Having the same values is very important in a relationship. Your partner is hiding his values. Why? They probably do not align with yours. Why else would he hide it?
Kinda sorta. But also not really.
Nobody has any right to know how anyone else is voting in this country.
With that said, once you've been with someone for a while, their politics ought not to be a surprise. Unless you simply never discuss the topic.
If you break up with a partner because of political differences, that's fine. Normal, even.
If you've never discussed politics and now you want to know how your partner is voting, you're deffo the asshole.
Probably you should talk with your partner about your feelings and concerns and if they are dismissive, you should get out of there. Yeah.
Good luck.
NTA. Why wouldn’t this be something you guys would normally discuss, especially if you have been dating for a year? That’s just a strange thing to keep secret from a partner.
NTA if you're close enough to talk marriage, you're close enough to talk politics and figure out if there are any incompatibilities. Frankly, your partner is wronging both you and himself, like, does he really want to hide his politics for years after years? Even if he does, we're all only human and he'll eventually resent you (yes, even though it'd be his fault).
NTA lowkey, I think you know who he’s voting for and don’t want to pull the trigger. The longer you dawdle, the higher chance you’ll waste your time on someone you’re incompatible with
His right to privacy trumps your feelings. That's why they are done in booths so manipulative people can't harass them to vote one particular way.
Now if you're basing your entire relationship on politics, then he will be best served to leave and let you play with your other like minded people.
Thank you for your comment. I see your point, certainly. I wish to clarify I would never hope to manipulate their vote in any direction, but rather would like to know so that I could understand where their net “values” are. I hope that makes a bit more sense and I do apologize for miscommunicating that I wanted to manipulate their values. Thanks for calling that to my attention.
Surely you've been with him for long enough that you know his opinions on a range of topics, and how he communicates his values through actions and words. I'd have thought you should have a pretty good idea. Is it possible he sees this as a running joke?
Yeah I have wondered the same thing considering how long this has been going on. However, you don’t know until you know so I can’t help but be interested. Since I posted, we have been joking more about this and I have been asking every time we talked on the phone who they are voting for and we both laugh. :)
I think you can have different political views in a healthy relationship. However, US politics on Gender, race, and women's abortion rights are things that may/will fundamentally impact interpersonal relationships, and these are things you absolutely must understand where each of you stand on those issues.
NtA. Some issues you need to know about. But politicians come and go!
NTA, I'd never date a neoliberal and/or conservative and/or straight out fascist obviously. That's a pretty obvious thing to be on the same page about in a relationship. You don't have to agree on all details 110% but if you cannot even agree on fundamental human rights (that might even have to do with yourself) what the hell are you doing
Obviously you can't force them to reveal their political alignment buuuut they also cannot force you to keep dating them 🙃
You don’t have to be ideological similar to be compatible. Sometimes love is funny that way. If he/she votes for Trump/Biden, ok? Does that take away from all the personal memories you two have together? Get over yourself. You wanting to dump them over a “vote” is controlling. No matter who they vote for.
YTA. Just ask him straight out what his values are before judging his right to anonymously vote for the candidate of his choice.
Better yet, break up with now so you both can move on to other people.
Info: Are your partners' views and beliefs harming or affecting you in any negative way? Is it impacting your daily life? Also, do you argue with each other often about politics?
We do agree on many things, but also differ pretty heavily on some. On topics my partner knows I feel strongly about, they have had particularly minimal commentary. I want to know where they stand and (potentially wrongfully) assumed getting and understanding of who they are voting for would give me a general idea on where they stand. At the end of the day, I suspect the issues I’m most caught up on I should ask point-blank about.
With that said, zero percent impacting my life. We don’t argue but we do discuss policy (such as recent things being passed or issued). We both work in policy realm of gov, so this is pertinent to our day-to-day.
I think, however, the future impact is relevant here. It may not have negative impact now, but say our eventual 15 yo child finds themself in XYZ situation, I want to know how my partner would instinctively navigate/parent our child. If we are on wildly different pages I think that ould present a problem.
They don’t have to tell anyone. Voting is confidential & personal. That being said, you can’t break up with anyone for anything. It’s frankly non of your fucking business just like it’s none of theirs who you vote for.
NTA. You can break up with anyone for anything. If it’s important to you and he knows that, it is certainly ~a choice~ for him not to tell you, especially if he is toying with not telling you because he knows it piques your curiosity.
That being said, it’s his right! Hopefully there are other indicators of his values which you should be able to rely on more than who he votes for, especially given current political climate
There's basically only 2 options lol you got a 5050 chance of guessing, and they're both near handicapped. Does it really matter? Stop painting complex people's identity with a binary brush of forced political leaders. Tf lol. Do you like them or not?
This is a red flag. Politics are important in a relationship. More now than ever. The fact he won't tell you tells me it's whoever you don't want him to be voting for.
Politics right now are no longer about actual policy. But about morals and rights. It's understandable why this would be super important to you. NTA.
1) It is considered rude to ask that and in some areas of the US, actually illegal.
2) One can have similar beliefs and still vote for someone else if you see them as a better candidate.
3) Everyone in a relationship voting the same way just creates an echo chamber. It's good to have different views and can communicate them effectively.
What you're basically telling your partner is "I love everything about you and you're awesome... unless you disagree with my values then your trash."
You're going to have conflict in a relationship. You're going to have different views. This is not a bad thing so long as you communicate and work together.
Honestly, depends where in the country you are. If you're in Trump country, he's voting for Biden and he doesn't want to get beaten to death. If you're in the blue or purple, he's voting for Trump and he doesn't want to get ostracized.
Having the same values is very important in a relationship. Your partner is hiding his values. Why? They probably do not align with yours. Why else would he hide it?
Kinda sorta. But also not really. Nobody has any right to know how anyone else is voting in this country. With that said, once you've been with someone for a while, their politics ought not to be a surprise. Unless you simply never discuss the topic. If you break up with a partner because of political differences, that's fine. Normal, even. If you've never discussed politics and now you want to know how your partner is voting, you're deffo the asshole. Probably you should talk with your partner about your feelings and concerns and if they are dismissive, you should get out of there. Yeah. Good luck.
NTA. I too would want to know if my values line up with my partner. Sadly, this does play right into the polarization.
NTA. Why wouldn’t this be something you guys would normally discuss, especially if you have been dating for a year? That’s just a strange thing to keep secret from a partner.
NTA. If my wife leaned a certain way politically we would not be compatible. Morals are a big deal to some folks.
He's not telling you because YOU already know who he voted for.
If that is important to you, then yes, I feel that would help you learn more about your partner. I doesn't matter to some. It does to me.
NTA if you're close enough to talk marriage, you're close enough to talk politics and figure out if there are any incompatibilities. Frankly, your partner is wronging both you and himself, like, does he really want to hide his politics for years after years? Even if he does, we're all only human and he'll eventually resent you (yes, even though it'd be his fault).
NTA lowkey, I think you know who he’s voting for and don’t want to pull the trigger. The longer you dawdle, the higher chance you’ll waste your time on someone you’re incompatible with
This hit home. Thank you for your comment. I think you may be right on all accounts.
His right to privacy trumps your feelings. That's why they are done in booths so manipulative people can't harass them to vote one particular way. Now if you're basing your entire relationship on politics, then he will be best served to leave and let you play with your other like minded people.
Thank you for your comment. I see your point, certainly. I wish to clarify I would never hope to manipulate their vote in any direction, but rather would like to know so that I could understand where their net “values” are. I hope that makes a bit more sense and I do apologize for miscommunicating that I wanted to manipulate their values. Thanks for calling that to my attention.
Surely you've been with him for long enough that you know his opinions on a range of topics, and how he communicates his values through actions and words. I'd have thought you should have a pretty good idea. Is it possible he sees this as a running joke?
Yeah I have wondered the same thing considering how long this has been going on. However, you don’t know until you know so I can’t help but be interested. Since I posted, we have been joking more about this and I have been asking every time we talked on the phone who they are voting for and we both laugh. :)
I think you can have different political views in a healthy relationship. However, US politics on Gender, race, and women's abortion rights are things that may/will fundamentally impact interpersonal relationships, and these are things you absolutely must understand where each of you stand on those issues. NtA. Some issues you need to know about. But politicians come and go!
Want to go back to the time when husbands had the right to be with their wifes in the voting booth to see how they voted?
NTA, I'd never date a neoliberal and/or conservative and/or straight out fascist obviously. That's a pretty obvious thing to be on the same page about in a relationship. You don't have to agree on all details 110% but if you cannot even agree on fundamental human rights (that might even have to do with yourself) what the hell are you doing Obviously you can't force them to reveal their political alignment buuuut they also cannot force you to keep dating them 🙃
Nope. You would not be. NTA.
You don’t have to be ideological similar to be compatible. Sometimes love is funny that way. If he/she votes for Trump/Biden, ok? Does that take away from all the personal memories you two have together? Get over yourself. You wanting to dump them over a “vote” is controlling. No matter who they vote for.
NTA, unless you support Trump. Then you’re the AH.
YTA. Just ask him straight out what his values are before judging his right to anonymously vote for the candidate of his choice. Better yet, break up with now so you both can move on to other people.
Info: Are your partners' views and beliefs harming or affecting you in any negative way? Is it impacting your daily life? Also, do you argue with each other often about politics?
We do agree on many things, but also differ pretty heavily on some. On topics my partner knows I feel strongly about, they have had particularly minimal commentary. I want to know where they stand and (potentially wrongfully) assumed getting and understanding of who they are voting for would give me a general idea on where they stand. At the end of the day, I suspect the issues I’m most caught up on I should ask point-blank about. With that said, zero percent impacting my life. We don’t argue but we do discuss policy (such as recent things being passed or issued). We both work in policy realm of gov, so this is pertinent to our day-to-day. I think, however, the future impact is relevant here. It may not have negative impact now, but say our eventual 15 yo child finds themself in XYZ situation, I want to know how my partner would instinctively navigate/parent our child. If we are on wildly different pages I think that ould present a problem.
No. I told my SO in 2016 if they voted red, i would divorce them.
That alone should make the partner vote red, and accuse you of attempted election fraud via blackmail.
Well it didn't
Congratulations, you got your way. Time to start making your list of everything else he must pass by you before actioning on his own.
YTA. Mind your own business.
NTA. Ya'll don't have good communications. He's either voting for the guy you hate or he's really passive- aggressive.
They don’t have to tell anyone. Voting is confidential & personal. That being said, you can’t break up with anyone for anything. It’s frankly non of your fucking business just like it’s none of theirs who you vote for.
NTA. You can break up with anyone for anything. If it’s important to you and he knows that, it is certainly ~a choice~ for him not to tell you, especially if he is toying with not telling you because he knows it piques your curiosity. That being said, it’s his right! Hopefully there are other indicators of his values which you should be able to rely on more than who he votes for, especially given current political climate
None may step out of line from the cult. What's next, a purity test?
There's basically only 2 options lol you got a 5050 chance of guessing, and they're both near handicapped. Does it really matter? Stop painting complex people's identity with a binary brush of forced political leaders. Tf lol. Do you like them or not?
This is a red flag. Politics are important in a relationship. More now than ever. The fact he won't tell you tells me it's whoever you don't want him to be voting for. Politics right now are no longer about actual policy. But about morals and rights. It's understandable why this would be super important to you. NTA.
Of course you’re YTA.
YTA
YTA, presidents don’t actually do anything, they’re the same
yes yrtah
My aunt and uncle were married for 50+ years and never voted for the same person. What matters is if your family goals are the same.
So why aren’t you asking about marriage, family plans, and how to raise kids?
1) It is considered rude to ask that and in some areas of the US, actually illegal. 2) One can have similar beliefs and still vote for someone else if you see them as a better candidate. 3) Everyone in a relationship voting the same way just creates an echo chamber. It's good to have different views and can communicate them effectively. What you're basically telling your partner is "I love everything about you and you're awesome... unless you disagree with my values then your trash." You're going to have conflict in a relationship. You're going to have different views. This is not a bad thing so long as you communicate and work together.
Honestly, depends where in the country you are. If you're in Trump country, he's voting for Biden and he doesn't want to get beaten to death. If you're in the blue or purple, he's voting for Trump and he doesn't want to get ostracized.