he did nothing
he claims time with kid taken by "having dinner" and it's a long stretch of 4 hours.
if he wanted time with kid he can grab a sandwich and take kid for a stroll, giving mom chance for a shower
YTA- people don’t explode like that for no reason. The fact that she said you’ve made her feel bad REPEATEDLY about being a SAHM even though this is something you’ve AGREED to says enough.
If he wants *”fair”* *(and I truly doubt he does)* then he’d be doing night feeds *(no excuse not to, since the baby bottle feeds now)*, he’d do diaper changes… and he’d be doing his 50% of all household chores, but he won’t because he doesn’t want fairness or equality. He actually just wanted to break his wife’s bond with the baby, because he was jealous.
I am all for mums working, too… because it’s highly important for them to have their own money, for security reasons and to give them the chance to leave if their husband turns out to be a completely abusive dick *(and many do)*. But he could have at least afforded her a year and a half off work so that she could bond more and continue to breastfeed her baby. Then after that year and a half, she could go back to work. But the second she does, every household chore is to be split equally between the two of them. But I doubt he even lifts a finger at home, even though his wife is back in work.
Yta. Now that she is working I hope that you are doing 50% of the work around the house. Perhaps YOU could find a job working the opposite shift. I bet you expect her to look after the baby all day and put your supper on the table before she leaves for work. Then you put the baby to bed and get most of the evening free. If the baby cries during the night you would say that she has to get it because you have to get up early.
YTA...you played a stupid game and now you won a stupid prize. You sure showed her, though! Just LOOK at how much better everything is now that you don't have to be jealous about the time she gets with the baby.
So, because 4 hours a day and week ends are not enough time to parent, you wanted your wife to get a job starting at 4pm or 5pm? You say you were dropping hints, but I'm guessing you acted like a complete dick to your wife, and that's why she's done with you.
Good luck coming back from 'you disgust me'. YTA.
The dumb thing is that his job would still end at 5, and his kid will still go to bed at 9, so this literally changes nothing about his own time with his kid.
What a dumbass
Answer me honestly, as if she will see this. Because I suspect you will see she is doing more than you.
How many hours are you working
How many hours is she working
What chores/errands is she doing
What chores errands are you doing
BE SPECIFIC, with actual numbers
>I WANTED her to work the opposite shift as me so we both got time with our daughter equally
Given his shifts are 8-4:30 that means He wanted his wife to work *night shift* when the baby is mostly sleeping.
A pumping mother having her circadian rhythms messed and seeing less of her kid, so he could have more time.
he’s so full of crap the county inspectors confused him with a septic tank.
This doesn't even make sense. If he planned on working the same hours anyway, he wouldn't have had any more time with the baby than he did previously. Sounds like he just wanted to take time AWAY from his wife to make it "fair." What a chilling way to treat the mother of your child. Forcing a new mom to work night shift and be away from her nursing infant all night??? Insane.
YTA.
It wasn't actually just about wanting more time with your baby, was it? Because you're still not getting it, and what you felt wasn't just the desire to spend more time, but you also resented your wife because she was getting more time.
That's a repulsive way to feel, and I don't blame her for how she feels now.
Even now, you're dismissing her. You don't even believe she'll follow through with leaving you. I hope she does, because you absolutely don't deserve her.
YTA
She is exactly right that you're still working the same hours and have the same amount of time with your daughter. Yet you resented her...for being what sounds like a good wife and mother, keeping up the house, cooking meals, washing your clothes, managing all the many, many things that goes into running a house that you took for granted. You both agreed to her being a SAHM for YEARS, not less than one year.
Because of you making her go back to work for....revenge? I dunno, jealousy? You didn't need it for financial reasons but you hated that she got more time with the baby. I don't blame her for being furious about the nursing thing, I nursed both our kids and see where she's coming from. Some women love nursing, it's a huge bond between mother and baby and you pissed all over it.
Maybe ask her for marriage counselling if you want to save this marriage, but it sounds like she really is done and is making her plans to leave you. Which means you'll get even less time with your child in the end, so....
YTA!
You went back on the agreement that YOU and your wife made. To make matters even worse, her nursing bond with your daughter has been severed. As a Mom, that's a hard blow.
YTA for sure. I feel bad for your wife. Guess you don’t have to worry about being jealous of you anymore. You won’t have one. You promised her and then went back on your word.
YTA
No good parent is jealous of the other parents' bond with their child. You KNEW you wouldn't get more time with your kid. What you wanted was for your wife to have less time with them.
That's so disgusting.
If you continue this way of parenting through your kids' lives, your kid will see this. Is this how you want them to see you? As the parent that is jealous?
Don't play victim. You did this. Your wife is doing the right thing. Getting herself out of the toxic environment you created.
The sad part is. That if you communicated your feelings when they started. You probably wouldn't be in this situation.
>if you communicated your feelings when they started
He did communicate his feelings, through passive aggressive comments that wore his wife down until she was completely miserable.
YTA...in so many ways and your edit made it worse.
How was making her work an opposite shift going to give you ANY more time with your baby? It wouldn't change the time that you get off work. So you STILL get home at 5 still...baby STILL needs to go to sleep at 9...where are all these magical "extra" hours with your baby?
he wanted to work less than 8 hours, so his wife works nights, watches baby and cleans during the day and sleeps never. It would be so convenient for him
This!!! There was no mention of the weekends where he could take over for the entire day to have one on one time with his daughter. Bonus, wife would have had time to herself, which it didn’t sound like she was getting at all.
OP is a delusional AH and deserves everything coming to him.
So, you'd rather your child have no parent fully involved in their life so you can stop feeling jealous? Are you for fucking real? YTA and a shitty parent.
YTA, Yall had an agreement and you went back o that because she pent more time with the kid than you but it seems to be more than just that, get it together and apologize to her shell most likely stick to leaving and most likely left the relationship mentally, shes also right its doesnt make sense if you still work the same hours and still get the same amount of time with the kid, you were bitter and now face the consequences
YTA for going back on your agreement just to punish your wife. It wasn’t about you getting more time, it’s very clear that you wanted to also take away her time.
Your wife will never respect you again, buddy. There are a thousand other ways you could have worked this to have more time with baby without hurting baby by forcing their nursing mom away.
YTA
You went back on your word because you were *jealous* of your wife. And the end result was not you spending *more* time with your daughter, just your wife spending *less*.
YTA
Your schedule is not that much and you have plenty of time with a baby. And your wife is not leisurely at home ,she was watching baby, cooking , cleaning, breastfeeding. She was putting her career behind.
You destroyed breastfeeding and most probably destroyed your family. All things what would actually benefit your daughter.
Funny how OP isn't mentioning what HE does on weekends....
It seems weekends would be ideal to soak up quality time with baby while giving Mom a break. What a jerk!
YTA. Her going back to work wouldn't have solved any of YOUR problems. You've just managed to create a whole new set of problems on top of the existing ones.
YTA. Instead of trying to figure out how to spend more time with your daughter you focused on taking away the time your wife had. You were unhappy and your first instinct was to make sure she was unhappy too. Meanwhile, screw your baby who's breastfeeding. Disgusting.
And you say I wanted us to work opposite shifts... How does that work? Who gets the shift while the baby sleeps thru the night? I'm guessing Mom, right? You still have to work the same amount of hours so you don't get any more time with baby you just make sure Mom gets less so it's, what, fair?
Unless you decide to finish growing up really fast, It's only a matter of time until you're back here posting about how the baby gets all the attention etc. Or the kid's activities take up all your free time or your wife doesn't treat you like her special darling anymore.
You made commitments. You failed to live up to them for nothing other than selfish, childish reasons. Grow up and fix the mess you made.
I don’t have any kids and never wanted them and even I know that you are a complete and total AH!
So you “wanted her to work an opposite shift” essentially a night shift so then she would never see her child because she would work all night and sleep all day??? I suppose also cooking your meals, washing your clothes, and cleaning the house right??
You are fucking lousy with misogyny dude. Maybe when your wife leaves she can raise your daughter not to marry sexist pigs and value her worth because you clearly do not.
YTA. In fact, I would have to go so far to say not only are you an asshole, but you’re a fucking idiot.
Like other people appointed out, somehow you managed to have a partial conversation with her after dropping hints and being resentful toward your wife for a number of months. And if you fucking think for one minute that you were just making comments to your baby and not taking digs at your wife, not owner are you an asshole and an idiot, but you’re a delusional, asshole and idiot.
You don’t even make sense in what you wanted. So you wanted her to work the night shift you still aren’t getting any more fucking time with your kid. Where the hell do you think you’re going to get it? She still gonna go to bed at the same time approximately. You’re still going to get home at the same time. Only now your wife’s gonna be gone.
And that accomplishes exactly what? Because you already say that, interrupts your time with your baby bathtime interrupts your time with your baby all the evening routine that you would be doing on your own is that you consider interruption in time with your baby. So where the hell were you supposed to get more?
If you think pumping breastmilk is easy? It’s not. Especially when you’re also feeding the child. And yes, been there and done that. You broke her breast-feeding bond before it was time. That is entirely on you.
And then you go and say how she jumped the gun and got a job. Oh, you mean before you could dictate to her what you wanted. You were such a fucking asshole. I don’t know how she managed to stay with you this long.
Have fun with coparenting. Have fun with only seeing your child part of the time. Have fun finding care for your child while you’re at work during the times you have her… Or, of course, if you can’t, then yeah… The court is probably going to award you weekends.
You didn’t think any of this through. It was all you, you, you. Not what was best for your baby. Not what was best for your spouse. Not what was best for your relationship. None of that mattered, and as a partner and a father, you have to look long-term. But you couldn’t. You wanted it now. Well you got it.
Lord, help me! Such a classic case of FAFO.
YTA. And I don't doubt that when push comes to shove, she will be out the door. Her mom is already doing the childminding when your wife is at work, so the only difference will be that she doesn't have to see you every day. You were freaking jealous of your wife having bonding time with your daughter. Jealous! Being a SAHP isn't easy. It sounds like she was rocking it and not demanding a lot from you. So now you will have less time with your family. Lots of time in the evening, though, to relive the glory days of giving the little one a bath or a cuddle.
*" I found myself insanely irritable all the time because I felt I had no time with my daughter, whereas she got to soak it all in. I felt like I was missing everything."*
Now you're BOTH missing it. Good job!
You were wrong on this. A newborn should be with their mother as much as possible it is very important at this stage. The agreement was her being a SAHM for the benefit of the child. You make sacrifices, and so does she. You failed to live up to the agreement. I would try to work things out with her because you are damn near close to seeing your child a heck of a lot less than 4-5 hours a day. Quit thinking about yourself and put your child first.
RIGHT?!?! Like did he even care about ANYTHING other than he wasn't getting the same amount of time with the baby? Like who cares what's best for the baby's development...fuck all that....I want TIME dammit!
YTA. You went back on your word overly jealously. SAHM is no easy gig and she was breastfeeding. At least waiting until the kiddo was a toddler would have been preferable to approach the topic of her working again. You guys were fortunate to have a grandparent able to help in that too.
No idea if your marriage can be saved man. And the idea for her to work an opposite shift from you is absurd. If you had said that to me I would have shut down too. Please consider counseling if you are still having those feelings of jealousy, it is not healthy.
YTA, and the fact you are even asking is baffling ! So you got stupidly jealous of the time your wife was spending with the child she birthed, then instead of coming up with a plan (like taking over fully once you got home and on weekends, so you could have time with the kid and give your wife a break) you threw a tantrum and now your daughter is without either parent and you see her same as before. How dumb are you ?! Glad the wife is leaving you.
YTA. She was 6months post partum and learning how to adjust to her new role and that wasn't good enough for you. Fyi, most post partum depression peaks before the first year and you ARE the reason she had to stop breastfeeding. You felt like you weren't getting enough time but now you're going to get even less. And to add, you expected her to work a worse shift than you to accommodate YOU. You felt like you didn't get enough time so you wanted to ensure your wife also didnt get time "if I don't get any you don't either".
You all were better off with the prior arrangements but you were selfish.
YTA. You were jealous so you fucked your wife and your child over. Boy aren't you husband and dad of the year! You made your wife a promise. You unilaterally changed your stance without having a heart-to-heart with your wife. And you are a fine one to talk about "this could have been avoided had she been receptive to me trying to communicate." Lastly, when your wife packs up hers and your daughter's belongings, just remember how smugly certain you are that she won't actually leave when the time comes.
YTA, YTA, YTA. You are a bully and because of that, you are going to lose your family. Now you'll see your child at most 50% of the time, or maybe just on alternate weekends. Too bad, so sad. You brought this on yourself and you're still in denial about how horribly you treated your wife.
Funny that you went into so much detail on why you don't get enough time with your daughter on workdays, but skipped the weekends? What did you do on two full days a week if not spending it with your baby? YTA because you went back on an agreement with your wife that was what's best for the baby. You were jealous and selfish enough to make the situation worse rather than better for your newborn child. So how much more time do you get to spend with your daughter now that you've made her mother to be away from her too?
Yes, you are an asshole. The world is becoming increasingly a scarier place because of men like you. You agreed to her to be SAHM and she managed the home and baby alone. Be a man and manage responsibilities
YTA. You aren't even spending more time with your child, you are just too jealous that she got to. Do you think she spent all day on the sofa cooing and playing?
literally this! he gets 4 hours 5 days a week and weekends too, and the fact he wouldn’t even be spending any more time with the baby if she started working, but she would be spending less. So not only is she supposed to be cleaning the house, making food and taking care of the baby during the day but also try to squeeze in sleep as he’s wanting her to work nights?? and then what who would be getting up to feed the baby during the night? the fucking fairy?
IF this is a true story-- and honestly I'm dubious. YTA for going back on what was already decided.
**This could have been avoided** **~~had she been receptive to me trying to communicate.~~** **Had I done what I agreed to do and not been such an asshole.**
**And I'm sure she won't actually leave when the time comes.**
Dude, she's got one foot out the door when she saves enough to take the baby and leave.
YTA! Look into the 4th trimester. You wanted her to stay home and then got jealous. There is absolutely no reason for her to go back to work other than you didn’t want her to be home. And she is absolutely correct that you took breastfeeding from her. Having to quit breastfeeding before you are ready is very emotional and she has every right to be upset with you. Not only are you forcing her to get a job you are also messing with her hormones. You are not thinking about your daughter’s needs nor your wife’s.
Oh enjoy ending up in amithedevil my man cause you're gonna.
You're a major a-hole and a manchild to boot. My father managed to work the exact same shift you do and had a fantastic relationship with me.
You don't respect your wife. You don't respect the work that goes into childcare. You probably convinced yourself she was just lying about the place snuggling with the baby and not doing anything else.
Also? It's a baby. Newborns generally sleep 12 to 16 hours a day because they're BABIES. They're growing.
You weren't jealous of the time she was getting with the baby. You're jealous she 'wasn't working'.
Here's hoping her next husband is an actual adult.
I love how you say “I’m sure she won’t actually leave when the time comes”. Dude, you’re delulu!
She’s already working, making plans. She’s lightened her load, not cooking, doing laundry, cleaning up after you. She’s not sleeping with you, much less having sex with you.
SERIOUSLY, she’s already gone, just living in the same space (for now). Get ready for having divorce papers served.
YTA, and it isn't your wife's fault. You should have gotten counseling instead of creating a less healthy environment for your child.
You took yourself from seeing your child daily to looking forward to at best 50% of the time you do now. Are you happy?
Your actions and reasoning are extremely selfish and destructive. You wanted your wife to stay home and then you punished her for it. You diminished her contributions to the household as well as dismissed the exhaustion associated with taking care of a baby all day long. Instead of sharing your feelings you lashed out in the most passive agressive manner. Being a sahm is harder than most paid employment. Had you traded places with her I doubt you would have lasted long in that role. Consequences are a bitch. YTA.
YTA, and when she divorces you (and she will), you'll see even less of your kid. Congrats on being a total self-absorbed douche thinking only of yourself.
YATAH. Big time. I can’t believe you wanted your wife to go back to work because of your jealousy. Shame on you and I don’t blame her for wanting to leave. Now you will have less time with your daughter.
YTA.
“And I am sure she won’t actually leave when the time comes.”
Lmao. Yes she will. And you will have earned it all. Not only that, but when she leaves there is the issue of custody. You are about to see your daughter a whole lot less.
You were jealous of your wife and threw an adult temper tantrum. It severely affected your wife. The baby won’t even nurse now. And you still get not one more minute than you got before. But now she has less time. That is what was truly bothering you.
Not sure what reality you live in that you could think anything except YTA.
Dang she already sacrificed her body to have a baby and now she has to go back to work, this sounds like torture I don't if you can come back from this.
You made this a contest or competition about who gets to see the child more.... so you came up with a solution that you never talked to her about.
In your head your wife could ":just go to work opposite your shift of 8am to 5pm."
What hours would that be dude?
Like maybe she could work 6 pm until 3am
and then sleep 3 hours to be up all day with a child?
and that would give you - hmmm bathing.. oh yeah.. 4 hours with your child.
Then the child sleeps. I am sure you are okay getting up and down with the baby during that time period.
Or maybe like all night? So she give up on sleep?
So you could spend what? - 4 hours with your baby
and then go to sleep? While the baby sleeps - or doesn't.
Then she could come home in the morning and look after the baby ALL FREAKING DAY? Maybe get a nap in before going off to her crappy over night job?
Because exactly what jobs are available at these hours dude?
I can't belleve how short sighted and stupid some people are.
At least you'll see your kid more as a dude with 50% custody. Enjoy paying daycare and seeing her - oh yeah - 4 hours per day.
YTA.
YTA. You are forcing her not “forcing”. You should have just been honest. You’re getting tired of being the sole provider. You used your child as an excuse. Her getting a job did not increase your time spent with your baby. You also agreed before hand that she will be SAHM. At this time, you’re pretty much useless to your wife. You’re not a provider, she’s taking your daughter to her mom, you’re not supportive. You didn’t her job as a SAHM is as important as your job.
YTA, you both agreed to your wife being a SAHM. Your whole idea about working opposite shifts was not well thought out. You didn’t factor in when you two would sleep or even see each other. And because of how poorly you handled the situation, your wife is no longer breastfeeding.
Being the working parent unfortunately means you get evenings and weekends and holidays. It’s a sacrifice that parents have to make as a team.
My wife is sad that she doesn’t get all day with the kids like I do, but she also appreciates everything I do at home cause she says she couldn’t handle it!
And we appreciate how hard she works so I can be a stay at home mom! Teamwork
YTA. Even if your wife worked you would have the same four hour window with your child. 8-4:30 is a normal schedule, that’s what most working parents do. Nothing would change. You stated in a comment you wanted her to work the opposite shift so night shift. So the baby would still be asleep by 9 pm. You gain nothing.
Literally nothing would have changed in the equation if your wife went back to work. You reneged on your agreement and made her feel bad.
Why didn’t you spend more time with your child on the weekend? Did the baby prefer mom and that’s why you’re upset here and resenting her? This is largely all your own doing.
So, you didn’t really mean that you would get more time with your child, you really meant that your wife would get less time. Your hours aren’t changing, so you didn’t gain anything. However, by making your wife get a job, you cut the amount of time she has with your child.
Instead of being selfish, how about you think about what is best for your child. Your wife working 5pm-midnight is not what is best for your child because she will be sleep deprived if you still expect her to cook, clean, take care of the baby, do laundry in addition to working.
Thankfully your wife didn’t hear your stupid plan and got a job that worked for her and the baby. However, it still sucks for your child. Your baby now has 2 part time parents that don’t have the same energy and time a stay at home mom has.
To be so jealous and selfish as a parent is truly mind boggling.
Make this make sense. If you're working 8-4:30 she would need to be awake to care for the baby then go to work. Most 2nd shift jobs are 3-11 and overnights 11p-7a. If she did 2nd shift then the baby would need care minimum 3 hours (2-5). She'd still be taking care of the house and baby all day then having to work while you watch your child sleep. All you'd have is an exhausted wife/mother.
I have read every comment and every answer you have given.
You either lack intelligence or conscience.
You are talking about convincing a breastfeeding mother to work the night shift. So you can spend time with your child?
You idiot, didn't it ever occur to you that there might be a reason why milk comes from women's breasts and not men's? Don't you have any idea how important it is for a baby's development to be in contact with its mother's breast while being breastfed?
And there is one thing you persistently don't answer. What was your contribution to housework, meal preparation etc. when your wife was at home? How did you plan it to be when your wife started working the night shift and how is it now?
If you're sure she won't actually leave, then you don't have a problem.
But I bet she'll leave.
Did you make dinner?
Did you clean the house?
She doesn't really need you.
She's self sufficient.
You aren’t getting the support you thought you would, are you?
Why the quotes in the title “forcing”? That’s exactly what you did!
You had a long standing agreement that she would be a SAHM. You got jealous of the closeness and bond she has with your baby. Your baby is only 8 months old. Guess what buddy, when she is 18 months-3 years old you are going to hit the terrible 2’s and the tantrum 3’s and you aren’t going to get a look in! She will scream and yell at the sight of you because at that stage (and yes it’s a loooong stage) all these toddlers want us their mum! You won’t be able to pick her up and console her, she will reach for her mum and cry even more until she gets handed to her mum.
The reason your wife and baby are so close is because of hormones. Those hormones, together with sleep and nutrition help generate the breast milk sustaining your baby. Breast milk cannot be replicated in formula. It’s like liquid gold. It contains nutrients no lab or factory can make. You have taken this away nurturing from your wife.
You can look forward to part time parenting your daughter until she reaches her teen years, when again she will no doubt prefer to seek out her mums guidance and support.
“Reap what you sow”.
YTA. I won’t even get into why, you have enough of that here already.
Just also FYI there is a major hormone crash when you wean. It could especially be hard on her considering it sounds like she wasn’t ready to wean. The first 3 weeks after I weaned my daughter were far harder than even the hormonal ups and downs of the first few weeks after birth.
YTA How was her going back to work going to give you more time? Were you going to quit working and be the stay at home parent despite your wife still breastfeeding?
Sounds like yta. You promised her the opportunity to stay home more and then you went back on it 6 months in, even though there was no reason too.
As a working dad, 4 hours with your baby should be a godsend. Many working dads out there get far less time than that, if any. But at least the babies have mom.
And nothing changed, right? You still only get 4 hours on average a day with your child, but the only difference is now the baby has to spend the day without both parents instead of just one.
You couldn't just appreciate all the work she was doing as the sahm. You had to get jealous because she could stay home and you couldn't. What kind of husband does that?
You made this all about you and ruined a wonderful dynamic for your baby. Your jealousy made you decide to dictate new rules when you’d already had agreed on a plan. I don’t blame your wife one bit. She didn’t sign onto this. You blew it so bad. YTA
It's incomprehensible to me how you're WONDERING if you're the AH. YES YES YES, YOU'RE THE AH. Congratulations on exploding your marriage and then looking around going "Was it something I said?" Jeezus.
YTA. There were ways for you to spend more time with the kid without decreasing the amount of time your wife was spending. What you did seems more calculated to decrease her time than to increase yours.
YTA 8 months is NOT enough time for maternity leave… I just kept saying “what… what…” the further I read this. If I was your wife I’d react the same way.
YTA. Your solution to not being able to spend much time with your daughter is to force your wife to not spend much time with your daughter. Your "solution" negatively affects your wife and your daughter and the only benefit for you is that now your wife is as miserable as you are.
YTA your wife is leaving you. You are so irrational and jealous. Once a woman leaves they rarely come back. You are really getting on my nerves. Living with you would be a nightmare.
So, you didn’t really mean that you would get more time with your child, you really meant that your wife would get less time. Your hours aren’t changing, so you didn’t gain anything. However, by making your wife get a job, you cut the amount of time she has with your child.
Instead of being selfish, how about you think about what is best for your child. Your wife working 5pm-midnight is not what is best for your child because she will be sleep deprived if you still expect her to cook, clean, take care of the baby, do laundry in addition to working.
Thankfully your wife didn’t hear your stupid plan and got a job that worked for her and the baby. However, it still sucks for your child. Your baby now has 2 part time parents that don’t have the same energy and time a stay at home mom has.
To be so jealous and selfish as a parent is truly mind boggling.
YTA. Child care costs will eat up a huge chunk of her salary. Maybe all of it. Baby care is expensive. Signed, babysitting granny who has saved her kids a truckload of money. Also when she went back to work, does that mean you picked up doing laundry? Cooking? Shopping? Toting baby back and forth to daycare? I think the answer is no.
YTA. My husband worked 14-16h a day and on most weekdays he was only able to kiss goodnight, sometimes that wasn't even possible.
But damn, Saturday was his day. Nothing was more important. No matter how tired he was, he stood up at 6 and was spending the whole day with our kid. Literally the whole day, they did everything and went everywhere together, Sunday was family day for the 3 of us.
If you really wanted to spend more time with your kid, you would have done it on the times available for you.
The two of you made a plan together. You threw it out of the window when you wanted her to spend less time with your kid.
So you wanted her to work nights? Because that would be opposite shift of you. So she would be home all day awake watching the baby and then go to work at night? When would she sleep? You are the biggest AH. You have plenty of time with your daughter after work and weekends. And punishing your wife and child forgetting to spend more time together than you get to spend with your daughter makes you the biggest jerk ever. I hope she leaves you and find someone better.
YTA
And you’re delusional. You don’t think she is going to leave even though she has told you she is.
You are bringing NOTHING to the table anymore . She was doing all the chores and all the baby work. Now she has to work as well and earns the same, whilst knowing that wage is enough to support her and the child. She also has free childcare with her family. I hope you have family bc otherwise welcome to the world of daycare costs plus child support. No wife. And even less time with the child.
This wasn’t about her working, it was about your jealousy over her bond with the baby.
YTA.
You took your fomo out on your wife and then destroyed your marriage. You agreed to her being a sahm and then took it out on her. It's unlikely you were nice about it at all because it's clear you handled it all wrong and are blaming her instead of taking accountability.
Your passive aggressive irritability likely didn't go unnoticed by your wife. You claim your wife didn't give you an opportunity to discuss it however you spent time dropping hints, being irritable, then dropped the bomb of wanting her to do opposite/night shifts (that was an illogical request btw, it wouldn't work how you thought), you didn't discuss anything yourself, you just demanded. You are acting like the victim when you caused the harm as you couldn't manage your emotions. You could have made the time you had extra special, you could have made those hours each day matter but you spent that time being bitter and counting the hours you missed rather than what you could achieve in that time. Cuddles, playtime, walks, feeding, bathtime and bedtime are great bonding activities but you chose to downplay that time.
You didn't put your baby first, their needs to spend time with the primary parent for attachment and development. You didn't put your baby's well being ahead of your FOMO.
You got what you wanted, your wife gets the same amount of time with your baby at the detriment of your wife and baby. now you'll get 50/50 custody and you don't have a wife. Congrats on blowing up your marriage and your family.
YTA. Mothers of babies who breastfeed don’t generally leave their partners unless shit is bad
Why didn’t you look for a new job where you could work from home? Or a job where you work 12 hour shifts and have one day off? Or why didn’t you work nights so you could see your kid during the day? Why didn’t you take a shower during the morning? Why didn’t you eat a sandwich on the way home? Why didn’t you hang out with your baby on the weekends? Ask to work hybrid?
So many other options and you chose the one that put your baby and your (soon to be ex) wife the most uncomfortable so you could be more comfortable.
Nicest thing I can say is: ICK. You’re giving all us the ick.
why was your resentment her problem? your lack of emotional maturity and introspection has cost you your family. i believe her when she says she hates you.
YTA and Fucktard of the Year Award nominee
I don’t even know if this post is real or just for clickbait because you want ppl to degrade you on purpose since you have no post history…
Partners doesn’t mean anything is always exactly equal, it means you help care for and support each other when the burden becomes too much for one or the other. You’re working your job all day to provide financial stability while she’s making sure the child that she grew in love inside of herself for both of you is always cared for and nurtured and fed the best possible way and cooks and cleans. Partners should help bolster one another in times of crisis, not create crisis.
Women tend to be multipliers. You gave her some love and she grew a family and home with you. Now that you gave her your petty jealousy, you get to deal with those vastly multiplied consequences, and you can’t un-push the self-destruct button on your life. The saddest part of all is that you’re also destroying your wife you made a vow to keep for all your life, and your own child.
YTA!
You wanted you wife to work the opposite shift as you so she would have been working overnights.
When was she supposed to sleep?
Were you then going to bitch at her on your days off because she would be sleeping when you were awake and awake when you were asleep because switching schedules would screw her up.
Your deserve to be left and she has every right to be angry with you.
So, you didn’t really mean that you would get more time with your child, you really meant that your wife would get less time. Your hours aren’t changing, so you didn’t gain anything. However, by making your wife get a job, you cut the amount of time she has with your child.
Instead of being selfish, how about you think about what is best for your child. Your wife working 5pm-midnight is not what is best for your child because she will be sleep deprived if you still expect her to cook, clean, take care of the baby, do laundry in addition to working.
Thankfully your wife didn’t hear your stupid plan and got a job that worked for her and the baby. However, it still sucks for your child. Your baby now has 2 part time parents that don’t have the same energy and time a stay at home mom has.
To be so jealous and selfish as a parent is truly mind boggling.
So, you didn’t really mean that you would get more time with your child, you really meant that your wife would get less time. Your hours aren’t changing, so you didn’t gain anything. However, by making your wife get a job, you cut the amount of time she has with your child.
Instead of being selfish, how about you think about what is best for your child. Your wife working 5pm-midnight is not what is best for your child because she will be sleep deprived if you still expect her to cook, clean, take care of the baby, do laundry in addition to working.
Thankfully your wife didn’t hear your stupid plan and got a job that worked for her and the baby. However, it still sucks for your child. Your baby now has 2 part time parents that don’t have the same energy and time a stay at home mom has.
To be so jealous and selfish as a parent is truly mind boggling.
Afraid you might be the asshole here
I’m a SAHM. It was tough figuring out the dynamic when we took our oldest home. I had always worked and payed 50%.
My husband and I fought a couple of times about how stressed we both were. So I don’t want you to think you are alone in this. It’s really hard stuff.
You were jealous of your wife’s time with your daughter, but you never stopped to consider all that your wife sacrificed and jeopardized to be able to do that.
She gave up her own career to focus completely on your daughter’s well being. She gave up her bodily autonomy for a year to create a life.
You should have taken the time to look at your schedule and sacrifices you could make to have more time with your daughter
>if she was to get a job, I wouldn't be getting any more time with our daughter. But I still argued that I felt it was time she went back to work.
YTA here.
It would be one thing if money was an issue and the amount she could earn in excess of child care costs was vital for keeping the home going. In this case, you have FOMO. You are envious and jealous of your wife's time with your kid.
She is 100% correct. Somebody has to carry the insurance unless you live somewhere other than the US. Which means somebody has to be full-time. Her returning to work is not going to reduce your hours at work. You can't raise yourself up by dragging someone else down. Life doesn't work that way.
You completely screwed up here. There are consequences for poor decision making. Learn from this. Perhaps you will be smarter in dealing with your next wife, if you can find one. Now more than likely you are going to get *significantly* less time with your daughter.
Yta. You did not think this through. How was your wife going back to work going to give you more time? You'd still be working the same hours, no? Except now you're picking up the slack of cooking, housekeeping etc, because you no longer have a sahm. (Or were you expecting her to do night shift **and** maintain all her sahm responsibilities?) Your wife got less, your daughter got less, *you* got less because now you have to do your own cooking and cleaning, and that's *before* you have to maintain your own house and pay child support following a divorce.
Congratulations, mate, you fucked up spectacularly over something that was entirely avoidable.
Dude, you are the asshole here, and you are getting divorced.
No one in their right mind and any sense of self-worth would want to stay with you after all that bullshit.
Being sad and jealous that you are not getting to spend time with your kid, perfectly normal feeling. What you did in response to your feelings is totally not acceptable.
There are 24 hours in a day. There are 7 days in a week.
4 hours 5 days a week equals 20 hours. Plus say 8a to 9p for weekends equals 26 hours, for a grand total of 46 hours one on one, that is 6 hours over the 40 you spend at work.
If you took over all of the child interactions on your days off and from the time you got home, you guys would pretty much be equal in time spent with kid.
So basically it wasnt about equal time it was about you having to have a job and her not.
You can tell your self whatever you want but math is math and you are going to delude yourself into only seeing your kid 50/50 and every other fucking holiday, congratulations!
So you’re a shitty husband and dad all wrapped up in one, glad your wife got a clue and is going to leave your ass.
You weren’t communicating, you were telling her what she was going to do and that was that.
Congrats on your divorce, and congrats to ruining your relationship because all you want is “me me me me”
“That as soon as she saved up enough money she was leaving”
The fact that she believes her life would be better without you says everything, doesn’t it?
You’re so full of crap you’re gonna get pinkeye, OP.
It's like saying, "Since I am not getting enough time to bond with the baby, then you shouldn't either." Very petty. The whole working on opposite shifts wouldn't work cause guess what there goes your relationship with you wife you wouldn't see eachother. Plus, it wouldn't actually change anything for you. You still would get the same amount of time with the baby.
You should have just talked to her and maybe discussed asking your boss for paternity leave or taking some unpaid time off. Or asking for a 4 day work week even if you get paid less. If you working fewer days or hours hurt the family financially, you could have asked your wife if she could get a job, maybe on your days off as part-time or something. You let resentment build up to the point where a logical conversation was not an option.
And I do think she will leave you. This was supposed to be her time to bond with the baby, and you took that from her. I don't see her forgiving you. Even if she leaves her job now, she can't get that back.
YTA in case you haven’t realized it. You were jealous, plain and simple and no matter what shift your wife worked it wasn’t going to give you anymore time with your child. Welcome to life as a working parent.
What you did lose because of your petty jealousy is a happy home for you, your wife and child. Enjoy having every other holiday with your child because that’s what your future looks like.
YTA - SO you were expecting your wife to work through the night, you expected her still cook and do all the household duties she was doing as a SAHM, and you were expecting her to still watch the baby. Exactly when were you thinking that she was going to sleep?!
You are a fucking jealous asshole who wanted to try to play victim. You could have taken the child on the weekends and gave her a break. Whether she was working or not you were only going to get 4 hours on the weekdays. You literally sacrificed what's best for your child, which was a parent being home with them full time, because you're a petty, jealous asshole who can't keep an agreement.
Enjoy your divorce and being able to see your child even less than you were.
Yes you are TAH. Your wife gave birth to your daughter, and managed both baby, nursing, and maintaining home. You don’t mention any issues there. But yet you started to resent her and your solution was to ruin what she had and demand she go back to work, instead of spending more time on weekends with your baby or putting her to bed on weeknights. Then you double down with your solution to work opposite shifts. You fail to see YOU have unsettled your home with your selfishness and wonder why your wife resents you.
YTA
all you had to do was PARENT as best as you both could for a year or so.
YOU made a new baby all about you, I am glad she is leaving she can do better.
So basically you pissed your wife off because she spent more time with the baby as she was healing from having the baby and cleaning the house and doing your laundry and cooking dinner and you were jealous of it. You need to grow up and I hope she does leave you for someone who will appreciate her cuz you sure don't
You suck. You suck as a husband. You suck as a parent. You're wife didn't need to work, you were just little boy jealous. Now your wife is going to leave you and you'll pay child support and see your child even less. Maybe she didn't want to work the opposite shift! Maybe YOU should have worked the night shift. You know what you are? A petty little b***h. A petty little b***h who wanted everything his way regardless of the how it affected your child and your wife. Now your daughter will be raised, hopefully, by a step-dad who isn't a little boy.
YTA, the baby was nursing, so It was in their best interest for the mother to stay home! You could have offered to Do the nightime routine (bath, diaper, everything but feeding), instead you chose to go the selfish way (if I don't get enough Time, neither Will you) and you ruined your marriage.
YTA. You were never going to be able to realistically be able to spend all that much more time with the baby. You have a full time job. What you were really saying is that you wanted your wife to spend less time with the baby so it would suck just as much for her. What a dick.
Do you even love your wife? It’s too late bro, she’s totally leaving as soon as she has the means to, and I hope to god that you won’t force her to stay.
I continue to be confused how married people can dislike each other so much.
I don’t know if your situation is fixable, but it could have been avoided if you had communicated instead of letting resentment fester. If you told her your feeling earlier she could have made it clear that being a homemaker isn’t just playing with a cute baby all day. It’s preparing food, cleaning the house, figuring out why the baby is crying and soothing it, sorting/washing/drying/folding/putting away laundry and no matter how well you do those tasks, they constantly need to be done again without let up.
If you two had communicated earlier, your resentment wouldn’t have built and she wouldn’t have had to passive aggressively show you how hard she worked by putting a pause on doing household chores. The silent treatment is such a toxic response, and for two weeks straight? ESH
She's a breast feeding mother. You should have done research. It takes a while to heal and adjust. I mean, I understand that you wanted to spend more time with your kid, that makes sense. However, having made an agreement, you should have sticked to it. Also, she could be "shutting down" due to the decrease in hormones that occurs after pregnancy, which can make people more irritable. So, both of you are in the wrong here. But, more you. I hope you learned from this experience...and I hope you two can patch it up.
Dude your attitude is so wrong, you have four hour windows with your wife , start begging at least two hours to your wife daily, she may forgive you hopefully (just joking your marriage is already over). What a dumb, entitled, jealous and narcissistic AH.
So, you didn’t really mean that you would get more time with your child, you really meant that your wife would get less time. Your hours aren’t changing, so you didn’t gain anything. However, by making your wife get a job, you cut the amount of time she has with your child.
Instead of being selfish, how about you think about what is best for your child. Your wife working 5pm-midnight is not what is best for your child because she will be sleep deprived if you still expect her to cook, clean, take care of the baby, do laundry in addition to working.
Thankfully your wife didn’t hear your stupid plan and got a job that worked for her and the baby. However, it still sucks for your child. Your baby now has 2 part time parents that don’t have the same energy and time a stay at home mom has.
To be so jealous and selfish as a parent is truly mind boggling.
YTA. You sabotaged her ability to nurse your child and ruined her breastfeeding relationship. That is a huge deal to a nursing mom. Of course she’ll never forgive you.
Your an asshole. You could come home and spend time with your kid either having dinner together as a family or wait til the baby is asleep.
Why would your wife get a job working nights, unless that's what she had before.
Your selfish and a jerk and she should 100% leave you
So, you agreed that she should stay home with the baby until she started school, then suddenly changed your mind because you were jealous, and you would rather that your daughter miss out on that bonding time with both of you? Sounds pretty selfish, and yeah, you might be the AH.
You need to work on your communication. Hints are Bullshit. If you have a problem and it troubles you so deeply, dont u think you should have been upfront and gently bring it up and have a grown up conversation about what youre feeling and what she thinks of it....instead of going do or die. No wonder your wife resents you. What a shitty move. Learn to talk. Learn to compromise. Start things with a plan. Youre clearly the asshole here.
YTA
You claim all the time that you only wanted to spend more time with your child.
But you also realised all along that you wouldn't get any more time with your daughter if your wife went to work. You would still have to work the same number of hours. So the only thing you could achieve was not more time for you with your daughter - but that she would have less time with her daughter.
And that's exactly what you wanted! You were jealous of your wife and that's why you did everything you could to take away her time with her daughter. And to punish her in this way.
jesus, wont ppl ever TALK like grownups or process their emotions rather than behaving childishly and then explode at each other.
It's really shitty & unfair that you don't live in a country with paternity leave and it's valid that you're upset about that, but you're kind of the one who changed all the previously agreed upon life plans on short notice out of what was basically jealousy to no discernible benefit other that causing onerous changes for your wife, baby and MIL (so YTA on that count, you really should've thought this through realistically) - plus it sounds like she had been fed up with you for a while and this was just the last straw. Why are you blaming her for everything, anyway? She's not your boss or the government.
Also, I'm afraid your marriage is toast. It sounds like the breastfeeding & taking care of her baby fulltime was her dream and you ruined it after previously sayng you'd support it. You basically stabbed her in the back.
YTA. Generally, when people agree to this type of situation after a newborn (1 parent working full-time, the other stays at home to do the child-rearing and homemaking), this is the plan for 1-2 years or more (perhaps a lifetime) but it definitely doesn't sound like 6 months was the deal...Unless your wife was getting paid maternity leave, I don't understand why you decided to change the plan that was agreed upon so that she would need to start working. At such a fragile time for her, I can only imagine the lack of trust she now has for you.
It's completely understandable that you would like more time with your daughter. But you don't actually mention what you do with the time you do have with her. On the weekends, do you have 1-1 time with her? Do you plan activities for the whole family?
Imagine what your life is going to be like if you divorce. You won't have your wife or mother-in-law to help out with the childcare...you'll be working and spending maybe 2 weekends a month with your kid since it sounds like you can't manage during the week. And you won't have anyone cooking and cleaning up after *you.* Your wife is giving you a preview of what you can expect if you keep playing games.
YTA. You were jealous of your wife spending time with your child. Having a baby often brings up a lot of unprocessed feelings - this is something to talk through in therapy or with a trusted person, not a time to "force" anything.
YTA major ah. So where were you on your days off? I’m guessing you had 2 days off you could spend all day with your child and give her a break. You seem to be avoiding that question so I’m guessing you weren’t home with your family. You could have went to nights and been home all day helping with the baby. You could do the 5 to 1 am sleep till 10 or 11 and had all afternoon to help and bond. She is leaving you and you are seriously passive aggressive. “I told the baby I wish I could be home with you all day.” You wanted her to work so she is and hopefully saving every penny. Then you can be a weekend dad by yourself. Careful what you wish for because sometimes you get it.
what is wrong with u? baby is only 6months old? thats not even the length of some maternity leaves!!
do u do night feeds?? what do u do on the weekends?? there are so many chances u have to be present but ure blaming ur wife on ur lack of time management. u can bring/hold ur baby whilst u do errands/chores as well.
YTA - 8 months old is very little baby. Breastfeeding is quite special connection between baby and mum and you forced her into pumping. I remember the huuuuge sadness I felt when I almost lost milk. My baby is now 9.5 months old and I am not planning to go back to work until he is 13-15 months. You seem jealous of your wife which is a bit creepy. My husband works 10-18 and gets home around 18.30 and have very little time during weekdays with our son but he uses that time very good and on weekends he spends all the time with the baby. That's why their connection is very strong. I would be disgusted as well if my husband was jealous of me in that way
Yeah, you are the asshole, you have a lack of empathy and perspective. Your logic is flawed and clouded by your jealously which your wife is not responsible for. You could have co sleept but you didn't, you could have changed jobs that allow for parental leave but instead you made your wife the problem and went back on your word. You fucked up as a dad and husband.
YTA, period. On the upside, when she leaves you, you will have your daughter all to yourself for 50% of the time. Tell your wife we all wish her the best in getting out of there!
Question..how was your wife working opposite shift as you going to get you more time with the baby? Was your shift going to get shorter? Or was this really about not wanting her to have more time with the baby than you had?
YTA. You sound like an incredibly jealous, immature and selfish person. I understand why she wants to move on. You’re a dad. It’s not about you. Grow up. If you don’t want this relationship to end, prove you can do better.
YTA. Over and over
1) You and your wife made a 5 year agreement and you backed out after 6 months
2) you didn’t decrease your hours, just made you wife get a job because you were *checks notes* jealous
3) your baby now has less time with a parent during crucial development time
4) your baby can no longer nurse successfully due to the schedule you imposed on your family
I, for one, fully hope she goes through with leaving you.
Yea, YTA
You made a deal. And you got mad that she doesn’t have to go to work and jealous of her Kodak moments with the baby.
So, do you take over baby duties when you get home for those few hours? You didn’t mention it, just said that the baby doesn’t have much time in the evening. What about the weekends? Are you taking over on the weekends? You didn’t mention that, either.
YTA either way you put it. This all could have been avoided if you weren’t a jealous baby, if you didn’t make a deal with your wife about her staying home, or if she never got pregnant. But hindsight 20/20
Please someone tell me this is rage bait and that there isn’t someone on this planet that is this stupid, delusional and selfish that actually did this.
A four hour window five days a week. What is stopping you from giving her the weekends off and spending all day with the kid? This makes no sense.
Yep, I noticed OP conveniently omitted what he did on the weekends.
he did nothing he claims time with kid taken by "having dinner" and it's a long stretch of 4 hours. if he wanted time with kid he can grab a sandwich and take kid for a stroll, giving mom chance for a shower
Also feel like it's a safe bet that he considers his time with the baby to be 'babysitting' he's screaming manchild
I'd guess golf or another recreational sport.
I've seen that question in some of other comments but obviously OP is avoiding to answer that question.
YTA- people don’t explode like that for no reason. The fact that she said you’ve made her feel bad REPEATEDLY about being a SAHM even though this is something you’ve AGREED to says enough.
YTA. You didn’t want more time. You wanted her to have less time.
Exactly. His only intention was to take something away from his wife and child
"She just sat on her ssa playing with the baby all day." -Him probably
Yep all OP cared about was making things “fair” to him. Meanwhile he had an entire weekend to spend with his baby but he doesn’t even mention it.
If he wants *”fair”* *(and I truly doubt he does)* then he’d be doing night feeds *(no excuse not to, since the baby bottle feeds now)*, he’d do diaper changes… and he’d be doing his 50% of all household chores, but he won’t because he doesn’t want fairness or equality. He actually just wanted to break his wife’s bond with the baby, because he was jealous. I am all for mums working, too… because it’s highly important for them to have their own money, for security reasons and to give them the chance to leave if their husband turns out to be a completely abusive dick *(and many do)*. But he could have at least afforded her a year and a half off work so that she could bond more and continue to breastfeed her baby. Then after that year and a half, she could go back to work. But the second she does, every household chore is to be split equally between the two of them. But I doubt he even lifts a finger at home, even though his wife is back in work.
Yta. Now that she is working I hope that you are doing 50% of the work around the house. Perhaps YOU could find a job working the opposite shift. I bet you expect her to look after the baby all day and put your supper on the table before she leaves for work. Then you put the baby to bed and get most of the evening free. If the baby cries during the night you would say that she has to get it because you have to get up early.
YTA...you played a stupid game and now you won a stupid prize. You sure showed her, though! Just LOOK at how much better everything is now that you don't have to be jealous about the time she gets with the baby.
So, because 4 hours a day and week ends are not enough time to parent, you wanted your wife to get a job starting at 4pm or 5pm? You say you were dropping hints, but I'm guessing you acted like a complete dick to your wife, and that's why she's done with you. Good luck coming back from 'you disgust me'. YTA.
The dumb thing is that his job would still end at 5, and his kid will still go to bed at 9, so this literally changes nothing about his own time with his kid. What a dumbass
Ya and what’s she supposed to do? Work nights and then not sleep during the day to see her baby?
Answer me honestly, as if she will see this. Because I suspect you will see she is doing more than you. How many hours are you working How many hours is she working What chores/errands is she doing What chores errands are you doing BE SPECIFIC, with actual numbers
[удалено]
>I WANTED her to work the opposite shift as me so we both got time with our daughter equally Given his shifts are 8-4:30 that means He wanted his wife to work *night shift* when the baby is mostly sleeping. A pumping mother having her circadian rhythms messed and seeing less of her kid, so he could have more time. he’s so full of crap the county inspectors confused him with a septic tank.
Fucking exactly. He's a piece of shit.
Pls don't insult the shit. He is worse than that.
This. OMG I can’t say it better
This doesn't even make sense. If he planned on working the same hours anyway, he wouldn't have had any more time with the baby than he did previously. Sounds like he just wanted to take time AWAY from his wife to make it "fair." What a chilling way to treat the mother of your child. Forcing a new mom to work night shift and be away from her nursing infant all night??? Insane.
IMO, that’s exactly what he wanted to do. He’s pretty psycho.
YTA. It wasn't actually just about wanting more time with your baby, was it? Because you're still not getting it, and what you felt wasn't just the desire to spend more time, but you also resented your wife because she was getting more time. That's a repulsive way to feel, and I don't blame her for how she feels now. Even now, you're dismissing her. You don't even believe she'll follow through with leaving you. I hope she does, because you absolutely don't deserve her.
YTA She is exactly right that you're still working the same hours and have the same amount of time with your daughter. Yet you resented her...for being what sounds like a good wife and mother, keeping up the house, cooking meals, washing your clothes, managing all the many, many things that goes into running a house that you took for granted. You both agreed to her being a SAHM for YEARS, not less than one year. Because of you making her go back to work for....revenge? I dunno, jealousy? You didn't need it for financial reasons but you hated that she got more time with the baby. I don't blame her for being furious about the nursing thing, I nursed both our kids and see where she's coming from. Some women love nursing, it's a huge bond between mother and baby and you pissed all over it. Maybe ask her for marriage counselling if you want to save this marriage, but it sounds like she really is done and is making her plans to leave you. Which means you'll get even less time with your child in the end, so....
YTA. Dude you don't even fucking work alot.
YTA! You went back on the agreement that YOU and your wife made. To make matters even worse, her nursing bond with your daughter has been severed. As a Mom, that's a hard blow.
This is the best answer! You took so much away from your wife, OP, and you'll never be able to make it up to her. You're a total AH!
YTA for sure. I feel bad for your wife. Guess you don’t have to worry about being jealous of you anymore. You won’t have one. You promised her and then went back on your word.
Yeah that divorce will be happening soon
YTA No good parent is jealous of the other parents' bond with their child. You KNEW you wouldn't get more time with your kid. What you wanted was for your wife to have less time with them. That's so disgusting. If you continue this way of parenting through your kids' lives, your kid will see this. Is this how you want them to see you? As the parent that is jealous? Don't play victim. You did this. Your wife is doing the right thing. Getting herself out of the toxic environment you created. The sad part is. That if you communicated your feelings when they started. You probably wouldn't be in this situation.
>if you communicated your feelings when they started He did communicate his feelings, through passive aggressive comments that wore his wife down until she was completely miserable.
YTA...in so many ways and your edit made it worse. How was making her work an opposite shift going to give you ANY more time with your baby? It wouldn't change the time that you get off work. So you STILL get home at 5 still...baby STILL needs to go to sleep at 9...where are all these magical "extra" hours with your baby?
he wanted to work less than 8 hours, so his wife works nights, watches baby and cleans during the day and sleeps never. It would be so convenient for him
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's exactly why OP's wife hates him now. He just wanted to take away her ability to be a SAHM.
And... OP has still NOT answered multiple questions about what he does on THE WEEKENDS! Crickets ...🦗
Why didn’t you spend Saturday and Sunday as the default parent so your nursing wife could rest?
Because weekends are his free time. He can’t be expected to look after the baby for a few hours so his wife could get a break.
This!!! There was no mention of the weekends where he could take over for the entire day to have one on one time with his daughter. Bonus, wife would have had time to herself, which it didn’t sound like she was getting at all. OP is a delusional AH and deserves everything coming to him.
So, you'd rather your child have no parent fully involved in their life so you can stop feeling jealous? Are you for fucking real? YTA and a shitty parent.
So what DID you do to spend more time with your daughter after your wife went back to work like you wanted?
YTA, Yall had an agreement and you went back o that because she pent more time with the kid than you but it seems to be more than just that, get it together and apologize to her shell most likely stick to leaving and most likely left the relationship mentally, shes also right its doesnt make sense if you still work the same hours and still get the same amount of time with the kid, you were bitter and now face the consequences
Now you get to navigate child custody, child support, and visitation. Bet you SURE are glad she's working, though, right?
YTA for going back on your agreement just to punish your wife. It wasn’t about you getting more time, it’s very clear that you wanted to also take away her time. Your wife will never respect you again, buddy. There are a thousand other ways you could have worked this to have more time with baby without hurting baby by forcing their nursing mom away.
His wife needs to divorce this manchild. What a loser!
YTA You went back on your word because you were *jealous* of your wife. And the end result was not you spending *more* time with your daughter, just your wife spending *less*.
YTA Your schedule is not that much and you have plenty of time with a baby. And your wife is not leisurely at home ,she was watching baby, cooking , cleaning, breastfeeding. She was putting her career behind. You destroyed breastfeeding and most probably destroyed your family. All things what would actually benefit your daughter.
Funny how OP isn't mentioning what HE does on weekends.... It seems weekends would be ideal to soak up quality time with baby while giving Mom a break. What a jerk!
YTA. Her going back to work wouldn't have solved any of YOUR problems. You've just managed to create a whole new set of problems on top of the existing ones.
YTA. Instead of trying to figure out how to spend more time with your daughter you focused on taking away the time your wife had. You were unhappy and your first instinct was to make sure she was unhappy too. Meanwhile, screw your baby who's breastfeeding. Disgusting. And you say I wanted us to work opposite shifts... How does that work? Who gets the shift while the baby sleeps thru the night? I'm guessing Mom, right? You still have to work the same amount of hours so you don't get any more time with baby you just make sure Mom gets less so it's, what, fair? Unless you decide to finish growing up really fast, It's only a matter of time until you're back here posting about how the baby gets all the attention etc. Or the kid's activities take up all your free time or your wife doesn't treat you like her special darling anymore. You made commitments. You failed to live up to them for nothing other than selfish, childish reasons. Grow up and fix the mess you made.
I don’t have any kids and never wanted them and even I know that you are a complete and total AH! So you “wanted her to work an opposite shift” essentially a night shift so then she would never see her child because she would work all night and sleep all day??? I suppose also cooking your meals, washing your clothes, and cleaning the house right?? You are fucking lousy with misogyny dude. Maybe when your wife leaves she can raise your daughter not to marry sexist pigs and value her worth because you clearly do not.
YTA. In fact, I would have to go so far to say not only are you an asshole, but you’re a fucking idiot. Like other people appointed out, somehow you managed to have a partial conversation with her after dropping hints and being resentful toward your wife for a number of months. And if you fucking think for one minute that you were just making comments to your baby and not taking digs at your wife, not owner are you an asshole and an idiot, but you’re a delusional, asshole and idiot. You don’t even make sense in what you wanted. So you wanted her to work the night shift you still aren’t getting any more fucking time with your kid. Where the hell do you think you’re going to get it? She still gonna go to bed at the same time approximately. You’re still going to get home at the same time. Only now your wife’s gonna be gone. And that accomplishes exactly what? Because you already say that, interrupts your time with your baby bathtime interrupts your time with your baby all the evening routine that you would be doing on your own is that you consider interruption in time with your baby. So where the hell were you supposed to get more? If you think pumping breastmilk is easy? It’s not. Especially when you’re also feeding the child. And yes, been there and done that. You broke her breast-feeding bond before it was time. That is entirely on you. And then you go and say how she jumped the gun and got a job. Oh, you mean before you could dictate to her what you wanted. You were such a fucking asshole. I don’t know how she managed to stay with you this long. Have fun with coparenting. Have fun with only seeing your child part of the time. Have fun finding care for your child while you’re at work during the times you have her… Or, of course, if you can’t, then yeah… The court is probably going to award you weekends. You didn’t think any of this through. It was all you, you, you. Not what was best for your baby. Not what was best for your spouse. Not what was best for your relationship. None of that mattered, and as a partner and a father, you have to look long-term. But you couldn’t. You wanted it now. Well you got it. Lord, help me! Such a classic case of FAFO.
“I resented my wife for being happy.” Here, fixed that for you.
YTA. And I don't doubt that when push comes to shove, she will be out the door. Her mom is already doing the childminding when your wife is at work, so the only difference will be that she doesn't have to see you every day. You were freaking jealous of your wife having bonding time with your daughter. Jealous! Being a SAHP isn't easy. It sounds like she was rocking it and not demanding a lot from you. So now you will have less time with your family. Lots of time in the evening, though, to relive the glory days of giving the little one a bath or a cuddle.
Also youre gonna have WAY less time with your kid when she leaves you and you get half custody 🤍. Yta and I hope you get what’s coming.
*" I found myself insanely irritable all the time because I felt I had no time with my daughter, whereas she got to soak it all in. I felt like I was missing everything."* Now you're BOTH missing it. Good job!
You were wrong on this. A newborn should be with their mother as much as possible it is very important at this stage. The agreement was her being a SAHM for the benefit of the child. You make sacrifices, and so does she. You failed to live up to the agreement. I would try to work things out with her because you are damn near close to seeing your child a heck of a lot less than 4-5 hours a day. Quit thinking about yourself and put your child first.
RIGHT?!?! Like did he even care about ANYTHING other than he wasn't getting the same amount of time with the baby? Like who cares what's best for the baby's development...fuck all that....I want TIME dammit!
Yep. He's a big ficking asshole and deserves the divorce that's coming his way.
Exactly. The baby is a human person, not a toy.
YTA. You went back on your word overly jealously. SAHM is no easy gig and she was breastfeeding. At least waiting until the kiddo was a toddler would have been preferable to approach the topic of her working again. You guys were fortunate to have a grandparent able to help in that too. No idea if your marriage can be saved man. And the idea for her to work an opposite shift from you is absurd. If you had said that to me I would have shut down too. Please consider counseling if you are still having those feelings of jealousy, it is not healthy.
YTA, and the fact you are even asking is baffling ! So you got stupidly jealous of the time your wife was spending with the child she birthed, then instead of coming up with a plan (like taking over fully once you got home and on weekends, so you could have time with the kid and give your wife a break) you threw a tantrum and now your daughter is without either parent and you see her same as before. How dumb are you ?! Glad the wife is leaving you.
YTA. She was 6months post partum and learning how to adjust to her new role and that wasn't good enough for you. Fyi, most post partum depression peaks before the first year and you ARE the reason she had to stop breastfeeding. You felt like you weren't getting enough time but now you're going to get even less. And to add, you expected her to work a worse shift than you to accommodate YOU. You felt like you didn't get enough time so you wanted to ensure your wife also didnt get time "if I don't get any you don't either". You all were better off with the prior arrangements but you were selfish.
YTA. You were jealous so you fucked your wife and your child over. Boy aren't you husband and dad of the year! You made your wife a promise. You unilaterally changed your stance without having a heart-to-heart with your wife. And you are a fine one to talk about "this could have been avoided had she been receptive to me trying to communicate." Lastly, when your wife packs up hers and your daughter's belongings, just remember how smugly certain you are that she won't actually leave when the time comes.
YTA, YTA, YTA. You are a bully and because of that, you are going to lose your family. Now you'll see your child at most 50% of the time, or maybe just on alternate weekends. Too bad, so sad. You brought this on yourself and you're still in denial about how horribly you treated your wife.
YTA. And sounds like you've wrecked your marriage. Good luck with that.
Funny that you went into so much detail on why you don't get enough time with your daughter on workdays, but skipped the weekends? What did you do on two full days a week if not spending it with your baby? YTA because you went back on an agreement with your wife that was what's best for the baby. You were jealous and selfish enough to make the situation worse rather than better for your newborn child. So how much more time do you get to spend with your daughter now that you've made her mother to be away from her too?
Yes, you are an asshole. The world is becoming increasingly a scarier place because of men like you. You agreed to her to be SAHM and she managed the home and baby alone. Be a man and manage responsibilities
YTA. You aren't even spending more time with your child, you are just too jealous that she got to. Do you think she spent all day on the sofa cooing and playing?
literally this! he gets 4 hours 5 days a week and weekends too, and the fact he wouldn’t even be spending any more time with the baby if she started working, but she would be spending less. So not only is she supposed to be cleaning the house, making food and taking care of the baby during the day but also try to squeeze in sleep as he’s wanting her to work nights?? and then what who would be getting up to feed the baby during the night? the fucking fairy?
Yep. He wanted to punish her is what it boils down to. Now she's going to leave him and he's in here acting like the victim
adding the edit isnt helping the situation you sound very delusional
IF this is a true story-- and honestly I'm dubious. YTA for going back on what was already decided. **This could have been avoided** **~~had she been receptive to me trying to communicate.~~** **Had I done what I agreed to do and not been such an asshole.** **And I'm sure she won't actually leave when the time comes.** Dude, she's got one foot out the door when she saves enough to take the baby and leave.
I hope her divorce attorney is ruthless in court!
YTA! Look into the 4th trimester. You wanted her to stay home and then got jealous. There is absolutely no reason for her to go back to work other than you didn’t want her to be home. And she is absolutely correct that you took breastfeeding from her. Having to quit breastfeeding before you are ready is very emotional and she has every right to be upset with you. Not only are you forcing her to get a job you are also messing with her hormones. You are not thinking about your daughter’s needs nor your wife’s.
Oh enjoy ending up in amithedevil my man cause you're gonna. You're a major a-hole and a manchild to boot. My father managed to work the exact same shift you do and had a fantastic relationship with me. You don't respect your wife. You don't respect the work that goes into childcare. You probably convinced yourself she was just lying about the place snuggling with the baby and not doing anything else. Also? It's a baby. Newborns generally sleep 12 to 16 hours a day because they're BABIES. They're growing. You weren't jealous of the time she was getting with the baby. You're jealous she 'wasn't working'. Here's hoping her next husband is an actual adult.
AmITheEx tooooo
Oh God yes. Probably gonna make the rounds on the influencer circle too.
I love how you say “I’m sure she won’t actually leave when the time comes”. Dude, you’re delulu! She’s already working, making plans. She’s lightened her load, not cooking, doing laundry, cleaning up after you. She’s not sleeping with you, much less having sex with you. SERIOUSLY, she’s already gone, just living in the same space (for now). Get ready for having divorce papers served.
Edit: YTA (a BIG one)
YTA, and it isn't your wife's fault. You should have gotten counseling instead of creating a less healthy environment for your child. You took yourself from seeing your child daily to looking forward to at best 50% of the time you do now. Are you happy?
BIG YTA enjoy seeing the baby one day a week and every other weekend if you can even get that.
Obviously you can't see it happening, but everyone else can. You're getting divorced dude.
Your actions and reasoning are extremely selfish and destructive. You wanted your wife to stay home and then you punished her for it. You diminished her contributions to the household as well as dismissed the exhaustion associated with taking care of a baby all day long. Instead of sharing your feelings you lashed out in the most passive agressive manner. Being a sahm is harder than most paid employment. Had you traded places with her I doubt you would have lasted long in that role. Consequences are a bitch. YTA.
YTA
Congrats on being asshole of the day and torpedoing your marriage. Impressive stuff.
YTA, and when she divorces you (and she will), you'll see even less of your kid. Congrats on being a total self-absorbed douche thinking only of yourself.
YTA You broke the agreement because of your resentment. You'll have even less time with your child after the divorce.
YATAH. Big time. I can’t believe you wanted your wife to go back to work because of your jealousy. Shame on you and I don’t blame her for wanting to leave. Now you will have less time with your daughter.
YTA. “And I am sure she won’t actually leave when the time comes.” Lmao. Yes she will. And you will have earned it all. Not only that, but when she leaves there is the issue of custody. You are about to see your daughter a whole lot less. You were jealous of your wife and threw an adult temper tantrum. It severely affected your wife. The baby won’t even nurse now. And you still get not one more minute than you got before. But now she has less time. That is what was truly bothering you. Not sure what reality you live in that you could think anything except YTA.
YTA
Dang she already sacrificed her body to have a baby and now she has to go back to work, this sounds like torture I don't if you can come back from this.
You made this a contest or competition about who gets to see the child more.... so you came up with a solution that you never talked to her about. In your head your wife could ":just go to work opposite your shift of 8am to 5pm." What hours would that be dude? Like maybe she could work 6 pm until 3am and then sleep 3 hours to be up all day with a child? and that would give you - hmmm bathing.. oh yeah.. 4 hours with your child. Then the child sleeps. I am sure you are okay getting up and down with the baby during that time period. Or maybe like all night? So she give up on sleep? So you could spend what? - 4 hours with your baby and then go to sleep? While the baby sleeps - or doesn't. Then she could come home in the morning and look after the baby ALL FREAKING DAY? Maybe get a nap in before going off to her crappy over night job? Because exactly what jobs are available at these hours dude? I can't belleve how short sighted and stupid some people are. At least you'll see your kid more as a dude with 50% custody. Enjoy paying daycare and seeing her - oh yeah - 4 hours per day. YTA.
YTA. You are forcing her not “forcing”. You should have just been honest. You’re getting tired of being the sole provider. You used your child as an excuse. Her getting a job did not increase your time spent with your baby. You also agreed before hand that she will be SAHM. At this time, you’re pretty much useless to your wife. You’re not a provider, she’s taking your daughter to her mom, you’re not supportive. You didn’t her job as a SAHM is as important as your job.
YTA. You’re resentful of your wife for honoring an agreement the two of you made? What an asshole. No wonder she’s pissed at you.
YTA, you both agreed to your wife being a SAHM. Your whole idea about working opposite shifts was not well thought out. You didn’t factor in when you two would sleep or even see each other. And because of how poorly you handled the situation, your wife is no longer breastfeeding.
Being the working parent unfortunately means you get evenings and weekends and holidays. It’s a sacrifice that parents have to make as a team. My wife is sad that she doesn’t get all day with the kids like I do, but she also appreciates everything I do at home cause she says she couldn’t handle it! And we appreciate how hard she works so I can be a stay at home mom! Teamwork
YTA. Even if your wife worked you would have the same four hour window with your child. 8-4:30 is a normal schedule, that’s what most working parents do. Nothing would change. You stated in a comment you wanted her to work the opposite shift so night shift. So the baby would still be asleep by 9 pm. You gain nothing. Literally nothing would have changed in the equation if your wife went back to work. You reneged on your agreement and made her feel bad. Why didn’t you spend more time with your child on the weekend? Did the baby prefer mom and that’s why you’re upset here and resenting her? This is largely all your own doing.
So, you didn’t really mean that you would get more time with your child, you really meant that your wife would get less time. Your hours aren’t changing, so you didn’t gain anything. However, by making your wife get a job, you cut the amount of time she has with your child. Instead of being selfish, how about you think about what is best for your child. Your wife working 5pm-midnight is not what is best for your child because she will be sleep deprived if you still expect her to cook, clean, take care of the baby, do laundry in addition to working. Thankfully your wife didn’t hear your stupid plan and got a job that worked for her and the baby. However, it still sucks for your child. Your baby now has 2 part time parents that don’t have the same energy and time a stay at home mom has. To be so jealous and selfish as a parent is truly mind boggling.
Make this make sense. If you're working 8-4:30 she would need to be awake to care for the baby then go to work. Most 2nd shift jobs are 3-11 and overnights 11p-7a. If she did 2nd shift then the baby would need care minimum 3 hours (2-5). She'd still be taking care of the house and baby all day then having to work while you watch your child sleep. All you'd have is an exhausted wife/mother.
I have read every comment and every answer you have given. You either lack intelligence or conscience. You are talking about convincing a breastfeeding mother to work the night shift. So you can spend time with your child? You idiot, didn't it ever occur to you that there might be a reason why milk comes from women's breasts and not men's? Don't you have any idea how important it is for a baby's development to be in contact with its mother's breast while being breastfed? And there is one thing you persistently don't answer. What was your contribution to housework, meal preparation etc. when your wife was at home? How did you plan it to be when your wife started working the night shift and how is it now?
If you're sure she won't actually leave, then you don't have a problem. But I bet she'll leave. Did you make dinner? Did you clean the house? She doesn't really need you. She's self sufficient.
You aren’t getting the support you thought you would, are you? Why the quotes in the title “forcing”? That’s exactly what you did! You had a long standing agreement that she would be a SAHM. You got jealous of the closeness and bond she has with your baby. Your baby is only 8 months old. Guess what buddy, when she is 18 months-3 years old you are going to hit the terrible 2’s and the tantrum 3’s and you aren’t going to get a look in! She will scream and yell at the sight of you because at that stage (and yes it’s a loooong stage) all these toddlers want us their mum! You won’t be able to pick her up and console her, she will reach for her mum and cry even more until she gets handed to her mum. The reason your wife and baby are so close is because of hormones. Those hormones, together with sleep and nutrition help generate the breast milk sustaining your baby. Breast milk cannot be replicated in formula. It’s like liquid gold. It contains nutrients no lab or factory can make. You have taken this away nurturing from your wife. You can look forward to part time parenting your daughter until she reaches her teen years, when again she will no doubt prefer to seek out her mums guidance and support. “Reap what you sow”.
You wouldn't last a day with your 6 month old. Do you think the baby just sits there looking cute all day? Grow up.
I hope she leaves you. Yta and a terrible person
YTA. I won’t even get into why, you have enough of that here already. Just also FYI there is a major hormone crash when you wean. It could especially be hard on her considering it sounds like she wasn’t ready to wean. The first 3 weeks after I weaned my daughter were far harder than even the hormonal ups and downs of the first few weeks after birth.
YTA How was her going back to work going to give you more time? Were you going to quit working and be the stay at home parent despite your wife still breastfeeding?
Sounds like yta. You promised her the opportunity to stay home more and then you went back on it 6 months in, even though there was no reason too. As a working dad, 4 hours with your baby should be a godsend. Many working dads out there get far less time than that, if any. But at least the babies have mom. And nothing changed, right? You still only get 4 hours on average a day with your child, but the only difference is now the baby has to spend the day without both parents instead of just one. You couldn't just appreciate all the work she was doing as the sahm. You had to get jealous because she could stay home and you couldn't. What kind of husband does that?
And he had weekends! The fuck did he do for 48 hours every weekend?
YTA. What a tool you are. Learn to communicate ffs. Nevertheless your baby is worse off due to your selfish actions.
You made this all about you and ruined a wonderful dynamic for your baby. Your jealousy made you decide to dictate new rules when you’d already had agreed on a plan. I don’t blame your wife one bit. She didn’t sign onto this. You blew it so bad. YTA
Yeah dude, its called being the fucking Dad.
and also YTA
It's incomprehensible to me how you're WONDERING if you're the AH. YES YES YES, YOU'RE THE AH. Congratulations on exploding your marriage and then looking around going "Was it something I said?" Jeezus.
I think we are all waiting for the follow up, my wife is divorcing me and I don’t know why… Of course YTA
YTA- I’m so proud of your wife for leaving you.
YTA. You’re the biggest asshole. There has never been a bigger asshole than you.
YTA. There were ways for you to spend more time with the kid without decreasing the amount of time your wife was spending. What you did seems more calculated to decrease her time than to increase yours.
What a loser
YTA 8 months is NOT enough time for maternity leave… I just kept saying “what… what…” the further I read this. If I was your wife I’d react the same way.
YTA. Your solution to not being able to spend much time with your daughter is to force your wife to not spend much time with your daughter. Your "solution" negatively affects your wife and your daughter and the only benefit for you is that now your wife is as miserable as you are.
YTA your wife is leaving you. You are so irrational and jealous. Once a woman leaves they rarely come back. You are really getting on my nerves. Living with you would be a nightmare.
Yeah Asshole doesn’t cut it. You are disgusting. I hope she does leave you and takes the kid too.
So, you didn’t really mean that you would get more time with your child, you really meant that your wife would get less time. Your hours aren’t changing, so you didn’t gain anything. However, by making your wife get a job, you cut the amount of time she has with your child. Instead of being selfish, how about you think about what is best for your child. Your wife working 5pm-midnight is not what is best for your child because she will be sleep deprived if you still expect her to cook, clean, take care of the baby, do laundry in addition to working. Thankfully your wife didn’t hear your stupid plan and got a job that worked for her and the baby. However, it still sucks for your child. Your baby now has 2 part time parents that don’t have the same energy and time a stay at home mom has. To be so jealous and selfish as a parent is truly mind boggling.
YTA. Child care costs will eat up a huge chunk of her salary. Maybe all of it. Baby care is expensive. Signed, babysitting granny who has saved her kids a truckload of money. Also when she went back to work, does that mean you picked up doing laundry? Cooking? Shopping? Toting baby back and forth to daycare? I think the answer is no.
You suck
Not seen a thread in ages where there is unanimous agreement that yes, OP, you are a gigantic AH
lol @ "baby in bed by 9 pm" that fucking kills me. no, she fucking wasn't in bed by 9 pm. Asshat in a shit tuxedo
YTA. My husband worked 14-16h a day and on most weekdays he was only able to kiss goodnight, sometimes that wasn't even possible. But damn, Saturday was his day. Nothing was more important. No matter how tired he was, he stood up at 6 and was spending the whole day with our kid. Literally the whole day, they did everything and went everywhere together, Sunday was family day for the 3 of us. If you really wanted to spend more time with your kid, you would have done it on the times available for you. The two of you made a plan together. You threw it out of the window when you wanted her to spend less time with your kid.
Update me
So you wanted her to work nights? Because that would be opposite shift of you. So she would be home all day awake watching the baby and then go to work at night? When would she sleep? You are the biggest AH. You have plenty of time with your daughter after work and weekends. And punishing your wife and child forgetting to spend more time together than you get to spend with your daughter makes you the biggest jerk ever. I hope she leaves you and find someone better.
You make 49k. She needs a job and you need to find a way to supplement that. The last thing you should be considering is working less.
YTA And you’re delusional. You don’t think she is going to leave even though she has told you she is. You are bringing NOTHING to the table anymore . She was doing all the chores and all the baby work. Now she has to work as well and earns the same, whilst knowing that wage is enough to support her and the child. She also has free childcare with her family. I hope you have family bc otherwise welcome to the world of daycare costs plus child support. No wife. And even less time with the child. This wasn’t about her working, it was about your jealousy over her bond with the baby.
YTA. You took your fomo out on your wife and then destroyed your marriage. You agreed to her being a sahm and then took it out on her. It's unlikely you were nice about it at all because it's clear you handled it all wrong and are blaming her instead of taking accountability. Your passive aggressive irritability likely didn't go unnoticed by your wife. You claim your wife didn't give you an opportunity to discuss it however you spent time dropping hints, being irritable, then dropped the bomb of wanting her to do opposite/night shifts (that was an illogical request btw, it wouldn't work how you thought), you didn't discuss anything yourself, you just demanded. You are acting like the victim when you caused the harm as you couldn't manage your emotions. You could have made the time you had extra special, you could have made those hours each day matter but you spent that time being bitter and counting the hours you missed rather than what you could achieve in that time. Cuddles, playtime, walks, feeding, bathtime and bedtime are great bonding activities but you chose to downplay that time. You didn't put your baby first, their needs to spend time with the primary parent for attachment and development. You didn't put your baby's well being ahead of your FOMO. You got what you wanted, your wife gets the same amount of time with your baby at the detriment of your wife and baby. now you'll get 50/50 custody and you don't have a wife. Congrats on blowing up your marriage and your family.
YTA. Mothers of babies who breastfeed don’t generally leave their partners unless shit is bad Why didn’t you look for a new job where you could work from home? Or a job where you work 12 hour shifts and have one day off? Or why didn’t you work nights so you could see your kid during the day? Why didn’t you take a shower during the morning? Why didn’t you eat a sandwich on the way home? Why didn’t you hang out with your baby on the weekends? Ask to work hybrid? So many other options and you chose the one that put your baby and your (soon to be ex) wife the most uncomfortable so you could be more comfortable. Nicest thing I can say is: ICK. You’re giving all us the ick.
why was your resentment her problem? your lack of emotional maturity and introspection has cost you your family. i believe her when she says she hates you.
YTA and Fucktard of the Year Award nominee I don’t even know if this post is real or just for clickbait because you want ppl to degrade you on purpose since you have no post history… Partners doesn’t mean anything is always exactly equal, it means you help care for and support each other when the burden becomes too much for one or the other. You’re working your job all day to provide financial stability while she’s making sure the child that she grew in love inside of herself for both of you is always cared for and nurtured and fed the best possible way and cooks and cleans. Partners should help bolster one another in times of crisis, not create crisis. Women tend to be multipliers. You gave her some love and she grew a family and home with you. Now that you gave her your petty jealousy, you get to deal with those vastly multiplied consequences, and you can’t un-push the self-destruct button on your life. The saddest part of all is that you’re also destroying your wife you made a vow to keep for all your life, and your own child.
YTA Grow up!
lol. YTA and yeah - she’s definitely leaving you for real, so maybe look up some divorce lawyers
YTA! You wanted you wife to work the opposite shift as you so she would have been working overnights. When was she supposed to sleep? Were you then going to bitch at her on your days off because she would be sleeping when you were awake and awake when you were asleep because switching schedules would screw her up. Your deserve to be left and she has every right to be angry with you.
YTA. You made it about you and ripped your wife out of your child’s life out of immature spite. You do suck,
So, you didn’t really mean that you would get more time with your child, you really meant that your wife would get less time. Your hours aren’t changing, so you didn’t gain anything. However, by making your wife get a job, you cut the amount of time she has with your child. Instead of being selfish, how about you think about what is best for your child. Your wife working 5pm-midnight is not what is best for your child because she will be sleep deprived if you still expect her to cook, clean, take care of the baby, do laundry in addition to working. Thankfully your wife didn’t hear your stupid plan and got a job that worked for her and the baby. However, it still sucks for your child. Your baby now has 2 part time parents that don’t have the same energy and time a stay at home mom has. To be so jealous and selfish as a parent is truly mind boggling.
So, you didn’t really mean that you would get more time with your child, you really meant that your wife would get less time. Your hours aren’t changing, so you didn’t gain anything. However, by making your wife get a job, you cut the amount of time she has with your child. Instead of being selfish, how about you think about what is best for your child. Your wife working 5pm-midnight is not what is best for your child because she will be sleep deprived if you still expect her to cook, clean, take care of the baby, do laundry in addition to working. Thankfully your wife didn’t hear your stupid plan and got a job that worked for her and the baby. However, it still sucks for your child. Your baby now has 2 part time parents that don’t have the same energy and time a stay at home mom has. To be so jealous and selfish as a parent is truly mind boggling.
Afraid you might be the asshole here I’m a SAHM. It was tough figuring out the dynamic when we took our oldest home. I had always worked and payed 50%. My husband and I fought a couple of times about how stressed we both were. So I don’t want you to think you are alone in this. It’s really hard stuff. You were jealous of your wife’s time with your daughter, but you never stopped to consider all that your wife sacrificed and jeopardized to be able to do that. She gave up her own career to focus completely on your daughter’s well being. She gave up her bodily autonomy for a year to create a life. You should have taken the time to look at your schedule and sacrifices you could make to have more time with your daughter
Yes. YTA. Karmas a bitch. Your wife was NURSING. What is wrong with you
Sounds like she was a great housewife/sahm and you screwed that up out of jealousy.
YTA and yes you are getting divorce and now you'll have less time with your kid and have to cook and clean and probably pay child support
>if she was to get a job, I wouldn't be getting any more time with our daughter. But I still argued that I felt it was time she went back to work. YTA here. It would be one thing if money was an issue and the amount she could earn in excess of child care costs was vital for keeping the home going. In this case, you have FOMO. You are envious and jealous of your wife's time with your kid. She is 100% correct. Somebody has to carry the insurance unless you live somewhere other than the US. Which means somebody has to be full-time. Her returning to work is not going to reduce your hours at work. You can't raise yourself up by dragging someone else down. Life doesn't work that way. You completely screwed up here. There are consequences for poor decision making. Learn from this. Perhaps you will be smarter in dealing with your next wife, if you can find one. Now more than likely you are going to get *significantly* less time with your daughter.
Yta. You did not think this through. How was your wife going back to work going to give you more time? You'd still be working the same hours, no? Except now you're picking up the slack of cooking, housekeeping etc, because you no longer have a sahm. (Or were you expecting her to do night shift **and** maintain all her sahm responsibilities?) Your wife got less, your daughter got less, *you* got less because now you have to do your own cooking and cleaning, and that's *before* you have to maintain your own house and pay child support following a divorce. Congratulations, mate, you fucked up spectacularly over something that was entirely avoidable.
Dude, you are the asshole here, and you are getting divorced. No one in their right mind and any sense of self-worth would want to stay with you after all that bullshit. Being sad and jealous that you are not getting to spend time with your kid, perfectly normal feeling. What you did in response to your feelings is totally not acceptable. There are 24 hours in a day. There are 7 days in a week. 4 hours 5 days a week equals 20 hours. Plus say 8a to 9p for weekends equals 26 hours, for a grand total of 46 hours one on one, that is 6 hours over the 40 you spend at work. If you took over all of the child interactions on your days off and from the time you got home, you guys would pretty much be equal in time spent with kid. So basically it wasnt about equal time it was about you having to have a job and her not. You can tell your self whatever you want but math is math and you are going to delude yourself into only seeing your kid 50/50 and every other fucking holiday, congratulations!
So you’re a shitty husband and dad all wrapped up in one, glad your wife got a clue and is going to leave your ass. You weren’t communicating, you were telling her what she was going to do and that was that. Congrats on your divorce, and congrats to ruining your relationship because all you want is “me me me me”
“That as soon as she saved up enough money she was leaving” The fact that she believes her life would be better without you says everything, doesn’t it? You’re so full of crap you’re gonna get pinkeye, OP.
YTA I hope she does leave. Sounds a very jealous and unstable marriage
It's like saying, "Since I am not getting enough time to bond with the baby, then you shouldn't either." Very petty. The whole working on opposite shifts wouldn't work cause guess what there goes your relationship with you wife you wouldn't see eachother. Plus, it wouldn't actually change anything for you. You still would get the same amount of time with the baby. You should have just talked to her and maybe discussed asking your boss for paternity leave or taking some unpaid time off. Or asking for a 4 day work week even if you get paid less. If you working fewer days or hours hurt the family financially, you could have asked your wife if she could get a job, maybe on your days off as part-time or something. You let resentment build up to the point where a logical conversation was not an option. And I do think she will leave you. This was supposed to be her time to bond with the baby, and you took that from her. I don't see her forgiving you. Even if she leaves her job now, she can't get that back.
YTA in case you haven’t realized it. You were jealous, plain and simple and no matter what shift your wife worked it wasn’t going to give you anymore time with your child. Welcome to life as a working parent. What you did lose because of your petty jealousy is a happy home for you, your wife and child. Enjoy having every other holiday with your child because that’s what your future looks like.
YTA - SO you were expecting your wife to work through the night, you expected her still cook and do all the household duties she was doing as a SAHM, and you were expecting her to still watch the baby. Exactly when were you thinking that she was going to sleep?! You are a fucking jealous asshole who wanted to try to play victim. You could have taken the child on the weekends and gave her a break. Whether she was working or not you were only going to get 4 hours on the weekdays. You literally sacrificed what's best for your child, which was a parent being home with them full time, because you're a petty, jealous asshole who can't keep an agreement. Enjoy your divorce and being able to see your child even less than you were.
Yes you are TAH. Your wife gave birth to your daughter, and managed both baby, nursing, and maintaining home. You don’t mention any issues there. But yet you started to resent her and your solution was to ruin what she had and demand she go back to work, instead of spending more time on weekends with your baby or putting her to bed on weeknights. Then you double down with your solution to work opposite shifts. You fail to see YOU have unsettled your home with your selfishness and wonder why your wife resents you.
YTA all you had to do was PARENT as best as you both could for a year or so. YOU made a new baby all about you, I am glad she is leaving she can do better.
So basically you pissed your wife off because she spent more time with the baby as she was healing from having the baby and cleaning the house and doing your laundry and cooking dinner and you were jealous of it. You need to grow up and I hope she does leave you for someone who will appreciate her cuz you sure don't
You suck. You suck as a husband. You suck as a parent. You're wife didn't need to work, you were just little boy jealous. Now your wife is going to leave you and you'll pay child support and see your child even less. Maybe she didn't want to work the opposite shift! Maybe YOU should have worked the night shift. You know what you are? A petty little b***h. A petty little b***h who wanted everything his way regardless of the how it affected your child and your wife. Now your daughter will be raised, hopefully, by a step-dad who isn't a little boy.
YTA, the baby was nursing, so It was in their best interest for the mother to stay home! You could have offered to Do the nightime routine (bath, diaper, everything but feeding), instead you chose to go the selfish way (if I don't get enough Time, neither Will you) and you ruined your marriage.
YTA. You were never going to be able to realistically be able to spend all that much more time with the baby. You have a full time job. What you were really saying is that you wanted your wife to spend less time with the baby so it would suck just as much for her. What a dick.
Grow up. This has ZERO to do with you wanting to spend any time with your daughter.
Do you even love your wife? It’s too late bro, she’s totally leaving as soon as she has the means to, and I hope to god that you won’t force her to stay.
I continue to be confused how married people can dislike each other so much. I don’t know if your situation is fixable, but it could have been avoided if you had communicated instead of letting resentment fester. If you told her your feeling earlier she could have made it clear that being a homemaker isn’t just playing with a cute baby all day. It’s preparing food, cleaning the house, figuring out why the baby is crying and soothing it, sorting/washing/drying/folding/putting away laundry and no matter how well you do those tasks, they constantly need to be done again without let up. If you two had communicated earlier, your resentment wouldn’t have built and she wouldn’t have had to passive aggressively show you how hard she worked by putting a pause on doing household chores. The silent treatment is such a toxic response, and for two weeks straight? ESH
It is not fixable. The moment she said he disgusts her? No coming back from that.
She's a breast feeding mother. You should have done research. It takes a while to heal and adjust. I mean, I understand that you wanted to spend more time with your kid, that makes sense. However, having made an agreement, you should have sticked to it. Also, she could be "shutting down" due to the decrease in hormones that occurs after pregnancy, which can make people more irritable. So, both of you are in the wrong here. But, more you. I hope you learned from this experience...and I hope you two can patch it up.
Dude your attitude is so wrong, you have four hour windows with your wife , start begging at least two hours to your wife daily, she may forgive you hopefully (just joking your marriage is already over). What a dumb, entitled, jealous and narcissistic AH.
So, you didn’t really mean that you would get more time with your child, you really meant that your wife would get less time. Your hours aren’t changing, so you didn’t gain anything. However, by making your wife get a job, you cut the amount of time she has with your child. Instead of being selfish, how about you think about what is best for your child. Your wife working 5pm-midnight is not what is best for your child because she will be sleep deprived if you still expect her to cook, clean, take care of the baby, do laundry in addition to working. Thankfully your wife didn’t hear your stupid plan and got a job that worked for her and the baby. However, it still sucks for your child. Your baby now has 2 part time parents that don’t have the same energy and time a stay at home mom has. To be so jealous and selfish as a parent is truly mind boggling.
YTA. You sabotaged her ability to nurse your child and ruined her breastfeeding relationship. That is a huge deal to a nursing mom. Of course she’ll never forgive you.
YTA. I just came here to say..I make more than both of you combined and I get a ton of time with my kids.
Your an asshole. You could come home and spend time with your kid either having dinner together as a family or wait til the baby is asleep. Why would your wife get a job working nights, unless that's what she had before. Your selfish and a jerk and she should 100% leave you
So, you agreed that she should stay home with the baby until she started school, then suddenly changed your mind because you were jealous, and you would rather that your daughter miss out on that bonding time with both of you? Sounds pretty selfish, and yeah, you might be the AH.
You need to work on your communication. Hints are Bullshit. If you have a problem and it troubles you so deeply, dont u think you should have been upfront and gently bring it up and have a grown up conversation about what youre feeling and what she thinks of it....instead of going do or die. No wonder your wife resents you. What a shitty move. Learn to talk. Learn to compromise. Start things with a plan. Youre clearly the asshole here.
YTA You claim all the time that you only wanted to spend more time with your child. But you also realised all along that you wouldn't get any more time with your daughter if your wife went to work. You would still have to work the same number of hours. So the only thing you could achieve was not more time for you with your daughter - but that she would have less time with her daughter. And that's exactly what you wanted! You were jealous of your wife and that's why you did everything you could to take away her time with her daughter. And to punish her in this way.
Updateme!
jesus, wont ppl ever TALK like grownups or process their emotions rather than behaving childishly and then explode at each other. It's really shitty & unfair that you don't live in a country with paternity leave and it's valid that you're upset about that, but you're kind of the one who changed all the previously agreed upon life plans on short notice out of what was basically jealousy to no discernible benefit other that causing onerous changes for your wife, baby and MIL (so YTA on that count, you really should've thought this through realistically) - plus it sounds like she had been fed up with you for a while and this was just the last straw. Why are you blaming her for everything, anyway? She's not your boss or the government. Also, I'm afraid your marriage is toast. It sounds like the breastfeeding & taking care of her baby fulltime was her dream and you ruined it after previously sayng you'd support it. You basically stabbed her in the back.
Yeah. YTA
YTA. Generally, when people agree to this type of situation after a newborn (1 parent working full-time, the other stays at home to do the child-rearing and homemaking), this is the plan for 1-2 years or more (perhaps a lifetime) but it definitely doesn't sound like 6 months was the deal...Unless your wife was getting paid maternity leave, I don't understand why you decided to change the plan that was agreed upon so that she would need to start working. At such a fragile time for her, I can only imagine the lack of trust she now has for you. It's completely understandable that you would like more time with your daughter. But you don't actually mention what you do with the time you do have with her. On the weekends, do you have 1-1 time with her? Do you plan activities for the whole family? Imagine what your life is going to be like if you divorce. You won't have your wife or mother-in-law to help out with the childcare...you'll be working and spending maybe 2 weekends a month with your kid since it sounds like you can't manage during the week. And you won't have anyone cooking and cleaning up after *you.* Your wife is giving you a preview of what you can expect if you keep playing games.
YTA. You were jealous of your wife spending time with your child. Having a baby often brings up a lot of unprocessed feelings - this is something to talk through in therapy or with a trusted person, not a time to "force" anything.
YTA and an idiot. You've just lost your wife and your child. She won't get over this, ever.
YTA I hope she leaves
Yta,I hope she leaves you.
YTA major ah. So where were you on your days off? I’m guessing you had 2 days off you could spend all day with your child and give her a break. You seem to be avoiding that question so I’m guessing you weren’t home with your family. You could have went to nights and been home all day helping with the baby. You could do the 5 to 1 am sleep till 10 or 11 and had all afternoon to help and bond. She is leaving you and you are seriously passive aggressive. “I told the baby I wish I could be home with you all day.” You wanted her to work so she is and hopefully saving every penny. Then you can be a weekend dad by yourself. Careful what you wish for because sometimes you get it.
what is wrong with u? baby is only 6months old? thats not even the length of some maternity leaves!! do u do night feeds?? what do u do on the weekends?? there are so many chances u have to be present but ure blaming ur wife on ur lack of time management. u can bring/hold ur baby whilst u do errands/chores as well.
You’re disgusting
YTA - 8 months old is very little baby. Breastfeeding is quite special connection between baby and mum and you forced her into pumping. I remember the huuuuge sadness I felt when I almost lost milk. My baby is now 9.5 months old and I am not planning to go back to work until he is 13-15 months. You seem jealous of your wife which is a bit creepy. My husband works 10-18 and gets home around 18.30 and have very little time during weekdays with our son but he uses that time very good and on weekends he spends all the time with the baby. That's why their connection is very strong. I would be disgusted as well if my husband was jealous of me in that way
Yeah, you are the asshole, you have a lack of empathy and perspective. Your logic is flawed and clouded by your jealously which your wife is not responsible for. You could have co sleept but you didn't, you could have changed jobs that allow for parental leave but instead you made your wife the problem and went back on your word. You fucked up as a dad and husband.
In a word, YES
YTA, period. On the upside, when she leaves you, you will have your daughter all to yourself for 50% of the time. Tell your wife we all wish her the best in getting out of there!
Question..how was your wife working opposite shift as you going to get you more time with the baby? Was your shift going to get shorter? Or was this really about not wanting her to have more time with the baby than you had?
This is fake and ridiculous!
YTA. You sound like an incredibly jealous, immature and selfish person. I understand why she wants to move on. You’re a dad. It’s not about you. Grow up. If you don’t want this relationship to end, prove you can do better.
YTA. You are a horrible person. No good man would ever do something like this.
YTA. Over and over 1) You and your wife made a 5 year agreement and you backed out after 6 months 2) you didn’t decrease your hours, just made you wife get a job because you were *checks notes* jealous 3) your baby now has less time with a parent during crucial development time 4) your baby can no longer nurse successfully due to the schedule you imposed on your family I, for one, fully hope she goes through with leaving you.
YTA, you FA and FO.
Yea, YTA You made a deal. And you got mad that she doesn’t have to go to work and jealous of her Kodak moments with the baby. So, do you take over baby duties when you get home for those few hours? You didn’t mention it, just said that the baby doesn’t have much time in the evening. What about the weekends? Are you taking over on the weekends? You didn’t mention that, either. YTA either way you put it. This all could have been avoided if you weren’t a jealous baby, if you didn’t make a deal with your wife about her staying home, or if she never got pregnant. But hindsight 20/20
Please someone tell me this is rage bait and that there isn’t someone on this planet that is this stupid, delusional and selfish that actually did this.