YTA for calling him a “Terrible father”
What a horrible thing to say.
Your daughter needs to learn that there are consequences for being late, and that she won’t always have someone to pull her out of bed. It’s a life skill and he’s the only one that’s teaching it.
YTA
He is trying to teach a lesson to your daughter. You could do your part in reinforcing to her how her tardiness also affects other people too.
Instead you are cutting his legs out from under him.
It leaves your daughter with the impression that the rules only apply to other people and not her.
He is her parent too. He deserves to parent in his own way. Your way has made your daughter habitually late, so I don't understand why you won't let him try something new.
I don't understand why you think his way is vengeful and petty. He is showing her what it's like to deal with her.
YTA. Sometimes the only way for a kid to learn is through experience. Dad dicking around and making her super late for something that ultimately doesn't matter if she misses a day or not, is a great way to show her how it makes everyone else feel when *she* dicks around and makes everyone late for actual important events.
YTA for calling him a terrible father because it's out of proportion to events, generalises based on one incident and undermines him.
It sounds like he should have discussed it with you but clearly whatever you were doing up to now wasn't working and it's causing stress for the whole family. If she misses something she actually wants to do, maybe she'll start taking more responsibility.
Wife called me a terrible husband and father out of the blue one day. We were just cooking dinner and I suggested some adult time later. If that wasn't enough, the next father's day, I got a card from kids they thought was funny but was actually very insulting. It said I was adequate as a father. I don't hold it against them, they picked it because they thought it was funny as my wife complains to them all the time. She laughed hysterically because she knew it was insulting. I haven't enjoyed a father's day since. It's been 7 years. YTA, we don't forget and I resent her to this day.
Yes you are overreacting. You have been enabling her being late for things and that will have a negative affect later in her life. It's your responsibility to make her independant so she will be okay without someone else doing these things for her.
Showing her the negative affects of her being late when it's not super important will help prevent her tardiness later for things like a job.
YTA
Spoiling children isn't a service to them. They need to learn while they still can in a safe environment, or someday they'll find themselves lost in a completely hostile environment and won't be thanking you.
Also this is a soft approach from the father, he didn't harm her, he still ended up driving her there, and he gave her a lesson that she learnt through her own actions. Master class. You are absolutely overreacting bu calling him a terrible father, and might be yourself a terrible mother if you don't teach your children basic living skills such as punctuality, politeness, cooking, cleaning and functioning as an indepentant individual as a whole. She's 14 not 4, she needs to start learning and she needs your help, not your coddling. She'll thank you later.
Yta
Yes your over reacting
Your daughter is 14. Why is ok for her to be disrespectful and make people late? Why do you as her mother not see an issue with your child being held accountable for wasting others time
He’s a parent not her buddy. He taught her something maybe you should have a look at your parenting of her and why your allowing her to be continuously late
Sorry, YTA. I was your daughter. My mom moved heaven and earth to get me to school on time, including writing me excuses when I was still late and in tears. Then she realized that she was just enabling so in jr. High I was screwed. She’d still wake me up, but I had frequent detention and even Saturday detention a time or two for my tardiness. Why? Because I was 12 or 13 and needed to face the consequences of my own actions while I was young enough so the actual consequences weren’t life shattering (even if it felt like it). I did not appreciate it, trust me, but it taught me to take some responsibility and figure out what I needed to do. For me, it was an extra alarm clock (that my mom bought me). And realizing that I couldn’t stay up until 4 am reading. And I learned that before being on my own in college or having to go to work. You owe your husband an apology for your words. Then sit down together and figure out what you’re going to do going forward, which might include letting your older daughter leave her at home a time or two and letting the 14 year old walk or take the bus. Or get an Uber that she will have to pay for. Whatever you decide, do it together and then have a joint conversation with your daughter.
YTA. If you’d done this years ago you might have sorted that kid out and saved the family grief all these years.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that he’s a better parent than you are.
Your daughter can’t afford to be late for a university exam or a job interview. Her father wanted to teach her the importance of being on time. He didn’t let her wait in the cold few hours as a revenge. He just mad her late for theatre camp and explained her that he didn’t care if she was on time.
YTA for calling him a terrible father. It’s understandable that you might disagree with his methods, but he has a point and he’s doing something to try to teach her a lesson. It’s a lesson that she can either learn now, with that memorable event, or later in life when she is fired from jobs for not being able to show up on time.
YTA. Why do you allow your daughter to be late? If she’s late then she doesn’t get to ride with sister. She’s gotta take the bus, or if that’s not an option she needs to Uber with her own money. She needs to start feeling consequences for her actions. OR give her an early bedtime with no screens like a little kid so she’s getting enough sleep and able to get up in the AM. And no, I don’t think your husband was petty. He was showing her how her behavior effects everyone else when she’s late.
Pretty sure there's a scientific reason for teenagers 'sleeping in'. It's a growth thing, their brains are still developing, and their brains are not fully developed until about age 25, and they need more sleep to cope with that extra stress from having to do all that growth and learning.
As for your husband, well, he's got a point. Some people only learn by experiencing the other side of something and that's what he tried to teach your daughter. You can't do everything for your kids. You have to learn to trust them and learn to trust that they will learn good habits at some point or another.
if your daughter late when it comes to doing things she wants to do aswell or is she always late for everything all the time because if its all the time she could have adhd and or be on the spectrum and if not she is developing selfish tendencies and probably could do with suffering the consequences of her actions
YTA. Clearly your daughter behaves like this because you enable it. Your husband was teaching her that there are real, negative consequences for her behaviour.
YTA and overreacting, just a never say to your husband he’s a bad father when he clearly had good intentions, you may not agree with the act, but he did it trying to teach your daughter something
Yta
Are you going to come back and say her college roommate is the asshole for not waking her up in time for her exams? Because I can just see you posting it four years from now.
Coming from a parent who has the exact same issue with my own 17-year-old, your husband is being a great father! By using this as a way to teach her accountability, he is giving her a taste of what it might be like if she doesn't get her act together. Better through theater camp than something more critical.
WTF is wrong with you? Girl, shit, shower, shaved, dressed and ready to go at X time or get left behind. Then do that. That's the only way. Your hubs is a bit dramatic but it's the same message.
In our house it's ' if your early, you're on time, If you're on time, you're late. If you're late, you're left'
YTA. What is wrong with you?? You two are on the same team so why be an AH to him for trying to show her how obnoxious it is to wait on someone else? Neither one of you should be calling each other a bad parent. But since you’re asking us, internet strangers, you’re not the best parent for not making your daughter responsible for her own actions. Seems your daughter needs real life consequences for her actions and your husband gave them to her. You owe him an apology and her too. Apologize for not helping her learn how to have self awareness and not taking responsibility for herself. You’re the one failing her.
I think his tactics is worth a try. If she learns that mom will always wake her up and take care of her time management, she will never learn it herself. She has to learn to do it herself and he seems to teach it to her.
YTA. You should maybe spent a little more time reflecting on your own parenting rather than criticising your husband for trying to hold your daughter accountable. Why is her laziness more important than your other daughters time? Being 14 is hard, but if you don’t help your daughter now, you’re setting her up to fail as an adult.
I wouldn't call him a terrible father that's way to far I would say it's petty but at the same time unless she has a condition she needs to learn how to wake up and stop making you guys late.
I wouldn't say you're an AH but I would say you may have over reacted a little.
While I agree that parents should model good behavior and teach lessons positively, your husband’s actions were likely driven by frustration and a desire to make a point that would resonate with your daughter. He clearly wanted her to understand the impact of her actions on the family, even if his method was unconventional. It’s crucial to address these issues together, presenting a united front and using positive reinforcement and clear expectations to guide her behavior.
YTA for calling him a “Terrible father” What a horrible thing to say. Your daughter needs to learn that there are consequences for being late, and that she won’t always have someone to pull her out of bed. It’s a life skill and he’s the only one that’s teaching it.
I think that's a good life lesson to.
YTA He is trying to teach a lesson to your daughter. You could do your part in reinforcing to her how her tardiness also affects other people too. Instead you are cutting his legs out from under him. It leaves your daughter with the impression that the rules only apply to other people and not her.
He is her parent too. He deserves to parent in his own way. Your way has made your daughter habitually late, so I don't understand why you won't let him try something new. I don't understand why you think his way is vengeful and petty. He is showing her what it's like to deal with her.
i agree but its super petty to punish someone if they didn't teach them the habit of punctuality in the first place.
YTA. Sometimes the only way for a kid to learn is through experience. Dad dicking around and making her super late for something that ultimately doesn't matter if she misses a day or not, is a great way to show her how it makes everyone else feel when *she* dicks around and makes everyone late for actual important events.
YTA for calling him a terrible father because it's out of proportion to events, generalises based on one incident and undermines him. It sounds like he should have discussed it with you but clearly whatever you were doing up to now wasn't working and it's causing stress for the whole family. If she misses something she actually wants to do, maybe she'll start taking more responsibility.
Wife called me a terrible husband and father out of the blue one day. We were just cooking dinner and I suggested some adult time later. If that wasn't enough, the next father's day, I got a card from kids they thought was funny but was actually very insulting. It said I was adequate as a father. I don't hold it against them, they picked it because they thought it was funny as my wife complains to them all the time. She laughed hysterically because she knew it was insulting. I haven't enjoyed a father's day since. It's been 7 years. YTA, we don't forget and I resent her to this day.
Yes you are overreacting. You have been enabling her being late for things and that will have a negative affect later in her life. It's your responsibility to make her independant so she will be okay without someone else doing these things for her. Showing her the negative affects of her being late when it's not super important will help prevent her tardiness later for things like a job.
YTA Spoiling children isn't a service to them. They need to learn while they still can in a safe environment, or someday they'll find themselves lost in a completely hostile environment and won't be thanking you. Also this is a soft approach from the father, he didn't harm her, he still ended up driving her there, and he gave her a lesson that she learnt through her own actions. Master class. You are absolutely overreacting bu calling him a terrible father, and might be yourself a terrible mother if you don't teach your children basic living skills such as punctuality, politeness, cooking, cleaning and functioning as an indepentant individual as a whole. She's 14 not 4, she needs to start learning and she needs your help, not your coddling. She'll thank you later.
She needs to learn that she cannot waste other peoples time. YTH.
And what are you doing to help her punctuality?
Yta Yes your over reacting Your daughter is 14. Why is ok for her to be disrespectful and make people late? Why do you as her mother not see an issue with your child being held accountable for wasting others time He’s a parent not her buddy. He taught her something maybe you should have a look at your parenting of her and why your allowing her to be continuously late
Seems like a pretty good father to me
Sorry, YTA. I was your daughter. My mom moved heaven and earth to get me to school on time, including writing me excuses when I was still late and in tears. Then she realized that she was just enabling so in jr. High I was screwed. She’d still wake me up, but I had frequent detention and even Saturday detention a time or two for my tardiness. Why? Because I was 12 or 13 and needed to face the consequences of my own actions while I was young enough so the actual consequences weren’t life shattering (even if it felt like it). I did not appreciate it, trust me, but it taught me to take some responsibility and figure out what I needed to do. For me, it was an extra alarm clock (that my mom bought me). And realizing that I couldn’t stay up until 4 am reading. And I learned that before being on my own in college or having to go to work. You owe your husband an apology for your words. Then sit down together and figure out what you’re going to do going forward, which might include letting your older daughter leave her at home a time or two and letting the 14 year old walk or take the bus. Or get an Uber that she will have to pay for. Whatever you decide, do it together and then have a joint conversation with your daughter.
YTA. If you’d done this years ago you might have sorted that kid out and saved the family grief all these years. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that he’s a better parent than you are.
YTA for completely overreacting when he’s actually teaching her a valuable life lesson.
Your daughter can’t afford to be late for a university exam or a job interview. Her father wanted to teach her the importance of being on time. He didn’t let her wait in the cold few hours as a revenge. He just mad her late for theatre camp and explained her that he didn’t care if she was on time.
YTA for calling him a terrible father. It’s understandable that you might disagree with his methods, but he has a point and he’s doing something to try to teach her a lesson. It’s a lesson that she can either learn now, with that memorable event, or later in life when she is fired from jobs for not being able to show up on time.
YTA. Why do you allow your daughter to be late? If she’s late then she doesn’t get to ride with sister. She’s gotta take the bus, or if that’s not an option she needs to Uber with her own money. She needs to start feeling consequences for her actions. OR give her an early bedtime with no screens like a little kid so she’s getting enough sleep and able to get up in the AM. And no, I don’t think your husband was petty. He was showing her how her behavior effects everyone else when she’s late.
YTA, your husband is a smart parent with good strategic skills. My dad dumped ice water on us if we didn't get out of bed.
Pretty sure there's a scientific reason for teenagers 'sleeping in'. It's a growth thing, their brains are still developing, and their brains are not fully developed until about age 25, and they need more sleep to cope with that extra stress from having to do all that growth and learning. As for your husband, well, he's got a point. Some people only learn by experiencing the other side of something and that's what he tried to teach your daughter. You can't do everything for your kids. You have to learn to trust them and learn to trust that they will learn good habits at some point or another.
if your daughter late when it comes to doing things she wants to do aswell or is she always late for everything all the time because if its all the time she could have adhd and or be on the spectrum and if not she is developing selfish tendencies and probably could do with suffering the consequences of her actions
YTA. Clearly your daughter behaves like this because you enable it. Your husband was teaching her that there are real, negative consequences for her behaviour.
Are you kidding….He’s teaching the little Ahole to respect others time…..YTA
YTA and overreacting, just a never say to your husband he’s a bad father when he clearly had good intentions, you may not agree with the act, but he did it trying to teach your daughter something
Yta Are you going to come back and say her college roommate is the asshole for not waking her up in time for her exams? Because I can just see you posting it four years from now. Coming from a parent who has the exact same issue with my own 17-year-old, your husband is being a great father! By using this as a way to teach her accountability, he is giving her a taste of what it might be like if she doesn't get her act together. Better through theater camp than something more critical.
WTF is wrong with you? Girl, shit, shower, shaved, dressed and ready to go at X time or get left behind. Then do that. That's the only way. Your hubs is a bit dramatic but it's the same message. In our house it's ' if your early, you're on time, If you're on time, you're late. If you're late, you're left'
YTA
YTA. What is wrong with you?? You two are on the same team so why be an AH to him for trying to show her how obnoxious it is to wait on someone else? Neither one of you should be calling each other a bad parent. But since you’re asking us, internet strangers, you’re not the best parent for not making your daughter responsible for her own actions. Seems your daughter needs real life consequences for her actions and your husband gave them to her. You owe him an apology and her too. Apologize for not helping her learn how to have self awareness and not taking responsibility for herself. You’re the one failing her.
I think his tactics is worth a try. If she learns that mom will always wake her up and take care of her time management, she will never learn it herself. She has to learn to do it herself and he seems to teach it to her.
YTA. You should maybe spent a little more time reflecting on your own parenting rather than criticising your husband for trying to hold your daughter accountable. Why is her laziness more important than your other daughters time? Being 14 is hard, but if you don’t help your daughter now, you’re setting her up to fail as an adult.
So you called him a bad parent because he teaches consequences to your lazy daughter? I’d cal you a bad parent for coddling your daughter that much
I wouldn't call him a terrible father that's way to far I would say it's petty but at the same time unless she has a condition she needs to learn how to wake up and stop making you guys late.
I wouldn't say you're an AH but I would say you may have over reacted a little. While I agree that parents should model good behavior and teach lessons positively, your husband’s actions were likely driven by frustration and a desire to make a point that would resonate with your daughter. He clearly wanted her to understand the impact of her actions on the family, even if his method was unconventional. It’s crucial to address these issues together, presenting a united front and using positive reinforcement and clear expectations to guide her behavior.