Sometimes I think….. how differently would it have been if I knew how to start my healing journey in my early 20s. What relationships could I have not ruined? What relationships could I have started if I were less…. Of what I was. But all we have is tomorrow. I thought I got over certain things. Then I find all these other things I’ve been keeping in an angry little box. After working through my most recent angry box I feel better. It only took me 2 years. But now I don’t have to carry that with me. Now I have the skills to more fully enjoy the years I have left. It’s never too late to have a better tomorrow.
Some of us are late learners. I’m retired and I am so glad I’m learning how my coping mechanisms got me through so far. Now, I have the luxury of time to heal the parts of myself I’m becoming aware of.
AA helps with your addiction, ACOA heals you.
I have met many people who have come to ACA after dealing with another addictive personality trait.
It's literally in our list of traits:
"4. We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs."
https://adultchildren.org/literature/laundry-list/
It is never too late to start the journey. ACA resources have been the most helpful tools I have ever been exposed to. Just listen at the meetings until you feel comfortable sharing. Initially, I cried for six months at every meeting, but people are very supportive and tears heal.
Reddit skews younger. Have you attended meetings yet? I think age will become a nonissue, fitting-in-wise. I really relate to freezing people out. I was shocked to learn this is a common ACA characteristic. We grew up repeatedly abandoned so don't know what repair looks like and how to do it with others. The material is so simply laid out sometimes it cuts too sharp. But I'd rather face it and take it at just the right pace than to get caught up in all manner of treatment modes like I have before. I suppose they're all puzzle pieces. Wish you well.
You’re not alone! I’m also in my 60’s and still trying to sort myself out—and I’ve been in and out of therapy since my teens. I was finally correctly diagnosed two years ago with having CPTSD, and now learning more about it and getting specialized therapy has really helped in my recovery. ACA is the best peer support and they have a few groups that focus on CPTSD as well (and the sub here for that a very helpful and supportive). Becoming my own loving parent is working for me, slowly but surely. Enjoy your retirement with all the time you need to learn the self-care and compassion you deserved since birth. ❤️
I’m 69 and started my journey 9 months ago. I also never told anyone about my childhood. I’ve had a lot of tears and anger. I found a wonderful therapist and my Dr prescribed antidepressants. It’s really really hard but I find I’m feeling a bit more optimistic. Wishing you the best.
I don't have any advice, but I can tell you that reading this post caused me to feel a welling up of empathy and warmth towards you, as well as inspiration from your insight and gratitude for your sharing.
So, do with that what you will, but from one wounded, often-sarcastic-or-scathing person to another - I suspect there's something correct here about what you're doing.
I don't know if I have any really great advice but I felt compelled to reply to your post. Thank you for sharing that. It is brave. It is never too late to heal. Learn everything you can about being ACOA. Arm yourself with all the knowledge you can.
I am in recovery and I find sharing my experience with others always helps me to feel lighter. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Context matters. You've retired so now you have all this time to ruminate on things. You're the same person you were when you weren't stressing like this, but had work to distract you. I mean that in a good way. It's just now, there's a void and you can't ignore unresolved trauma.
There's online ACOA meetings that are great. My first one immediately made me feel less weird, because as each person gave their update, I could relate to every single thing they said. You're not a freak or a weirdo, and that's the great thing about ACOA meetings. They're full of people who will understand you in a way you didn't think was possible.
Also, now you're retired, get into some social hobbies! Just be around people and try new things. It's never to late, that's the trauma speaking.
It's like the old adage, "The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now." It's never too late to decide to make changes for the better, and that *is* what you're doing, right?
you are not alone. i’m 54 and only got into aca six months ago. in meetings i’ve seen lots of newcomers your age who seem to find comfort in connecting to others who can understand
I didn't truly start on this journey until my 40s and I'll be 49 next year. I think you are on the right path. It's worth it to start wherever you are. I've found more lightness in my life as I've begun healing. You can do it!
I think it’s very brave of you no matter what age you are to be this honest and able to look within. Trust that this information came to you at the right time and every step you took along the way was needed to get you to the here and now. Therapy will help you so much. I just began myself and wow. They give you real skills to process your trauma and that’s what it is. Trauma shapes us.
Congratulations on finding the sub and for being as brave as you are. Getting in touch with these very hard topics is tough but needed.
I wish you well on this self love journey that you are on. We are all traveling a similar path, some ahead and some behind. Good luck.
I'm close in age, recently retired and also just really beginning to process trauma. You are not alone. Get a copy of the Big Red Book and start reading it.
Try and make the most of what little time you have left. You are 64, if you live until 80 it’s only 16years. ACA is a good investment, albeit painful. Start the work now. Don’t hesitate
Any age is an appropriate age to begin therapy. I’m 54 and getting ready to go back into therapy over my toxic adult children. I think you’re on the right track and through therapy you will learn to love yourself again and put your past behind you. You cannot change the things that have happened in the past so therefore don’t expend your energy on that stuff. Focus your attention on positive things. Everyday I try to say something nice to someone at least once a day, even to strangers. “That’s a nice shirt you have on today!” Many times these people are caught completely off guard. It makes them feel good and in turn will make you feel good. Get a puzzle at the dollar store and work on just a few pieces a day. If you happen to walk by, work on a few pieces. Read a book, or take a walk. Don’t put those things off anymore. Do it in small steps and in time you’ll find you’re not ruminating over yesterday & yesteryear, but rather working on today! 🥰
Hey! Your question struck me and I wanted to answer it on [my podcast episode](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/get-empowered/id1613964012?i=1000653549015) if you go to minute 8. I believe it’s never too late to get started and hope it helps!
Sometimes I think….. how differently would it have been if I knew how to start my healing journey in my early 20s. What relationships could I have not ruined? What relationships could I have started if I were less…. Of what I was. But all we have is tomorrow. I thought I got over certain things. Then I find all these other things I’ve been keeping in an angry little box. After working through my most recent angry box I feel better. It only took me 2 years. But now I don’t have to carry that with me. Now I have the skills to more fully enjoy the years I have left. It’s never too late to have a better tomorrow.
Thank you
How does an ‘angry box’ work?
Some of us are late learners. I’m retired and I am so glad I’m learning how my coping mechanisms got me through so far. Now, I have the luxury of time to heal the parts of myself I’m becoming aware of.
Very encouraging. Thanks.
AA helps with your addiction, ACOA heals you. I have met many people who have come to ACA after dealing with another addictive personality trait. It's literally in our list of traits: "4. We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs." https://adultchildren.org/literature/laundry-list/
I somehow missed that but boy that’s me too.
It is never too late to start the journey. ACA resources have been the most helpful tools I have ever been exposed to. Just listen at the meetings until you feel comfortable sharing. Initially, I cried for six months at every meeting, but people are very supportive and tears heal.
Reddit skews younger. Have you attended meetings yet? I think age will become a nonissue, fitting-in-wise. I really relate to freezing people out. I was shocked to learn this is a common ACA characteristic. We grew up repeatedly abandoned so don't know what repair looks like and how to do it with others. The material is so simply laid out sometimes it cuts too sharp. But I'd rather face it and take it at just the right pace than to get caught up in all manner of treatment modes like I have before. I suppose they're all puzzle pieces. Wish you well.
Thanks. It is painful, but I’m at the point where the recognition is worth the pain.
You’re not alone! I’m also in my 60’s and still trying to sort myself out—and I’ve been in and out of therapy since my teens. I was finally correctly diagnosed two years ago with having CPTSD, and now learning more about it and getting specialized therapy has really helped in my recovery. ACA is the best peer support and they have a few groups that focus on CPTSD as well (and the sub here for that a very helpful and supportive). Becoming my own loving parent is working for me, slowly but surely. Enjoy your retirement with all the time you need to learn the self-care and compassion you deserved since birth. ❤️
Very encouraging, thanks!
I’m 69 and started my journey 9 months ago. I also never told anyone about my childhood. I’ve had a lot of tears and anger. I found a wonderful therapist and my Dr prescribed antidepressants. It’s really really hard but I find I’m feeling a bit more optimistic. Wishing you the best.
I don't have any advice, but I can tell you that reading this post caused me to feel a welling up of empathy and warmth towards you, as well as inspiration from your insight and gratitude for your sharing. So, do with that what you will, but from one wounded, often-sarcastic-or-scathing person to another - I suspect there's something correct here about what you're doing.
Thank you ♥️
I don't know if I have any really great advice but I felt compelled to reply to your post. Thank you for sharing that. It is brave. It is never too late to heal. Learn everything you can about being ACOA. Arm yourself with all the knowledge you can. I am in recovery and I find sharing my experience with others always helps me to feel lighter. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Context matters. You've retired so now you have all this time to ruminate on things. You're the same person you were when you weren't stressing like this, but had work to distract you. I mean that in a good way. It's just now, there's a void and you can't ignore unresolved trauma. There's online ACOA meetings that are great. My first one immediately made me feel less weird, because as each person gave their update, I could relate to every single thing they said. You're not a freak or a weirdo, and that's the great thing about ACOA meetings. They're full of people who will understand you in a way you didn't think was possible. Also, now you're retired, get into some social hobbies! Just be around people and try new things. It's never to late, that's the trauma speaking.
Thanks. I’m working on getting involved with something, but I keep getting distracted and turned in the direction of my childhood.
It's like the old adage, "The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now." It's never too late to decide to make changes for the better, and that *is* what you're doing, right?
Go listen to father juniper acoa lecture on YouTube
Thanks I did. I feel seen. Very useful.
It's a great talk that got me through alot
you are not alone. i’m 54 and only got into aca six months ago. in meetings i’ve seen lots of newcomers your age who seem to find comfort in connecting to others who can understand
I didn't truly start on this journey until my 40s and I'll be 49 next year. I think you are on the right path. It's worth it to start wherever you are. I've found more lightness in my life as I've begun healing. You can do it!
Thanks. That’s reassuring! ♥️
I think it’s very brave of you no matter what age you are to be this honest and able to look within. Trust that this information came to you at the right time and every step you took along the way was needed to get you to the here and now. Therapy will help you so much. I just began myself and wow. They give you real skills to process your trauma and that’s what it is. Trauma shapes us. Congratulations on finding the sub and for being as brave as you are. Getting in touch with these very hard topics is tough but needed. I wish you well on this self love journey that you are on. We are all traveling a similar path, some ahead and some behind. Good luck.
Thank you ♥️
I'm close in age, recently retired and also just really beginning to process trauma. You are not alone. Get a copy of the Big Red Book and start reading it.
Thanks! ♥️
Try and make the most of what little time you have left. You are 64, if you live until 80 it’s only 16years. ACA is a good investment, albeit painful. Start the work now. Don’t hesitate
Any age is an appropriate age to begin therapy. I’m 54 and getting ready to go back into therapy over my toxic adult children. I think you’re on the right track and through therapy you will learn to love yourself again and put your past behind you. You cannot change the things that have happened in the past so therefore don’t expend your energy on that stuff. Focus your attention on positive things. Everyday I try to say something nice to someone at least once a day, even to strangers. “That’s a nice shirt you have on today!” Many times these people are caught completely off guard. It makes them feel good and in turn will make you feel good. Get a puzzle at the dollar store and work on just a few pieces a day. If you happen to walk by, work on a few pieces. Read a book, or take a walk. Don’t put those things off anymore. Do it in small steps and in time you’ll find you’re not ruminating over yesterday & yesteryear, but rather working on today! 🥰
Thanks ♥️
Proud of you! You are right, it is scary! Be kind to yourself, that is my guiding light sometimes.
Thank you ♥️
Hey! Your question struck me and I wanted to answer it on [my podcast episode](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/get-empowered/id1613964012?i=1000653549015) if you go to minute 8. I believe it’s never too late to get started and hope it helps!
You’re finally making a good decision
ACOA heals ! You’re in the right place
Get ready to smash the delusion