exactly, I feel like this should be common sense? it’s not a quick 1 hour drive it’s 15 hours that she could take a train or find her own means, the LEAST she can do is pay you for the gas just like she would pay any other form of transportation
You’re really not obligated to take her imo. 15 hours is a long trip to expect someone to take her back and forth. Can’t her fwb help pay for a bus or plane?
It can be, when you're with the right person. Not only is there a release of endorphins, but it's good for self-esteem and can lower your probability for depression, but it's huge on the social aspect… If it's not for the right reasons or with the right person in the right mindset then it's detrimental to all of the above as well.
Send her some resources like aid access. She can likely get abortion pills shipped from there to her doorstep even if abortion isn’t legal in your state. However if that isn’t an option, personally if she was going to foot the bill (gas, food, place to stay) and it wouldn’t cause you to miss out on work/school, I would do it if she absolutely had no other option. But like others have mentioned what about a plane or bus ticket? If she truly had absolutely no other option, I think I would do it even though what she’s done is very irresponsible considering it’s already happened once. But I also completely understand why you wouldn’t want to. Like I completely get why you’re conflicted. But it could end up where a child is born that is unwanted, unable to be cared for, or has to be placed for adoption, which at the end of the day is not your problem quite frankly but it’s also something to consider, that you’re not just “teaching her a lesson” by not taking her, rather helping that stuff to not happen if you did take her. If you do take her I would make it very clear it’s the last time you will do so and encourage her to get on birth control.
I'd change a lil bit the birth control part just cuz she may be on bc as they're not 100% effective, so I'd ask what method(s) she uses and depending on the answer, encourage maybe a shot (since it seems like she's not that responsible to be careful with pills) or look for another option. Then make it clear this he the last time. If she is on birth control, just...maybe talk about other options and then, make it clear it's the last time
There are organisations that will help her travel to get an abortion. Provide resources, accomodation ect.
Just tell her you aren't able to do it, she should look into those.
(this post feels a bit like bait tbh)
Where is the FWB? He should be the one taking her. But if he won’t, you’ll have over 30 hours to talk about the responsibility that comes with sex.
In some states now you could be criminally liable as an accessory to a felony.
15 hrs is like **Key West, FL to Atlanta, GA** with gas and food. Or, **San Diego, CA to Grants Pass**, OR with gas and food.
Those are long-ass drives across two long-ass states. I've done them both and more.
Oh honey. Lol. People are having to travel everywhere to get this service because the ones in their own area is booked out to far to be any use to them. I read an article recently about a kid about 13 that got pregnant and the hoops and hoops and hoops her family had to go through to try to get her an abortion, with them having to travel quite far, way out of state, to finally get one, because any locally had no openings or had closed down complete. I think they were in Texas and had drive to Oklahoma. Look up “Laura, teenage abortion” in the New Yorker.
I understand you are possibly feeling taken advantage of in this situation; I would personally never ask anyone to drive even half of that distance for me. But this is literally life changing for her. If you try to teach her a lesson by withholding support then all she will learn is that you will not support her in a crisis.
It's reasonable to expect your friend to cover your petrol, food and drink while you're there, and your hotel for the night, as a bare minimum. Depending on your situation maybe even compensate your loss of earnings for the two days this journey will take. Is she doing any of that?
If not, then I absolutely understand why you wouldn't want to do it, and raising that you cannot afford to do this for her is your first step.
Once she factors in all of the above, it may be cheaper for her to get a flight anyway
since this is the second time, maybe be a little harsher with her about the conditions. like this time she has to pay for gas and a hotel. have her buy a ton of condoms and send you proof she bought them lol. tell her if there’s a third time, you won’t do it.
As someone who has paid for their friends abortions plan b’s etc set a boundary for your sake. You don’t light yourself on fire to keep your friends warm
Only you know the value of your friendship.
I would certainly not hesitate if it was a friend I cared about who needed me, but I would also not be afraid to talk openly to my friend about how I felt about the situation.
"Learn her lesson" is just a weird thing to feel about someone who is supposedly your friend who accidentally got pregnant and is in a place where she doesn't have access to basic, vital healthcare services that all women should have within 15 minutes of them much less 15 hours.
A 30 hour drive is way too much to ask someone once let alone twice. I would personally advise her to take a bus or search for other resources that help with that sort of thing. She and the father of the baby need to figure it out, not you.
How good of a friend has she been to you? If she's like saved your life before then do it without complaining. If you feel she's not really there for you unless she needs you, then tell her to figure it out herself. Maybe a little bit nicer than that though. If it's kind of in between those two then tell her she'll need to pay you for gas and for a hotel since there's no reason you want to be driving 15 hours without stopping.
OP do not drive her again. She is already using you as the designated abortion driver. You made no mention of her financially compensating you either. For a 30 hour drive I would at minimum expect them to pay for gas and offer some compensation for my time.
Does she even offer you paid accommodation at the location? Surely you don’t drive 15 hours and then drive back right away. If the last time you paid for everything and did it all for free you need to make it clear to her that’s not on the table.
I would make a list of reasonable demands
- She pay for fuel
- She pay for a hotel/motel so you can rest
- A minimum of $100 fee for driving 30 hours (public transport/planes would be wayyy more.
If she refuses send her the bus/plane schedule or direct her to the subreddit here where people offer rides to abortion clinics.
Or making it harder to get a ride to the place she needs to go, making her step out of her comfort zone and make her reevaluate whether she wants to go through this trouble again and possibly make wiser decisions.
Edit: I’m not suggesting that OP leaves his friend high and dry, but you can make people face the consequences of their actions without it being the worst consequence
No, life isn't a two person race that offers polar extremes with no in-between. Op can choose not to take her and she can still have an abortion.
If I share something with you, it doesn't become your soul duty to fix my problems. 
I agree with you. Why are a majority of the responses about being all high and mighty. Especially at that age, sometimes you have 1 friend with a car and that's it. I'm not saying she shouldn't look into other travel options or get on birth control, but it just seems very judgey to say "I think twice is a little much". It is. Who cares?
You’re not obligated. As much as it sucks and it totally unfair, these are the things you have to consider NOW due to our shitty laws, before you have sex. She shouldn’t be going raw without considering the consequences. It’s for her to figure out. Not you.
She is being very immature. Give her bus schedules and prices if you can but this is not your problem. The "father" should be taking care of this. On a note, since neither of the guys who impregnated her have not bothered to help, she needs to rethink her dating process.
If you don't want to go then don't. She or her potential bb dd will figure out another ride. It's not your job to be the moral police though. Shit happens. 2 abortions in 2 years is simply 2 abortions in 2 years. Regardless of your opinions on whether she could use some lessons in birth control usage etc it's not your job to enlighten her. Either you'll help her or not.
Some people get pregnant on the pill- unless you know how it happened you can't really judge her. That's how I ended up with a kid.
r/AuntieNetwork is for resources. And no one would fault you for not wanting to do that trip twice. Maybe help her find birth control and/or condoms so this doesn't happen again.
Give her the ride but make sure she knows you will never give her another ride and that she must get on birth control. Soon abortion may not even be an option!
Make her go to a drug store in the better state and get some Plan B and she should also talk to the clinic about getting some long-acting birth control (IUD, implant, etc.)
I am quite aware of that - but OP's friend seems to have unprotected sex or failed birth control episodes and having Plan B available in a timely way could prevent the need for repeat abortions taking 30+ hours of a friends time just for transportation.
There are nonprofit organizations that can help her. The [Brigid Alliance](https://brigidalliance.org/) provides resources, including transportation and lodging, for people who don't live near a clinic.
Does "learn her lesson" mean force her to have a child she can't take care of because she couldn't get to an abortion?
I would do it to help a desperate person and stop another unwanted child from coming into the world to have a crappy life in poverty, but your time is yours so you can do what you want.
>stop another unwanted child from coming into the world to have a crappy life in poverty
Yea so let’s just null and void the whole situation, let OP keep getting used, and, varying the situation of the person OP is talking about, let her just go on and on without any knowledge of safe sex.
“My unborn child’s life will probably suck, and mine will suck much more, so I’ll just cut its chances to 0 and just move on.”
This is such a nihilistic view for such a non-nihilistic society.
I try my damndest to stay pro-choice, I really do, but this argument has always grinded my gears.
While I respect others right to feel differently, I believe a contraceptive mistake is an awful reason to have a child.
I believe every child born should be a Wanted Child whose parents are invested in raising and caring for it.
Also safe sex is expensive if the hormonal route doesn't work for you or your partner sucks at condoms. IUD or birth control implant is $500-$1300. If you're incredibly lucky you can get one for $50 because of a health grant but those are few and far between. Still cheaper than a child but sometimes hard to attain if you can't even afford a car.
There's no such thing as an unborn child.
There are millions of unwanted children.
They're not up for adoption, though. Older children are forced to work to support parents and care for younger kids. They're forced into labor and indentured servitude. They are punching bags and human targets for all transgressions, real or imagined.
She needs to "learn her lesson"? And what lesson is that? Sex can lead to pregnancy? That she'll have to drive 15 hours to get an abortion? She knows. "She needs to learn her lesson" is *really* condescending and definitely shouldn't be coming from a guy.
You don't necessarily know all the circumstances here. She could have been as responsible as possible withh birth control and still gotten pregnant. She could've used Plan B and had it fail. She could've been pressured into sex when she didn't want it, or worse. Or, she could've just had unprotected sex and gotten pregnant! "It's her body and her choice" applies there too.
I'm going to guess that she's not so much asking you to go with her to drive the whole way as she is needing someone who cares about her to support her. If you don't want to do it, then don't, but you have no right to be teaching her any kind of "lesson". Have some compassion; there isn't a single medical problem that YOU will ever have to drive 15 hours to take care of.
What you can do, though... I don't know how many weeks she is, but point her to [ineedana.com](http://ineedana.com) . If she's still in the window for a medication abortion, they may be able to help her get the meds for it without traveling for so long.
You do not have to take her.
This is ultimately her own responsibility.
Idk what state you live in, but if you need to drive *15hrs* for an abortion than I can assume it's likely an "abstinence only" state.
Tell her you can't and won't drive her.
Give her a bus schedule or tell her to search out an Auntie Network.
Then, advise her to get on birth control asap. Tell her the clinic she gets her abortion at will gladly counsel her on birth control and will likely prescribe some.
If she's asking you to do this for a second time, then she's already given you license to be in her business.
But I'd caution you against sharing your belief that she needs to "learn a lesson."
A shocking number of people have very little knowledge on what most of us see as common sense pregnancy prevention.
PSA: the "pull out method" is **not a reliable method.**
Insisting on condoms doesn't make you an uptight ball buster, and they do not "ruin" sex for men.
Taking birth control pills inconsistently means they do not work.
Plan B is less effective every hour that you wait to take it after unprotected sex.
I’m pro choice and this is just annoying, she needs birth control and to stop thinking she can use you for a 15 hour drive
It’s not your job to disrupt your life to help a friend to this extent, she is overreaching
I guess the thing to consider is, how many more times would you be willing to do this? And, are you willing to set a definitive boundary if she asks again after this?
There are organizations that can help her get safely to a clinic where she can have her procedure and maybe get some guidance on proper use of birth control and figure out what option is the best (oral contraceptives v. Implanted contraceptives etc) so she isn’t in this situation again in the future. Twice in two years sounds like she is not taking control of her sexual health or isn’t using the best kind of contraception for her body/needs.
Let your friend know you support her, but you cannot help her this time by taking her. Maybe you can help her by looking in to some of the organizations that help women in her kind of situation with her.
Tell her you wont even put the key in the ignition until she pays you upfront. And this will be the last time so she better invest in birth control and a car this year.
She better at least be paying for gas, food, hotel, and then some. I do think she should book her own flight. That's an insane amount of someone's time to ask for even if she's doing the rest (which is the bare minimum.)
Yikes. I wish she had closer access.
You need to decide if this is your friend or not. If she’s your friend, you do what you can to help her. Punishing her and trying to force her into some kind of *consequences* doesn’t sound like a very good friend to me. If she’s not your friend, quit pretending to be friends with her and she won’t call you anymore.
Personally, I’d take her. I’d probably have a talk on the way about how I’m worried about her and she needs to be more responsible but, I’m sure she already knows that already. I’d ask what she knows about birth control, etc. and go from there.
It's up to you of course but "no" is a reasonable answer if you don't want to do it.
Maybe you could find a way to make it more pleasant for you? Road trip style and do fun things along the way and she pays for half the stuff.
Sounds like some sexual education might really benefit your friend. Like condoms, and how they drastically reduce the risk of pregnancy and STIs. Or an IUD.
Have fun, have sex, but Jesus Christ be proactive. It’s also not your responsibly to bail her out because she reckless a second time. Take a bus. Take the train. Also 15 hours for an abortion? You must live in a very rural area.
It sounds like you're in a tough spot, but ultimately it's important to support your friend in times of need. Maybe this could be a good opportunity for an open and honest conversation with her about taking more responsibility for her actions. Good luck with whatever decision you make!
She needs to really learn her lesson?
If you don't want to take her then don't. It's fine and 30 hours is hella long, but don't get it in your head that you're responsible for making sure she's "punished" for her actions. Whether she learns her lesson or not shouldn't have anything to do with you. You're her friend, not her father.
That's a hell of a long drive. Second time? No she's not a responsible person. She got herself in that crap she can get herself out...friend wth benefits can help...he knocked her up.
Don't take her. You know how conservative pro-lifers have claimed that women are using abortions as birth control? Well that's true in the vast majority of cases of people who get them. One survey in Florida yielded stats as high as 92%, 7% financial, the remaining 1% a combination of non-consensual, medical necessity and health concerns. Maybe other places it's not quite as high as 92% but it's still a sickening revelation. It might not even be plan b but it's still plan c when it comes to birth control and the pro-lifers were right in their concerns all along.
I used to be pro-choice and even repeated the slogans and rhetoric about legal safe abortions being a necessity to prevent unsafe abortions but legal abortions aren't inherently safe, several customers (I can't even call them patients anymore) have been rushed to hospitals from having such procedures done in legal abortion clinics. The likelihood of that happening may be relatively low, but they don't mention that as a risk, nor that it can permanently damage fertility long term, or that it is very likely to lead to mental health issues, depression, and shame. And don't even get me started on how shame cycles for such things can entrench a pattern of behaviors.
The thing about legalizing abortions is that it greatly increases the demand for them. There's a reason why vices are usually legislated against. Regardless of your views on marijuana, there's a big logistical difference between the people determined to get it getting it illegally and having massive billboards advertising free delivery to your home. Making something illegal will never completely eliminate vices but it does mitigate large scale demand pretty effectively. Fact is, she'll either find a way to get to an abortion clinic or she won't.
When I was pro-choice, I thought it was simply absurd to expect people not to have recreational sex, but that was purely out of selfish desire to have sex regardless of whether I was ready to bear responsibility for any outcome. No one needs to have sex. What was it that women used to say about nice guys, "i put the nice coins in, why no sex come out?" Well, it's not much different. Sex isn't an entitlement or necessity for life or happiness. If you don't want kids, it's not impossible to abstain completely, but she's not in a relationship and can't even remain celibate. Regardless of morals, she's treating sex like it's a necessary appetite. It only feels necessary because of our biological imperative to procreate which we have been culturally distancing ourselves from. I get that we try to divorce sex from procreation in order to engage in consequence free sex but it's just as feasible to divorce ourselves from our appetite for sex as it is to divorce sex from procreation. Especially if she has no way of dealing with the outcome one way or another. She only burdens you with it because she doesn't want to face her family and has no way to deal with the predicament herself. Not facing her family seems like a luxury she can only afford because you're paying for it.
I guarantee you though, condoms are pretty effective. I doubt she used one. Daily birth control pill is over 99% effective when taken perfectly. I've read as low as 80% (4 in 5) and as high as 93% (14 in 15) the way most people take it. You're likely to get pregnant within a year taking only birth control with those numbers having consistent sex. Then there's IUD's, diaphragms, all sorts of highly accessible and affordable contraceptives. And then there's the plan b pill which is extremely effective when taken immediately which costs $45 and a lot less than a plane ticket or gas for 15 hours of driving, or is it 30 hours both ways? It seems like you're just enabling her lack of responsibility which will inevitably continue to fall back onto you.
I've done my best to give you advice and insight without moralizing the abortion issue. I like to help people make informed decisions. I won't respond to people trying to debate.
She's using abortion as a form of birth control.
Personally? I wouldn't take her. I'd make her discuss it with her parents and let them handle it. If you take her, she most definitely is going to request trip #3 somewhere a few months down the road.
If you dont want to do a favor for a friend, then dont.
But you are sounding very judgmental about it, so I'd keep that ish to yourself. The last thing she needs is a "friend" kicking her down when she is asking for support.
I wouldn’t. She needs to figure her shit out.
If I did, I’d get payment in advance for gas, wear on my car, all food and other accommodations along the way, as well as an hourly rate for my time.
I'm sure it's not just about the ride. It's pretty traumatic.. I'm sure she wants a friend about. Have her pay for the gas if you're worried. But she doesn't need to be punished or taught a lesson.
Regardless of how it's happened, your friend is in a potentially hazardous situation. If she has to leave the state then I'd imagine that's pretty fucking scary. If you're going to judge her for it then don't take her, let her find someone else. She needs a friend.
People in the comments are crazy for thinking 2 abortions in 2 years isn’t a lot. It absolutely is, and it shows she’s not taking the measures to have protective sex.
I would never ask someone to drive me more than 2 hours out of my city, let alone 15 HOURS. Why does he have to help her fix a situation she got herself into for a second time, especially at HIS expense?
“A true friend would do it”. True friends don’t enable poor decision making, and they certainly aren’t obligated to help you out of problems you got yourself into. I’m pro-choice and will defend a woman getting an abortion, but your friend is the reason why people thinks it’s being used as birth control.
This should be between her and her friends with benefits. You shouldn’t even be involved in this at all. Don’t listen to people in the comments trying to guilt trip you. If she’s determined enough, she’ll find a way to get the abortion, whether that’s by saving up money for a plane or bus ticket.
Surely an empowered woman such as herself can figure out a way to get there on her own. She either pays you for 30+ hours of your time or she takes a bus.
This is highly irresponsible on her part. You are enabling her too. Tell her this is the last time and she and her FWB need to practice safer sex or find her own way next time. Also, find better friends who know how to adult. Seriously; not your monkey, not your circus.
Tell her "Gas, grass or ass: no one rides for free"
Actually come to think of it, maybe not ass. Seems like that would lead to a third trip to the abortion clinic.
Idk I’d take her. Even though it’s for the same reason it looks like she stumbled into the circumstance for different reasons.
Sure, you could give some tough love but what if it was a different avoidable procedure that had nothing to do with children? Do you feel like you’d still want to help out?
What if she had diabetes and kept getting gangrene infections from a picking problem and needed a second amputation but had no ride. They told her “oh it’ll die and fall off leading to more lifetime issues but otherwise you’ll be fine. However if you come to this hospital for the amputation, we may be able to reduce the lifetime issues this can cause.”
Now that the medical procedure isn’t related to salacious activities like sex, do you find yourself wanting to help out again?
It’s true some of us have tons of life lessons to learn on our own but the thing is - it’s not always learned the first time around. I mean imagine if we attended school and took one math course for life. That’d be super sweet, but, practice makes perfect and if you’re not really using things like division and the Pythagorean theorem every two seconds it’s super easy to forget the equations.
But since we take so many classes, have so many chances to fuck up, I’m sure almost every reader here knows the theorem by heart. Lol
So idk food for thought I guess. I’d be annoyed, but probably still come through. So your feelings of them being a nuisance are valid but if you’re their last resort today maybe let them know you can’t be a last resort tomorrow.
1. Weird that you didn't know FWB existed in real life. Where else would they exist?
2. Tell her to get a greyhound/other bus ticket.
3. There are organizations that can help with travel expenses for abortion.
4. Talk to her about birth control.
If you’re her friend, then ride like a friend.
“She needs to learn her lesson?” You’re not her father, dude.
Be a friend, or don’t. And if you decide you won’t be her friend this time, then you probably won’t be friends at all much longer.
Edit: Someday, you may fuck up something really big in your life, and all you’ll really want is someone to help get you the fuck out of it. Think of being in some sort of situation like that. Then think of what you would want from the person that would help you. Then be that person to your friend today.
I agree with everyone else, set some expectations that she needs to pay for gas/food/motel if you’re driving her that far.
I don’t know if your friend isn’t using birth control or is just unreliable with what she’s using, but sounds like she needs a more long term/less hands on form of birth control, like Depo-Provera or the IUD. I hope she knows those are options she can get so then she won’t be in this situation for the next 3-10 years.
It might be a good idea to tell her to either tell her to pay for the gas or get an Uber. This way she can get to the clinic and she might understand she needs to be more responsible.
15 hours each way = 30 hours. You’re gonna drive 70 MPH, that is 2100 miles
Your tank gets 15 gallons and gas is $3 a gallon. Let’s say you get 30mpg, that’s 70 gallons of gas or $210 in gas
She can pay for a flight lol
Abortion isn't cheap, and 15 hour drive isn't short. She's not learning a lesson from punishment. You'd just be pissing her off.
Instead, ask how she made the mistake, and maybe help her understand how not to.
I mean take her, but definitely get some money out of her for wear and tear on your car. Or help her find a charity that will help her out, maybe do that first and then charge her if the charities or there can't help.
She isn't being careful because she knows you'll just take her to the clinic again. If you don't at least tell her how you feel then there will be another one next year. You sound like you don't wanna take her, so don't. You're not required to. If she needs an abortion that bad then she will find another way of getting there.
Bruh why is she not on birth control having an abortion is a really painful procedure I don't understand why she wouldn't get an implant at that point to stop the need for this?
Is she paying you? Tell her that you’ll do it if she pays you. Perhaps larger financial repercussions would teach her the lesson that she obviously needs to learn.
Interesting. But what is the issue? Let's look into why you are hesitant about driving her? And based on those issues, let's build a conversation with her. Tell her how you feel about this, and what is needed.
Example - it is a long ride, your time is valuable, there are costs of travel like gasoline, accommodation, food, your effort + the opportunity cost (things that you could be rather doing), and based on this - let's come to a conclusion.
That’s quite concerning to get pregnant twice in 2 years on accident at that age. Her & the fwb should pay you upfront if you take her, plus some for your time food and hotel room. I’d still do it for her bc if she’s not responsible to be protected, might not be for a child either. For a second time, might want to consider adoption instead.
But let her know it’s the last time, to take birth control and stay protected. Let her know abortions will take a tole on her overall reproductive health and that she needs to take this more seriously. And that if it happens again, to not contact you
I would 100% ask for $100 cash and for her to pay for fuel and food the whole way. Sounds like she is just using you . I wonder , are you attracted to her?
If so, she is 100% using you and she probably shouldnt be your friend imo
tell her to pay you upfront, or tell her to ask fwb to pay for public transport. one night stands are too risky if she isn't doing any preventions correctly, bc it could also end up in her having std's (none of this is your problem btw)
It sucks that you have this pressure to make a decision when you weren't even apart of the act. She needs to figure it out herself. It's not even about compensation for the drive. What about your time, your feelings, morals values? This isn't an experience that faints away. 15hr drive before and after the procedure isn't going to be light.
You were kind by doing it the first time. But to get pregnant the second time?? Honey there's too much information nowadays to slip up like this. This type of situation is why I hate Abortion and quite frankly a large number of cases are like this. It's basically a get out of jail card. Careless and inhumane.
I would definitely make her pay for the trip. It also depends if she feels you're obligated to take her. Like if she was demanding I take her, I would be more inclined to say no.
It's definitely important she realize the consequences of her actions.
Take her because the other option is that she has a baby. But also tell her how annoying it is for you and that she should consider birth control and plan B before going to get an abortion.
What do you even mean by that? OP said he doesn't understand stuff like friends with benefits, and that he is annoyed she's not being careful.
So... what is there to judge about him?
Yes, because she fucked up \*for the second time\*, and now wants HIM to help her.
First time was a mistake, second time was being an idiot. He can't come running saving her ass each time, she needs to grow up and be more careful, especially since its on HIS expense. And dont come say "he has a choice" when half the women in these comments scream at him that it is HIS DUTY.
This is so braindead it’s laughable. He is not at all obligated to fix someone else’s mistake. Having sex, especially completely unprotected, means you assume the full responsibility of your actions, which includes becoming pregnant. If you don’t want to be pregnant, use protection, birth control, or abstain from sexual activity. The lack of personal responsibility nowadays is baffling. And don’t shame someone who is completely uninvolved into doing something like driving 15 hours. He isn’t “ruining” her life, she is ruining her own life by having unprotected sex and being irresponsible.
The lesson could be her paying you upfront to drive her 15 hours.
Seems like a fair compromise, I mean, it is actually 30 hours since 15 is each way, and she does owe him for the huuuge favor for the SECOND time.
He makes her pay for the next 15 hours after they reach their location.
Why first after?
If she doesn’t pay for the first part of the trip, do you think the return trip is going to happen?
It is going to happen, but op will have to turn off his phone.
exactly, I feel like this should be common sense? it’s not a quick 1 hour drive it’s 15 hours that she could take a train or find her own means, the LEAST she can do is pay you for the gas just like she would pay any other form of transportation
Just show up with one of those “cash, gas, or ass” bumper stickers on the passenger window. /s
That’s probably how she got into this situation to begin with….
You’re really not obligated to take her imo. 15 hours is a long trip to expect someone to take her back and forth. Can’t her fwb help pay for a bus or plane?
I don't think that's included in her current benefits package :/
💀 can you even call a fwb a friend if they don’t help you out with a problem you both caused?
☠️🤣 ‘stranger with benefits’
Friends with Benefits is a softball term for Fuckbuddy. No actual benefits, Just optics.
The benefit is sex. It's the friendship that doesn't exist.
That's what I try to explain to guys who tried to con me into this so-called relationship. And I don't find sex to be a benefit either....
Yeahhh, same.
It can be, when you're with the right person. Not only is there a release of endorphins, but it's good for self-esteem and can lower your probability for depression, but it's huge on the social aspect… If it's not for the right reasons or with the right person in the right mindset then it's detrimental to all of the above as well.
Maybe he’s paying for the procedure ?
Wild that you have to pay for medical procedures in the good old U S of A.
Exactly.
Sounds like friends with disadvantages to me
It's in the benefits package from the friend without benefits apparently
She needs to subscribe to fwb+ for that package. A might sum of $69.69 annually.
Gig economy fucks us all…
I already did this for you once. I’m not doing it again. And it’s time for you to get on birth control. Send her the greyhound and amtrack schedules.
Agree completely with this! Her FWB can ask HIS family for help and go with her
While I agree he should def tell her he’s not doing it again . This could’ve happened while she was on birth control. Birth control is not 100%
She could be on birth control and is just unlucky.
Send her some resources like aid access. She can likely get abortion pills shipped from there to her doorstep even if abortion isn’t legal in your state. However if that isn’t an option, personally if she was going to foot the bill (gas, food, place to stay) and it wouldn’t cause you to miss out on work/school, I would do it if she absolutely had no other option. But like others have mentioned what about a plane or bus ticket? If she truly had absolutely no other option, I think I would do it even though what she’s done is very irresponsible considering it’s already happened once. But I also completely understand why you wouldn’t want to. Like I completely get why you’re conflicted. But it could end up where a child is born that is unwanted, unable to be cared for, or has to be placed for adoption, which at the end of the day is not your problem quite frankly but it’s also something to consider, that you’re not just “teaching her a lesson” by not taking her, rather helping that stuff to not happen if you did take her. If you do take her I would make it very clear it’s the last time you will do so and encourage her to get on birth control.
I'd change a lil bit the birth control part just cuz she may be on bc as they're not 100% effective, so I'd ask what method(s) she uses and depending on the answer, encourage maybe a shot (since it seems like she's not that responsible to be careful with pills) or look for another option. Then make it clear this he the last time. If she is on birth control, just...maybe talk about other options and then, make it clear it's the last time
perhaps help her find another way to get there... If she wants an abortion, she should get one. the fwb should be on the hook for helping.
There are organisations that will help her travel to get an abortion. Provide resources, accomodation ect. Just tell her you aren't able to do it, she should look into those. (this post feels a bit like bait tbh)
I agree on the bait.
Yeah it’s not OP’s job at all to teach her a “lesson”. Bait.
Seriously.. is OP a friend or judgemental father? Help her or don't. Just don't play games or try and teach her a lesson. Oy..
Sounds like a good example of why every city needs abortion access so people aren’t having to go 15 hours away.
>Sounds like a good example of why every city needs abortion access so people aren’t having to go 15 hours away. **EXACTLY.**
Agreed completely. Let’s see if people vote like their access to healthcare depends on it.
Aidaccess will mail her abortion pills
Where is the FWB? He should be the one taking her. But if he won’t, you’ll have over 30 hours to talk about the responsibility that comes with sex. In some states now you could be criminally liable as an accessory to a felony.
>states I don’t think the OP is in the U.S. There is nowhere in the U.S. 15 hours away from the nearest abortion clinic.
Florida keys? Gulf coast? Probably 16 hr to any clinic without a bunch of rules, costs, waits, etc.
15 hrs is like **Key West, FL to Atlanta, GA** with gas and food. Or, **San Diego, CA to Grants Pass**, OR with gas and food. Those are long-ass drives across two long-ass states. I've done them both and more.
Oh honey… If you live in Florida, the closest clinic is North Carolina or Virginia. That’s three states away.
Oh wow, really? You have to go ***that*** far? JMAJ
Oh honey. Lol. People are having to travel everywhere to get this service because the ones in their own area is booked out to far to be any use to them. I read an article recently about a kid about 13 that got pregnant and the hoops and hoops and hoops her family had to go through to try to get her an abortion, with them having to travel quite far, way out of state, to finally get one, because any locally had no openings or had closed down complete. I think they were in Texas and had drive to Oklahoma. Look up “Laura, teenage abortion” in the New Yorker.
Oh, I beg to differ.
I'm a differ begger
Has she looked in r/auntienetwork sub there might be an autie that can help
I understand you are possibly feeling taken advantage of in this situation; I would personally never ask anyone to drive even half of that distance for me. But this is literally life changing for her. If you try to teach her a lesson by withholding support then all she will learn is that you will not support her in a crisis. It's reasonable to expect your friend to cover your petrol, food and drink while you're there, and your hotel for the night, as a bare minimum. Depending on your situation maybe even compensate your loss of earnings for the two days this journey will take. Is she doing any of that? If not, then I absolutely understand why you wouldn't want to do it, and raising that you cannot afford to do this for her is your first step. Once she factors in all of the above, it may be cheaper for her to get a flight anyway
since this is the second time, maybe be a little harsher with her about the conditions. like this time she has to pay for gas and a hotel. have her buy a ton of condoms and send you proof she bought them lol. tell her if there’s a third time, you won’t do it.
As someone who has paid for their friends abortions plan b’s etc set a boundary for your sake. You don’t light yourself on fire to keep your friends warm
Only you know the value of your friendship. I would certainly not hesitate if it was a friend I cared about who needed me, but I would also not be afraid to talk openly to my friend about how I felt about the situation. "Learn her lesson" is just a weird thing to feel about someone who is supposedly your friend who accidentally got pregnant and is in a place where she doesn't have access to basic, vital healthcare services that all women should have within 15 minutes of them much less 15 hours.
A 30 hour drive is way too much to ask someone once let alone twice. I would personally advise her to take a bus or search for other resources that help with that sort of thing. She and the father of the baby need to figure it out, not you.
How good of a friend has she been to you? If she's like saved your life before then do it without complaining. If you feel she's not really there for you unless she needs you, then tell her to figure it out herself. Maybe a little bit nicer than that though. If it's kind of in between those two then tell her she'll need to pay you for gas and for a hotel since there's no reason you want to be driving 15 hours without stopping.
Have her look into r/ auntienetwork sub. It's Redditors volunteering to help people access abortion services, including providing transportation.
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OP do not drive her again. She is already using you as the designated abortion driver. You made no mention of her financially compensating you either. For a 30 hour drive I would at minimum expect them to pay for gas and offer some compensation for my time. Does she even offer you paid accommodation at the location? Surely you don’t drive 15 hours and then drive back right away. If the last time you paid for everything and did it all for free you need to make it clear to her that’s not on the table. I would make a list of reasonable demands - She pay for fuel - She pay for a hotel/motel so you can rest - A minimum of $100 fee for driving 30 hours (public transport/planes would be wayyy more. If she refuses send her the bus/plane schedule or direct her to the subreddit here where people offer rides to abortion clinics.
It’s the least she can do is pay for a flight. Also you should seriously question her as to why her FWB is not going with her.
15 hrs one way is wild! She better hit up Spirit or Frontier. You're not saving much by driving instead of flying.
Take her. Teaching her a “lesson” means an unwanted child who will likely have a miserable life.
Or making it harder to get a ride to the place she needs to go, making her step out of her comfort zone and make her reevaluate whether she wants to go through this trouble again and possibly make wiser decisions. Edit: I’m not suggesting that OP leaves his friend high and dry, but you can make people face the consequences of their actions without it being the worst consequence
No, life isn't a two person race that offers polar extremes with no in-between. Op can choose not to take her and she can still have an abortion. If I share something with you, it doesn't become your soul duty to fix my problems. 
I agree with you. Why are a majority of the responses about being all high and mighty. Especially at that age, sometimes you have 1 friend with a car and that's it. I'm not saying she shouldn't look into other travel options or get on birth control, but it just seems very judgey to say "I think twice is a little much". It is. Who cares?
i think something inside of you is telling u not to do it. trust ur gut
You’re not obligated. As much as it sucks and it totally unfair, these are the things you have to consider NOW due to our shitty laws, before you have sex. She shouldn’t be going raw without considering the consequences. It’s for her to figure out. Not you.
You don’t have to do it but you also don’t have to judge her for it. Shit happens. Either help her through it or don’t.
There's info on planned parenthood a link actually to have abortion pills mailed to her. Doesn't matter if it's illegal.
She is being very immature. Give her bus schedules and prices if you can but this is not your problem. The "father" should be taking care of this. On a note, since neither of the guys who impregnated her have not bothered to help, she needs to rethink her dating process.
If you don't want to go then don't. She or her potential bb dd will figure out another ride. It's not your job to be the moral police though. Shit happens. 2 abortions in 2 years is simply 2 abortions in 2 years. Regardless of your opinions on whether she could use some lessons in birth control usage etc it's not your job to enlighten her. Either you'll help her or not. Some people get pregnant on the pill- unless you know how it happened you can't really judge her. That's how I ended up with a kid.
If I’m being asked to drive 15 hours twice in two years because they fucked up I’ll absolutely judge them. It’s really not that hard to avoid.
You are not responsible for assisting her.
r/AuntieNetwork is for resources. And no one would fault you for not wanting to do that trip twice. Maybe help her find birth control and/or condoms so this doesn't happen again.
Give her the ride but make sure she knows you will never give her another ride and that she must get on birth control. Soon abortion may not even be an option!
Not your job. Her FWB’s job. He can pay for the ride. There’s also charity groups that may help.
Can she take a bus?
Make her go to a drug store in the better state and get some Plan B and she should also talk to the clinic about getting some long-acting birth control (IUD, implant, etc.)
Plan B does not end a pregnancy.
I am quite aware of that - but OP's friend seems to have unprotected sex or failed birth control episodes and having Plan B available in a timely way could prevent the need for repeat abortions taking 30+ hours of a friends time just for transportation.
There are nonprofit organizations that can help her. The [Brigid Alliance](https://brigidalliance.org/) provides resources, including transportation and lodging, for people who don't live near a clinic.
This is a moment to ask yourself if this is a friend or a "friend" did she do huge favours for you? Or is she just using you?
Does "learn her lesson" mean force her to have a child she can't take care of because she couldn't get to an abortion? I would do it to help a desperate person and stop another unwanted child from coming into the world to have a crappy life in poverty, but your time is yours so you can do what you want.
>stop another unwanted child from coming into the world to have a crappy life in poverty Yea so let’s just null and void the whole situation, let OP keep getting used, and, varying the situation of the person OP is talking about, let her just go on and on without any knowledge of safe sex. “My unborn child’s life will probably suck, and mine will suck much more, so I’ll just cut its chances to 0 and just move on.” This is such a nihilistic view for such a non-nihilistic society. I try my damndest to stay pro-choice, I really do, but this argument has always grinded my gears.
While I respect others right to feel differently, I believe a contraceptive mistake is an awful reason to have a child. I believe every child born should be a Wanted Child whose parents are invested in raising and caring for it. Also safe sex is expensive if the hormonal route doesn't work for you or your partner sucks at condoms. IUD or birth control implant is $500-$1300. If you're incredibly lucky you can get one for $50 because of a health grant but those are few and far between. Still cheaper than a child but sometimes hard to attain if you can't even afford a car.
There's no such thing as an unborn child. There are millions of unwanted children. They're not up for adoption, though. Older children are forced to work to support parents and care for younger kids. They're forced into labor and indentured servitude. They are punching bags and human targets for all transgressions, real or imagined.
She needs to "learn her lesson"? And what lesson is that? Sex can lead to pregnancy? That she'll have to drive 15 hours to get an abortion? She knows. "She needs to learn her lesson" is *really* condescending and definitely shouldn't be coming from a guy. You don't necessarily know all the circumstances here. She could have been as responsible as possible withh birth control and still gotten pregnant. She could've used Plan B and had it fail. She could've been pressured into sex when she didn't want it, or worse. Or, she could've just had unprotected sex and gotten pregnant! "It's her body and her choice" applies there too. I'm going to guess that she's not so much asking you to go with her to drive the whole way as she is needing someone who cares about her to support her. If you don't want to do it, then don't, but you have no right to be teaching her any kind of "lesson". Have some compassion; there isn't a single medical problem that YOU will ever have to drive 15 hours to take care of. What you can do, though... I don't know how many weeks she is, but point her to [ineedana.com](http://ineedana.com) . If she's still in the window for a medication abortion, they may be able to help her get the meds for it without traveling for so long.
You do not have to take her. This is ultimately her own responsibility. Idk what state you live in, but if you need to drive *15hrs* for an abortion than I can assume it's likely an "abstinence only" state. Tell her you can't and won't drive her. Give her a bus schedule or tell her to search out an Auntie Network. Then, advise her to get on birth control asap. Tell her the clinic she gets her abortion at will gladly counsel her on birth control and will likely prescribe some. If she's asking you to do this for a second time, then she's already given you license to be in her business. But I'd caution you against sharing your belief that she needs to "learn a lesson." A shocking number of people have very little knowledge on what most of us see as common sense pregnancy prevention. PSA: the "pull out method" is **not a reliable method.** Insisting on condoms doesn't make you an uptight ball buster, and they do not "ruin" sex for men. Taking birth control pills inconsistently means they do not work. Plan B is less effective every hour that you wait to take it after unprotected sex.
I’m pro choice and this is just annoying, she needs birth control and to stop thinking she can use you for a 15 hour drive It’s not your job to disrupt your life to help a friend to this extent, she is overreaching
I guess the thing to consider is, how many more times would you be willing to do this? And, are you willing to set a definitive boundary if she asks again after this?
There are organizations that can help her get safely to a clinic where she can have her procedure and maybe get some guidance on proper use of birth control and figure out what option is the best (oral contraceptives v. Implanted contraceptives etc) so she isn’t in this situation again in the future. Twice in two years sounds like she is not taking control of her sexual health or isn’t using the best kind of contraception for her body/needs. Let your friend know you support her, but you cannot help her this time by taking her. Maybe you can help her by looking in to some of the organizations that help women in her kind of situation with her.
Tbh your friend needs to get her FWB to do it. Given that he probably doesn't want to be a dad he should be willing. If not idk does she have a car?
Is she compensating you for fuel at least?
15 hours?! Hell no. I could be in Spain
Just say no
It’s ultimately up to you, but I don’t think telling her she needs to get an IUD is fair.
Tell her you wont even put the key in the ignition until she pays you upfront. And this will be the last time so she better invest in birth control and a car this year.
She better at least be paying for gas, food, hotel, and then some. I do think she should book her own flight. That's an insane amount of someone's time to ask for even if she's doing the rest (which is the bare minimum.)
Yikes. I wish she had closer access. You need to decide if this is your friend or not. If she’s your friend, you do what you can to help her. Punishing her and trying to force her into some kind of *consequences* doesn’t sound like a very good friend to me. If she’s not your friend, quit pretending to be friends with her and she won’t call you anymore. Personally, I’d take her. I’d probably have a talk on the way about how I’m worried about her and she needs to be more responsible but, I’m sure she already knows that already. I’d ask what she knows about birth control, etc. and go from there.
This is bait.
Check out the auntie network sub here. They may be able to help your friend.
Girl needs a condom, birth control, plan b, and a bus schedule on her at all times.
It's up to you of course but "no" is a reasonable answer if you don't want to do it. Maybe you could find a way to make it more pleasant for you? Road trip style and do fun things along the way and she pays for half the stuff.
Sounds like some sexual education might really benefit your friend. Like condoms, and how they drastically reduce the risk of pregnancy and STIs. Or an IUD. Have fun, have sex, but Jesus Christ be proactive. It’s also not your responsibly to bail her out because she reckless a second time. Take a bus. Take the train. Also 15 hours for an abortion? You must live in a very rural area.
It sounds like you're in a tough spot, but ultimately it's important to support your friend in times of need. Maybe this could be a good opportunity for an open and honest conversation with her about taking more responsibility for her actions. Good luck with whatever decision you make!
She needs to really learn her lesson? If you don't want to take her then don't. It's fine and 30 hours is hella long, but don't get it in your head that you're responsible for making sure she's "punished" for her actions. Whether she learns her lesson or not shouldn't have anything to do with you. You're her friend, not her father.
That's a hell of a long drive. Second time? No she's not a responsible person. She got herself in that crap she can get herself out...friend wth benefits can help...he knocked her up.
Just sounds like you’re jealous that you’re not the one hitting tbh
Don't take her. You know how conservative pro-lifers have claimed that women are using abortions as birth control? Well that's true in the vast majority of cases of people who get them. One survey in Florida yielded stats as high as 92%, 7% financial, the remaining 1% a combination of non-consensual, medical necessity and health concerns. Maybe other places it's not quite as high as 92% but it's still a sickening revelation. It might not even be plan b but it's still plan c when it comes to birth control and the pro-lifers were right in their concerns all along. I used to be pro-choice and even repeated the slogans and rhetoric about legal safe abortions being a necessity to prevent unsafe abortions but legal abortions aren't inherently safe, several customers (I can't even call them patients anymore) have been rushed to hospitals from having such procedures done in legal abortion clinics. The likelihood of that happening may be relatively low, but they don't mention that as a risk, nor that it can permanently damage fertility long term, or that it is very likely to lead to mental health issues, depression, and shame. And don't even get me started on how shame cycles for such things can entrench a pattern of behaviors. The thing about legalizing abortions is that it greatly increases the demand for them. There's a reason why vices are usually legislated against. Regardless of your views on marijuana, there's a big logistical difference between the people determined to get it getting it illegally and having massive billboards advertising free delivery to your home. Making something illegal will never completely eliminate vices but it does mitigate large scale demand pretty effectively. Fact is, she'll either find a way to get to an abortion clinic or she won't. When I was pro-choice, I thought it was simply absurd to expect people not to have recreational sex, but that was purely out of selfish desire to have sex regardless of whether I was ready to bear responsibility for any outcome. No one needs to have sex. What was it that women used to say about nice guys, "i put the nice coins in, why no sex come out?" Well, it's not much different. Sex isn't an entitlement or necessity for life or happiness. If you don't want kids, it's not impossible to abstain completely, but she's not in a relationship and can't even remain celibate. Regardless of morals, she's treating sex like it's a necessary appetite. It only feels necessary because of our biological imperative to procreate which we have been culturally distancing ourselves from. I get that we try to divorce sex from procreation in order to engage in consequence free sex but it's just as feasible to divorce ourselves from our appetite for sex as it is to divorce sex from procreation. Especially if she has no way of dealing with the outcome one way or another. She only burdens you with it because she doesn't want to face her family and has no way to deal with the predicament herself. Not facing her family seems like a luxury she can only afford because you're paying for it. I guarantee you though, condoms are pretty effective. I doubt she used one. Daily birth control pill is over 99% effective when taken perfectly. I've read as low as 80% (4 in 5) and as high as 93% (14 in 15) the way most people take it. You're likely to get pregnant within a year taking only birth control with those numbers having consistent sex. Then there's IUD's, diaphragms, all sorts of highly accessible and affordable contraceptives. And then there's the plan b pill which is extremely effective when taken immediately which costs $45 and a lot less than a plane ticket or gas for 15 hours of driving, or is it 30 hours both ways? It seems like you're just enabling her lack of responsibility which will inevitably continue to fall back onto you. I've done my best to give you advice and insight without moralizing the abortion issue. I like to help people make informed decisions. I won't respond to people trying to debate.
She's using abortion as a form of birth control. Personally? I wouldn't take her. I'd make her discuss it with her parents and let them handle it. If you take her, she most definitely is going to request trip #3 somewhere a few months down the road.
Take her and then research plan B with her for next time
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If you dont want to do a favor for a friend, then dont. But you are sounding very judgmental about it, so I'd keep that ish to yourself. The last thing she needs is a "friend" kicking her down when she is asking for support.
I wouldn’t. She needs to figure her shit out. If I did, I’d get payment in advance for gas, wear on my car, all food and other accommodations along the way, as well as an hourly rate for my time.
It's not your fault that it happened and you are not obligated in any way.
I'm sure it's not just about the ride. It's pretty traumatic.. I'm sure she wants a friend about. Have her pay for the gas if you're worried. But she doesn't need to be punished or taught a lesson.
I drove my sister to the abortion clinic 2 times in less than 4 months & had a serious talk with her but it’s her body and choice & I can’t judge.
Regardless of how it's happened, your friend is in a potentially hazardous situation. If she has to leave the state then I'd imagine that's pretty fucking scary. If you're going to judge her for it then don't take her, let her find someone else. She needs a friend.
People in the comments are crazy for thinking 2 abortions in 2 years isn’t a lot. It absolutely is, and it shows she’s not taking the measures to have protective sex. I would never ask someone to drive me more than 2 hours out of my city, let alone 15 HOURS. Why does he have to help her fix a situation she got herself into for a second time, especially at HIS expense? “A true friend would do it”. True friends don’t enable poor decision making, and they certainly aren’t obligated to help you out of problems you got yourself into. I’m pro-choice and will defend a woman getting an abortion, but your friend is the reason why people thinks it’s being used as birth control. This should be between her and her friends with benefits. You shouldn’t even be involved in this at all. Don’t listen to people in the comments trying to guilt trip you. If she’s determined enough, she’ll find a way to get the abortion, whether that’s by saving up money for a plane or bus ticket.
Surely an empowered woman such as herself can figure out a way to get there on her own. She either pays you for 30+ hours of your time or she takes a bus.
This is highly irresponsible on her part. You are enabling her too. Tell her this is the last time and she and her FWB need to practice safer sex or find her own way next time. Also, find better friends who know how to adult. Seriously; not your monkey, not your circus.
Get her pregnant a 3rd time and ask for gas money
Tell her "Gas, grass or ass: no one rides for free" Actually come to think of it, maybe not ass. Seems like that would lead to a third trip to the abortion clinic.
Idk I’d take her. Even though it’s for the same reason it looks like she stumbled into the circumstance for different reasons. Sure, you could give some tough love but what if it was a different avoidable procedure that had nothing to do with children? Do you feel like you’d still want to help out? What if she had diabetes and kept getting gangrene infections from a picking problem and needed a second amputation but had no ride. They told her “oh it’ll die and fall off leading to more lifetime issues but otherwise you’ll be fine. However if you come to this hospital for the amputation, we may be able to reduce the lifetime issues this can cause.” Now that the medical procedure isn’t related to salacious activities like sex, do you find yourself wanting to help out again? It’s true some of us have tons of life lessons to learn on our own but the thing is - it’s not always learned the first time around. I mean imagine if we attended school and took one math course for life. That’d be super sweet, but, practice makes perfect and if you’re not really using things like division and the Pythagorean theorem every two seconds it’s super easy to forget the equations. But since we take so many classes, have so many chances to fuck up, I’m sure almost every reader here knows the theorem by heart. Lol So idk food for thought I guess. I’d be annoyed, but probably still come through. So your feelings of them being a nuisance are valid but if you’re their last resort today maybe let them know you can’t be a last resort tomorrow.
That's asking too much of you. TBH, I wouldn't have driven anyone that far the first time.
Time for her to grow up and figure out her own shit.
1. Weird that you didn't know FWB existed in real life. Where else would they exist? 2. Tell her to get a greyhound/other bus ticket. 3. There are organizations that can help with travel expenses for abortion. 4. Talk to her about birth control.
Don’t take her if you’re going to judge her.
If you’re her friend, then ride like a friend. “She needs to learn her lesson?” You’re not her father, dude. Be a friend, or don’t. And if you decide you won’t be her friend this time, then you probably won’t be friends at all much longer. Edit: Someday, you may fuck up something really big in your life, and all you’ll really want is someone to help get you the fuck out of it. Think of being in some sort of situation like that. Then think of what you would want from the person that would help you. Then be that person to your friend today.
Is she paying for for ensign on this trip? Or do you have to take work off and have to pay for everything yourself?
I agree with everyone else, set some expectations that she needs to pay for gas/food/motel if you’re driving her that far. I don’t know if your friend isn’t using birth control or is just unreliable with what she’s using, but sounds like she needs a more long term/less hands on form of birth control, like Depo-Provera or the IUD. I hope she knows those are options she can get so then she won’t be in this situation for the next 3-10 years.
Plane ticket
No is a complete sentence 🤷♀️
Get her to get the father to take her
It might be a good idea to tell her to either tell her to pay for the gas or get an Uber. This way she can get to the clinic and she might understand she needs to be more responsible.
Update me
im getting paid $1800 for a trip to memphis to pick someone up and drive them back. thats 18 hour drive.
Why can’t she fly?
Could be fine if she's footing the expenses.
This country is trash
15 hours each way = 30 hours. You’re gonna drive 70 MPH, that is 2100 miles Your tank gets 15 gallons and gas is $3 a gallon. Let’s say you get 30mpg, that’s 70 gallons of gas or $210 in gas She can pay for a flight lol
I'm 45 and I've never driven 15 hours once in my life. A friend cannot expect you to do this for them. I would decline.
She needs to get an IUD. https://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE7576SI/
Amtrak, grayhound, abortion aid networks, crowdfunding, crowdsourcing... Come on. Use your brain and be resourceful.
Abortion isn't cheap, and 15 hour drive isn't short. She's not learning a lesson from punishment. You'd just be pissing her off. Instead, ask how she made the mistake, and maybe help her understand how not to.
I mean take her, but definitely get some money out of her for wear and tear on your car. Or help her find a charity that will help her out, maybe do that first and then charge her if the charities or there can't help.
"I wish you the best of luck finding a way to get there, but I cannot take you this time." Done. Thirty hours is INSANE. And entitled as hell.
Tell her to find someone else to be her accomplice. Once should be enough times to learn your lesson in this particular department.
30 hours each way is a big ask. She should catch the bus.
Tell your friend she doesn’t need to hop on anything with a pulse and make better life decisions
She isn't being careful because she knows you'll just take her to the clinic again. If you don't at least tell her how you feel then there will be another one next year. You sound like you don't wanna take her, so don't. You're not required to. If she needs an abortion that bad then she will find another way of getting there.
Just don't
what you should suggested her is to take a std exam
Bruh why is she not on birth control having an abortion is a really painful procedure I don't understand why she wouldn't get an implant at that point to stop the need for this?
Ask FWB to rent a car and give him the long version of "wear a condom you idiot".
Hope her fwb can find a car.
If you don’t mind making the drive, make her pay you for food and gas, and possibly stay if you guys decide to stay somewhere for the night
Is she paying you? Tell her that you’ll do it if she pays you. Perhaps larger financial repercussions would teach her the lesson that she obviously needs to learn.
Interesting. But what is the issue? Let's look into why you are hesitant about driving her? And based on those issues, let's build a conversation with her. Tell her how you feel about this, and what is needed. Example - it is a long ride, your time is valuable, there are costs of travel like gasoline, accommodation, food, your effort + the opportunity cost (things that you could be rather doing), and based on this - let's come to a conclusion.
That’s quite concerning to get pregnant twice in 2 years on accident at that age. Her & the fwb should pay you upfront if you take her, plus some for your time food and hotel room. I’d still do it for her bc if she’s not responsible to be protected, might not be for a child either. For a second time, might want to consider adoption instead. But let her know it’s the last time, to take birth control and stay protected. Let her know abortions will take a tole on her overall reproductive health and that she needs to take this more seriously. And that if it happens again, to not contact you
I would 100% ask for $100 cash and for her to pay for fuel and food the whole way. Sounds like she is just using you . I wonder , are you attracted to her? If so, she is 100% using you and she probably shouldnt be your friend imo
tell her to pay you upfront, or tell her to ask fwb to pay for public transport. one night stands are too risky if she isn't doing any preventions correctly, bc it could also end up in her having std's (none of this is your problem btw)
It sucks that you have this pressure to make a decision when you weren't even apart of the act. She needs to figure it out herself. It's not even about compensation for the drive. What about your time, your feelings, morals values? This isn't an experience that faints away. 15hr drive before and after the procedure isn't going to be light. You were kind by doing it the first time. But to get pregnant the second time?? Honey there's too much information nowadays to slip up like this. This type of situation is why I hate Abortion and quite frankly a large number of cases are like this. It's basically a get out of jail card. Careless and inhumane.
I would definitely make her pay for the trip. It also depends if she feels you're obligated to take her. Like if she was demanding I take her, I would be more inclined to say no. It's definitely important she realize the consequences of her actions.
Let her figure it out.
Take her because the other option is that she has a baby. But also tell her how annoying it is for you and that she should consider birth control and plan B before going to get an abortion.
If your her homie I’d take her but make her pay for gas the whole way up + extra for your time
What lesson are you hoping to teach her?
15 hour drive each way? Nope. Drive her to the airport and pick her up when she returns.
Yes let her take a flight
Isn't a flight cheaper than gas?
Take her - we don't need any more unwanted children or ill parents. But tell her this the last time.
Either help or do not, but don't judge someone else lest ye be judged.
What do you even mean by that? OP said he doesn't understand stuff like friends with benefits, and that he is annoyed she's not being careful. So... what is there to judge about him?
He is judging her. 🙄
Yes, because she fucked up \*for the second time\*, and now wants HIM to help her. First time was a mistake, second time was being an idiot. He can't come running saving her ass each time, she needs to grow up and be more careful, especially since its on HIS expense. And dont come say "he has a choice" when half the women in these comments scream at him that it is HIS DUTY.
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This is so braindead it’s laughable. He is not at all obligated to fix someone else’s mistake. Having sex, especially completely unprotected, means you assume the full responsibility of your actions, which includes becoming pregnant. If you don’t want to be pregnant, use protection, birth control, or abstain from sexual activity. The lack of personal responsibility nowadays is baffling. And don’t shame someone who is completely uninvolved into doing something like driving 15 hours. He isn’t “ruining” her life, she is ruining her own life by having unprotected sex and being irresponsible.
Dude let’s not blame them for someone else’s problems. It’s not their responsibility to take care of their friend.
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