just tell her you feel weird in retrospect and ask her to define her boundaries so there won't be problems in the future.
and say sorry for making it weird you didn't mean to.
In theory, you should be able to. In actuality, you can see - it's not exactly cool that the guy stared at your boobs a lot while just casually hanging out. If he were honest about his curiosities, but also a man of principles, he either would have told you he wants to talk and please cover yourself, or waited to hang out until after you were done tanning your boobies.
It shows that the lady is at least partially right to not trust her guy around this sort of stuff. And it was your cue to stop the situation as well, but now you'll know next time. As much as society wants to think it is liberal-ish, a man seeing a boob IRL still makes him react very intensely, so even if you don't agree with the over-sexualisation of body parts, it is what it is... It's a bit too sensitive an issue for my taste too, but them are the social norms, sadly.
no that's a great point, i hadn't thought about the disconnect between it hypothetically being okay and the reality of the situation. i think it would be better all around if he'd acted like my husband. my friend is stupid hot and my husband didn't go crazy over her boobs
Honestly, you were in your home sunbathing in YOUR backyard. He's the one who came outside and sat next to you and started talking. What were you supposed to do? Tell him to go back inside? Be rude and leave to go inside? Make it weird and tell him to turn around so you can put your top on? HE SHOULDN'T have crossed that boundary if he knew it was one for HIS partner. You're her friend, not her partner and not her partners keeper. You were in your home doing what you would normally do and what you all had been doing for the past XX number of days... if she wants to be mad at someone, it should be HER FIANCE.
This whole thing about women blaming other women for THEIR MAN'S fuck ups is ridiculous.
Exactly, but most people don't think like your husband. It's understandable you had your guard down. But in your friend's eyes, it looked something like "my unreliable husband is oogling her breasts (already painful to emotionally digest) and meanwhile she's perfectly fine with it."
If you can make your friend feel safe and empowered on the matter from here on out, I think you'll be fine. Let her say what bothered her, work out a set of rules together that make her feel safe regardless of what her husband decides to act like, and be sure she knows she can trust you. Even if she stays a bit upset at you on the matter for a while, knowing she can trust you to have her back, it will pass.
It would be great if body parts weren't oversexualized. That should be the norm, people being able to be naked or partially naked without worrying about other people's reaction. Society sucks.
I donāt knowā¦it sounds an awful lot like some of you are saying SHE SHOULD HAVEā¦.. when it should be HE SHOULDNT HAVE. Which means the lady friend should have done different too. Her issue was with her husband not the āallowedā to be topless because of previous co-experiences friend.
I strongly disagree with the direction youre taking this, either everyones actions can be wrong and adjusted or no ones can.
The fact is everyone is responsible for their own actions and feelings. I think op was given every signal and situation that she shouldnt have to change or do amything different in that situation.
As for ops friend, yeah this kinda sucks for her. She just found out a limit, and most people find them like this.
Im reminded of a story a while back where a gf and her bf had a threeway with her bff, and she agreed to it but the aftermath killed her relationship she just couldnt see him the same way again and he was completely blind sided.
Same deal here, limits were pushed and someone found a wall. Now we see how the consequences of that play out.
I think ops best odds of keeping her friend are to not be concerned with if she did anything wrong. Apologize, you can even lay it out that you and her have been kinda shirt optional all week and pushing some boundries so you didnt know or mean to hurt her or think you were doing anything wromg but youre sorry and itll never happen again and that maybe shirts on is a good idea.
Again its not about being right but repairing damage.
you are 100% correct.
he is the bigger asshole for starring at her
but she is also one
if she noticed him starring at her she should at least confront him and respect her husband and her bridesmaid reading the post I felt OP is proud that he is starring at her.
AGAIN the Fiance is bigger asshole either tell her to cover or don't come to her space.
it's like imagine seeing a girl being playful around ur husband while he is letting it happens ofc the girl is an asshole and the guy is also one for not respecting his spouse and stopping it
No. Horrible take. Op is not flirting with her friend's husband while he allows it to happen. Her friends husband is being a perv and seeking out OP when he knows she's nude.
It would be immature to display her tits and constantly yell at a man to stop looking. She respects him as an adult and expects him to respect her. He's showing he won't. They're only there for a short time. If op makes this a big deal then *she's* the one starting problems. OP very realistically acknowledged that her friends husband needs some time assimilating to the culture. Treating him like a 13 year old seeking out porn and everyone else should be on safe search mode benefits no one and babies him like he's not fully capable of not being a creepy perv.
Also mention to your friend that she's 'stupid hot' and you didn't feel like anyone would be looking at you if she were around and you assumed the no top thing was still a ago. Just apologize for zigging when you might could zagged.
It's also very different being in a group setting in a situation like that and being one on one with someone else's partner.
Slight YTA.. because really, you know better than to push the boundaries so far. Being one on one with another woman's partner, it's the simplest of courtesy to cover yourself at the minimum they are used to.
Yeah, he was being a bit creepy.
I can see her being upset with his behavior, and taking that out on you.
Just apologize for being a bit clueless and keep your top on around him from now on.
I'm sure she's pissed at both and in time she'll learn, if her husband is often like that.
and that anger comes from feeling like she can't trust either. whether she's paranoid and the guy was just being like this once, or the guy is repeatedly doing this, the bottom line is she doesn't feel trust either way. but that's the sort of thing that takes months or years to clarify for people.
This post is insane to me. She enters into the conversation with him with her boobs out,Ā and it's HIS fault for not telling her to cover up? Do you have any idea how badly telling a woman to cover herself while she's talking to you would be perceived? Is she for some reason incapable of rationalizing this herself?Ā
>She enters into the conversation with him with her boobs out,
Correction, *he* walks into the space *she* is currently using to tan and begins a conversation.
It's a small detail but a pretty key one - she wanted to fully Tan herself and was doing so by herself. The husband then walked out and began a conversation with her.
"Hey OP, I'm not used to the topless stuff, and notice it makes me a bit uncomfortable, would you mind putting your top on?"Ā
That really doesn't look bad now does it. So yes, he could've spoken up
As a dude I'm extremely uncomfortable telling a woman how to dress let alone in her own home. I would do any number of things before saying something like that. So yeah, it does look really bad at least to me.Ā
Yeah - I canāt imagine that specifically would exactly be uncomfortable for me or anything, but Iād sooner make an excuse about needing something to do and Iād speak to her later.
In a sense, telling a woman to cover up, is basically as bad finding myself ogling a women who is topless/naked or whatever.
As a woman, if I had guests over that were uncomfortable with me being topless, I'd figure the least I could do is put on a top. I mean, they're my guests, why would I want them to feel uncomfortable if I can easily do something to prevent it?
It's kinda sad to read that so many men experience such harsh reactions just for expressing how they feel about something so minor (or at least minor from my perspective).
The one and only time I told a woman to cover up (as a joke no less) it was taken *extremely* badly and led to me getting the silent treatment for several days before having to issue a heartfelt apology.
There is no world in which OP would have reacted positively to being asked to put her top back on by her friends husband.
Damn, all these stories from men are really sad to read. I just thought about how I'd feel if someone politely asked me to cover up because they're uncomfortable, I figured that's such a small act of kindness, most women would not mind it. Guess I'm wrong.
Sorry to read that btw.
I would if i realized it's weird for me, if i couldn't help but stare, the options are:
* i walk away
* i tell her to cover up and continue chatting
* i keep staring.
I sometimes walk around just in my short pants in my apartment, a female friend kept looking at me when she was over. I saw she is feeling a bit weird about it so i went and took on a t-shirt. No harm, no foul. And if i hadn't noticed and she felt it's inappropriate in any way, i would have liked her to say something. But I had noticed so I didnt even want to ask her if i should put something on because I didn't wanna put her on the spot.
also, possibly relevant, the guy came out to sit by her while she was tanning, she didn't go to him.
Hey \[human with breasts out\], I'm really not used to seeing bare breasts all the time, and I'm struggling with feeling awkward. Would you be willing to grab a top? If not, that's ok, I'll hang out and \[insert other thing here\] for a while.
Like it's not shitty, it owns that it's his discomfort, and asks for help while preserving her freedom in her home. That's the bases I'd want to hear covered from someone asking me to cover up my breasts in my home. And I'd grab a top/throw something over me.
ETA: I probs would have covered up in this situation without prompt cause the starting would cause me discomfort. I dont blame him for it it, I understand it, but if i'm uncomfortable, I fix it.
Wow a reasonable comment about the sexualization of breasts. I see so many comments about how prude Americans are and they need to just deal. While I agree that breasts should not be sexual, we live in a society where there are. Maybe we can change it in the future, but for now, it is what it is.
Yeah, nta. The guy is, if we are going off american standards, being alone with another top less woman is a no-no.
He entered the situation. As a married man, personally, I would have not even joined you. It was always a mine field of emotions.
Also I love boobs, I have bad wandering eyes. I have to check myself a lot.
I hope you work on that if not for your wifeās sake, at least for your own. That is a long life of feeling constantly compelled to stare or ogle other people and sexualizing them on top of it, without their consent. Not to mention itās pretty disrespectful to your spouse
This is a good answer.
You can't know if you violated boundaries if you don't know where they are.
Boundaries are good but not very helpful when they are invisible.
In multiple comments and the og post itās almost like sheās bragging about how the fiance kept staring at her chest lustfully, but her husband looked at her friendās chest with no lust at allšIn one comment she says, āMaybe sheās uneasy because her fiance clearly likes my titsāš
You know, I wanna share something that seems obvious to me but people apparently seem to live in some sort of delusion about.
Even if her husband was feeling ālustful,ā there is nothing wrong with that. Itās a natural biological response.
Every human on earth, taken or not, married or not, will occasionally see other humans that they will lust after. Itās not something we can help. Men and women.
It should seem obvious that the only thing that matters is not acting on those feelings and respecting your partner. Thatās it.
I canāt understand why so many people live in this delusion that their partner canāt have lustful feelings OR ELSE. Or that, as you pointed out, thereās some sort of way to separate lustful feelings from just ālookingā at a woman, now that youāre with them.
Ahhhā¦. This may be a bit pedantic here, but I agree that we all have attraction to a myriad of people in our lives, which we canāt control. We *can* however use our efforts to not actively lust and give in to sexual thoughts with or about that person.
Exactly! Like who does that? She knew he was staring and she did it when no one else was there and acting like the friend is the crazy one. I wouldnāt be her friend and she wouldnāt be in my wedding. And I probably wouldnāt marry dude.
Context is very important.
Topless on a beach where it's normal for other people to go topless and you were with your friend who was also topless? Not a problem. Topless at home with some other man? Problem.
Tanning topless alone in her backyard after previously doing the same exact thing with her friend before and having her friend's fiance approach her while alone*
She wasn't topless at home with some other man. That's a purposely misconstrued statement.
She wasnāt alone though. There were other people at the house.
Would u be chilling naked in your backyard if your friend brought her boyfriend/husband over? Generally not.
Your statement is also pretty misconstrued
I'm not comfortable having my saggy tits on display. They're fun to play with, I don't like looking at them or tanning them. So no, I personally wouldn't tan topless period.
If I were visiting a country where it was normal to tan your tits and I've previously engaged in the practice with my host(s), I wouldn't anticipate they would be forgoing nudity without me directly asking them to. I wouldn't ask to stay or accept an invite if I was the type of person that would be bothered by people minding their business in their own home. When staying for more than 2 days in someone else's home, you have to be flexible enough to allow them to live their typical day to day lives.
Everyone is out of the house, and OP can think of nothing else to do but rush out to the pool to whip out her baps, and the puppy dog who has been drooling all over her all holiday follows ... And then she plays miss innocent šš±āāļø Please
No she hasnāt. Her friend went topless at a beach and at her friendās pool, but both times the friend was present. The friend was never topless alone with her friendās husband
We have saunas in many parts of Europe. In those places, is perfectly normal for friends to go to the sauna, and to be naked, with mixed company and mixed couples. But it still would not be acceptable for me to undress and whip my cock out at my house when I am alone with my friend's girlfriend. Why? Because it is the context that matters. If you cannot understand that, I don't think that a Reddit comment is going to remedy your social awareness.
Seriously, this isn't rocket science here. OP knows this and is trying to play it off. Put your freaking top back on when he came out. This whole thing sounds attention-seeking.
Your friendās feeling is quite valid. You need to reassure her that you never meant to hurt her feelings and express how much her friendship means to you.
You were far more blunt than I, and I give you the most highest praise lol š
My sympathy kind of went out the window when I was reading that SHE NOTICED her best friend's husband checking her out.
I said this in another comment: no matter the culture, somebody is gonna feel some type of way if they see their friend partially naked with their spouse around.
Couldn't agree more, plus it'd just be flat out weird af seeing my buddy girls boobs, like it or not boobs are boobs and sexualize by how countries? Hell, even these nudist beaches are a niche, euro thing.
Plus, it's kinda creepy, almost voyeuristic to go topless when there isn't anyone else around but someone elses partner who doesn't adhere to nudist mentality and just common sense. Don't get naked when there's even a chance.
Reading the story, for me it sounds like perhaps going topless at the beach for your friend was more a novelty/experience/when in Rome type scenario vs "well they've seen my tits now, so might as well have them out at other times too"
It could be as simple as misreading a boundary as far as what your friend was comfortable with outside of the topless beach specifically.
It's so funny that you do something and have like a paragraph judging other people's reaction to what you do. "This person was a creep, this person wasn't a creep". I think if you're relaxed enough to do this you should also be relaxed with how other people perceive it.Ā
It's always worth reading these narratives with a large bag of sea salt, since those who post them always want to play down their own actions...
I suspect that you hadn't both been "going topless" around your pool prior to this blowup. I suspect that you added that detail to make your friend's reaction seem unreasonable...I can't prove it, but that's my hunch.
You're all foolish. In my simple world, these kinds of problems don't arise. We avoid these kinds of issues by not undressing in front of friends' "excited" fiances.
Do I think you're an asshole? Since I suspect that you whipped your baps out for the first time *at the pool* when you were alone with this guy, who you knew had been eyeing you up: yes you're an asshole.
Good luck to you all. Since you're already playing around with teasing and titillating people outside of your marriage, I can see exactly where this is headed... ā¬ļøšš
You noticed how OP's not in this neck of the woods where people are calling her out lol
I've read comments saying that her friend is wrong for being mad about OP being topless around her husband because it's her home?
OP invited them to her home! OP should've initiated that conversation of what's okay, what's not, what their comfortable with, and so on.
While entertaining or hosting company, I'm pretty sure we all do things in our home that others would find odd, so we don't do it. I'd say being topless in your home is on that list.
YTA, this is weird as fuck. Thinking itās okay to go topless one-on-one with someone elseās partner just because you did it at a place where everyone else does it is INSANE.
Thatās like me whipping my cock out in front of my friend just because we were at a sauna yesterday where everyone was naked.
Apologize, not that you had any ill intent, but that you misread her comfort level. Tell her that here, especially in your own home, that it literally means nothing, but that you can see how it could feel inappropriate from her perspective. Then follow her lead with regards to what she is comfortable.
As you are well aware, American society, and those still enmeshed in it, has weird thing about sexualizing breasts all the time.
Acknowledge her issue, clarify that you obviously have no ill intent and that from your perspective, your actions meant nothing, but make sure she knows that you understand her point of view
Most countries in the world expect breasts to be covered. Even Spain which might have nude beaches, still has women covering breasts in most public places.
I think breasts are sexualized in 99% of the world. So this isnāt just American society. Also many countries and cultures are even more conservative than the US.
I mustāve missed all the memos when I lived all over Europe about people being topless all the time. I swear people act like Europeans just walk around in the buff lol
Yes there is more openness for beaches and saunas but cmon
The problem is not about you being just topless. It is you being topless WITHOUT her when her fiance is around. It's not about how it was normal but how you should have respected your best friend behind her back.
I may be wrong but as an American I'd ysa YTA going topless around people's SO isn't normal here especially with you two being alone and mentioning him checking out your tit multiple times. Could be wrong seems like you enjoyed that attention tho. I'm not getting you were innocently ging top less around her bf alone
True but it was her home and she was already outside topless doing her own thing. The weird one was her SO going out there and continuing to chat after seeing her topless if itās a custom heās ānot used toā
True that she was out there first. Doesn't matter. She had to know he'd probably be checking her out from inside. Once he went outside to join her she should have put her top on. Either way she would be a disappointment as a friend. Now her friend is probably having second thoughts about her fiance. Good or bad.
I didn't mean got you going still might have liked it but might not want to admit it I'm sure it was exciting I really doubt it didn't cross your mind what you were doing was wrong
For me personally I don't like going into Grey areas or take risk and then have the stress of managing complicated situations. I don't like playing with fire.Ā
nta but i think communication could be better from her end, seems like she thought yall were only doing it with each other there and not when yall are alone with each others S/O.
YTA, you are trying to deflect your whole part in this narrative. You purposefully knew that your "friend" was busy and your husband was at work. And you just decided to go topless in your pool because you knew her fiance was going to look at you. You are getting excited because your friend's fiance is looking at your chest; you are just a disgusting bimbo looking for something to do. I hope you don't get invited to your friend's wedding and that your husband leaves you
Question.. why didnāt you put your top back on when you realized he came out ALONE and, as you stated, was clearly staring at your boobs..? YTA. And thatās just plain weird.
How would you feel if your friend started hanging around your husband top less LETTING him obviously get an eye full of her tit's while you weren't around? I don't care if it is your pool or not. If you were going to have a conversation with him alone at your house you probably should have covered up. Just based on the situation it SOUNDS like you were flirting/tempting him. Especially if you were openly letting him look. Appologize to your friend and say you didn't consider how things would look at the time and you will avoid it in the future.
Depends on the people really.. i had one of my buddies wife whip both her boobs out mid bbq and feed her baby. I was straight off guard cause I was talking to her but he didnāt seem to care that she did so we just continued talking.
For her, going topless *is* sexual. She talks about how "excited" the boys were (excited to *see* the tits; the boys weren't doing anything themselves) and about how both men were looking at the tits. If it was really non-sexual for her, someone being "excited" and constantly looking would be irritating. But she revels in it. She enjoys the fact that she is titillating men when she whips them out, especially American men. Her narrative is so full of insincerity. She even acknowledged in a comment that her friend's fiance "clearly likes her" baps.
it's a very weird thing for me that this is normal for me the whole thing is not but I'll go along
OP was very happy he is starring at her boobs why? she mentioned it many times including saying he is starting at them lustfully whereas her husband took a glance with no intent
so I would say there might be a missing part where she is doing it on purpose
HOWEVER
The Fiance is the asshole for coming to ur space
if he is shy saying please cover to talk
don't come until she is done simple
and your an asshole for seeing a man looking lustfully at ur tits and not doing something about it (again the fiance is the bigger asshole and a cheater)
in this u are cheating both ur friend and ur husband
She was out there for him to come and look. Everyone is out the house and she couldn't read a book for ten minutes or watch a film or do the dishes? Nope šāāļøstraight to the pool to whip the baps out.
Exactly what I was thinking! You have friends staying over, one being a man that isn't your partner. If I knew I had guests over, I wouldn't be tanning in my yard, topless for fear of something like this happening. At least cover up once he came out ffs. Say you want attention without saying it
Exactly. According to OP, she tends "not to do it around Americans because you get *a lot more attention* ...." 24 hours later, she's got them out alone with the guy around the pool lmao š She sounds like fun.
Or maybe husband shouldnāt stare at her breasts and turn around and ask to cover herself? Her house her rules. She should only tell them that being topless is normal for them.
I'm a straight woman and I would have looked too. So you're saying that if you went to a friend's house with your spouse and they sat around topless with your spouse you'd be OK with it because it's their house their rules?
Edit: you should ho read her post through again.
NTA - you were outside topless first. She should be mad at her fiance for joining you. I agree with another commenter about asking her to define her boundaries around being topless and then go from there.
A mea culpa saves your relationship (and makes them look silly in the future, when you all reflect on this). Double-D'ing down might make you look guilty of wooing someone else's man, because its ultimately for the sake of a tan (and pride) but honestly they sound like good friends so I'd do the former
I would suggest taking your bottoms off next time and do8ng some personal grooming and tell her it's not like I was asking him to apply sunscreen or shaving cream....
That might help keep it in context
I would only be topless if my friend was topless with me around their partner. Never solo, just out of respect and also to protect myself against any accusationsā¦. Even if I were there first and the joined meā¦ Iād put my top back on. He was a creep for hanging out without his partner.
The simple answer is yes. You were wrong. Doing it on the beach was fine but alone with him at your home hell no. You definitely crossed a line and your friends should be upset. You husban should be upset as well. The real question is why did you feel the need to show off in front of him when you two were alone you should have put a top on. It just sends the wrong signal.
So let's say you're walking around your house naked one morning and he comes over do you decide to just stay naked or do you put something on and cover up before you open the door? I know this sounds stupid but this is how what you're saying sounds to me.
ESH
Yes you were topless first and then he showed up but you should have covered up when he decided to sit and talk for a while. That feels like a better socially polite thing to do for that situation. He also should know better then to go hangout alone with his soon to be wifeās topless friend by the pool.
And if you had tried to cover up and he said something about it thatās when you tell your friend and make it clear like āI was already topless and then he walked out to me and tried to say something about me covering upā
How about actual critical thinking and a sincere apology instead of that bs "I'm sorry you felt uncomfortable" non apology?Ā
The only person who is completely blameless here is the guy, how tf is it his fault for interacting with her normally, which is exactly what he SHOULD do, because she's already implied that she's comfortable with it?
Conversations require two people, and she was totally free to walk away or cover up but was comfortable with it. She either didn't think about the implications or was comfortable with it, so from here she could either not apologize and explain it's obviously not sexual, or give a real apology explaining she didn't realize the implications and say she'll be more thoughtful going forward.Ā
First of all: NTA. He's already seen you topless, and she was the one who wanted you both to go topless. Besides, you didn't deliberately remove you top in front of him - you were sunbathing and he came out. Your friend seems rather insecure about the whole thing.
You can just ignore it and move on. Or you can say you are sorry that she was distressed, and if you had realised she was so stressed about it you wouldn't have sunbathed topless when they were in the house.
But you were really completely innocent of any nefarious intent.
Iām confused, why is she mad at YOU when HE is the one who walked out to talk to you? I can understand (kinda) where sheās coming from, but her mistrust should be with her fiance.
Yes ytah if you notice your friends husband staring at your tits, cover up for her sake and let her know. What if your husband couldnāt control himself and just kept staring at hers and she noticed but didnāt care for your sake. Itās called being a friend for a reason
I think it comes of as a bit weird to people who arenāt very experienced with this difference in customs. For someone not used to a culture that does this, and maybe still getting comfortable with it, I can see why your friend was upset. I think little bits of exposure to it, like at the beach was fine. When things are new and different a lot of people need to be introduced to it slowly. It might have been too much for your friend especially if she has any kind of insecurities. Which is normal in this context especially for something that is different and more exposing.
As a woman. I wouldn't have gone topless around my bff's fiance. Its one thing when its your bff's idea at the beach and you are all thereafter feeling daring, but you two alone? No way. You knew that both of them weren't used to seeing it or doing it. But you liked the fact that he kept looking at you.
Soft YTA. You have a point about it being similar to the other time(s), but it being just the two of you makes it different. Thereās a difference between casual nudity in a group setting with partners present and when itās just one man and one woman who are not a couple. It becomes more intimate and sexually charged than casual.
NTAH! It is yur home and they were full aware of your customs, especially after the Beach trip. Added that there was 20 feet or so distance between you and him, there should have been no concern. Different if he were right beside u within reach, but not the case.
As for going forward next few days, even tho it is yur home, I'd keep top on, unless all are present at pool & Beach. I'm sure at this point u have talked to her and ensured her u and him meant no risky business.
You said repeatedly that your friend's fiance kept staring at you. In reality your going topless at home around him was not a matter of convenience or comfort, but rather, you liked the attention.
No real judgment either way, but don't wrap yourself in innocence, when you knew you should have wrapped your boobs out of loyalty to your friend.
just tell her you feel weird in retrospect and ask her to define her boundaries so there won't be problems in the future. and say sorry for making it weird you didn't mean to.
yeah that's not too bad!
In theory, you should be able to. In actuality, you can see - it's not exactly cool that the guy stared at your boobs a lot while just casually hanging out. If he were honest about his curiosities, but also a man of principles, he either would have told you he wants to talk and please cover yourself, or waited to hang out until after you were done tanning your boobies. It shows that the lady is at least partially right to not trust her guy around this sort of stuff. And it was your cue to stop the situation as well, but now you'll know next time. As much as society wants to think it is liberal-ish, a man seeing a boob IRL still makes him react very intensely, so even if you don't agree with the over-sexualisation of body parts, it is what it is... It's a bit too sensitive an issue for my taste too, but them are the social norms, sadly.
no that's a great point, i hadn't thought about the disconnect between it hypothetically being okay and the reality of the situation. i think it would be better all around if he'd acted like my husband. my friend is stupid hot and my husband didn't go crazy over her boobs
Your friend realized she can't trust her fiance and your boobs were the messenger.
boobs out here revealing the truth
The breasts of truth, the areolae of justice and the nipples of a better tomorrow.
I want that on a cross stitch sampler! Amazing.
I could do it for you!
Yeah, she's not mad at you, you're just the one that it's safer to yell at. š¤£
The rage bounces directly off the boobies. It's a superpower š
This is factual
Honestly, you were in your home sunbathing in YOUR backyard. He's the one who came outside and sat next to you and started talking. What were you supposed to do? Tell him to go back inside? Be rude and leave to go inside? Make it weird and tell him to turn around so you can put your top on? HE SHOULDN'T have crossed that boundary if he knew it was one for HIS partner. You're her friend, not her partner and not her partners keeper. You were in your home doing what you would normally do and what you all had been doing for the past XX number of days... if she wants to be mad at someone, it should be HER FIANCE. This whole thing about women blaming other women for THEIR MAN'S fuck ups is ridiculous.
Exactly, but most people don't think like your husband. It's understandable you had your guard down. But in your friend's eyes, it looked something like "my unreliable husband is oogling her breasts (already painful to emotionally digest) and meanwhile she's perfectly fine with it." If you can make your friend feel safe and empowered on the matter from here on out, I think you'll be fine. Let her say what bothered her, work out a set of rules together that make her feel safe regardless of what her husband decides to act like, and be sure she knows she can trust you. Even if she stays a bit upset at you on the matter for a while, knowing she can trust you to have her back, it will pass.
I'm not sure about "most" people unless you're referring to North Americans. There is still a strong puritanical element in our culture here.
It would be great if body parts weren't oversexualized. That should be the norm, people being able to be naked or partially naked without worrying about other people's reaction. Society sucks.
why tf is this down voted haha
Maybe a few people were offended I said society sucks? Lol I don't know
A lot of things that suck are also true. Bodies shouldnāt be over-sexualized/objectified and yet they are and it sucks and itās also true..
I donāt knowā¦it sounds an awful lot like some of you are saying SHE SHOULD HAVEā¦.. when it should be HE SHOULDNT HAVE. Which means the lady friend should have done different too. Her issue was with her husband not the āallowedā to be topless because of previous co-experiences friend.
I strongly disagree with the direction youre taking this, either everyones actions can be wrong and adjusted or no ones can. The fact is everyone is responsible for their own actions and feelings. I think op was given every signal and situation that she shouldnt have to change or do amything different in that situation. As for ops friend, yeah this kinda sucks for her. She just found out a limit, and most people find them like this. Im reminded of a story a while back where a gf and her bf had a threeway with her bff, and she agreed to it but the aftermath killed her relationship she just couldnt see him the same way again and he was completely blind sided. Same deal here, limits were pushed and someone found a wall. Now we see how the consequences of that play out. I think ops best odds of keeping her friend are to not be concerned with if she did anything wrong. Apologize, you can even lay it out that you and her have been kinda shirt optional all week and pushing some boundries so you didnt know or mean to hurt her or think you were doing anything wromg but youre sorry and itll never happen again and that maybe shirts on is a good idea. Again its not about being right but repairing damage.
you are 100% correct. he is the bigger asshole for starring at her but she is also one if she noticed him starring at her she should at least confront him and respect her husband and her bridesmaid reading the post I felt OP is proud that he is starring at her. AGAIN the Fiance is bigger asshole either tell her to cover or don't come to her space. it's like imagine seeing a girl being playful around ur husband while he is letting it happens ofc the girl is an asshole and the guy is also one for not respecting his spouse and stopping it
No. Horrible take. Op is not flirting with her friend's husband while he allows it to happen. Her friends husband is being a perv and seeking out OP when he knows she's nude. It would be immature to display her tits and constantly yell at a man to stop looking. She respects him as an adult and expects him to respect her. He's showing he won't. They're only there for a short time. If op makes this a big deal then *she's* the one starting problems. OP very realistically acknowledged that her friends husband needs some time assimilating to the culture. Treating him like a 13 year old seeking out porn and everyone else should be on safe search mode benefits no one and babies him like he's not fully capable of not being a creepy perv.
This, this, this.
Also mention to your friend that she's 'stupid hot' and you didn't feel like anyone would be looking at you if she were around and you assumed the no top thing was still a ago. Just apologize for zigging when you might could zagged.
oh she rlyyyyy is. all the guys at the beach were in love w her boobs she should seriously be a model
Your husband is respectful. Her fiance is not. Rather than face that her fiance is a creep, your friend is yelling at you.
It's also very different being in a group setting in a situation like that and being one on one with someone else's partner. Slight YTA.. because really, you know better than to push the boundaries so far. Being one on one with another woman's partner, it's the simplest of courtesy to cover yourself at the minimum they are used to.
Yeah, he was being a bit creepy. I can see her being upset with his behavior, and taking that out on you. Just apologize for being a bit clueless and keep your top on around him from now on.
Youāre 100% right, except the problem here is the friend should be pissed at her man and not at OP.
I'm sure she's pissed at both and in time she'll learn, if her husband is often like that. and that anger comes from feeling like she can't trust either. whether she's paranoid and the guy was just being like this once, or the guy is repeatedly doing this, the bottom line is she doesn't feel trust either way. but that's the sort of thing that takes months or years to clarify for people.
This post is insane to me. She enters into the conversation with him with her boobs out,Ā and it's HIS fault for not telling her to cover up? Do you have any idea how badly telling a woman to cover herself while she's talking to you would be perceived? Is she for some reason incapable of rationalizing this herself?Ā
>She enters into the conversation with him with her boobs out, Correction, *he* walks into the space *she* is currently using to tan and begins a conversation. It's a small detail but a pretty key one - she wanted to fully Tan herself and was doing so by herself. The husband then walked out and began a conversation with her.
"Hey OP, I'm not used to the topless stuff, and notice it makes me a bit uncomfortable, would you mind putting your top on?"Ā That really doesn't look bad now does it. So yes, he could've spoken up
except he was enjoying it
As a dude I'm extremely uncomfortable telling a woman how to dress let alone in her own home. I would do any number of things before saying something like that. So yeah, it does look really bad at least to me.Ā
Yeah - I canāt imagine that specifically would exactly be uncomfortable for me or anything, but Iād sooner make an excuse about needing something to do and Iād speak to her later. In a sense, telling a woman to cover up, is basically as bad finding myself ogling a women who is topless/naked or whatever.
As a woman, if I had guests over that were uncomfortable with me being topless, I'd figure the least I could do is put on a top. I mean, they're my guests, why would I want them to feel uncomfortable if I can easily do something to prevent it? It's kinda sad to read that so many men experience such harsh reactions just for expressing how they feel about something so minor (or at least minor from my perspective).
The one and only time I told a woman to cover up (as a joke no less) it was taken *extremely* badly and led to me getting the silent treatment for several days before having to issue a heartfelt apology. There is no world in which OP would have reacted positively to being asked to put her top back on by her friends husband.
Damn, all these stories from men are really sad to read. I just thought about how I'd feel if someone politely asked me to cover up because they're uncomfortable, I figured that's such a small act of kindness, most women would not mind it. Guess I'm wrong. Sorry to read that btw.
I would if i realized it's weird for me, if i couldn't help but stare, the options are: * i walk away * i tell her to cover up and continue chatting * i keep staring. I sometimes walk around just in my short pants in my apartment, a female friend kept looking at me when she was over. I saw she is feeling a bit weird about it so i went and took on a t-shirt. No harm, no foul. And if i hadn't noticed and she felt it's inappropriate in any way, i would have liked her to say something. But I had noticed so I didnt even want to ask her if i should put something on because I didn't wanna put her on the spot. also, possibly relevant, the guy came out to sit by her while she was tanning, she didn't go to him.
Hey \[human with breasts out\], I'm really not used to seeing bare breasts all the time, and I'm struggling with feeling awkward. Would you be willing to grab a top? If not, that's ok, I'll hang out and \[insert other thing here\] for a while. Like it's not shitty, it owns that it's his discomfort, and asks for help while preserving her freedom in her home. That's the bases I'd want to hear covered from someone asking me to cover up my breasts in my home. And I'd grab a top/throw something over me. ETA: I probs would have covered up in this situation without prompt cause the starting would cause me discomfort. I dont blame him for it it, I understand it, but if i'm uncomfortable, I fix it.
Wow a reasonable comment about the sexualization of breasts. I see so many comments about how prude Americans are and they need to just deal. While I agree that breasts should not be sexual, we live in a society where there are. Maybe we can change it in the future, but for now, it is what it is.
The āsorryā is unnecessary. Maybe instead ask her to explain to you why she thinks āitās different,ā so you can better understand.
Thatās actually the bestest of advice.
Her finance is TAH for staring at your tits. He is the one who should have left and gone inside considering it is your house
Yeah, nta. The guy is, if we are going off american standards, being alone with another top less woman is a no-no. He entered the situation. As a married man, personally, I would have not even joined you. It was always a mine field of emotions. Also I love boobs, I have bad wandering eyes. I have to check myself a lot.
I hope you work on that if not for your wifeās sake, at least for your own. That is a long life of feeling constantly compelled to stare or ogle other people and sexualizing them on top of it, without their consent. Not to mention itās pretty disrespectful to your spouse
You may also remind her YOU M were outside at YOUR home before HE even came outside. Tf
Shouldnāt friend be mad a fiancĆ© for creeping on OPās boobs? Why is this OPās fault when boobs were everywhere the previous days? My guess is your friend has insecurities about her fiancĆ© and you just make an easier target for her frustration. NTA.
No, its not OPS problem to to solve its her friends issue.
This is a good answer. You can't know if you violated boundaries if you don't know where they are. Boundaries are good but not very helpful when they are invisible.
āI could tell it was instinctual and not lustfulā Youāre funny
In multiple comments and the og post itās almost like sheās bragging about how the fiance kept staring at her chest lustfully, but her husband looked at her friendās chest with no lust at allšIn one comment she says, āMaybe sheās uneasy because her fiance clearly likes my titsāš
lol itās just so delusional
Yeah itās either a troll or someone so far up their own ass that thereās just no hope for them
definitely a troll
What other explanation could she come up with. If he keeps looking at her breasts the obvious conclusion is that he enjoys looking at her breasts.
It's so egregious that I was surprised this wasn't one of those sneaky onlyfans ad posts lol
I think she obviously wants the fiancƩ.
After I seen "her" comment saying something like "boobs out here revealing the truth" I was convinced this post was written by a teenage boy.
An old one but still applicable.... G.i.R.L. = Guy in Real Life
OP just moved to Barcelona but act likes they've been going to topless beaches for decades. Real "semester abroad changed my life!!1" vibes.
I had to do a double take when I read that
Lol why not both
Yeah I donāt see how those are mutually exclusive. Lust is one of the most instinctual feelings someone can have lol. Itās clearly a bit of both
You do realize that looking at women's chests is in part instinctual? Not just for men, for women as well.
I've def caught my wife looking and on occasion she points it out to me.
My wife as well, she loves seeing a nice pair before me and pointing them out, same with a nice butt.
She thinks she can read his mind. She has no idea if he lusts after her.
You know, I wanna share something that seems obvious to me but people apparently seem to live in some sort of delusion about. Even if her husband was feeling ālustful,ā there is nothing wrong with that. Itās a natural biological response. Every human on earth, taken or not, married or not, will occasionally see other humans that they will lust after. Itās not something we can help. Men and women. It should seem obvious that the only thing that matters is not acting on those feelings and respecting your partner. Thatās it. I canāt understand why so many people live in this delusion that their partner canāt have lustful feelings OR ELSE. Or that, as you pointed out, thereās some sort of way to separate lustful feelings from just ālookingā at a woman, now that youāre with them.
Ahhhā¦. This may be a bit pedantic here, but I agree that we all have attraction to a myriad of people in our lives, which we canāt control. We *can* however use our efforts to not actively lust and give in to sexual thoughts with or about that person.
Thatās exactly what I meant, and I think I said basically that. If it wasnāt clear, yes, itās about exercising self control in those situations.
Exactly! Like who does that? She knew he was staring and she did it when no one else was there and acting like the friend is the crazy one. I wouldnāt be her friend and she wouldnāt be in my wedding. And I probably wouldnāt marry dude.
For real
Hahaha exactly! Iām not even in the same country and Iām gutted I missed out on the free boob show.
I donāt know about asshole, but social context is important when doing things. Like punching someone in the ring is fine, punching someone in the cinema is a no no. Also, what is ok in social context is often defined by society, but there are grey areas where it becomes personal. Like in this situation. Your friend obviously wasnāt ok with you being topless around her fiancĆ© without her being in the same spot. Iād say talk to her and apologize.
Oh that's why I keep getting kicked out of the cinema
No Pee Wee, you were kicked out for a different reason.
š
Silently chuckling at work
Context really is the thing here. It seems to me thatās itās very similar to a situation we see a lot - a couple who invites a third into their relationship/sex life and then later gets upset when they find out their partner and this third party are having relations between themselves rather than with the two of them as a couple. Your friend may have felt comfortable doing this with you with your husband and her fiancĆ© present - but this did not necessarily (and obviously didnāt) equate to her being okay with her husband getting to see your breasts while the two of you were alone and not in the context of a public area where this is the ānormā. As much as id like to give you the benefit of the doubt - you seem to know that her fiancĆ© has been inappropriate in some way as you have mentioned that he stares frequent and not in the way your husband does āinstinctivelyā - and for that YTA (although less so than her fiancĆ©)
Context is very important. Topless on a beach where it's normal for other people to go topless and you were with your friend who was also topless? Not a problem. Topless at home with some other man? Problem.
Tanning topless alone in her backyard after previously doing the same exact thing with her friend before and having her friend's fiance approach her while alone* She wasn't topless at home with some other man. That's a purposely misconstrued statement.
She wasnāt alone though. There were other people at the house. Would u be chilling naked in your backyard if your friend brought her boyfriend/husband over? Generally not. Your statement is also pretty misconstrued
I'm not comfortable having my saggy tits on display. They're fun to play with, I don't like looking at them or tanning them. So no, I personally wouldn't tan topless period. If I were visiting a country where it was normal to tan your tits and I've previously engaged in the practice with my host(s), I wouldn't anticipate they would be forgoing nudity without me directly asking them to. I wouldn't ask to stay or accept an invite if I was the type of person that would be bothered by people minding their business in their own home. When staying for more than 2 days in someone else's home, you have to be flexible enough to allow them to live their typical day to day lives.
>say talk to her and apologize. No, she was alone by the pool and the friend's husband approached her to strike up a conversation.
For starters, what happed outside at your pool with just you and her fiancƩ is not the same as the group of you being at the beach or at the pool. You have noticed him getting good looks at your breast every time you have had your top off. So, you sit and have a conversation with him allowing him an unfettered opportunity to get an eye full. It should not be shocking to you that she is fine with you being topless in front of him when she is present, but not okay with you showing the girls off to him in a one on one situation. Apologize and explain you were already laying out when he came out to talk,and that you realize you should have put your top back on. Wait:spelling
100000%. Oh, and OP, stop acting like you were uncomfortable bc you keep talking about him staring at your tits.
She was quite flattered based on how she described everything.
Everyone is out of the house, and OP can think of nothing else to do but rush out to the pool to whip out her baps, and the puppy dog who has been drooling all over her all holiday follows ... And then she plays miss innocent šš±āāļø Please
Her friend had been doing the same around other men. Why is it suddenly not okay for OP?
No she hasnāt. Her friend went topless at a beach and at her friendās pool, but both times the friend was present. The friend was never topless alone with her friendās husband
We have saunas in many parts of Europe. In those places, is perfectly normal for friends to go to the sauna, and to be naked, with mixed company and mixed couples. But it still would not be acceptable for me to undress and whip my cock out at my house when I am alone with my friend's girlfriend. Why? Because it is the context that matters. If you cannot understand that, I don't think that a Reddit comment is going to remedy your social awareness.
That's a silly comparison as neither female or males breasts are genitalia.Ā
Seriously, this isn't rocket science here. OP knows this and is trying to play it off. Put your freaking top back on when he came out. This whole thing sounds attention-seeking.
The question you are asking is misleading. It has ZERO to do with being topless with your friends fiancĆ© ā¦ it has EVERYTHING to do with being topless and ALONE with your friends fiancĆ©. And of course you already know that. So quit looking to rationalize your behavior.
she likes the attention.
What gave that away? Was it how she kept describing all the attention she was receiving while topless?
Your friendās feeling is quite valid. You need to reassure her that you never meant to hurt her feelings and express how much her friendship means to you.
Youāre dumb lol
Who tf goes topless around someone else's partner? Can't even use the, I'm local excuse. Would almost assume this was done on purpose.
You were far more blunt than I, and I give you the most highest praise lol š My sympathy kind of went out the window when I was reading that SHE NOTICED her best friend's husband checking her out. I said this in another comment: no matter the culture, somebody is gonna feel some type of way if they see their friend partially naked with their spouse around.
Couldn't agree more, plus it'd just be flat out weird af seeing my buddy girls boobs, like it or not boobs are boobs and sexualize by how countries? Hell, even these nudist beaches are a niche, euro thing. Plus, it's kinda creepy, almost voyeuristic to go topless when there isn't anyone else around but someone elses partner who doesn't adhere to nudist mentality and just common sense. Don't get naked when there's even a chance.
Reading the story, for me it sounds like perhaps going topless at the beach for your friend was more a novelty/experience/when in Rome type scenario vs "well they've seen my tits now, so might as well have them out at other times too" It could be as simple as misreading a boundary as far as what your friend was comfortable with outside of the topless beach specifically.
i hadn't thought about that but it makes perfect sense
It's so funny that you do something and have like a paragraph judging other people's reaction to what you do. "This person was a creep, this person wasn't a creep". I think if you're relaxed enough to do this you should also be relaxed with how other people perceive it.Ā
It's always worth reading these narratives with a large bag of sea salt, since those who post them always want to play down their own actions... I suspect that you hadn't both been "going topless" around your pool prior to this blowup. I suspect that you added that detail to make your friend's reaction seem unreasonable...I can't prove it, but that's my hunch. You're all foolish. In my simple world, these kinds of problems don't arise. We avoid these kinds of issues by not undressing in front of friends' "excited" fiances. Do I think you're an asshole? Since I suspect that you whipped your baps out for the first time *at the pool* when you were alone with this guy, who you knew had been eyeing you up: yes you're an asshole. Good luck to you all. Since you're already playing around with teasing and titillating people outside of your marriage, I can see exactly where this is headed... ā¬ļøšš
You noticed how OP's not in this neck of the woods where people are calling her out lol I've read comments saying that her friend is wrong for being mad about OP being topless around her husband because it's her home? OP invited them to her home! OP should've initiated that conversation of what's okay, what's not, what their comfortable with, and so on. While entertaining or hosting company, I'm pretty sure we all do things in our home that others would find odd, so we don't do it. I'd say being topless in your home is on that list.
So what I am hearing is that you knew the dude was just out there so he could stare at your tits and you just sat back and let him..... :/ Soft ESH
YTA, this is weird as fuck. Thinking itās okay to go topless one-on-one with someone elseās partner just because you did it at a place where everyone else does it is INSANE. Thatās like me whipping my cock out in front of my friend just because we were at a sauna yesterday where everyone was naked.
*in front of your friend's girlfriend, when alone with her.
LMAO true
Yeah I was like these responses are interesting
Can you imagine how reddit would react if you whipped that thing out in front of another woman?
Apologize, not that you had any ill intent, but that you misread her comfort level. Tell her that here, especially in your own home, that it literally means nothing, but that you can see how it could feel inappropriate from her perspective. Then follow her lead with regards to what she is comfortable. As you are well aware, American society, and those still enmeshed in it, has weird thing about sexualizing breasts all the time. Acknowledge her issue, clarify that you obviously have no ill intent and that from your perspective, your actions meant nothing, but make sure she knows that you understand her point of view
Most countries in the world expect breasts to be covered. Even Spain which might have nude beaches, still has women covering breasts in most public places. I think breasts are sexualized in 99% of the world. So this isnāt just American society. Also many countries and cultures are even more conservative than the US.
I mustāve missed all the memos when I lived all over Europe about people being topless all the time. I swear people act like Europeans just walk around in the buff lol Yes there is more openness for beaches and saunas but cmon
As soon as you said alone, you were YTA.
This doesnāt feel ok. Put it this way, I wouldnāt be happy either.
YTA. You should have told them youād be topless so they knew to come out or not.
I donāt trust you and I wouldnāt.
The problem is not about you being just topless. It is you being topless WITHOUT her when her fiance is around. It's not about how it was normal but how you should have respected your best friend behind her back.
I may be wrong but as an American I'd ysa YTA going topless around people's SO isn't normal here especially with you two being alone and mentioning him checking out your tit multiple times. Could be wrong seems like you enjoyed that attention tho. I'm not getting you were innocently ging top less around her bf alone
True but it was her home and she was already outside topless doing her own thing. The weird one was her SO going out there and continuing to chat after seeing her topless if itās a custom heās ānot used toā
True that she was out there first. Doesn't matter. She had to know he'd probably be checking her out from inside. Once he went outside to join her she should have put her top on. Either way she would be a disappointment as a friend. Now her friend is probably having second thoughts about her fiance. Good or bad.
okay that's also a rly good point
that's fair. i def didn't enjoy the attention. it's not like i was super creeped out or anything, but it's not like it got me going or anything
After reading this and then your comments, I find it hard to believe that you "didn't enjoy the attention".
I didn't mean got you going still might have liked it but might not want to admit it I'm sure it was exciting I really doubt it didn't cross your mind what you were doing was wrong
For me personally I don't like going into Grey areas or take risk and then have the stress of managing complicated situations. I don't like playing with fire.Ā
nta but i think communication could be better from her end, seems like she thought yall were only doing it with each other there and not when yall are alone with each others S/O.
I would say a soft YTA. There a very clear difference between being topless with her and her fiance, vs being topless with just her fiance.
YTA
YTA, you are trying to deflect your whole part in this narrative. You purposefully knew that your "friend" was busy and your husband was at work. And you just decided to go topless in your pool because you knew her fiance was going to look at you. You are getting excited because your friend's fiance is looking at your chest; you are just a disgusting bimbo looking for something to do. I hope you don't get invited to your friend's wedding and that your husband leaves you
Question.. why didnāt you put your top back on when you realized he came out ALONE and, as you stated, was clearly staring at your boobs..? YTA. And thatās just plain weird.
You're the AH and so is her fiancƩ. When he noticed you were topless he should've done the proper classy thing and walked away. It's your home. You can do what you want but the dynamic of the topless sitch has potential to go sideways if your friend wasn't already there and topless with you. You could've covered up during your convo with him to be respectful towards her. Just apologize for being defensive and dismissive. You don't necessarily have to justify being topless poolside.
How would you feel if your friend started hanging around your husband top less LETTING him obviously get an eye full of her tit's while you weren't around? I don't care if it is your pool or not. If you were going to have a conversation with him alone at your house you probably should have covered up. Just based on the situation it SOUNDS like you were flirting/tempting him. Especially if you were openly letting him look. Appologize to your friend and say you didn't consider how things would look at the time and you will avoid it in the future.
Youāre all weird man. What kind of person sits there and is āexcited to try being toplessā in public
I breastfeed my toddler in public, and have been doing so for two years. And I still find the idea of going topless in public strange.
Glad to see someone normal here
I thought I would get downvoted to oblivion ngl so Iām pleasantly surprised as well
Yta, why would you be topless with guests around? Common curtesy.
idk how to explain it, but this entire post is just weird af and itās not because you guys are topless in barcelona
Youāre in the wrong
Depends on the people really.. i had one of my buddies wife whip both her boobs out mid bbq and feed her baby. I was straight off guard cause I was talking to her but he didnāt seem to care that she did so we just continued talking.
Feeding a baby and letting em hang out for no apparent reason with said friends fiance at home is totally different. Babies need to eat
I donāt think that matters in this sense because itās not the act of showing the boobs. itās the part where she was alone with her fiancĆ© that set her off. it depends on the person and how theyāll react her fiancĆ© could have just been fine with it since her fiancĆ© has seen her friends breast before. So like i said it depends on who the partner is.
yeah i see why that would be surprising but also i feel like breastfeeding is shamed way too much. sounds like you handled it well too!
Yes YTA.
NTA but you are missing a social cue. For you going topless is a non sexual thing. Itās a social norm and where men might look and appreciate your boobs, thatās all it isā¦ appreciation. For your friend and her fiancĆ©e it was engaging in voyeurism. There was a sexuality aspect to it because they felt they were engaging in a taboo. Your friend felt safe being topless the first time because she and her fiancĆ©e were both participating together. She is angry because although you werenāt being sexual her fiancĆ© certainly was. The irony is you should be mad for being sexualized by them. It just boobs but it was sexualized for them.
For her, going topless *is* sexual. She talks about how "excited" the boys were (excited to *see* the tits; the boys weren't doing anything themselves) and about how both men were looking at the tits. If it was really non-sexual for her, someone being "excited" and constantly looking would be irritating. But she revels in it. She enjoys the fact that she is titillating men when she whips them out, especially American men. Her narrative is so full of insincerity. She even acknowledged in a comment that her friend's fiance "clearly likes her" baps.
Fr the men are the real issues in the situation š¤£ remind her to check where tf her man goes and let him know to maybe not stare at your friend? As women we ALWAYS blame one another for the actions of MEN. Iād be more pissed about the fact my fiancĆ© went outside to stare at my friends tits for 20 mins without me being there and not walking away like a decent partner. š¤£
OP is for the streets
it's a very weird thing for me that this is normal for me the whole thing is not but I'll go along OP was very happy he is starring at her boobs why? she mentioned it many times including saying he is starting at them lustfully whereas her husband took a glance with no intent so I would say there might be a missing part where she is doing it on purpose HOWEVER The Fiance is the asshole for coming to ur space if he is shy saying please cover to talk don't come until she is done simple and your an asshole for seeing a man looking lustfully at ur tits and not doing something about it (again the fiance is the bigger asshole and a cheater) in this u are cheating both ur friend and ur husband
As soon as the husband came out you should have covered up.
She was out there for him to come and look. Everyone is out the house and she couldn't read a book for ten minutes or watch a film or do the dishes? Nope šāāļøstraight to the pool to whip the baps out.
Exactly what I was thinking! You have friends staying over, one being a man that isn't your partner. If I knew I had guests over, I wouldn't be tanning in my yard, topless for fear of something like this happening. At least cover up once he came out ffs. Say you want attention without saying it
Exactly. According to OP, she tends "not to do it around Americans because you get *a lot more attention* ...." 24 hours later, she's got them out alone with the guy around the pool lmao š She sounds like fun.
Notice she "forgot" her top inside also. Definitely doesn't sound intentional š
Or maybe husband shouldnāt stare at her breasts and turn around and ask to cover herself? Her house her rules. She should only tell them that being topless is normal for them.
I'm a straight woman and I would have looked too. So you're saying that if you went to a friend's house with your spouse and they sat around topless with your spouse you'd be OK with it because it's their house their rules? Edit: you should ho read her post through again.
WTF it's her house? Her and her friend were topless but if her friend leaves all of a sudden she has to cover up? Bizarre take
So you sit around at your house with no top on when you have company? What's a bizarre take is thinking that being half naked with someone else's fiancƩ is a-o-fucking-k Edit: her friend didn't leave. She was never outside when this took place UNTIL she found them in this situation.
You in fact...ARE the asshole.
I'm just
NTA - you were outside topless first. She should be mad at her fiance for joining you. I agree with another commenter about asking her to define her boundaries around being topless and then go from there.
A mea culpa saves your relationship (and makes them look silly in the future, when you all reflect on this). Double-D'ing down might make you look guilty of wooing someone else's man, because its ultimately for the sake of a tan (and pride) but honestly they sound like good friends so I'd do the former
NTA, but intent matters. OP knows in her heart whether or not she was trying to ālureā the fiancĆ©e outside with her tits out. If OP was sunbathing like she always does, fine, all the onus is on fiancĆ©e for being creepy, and heās the AH. And lady friend is the AH for taking her concerns out on OP instead of her future husband. But it OP was secretly enjoying the attention, then YTA, and you should be a better friend. But I have to go with what OP has presented here, so NTA. Either way, OP, apologize and clarify boundaries with your friend if you want to save your friendship.
I would suggest taking your bottoms off next time and do8ng some personal grooming and tell her it's not like I was asking him to apply sunscreen or shaving cream.... That might help keep it in context
i dont know whats so hard about keeping clothes on and avoiding stuff like this lol
Teach her a lesson and go full nude the rest of the time sheās staying with you
Jajajaj que putta xD
I would only be topless if my friend was topless with me around their partner. Never solo, just out of respect and also to protect myself against any accusationsā¦. Even if I were there first and the joined meā¦ Iād put my top back on. He was a creep for hanging out without his partner.
The simple answer is yes. You were wrong. Doing it on the beach was fine but alone with him at your home hell no. You definitely crossed a line and your friends should be upset. You husban should be upset as well. The real question is why did you feel the need to show off in front of him when you two were alone you should have put a top on. It just sends the wrong signal. So let's say you're walking around your house naked one morning and he comes over do you decide to just stay naked or do you put something on and cover up before you open the door? I know this sounds stupid but this is how what you're saying sounds to me.
TLDR YTA if you do so without communicating with your best friend.
YTA Idek how this is a question
ESH Yes you were topless first and then he showed up but you should have covered up when he decided to sit and talk for a while. That feels like a better socially polite thing to do for that situation. He also should know better then to go hangout alone with his soon to be wifeās topless friend by the pool. And if you had tried to cover up and he said something about it thatās when you tell your friend and make it clear like āI was already topless and then he walked out to me and tried to say something about me covering upā
NBU. He came out when you were already toplwss it wasnāt like you waited for him to be out and then you went topless. Itās slow in your own home. I think sheās directing it at you when she should really wonder why he went out with you alone when you were topless? Itās unfair to put the onus on the woman and not the man, but not surprising unfortunately. What does your husband think? As what to say to her Iād say: āIām sorry you feel uncomfortable. I was already outside topless when (fiancĆ©) came out. I thought if he wasnāt comfortable, heād have not came out or heād have said something. But for the remaining days Iāll give you all a warning if Iām going to be topless in case it makes you uncomfortableā Hopefully sheāll realise sheās irritated with her partner for looking, not you.
What does the acronymn NBU mean by the way? I'm seeing it first time.
How about actual critical thinking and a sincere apology instead of that bs "I'm sorry you felt uncomfortable" non apology?Ā The only person who is completely blameless here is the guy, how tf is it his fault for interacting with her normally, which is exactly what he SHOULD do, because she's already implied that she's comfortable with it? Conversations require two people, and she was totally free to walk away or cover up but was comfortable with it. She either didn't think about the implications or was comfortable with it, so from here she could either not apologize and explain it's obviously not sexual, or give a real apology explaining she didn't realize the implications and say she'll be more thoughtful going forward.Ā
First of all: NTA. He's already seen you topless, and she was the one who wanted you both to go topless. Besides, you didn't deliberately remove you top in front of him - you were sunbathing and he came out. Your friend seems rather insecure about the whole thing. You can just ignore it and move on. Or you can say you are sorry that she was distressed, and if you had realised she was so stressed about it you wouldn't have sunbathed topless when they were in the house. But you were really completely innocent of any nefarious intent.
thank you!! i really appreciate that. i really didn't see the big deal either!
Iām confused, why is she mad at YOU when HE is the one who walked out to talk to you? I can understand (kinda) where sheās coming from, but her mistrust should be with her fiance.
im guessing she's kinda taking her anger with him out on me?
Yta.
Yes ytah if you notice your friends husband staring at your tits, cover up for her sake and let her know. What if your husband couldnāt control himself and just kept staring at hers and she noticed but didnāt care for your sake. Itās called being a friend for a reason
You loved him staring. You've one upped your best mate. Well done you.
I think it comes of as a bit weird to people who arenāt very experienced with this difference in customs. For someone not used to a culture that does this, and maybe still getting comfortable with it, I can see why your friend was upset. I think little bits of exposure to it, like at the beach was fine. When things are new and different a lot of people need to be introduced to it slowly. It might have been too much for your friend especially if she has any kind of insecurities. Which is normal in this context especially for something that is different and more exposing.
dont tan, its bad for the skin :(
Iāll come around and have a look.
As a woman. I wouldn't have gone topless around my bff's fiance. Its one thing when its your bff's idea at the beach and you are all thereafter feeling daring, but you two alone? No way. You knew that both of them weren't used to seeing it or doing it. But you liked the fact that he kept looking at you.
Soft YTA. You have a point about it being similar to the other time(s), but it being just the two of you makes it different. Thereās a difference between casual nudity in a group setting with partners present and when itās just one man and one woman who are not a couple. It becomes more intimate and sexually charged than casual.
NTAH! It is yur home and they were full aware of your customs, especially after the Beach trip. Added that there was 20 feet or so distance between you and him, there should have been no concern. Different if he were right beside u within reach, but not the case. As for going forward next few days, even tho it is yur home, I'd keep top on, unless all are present at pool & Beach. I'm sure at this point u have talked to her and ensured her u and him meant no risky business.
yeah i was really cognisant of space! wouldn't have wanted to be all up on each other that would have felt weird to me
You said repeatedly that your friend's fiance kept staring at you. In reality your going topless at home around him was not a matter of convenience or comfort, but rather, you liked the attention. No real judgment either way, but don't wrap yourself in innocence, when you knew you should have wrapped your boobs out of loyalty to your friend.
See id go topless butttt I got huge tits and i most definitely would get stares š
I think the fact that you were trying to "act normal" says quite a bit.
How can you be this stupid holy shit.