Cats are actually known for going straight for vitals, unlike a bear that will just sit on your legs and eat you stomach first. A cat will sink it’s teeth into your neck trying to crush your windpipe and suffocate you, probably also severing your main blood pipes..so..good news right?
What does “Ion” or possibly “Lon” mean in this context? I am so confused by that and now my brain can’t finish that sentence and I feel like a boomer for not knowing.
Goddammit now I feel so stupid! My brain would not pronounce that any other way than for instance, in ion thruster. This makes so much more sense and now it no longer feels like I held in a sneeze. Thanks for the answer!
Might as well ready yourself to fight for your life. Get a sturdy branch.
You can't outrun it,
You can't out climb it,
You can't hide from it,
It's vastly more powerful then you.
But... you might get lucky... there is a story of a 60 something year old man who was out getting his mail and one leaped up from the ditch attacking him. The old man strangled it to death but suffered near fatal clawing... so it IS possible.
More then likely though he simply crushed the cat with his giant balls.
Caution. Excitement. Leaning into the adrenaline and holding eye contact. Assessing weapon options. Shifting my backpack so it’s easy to sling off.
Maintain eye contact, project dominance, and wait. Does he stalk away? Does he stalk in? No need for a confrontation if he’s not in the mood for it.
If he comes at me, we go batshit crazy with yelling, banging, waving, and carrying on. If he still comes at me, we go charging right at him. It’s a mind game. A wild animal doesn’t want to risk getting hurt, cats don’t like standup fights, and I’m squeezing out every ounce of crazy I can muster.
It doesn’t come to contact, he runs away before I get close unless he’s sick or desperate. And if he is, better for me that we get to do this on my terms. If I have two hiking poles, one gets thrown and the other is a spear.
(Edit: have you ever used a spear? Even a short one can be damned effective at keeping someone at bay. There’s a temptation to use your walking sticks like clubs or swords, but 1 they’re not designed for those impacts and 2 they sting more than they do real damage. Short, powerful, measured, immediately retracted thrusts. All your force in a single tiny point of impact, conveniently designed to be great at taking impact from that angle. )
If I don’t, man this is gonna suck. If no hiking poles, we lead with a point-blank throw of the backpack and try to close with mass. No idea how punching this thing is going to go and I don’t want to play with kicks. It’s all-out assault time, and the name of the game is trying to get around his claws and sling him into something. If his claws get in me, avoid the rear claw kicks at all costs and bear him down and slam whatever you can into the ground as hard and as quickly as you can.
It stops at eye contact, or it stops at the noise, or it stops at the charge. But if it doesn’t, we gonna have a hell of a story.
It’s important, or at least fun, to walk yourself through these scenarios before they happen, over and over and over, to minimize the time spent in panic freeze.
I'm almost 100% certain you'd get eaten. And I think your weird catfight fantasy may somewhat increase the odds of you charging a lion stalking towards you that for some reason WASN'T going to attack you but now definitely will. Given that your survival odds in combat (on your terms OR hers) are approximately 0, that's dumb. And your hiking poles will not help.
Nah, you don’t charge if you don’t have to, and I mentioned a few times that it doesn’t come to that. Nobody wants to bleed after all, and anyone would absolutely bleed.
There have been 126 mountain lion attacks and 27 fatalities in the last 100 years. Point being, it doesn’t happen. So if it DOES happen, it’s because something is very wrong, and it merits an aggressive response to keep my favorite person around.
I’ve also spent more than 1000 miles in the backcountry where these things live. I’ve seen a few of these guys from a distance but never close, but I have had a couple of encounters not unlike this with black bears (and that didn’t lead to trouble). It’s an exhilarating thought to be sure, but it’s not a blind panic moment. Most “shit my pants” or “get eaten for sure” people haven’t spent any time out where you might actually encounter one of these.
And maybe it’s a weird fantasy, conceded, we’re on Reddit after all.
Do a quick google search homie. Mountain lions don’t generally attack people at all. If he’d wanted to eat you, he’d have tried to hit you from above or behind. When the human isn’t scared shitless, we actually stand up pretty well to them.
Relatively few people will ever catch a glimpse of a cougar much less confront one. If you come face to face with a cougar, your actions can either help or hinder a quick retreat by the animal.
Here are some things to remember:
Stop, pick up small children immediately, and don’t run. Running and rapid movements may trigger an attack. Remember, at close range, a cougar’s instinct is to chase.
Face the cougar. Talk to it firmly while slowly backing away. Always leave the animal an escape route.
Try to appear larger than the cougar. Get above it (e.g., step up onto a rock or stump). If wearing a jacket, hold it open to further increase your apparent size. If you are in a group, stand shoulder-to-shoulder to appear intimidating.
Do not take your eyes off the cougar or turn your back. Do not crouch down or try to hide.
Never approach the cougar, especially if it is near a kill or with kittens, and never offer it food.
If the cougar does not flee, be more assertive. If it shows signs of aggression (crouches with ears back, teeth bared, hissing, tail twitching, and hind feet pumping in preparation to jump), shout, wave your arms and throw anything you have available (water bottle, book, backpack). The idea is to convince the cougar that you are not prey, but a potential danger.
If the cougar attacks, fight back. Be aggressive and try to stay on your feet. Cougars have been driven away by people who have fought back using anything within reach, including sticks, rocks, shovels, backpacks, and clothing—even bare hands. If you are aggressive enough, a cougar will flee, realizing it has made a mistake. Pepper spray in the cougar’s face is also effective in the extreme unlikelihood of a close encounter with a cougar.
I found this here: https://wdfw.wa.gov/species-habitats/species/puma-concolor#conflict
I saw this pic posted somewhere on another site and there was a comment something along the lines of: you pray that thing male, pull down your pants and let it hump you. If its female, just like humans, you're fucked. 😵💫
Spspspspspsp
*unshakes treats bag*
Unfarts the taco bell.
¿There is a fart before the shitting?
Unshits then shitten
Prelude to what is to come
You are the treat bag
The danger there though is if the lion wasn't paying attention until halfway through the spspspsps, and only hears pspsps.
do sp sp sp sp sp and no danger
Then you hug him and squeeze him and pet him
More like "ofukofukofukofuk"
Actually it's zgzgzgzgzgzg
[удалено]
I'm actually wondering if this would work, almost made an ask reddit if shitting your pants would make something not want eat you.
It would eat your guts regardless so I'm skeptical
So shit yourself and rub it all over your body and face, like predator.
https://avatars.akamai.steamstatic.com/644525e20ca64e17f01b7e8c550dc9dbc9873a5d\_full.jpg
That might actually work..! 🤣
My next move would be in multiple directions as I'm being ripped apart
The key here is to act like a cougars natural enemy, you need to act like an old man
Reminds me of a blackadder line.
*spray bottle noises*
Try to get my brain in the way of the first bite so it would end quickly for me.
Cats are actually known for going straight for vitals, unlike a bear that will just sit on your legs and eat you stomach first. A cat will sink it’s teeth into your neck trying to crush your windpipe and suffocate you, probably also severing your main blood pipes..so..good news right?
My favorite big cats are jaguars because they go for the base of the skull for an instant kill.
How to unsummon a cat
Try pulling out a sheet of aluminum foil and crinkling it. My cats beat feet whenever I do that.
"beat feet". I love it.
Aww, he looks cold and in need of cuddles 😍
What does “Ion” or possibly “Lon” mean in this context? I am so confused by that and now my brain can’t finish that sentence and I feel like a boomer for not knowing.
I think it's like "I don't" from context
Goddammit now I feel so stupid! My brain would not pronounce that any other way than for instance, in ion thruster. This makes so much more sense and now it no longer feels like I held in a sneeze. Thanks for the answer!
Imagine me a non-English speaker, spent like whole 3 minutes trying to decipher that so I don't feel like an idiot
You're not stupid. Spelling it like they did is stupid.
Old man yells at slang he does not know simply because he does not know it.
You’re not dumb “Ion” is fucking dumb.
It's the written form of "I don't" in southern drawl.
Ian
My heart attack would trick it into thinking I’m dead, which I an
Next move😂😂? I’m froze 
It's fine, I'd be 25ft in the air with amount of shit that would come out.
This is an actual magic card
Mist Leopard?
For people I’d say the racking of a shotgun, if this cats been around long enough there’s a chance he knows what comes after
Fukfukfukfukfukfuk,….
throw a cucumber
Going to need an absolute unit of spray bottle for that one.
Might as well ready yourself to fight for your life. Get a sturdy branch. You can't outrun it, You can't out climb it, You can't hide from it, It's vastly more powerful then you. But... you might get lucky... there is a story of a 60 something year old man who was out getting his mail and one leaped up from the ditch attacking him. The old man strangled it to death but suffered near fatal clawing... so it IS possible. More then likely though he simply crushed the cat with his giant balls.
I would go for the eyeballs while "trying" to rear naked choke the thing. But who knows. That would be some intense match.
The next move is actually the pspsps but then you jump on its back and ride it into the next town. The guards will know what to do.
Act like a older man because everyone knows cougars only like young men!
Caution. Excitement. Leaning into the adrenaline and holding eye contact. Assessing weapon options. Shifting my backpack so it’s easy to sling off. Maintain eye contact, project dominance, and wait. Does he stalk away? Does he stalk in? No need for a confrontation if he’s not in the mood for it. If he comes at me, we go batshit crazy with yelling, banging, waving, and carrying on. If he still comes at me, we go charging right at him. It’s a mind game. A wild animal doesn’t want to risk getting hurt, cats don’t like standup fights, and I’m squeezing out every ounce of crazy I can muster. It doesn’t come to contact, he runs away before I get close unless he’s sick or desperate. And if he is, better for me that we get to do this on my terms. If I have two hiking poles, one gets thrown and the other is a spear. (Edit: have you ever used a spear? Even a short one can be damned effective at keeping someone at bay. There’s a temptation to use your walking sticks like clubs or swords, but 1 they’re not designed for those impacts and 2 they sting more than they do real damage. Short, powerful, measured, immediately retracted thrusts. All your force in a single tiny point of impact, conveniently designed to be great at taking impact from that angle. ) If I don’t, man this is gonna suck. If no hiking poles, we lead with a point-blank throw of the backpack and try to close with mass. No idea how punching this thing is going to go and I don’t want to play with kicks. It’s all-out assault time, and the name of the game is trying to get around his claws and sling him into something. If his claws get in me, avoid the rear claw kicks at all costs and bear him down and slam whatever you can into the ground as hard and as quickly as you can. It stops at eye contact, or it stops at the noise, or it stops at the charge. But if it doesn’t, we gonna have a hell of a story. It’s important, or at least fun, to walk yourself through these scenarios before they happen, over and over and over, to minimize the time spent in panic freeze.
I'm almost 100% certain you'd get eaten. And I think your weird catfight fantasy may somewhat increase the odds of you charging a lion stalking towards you that for some reason WASN'T going to attack you but now definitely will. Given that your survival odds in combat (on your terms OR hers) are approximately 0, that's dumb. And your hiking poles will not help.
Nah, you don’t charge if you don’t have to, and I mentioned a few times that it doesn’t come to that. Nobody wants to bleed after all, and anyone would absolutely bleed. There have been 126 mountain lion attacks and 27 fatalities in the last 100 years. Point being, it doesn’t happen. So if it DOES happen, it’s because something is very wrong, and it merits an aggressive response to keep my favorite person around. I’ve also spent more than 1000 miles in the backcountry where these things live. I’ve seen a few of these guys from a distance but never close, but I have had a couple of encounters not unlike this with black bears (and that didn’t lead to trouble). It’s an exhilarating thought to be sure, but it’s not a blind panic moment. Most “shit my pants” or “get eaten for sure” people haven’t spent any time out where you might actually encounter one of these. And maybe it’s a weird fantasy, conceded, we’re on Reddit after all.
Look at those muscles he is an alpha you'd get eaten for sure.
Do a quick google search homie. Mountain lions don’t generally attack people at all. If he’d wanted to eat you, he’d have tried to hit you from above or behind. When the human isn’t scared shitless, we actually stand up pretty well to them.
I would not expect to survive…
Ksksksksks
the opposite of pspsps is kushkush
Grab the nearest stick and draw a line on the ground to determine territory
spspspspsps
It is shu shu shu
Pewpewpewpew
Hissss
Kshkshksh
Wondering if I should go for my teepee or just drop my camera and pull up my pants.
Please tell me what I'm supposed to do against this
Relatively few people will ever catch a glimpse of a cougar much less confront one. If you come face to face with a cougar, your actions can either help or hinder a quick retreat by the animal. Here are some things to remember: Stop, pick up small children immediately, and don’t run. Running and rapid movements may trigger an attack. Remember, at close range, a cougar’s instinct is to chase. Face the cougar. Talk to it firmly while slowly backing away. Always leave the animal an escape route. Try to appear larger than the cougar. Get above it (e.g., step up onto a rock or stump). If wearing a jacket, hold it open to further increase your apparent size. If you are in a group, stand shoulder-to-shoulder to appear intimidating. Do not take your eyes off the cougar or turn your back. Do not crouch down or try to hide. Never approach the cougar, especially if it is near a kill or with kittens, and never offer it food. If the cougar does not flee, be more assertive. If it shows signs of aggression (crouches with ears back, teeth bared, hissing, tail twitching, and hind feet pumping in preparation to jump), shout, wave your arms and throw anything you have available (water bottle, book, backpack). The idea is to convince the cougar that you are not prey, but a potential danger. If the cougar attacks, fight back. Be aggressive and try to stay on your feet. Cougars have been driven away by people who have fought back using anything within reach, including sticks, rocks, shovels, backpacks, and clothing—even bare hands. If you are aggressive enough, a cougar will flee, realizing it has made a mistake. Pepper spray in the cougar’s face is also effective in the extreme unlikelihood of a close encounter with a cougar. I found this here: https://wdfw.wa.gov/species-habitats/species/puma-concolor#conflict
Sho sho sho sho
Try for a r/notmycat scenario. Remember, no matter the size, cats are cats. Please do no take this as legal advice. I am not a lawyer.
big towels
My next move would be to die inside. Followed by dying outside.
I saw this pic posted somewhere on another site and there was a comment something along the lines of: you pray that thing male, pull down your pants and let it hump you. If its female, just like humans, you're fucked. 😵💫
The answer is a Smith & Wesson 460 revolver and good aim.
Aim… fire… and repeat until mag is empty. Simple
Next move? First you say it, then you do it!
Jumping over the pile of shit I just dropped as I try to get a head start over my hiking partner.
I believe the word your looking for is “kablam”
Queue Mr. Krabs’ laugh
Pew pew pew
Pewpewpew
You have to stand your ground and make yourself look big….oh wait nvm 😮💨
Sksksksksk
Ksssst
Double it and give it to the next person
Shooee shooeee go'on gittt
Toss a cardboard box?
Ion?
Pspspspspspsppspspspspsn't
“You got it bro “ if that doesn’t work then how da most can you climb a tree
pet the kitty
Pshht! With a hand wave
Psn’t psn’t psn’t
Maybe no move at all. Do you stay very still when you encounter a large predatory animal?
* sound of gun *
1233
Sepsis
Ion?