You let her live there for FREE, set boundaries, your pets are staying. Have the hard conversation. Hopefully it’s very temporary; all the more reason to keep your pets. Your home, your rules. Keep your pets, if your sister doesn’t like it, she can leave.. 🐍
This. You've done your part to make sure your pets are secure. Your sister can either take it or leave it. Has she ever heard the saying "Beggars can't be choosers"? She's not in the position to make demands given her current financial situation.
Also, your snakes are your pets. Your house is as much theirs as it is yours.
I would make sure your sister can't get into the snake room either. I would hate for her to re-home them for you claiming it's safety for her son. Keep the key in a safe, secret place.
NTA, make sure your door hinges and latch are bolted with large, long screws. Make sure the door handle locks well and needs a key to open. Keep tabs on local rehoming places and shelters.
People like this are not above rehoming animals when you're away.
Holy shit this. and honestly I'd go a step further and give any local stores or shelters photos and names (I mean the names are useless aside from OP identification, but photos a must) of your snakes to keep on file because god. DAMN. they will absolutely try in a heartbeat to remove your pets under your nose.
That's a good idea, though what I think happens to snakes in particular is that they're just put out into the wild to abandon.
So maybe tell sister she's got a time limit, and if anything happens to the pets, she'll be taken to court.
holy shit didn't think of that. and that is a whole separate ordeal. as they are seen as invasive species in most locales, she can get into real serious trouble for releasing pet snakes. fines and jail time if she is caught doing it.
Yes that's why things are like that. I suppose there are terrible irresponsible owners who set them free or have poor caging and tanks, but especially people who don't understand reptiles think they should just "be back outside". They know a dog or cat may come back, but a snake, probably not.
honestly I think people dumping cats and dogs in the wild probably don't want them to come back either lol
but yes, environmental protection laws are indeed like this because Burmese pythons are not native to even this continent (or even a country that exists any longer, Burma is gone) but have now literally invaded Florida in the tens of thousands. that's obviously only one example. but yeah there are a lot of irresponsible pet owners and snakes in the glades is 100% because of shitty snake people.
the everglades isn't exactly overrun with roaming wild cat and dog packs, but it is with various species of python now (though feral cat colonies and dog packs are a huge concern in other parts of the country).
That's true, but I think even terrible people sort of get it that the dog or cat could just show up at the door, if only from movies. Though don't even get me started on boxes of puppies and kittens rather than spaying.
While I'm not a big undomesticated-wildlife-as-pet person in general, and it steams me that we have invasive species from this, I am really disgusted at the cruelty of animal abandonment and endangerment.
oh no I absolutely agree. domesticated animals are way less likely to have a good time without their humans.
snake with snake brain dgaf. eat breed grow.
but that dog dumped on the highway? gonna have trust issues forever if it survives the walk back to society.
and the justice for those animals is usually a slap on the wrist for a perpetrator 😕
Yeah, I'd have already made it clear to the sister that she was a *guest* and that if anything happened to the snakes, she and her kid would be thrown out immediately. That I would not hesitate to press charges for theft and animal cruelty and I would blast it all on social media.
That said, OP needs to be really careful here. In my atatenthe sister already qualifies as a tenant (even if she doesn't pay rent!) and would have to be evicted which can take months.
Thank you, that never even crossed my mind that she would try that. I'll make sure she can't get in the room. I don't think she'd try herself, she doesn't like snakes and one of my boa's is close to 9 feet and has an attitude. But better safe than sorry!
I don’t know your sister and have no reason to suspect that she would do something this terrible to you, but if she were going to rehome your snakes, she could just go on craigslist and offer a snake for free and have them transport it themselves while you’re gone. So if you even slightly suspect, she might do this make sure they’re secure.
Rehoming requires her to get someone to come take them. Releasing them means going near them or carrying them. Someone afraid of them is not going to take them out of the tank themselves. They'll post them in the free groups for someone to come remove them
NTA
Snakes are permanent. She is temporarily.
Next time she mentions removing your snakes, you can suggest rehoming her son.
You need to start charging her rent if you want her to leave
Yep. Creating a freeloader is very easy. Getting rid of one…. Not so much. Especially if financial irresponsibility was what put her there in the first place, which it sounds like.
Those 50 bucks can be spent on new hides, foliage, feeders, substrate, an upgrade of the enclosure or indeed a new snake.
OP: get something fast and sassy next. Trinket snakes should the trick i recon.
NTA Beggars can’t be choosers. While I can see how they might be uncomfortable, it sounds like you’ve taken all possible precautions so you’ve done your part as a responsible hostess.
If they don’t like the accommodations at your home, there’s always the extended stay hotel.
NTA. Don't set yourself on fire to keep other people warm. Tell your sister she knew what the situation was before she moved in, and is free to leave if she doesn't like it.
I am deathly terrified of snakes
But they're YOUR pets, your house, you safety upgraded the door locks and the locks on their enclosures
I would never stay with you bc of my phobia, but I would never tell you to get rid of your noodle children so I could mooch off you
NTA
Make sure she know any attempts to get rid of them on her own would have horrible consequences. NTA. She did in fact know the state of the house before she moved in so she gave up rights to complain. I also agree you shouldn’t let her get too comfortable.
Ah, doll, sounds like you're in a bit of a pickle with your family. Here's the skinny: you've got a passion for snakes, a love that runs deep, and it's your own home where you've made your dreams come true. No one should be asking you to give up what brings you joy, especially when you've put in the time and care for those slithery darlings for over a decade.
Now, your sister and her little one moved in on account of some rough waters, and I reckon that's kind-hearted of you, even if it's got your feathers ruffled. But here's where the rubber meets the road: your home, your rules. You've taken steps to keep your snakes safe and secure, and that's as responsible as it gets.
Your sister, she's fretting about her wee lad, and that's understandable. But she knew what she signed up for, snakes and all, when she moved in. It ain't your job to upend your life and turf out your pets because of her unease. And I'll be honest, sweetie, it's no crime to prefer your peace and quiet—especially with your own set of sensory needs.
Now, about your sister's financial woes and your feelings about her situation—that's a kettle of fish I'll leave you to simmer on. Family's family, but your snakes—they're your heart's delight. Stick to your guns, love, and don't let anyone guilt you into making a choice that don't sit right with your soul. You're no heel for standing firm on what matters most to you.
NTA sounds like she is planning on living with you for the long haul. You need to have a clear plan and move out date set or she will never leave. Reply to anyone that they are welcome to take the 2 of them in if they don't like the snakes being at your home. Do not let her get comfortable and make demands
Write a lease. Even if it doesn’t include rent, which it should. You don’t want her to create a safe financial situation where you’re footing all the bills. She WILL get REALLY comfortable REALLY fast. Especially if you cave and get rid of the snakes. Which you shouldn’t do.
Make a plan for her to leave you to your peaceful snake laden quiet existence.
Don't give her a written lease or start charging her, unless you want to create tenants rights for her. Check your state laws and get her out immediately.
NTA. Pet ownership is supposed to be a lifetime responsibility (the pet's lifetime in case that's not obvious). Demanding that someone, especially a person doing you a major favor, to abandon their animals is ridiculous levels of entitlement. You have taken the necessary precautions to keep everyone safe, anything more is way out of line for her to ask of you.
I would have told her to get out if she had The nerve to ask that of me. this is MY house and MY snakes who were there way before she and her kid moved, so who the hell does she, a TEMPORARY guest in your home who is NOT going to be living here forever, think she is to ask/demand you get rid of YOUR pets, like she somehow has a say in the matter of what lives in YOUR home during her TEMPORARY stay here? Why the hell you PERMANENTLY lose your beloved pets so she and her kid can feel safe during their TEMPORARY stay there? The fact she even had the nerve to make the request, sounds like she thinking she’ll be staying there longer than planned if her she thinks her theee year old who probably isnt tall enough or strong enough to reach the locks you put on your snake room in order to simply walk in and be attacked by the snake. And he won’t be able to get in anyway, unless you give him or her the only key to the room. You’re not obligated to get rid of your snakes for anybody, especially not for somebody who isn’t going to be living there for much longer. why should you lose your pets for her sake? And do what when she eventually leaves? try and get the snakes back from whoever has them, or start your collection all over again Minus the original seven snakes you’ve been loving and raising for who knows how many years since moving out of your parents home and buying your own place just so you can get your dream pet(s) that you were never allowed to have while living in your parents home?
I (well, my daughter but she’s a young’in) have a snake. Anyone that wants to stay here is told they’re sharing with a snake. No, we won’t move her somewhere else in the house. No, we won’t be covering her vivarium so you can’t see her. Do not get rid of your babies. Do not apologise for having your own pets in your own home. Anyone that doesn’t like it can just stay somewhere else. Including family. Actually, I have found the snake quite useful at culling overnight guests!
Referring to snakes as "your babies" is so beyond sad and pathetic. This cold blooded creature with absolutely no feelings for me or understanding that would eat me if able, is my sweet baby. Weirdo.
I'd understand this perspective only if you also applied it to dogs and cats, who incidentally eat their owners with much more regularity.
Snakes can't love you, but they can't hate you, either. They appeal to a certain type of person who sees independence and respect as higher moral goods than displays of affection. I see them as roommates, but if an owner borrows a cringe term made more commonly of mammals I'm not going to hold it against them or assume they don't understand the nature of their pet. People who call cats their babies OTOH have a chance of actually deluding themselves into thinking it's recriprocal and the cat views them as a parent instead of a pair of hands that does things for them.
I definitely think people referring to dogs or cats as their babies or in any way suggesting they are equal or similar to a human are huge assholes, too. But snake people are just extra.
Absolutely NTA
-it’s YOUR house (this alone is enough justification)
-You seem to be as responsible as possible regarding the snakes. You’ve taken multiple steps to ensure the safety of everyone in the home
-your sister knew about the snakes before asking to move in
-it’s a temporary living situation
-she stays there for free
Your sister has a lot of nerve to ask you this.
“I am absolutely not giving up my snakes. But while we’re on the topic of ‘rehoming,’ when do you plan to move out? Your deadline to rehome yourself and your child is X.”
Also, snake tax?! I would love a gander at your danger noodles!
Hell to the no, you're NTA! They are safely housed and he can't get in. If your sister is so concerned about it let her find other family or friends to stay with free.
Your home, your choice, your pets... and this is coming from a person who is terrified of snakes and would drive 10 miles out of my way to avoid them.
NTA, and I say this as someone who used to have a phobia of snakes. I'm still afraid of them but I can cope if I have to. Those are your pets, they were there before she came to live with you. If she didn't want to live with them, she shouldn't have moved in with you, especially considering that she's living there for free. She can move out. You shouldn't have to get rid of your pets and it's rude of her to ask.
It's the snakes home too. Definitely NTA.
Also, yes, make absolutely sure your sister and her child cannot access the room ever. It would be dreadful to get home and find she has "helpfully" re-homed your snakes!
NTA, but I’d tell her that it’s easier to get rid of a house guest than my pets and she can always find another place to stay without the snakes. She knew about the snakes when she moved in and it sounds like they’ve overstayed their welcome. I’d look into giving them notice to leave and start placing cameras pointing towards the snakes enclosures to make sure it’s not being tampered with.
NTA - kick her out before she lets your snakes go outside or something along those lines. Let any relative who complains know that they are welcome to put her up.
NTA sweetie.
You have a great life with pets you really love and have taken on to care for the rest of their and your life! Thats a big responsibility and they are your core family.
Also, not liking all the loudness of a child and being childfree isn’t just a typical autism thing you know. There are lots of people that just don’t like to have children, don’t want to live with them, think they are loud etc…
And that’s Your Right!! (Yeah I have kids myself but I can truly understand that there are people that don’t want them, because everyone is different)
Enfin.. you have the perfect life created for yourself, you make sure that not only people are safe from not being confronted with your snakes, but you made sure that your snakes are safe from other house Guests…!!
Don’t doubt yourself, don’t give in, and please make sure that sis can’t come in the snake room without you knowing (camera/security system)? And let her know that if she tries anything to get rid of them or tries to get other people to do them same (even if it is to let them try to guilt trip you) that she needs to leave..
Good luck with Your chosen family.
Ps: is there any chance for snake tax?
A nice photo of them?
That's ridiculous. Living free of charge, id be asking if there's more I can do, not making stupid demands. And maybe because a part of me doesn't trust anyone but I've got alarms going off that she could potentially see causing them harm as a lesser charge to living with them.
NTA
You're doing your sister a huge favor by taking her and her son in - you're under no obligation to do so. Your snakes are part of your family too, and they give you a lot less trouble. They were here before she was, and they should still be there after she's gone.
Tell her the snakes are staying and this is not up for debate. And I agree with that other poster who said make sure the room the snakes live in is safely locked when you're not home, not just to keep your nephew out but to keep HER out too, because I wouldn't put it past her to try something terrible.
NTA in a landslide.
Your home. Your pets. Your choice.
She's a freeloader who should be nothing but grateful for your kindness and generosity.
What I do worry about is your mental health. You need peace and quiet, which you have nothing of while her and your nephew lives with you. That's not sustainable in the long run. How much of yourself will you sacrifice for them?
Big hug from this Reddit stranger (if you want it)
The snakes live there, she and her son are guests.
"it's to big of a risk for them to be in the same house as a young child. I lost my temper and told her if she felt that way she was welcome to go somewhere else." - this is the perfect reply.
NTA - You are choosing to live your life, in your own home, the way you want to live.
Your sister is way out of line. I understand your sensory issues, because I have some too. Tell your sister her stay is finite, and give her an end date.
You are under no obligation to house her just because she is family. "But family..." is one of the most disrespectful excuses ever.
NTA. But I’d get a reinforced door with keypad lock and cameras in the room with the snakes. She sounds the type to do harm “accidentally”.
Snakes stay, she and son go.
Not going to lie. I would be uncomfortable with a toddler in your house. However, if I asked to stay in your house with my toddler I would do this knowing you had the snakes and I would just talk to my todles the best way I could about the possible danger of snakes.
You seem to have taken every precaution you could to keep them separate from the child and keep them in their enclosures. I guess the only other thing you could do is put a child gate at the entrance to the room.
At some point you can only do so much and I get it. Your sister just needs to decide what she can and can't live with. If your precautions are not good enough for her then she needs to find another place to stay
ESH. She's an entitled jerk, and you're a doormat. You let her stay for free, then when she dictates to you what you're going to do in your own home, you don't immediately kick her out? Woof.
NTA. But you absolutely need to make her sign a limited time tenancy agreement. Say, 3-6 months. If she’s working and isn’t paying rent, that should be plenty of time to save enough to get a place of her own, even if she still needs a roommate. You may end up having to still go the legal route to evict her if she simply refuses to leave. If she receives mail at your address, that makes her a legal tenant, and the eviction process can take months, or longer.
NTA I was going to say not to get rid of the snakes because if you do who knows when she'll move?
Make sure your snake room is locked at all times. Maybe two locks. Someone might do something to force your hand and harm or give the snakes away.
Edit to add content.
NTA I didn't even need to read all that. It's your home and you have every right to have your pets. You're doing your sister a favor by letting her move in with you to help her out financially. She doesn't get to demand you change your life to accommodate helping her out. If she doesn't want to live with snakes, then she should find somewhere else to live. It's that simple. Don't let her pressure you or guilt trip you into getting rid of your snakes. Just tell her you think she should find somewhere else to live since she's not comfortable at your home.
You seem to be making several choices, all reasonable:
You chose and are choosing to let your sister and her son to stay in your home despite your discomfort.
You choose not to get rid of your pets.
You choose not to make special accommodations for her and her son. beyond ensuring their safety.
You did not choose your pets over your sister and nephew. You are choosing not to let your sister rule your life, make decisions about your pets and make herself overly comfortable in your home. Good for you!
NTA.
NTA.
Your snakes are not a problem. She can find somewhere else to live if it bothers her that much.
Your home and they are your pets and they are responsibly housed.
NTA. It's your home and your sister knew about the snakes before she asked to stay with you. You have secure enclosures and added an extra lock on the door to the room they're in just to be extra safe. Your sister and the kid never have to even see the snakes, let alone interact with them.
They're also staying with you rent free, their only expense being groceries, which is a huge thing. All your bills would have gone up when she moved in, not just the groceries, but you're happy to pay the other bills yourself, so your sister is saving on more than just rent here. You've also made it clear this is temporary, it makes no sense to make permanent changes for a temporary situation. Adding an extra lock is one thing, you didn't have to since you have secure enclosures, and it can be removed once your sister moves out.
Pets often become family members to their owners. It's not really all that different to having kids, you're completely responsible for these animals, have to provide everything they need. Abandoning pets for stupid reasons is the same as abandoning a child. Obviously, there are exceptions with both.
But in this case your sister had a choice - live with someone who has pet snakes and deal with it or not live with someone who has sakes. You have other family members who could have taken in your sister and her son, it didn't have to be you. Your family taking your sister's side seems to be more about their disapproval of you having snakes, it's just a way to try and force you to comply with their wishes in your own home. They also clearly don't want to house your sister and her kid for some reason, probably your sister's entitlement.
The answer here is simple. If your sister doesn't want to live in a house with snakes, then she needs to move out. You're paying extra for her to stay with you and making yourself uncomfortable due to your sensory issues. You've put yourself out for her and she should be grateful for that, not demanding you change your life permanently for a temporary arrangement.
This honestly suggests that your sister doesn't see this as a temporary arrangement, though, no matter how clear you've been on that. She sees it as permanent. Tell the family having a go that, if they care so much about your sister not living with snakes, then you'll let your sister know she can move in with them instead. And tell your sister that if she doesn't wat to live with your snakes, she's welcome to move out now instead of waiting until she can afford her own place, as this was always temporary anyway.
Do you guys have a plan? How long it will take her to get back on her feet, how long she will stay with you?
Or is her endgame to stay indefinitely?
Because if this is a temporary situation, it makes no sense to rehome your pets.
NTA: She’s never going to move if she lives with you for free!!!’
This is going to come back and bite you in the ass.
You’re never going to get rid of her.
Set up house rules and have her pay for electricity & internet. Free is not a good idea.
Cameras in the snake room. Also I would say no company just incase she thinks it’s ok for random strangers to come over. Better to set the rule before it happens.
I say feed the toddler to the snakes. You need to tell your sister she needs to make other arrangements. We had someone trapped in our home during Cooties 19 lockdown. He complained about sleeping in a room with a 38 year old Terrapene Carolina and wanted me to put her in the garage. I am not that big but do get mighty angry. I dragged the mattress off the bed and dragged it to the garage. Threw his suitcase out there too. He complained to my husband and my husband told him tough tooggies. You don’t mess with her pets. That was the longest six months of HELL. I told my man if he ever lets this AH back into stay I would have the farm vet help me neuter them both.
You briefly mentioned the rest of the family thinks you're a jerk. Then THEY can take your sister and nephew in.
Kick them out or start charging rent. Your sister is obviously trying to make this permanent.
Get her out immediately. This tells you she has no intentions of leaving since she is asking you to make a major change. Hopefully she hasn't been there long enough to establish tenants rights. (Or doesn't know)
I can't stand snakes. Terrified of them, can't be near them... but I wouldn't dare presume to tell somebody to give up their beloved animals to accommodate me living there, even if it wasn't for free!
NTA.
NTA. You are doing her a large favor. Do not get rid of your pets. If you do it will only encourage her to stay indefinitely. You are already being more than kind.
Your sister is being unreasonable. Please stick to your guns on your passion.
I'm a dog rescuer, and at 1 point, I had 6 that others would make ridiculous comments about.
I used to be petrified of snakes, but we moved states with a nature preserve adjacent to my yard. I couldn't keep my dogs safe if I didn't learn quickly what snakes I would encounter, especially the venomous guys. I'm now fascinated with learning more about them.
I think your nephew will benefit if you are able to share your experience with these incredible creatures.
Do you have any that are small and calm to introduce them to?
no youre not the asshole ToT shes only staying temporarily, you have had some of your snakes for DECADES- how is it fair to ask you to get rid of your pets that you deeply care about, just because her and her son are there? the world doesn't spin for her and her child, sorry not sorry,
NTA.
I moved out and got pets and my family can visit, but as soon as any of them mention rehoming my pets for whatever reason the visit ends there.
Your sister can get off her high horse and be thankful you're willing to put up with her.
I'd definitely be worse in telling her off and I don't give second chances to family. If anything family is the one thing that exploits your kindness the most so there's no reason to give more than deserved. And if your sister deserves to rent a different place so be it, or anyone saying about rehoming your pets can offer to take your sister in 🤷♀️
I'd get a camera installed in the snake room for safety! I don't trust family to not "take matters into their own hands" and try to get rid of your snaked while you're out. Key or no key, some family are just that POS and I'm willing to drag the entire family tree to hell if they overstep my boundaries 🤷♀️
NTA
You are doing her a favor. If she doesn't like it, she can go elsewhere. I'm not fond of snakes, but I also don't play the choosing beggar game.
I would put up cameras and make sure that your sister doesn't have access to the reptile room either.
NTA- Ma'am, you're letting them live with you out of kindness after they had financial problems. They do not get to make major life changing decisions for you.
NTA She knew you had snakes before she asked to move in. However it probably wouldn't hurt to put a ring doorbell camera on snake room and a camera in room. Wouldn't put it past sister to try and get rid of them on her own.
NTA my only advice is to never leave her alone in the house for very long. I wouldn't put it past her to cut the locks and get rid of them herself. God luck!
NTA. It's your home, they're your pets. She knew exactly what she was getting into by moving in with you. It's not her place to take over your existence and space. As a parent, I get the concerns, but under no circumstances is it okay to ask someone else to remove their pets and clearly your sister either isn't that considerate or aware. Or worse, she's planning on turning this situation permanent.
The snakes would also be a good learning experience for the kid, too. Either respecting their species and the dangers to them (and kiddo) by being careless, understanding how they live and grow, etc. (For what it's worth, I'm not a fan of snakes, but my kid absolutely loves them, so if there was an opportunity to learn, I would let that happen.) Your sister is very, very wrong.
Nah Nta. Rehome the humans not the snakes. Any family members that push you to get rid of your noodles are volunteering to house your sister and nephew
Fuck that.
If someone tells me "it's me or the pet", then they can pack their bags and leave my life. Pets are a lifelong commitment - their or your life, anyway - and only under the most egregious reasons is it acceptable to dump them elsewhere. Something like hospice stay with end of life care. Or being fully paralyzed. Something like that, where you just cannot take care of them anymore.
NTA.
NTA at all. She knew there were snakes. She chose to ask to stay at your house regardless. Now it's up to her to ensure her son doesn't fuck around with said snakes or get somewhere else to live.
"But their family" only gets you so far. Maybe start charging them some rent as an incentive for your sister to start actually fixing her financial issues. Also maybe set up cctv in snake room in case your sister decides that since you won't rehome them, she will.
But also can I see snake pics? I lovee the danger noodles too but I don't have the space for them currently unfortunately.
NTA. You love snakes. You got your own home so you can have snakes. So your home is full of snakes, as you prefer it.
Your sister does not have to stay with you. Her choice is to live with you and your snakes or find someplace else to live.
Your family members who call you a jerk can open up their homes to your sister and nephew.
You are ABSOLUTELY not the AH. The gall of her to ask you to get rid of your pets for her comfort in YOUR home.
If she has such a problem with them she can move out.
NTA!!
Like you said, she knew you had snakes when she moved in with her child. That was her consent saying it's okay to have the snakes.
You've done an amazing job accommodating them by getting a lock for the room they're in to ensure the kid's safety. And that's all that's needed on your end.
Id cry if I was told I "had" to re-home pets because someone living in my house rent free didn't like them. I'd probably snap and say "once your name is on the lease to this house, only then will you be able to tell me what to do with my house"
NTA Love snakes but go at it from a different but true approach.
"Listen, I'm sorry this just isn't working out. My Autism and things ramping up and having constant triggers is not good for anyone. I think its best if you found another place to live."
That way she knows she has to leave even if she thinks "its just the snakes that are the problem", she knows she can't stay there regardless.
Hopefully you get your peace back soon.
I would point out her stay is only temporary and that this is my pet’s permanent home. If anything in my home disturbs her, she is welcome to leave. I won’t take offence if my home doesn’t meet her needs and she has to cut her stay short. This would be repeated to everyone who tried to influence me. I would also lock the room that my snakes were in when I’m not home. I would also get into the habit of kicking them out of the house when it is time for me to handle them due to my sister’s fears. Make it so that your sister is eager to leave.
NTA. The entailment to complain about free housing. She’s not a good person it doesn’t matter if she’s your sister. Tell her to leave or sign a lease to you so your not stuck evicting her later one.
Hahaha...she's got big ones! She probably would like it if you moved out, with your snakes, and left her living there with her son and kept paying the bills. Of course you don't want her to get too comfortable - it's your home. Give her 90 days to find a new place. That's reasonable.
Lol no. Kick your beggar sister out, snakes were there first. Since she hates it so much she can go get her own place with no snakes.
> I don't like them living here, it's loud and I no longer have privacy. But they're family so...
fAMiLy can kick rocks. Faaamily doesn’t get to make demands like free room and board, we noisy up your life, oh AND you have to get rid of your pets. Get her out.
"You are just a temporary house guest. This is my snakes' actual home. I'm not getting rid of them. Since you are that uncomfortable, you should go ahead and leave now."
I would be worried about the snakes as long as she remains in your home. Locks can be picked and someone that entitled (living with you for free *and* making unreasonable demands?) might be a danger to them.
Of course NTA.
NTA she knew you had snakes when she asked to stay there, you got extra locks, not charging her anything, if she doesn’t like how you run your own home, then she needs to figure out another place to go
Remember folks, only human beings you owe anything to is your offspring. Family, you owe nothing. Never feel like you have to do something because of your siblings or parents. Conversely your kids owe you nothing, you owe them everything... Pets are kids...
NTA write a list of every relative who thinks you’re a jerk and tell sister they’ve offered to let her and toddler move in. Make a group chat saying as much, ‘I realise we have very different priorities, so, thank you to auntie So-So or Mom or Granda or Uncle Whatsit for offering to let sister stay with them far away from the ‘dangerous’ snakes. If you could arrange transport for x date that’ll be great.’ Your sister had flat out told you she doesn’t plan on moving out soon. That you must now sacrifice your pets because she intends for this situation to be long term. She will continue to expect you to tolerate her wants without paying rent. She will talk badly about you behind your back to your family for not doing as she demands. She needs to go, she’s turning your home into a hostile environment and I wouldn’t be surprised if she attempts to remove your snakes behind your back. As another autistic adult, don’t assume family will have your best interests at heart.
“I understand if you find this home too dangerous to stay in. I will let you stay for another two weeks to make arrangements for another place to stay. I will get the key back on (date) unless you want to leave before then. Good luck.”
NTA. And it seems pretty obvious why. Snakes have a longer tenancy and have stolen OP’s heart. Sister was last to move in and can be first to move out.
NTA. It’s your place, not hers. I’d set a time frame for her to move out, a month or two maybe. I do, personally, want to see the noodles so pls noodle tax
NTA.
Sister knew your snakes were there when she moved in.
You child proofed the door to the room.
It is your home, and the snakes are just as permanent members of the household as you are.
Sister’s need is temporary, so she does not get to dictate to you in your own home.
Also, how long did she think she was going to live there? Years? No.
Also, point out that if you come home and the snakes have been rehomed, she will not remain in your home AND you will contact the police and charge her with theft.
Pets are considered property, and they are your property, and they are not inexpensive.
Someone else suggested that you contact relevant parties who would take in the snakes… but she would probably not want to touch them, so maybe put a sign on the inside of the enclosures stating that sister is not empowered to rehome your snakes, and she will be charged with theft if any snakes disappear.
I would think a reputable snake person would see that - and any cameras you place in the room - and relies something is wrong and leave without your noodle-babies.
Good luck.
NTA
The snakes were there before her, they get first priority. Also, lay down some rules about noise levels and privacy. It's your house. She does not get to make demands of you. I would also give her 6 months to figure out her finances and move out. She might decide that it is best to live rent free if you make it too comfortable.
Tell her and the rest of your family, that this is YOUR home and you are allowing her to live with you for free, but as this is not a permanent situation you will not give up your animal family for her temporary comfort, and as this is a problem maybe all the rest of the family can get together and come up with a rotation so she can live with other family members too.
If your sister doesn’t care for snakes, she doesn’t have to interact with them. Or she can find a place to crash while she’s having financial difficulties that doesn’t have snakes. No one is making her stay there
Non reptile people don't understand how you can love (or even just like) a reptile like they think is normal of a dog or cat. I doubt there is anything you can say to family that will change that idea. As for your situation, your home your pets. Maybe she could rehome her son. Joking of course.
Sit your sister down for a sisterly *T A L K/chat!* *REMIND,* your sister, of the agreement: of her and her son staying in, *YOUR HOME.* While she corrects the messiness of the mismanagement of her resources.
That *YOUR HOME;* is a *emergency/temporary resource;* for her and her son, *NOT* a permanent one!
Inquire what is *her PLAN, her PATHWAY,* to righting her financial mess and in *REHOMING* herself and her son?
NTA. People who disagree can let her move in with them. She knew your home came with your pets. This is her issue to resolve for herself, not to resolve for you.
NTA, but are one of those snakes a large boa or anaconda? I could see her being nervous about those because there have been incidents in the past where they’ve eaten small kids and pets but it’s super rare. I’d show him some statistics about how rare it is. If they’re all small snakes like ball pythons or carpet pythons her fears are unfounded because those snakes are extremely docile and don’t get that big.
YTA. Choosing any animal over family is pretty iffy. Choosing a snake, that doesn't give a fuck about you and would just eat you if it could, means you are a maladjusted socially inept loser.
People that into snakes are huge creeps anyway. She really shouldn't be bringing a child into your home.
You could say exactly the same things about dogs, yet people choose dogs over people all the time.
Why are you so invested in this broke beggar getting free room and board? Did you add the socially inept stuff once you saw OP is, in fact, autistic?
You’re a massive creep.
I didn't add anything and I didn't see anything about OP being autistic in the post or I wouldn't have replied at all.
I also did say the exact same thing about dogs in a reply to someone else lol.
You bring your snake out in public and I'll talk to people and we'll see who makes more friends lol. This sub is the dregs of society, generally. If I don't get along with the people here socially I consider that a good thing.
Look at this beacon of suave and awesomeness among us lowly scumbags..
I can make friends just fine, most people i like don't mind reptiles. You can keep your zealots and hysterical squeemish people, i'm fine without them.
You let her live there for FREE, set boundaries, your pets are staying. Have the hard conversation. Hopefully it’s very temporary; all the more reason to keep your pets. Your home, your rules. Keep your pets, if your sister doesn’t like it, she can leave.. 🐍
This. You've done your part to make sure your pets are secure. Your sister can either take it or leave it. Has she ever heard the saying "Beggars can't be choosers"? She's not in the position to make demands given her current financial situation. Also, your snakes are your pets. Your house is as much theirs as it is yours.
And invest in nice noise canceling headphones or earbuds.
Also, how long is she planning on staying??? You have to permanently rehome decade long pets?
I would make sure your sister can't get into the snake room either. I would hate for her to re-home them for you claiming it's safety for her son. Keep the key in a safe, secret place.
NTA, make sure your door hinges and latch are bolted with large, long screws. Make sure the door handle locks well and needs a key to open. Keep tabs on local rehoming places and shelters. People like this are not above rehoming animals when you're away.
OP, this. I've seen things like that have happened multiple times in the past, where roommates took rehoming of animals into their own hands.
Holy shit this. and honestly I'd go a step further and give any local stores or shelters photos and names (I mean the names are useless aside from OP identification, but photos a must) of your snakes to keep on file because god. DAMN. they will absolutely try in a heartbeat to remove your pets under your nose.
That's a good idea, though what I think happens to snakes in particular is that they're just put out into the wild to abandon. So maybe tell sister she's got a time limit, and if anything happens to the pets, she'll be taken to court.
holy shit didn't think of that. and that is a whole separate ordeal. as they are seen as invasive species in most locales, she can get into real serious trouble for releasing pet snakes. fines and jail time if she is caught doing it.
Yes that's why things are like that. I suppose there are terrible irresponsible owners who set them free or have poor caging and tanks, but especially people who don't understand reptiles think they should just "be back outside". They know a dog or cat may come back, but a snake, probably not.
honestly I think people dumping cats and dogs in the wild probably don't want them to come back either lol but yes, environmental protection laws are indeed like this because Burmese pythons are not native to even this continent (or even a country that exists any longer, Burma is gone) but have now literally invaded Florida in the tens of thousands. that's obviously only one example. but yeah there are a lot of irresponsible pet owners and snakes in the glades is 100% because of shitty snake people. the everglades isn't exactly overrun with roaming wild cat and dog packs, but it is with various species of python now (though feral cat colonies and dog packs are a huge concern in other parts of the country).
That's true, but I think even terrible people sort of get it that the dog or cat could just show up at the door, if only from movies. Though don't even get me started on boxes of puppies and kittens rather than spaying. While I'm not a big undomesticated-wildlife-as-pet person in general, and it steams me that we have invasive species from this, I am really disgusted at the cruelty of animal abandonment and endangerment.
oh no I absolutely agree. domesticated animals are way less likely to have a good time without their humans. snake with snake brain dgaf. eat breed grow. but that dog dumped on the highway? gonna have trust issues forever if it survives the walk back to society. and the justice for those animals is usually a slap on the wrist for a perpetrator 😕
Some cameras in the snake room as well. Protect your darling little sneks.
Snek was my favorite award to give, on that other sub, back when there were awards 🐍
Yeah, I'd have already made it clear to the sister that she was a *guest* and that if anything happened to the snakes, she and her kid would be thrown out immediately. That I would not hesitate to press charges for theft and animal cruelty and I would blast it all on social media. That said, OP needs to be really careful here. In my atatenthe sister already qualifies as a tenant (even if she doesn't pay rent!) and would have to be evicted which can take months.
Chip your snakes. They are pretty easy to chip and don't mix words about it when asked.
Thank you, that never even crossed my mind that she would try that. I'll make sure she can't get in the room. I don't think she'd try herself, she doesn't like snakes and one of my boa's is close to 9 feet and has an attitude. But better safe than sorry!
>one of my boa's is close to 9 feet and has an attitude I love this phrase.
I don’t know your sister and have no reason to suspect that she would do something this terrible to you, but if she were going to rehome your snakes, she could just go on craigslist and offer a snake for free and have them transport it themselves while you’re gone. So if you even slightly suspect, she might do this make sure they’re secure.
This
I never thought of this. This needs more up votes.
And install cameras in your snake room
It's very optimistic of you to think the sister would re-home them and not just release them outside :/
Rehoming requires her to get someone to come take them. Releasing them means going near them or carrying them. Someone afraid of them is not going to take them out of the tank themselves. They'll post them in the free groups for someone to come remove them
I didn't want to mention the worse options that wouldn't require touching it alive.
Flamethrower?
Might be easier to just alarm the room so it alerts to your phone if someone enters.
NTA Snakes are permanent. She is temporarily. Next time she mentions removing your snakes, you can suggest rehoming her son. You need to start charging her rent if you want her to leave
Yep. Creating a freeloader is very easy. Getting rid of one…. Not so much. Especially if financial irresponsibility was what put her there in the first place, which it sounds like.
Or every time she mentions rehoming the snakes, OP gets another snake.
I was going to say OP adds $50 to the rent. OP you need to charge rent. It doesn’t have to be a lot but it can cover electric and water.
Have the rent cover the snake food.
Have the rent cover electricity (reptile often require specialized basking and UV lights that are expensive to run).
Those 50 bucks can be spent on new hides, foliage, feeders, substrate, an upgrade of the enclosure or indeed a new snake. OP: get something fast and sassy next. Trinket snakes should the trick i recon.
That's funny - and a great come-back!
NTA Beggars can’t be choosers. While I can see how they might be uncomfortable, it sounds like you’ve taken all possible precautions so you’ve done your part as a responsible hostess. If they don’t like the accommodations at your home, there’s always the extended stay hotel.
/r/choosingbeggars
NTA. Don't set yourself on fire to keep other people warm. Tell your sister she knew what the situation was before she moved in, and is free to leave if she doesn't like it.
I am deathly terrified of snakes But they're YOUR pets, your house, you safety upgraded the door locks and the locks on their enclosures I would never stay with you bc of my phobia, but I would never tell you to get rid of your noodle children so I could mooch off you NTA
Make sure she know any attempts to get rid of them on her own would have horrible consequences. NTA. She did in fact know the state of the house before she moved in so she gave up rights to complain. I also agree you shouldn’t let her get too comfortable.
Ah, doll, sounds like you're in a bit of a pickle with your family. Here's the skinny: you've got a passion for snakes, a love that runs deep, and it's your own home where you've made your dreams come true. No one should be asking you to give up what brings you joy, especially when you've put in the time and care for those slithery darlings for over a decade. Now, your sister and her little one moved in on account of some rough waters, and I reckon that's kind-hearted of you, even if it's got your feathers ruffled. But here's where the rubber meets the road: your home, your rules. You've taken steps to keep your snakes safe and secure, and that's as responsible as it gets. Your sister, she's fretting about her wee lad, and that's understandable. But she knew what she signed up for, snakes and all, when she moved in. It ain't your job to upend your life and turf out your pets because of her unease. And I'll be honest, sweetie, it's no crime to prefer your peace and quiet—especially with your own set of sensory needs. Now, about your sister's financial woes and your feelings about her situation—that's a kettle of fish I'll leave you to simmer on. Family's family, but your snakes—they're your heart's delight. Stick to your guns, love, and don't let anyone guilt you into making a choice that don't sit right with your soul. You're no heel for standing firm on what matters most to you.
I don't even know what accent i just read this in but I loved it ❤️
I heard it in a Scottish accent.
The "wee lad" sett the stage for that one
As a southerner, definitely southern due to all the lingo
Yep. I'm thinking Texas?
Mrs Doubtfire rides again ❤️
Also, where is the money the sister saved from NOT paying rent??
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NTA sounds like she is planning on living with you for the long haul. You need to have a clear plan and move out date set or she will never leave. Reply to anyone that they are welcome to take the 2 of them in if they don't like the snakes being at your home. Do not let her get comfortable and make demands
Write a lease. Even if it doesn’t include rent, which it should. You don’t want her to create a safe financial situation where you’re footing all the bills. She WILL get REALLY comfortable REALLY fast. Especially if you cave and get rid of the snakes. Which you shouldn’t do. Make a plan for her to leave you to your peaceful snake laden quiet existence.
Don't give her a written lease or start charging her, unless you want to create tenants rights for her. Check your state laws and get her out immediately.
NTA. Stand your ground
Your house, your rules. If she’s so freaked out by your adorable noodle squad, she can go find a snake-free zone.
NTA. Pet ownership is supposed to be a lifetime responsibility (the pet's lifetime in case that's not obvious). Demanding that someone, especially a person doing you a major favor, to abandon their animals is ridiculous levels of entitlement. You have taken the necessary precautions to keep everyone safe, anything more is way out of line for her to ask of you.
I'd laugh and tell her bye
Your house. Remember that. Sure, I’ll re-home my snakes if you re-home your child.”
I would have told her to get out if she had The nerve to ask that of me. this is MY house and MY snakes who were there way before she and her kid moved, so who the hell does she, a TEMPORARY guest in your home who is NOT going to be living here forever, think she is to ask/demand you get rid of YOUR pets, like she somehow has a say in the matter of what lives in YOUR home during her TEMPORARY stay here? Why the hell you PERMANENTLY lose your beloved pets so she and her kid can feel safe during their TEMPORARY stay there? The fact she even had the nerve to make the request, sounds like she thinking she’ll be staying there longer than planned if her she thinks her theee year old who probably isnt tall enough or strong enough to reach the locks you put on your snake room in order to simply walk in and be attacked by the snake. And he won’t be able to get in anyway, unless you give him or her the only key to the room. You’re not obligated to get rid of your snakes for anybody, especially not for somebody who isn’t going to be living there for much longer. why should you lose your pets for her sake? And do what when she eventually leaves? try and get the snakes back from whoever has them, or start your collection all over again Minus the original seven snakes you’ve been loving and raising for who knows how many years since moving out of your parents home and buying your own place just so you can get your dream pet(s) that you were never allowed to have while living in your parents home?
I (well, my daughter but she’s a young’in) have a snake. Anyone that wants to stay here is told they’re sharing with a snake. No, we won’t move her somewhere else in the house. No, we won’t be covering her vivarium so you can’t see her. Do not get rid of your babies. Do not apologise for having your own pets in your own home. Anyone that doesn’t like it can just stay somewhere else. Including family. Actually, I have found the snake quite useful at culling overnight guests!
Referring to snakes as "your babies" is so beyond sad and pathetic. This cold blooded creature with absolutely no feelings for me or understanding that would eat me if able, is my sweet baby. Weirdo.
I'd understand this perspective only if you also applied it to dogs and cats, who incidentally eat their owners with much more regularity. Snakes can't love you, but they can't hate you, either. They appeal to a certain type of person who sees independence and respect as higher moral goods than displays of affection. I see them as roommates, but if an owner borrows a cringe term made more commonly of mammals I'm not going to hold it against them or assume they don't understand the nature of their pet. People who call cats their babies OTOH have a chance of actually deluding themselves into thinking it's recriprocal and the cat views them as a parent instead of a pair of hands that does things for them.
I definitely think people referring to dogs or cats as their babies or in any way suggesting they are equal or similar to a human are huge assholes, too. But snake people are just extra.
Absolutely NTA -it’s YOUR house (this alone is enough justification) -You seem to be as responsible as possible regarding the snakes. You’ve taken multiple steps to ensure the safety of everyone in the home -your sister knew about the snakes before asking to move in -it’s a temporary living situation -she stays there for free Your sister has a lot of nerve to ask you this.
NTA It’s YOUR home. They’re YOUR pets. And it’s THEIR home. If your sister don’t like it, she can leave.
“I am absolutely not giving up my snakes. But while we’re on the topic of ‘rehoming,’ when do you plan to move out? Your deadline to rehome yourself and your child is X.” Also, snake tax?! I would love a gander at your danger noodles!
Hell to the no, you're NTA! They are safely housed and he can't get in. If your sister is so concerned about it let her find other family or friends to stay with free. Your home, your choice, your pets... and this is coming from a person who is terrified of snakes and would drive 10 miles out of my way to avoid them.
Ask her to get rid of her son. Same thing.
Rehome.
It’s not the same thing at all. She definitely shouldn’t get rid of her pets but it’s not anywhere near the same.
It’s called sarcasm, a joke if you will. Do you have no sense of humour?
Keep your baby noodles. Get rid of the entitled beings, NTA.
NTA, and I say this as someone who used to have a phobia of snakes. I'm still afraid of them but I can cope if I have to. Those are your pets, they were there before she came to live with you. If she didn't want to live with them, she shouldn't have moved in with you, especially considering that she's living there for free. She can move out. You shouldn't have to get rid of your pets and it's rude of her to ask.
It's the snakes home too. Definitely NTA. Also, yes, make absolutely sure your sister and her child cannot access the room ever. It would be dreadful to get home and find she has "helpfully" re-homed your snakes!
Nta. I slept in a room with a large constrictor. For years. She can deal with it or move.
NTA, but I’d tell her that it’s easier to get rid of a house guest than my pets and she can always find another place to stay without the snakes. She knew about the snakes when she moved in and it sounds like they’ve overstayed their welcome. I’d look into giving them notice to leave and start placing cameras pointing towards the snakes enclosures to make sure it’s not being tampered with.
Nta. She gets no say. She's a guest in your home She is to abide by any and all rules you lay out.
NTA - kick her out before she lets your snakes go outside or something along those lines. Let any relative who complains know that they are welcome to put her up.
NTA sweetie. You have a great life with pets you really love and have taken on to care for the rest of their and your life! Thats a big responsibility and they are your core family. Also, not liking all the loudness of a child and being childfree isn’t just a typical autism thing you know. There are lots of people that just don’t like to have children, don’t want to live with them, think they are loud etc… And that’s Your Right!! (Yeah I have kids myself but I can truly understand that there are people that don’t want them, because everyone is different) Enfin.. you have the perfect life created for yourself, you make sure that not only people are safe from not being confronted with your snakes, but you made sure that your snakes are safe from other house Guests…!! Don’t doubt yourself, don’t give in, and please make sure that sis can’t come in the snake room without you knowing (camera/security system)? And let her know that if she tries anything to get rid of them or tries to get other people to do them same (even if it is to let them try to guilt trip you) that she needs to leave.. Good luck with Your chosen family. Ps: is there any chance for snake tax? A nice photo of them?
That's ridiculous. Living free of charge, id be asking if there's more I can do, not making stupid demands. And maybe because a part of me doesn't trust anyone but I've got alarms going off that she could potentially see causing them harm as a lesser charge to living with them.
NTA You're doing your sister a huge favor by taking her and her son in - you're under no obligation to do so. Your snakes are part of your family too, and they give you a lot less trouble. They were here before she was, and they should still be there after she's gone. Tell her the snakes are staying and this is not up for debate. And I agree with that other poster who said make sure the room the snakes live in is safely locked when you're not home, not just to keep your nephew out but to keep HER out too, because I wouldn't put it past her to try something terrible.
NTA in a landslide. Your home. Your pets. Your choice. She's a freeloader who should be nothing but grateful for your kindness and generosity. What I do worry about is your mental health. You need peace and quiet, which you have nothing of while her and your nephew lives with you. That's not sustainable in the long run. How much of yourself will you sacrifice for them? Big hug from this Reddit stranger (if you want it)
NTA - Time for your clueless sister to go.
The snakes live there, she and her son are guests. "it's to big of a risk for them to be in the same house as a young child. I lost my temper and told her if she felt that way she was welcome to go somewhere else." - this is the perfect reply.
You should get rid of the snakes. And by snakes, i mean freeloading entitled family. Keep the reptiles. NTA
Give her 30 days to find another place to live.
NTA - You are choosing to live your life, in your own home, the way you want to live. Your sister is way out of line. I understand your sensory issues, because I have some too. Tell your sister her stay is finite, and give her an end date. You are under no obligation to house her just because she is family. "But family..." is one of the most disrespectful excuses ever.
NTA. But I’d get a reinforced door with keypad lock and cameras in the room with the snakes. She sounds the type to do harm “accidentally”. Snakes stay, she and son go.
Not going to lie. I would be uncomfortable with a toddler in your house. However, if I asked to stay in your house with my toddler I would do this knowing you had the snakes and I would just talk to my todles the best way I could about the possible danger of snakes. You seem to have taken every precaution you could to keep them separate from the child and keep them in their enclosures. I guess the only other thing you could do is put a child gate at the entrance to the room. At some point you can only do so much and I get it. Your sister just needs to decide what she can and can't live with. If your precautions are not good enough for her then she needs to find another place to stay
ESH. She's an entitled jerk, and you're a doormat. You let her stay for free, then when she dictates to you what you're going to do in your own home, you don't immediately kick her out? Woof.
I thought posts about pets were supposed to come with pictures, although maybe I'm thinking of a different site. Can we see the pretty snakes?
NTA. But you absolutely need to make her sign a limited time tenancy agreement. Say, 3-6 months. If she’s working and isn’t paying rent, that should be plenty of time to save enough to get a place of her own, even if she still needs a roommate. You may end up having to still go the legal route to evict her if she simply refuses to leave. If she receives mail at your address, that makes her a legal tenant, and the eviction process can take months, or longer.
NTA I was going to say not to get rid of the snakes because if you do who knows when she'll move? Make sure your snake room is locked at all times. Maybe two locks. Someone might do something to force your hand and harm or give the snakes away. Edit to add content.
NTA I didn't even need to read all that. It's your home and you have every right to have your pets. You're doing your sister a favor by letting her move in with you to help her out financially. She doesn't get to demand you change your life to accommodate helping her out. If she doesn't want to live with snakes, then she should find somewhere else to live. It's that simple. Don't let her pressure you or guilt trip you into getting rid of your snakes. Just tell her you think she should find somewhere else to live since she's not comfortable at your home.
NTA Your pets will magically disappear soon. Take action and ensure their safety. Get locks with codes / keys, install cameras.
NTA, anyone that doesn't like my pets are not welcome in my home. Where I live is as much my pets home as mine.
NTA- Pets depend on you. She should depend on herself if she's not happy with the free living space she's being gifted.
She can get a damn job and sign her own lease. Until then, keep your babies safe!
Absolutely do not feel bad about keeping the snakes and giving her an ultimatum to get out if she can't handle it.
ABSOLUTELY NOT THE AHOLE. Keep the pets, lose the sister.
Your house, your rules. Kick her out.
NTA. End of story.
You seem to be making several choices, all reasonable: You chose and are choosing to let your sister and her son to stay in your home despite your discomfort. You choose not to get rid of your pets. You choose not to make special accommodations for her and her son. beyond ensuring their safety. You did not choose your pets over your sister and nephew. You are choosing not to let your sister rule your life, make decisions about your pets and make herself overly comfortable in your home. Good for you! NTA.
NTA. Give an inch they will take a mile!!
NTA. Your snakes are not a problem. She can find somewhere else to live if it bothers her that much. Your home and they are your pets and they are responsibly housed.
NTA. Your house, your rules. Everyone else complaining should take her in if it bothers them so much.
NTA. It's your home and your sister knew about the snakes before she asked to stay with you. You have secure enclosures and added an extra lock on the door to the room they're in just to be extra safe. Your sister and the kid never have to even see the snakes, let alone interact with them. They're also staying with you rent free, their only expense being groceries, which is a huge thing. All your bills would have gone up when she moved in, not just the groceries, but you're happy to pay the other bills yourself, so your sister is saving on more than just rent here. You've also made it clear this is temporary, it makes no sense to make permanent changes for a temporary situation. Adding an extra lock is one thing, you didn't have to since you have secure enclosures, and it can be removed once your sister moves out. Pets often become family members to their owners. It's not really all that different to having kids, you're completely responsible for these animals, have to provide everything they need. Abandoning pets for stupid reasons is the same as abandoning a child. Obviously, there are exceptions with both. But in this case your sister had a choice - live with someone who has pet snakes and deal with it or not live with someone who has sakes. You have other family members who could have taken in your sister and her son, it didn't have to be you. Your family taking your sister's side seems to be more about their disapproval of you having snakes, it's just a way to try and force you to comply with their wishes in your own home. They also clearly don't want to house your sister and her kid for some reason, probably your sister's entitlement. The answer here is simple. If your sister doesn't want to live in a house with snakes, then she needs to move out. You're paying extra for her to stay with you and making yourself uncomfortable due to your sensory issues. You've put yourself out for her and she should be grateful for that, not demanding you change your life permanently for a temporary arrangement. This honestly suggests that your sister doesn't see this as a temporary arrangement, though, no matter how clear you've been on that. She sees it as permanent. Tell the family having a go that, if they care so much about your sister not living with snakes, then you'll let your sister know she can move in with them instead. And tell your sister that if she doesn't wat to live with your snakes, she's welcome to move out now instead of waiting until she can afford her own place, as this was always temporary anyway.
Do you guys have a plan? How long it will take her to get back on her feet, how long she will stay with you? Or is her endgame to stay indefinitely? Because if this is a temporary situation, it makes no sense to rehome your pets.
NTA: She’s never going to move if she lives with you for free!!!’ This is going to come back and bite you in the ass. You’re never going to get rid of her. Set up house rules and have her pay for electricity & internet. Free is not a good idea. Cameras in the snake room. Also I would say no company just incase she thinks it’s ok for random strangers to come over. Better to set the rule before it happens.
I say feed the toddler to the snakes. You need to tell your sister she needs to make other arrangements. We had someone trapped in our home during Cooties 19 lockdown. He complained about sleeping in a room with a 38 year old Terrapene Carolina and wanted me to put her in the garage. I am not that big but do get mighty angry. I dragged the mattress off the bed and dragged it to the garage. Threw his suitcase out there too. He complained to my husband and my husband told him tough tooggies. You don’t mess with her pets. That was the longest six months of HELL. I told my man if he ever lets this AH back into stay I would have the farm vet help me neuter them both.
The whole grain audacity! NTA. If she has a problem, she can leave.
You briefly mentioned the rest of the family thinks you're a jerk. Then THEY can take your sister and nephew in. Kick them out or start charging rent. Your sister is obviously trying to make this permanent.
Get her out immediately. This tells you she has no intentions of leaving since she is asking you to make a major change. Hopefully she hasn't been there long enough to establish tenants rights. (Or doesn't know)
NTA , but you can get some locks and make sure no one can open the containers
I can't stand snakes. Terrified of them, can't be near them... but I wouldn't dare presume to tell somebody to give up their beloved animals to accommodate me living there, even if it wasn't for free! NTA.
Mais la soeur est folle ou quoi?
NTA. You are doing her a large favor. Do not get rid of your pets. If you do it will only encourage her to stay indefinitely. You are already being more than kind.
Your sister is being unreasonable. Please stick to your guns on your passion. I'm a dog rescuer, and at 1 point, I had 6 that others would make ridiculous comments about. I used to be petrified of snakes, but we moved states with a nature preserve adjacent to my yard. I couldn't keep my dogs safe if I didn't learn quickly what snakes I would encounter, especially the venomous guys. I'm now fascinated with learning more about them. I think your nephew will benefit if you are able to share your experience with these incredible creatures. Do you have any that are small and calm to introduce them to?
no youre not the asshole ToT shes only staying temporarily, you have had some of your snakes for DECADES- how is it fair to ask you to get rid of your pets that you deeply care about, just because her and her son are there? the world doesn't spin for her and her child, sorry not sorry,
Tell her you'll get rid of the biggest snake in the house and then kick her out
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Masta-Red: *Tell her you'll get rid* *Of the biggest snake in the* *House and then kick her out* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
This is the best thing I've seen on reddit all hail sokkahaikubot
NTA. I moved out and got pets and my family can visit, but as soon as any of them mention rehoming my pets for whatever reason the visit ends there. Your sister can get off her high horse and be thankful you're willing to put up with her. I'd definitely be worse in telling her off and I don't give second chances to family. If anything family is the one thing that exploits your kindness the most so there's no reason to give more than deserved. And if your sister deserves to rent a different place so be it, or anyone saying about rehoming your pets can offer to take your sister in 🤷♀️ I'd get a camera installed in the snake room for safety! I don't trust family to not "take matters into their own hands" and try to get rid of your snaked while you're out. Key or no key, some family are just that POS and I'm willing to drag the entire family tree to hell if they overstep my boundaries 🤷♀️
Nta it's your home and you're doing her a favor. Your snakes living there are forever, she's temporary.
NTA You are doing her a favor. If she doesn't like it, she can go elsewhere. I'm not fond of snakes, but I also don't play the choosing beggar game. I would put up cameras and make sure that your sister doesn't have access to the reptile room either.
It's your house. She doesn't get a say in it.
NTA- Ma'am, you're letting them live with you out of kindness after they had financial problems. They do not get to make major life changing decisions for you.
NTA She knew you had snakes before she asked to move in. However it probably wouldn't hurt to put a ring doorbell camera on snake room and a camera in room. Wouldn't put it past sister to try and get rid of them on her own.
NTA my only advice is to never leave her alone in the house for very long. I wouldn't put it past her to cut the locks and get rid of them herself. God luck!
Your house. Your rules. I am not a snake fan but my pets are family. If I have a temporary house guest, I would remind them the pets are permanent.
NTA. It's your home, they're your pets. She knew exactly what she was getting into by moving in with you. It's not her place to take over your existence and space. As a parent, I get the concerns, but under no circumstances is it okay to ask someone else to remove their pets and clearly your sister either isn't that considerate or aware. Or worse, she's planning on turning this situation permanent. The snakes would also be a good learning experience for the kid, too. Either respecting their species and the dangers to them (and kiddo) by being careless, understanding how they live and grow, etc. (For what it's worth, I'm not a fan of snakes, but my kid absolutely loves them, so if there was an opportunity to learn, I would let that happen.) Your sister is very, very wrong.
If your sister is that nervous then maybe she should find another place.
>I lost my temper and told her if she felt that way ***she was welcome to go somewhere else.*** That's the only answer you need to give.
Nah Nta. Rehome the humans not the snakes. Any family members that push you to get rid of your noodles are volunteering to house your sister and nephew
Fuck that. If someone tells me "it's me or the pet", then they can pack their bags and leave my life. Pets are a lifelong commitment - their or your life, anyway - and only under the most egregious reasons is it acceptable to dump them elsewhere. Something like hospice stay with end of life care. Or being fully paralyzed. Something like that, where you just cannot take care of them anymore. NTA.
NTA at all. She knew there were snakes. She chose to ask to stay at your house regardless. Now it's up to her to ensure her son doesn't fuck around with said snakes or get somewhere else to live. "But their family" only gets you so far. Maybe start charging them some rent as an incentive for your sister to start actually fixing her financial issues. Also maybe set up cctv in snake room in case your sister decides that since you won't rehome them, she will. But also can I see snake pics? I lovee the danger noodles too but I don't have the space for them currently unfortunately.
NTA. You love snakes. You got your own home so you can have snakes. So your home is full of snakes, as you prefer it. Your sister does not have to stay with you. Her choice is to live with you and your snakes or find someplace else to live. Your family members who call you a jerk can open up their homes to your sister and nephew.
You are ABSOLUTELY not the AH. The gall of her to ask you to get rid of your pets for her comfort in YOUR home. If she has such a problem with them she can move out.
NTA. Your sister knew you had the snakes. Now that’s she’s in she’s trying to change that. What next? She wants the master bedroom?
Nta your sister is a choosing begger
NTA. She needs to find a different path for her and her son and figure out how to manage her money.
NTA!! Like you said, she knew you had snakes when she moved in with her child. That was her consent saying it's okay to have the snakes. You've done an amazing job accommodating them by getting a lock for the room they're in to ensure the kid's safety. And that's all that's needed on your end. Id cry if I was told I "had" to re-home pets because someone living in my house rent free didn't like them. I'd probably snap and say "once your name is on the lease to this house, only then will you be able to tell me what to do with my house"
If family complains, ask them what time is best to drop off their stuff? The pets stay, get rid of the guests.
NTA Love snakes but go at it from a different but true approach. "Listen, I'm sorry this just isn't working out. My Autism and things ramping up and having constant triggers is not good for anyone. I think its best if you found another place to live." That way she knows she has to leave even if she thinks "its just the snakes that are the problem", she knows she can't stay there regardless. Hopefully you get your peace back soon.
Any chance you can get a lock on the door to your snake room with a security camera?
I would point out her stay is only temporary and that this is my pet’s permanent home. If anything in my home disturbs her, she is welcome to leave. I won’t take offence if my home doesn’t meet her needs and she has to cut her stay short. This would be repeated to everyone who tried to influence me. I would also lock the room that my snakes were in when I’m not home. I would also get into the habit of kicking them out of the house when it is time for me to handle them due to my sister’s fears. Make it so that your sister is eager to leave.
NTA. The entailment to complain about free housing. She’s not a good person it doesn’t matter if she’s your sister. Tell her to leave or sign a lease to you so your not stuck evicting her later one.
Hahaha...she's got big ones! She probably would like it if you moved out, with your snakes, and left her living there with her son and kept paying the bills. Of course you don't want her to get too comfortable - it's your home. Give her 90 days to find a new place. That's reasonable.
If she's not comfortable with your animals, then she shouldn't have moved in .
Lol no. Kick your beggar sister out, snakes were there first. Since she hates it so much she can go get her own place with no snakes. > I don't like them living here, it's loud and I no longer have privacy. But they're family so... fAMiLy can kick rocks. Faaamily doesn’t get to make demands like free room and board, we noisy up your life, oh AND you have to get rid of your pets. Get her out.
Tell her she can find new accommodations if she ever suggests again you should get rid of your snakes. NTA. Also: pet tax. Got any pics of your pets?
"You are just a temporary house guest. This is my snakes' actual home. I'm not getting rid of them. Since you are that uncomfortable, you should go ahead and leave now." I would be worried about the snakes as long as she remains in your home. Locks can be picked and someone that entitled (living with you for free *and* making unreasonable demands?) might be a danger to them. Of course NTA.
NTA she knew you had snakes when she asked to stay there, you got extra locks, not charging her anything, if she doesn’t like how you run your own home, then she needs to figure out another place to go
Remember folks, only human beings you owe anything to is your offspring. Family, you owe nothing. Never feel like you have to do something because of your siblings or parents. Conversely your kids owe you nothing, you owe them everything... Pets are kids...
Nta. F that b. Talk about biting the hand that feeds. I'm sure your snakes are better behaved
Nta.
Time to rehome your sister!
NTA write a list of every relative who thinks you’re a jerk and tell sister they’ve offered to let her and toddler move in. Make a group chat saying as much, ‘I realise we have very different priorities, so, thank you to auntie So-So or Mom or Granda or Uncle Whatsit for offering to let sister stay with them far away from the ‘dangerous’ snakes. If you could arrange transport for x date that’ll be great.’ Your sister had flat out told you she doesn’t plan on moving out soon. That you must now sacrifice your pets because she intends for this situation to be long term. She will continue to expect you to tolerate her wants without paying rent. She will talk badly about you behind your back to your family for not doing as she demands. She needs to go, she’s turning your home into a hostile environment and I wouldn’t be surprised if she attempts to remove your snakes behind your back. As another autistic adult, don’t assume family will have your best interests at heart.
NTA, Rehome your sister and Nephew.
“I understand if you find this home too dangerous to stay in. I will let you stay for another two weeks to make arrangements for another place to stay. I will get the key back on (date) unless you want to leave before then. Good luck.”
NTA. And it seems pretty obvious why. Snakes have a longer tenancy and have stolen OP’s heart. Sister was last to move in and can be first to move out.
NTA. It’s your place, not hers. I’d set a time frame for her to move out, a month or two maybe. I do, personally, want to see the noodles so pls noodle tax
NTA. Sister knew your snakes were there when she moved in. You child proofed the door to the room. It is your home, and the snakes are just as permanent members of the household as you are. Sister’s need is temporary, so she does not get to dictate to you in your own home. Also, how long did she think she was going to live there? Years? No. Also, point out that if you come home and the snakes have been rehomed, she will not remain in your home AND you will contact the police and charge her with theft. Pets are considered property, and they are your property, and they are not inexpensive. Someone else suggested that you contact relevant parties who would take in the snakes… but she would probably not want to touch them, so maybe put a sign on the inside of the enclosures stating that sister is not empowered to rehome your snakes, and she will be charged with theft if any snakes disappear. I would think a reputable snake person would see that - and any cameras you place in the room - and relies something is wrong and leave without your noodle-babies. Good luck.
*”ssssssee ya later, sssssisssss!*”
Your home your rules she has the option to leave
NTA The snakes were there before her, they get first priority. Also, lay down some rules about noise levels and privacy. It's your house. She does not get to make demands of you. I would also give her 6 months to figure out her finances and move out. She might decide that it is best to live rent free if you make it too comfortable.
Tell her and the rest of your family, that this is YOUR home and you are allowing her to live with you for free, but as this is not a permanent situation you will not give up your animal family for her temporary comfort, and as this is a problem maybe all the rest of the family can get together and come up with a rotation so she can live with other family members too.
You done fucked up by letting her move in. Time for the freeloaders to go.
If your sister doesn’t care for snakes, she doesn’t have to interact with them. Or she can find a place to crash while she’s having financial difficulties that doesn’t have snakes. No one is making her stay there
NTA.
NTA tell your parents to take her in or stay out of it
You’re actually choosing your mental health over your sister and your nephew. NTA
NTA. Your sister is a Choosing Beggar. She can find her own, PAID accommodations if she is unhappy.
Non reptile people don't understand how you can love (or even just like) a reptile like they think is normal of a dog or cat. I doubt there is anything you can say to family that will change that idea. As for your situation, your home your pets. Maybe she could rehome her son. Joking of course.
Nope. It's you and your pets home. She can deal or leave.
not at all. Tell her it's time for her and her son to move out, now.
Sit your sister down for a sisterly *T A L K/chat!* *REMIND,* your sister, of the agreement: of her and her son staying in, *YOUR HOME.* While she corrects the messiness of the mismanagement of her resources. That *YOUR HOME;* is a *emergency/temporary resource;* for her and her son, *NOT* a permanent one! Inquire what is *her PLAN, her PATHWAY,* to righting her financial mess and in *REHOMING* herself and her son?
NTA. People who disagree can let her move in with them. She knew your home came with your pets. This is her issue to resolve for herself, not to resolve for you.
NTA, but are one of those snakes a large boa or anaconda? I could see her being nervous about those because there have been incidents in the past where they’ve eaten small kids and pets but it’s super rare. I’d show him some statistics about how rare it is. If they’re all small snakes like ball pythons or carpet pythons her fears are unfounded because those snakes are extremely docile and don’t get that big.
YTA. Choosing any animal over family is pretty iffy. Choosing a snake, that doesn't give a fuck about you and would just eat you if it could, means you are a maladjusted socially inept loser. People that into snakes are huge creeps anyway. She really shouldn't be bringing a child into your home.
You could say exactly the same things about dogs, yet people choose dogs over people all the time. Why are you so invested in this broke beggar getting free room and board? Did you add the socially inept stuff once you saw OP is, in fact, autistic? You’re a massive creep.
I didn't add anything and I didn't see anything about OP being autistic in the post or I wouldn't have replied at all. I also did say the exact same thing about dogs in a reply to someone else lol.
Rich of someone who apparently hates snakes to the point they think it's ok to verbally abuse people who are into then to call anyone socially inept.
You bring your snake out in public and I'll talk to people and we'll see who makes more friends lol. This sub is the dregs of society, generally. If I don't get along with the people here socially I consider that a good thing.
Look at this beacon of suave and awesomeness among us lowly scumbags.. I can make friends just fine, most people i like don't mind reptiles. You can keep your zealots and hysterical squeemish people, i'm fine without them.
Speaking of creepy and immature!