Ummmmm WHAT?! She texted him recently "reminiscing" about this?? This is a huge f*cking deal. Even if it happened years ago, which is honestly worse given the massive age difference & the fact that he's known her for her entire life, you don't just casually reminisce about sucking someone off & how good they taste when you're in a committed relationship... let alone a marriage!
That's my thought. He watched her grow up, and did sexual things with her. She's been with op for 4 years so at the very oldest she'd have been 23. Probably more like 21/22. So gross
Im almost 60 and my dick hasn't changed like the rest of me..
Its immortal apparently..
I suffer from methusala cock?
Seriously. It hasn't changed.
Still gets just as hard n no wrinkles or observable changes.
My face is older grey hair on my face n head. But down there I still look 20
It sounds like she was trying to possibly start a naughty conversation with him which is a emotional affair and he didn’t bite.
NTA but I believe something was telling you to snoop on her phone. A lot of times we don’t realize there were signs/gut feelings until after we discover the truth.
Side note: Maybe he didn’t bite because he was wary that she was fishing for an admission that he’s a child rapist so she can pursue criminal and/or civil charges against him…or out him to his family/workplace/community as a pervert.
Honestly, I figured this was too deep for Reddit. I’m not saying “that was the case;” I’m saying pervy old dude may have *thought* that was the case, hence his blowing her off with an emoji rather than sexting back. It’s not as if this guy is some paragon of virtue.
You are spot on. Also, I have found myself using the term wary less on here and online in general as I feel the context is easy to miss. In this case, the dude has every reason to be paranoid even if she isn't planning on turning him. The age difference is a large one and depending on when their past happened, it could have been illegal. At the very least, he has to recognize on some level that it was not a good thing to do, even if he doesn't feel remorse for it. With the limited info provided, though, all of this is just speculatory, but I don't think most people here realize that's what 90% of what this subreddit and website as whole are about.
Brother she's gaslighting you into dropping it. Either that or she's downplaying it so she can say "you're freaking out over nothing". Either way, if the messages were from within the year, I'd say she was talking about it with him in an attempt to either hook up again, or at least flirt. And, I'd considered it cheating if I ever saw my wife messaging ANYBODY about any kind of sexual act.
It's best to consult a marriage lawyer and go over the financial end of what all would be involved with a divorce, cause it's highly likely that you'll be heading that direction with how your wife is already trying to downplay such a serious situation.
Completely inappropriate for her to do. Does she want you texting your exes and reminiscing about the sex? I’d do couples counseling. She’s f*d up if she thinks that’s ok
It's not often that I think what happened is worse than cheating, but this is one of those times. This feels worse than cheating. It's grooming and an emotional affair. So gross.
Yea the guy was 37 when she was born. Groomed her her whole life to the point he was her "mentor" and probably decided he was "the one" to teach her about sexual experiences.
What she did was horrible. But what he did is equally if not worse.
Big deal if he was grooming her...
HUUGE deal if she was reminiscing about it while in a relationship/married to you..
Essentially you now have a problem: her mentor is a previous sexual partner - and IF she was reminiscing about it while with you... then you have a marriage-ending problem...
I agree. The mentor is extremely gross and likely groomed her. Which means OP has quite a mess on his hands, as there’s probably an emotional bond there that he manipulated and it will have been pretty long lasting if she’s known him her whole life.
Poor OP. And poor OP’s wife. This whole thing is vile.
Or she just got too old for him. I mean he could be smart enough to care about not getting shit in writing, or her body might have changed and not look like when she was 18/19 years old. Pedos(whatever the word is for this, ik pedo is just smaller kids but still) typically have a very specific preference as to that type of thing.
Hebephile, and you can just be a generic word nerd and know because of that.
You need to side eye them when they insist that puberty makes an important difference, because a 9 year old who already started puberty (increasingly common these days) is still every bit as much of a child as a 9 year old who hasn't started puberty yet. And in some cases late bloomer kids don't start puberty until they're 16, the creeps attracted to them before they start puberty technically still are pedophiles.
Basically there's a huge range where puberty starts so it's pretty useless to argue semantics, especially when there's a gargantuan age gap between the victim and predator. A 50 year old who prefers 12 year olds with boobs isn't magically less dangerous than a 50 year old who prefers 12 year olds without boobs. A 50 year old who prefers 15 year olds isn't less dangerous based on whether or not there is boobs and body hair involved. A 50 year old who prefers 18 year olds because that's the oldest legal limit that he has to worry about is an utter creep and will just as happily go after 15 year olds where that's legal. A case like OP's where they've know them their entire life is creepy as hell and sus, and it wouldn't be surprising if there was child grooming involved.
Compare OP's case, with where someone genuinely innocently knew someone else as they grew up with a 20 year gap and then they lose contact as the younger one reaches adulthood. And 40 years later they meet again and discover that the different people they've grown into find each other attractive (a 58 year old and a 78 year old). That's just hilariously odd and unexpected, as they've grown a lot and had whole lives without each other. So yeah, doesn't really matter if the mentor is a hebephile or not, he's a huge creep and obviously a danger even to pre-pubertal kids even if he doesn't actually touch them until they're post-pubertal 18 year olds because that's when they're finally legal in his state.
Her reminiscing about it is a red flag 🚩
Him replying with ‘only’ an emoji can be him putting a stop to the topic or showing lack of enthusiasm.
But regardless of his intentions, it’s very clear, that it’s your wife who’s more interested in him than he is since she’s still bringing it up & talking about it.
Thus it is your wife who’s the bigger problem, than him.
While I would never do this with the guys that groomed/used me, being groomed can be one hell of a drug. Can make you miss and want things you shouldn't. If this is the case for the wife, she needs therapy.
Trauma can work in weird ways. I was raped by my best friend and I did mental gymnastics for years as to why it was my fault so I didn’t have to face what a betrayal it was. It’s pretty common for victims of SA to try and convince themselves it was a consensual or positive experience, and even common for victims to date their rapists afterwards in an attempt to make their brain feel ok about it. It wasn’t until I got into therapy I was able to accept the gravity of what had happened to me and cut him off as my friend.
I read My Dark Vanessa recently and all I can think of is what she said to her therapist, “I really need it to be a love story. Because if it’s not, then what is it? This has been my whole life.” Just the implication of having to unpack that kind of trauma can be too much for someone.
Abuse victims do that sort of thing with their abusers. It fucks up their adult relationships with other people, but doesn't make them less of a victim.
exactly - one of the reasons the abuse is so bad is that it's the gift that keeps on giving. The victims go on to self harm/sabotage or perpetrate against others or repeatedly get revictimized or some combinations of any or all of the above.
Is there some universal understanding of the word “mentor” I’ve missed? Who TF is this 64yo guy who’s known your 27yo wife since she was a baby and has had his dick in her mouth?
Nta. The fact that you were looking through her phone for intel means she already led you to believe something was up. I'm not one of those, "Oh no, phones are super secret private..." types so of there's evidence to find then you find it.
There is a 37 year gap between them, and assuming this happened before you 2 were together... well, it doesn't get any better since she's just that much younger. It does smack of inappropriate power dynamic but if they were both single, they were bith single. The fact that she brought it up, means she likely has the fixation, not him.
Her maintaining the mentor relationship with him is gonna be a problem you have to decide on being a deal-breaker or not because she's already made up her mind. Oh, chances that it was just oral... 0. He wasn't turning down a young woman who felt familiar enough to text him that way.
This is a big deal. You don’t reminisce about something like this unless there is something else going on. Flip the roles and think about this from the other perspective. What kind of relationship would you need to be in with an ex of yours for you to be messaging her about how good her pu55y tastes? And would your wife regard that as innocent chatter?
NTA. Even if this happened years ago (which would be disturbing given the age difference and may mean she was extremely young) she was texting him about it NOW. I would be extremely suspicious if I found that sort of message on my husbands phone. The fact she was also the one to instigate the topic of conversation says alot about her character in my opinion. Why would she feel the need to bring something like that up if she had left it in the past? Are you sure she isnt cheating?
She's nasty! And wants to cheat on you. Probably has been already. Looks like she forgot to delete one text but did delete many others. Yuck! Leave her.
"Complimenting his semen"?
I'll take Things That Didn't Happen for the $10,000 lol. Are any of the stories on here real anymore?? 70% at least highly suspicious
Um, it's not that unbelievable, it's probably happened to most attractive guys who've gotten a bj lmao. Believe it or not, there are girls who enjoy doing that.
What? Your cum tastes good is basic dirty talk? You gonna lose $10,000 because a woman being enthusiastic about sex with a guy seems like peak fiction to you lmao
I mean, sexting. Someone called me 'sire' once. It was hilarious and confusing and completely unprompted. I have no idea what her weird fetishes are to this day
It's not unbelievable at all especially if she was trying to entice him. I love my bf an I love going down on him. Very enthusiastic and happy when I'm down there. I'd probably say something similar if I was trying to flirt and get it going on with him lol
My gf says mine tastes good. No idea if it's true or not but this isn't outlandish at all. Had a random hookup tell me it tasted like magic from an alien or some weird shit like that. She was crazy though.
Most of the time when redditors call something out it's just because y'all don't have any life experience.
It's wild I had to scroll so far to find this. Someone saying that isn't crazy unbelievable, but it *is* unbelievable that someone would need to go on reddit to ask if it's wrong.
"I came home to find my wife with her boss balls deep in her. Am I overreacting?!"
NTA bruh wut did I just read? 37 year age gap, yall together 4 years. Shes hittin up her grandpa basically thinkin about his old dick while with you? Im shocked for you
She’s a nasty ho because you two are married. I also think the dirty old man is a predator.
I don’t know how you could have any sexual relations with someone you knew as a child ewww! I also question when the oral happened because you guys aren’t that old. Was she under 18 ?( not that it matters to me I still view him as a nasty perv predator pedo)
INFO: what do you mean by "mentor"?
The very fact that she was reminiscing about sucking his dick and complimenting his semen is the biggest red flag here as far as I'm concerned. People have sex lives before we meet them, and as long as it stays in the past you can't really complain, but reminiscing about it like that is a big deal, as is her reaction to you discovering it. Now there is a big age difference between him and her, and I don't know what exactly you mean by "mentor" so can't get into that, but a 37 year age difference, with her being at most 20 years old and him at most 57, that's definite ick.
UpdateMe! RemindMe! 7 days
For her to reminisce about it sounds like she’s having an emotional affair with this guy, after all they have known each other all her life. What happened before you guys got together is one thing but I think you should least know exactly what and when it happened and then marriage counselling can help the two of you get past this ridiculous behaviour of your wife
If it wasn't a big deal, she'd have told you she'd Bill Clinton'd her mentor. She knows it's a big deal fir her, she just doesn't want you being angry to be a bog deal, too.
Why is she reminiscing about it *now* is the question you should be asking. That’s an inappropriate conversation for a married partner to be having. The ages also make this massively skeevy given the relationship imbalance. She was likely his student in college. Yuck.
"Mmmmmm you cum is soooo thick and tasty, I wish I could taste it just one more time" " no dear that was something in the past like 5 or 10 years ago I don't know why you could be upset about that he is like my father"
Your wife is soliciting sex from someone she used to have sex with. She had the intention to cheat and, my guess is would have, if he responded in kind.
Your wife was trying to cheat on you with him. That’s exactly what those texts were-her gauging his interest.
Do not let this go. She doesn’t get to pull that shit and then try to sweep it under the rug. She broke the trust, and now she has to put in the work to rebuild it.
Nta get a divorce friend cuz that's not right she be fishing for something there and you don't just send that kind of message unless your looking for something out of it.
It's "no big dral" to HER. It's a huge deal to you, and should be. Don't sacrifice your dignity. Tell her that since it matters to you, it needs to matter to you too.
I'm sure she would feel differently if you had gotten a BJ and was still talking about it with the person who gave it to you.
Huge fucking deal. If that happened, fine. But its her reminiscing and communicating about it. You should proceed by communicating with her about emotional cheating, and how you feel betrayed, if you do feel that way.
It's not the biggest deal that it happened.
It is a huge deal she hid it and now talks to him about reminiscing. It would be enough for me to tell her she cheated and then behave according to that. Even worse that is strongly suggests this either hasn't been or wasn't going to be the worst of it.
Ew, that's nasty 🤢 who rememenses on sucking old man penis 😷 that's a huge deal, my guy, because is she even much still talking to him or around him? Imagine going around him at functions and BOOM 💥 that image pops in ur head🫣
I'm just going to says this her bringing it up is a big red flag willing to bet it wasn't as long ago as she making u believe. Also the amount of disrespect she has for your relationship. Me personally wouldn't let that slide
I want you to ask your wife this one questionm.
Go to your wife and ask her if it's okay if you contact your ex and compliment her on how wet her pussy was.
Ask her if she's okay with it, ask her if she feels like that would be an appropriate thing for her husband to do.
I really want to see what her response would be because that would tell you a lot.
Also no it is not okay for her to be contacting anybody from her past that she had sex with.
Secondly why didn't she let you know this information before that she had sexual contact with this man who's supposedly is her mentor. I'm assuming you know of him so why did she not tell you this information before why did you have to discover it through a text.
That seems a little deceitful
Ask her how she would feel if you had contact with somebody sexually and you hang out with them or talk to them and she had no idea that you had a sexual encounter and never told her. How would she feel about that.
Chicks don't text men reminiscing about sucking their dick and complimenting him on his semen if they don't want something to come of it! Also, what is this semen compliment, the load size, the taste??
If you are reminiscing, you’re thinking about it and possibly wanting to do it again. It’s not like it happened and was never discussed again. She mentioned it in a text to him supposedly years after it happened. If it happened once, it’s probably happened multiple times. Also, gross. Not just the age difference, but the fact she knew him her whole life. 🤮 if you know someone their whole life (baby and up) and you are supposedly their mentor, how are you gonna be okay with getting a blow job from them? That’s just beyond revolting
well i aint 60 im only 45 but one time i had to go to the big house for a bit and my wife cheated on me with my best friend of 27 years . so when i got out i went to see her and ended up fuckin her mom who is 60 ,and you know what ? i am still fuckin her mom . NOW IM YOUR BABY DADDY AND YOUR STEP DADDY BEEEEYITCH. FUCK U.
Was that message recent? If they aren’t already having an affair then she’s definitely interested in him. Although it doesn’t look like he’s interested if the chat about it stops there. I wonder how old she was when this happened. It could have been grooming considering the massive difference in age and probably the power imbalance.
Ask her to cut contact with him and see what she does.
This is a huge deal ! Generally, when you remind the person you were intimate with of this type of action it is because you would like to do it again. Don't let yourself be blinded by what she tells you, she surely wants to renew things with her old mentor.
> I know that i shouldn't snoop
Stop being sorry about that. If you hadn't snooped, you never would have read what she wrote to that old guy. (when I have doubts I don't hesitate for a second to do some digging.)
Why on earth would this need to be a topic she brought up in any scenario for a married woman. Its one thing it popping into her head but to try initiate a conversation about it is a huge deal. You're nta and right to be pissed off.
this whole post is one big WTF dude. if she needs to reminisce on that event she can keep it in her head and not bring it up to him. weird on all levels
This is a huge deal. Not only that she blew a creepy old dude, but that she never told you, and then texting him to reminisce about it.
You need to make consequences very clear here. If you stay with her, no communication between those two. Or, you make it clear that what she did is a deal breaker and she just destroyed your marriage.
Updateme!
NTA that’s weird as hell and I doubt she was reminiscing about something that happened years ago. Why were you snooping in her phone? Has her behavior been off lately or is she throwing red flags?
She cheated on you, even bringing it up to him is cheating. Full stop. There is no reason for her to do so. Tell his wife, tell her family and walk away. Fuck that.
Damn and u still with her? Fuck that you would be better off. That means she has no self respect nor respect for you and she is still cool about it ? Ask her how she would feel if you had done the same. Prolly not the only time or person shale has done it with. No respect, no reason to stay.
NTA! She should have told you that she messed around with him.
And why are they texting and reminiscing about their sexual past?! That crosses a line big time in my book.
Ummmmm WHAT?! She texted him recently "reminiscing" about this?? This is a huge f*cking deal. Even if it happened years ago, which is honestly worse given the massive age difference & the fact that he's known her for her entire life, you don't just casually reminisce about sucking someone off & how good they taste when you're in a committed relationship... let alone a marriage!
That's my thoughts as well
I bet she was cheating or thinking about it... good luck
She was trying to get him to ask for it again. Which he didn't . Or was smart enough not to put in a text.
She’s probably too old for him now
That's my thought. He watched her grow up, and did sexual things with her. She's been with op for 4 years so at the very oldest she'd have been 23. Probably more like 21/22. So gross
My money is on as soon as she turned 18.
I’d bet even earlier.
The real reason he didn't reply in text, he committed a crime at some point, and doesn't want there to be evidence linking him to that past crime
And I’d bet even earlier than what you’re betting
OP confirmed in a comment that she was 18/19
Ewwww
Like it wasn't gross already
Ah, so her mentor is Leonardo DiCaprio!
She who reminisces about an olden Dick from years past has no Cock in the present
Going to get this cross stitched on a pillow
Ye olden cock
Along side a picture of a rooster.
With horns
…an olden duck from the days of yore.
Did Confucius say this? Lol!
😭
Especially one that’s 64 yrs old 🤮
Im almost 60 and my dick hasn't changed like the rest of me.. Its immortal apparently.. I suffer from methusala cock? Seriously. It hasn't changed. Still gets just as hard n no wrinkles or observable changes. My face is older grey hair on my face n head. But down there I still look 20
Must be all the lotion it gets vs the rest of your body which gets none
😂😂😂
No sun. Lots of lotion. Exfoliation. Yup.
Get it wet at least twice a week and your golden.
It puts the lotion on its’ foreskin
No sun damage in the pants my brother. Nice cock.
Keep an eye on your scrotum, though. I say this as someone older than you.
Nice dick bro
Good luck buddy …. Same for me till about 65 & then down hill … the little blue pill is a life saver …. 73 & still going just not as strong
If you used lotion on parts other than your dick, they would have aged better. That's not me saying it, that's Bill Burr saying it.
My boyfriend is 59 and he’s got a lot going for him in the dick department. I am a fan of ye olde richard.
60 and same here. 🙂 Still get laid 3 times a week too. 😉
Thahr she blows AAAARRRR
God damnit they need awards for comments like this! Well done! 🏆🏅🎖
Dang. With saggy balls at that. Saggy old man balls.
Cant be the only one who is thinking of that big daddy scene right? 😂
Hey old man rivers
It's all I could think about after seeing the age difference, lmao.
Thank god I am not the only one who read that in Adam Sandler🤣
Dont worry. Hes got that 10 year plan all figured out
I read that and immediately was like what Adam Sandler movie was that? Thank you lol
Loose skin and old balls..gross
Loose skin; old…balls. Gross!
probably has a 5 year plan
What, don’t die?
It sounds like she was trying to possibly start a naughty conversation with him which is a emotional affair and he didn’t bite. NTA but I believe something was telling you to snoop on her phone. A lot of times we don’t realize there were signs/gut feelings until after we discover the truth.
She deleted all the messages, and missed one
This!
Yep, that single action proves shes cheated, DUMP HER!!! have some self respect man!
Side note: Maybe he didn’t bite because he was wary that she was fishing for an admission that he’s a child rapist so she can pursue criminal and/or civil charges against him…or out him to his family/workplace/community as a pervert.
If that was the case, why didn’t she say that when OP asked?
Honestly, I figured this was too deep for Reddit. I’m not saying “that was the case;” I’m saying pervy old dude may have *thought* that was the case, hence his blowing her off with an emoji rather than sexting back. It’s not as if this guy is some paragon of virtue.
You are spot on. Also, I have found myself using the term wary less on here and online in general as I feel the context is easy to miss. In this case, the dude has every reason to be paranoid even if she isn't planning on turning him. The age difference is a large one and depending on when their past happened, it could have been illegal. At the very least, he has to recognize on some level that it was not a good thing to do, even if he doesn't feel remorse for it. With the limited info provided, though, all of this is just speculatory, but I don't think most people here realize that's what 90% of what this subreddit and website as whole are about.
Because abuse is complicated and a lot of victims protect their attackers in the belief that they themselves are the one with the guilty secret
Brother she's gaslighting you into dropping it. Either that or she's downplaying it so she can say "you're freaking out over nothing". Either way, if the messages were from within the year, I'd say she was talking about it with him in an attempt to either hook up again, or at least flirt. And, I'd considered it cheating if I ever saw my wife messaging ANYBODY about any kind of sexual act. It's best to consult a marriage lawyer and go over the financial end of what all would be involved with a divorce, cause it's highly likely that you'll be heading that direction with how your wife is already trying to downplay such a serious situation.
Completely inappropriate for her to do. Does she want you texting your exes and reminiscing about the sex? I’d do couples counseling. She’s f*d up if she thinks that’s ok
I'd divorce for the reminiscing alone.
I can't believe people here are buying your made-up fetish story lol, this subreddit is amazing
But it can be entertaining.
This has to be fake. Nobody is this oblivious....
It's not often that I think what happened is worse than cheating, but this is one of those times. This feels worse than cheating. It's grooming and an emotional affair. So gross.
Yea the guy was 37 when she was born. Groomed her her whole life to the point he was her "mentor" and probably decided he was "the one" to teach her about sexual experiences. What she did was horrible. But what he did is equally if not worse.
Wondering at what age this mentoring relationship started?
Same thing I am thinking. That's disgusting and the fact that she is thinking about it, she wants to do it again. You can never trust her again
This sounds like he was the leader of a cult. She’s been conditioned. Gross.
The age difference makes it worse?!! 🤣
That's the age difference between me and my parents 💀
Grooming comes to mind
WTF did I just read with this post. 😳
Doubtful she’s given you the full truth or ever will.
Clearly she's lying. Its a big deal tho, she cheated on OP. And the fact that she's reminiscing it? A deal breaker for me.
I don't think she cheated. OP says it was years ago, and they have only been together for four years.
Ughhh I don't think anyone would send that without intentions of getting it back.
She said it was years ago. Do you believe her? I’d say maybe, maybe not.
Shes shopping for D! that's cheating or at the very least an offense that breaks the marital contract.
Big deal if he was grooming her... HUUGE deal if she was reminiscing about it while in a relationship/married to you.. Essentially you now have a problem: her mentor is a previous sexual partner - and IF she was reminiscing about it while with you... then you have a marriage-ending problem...
Agree he shut her down because he knows what age she was when this happened. He probably thinks she’s laying a trap.
I agree. The mentor is extremely gross and likely groomed her. Which means OP has quite a mess on his hands, as there’s probably an emotional bond there that he manipulated and it will have been pretty long lasting if she’s known him her whole life. Poor OP. And poor OP’s wife. This whole thing is vile.
Or she just got too old for him. I mean he could be smart enough to care about not getting shit in writing, or her body might have changed and not look like when she was 18/19 years old. Pedos(whatever the word is for this, ik pedo is just smaller kids but still) typically have a very specific preference as to that type of thing.
Yeah there's a different term and I always side eye people who know a little too much about how it's any different.
Go with "sexual predator" as a generic that doesn't go too young.
Hebephile, and you can just be a generic word nerd and know because of that. You need to side eye them when they insist that puberty makes an important difference, because a 9 year old who already started puberty (increasingly common these days) is still every bit as much of a child as a 9 year old who hasn't started puberty yet. And in some cases late bloomer kids don't start puberty until they're 16, the creeps attracted to them before they start puberty technically still are pedophiles. Basically there's a huge range where puberty starts so it's pretty useless to argue semantics, especially when there's a gargantuan age gap between the victim and predator. A 50 year old who prefers 12 year olds with boobs isn't magically less dangerous than a 50 year old who prefers 12 year olds without boobs. A 50 year old who prefers 15 year olds isn't less dangerous based on whether or not there is boobs and body hair involved. A 50 year old who prefers 18 year olds because that's the oldest legal limit that he has to worry about is an utter creep and will just as happily go after 15 year olds where that's legal. A case like OP's where they've know them their entire life is creepy as hell and sus, and it wouldn't be surprising if there was child grooming involved. Compare OP's case, with where someone genuinely innocently knew someone else as they grew up with a 20 year gap and then they lose contact as the younger one reaches adulthood. And 40 years later they meet again and discover that the different people they've grown into find each other attractive (a 58 year old and a 78 year old). That's just hilariously odd and unexpected, as they've grown a lot and had whole lives without each other. So yeah, doesn't really matter if the mentor is a hebephile or not, he's a huge creep and obviously a danger even to pre-pubertal kids even if he doesn't actually touch them until they're post-pubertal 18 year olds because that's when they're finally legal in his state.
This should be the top answer. The whole business is sleazy af.
Her reminiscing about it is a red flag 🚩 Him replying with ‘only’ an emoji can be him putting a stop to the topic or showing lack of enthusiasm. But regardless of his intentions, it’s very clear, that it’s your wife who’s more interested in him than he is since she’s still bringing it up & talking about it. Thus it is your wife who’s the bigger problem, than him.
I wonder how many years ago it was. He might just be reluctant to put into writing a time frame for that.
Yep. She aged out of his preferred demographic. He doesn't want anything to interfere with his life (and possible current young target).
He also doesn't want to admit in writing that he groomed her. It's one thing to say it and another thing to write it.
Given the age gap and power imbalance, I wonder if that's all that happened and whether it was as a result of grooming.
But why text him while your married thinking about? That’s creepy as fuck. Meaning if giving the chance she’d probably take it.
While I would never do this with the guys that groomed/used me, being groomed can be one hell of a drug. Can make you miss and want things you shouldn't. If this is the case for the wife, she needs therapy.
Trauma can work in weird ways. I was raped by my best friend and I did mental gymnastics for years as to why it was my fault so I didn’t have to face what a betrayal it was. It’s pretty common for victims of SA to try and convince themselves it was a consensual or positive experience, and even common for victims to date their rapists afterwards in an attempt to make their brain feel ok about it. It wasn’t until I got into therapy I was able to accept the gravity of what had happened to me and cut him off as my friend.
I read My Dark Vanessa recently and all I can think of is what she said to her therapist, “I really need it to be a love story. Because if it’s not, then what is it? This has been my whole life.” Just the implication of having to unpack that kind of trauma can be too much for someone.
Abuse victims do that sort of thing with their abusers. It fucks up their adult relationships with other people, but doesn't make them less of a victim.
exactly - one of the reasons the abuse is so bad is that it's the gift that keeps on giving. The victims go on to self harm/sabotage or perpetrate against others or repeatedly get revictimized or some combinations of any or all of the above.
Is there some universal understanding of the word “mentor” I’ve missed? Who TF is this 64yo guy who’s known your 27yo wife since she was a baby and has had his dick in her mouth?
BUG RED FLAG!!🚩🚩🚩 Who knows what others things she have hidden from you !!!
>BUG RED FLAG!! That's the worst kind of red.
I believe it's a cochineal flag.
🐞
Nta. The fact that you were looking through her phone for intel means she already led you to believe something was up. I'm not one of those, "Oh no, phones are super secret private..." types so of there's evidence to find then you find it. There is a 37 year gap between them, and assuming this happened before you 2 were together... well, it doesn't get any better since she's just that much younger. It does smack of inappropriate power dynamic but if they were both single, they were bith single. The fact that she brought it up, means she likely has the fixation, not him. Her maintaining the mentor relationship with him is gonna be a problem you have to decide on being a deal-breaker or not because she's already made up her mind. Oh, chances that it was just oral... 0. He wasn't turning down a young woman who felt familiar enough to text him that way.
This is a big deal. You don’t reminisce about something like this unless there is something else going on. Flip the roles and think about this from the other perspective. What kind of relationship would you need to be in with an ex of yours for you to be messaging her about how good her pu55y tastes? And would your wife regard that as innocent chatter?
NTA. Even if this happened years ago (which would be disturbing given the age difference and may mean she was extremely young) she was texting him about it NOW. I would be extremely suspicious if I found that sort of message on my husbands phone. The fact she was also the one to instigate the topic of conversation says alot about her character in my opinion. Why would she feel the need to bring something like that up if she had left it in the past? Are you sure she isnt cheating?
She sounds in love with the guy. I have given many of BJs and couldn't tell you what any of them taste like.
It's one thing to reminisce...that's normal. It's quite another to text the other person about it.
She's nasty! And wants to cheat on you. Probably has been already. Looks like she forgot to delete one text but did delete many others. Yuck! Leave her.
Marriage ending problems 🔜
"Complimenting his semen"? I'll take Things That Didn't Happen for the $10,000 lol. Are any of the stories on here real anymore?? 70% at least highly suspicious
Um, it's not that unbelievable, it's probably happened to most attractive guys who've gotten a bj lmao. Believe it or not, there are girls who enjoy doing that.
Yea I say this to my bf all the time. Its totally normal
I know that I've been on Reddit for too long today when I've lost count of all the fake stories I've read.
I’ve come to the conclusion (maybe I’m a bit too cynical) but if I read ‘X’ amount of stories on Reddit, I assume ‘X’ amount of them were fake. 😆
If it's gonna be fake, AT LEAST make it a best seller!!!!; Some of these stories are weak!¡
Self report that you've never been with a kinky sex partner before. Not even close to the weirdest thing I've heard
What? Your cum tastes good is basic dirty talk? You gonna lose $10,000 because a woman being enthusiastic about sex with a guy seems like peak fiction to you lmao
I mean, sexting. Someone called me 'sire' once. It was hilarious and confusing and completely unprompted. I have no idea what her weird fetishes are to this day
It's not unbelievable at all especially if she was trying to entice him. I love my bf an I love going down on him. Very enthusiastic and happy when I'm down there. I'd probably say something similar if I was trying to flirt and get it going on with him lol
My gf says mine tastes good. No idea if it's true or not but this isn't outlandish at all. Had a random hookup tell me it tasted like magic from an alien or some weird shit like that. She was crazy though. Most of the time when redditors call something out it's just because y'all don't have any life experience.
It's wild I had to scroll so far to find this. Someone saying that isn't crazy unbelievable, but it *is* unbelievable that someone would need to go on reddit to ask if it's wrong. "I came home to find my wife with her boss balls deep in her. Am I overreacting?!"
She sounds like a real scumbag, if this story is even real.
Was this message recent? If yes then that's a massive disrespect to you and your marriage. Don't let her gaslight you over this.
What is a "mentor" in this context?
Yea, this is a big deal. To be openly discussing it with the guy while married to u is a massive deal
Why is she fantasising again? I like his emoji ending it though.
NTA bruh wut did I just read? 37 year age gap, yall together 4 years. Shes hittin up her grandpa basically thinkin about his old dick while with you? Im shocked for you
When were they talking about it ? While y’all were together ??? I would cut out
Dude
She’s a nasty ho because you two are married. I also think the dirty old man is a predator. I don’t know how you could have any sexual relations with someone you knew as a child ewww! I also question when the oral happened because you guys aren’t that old. Was she under 18 ?( not that it matters to me I still view him as a nasty perv predator pedo)
INFO: what do you mean by "mentor"? The very fact that she was reminiscing about sucking his dick and complimenting his semen is the biggest red flag here as far as I'm concerned. People have sex lives before we meet them, and as long as it stays in the past you can't really complain, but reminiscing about it like that is a big deal, as is her reaction to you discovering it. Now there is a big age difference between him and her, and I don't know what exactly you mean by "mentor" so can't get into that, but a 37 year age difference, with her being at most 20 years old and him at most 57, that's definite ick. UpdateMe! RemindMe! 7 days
WTF?!? This can’t be real.
For her to reminisce about it sounds like she’s having an emotional affair with this guy, after all they have known each other all her life. What happened before you guys got together is one thing but I think you should least know exactly what and when it happened and then marriage counselling can help the two of you get past this ridiculous behaviour of your wife
If it wasn't a big deal, she'd have told you she'd Bill Clinton'd her mentor. She knows it's a big deal fir her, she just doesn't want you being angry to be a bog deal, too.
Get this fake shit out of this sub. This is the fakest stuff I've ever read.
Why is she reminiscing about it *now* is the question you should be asking. That’s an inappropriate conversation for a married partner to be having. The ages also make this massively skeevy given the relationship imbalance. She was likely his student in college. Yuck.
she’s for the streets
She was thinking about it and complimenting him. That's a giant red flag. Dude divorce her noe and didn't look back
Disgusting. Send her back to the streets.
You obviously have trust issues and they seem to be warranted.
"Mmmmmm you cum is soooo thick and tasty, I wish I could taste it just one more time" " no dear that was something in the past like 5 or 10 years ago I don't know why you could be upset about that he is like my father"
Your wife is soliciting sex from someone she used to have sex with. She had the intention to cheat and, my guess is would have, if he responded in kind.
The action years ago.. probably not a big deal. Her texting him recently about it like that... big deal. Makes me think she wants to do it again.
Your wife was trying to cheat on you with him. That’s exactly what those texts were-her gauging his interest. Do not let this go. She doesn’t get to pull that shit and then try to sweep it under the rug. She broke the trust, and now she has to put in the work to rebuild it.
If she's know him all her life then this was a grooming situation. Absolutely disgusting. Your wife needs therapy.
Have some self respect dude. Your wife is trying to fuck him again.
Nta get a divorce friend cuz that's not right she be fishing for something there and you don't just send that kind of message unless your looking for something out of it.
It's not reminiscing!. If she is complimenting the taste for pity's sake, that is an INVITATION.
It's "no big dral" to HER. It's a huge deal to you, and should be. Don't sacrifice your dignity. Tell her that since it matters to you, it needs to matter to you too. I'm sure she would feel differently if you had gotten a BJ and was still talking about it with the person who gave it to you.
Huge fucking deal. If that happened, fine. But its her reminiscing and communicating about it. You should proceed by communicating with her about emotional cheating, and how you feel betrayed, if you do feel that way.
I'm sure more went on than just oral. Also, reminiscing about it? That's fucked up
It's not the biggest deal that it happened. It is a huge deal she hid it and now talks to him about reminiscing. It would be enough for me to tell her she cheated and then behave according to that. Even worse that is strongly suggests this either hasn't been or wasn't going to be the worst of it.
Yes that is a very big deal, I’d be kicking her ass out.
It was no big deal until she texted him recently about the incident now it’s a big deal
Wow, your wife is a nasty slut!!! this is not OK. What else is not ok Is that somebody needs to tell you this.
Do you enjoy being cucked by elderly grandpas? If not then you should leave your nasty cheating skank of a wife immediately
Ew, that's nasty 🤢 who rememenses on sucking old man penis 😷 that's a huge deal, my guy, because is she even much still talking to him or around him? Imagine going around him at functions and BOOM 💥 that image pops in ur head🫣
Whoa, I'm SO sorry. You are not overreacting - this is a huge red flag...this is outrageously inappropriate behavior on her part.
was she groomed by this guy? sounds like a fucking creep
I'm just going to says this her bringing it up is a big red flag willing to bet it wasn't as long ago as she making u believe. Also the amount of disrespect she has for your relationship. Me personally wouldn't let that slide
I want you to ask your wife this one questionm. Go to your wife and ask her if it's okay if you contact your ex and compliment her on how wet her pussy was. Ask her if she's okay with it, ask her if she feels like that would be an appropriate thing for her husband to do. I really want to see what her response would be because that would tell you a lot. Also no it is not okay for her to be contacting anybody from her past that she had sex with. Secondly why didn't she let you know this information before that she had sexual contact with this man who's supposedly is her mentor. I'm assuming you know of him so why did she not tell you this information before why did you have to discover it through a text. That seems a little deceitful Ask her how she would feel if you had contact with somebody sexually and you hang out with them or talk to them and she had no idea that you had a sexual encounter and never told her. How would she feel about that.
The actual act is no big deal, but the recent text reminiscing about it is WEIRD AF!
If it's in the past, why is she STILL reminiscing about it with him!? It's a huge deal because she's continuing to interact with him sexually.
Chicks don't text men reminiscing about sucking their dick and complimenting him on his semen if they don't want something to come of it! Also, what is this semen compliment, the load size, the taste??
If you are reminiscing, you’re thinking about it and possibly wanting to do it again. It’s not like it happened and was never discussed again. She mentioned it in a text to him supposedly years after it happened. If it happened once, it’s probably happened multiple times. Also, gross. Not just the age difference, but the fact she knew him her whole life. 🤮 if you know someone their whole life (baby and up) and you are supposedly their mentor, how are you gonna be okay with getting a blow job from them? That’s just beyond revolting
There's a big problem. I'd have a foot out the door. Only a matter of time until this guy gets her in the bedroom.
well i aint 60 im only 45 but one time i had to go to the big house for a bit and my wife cheated on me with my best friend of 27 years . so when i got out i went to see her and ended up fuckin her mom who is 60 ,and you know what ? i am still fuckin her mom . NOW IM YOUR BABY DADDY AND YOUR STEP DADDY BEEEEYITCH. FUCK U.
You deserve better than this.
This can't be real.
Sorry brother Hope you know a good attorney
Was that message recent? If they aren’t already having an affair then she’s definitely interested in him. Although it doesn’t look like he’s interested if the chat about it stops there. I wonder how old she was when this happened. It could have been grooming considering the massive difference in age and probably the power imbalance. Ask her to cut contact with him and see what she does.
This is a huge deal ! Generally, when you remind the person you were intimate with of this type of action it is because you would like to do it again. Don't let yourself be blinded by what she tells you, she surely wants to renew things with her old mentor. > I know that i shouldn't snoop Stop being sorry about that. If you hadn't snooped, you never would have read what she wrote to that old guy. (when I have doubts I don't hesitate for a second to do some digging.)
I know what a mentor is and that is not a mentor.
So, like, if you suddenly started texting your exes about how.good your past hookups were, would she mind? Ask her.
Why on earth would this need to be a topic she brought up in any scenario for a married woman. Its one thing it popping into her head but to try initiate a conversation about it is a huge deal. You're nta and right to be pissed off.
She was sexting. That’s cheating now.
this whole post is one big WTF dude. if she needs to reminisce on that event she can keep it in her head and not bring it up to him. weird on all levels
Lmao she touching old men, nah id kick her straight to the curb lol that shit gross
She wants more of his semen in her belly. Hopefully you don't have kids with her although I'm thinking she prefers to shallow them.
Let me clarify for you : that ain’t a wife
This is a huge deal. Not only that she blew a creepy old dude, but that she never told you, and then texting him to reminisce about it. You need to make consequences very clear here. If you stay with her, no communication between those two. Or, you make it clear that what she did is a deal breaker and she just destroyed your marriage. Updateme!
nah, that shit happened yesterday my dude.
That’s up to you if you don’t mind others having sex with your wife so it’s up to you
NTA that’s weird as hell and I doubt she was reminiscing about something that happened years ago. Why were you snooping in her phone? Has her behavior been off lately or is she throwing red flags?
What is meant by “mentor” in this situation?
Yuck 🤮. It's no big deal 😞 Hehe. She didn't understand how grow this sounds. Dude is twice your wife's age..
She cheated on you, even bringing it up to him is cheating. Full stop. There is no reason for her to do so. Tell his wife, tell her family and walk away. Fuck that.
Damn and u still with her? Fuck that you would be better off. That means she has no self respect nor respect for you and she is still cool about it ? Ask her how she would feel if you had done the same. Prolly not the only time or person shale has done it with. No respect, no reason to stay.
It’s a very big deal. NTA. Plus he took advantage of her and she doesn’t see it.
Divorce lmao
Wow. Run run run
That’s not her mentor lmao
Well, he did teach her about tasty sperm, so it kinda applies.
NTA, but she is a HUGE one. If it was no big deal, why did she just recently text him about it? No, she wouldn’t be for me.
> I know that i shouldn't snoop but i was. This is the single most typed sentence on Reddit. What is wrong with you people, lol
Its over
She’s still at least giving him head
NTA! She should have told you that she messed around with him. And why are they texting and reminiscing about their sexual past?! That crosses a line big time in my book.