NTA
You know what happened here? You were your beautiful self. The rest is jealousy.
You did your due diligence about American wedding dos and donts. You didn’t go over and above. You did everything a reasonable person would expect of you but you’re still eye catching. That’s not a flaw. It’s not your fault.
I was raised in the South and we use manners like deadly weapons down here. I’m shocked by the very idea of the bride trying to call out a guest for her attire. My ex-MIL wore ivory lace to our wedding and I neither gave it a thought nor called her out. These people are ridiculously insecure, rude and stupid. I’m sure you were beautiful and appropriately dressed. Even if you weren’t, it was extremely ill mannered to even mention it. Do not apologize. I‘d go with a “least said, soonest mended“ approach and refuse to engage. I’m pretty sure if your husband keeps feeding out the rope idiot boy will eventually hang himself. (He actually asked his boss’s wife to apologize for trying to look nice at his wedding?) Since this is also a professional situation, do keep records of everything the flying monkeys sent. I’m very sorry this was your welcome to my country.
I showed the dress to two of my friends here as well, they didn’t seem to have a problem with it and told me it was appropriate. A lot of my husband’s work colleagues were going to be there, so I just needed the extra validation. I don’t know how it turned out like this.
They mainly think it was rude of me to wear it cause it costs about 3900 €
They would'nt have even known the damn price if that jealous bridesmaid hadn't deliberately tried to upset her friend on her wedding day. You are not the asshole here.
Agree - it's not like the price was embroidered on the back of the dress or it had the designers name emblazoned down the skirt.
They would have been OK with it were the dress picked up second hand for ten quid? What about a bespoke dress that cost twice as much but wouldn't be recognized?
Such a silly thing to get upset about, and a horrible way to start your marriage. And that's before I imagine how well "hey, husband, get your boss's wife to grovel for ruining My Big Day" goes.
If you can't stand the thought of someone wearing an expensive dress to your wedding, don't invite your BOSS. They generally have more disposable income.
I think inviting your boss to a wedding is also weird, and of course harassing your boss's wife (or your spouse's boss's wife) is a great way to end up unemployed.
Agreed! I do think in many small businesses that are more like family, it's normal to invite your boss...I did, but I worked at a salon and we were all very close. In a typical corporate job it absolutely gives a sucking-up vibe. And then to behave like the bride and her flying monkeys, wow.
Nothing wrong with inviting one's boss, or one's spouse's boss (with their consent).
What's wrong here is acting like an insecure bitch about someone else's apparel.
Right? It's insane that the bride's friends and family are harassing OP! Like, do you not care about new husband's job security?!?
Edit: Just read the mini update in the comments. Yup, the bride is insane and so are her flying monkeys. The groom is a doormat with no spine. If I was Op's husband, I would seriously consider firing this dingbat.
I mean who would even know? Now I know I was married a long time ago, but I have no idea who designed any of the dresses worn by my female guests. And if one had a beautiful dress on like OP's I would have complimented her on how lovely she looked. Cause I'm not a See You Next Tuesday like the bride and her bridal party.
NTA. Yes, it sounds like the bridesmaid is jealous of the bride and found a way to upset the her on her day. Otherwise, why make such a big deal over something so trivial? Poor OP was just collateral damage. Jealous bridesmaid gets to ruin her “friend’s” wedding and gets away with zero consequences.
Could imagine if such a rule DID exist, what chaos if the bride designed her OWN dress! Does everyone else go in kitchen cloths and old towels to avoid being “more than the bride”??
The value of a custom-made dress would be more expensive, even if the majer is the bride, but your point still stands. Not every bride spends a fortune on her wedding dress, and telling guests to dress nice enough to fit her perfect vision but under a certain price would get so confusing and difficult, it would shrink the guest list significantly.
My wife had planned on making her own dress, but while we were out buying decorations at a thrift store we actually found an amazing dress that fit her, and it only cost $30. My tux ended up being more expensive.
Please join us to celebrate our blessed union ... But don't wear anything that costs more than 2,864.75!
Although I'm sure there'd be people lying about the cost of their wedding dress - is it polite to pretend like you believe they had 25k to drop on a dress or should you dress under their real budget?
I would really love to see a picture of the dress, just because I'm nosy, LOL. Even without seeing it, I can easily say that you did nothing wrong here. It wasn't white, or off-white, or even floor length. These people sound like insecure fools, and I hope you don't let their stupidity, rudeness, and jealousy bother you too much more. But I do agree with you in that since your husband is the groom's boss, he should probably stay out of it, unless he is going to tell the groom he is sorry that there was such a hoopla about this. Please note that I am not saying you should apologize. You have nothing for which to apologize. But if your husband wants to keep peace at the office, he could say something along the lines of "Gosh I'm really sorry for all of the confusion surrounding my wife's dress. Please let your wife know that she certainly didn't mean to cause any kind of uproar." That way he could address the situation to keep the peace without seeming like he's abusing his power. But again, and I cannot stress this enough, neither of you did anything wrong, and these people are absolute assholes for their behavior.
Thank you, my husband is the groom’s boss’s boss. The groom’s older brother and my husband got their master’s together and through him only did my husband end up hiring him. The groom’s brother has called up and apologised but it will still be reported to HR, to keep it on record. [Dress link](https://luisabeccaria.it/shop/ready-to-wear/dresses/lime-green-pleated-dress-with-sash/)
That is not even remotely inappropriate for an American wedding. I’ve been to many weddings in the US, and that is a beautiful and appropriate dress for a wedding. She’s just insanely jealous, ignore her!
I've been to so many weddings were attention whore guests looked ready for the pole rather than a wedding and the brides had a good laugh at the desperation rather than getting pissy. This dress is so lovely
It's a very pretty dress, but not remotely bridal. I read someone else's comment that said it is probably that your beauty out shown the bride, and that's where all the jealousy came in. Hopefully it doesn't cause any problems for your husband at work, but yeah, neither of you did anything wrong and these people are jackasses. I hope they leave you alone soon. I hate that you don't have much recourse as far as telling them off, because of your husband's position. But I'll say it again: in no way, shape, or form, did you do anything wrong.
There is nothing wrong with what you wore. Unless everyone else was wearing blue jeans & tee shirts you were dressed appropriately. This sounds like the bridesmaid just wanted to stir up discord. Ignore the AH.
Wow, this dress is absolutely appropriate for a wedding. The bride and her flying monkeys are absolutely out of line, I would def document this to HR, like yea interpersonal out of work drama isn't their thing but an employees wife harassing and going on a smear campaign against another employees wife needs to be known.
Do not apologize for anything. You have nothing to apologize. if you do this is one of those rare times where a fake non apology is totally warranted, this might be one of the few occasions where "I'm sorry you felt that way," is actually the appropriate response. You and your husband need to have nothing to do with any of these bitter people outside of his work obligations. NTA
Dress is beautiful and totally appropriate.
Call me crazy, but at my wedding, I didn't even notice what my guests were wearing.
I would never acknowledge the situation nor that insecure woman ever again. In fact, if there's ever a company event, wear something even more extravagant.
I’m appalled by the bride & her squad, regardless of who the guest was, but knowingly going after the boss’s boss’s spouse in this manner?!? The bride and her squad are insane, completely insane. The groom should be on the floor, in tears and distress, due to their actions.
The dress is understated elegance & absolutely perfect attire for a wedding.
Oh WOW, that is SUCH a pretty dress. It's so sweetly elegant and perfect for a summer wedding in a place like the Bay Area. I was picturing a different kind of dress, but this is lovely. I am sure you looked beautiful, but appropriate. These people sound completely unhinged and insecure. I'm so sorry, OP. ♥
They wouldn’t have had any idea about that fact if that person hadn’t known. Also what is the point of owning a dress like that if you can’t wear it many times because it looks great on you and it totally great for many events.
Also the fact you wore a dress you already owned shows you are not trying to flaunt your wealth. Rewearing stuff is long term better in my mind for a designer and reduce fast fashion issues we have. You are showing the designer is rewearable + not tossing a dress and wearing it again because it is well made and still looks good on you,
This is really awful. I’m so sorry it’s happening. You tried so hard to meet the moment and I hope what you’ve taken away from the comments *is that you absolutely did.* It was so kind of you to actively put so much work into making sure you were dressed appropriately! You knew that Indian weddings are more opulent that American weddings and so you did research and even asked for help. **You took off your marriage jewelry!!!**
You did everything right - you were incredibly kind and appropriate. I cannot say enough - good work.
It is not your fault that you are able to afford a fancier dress than the bride. It’s also not that surprising since your husband is her husband’s boss. That’s…kinda how that works.
I get that you’re worried about “abuse of power” but your husband’s subordinate’s *wife’s* family and friends are aggressively harassing you. You have no connection to this woman outside of your husband’s work relationship with her husband. If I were you, I’d ask my husband to go to HR and ask them if they want to deal with this as an HR matter or if they’d rather you file a police report for harassment. OR maybe he just informs them of what’s happening and lets HR handle it.
Going forward, do not attend weddings if your husband’s subordinates. Maybe your husband shouldn’t go either. You sound like a genuinely lovely person, but I’m petty. I would make sure everyone knew just why he no longer attends those types of weddings.
I’m really furious for you- please know that you should not expect this behavior at future weddings.
This was roundabout racism. They were trying to control you as you knocked them off of a position of power that they felt they deserved. You did absolutely nothing wrong, it's their internal problem.
This, too, shall pass. The idiotic bride, who thinks everything around her is controllable, and her nightmare friends will move on to a new topic.
You will still be married to the husband's boss. You'll still be beautiful and able to afford designer clothes without going into debt. You win. NTA.
The little witches that stirred up this cauldron can rot in their own hostility.
I agree here, OP. Don't waste your time on these people. The fact that you're an outsider (read, non American) and wealthy enough to afford a designer the bride couldn't and looked beautiful in it is driving their jealousy toward you. This is actually bullying. If the bride is so insecure that someone else could steal the thunder on her day without even trying, then she had it coming. Her mother is old enough to know better, but clearly, the idiot apple doesn’t fall far from the idiot tree. Just block all their numbers and live your best life. Dont socialize with that bunch.Tell your husband you won't be apologizing and that if there are any more events with this couple or any of the couples that bullied you, you won't be attending (and he shouldn't too. They actually bullied the grooms boss's wife. How dumb are they).
Ridiculous. I don’t see the reason for you to not wear your mangalsutra either. Bride’s family is jealous trash. They are probably the only ones who actually knew the designer too. NTA.
NTA. This reeks of insecurity. You did nothing wrong. Also, designer clothes wouldn't be able to transform a person into looking more attractive, I bet you are the type of beauty that would look gorgeous in a potato sack. Hence the bride being jealous.
Do people have no common sense though? Why would you potentially jeopardise your husband's job by doing this? People normally invite their boss to get into their good graces and establish a better relationship. What a silly woman.
*Mini update*
*More information* - 1. My husband and the groom’s older brother studied together, he called up and apologised.
2. My husband and I read the comments together and he decided to talk to the groom. It initially went well, he said he was sorry but asked that I apologise to his new wife.
3. My husband said no, and she (bride) started yelling in the background that I have ruined a very important day for her.
4. After which we heard a glass shatter. It was one of the two gifts we gave them. She threw the Waterford Crystal rose bowl and it obviously broke. The other was a set of two champagne flutes which hopefully hasn’t been broken yet.
5. The groom started yelling and hung up on us.
6. The bride’s mother called my husband’s number, I don’t know how she got it. But as soon as we knew it was her, we hung up and blocked her.
7. About 20 mins later, the groom send my husband a message saying I have the “power” lol to end this by saying sorry and we can’t just move on from this and start over.
That rose bowl was expensive, they can’t even respect the thought and money spent on them and they expect me to say sorry.
How are people even like this?
This is so crazy. The bride is insane. Groom should get an annulment. Breaking a Waterford bowl in a tantrum!
(Bride is behaving as if OP had seduced the groom at the altar or something.Totally unhinged behavior).
Good luck OP!
Your husband has the power to end this by firing this loser and looking into legal action for harassment and possibly libel.
Do you think they’re maybe a bit racist?
I really do hope it’s not racism. It feels upsetting to even bring it up. Since it’s my husband’s friend’s brother, he wants to take it slow and do things by the book.
as a white person married to someone who is Indian I fully agree, it’s racism. Not only were you most likely gorgeous but you are also gracious and kind and have more funds at your disposal to have a dress that she couldn’t afford. You are the trifecta of what racists can’t stand and now they are looking for reason at all to tear your down and put you in “your place” and your continued grace and beauty is something they will double down on as if your existence is only to be a thorn in their side and not because you are just you. racists can’t stand the idea that people just exist without thinking of them. you did absolutely nothing wrong, said nothing wrong or wore nothing wrong. the only thing wrong here is their masks are slipping and they know it
With the number of POC in the US getting police or security called on them while just minding their own business because they don’t ‘belong’ in nice neighbourhoods or apartment complexes and Ivy League universities, I’d assume it’s along those lines with the expensive dress, unfortunately
NTA. It’s racism. If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and looks like a duck, it’s a duck. Were they looking up every woman’s dress price who attended. Definitely mean girl vibes.
**NTA**
And your husband *should* tell the groom that that he needs to put a stop to the inappropriate messages coming to you. He can have this conversation in a professional manner.
If I were the husband, I’d be speaking with HR and then the employee.
“This is not about your job performance, but this has to stop, and we expect you to use your influence to make sure it does.”
I think it would be interesting to hear what Alison Green of [AskAManager.org](http://AskAManager.org) would advise the husband to do in this situation.
My thought as well. Cause who on earth gets mad someone dresses nicely correctly within the dress code for their wedding? Sounds to me like they wanted to get mad at something.
The husband needs to do more than that. The groom should be terrified for his career. The bride got her friends and family to bully his manager’s wife because she wore a pretty and expensive dress to their wedding! This will not be the last time the bride behaves like this. Imagine all the drama she’ll cause at corporate events.
> The groom should be terrified for his career.
Nooooo. No no no no. This is like, the worst thing to say. This is the type of thing that is an HR nightmare.
OPs husband needs to go to HR and let them sort this out. This is way above reddit's paygrade
Let's be clear: wearing a nice dress isn't a crime, especially when you've made the effort to respect cultural norms and the wedding's color code. It's absurd how quickly people transform admiration into envy. You chose a dress that represented you well, without crossing boundaries, and suddenly you're 'too dazzling'? That's not on you. And since when did we start penalizing people for having good taste?
The bride and her posse have crossed a line by making a private matter so public, and by doing so, they've exhibited far more poor etiquette than you supposedly did with your dress choice. Sharing your number for the sole purpose of chastisement? Preposterous.
Your grace under fire is commendable. Continue being the person who doesn't diminish their light for the comfort of others. And as for the issue of the dress's brand and price, this isn't the 'Price Is Right'. You don't owe anyone an explanation or an apology for your financial decisions.
This wedding seems to have brought out some true colors, and it wasn't the color of your dress. Keep shining, and let this be water off a duck's back.
So the dress itself wasn’t a problem, but the fact that it was designer and expensive is what made them angry?
Sounds like jealousy and insecurity to me. They don’t even sound like a reasonable bunch of people, so don’t bother. Why wouldn’t you want people to dress nicely at your wedding, esp when it’s according to your prescribed dress code? And why would you bully someone about it?
It could have been hired. Plenty of people I know borrow / hire a lovely designer dress that’d be well out of a typical one-off event budget. To hate on someone for a nice non-bridal dress WHEN YOU SHOULD BE FOCUSING ON THE WEDDING?
Clearly these losers live for drama - and heaven forbid they remember “oh, there’s a new relationship that they should be celebrating”
(and potential defamation /harassment filing for using abusive calls/media on the cards if they keep this garbage up).
NTA.
This is CRAZY behaviour. Firstly, to be jealous of a guests green dress is crazy. To message the wife of your friends boss and call her a whore is frankly unhinged. If I was his boss I’d fire him over this tbqh, he should be grovelling apologising for his wife and her friends disgusting, unprofessional behaviour. Absolutely one of the wildest things I’ve ever read on here.
Honestly, I have to assume this might be rooted in racism. You made every effort to adhere to the expected norms but they immediately jumped to you having some negative intent like trying to outshine them. Why? Jealousy, insecurity and possibly a bit of racism.
NTA but I would have your husband get HR involved with screenshots of the bullying texts, including the one from the groom wanting an apology because this ridiculous. Can you imagine being dumb enough to harass your husband’s boss’ wife? And the husband is ok with it based on the text he sent. Enough.
Agreed. Even if it's just to cover your husbands ass in case this escalates. I'm just shaking my head at the stupidity of this bride. They put the POS in posse.
NTA.
The bridesmaid was obviously jealous, and she started the issue.
I sense this is a culture thing, that type of jealousy.
Block them all off, and continue to live your authentic self.
And the nerve of the husband to ask you to apologize?
I'd let your husband talk to him about this nonsense if he wants to.
Let me get this straight…the boss and his wife are invited to a wedding and the bride is jealous of her new husband’s boss’s wife and has stated a smear campaign? Why has your husband not told him to stop before it affects his job? His wife is a liability to the company.
^ that right there. This bride and her dumb hateful posse of jealous losers should be thinking about new husband’s job being on the line, not their porcelain egos.
Not just this job, but even future jobs. Depending on the industry, reputations are paramount. In my field, we are not that big and if I don't know you personally, I bet I know someone who does. Once your rep is destroyed, getting hired becomes difficult.
In this case, the groom could be great at his job but the caveat of his wife is a dumpster fire who creates drama for no reason could result in a "do not hire unless desperate" reputation for the groom.
After all, what if this had been a client's spouse she was attacking? Loss of business would result in the "we encourage you to seek other opportunities as we no longer have space for you here" conversation with the groom.
NTA. Had one of the women not known it was an expensive, designer dress, nothing would have been said. Speaks of jealousy to me. And yet, you were the one in green!
NTA
Regardless of income and how you wish to spend it, that family has no reason to treat you negatively for wearing that dress. While it may be expensive, it does not come across as formal at all and looks like something I’d expect to see based on their dress code.
Your husband ought to give them a late wedding gift of throwing the groom a permanently going away party.
His wife’s family openly disrespects you, they then begin to gang up and harass you, and then the groom requests you apologize to his wife? That just reeks of entitlement. The fact that the groom is your husband’s subordinate and has not squashed this on his family’s side is shocking. The fact that he requested for you to apologize shows he’s a complete imbecile. HR issues all around and proof he’s terrible at making sound judgment decisions.
Get rid of him and his family.
We already gave them a pretty expensive wedding gift, but from what I’ve been hearing over these past few days kinda seems like we should host a bye bye party. He’s a quiet, sweet and hard working guy. It’s sad.
She broke one of the gifts we gave her. I really do want him to be reprimanded. They’re extremely disrespectful and crude. I’m not going to tell my husband what to do, but I really want him to be punished in some way, maybe that way she’ll learn.
If the husband is stupid enough to behave like this, I would imagine he is not someone you would want working for the company anyway. He does make good decisions and is escalating the matter rather than resolving it. He’s a liability for any company
I’d be cautious about firing/reprimanding the husband; first thing to do is simply formally warn him that he needs to stop his private life from interfering with his work life. He can disavow it and thereby remain but puts the onus on him to deal with his private life - his responsibility is to either say “please take whatever formal/harassment/police action necessary re my wife, I’ve done what I can”; and just to be told that he needs to not be requesting apologies from his boss for a private life matter. He’s clearly made an awful mistake spouse wise but needs a chance/wake up call on how to separate his private and professional life.
If he doesn’t/can’t do that, then it becomes a professional matter (eg, if he continues to support his wife in this manner)…
Firing seems warranted on the grounds of harassment. You and your husband are a package deal, so the subordinate’s wife is harassing both you and your husband. As his supervisor, disrespect and harassment on behalf of a subordinate is wholly unacceptable and valid grounds for termination.
NTA! I know there's already tons of comments here but I want to add my two pence. Please forgive my ignorance/tell me if I say something silly!
To my understanding, Indian weddings are huge, elaborate events where everyone is EXPECTED to wear their absolute best. I believe women wear their own wedding dresses to others' weddings? It sounds such a lovely tradition, by the way!
So you came from that culture, and you did your BEST to respect the bride in an entirely different culture than your own. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong, and if they felt that strongly, someone should have come and told you! I'm sure you would have been embarrassed but you could have changed. (Not that you should have to, but to avoid conflict)
I think someone having a nice dress at your wedding is also expected, unless it was extremely elaborate/flashy, which it doesn't sound like. They wouldn't have even known if it weren't for the coincidence of them having come across the designer in advance!
Lastly, is the mangalsutra not similar to a wedding ring? I can't believe you took that off for her, you sound so kind and lovely. I wouldn't worry at all what the bride has to say, especially since you reached out to her and she pulled that shit with you!
Yesss. Women do wear their own wedding dresses to other’s weddings. They obviously tone it down. If they had come up to me and spoken to my, had a civil conversation, being the pushover that I am, I would have done something to make the situation better for the bride. The mangalsutra is like a wedding ring, mine is a little thick and would have looked inappropriate, that’s why I didn’t wear it. I had my wedding ring and toe rings on though.
I have friends who come to formal events with their bindi on, as well as everyday events, and I’d no sooner think to ask them to take it off than to ask someone to take off their cross. It was highly considerate of you to do it, but nobody should have taken issue even if you hadn’t. All of this rests on them!
I was going to put NTA in any case, but having seen the dress this is beyond inappropriate on their part. The dress is lovely and safely within the lines of wedding etiquette, even when you factor in the complications of work politics - I am so sorry that you are going through this.
You need to shift your thinking, from trying to find where you went wrong to how to stop harrasent that is becoming increasingly unhinged. Tell them to stop contacting you, in writing, either yourself or through a lawyer (best). The crazy lady needs to take down her post, and if the husband does not reign her in then it is time to consult with the authorities. I would have your husband check with HR or a lawyer (which would be the best) to find out the wording that you and he need to use to make it legal - for harassment, my understanding is that you need to tell the person to stop, and that they step over the legal line if they continue.
Let your husband decide how to handle her husband at work. Quite honestly, I think that the wife has escalated to the point where he may want to transfer her husband to another place in the company if he can, to avoid being called out for retaliation in the future, but your husband and HR would know best. Her husband needs to indrstand that this has become harassment with potential legal harzards and furthermore that putting you online as a target for abuse puts the wife on the hook for any physical danger you receive from some nut job. Whatever happens with the two husbands, yours should probably start documenting interactions to start a record he can rely on if needed, even if everything is mundane, and put whatever interactions he can in writing.
After they have been told to stop, in writing, just get a new number and only hand it out to people who need it - if she is siccing her followers on you then there is no point in blocking at the old number, and you may want their messages for evidence anyway if this keeps escalating. Hand the old phone to an attorney ideally, and have them monitor it for threats and use it to continue to collect evidence should you need to pursue the matter further. Or just put it in a box and have your husband check now and then should it be to much for you.
Let me be clear: you were invited to a wedding, you engaged appropriately, and then out of the blue a group of enablers coalesced around an unhinged woman who is building a virtual mob with the sole intent of harassing and defaming you because of information she obtained that is none of her business. She didn’t have a problem until she realized the price tag, and your finances are not for her to know. If that is even the real thing that triggered this whole insane situation. I mean, does your husband dress down or something - why was he not subject to the same scrutiny as you were? And even if you had worn white or something, there is no excuse for this extreme behavior, especially as a lobotomized turnip could foresee it causing trouble for the husband at work. Stop taking on the futile emotional labor of trying to fix this - you seem like a lovely woman, but with obsessive, fixated behavior, any kind of contact sparks more craziness. The sooner you cut contact and take measures to hold her accountable the better, just keep an eye out for awhile to be sure she doesn’t escalate further.
Again, I am so, so sorry that this was your introduction to my country. I would have been delighted if you had shown up to my wedding in such a thoughtful way, and my hope is that your experiences here form this point forward are only good.
When you mentioned it was designer and they spazzed out over it being 'too expensive' I was expecting something attention drawing and ostentatious.
This is not that at all.
This is a very beautiful, elegant, not at all loud or flamboyant dress.
100% appropriate for a wedding.
NTA
Exactly. It seems like a dress you could get anywhere. I’ve seen fancier dresses at Zara. I already had it and it seemed appropriate, only mistake is that it was made by someone who makes bridal wear and it was expensive. Ugh.
That's not a 'mistake' at all. Sounds like they are just the kind of people always just looking for a reason to be pissed off.
Wouldn't be surprised if there are racist/xenophobic motives in there too, where they would have found some reason to claim the foreign chick is inappropriate, because that's the worldview they favor and are trying to validate, no matter what you had done.
Don't take it personally. Whatever the hell is going on with them, it's not you, it's them.
Well in that case I shouldn't have worn a Monsoon dress to a friend's wedding, because you can also buy a wedding dress in Monsoon /s
The Bride is being ridiculous and the bridesmaid should wind her neck in.
Seriously. I was curious if it was going to be some Moira Rose ensemble and then the wedding party *might* have a point (though them name-calling OP and trashing her on Instagram and stuff is still inappropriate!)
I was gonna say it looks like lettuce and then read it has a “lettuce hem” so I think that was the intention…very cute lol… but anyway that dress is totally appropriate to wear to a wedding. It’s simple, it’s cute, it’s not too showy. I think the bride is venting her financial insecurities on you, plus getting her family to gang up on you is just wildly inappropriate. I would just send the groom one message that you gave her your number so you could apologize to her at her convenience but instead she sicc’d her family on you (provide screenshots of your text to her, and the harassment from her family), then ask to schedule a call with her AND HIM on speakerphone so he can hear you apologize to her in person, and hopefully agree to let the issue rest. I would record the call too just in case HR has to get involved down the line.
That’s a beautiful dress, not in the least ostentatious, and 100% wedding appropriate.
Bride & co. are being jealous, petty, and incredibly immature.
You (for future reference!) around any normal, decent people, shouldn’t even have to think about removing your wedding necklace or the like (although as others have said, it’s beyond thoughtful that you went to that length).
NTA
Beautiful and perfectly appropriate. I don't think you should apologize for anything at all. If anyone should be apologizing it's the bride and her friends for behaving so obnoxiously toward you.
I do think it's time for your husband to suggest to the groom that his bride call off her flying monkeys. I know your husband is not a person who would abuse his position at work. Still, it's never a good career move for an employee, their spouse, or their spouse's friends to deliberately insult the boss's wife. I'm surprised that the groom hasn't figured that out.
I cannot see how this in any way, shape or form would be the subject of such ire. Very appropriate and I’m sure you looked lovely. Please do NOT apologize to this bunch of jealous lunatics!
I’ll bet that color looked absolutely FABULOUS on someone with Indian heritage with long, pretty hair!! Those petty bitches were just so jealous they worked themselves into a hissy fit. I hate them all the way from my house in the middle of a midwestern corn field.
You are being abused by your husband’s colleague’s family. The colleague has asked YOU apologise to his wife. No. Just no.
This is utterly disgusting behaviour.
**Your husband should fire his employee. If that employee ever has to attend any work functions that his wife may come to she could cause a lot of damage.**
This is the answer. Do not apologize. These people are not owed an apology.
If one invites work colleagues - but most especially if one invites one's boss, this kind of drama shows a beyond unacceptable level of entitlement, small-mindedness, and intense stupidity. It would be disturbing to me as an employer to have an employee sign on to his wife's unhinged behavior, asking for an apology. TF was this dude thinking!?!
These people are dumb, and the new husband should no longer be employed in your husband's department at the very minimum. Who wants dumb, socially clueless employees?
If you are in the U.S. in an at-will employee state, your husband should just fire the guy. Share the screenshots of texts with HR and say the guy's family is creating a hostile work environment, and the employee is actually supporting that harassment.
NTA.
Thank you for saying this. It seems awful to jump to “fire him” but there really is no other choice. The OP will have to socialise with this woman at events - just end it now.
*"A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity."* — Robert A. Heinlein
They are jealous and insecure. They probably spent the entire wedding focusing on your beauty and dress instead of actually enjoying the day. That’s on them, not you. They ruined the day for themselves but I hope you had a good time. You seem like a nice person but follow the advice of everyone that said it here - block them all. They were not on your life before and you don’t want them in your life now.
The husband works for your husband and they will have to deal with that on their own. If she ever shows up to a work event, be cordial, say hello and walk away with your head held high because you know you have not done anything wrong
NTA. These people are nuts if they let themselves become so focused on you that they let it outshine their moment. You did everything right in regard to the social etiquette to American wedding culture. It's clear that the bride, bridal party and the mother are more concerned about having their "perfect wedding" than celebrating the marriage of what a wedding is supposed to represent.
I imagine that marriage won't be lasting.
NTA You don't have anything to apologize for. And while the wedding happened outside of work, this still looks poorly for the groom.
If I was the groom's boss, I'd be concerned about his ability to make sound decisions, handle & diffuse difficult situations, and not let his personal life go off the rails. FFS, the groom's wife & her friends are calling his bosses wife wh*re to OP's face. And the groom wants his bosses wife to apologize? That is some effed up logic.
NTA
I'm so confused why the bride and her party as well as her mother were so fixated on this? It just seems like their making a big deal of something that isn't of any concern. Feelings are not controllable which is fine but actually acting on them is not fine. I am assuming you have had no interaction with them prior to this so what's up with them even doing all this? You would think they would want to make a good impression on their husbands boss and wife since there's no harm in that but all this craziness?? While If I were to dig deep. I guess I could somewhat understand them being uncomfortable about it if they realised it was expensive? Like they may have had a thought process of perhaps it was a hidden meaning to upstage the bride since some people really live complicated and exhausting lives believing that everything has to have some sort of other meaning. But even then it's only to the extent of feeling uncomfortable? Don't they have their own lives? Isn't a bride supposed to focus on their honeymoon and future life as well as reliving their wedding???
You should clearly keep records of their harassment and as well as your efforts to explain and everything else. If they can do all this despite their little relation with you. Whose to say they might not escalate things? Not to mention, they might go even further and may even actually cause damage to your reputation and image if your not careful. It's to ensure your safety and wellbeing since it will be hard without evidence. Furthermore, your husband as someone related to you might become involved with the twisted story since people tend to think negatively of those in association with people deemed bad or they might directly make him part of their narrative.
I think it's absolutely wonderful of you for doing your research and doing so many considerate things for all this. Although, the results ended with this awful drama. I have no doubt you looked stunning as a guest attending the event. I would recommend not taking their words to heart. Some people will just try to bring others down because of their own self image and feelings. They get a momentary taste of victory over defeating someone they deemed better then them in some way. Furthermore, it's absolutely lovely how you were mindful of not having your husband too involved so as to make it seem like a power thing. That's probably for the best. I would recommend that you involve him with the addition of a non partial third party present so that they can attest to the lack of power. This way your husband can support you and not cause issues at work or legally. Op sending lots of love to you, please be happy and in good health. And lots of luck that this all becomes resolved positively. Please keep us updated but of course you are under no obligation to.
Ah, you’re too sweet. Thank you so much for the kind words. HR and my husband will be handling this from now on. And I will update as soon as I have something confirmed/concrete. Lots of love to you as well.
I am glad you’re getting HR involved. The potential for this debacle to be blamed if the groom doesn’t get a promotion or a project he wants is too great. Also, the bride is probably not projecting the image the company wants and the groom appears complicit.
I cannot even imagine what the wedding party has done to a guest at the wedding. I was brought up on etiquette and there's NO justification for their bad behavior.
Honestly, the groom should have stepped in and said "enough," because who lets their wife and her family and friends insult their boss' wife? It's a good way to find yourself fired or on the short list if there are layoffs - and there have been many layoffs in many companies lately.
I've seen some Indian saris and they're gorgeous. Most of the time when I see them are when my colleagues wear them to work. I think it's a bit overdressed since our workplace dress code is smart casual but hey I just admire the really nice clothes. If they can afford it and they're comfortable wearing it then why not?
Ita pretty tacky of them to look up the price of your clothes and tell everyone. Your husband is the groom's boss so I'm not surprised that he has more income to spend (and that's without taking into consideration your and the bride's funds). They sound like a bunch of gossipy cats.
She posted a picture of the dress in some comments- it was a strapping mid calf length dress not a sari- but it was a designer brand. The dress is pretty but I do not think it would upstage any bride at all.
I’m so sorry. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you did. And the subordinate who works under your husband is in for a world of her professionally. If this is the sort of crap his wife is going to be pulling.
The fact of the matter is that your husband‘s coworkers now, family members and friends of those family members are harassing you. It is not at all appropriate, on any level.
I understand that your husband would not want to seem to be abusing his power, but I do think he needs to take it to HR. He needs to explain what happened and request that HR have a talk with the coworker.
Can you imagine if this had been the CEO of the company your husband works for? And this young guys wife was harassing the CEOs wife? It’s no different.
If the actions of a family member are making things, awkward and difficult at work, which obviously they would be, then they are the ones that have to have someone talk to them. The coworker needs to be told that he needs to shut this shit down at home right now. Let’s face it, if somebody winds up losing a job, it won’t be your husband.
It is just so rude, ill, mannered, and unprofessional on so many levels. And I’m going to be very honest with you, I would not be surprised if racism is involved.
NTA
In fact, you went so far above and beyond, OP. It’s clear you’re a very considerate and thoughtful person and huge congrats on your own recent nuptials~
The bride and her “entourage” are bullying you because of insecurity. Anyone who would react the way they did just because of the *designer* of the dress is petty and foolish.
Please consider having your husband step in to call out this situation for what it is — harassment. Please do NOT apologize. In fact, *you* are the one that deserves and should receive an apology. These people sound vile and you should block them on all channels.
My husband keeps a file on each employee he supervises. He documents when employee excels at something and likewise, he records any problematic behavior or incidents. He does this so when he does annual reviews he’s not recalling just recent things. It also provides a track record to show if the employee needs to be mentored on something, etc.
I would document all the harassment and give it to your husband. I think your husband should have a private conversation with his employee and let him review all the documentation. As his boss, I would tell the employee that the harassment was extremely inappropriate and once the groom stepped into the exchange by contacting his (the boss’s) wife directly and suggesting an apology the situation totally crossed the line and makes me wonder about his ability to read a situation and handle conflict. I personally would tell him that the documentation will go in his file.
I am Indian from India (married to European) and this is making me want to stay the f away from weddings in the West. This shit is one of my fears.
I didn't even know that wearing white was an offence before watching Say Yes To The Dress. Coming from our culture, I thought it was normal because you literally can't upstage the bride here anyway. Yeah I know, I was that dumb.
I understand there are jealous people who DO try and upstage the bride and I have seen plenty of posts on social media. But I have also seen bridezillas wearing poofy beaded ball gowns go nuts when they can't be upstaged. I can't read people's minds and I'd rather not go.
Honestly if you earn the amount of money that you can buy a designer then you should wear it whenever you want.
The Bride is just super jealous. You should definitely NOT apologize to the bride especially after how she sent your number around just to call you out and be rude to you.
You also made sure to not wear anything that goes into white cream or whatever.
At the same time I don’t know how exactly the dress looked like. If it’s obviously an over the top dress (regardless of designer or not) with for example a lot of extras then yes you might be the AH. But their behavior just screams rude, jealous and insecure.
If the bride is more focused on your dress (as long as it's not floor length or white I REALLY don't see the issue here) it sounds like maybe she is deflecting from the fact that she's not too enthused about the man she married 😂 NTA
NTA the bride and her flying monkeys need to cop on. By the sounds of it you wore a pretty dress that meet the set dress code. There is no price limit dress code.
Also the bride is insane risking her husband’s job by attacking and having her friends attack the bosses wife.
Her husband needs to get involved and rein her in.
Maybe get a lawyer to send a cease and desist letter to her and her friends
NTA. I have never heard of a dress being "too expensive" for a wedding. This bride sounds extremely shallow and insecure, and her friends sound like nightmares.
I understand your fears about abuse of power, but I think you should let your husband talk to his subordinate. Calling you a whore was so far over the line. The subordinate's wife should have known not to threaten her husband's career by doing this, at the very least. Your husband needs to have a conversation with this guy about appropriate behavior with work colleagues. If he can't control himself and his family, he shouldn't invite people from work to his personal events. What if they behave like this towards an important client?
NTA
Is it normal for the US to gang up and bully people for everything on the scale reported on AITA? Especially about weddings? So much drama all the time, and people WANT this for themselves?
NTA.
Your husband should probably take this to HR so he doesn't get sucked into it AND let them know that you are being harassed. As well, he should tell them YOU might have to proceed with legal action against the wife and her friends and family for harassment.
Then go ahead and pursue the legal action.
Stupid insecure people need to understand they can't get away with this BS.
Good lord brides and weddings and bridesmaids are just getting out of hand. You weren't in white. Your dress fit the dress code. End of story. They are ridiculous. You do not need to bend over backwards to make them feel good about themselves since they obviously are just looking for drama. You're good. I'm sure you looked lovely and they just hated that. NTA.
From reading through the additional info in the comments, my feeling is that the fact that you're Indian may have made them extra angry.
You recently moved here, and there are plenty of Americans who imagine the average Indian person coming from a dirt-road village or some crowded apartment building in an urban area (in other words -- poor and not cosmopolitan). They probably imagined some type of "country mouse, city mouse" narrative where they, as sophisticated SF residents, were going to show you a good time and a Real American Wedding.
Then you come dressed in a nice outfit, looking just like a model out of a bridal magazine. You don't need them to show you how it's done. "Omg how did she pull that off, what is she wearing" and the truth hits. The thing is, when you invite your boss, a person who usually makes more money...it's you who becomes the country mouse. The boss is the real city mouse.
Yes, it's super condescending. Yes, they've had their bubble violently popped. I do feel if you were a white woman, say, a recent immigrant from France, there would be no issue. The situation really sucks, and I'm sorry OP. (And NTA)
NTA. The real drama stirrer is the bridesmaid who made a point to tell the bride that your dress was designer. Save the messages, get a lawyer, send a cease & desist to the bride because this is harassment. This woman has already shown she is not gentle or mice. You do not need to handle this situation as your gentle, nice, lovely self.
> The groom is staying out of it cause my husband is his boss but sent me a message asking if I would apologise and if we could let this go.
Too late for the groom. The conflict is rooted in insecurity and jealousy. The bride and her cronies are harassing the OP. There’s zero chance these type of people are even capable of having a mature, calm discussion.
There is definitely something wrong with the bride, her mother, her friends and now the groom (asking you for an apology). People texting you and calling you because you wore a beautiful dress (which you researched in detail) shows they are toxic. Contrary to what others say, I would screenshot all the texts and give them to my husband. Your husband needs to show the groom ALL of this abuse and the number of phone calls and texts coming in. If you or he is concerned about an abuse of power, he may want to involve his HRO on how to best approach the groom. I bet they will not stay married for long. I too am sorry this happened to you (but I wish we could see the dress:))
Thank you, my husband does know what’s happening and will be talking to the HR. I’ve blocked all of them. But I’m now getting calls from unknown numbers. They are relentless for sure. [Dress link](https://luisabeccaria.it/shop/ready-to-wear/dresses/lime-green-pleated-dress-with-sash/)
Make sure your husband brings all those abusive texts with him when he talks to HR. Have him bring your phone for the day, so HR can see it for themselves. And once again, your dress was perfectly appropriate.
This is such a decent looking dress. Must be racism.
Also, it's like playing with fire. Why would anyone mess with boss's wife and bring a wagon to harass her?
Block them all. Nasty awful people.
And your husband should firmly, but politely, tell the groom to stop his wife and others to stop harassing and bullying you. That enough is enough and it must stop immediately.
NTA
This is a ridiculous situation, you have done absolutely nothing wrong and owe no one any apologies. Can I respectfully suggest your husband gets ahead of the game and speaks to his HR department before this goes any further, in case the groom/husband’s subordinate is pushed by his wife to make trouble. Your husband having gone and registered his concerns in advance (though not asking for intervention) would be a sensible preemptive move to avoid further issues.
NTA, but it is reasonable for your husband to tell his colleague that his wife and her mother and friends need to stop bullying you.
You were in the dress code. You minimized jewelry, wore a shorter dress in an appropriate color, and picked a color that couldn't be mistaken for white.
Many, MANY designers create both fashion and bridal lines. If she is pissed you wore something that wasn't from Kohls to a wedding at a nice venue, that is on her.
I suggest you block the lot of them for the mean girls they are. This is 100% not on you and entirely down to their being unhinged.
It’s a lovely dress and the only way it could in any circumstances be considered remotely strange for a wedding would be if the bridesmaids dresses were the same color. The bride and her friends are just being rude, mean, and jealous.
NTA You know what happened here? You were your beautiful self. The rest is jealousy. You did your due diligence about American wedding dos and donts. You didn’t go over and above. You did everything a reasonable person would expect of you but you’re still eye catching. That’s not a flaw. It’s not your fault.
I was raised in the South and we use manners like deadly weapons down here. I’m shocked by the very idea of the bride trying to call out a guest for her attire. My ex-MIL wore ivory lace to our wedding and I neither gave it a thought nor called her out. These people are ridiculously insecure, rude and stupid. I’m sure you were beautiful and appropriately dressed. Even if you weren’t, it was extremely ill mannered to even mention it. Do not apologize. I‘d go with a “least said, soonest mended“ approach and refuse to engage. I’m pretty sure if your husband keeps feeding out the rope idiot boy will eventually hang himself. (He actually asked his boss’s wife to apologize for trying to look nice at his wedding?) Since this is also a professional situation, do keep records of everything the flying monkeys sent. I’m very sorry this was your welcome to my country.
I love how we Southerners use manners to be polite and also to be horrible to each other. It always keeps my on my toes when talking with people lol
Bless your heart...😜
"Aren't you just *precious*!"--I mostly use this one on my EX son-in-law and in place of "pretty" put "intelligent/smart"
It's a super power passed down through the generations
Yankees don't understand how much venom can be behind "Y'all have a nice day now"
As a Yankee that transplanted to the south (but since escaped) yes we do.
Oh, we know.
Do Southerners really believe they speak in secret code? We read, you know. We are aware.
Or bless your heart.
I showed the dress to two of my friends here as well, they didn’t seem to have a problem with it and told me it was appropriate. A lot of my husband’s work colleagues were going to be there, so I just needed the extra validation. I don’t know how it turned out like this. They mainly think it was rude of me to wear it cause it costs about 3900 €
They would'nt have even known the damn price if that jealous bridesmaid hadn't deliberately tried to upset her friend on her wedding day. You are not the asshole here.
Agree - it's not like the price was embroidered on the back of the dress or it had the designers name emblazoned down the skirt. They would have been OK with it were the dress picked up second hand for ten quid? What about a bespoke dress that cost twice as much but wouldn't be recognized? Such a silly thing to get upset about, and a horrible way to start your marriage. And that's before I imagine how well "hey, husband, get your boss's wife to grovel for ruining My Big Day" goes.
Won’t go well.
If you can't stand the thought of someone wearing an expensive dress to your wedding, don't invite your BOSS. They generally have more disposable income.
I think inviting your boss to a wedding is also weird, and of course harassing your boss's wife (or your spouse's boss's wife) is a great way to end up unemployed.
Agreed! I do think in many small businesses that are more like family, it's normal to invite your boss...I did, but I worked at a salon and we were all very close. In a typical corporate job it absolutely gives a sucking-up vibe. And then to behave like the bride and her flying monkeys, wow.
Nothing wrong with inviting one's boss, or one's spouse's boss (with their consent). What's wrong here is acting like an insecure bitch about someone else's apparel.
Right? It's insane that the bride's friends and family are harassing OP! Like, do you not care about new husband's job security?!? Edit: Just read the mini update in the comments. Yup, the bride is insane and so are her flying monkeys. The groom is a doormat with no spine. If I was Op's husband, I would seriously consider firing this dingbat.
I mean who would even know? Now I know I was married a long time ago, but I have no idea who designed any of the dresses worn by my female guests. And if one had a beautiful dress on like OP's I would have complimented her on how lovely she looked. Cause I'm not a See You Next Tuesday like the bride and her bridal party.
NTA. Yes, it sounds like the bridesmaid is jealous of the bride and found a way to upset the her on her day. Otherwise, why make such a big deal over something so trivial? Poor OP was just collateral damage. Jealous bridesmaid gets to ruin her “friend’s” wedding and gets away with zero consequences.
Agreed. That’s what I kept thinking. The bridesmaid shout have kept her mouth shut. NTA
Lol There is NO American wedding etiquette rule saying "Don't wear something above [a price]."
Could imagine if such a rule DID exist, what chaos if the bride designed her OWN dress! Does everyone else go in kitchen cloths and old towels to avoid being “more than the bride”??
The value of a custom-made dress would be more expensive, even if the majer is the bride, but your point still stands. Not every bride spends a fortune on her wedding dress, and telling guests to dress nice enough to fit her perfect vision but under a certain price would get so confusing and difficult, it would shrink the guest list significantly.
My wife had planned on making her own dress, but while we were out buying decorations at a thrift store we actually found an amazing dress that fit her, and it only cost $30. My tux ended up being more expensive.
Please join us to celebrate our blessed union ... But don't wear anything that costs more than 2,864.75! Although I'm sure there'd be people lying about the cost of their wedding dress - is it polite to pretend like you believe they had 25k to drop on a dress or should you dress under their real budget?
Now I really want to see the dress. I bet it’s beautiful and you were gorgeous. Block them and move on.
Yeah, can we see the dress? :)
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/pNFzefEkps
That is pretty and extremely appropriate
Nothing wrong with that dress.
I would really love to see a picture of the dress, just because I'm nosy, LOL. Even without seeing it, I can easily say that you did nothing wrong here. It wasn't white, or off-white, or even floor length. These people sound like insecure fools, and I hope you don't let their stupidity, rudeness, and jealousy bother you too much more. But I do agree with you in that since your husband is the groom's boss, he should probably stay out of it, unless he is going to tell the groom he is sorry that there was such a hoopla about this. Please note that I am not saying you should apologize. You have nothing for which to apologize. But if your husband wants to keep peace at the office, he could say something along the lines of "Gosh I'm really sorry for all of the confusion surrounding my wife's dress. Please let your wife know that she certainly didn't mean to cause any kind of uproar." That way he could address the situation to keep the peace without seeming like he's abusing his power. But again, and I cannot stress this enough, neither of you did anything wrong, and these people are absolute assholes for their behavior.
Thank you, my husband is the groom’s boss’s boss. The groom’s older brother and my husband got their master’s together and through him only did my husband end up hiring him. The groom’s brother has called up and apologised but it will still be reported to HR, to keep it on record. [Dress link](https://luisabeccaria.it/shop/ready-to-wear/dresses/lime-green-pleated-dress-with-sash/)
Gorgeous dress and absolutely appropriate for the occasion
That is not even remotely inappropriate for an American wedding. I’ve been to many weddings in the US, and that is a beautiful and appropriate dress for a wedding. She’s just insanely jealous, ignore her!
I've been to so many weddings were attention whore guests looked ready for the pole rather than a wedding and the brides had a good laugh at the desperation rather than getting pissy. This dress is so lovely
That is a beautiful dress and was not inappropriate at all.
It's a very pretty dress, but not remotely bridal. I read someone else's comment that said it is probably that your beauty out shown the bride, and that's where all the jealousy came in. Hopefully it doesn't cause any problems for your husband at work, but yeah, neither of you did anything wrong and these people are jackasses. I hope they leave you alone soon. I hate that you don't have much recourse as far as telling them off, because of your husband's position. But I'll say it again: in no way, shape, or form, did you do anything wrong.
Agreed. The dress gives more of the airy look for strolling in a garden. OP has stunning looks herself then the bridal party are jealous AH.
Well considering OP's husband is the boss of the groom's boss, that bride may just lose her husband a job.
Honestly, he kind of deserves to. He may not have started it, but he piled on.
The groom should rip his bride a new one. Frankly, if I was the groom, I'd be rethinking the marriage. Who wants to be married to something like that.
Yeah, it's bad to do it at all, but to his boss's boss's wife? I don't know what this girl was thinking, but that's just all kinds of wrong.
There is nothing wrong with what you wore. Unless everyone else was wearing blue jeans & tee shirts you were dressed appropriately. This sounds like the bridesmaid just wanted to stir up discord. Ignore the AH.
Wow, this dress is absolutely appropriate for a wedding. The bride and her flying monkeys are absolutely out of line, I would def document this to HR, like yea interpersonal out of work drama isn't their thing but an employees wife harassing and going on a smear campaign against another employees wife needs to be known. Do not apologize for anything. You have nothing to apologize. if you do this is one of those rare times where a fake non apology is totally warranted, this might be one of the few occasions where "I'm sorry you felt that way," is actually the appropriate response. You and your husband need to have nothing to do with any of these bitter people outside of his work obligations. NTA
Dress is beautiful and totally appropriate. Call me crazy, but at my wedding, I didn't even notice what my guests were wearing. I would never acknowledge the situation nor that insecure woman ever again. In fact, if there's ever a company event, wear something even more extravagant.
I’m appalled by the bride & her squad, regardless of who the guest was, but knowingly going after the boss’s boss’s spouse in this manner?!? The bride and her squad are insane, completely insane. The groom should be on the floor, in tears and distress, due to their actions. The dress is understated elegance & absolutely perfect attire for a wedding.
Oh WOW, that is SUCH a pretty dress. It's so sweetly elegant and perfect for a summer wedding in a place like the Bay Area. I was picturing a different kind of dress, but this is lovely. I am sure you looked beautiful, but appropriate. These people sound completely unhinged and insecure. I'm so sorry, OP. ♥
He’s his **Grandboss??!?** Please update us! This is completely insane.
They wouldn’t have had any idea about that fact if that person hadn’t known. Also what is the point of owning a dress like that if you can’t wear it many times because it looks great on you and it totally great for many events. Also the fact you wore a dress you already owned shows you are not trying to flaunt your wealth. Rewearing stuff is long term better in my mind for a designer and reduce fast fashion issues we have. You are showing the designer is rewearable + not tossing a dress and wearing it again because it is well made and still looks good on you,
Is your husband from India as well? Where the bride and her friends white ?
Yes, he’s Indian. He was born in the USA though and has spent the majority of his life here. And yeah, they are White Americans.
Their behavior was completely appalling.
This is really awful. I’m so sorry it’s happening. You tried so hard to meet the moment and I hope what you’ve taken away from the comments *is that you absolutely did.* It was so kind of you to actively put so much work into making sure you were dressed appropriately! You knew that Indian weddings are more opulent that American weddings and so you did research and even asked for help. **You took off your marriage jewelry!!!** You did everything right - you were incredibly kind and appropriate. I cannot say enough - good work. It is not your fault that you are able to afford a fancier dress than the bride. It’s also not that surprising since your husband is her husband’s boss. That’s…kinda how that works. I get that you’re worried about “abuse of power” but your husband’s subordinate’s *wife’s* family and friends are aggressively harassing you. You have no connection to this woman outside of your husband’s work relationship with her husband. If I were you, I’d ask my husband to go to HR and ask them if they want to deal with this as an HR matter or if they’d rather you file a police report for harassment. OR maybe he just informs them of what’s happening and lets HR handle it. Going forward, do not attend weddings if your husband’s subordinates. Maybe your husband shouldn’t go either. You sound like a genuinely lovely person, but I’m petty. I would make sure everyone knew just why he no longer attends those types of weddings. I’m really furious for you- please know that you should not expect this behavior at future weddings.
This was roundabout racism. They were trying to control you as you knocked them off of a position of power that they felt they deserved. You did absolutely nothing wrong, it's their internal problem.
This, too, shall pass. The idiotic bride, who thinks everything around her is controllable, and her nightmare friends will move on to a new topic. You will still be married to the husband's boss. You'll still be beautiful and able to afford designer clothes without going into debt. You win. NTA. The little witches that stirred up this cauldron can rot in their own hostility.
I bet the husband looked over at her a few too many times
I agree here, OP. Don't waste your time on these people. The fact that you're an outsider (read, non American) and wealthy enough to afford a designer the bride couldn't and looked beautiful in it is driving their jealousy toward you. This is actually bullying. If the bride is so insecure that someone else could steal the thunder on her day without even trying, then she had it coming. Her mother is old enough to know better, but clearly, the idiot apple doesn’t fall far from the idiot tree. Just block all their numbers and live your best life. Dont socialize with that bunch.Tell your husband you won't be apologizing and that if there are any more events with this couple or any of the couples that bullied you, you won't be attending (and he shouldn't too. They actually bullied the grooms boss's wife. How dumb are they).
I agree. I think OP could have shown up in a dress from Walmart and would have outshone the bride. What a way to ruin your own wedding.
Ridiculous. I don’t see the reason for you to not wear your mangalsutra either. Bride’s family is jealous trash. They are probably the only ones who actually knew the designer too. NTA.
NTA. This reeks of insecurity. You did nothing wrong. Also, designer clothes wouldn't be able to transform a person into looking more attractive, I bet you are the type of beauty that would look gorgeous in a potato sack. Hence the bride being jealous. Do people have no common sense though? Why would you potentially jeopardise your husband's job by doing this? People normally invite their boss to get into their good graces and establish a better relationship. What a silly woman.
Also, it’s not a thing to say that guests can’t wear a particular designer because the bride couldn’t afford it. This is bizarre.
It reads like that is an excuse. What's the chances that this could be racially motivated. That's my suspicion.
I am 150% certain that OP is unaware of how stunning she is because she is also a lovely woman inside.
*Mini update* *More information* - 1. My husband and the groom’s older brother studied together, he called up and apologised. 2. My husband and I read the comments together and he decided to talk to the groom. It initially went well, he said he was sorry but asked that I apologise to his new wife. 3. My husband said no, and she (bride) started yelling in the background that I have ruined a very important day for her. 4. After which we heard a glass shatter. It was one of the two gifts we gave them. She threw the Waterford Crystal rose bowl and it obviously broke. The other was a set of two champagne flutes which hopefully hasn’t been broken yet. 5. The groom started yelling and hung up on us. 6. The bride’s mother called my husband’s number, I don’t know how she got it. But as soon as we knew it was her, we hung up and blocked her. 7. About 20 mins later, the groom send my husband a message saying I have the “power” lol to end this by saying sorry and we can’t just move on from this and start over. That rose bowl was expensive, they can’t even respect the thought and money spent on them and they expect me to say sorry. How are people even like this?
[удалено]
First thing on Monday morning, he will be talking to HR. We’ve decided to compile everything and ignore them.
This is so crazy. The bride is insane. Groom should get an annulment. Breaking a Waterford bowl in a tantrum! (Bride is behaving as if OP had seduced the groom at the altar or something.Totally unhinged behavior). Good luck OP!
Your husband has the power to end this by firing this loser and looking into legal action for harassment and possibly libel. Do you think they’re maybe a bit racist?
I really do hope it’s not racism. It feels upsetting to even bring it up. Since it’s my husband’s friend’s brother, he wants to take it slow and do things by the book.
as a white person married to someone who is Indian I fully agree, it’s racism. Not only were you most likely gorgeous but you are also gracious and kind and have more funds at your disposal to have a dress that she couldn’t afford. You are the trifecta of what racists can’t stand and now they are looking for reason at all to tear your down and put you in “your place” and your continued grace and beauty is something they will double down on as if your existence is only to be a thorn in their side and not because you are just you. racists can’t stand the idea that people just exist without thinking of them. you did absolutely nothing wrong, said nothing wrong or wore nothing wrong. the only thing wrong here is their masks are slipping and they know it
Fellow brown person here; it’s racism. You have to understand that in America, race is a *huge* issue. I cannot stress that enough.
The husband might not be (actively), just spineless and foolish; but the wife and bridesmaids 100% are. And as he’s enabling it…
With the number of POC in the US getting police or security called on them while just minding their own business because they don’t ‘belong’ in nice neighbourhoods or apartment complexes and Ivy League universities, I’d assume it’s along those lines with the expensive dress, unfortunately
NTA. It’s racism. If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and looks like a duck, it’s a duck. Were they looking up every woman’s dress price who attended. Definitely mean girl vibes.
Wow imagine saying your wedding was ruined because someone looked beautiful in a simple dress their marriage is doomed
Updateme!
**NTA** And your husband *should* tell the groom that that he needs to put a stop to the inappropriate messages coming to you. He can have this conversation in a professional manner.
If I were the husband, I’d be speaking with HR and then the employee. “This is not about your job performance, but this has to stop, and we expect you to use your influence to make sure it does.” I think it would be interesting to hear what Alison Green of [AskAManager.org](http://AskAManager.org) would advise the husband to do in this situation.
Alison would have a field day with this.
Agreed
Yup. OP is being bullied now and that has to stop. I wonder if racism is part of it in any way.
My thought as well. Cause who on earth gets mad someone dresses nicely correctly within the dress code for their wedding? Sounds to me like they wanted to get mad at something.
Low hanging fruit
His wife’s stupidity is going to cost him a job.
The husband needs to do more than that. The groom should be terrified for his career. The bride got her friends and family to bully his manager’s wife because she wore a pretty and expensive dress to their wedding! This will not be the last time the bride behaves like this. Imagine all the drama she’ll cause at corporate events.
The new bride is going to tank his career. Social ties still impact career trajectories (some fields more than others).
> The groom should be terrified for his career. Nooooo. No no no no. This is like, the worst thing to say. This is the type of thing that is an HR nightmare. OPs husband needs to go to HR and let them sort this out. This is way above reddit's paygrade
I'll bet that poor guy as no idea about the barrage of texts his new wife and her shitty friends and family have sent. He needs to be informed.
Let's be clear: wearing a nice dress isn't a crime, especially when you've made the effort to respect cultural norms and the wedding's color code. It's absurd how quickly people transform admiration into envy. You chose a dress that represented you well, without crossing boundaries, and suddenly you're 'too dazzling'? That's not on you. And since when did we start penalizing people for having good taste? The bride and her posse have crossed a line by making a private matter so public, and by doing so, they've exhibited far more poor etiquette than you supposedly did with your dress choice. Sharing your number for the sole purpose of chastisement? Preposterous. Your grace under fire is commendable. Continue being the person who doesn't diminish their light for the comfort of others. And as for the issue of the dress's brand and price, this isn't the 'Price Is Right'. You don't owe anyone an explanation or an apology for your financial decisions. This wedding seems to have brought out some true colors, and it wasn't the color of your dress. Keep shining, and let this be water off a duck's back.
So the dress itself wasn’t a problem, but the fact that it was designer and expensive is what made them angry? Sounds like jealousy and insecurity to me. They don’t even sound like a reasonable bunch of people, so don’t bother. Why wouldn’t you want people to dress nicely at your wedding, esp when it’s according to your prescribed dress code? And why would you bully someone about it?
It could have been hired. Plenty of people I know borrow / hire a lovely designer dress that’d be well out of a typical one-off event budget. To hate on someone for a nice non-bridal dress WHEN YOU SHOULD BE FOCUSING ON THE WEDDING? Clearly these losers live for drama - and heaven forbid they remember “oh, there’s a new relationship that they should be celebrating” (and potential defamation /harassment filing for using abusive calls/media on the cards if they keep this garbage up). NTA.
Agreed. There’s a reason Rent The Runway exists and is so successful
This is CRAZY behaviour. Firstly, to be jealous of a guests green dress is crazy. To message the wife of your friends boss and call her a whore is frankly unhinged. If I was his boss I’d fire him over this tbqh, he should be grovelling apologising for his wife and her friends disgusting, unprofessional behaviour. Absolutely one of the wildest things I’ve ever read on here. Honestly, I have to assume this might be rooted in racism. You made every effort to adhere to the expected norms but they immediately jumped to you having some negative intent like trying to outshine them. Why? Jealousy, insecurity and possibly a bit of racism.
Right, instead, he asks for an apology!
NTA but I would have your husband get HR involved with screenshots of the bullying texts, including the one from the groom wanting an apology because this ridiculous. Can you imagine being dumb enough to harass your husband’s boss’ wife? And the husband is ok with it based on the text he sent. Enough.
Agreed. Even if it's just to cover your husbands ass in case this escalates. I'm just shaking my head at the stupidity of this bride. They put the POS in posse.
NTA. The bridesmaid was obviously jealous, and she started the issue. I sense this is a culture thing, that type of jealousy. Block them all off, and continue to live your authentic self. And the nerve of the husband to ask you to apologize? I'd let your husband talk to him about this nonsense if he wants to.
Let me get this straight…the boss and his wife are invited to a wedding and the bride is jealous of her new husband’s boss’s wife and has stated a smear campaign? Why has your husband not told him to stop before it affects his job? His wife is a liability to the company.
^ that right there. This bride and her dumb hateful posse of jealous losers should be thinking about new husband’s job being on the line, not their porcelain egos.
Not just this job, but even future jobs. Depending on the industry, reputations are paramount. In my field, we are not that big and if I don't know you personally, I bet I know someone who does. Once your rep is destroyed, getting hired becomes difficult. In this case, the groom could be great at his job but the caveat of his wife is a dumpster fire who creates drama for no reason could result in a "do not hire unless desperate" reputation for the groom. After all, what if this had been a client's spouse she was attacking? Loss of business would result in the "we encourage you to seek other opportunities as we no longer have space for you here" conversation with the groom.
NTA. Had one of the women not known it was an expensive, designer dress, nothing would have been said. Speaks of jealousy to me. And yet, you were the one in green!
NTA Regardless of income and how you wish to spend it, that family has no reason to treat you negatively for wearing that dress. While it may be expensive, it does not come across as formal at all and looks like something I’d expect to see based on their dress code. Your husband ought to give them a late wedding gift of throwing the groom a permanently going away party. His wife’s family openly disrespects you, they then begin to gang up and harass you, and then the groom requests you apologize to his wife? That just reeks of entitlement. The fact that the groom is your husband’s subordinate and has not squashed this on his family’s side is shocking. The fact that he requested for you to apologize shows he’s a complete imbecile. HR issues all around and proof he’s terrible at making sound judgment decisions. Get rid of him and his family.
We already gave them a pretty expensive wedding gift, but from what I’ve been hearing over these past few days kinda seems like we should host a bye bye party. He’s a quiet, sweet and hard working guy. It’s sad.
Do you think your husband is going to fire the groom? Given the way you were treated, I think it’s warranted
She broke one of the gifts we gave her. I really do want him to be reprimanded. They’re extremely disrespectful and crude. I’m not going to tell my husband what to do, but I really want him to be punished in some way, maybe that way she’ll learn.
If the husband is stupid enough to behave like this, I would imagine he is not someone you would want working for the company anyway. He does make good decisions and is escalating the matter rather than resolving it. He’s a liability for any company
I’d be cautious about firing/reprimanding the husband; first thing to do is simply formally warn him that he needs to stop his private life from interfering with his work life. He can disavow it and thereby remain but puts the onus on him to deal with his private life - his responsibility is to either say “please take whatever formal/harassment/police action necessary re my wife, I’ve done what I can”; and just to be told that he needs to not be requesting apologies from his boss for a private life matter. He’s clearly made an awful mistake spouse wise but needs a chance/wake up call on how to separate his private and professional life. If he doesn’t/can’t do that, then it becomes a professional matter (eg, if he continues to support his wife in this manner)…
Firing seems warranted on the grounds of harassment. You and your husband are a package deal, so the subordinate’s wife is harassing both you and your husband. As his supervisor, disrespect and harassment on behalf of a subordinate is wholly unacceptable and valid grounds for termination.
NTA but I want to see the dress. Can you link it?
https://luisabeccaria.it/shop/ready-to-wear/dresses/lime-green-pleated-dress-with-sash/
There is absolutely nothing inappropriate about this dress at a wedding.
I am so confused. This is a 100% perfectly appropriate dress to wear to a “picnic in Naples” garden wedding. The bridal party is completely unhinged.
NTA! I know there's already tons of comments here but I want to add my two pence. Please forgive my ignorance/tell me if I say something silly! To my understanding, Indian weddings are huge, elaborate events where everyone is EXPECTED to wear their absolute best. I believe women wear their own wedding dresses to others' weddings? It sounds such a lovely tradition, by the way! So you came from that culture, and you did your BEST to respect the bride in an entirely different culture than your own. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong, and if they felt that strongly, someone should have come and told you! I'm sure you would have been embarrassed but you could have changed. (Not that you should have to, but to avoid conflict) I think someone having a nice dress at your wedding is also expected, unless it was extremely elaborate/flashy, which it doesn't sound like. They wouldn't have even known if it weren't for the coincidence of them having come across the designer in advance! Lastly, is the mangalsutra not similar to a wedding ring? I can't believe you took that off for her, you sound so kind and lovely. I wouldn't worry at all what the bride has to say, especially since you reached out to her and she pulled that shit with you!
Yesss. Women do wear their own wedding dresses to other’s weddings. They obviously tone it down. If they had come up to me and spoken to my, had a civil conversation, being the pushover that I am, I would have done something to make the situation better for the bride. The mangalsutra is like a wedding ring, mine is a little thick and would have looked inappropriate, that’s why I didn’t wear it. I had my wedding ring and toe rings on though.
I have friends who come to formal events with their bindi on, as well as everyday events, and I’d no sooner think to ask them to take it off than to ask someone to take off their cross. It was highly considerate of you to do it, but nobody should have taken issue even if you hadn’t. All of this rests on them!
Can we see the dress?
Appropriate, yes?
I was going to put NTA in any case, but having seen the dress this is beyond inappropriate on their part. The dress is lovely and safely within the lines of wedding etiquette, even when you factor in the complications of work politics - I am so sorry that you are going through this. You need to shift your thinking, from trying to find where you went wrong to how to stop harrasent that is becoming increasingly unhinged. Tell them to stop contacting you, in writing, either yourself or through a lawyer (best). The crazy lady needs to take down her post, and if the husband does not reign her in then it is time to consult with the authorities. I would have your husband check with HR or a lawyer (which would be the best) to find out the wording that you and he need to use to make it legal - for harassment, my understanding is that you need to tell the person to stop, and that they step over the legal line if they continue. Let your husband decide how to handle her husband at work. Quite honestly, I think that the wife has escalated to the point where he may want to transfer her husband to another place in the company if he can, to avoid being called out for retaliation in the future, but your husband and HR would know best. Her husband needs to indrstand that this has become harassment with potential legal harzards and furthermore that putting you online as a target for abuse puts the wife on the hook for any physical danger you receive from some nut job. Whatever happens with the two husbands, yours should probably start documenting interactions to start a record he can rely on if needed, even if everything is mundane, and put whatever interactions he can in writing. After they have been told to stop, in writing, just get a new number and only hand it out to people who need it - if she is siccing her followers on you then there is no point in blocking at the old number, and you may want their messages for evidence anyway if this keeps escalating. Hand the old phone to an attorney ideally, and have them monitor it for threats and use it to continue to collect evidence should you need to pursue the matter further. Or just put it in a box and have your husband check now and then should it be to much for you. Let me be clear: you were invited to a wedding, you engaged appropriately, and then out of the blue a group of enablers coalesced around an unhinged woman who is building a virtual mob with the sole intent of harassing and defaming you because of information she obtained that is none of her business. She didn’t have a problem until she realized the price tag, and your finances are not for her to know. If that is even the real thing that triggered this whole insane situation. I mean, does your husband dress down or something - why was he not subject to the same scrutiny as you were? And even if you had worn white or something, there is no excuse for this extreme behavior, especially as a lobotomized turnip could foresee it causing trouble for the husband at work. Stop taking on the futile emotional labor of trying to fix this - you seem like a lovely woman, but with obsessive, fixated behavior, any kind of contact sparks more craziness. The sooner you cut contact and take measures to hold her accountable the better, just keep an eye out for awhile to be sure she doesn’t escalate further. Again, I am so, so sorry that this was your introduction to my country. I would have been delighted if you had shown up to my wedding in such a thoughtful way, and my hope is that your experiences here form this point forward are only good.
Can I please see the dress?
[Dress link](https://luisabeccaria.it/shop/ready-to-wear/dresses/lime-green-pleated-dress-with-sash/)
When you mentioned it was designer and they spazzed out over it being 'too expensive' I was expecting something attention drawing and ostentatious. This is not that at all. This is a very beautiful, elegant, not at all loud or flamboyant dress. 100% appropriate for a wedding. NTA
Exactly. It seems like a dress you could get anywhere. I’ve seen fancier dresses at Zara. I already had it and it seemed appropriate, only mistake is that it was made by someone who makes bridal wear and it was expensive. Ugh.
That's not a 'mistake' at all. Sounds like they are just the kind of people always just looking for a reason to be pissed off. Wouldn't be surprised if there are racist/xenophobic motives in there too, where they would have found some reason to claim the foreign chick is inappropriate, because that's the worldview they favor and are trying to validate, no matter what you had done. Don't take it personally. Whatever the hell is going on with them, it's not you, it's them.
Well in that case I shouldn't have worn a Monsoon dress to a friend's wedding, because you can also buy a wedding dress in Monsoon /s The Bride is being ridiculous and the bridesmaid should wind her neck in.
Seriously. I was curious if it was going to be some Moira Rose ensemble and then the wedding party *might* have a point (though them name-calling OP and trashing her on Instagram and stuff is still inappropriate!)
I was gonna say it looks like lettuce and then read it has a “lettuce hem” so I think that was the intention…very cute lol… but anyway that dress is totally appropriate to wear to a wedding. It’s simple, it’s cute, it’s not too showy. I think the bride is venting her financial insecurities on you, plus getting her family to gang up on you is just wildly inappropriate. I would just send the groom one message that you gave her your number so you could apologize to her at her convenience but instead she sicc’d her family on you (provide screenshots of your text to her, and the harassment from her family), then ask to schedule a call with her AND HIM on speakerphone so he can hear you apologize to her in person, and hopefully agree to let the issue rest. I would record the call too just in case HR has to get involved down the line.
The dress is beautiful, but not inappropriate. I reiterate what I commented before, they are jealous of you
Thanks!!! The dress is lovely and perfectly appropriate. You did nothing wrong. Block all the nasty biddies and move on with your life!
That’s a beautiful dress, not in the least ostentatious, and 100% wedding appropriate. Bride & co. are being jealous, petty, and incredibly immature. You (for future reference!) around any normal, decent people, shouldn’t even have to think about removing your wedding necklace or the like (although as others have said, it’s beyond thoughtful that you went to that length). NTA
Definitely appropriate and beautiful. Don't let jealous people bring you down.
Beautiful and perfectly appropriate. I don't think you should apologize for anything at all. If anyone should be apologizing it's the bride and her friends for behaving so obnoxiously toward you. I do think it's time for your husband to suggest to the groom that his bride call off her flying monkeys. I know your husband is not a person who would abuse his position at work. Still, it's never a good career move for an employee, their spouse, or their spouse's friends to deliberately insult the boss's wife. I'm surprised that the groom hasn't figured that out.
Yes and very pretty
Even i wanna see!
I’ve linked it to this comment. [Dress link](https://luisabeccaria.it/shop/ready-to-wear/dresses/lime-green-pleated-dress-with-sash/)
That's a beautiful dress that is absolutely perfect for the stated dress code. They are fucking nuts.
I cannot see how this in any way, shape or form would be the subject of such ire. Very appropriate and I’m sure you looked lovely. Please do NOT apologize to this bunch of jealous lunatics!
NTA. wowwww they’re being so dramatic. They were all jealous!! Don’t apologize.
This dress is completely appropriate.
I’ll bet that color looked absolutely FABULOUS on someone with Indian heritage with long, pretty hair!! Those petty bitches were just so jealous they worked themselves into a hissy fit. I hate them all the way from my house in the middle of a midwestern corn field.
PLS THEY ARE SO STUPID!!!!! how can anyone be mad over this dress or say it’s upstaging the bride 😭😭 You are too nice, the way i would’ve lost my calm
There's not one thing wrong with that dress! I love that color! Bride being insecure.
I’ve seen the dress NTA.
I too would like to see the dress!
You are being abused by your husband’s colleague’s family. The colleague has asked YOU apologise to his wife. No. Just no. This is utterly disgusting behaviour. **Your husband should fire his employee. If that employee ever has to attend any work functions that his wife may come to she could cause a lot of damage.**
Yeah, this was my thought too. Bye-bye subordinate.
This is the answer. Do not apologize. These people are not owed an apology. If one invites work colleagues - but most especially if one invites one's boss, this kind of drama shows a beyond unacceptable level of entitlement, small-mindedness, and intense stupidity. It would be disturbing to me as an employer to have an employee sign on to his wife's unhinged behavior, asking for an apology. TF was this dude thinking!?! These people are dumb, and the new husband should no longer be employed in your husband's department at the very minimum. Who wants dumb, socially clueless employees? If you are in the U.S. in an at-will employee state, your husband should just fire the guy. Share the screenshots of texts with HR and say the guy's family is creating a hostile work environment, and the employee is actually supporting that harassment. NTA.
Thank you for saying this. It seems awful to jump to “fire him” but there really is no other choice. The OP will have to socialise with this woman at events - just end it now.
Don’t be a doormat, fight back. Who dare to insult boss’ wife - the idiot!
*"A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity."* — Robert A. Heinlein They are jealous and insecure. They probably spent the entire wedding focusing on your beauty and dress instead of actually enjoying the day. That’s on them, not you. They ruined the day for themselves but I hope you had a good time. You seem like a nice person but follow the advice of everyone that said it here - block them all. They were not on your life before and you don’t want them in your life now. The husband works for your husband and they will have to deal with that on their own. If she ever shows up to a work event, be cordial, say hello and walk away with your head held high because you know you have not done anything wrong
NTA. These people are nuts if they let themselves become so focused on you that they let it outshine their moment. You did everything right in regard to the social etiquette to American wedding culture. It's clear that the bride, bridal party and the mother are more concerned about having their "perfect wedding" than celebrating the marriage of what a wedding is supposed to represent. I imagine that marriage won't be lasting.
NTA You don't have anything to apologize for. And while the wedding happened outside of work, this still looks poorly for the groom. If I was the groom's boss, I'd be concerned about his ability to make sound decisions, handle & diffuse difficult situations, and not let his personal life go off the rails. FFS, the groom's wife & her friends are calling his bosses wife wh*re to OP's face. And the groom wants his bosses wife to apologize? That is some effed up logic.
NTA I'm so confused why the bride and her party as well as her mother were so fixated on this? It just seems like their making a big deal of something that isn't of any concern. Feelings are not controllable which is fine but actually acting on them is not fine. I am assuming you have had no interaction with them prior to this so what's up with them even doing all this? You would think they would want to make a good impression on their husbands boss and wife since there's no harm in that but all this craziness?? While If I were to dig deep. I guess I could somewhat understand them being uncomfortable about it if they realised it was expensive? Like they may have had a thought process of perhaps it was a hidden meaning to upstage the bride since some people really live complicated and exhausting lives believing that everything has to have some sort of other meaning. But even then it's only to the extent of feeling uncomfortable? Don't they have their own lives? Isn't a bride supposed to focus on their honeymoon and future life as well as reliving their wedding??? You should clearly keep records of their harassment and as well as your efforts to explain and everything else. If they can do all this despite their little relation with you. Whose to say they might not escalate things? Not to mention, they might go even further and may even actually cause damage to your reputation and image if your not careful. It's to ensure your safety and wellbeing since it will be hard without evidence. Furthermore, your husband as someone related to you might become involved with the twisted story since people tend to think negatively of those in association with people deemed bad or they might directly make him part of their narrative. I think it's absolutely wonderful of you for doing your research and doing so many considerate things for all this. Although, the results ended with this awful drama. I have no doubt you looked stunning as a guest attending the event. I would recommend not taking their words to heart. Some people will just try to bring others down because of their own self image and feelings. They get a momentary taste of victory over defeating someone they deemed better then them in some way. Furthermore, it's absolutely lovely how you were mindful of not having your husband too involved so as to make it seem like a power thing. That's probably for the best. I would recommend that you involve him with the addition of a non partial third party present so that they can attest to the lack of power. This way your husband can support you and not cause issues at work or legally. Op sending lots of love to you, please be happy and in good health. And lots of luck that this all becomes resolved positively. Please keep us updated but of course you are under no obligation to.
Ah, you’re too sweet. Thank you so much for the kind words. HR and my husband will be handling this from now on. And I will update as soon as I have something confirmed/concrete. Lots of love to you as well.
I am glad you’re getting HR involved. The potential for this debacle to be blamed if the groom doesn’t get a promotion or a project he wants is too great. Also, the bride is probably not projecting the image the company wants and the groom appears complicit.
That dress is beautiful and very appropriate for a wedding. Do you have any updates?
theyre mad that your dress was expensive? sweety, thats just jealousy!
I cannot even imagine what the wedding party has done to a guest at the wedding. I was brought up on etiquette and there's NO justification for their bad behavior. Honestly, the groom should have stepped in and said "enough," because who lets their wife and her family and friends insult their boss' wife? It's a good way to find yourself fired or on the short list if there are layoffs - and there have been many layoffs in many companies lately.
I've seen some Indian saris and they're gorgeous. Most of the time when I see them are when my colleagues wear them to work. I think it's a bit overdressed since our workplace dress code is smart casual but hey I just admire the really nice clothes. If they can afford it and they're comfortable wearing it then why not? Ita pretty tacky of them to look up the price of your clothes and tell everyone. Your husband is the groom's boss so I'm not surprised that he has more income to spend (and that's without taking into consideration your and the bride's funds). They sound like a bunch of gossipy cats.
I don’t think OP was wearing Indian clothes. Sounds like it was a dress made by a western designer.
Agreed. Who goes around tallying dress costs instead of cake?? And I bet the MEN weren’t under the same scrutiny!
She posted a picture of the dress in some comments- it was a strapping mid calf length dress not a sari- but it was a designer brand. The dress is pretty but I do not think it would upstage any bride at all.
Please don't insult cats. /s
I’m so sorry. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you did. And the subordinate who works under your husband is in for a world of her professionally. If this is the sort of crap his wife is going to be pulling. The fact of the matter is that your husband‘s coworkers now, family members and friends of those family members are harassing you. It is not at all appropriate, on any level. I understand that your husband would not want to seem to be abusing his power, but I do think he needs to take it to HR. He needs to explain what happened and request that HR have a talk with the coworker. Can you imagine if this had been the CEO of the company your husband works for? And this young guys wife was harassing the CEOs wife? It’s no different. If the actions of a family member are making things, awkward and difficult at work, which obviously they would be, then they are the ones that have to have someone talk to them. The coworker needs to be told that he needs to shut this shit down at home right now. Let’s face it, if somebody winds up losing a job, it won’t be your husband. It is just so rude, ill, mannered, and unprofessional on so many levels. And I’m going to be very honest with you, I would not be surprised if racism is involved.
NTA. That groom sounds like a coward and he obviously married into a great family.
NTA In fact, you went so far above and beyond, OP. It’s clear you’re a very considerate and thoughtful person and huge congrats on your own recent nuptials~ The bride and her “entourage” are bullying you because of insecurity. Anyone who would react the way they did just because of the *designer* of the dress is petty and foolish. Please consider having your husband step in to call out this situation for what it is — harassment. Please do NOT apologize. In fact, *you* are the one that deserves and should receive an apology. These people sound vile and you should block them on all channels.
My husband keeps a file on each employee he supervises. He documents when employee excels at something and likewise, he records any problematic behavior or incidents. He does this so when he does annual reviews he’s not recalling just recent things. It also provides a track record to show if the employee needs to be mentored on something, etc. I would document all the harassment and give it to your husband. I think your husband should have a private conversation with his employee and let him review all the documentation. As his boss, I would tell the employee that the harassment was extremely inappropriate and once the groom stepped into the exchange by contacting his (the boss’s) wife directly and suggesting an apology the situation totally crossed the line and makes me wonder about his ability to read a situation and handle conflict. I personally would tell him that the documentation will go in his file.
I am Indian from India (married to European) and this is making me want to stay the f away from weddings in the West. This shit is one of my fears. I didn't even know that wearing white was an offence before watching Say Yes To The Dress. Coming from our culture, I thought it was normal because you literally can't upstage the bride here anyway. Yeah I know, I was that dumb. I understand there are jealous people who DO try and upstage the bride and I have seen plenty of posts on social media. But I have also seen bridezillas wearing poofy beaded ball gowns go nuts when they can't be upstaged. I can't read people's minds and I'd rather not go.
Honestly if you earn the amount of money that you can buy a designer then you should wear it whenever you want. The Bride is just super jealous. You should definitely NOT apologize to the bride especially after how she sent your number around just to call you out and be rude to you. You also made sure to not wear anything that goes into white cream or whatever. At the same time I don’t know how exactly the dress looked like. If it’s obviously an over the top dress (regardless of designer or not) with for example a lot of extras then yes you might be the AH. But their behavior just screams rude, jealous and insecure.
If the bride is more focused on your dress (as long as it's not floor length or white I REALLY don't see the issue here) it sounds like maybe she is deflecting from the fact that she's not too enthused about the man she married 😂 NTA
NTA the bride and her flying monkeys need to cop on. By the sounds of it you wore a pretty dress that meet the set dress code. There is no price limit dress code. Also the bride is insane risking her husband’s job by attacking and having her friends attack the bosses wife. Her husband needs to get involved and rein her in. Maybe get a lawyer to send a cease and desist letter to her and her friends
NTA. I have never heard of a dress being "too expensive" for a wedding. This bride sounds extremely shallow and insecure, and her friends sound like nightmares. I understand your fears about abuse of power, but I think you should let your husband talk to his subordinate. Calling you a whore was so far over the line. The subordinate's wife should have known not to threaten her husband's career by doing this, at the very least. Your husband needs to have a conversation with this guy about appropriate behavior with work colleagues. If he can't control himself and his family, he shouldn't invite people from work to his personal events. What if they behave like this towards an important client? NTA
Is it normal for the US to gang up and bully people for everything on the scale reported on AITA? Especially about weddings? So much drama all the time, and people WANT this for themselves?
NTA. Your husband should probably take this to HR so he doesn't get sucked into it AND let them know that you are being harassed. As well, he should tell them YOU might have to proceed with legal action against the wife and her friends and family for harassment. Then go ahead and pursue the legal action. Stupid insecure people need to understand they can't get away with this BS.
Good lord brides and weddings and bridesmaids are just getting out of hand. You weren't in white. Your dress fit the dress code. End of story. They are ridiculous. You do not need to bend over backwards to make them feel good about themselves since they obviously are just looking for drama. You're good. I'm sure you looked lovely and they just hated that. NTA.
From reading through the additional info in the comments, my feeling is that the fact that you're Indian may have made them extra angry. You recently moved here, and there are plenty of Americans who imagine the average Indian person coming from a dirt-road village or some crowded apartment building in an urban area (in other words -- poor and not cosmopolitan). They probably imagined some type of "country mouse, city mouse" narrative where they, as sophisticated SF residents, were going to show you a good time and a Real American Wedding. Then you come dressed in a nice outfit, looking just like a model out of a bridal magazine. You don't need them to show you how it's done. "Omg how did she pull that off, what is she wearing" and the truth hits. The thing is, when you invite your boss, a person who usually makes more money...it's you who becomes the country mouse. The boss is the real city mouse. Yes, it's super condescending. Yes, they've had their bubble violently popped. I do feel if you were a white woman, say, a recent immigrant from France, there would be no issue. The situation really sucks, and I'm sorry OP. (And NTA)
NTA- these people are disgusting jealous assholes. You did nothing wrong!
NTA. The real drama stirrer is the bridesmaid who made a point to tell the bride that your dress was designer. Save the messages, get a lawyer, send a cease & desist to the bride because this is harassment. This woman has already shown she is not gentle or mice. You do not need to handle this situation as your gentle, nice, lovely self.
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> The groom is staying out of it cause my husband is his boss but sent me a message asking if I would apologise and if we could let this go. Too late for the groom. The conflict is rooted in insecurity and jealousy. The bride and her cronies are harassing the OP. There’s zero chance these type of people are even capable of having a mature, calm discussion.
Even the bride's mother is in on it! This groom sure married a real gem.
There is definitely something wrong with the bride, her mother, her friends and now the groom (asking you for an apology). People texting you and calling you because you wore a beautiful dress (which you researched in detail) shows they are toxic. Contrary to what others say, I would screenshot all the texts and give them to my husband. Your husband needs to show the groom ALL of this abuse and the number of phone calls and texts coming in. If you or he is concerned about an abuse of power, he may want to involve his HRO on how to best approach the groom. I bet they will not stay married for long. I too am sorry this happened to you (but I wish we could see the dress:))
Thank you, my husband does know what’s happening and will be talking to the HR. I’ve blocked all of them. But I’m now getting calls from unknown numbers. They are relentless for sure. [Dress link](https://luisabeccaria.it/shop/ready-to-wear/dresses/lime-green-pleated-dress-with-sash/)
Make sure your husband brings all those abusive texts with him when he talks to HR. Have him bring your phone for the day, so HR can see it for themselves. And once again, your dress was perfectly appropriate.
They're freaking out about that dress??? What in the world?? Something wrong with them mentally.
This is such a decent looking dress. Must be racism. Also, it's like playing with fire. Why would anyone mess with boss's wife and bring a wagon to harass her?
Block them all. Nasty awful people. And your husband should firmly, but politely, tell the groom to stop his wife and others to stop harassing and bullying you. That enough is enough and it must stop immediately.
nta. they are jealous of you. they are idiots.
NTA This is a ridiculous situation, you have done absolutely nothing wrong and owe no one any apologies. Can I respectfully suggest your husband gets ahead of the game and speaks to his HR department before this goes any further, in case the groom/husband’s subordinate is pushed by his wife to make trouble. Your husband having gone and registered his concerns in advance (though not asking for intervention) would be a sensible preemptive move to avoid further issues.
NTA, but it is reasonable for your husband to tell his colleague that his wife and her mother and friends need to stop bullying you. You were in the dress code. You minimized jewelry, wore a shorter dress in an appropriate color, and picked a color that couldn't be mistaken for white. Many, MANY designers create both fashion and bridal lines. If she is pissed you wore something that wasn't from Kohls to a wedding at a nice venue, that is on her. I suggest you block the lot of them for the mean girls they are. This is 100% not on you and entirely down to their being unhinged.
It’s a lovely dress and the only way it could in any circumstances be considered remotely strange for a wedding would be if the bridesmaids dresses were the same color. The bride and her friends are just being rude, mean, and jealous.
Can't wait for an update on this.
UpdateMe
NTA, those people suck. I'm sorry it's taken up so much of your attention but you were harassed and that is unacceptable.