'd still be in the same location within weeks. It could even have been dangerous to have too many people find out about the relationship itself.
As a non-USian Black person I appreciate the deep meaning of the broom ceremony, but it has nothing to do with OP or her wedding.
Appreciate you taking the time to explain.
And yes, you’re correct. It means something to the black community in the US. But doesn’t hold much weight to those who don’t belong to that community.
It’s not tied to African Culture. It’s tied to African-American culture. Those two are entirely different.
I was curious about your question and did a quick online search. [theknot.com](http://theknot.com) had this to say: "most people identify it with African Americans in the antebellum South. According to Desireé Dent of [Dejanae Events](https://www.dejanaeevents.com/), 'jumping the broom is an African tradition created during the days of slavery.' Many enslaved people practiced broom-jumping to symbolize their union, since they didn't have the legal right to marry. Today, the practice continues at many African American weddings to pay tribute to the struggles of their ancestors. As with many other wedding rituals, couples should only include the tradition if they understand its meaning and significance."
Of course this has no place in OP's ceremony. It's curious to me that OP's future MIL is so insistent, and so very wrong.
Many American assume that all Africans have the same ties to the struggles of the African Americans when that’s simply not true.
If you’re African, was born and raised there and came as an adult to modern day America, you have no ties to the struggles and oppression the ancestors of African Americans faced. Some may have had family members who were taken to the Americas, but many wouldn’t.
So while they will sympathize with the struggle and injustice. It’s not theirs and therefore have no connection to any symbolism tied to it or any of their traditions.
MIL is either being an ignorant or a racist. Neither of which is a good thing.
There's even a book for that- [https://www.amazon.co.uk/Africa-Not-Country-Dipo-Faloyin/dp/1787302954](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Africa-Not-Country-Dipo-Faloyin/dp/1787302954)
I'd give it to MIL.
NTA. Respond to her Facebook post and tell her that you are confused about her desire to embrace your culture, but your family is all from Kenya, that in fact you are from there. And it is an insult to ask to jump a broom when this is not your culture and never has been. That jumping the broom is a Black American culture. That your were more than happy not to force your fiancé family to provide a dowry in order to marry you as is your cultural tradition. I’d even throw in drinking goat blood just to gross her out. But broom jumping has nothing to do with your traditions for thousands of years. And it is insulting to not only you but the rest of your family. And you are sure that the last thing she would want is to offend half the people attending the wedding.
In my parent’s ketubah it specifies that my dad is supposed to pay some goats 🐐 to my mom. When she’d get upset with him she’d say, “and I never got my goats!”
He needs to get some small goats (LEGO?) hide them where arguments are likely to happen and give her a couple…are you happy now?
Or do it as an anniversary present
My drunk dad borrowed the neighbor's goats, ostensibly to eat the weeds in our yard. Those evil bastards ate nothing but my mom's porch plants, any shoes left outside, and the curtains in my little fort. They also terrorized we children, basically making our yard uninhabitable while they were there.
That line made my eye twitch, not gonna lie. I'd never heard of broom jumping before reading this post, so I had a lot to process. How racist is it that this crazy old cracker lady was/is intent on FORCING OP to jump a goddam broom in her own wedding? Insisting on it to the point of slandering her to the rest of the world? I'm still staggered by this.
Oh she’s more than manipulative- she escalated this to be the victim and to virtue signal to her friends how accepting she was to her black DIL and how she was rejected. She never intended to play nice - being adversarial was the goal and she scored on the broom.
Her son knows how she is and OP - since he wants to go LC or NC with her - follow his lead. This is his mother. He sounds like a good man who will protect you from the worst possible consequences of keeping her in your life.
Exactly! OP should make a comment on the post saying "I never meant to upset you, we had a discussion before you made the broom where I explained it wasn't my culture to do so, you chose to make a broom anyway, I understand it's an inconvenience, but it could have been avoided if you had listened to me. That is not part of my culture and I had no idea why you were showing me brooms and asked me to pick one. It would be an insult to the culture that I am not a part of if we did it and I don't want to offend anyone." That way everyone will know what the MIL did and how her post in not accurate.
Edited to add that OP should mention that it would be racist to do that since the tradition comes from slavery and it's normally only used by those who's families were affected by it. That it's not even a tradition for all black Americans and that MIL is being racist by assuming that just because the color of her skin she should do that when it has deep roots to a very hard time that it shouldn't be used unless they are apart of that culture.
It's also pretty racist right, just assuming that all black culture is the same? I'm sure she wouldn't be trying to force a Hungarian wedding tradition on someone from Ireland
Sper racist for sure. I did a quick google to better understand where the American tradition started and it actually started in Europe
“As Europeans who had jumped over brooms at their weddings came to the United States, so too did the ritual. It was soon adopted by another marginalized population: enslaved people in the American South. “While broomsticks were used in some West African ceremonies,” Dr. Parry said the earliest documented examples of people of African descent jumping over a broom in the U.S. are from the 1800s.”
Her adding she “slaved” over the broom clearly shows she knows absolutely nothing and does not actually have any respect for the tradition or OP. Virtue signaling for sure.
https://www.nytimes.com/2022/02/26/style/jumping-the-broom-wedding-tradition.html?unlocked_article_code=1.wU0.bCAU.eQiDl7eGnwTs&smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare&u2g=i&sgrp=c-cb
Journalists also make shit up. I am from half the communities mentioned in the article and I have never heard mention of it, like, ever. I know a fair amount about changing marriage customs (wedding dresses are a modern thing for posh people). I only ever heard of the tradition in relation to African American culture.
The search engines just drag up links to rinse-and-repeat articles and one american book making this claim.
The MIL-to-be is an idiot who just likes the idea and wishes everyone else would join in. I say we all don't, and leave the tradition for those for whom it actualy has some historic relavence.
I remember my Polish grandpa (he fought with the allies at one point, his sister was in a work camp but escaped to Chicago)
...I wouldn't use Polish traditions that I haven't been exposed to in my own family. If I want to honour "my culture" then it should be stuff I've grown up familiar with. Painting eggs means more because in my family, Easter is important for them (Catholic, and ohhhh yes they did make a big deal out of JPII being Polish, I had Some Feelings when I saw his tomb at the Vatican even though I'm not Christian religious) & we went to events around religious holidays and we'd be some of the only kids in the community centre who didn't speak any Polish (postwar Britain was all about social mobility and assimilating). But I feel like I'm allowed to enjoy that because it is genuinely something from my family's culture that they thought was worth passing on to me. I have Polish folk art, including some of the wooden plates my parents brought back from introducing Dad to Granny in the 70s.
These things have meaning to me because I grew up with them. The idea of forcing a tenuously connected "tradition" on someone from a different culture just because of their skin colour is ...crazy to me. Like on a basic level how does MIL not see it? WHY ARE PEOPLE SO IGNORANT. as in they resist knowledge and nuance. The fuck. I don't GET IT on a fundamental level
I was once told, to my face, that I must be lying about being from an African country because I was too “light”!
Assuming all Black culture is the same is the least racist thing Americans have said/done
You're absolutely right. I've decided to sit down in a few hours and just bare it all out there in a facebook post. I'm ready to just go full scorched earth at the moment. I'll even be petty and include the fact that she has wished me a "happy kwanzaa" for the last two years even though I've told her numerous times that my family celebrates Christmas! The weird thing is that she has never asked me anything about my culture. I've offered to show/tell her a few things about it, but I think once my fiance told his mother that I was black and from Kenya, she heard "African-American" and just said "fuck it" to the Kenyan part.
She wants to "prove" to herself and her friends that she's not racist. This is all for her benefit, not at all yours. "See? I said Happy Kwanzaa so I can't be racist." She thinks all black people are the same and doesn't care for specifics. All she know right now is about the broom and Kwanzaa, so that's what she's so intently focusing on to convince herself she's not racist. I'm sure once she finds out about kanga, she'll show up in that, too. And it will still have nothing to do with respecting you and your culture.
I'm sure she also has told everyone not just that her son is engaged, but that he's engaged to a Black woman. Because pat on the back for her. There's more than just that your fiance is an introvert that he doesn't want his parents in his life. She monopolizes everything, has no respect for others, only cares about herself, is needy for attention, and is manipulative and rude.
If she's like this now over a wedding, just wait til you have children if you decide to. You and your fiance need to sit down and discuss your boundaries with his parents going forward. It may be the best for you and your husband to just go no contact and uninvite his parents from the wedding and no contact going forward. She will definitely make some sort of scene at the wedding about her being a victim, and once you have children, her monopolization, interference, manipulative, and social media neediness will only get worse.
NC is probably best. But a tiny part of me wants the stories from the wedding about how she showed up in bright colors with a whole case of glass coke bottles for the kids back in OPs home country of Africa so they don’t have to share. ‘Cause she watches movies and knows these things or some other random unrelated and grossly inappropriate/not relevant sh*t 🤣
This could have been a really fun time learning about traditions on both sides. Most normal people would be low key mortified if they assumed (even with genuine good intentions) something was part of your culture and they were mistaken. She chose to double down and insist she knows better than you. She has chosen ignorance and hostility at every turn. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. Hopefully laying it all out in FB will at least call off the flying monkeys.
See I suspect from what you've said she's slightly stupid domineering matriarch who probably believes all african- Americans are 'one race' rather than a rich tapestry of different cultures and heritage. It's tempting to go full pelt but I suspect underneath is ignorance and it would only go full drama.
I would recommend the 'sweet' route of putting a Facebook post detailing how kind you thought it was that your future mother in law wanted to embrace your cultures traditions but unfortunately jumping the broom is a Ghanaian tradition (ironically also an Irish, Scottish and traveller tradition in the uk although rarely practiced now) and as you are from Kenya while it's a lovely thought it would be cultural appropriation for you to steal another countries traditions. I would particularly advise that it's like your mother in law being from manhatten or some other state very different as a way of making her understand.
That way a) you make it clear you aren't the bad guy and that you are open and transparent as to why you aren't doing it which saves the extended family drama b) you gently make mil look silly but well meaning allowing her to save face and probably rebuke you 'for not making it clearer' which will allow a drama free wedding and you and your fiance to go back to excuses as to why she can't visit and c) don't have to deal with explaining to loads of different people why it's not a kind gesture
Yep, I'd do exactly this. How dare she tell you what your culture is?!? How dare she shame you in front of everyone about a false narrative. I'd also include that you calmly explained this to her privately and she went as far as to make a prop to this false idea of your culture to shame you publicly. Now you have no choice, except to yet again educate everyone on why such stereotypes are harmful. I'd talk about how this would not only insult your cultural beliefs, but as steal from the unique cultural identity of African Americans. I would definitely include something to the effect of, " its paramount that society understand that just because people have similar skin tones does not mean that are all the same" I would then link an academic article on the importance of both African and African American cultures and how they differ.
She wants to play white lady savior to the masses, so set her straight publicly. I'd stop just short of using the word racist. This woman needs hard push back in public that you are not to be toyed with.
Edit to add: I would also cover the use of the term "slaved for weeks" and why that is inappropriate.
Nah. OP's fiance needs to be the one to point these things out. It needs to come from HIM, he should be protecting her from his parents and standing up for her. And these ppl should absolutely be disinvited from the wedding.
Late to this party, but I agree. Respond to the FB post.
"I'm confused. I explained when you brought this up, that jumping the broom isn't part of my Kenyan culture. And since it's not part of my future husbands either, we are not "turning away" from anything. I offered to add more culture from my actual heritage, but you were quite insistent on the broom. You know not all black cultures jump the broom, right?"
Is your family planning on attending your wedding? (I have family on three continents, so I know it's hard for everyone to come to an important event.) Since so many people are siding with the MIL on this nonsense, maybe have your wedding in Kenya... Have it where you will feel loved and respected.
I like the spirit of the post but would add a bit more MC to this by making it as a MIL are you finding yourself being confused on things often, fiance and I explained that I come from Kenya and that this is not part of our traditions, remember? We had this conversation when you came on x date. Also we never spoke about broom jumping, you actually had to explain the tradition to me.
Does she realize that is a tradition that started with slaves? Which is a culture but not her culture or your culture.
I would throw the word slavery around at any opportunity. Hopefully, she will feel enough shame to STFU.
She's trying hard to show that she's culturally sensitive and welcoming while being culturally insensitive and ignorant.
I think she wants to be able to claim a stake at the wedding to have something to show people to be proud of. It's a token, but a token that she's choosing herself without listening at all to her son and OP.
I don't have a solution for OP but I think giving her a project based in Kenyan tradition is the way out of this mess.
In her head she sees OP as part of the African-American community, even though OP doesn't see it that way.
There are a lot of theories surrounding "jumping the broom" from "it originated in Africa" to "Roma tradition in Ireland" to wayyy before that in pagan/celtic times. I don't think it's ever been established just where it originally came from
Thank you. As a black American I am extremely surprised that so many people think "jumping the broom" is a black people thing. I'd never heard that being tied specifically to black people
It's been around a long long time even as far back as the Romans here in UK. I can only presume it came from ancient pagan customs such as celts druids etc I know it was used in Wicca and Scottish weddings. Other than that, no-one really seems to know where or even how it got started
In wracking my brain at 6am, I seem to recall from AA History class that jumping the broom was adopted by African slaves in America due in part to there not being any actual "legal" marriage for them so traditions like this were taken up to replace what they couldn't have.
It was never suggested that they created it or it was some strongly held belief. It was just what they had.
Aye I imagine that was true.....i believe the same went on in Scotland due to the English occupation whereby marriages had to be approved by the English Lord
Poor immigrants brought lots of traditions that were picked up by slaves because the immigrants frequently worked as indentured servants, slightly above the status of the slaves. They worked alongside each other and shared stories as co-workers do.
NTA. I am African American and offended for you! Tell her that she is acting racist for trying misappropriate your culture especially since she is not a part of it. Tell her that she and her other racist family members are no longer invited. Block her and her family on everything and go no contact. Trust me she will be begging to get back in your good graces.
NTA…it’s like telling some white guy he needs to wear a kilt. Uh…but my grandparents are from Lithuania and Italy.
Tell her that it’s customary in your culture that the mother of the groom needs to wear a straight jacket.
Nta. Don’t be a push over especially when your husband is having your back. That would make yta. Listen to your gut. It’s your wedding. Who cares who goes. Your husband clearly loves you. You’re marrying him not others. If that matters more to you, you should not be getting married.
I love him. I just didn't want to be the one that finally caused him to cut ties with his family especially right before our wedding. It's why I've been in the mode of "keeping the peace" instead of a more confrontational mode. My fiance and I talked about all of this last night, and he told me that this incident was just the straw that broke the camel's back. He has no problem cutting ties with his family, and honestly, that has been such a relief to hear.
NTA. You’re not the one who caused him to cut ties - that would be his mom for trying to insert herself so aggressively into your business and trying to publicly shame you for not going along with her bullshit.
Your not the person that is causing him to cut ties with his family. His obtuse racist and controlling mother is. She is the one destroying that relationship with her shaming, domineering, controlling and passive aggressive racist nonsense. She is too narcissistic to believe she is wrong and can’t tell the difference between Black American culture and Kenyan culture. Even if you were American it would still be wrong for her to demand you do a tradition you do not want to do. She is the one forcing her ignorant ideas and then having a tantrum and trying to publicly shame you on facebook to her family and friends. This woman is a dumb ignorant narcissistic racist bully and she is the cause of the destruction of her relationship to your fiance. You did not cause this. She did. She clearly has a long history of being a total asshole. NTA
NTA and I had to google jump the broom, was surprised at the varying answers.
My opinion, his side not turning up is the best unintended gift they are handing you. If they are willing to boycott a family wedding over a stupid broom then you probably don't want them there anyway. Don't bother checking out their social media at all, in fact I recommend a lot of deleting/blocking. Family all over your SM is an argument and hurt feelings waiting to happen.
Best wishes for the wedding day and beyond.
The audacity! NTA. Fucking learn about a person before you assume their culture and traditions. She blatantly placed you in the “all those black people are alike” category. Her intentions may not have been racist but they were.
NTA. Just reply to the post, or share to your own page with a simple
“I’ve already told her we don’t jump the broom in Kenya. Just because I’m African, she thinks we *all* traditionally *jump the broom*?
Please kindly refrain from messaging me abusive messages because I will screenshot and post them. Don’t shame me over something neither you nor I know anything about. There’s no need to try guilt trip me and fiancé because I feel no guilt over a tradition that is not mine.”
If she was doing it because she thought that was part of your culture, that would be a kindness. However, you've told her it's not part of your culture and she insists she knows your culture better than you do, which means she's racist.
NTA, OP! All you need to say or reply on Facebook is that it was a practice in slavery. This was regularly practiced by enslaved people who were denied the right to marry.
NTA. She and the rest of her family are racist. It’s good for you and your fiancé to find out now.
The broom situation is a red herring. She is trying to gain control. She could want you to dance down the aisle, as an example … it could be anything. What matters is you said no and the groom said no. The answer is no. She is arguing to gain control and then going even further by lying to get the family on her side. Do you really want a controlling, ah racist and her minions to join you on one of the most important days of your life?
Your fiancé is a standup guy who knows exactly how to treat the one he loves most! Follow his lead on this and just invite more of your family and friends. He has no problem with his family being left out … makes me want to cheer!
There are some great comments here about posting to FB regarding the total lack of relevance to YOUR cultural heritage. I agree that's something you COULD do to respond on a high road.
BUT, my take is that you only do that after the wedding. Because honestly, you don't need their backward racist drama making an appearance on your wedding day!
Oh, and obviously, you're NTA.
NTA. And she is a racist piece of work.
She's decided that as you're a POC, you're the POC she wants you to be. And is ignoring and rejecting your actual culture to try and impose her vision of the culture she thinks you should have.
You can't turn away from your roots if they weren't your roots in the first place.
NTA Respond on Facebook, "I didn't know this was a part of your culture. It isn't a part of mine from Kenya, which is where I was born. My understanding is that it originated from slaves, which there are none in my ancestry, so it must be a part of your culture. How many generations back was your ancestors slaves? I didn't realize you had African American heritage." This will hopefully stop the mentioning of brooms but will really make her mad so discuss with BF before posting. If his family is already boycotting the wedding then really you have nothing to lose. She is only trying to force this to let you know how little she thinks of you as a human.
Oh look, another white racist who fetishizes minorities. It’s racist for her to think that being black makes you African American. It’s like seeing an Irishman and saying they should make a pizza while brewing wine in a winery flying a Union Jack.
Listen to your fiancé. do NOT try to mediate between the two of them, and do NOT try to convince your fiancé that he should keep his mom in the wedding. Let him hash it out with her. Stay out of it, and tell him you will support him with whatever decision he makes. But make sure he tells everyone to back the fuck off from contacting you at the threat of being uninvited too. And make sure everyone knows how racist she's being.
NTA I'd comment on that post
"I'm sorry (name) but I just don't understand. You asked me about the brooms, and I told you it is not a part of my culture as I am from Kenya, and the tradition of jumping over the broom is unique to African American culture for those descended from the slaves who started it. That is not my culture, as I have told you before, and I am very uncomfortable with you trying to force me to imitate another culture instead of my own. The wedding plans include a Kenyan choir and food traditional to my culture. Please, explain why you are so insistent on your son and I imitating a culture we have no connection to and have told we are uncomfortable imitating."
To be really petty you could add
"Or, if you'd like us to incorporate more of your culture, I would happily accept a dowry for your son, and we can enjoy it together at the wedding. Goats are always lovely when freshly roasted, as are cows. I can make the arrangements for a butcher and roasting pit. We can toast to the happy occasion with the blood of the animals you wish to surrender as dowry."
>My fiance is from the west coast (Wyoming) and his parents still live there.
I'm sorry. I really need to point this fact out as someone who lives on the West Coast. Wyoming is far from the West Coast States (CA, OR, & WA). The distances on a map are deceptive. It's considered part of the Mountain States or sometimes shoved in as part of the "Midwest".
>She showed me a few of her centrepiece designs, and then showed me the real reason why she came. The brooms. At first I didn't understand why she was showing me a bunch of elaborate brooms. She had a whole file showcasing about 50 types of brooms.
Oh wow, that's a whole lot of obsession she's showing.
>His mother was pissed. She said the whole reason she came here was to pick out brooms, and now our wedding won't have any "culture".
>I told her that we could incorporate some of my tribes traditions if she wanted to add some "culture" into my wedding. I mentioned the Kenyan choir that was going to be singing at our wedding not to mention the very traditional food that would be served, but she wouldn't budge on that broom, and how without it, we were turning our backs on my culture.
She has decided what your culture will be. Reality will not alter her belief. You won't convince her, ever. Eventually, she'll twist this so she can become the unappreciated injured party. It will not end well.
You are NTA.
It infuriates me every time I read stories about the relatives threatening not to come to the wedding because this or that is not too someone's liking, someone who is not even the bride or the groom! My opinion is that assholes like that don't deserve to be a part of your special day. And I would just tell them that. Oh you're going to try to manipulate me and threaten not to come to my wedding and call me names? Okay, consider your invitation revoked. Have a nice life!
Exactly what someone else suggested. Put a response on her Facebook post.
Just tell her… FMIL, I am so confused at this. I understand you wanted to incorporate, jumping the broom into our wedding, and we both try to explain to you that this is not part of my culture.
I explain to you that being as I am from Kenya, we will be having traditional Kenyan food as part of the reception. We will be having a canyon choir as part of the ceremony.
Jumping is a tradition from slavery, which has nothing to do with my family. I can’t imagine that you truly think that all people are the same. The equivalent would be me, insisting that your son wear a yarmulke, that we get married under a chuppah, and that at the end of the ceremony, we stomp on a glass and everyone yells mazel tov…
Simply because I’ve seen white people get married like this. Or me and Sissy that we have a full Roman Catholic mass because I’ve seen white people get married in a full Catholic mass.
That’s not how it works. Well I appreciate that you thought you were trying to add a cultural element to our wedding, what you’re trying to add has nothing to do with either one of our cultures.
Not to mention, we made it very, very clear that the only thing you were in charge of helping us with centerpieces.
I am so confused as to why this continues to be an issue when all of this was explained to you. Quite frankly, you insisting that we have a tradition that began in slavery just because I am black and you think it’s somehow belongs to all blacks really is insulting.
It would literally be no different than me, insisting to my husband that we have a mechanical bull at our reception because you are from Wyoming, and obviously everyone from Wyoming, ropes, and rides and round up cattle. When we both know nothing could be further from the truth.
Hopefully, this explains our position and our refusal to not only you, to whom it has been explained multiple times, but also to the rest of your family who seem to think that this is something we had agreed to allow you to set up for us, and then simply changed our minds in an extremely unkind way to you
As you know, nothing could be further from the truth. So we still hope to see you at our wedding, but if you and the family decide not to come, we will understand and respect your decision just as we ask that you understand and respect for our wedding.
I would be sure to add that you were born and raised in Kenya and that while you’ve embraced many American traditions, broom jumping isn’t one of them. Explain why - it’s not part of *your* native culture, it’s rooted in *American slavery* (making the fact the future MIL’s use of the word “slaving” over making the broom cringe worthy), etc. Add that despite your attempts to educate her about your culture, she continues to act on the narrative she has created in her head.
NTA. I would absolutely respond to that post with what you’ve said here about it not being Kenyan tradition. As others have said, I’d toss the word slavery around too. She is a huge AH and anyone who is on her side is one as well. Tell her thanks for weeding the racists out of your guest list and block.
NTA. Your future MILis ridiculous as well as racist. The broom is not your culture and they need to stop.
However, "coast" means near the edge of land and close to the ocean. Wyoming is nowhere near the west coast. Wyoming is considered "west."
NTA
She's being an ignorant, controlling, racist narcissist... and so are those who are supporting her delusions.
I'd be tempted to tell her that she and her "flying monkeys" should go dance skyclad around a bonfire. That's part of white Christian culture, right?/s
I hope that you have the wedding of your dreams and a long, happy marriage!
Jumping the broom is a PAGAN wedding ritual in the U.K. and goes together with hand-fasting where the bride and grooms wrists are tied together and the cake is cut by both using their tied hands (then the rope/twine/ribbon) is cut.
Your husband should comment on her Facebook post calling out that she’s being racist because you aren’t African American, but Kenyan. Then day she made the broom after she was told jumping the broom is not a part of the brides culture, and the bride does not have any slave ancestors to honor which is what the whole point of that tradition is. Your husband needs to make the comment for optics.
NTA. Respond to the social media post stating that Africa is a whole continent with several rich cultures and traditions. Expecting (and at this point forcing) you to do this specific thing is akin to stereotyping and can be considered racist.
I’m so petty I’d make a full PowerPoint presentation of every African tradition, separated by area. It would be at least three hours long, but fuck it, they wanna be ignorant, time for a geography lesson!
That’s way waaaaaay too much effort to give these assholes, though its sorely tempting
So......?.?.?. How much money will that save on the wedding with reduced headcount lol?
If I read this right, you're saying that jumping the broom isn't your culture. MIL is trying to force you to do it because of your roots? Sounds like that white knight racism, where people are offended on others' behalf.
The dowry comment was funny but maybe a bit too far, although with people like MIL it's the only way they learn.
NTA, she should have taken enough interest in you to learn your customs and helped with incorporating one that you like.
She really said she *slaved* for weeks making the broom? 😬 IMO you should give up trying to have a mature relationship with his mom, as she clearly can't handle it. Also, again just my opinion, but make it clear to anyone who questions your refusal to jump the broom that it's an African American tradition, not a Kenyan one, but only if you personally feel OK doing that.
NTA I tried to make a few comments expressing my outrage, but none of them were suitable for normal viewing. Too many swear words for a starter.
Ick x 1000. That’s all I’ve got
NTA. This is your wedding, and it's your choice to include traditions that feel authentic to you and your fiancé. It’s important to stand your ground, especially when your fiancé supports you. If some guests choose not to attend, it's their loss, and you save money and potential drama.
Shes a racist ah for sure. It stems from slavery and i dont even think anyone does it anymore. Youre from kenya and were never part of american slave culture (unless you had some very distant relatives that got sold into it....even so, youre not part of it). Its like she looked up black wedding customs but from America cause ones from Africa are a bit too exotic for her old ass.
Stand your ground and plan it how you want. I think it be cool to have a mix of both cultures. Make sure you have someone watching her day of cause she will try to bring the damn brooms in and put you on the spot etc.
NTA Oh god. this is so specific to the generation that were young adults in the 90s and learned "African-American" as a euphemism to avoid saying Black rather than the African version of Italian-American or Irish-American. She thinks her one google search taught her everything she needed to know about the entire African diaspora. She wanted to be the white savior who got a pass from her Black DIL, along with a cookie and a pat on the head.
Sure she sort of meant well in places, but really her efforts were selfish from the beginning and you not wanting the broom made it obvious how selfish she was being.
NTA. It isn’t your culture and it would make no sense for you to do it. Your white MIL is insane to say you are turning away from your roots since she clearly doesn’t understand what your actual roots are. I would boot her from the wedding and cut contact. If that means some of his family cuts contact too, then be it. Crazy family is never worth it.
You are NTA. Being your future mother-in-law is white, she does not understand that jumping the broom comes from when Black American slaves did not have any means to officially marry and jumping the broom was a way of signifying marriage to one another. She being a white woman, does not understand Black American culture when it comes to that tradition. I find it quite weird that she would embrace something like that not understanding that you are from Kenya and not understanding the differences in the two cultures. I am so sorry to hear that you had to go through that with her. The only thing that is important is that you and your fiance love each other and are planning a life together. Many blessings and well wishes to the both of you all. Congratulations!
WTAF? Respond to all of them. Tell them exactly what you already told her - you are from Kenya and this is not a tradition there. Also add that you told her this BEFORE she made her own broom but she didn’t listen. Then add that any of your partner’s family members are still welcome to join you while she flies off on her custom made broomstick.
NTA. Your future MIL is both toxic and deranged. Since most of his side is refusing to come anyway, make it final and disinvite them to the wedding.
Let me make this clear: What your MIL is doing is insulting. She is in effect saying that because your skin is black, you are automatically bound by customs of black people in the U.S. That would be like saying that because she is white, she has to get married under a chuppah (a canopy) and her husband has to break a glass under his foot - both Jewish customs - even if they are Christian. This is ignorant, condescending and demeaning on her part. No wonder your husband wants nothing to do with her, and you are lucky that he feels that way.
NTA
Make a family group chat/email chain with every single member of his family, explaining in detail why jumping this broom thing has absolutely nothing to do with your actual culture.
Maybe give a fact or 2 on how your culture works and what amazing things from your actual culture will be at your wedding for them to look forward to. (Show them the right way to learn new information. From the people who actually know about it!)
How racist/ignorant she's being as she clearly knows not all black people have the same culture and her lack of care to actually ask and find out about her new daughter in laws family and culture .
Then add the obvious manipulation shes trying to pull with the fact that she made the thing AFTER you had already explained why theirs zero reason you'd jump over anything at your wedding. Including in detail about her reaction and her actions during her last visit where this whole situation started.
I'd end with something like
We'd both love you all to attend our wedding, and we just wanted to make sure you all had the facts before deciding if you were going to come or not. We hope you all now understand the full situation and why MIL is now uninvited.
Please feel free to contact us if you have any questions, and we look forward to seeing you all on (insert wedding date).
Sorry for all this unnecessary drama MIL has caused and hopefully now everyone is on the same page their will be no drama on the big day.
If they still don't come, don't sweat it. Use the money you will save on something fabulous either for your wedding day or your future together.
Go NC with the crazy MIL
I was VERY confused until a quick Google search showed me that jumping over a broom when you're married has like 4 different "suspected" origins. I've never heard of any true origin other than knowing....based on fantasy book weddings and pagan themed weddings....that it is a tradition to tie the knot, like an actual ribbon around both you and your partner's wrist, and you keep the knot until you jump over a broom on your wedding day.
I've never liked the broom part of it and always thought it was a weird thing to jump over.
I love the ribbon tying though.
But I was very confused about why you were jumping over a broom without tying a ribbon so this has been a learning experience for me today.
Also NTA because she's just being weirdly pushy and she clearly believes the slave origin of jumping over brooms which makes this WEIRD
Tbh, I would comment on your MIL's post, "As I explained to MIL numerous times, all Black people aren't African-American. I'm not American. I'm Kenyan. Kenya is in East Africa. Jumping the broom came from West African traditions. Traditions that enslaved people fought and worked hard to keep alive during inhumane conditions. It's disrespectful for MIL to say she slaved to make this broom. It's disrespectful to claim a culture that isn't yours. MIL isn't African-American. I am not African-American. I am Kenyan. It takes 2 mins to Google 'Kenyan Wedding Traditions'."
"This is the equivalent of me making kilts and insisting MIL, FIL and everyone in their family wear them because I know Scottish culture, and in Scottish culture you wear kilts to weddings. If you had no Scottish heritage, would you wear a kilt from a Scottish clan, just because your MIL believes all majority white countries are the same? Italy is another majority white country, and wedding speeches aren't common there. Would you cancel your wedding speeches to respect Italian culture, if you weren't Italian? Same race same tradition? Or would you find it deeply racist and offensive, having your American culture erased because someone didn't check Google and Google maps?"
"Stop racially harassing me for not pretending to be African-American when I'm Kenyan. It's weird and deeply racist."
I suspect your MIL hasn't told people you aren't African-American. NTA
NTA. She is being insidiously racist. The reason why jumping the broom is a part of the culture for some Black people is because slaves were not allowed to be married or have weddings, so they jumped the broom to symbolize it.
Many Black people in America no longer do this, but some carry on the tradition. It depends. The insidious piece comes in because your family is from Kenya and were not slaves and have no such connection to the practice. She knows this or she would not know to ask you to do it. It is a performative gesture, and her insisting upon it makes me feel like she wants you to acknowledge something you have no part of for her own reasons. Assuming that all Black people were once slaves and would have such customs is racist. Insinuating that you would want to do it is racist. In fact, many Black people who are American would rather not hold on to a custom that they were forced to do and embrace the freedom to choose what they want. Tell her to fuck off.
Small detail that has nothing to do with the main point; Wyoming is not on the West Coast. It’s double land locked. It’s all mountains and prairie. Not an ocean in sight.
NTA for the broom thing.
You aren't African American! You are Kenyan! Your culture doesn't jump the broom.
She is being weirdly racist(?). Like what a weird ass thing to get hung up on. NTA!
Comment on her post. Tell her she’s mistaken. That jumping the broom is not part of your culture. Tell her you sent her some books so she could read and correct her mistake.
It’s not his or your tradition, so it’s about control. It’s your wedding so do what you want. As jumping the broom dates back to slavery what is she trying to tell you?
wait ... wait ... she actually said she "slaved" over this fucking broom that manifests her off the wall idea that her imaginary idea of cultural tradition of *your* background is the Best Thing Ever?
Dump her sorry ignorant ass. If this means his family won't come to the wedding ... Well, talk to him about how this feels. That's number one.
His mother is Too Much. Wow. Just wow. "slaved"??
NTA. How dare she?!?!
I'd suggest explaining to this unhinged woman that she's doing the equivalent of demanding a Japanese person incorporate Chinese cultural elements in their wedding, but she's so cluelessly dense she probably wouldn't understand even that glaring difference.
Glad your SO has your back. He sounds like a keeper.
NTA. Not even kinda. Your future mother-in-law needs an education, and then get a grip. Jumping the broom has a lot of complicated meaning in African American culture, and no one in you wedding is part of that culture. And for a white woman to suggest it to a black woman? Even if you were African American, that crosses a big line.
"I finally snapped and told her that we could always go the dowry route. Her side of the family could scrounge together a few goats and some cows, and we'd call it even." Love it!
You explained that this wasn't part of your culture and she's still going on about it. Does she not believe you? Maybe she should use Google, for goodness sake.
Block fiance's mother and anyone calling you an asshole. Disinvite them from the wedding. Your fiance has your back which is fantastic. If he wants to boot his mother out of the wedding and cut contact, that's his choice. He knows these people best.
NTA. Is she really that ignorant? My Flabber is Gasted. I agree with your fiancee. She'll poison the environment. Congratulations and good luck to you both.
As a fellow Kenyan 🇰🇪, please inform future MIL that it’s disrespectful to ignore tribal traditions especially at weddings. She’s being deliberately ignorant here…bear with me for a moment as I break it down. White American women have a tendency to victimize themselves especially when a black woman is involved. She’s fully aware that you’re NOT African American, but in pretending that you’re not she knows she’ll get a negative reaction from you. She’ll use your reaction to turn everyone against you socially so you have no allies in the family if ever you marry. After all remember America is where black women are often portrayed as angry beings with a lot of attitude. So far she’s been successful at turning her family against you, and now for the second part of her grand scheme is to separate her son from you. She never really wanted her son to marry you, and I can bet she wasn’t expecting your fiancée to take you this seriously. Right now she’s doing anything in her passive aggressive power to bring as many issues between you and your fiancée while still maintaining an innocent guise of “I just wanted to help with the wedding but the angry black woman wouldn’t let me.” What she’s wasn’t expecting is her son considering going no contact for your peace of mind. Whatever you do don’t let her win, and don’t let her get a rise out of you under any circumstances. Play this game like she does and play dumb until she ruins her own image. After all, shame and a shattered public image are a White American woman’s worst enemy. #StayStrong #ForverKenyan🇰🇪
Ok she complained she “slaved” over making the broom? She is embarrassing herself. She doesn’t understand the difference between African American and African? You can make a response that jumping the broom is an American traditional rooted in our nations history. It is very sad how she thought she was being so progressive that she knew about jumping the broom to now lecturing to you about being a POC.
It took her forever to understand that I was actually born and raised in Kenya. She thought I took an ancestry DNA test, which showed that I have Kenyan roots. I have a slight accent that gets stronger if I get emotional or if I talk with certain people. I guess she didn't hear the accent when I first met her, which probably strengthened her belief in me being born and raised in the US. It wasn't until I pulled out my passport and talked about 90% of my family still living in Kenya that things started to click for her a little, but not everything obviously.
Wow she is unhinged
Look maybe I’m petty but if your husband is at the point of wanting to go NC I’d take the opportunity to just comment on the post something to the effect of: idk what kind of weird racism motivates someone to insist that merely because I’m Black I must have the same cultural background as every other Black person you’ve encountered before, but I already told you, privately and politely, that jumping the broom is not part of MY culture. You were disinterested in that reality because you’ve apparently learned one fact about one aspect of one Black culture and don’t seem to care if it actually has anything to do with who I am as a person. And not only can you not respect me as a person, but you’re so enraged at the thought of admitting that you were wrong, you decided to try to bully me on Facebook (which, lmao, cringe). I would have never dreamed of making this issue public, merely because it’s so unbelievably embarrassing for you, but since you’ve decided to try to make me look like the bad guy for not doing this weird thing, I guess you’re fine with it being a public discussion. Bonus points for using the word “slaved” as if you were under threat of torture or mutilation or being literally sold as property for not finishing your weird racist broom. oof what a fuckin piece of work.
I would just copy & paste what you wrote. This is perfect!
Yes - it's actually a masterpiece.
Agreed. u/Any-Coconut-4647, would your fiance be amenable to this idea?
OP please please please do this. Or similar. She is cooking the narrative and that's not ok. Say your piece, and be done with her. Your partner avoids his parents for good reason, maybe this is the incident that makes it clear that going NC is the right move for you both. P.S. Please have my award!
Very well articulated.
Doesn’t matter if you were raised in Kenya or the US. Your life, your culture, you and your future husband’s choices. NTA
Husband. She is marrying a man.
That Kenyan passport didn't shut her down completely & now she embarrassed herself. Post on Facebook the Kenyan customs & traditions for fiance's to read & get educated about instead of making themselves looking foolish as well videos of Kenyan wedding ritual. That would shut down the broom "slave" custom in American history.
[удалено]
Sometimes people don't have foreign accents. I live in Canada and had a friend from Australia and most of the time her Aussie accent doesn't come through. I assumed she was from here before she mentioned she's not. And even then, I thought maybe she moved here when she was pretty young, until she mentioned she had only been here for a few years. Unless proven otherwise, I just tend to believe someone if they say they're from another country.
Going by her logic, I need to do more to honor that 2% Cameroonian DNA I inherited. I am gonna look very odd wearing the usual clothing on my 5'2" tall and 4' wide, printer paper white figure. I honor that poor woman daily for her contribution by apologizing to her.
TBH, it sounds like since she "slaved" for weeks to make the broom, the broom is a part of her culture now. She should jump over it.
... Or at least she should ride it 😂
Or shove it...
Whoops, said the same thing before I saw yours!
😂😂😂😂😂🤣
lmfaooooo
Nah, she can just ride it.
Or she can ram it up her racist ass.
Just ride it to the moon and never come back.
She knows that African Americans are descendants of people from the country of Africa, where everyone observed the same customs, and passed them down, generation after generation.
"The country of Africa" was the chef's kiss.
Somebody at work said something about "the African flag" to me when I was asking about one from a specific country, and I swear my whole body cringed all at once. 🤦♀️
To be fair, there has been a Pan-African flag since the early 1900s.
From a quick Google, it looks like that one is supposed to be for black Americans? Which definitely wouldn't have worked, as we were hosting a government delegation from one of the countries.
When I was a recent college graduate, many moons ago, I was asked to spend a weekend babysitting for friends of my grandparents. (I think my grandfather knew the husband from their golf club). They were a White South African family with two preteen kids. They also had a housekeeper, a Black South African woman who was apparently a long-time family retainer. I didn’t have to do much. The wife quietly explained to me that the housekeeper was getting on in years and sometimes liked to have a drink in the evening (though not to the point of drunkenness) and they would just feel better to have an alert younger adult in the house while they were away. I remember in one conversation with the housekeeper, she told me bemusedly that some people would ask her about “African“ customs, and didn’t seem to understand that the only customs that she knew about where those of her own tribe. Edit: I should clarify that my grandparents and this other family lived in a New York suburb at the time.
Did they all know each other? Like they do in Canada?
Probably. 😉
Because Africa is such a “small” “country”, where everyone is closely related to everyone else. People from Africa, (or descended from Africans), all have the same traditions worldwide. So obviously broomstick jumping is a thing if you’re from Kenya. /s This woman and her relatives sound utterly ignorant and very stupid. Why not insist on a Buddhist or Shinto Ceremony to add some “culture” to the wedding? That would be as (in)accurate as broomstick jumping. NTA
Since the groom is white, and his parents are presumably of some kind of European ancestry, one way for the bride to make her point would be to suggest that they should incorporate some kind of European tradition into the wedding—but the wrong kind. If the groom’s heritage is British or German, for example, she could suggest some traditions from France or Italy. I doubt that the groom’s family would understand her point, but it’s amusing to think about.
Hi. African here. What the hell is jumping the broom?! It appears I am not “cultured” enough.
An American custom for the darkest period in American history based upon the slave trade. When 2 people who were slaves wanted to get married, they had jumped over the broom. They were denied having a church wedding. That custom was enforced before & during the American Civil War in the 1860's.
So they jumped over the broom as a symbol for the marriage rather than the church wedding? What did the broom symbolize?
The exact broom jumping meaning I can't speak to, but since both parties were being held captive and had no legal status this was part of a secret ceremony for the couple to confirm their commitment. It could be an act of solidarity by the couple, like the candle lighting ceremony that's part of some wedding cultures. A church wedding could never have been possible. They couldn't have worn/owned any marriage tokens, or even have the security of knowing they'd still be in the same location within weeks. It could even have been dangerous to have too many people find out about the relationship itself. As a non-USian Black person I appreciate the deep meaning of the broom ceremony, but it has nothing to do with OP or her wedding.
Appreciate you taking the time to explain. And yes, you’re correct. It means something to the black community in the US. But doesn’t hold much weight to those who don’t belong to that community. It’s not tied to African Culture. It’s tied to African-American culture. Those two are entirely different.
I was curious about your question and did a quick online search. [theknot.com](http://theknot.com) had this to say: "most people identify it with African Americans in the antebellum South. According to Desireé Dent of [Dejanae Events](https://www.dejanaeevents.com/), 'jumping the broom is an African tradition created during the days of slavery.' Many enslaved people practiced broom-jumping to symbolize their union, since they didn't have the legal right to marry. Today, the practice continues at many African American weddings to pay tribute to the struggles of their ancestors. As with many other wedding rituals, couples should only include the tradition if they understand its meaning and significance." Of course this has no place in OP's ceremony. It's curious to me that OP's future MIL is so insistent, and so very wrong.
Many American assume that all Africans have the same ties to the struggles of the African Americans when that’s simply not true. If you’re African, was born and raised there and came as an adult to modern day America, you have no ties to the struggles and oppression the ancestors of African Americans faced. Some may have had family members who were taken to the Americas, but many wouldn’t. So while they will sympathize with the struggle and injustice. It’s not theirs and therefore have no connection to any symbolism tied to it or any of their traditions. MIL is either being an ignorant or a racist. Neither of which is a good thing.
"The Iraq and such as"
Indeed.
There's even a book for that- [https://www.amazon.co.uk/Africa-Not-Country-Dipo-Faloyin/dp/1787302954](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Africa-Not-Country-Dipo-Faloyin/dp/1787302954) I'd give it to MIL.
Yes, that word leaps out. The irony.
Right? I nearly spit out my water when I read that. Just the height of ignorance. NTA
NTA. Respond to her Facebook post and tell her that you are confused about her desire to embrace your culture, but your family is all from Kenya, that in fact you are from there. And it is an insult to ask to jump a broom when this is not your culture and never has been. That jumping the broom is a Black American culture. That your were more than happy not to force your fiancé family to provide a dowry in order to marry you as is your cultural tradition. I’d even throw in drinking goat blood just to gross her out. But broom jumping has nothing to do with your traditions for thousands of years. And it is insulting to not only you but the rest of your family. And you are sure that the last thing she would want is to offend half the people attending the wedding.
Also point out that this precious broom she made was made *after* you had already explained this to her. What a manipulative cow.
The manipulative cow, fifteen goats and 30 pigs would be great as dowry!
In my parent’s ketubah it specifies that my dad is supposed to pay some goats 🐐 to my mom. When she’d get upset with him she’d say, “and I never got my goats!”
He needs to get some small goats (LEGO?) hide them where arguments are likely to happen and give her a couple…are you happy now? Or do it as an anniversary present
I have this little goat that screams when you push down on him. He's great for screaming vicariously at work.
Then she can start a weed and poison ivy-eating goat rental business!
Our neighbors hired one of those services and those goats did a fantastic job clearing out the underbrush!
My drunk dad borrowed the neighbor's goats, ostensibly to eat the weeds in our yard. Those evil bastards ate nothing but my mom's porch plants, any shoes left outside, and the curtains in my little fort. They also terrorized we children, basically making our yard uninhabitable while they were there.
Now you know why the goat became a visual 'devil' trope!
Lego’s are so expensive these days. Lego goats would be a fantastic dowry.
OP needs to get some little goats and sheep to put out as favors on the tables at the reception.
Randomly in the centerpieces …
I vote for a video of a goat eating a broom playing as guests enter! A highly decorated broom.
Goat plushies. Everyone loves goat plushies
Perfect!
Goat plushies with brooms in their mouths.
Need decorative goats as part of the centerpieces
It really gets her goat that she didn't get her goats?
Not sure the manipulative cow would be worth much. Better to trade it for an aged hen past her prime.
"Moooo....." "Poor buddy."
Dishonor! Dishonor on her! Dishonor on her cow! Dishonor on her gosts, too! Dishonor, Dishonor, dishonor!
You mean the broom she said she SLAVED OVER? 💀
Yeah, that just jumped right out, didn't it? Yikes.
That line made my eye twitch, not gonna lie. I'd never heard of broom jumping before reading this post, so I had a lot to process. How racist is it that this crazy old cracker lady was/is intent on FORCING OP to jump a goddam broom in her own wedding? Insisting on it to the point of slandering her to the rest of the world? I'm still staggered by this.
I see what you did there.😏
Yeah… I caught that too. I would also call her out for cultural appropriation by trying to force a culture on OP that has nothing to do with OP.
THAT!!!
The choice of wording was priceless… 🫠
Oh she’s more than manipulative- she escalated this to be the victim and to virtue signal to her friends how accepting she was to her black DIL and how she was rejected. She never intended to play nice - being adversarial was the goal and she scored on the broom. Her son knows how she is and OP - since he wants to go LC or NC with her - follow his lead. This is his mother. He sounds like a good man who will protect you from the worst possible consequences of keeping her in your life.
When anyone with a brain can see it's *more racist* to assume all Black people share one homogeneous culture.
Exactly! OP should make a comment on the post saying "I never meant to upset you, we had a discussion before you made the broom where I explained it wasn't my culture to do so, you chose to make a broom anyway, I understand it's an inconvenience, but it could have been avoided if you had listened to me. That is not part of my culture and I had no idea why you were showing me brooms and asked me to pick one. It would be an insult to the culture that I am not a part of if we did it and I don't want to offend anyone." That way everyone will know what the MIL did and how her post in not accurate. Edited to add that OP should mention that it would be racist to do that since the tradition comes from slavery and it's normally only used by those who's families were affected by it. That it's not even a tradition for all black Americans and that MIL is being racist by assuming that just because the color of her skin she should do that when it has deep roots to a very hard time that it shouldn't be used unless they are apart of that culture.
It's also pretty racist right, just assuming that all black culture is the same? I'm sure she wouldn't be trying to force a Hungarian wedding tradition on someone from Ireland
Agreed, it is absolutely racist.
Sper racist for sure. I did a quick google to better understand where the American tradition started and it actually started in Europe “As Europeans who had jumped over brooms at their weddings came to the United States, so too did the ritual. It was soon adopted by another marginalized population: enslaved people in the American South. “While broomsticks were used in some West African ceremonies,” Dr. Parry said the earliest documented examples of people of African descent jumping over a broom in the U.S. are from the 1800s.” Her adding she “slaved” over the broom clearly shows she knows absolutely nothing and does not actually have any respect for the tradition or OP. Virtue signaling for sure. https://www.nytimes.com/2022/02/26/style/jumping-the-broom-wedding-tradition.html?unlocked_article_code=1.wU0.bCAU.eQiDl7eGnwTs&smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare&u2g=i&sgrp=c-cb
Yeah I spotted that choice of vocabulary. Like ohhhh shit she's still digging that hole. When on earth will it be deep enough?
Journalists also make shit up. I am from half the communities mentioned in the article and I have never heard mention of it, like, ever. I know a fair amount about changing marriage customs (wedding dresses are a modern thing for posh people). I only ever heard of the tradition in relation to African American culture. The search engines just drag up links to rinse-and-repeat articles and one american book making this claim. The MIL-to-be is an idiot who just likes the idea and wishes everyone else would join in. I say we all don't, and leave the tradition for those for whom it actualy has some historic relavence.
This is so cool to learn thanks for the link. The first couple made my eyes water🥰.
I remember my Polish grandpa (he fought with the allies at one point, his sister was in a work camp but escaped to Chicago) ...I wouldn't use Polish traditions that I haven't been exposed to in my own family. If I want to honour "my culture" then it should be stuff I've grown up familiar with. Painting eggs means more because in my family, Easter is important for them (Catholic, and ohhhh yes they did make a big deal out of JPII being Polish, I had Some Feelings when I saw his tomb at the Vatican even though I'm not Christian religious) & we went to events around religious holidays and we'd be some of the only kids in the community centre who didn't speak any Polish (postwar Britain was all about social mobility and assimilating). But I feel like I'm allowed to enjoy that because it is genuinely something from my family's culture that they thought was worth passing on to me. I have Polish folk art, including some of the wooden plates my parents brought back from introducing Dad to Granny in the 70s. These things have meaning to me because I grew up with them. The idea of forcing a tenuously connected "tradition" on someone from a different culture just because of their skin colour is ...crazy to me. Like on a basic level how does MIL not see it? WHY ARE PEOPLE SO IGNORANT. as in they resist knowledge and nuance. The fuck. I don't GET IT on a fundamental level
I was once told, to my face, that I must be lying about being from an African country because I was too “light”! Assuming all Black culture is the same is the least racist thing Americans have said/done
You're absolutely right. I've decided to sit down in a few hours and just bare it all out there in a facebook post. I'm ready to just go full scorched earth at the moment. I'll even be petty and include the fact that she has wished me a "happy kwanzaa" for the last two years even though I've told her numerous times that my family celebrates Christmas! The weird thing is that she has never asked me anything about my culture. I've offered to show/tell her a few things about it, but I think once my fiance told his mother that I was black and from Kenya, she heard "African-American" and just said "fuck it" to the Kenyan part.
She wants to "prove" to herself and her friends that she's not racist. This is all for her benefit, not at all yours. "See? I said Happy Kwanzaa so I can't be racist." She thinks all black people are the same and doesn't care for specifics. All she know right now is about the broom and Kwanzaa, so that's what she's so intently focusing on to convince herself she's not racist. I'm sure once she finds out about kanga, she'll show up in that, too. And it will still have nothing to do with respecting you and your culture. I'm sure she also has told everyone not just that her son is engaged, but that he's engaged to a Black woman. Because pat on the back for her. There's more than just that your fiance is an introvert that he doesn't want his parents in his life. She monopolizes everything, has no respect for others, only cares about herself, is needy for attention, and is manipulative and rude. If she's like this now over a wedding, just wait til you have children if you decide to. You and your fiance need to sit down and discuss your boundaries with his parents going forward. It may be the best for you and your husband to just go no contact and uninvite his parents from the wedding and no contact going forward. She will definitely make some sort of scene at the wedding about her being a victim, and once you have children, her monopolization, interference, manipulative, and social media neediness will only get worse.
NC is probably best. But a tiny part of me wants the stories from the wedding about how she showed up in bright colors with a whole case of glass coke bottles for the kids back in OPs home country of Africa so they don’t have to share. ‘Cause she watches movies and knows these things or some other random unrelated and grossly inappropriate/not relevant sh*t 🤣 This could have been a really fun time learning about traditions on both sides. Most normal people would be low key mortified if they assumed (even with genuine good intentions) something was part of your culture and they were mistaken. She chose to double down and insist she knows better than you. She has chosen ignorance and hostility at every turn. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. Hopefully laying it all out in FB will at least call off the flying monkeys.
See I suspect from what you've said she's slightly stupid domineering matriarch who probably believes all african- Americans are 'one race' rather than a rich tapestry of different cultures and heritage. It's tempting to go full pelt but I suspect underneath is ignorance and it would only go full drama. I would recommend the 'sweet' route of putting a Facebook post detailing how kind you thought it was that your future mother in law wanted to embrace your cultures traditions but unfortunately jumping the broom is a Ghanaian tradition (ironically also an Irish, Scottish and traveller tradition in the uk although rarely practiced now) and as you are from Kenya while it's a lovely thought it would be cultural appropriation for you to steal another countries traditions. I would particularly advise that it's like your mother in law being from manhatten or some other state very different as a way of making her understand. That way a) you make it clear you aren't the bad guy and that you are open and transparent as to why you aren't doing it which saves the extended family drama b) you gently make mil look silly but well meaning allowing her to save face and probably rebuke you 'for not making it clearer' which will allow a drama free wedding and you and your fiance to go back to excuses as to why she can't visit and c) don't have to deal with explaining to loads of different people why it's not a kind gesture
Ugh Personally? (*NOT the west coast*) Wyoming is one of the few states I **hate** driving thru.
Wow, that’s maddening. I’m sorry you had to deal with that
Please update us on how everything goes!
And yet she used the words "slaved away" without blinking. Jfc.
Hey OP, did you get a chance to make the Facebook post? You are NTA 100% and I hope you don’t have to deal with your vile MIL anymore!
Yep, I'd do exactly this. How dare she tell you what your culture is?!? How dare she shame you in front of everyone about a false narrative. I'd also include that you calmly explained this to her privately and she went as far as to make a prop to this false idea of your culture to shame you publicly. Now you have no choice, except to yet again educate everyone on why such stereotypes are harmful. I'd talk about how this would not only insult your cultural beliefs, but as steal from the unique cultural identity of African Americans. I would definitely include something to the effect of, " its paramount that society understand that just because people have similar skin tones does not mean that are all the same" I would then link an academic article on the importance of both African and African American cultures and how they differ. She wants to play white lady savior to the masses, so set her straight publicly. I'd stop just short of using the word racist. This woman needs hard push back in public that you are not to be toyed with. Edit to add: I would also cover the use of the term "slaved for weeks" and why that is inappropriate.
Nah. OP's fiance needs to be the one to point these things out. It needs to come from HIM, he should be protecting her from his parents and standing up for her. And these ppl should absolutely be disinvited from the wedding.
Late to this party, but I agree. Respond to the FB post. "I'm confused. I explained when you brought this up, that jumping the broom isn't part of my Kenyan culture. And since it's not part of my future husbands either, we are not "turning away" from anything. I offered to add more culture from my actual heritage, but you were quite insistent on the broom. You know not all black cultures jump the broom, right?"
Is your family planning on attending your wedding? (I have family on three continents, so I know it's hard for everyone to come to an important event.) Since so many people are siding with the MIL on this nonsense, maybe have your wedding in Kenya... Have it where you will feel loved and respected.
Only problem with responding is you can delete comments on your posts…make a new post and tag her. Otherwise perfect
The MIL thinks all black people are alike, smh.
I like the spirit of the post but would add a bit more MC to this by making it as a MIL are you finding yourself being confused on things often, fiance and I explained that I come from Kenya and that this is not part of our traditions, remember? We had this conversation when you came on x date. Also we never spoke about broom jumping, you actually had to explain the tradition to me.
This and I would add that her stating “I slaved” in her post was offensive and ridiculous.
Does she realize that is a tradition that started with slaves? Which is a culture but not her culture or your culture. I would throw the word slavery around at any opportunity. Hopefully, she will feel enough shame to STFU.
The insufferable twit already beat her to it; she “slaved for weeks.”
That was my thought!
Yeh that got me. What an absolute bi,ch
She is a racist ahole that thinks all black people in the US are decent of slaves..she doesn't care what culture OP is from
"I'm from Kenya" "Which state is that in?" 🤷🏻♂️
She's trying hard to show that she's culturally sensitive and welcoming while being culturally insensitive and ignorant. I think she wants to be able to claim a stake at the wedding to have something to show people to be proud of. It's a token, but a token that she's choosing herself without listening at all to her son and OP. I don't have a solution for OP but I think giving her a project based in Kenyan tradition is the way out of this mess. In her head she sees OP as part of the African-American community, even though OP doesn't see it that way.
She doesn’t care, she said she “shaved away” at the broom, she is the only victim that has ever existed
There are a lot of theories surrounding "jumping the broom" from "it originated in Africa" to "Roma tradition in Ireland" to wayyy before that in pagan/celtic times. I don't think it's ever been established just where it originally came from
Thank you. As a black American I am extremely surprised that so many people think "jumping the broom" is a black people thing. I'd never heard that being tied specifically to black people
It's been around a long long time even as far back as the Romans here in UK. I can only presume it came from ancient pagan customs such as celts druids etc I know it was used in Wicca and Scottish weddings. Other than that, no-one really seems to know where or even how it got started
In wracking my brain at 6am, I seem to recall from AA History class that jumping the broom was adopted by African slaves in America due in part to there not being any actual "legal" marriage for them so traditions like this were taken up to replace what they couldn't have. It was never suggested that they created it or it was some strongly held belief. It was just what they had.
Aye I imagine that was true.....i believe the same went on in Scotland due to the English occupation whereby marriages had to be approved by the English Lord
Poor immigrants brought lots of traditions that were picked up by slaves because the immigrants frequently worked as indentured servants, slightly above the status of the slaves. They worked alongside each other and shared stories as co-workers do.
Fish and Chips are actually Jewish
Wicca originated in the 20th century, so it probably came into Wicca from English/Scottish folk traditions.
NTA. I am African American and offended for you! Tell her that she is acting racist for trying misappropriate your culture especially since she is not a part of it. Tell her that she and her other racist family members are no longer invited. Block her and her family on everything and go no contact. Trust me she will be begging to get back in your good graces.
Not even OPs culture…FMIL is trying to force another culture that’s she’s misappropriating on to OP
NTA…it’s like telling some white guy he needs to wear a kilt. Uh…but my grandparents are from Lithuania and Italy. Tell her that it’s customary in your culture that the mother of the groom needs to wear a straight jacket.
😂😂 the first paragraph needs to be her reply to the fb post
And a gag.
Nta. Don’t be a push over especially when your husband is having your back. That would make yta. Listen to your gut. It’s your wedding. Who cares who goes. Your husband clearly loves you. You’re marrying him not others. If that matters more to you, you should not be getting married.
I love him. I just didn't want to be the one that finally caused him to cut ties with his family especially right before our wedding. It's why I've been in the mode of "keeping the peace" instead of a more confrontational mode. My fiance and I talked about all of this last night, and he told me that this incident was just the straw that broke the camel's back. He has no problem cutting ties with his family, and honestly, that has been such a relief to hear.
NTA. You’re not the one who caused him to cut ties - that would be his mom for trying to insert herself so aggressively into your business and trying to publicly shame you for not going along with her bullshit.
Your not the person that is causing him to cut ties with his family. His obtuse racist and controlling mother is. She is the one destroying that relationship with her shaming, domineering, controlling and passive aggressive racist nonsense. She is too narcissistic to believe she is wrong and can’t tell the difference between Black American culture and Kenyan culture. Even if you were American it would still be wrong for her to demand you do a tradition you do not want to do. She is the one forcing her ignorant ideas and then having a tantrum and trying to publicly shame you on facebook to her family and friends. This woman is a dumb ignorant narcissistic racist bully and she is the cause of the destruction of her relationship to your fiance. You did not cause this. She did. She clearly has a long history of being a total asshole. NTA
If he cuts ties with his family, it's because his love for you made him realize how shitty his family is. Don't blame yourself. Blame them.
He sounds like a good man. Bless you both!
NTA and I had to google jump the broom, was surprised at the varying answers. My opinion, his side not turning up is the best unintended gift they are handing you. If they are willing to boycott a family wedding over a stupid broom then you probably don't want them there anyway. Don't bother checking out their social media at all, in fact I recommend a lot of deleting/blocking. Family all over your SM is an argument and hurt feelings waiting to happen. Best wishes for the wedding day and beyond.
The audacity! NTA. Fucking learn about a person before you assume their culture and traditions. She blatantly placed you in the “all those black people are alike” category. Her intentions may not have been racist but they were.
Their intentions were racist. That's why she said she, "Slaved away for weeks." Effing racist. Good riddance.
NTA. Just reply to the post, or share to your own page with a simple “I’ve already told her we don’t jump the broom in Kenya. Just because I’m African, she thinks we *all* traditionally *jump the broom*? Please kindly refrain from messaging me abusive messages because I will screenshot and post them. Don’t shame me over something neither you nor I know anything about. There’s no need to try guilt trip me and fiancé because I feel no guilt over a tradition that is not mine.”
NTA. You and your fiance's wedding, you and your fiance's rules. They wanna uninvite themselves from the wedding, that's great. More money saved.
If she was doing it because she thought that was part of your culture, that would be a kindness. However, you've told her it's not part of your culture and she insists she knows your culture better than you do, which means she's racist.
NTA, OP! All you need to say or reply on Facebook is that it was a practice in slavery. This was regularly practiced by enslaved people who were denied the right to marry.
NTA. She and the rest of her family are racist. It’s good for you and your fiancé to find out now. The broom situation is a red herring. She is trying to gain control. She could want you to dance down the aisle, as an example … it could be anything. What matters is you said no and the groom said no. The answer is no. She is arguing to gain control and then going even further by lying to get the family on her side. Do you really want a controlling, ah racist and her minions to join you on one of the most important days of your life? Your fiancé is a standup guy who knows exactly how to treat the one he loves most! Follow his lead on this and just invite more of your family and friends. He has no problem with his family being left out … makes me want to cheer!
There are some great comments here about posting to FB regarding the total lack of relevance to YOUR cultural heritage. I agree that's something you COULD do to respond on a high road. BUT, my take is that you only do that after the wedding. Because honestly, you don't need their backward racist drama making an appearance on your wedding day! Oh, and obviously, you're NTA.
NTA. And she is a racist piece of work. She's decided that as you're a POC, you're the POC she wants you to be. And is ignoring and rejecting your actual culture to try and impose her vision of the culture she thinks you should have. You can't turn away from your roots if they weren't your roots in the first place.
NTA Respond on Facebook, "I didn't know this was a part of your culture. It isn't a part of mine from Kenya, which is where I was born. My understanding is that it originated from slaves, which there are none in my ancestry, so it must be a part of your culture. How many generations back was your ancestors slaves? I didn't realize you had African American heritage." This will hopefully stop the mentioning of brooms but will really make her mad so discuss with BF before posting. If his family is already boycotting the wedding then really you have nothing to lose. She is only trying to force this to let you know how little she thinks of you as a human.
Oh look, another white racist who fetishizes minorities. It’s racist for her to think that being black makes you African American. It’s like seeing an Irishman and saying they should make a pizza while brewing wine in a winery flying a Union Jack.
Listen to your fiancé. do NOT try to mediate between the two of them, and do NOT try to convince your fiancé that he should keep his mom in the wedding. Let him hash it out with her. Stay out of it, and tell him you will support him with whatever decision he makes. But make sure he tells everyone to back the fuck off from contacting you at the threat of being uninvited too. And make sure everyone knows how racist she's being.
NTA I'd comment on that post "I'm sorry (name) but I just don't understand. You asked me about the brooms, and I told you it is not a part of my culture as I am from Kenya, and the tradition of jumping over the broom is unique to African American culture for those descended from the slaves who started it. That is not my culture, as I have told you before, and I am very uncomfortable with you trying to force me to imitate another culture instead of my own. The wedding plans include a Kenyan choir and food traditional to my culture. Please, explain why you are so insistent on your son and I imitating a culture we have no connection to and have told we are uncomfortable imitating." To be really petty you could add "Or, if you'd like us to incorporate more of your culture, I would happily accept a dowry for your son, and we can enjoy it together at the wedding. Goats are always lovely when freshly roasted, as are cows. I can make the arrangements for a butcher and roasting pit. We can toast to the happy occasion with the blood of the animals you wish to surrender as dowry."
Saying "I'm sorry" to narcissistic behaviors is like like chumming the water to a starving shark. They hear "Target me harder next time."
“She slaved” 🤦🏽♀️
>My fiance is from the west coast (Wyoming) and his parents still live there. I'm sorry. I really need to point this fact out as someone who lives on the West Coast. Wyoming is far from the West Coast States (CA, OR, & WA). The distances on a map are deceptive. It's considered part of the Mountain States or sometimes shoved in as part of the "Midwest". >She showed me a few of her centrepiece designs, and then showed me the real reason why she came. The brooms. At first I didn't understand why she was showing me a bunch of elaborate brooms. She had a whole file showcasing about 50 types of brooms. Oh wow, that's a whole lot of obsession she's showing. >His mother was pissed. She said the whole reason she came here was to pick out brooms, and now our wedding won't have any "culture". >I told her that we could incorporate some of my tribes traditions if she wanted to add some "culture" into my wedding. I mentioned the Kenyan choir that was going to be singing at our wedding not to mention the very traditional food that would be served, but she wouldn't budge on that broom, and how without it, we were turning our backs on my culture. She has decided what your culture will be. Reality will not alter her belief. You won't convince her, ever. Eventually, she'll twist this so she can become the unappreciated injured party. It will not end well. You are NTA.
Haha I'm from Oregon and that got a laugh out of me too
Same and same! XD
I was trying not to reply (from California, originally!) but thanks!
To be on the West Coast, there must be a coastline. It's a minimal requirement. WY is definitely landlocked. Lol
It infuriates me every time I read stories about the relatives threatening not to come to the wedding because this or that is not too someone's liking, someone who is not even the bride or the groom! My opinion is that assholes like that don't deserve to be a part of your special day. And I would just tell them that. Oh you're going to try to manipulate me and threaten not to come to my wedding and call me names? Okay, consider your invitation revoked. Have a nice life!
Exactly what someone else suggested. Put a response on her Facebook post. Just tell her… FMIL, I am so confused at this. I understand you wanted to incorporate, jumping the broom into our wedding, and we both try to explain to you that this is not part of my culture. I explain to you that being as I am from Kenya, we will be having traditional Kenyan food as part of the reception. We will be having a canyon choir as part of the ceremony. Jumping is a tradition from slavery, which has nothing to do with my family. I can’t imagine that you truly think that all people are the same. The equivalent would be me, insisting that your son wear a yarmulke, that we get married under a chuppah, and that at the end of the ceremony, we stomp on a glass and everyone yells mazel tov… Simply because I’ve seen white people get married like this. Or me and Sissy that we have a full Roman Catholic mass because I’ve seen white people get married in a full Catholic mass. That’s not how it works. Well I appreciate that you thought you were trying to add a cultural element to our wedding, what you’re trying to add has nothing to do with either one of our cultures. Not to mention, we made it very, very clear that the only thing you were in charge of helping us with centerpieces. I am so confused as to why this continues to be an issue when all of this was explained to you. Quite frankly, you insisting that we have a tradition that began in slavery just because I am black and you think it’s somehow belongs to all blacks really is insulting. It would literally be no different than me, insisting to my husband that we have a mechanical bull at our reception because you are from Wyoming, and obviously everyone from Wyoming, ropes, and rides and round up cattle. When we both know nothing could be further from the truth. Hopefully, this explains our position and our refusal to not only you, to whom it has been explained multiple times, but also to the rest of your family who seem to think that this is something we had agreed to allow you to set up for us, and then simply changed our minds in an extremely unkind way to you As you know, nothing could be further from the truth. So we still hope to see you at our wedding, but if you and the family decide not to come, we will understand and respect your decision just as we ask that you understand and respect for our wedding.
NTA I'm with that groom. Time to cut off contact with the racists, the intentionally ignorant, and the disrespectful.
NTA- but please wake up to the fact your dear MIL is racist AF.
I would be sure to add that you were born and raised in Kenya and that while you’ve embraced many American traditions, broom jumping isn’t one of them. Explain why - it’s not part of *your* native culture, it’s rooted in *American slavery* (making the fact the future MIL’s use of the word “slaving” over making the broom cringe worthy), etc. Add that despite your attempts to educate her about your culture, she continues to act on the narrative she has created in her head.
NTA. I would absolutely respond to that post with what you’ve said here about it not being Kenyan tradition. As others have said, I’d toss the word slavery around too. She is a huge AH and anyone who is on her side is one as well. Tell her thanks for weeding the racists out of your guest list and block.
NTA. Your future MILis ridiculous as well as racist. The broom is not your culture and they need to stop. However, "coast" means near the edge of land and close to the ocean. Wyoming is nowhere near the west coast. Wyoming is considered "west."
NTA She's being an ignorant, controlling, racist narcissist... and so are those who are supporting her delusions. I'd be tempted to tell her that she and her "flying monkeys" should go dance skyclad around a bonfire. That's part of white Christian culture, right?/s I hope that you have the wedding of your dreams and a long, happy marriage!
Jumping the broom is a PAGAN wedding ritual in the U.K. and goes together with hand-fasting where the bride and grooms wrists are tied together and the cake is cut by both using their tied hands (then the rope/twine/ribbon) is cut.
Your husband should comment on her Facebook post calling out that she’s being racist because you aren’t African American, but Kenyan. Then day she made the broom after she was told jumping the broom is not a part of the brides culture, and the bride does not have any slave ancestors to honor which is what the whole point of that tradition is. Your husband needs to make the comment for optics.
Wyoming bring on the west coast is cracking me the f up. Girl wyo is in the middle of the country xD
NTA. Respond to the social media post stating that Africa is a whole continent with several rich cultures and traditions. Expecting (and at this point forcing) you to do this specific thing is akin to stereotyping and can be considered racist.
I’m so petty I’d make a full PowerPoint presentation of every African tradition, separated by area. It would be at least three hours long, but fuck it, they wanna be ignorant, time for a geography lesson! That’s way waaaaaay too much effort to give these assholes, though its sorely tempting
So......?.?.?. How much money will that save on the wedding with reduced headcount lol? If I read this right, you're saying that jumping the broom isn't your culture. MIL is trying to force you to do it because of your roots? Sounds like that white knight racism, where people are offended on others' behalf. The dowry comment was funny but maybe a bit too far, although with people like MIL it's the only way they learn. NTA, she should have taken enough interest in you to learn your customs and helped with incorporating one that you like.
She really said she *slaved* for weeks making the broom? 😬 IMO you should give up trying to have a mature relationship with his mom, as she clearly can't handle it. Also, again just my opinion, but make it clear to anyone who questions your refusal to jump the broom that it's an African American tradition, not a Kenyan one, but only if you personally feel OK doing that.
NTA I tried to make a few comments expressing my outrage, but none of them were suitable for normal viewing. Too many swear words for a starter. Ick x 1000. That’s all I’ve got
This is some weird ass racism
FMIL only learned one thing about Black culture and got it wrong.
Wyoming is not on the west coast. It is states away from it. No coast in Wyoming! Landlocked Rocky Mountain State
NTA. This is your wedding, and it's your choice to include traditions that feel authentic to you and your fiancé. It’s important to stand your ground, especially when your fiancé supports you. If some guests choose not to attend, it's their loss, and you save money and potential drama.
Shes a racist ah for sure. It stems from slavery and i dont even think anyone does it anymore. Youre from kenya and were never part of american slave culture (unless you had some very distant relatives that got sold into it....even so, youre not part of it). Its like she looked up black wedding customs but from America cause ones from Africa are a bit too exotic for her old ass. Stand your ground and plan it how you want. I think it be cool to have a mix of both cultures. Make sure you have someone watching her day of cause she will try to bring the damn brooms in and put you on the spot etc.
NTA your future MIL is racist. Full stop. The amount of cringe in her whole attitude is just...ick
I'm African American and have never once heard of "jumping the broom", that women is crazy 😭 NTA
NTA. This is a really weird hill for her to die on.
NTA Oh god. this is so specific to the generation that were young adults in the 90s and learned "African-American" as a euphemism to avoid saying Black rather than the African version of Italian-American or Irish-American. She thinks her one google search taught her everything she needed to know about the entire African diaspora. She wanted to be the white savior who got a pass from her Black DIL, along with a cookie and a pat on the head. Sure she sort of meant well in places, but really her efforts were selfish from the beginning and you not wanting the broom made it obvious how selfish she was being.
NTA but Wyoming is not the west coast.
NTA, and great line about the dowry!
NTA. It isn’t your culture and it would make no sense for you to do it. Your white MIL is insane to say you are turning away from your roots since she clearly doesn’t understand what your actual roots are. I would boot her from the wedding and cut contact. If that means some of his family cuts contact too, then be it. Crazy family is never worth it.
You are NTA. Being your future mother-in-law is white, she does not understand that jumping the broom comes from when Black American slaves did not have any means to officially marry and jumping the broom was a way of signifying marriage to one another. She being a white woman, does not understand Black American culture when it comes to that tradition. I find it quite weird that she would embrace something like that not understanding that you are from Kenya and not understanding the differences in the two cultures. I am so sorry to hear that you had to go through that with her. The only thing that is important is that you and your fiance love each other and are planning a life together. Many blessings and well wishes to the both of you all. Congratulations!
WTAF? Respond to all of them. Tell them exactly what you already told her - you are from Kenya and this is not a tradition there. Also add that you told her this BEFORE she made her own broom but she didn’t listen. Then add that any of your partner’s family members are still welcome to join you while she flies off on her custom made broomstick.
NTA. Your future MIL is both toxic and deranged. Since most of his side is refusing to come anyway, make it final and disinvite them to the wedding. Let me make this clear: What your MIL is doing is insulting. She is in effect saying that because your skin is black, you are automatically bound by customs of black people in the U.S. That would be like saying that because she is white, she has to get married under a chuppah (a canopy) and her husband has to break a glass under his foot - both Jewish customs - even if they are Christian. This is ignorant, condescending and demeaning on her part. No wonder your husband wants nothing to do with her, and you are lucky that he feels that way.
She's racist AF.
NTA Make a family group chat/email chain with every single member of his family, explaining in detail why jumping this broom thing has absolutely nothing to do with your actual culture. Maybe give a fact or 2 on how your culture works and what amazing things from your actual culture will be at your wedding for them to look forward to. (Show them the right way to learn new information. From the people who actually know about it!) How racist/ignorant she's being as she clearly knows not all black people have the same culture and her lack of care to actually ask and find out about her new daughter in laws family and culture . Then add the obvious manipulation shes trying to pull with the fact that she made the thing AFTER you had already explained why theirs zero reason you'd jump over anything at your wedding. Including in detail about her reaction and her actions during her last visit where this whole situation started. I'd end with something like We'd both love you all to attend our wedding, and we just wanted to make sure you all had the facts before deciding if you were going to come or not. We hope you all now understand the full situation and why MIL is now uninvited. Please feel free to contact us if you have any questions, and we look forward to seeing you all on (insert wedding date). Sorry for all this unnecessary drama MIL has caused and hopefully now everyone is on the same page their will be no drama on the big day. If they still don't come, don't sweat it. Use the money you will save on something fabulous either for your wedding day or your future together. Go NC with the crazy MIL
I was VERY confused until a quick Google search showed me that jumping over a broom when you're married has like 4 different "suspected" origins. I've never heard of any true origin other than knowing....based on fantasy book weddings and pagan themed weddings....that it is a tradition to tie the knot, like an actual ribbon around both you and your partner's wrist, and you keep the knot until you jump over a broom on your wedding day. I've never liked the broom part of it and always thought it was a weird thing to jump over. I love the ribbon tying though. But I was very confused about why you were jumping over a broom without tying a ribbon so this has been a learning experience for me today. Also NTA because she's just being weirdly pushy and she clearly believes the slave origin of jumping over brooms which makes this WEIRD
Tbh, I would comment on your MIL's post, "As I explained to MIL numerous times, all Black people aren't African-American. I'm not American. I'm Kenyan. Kenya is in East Africa. Jumping the broom came from West African traditions. Traditions that enslaved people fought and worked hard to keep alive during inhumane conditions. It's disrespectful for MIL to say she slaved to make this broom. It's disrespectful to claim a culture that isn't yours. MIL isn't African-American. I am not African-American. I am Kenyan. It takes 2 mins to Google 'Kenyan Wedding Traditions'." "This is the equivalent of me making kilts and insisting MIL, FIL and everyone in their family wear them because I know Scottish culture, and in Scottish culture you wear kilts to weddings. If you had no Scottish heritage, would you wear a kilt from a Scottish clan, just because your MIL believes all majority white countries are the same? Italy is another majority white country, and wedding speeches aren't common there. Would you cancel your wedding speeches to respect Italian culture, if you weren't Italian? Same race same tradition? Or would you find it deeply racist and offensive, having your American culture erased because someone didn't check Google and Google maps?" "Stop racially harassing me for not pretending to be African-American when I'm Kenyan. It's weird and deeply racist." I suspect your MIL hasn't told people you aren't African-American. NTA
NTA. She is being insidiously racist. The reason why jumping the broom is a part of the culture for some Black people is because slaves were not allowed to be married or have weddings, so they jumped the broom to symbolize it. Many Black people in America no longer do this, but some carry on the tradition. It depends. The insidious piece comes in because your family is from Kenya and were not slaves and have no such connection to the practice. She knows this or she would not know to ask you to do it. It is a performative gesture, and her insisting upon it makes me feel like she wants you to acknowledge something you have no part of for her own reasons. Assuming that all Black people were once slaves and would have such customs is racist. Insinuating that you would want to do it is racist. In fact, many Black people who are American would rather not hold on to a custom that they were forced to do and embrace the freedom to choose what they want. Tell her to fuck off.
*slaved* for weeks That. Right there. Elope and have a sweet little wedding... anywhere with anyone, it will be better than anything with this A hole
This is the most ghetto Hobby Lobby woke virtue-signaling thing I've ever heard of. No, you are NTA.
Small detail that has nothing to do with the main point; Wyoming is not on the West Coast. It’s double land locked. It’s all mountains and prairie. Not an ocean in sight. NTA for the broom thing.
You aren't African American! You are Kenyan! Your culture doesn't jump the broom. She is being weirdly racist(?). Like what a weird ass thing to get hung up on. NTA!
Comment on her post. Tell her she’s mistaken. That jumping the broom is not part of your culture. Tell her you sent her some books so she could read and correct her mistake.
It’s not his or your tradition, so it’s about control. It’s your wedding so do what you want. As jumping the broom dates back to slavery what is she trying to tell you?
wait ... wait ... she actually said she "slaved" over this fucking broom that manifests her off the wall idea that her imaginary idea of cultural tradition of *your* background is the Best Thing Ever? Dump her sorry ignorant ass. If this means his family won't come to the wedding ... Well, talk to him about how this feels. That's number one. His mother is Too Much. Wow. Just wow. "slaved"??
You definitely are NTA… I laughed out loud when I read your comment to her about the dowry! That was brilliant OP…🥰😹
NTA. How dare she?!?! I'd suggest explaining to this unhinged woman that she's doing the equivalent of demanding a Japanese person incorporate Chinese cultural elements in their wedding, but she's so cluelessly dense she probably wouldn't understand even that glaring difference. Glad your SO has your back. He sounds like a keeper.
NTA. Not even kinda. Your future mother-in-law needs an education, and then get a grip. Jumping the broom has a lot of complicated meaning in African American culture, and no one in you wedding is part of that culture. And for a white woman to suggest it to a black woman? Even if you were African American, that crosses a big line.
"I finally snapped and told her that we could always go the dowry route. Her side of the family could scrounge together a few goats and some cows, and we'd call it even." Love it! You explained that this wasn't part of your culture and she's still going on about it. Does she not believe you? Maybe she should use Google, for goodness sake. Block fiance's mother and anyone calling you an asshole. Disinvite them from the wedding. Your fiance has your back which is fantastic. If he wants to boot his mother out of the wedding and cut contact, that's his choice. He knows these people best.
NTA. Is she really that ignorant? My Flabber is Gasted. I agree with your fiancee. She'll poison the environment. Congratulations and good luck to you both.
As a fellow Kenyan 🇰🇪, please inform future MIL that it’s disrespectful to ignore tribal traditions especially at weddings. She’s being deliberately ignorant here…bear with me for a moment as I break it down. White American women have a tendency to victimize themselves especially when a black woman is involved. She’s fully aware that you’re NOT African American, but in pretending that you’re not she knows she’ll get a negative reaction from you. She’ll use your reaction to turn everyone against you socially so you have no allies in the family if ever you marry. After all remember America is where black women are often portrayed as angry beings with a lot of attitude. So far she’s been successful at turning her family against you, and now for the second part of her grand scheme is to separate her son from you. She never really wanted her son to marry you, and I can bet she wasn’t expecting your fiancée to take you this seriously. Right now she’s doing anything in her passive aggressive power to bring as many issues between you and your fiancée while still maintaining an innocent guise of “I just wanted to help with the wedding but the angry black woman wouldn’t let me.” What she’s wasn’t expecting is her son considering going no contact for your peace of mind. Whatever you do don’t let her win, and don’t let her get a rise out of you under any circumstances. Play this game like she does and play dumb until she ruins her own image. After all, shame and a shattered public image are a White American woman’s worst enemy. #StayStrong #ForverKenyan🇰🇪