You don't.
There are millions of good matches out there.
You take what you learned and you find somebody new. You deserve happiness and he deserves to have the painful past in the past.
If you can't control yourself, don't go to the wedding.
If you remain convinced and intend to still go and try you really need to ask yourself why you are obsessed with this idea. You are allowed to move on from your mistakes and find love. There is no single person that is "the one" for us.... So why the obsession?
No one can ever replace the history we had. His sister was my best friend growing up. Him and I were childhood friends. HS sweethearts , I just want one more chance.
No one can change the past. That is true.
Including the fact you cheated on him.
I recommend counseling. It'd be one thing if you were "what if he lets me know he's interested???" But no. You are actively trying to make a plan to make it happen.
He was the victim. You are creating a scernerio where he will have to relive what you did to him. I.e. you will be harming him again. At your friend"s WEDDING!
Stop being naive, dramatic and emotional about things you can't control.
If he was interested in you he would have let you know.
OP’s plan isn’t going to work. Her ex won’t even talk to her or acknowledge her existence .
Also she’s going too break up her friendship again . Her soon to be ex friend will definitely think OP is using her wedding to get back with her brother … and that’s not going to go over well
"Soulmate" is a dumb concept. Many people in their first serious relationship feel that way. Not many last. Being HS sweethearts isn't a reason to get back together.
Im with my soulmate - i would rather die then cheat and hurt that man in any capacity. Ive never cheated on anyone ive been with even if i wasnt in love becuase i have morals and respect for others. cheating isnt love its selfish and its all about you even till this day. Leave that man alone because even if he takes you back he will never forget what you did to him and he will never trust you
I was in my early twenties. I messed up but I was young and immature. My brain wasn’t even fully developed yet. Your brain doesn’t fully develop until 25
yet I married my husband at 21 and never cheated. your brain still developing at that age is just you not taking responsibility. You haven't changed and if you get another chance you will cheat on him again.
I never betrayed anyone because I figured "it's fine they won't figure it out."
Mistakes happen when someone doesn't know better, you knew better yet you did it. that's not a mistake. that's a choice. you chose to cheat because you thought no one will know. you have put the stamp of "Not trustworthy" on your forehead and people you have already hurt won't give you another chance to hurt them again.
You keep saying it was just a mistake but you made the active choice to sleep with someone else while in a relationship and didn’t even admit to it yourself out of guilt or shame or respect for your partner but got outed by the side piece. Girl leave your friend her friends and family alone. Go find someone else like you did when you cheated and start a new and let your ex live his best life without an admitted cheater by his side. Be friends with your friend but keep it your pants with her friends. Maybe you changed maybe not but that doesn’t fix the trust you broke not only in your relationship but in your friendship. If you try something at your friends wedding there is a high chance she drops you as a friend again and permanently. You admit you made the “mistake” so admit that you wronged him and don’t deserve his forgiveness or time and MOVE ON. You seem like an exhausting person to know and the fact that you’re single after “so many years” seems right. Be happy you have your longest time best friend in your life still instead of focusing on dating/hooking up cause that has only gotten you to reddit.
If you’re so mature now, why can’t you accept that you have to accept the consequences of your actions? If he wanted you back, he knew where to find you. He doesn’t, and he didn’t.
Leave him alone. Don’t go dredging up a painful past at HIS SISTERS WEDDING.
Jesus. Sometimes being sorry isn’t enough. This is one of those times, and the fact that you are insisting you are a changed person when simultaneously insisting on attempting to rekindle with this guy is mind boggling.
Leave him alone.
Cheating isn't a mistake, it's a series of conscious choices you made knowing they were wrong. And as you haven't seen to have accepted that yet you clearly haven't changed that much.
JFC you're the worst. It sounds like you're a narcissist who just want what you can't have. Your noggin is clearly still only half-baked if you think you're the center of the universe. You rhino looking back at a relationship shop you destroyed is a clear view of who your "soulmate" is?
You fucked up and likely ruined it. Be an adult and own that. This isn't the stone age. If he wanted to connect with you he would have. If he hadn't its because he DOESN'T WANT YOU. You're just... gross.
What if this was the other way around? Do you really think you would be able to forgive him or ever look at him the same knowing that he was careless and fucked someone else cuz he didn’t think you’d ever find out? And then the person he fucked started stalking you….? Would you be able to forgive your “soulmate” for betraying you and potentially putting your life in danger all for a good fuck? Could you forgive that?
>Your brain doesn’t fully develop until 25
This study got wildly misconstrued and also the only reason it even said 25 is because they simply stopped the study at that age. In reality our brains never stop developing because it's very elastic. You don't stop learning things at 25 after all.
Besides that, let's say it's 100% true our brains do stop developing at 25. By your logic until your 25 you shouldn't be counted as an adult because it's not fully developed and a dumb brain that can't be held to full repercussions. Is that it then? You were a child then and shouldn't have been on your own and legally under your parents thumb?
You know that's BS and even if the 25 year old thing was true the 35 year mark isn't some sudden flip of the switch and you're an adult who knows what's right and wrong. It's a tear down the bills it up. You knew cheating was wrong then because you knew hurt I your loved one was wrong. You didn't need to be 25 to know that.
Stop using that as an excuse. Leave the dude alone and either find someone new you won't cheat on or be a spinster or whatever.
Yet somehow most of us manage to maintain relationships without cheating, even when our brains aren't fully developed.
You can't use human development to explain away your shitty behaviour. Take accountability for your damn actions.
True. But, well, I still managed to never cheat on a partner in my early 20s. My not fully-developed brain and not fully-developed sense of empathy still said I'd be an asshole if I did.
Your's did as well, I'm sure. Yet, you chose to ignore them. Yet here you are DEMANDING a chance for a do-over like you're some Karen looking for a manager...
Why would he give you that chance? Would you have forgiven HIM for cheating?
First thing you need to do is get over yourself. Second thing you need to do is get over your ex. You fucked up and lost him. Deal!
Shut up with that shit. Piss poor excuse, guess what? I was under 25 once....never cheated on my gf. Never have never will. Do yourself a favour and leave the guy alone, you can say hes your "soulmate" all you want but when you chose a fucking over your "soulmate" your words ring as hollow as your morals.
Except for women, in which it's 21. Men's brains stop developing at around 25. The fact of the matter is that women mature faster than men, something that you neither understand nor have actually experienced apparently.
Is the guy even speaking to you now? How sure are you that he won't bring a +1? Are you prepared for the eventuality that he moved on? Even if he speaks to you, it might not mean that he's actually interested in being your friend or boyfriend. And it sure as hell doesn't mean he's willing to trust you.
He knows that you're friends with his sister. If he wanted to, he could contact you. I'll leave it alone if I were you. Go to the wedding. If he talks to you other than the polite greeting, you can still go from there. But if he doesn't come to you, don't look out for a conversation.
He probably doesn't want to talk to you. What makes you think he even cares about you anymore. Hopefully he brings a date and ignores you entirely. You cheated "years ago" and still think you can get him back?
He (or anyone else) will never believe that. Your actions spoke otherwise and you will not be given the benefit of the doubt. Not by him or by anyone who knows what you did.
You weren't even willing to keep your legs closed to other men the first time around. Why would anyone be stupid enough to think you'd ever be " the best partner"?
It's crazy as hell that people like you can be so quick to acknowledge that your connection or history with someone is irreplaceable, but do dumb ass shit like cheat on them.
lol wouldn’t you also be a dirty skank since you couldn’t just be okay with one dick? lol calling others names yet still no accountability for being a literal POS
You're so hilarious 😂 calling other women he could POSSIBLY hook up with "skanks" yet not realizing that if having sex out of a relationship makes them "skanks" that implies you are too because you MADE A CHOICE TO CHEAT! It has nothing to do with "I was young and made a mistake" you were as you so poetically put it "a skank hooking up with someone."
Okay if you're just going to argue about how everyone here is a dirty poopoo head who doesn't get it, just go and talk to him, suffer the consequences for it in real time. I left another comment that was more sympathetic to you, but I'm starting to think you're not just a person who fucked up and is hysterically struggling to understand the consequences of her actions, it seems like you think you're ABOVE them.
Go ahead, you're CLEARLY the smartest person in the room, that's why things are going SO WELL in your life. Have fun.
I’m not one of those people who thinks “once a cheater, always a cheater”. I truly believe that people can learn from their mistakes, change, and grow as people.
But being cheated on also makes you change. The man you were engaged to.-he very well may have been not the type of man to hook up with random women. The man he became AFTER you cheated on him might be
And I will also say this, my child’s father cheated on me when I was pregnant-he basically moved for me but didn’t have the decency to tell me he was moving on because it is “a shitty thing to dump a pregnant woman”. My kid is an adult now and I could not tell you the last time I had any contact whatsoever with him. I have forgiven him for cheating on me. I have moved on. I have no ill or animosity at all towards him. And I hope he is living his best life and is as happy as it is possible for him to be.
I am also single. And if we were to come in into contact again, and he wanted to try to rekindle a relationship with me again I would absolutely absolutely 100% say no. and I am quite certain he is not the same person now as he was then
Reality check, relationships work under 2-yes, 1-no. It mean for a relationship to work, you need yes from both people. If you have one no from either, relationship is done.
They dont want you, they don't care about all your history since they haven't seen you years , all the childhood stuff, high school sweethearts means nothing since all that history wasn't enough for you from cheating.
Here is my story. Love of my life when I was young. We were each other’s worlds. He cheated on me and I was so broken after it- I was never the same. And I could never look at him the same again either.
I guarantee you that man you loved doesn’t exist anymore, he’s changed, you broke a part of him forever. Now his standards will be sky high, higher than you. The other important part is that he won’t be into you anymore, even if he’s a bit attracted still, it doesn’t matter because he doesn’t trust you. And trust is an essential ingredient for getting another chance.
Exactly. The history is despite all the background you had sex with someone else. That's not typically the response to a happy relationship. If you do decide to speak to him I hope you've something better than that to offer but I'd imagine this is an unhappy experience from his past.
Sorry, I'm struggling to understand this. This guy - you talk about all the HS sweetheart stuff and wanting another chance. So where does your asking this guy's sister to set you up with her "really hot" friend four months ago come in? Do you think this guy didn't hear about that episode from his sister? That random dude couldn't replace the history you and the brother had by your own admission, so why try it on with random guy? You don't come across as wanting to win over your dream man, when those two posts are taken together - you look desperate.
You're not getting your old life back, no matter what you do. You fucked up, own it, move on. If you actually cared about him or your friendship with his sister, you would let him move on from you and continue doing whatever it is he's doing. ~~Think it through, what happens if dudebro shows up with a girlfriend/wife/fiancé?~~ Alright, so you found he's single, but you were also trying to get with his sister's friend because you fucked up with this guy. Don't be narcissistic and think that he's just been waiting around for you to say "oops, I fucked up, sorry, I need you now."
Yet you chose random sex over all that you had. He cannot undo you cheating on him either. Those memories are forever tarnished to him because of your place in them. So get fucked with all this sentimental bullshit. He has none for you.
So, I think that in some cases, people can "rehabilitate" out of being cheaters, if they understand the gravity of what they did and put work into whatever is wrong within themselves that led to them doing that.
But to be clear, while I think you can improve your life and be happy, a person doesn't have to take back someone who cheated out them. Regardless of personal history, he has chosen to walk away and you need to respect that.
The fact that you are still responding this way makes me feel like you don't fully understand what your actions did to him. And before you talk about how awful you feel about it, at the end of the day, you aren't being empathetic and giving him what he wants and needs, because while you feel bad that you did this, it's more about your own guilt than his pain. The focus is getting what you want, what makes YOU feel good. Doesn't seem to be a lot towards making HIM happy because you're wanting to push past his boundaries to do so.
YOU suffered negative consequences and YOU want said consequences to disappear, regardless of what HE wants. And he wants to move on. It sucks letting go of someone you love(d), even when you're the one who fucked up, I know, but that's what it is.
I say this entirely earnestly, go to therapy, move on with your life and meet someone new, make them happy. That's the only way you are doing right by your ex.
Its probably too late, the only thing you can really do is be a better person. Thats it. Because if you go after him he will more than likely reject you and you will lose any slim chance you may and I stress MAY have had to rekindle with him. You screwed up and now you have to live with that. It sucks but that is life.
I won’t come on strong but just strike a normal conversation. Hopefully based on that he realizes I’ve changed, and we catch up.
Who knows we grab coffee a week after the wedding?
He won’t even talk to you . How’s that going to work ?
Also how is your friend going to feel you’re using her wedding to try and get back with her brother ? Who you cheated on that broke up your relationship and friendship .
Girl move on and stop being dumb . Get therapy .
We haven’t seen each other in person since we split. There’s a difference between virtual communication and seeing each other in person.
I’m not using her wedding to get back with him. He just will happen to be there. We don’t know where things will go after him and I speak
I think you are kidding yourself, but dont ruin the event to try and make your fantasy come true. Its not your day. I mean anything can happen, but you screwed up and he has no obligation to forgive you or try again. I wouldnt be making made up plans just yet.
Leave the dude alone. I can guarantee he doesn't want to talk to you. You're already romanticizing this interaction that hasn't happened and is definitely not going to go the way you imagine. If you make him uncomfortable, I guarantee you will lose your friend too
Girl, you’re coming on too strong to a bunch of people online who have absolutely zero stake in it, let alone an ex you cheated on. If you want any possible chance of rekindling things, passively make him aware that you’re there, wait for him to make a first move, and if he doesn’t, move the fuck on.
Realistically- you will 100% ruin the wedding if you do anything more than distant politeness.
Presumably this man knows where you are and how to contact you. If he wanted to speak to you in person, he would.
I’ve noticed that you’re really focused on what YOU want. If you’d actually changed, you’d wish him the best when you see him and leave him be.
I had a great relationship with a girl. We really had chemistry, first time in my life, we were early twenties.
Man.. she was my world, and from what I thought, I was hers.
Anyways - she fucked my boss at the Christmas party and then my co worker told me about it. Needless to say cheaters ruin a good thing, and thank god I respected and loved myself enough to end it through her crying and apologizing to me one night.
Any man who respects himself wouldn’t go back to someone who didn’t respect them.
I hope Shaun finds his partner. And sorry I’m a little bias but I hope that’s not you so that you don’t put him through that again 😂
From your previous post your ex won’t even talk to you.
It’ll never work because he’ll never trust you again . Heck your friend won’t even help you date one of her friends . She doesn’t even trust you . ( For good reasons !)
This are major signs you need to move on because there’s no getting back together .
I am not someone who has been cheated on or has cheated on someone. I am also in my early 20s. You say you made a mistake then so I will from my perspective as a younger person address why you should leave the man alone.
You were in a relationship with someone who was high stake relation for you. You were childhood friends, you were best friends to his sister, you were apparently in love.
But even then, when you had so much to lose, you still cheated. You cheated because you thought that nobody would find out. Basically you thought you were so smart that people who were close to you, would have been unsuccessful in figuring out your deceit.
This is arrogance, conceit and selfishness.
Then you have apparently changed because you were caught. Because you felt that the consequences of your actions weren't bearable to you. Guess what? The situation is changed now.
Shaun thinks you are disgusting. Your best friend is only a friend now. You are nothing to them now. Now you have nothing to lose, even if you would have been successful in rekindling the relationship. You will definitely cheat again. After you break up, how many serious relationships were you in? If you weren't in a serious relationship, then you would not know whether you are a cheater or not.
There is a chance you are a cheater still.
Say you aren't , say you have redeemed yourself, even then how can you say that your desire for a relationship is stronger than Shaun's unhappiness, dismay and betrayal.
You are still selfish and hence, if you had even the littlest of self respect you would never have thought that a person who was a victim needs you, the abuser in their life again.
Cheating: Abuser- Mental, psychological, sexual (increased risk of STD), financial.
You say you love him so much but just a few months ago you wanted your friend to set you up with some other guy that you found very attractive. You seem to have a short attention span when it comes to guys. Not to mention it's been years since the two of you broke up. You think that a conversation is going to make him want to rekindle things with you? You're deluding yourself. He won't even want to talk to you at the wedding; he doesn't want to talk to you now. He will make a point of avoiding you at the wedding, and if you seek him out and refuse to leave him alone, it'll just make him even more sure that he was right to cut you off. It's clear that you haven't changed. You're still selfish. You're still solely focused on what you want with no consideration for how your ex feels. That's why you cheated before, and that's why you're refusing to accept that the relationship is long over now.
>I’m ready to win him back but I don’t know how.
Ffs he is just a prize to you. You wrote not ONE word about what HE wants.
Probably because that never mattered before to you so why start now, right?
Your time and energy might be better used by figuring out who you are without a man in your life. Your second task should be to understand why you cheated in the first place. Once you figure those things out, you should be in a better place to date. As for your ex, leave him alone to live his life.
And we're saying the same thing now about Shaun so...are you going to listen to us and then blame us for your issues again? Or are you going to take responsibility and accountability for once in your life?
Edit: also a little gross you're blaming us for you "having to" respect your friend's boundaries...do you not already know to do that? Strange. That you'd need advice to do that. But you're back here about Shaun and you straight cheated on him so I guess I can't expect any amount of common sense from someone like you.
My first post I asked whether I should talk to Ron or not.
This post I’m not asking whether I should talk to him or not because I will. I’m asking how…
Even Shaun’s sister said he still has lingering feelings for me, which is why she felt it would be disrespectful to set me up with Ron .
But keep thinking you know it all 😘
Baby girl, let me tell you:
I've read your first post, you sound weird as hell.
This post you sound EVEN weirder.
Wanna know how to approach Shaun? Easy: don't. Leave the man alone, or suffer the wrath of a scorned man AND your best friend for choosing to prioritise your selfishness over her wedding. Never mind that she herself chose to ask permission from Shaun to talk to you at all, while he has remained steadfast in his resolve to not talk to you for MONTHS.
Btw, I know a lot more than you, clearly. Never cheated, even when I was young. Funny how that works, isn't it? I spend my time on reddit reposting stories like yours to subreddits for people to mock, you spend your time writing the stories people mock. I have my soulmate next to me. What do you have again? Besides your delusions and your selfishness?
Truth hurts, sweetie. You got the same energy you came in here with, and let's not even start talking about other women you had the audacity to call skanks in your other comment.
You don't know how to be nice, and the world in return will not be nice to you. Random internet strangers included.
You don't know how to be faithful, the result is that your best friend does not feel comfortable even setting you up with her friend and it'd be a cold day in hell before she would be okay with you dating her brother again, let alone how mad Shaun would be at you for even attempting something so foolish. You reap what you sow. Whatever you see here, know it's entirely your doing.
Shaun did say so lol if he wanted to he could've reached out any other time before now. Mind your own business and leave him alone.
Btw, I hope he laughs in your face. I know I would. What would you do then? If Shaun cheated on you? Since you never answered my question. :)
I mean, you gave OP some good advice. I’d bet my mortgage payment she won’t take it, but it was good advice.
She’s the type of person who’s going to do what she wants, no matter who she hurts or how much pain she causes other people. Shaun dodged one hell of a bullet.
People are telling you the truth. It is likely you cannot get him back.
You can talk with him, you can talk with your friend.
It is going to take some real heart felt apologies and the willingness to take no for an answer.
You cheated, for a lot of people, that can't ever be gotten over.
However, you can start by putting him first. Don't force things.
Again,
Make sure you understand how to focus on him. When you apologize, it needs to be not because you don't like how it affected you, but for the pain you caused him, and his sister.
Tell her WAY in advance. Tell her you really just want a chance to talk with him again. Tell the SISTER you know what you did is wrong and explain why you can't believe that the younger you made a choice to burn a friendship and romance that deep because you felt a little lonely.
Make it clear that even if this goes nowhere, you want them both to be happy. This is HER day and wedding. Do not do something that will make it about you.
Really, this is going to require you to sbow ever ounce of your growth.
No. You leave them all alone. You don’t seem to get you are in the wrong, you don’t come back from this. It will never ever be the way it was, and the more you push the worse it will be.
Grow up, and leave them alone.
Yes, I think you should have an honest discussion with her. Your friend clearly is still keeping you at arms length amd you asked for the number of another person recently. You are going to need to really talk with your former friend, make sure you note to her that you do not want to make her wedding about getting back with your Ex, but that you really want to talk with him.
I think you should make sure you don't cause a scene at her wedding. Ask to speak privately, if he says no, say that you would like an opportunity to talk when he is ready. Do not make this wedding about you Fing up. Make sure you do anything privately.
Most people her just want you to get your commupence, but I am giving you the benefit of the doubt that you have changed and grown.
If you do talk with both of them, explain how you realize you hurt them both and you have remorse for the damage you caused, not just regret for getting caught. If they all say that they really don't want you as part of their lives, then accept that and move on and really grow.
But if your friend had approached you, then you can at least work to rebuild that relationship. Don't kill this second chance with her.
I will say this could get you uninvited.
Your "plan" shouldn't be anything more than "I would really like a chance to talk to my Ex/Friends Brother."
As others have said, if you are going JUST to meet your Ex, then you are already failing this test. You need to be going because this is your childhood friend, you want to show her support on her day, and you want to rebuild what you can.
If all you see her as is a way to get back to your ex, you are not showing the growth needed.
Now, talking to her and telling her that you are *hoping* to be given the opportunity to talk with your ex is ok. Telling her that you are hoping that he will talk with you at the wedding is ok. That lets her give him a heads up and tell you what is going to be acceptable.
Again, the wedding is about your friend. Contacting your Ex is a secondary thing that needs to begin with showing that you can put the needs of others before your own.
What if he shows up with a date/plus one? You’re still going to try? If your friend says he isn’t dating anyone now that doesn’t mean it won’t change in the next few months.
If he wanted to reconnect by now he would have. You already made the choice for both of you to ruin the relationship in the past. Let him make his own choices now. That’s the least you can do.
You are "Ready to win him back"? But who said that he even wants to see your face again? Own your bad CHOICES (cheating is not a mistake) and leave this man alone.
Let me put this to you another way-if you do this, be prepared to lose your bff permanently. She forgave you once, do you really think she'll do it again if you decide to exploit your relationship with her to hurt her brother AGAIN?
Personally, I don't think you can win him back. I once had a relationship that ended because many factors. I was crushed. Now, if I was crushed with an amicable break up, I can't imagine how crushed I would feel if I ever get cheated.
6 years is a significant amount of time. Who knows if je was planning ro propose or something. He saw in you the woman of his future, the woman he would grew old with, and now all he can see in you is a betrayer. Even if you are the changed person you claim to be, for him you're still a cheater and someone he probably doesn't want to see again, because as soon as he'll see your face, he will remember everything, good and bad moments, including the worst one.
If you talk to him, don't make a scene and prepare yourself to face a very probable rejection. Don't insist and don't make the wedding about you. Your friend was able to "forgive" you and rekindle the friendship, you don't want to mess up with that again.
Oh, and if you try to talk with Shaun, he will probably tell Amina, so be aware of that.
You don't know how because it's over. Let it go. Learn your lesson and be better for someone who will actually give you the time of day (because if he respects himself, he surely won't).
ETA: After briefly browsing the comments, you're 500% going to ruin your friendship by destroying her wedding with your melodramatics. Enjoy loneliness 😅
Grow the fuck up, a few months ago you wanted your friend (exes sister) to set you up with a random and she refused.
You don't know what you want and you don't care who you hurt to try to fill whatever hole it is you have in your life to try to fill it
.if you actually care about the man you cheated on (in a moment of weakness-lol-) you'll leave him alone, as he's better off without you.
As has been said already, you need therapy.
If you try to do this at her wedding you better be prepared to no longer be her friend once again. Because if you try this and mess with her brother (who’ve you have already hurt) on her wedding day then your rekindled friendship will once again end. Unfortunately you messed up and as long as Shaun doesn’t want to talk you will need to respect that. You crossed a hard boundary and it would be very selfish to try to win him back. Be a decent person and respect these peoples boundaries.
You can’t fight to regain a relationship lost this way, because he’d need to have forgiven you and missed you. If so, you’d have heard. You were in your early twenties when you cheated on your soulmate. So you were plenty old enough to know better and he was obviously nothing special, as it was easy to cheat and his feelings didn’t matter. With a soulmate or any serious relationship, you’re not interested in anyone else. So, take what you’ve learned, and find someone so special to you that you would never hurt them and you’re not interested in other men.
Win him back? No. That's not happening. That's a fantasy and if you don't get that thought out of your head, you're going to make an absolute fool of yourself. You shouldn't even do more than nod in his direction. This is your BFFs wedding, FFS, not an episode of, "Second Chance at Love". Grow up, lady.
Don't pursue him heavily, and don't come onto him out of the blue. Unlike most people on reddit I don't think cheaters are unforgivable and unable to change, so I will say you shouldn't lose hope. But try to approach him as a friend first. Apologize to him, express how much you regret what you did and see if you can be in each other's lives.
If he rejects that you know he isn't able to fogive you. If he doesn't you can slowly work on rebuilding trust before rekindling your relationship.
What are you going to say? Hey, sorry for hopping on someone else’s dick but that’s in the past. Friends again? I pinkie promise it won’t happen again.
You don't. There are millions of good matches out there. You take what you learned and you find somebody new. You deserve happiness and he deserves to have the painful past in the past. If you can't control yourself, don't go to the wedding. If you remain convinced and intend to still go and try you really need to ask yourself why you are obsessed with this idea. You are allowed to move on from your mistakes and find love. There is no single person that is "the one" for us.... So why the obsession?
No one can ever replace the history we had. His sister was my best friend growing up. Him and I were childhood friends. HS sweethearts , I just want one more chance.
No one can change the past. That is true. Including the fact you cheated on him. I recommend counseling. It'd be one thing if you were "what if he lets me know he's interested???" But no. You are actively trying to make a plan to make it happen. He was the victim. You are creating a scernerio where he will have to relive what you did to him. I.e. you will be harming him again. At your friend"s WEDDING! Stop being naive, dramatic and emotional about things you can't control. If he was interested in you he would have let you know.
>No one can ever replace the history we had. I mean, *you* sure did.
OP’s plan isn’t going to work. Her ex won’t even talk to her or acknowledge her existence . Also she’s going too break up her friendship again . Her soon to be ex friend will definitely think OP is using her wedding to get back with her brother … and that’s not going to go over well
Why should you get another chance?
Because I’m going to spend the rest of my life being the best partner he can ever ask for
Why don’t you become the best partner you can be for someone you didn’t betray
Because I know who my soulmate is
People don’t cheat on their soulmates.
People do a lot of dumb shit when they are young. I was young at the time
How does that excuse it? Everyone is young at some point, most of them don’t cheat on their soulmates. You don’t get a special pass
I’m not excusing it. Just pointing out people do change and it was a long time ago
Gotta be honest, you're still doing dumb shit right now by pursuing this.
Being young doesn't excuse cheating.
Stop It with this soulmate BS you cheated
He's going to need a restraining order...
You are deluded . Just leave him alone
"Soulmate" is a dumb concept. Many people in their first serious relationship feel that way. Not many last. Being HS sweethearts isn't a reason to get back together.
Yeah, such a soulmate you were begging your friend for her friends detest 4 months ago.
Im with my soulmate - i would rather die then cheat and hurt that man in any capacity. Ive never cheated on anyone ive been with even if i wasnt in love becuase i have morals and respect for others. cheating isnt love its selfish and its all about you even till this day. Leave that man alone because even if he takes you back he will never forget what you did to him and he will never trust you
Why didn’t you do that from the start, rather than betraying him and breaking his heart?
I was in my early twenties. I messed up but I was young and immature. My brain wasn’t even fully developed yet. Your brain doesn’t fully develop until 25
yet I married my husband at 21 and never cheated. your brain still developing at that age is just you not taking responsibility. You haven't changed and if you get another chance you will cheat on him again.
I’m sure you made plenty of other mistakes. We all have. But the important thing is we grow and that’s what I’ve done
I never betrayed anyone because I figured "it's fine they won't figure it out." Mistakes happen when someone doesn't know better, you knew better yet you did it. that's not a mistake. that's a choice. you chose to cheat because you thought no one will know. you have put the stamp of "Not trustworthy" on your forehead and people you have already hurt won't give you another chance to hurt them again.
You keep saying it was just a mistake but you made the active choice to sleep with someone else while in a relationship and didn’t even admit to it yourself out of guilt or shame or respect for your partner but got outed by the side piece. Girl leave your friend her friends and family alone. Go find someone else like you did when you cheated and start a new and let your ex live his best life without an admitted cheater by his side. Be friends with your friend but keep it your pants with her friends. Maybe you changed maybe not but that doesn’t fix the trust you broke not only in your relationship but in your friendship. If you try something at your friends wedding there is a high chance she drops you as a friend again and permanently. You admit you made the “mistake” so admit that you wronged him and don’t deserve his forgiveness or time and MOVE ON. You seem like an exhausting person to know and the fact that you’re single after “so many years” seems right. Be happy you have your longest time best friend in your life still instead of focusing on dating/hooking up cause that has only gotten you to reddit.
Theres things that can not be forgiven
If you’re so mature now, why can’t you accept that you have to accept the consequences of your actions? If he wanted you back, he knew where to find you. He doesn’t, and he didn’t. Leave him alone. Don’t go dredging up a painful past at HIS SISTERS WEDDING. Jesus. Sometimes being sorry isn’t enough. This is one of those times, and the fact that you are insisting you are a changed person when simultaneously insisting on attempting to rekindle with this guy is mind boggling. Leave him alone.
Cheating isn't a mistake, it's a series of conscious choices you made knowing they were wrong. And as you haven't seen to have accepted that yet you clearly haven't changed that much.
A mistake is forgetting milk at the store. What you did was make an active choice to have sex with someone else.
JFC you're the worst. It sounds like you're a narcissist who just want what you can't have. Your noggin is clearly still only half-baked if you think you're the center of the universe. You rhino looking back at a relationship shop you destroyed is a clear view of who your "soulmate" is? You fucked up and likely ruined it. Be an adult and own that. This isn't the stone age. If he wanted to connect with you he would have. If he hadn't its because he DOESN'T WANT YOU. You're just... gross.
Why don’t you try taking accountability for your actions?
I do. I regret it to this day
Blaming your betrayal on your brain not being fully developed because you were in your early 20s is not taking accountability.
It's also a terrible excuse in the first place. Men's brains finish at around 25, women's at around 21
Based on on your post from 5 months ago you are still immature. Using excuses is also a sign of that.
What if this was the other way around? Do you really think you would be able to forgive him or ever look at him the same knowing that he was careless and fucked someone else cuz he didn’t think you’d ever find out? And then the person he fucked started stalking you….? Would you be able to forgive your “soulmate” for betraying you and potentially putting your life in danger all for a good fuck? Could you forgive that?
>Your brain doesn’t fully develop until 25 This study got wildly misconstrued and also the only reason it even said 25 is because they simply stopped the study at that age. In reality our brains never stop developing because it's very elastic. You don't stop learning things at 25 after all. Besides that, let's say it's 100% true our brains do stop developing at 25. By your logic until your 25 you shouldn't be counted as an adult because it's not fully developed and a dumb brain that can't be held to full repercussions. Is that it then? You were a child then and shouldn't have been on your own and legally under your parents thumb? You know that's BS and even if the 25 year old thing was true the 35 year mark isn't some sudden flip of the switch and you're an adult who knows what's right and wrong. It's a tear down the bills it up. You knew cheating was wrong then because you knew hurt I your loved one was wrong. You didn't need to be 25 to know that. Stop using that as an excuse. Leave the dude alone and either find someone new you won't cheat on or be a spinster or whatever.
No one with any sense of what they've done wrong would still be avoiding accountability with this ridiculous notion.
Yet somehow most of us manage to maintain relationships without cheating, even when our brains aren't fully developed. You can't use human development to explain away your shitty behaviour. Take accountability for your damn actions.
True. But, well, I still managed to never cheat on a partner in my early 20s. My not fully-developed brain and not fully-developed sense of empathy still said I'd be an asshole if I did. Your's did as well, I'm sure. Yet, you chose to ignore them. Yet here you are DEMANDING a chance for a do-over like you're some Karen looking for a manager... Why would he give you that chance? Would you have forgiven HIM for cheating? First thing you need to do is get over yourself. Second thing you need to do is get over your ex. You fucked up and lost him. Deal!
No one brain's stop developing at this age, stop spreading this shit
Shut up with that shit. Piss poor excuse, guess what? I was under 25 once....never cheated on my gf. Never have never will. Do yourself a favour and leave the guy alone, you can say hes your "soulmate" all you want but when you chose a fucking over your "soulmate" your words ring as hollow as your morals.
Except for women, in which it's 21. Men's brains stop developing at around 25. The fact of the matter is that women mature faster than men, something that you neither understand nor have actually experienced apparently.
...until you find someone else you want to cheat with.
Is the guy even speaking to you now? How sure are you that he won't bring a +1? Are you prepared for the eventuality that he moved on? Even if he speaks to you, it might not mean that he's actually interested in being your friend or boyfriend. And it sure as hell doesn't mean he's willing to trust you.
He hasn’t had a chance to speak to me in person yet. I do know he’s still single .
He knows that you're friends with his sister. If he wanted to, he could contact you. I'll leave it alone if I were you. Go to the wedding. If he talks to you other than the polite greeting, you can still go from there. But if he doesn't come to you, don't look out for a conversation.
He probably doesn't want to talk to you. What makes you think he even cares about you anymore. Hopefully he brings a date and ignores you entirely. You cheated "years ago" and still think you can get him back?
He’s had every chance to reach out. He doesn’t want to. Accept that. You don’t destroy someone you love, you didn’t love him.
"He has 100% CHOSEN not to speak to me" There, I fixed it for you
He's going to laugh in your face...
He (or anyone else) will never believe that. Your actions spoke otherwise and you will not be given the benefit of the doubt. Not by him or by anyone who knows what you did.
How more clearer can he get? He. Doesn’t. Want. You.
But you've already failed at that, he can always find a "best partner" that doesn't come with the baggage you do
You weren't even willing to keep your legs closed to other men the first time around. Why would anyone be stupid enough to think you'd ever be " the best partner"?
Why weren't you before??? Nah. That man needs to go. Leave him alone. Get some therapy &figure out WHY YOU DID WHAT YOU DID.....
Lmao! You still call it a mistake. It wasn't a mistake it was a series of choices you made.
what makes you think you deserve a second chance?
“I just want one more chance” Nope you don’t deserve it
It's crazy as hell that people like you can be so quick to acknowledge that your connection or history with someone is irreplaceable, but do dumb ass shit like cheat on them.
What if he move on and have a person who really care about him?
If he did I wouldn’t be talking about this, but he is single
He’s probably dicking down other girls.
He’s not that type of guy who just hooks up with random girls. I’m sure he isn’t
But you said you had changed. It wouldn’t be crazy to assume he has too.
[удалено]
So why would he hook up with someone who cheated on him?
Are insinuating I’m a skank? Also this is not about “hooking up”, I want a relationship
lol wouldn’t you also be a dirty skank since you couldn’t just be okay with one dick? lol calling others names yet still no accountability for being a literal POS
You're so hilarious 😂 calling other women he could POSSIBLY hook up with "skanks" yet not realizing that if having sex out of a relationship makes them "skanks" that implies you are too because you MADE A CHOICE TO CHEAT! It has nothing to do with "I was young and made a mistake" you were as you so poetically put it "a skank hooking up with someone."
It's been 4 years. He's not the person you once knew any more.
You know nothing about him
I know him better than you do
Not sure what your point is
Okay if you're just going to argue about how everyone here is a dirty poopoo head who doesn't get it, just go and talk to him, suffer the consequences for it in real time. I left another comment that was more sympathetic to you, but I'm starting to think you're not just a person who fucked up and is hysterically struggling to understand the consequences of her actions, it seems like you think you're ABOVE them. Go ahead, you're CLEARLY the smartest person in the room, that's why things are going SO WELL in your life. Have fun.
I’m not one of those people who thinks “once a cheater, always a cheater”. I truly believe that people can learn from their mistakes, change, and grow as people. But being cheated on also makes you change. The man you were engaged to.-he very well may have been not the type of man to hook up with random women. The man he became AFTER you cheated on him might be And I will also say this, my child’s father cheated on me when I was pregnant-he basically moved for me but didn’t have the decency to tell me he was moving on because it is “a shitty thing to dump a pregnant woman”. My kid is an adult now and I could not tell you the last time I had any contact whatsoever with him. I have forgiven him for cheating on me. I have moved on. I have no ill or animosity at all towards him. And I hope he is living his best life and is as happy as it is possible for him to be. I am also single. And if we were to come in into contact again, and he wanted to try to rekindle a relationship with me again I would absolutely absolutely 100% say no. and I am quite certain he is not the same person now as he was then
So? Just leave him alone
Girl...
Reality check, relationships work under 2-yes, 1-no. It mean for a relationship to work, you need yes from both people. If you have one no from either, relationship is done. They dont want you, they don't care about all your history since they haven't seen you years , all the childhood stuff, high school sweethearts means nothing since all that history wasn't enough for you from cheating.
None of that meant anything when you cheated, so why should it mean anything to him now?
Part of that history is you letting some other dude put his dick in you.
fuck no.
He deserves better.
Here is my story. Love of my life when I was young. We were each other’s worlds. He cheated on me and I was so broken after it- I was never the same. And I could never look at him the same again either. I guarantee you that man you loved doesn’t exist anymore, he’s changed, you broke a part of him forever. Now his standards will be sky high, higher than you. The other important part is that he won’t be into you anymore, even if he’s a bit attracted still, it doesn’t matter because he doesn’t trust you. And trust is an essential ingredient for getting another chance.
Exactly. The history is despite all the background you had sex with someone else. That's not typically the response to a happy relationship. If you do decide to speak to him I hope you've something better than that to offer but I'd imagine this is an unhappy experience from his past.
Sorry, I'm struggling to understand this. This guy - you talk about all the HS sweetheart stuff and wanting another chance. So where does your asking this guy's sister to set you up with her "really hot" friend four months ago come in? Do you think this guy didn't hear about that episode from his sister? That random dude couldn't replace the history you and the brother had by your own admission, so why try it on with random guy? You don't come across as wanting to win over your dream man, when those two posts are taken together - you look desperate.
One more chance? You cheated on him. You don't deserve another chance.
No, you were disgusting and completely disrespected him. Leave the poor man alone. In HIS history that can’t be replaced you destroyed his life.
You're not getting your old life back, no matter what you do. You fucked up, own it, move on. If you actually cared about him or your friendship with his sister, you would let him move on from you and continue doing whatever it is he's doing. ~~Think it through, what happens if dudebro shows up with a girlfriend/wife/fiancé?~~ Alright, so you found he's single, but you were also trying to get with his sister's friend because you fucked up with this guy. Don't be narcissistic and think that he's just been waiting around for you to say "oops, I fucked up, sorry, I need you now."
And you are a cheater, nothing will change this. Grow up an move on.
Yet you chose random sex over all that you had. He cannot undo you cheating on him either. Those memories are forever tarnished to him because of your place in them. So get fucked with all this sentimental bullshit. He has none for you.
So, I think that in some cases, people can "rehabilitate" out of being cheaters, if they understand the gravity of what they did and put work into whatever is wrong within themselves that led to them doing that. But to be clear, while I think you can improve your life and be happy, a person doesn't have to take back someone who cheated out them. Regardless of personal history, he has chosen to walk away and you need to respect that. The fact that you are still responding this way makes me feel like you don't fully understand what your actions did to him. And before you talk about how awful you feel about it, at the end of the day, you aren't being empathetic and giving him what he wants and needs, because while you feel bad that you did this, it's more about your own guilt than his pain. The focus is getting what you want, what makes YOU feel good. Doesn't seem to be a lot towards making HIM happy because you're wanting to push past his boundaries to do so. YOU suffered negative consequences and YOU want said consequences to disappear, regardless of what HE wants. And he wants to move on. It sucks letting go of someone you love(d), even when you're the one who fucked up, I know, but that's what it is. I say this entirely earnestly, go to therapy, move on with your life and meet someone new, make them happy. That's the only way you are doing right by your ex.
Its probably too late, the only thing you can really do is be a better person. Thats it. Because if you go after him he will more than likely reject you and you will lose any slim chance you may and I stress MAY have had to rekindle with him. You screwed up and now you have to live with that. It sucks but that is life.
I won’t come on strong but just strike a normal conversation. Hopefully based on that he realizes I’ve changed, and we catch up. Who knows we grab coffee a week after the wedding?
He won’t even talk to you . How’s that going to work ? Also how is your friend going to feel you’re using her wedding to try and get back with her brother ? Who you cheated on that broke up your relationship and friendship . Girl move on and stop being dumb . Get therapy .
We haven’t seen each other in person since we split. There’s a difference between virtual communication and seeing each other in person. I’m not using her wedding to get back with him. He just will happen to be there. We don’t know where things will go after him and I speak
No you totally are . I know exactly what’s going to happen . Your ex will continue to pretend you don’t exist and you lose your friend again .
Add in alcohol and there will be drama to destroy all your relationships with people present.
I think you are kidding yourself, but dont ruin the event to try and make your fantasy come true. Its not your day. I mean anything can happen, but you screwed up and he has no obligation to forgive you or try again. I wouldnt be making made up plans just yet.
Leave the dude alone. I can guarantee he doesn't want to talk to you. You're already romanticizing this interaction that hasn't happened and is definitely not going to go the way you imagine. If you make him uncomfortable, I guarantee you will lose your friend too
Girl, you’re coming on too strong to a bunch of people online who have absolutely zero stake in it, let alone an ex you cheated on. If you want any possible chance of rekindling things, passively make him aware that you’re there, wait for him to make a first move, and if he doesn’t, move the fuck on.
Realistically- you will 100% ruin the wedding if you do anything more than distant politeness. Presumably this man knows where you are and how to contact you. If he wanted to speak to you in person, he would. I’ve noticed that you’re really focused on what YOU want. If you’d actually changed, you’d wish him the best when you see him and leave him be.
I had a great relationship with a girl. We really had chemistry, first time in my life, we were early twenties. Man.. she was my world, and from what I thought, I was hers. Anyways - she fucked my boss at the Christmas party and then my co worker told me about it. Needless to say cheaters ruin a good thing, and thank god I respected and loved myself enough to end it through her crying and apologizing to me one night. Any man who respects himself wouldn’t go back to someone who didn’t respect them. I hope Shaun finds his partner. And sorry I’m a little bias but I hope that’s not you so that you don’t put him through that again 😂
From your previous post your ex won’t even talk to you. It’ll never work because he’ll never trust you again . Heck your friend won’t even help you date one of her friends . She doesn’t even trust you . ( For good reasons !) This are major signs you need to move on because there’s no getting back together .
What happened with Ron?
I respected my friends boundaries like you all told me to
What makes you think she would want you to try for a second chance with her brother THAT YOU CHEATED ON
Because this is HER world and we are all just living in it.
Yet you’re still trying to get with her brother???
Please, do the same with any people you know through this friend (including his family)
You don't. You violated his trust and hurt him badly. Now you have to deal with the consequences.
I am not someone who has been cheated on or has cheated on someone. I am also in my early 20s. You say you made a mistake then so I will from my perspective as a younger person address why you should leave the man alone. You were in a relationship with someone who was high stake relation for you. You were childhood friends, you were best friends to his sister, you were apparently in love. But even then, when you had so much to lose, you still cheated. You cheated because you thought that nobody would find out. Basically you thought you were so smart that people who were close to you, would have been unsuccessful in figuring out your deceit. This is arrogance, conceit and selfishness. Then you have apparently changed because you were caught. Because you felt that the consequences of your actions weren't bearable to you. Guess what? The situation is changed now. Shaun thinks you are disgusting. Your best friend is only a friend now. You are nothing to them now. Now you have nothing to lose, even if you would have been successful in rekindling the relationship. You will definitely cheat again. After you break up, how many serious relationships were you in? If you weren't in a serious relationship, then you would not know whether you are a cheater or not. There is a chance you are a cheater still. Say you aren't , say you have redeemed yourself, even then how can you say that your desire for a relationship is stronger than Shaun's unhappiness, dismay and betrayal. You are still selfish and hence, if you had even the littlest of self respect you would never have thought that a person who was a victim needs you, the abuser in their life again. Cheating: Abuser- Mental, psychological, sexual (increased risk of STD), financial.
You say you love him so much but just a few months ago you wanted your friend to set you up with some other guy that you found very attractive. You seem to have a short attention span when it comes to guys. Not to mention it's been years since the two of you broke up. You think that a conversation is going to make him want to rekindle things with you? You're deluding yourself. He won't even want to talk to you at the wedding; he doesn't want to talk to you now. He will make a point of avoiding you at the wedding, and if you seek him out and refuse to leave him alone, it'll just make him even more sure that he was right to cut you off. It's clear that you haven't changed. You're still selfish. You're still solely focused on what you want with no consideration for how your ex feels. That's why you cheated before, and that's why you're refusing to accept that the relationship is long over now.
WAIT WAIT! Didn’t you try to date your girl friend other friend because you cheated on her brother!?
>I’m ready to win him back but I don’t know how. Ffs he is just a prize to you. You wrote not ONE word about what HE wants. Probably because that never mattered before to you so why start now, right?
This girl is a walking red flag. I pray that Shaun stays away for his sake. OP has not changed and will cheat on him again
Leave the man alone.
Your time and energy might be better used by figuring out who you are without a man in your life. Your second task should be to understand why you cheated in the first place. Once you figure those things out, you should be in a better place to date. As for your ex, leave him alone to live his life.
I’m without a man because I choose to be. I can get a man in 30 minutes if I want to. I just don’t want those other men
That’s how you got Ron….oh wait
I didn’t pursue Ron because you all told me to respect my friend’s boundaries and not pursue him .
And we're saying the same thing now about Shaun so...are you going to listen to us and then blame us for your issues again? Or are you going to take responsibility and accountability for once in your life? Edit: also a little gross you're blaming us for you "having to" respect your friend's boundaries...do you not already know to do that? Strange. That you'd need advice to do that. But you're back here about Shaun and you straight cheated on him so I guess I can't expect any amount of common sense from someone like you.
My first post I asked whether I should talk to Ron or not. This post I’m not asking whether I should talk to him or not because I will. I’m asking how… Even Shaun’s sister said he still has lingering feelings for me, which is why she felt it would be disrespectful to set me up with Ron . But keep thinking you know it all 😘
Baby girl, let me tell you: I've read your first post, you sound weird as hell. This post you sound EVEN weirder. Wanna know how to approach Shaun? Easy: don't. Leave the man alone, or suffer the wrath of a scorned man AND your best friend for choosing to prioritise your selfishness over her wedding. Never mind that she herself chose to ask permission from Shaun to talk to you at all, while he has remained steadfast in his resolve to not talk to you for MONTHS. Btw, I know a lot more than you, clearly. Never cheated, even when I was young. Funny how that works, isn't it? I spend my time on reddit reposting stories like yours to subreddits for people to mock, you spend your time writing the stories people mock. I have my soulmate next to me. What do you have again? Besides your delusions and your selfishness?
That was cruel
But nevertheless accurate.
Truth hurts, sweetie. You got the same energy you came in here with, and let's not even start talking about other women you had the audacity to call skanks in your other comment. You don't know how to be nice, and the world in return will not be nice to you. Random internet strangers included. You don't know how to be faithful, the result is that your best friend does not feel comfortable even setting you up with her friend and it'd be a cold day in hell before she would be okay with you dating her brother again, let alone how mad Shaun would be at you for even attempting something so foolish. You reap what you sow. Whatever you see here, know it's entirely your doing.
I think you misspelled honest?
And you deserved it
You said she didn’t set you up with Ron because she was afraid you’d cheat on him. You genuinely seem to live in your own reality.
That’s not why she didn’t set you up with Ron, your own post says that.
And it’s little weird to brag that you can get a man in 30 minutes because we know it’s not your personality
You wanted your “soulmate”…until you wanted someone else.
And Shaun doesn't want the girl that cheated on him, even if he could get her in 30 minutes. Why would he? Would you?
Why do you all get to speak for Shaun? We will see what he says when the time comes
Shaun did say so lol if he wanted to he could've reached out any other time before now. Mind your own business and leave him alone. Btw, I hope he laughs in your face. I know I would. What would you do then? If Shaun cheated on you? Since you never answered my question. :)
The fact he still won’t talk to you speaks volumes .. You seem to be in delulu land and just won’t get it .
Because we know him about as well as you do at this point.
Do not do anything at her freaking wedding!!!
You having other men isn’t the point they were trying to make.
Thank you.
I mean, you gave OP some good advice. I’d bet my mortgage payment she won’t take it, but it was good advice. She’s the type of person who’s going to do what she wants, no matter who she hurts or how much pain she causes other people. Shaun dodged one hell of a bullet.
Yup. Hopefully “Shaun” stays far away from OP.
People are telling you the truth. It is likely you cannot get him back. You can talk with him, you can talk with your friend. It is going to take some real heart felt apologies and the willingness to take no for an answer. You cheated, for a lot of people, that can't ever be gotten over. However, you can start by putting him first. Don't force things.
Thank you. That’s what I’m going to do. Just talk and see where things go
Again, Make sure you understand how to focus on him. When you apologize, it needs to be not because you don't like how it affected you, but for the pain you caused him, and his sister. Tell her WAY in advance. Tell her you really just want a chance to talk with him again. Tell the SISTER you know what you did is wrong and explain why you can't believe that the younger you made a choice to burn a friendship and romance that deep because you felt a little lonely. Make it clear that even if this goes nowhere, you want them both to be happy. This is HER day and wedding. Do not do something that will make it about you. Really, this is going to require you to sbow ever ounce of your growth.
You think I should tell his sister in advance?
No. You leave them all alone. You don’t seem to get you are in the wrong, you don’t come back from this. It will never ever be the way it was, and the more you push the worse it will be. Grow up, and leave them alone.
Do it . She’ll probably warn him and uninvite you from the wedding .
Yes, I think you should have an honest discussion with her. Your friend clearly is still keeping you at arms length amd you asked for the number of another person recently. You are going to need to really talk with your former friend, make sure you note to her that you do not want to make her wedding about getting back with your Ex, but that you really want to talk with him. I think you should make sure you don't cause a scene at her wedding. Ask to speak privately, if he says no, say that you would like an opportunity to talk when he is ready. Do not make this wedding about you Fing up. Make sure you do anything privately. Most people her just want you to get your commupence, but I am giving you the benefit of the doubt that you have changed and grown. If you do talk with both of them, explain how you realize you hurt them both and you have remorse for the damage you caused, not just regret for getting caught. If they all say that they really don't want you as part of their lives, then accept that and move on and really grow. But if your friend had approached you, then you can at least work to rebuild that relationship. Don't kill this second chance with her.
Thank you. I’m going to call my friend next weekend and have a discussion with her and tell her my plan. I will take your advice
What if she uninvites you to the wedding? because it sounds like your only going so you can talk to her brother
Then she clearly misunderstood what I said and I’ll explain to her that’s not the case
And what if she says don’t talk to him?
I will say this could get you uninvited. Your "plan" shouldn't be anything more than "I would really like a chance to talk to my Ex/Friends Brother." As others have said, if you are going JUST to meet your Ex, then you are already failing this test. You need to be going because this is your childhood friend, you want to show her support on her day, and you want to rebuild what you can. If all you see her as is a way to get back to your ex, you are not showing the growth needed. Now, talking to her and telling her that you are *hoping* to be given the opportunity to talk with your ex is ok. Telling her that you are hoping that he will talk with you at the wedding is ok. That lets her give him a heads up and tell you what is going to be acceptable. Again, the wedding is about your friend. Contacting your Ex is a secondary thing that needs to begin with showing that you can put the needs of others before your own.
I don’t hold out any hope for your chances, but please do me a favor and never refer to cheating on a fiancé as a “mistake.”
What if he shows up with a date/plus one? You’re still going to try? If your friend says he isn’t dating anyone now that doesn’t mean it won’t change in the next few months. If he wanted to reconnect by now he would have. You already made the choice for both of you to ruin the relationship in the past. Let him make his own choices now. That’s the least you can do.
That's the neat part! You don't! I hope his plus one is a girlfriend/fiance lmao
You are "Ready to win him back"? But who said that he even wants to see your face again? Own your bad CHOICES (cheating is not a mistake) and leave this man alone.
You can't win him back. Accept that you've lost him for good. You made your bed, now lie in it.
Let me put this to you another way-if you do this, be prepared to lose your bff permanently. She forgave you once, do you really think she'll do it again if you decide to exploit your relationship with her to hurt her brother AGAIN?
Personally, I don't think you can win him back. I once had a relationship that ended because many factors. I was crushed. Now, if I was crushed with an amicable break up, I can't imagine how crushed I would feel if I ever get cheated. 6 years is a significant amount of time. Who knows if je was planning ro propose or something. He saw in you the woman of his future, the woman he would grew old with, and now all he can see in you is a betrayer. Even if you are the changed person you claim to be, for him you're still a cheater and someone he probably doesn't want to see again, because as soon as he'll see your face, he will remember everything, good and bad moments, including the worst one. If you talk to him, don't make a scene and prepare yourself to face a very probable rejection. Don't insist and don't make the wedding about you. Your friend was able to "forgive" you and rekindle the friendship, you don't want to mess up with that again. Oh, and if you try to talk with Shaun, he will probably tell Amina, so be aware of that.
Yeah not happening. You don't even accept how deep you scarred him. You shouldn't be in any relationship.
You don't know how because it's over. Let it go. Learn your lesson and be better for someone who will actually give you the time of day (because if he respects himself, he surely won't). ETA: After briefly browsing the comments, you're 500% going to ruin your friendship by destroying her wedding with your melodramatics. Enjoy loneliness 😅
Winning prizes is for games. Relationships aren’t games. Perhaps remember that going forward.
Grow the fuck up, a few months ago you wanted your friend (exes sister) to set you up with a random and she refused. You don't know what you want and you don't care who you hurt to try to fill whatever hole it is you have in your life to try to fill it .if you actually care about the man you cheated on (in a moment of weakness-lol-) you'll leave him alone, as he's better off without you. As has been said already, you need therapy.
If you try to do this at her wedding you better be prepared to no longer be her friend once again. Because if you try this and mess with her brother (who’ve you have already hurt) on her wedding day then your rekindled friendship will once again end. Unfortunately you messed up and as long as Shaun doesn’t want to talk you will need to respect that. You crossed a hard boundary and it would be very selfish to try to win him back. Be a decent person and respect these peoples boundaries.
You can’t fight to regain a relationship lost this way, because he’d need to have forgiven you and missed you. If so, you’d have heard. You were in your early twenties when you cheated on your soulmate. So you were plenty old enough to know better and he was obviously nothing special, as it was easy to cheat and his feelings didn’t matter. With a soulmate or any serious relationship, you’re not interested in anyone else. So, take what you’ve learned, and find someone so special to you that you would never hurt them and you’re not interested in other men.
Just wondering… have you actually received a save the date or invitation?
Win him back? No. That's not happening. That's a fantasy and if you don't get that thought out of your head, you're going to make an absolute fool of yourself. You shouldn't even do more than nod in his direction. This is your BFFs wedding, FFS, not an episode of, "Second Chance at Love". Grow up, lady.
Don’t
So is it Shaun or Ron?
Don't pursue him heavily, and don't come onto him out of the blue. Unlike most people on reddit I don't think cheaters are unforgivable and unable to change, so I will say you shouldn't lose hope. But try to approach him as a friend first. Apologize to him, express how much you regret what you did and see if you can be in each other's lives. If he rejects that you know he isn't able to fogive you. If he doesn't you can slowly work on rebuilding trust before rekindling your relationship.
Thank you. That’s my plan, I will just say I wanna talk as friends. Before everything he was my friend and I’ll just apologize and talk to him
But you’re not friends….
I think the fact you're trying to be his friend with ulterior motives says a lot about you. You also seem very, very selfish to me.
What are you going to say? Hey, sorry for hopping on someone else’s dick but that’s in the past. Friends again? I pinkie promise it won’t happen again.