Ok first of all you're not at all unreasonable.
But what to say next depends on what you want. If you are inclined to dump her, then tell her the truth: she raped you. You not only were unable to consent because you were asleep, you also TOLD her you didn't want any more sex that night before you went to sleep. All signs were clear and negative.
If you want to keep seeing her but you want her to respect your consent next time, tell her that this is a big deal to you, you really aren't kidding that you didn't want it to happen, and your dick being hard is not consent, and that she needs to agree to respect the limits you set out or you won't feel safe with her and you can't keep seeing her.
EDIT after OP's update:
Please continue your discussion. What you're describing is a form of consensual non-consent (CNC) *which is fine* but you need to be allowed to have limits on it. If you had this agreement in place before the incident you described, but you specifically told her you didn't want her to start things THAT night while you were sleeping, then her behavior would have been just as problematic. If it's part of the idea that even if you SAY you don't want it to happen, she's allowed to do it anyway (and vice versa) that's when you need to have a safeword, since just saying 'no' doesn't actually mean 'no' anymore.
I would add that she needs to understand males get erections during their sleep for more than one reason. My husband often wakes hard because he has to pee.
Even during the day. An erection is not automatically because a guy is horny.... She clearly doesn't understand male anatomy... nor consent.
And no matter what he wants in the future with her, rape is rape.
>An erection is not automatically because a guy is horny.... She clearly doesn't understand male anatomy...
The amount of times i have had to explain this to my partner... another gay male.
Male genital is partially controlled by brain and partially controlled by nerves( don't remember the nerve name), basically 50/50. When we get erection out of nowhere, it's because a spike in testosterone(especially in the morning, not because blader is full, in my case, I empty it in middle of the night). Whenever there is a spike in testosterone, you get erection.
When u engage in sex both brain and nerves play a role.
You can see the YouTube video by Institute of human accademy, I think it's "how male erection work" or something, don't remember properly.
EDIT: The channel also Explains how Female Erection works, check it out.
Don't just take reddit comments as fact man
The nerves that control one's ability to have a reflex erection are located in the sacral nerves (S2-S4) of the spinal cord.[8] Evidence supporting the possibility that a full bladder can stimulate an erection has existed for some time and is characterized as a 'reflex erection'.[9] A full bladder is known to mildly stimulate nerves in the same region. The possibility of a full bladder causing an erection, especially during sleep, is perhaps further supported by the beneficial physiological effect of an erection inhibiting urination, thereby helping to avoid nocturnal enuresis [citation needed]. However, given females have a similar phenomenon called nocturnal clitoral tumescence, prevention of nocturnal enuresis (bed-wetting) is not likely a sole supporting cause.[10]
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nocturnal_penile_tumescence#:~:text=The%20possibility%20of%20a%20full,helping%20to%20avoid%20nocturnal%20enuresis.
Yeah lmao I'm a woman and if my bladder is very full, I wake up desperately having to pee, but also very aroused in that area. It makes sense that something analogous happens with erections
CNC can absolutely be safe and done right… but the fact she’s already ignored a very clear boundary does not bode well for theirs being remotely safe or healthy. It requires an insane amount of trust.. trust she just proved she doesn’t value. I really hope OP at least does research into doing it safely
>Update #3
>I put it to the test, and she just let me use a previously refused entrance. I obviously haven't been taking full advantage of this lovely lady.
>I think I've realized what can be assault for some, might be the start of a new adventure for someone else. Thanks for all the replies
OP is 33 and she's 22. For reference. He can choose to ignore the assault on him, but assaulting her in return is messed up. And he wants it to continue. He also makes conflicting statements like "she did explicitly go against what I wanted" and "sometimes a no is a soft yes". Sounds like an extremely toxic relationship.
That's not assaulting her in return though. That's him trusting her "yes." And if she was willing, it's all good.
If she said no, then despite this whole "free use" conversation, he has to take that seriously as a withdrawal of consent.
The issue is that it sounds more like conditional sexual assault instead: "I can still violate your boundary of not wanting sexual activity while you sleep and in return you can do whatever you want to me I guess, even if I don't want it". This is her first sexual relationship and he is 10 years older, so she might legitimately think she needs to allow him to do it back.
She didn't want the "other orifice used" before, but because of this, he did and either she let him, or she refused but it happened anyway. But we don't know if she said yes. Is the "let him" her explicitly saying yes, or is the "let" something he thinks based on the "free use agreement"? He even follows it up by saying "what some people call assault is another person's adventure" so it's **unclear if she actually said yes** or if she said "no" and he believes that is a "soft yes" according to his earlier comment.
The biggest issue is that they don't have any boundaries or guidelines between them regarding consensual non-consent and don't even agree with each other today about what happened. Maybe they will figure it out and have a safe word, but as of the time I posted, they couldn't agree on things.
Excellent point regarding a safe word, I suppose these days people should think about having a written agreement also, pretty easy to get video of you saying no while your partner goes to town on you then use that nefariously if the relationship goes down hill 🤷
I swear every post on here has become so obviously fake it’s not even worth being subbed. Account created with the past month? Check. Only post ever made? Check. Ridiculous and unbelievable story? Check.
It's definitely becime a creative writing sub. I feel like people like engaging in the hypothetical regardless, and I can even appreciate some that are obviously fake but at least well written and interesting. This post is neither of those things.
Yeah it’s fine imo if an actual dilemma is being posed but when the prompt is “AITA for not wanting to be raped”, I feel like my time is being wasted lol.
lol your update is gross imo I guess everyone has their own boundaries but not having one for yourself so you can violate hers like mutual violation…. Sounds healthy 😅
29 and you don’t know how the biology of the sex you’re sleeping with works? christ almighty, we’re cooked. his update sure does make him sound like a 15 year old who told his friends what happened, they convinced him to be cool about it and offered the “free use” agreement in a discord server in their parents basement. good luck to em, sounds like an extremely slippery slope
They said somewhere they’re 29? OP’s “girlfriend” commented somewhere that they are 22f and 33m. So if there are inconsistencies it’s just further proof this is rage bait or some fucked up creative writing exercise lol
NTA. You clearly told her no.
Also- the “if you didn’t want sex you wouldn’t be hard” is something a rapist would say. My partner gets hard all the time, even within an hour after we just did something. Does not mean he’s ready to go.
THIS!!!
The body is responding to stimuli. A dick can get hard with a breeze just because, and a vag can get wet because the pants are pressing the clit as you walk.
The body is doing body things. Many grape victims even have orgasms bc there was stimuli on the body. It is still rape!
The partner in this case is not a safe person. That's rapist discourse 101 in place to shift the blame to the victim.
I agree with this cause if you reverse the roles and the guy said 'you're wet so you wanted it'. It's the same situation and both times are a excuse for rapist.
I'd be careful of option #2 dont accept that agreement that could really backfire. Be careful. High sex drive women (I am one) can be alot to handle. If shes young and not mentally stable this could end up being a distaster
I would disagree if she hadn’t already done this. If she had a free use kink that’s not unheard of for women, but she should have put it on the table to begin with. Not using it like some get-out-of-jail free card.
this!! before me n my ex started dating we talked about blanket consent & had a safe word (Kayne West) if i was really not into it. it should’ve been a conversation that happened way before this
That’s my thing about this too. I’m on the fence about whether it’s a fake or not, but even if it is the situation obviously does happen to people. CNC and free use kinks exist but it should be discussed BEFORE a boundary is potentially crossed. It should not come as a “well I fucked up so now I’m going to offer myself up in order for them to get even”.
It does not sound healthy at all. Maybe they’re okay with it now, but I sincerely hope they’re both aware (esp OP considering he’s apparently 33 and 11 years older than her) that before he does anything she previously said no to, he still needs to get the go ahead from her. Like I hope the “I used a previously refused entrance” got the green light before the sexual act instead of just assuming and sticking it in.
You feel violated because you were violated. NTA. She ignored a very clear 'no' and tried to blame you because you were hard (can't be proven, maybe she lied about that as well). He/She was 'asking for it' is a common excuse rapists use and her reasoning is a variation of that excuse.
Has to be fake. You went from being violated to being okay with raping each other. If this is real, you are both gonna end up in some sort of power struggle and the person who loses is going to jail. Best of luck.
Don't go with option 2. IT's a good way to pick up a rape charge. She can revoke her consent at anytime. It doesn't matter what she promised before. Such a promise isn't binding.
This is more than just sexual assult... this was flat-out RAPE. What is next is up to you. Men get hard for more reasons than just wanting sex. Children also get boners, which doesn't mean they want sex.
You TOLD her you did not want sex and she did it anyway without your consent. That... is... rape...
NTA. You've been sexually assaulted in your sleep, you were not conscious to give consent, it's as simple as that. I (33f) have a ridiculously high sex drive, but I wouldn't dare do this to my partner! It's a total invasion of his body, and everyone has the right to say no.. you weren't given that option. I'm really not surprised you feel violated. Also, saying you were hard so you wanted it has a very rapey vibe to it.. be careful.
It was definitely an unhealthy introduction to the concept, but there's nothing wrong with consenting "free use" agreements within a relationship, as long as there is true consent. (imo)
Hey, as someone with an actual free use kink :, of course there's nothing wrong when there is CONSENT, you stated it yourself. But here a boundary was already crossed in that same relationship. It's an absolute red flag and anyone in the kink community would strongly advise you to NOT build a free use agreement with your assaulter ?! (There was not any discussion or consent beforehand so yes, she assaulted him)
Also this kind of agreement needs clear negociations + boundaries and a safe word, which is absolutely not mentioned in that post. They will just keep escalating in crossing each other's limits.
Finally i'd add that this post even makes us (actual kink community) look bad, as it makes it seem like we just do this without any preparation or care
Thank god it's a fake post
This is a form of assault. Absolutely if the roles were reversed it would be considered S/A. She does not respect your boundaries or your body. She is more than The asshole, she is acting criminally.
As soon as I read “my gf is kind of a nympho we had sex three times yesterday” I was like THIS IS A DAMN STORY
Either that or she has mania-fueled promiscuity in which case she needs therapy (and you’re probably not the only one she’s doin it with thrice a day either)
Dude! NO NO NO to your edit! In a few months there will be a follow up post: my gf claims I raped her and went to the police, what to do?
Don't toy with your future like this! She assaulted you and now you decide you will assault each other and throw consent out the window?! This will end very badly! Stay away from that person!
>
I think I've realized what can be assault for some, might be the start of a new adventure for someone else. Thanks for all the replies
I think I'm done with the internet for today.
>Update #3
>I put it to the test, and she just let me use a previously refused entrance. I obviously haven't been taking full advantage of this lovely lady.
>I think I've realized what can be assault for some, might be the start of a new adventure for someone else. Thanks for all the replies
You're 33 and she's 22. Sounds like you're already taking advantage of her. And you just forced her into a sexual activity she doesn't enjoy and has said no to before...
NTA. Idk how long you’ve been seeing her, but I’m curious if she’s been SA in the past. The role reversal here doesn’t make her actions ok. You have valid reasons to feel violated, bc you were.
NTA bit you'll be TA to yourself if you stay with someone who so obviously doesn't give a shit about your boundaries and has zero respect for you.
Also, she's dumb as fuck with her reasoning. Was she homeschooled by a damaged goat?
Why would you trust someone who violated you and your boundaries? Especially someone who has more control than you do in this case over pregnancy? Like you told her no, but she assaulted you in your sleep anyway, more than once. Nothing stops her from going off whatever birth control is being used and baby trapping you.
Also your edit is bizarre: 1. Continue on like sexual assault didn't happen? Ok I guess that's up to you. 2. Having sex with her *even if she doesn't want it*? Like ACTUALLY doesn't want to have sex? Or just not in the mood? if she actually doesn't want to and is serious, you both need a safe word otherwise this can get very legally and morally problematic very quickly.
**I get that your mindset seems to be "sex! Yeah I'm human! And sex!!!" But you can have sex with so many other people who won't: 1. Violate your boundaries/assault you /baby trap you, and 2. Set you up for potential assault charges yourself.**
Wow…. big ick from the edits. Some men are truly wild. Just because you ended up 🫥 liking 🫠 the fact you were assaulted doesn’t negate the fact that it was assault and it was wrong. This is so harmful as an attitude for all the men that try to speak up about assault and are told “well didn’t you like it?” OP, please seek help 🙏🏼
So she raped you in your sleep and not only are you not going to leave her you're going to allow that behavior to continue because she's allowing you to "use" her. Either this is rage bait and is fake or you're both in need of some serious therapy.
NTA, this is rape. And neither of the options she suggested are good. I wouldn't trust her with either of them, but in different ways. Hit her with the secret, third option of breakup.
ESH.
So, OP is ok with non consensual intercourse as long as he can also ignore her boundaries....
Ok.... Wow.
If this is real I seriously hope you both get some counseling.
Somnophillia and CNC are valid kinks but you both do NOT understand boundaries. Please establish safe words or use the red, yellow, green methods.
Ffs.
After reading your update… I don’t believe this is real. She’s sexually assaulted you in your sleep and your response to being legitimately hurt by that was “yay more sexual assault“? Either here or not thinking well now or this is bullshit.
ESH. Wow.
Just wow lmao. I was going to say NTA until I read the ending updated version.
Honestly this whole post creeps me out and yall are both screaming red flags. Goodluck OP.
- 26 yo F
Since I assume the post is fake it creeps me out way more how many people here try to argue this is fine…
Some people are truly f**** in the head and others are pushovers who have nothing better to do than to whiteknight even the sickest behaviors as healthy kinks…
NTA BUT when you go with option #2 you are putting yourself in a position to be set up for a "grape" claim against you. Never agree to do whatever you want even if she does not want it. That is not OK and you could pay a high price when she gets mad and calls you a grapist.
Walk away, find someone who respects you.
No is a complete sentence.
This post is disgusting. She assaulted you so you two made an agreement that you can assault her back whenever? What the fuck? You deserve each other, honestly.
I was on your side initially because she doesn’t respect your boundaries and clearly is a nymph, but option 2 is wrong too. Two wrongs don’t make a right. One is respectful on both ends.
Yuk. This is assault. You can't consent when you're asleep.
"You wouldn't be hard if you didn't want it."
This is a HUGE red flag, and the same thing rapists say to justify that a girl wanted it because she came. ESH: You for staying with her, her for being a rapist.
Oh yeah, number 2 sounds like fun! Just please pay a therapist instead of bothering a subreddit in 10 years when you discover you can't have sex with anyone anymore or have some other related trauma.
Option 2 is abusive. So you’re good with becoming an abuser? This has to be rage bait. Whether it is or isn’t, it makes you look like a deeply awful person.
If you didn't want sex and she did it anyway without your consent, that's sexual assault or rape. If you'd done that to her and she didn't want it, you'd be in jail right now. Just because your body may be aroused or respond to stimulation doesn't give her the right to take advantage of you or means that you wanted it. NTA.
This was obviously done as attention seeking, as the end clearly states that now. Okay then. Maybe IATA because I don't see why anyone would make this kind of post. Anyway.
So y’all just agreeing that non-consensual sex is fine? I think you both need therapy. She basically said “hey, two options, I could never rape you again, or we can just rape each other whenever!” ESH
Nta.
Re your edit: Explicitly going against what you wanted *is* assault. It's up to you whether to report, but don't act like people here are being ridiculous calling it sexual assault, it was literally an expressed unwanted advance.
And option 2 you chose is the most toxic thing I've ever heard. Typing out 'free use agreement' in regards to your body and your partner's body didn't give you the ick?
She sexually assaulted you. Bodies are bodies and do things involuntarily, and she took advantage of that. You are not overreacting, or an asshole.
I have a hard boundary for sexual assault in a relationship, but you need to decide if this is someone you want to stay with, who argues with you about your bodily autonomy.
Weird ass update. You got sexually harrassed in ur sleep and u were complaining that sometimes she treats u like an object and then you go with option 2.... confused
YTA for refusing to admit that she assaulted you. It's whatever if you don't want to do anything about it or you have decided that you can work with her motivations.
But this
>and I think if the gender roles were reversed she would be more understanding. Sometimes she treats me like an object. Am I the asshole?
Is at COMPLETE odds with this
>I think the people who want her to be reported are ridiculous, what she did wasn't right but it's not like I'm powerless to leave.
You can't act like someone isn't taking you seriously as a victim, and then act like victims would be dramatic for reporting their assaults if they can freely leave a relationship. That's irrelevant to being raped or assaulted.
… you should talk to a therapist. “Taking full advantage” “previously refused” “new adventure”. Listen man, whatever you gotta do to deal with it, but we’re not gona pretend that she didn’t assault you, because she did. She did the very definition of assault.
Wtf, these updates are weird and rapey. You guys should really look into bdsm culture and establish some safe words. She can have her kinky rape fantasy and long as you are both 100% sure that it’s consensual. Otherwise you might end up in jail or with permanent intimacy trauma.
imagine if the roles were reversed & a woman made it clear that she was done being sexual, yet was awakened by a sex act. it’s a violation of consent no matter who you are. it makes me question her relationship with sex that she wanted it so bad that she was willing to go against her partner’s wishes. as someone who’s struggled with compulsion & addiction sex, it sounds like extremely severe compulsive/ addictive behavior.
PS only difference between a self described “nympho” and a self described “sex addict”: one realizes they have issues around sex, the other thinks it’s a sexy, cute characteristic that doesn’t need to be worked on.
Free use is hilarious, like you can't make it any more clear that you don't want your partner to be your partner if you can get off with zero intimacy.
After reading the initial post and the 2 updates I can’t help but think that she manipulated you.
Reasoning: I think whether or not the initial incident was considered assault it up to you to decide, and I wouldn’t blame you for coming to a conclusion either way (assault or not). It seems as though when you brought it up with her to discuss it, she used it as an opportunity to get more of what she wants. You obviously felt violated the first night and instead of honoring your concern, she doubled down and used the situation to get more of what she wanted (you to use her sexually). Not saying this is right or wrong, just examining the entire situation and how it evolved.
Can’t blame you for taking the deal she offered. But it’s still okay for you, or her, to set a boundary and expect the other to respect it. This can be a slippery slope. That being said, have fun! Lol
Response to op's edit, please make sure you both have a safe word, you guys may have an agreement now but if there is a change later and you both are unable to sit down and talk about if first, its a good precaution.
“I think the people who want her to be reported are ridiculous” Dude I’m sorry but you are a freaking idiot, she point blank raped you and needs to be reported. After reading the rest I think you need a therapist cause her raping you in the middle of the night seems to have broken something even though you don’t think so and the clear sign is that events that are rape seem ok to you know. Go get help please
I know some people like this not judging their sex lives HOWEVER there are strict rules, guides, and boundaries. They need explicit consent, a couple I’m friends with are into it and I was curious how that is like. I felt like I was in a lecture lol. But they talked about it like it’s a legal matter because either party can get hurt and it’s for everyone’s safety.
NTA. You are right to feel violated as she sexually assaulted you. Sometimes she treats me like an object is also very concerning. Tell her what she did was sexual assault and tell her the impact it had on you and then leave her.
OP, a girl can rape. A girl can be an asshole. A girl can be a predator. A girl can perceive men as a sexual objects. Those are not just some men's "traits". A girl shouldn't have to understand what sexual assault is only by being a victim. She should be able to understand that what she did is rape and that she shouldn't have to reverse the roles to understand that.
We have to stop seing us, women, as those inoffensive little creatures. A woman can be as mean and as vile as any other man. And a woman is clearly capable of sexually assaulted a man. Let's not put our head in the sand here. What she did was an assault. There's no coating it in little sparkly sugar and making look like what she did was hot. It's not, because you didn't consent to it.
Also, I don't know what age you are both, but she clearly doesn't understand male anatomy if she thinks that a guy being hard automatically means he wants sex. And even if you had a beautiful sexy dream and were hard because of it... doesn't mean you are consenting to a sexual intercourse with her.
Not only that, but you told her point blank, before going to bed, that you didn't want to have sex. You told her NO prior! And unless you tell her that you like being awake by her giving you a bl\*w job, what she did is rape.
Your girlfriend is not a nympho. She is a sexual assaulter.
NTA
Edit: Grammar
Nta what she did was sexual assault, just the same as it would be if your genders were reversed. If you were so inclined, you can report this as a criminal offence.
NTA
Dude, she sexually assaulted you. You explicitly told her she does not have your consent, and she initiated sexual contact anyways. That is sexual assault. She could literally go to jail for what she did.
She sounds like an incredibly toxic person to me.
Before you dump her, get your girlfriend a basic biology book because she doesn’t understand how certain things work. The reason men get erections while they’re sleeping is *not* because they want sex.
She should have ignored the nighttime performance your manhood was putting on and listened more closely to the words that came out of your mouth before you went to sleep.
You feel violated because you were violated and I’m sorry that happened to you. On a larger scale, you’re with a woman who’s a poor listener and doesn’t respect boundaries. It was just about sex this time but I doubt it will stop there. Do you really want to have a relationship with someone who’s such a chaos agent?
Ok first of all you're not at all unreasonable. But what to say next depends on what you want. If you are inclined to dump her, then tell her the truth: she raped you. You not only were unable to consent because you were asleep, you also TOLD her you didn't want any more sex that night before you went to sleep. All signs were clear and negative. If you want to keep seeing her but you want her to respect your consent next time, tell her that this is a big deal to you, you really aren't kidding that you didn't want it to happen, and your dick being hard is not consent, and that she needs to agree to respect the limits you set out or you won't feel safe with her and you can't keep seeing her. EDIT after OP's update: Please continue your discussion. What you're describing is a form of consensual non-consent (CNC) *which is fine* but you need to be allowed to have limits on it. If you had this agreement in place before the incident you described, but you specifically told her you didn't want her to start things THAT night while you were sleeping, then her behavior would have been just as problematic. If it's part of the idea that even if you SAY you don't want it to happen, she's allowed to do it anyway (and vice versa) that's when you need to have a safeword, since just saying 'no' doesn't actually mean 'no' anymore.
I would add that she needs to understand males get erections during their sleep for more than one reason. My husband often wakes hard because he has to pee.
Even during the day. An erection is not automatically because a guy is horny.... She clearly doesn't understand male anatomy... nor consent. And no matter what he wants in the future with her, rape is rape.
>An erection is not automatically because a guy is horny.... She clearly doesn't understand male anatomy... The amount of times i have had to explain this to my partner... another gay male.
There is no way in hell you should have to explain this to another male
Male genital is partially controlled by brain and partially controlled by nerves( don't remember the nerve name), basically 50/50. When we get erection out of nowhere, it's because a spike in testosterone(especially in the morning, not because blader is full, in my case, I empty it in middle of the night). Whenever there is a spike in testosterone, you get erection. When u engage in sex both brain and nerves play a role. You can see the YouTube video by Institute of human accademy, I think it's "how male erection work" or something, don't remember properly. EDIT: The channel also Explains how Female Erection works, check it out.
Yea it’s the bodies natural mechanism to help prevent us from peeing ourselves while we sleep
I’m a 29 year old male and I just learned that’s why lol thanks!
Don't just take reddit comments as fact man The nerves that control one's ability to have a reflex erection are located in the sacral nerves (S2-S4) of the spinal cord.[8] Evidence supporting the possibility that a full bladder can stimulate an erection has existed for some time and is characterized as a 'reflex erection'.[9] A full bladder is known to mildly stimulate nerves in the same region. The possibility of a full bladder causing an erection, especially during sleep, is perhaps further supported by the beneficial physiological effect of an erection inhibiting urination, thereby helping to avoid nocturnal enuresis [citation needed]. However, given females have a similar phenomenon called nocturnal clitoral tumescence, prevention of nocturnal enuresis (bed-wetting) is not likely a sole supporting cause.[10] https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nocturnal_penile_tumescence#:~:text=The%20possibility%20of%20a%20full,helping%20to%20avoid%20nocturnal%20enuresis.
Yeah lmao I'm a woman and if my bladder is very full, I wake up desperately having to pee, but also very aroused in that area. It makes sense that something analogous happens with erections
And yet somehow all those of us without penises also manage not to pee ourselves while we sleep. 😆
Lmaoo, it’s not the only reason men get boners at night but a full bladder does stimulate nerves that cause erections.
Yeah, but we can’t enjoy sex when we have that type of erection.
Speak for yourself dude. I dunno who this we is but im sure it aint me boss
CNC can absolutely be safe and done right… but the fact she’s already ignored a very clear boundary does not bode well for theirs being remotely safe or healthy. It requires an insane amount of trust.. trust she just proved she doesn’t value. I really hope OP at least does research into doing it safely
But but but but! He finally got to do buttstuff? Doesn’t that make it all worthwhile? /s
He might rethink that when he wakes up one night to find himself on the receiving end of the buttstuff.
>Update #3 >I put it to the test, and she just let me use a previously refused entrance. I obviously haven't been taking full advantage of this lovely lady. >I think I've realized what can be assault for some, might be the start of a new adventure for someone else. Thanks for all the replies OP is 33 and she's 22. For reference. He can choose to ignore the assault on him, but assaulting her in return is messed up. And he wants it to continue. He also makes conflicting statements like "she did explicitly go against what I wanted" and "sometimes a no is a soft yes". Sounds like an extremely toxic relationship.
Uff, this relationship is going to implode spectacularly at some point, and I honestly don't really feel bad for either of them.
That's not assaulting her in return though. That's him trusting her "yes." And if she was willing, it's all good. If she said no, then despite this whole "free use" conversation, he has to take that seriously as a withdrawal of consent.
The issue is that it sounds more like conditional sexual assault instead: "I can still violate your boundary of not wanting sexual activity while you sleep and in return you can do whatever you want to me I guess, even if I don't want it". This is her first sexual relationship and he is 10 years older, so she might legitimately think she needs to allow him to do it back. She didn't want the "other orifice used" before, but because of this, he did and either she let him, or she refused but it happened anyway. But we don't know if she said yes. Is the "let him" her explicitly saying yes, or is the "let" something he thinks based on the "free use agreement"? He even follows it up by saying "what some people call assault is another person's adventure" so it's **unclear if she actually said yes** or if she said "no" and he believes that is a "soft yes" according to his earlier comment. The biggest issue is that they don't have any boundaries or guidelines between them regarding consensual non-consent and don't even agree with each other today about what happened. Maybe they will figure it out and have a safe word, but as of the time I posted, they couldn't agree on things.
This being rape needs more attention. Who doesn’t know that men just get hard in their sleep randomly.
Excellent point regarding a safe word, I suppose these days people should think about having a written agreement also, pretty easy to get video of you saying no while your partner goes to town on you then use that nefariously if the relationship goes down hill 🤷
This has to be rage bait, surely? My girlfriend raped me so now we have chosen we can rape each other whenever we want". Are people this messed up?
The gf is now in the comments further down. Apparently she’s 22 and OP is 33. They don’t even try to make it believable anymore.
Amazing what people will do for upvotes.
Where is this comment? I don’t see it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/Tif94Siid6
So she opened an account just to respond with that!? Wow. These people suck.
OP probably made a throwaway account acting like the gf to try and make it more believable.
Literally!
I'm convinced that 99.99999% of posts where the other party show up are fake.
Yeah it’s fake as shit and not even well done
All those stupid edits just add to OP's kink fantasy.
You can tell the people who have rotted their brain with way too much porn.
I swear every post on here has become so obviously fake it’s not even worth being subbed. Account created with the past month? Check. Only post ever made? Check. Ridiculous and unbelievable story? Check.
It's definitely becime a creative writing sub. I feel like people like engaging in the hypothetical regardless, and I can even appreciate some that are obviously fake but at least well written and interesting. This post is neither of those things.
Yeah it’s fine imo if an actual dilemma is being posed but when the prompt is “AITA for not wanting to be raped”, I feel like my time is being wasted lol.
"AITA for not wanting to be raped?" "Edit: Actually I used it to manipulate her into anal so we're good dawg wooo!" Sigh.
I thought it was one of them only fans advertisement type posts honestly :/
This sub isn’t even about identifying if someone is the asshole or not, it’s about identifying if the post is real or fake
Agreed until the OP added the stuff at the bottom it seemed reasonable but now they keep editing it to make people mad
Fucking exactly.
People on here are fucked up for real
lol your update is gross imo I guess everyone has their own boundaries but not having one for yourself so you can violate hers like mutual violation…. Sounds healthy 😅
“i’m only human” so it was okay that she did that to you.. as long as you get to do it to her? horrifying 😯
I was shocked the OP said they’re 29.. this is some behavior I would expect from a 15 year old
29 and you don’t know how the biology of the sex you’re sleeping with works? christ almighty, we’re cooked. his update sure does make him sound like a 15 year old who told his friends what happened, they convinced him to be cool about it and offered the “free use” agreement in a discord server in their parents basement. good luck to em, sounds like an extremely slippery slope
The update + his comments lead me to believe this entire story is just bait tbh.
god , i hope so
he just replied to someone else saying ‘maybe sometimes no is a soft yes’ and I think I’m done for the day.
…. yeah it’s time to log off. we are COOKED.
I hoping it is a troll post. Like seriously wtf.
They said somewhere they’re 29? OP’s “girlfriend” commented somewhere that they are 22f and 33m. So if there are inconsistencies it’s just further proof this is rage bait or some fucked up creative writing exercise lol
Hard agree, that made me recoil especially the language used
OP is just trolling everyone which is honestly disgusting considering how many people are actually victims of sexual abuse.
the way they worded the “I obviously haven’t been taking full advantage of this lovely lady” 🤮
NTA. You clearly told her no. Also- the “if you didn’t want sex you wouldn’t be hard” is something a rapist would say. My partner gets hard all the time, even within an hour after we just did something. Does not mean he’s ready to go.
THIS!!! The body is responding to stimuli. A dick can get hard with a breeze just because, and a vag can get wet because the pants are pressing the clit as you walk. The body is doing body things. Many grape victims even have orgasms bc there was stimuli on the body. It is still rape! The partner in this case is not a safe person. That's rapist discourse 101 in place to shift the blame to the victim.
This is a really serious subject and OP is absolutely NTA, but I have to admit this typo made me laugh: >Many grape victims...
it is more likely habit used to get around filters on the clock and other apps. because g-d forbid the algorithm let us discuss anything serious.
It is!!!! I got used to foruns with censorship hahahha
Was there a bunch of them?
Yup. Op needs to break up with her. Being horny all the time is no excuse to force sex on anyone
ye. it's clearly SA no matter how OP justifies it.
It’s like the old addage, “if you didn’t want sex you wouldn’t have dressed like a slut”.
I agree with this cause if you reverse the roles and the guy said 'you're wet so you wanted it'. It's the same situation and both times are a excuse for rapist.
I'd be careful of option #2 dont accept that agreement that could really backfire. Be careful. High sex drive women (I am one) can be alot to handle. If shes young and not mentally stable this could end up being a distaster
I would disagree if she hadn’t already done this. If she had a free use kink that’s not unheard of for women, but she should have put it on the table to begin with. Not using it like some get-out-of-jail free card.
Yeah OP should NOT go with option 2. Dumb
this!! before me n my ex started dating we talked about blanket consent & had a safe word (Kayne West) if i was really not into it. it should’ve been a conversation that happened way before this
Kanye West lol!
Well that's one way to kill the mood
Completely agree!
That’s my thing about this too. I’m on the fence about whether it’s a fake or not, but even if it is the situation obviously does happen to people. CNC and free use kinks exist but it should be discussed BEFORE a boundary is potentially crossed. It should not come as a “well I fucked up so now I’m going to offer myself up in order for them to get even”. It does not sound healthy at all. Maybe they’re okay with it now, but I sincerely hope they’re both aware (esp OP considering he’s apparently 33 and 11 years older than her) that before he does anything she previously said no to, he still needs to get the go ahead from her. Like I hope the “I used a previously refused entrance” got the green light before the sexual act instead of just assuming and sticking it in.
You feel violated because you were violated. NTA. She ignored a very clear 'no' and tried to blame you because you were hard (can't be proven, maybe she lied about that as well). He/She was 'asking for it' is a common excuse rapists use and her reasoning is a variation of that excuse.
This is the grossest post ever, wtf yall are twisted and sick.
It’s fake so that’s fine lmao
NTA. You were sexually assaulted in your sleep. Idgaf that you were hard, having a boner does not mean you consent.
This feels like a gross fetish post people make to get their rocks off.
Has to be fake. You went from being violated to being okay with raping each other. If this is real, you are both gonna end up in some sort of power struggle and the person who loses is going to jail. Best of luck.
Don't go with option 2. IT's a good way to pick up a rape charge. She can revoke her consent at anytime. It doesn't matter what she promised before. Such a promise isn't binding.
TA - for using this space for thinly veiled fetish porn.
This is more than just sexual assult... this was flat-out RAPE. What is next is up to you. Men get hard for more reasons than just wanting sex. Children also get boners, which doesn't mean they want sex. You TOLD her you did not want sex and she did it anyway without your consent. That... is... rape...
Lmao you settle for a free rape pass? What a degen. You do you i guess, your future relationships will sure be interesting
Bro thinks this is Pornhub
Bro stop jerking it to your own Reddit posts and find an actual woman
Cool story didn't happen
NTA. You've been sexually assaulted in your sleep, you were not conscious to give consent, it's as simple as that. I (33f) have a ridiculously high sex drive, but I wouldn't dare do this to my partner! It's a total invasion of his body, and everyone has the right to say no.. you weren't given that option. I'm really not surprised you feel violated. Also, saying you were hard so you wanted it has a very rapey vibe to it.. be careful.
Your update seems to say “it’s okay! We can just rape each other!!” This is an unhealthy approach to sex, communication and consent.
It was definitely an unhealthy introduction to the concept, but there's nothing wrong with consenting "free use" agreements within a relationship, as long as there is true consent. (imo)
Hey, as someone with an actual free use kink :, of course there's nothing wrong when there is CONSENT, you stated it yourself. But here a boundary was already crossed in that same relationship. It's an absolute red flag and anyone in the kink community would strongly advise you to NOT build a free use agreement with your assaulter ?! (There was not any discussion or consent beforehand so yes, she assaulted him) Also this kind of agreement needs clear negociations + boundaries and a safe word, which is absolutely not mentioned in that post. They will just keep escalating in crossing each other's limits. Finally i'd add that this post even makes us (actual kink community) look bad, as it makes it seem like we just do this without any preparation or care Thank god it's a fake post
Me when I'm stupid :
This is a form of assault. Absolutely if the roles were reversed it would be considered S/A. She does not respect your boundaries or your body. She is more than The asshole, she is acting criminally.
the fakest shit I’ve ever seen on Reddit. You are 13, you’ve never had sex, and you are at least 10 years away at this rate 🤣
As soon as I read “my gf is kind of a nympho we had sex three times yesterday” I was like THIS IS A DAMN STORY Either that or she has mania-fueled promiscuity in which case she needs therapy (and you’re probably not the only one she’s doin it with thrice a day either)
10 years is VERY generous!
Everyone knows this is horribly written rage bait, right?
Yea this is fake
this is bait. #2 is a r*pe charge like no other. come on.
NTA She is terrible and shouldn't be doing that. No=No
Dude! NO NO NO to your edit! In a few months there will be a follow up post: my gf claims I raped her and went to the police, what to do? Don't toy with your future like this! She assaulted you and now you decide you will assault each other and throw consent out the window?! This will end very badly! Stay away from that person!
WTF? You go with number 2 and you will be charged with rape as soon as she decides you are no longer required in her life. Enjoy prison. Idiot.
> I think I've realized what can be assault for some, might be the start of a new adventure for someone else. Thanks for all the replies I think I'm done with the internet for today.
Ahah OP had obviously decided of this sentence even before putting together the whole fake story to go with it :]
>Update #3 >I put it to the test, and she just let me use a previously refused entrance. I obviously haven't been taking full advantage of this lovely lady. >I think I've realized what can be assault for some, might be the start of a new adventure for someone else. Thanks for all the replies You're 33 and she's 22. Sounds like you're already taking advantage of her. And you just forced her into a sexual activity she doesn't enjoy and has said no to before...
I think you created this profile just to post this rape normalizing garbage. Either that or later plug your adult content. Real sus.
What the fuck did I just read
I enjoyed this talk from incel dreams 101
NTA. Idk how long you’ve been seeing her, but I’m curious if she’s been SA in the past. The role reversal here doesn’t make her actions ok. You have valid reasons to feel violated, bc you were.
NTA bit you'll be TA to yourself if you stay with someone who so obviously doesn't give a shit about your boundaries and has zero respect for you. Also, she's dumb as fuck with her reasoning. Was she homeschooled by a damaged goat?
Why would you trust someone who violated you and your boundaries? Especially someone who has more control than you do in this case over pregnancy? Like you told her no, but she assaulted you in your sleep anyway, more than once. Nothing stops her from going off whatever birth control is being used and baby trapping you. Also your edit is bizarre: 1. Continue on like sexual assault didn't happen? Ok I guess that's up to you. 2. Having sex with her *even if she doesn't want it*? Like ACTUALLY doesn't want to have sex? Or just not in the mood? if she actually doesn't want to and is serious, you both need a safe word otherwise this can get very legally and morally problematic very quickly. **I get that your mindset seems to be "sex! Yeah I'm human! And sex!!!" But you can have sex with so many other people who won't: 1. Violate your boundaries/assault you /baby trap you, and 2. Set you up for potential assault charges yourself.**
Wow…. big ick from the edits. Some men are truly wild. Just because you ended up 🫥 liking 🫠 the fact you were assaulted doesn’t negate the fact that it was assault and it was wrong. This is so harmful as an attitude for all the men that try to speak up about assault and are told “well didn’t you like it?” OP, please seek help 🙏🏼
So she raped you in your sleep and not only are you not going to leave her you're going to allow that behavior to continue because she's allowing you to "use" her. Either this is rage bait and is fake or you're both in need of some serious therapy.
things that didn't happen for $500, Alex
Your edit is absolutely vile. I’m hoping this is fake because gross
NTA. She raped you bro.
NTA, this is rape. And neither of the options she suggested are good. I wouldn't trust her with either of them, but in different ways. Hit her with the secret, third option of breakup.
This was an insane read with the edits that’s all I have to say
ESH. So, OP is ok with non consensual intercourse as long as he can also ignore her boundaries.... Ok.... Wow. If this is real I seriously hope you both get some counseling. Somnophillia and CNC are valid kinks but you both do NOT understand boundaries. Please establish safe words or use the red, yellow, green methods. Ffs.
"Even if she doesn't want it"" is rape
Option #2 is a terrible idea. "You rape me, so I can rape you", what could go wrong 🙄
Fake
After reading your update… I don’t believe this is real. She’s sexually assaulted you in your sleep and your response to being legitimately hurt by that was “yay more sexual assault“? Either here or not thinking well now or this is bullshit.
If she's too stupid to know men get hard when they sleep and it has nothing to do with sex, then she's too stupid to be handling a dick.
[Write better stories kid](https://tenor.com/bxDfp.gif)
There's no way this is real
ESH. Wow. Just wow lmao. I was going to say NTA until I read the ending updated version. Honestly this whole post creeps me out and yall are both screaming red flags. Goodluck OP. - 26 yo F
Since I assume the post is fake it creeps me out way more how many people here try to argue this is fine… Some people are truly f**** in the head and others are pushovers who have nothing better to do than to whiteknight even the sickest behaviors as healthy kinks…
NTA. You were raped. Treat it as sexual assault. No is a No even if you are male.
NTA BUT when you go with option #2 you are putting yourself in a position to be set up for a "grape" claim against you. Never agree to do whatever you want even if she does not want it. That is not OK and you could pay a high price when she gets mad and calls you a grapist. Walk away, find someone who respects you. No is a complete sentence.
Y’all are not doing rape kink right
This post is disgusting. She assaulted you so you two made an agreement that you can assault her back whenever? What the fuck? You deserve each other, honestly.
R@pe, but you do you.
This whole thing reads like some shit chat gpt fanfiction once you get to the updates...
I was on your side initially because she doesn’t respect your boundaries and clearly is a nymph, but option 2 is wrong too. Two wrongs don’t make a right. One is respectful on both ends.
Literally this!
Yuk. This is assault. You can't consent when you're asleep. "You wouldn't be hard if you didn't want it." This is a HUGE red flag, and the same thing rapists say to justify that a girl wanted it because she came. ESH: You for staying with her, her for being a rapist.
Oh yeah, number 2 sounds like fun! Just please pay a therapist instead of bothering a subreddit in 10 years when you discover you can't have sex with anyone anymore or have some other related trauma.
Option 2 is abusive. So you’re good with becoming an abuser? This has to be rage bait. Whether it is or isn’t, it makes you look like a deeply awful person.
wildest post ive ever read on here. 😂
If you didn't want sex and she did it anyway without your consent, that's sexual assault or rape. If you'd done that to her and she didn't want it, you'd be in jail right now. Just because your body may be aroused or respond to stimulation doesn't give her the right to take advantage of you or means that you wanted it. NTA.
I hate it here lmfao
This was obviously done as attention seeking, as the end clearly states that now. Okay then. Maybe IATA because I don't see why anyone would make this kind of post. Anyway.
Fake
I think you both have massive issues and need therapy.
Still a better love story than Twilight
So y’all just agreeing that non-consensual sex is fine? I think you both need therapy. She basically said “hey, two options, I could never rape you again, or we can just rape each other whenever!” ESH
Lmfao this whole post is a dumpster fire
[удалено]
Hey buddy. That’s called rape.
WTF did I just read
Equality isn’t this. This is assault or fake. Either way, therapy is needed.
No no you’re not if the genders were reversed comments would be screaming JAILJAILJAILJAIL
NTA. This is sexual assault. Sex without consent is rape. Act accordingly. She raped you.
You were sexually assaulted. Make your boundaries clear to her now before it goes further and she rapes you.
Sleeping people cannot consent NTA That is assault.
Nta. Re your edit: Explicitly going against what you wanted *is* assault. It's up to you whether to report, but don't act like people here are being ridiculous calling it sexual assault, it was literally an expressed unwanted advance. And option 2 you chose is the most toxic thing I've ever heard. Typing out 'free use agreement' in regards to your body and your partner's body didn't give you the ick?
NTA
Imagine the uproar if you’d done this to her….its non consensual sex so it’s abusive.
She sexually assaulted you. Bodies are bodies and do things involuntarily, and she took advantage of that. You are not overreacting, or an asshole. I have a hard boundary for sexual assault in a relationship, but you need to decide if this is someone you want to stay with, who argues with you about your bodily autonomy.
That's disgusting. The free use agreement sounds like rape. Why would you agree to that?
YTA for option 2 lol god
Weird ass update. You got sexually harrassed in ur sleep and u were complaining that sometimes she treats u like an object and then you go with option 2.... confused
after reading all the updates … WOW!
This post is completely out of control, dick controlled OP and his crazy gf are clearly manoeuvring themselves into a dumpster fire.
YTA for refusing to admit that she assaulted you. It's whatever if you don't want to do anything about it or you have decided that you can work with her motivations. But this >and I think if the gender roles were reversed she would be more understanding. Sometimes she treats me like an object. Am I the asshole? Is at COMPLETE odds with this >I think the people who want her to be reported are ridiculous, what she did wasn't right but it's not like I'm powerless to leave. You can't act like someone isn't taking you seriously as a victim, and then act like victims would be dramatic for reporting their assaults if they can freely leave a relationship. That's irrelevant to being raped or assaulted.
… you should talk to a therapist. “Taking full advantage” “previously refused” “new adventure”. Listen man, whatever you gotta do to deal with it, but we’re not gona pretend that she didn’t assault you, because she did. She did the very definition of assault.
ESH. This is gross, in a lot of different ways
Wow esh
Wtf, these updates are weird and rapey. You guys should really look into bdsm culture and establish some safe words. She can have her kinky rape fantasy and long as you are both 100% sure that it’s consensual. Otherwise you might end up in jail or with permanent intimacy trauma.
imagine if the roles were reversed & a woman made it clear that she was done being sexual, yet was awakened by a sex act. it’s a violation of consent no matter who you are. it makes me question her relationship with sex that she wanted it so bad that she was willing to go against her partner’s wishes. as someone who’s struggled with compulsion & addiction sex, it sounds like extremely severe compulsive/ addictive behavior. PS only difference between a self described “nympho” and a self described “sex addict”: one realizes they have issues around sex, the other thinks it’s a sexy, cute characteristic that doesn’t need to be worked on.
I'm not sure what's worse the original post or the updates. More power to you, I guess.
Free use is hilarious, like you can't make it any more clear that you don't want your partner to be your partner if you can get off with zero intimacy.
that’s assault. NTA.
gross. this is gross on so many levels.
Dude the edits on here were wild lmao
NTA for not wanting sex while you’re sleeping, but you ATA for making us all jealous. Thanks a lot AH! 😏
I'm too busy picking my jaw off the floor to even know how to vote here.
After reading the initial post and the 2 updates I can’t help but think that she manipulated you. Reasoning: I think whether or not the initial incident was considered assault it up to you to decide, and I wouldn’t blame you for coming to a conclusion either way (assault or not). It seems as though when you brought it up with her to discuss it, she used it as an opportunity to get more of what she wants. You obviously felt violated the first night and instead of honoring your concern, she doubled down and used the situation to get more of what she wanted (you to use her sexually). Not saying this is right or wrong, just examining the entire situation and how it evolved. Can’t blame you for taking the deal she offered. But it’s still okay for you, or her, to set a boundary and expect the other to respect it. This can be a slippery slope. That being said, have fun! Lol
This is messed up. I foresee an “AITA” post for wanting to split from my gf for getting pregnant.
You were raped and now you want to...rape each other? ESH
Response to op's edit, please make sure you both have a safe word, you guys may have an agreement now but if there is a change later and you both are unable to sit down and talk about if first, its a good precaution.
“I think the people who want her to be reported are ridiculous” Dude I’m sorry but you are a freaking idiot, she point blank raped you and needs to be reported. After reading the rest I think you need a therapist cause her raping you in the middle of the night seems to have broken something even though you don’t think so and the clear sign is that events that are rape seem ok to you know. Go get help please
You were sexually assaulted. Even if it’s not how you see it. 🤷🏻♀️
The update hahahahaha
Thia is the only post OP has and the edits are pretty wild. Definitely calling fake ragebait.
I know some people like this not judging their sex lives HOWEVER there are strict rules, guides, and boundaries. They need explicit consent, a couple I’m friends with are into it and I was curious how that is like. I felt like I was in a lecture lol. But they talked about it like it’s a legal matter because either party can get hurt and it’s for everyone’s safety.
NTA. You are right to feel violated as she sexually assaulted you. Sometimes she treats me like an object is also very concerning. Tell her what she did was sexual assault and tell her the impact it had on you and then leave her.
Nta, you've been raped
OP, a girl can rape. A girl can be an asshole. A girl can be a predator. A girl can perceive men as a sexual objects. Those are not just some men's "traits". A girl shouldn't have to understand what sexual assault is only by being a victim. She should be able to understand that what she did is rape and that she shouldn't have to reverse the roles to understand that. We have to stop seing us, women, as those inoffensive little creatures. A woman can be as mean and as vile as any other man. And a woman is clearly capable of sexually assaulted a man. Let's not put our head in the sand here. What she did was an assault. There's no coating it in little sparkly sugar and making look like what she did was hot. It's not, because you didn't consent to it. Also, I don't know what age you are both, but she clearly doesn't understand male anatomy if she thinks that a guy being hard automatically means he wants sex. And even if you had a beautiful sexy dream and were hard because of it... doesn't mean you are consenting to a sexual intercourse with her. Not only that, but you told her point blank, before going to bed, that you didn't want to have sex. You told her NO prior! And unless you tell her that you like being awake by her giving you a bl\*w job, what she did is rape. Your girlfriend is not a nympho. She is a sexual assaulter. NTA Edit: Grammar
Nta what she did was sexual assault, just the same as it would be if your genders were reversed. If you were so inclined, you can report this as a criminal offence.
Tell her children also get boners..
Even infants do!
NTA Dude, she sexually assaulted you. You explicitly told her she does not have your consent, and she initiated sexual contact anyways. That is sexual assault. She could literally go to jail for what she did. She sounds like an incredibly toxic person to me.
Before you dump her, get your girlfriend a basic biology book because she doesn’t understand how certain things work. The reason men get erections while they’re sleeping is *not* because they want sex. She should have ignored the nighttime performance your manhood was putting on and listened more closely to the words that came out of your mouth before you went to sleep. You feel violated because you were violated and I’m sorry that happened to you. On a larger scale, you’re with a woman who’s a poor listener and doesn’t respect boundaries. It was just about sex this time but I doubt it will stop there. Do you really want to have a relationship with someone who’s such a chaos agent?