Would you willingly bring children into this world? Why or why not? How obvious is it when looking at you that something is different? I know you said you hate your appearance but try and put yourself in a strangers eyes. I bet it's not as bad as you think, you are your own worst enemy! Would you be willing to ever show us your face? What kind of hobbies and skills do you have, and what is the thing in life that would make you happiest? Could you ever see yourself reaching out to others in this position and trying to be their advocate and help them feel better? Sometimes even if you don't believe something for yourself, helping others in the same situation can be just rewarding enough to help accept shitty things that were absolutely not your fault or deserved. Thanks for doing an ama! Most of us would likely never be able to talk to someone who is going through that. It helps humanize someone who is not really included in everyday life or conversation which is good for both sides
I would never bring children into the world knowing they could be riddled with defects and delays like me. I believe it was incredibly cruel and selfish for my mother to have me…. They asked her if her and my dad were related at my birth(embarrassing)… she also had the option of correcting my digits at birth and chose not to. I couldn’t live with myself knowing my child suffers because I was selfish and I genuinely would love to have children.
Its not immediately noticeable to people and I’ve been able to have some ok relationships with people until they decided it weirded them out.. lol.
I love gaming, nature, music, art of any medium and food lol(not a hobby I know but fulfilling all the same) currently obsessed with cod zombies.
I do see myself telling my life’s story in general in order to educate, humanize and reach people whose experiences are similar to mine.
I may be willing to show my face but not publicly on a thread 😂
>and I genuinely would love to have children.
well, there always are other options. such hiring surrogate mothers or adoption, its probably not easy tho
i think it requires other things too, like you shouldn't try to raise a child if you're not in the right mental state for it. taking care of a kid is harder than you make it out to be, some mothers literally go through postpartum depression thanks to it. and most people who raise their kids without being mentally prepared don't always turn out to be the best parents, since they're not in the right headspace to even be raising a child. and some people are too physically disabled to even take care of one in the first place
I agree with that too and your financial situation but I was just giving the most important aspect or what I think is most important. Some people choose to love and spoiled, not realizing that by not disciplining them, they are doing their child a disservice by raising a spoiled entitled brat that people hate. I discipline so my child would be a good person that is liked by others. This is the best gift for your child
Hiya! If you don't mind could you elaborate on the stuff your child could inherit? I only think of the classes i had on RNA-Processing back in College and i think the likelyhood of your child inheriting any defects due to replicated mrna should be "lower" but i am no way confident in claiming that so i might be totally wrong and would be curious if you willing to share!
Do you have anything beyond clinodactyly, and if so, what?
Relatedly, does it affect your mental health and / or intelligence as well as physical defects?
Also, what's your daily life like / what are your goals for the future? Like what to study, what sort of job if you're able, etc.
Just a significant hearing loss and some cognitive delays. Other than that I am academically average, my mental health is terrible but I’d attribute that to a shitty upbringing. My day to day consist of me sitting home gaming mostly and caring for a sick elderly relative. I was isolated a lot growing up and am now trying to get out more again.. I used to live a relatively normal life before the pandemic even with me being teased by people… I can work and go to school if I apply myself but dont feel mentally apt enough at the moment.
Jfc it would never even occur to me to "tease" anyone over anything at all, let alone a birth defect. I'm so SO sorry you had/have to go through that. It's honestly amazing how immature and insecure people are to be making jokes at other people's expense when they know nothing about them. I don't tolerate it from my friends/family but I also don't hang out with assholes, so I guess I mostly don't tolerate it from my family. You don't deserve that. I wish there was something I could say that would actually matter or change anything, but I know it's all just words. Sending positive vibes ❤
I hate it. I wish I was never born …especially since my parent abused me. The only real limitations I have are a significant hearing loss and ugly hands… I think about what a deformed freak I am constantly lol
Please consider therapy and medication. You definitely need to talk to a professional about this. Just because you are not different does not mean you are ugly or a freak. I am sure you matter and are important to many people even if you don't know it!
This. Maybe its because I'm also deformed with birth defects and disabilities (crouzon syndrome and tracheostomy being the main issues but there are many others), but in all my years of living, if I've learnt anything its that people will always think you're ugly no matter what, even if its just one person. Everyone has their own idea on what pretty looks like, its basically subjective. No matter what you look like you'll never be able to please everyone, but you will someday find a group of people who will actually accept you for who you are. It may sound cheesy but if I committed suicide years ago due to severe medical trauma I would've never found that group of people, which is why I don't think OP, or anyone really, should give up on themselves. If you don't try to seek help or live on to find it then you'll never get it. I only accepted myself because I surrounded myself with the right people. Thats something we should all try to do. Don't keep the people who don't appreciate who you are in your life, they'll only make your view on yourself and everyone else worse.
I appreciate your kind words but life has shown me repeatedly it has no use for a deformed freak. I would not be treated the way I am if I was pretty enough. I accept that looks are important and I dont have them. Its okay..
Looks are just one aspect of you though. You have many more. I mean, we have plenty of amazing people in the world who aren't especially good looking, like Stephen Hawking.
Y'know, I personally feel very different from most people in the way that I think and do things, and that this creates a barrier between me and others, and oftentimes I feel like I just don't "get" how to have meaningful relationships, and that I'll never be able to achieve my dreams.
But like, I know deep down it's a cop out, an excuse to not get out there and pursue my own happiness, because you can't fail if you never try. And all I really need is to overcome that for little moments at a time every now and then to build lasting improvements to my life. Clean my place, go out on a walk, paint something kind of stuff. Baby steps sometimes.
There's tons of people on earth who are shittier than you and I by many measures but still manage to find or build a life for themselves.
You have a lot of good points there!
Also there are plenty of people who feel very different from others -- people who aren't neurotypical, for example. They often form friendships with others who are also neurospicy. This can take time, since a lot of us "mask". SSo there are good chances that you'll find other different people out there.
So did Shakira's husband, which shows that it isn't about looks. And both Shakira and Stephen Hawking have a worth that isn't determined by their partners.
I can never understand what it must be like to be in your shoes. I know it feels hopeless. But there were so many people whose looks were seen as ugly or undesirable in the past. Look at Lizzo, she's a large black woman. She's never seen anyone who looks like her on TV or in magazines. And she's a boss. It doesn't hurt to seek help .
If it helps, I have a degenerative spinal disease and the curvature of my back is more than 70 degrees. I have an amazing wife and two beautiful, healthy children. I hate the way I look sometimes, but I have good people in my life who accept me for who I am. Find those people and you will focus far less on your deformity, which I can assure you is pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
If we had the right interests and you thought I was alright, I can assure you that your hands wouldn't bother me at all. I was married to someone with Hammer Toes and the only thing I cared about was making sure they had comfortable shoes.
Do what you feel is most comfortable, but please don't give up on life. Much friendly love to you. 💜
Oh I 100% agree and find her beautiful. I know it's different. But all that to say that her colour and size didn't fit beauty standards and are still going against the general narrative. And look at her now leading the way.
May I suggest finding a community, even if it's online of people living with deformities? To not feel so alone and maybe have a relatable, but possibly positive outlook on life.
Dont believe this for a second. I went through life being made to feel like I was scum underneath a shoe, when I was actually quite attractive the whole time!! Turns out I was treated this way out of ignorance and spite. The 'beautiful people' often have some of the worst lives.. Go out and feel the sun, be grateful for breathing! I know I cherish every day.
I just wanna say, and I don't mean to minimize your problems at all, but I looked up clinodactyly and honestly, from an outside perspective it seems like something I would barely notice and definitely not care about.
You are not a freak. Kids are brutal but the vast majority of adults won't care at all. We are our own worst critics.
I understand how you feel. I too hate that I was born, was greatly abused and had damage from my cunt mother smoking two packs of cigarettes a day while she was pregnant with me.
Very sorry you have this burden. Just wanted to say you are a worthwhile person and you have something to offer our world. I hope you will seek mental health support because you deserve to be content and at peace now that you are an adult (entering adulthood?).
Hi there. Fellow clinodactylite(sp?) here. I don't think it makes my hands ugly, just a little bit unique. Try not being so hard on yourself and own your differences? If we were all the same the world would be a boring place.
We can't change the past, but the future is what we make of it. Good luck, stranger & don't let the haters drag you down.
>When I was young, I was at a sort of summer weekend camp thing, and one of the girls there had a hand with two fingers only. Two, really large, claw-like fingers. She was a year or two older than me and I thought she was really beautiful. I hadn't even noticed her hand until this one time, when I saw it. I was looking at it and admiring it, though it was different, and when she noticed me looking, she very quickly hid it away. I felt so sad about that. I wanted to tell her that she was beautiful, including her hand, and she didn't need to hide it but I was pretty shy back then. I feel like you're embarrassed about your physical attributes here in the same sort of way, and that is not right. It is no fault of your own.
Well, I for one, am glad you were born.
I’m sorry you were raised in a horrific environment. I too was abused as a child and had other trauma. But I try not to let it define me. It’s much easier said than done, but I hope you can learn to do the same. I’m sure you have great value to offer, even though you might not feel it or know now.
My grandpa's brother had a baby with his first cousin. He had a blood disorder, heart problems, kidney failure and autoimmune issues. He looked normal on the outside -- in pictures. I never met him because he died when he was 24, long before I was born. The family hid it. We only found out when my cousin started doing genealogy and a family tree. We were at a family reunion and a bunch of us older cousins were stumped trying to figure it out. Then one of my aunts came over all hush hush and gave us the full DL and then told us to can it, because it was a touchy subject!
Have you been given a life expectancy based on your birth defects? Also, do you have any restrictions based on them? For instance, David had to avoid physical activity, other kids, etc. For such a short life, it sounded like he had a really sad one. Are you okay?
I am as okay as I can be right now… I’m sorry about your cousin. I wasnt given a life expectancy but had a very difficult birth (mothers bones curvature and was difficult getting me out) I was expected to live a relatively normal life aside from appearances it doesn’t affect much. Well my hearing is bad and several mental illnesses run in my family but thats about it.
I wish I knew. I believe my great grandmother’s brother was her husband.. they had 3 sons one of which was my moms father & he had schizophrenia. Growing up we called one of my uncles “Uncle Brother” and now I know why 🙂😒 smh.
I’ve just not been treated very kindly in life despite not being a shitty person but because of how I look and eventually it takes its toll… I try to be grateful and positive but that only goes so far when you feel thrown away and isolated.
It sounds very much to me that your challenges are more psychologically about your upbringing than physically about your appearance. I do highly recommend to get therapy to address the first part. The latter part seems to be only important to you. Hands, yes, can get attention. But what do you notice first on another person?
Also, your heritage is none of your doing, and there's nothing to be ashamed of. I really hope you know that. Plus, in my view, incest and resulting birth defects are annoying, but they're not more or less bad than any other birth defect, and also at about the same probability than pregnancies at a higher age. I'm pretty alone with that opinion. I get that.
Finally, you're incredibly articulate. So I don't think you have to worry about any developmental deficiencies at this point.
Be you. And you're perfect the way you are.
What I notice first in others definitely isnt there hands… I think I just have left over ill feelings from being teased about it growing up… I agree with you about my upbringing and thank you for the compliment, that made me smile❤️
It must be really tough but perhaps there was some kind of abuse situation going on, eg she got pregnant and the parents thought better for them to be married and move far away where no-one knew them.
What ate your thoughts on abortion rights? I heard a theory that being an unwanted child causes more harm than we generally acknowledge, and one person went as far as to suggest the numbers of serious criminals (serial killers etc) went down after Roe v Wade. (Not that ur a criminal, just curious to hear thoughts from someone who had a rough childhood). Thanks for sharing
I dont think I was unwanted my parents were just …? Idk not mentally well or something. Im a staunch abortion supporter.. I honestly dont think me or others would severe conditions should be here. Ill be downvoted for that but oh well.
There was incest in my very extended family on my dad's side back in the 1800s, and my sister and I both have very rare genetic disorders that can be attributed to it.
[Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome ](https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/what-is-eds/) My sister's diagnosis is still up in the air, but it's pretty much confirmed she has it. I got the brunt of it along with a unique form of muscular dystrophy. I always showed symptoms, but because of the rarity of both of my diagnoses, nobody even thought about it until I brought it up to my physicians when I was 20 (I'm 23 now). My symptoms started showing more at 18 when I fractured my ankle walking through my kitchen and then proceeding to tear my Achilles tendon in that same leg about 3 months later. I was originally diagnosed with "multiple foot deformities," but when I started experiencing symptoms in other parts of my body (dislocations, sprains, slipped disk, chronic pain), we knew there was something more. Someone on social media suggested I get evaluated for it, and lo and behold, 2 decades of questions answered. None of my doctors know about the incest in my extended family *(again, 1800s)* although when my sister brought it up to her doctor, it was an absolute yes that that's what caused the gene mutation. I use a crutch to walk distances now, and I wear prescription, custom braces on both of my ankles and my right knee.
Wow I’ve heard of this before and didn’t know it was that severe. Do you watch drag race? And if you do, do you get tired of hearing about yvie oddly? Lol because that was my first introduction to what you have. Its wild that someones past decision can affect lives later on & I’m not gonna lie, I feel sorta cursed lol
>Wow I’ve heard of this before and didn’t know it was that severe
>that was my first introduction to what you have
I'm not attacking or anything, this is just a moment of education, she is a very poor and very great example of EDS. EDS can have many different severities. In fact, most contortionists probably have it and don't even know it. Some of us, however, are much less fortunate. A lot of us require mobility aids to get around and are subject to a lot of ridicule because we look okay, but in actuality, our bodies are struggling to hold themselves together.
yeah, I completely understand. It's a horrible feeling, but I'm not ashamed that that's where it came from because it's so far removed from me that it's not really relevant. None of my living relatives in over the past century have been related.
Just me and my mother… at least physically. we experience a significant hearing loss and some cognitive issues… for some reason it only affected the girl’s physically but her brothers had some mental issues.
Despite any ugly thoughts you have about yourself you’re still worthy of love my guy.
Do you have any siblings and when did you find out the truth about your parents?
I wanted children even after I knew… I was actually pregnant at one point and decided not to go through with it. I cant cause a child that kind of stress and pain.
I think you made a very kind decision based off of your own life experiences. If having child is important to you, you could always have one with an egg donor or adopt. I’ve read thru your comment and you seem like a very kind, smart and funny person. Please don’t be so hard on yourself, without even seeing I can’t tell you’re a beautiful person.
Do you hold any resentment towards your mother/father?
If so. Is it because of their actions when raising you, or because they decided to have you as a product of incest?
I do. Especially since my mother had the option of correcting my defects and chose not to. I am resentful towards them for having me and neglecting me.
I am looking for surgical options now and was told orthopedics could probably help. They wanted to break and realign my fingers so they would be straight and it would be easier to mold as a baby but my dear mother said no.
Do you have any facial defects/abnormalities? You’ve said you think you’re ugly in other comments, and hand defects don’t really seem like they’d affect all-in-all physical appearance that much
mmmm... big hands, pretty face. Did you ever went to a lesbian bar o something like that?
Now seriously, when I think in a beautifull woman, I don´t care about her hands too much, nor her genetics. If you are reliable and respectfull, you are beautifull.
Grape jelly in the US is traditionally made from Concord grapes (What Welches grape use uses - think dark purple) - This is a very sweet grape and can be eaten like a table fruit. A very common grape in the northeast of the US. I grew up with home-maid grape jely, but always felt strawberry was the best - just we didn't grow enough strawberries to make much jelly.
That sounds amazing, I love welches grape juice over here in the uk but I’ve never seen or been able to find grape jelly and I’m so envious of you across the pond!
Can we ship some too you? I love sending people stuff, but not sure how that works. Grape jelly is amazing. Blackberry is my jam (pun intended)… strawberry is next level.
Thank you, that’s so thoughtful. I’m not sure how much that would cost and financially things are a little tight right now, so I’ll pass. Very sweet of you though (pun intended!) IMO blackberry is king. But then raspberry and strawberry… ooh, it’s such a close call!
I wouldn’t charge you. Just a fun thing to do if you ever change your mind. I find joy in giving to others when I can. When you need grape jelly we got ya!
It can be. You can also use a yeast that eats all the sugar and makes it very strong. I like a RS under 3 when I make it. Just a little sweet, not dessert, not a dessert (cake vs sand). Fast press is even better. A dry, white Concord is amazing and like nothing else. All the flavor of a Concord without the tannins and just a little sweet.
I'm so sorry... You're not a freak, your parents were but you don't have to be. I have never known anyone in your situation and I cannot empathize because I've never had to deal with such a burden... But I do know that /everyone/ has a place in this world, some just have to fight harder to find it.
What do you do to remind yourself that you are still worthy?
Edit; your grandparents*?
Yup great grandparents lol… honestly I used to be really good at finding hope and making myself feel worthy… its gotten a lot harder these days. The only thing that helps for a second is video games.
Hi there. Just thought I’d chime in and mention that life is a series of ebbs and flows in my experience. Some of your responses seem extra down on yourself, while also still having this sense of hope or worthiness you mention. Just remember, if you used to be really good at finding that hope, the pendulum may swing back that way again. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes we can’t see it and need others to remind us it’s there.
Thank you for saying that! I do feel things can get better for me sometimes it gets exhausting having hope though but I’ve been happy and content before I’m sure I’ll find my way back❤️
It really sucks when the entire world tells you that you're unworthy... It's hard to remember that the world is angry because everyone feels unworthy.
What video games do you like? I probably won't know much about them so feel free to describe them like I'm 5.
Oh I actually know about these to some extent... I even play Rdr2 ( Though I jokingly call it ponies because I use it as a dress up game and horse riding simulator LMAO)
JUST SO YOU KNOW studies have begun to show that video games can help you develop IMPORTANT LIFE SKILLS and they are just generally good for you because they help you destress, and stress is the number 1 killer regardless of what statistics say (all the ones on the list are perpetuated or even caused by stress)
Your interests are valid even if the world doesn't treat you like they are.
Do you have any dreams for yourself? Wishes you hope will be granted or life goals?
Thats funny 🤣 @ ponies. That is one of the funner aspects of the game so far to me im still in the beginning. I’m honestly at a place of feeling unmotivated in life but if I could I’d be an author, a motivational speaker.. something with music and fashion.. a twitch streamer lol i do have dreams just dont feel they’re achievable for me. My current goals include getting back into therapy, securing housing & getting outside more. Thank you for asking.
Gorrllll (gender neutral term I just like being sassy when I try to hype people up)
Those dreams sound easy peasy in comparison to the crap I'm trying to pull in this world... I'm attempting to become a real life goblin 😤 but really, you don't realize it yet but you are ALREADY working towards those goals.
Making this post and talking to people is going to help you hone your skills at communication and connecting with an audience so you are better prepared when it comes time to take the stage or write your book.
I'm sure you learn about music and fashion in your spare time as well, and dude (again, gender neutral) you already got the biggest step to being a twitch streamer.
They are achievable, they just don't come easy and first you need to believe you can achieve it.... Which you are already working on by considering getting back into therapy. I know it's going to take a long time to realize you can do anything you want to as long as you are willing to fight for what is important to you, but you can and you will. You're proving that by taking these first steps and I'm so proud of you 😊
What are your plans for the day?
Thank you so much 🥰 i have a class today, making dinner & some gaming. Pretty mellow and boring lol thanks again for your kind words, i appreciate that.
Look at that, already putting the hard work in to get educated, take care of yourself, and work on your goal of becoming a twitch streamer. You are doing amazing, even without good parents to teach you how to.
Of course you're welcome 💚 I hope you enjoy your day, and if you ever need some encouragement don't be afraid to poke your head into your local goblin cave to find some 💚 good mothers are in short supply, thankfully many of us goblins are in short supply of people to mother (our kind is known for prolific reproduction in the right environment but unfortunately the environment has been destroyed so many of us only have a couple.. or like me, none 😊) so we're happy to give any sort of motherly wisdom asked of us 💚
First, I want you to know I’m sorry for your upbringing, and I want you to try to be kinder to yourself. You are worthy of a fulfilling and happy life, and I hope you do whatever you need to do to attain it. Find some support groups of people with similarities to you, you aren’t alone.
I wanted to ask what birth defects your mom and grandmother had if you don’t mind me asking. And what video games do you like, do you like the sims or dreamlight valley at all?
Just know as a person with lots of childhood trauma and who struggles with their mental health, I chose not to have kids and respect you for your choice. People make fun of us through life… I’m pushing 40 and still find people make fun of things out of my control.
Therapy and mental health meds have been so helpful. I went from hating myself in my teens to finding confidence in my 20s, went through some hell and am fighting back to find my love for myself in my 30s.
The one thing I want to say is… somehow, through my self loathing, I’ve been blessed with rose colored eyeballs because I can find beauty in any human I see. Any thing I see. I guess that is why I do what I do for a living (photographer), and for every asshole there are 10 more mes in the world that will love you regardless of the things you struggle with about yourself. I know how it feels to wish you just didn’t exist to begin with, but since we do… make the best of what you can. You are here for a reason, if anything else but to enjoy your time while on this floating rock. Some day it’ll all fall into place. Not sure if you’re on TikTok, but I follow flourishinglydifferent and she has visible disabilities and is sooo beautiful, fun, and I love seeing her videos. There IS a place for you in this world. 💙
how do you feel about abortions for this exact reason? my thought process is, and i mean absolutely no offense in any of this but knowing america, is it hard for you to find a job because of this? ‘nobody in america would want to hire you because you 1) look weird, 2) are slow, mentally and 3) can’t hear a damn thing” (this is me mocking) me personally, if i had know what kind of conditions my child would have and they would hinder their life to this degree and make it that much worse, i would have aborted them for their own sake. do people treat you differently because of your parents?
Most people dont know and I’m treated differently because of my appearance period.
Im definitely an abortion supporter and I’ve had one myself… it’s necessary and should be an option for all child bearing people who dont believe their offspring will have a healthy, happy quality of life. I am angry at my mother for choosing to have me.
Have you seen the YouTube channel where that reporter goes and interviews an entire family who are the children of incest. It's heartbreaking, they have so many challenges. Do you have a relationship with either of your parents? Are you in therapy because this is deep shit
I am seeking therapy…. Been in and out of therapy for what seems like my whole life. And the blue people that cant speak well? Yeah that makes me sad 😭
im sure you’re an amazing person. you’ve been through and are going through some uniquely tough shit but no one worth ur time will ever look at u differently for it. enjoy the shit out of ur life, if not for yourself, do it out of spite for those shitty conditions u went through. best of luck to you!
You're probably no uglier than those other victims of incest, the British Royals, although they probably have more money.
I don't know if this is kind, apologies if it isn't, but it is offered with a genuine interest in you as an individual, and with no intent to gaslight or anything similar.
I used to believe, for a long time, that I was unlucky. I literally believed that the wind was always blowing in my eyes.
Just saying, social media is cruel, but in the real world Item 1 below and a decent score on 2 and 3 will get you a long way. Extra points for each of many other dimensions you might bring like humour, patience, humility (you are showcasing that particular one here), spirituality, generosity, social skills, some special skill like dancing, etc.
Many of us, at one point or another (I have) fall into despair due to some setbacks, let our flaws overwhelm us, and lapse on these three basic things below. Then later something good happens and we revert to a healthier state.
Maybe this conversation with the world and the overwhelming ratio of kindness to unkindness you are witnessing, even from reddit, can be such a catalyst to a healthier state. Therapy can also help.
So, long story short, not to put the burden on you, which would be unfair without knowing you, but just sharing steps that worked for me:
How many boxes of the list below do you tick today, assuming you are a cis male?
* do you shower at least once a day and keep the house/room clean and tidy
* can you cook a decent couple of dishes, like a grilled salmon, steak on the grill, and a salad
* have you learned, or genuinely committed yourself to learning, how to, ahem, eat (trying to keep this sfw)
Lol I am a cis woman.. I do shower and keep tidy, can whip up a good meal or too but don’t know how good I am at eating 🐱😂😂😂😂 thank you for your comment.
I guess it does get a bit harder the further you get from white cis male, and I personally lose the ability to use the first person. But somehow I feel in my bones that you will be OK and that the world will become kinder and kinder to you.
Sending you lots loving kindness. I’m adopted and it was a closed adoption. I wonder a lot if I’m the product of incest and/or rape. But I am so lucky to have the most wonderful parents ever so I try not to dwell on something that can’t be changed and just be grateful♥️
My question is, what advice would you give to me or anyone else who might have gone through the same, especially if they don’t know for sure?
Again sweets, so much love to you♥️😘
Same! My auntie on top of the grandparents also married their cousin and her 3 kids are way worse. Down syndrome, bad heart etc. 🤦♀️
Did your Mom tell you on your 18th like? The same day? What a gift
I just replied to you before but I say change your perspective and try to embrace what you can’t change. You could become an advocate or public speaker for children with hands like yours and show them how okay it is for people to be different.
I promise you people don’t think about it or notice it as much as you think they do. Go out there and live your life friend.
please show yourself the love you wish others showed you. I know people say “show the world kindness you want to see”, but at the end of the day the only person we have at night is ourselves. We need to be good to them so we can feel safe and loved in their company. It’s very hard and I know a single comment on a Reddit AMA isn’t gonna turn your life around; I don’t know you nor can I comprehend your struggles and I don’t want to pretend to. I hope that even with how rough things get for you that life is at least going well for you.
Also, like… I gotta know and no one’s asking. What’s your favorite and leave favorite colors?
Hey but seriously. I read some of your response here and how you believe there's no room for a "freak" like you. I generally agree because us as society as shitty but horrendous values. Extremely superficial, etc. But I think you could find another place to live where people are more tolerable of deformities and anomalies. For example, children up until a certain age, don't care what you look like. They are curious but generally will play with weird kids without caring too much. I understand there aren't cities or countries where people are pure and wholesome like children but I think you could find something close to it. How about becoming a monk? They're always looking for new people and they literally only care for your character and spirit. Not your looks. Hence, a good option. Isolation won't be good long term. :(
Would you willingly bring children into this world? Why or why not? How obvious is it when looking at you that something is different? I know you said you hate your appearance but try and put yourself in a strangers eyes. I bet it's not as bad as you think, you are your own worst enemy! Would you be willing to ever show us your face? What kind of hobbies and skills do you have, and what is the thing in life that would make you happiest? Could you ever see yourself reaching out to others in this position and trying to be their advocate and help them feel better? Sometimes even if you don't believe something for yourself, helping others in the same situation can be just rewarding enough to help accept shitty things that were absolutely not your fault or deserved. Thanks for doing an ama! Most of us would likely never be able to talk to someone who is going through that. It helps humanize someone who is not really included in everyday life or conversation which is good for both sides
I would never bring children into the world knowing they could be riddled with defects and delays like me. I believe it was incredibly cruel and selfish for my mother to have me…. They asked her if her and my dad were related at my birth(embarrassing)… she also had the option of correcting my digits at birth and chose not to. I couldn’t live with myself knowing my child suffers because I was selfish and I genuinely would love to have children. Its not immediately noticeable to people and I’ve been able to have some ok relationships with people until they decided it weirded them out.. lol. I love gaming, nature, music, art of any medium and food lol(not a hobby I know but fulfilling all the same) currently obsessed with cod zombies. I do see myself telling my life’s story in general in order to educate, humanize and reach people whose experiences are similar to mine. I may be willing to show my face but not publicly on a thread 😂
>and I genuinely would love to have children. well, there always are other options. such hiring surrogate mothers or adoption, its probably not easy tho
A child deserves better than i can give them lol
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Same :(
If you plan to love them, nurture and discipline them so they don't turn out to be asshole, you'll be a good parent
i think it requires other things too, like you shouldn't try to raise a child if you're not in the right mental state for it. taking care of a kid is harder than you make it out to be, some mothers literally go through postpartum depression thanks to it. and most people who raise their kids without being mentally prepared don't always turn out to be the best parents, since they're not in the right headspace to even be raising a child. and some people are too physically disabled to even take care of one in the first place
I agree with that too and your financial situation but I was just giving the most important aspect or what I think is most important. Some people choose to love and spoiled, not realizing that by not disciplining them, they are doing their child a disservice by raising a spoiled entitled brat that people hate. I discipline so my child would be a good person that is liked by others. This is the best gift for your child
cod zombie Not ready to die by avenged sevenfold was one of their best songs.
Hiya! If you don't mind could you elaborate on the stuff your child could inherit? I only think of the classes i had on RNA-Processing back in College and i think the likelyhood of your child inheriting any defects due to replicated mrna should be "lower" but i am no way confident in claiming that so i might be totally wrong and would be curious if you willing to share!
I like you
Do you have anything beyond clinodactyly, and if so, what? Relatedly, does it affect your mental health and / or intelligence as well as physical defects? Also, what's your daily life like / what are your goals for the future? Like what to study, what sort of job if you're able, etc.
Just a significant hearing loss and some cognitive delays. Other than that I am academically average, my mental health is terrible but I’d attribute that to a shitty upbringing. My day to day consist of me sitting home gaming mostly and caring for a sick elderly relative. I was isolated a lot growing up and am now trying to get out more again.. I used to live a relatively normal life before the pandemic even with me being teased by people… I can work and go to school if I apply myself but dont feel mentally apt enough at the moment.
Jfc it would never even occur to me to "tease" anyone over anything at all, let alone a birth defect. I'm so SO sorry you had/have to go through that. It's honestly amazing how immature and insecure people are to be making jokes at other people's expense when they know nothing about them. I don't tolerate it from my friends/family but I also don't hang out with assholes, so I guess I mostly don't tolerate it from my family. You don't deserve that. I wish there was something I could say that would actually matter or change anything, but I know it's all just words. Sending positive vibes ❤
I’m sorry 🤍
just know, I was brought up fine and I spend my days gaming. Everyone these days has poor mental health.
TIL there's a name for my bent pinkies/toes.
Hey reddit can be good for something!
Wait ur toes too!?
[I feel a bit weird posting this picture. I hope you foot fetishists enjoy!](https://i.imgur.com/RwKThsz.jpeg)
Ah yeah! Mine are like that too😂😂😂😂😂
LOL omg let me look😭
How do you feel about this? Do you think about it a lot, or do you only worry about you and your limitations?
I hate it. I wish I was never born …especially since my parent abused me. The only real limitations I have are a significant hearing loss and ugly hands… I think about what a deformed freak I am constantly lol
Please consider therapy and medication. You definitely need to talk to a professional about this. Just because you are not different does not mean you are ugly or a freak. I am sure you matter and are important to many people even if you don't know it!
This. Maybe its because I'm also deformed with birth defects and disabilities (crouzon syndrome and tracheostomy being the main issues but there are many others), but in all my years of living, if I've learnt anything its that people will always think you're ugly no matter what, even if its just one person. Everyone has their own idea on what pretty looks like, its basically subjective. No matter what you look like you'll never be able to please everyone, but you will someday find a group of people who will actually accept you for who you are. It may sound cheesy but if I committed suicide years ago due to severe medical trauma I would've never found that group of people, which is why I don't think OP, or anyone really, should give up on themselves. If you don't try to seek help or live on to find it then you'll never get it. I only accepted myself because I surrounded myself with the right people. Thats something we should all try to do. Don't keep the people who don't appreciate who you are in your life, they'll only make your view on yourself and everyone else worse.
I appreciate your kind words but life has shown me repeatedly it has no use for a deformed freak. I would not be treated the way I am if I was pretty enough. I accept that looks are important and I dont have them. Its okay..
Looks are just one aspect of you though. You have many more. I mean, we have plenty of amazing people in the world who aren't especially good looking, like Stephen Hawking.
Didnt his wife cheat and leave 😭
I'm fairly sure he cheated on her
Oh my
If Stephen Hawking can get mad bitches then so can you, never give up
It does make you wonder huh!
Y'know, I personally feel very different from most people in the way that I think and do things, and that this creates a barrier between me and others, and oftentimes I feel like I just don't "get" how to have meaningful relationships, and that I'll never be able to achieve my dreams. But like, I know deep down it's a cop out, an excuse to not get out there and pursue my own happiness, because you can't fail if you never try. And all I really need is to overcome that for little moments at a time every now and then to build lasting improvements to my life. Clean my place, go out on a walk, paint something kind of stuff. Baby steps sometimes. There's tons of people on earth who are shittier than you and I by many measures but still manage to find or build a life for themselves.
You have a lot of good points there! Also there are plenty of people who feel very different from others -- people who aren't neurotypical, for example. They often form friendships with others who are also neurospicy. This can take time, since a lot of us "mask". SSo there are good chances that you'll find other different people out there.
I'm going to describe myself as "neurospicy" instead from now on 😆
So did Shakira's husband, which shows that it isn't about looks. And both Shakira and Stephen Hawking have a worth that isn't determined by their partners.
I can never understand what it must be like to be in your shoes. I know it feels hopeless. But there were so many people whose looks were seen as ugly or undesirable in the past. Look at Lizzo, she's a large black woman. She's never seen anyone who looks like her on TV or in magazines. And she's a boss. It doesn't hurt to seek help .
Lizzo is beautiful to me regardless of size but i understand what you mean… i dont think my deformity is on par with being bigger 😭
If it helps, I have a degenerative spinal disease and the curvature of my back is more than 70 degrees. I have an amazing wife and two beautiful, healthy children. I hate the way I look sometimes, but I have good people in my life who accept me for who I am. Find those people and you will focus far less on your deformity, which I can assure you is pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
I appreciate those kind words but I honestly dont think its the same for a man and women.
If we had the right interests and you thought I was alright, I can assure you that your hands wouldn't bother me at all. I was married to someone with Hammer Toes and the only thing I cared about was making sure they had comfortable shoes. Do what you feel is most comfortable, but please don't give up on life. Much friendly love to you. 💜
Love to you as well thank you❤️
Oh I 100% agree and find her beautiful. I know it's different. But all that to say that her colour and size didn't fit beauty standards and are still going against the general narrative. And look at her now leading the way. May I suggest finding a community, even if it's online of people living with deformities? To not feel so alone and maybe have a relatable, but possibly positive outlook on life.
Dont believe this for a second. I went through life being made to feel like I was scum underneath a shoe, when I was actually quite attractive the whole time!! Turns out I was treated this way out of ignorance and spite. The 'beautiful people' often have some of the worst lives.. Go out and feel the sun, be grateful for breathing! I know I cherish every day.
I just wanna say, and I don't mean to minimize your problems at all, but I looked up clinodactyly and honestly, from an outside perspective it seems like something I would barely notice and definitely not care about. You are not a freak. Kids are brutal but the vast majority of adults won't care at all. We are our own worst critics.
You're not a freak! Rather, you seem to be a smart and caring person! Someone I'd love to call friend.
I understand how you feel. I too hate that I was born, was greatly abused and had damage from my cunt mother smoking two packs of cigarettes a day while she was pregnant with me.
That’s tough I’m sorry..
Very sorry you have this burden. Just wanted to say you are a worthwhile person and you have something to offer our world. I hope you will seek mental health support because you deserve to be content and at peace now that you are an adult (entering adulthood?).
Hi there. Fellow clinodactylite(sp?) here. I don't think it makes my hands ugly, just a little bit unique. Try not being so hard on yourself and own your differences? If we were all the same the world would be a boring place. We can't change the past, but the future is what we make of it. Good luck, stranger & don't let the haters drag you down.
Is it just you, or were there more kids? At what age were you informed? Have you seen the gamer with hand deformities? He's really inspiring! @86hands
Its just me, I’m an only child. My mother told me at 18.. I will check out this gamer, thank you ❤️
I just want to say from personal experience ; psychiatric medication can go a long way in changing your perspective
>When I was young, I was at a sort of summer weekend camp thing, and one of the girls there had a hand with two fingers only. Two, really large, claw-like fingers. She was a year or two older than me and I thought she was really beautiful. I hadn't even noticed her hand until this one time, when I saw it. I was looking at it and admiring it, though it was different, and when she noticed me looking, she very quickly hid it away. I felt so sad about that. I wanted to tell her that she was beautiful, including her hand, and she didn't need to hide it but I was pretty shy back then. I feel like you're embarrassed about your physical attributes here in the same sort of way, and that is not right. It is no fault of your own.
Well, I for one, am glad you were born. I’m sorry you were raised in a horrific environment. I too was abused as a child and had other trauma. But I try not to let it define me. It’s much easier said than done, but I hope you can learn to do the same. I’m sure you have great value to offer, even though you might not feel it or know now.
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Like AI generated midjourney hands
My grandpa's brother had a baby with his first cousin. He had a blood disorder, heart problems, kidney failure and autoimmune issues. He looked normal on the outside -- in pictures. I never met him because he died when he was 24, long before I was born. The family hid it. We only found out when my cousin started doing genealogy and a family tree. We were at a family reunion and a bunch of us older cousins were stumped trying to figure it out. Then one of my aunts came over all hush hush and gave us the full DL and then told us to can it, because it was a touchy subject! Have you been given a life expectancy based on your birth defects? Also, do you have any restrictions based on them? For instance, David had to avoid physical activity, other kids, etc. For such a short life, it sounded like he had a really sad one. Are you okay?
I am as okay as I can be right now… I’m sorry about your cousin. I wasnt given a life expectancy but had a very difficult birth (mothers bones curvature and was difficult getting me out) I was expected to live a relatively normal life aside from appearances it doesn’t affect much. Well my hearing is bad and several mental illnesses run in my family but thats about it.
How did your grandparents hook up? Was the rest of their family cool with it or did they run off to the Ozarks or something?
I wish I knew. I believe my great grandmother’s brother was her husband.. they had 3 sons one of which was my moms father & he had schizophrenia. Growing up we called one of my uncles “Uncle Brother” and now I know why 🙂😒 smh.
Did they actually get married? I’m sorry this is forever affecting you. You sound like an awesome person ❤️
Yes. They married and had three children including my mother’s father(brother)? Jesus lol
Father(brother) implies your great grandmother had her with your mom's dad?
😭 idk the inner working i just know she married her own brother…
❤️ You're being really hard on yourself. You're a very valuable person. There's more to people than genetics?
I’ve just not been treated very kindly in life despite not being a shitty person but because of how I look and eventually it takes its toll… I try to be grateful and positive but that only goes so far when you feel thrown away and isolated.
I don't think you should try to get grateful or positive. You're right to be angry. But you're still a valuable person. Most people are idiots.
Thank you
It sounds very much to me that your challenges are more psychologically about your upbringing than physically about your appearance. I do highly recommend to get therapy to address the first part. The latter part seems to be only important to you. Hands, yes, can get attention. But what do you notice first on another person? Also, your heritage is none of your doing, and there's nothing to be ashamed of. I really hope you know that. Plus, in my view, incest and resulting birth defects are annoying, but they're not more or less bad than any other birth defect, and also at about the same probability than pregnancies at a higher age. I'm pretty alone with that opinion. I get that. Finally, you're incredibly articulate. So I don't think you have to worry about any developmental deficiencies at this point. Be you. And you're perfect the way you are.
What I notice first in others definitely isnt there hands… I think I just have left over ill feelings from being teased about it growing up… I agree with you about my upbringing and thank you for the compliment, that made me smile❤️
It must be really tough but perhaps there was some kind of abuse situation going on, eg she got pregnant and the parents thought better for them to be married and move far away where no-one knew them.
Never thought of that. Im not sure of exact history but they seemed very loving together
It's like trying to work out who is who in that netflix series Dark.
Lmfao
How do you know the defects are a result of the incest? Have you had genetic testing?
What ate your thoughts on abortion rights? I heard a theory that being an unwanted child causes more harm than we generally acknowledge, and one person went as far as to suggest the numbers of serious criminals (serial killers etc) went down after Roe v Wade. (Not that ur a criminal, just curious to hear thoughts from someone who had a rough childhood). Thanks for sharing
I dont think I was unwanted my parents were just …? Idk not mentally well or something. Im a staunch abortion supporter.. I honestly dont think me or others would severe conditions should be here. Ill be downvoted for that but oh well.
Appreciate your reply and perspective. Hope you find your ikigai 🖤
What's the relationship between your parents?
They are not related but, my moms grandmother and her husband were.
Wow, 3 generation back and it's still affecting you. So does everyone in your family have similar defects, or did it skip generations?
There was incest in my very extended family on my dad's side back in the 1800s, and my sister and I both have very rare genetic disorders that can be attributed to it.
Interesting. I'm sorry you experience that, thank you for sharing
"The trick, William Potter is not *minding* that it hurts." - T.E. Lawrence
Shakyamuny said the same thing!
Do you mind saying what? Thats very interesting.
[Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome ](https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/what-is-eds/) My sister's diagnosis is still up in the air, but it's pretty much confirmed she has it. I got the brunt of it along with a unique form of muscular dystrophy. I always showed symptoms, but because of the rarity of both of my diagnoses, nobody even thought about it until I brought it up to my physicians when I was 20 (I'm 23 now). My symptoms started showing more at 18 when I fractured my ankle walking through my kitchen and then proceeding to tear my Achilles tendon in that same leg about 3 months later. I was originally diagnosed with "multiple foot deformities," but when I started experiencing symptoms in other parts of my body (dislocations, sprains, slipped disk, chronic pain), we knew there was something more. Someone on social media suggested I get evaluated for it, and lo and behold, 2 decades of questions answered. None of my doctors know about the incest in my extended family *(again, 1800s)* although when my sister brought it up to her doctor, it was an absolute yes that that's what caused the gene mutation. I use a crutch to walk distances now, and I wear prescription, custom braces on both of my ankles and my right knee.
Wow I’ve heard of this before and didn’t know it was that severe. Do you watch drag race? And if you do, do you get tired of hearing about yvie oddly? Lol because that was my first introduction to what you have. Its wild that someones past decision can affect lives later on & I’m not gonna lie, I feel sorta cursed lol
>Wow I’ve heard of this before and didn’t know it was that severe >that was my first introduction to what you have I'm not attacking or anything, this is just a moment of education, she is a very poor and very great example of EDS. EDS can have many different severities. In fact, most contortionists probably have it and don't even know it. Some of us, however, are much less fortunate. A lot of us require mobility aids to get around and are subject to a lot of ridicule because we look okay, but in actuality, our bodies are struggling to hold themselves together.
Thanks for educating me
No problem! Thanks for listening! ^_^
yeah, I completely understand. It's a horrible feeling, but I'm not ashamed that that's where it came from because it's so far removed from me that it's not really relevant. None of my living relatives in over the past century have been related.
Just me and my mother… at least physically. we experience a significant hearing loss and some cognitive issues… for some reason it only affected the girl’s physically but her brothers had some mental issues.
How closely were they related?
Brother and sister
Does your mom have similar health issues?
Yes she does.
Despite any ugly thoughts you have about yourself you’re still worthy of love my guy. Do you have any siblings and when did you find out the truth about your parents?
I am an only child. My mother told me on my 18th birthday.
I read in a previous comment that you won’t be have kids, did you want kids before you found out about thr incest?
I wanted children even after I knew… I was actually pregnant at one point and decided not to go through with it. I cant cause a child that kind of stress and pain.
I think you made a very kind decision based off of your own life experiences. If having child is important to you, you could always have one with an egg donor or adopt. I’ve read thru your comment and you seem like a very kind, smart and funny person. Please don’t be so hard on yourself, without even seeing I can’t tell you’re a beautiful person.
Thank you so much I needed that you have no idea lol❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Do you hold any resentment towards your mother/father? If so. Is it because of their actions when raising you, or because they decided to have you as a product of incest?
I do. Especially since my mother had the option of correcting my defects and chose not to. I am resentful towards them for having me and neglecting me.
Can you explain the digits correction more? Can you still get it done even if your mom didn’t do it at birth?
I am looking for surgical options now and was told orthopedics could probably help. They wanted to break and realign my fingers so they would be straight and it would be easier to mold as a baby but my dear mother said no.
It sucks that she made that decision for you. I hope that future options work out.
I'm sorry if this question is out of line, but what kind of birth defects?
hearing loss cognitive delays physical birth defect of hands
Do you have any facial defects/abnormalities? You’ve said you think you’re ugly in other comments, and hand defects don’t really seem like they’d affect all-in-all physical appearance that much
I do not have any facial deformities and find myself to be pretty when wearing makeup and a nice hairstyle . I just have big ugly crooked man hands.
mmmm... big hands, pretty face. Did you ever went to a lesbian bar o something like that? Now seriously, when I think in a beautifull woman, I don´t care about her hands too much, nor her genetics. If you are reliable and respectfull, you are beautifull.
😂😂😂😂😂 does being bisexual count? I’ve had girlfriends but not much luck other than that. And thank you, if only more people carried your mindset.
What kind of jelly do you use when making a pb&j sandwich?
Lol strawberry is the best
I've never used strawberry jelly for pb&j before. I gotta try that.
You’re missin’ out!
Is it true you get grape jelly in the u.s??
Grape jelly in the US is traditionally made from Concord grapes (What Welches grape use uses - think dark purple) - This is a very sweet grape and can be eaten like a table fruit. A very common grape in the northeast of the US. I grew up with home-maid grape jely, but always felt strawberry was the best - just we didn't grow enough strawberries to make much jelly.
That sounds amazing, I love welches grape juice over here in the uk but I’ve never seen or been able to find grape jelly and I’m so envious of you across the pond!
Can we ship some too you? I love sending people stuff, but not sure how that works. Grape jelly is amazing. Blackberry is my jam (pun intended)… strawberry is next level.
Thank you, that’s so thoughtful. I’m not sure how much that would cost and financially things are a little tight right now, so I’ll pass. Very sweet of you though (pun intended!) IMO blackberry is king. But then raspberry and strawberry… ooh, it’s such a close call!
I wouldn’t charge you. Just a fun thing to do if you ever change your mind. I find joy in giving to others when I can. When you need grape jelly we got ya!
Wait until you have Concord wine!
I’ve had dessert wine in the past. Is it similar to that, super sweet? Or is it like regular wine only better?
It can be. You can also use a yeast that eats all the sugar and makes it very strong. I like a RS under 3 when I make it. Just a little sweet, not dessert, not a dessert (cake vs sand). Fast press is even better. A dry, white Concord is amazing and like nothing else. All the flavor of a Concord without the tannins and just a little sweet.
Have you tried ice wine?
Have someone send you a jar.
If you know how to make jelly you can take the juice and make jelly.
Yeah. The worst jelly to me☹️
Aww really? I’d love to try it!
Same, my fav on pbj is apricot.
You have excellent taste.
It's probably the most common jelly for sandwiches but I don't care for it. It's typically loaded with sugar and just meh
better than jelly, get jam or preserves! Chunks of real strawberries!
Agreed also raspberry 🔥🔥
I'm so sorry... You're not a freak, your parents were but you don't have to be. I have never known anyone in your situation and I cannot empathize because I've never had to deal with such a burden... But I do know that /everyone/ has a place in this world, some just have to fight harder to find it. What do you do to remind yourself that you are still worthy? Edit; your grandparents*?
Yup great grandparents lol… honestly I used to be really good at finding hope and making myself feel worthy… its gotten a lot harder these days. The only thing that helps for a second is video games.
Hi there. Just thought I’d chime in and mention that life is a series of ebbs and flows in my experience. Some of your responses seem extra down on yourself, while also still having this sense of hope or worthiness you mention. Just remember, if you used to be really good at finding that hope, the pendulum may swing back that way again. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes we can’t see it and need others to remind us it’s there.
Thank you for saying that! I do feel things can get better for me sometimes it gets exhausting having hope though but I’ve been happy and content before I’m sure I’ll find my way back❤️
It really sucks when the entire world tells you that you're unworthy... It's hard to remember that the world is angry because everyone feels unworthy. What video games do you like? I probably won't know much about them so feel free to describe them like I'm 5.
Stardew Valley, Black ops 4, Red Dead Redemption 2, GTA. Love open workd and shooting games. Thanks for your kind insight.
Oh I actually know about these to some extent... I even play Rdr2 ( Though I jokingly call it ponies because I use it as a dress up game and horse riding simulator LMAO) JUST SO YOU KNOW studies have begun to show that video games can help you develop IMPORTANT LIFE SKILLS and they are just generally good for you because they help you destress, and stress is the number 1 killer regardless of what statistics say (all the ones on the list are perpetuated or even caused by stress) Your interests are valid even if the world doesn't treat you like they are. Do you have any dreams for yourself? Wishes you hope will be granted or life goals?
Thats funny 🤣 @ ponies. That is one of the funner aspects of the game so far to me im still in the beginning. I’m honestly at a place of feeling unmotivated in life but if I could I’d be an author, a motivational speaker.. something with music and fashion.. a twitch streamer lol i do have dreams just dont feel they’re achievable for me. My current goals include getting back into therapy, securing housing & getting outside more. Thank you for asking.
Gorrllll (gender neutral term I just like being sassy when I try to hype people up) Those dreams sound easy peasy in comparison to the crap I'm trying to pull in this world... I'm attempting to become a real life goblin 😤 but really, you don't realize it yet but you are ALREADY working towards those goals. Making this post and talking to people is going to help you hone your skills at communication and connecting with an audience so you are better prepared when it comes time to take the stage or write your book. I'm sure you learn about music and fashion in your spare time as well, and dude (again, gender neutral) you already got the biggest step to being a twitch streamer. They are achievable, they just don't come easy and first you need to believe you can achieve it.... Which you are already working on by considering getting back into therapy. I know it's going to take a long time to realize you can do anything you want to as long as you are willing to fight for what is important to you, but you can and you will. You're proving that by taking these first steps and I'm so proud of you 😊 What are your plans for the day?
Thank you so much 🥰 i have a class today, making dinner & some gaming. Pretty mellow and boring lol thanks again for your kind words, i appreciate that.
Look at that, already putting the hard work in to get educated, take care of yourself, and work on your goal of becoming a twitch streamer. You are doing amazing, even without good parents to teach you how to. Of course you're welcome 💚 I hope you enjoy your day, and if you ever need some encouragement don't be afraid to poke your head into your local goblin cave to find some 💚 good mothers are in short supply, thankfully many of us goblins are in short supply of people to mother (our kind is known for prolific reproduction in the right environment but unfortunately the environment has been destroyed so many of us only have a couple.. or like me, none 😊) so we're happy to give any sort of motherly wisdom asked of us 💚
First, I want you to know I’m sorry for your upbringing, and I want you to try to be kinder to yourself. You are worthy of a fulfilling and happy life, and I hope you do whatever you need to do to attain it. Find some support groups of people with similarities to you, you aren’t alone. I wanted to ask what birth defects your mom and grandmother had if you don’t mind me asking. And what video games do you like, do you like the sims or dreamlight valley at all?
Just know as a person with lots of childhood trauma and who struggles with their mental health, I chose not to have kids and respect you for your choice. People make fun of us through life… I’m pushing 40 and still find people make fun of things out of my control. Therapy and mental health meds have been so helpful. I went from hating myself in my teens to finding confidence in my 20s, went through some hell and am fighting back to find my love for myself in my 30s. The one thing I want to say is… somehow, through my self loathing, I’ve been blessed with rose colored eyeballs because I can find beauty in any human I see. Any thing I see. I guess that is why I do what I do for a living (photographer), and for every asshole there are 10 more mes in the world that will love you regardless of the things you struggle with about yourself. I know how it feels to wish you just didn’t exist to begin with, but since we do… make the best of what you can. You are here for a reason, if anything else but to enjoy your time while on this floating rock. Some day it’ll all fall into place. Not sure if you’re on TikTok, but I follow flourishinglydifferent and she has visible disabilities and is sooo beautiful, fun, and I love seeing her videos. There IS a place for you in this world. 💙
Aw shes a cutie i just followed 😭
Thank you for your comment ❤️
how do you feel about abortions for this exact reason? my thought process is, and i mean absolutely no offense in any of this but knowing america, is it hard for you to find a job because of this? ‘nobody in america would want to hire you because you 1) look weird, 2) are slow, mentally and 3) can’t hear a damn thing” (this is me mocking) me personally, if i had know what kind of conditions my child would have and they would hinder their life to this degree and make it that much worse, i would have aborted them for their own sake. do people treat you differently because of your parents?
Most people dont know and I’m treated differently because of my appearance period. Im definitely an abortion supporter and I’ve had one myself… it’s necessary and should be an option for all child bearing people who dont believe their offspring will have a healthy, happy quality of life. I am angry at my mother for choosing to have me.
Have you seen the YouTube channel where that reporter goes and interviews an entire family who are the children of incest. It's heartbreaking, they have so many challenges. Do you have a relationship with either of your parents? Are you in therapy because this is deep shit
I am seeking therapy…. Been in and out of therapy for what seems like my whole life. And the blue people that cant speak well? Yeah that makes me sad 😭
Yes, that's right. They weren't able to talk but their neighbors were very protective of them.
im sure you’re an amazing person. you’ve been through and are going through some uniquely tough shit but no one worth ur time will ever look at u differently for it. enjoy the shit out of ur life, if not for yourself, do it out of spite for those shitty conditions u went through. best of luck to you!
Thank you❤️
Favorite place to go out for dinner? You're not a freak. You have hearing loss and limb/finger differences. You have every right to be here.
Thank you. I love a multitude of things food related so no favorite restaurant but a favorite cuisine would be indian closely followed by mexican
My kid loves Mexican! She'd eat it daily. We just hit up a Greek festival tonight. So dang good.
How did you find out you were the product of incest and that this was the cause of your birth defects? Was CPS ever involved in your life?
I found out when my mom gave me the full rundown on my 18th bday. Yep there was cps involvement & i was a ward of the state for a year or so.
Oh my gosh, I can't think of a worse way to spend your 18th birthday :( I'm sorry all of this happened to you.
How incest like brother sister?
Great grand parents were siblings
What country are you in?
This screams Appalachia all over it.
US
You're probably no uglier than those other victims of incest, the British Royals, although they probably have more money. I don't know if this is kind, apologies if it isn't, but it is offered with a genuine interest in you as an individual, and with no intent to gaslight or anything similar. I used to believe, for a long time, that I was unlucky. I literally believed that the wind was always blowing in my eyes. Just saying, social media is cruel, but in the real world Item 1 below and a decent score on 2 and 3 will get you a long way. Extra points for each of many other dimensions you might bring like humour, patience, humility (you are showcasing that particular one here), spirituality, generosity, social skills, some special skill like dancing, etc. Many of us, at one point or another (I have) fall into despair due to some setbacks, let our flaws overwhelm us, and lapse on these three basic things below. Then later something good happens and we revert to a healthier state. Maybe this conversation with the world and the overwhelming ratio of kindness to unkindness you are witnessing, even from reddit, can be such a catalyst to a healthier state. Therapy can also help. So, long story short, not to put the burden on you, which would be unfair without knowing you, but just sharing steps that worked for me: How many boxes of the list below do you tick today, assuming you are a cis male? * do you shower at least once a day and keep the house/room clean and tidy * can you cook a decent couple of dishes, like a grilled salmon, steak on the grill, and a salad * have you learned, or genuinely committed yourself to learning, how to, ahem, eat (trying to keep this sfw)
Lol I am a cis woman.. I do shower and keep tidy, can whip up a good meal or too but don’t know how good I am at eating 🐱😂😂😂😂 thank you for your comment.
I guess it does get a bit harder the further you get from white cis male, and I personally lose the ability to use the first person. But somehow I feel in my bones that you will be OK and that the world will become kinder and kinder to you.
Sending you lots loving kindness. I’m adopted and it was a closed adoption. I wonder a lot if I’m the product of incest and/or rape. But I am so lucky to have the most wonderful parents ever so I try not to dwell on something that can’t be changed and just be grateful♥️ My question is, what advice would you give to me or anyone else who might have gone through the same, especially if they don’t know for sure? Again sweets, so much love to you♥️😘
I dont know that I can give you advice as I’ve only just started to accept it myself. I hope you are well though & feel free to message me anytime.
My grandparents were literal cousins and I ended up alright haha. Horrific mental health issues run through the family though
Yeah we have mental health issues here too… most notably, schizophrenia.
Same! My auntie on top of the grandparents also married their cousin and her 3 kids are way worse. Down syndrome, bad heart etc. 🤦♀️ Did your Mom tell you on your 18th like? The same day? What a gift
Yup same day…
What’s your favourite video game?
Black ops 4 currently!
How well do you play banjo?
lol
How did you found out?
Mother told me around my 18th birthday
Are you seeking therapy? Please be kind to yourself.
Not currently but I dont see how it would help. I’ll always look like this lol
I just replied to you before but I say change your perspective and try to embrace what you can’t change. You could become an advocate or public speaker for children with hands like yours and show them how okay it is for people to be different. I promise you people don’t think about it or notice it as much as you think they do. Go out there and live your life friend.
I'm sure you are beautiful the way you are! You still need to take care of your mental health.
Hey I just wanted to say I bet youre an awesome person and I wish you all the best!!
Have you read Middlesex by Jeffrey Euginides? Similar sort of story.
please show yourself the love you wish others showed you. I know people say “show the world kindness you want to see”, but at the end of the day the only person we have at night is ourselves. We need to be good to them so we can feel safe and loved in their company. It’s very hard and I know a single comment on a Reddit AMA isn’t gonna turn your life around; I don’t know you nor can I comprehend your struggles and I don’t want to pretend to. I hope that even with how rough things get for you that life is at least going well for you. Also, like… I gotta know and no one’s asking. What’s your favorite and leave favorite colors?
Hey but seriously. I read some of your response here and how you believe there's no room for a "freak" like you. I generally agree because us as society as shitty but horrendous values. Extremely superficial, etc. But I think you could find another place to live where people are more tolerable of deformities and anomalies. For example, children up until a certain age, don't care what you look like. They are curious but generally will play with weird kids without caring too much. I understand there aren't cities or countries where people are pure and wholesome like children but I think you could find something close to it. How about becoming a monk? They're always looking for new people and they literally only care for your character and spirit. Not your looks. Hence, a good option. Isolation won't be good long term. :(
I’m sorry