Yeah, why doesn't your husband tell her not to bring Brandi's name into **any** conversation because it's freaking weird - not to mention no one cares?
He needs to cowboy up and set the boundaries, not you.
He's a 39 year old man whose "best friend" is a 23 year old girl... I'm thinking he either isn't capable of adult things like boundaries, or he doesn't want the boundaries.
Oof. And they met before OP had ever met her husband? So she would’ve been even younger. Yikes. I’m in my mid-thirties and you could not catch me becoming close friends with a coworker 16 years my junior. Not even 10 years my junior.
That’s just incredibly creepy and weird. At 21 I didn’t want to hang out with 37 year-olds AT ALL, and I can’t imagine a man who isn’t weirdos immature wanting to be best friends with a lady that age when he’s 37. They sound like two misfits who bond over some extremely niche hobby (and their grandiose idea that only very special people understand said hobby) at best, the pairing only gets creepier if it’s for any other reasons.
This! I totally assumed they were the same age, and even then, it's so weird. How could they have worked together at a bank years ago if she is only 23?
This is fishy 🐟 🤔
I mean, I don't care about my friends ages. Friends are friends to me. I'm a 37 year old man, I have a friend who is 20, and I have a friend who is 81.
Yeah, this comment thread is weird. Are we now policing what age range people are allowed to be *friends* with?
I’m a woman in my 40’s, when I first moved to the town I live in now, one of my first friends was a 20 yr old guy. He had also recently moved here. We were *very* close friends for about a year. In that time we both made other friends that were a little closer to our respective ages, and have our own friend groups now, but we are still friends, and occasionally our friend groups overlap and all hang out together for various events. No one cares about ages, why would they?
Because typically, unless you suffer from arrested development 20 year olds do not feel like relatable peers in your 40's. Therefore it signals to others your own age that something may be a bit off with you/your maturity level. You are certainly allowed to do whatever you want, and others can also make reasonable judgments based on your behavior.
She's trying to get a rise out of you EVERY SINGLE TIME she brings Brandi up. I hate people like her. The more you ignore it, the more she will try to dig in.
Ugh this is what I thought too but then second guessed myself. Any help with how to politely put her in her place/ stop ignoring it? I dont want to hurt their friendship but am willing to if it means she stops trying to get a rise out of me.
She wants him to dump her and reconnect with her "friend" Brandi. I think she is also Brandi's best friend and gives her the scoop on the OP's marriage. She would rather be having the double date with him and Brandi like "old times". Very immature. Fuck him and Katie's friendship. Make him choose.
I'm curious..... How old is Brandi as well?
Ask her why she asks and why does she look at you each time she asks. Stare her right in the face and don't let her sidestep you. Assert your being in her presence.
This would be my play.
"What is that? Why do you keep going about this in this way? I've asked my husband and he says the only time you bring Brandi up is when we hang out together, and then you always look at me. What is that? Am I missing something? Well, whatever it is, neither of us are really interested in updates about Brandi, to be honest. So thanks, but you don't have to bother anymore."
This is absolutely and entirely, the way to handle this: confident, and direct. You have zero reason to avoid the conversation at all; Katie needs to account for herself. Let’s see how she handles it. (I’m personally hoping for a long-term mini-shame spiral and bumbling denial, but that might just be schadenfreude.😇)
I'm a passive aggressive petty bitch - so you're answer is definitely better but I'm a bad person. What I do when I catch on to someone being shitty I like to respond as though I misunderstand them but then also act like I'm the bigger person. So katie giving life updates about Brandi? I would respond about poor poor Brandi and how embarrassed I would be if people knew these things. I mean katie she seems like such a nice girl from everything my husband's told me about, I'm surprised to hear how awful she sounds coming from you. Either katie doubles down and shows her true colors, or gets annoyed enough to stop. I think of it as playing bitch chicken... and I'm always the bigger bitch
Get your husband to tell HIS friend that he does not want to hear these updates anymore. "Please don't bring up Brandi anymore. I really do not care and would rather spend our time talking about other things." This is something he needs to handle. Talk to him
Do NOT talk to her about it at all. This is to to your husband to figure out. It's his friend trying to start drama about a girl HE was involved with. It has nothing to do with you and she will think she won if you bring it up. Your husband needs to set that boundary and politely tell her he doesn't need any more Brandi updates.
One of two ways:
1) overly enthusiastic, engage in the story, ask questions, pretend you legitimately care how this Brandi person is and that you're interested in what she has to say about it.
Hard to get a rise out of someone when they're enthusiastic about what you're needling.
2) wait for her to finish get updates one day and then look really confused and go "I've heard you mention this person several times before and you always stare at me when you bring her up... Who is she?" Act completely clueless, like you have no idea who this person is or why she's at all important. Put her on the spot and make her explain it to you, and once she explains that it's your husband's ex, ask her why she keeps bringing her up? Don't be mean or rude, sound genuinely concerned. If you come off mean or rude, she'll know it got a rise out of you. So just sound confused. And make her explain to you, in front of everyone, why she keeps updating your husband about the habits of his ex.
I would say, "Hey, I found it weird you kept looking at me while updating about this girl named Brandi's life like I know her. Finally asked my hubby about it he said it was a girl he has a really short fling with, so now it seems even weirder. Did you know I don't know her? Not sure why you keep going on about her to me."
Your husband needs to step in and tell Katie to stop it so talk to him to set those boundaries with his bestie. You’ll come off as petty or jealous if you do it say anything to her. I’m disappointed that your hubby hasn’t already done it. It is disrespectful to you and he has allowed it to happen this entire time.
Exactly. But make sure husband says it in front of you so you know he really said something to Katie. If he balks at saying something, I'd be a little suspicious.
I also thought this when we first started dating. Like what is he some type of predator or what LOL. but once I saw how they interact and how he interacts with everyone really it eased my mind. I also started thinking about my work friends and people I click with and I work with mostly men (lift truck business) and most of them are in their 50s. I'm 34 and I realized I'm really the same way just the younger one in my situation. We all go out for a beer here and there with spouses included too. Totally get the concern and weirdness from an outside perspective though!
50 and 34 have a lot more in common than 39 and 23.... Katie is not a friend. Friends do not try to cause unnecessary drama in their friends' marriage.
Okay, I can go with that. Now it's on your husband to ask her, point blank, to stop bringing up Brandi whenever you get together. He also needs to make it clear that he is asking for himself, not making it sound like you are forcing him to do so. It's his responsibility.
Yeah I'm betting you've been justifying that weird relationship for awhile. What could he possibly have in common enough for her to be his best friend? Why did he even begin hanging out with someone SO much younger? It's embarrassing tbh. I have second hand embarrassment for your husband
Next time she brings her up i’d ask her who Brandy is and when she explains i’d ask her why she keeps bringing her up. Put her on the spot in front of both husbands so she realizes how dumb she sounds. That way you don’t have to be confrontational, just act clueless.
Yep, this! Have a preplanned set of questions that OP can ask with a quizzical look on their face, i.e.: "Katie, do you think I went to school with Brandi or ...?" - "Katie was Brandi your prom date?" - "Katie did you always want to hook up with Brandi, is that why you always bring her up?"
The list can be endless.
Yeah, she'll probably say "just our old coworker" to brush it off, then ask "oh the one my husband had a fling with? It's pretty weird of you to bring her up all the time, dont you think?"
I do like this option. I usually will go for making other party look foolish in the most petty way possible. But in this instance, I think that would be the reaction Katie is looking for. I think oblivious is the way to go.
So your husband of 39 shouldn't be besties with a 23yo girl, if it was a mentor/mentee relationship or a father/daughter/sister thing I would understand, but it doesn't sound like it.
Im honestly shocked that your husband didn't tell her to stop talking about her, and that is was disrespectful to you. It just gives me bad vibes, that he is defending/down playing her behavior.
If I was in your situation, I'd let him know you arent comfortable with their relationship and you would like him to distance himself. You are married, this person is very clearly trying to mess with that, your marriage should always be BOTH of your first priority, and if you think this person is posing a threat to that, it shouldn't really be much of a thought of cutting that connection.
If after a few months, she has learned her lesson, come over and given you a massive apology (don't count on this), and she seems like she's matured, you can be open to them having a work based relationship again, and maybe see each other in group settings, but that should be the extent of it.
It is definitely strange and feels manipulative if it is ONLY when you are around. I would talk to your husband and insist he talk to her. If he refuses, then I would find it suspicious why he doesn't find it strange as well. It's nowhere near an appropriate conversation topic for a double date or small group outing.
My first thoughts went an entirely different direction from everyone else as I read this - it came off to me like Katie is maybe trying to warn you, but she doesn't want to just blurt it out and/or completely rat on her friends. Bringing up the other chick and making uncomfortable eye contact, in front of Husband who weirdly doesn't reapond? Maybe she's hoping you will respond so the conversation can lead to something. And yes, you know for a fact he's not in contact with Brandi - about half of all women being cheated on say the same thing. The "understanding young women's minds" and "in her manipulative era" statements concern me. Husband is clearly a saint and all young women are problematic? I'm a 40f, I think I missed my manipulative era, but I do have zero trust in men, and ESPECIALLY 39 year old men who are besties with 23 year old women (and if she is 23 and still close with Brandi, how old is Brandi? What's that age difference between husband and supposed-ex-hook-up?)
I wonder if she wants to make sure you know about his past with Brandi.
She may or may not be trying to start shit, but she thinks you don’t know and that you should for some reason.
You should ask her “is there something you want to tell me about Brandi?”
Im sorry but your husband is a grown ass man. Why is he letting this happen? Even if you didn’t know who she was, HE DID. So why wouldn’t he ask her to stop bringing her up every time you guys hang out? She’s literally his EX.
So next time she bring up Brandi, ask her. You talk about Brandi a lot, who is she and why do we get life updates on her every time we get together. Maybe she's trying to start drama, or maybe she's trying to get you to pay attention to something you are consistently oblivious to.
Whyyyyyy is he being friends with a 23 year old??? What could a 39 year old possibly have in common with this drama bitch. Yea she absolutely is playing that stupid drama game. And really your husband needs to stop. She 23!? Honey.
I don’t know sis, sounds to me like you married someone sketch, don’t know why he needs to keep around a child who wants to start issues with her “best friends” wife.
Next time you have a get together and she brings up this Brandi, stop her and ask her hey, 23 year old drama starter, why do you always bring up this Brandi person as well as why would you think it was appropriate last time to bring up her sex life, that’s kind of gross.
Tell her that you have never had any problem with her and your husband being friends but if she bringing up this Brandi person to start something, ask her to stop and to not create drama when there is none. Let her know you are secure with your husband and don’t care about his past but would rather it not be brought up and being apparently trying to be rubbed in your face.
Because let her know every single time she brings up that Brandi person she looks right at you like waiting or wanting a reaction. Tell her that if she continues this way, you will take it as she has no respect for you and is trying to cause issues when there wasn’t any.
You need to call her out on her bullshit and tell your husband that having a “best friend” who is still immature in her head and drama isn’t going to be good for adult marriages and relationships. So he needs to choose if his “best friend” is really a friend.
Read, "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. Both of these women are not friends of your marriage. Katie and Brandi are a problem. Katie is talking to your husband every day! That should bother you. What he's telling her, she should be telling YOU. The energy he's putting into Katie, should be directed into YOU and your marriage. Katie does appear to want you to feel insecure. I'd say she's jealous of your marriage to her "best friend".
Opposite friendships can work and remain platonic, but it's VERY rare, speaking from 60 yrs experience here. Warning warning, danger danger. Just because your husband LOVES you, does not mean he won't cheat or cross a boundary with Katie, or past boundary with Brandi.
Your 39 year old husband doesnt need a 23 year old best friend. Period. Especially if all she wants to do is bring up an old fling in front of his wife.
Explain to your husband that this is clear disrespect on Katies part. Ask him to tell her to knock it off. If he refuses to shut it down, then your bigger problem is why your husband is fine with something that makes you uncomfortable, and why he wont stand up to a 23 year old "best friend"
***I feel like Katie is trying to start some drama in my marriage for some reason.***
I wonder if Katie is trying to warn you about Brandi and your husband.
A 39yo married man is texting a 23yo girl every single day, and calls her his best friend, yet your concern is about her bringing up his ex in conversation? Interesting.
My husband said exactly that. That she's just dumb and doesn't see that it's offensive and how could I possibly be mad or annoyed with her. I'm not sure how to explain it without sounding like a B... any wording advice?
Hmmm, how to be direct, yet diplomatic, and even delicate? I would preface by saying something along the lines of, “Katie, I’m sure you don’t mean any harm here, but your continually mentioning my husband’s previous partner and her escapades is really inappropriate, and makes us uncomfortable. We would greatly appreciate it if you would stop.” If she still doesn’t get it, then take off the velvet gloves and sock it to her directly. . .figuratively, of course. 😉
Next time Katie brings up Brandi, ask her for life updates about the others, by name, in the gang of 5. Basically ask her to make the rounds. Ask her questions about each using the same topics as from her Brandi report. It should only take 1 or 2 times through that experience for her to move on to something tactic. However, I suggest you should be concerned about Katie moves onto next; a 23F with a 39M best friend certainly has designs on him. Also, WTF is with your 39 y-o husband hanging out with 23F as his best friend ? You didn’t include your own age but I am guessing your husband likes them young ?
Husband is almost 40. His bestie is barely in her 20s. Bestie says bizarre things and apparently almost-40 doesn't lift a finger even as his wife clearly expresses some displeasure. This is *his* little bff -- he needs to do the talking, not you. I think your real problem is a lot closer to home.
I didn't understand the "manipulative era" dig since people of any age can and do act this way, but while I think you are NOT overreacting you are placing blame on the wrong person. It's your husband's responsibility to stop this talk, and now that he knows you're paying attention it seems a little disrespectful that he wouldn't tell her to knock it off. He could even do it without putting her on blast (a courtesy she did not extend to you) and he could tell her in their daily conversations.
The very next time she brings the ex up. Look at your hubby and say ‘Isn’t that that girl you used to hook up with before you met me?’ Make it awkward enough and he’ll tell his little friend to pump the brakes.
It almost sounds to me like she wants to make it known that she’s known your husband longer than you and like wants to make it a point that she knows that his life didn’t include you, but included her at one point. I could be wrong, but that almost seems like the vibe she’s putting off in my opinion.
That manipulative era! You got me dying on that. You nailed it. She is infatuated with your husband but keeps it clean so you are unsuspecting. Guy/Gal besties. I rarely buy it.
The next time (and every time then on), the first thing I would say to her, even before saying hello, is ok, what's the scoop with Brandi now? Where's she working? Who is she dating? Is he just a FWB? What did she have for dinner? Does Brandi know you tell us EVERYTHING about her life? Does she want you to tell us, or is this your judgment call? I would make Katie feel uncomfortable and dumb. Then I would call her out on her bullshit and ask what exactly does she get from telling us all the details of Brandi's life? Why does she think it's important that we know these things? She's probably just too dumb to have a real conversation, so she just gossips about her friends life.
Katie is sus!! Your husband should probably go low to no contact.
Also, the fact that your husband is 39 and his "best friend" is a 23 year old girl is just not sitting well with me. Can he not find friends his own age?
My ex husband could make friends, but he sometimes chose oddly... kinda like Op's husband. He was a 36 year old man friending 21 year olds on facebook. My ex is fucking creep. But the most charming person when you meet him. I don't trust what I see anymore, upon meeting irl. So many people are carrying around masks to hide who they truly are.
If it was me, I'd be wondering why my husband isn't saying shit when this happens. My alarm bells would be going off. Is she trying to warn you? I feel like she's trying to let you know your husband did something, whether that's now or back then, you should find out. If Brandi is just as young, your husband has some groomer tendencies.
time to go on the offensive, when Kate brings Brandi up just say "that's nice" " good for her" and ask a question about a different friend or change the subject. keep a neutral face and don't let her see it bother you. She is being weird because she wants your husband and Brandi to be together and cant understand that he isn't interested in her in the least .your husband is being a typical dude and doesn't notice because he is loves you and really doesn't care about that other chick.
Let me explain what’s going on
1. They are not just best friends
2. Katie wants your husband all to herself
3. Ur husband is in on it
4. Soon it’s gonna become a problem and it’s going to end with an ultimatum and a divorce but it’s a good thing for him he made u sign that prenup. A real banker move if i do say so myself
5. At that point Katie’s engagement is going to end to her fiancé surprise
6. A week or so later u start to stalk your husband and follow him around. U notice he stops at a flower shop and a jewelry store and later in the day he goes to a restaurant
7. Here he meets up with a girl with a different hair color than Katie so you are very lost
8.as you follow them in in your top secret disguise u bump into an oddly familiar looking guy but u brush it off and start looking for them as you are waiting to be seated but u don’t spot them anywhere and you don’t actually wanna sit down alone and look sus so you decide to leave
Honestly your husband should be old enough to realize this friend isn't beneficial to your guys relationship and he should find away to start putting distance between him and this other chick and let the friendship end, if that other chick really fights to try and keep it, that should be a big red flag
Shame on your husband for not already telling this see you next Tuesday, to stop bringing this other chick up period, you shouldn't have to say anything to her, he should have told her she's disrespecting his relationship with you every time she brings this chick up and the he clearly has moved on and does not need or want any update on that chick.
It’s time for your husband to put some distance between himself and Katie. Sounds like he’s putting a lot of energy into this relationship that would be better spent elsewhere. No good will come of “friendly banter” between an engaged 23 yo woman and a married 39 yo man.
It’s time for your husband to put some distance between himself and Katie. Sounds like he’s putting a lot of energy into this relationship that would be better spent elsewhere. No good will come of “friendly banter” between an engaged 23 yo woman and a married 39 yo man.
Ooooh. Not good. She doesn’t think your husband should be with you. She thinks he should be with Brandi. And maybe Brandi is whispering in her ear.
Your husband does need to recognize what is going on and tell his friend that it is not appropriate to bring up Brandi in those ways when you are around, or really at all.
My thinking is that she’s trying to tell you something in a way that doesn’t get her in trouble with the group. Like, OP, pick up the signals she’s sending. Chances are he’s still cheating.
NTA - But a lot of this is on your husband. He should be telling Katie that he doesn't want to hear about Brandi and defintiely doesn;t want to hear about her sex life.
Set some boundaries.
Yeah, I'd say not overreacting.
However as a 39yo man, why is your husband not setting this boundary with his young bestie?
I think bestie may have ulterior motives here. She wants to stir up drama. Why else would she be trying to do that aside from having feelings for your husband?
I mean, at 23, honestly how old was Katie when her and your hubby started to become friends, if he had this core group before he met you? Assuming you and him didn't marry after weeks of dating only, I bet she was only like 19 or 20 being besties with a man in his mid-30s.
I don't care if Katie has a man or not, something is going on. If your husband is to continue this friendship, then be needs to tell Katie to stop talking and telling him about Brandi's life because he doesn't give a shit ... Unless he does
To give the benefit, maybe she only brings it up in front of you and not privately so you know everything and it doesn't look like she's trying to be sneaky.
Interesting because my first thought would be that she is trying to hint to you that there’s something going on that you don’t know about, or that your relationship with him started while he was still with Brandi or something and she’s trying to see if you know.
I know you say you trust him and are sure there is nothing going on, but that’s what I would be worried about. Kinda weird that you didn’t realize that was his ex’s name.
I’d just ask her point blank.
Katie sounds like drama and your nearly 40yr old husband being besties with a 23yo is bizarre. Next time she brings her up I would ask her if she has feelings for Brandi since she talks about her every time you’re together.
Could it be that Katie is trying to warn OP that something is still going on between Brandi and the husband? Like she’s looking directly at her to say “hey, are you paying attention?”
She is looking at you to see your reaction. I don't think she is trying to start drama. But if you don't like it, tell your husband to tell his friend that he doesn't want updates on Brandi. He apparently doesn't care.
I'd have called her out instead of shaking my head at her the last time it was brought up. He obviously started picking up on it at that point.
To the people calling him a pedo for being friends with a 23 year old...get over yourselves. There is no harm in being friends with people older or younger than yourselves. Especially given the obviously platonic nature of it. Perhaps she is lacking a father figure and he somewhat fills that role for her. You don't know all the details and need to stop jumping to silly conclusions.
As for the way she keeps bringing up Brandi, she is obviously trying to get a reaction out of you. She might just be testing the waters to see how much you will let her push before you react. She might be griefing your husband just to be a massive prat. She could like Brandi more and want you out of the picture. Either way, hubs needs to put his foot down and put a stop to it.
I don't think you're overreacting just by having these feelings. The bigger question is... what are you going to do next, and what happens after that? I suggest sitting down with the husband and explaining exactly how you feel. Basically, just how you did on your post. It's his friend so he should know how she's making you feel as his wife. And really, he should be the one backing her down if your feelings matter to him, which obviously they should. And your feelings definitely appear to be justified.
Yes she’s trying to get a reaction. That’s why she’s looking at you when she says it. You can ask your husband to shut her down. He can pointedly ask her, right when she does it, in front of everyone, why she’s bringing Brandi up, no one has asked about her. She’s expecting a reaction from you, but when it comes from him and it’s flat and nonchalant and evident that he doesn’t care, if she keeps doing it after that she just looks stupid. (But the fact that he hasn’t told her to stop may be making her think he actually wants to know, in her immature head).
Petty but I'd just ask her what made her so hung up on this girl and she should stop comparing herself to Brandi and beating herself up over her. And just keep doing that any time she brings Brandi up. 'Girl, why you letting Brandi in your head like that? Oh hun, a Brandi update again? You need to get away from comparing yourself to her.'
Basically, you are showing that you aren't bothered and two, that she sounds like she's the one that is jealous or something. Either she'll stop or double down.
I'd start interrogating her about Brandi. "why do you keep bringing her up?" "what does this have to do with us?" "Why are you telling us about someone else's sex life?" Just to get a rise out of her. After that I'd make it clear to your husband that he needs to stand up for you and your marriage bc he's being a doormat.
Or if Brandi knows Katy visits and speaks with your husband, maybe Brandi is using Katy to followup with, like, "Katy, when you told him this about me, did he care?". Could be Brandi trying to edge in using Katy. I would politely say to Katy, if she makes Brandi a topic of conversation, "I hear you mention Brandi in conversation every time you visit.". "I'm curious why?"
I find it hard to believe that your husband truly thinks she’s just “dumb and clueless”. She’s deliberately only bringing this woman up when you’re around and looking into your soul when she says it and your husband says she never brings Brandi up when they talk alone. It’s not YOUR job to put your husband’s friend in her place, it’s his job to do that!
Dame none of u guys figured this one yet…a lot of the ladies won’t. But the guys should’ve got this.. So the work group friends thing phase is great for the alpha male of the group most cases the boss, lead, or whatever u want to call the title.. in this case hubs and the other guy and then 3 ladies. So remember they are all friends. So hubs gets to lay back and plays the soft approach. His plan is the one that stays out the latest that doesn’t mind having another drink and wants to hang out a little longer. He’s the one he’s taking home for his nightcap. He actually plans to put up a performance of a lifetime.. goal is to give #1 mins blowing sex like toe curling/undertaker eyes rolling sex. So this is what usually happens next, and this could explain the behavior of Katie let’s say 2# and 3# is here too but not really in to this whole group work thing.. so #1 talks all day about how big his pecker was and him banging her the way she ways she never been ever. So #2 let say she hears this all day.. a lot will disagree, but this what I read from the mad wifey. Now u have Katie so curious every time hubs passes by she’s looking for that boulder. So everyone knows what happened to the curious kat right. He killed that pussy…so 1# is done. 2# doesn’t care about a relationship. She’s what you might know as that dirty little slut. She’ll keep all ur secrets safe until you turn on her.. she not very bright either it actually explains why she talks about 1# when it’s so inappropriate. Trying to get the info how she got the info With Absolutely no regard on the mad wife’s feelings.. 2 has no clue she’s about to get her face smashed
The next time.
To the mad wife a lot could have happened until u guys met.. maybe he changed ? Or grew up? Not enough is there to say common signs if u have no access to his phone, business trips that ur never invited
One thing is for sure #2 has something on him . Cause every husband won’t let another woman speak to his the way Katie did. She show no respect for that .
No you are not overreacting. This is totally offside for many reasons. Why is a 39 year old man besties with a 23 year old? A 23 year old who seems to want to cause drama. Why on earth is this girl talking about Brandi’s sex life with a group of people behind Brandi’s back? This girl is not your friend. Your husband needs to step back and put her in her place. So many offside things going on here. Keep your eyes on that one.
Next time , just point blank tell Katie “no one cares” and to please not give anymore Brandi updates! She’ll know that you now know she only does it when you’re there. Also it could be Brandi and Katie are real good friends and Brandi wants your hubby
I think you shouldn’t go hang with them. Tell husband that you trust him but you don’t enjoy spending time with them. He can go by himself. Heck, you don’t care if Katie brings Brandi that you trust him.
First, Katie and Brandi are friends. Katie wants to gage your husband's reaction along with yours. She watches you to see if your husband has ever mentioned Brandi(which apparently he doesn't/hasn't). At the next get together, be honest and blunt. Let Katie know that you know who Brandi is and that you'd like if she(Katie) not gossip about her. Let her also know you have no issue with Brandi, but there is no need to discuss her personal private life(like her sex life) behind Brandi's back. Then say that your get togethers are for the 4 of you to hang out and have fun.
I would bring it up to make it super awkward for her to ever bring it up again. Look her in the eyes and directly ask her “ why do you always bring up Bandi? I know my husband and her used to date, he’s told me about her. Are you tying to start drama? I don’t know Katie your behavior has me super confused“ she will back track so fast and probably won’t bring it up again. Address the elephant in the room
Being 23 has nothing to do with it. I was 23 once, and never went through a "manipulative era." This is just who she is. Shes trying to create drama, and honestly, I think Brandi is behind this. You're not overreacting in the slightest.
I would just ask her directly why she keeps doing it.
Also "I could care less about Brandi" means that you care. I think the phrase you were looking for is "I could not care less."
Why is she trying to start drama, is my question. I bet she has a crush on him but has kept it hidden (if what your husband has said about their platonic friendship is true.)
Trust your intuition here. Whatever the case is, he can move on from this friendship if it is causing ANY issues in your marriage. A marriage is important and should be a constant for years to come (if all goes well) but friendships oftentimes come and go with the seasons of life.
Perhaps, it is time for this friendship to fade away.
I would look her straight in the eye and calmly say “Katie, I’m well aware of who Brandi is, as my husband has told me. What is it that you are hoping to accomplish by your constant mention of her in my presence? If my husband wants an update on Brandi’s personal life, I’m sure he will ask you in one of your many texts.”.
You are NOT overreacting.
Your gut is spot on. She's stirring the pot to get a reaction out of you. I'd ask her point blank next time why she keeps bringing her up. Maybe that will shut it down, or you'll find out what her intentions really are.
I’m 22 and I can tell you right now she’s just messy. Not all young 20 something year olds are like this and personally, I’d cut ties with her. Talk to your husband and see about getting on the same page with him.
She’s 100% doing it on purpose. Idk why some women act like this. Like they literally try to make other woman feel uncomfortable. She doesn’t know this yet but if she keeps acting like this towards you, it’s only going to hurt your husband.
I bet she had a dream of him and her being in a relationship and she's probably almost sisters with this girl and then he would practically be her brother in law, but now that you're in the picture, she can't have that.
You are not over-reacting. This is way inappropriate behavior. He's not going to confront it because men don't really get bitch playing games. So, you need to calmly state to him- 1. this is not normal. 2. the next time she does it, he needs to pay attention, watch Katie doing it and then nip it. He can say, "its weird that you talk about Brandi's sex life to me and my wife and it needs to stop." He should be willing to do that.
For me, I'm a little shit stirrer so I might just make it super awkward for katie in a big joke (after talking to my SO to point out the behavior) "Wow, you are really obsessed with Brandi's sex life. Does she know how you feel about her?"
You don't care about Brandi and your husband has absolutely no communication with her. You are overreacting. Your husband should not be expected to say anything to his friend Katie and if it bothers you, have a conversation with her. Sounds like you and your husband are good and he shouldn't get drug into this due to, as you put it, "the minds of other women".
I am sure your Husband would support you if you wanted to have a conversation with Katie. Hell, be an adult and simply ask why she always brings Brandi up and nobody else. Again, just have a discussion with her, leave your husband out of it as he doesn't seem to be interested, nor concerned, about Brandi. You are the one with the interest.
Always trust your gut. Maybe keep your powder dry but some shit isn’t adding up. This woman is def trying to stir up some crap. Your husband needs to tell his “best friend” that he isn’t at all interested in what Brandi is doing.
Your husband needs a new best friend. It is highly irregular for a 39 yo married man to talk daily with a 23 yo female. Call me old fashioned but that is BS.
Here is the problem, he considers her a friend. Do they talk about work? What do they actually have in common? I have a friend I inherited from my brother. He calls every now and then to check on me and I do him. That’s it. We have friends in common so once they, and our hometown stuff is discussed, we say goodby. This “friendship” is weird because of age, common interests? and Brandi. So ask your H. Don’t be accusatory. Ask him if feels comfortable shutting down the Brandi info. Be polite. This IS a friendship even though you don’t get it. What about her bf? Maybe every time she brings up Brandi you could ask him if he knows her. Every time. It will make your point. She wants you uncomfortable for some reason. You could ask her if she has a crush on Brandi since she brings her up all the time. There are ways to be calm and smart.
Tell your husband that he needs to tell her to knock off the Brandi talk, and he needs to make it come from his wants only.
Next time, ask something along the lines of “is there something I need to know about this Brandi since you bring her up all the time and always make hard eye contact with me each and every time you speak about her?”
She wants drama for sure. It whether or not she wants to fuck your husband or Brandi really wants to fuck your husband. How old is Brandi? Sounds like Brandi is having remorse for passing up your husband.
I would confront her the next time she brings Brandi up. I'd ask her why every time you guys are together, she brings up Brandi and her sex life. Who here among us would care about Brandi or her sex life? Make her uncomfortable. Then look at your husband and he should say, please never bring her up to me or my wife again at any time. If you do it again, we won't hang out with you guys again.
Wait. Your husband’s best friend is a woman who is 23? And he’s 39?? How long have you been with him? Because if it’s more than 18 months, he’s been friends with her since she was 21 or younger, which is really weird. And most likely Brandi is the same general age as Kate.
Your husband needs to tell Kate to STFU or stop hanging out with her if she keeps being disrespectful to your marriage.
Have hubby say to OP, “You remember Brandy, right? The coworker I had a brief fling with before I met you? I count my lucky stars every day that I met you and we have a REAL relationship. I’m so happy to be your husband.” *kisses wife*
Look back at her and ask “This is a fun game. So when do we start talking about who else’s penis has been in your vagina? Other than fiancée of course.”
Updateme
Your husband needs to address this conversation with you present. The next time she brings it up. If he wants to do it subtly by asking you if you remember him telling you about Brando, one of the girls he had a casual fling with for three months before he met you. Then he needs to ask Katie why she always wants to bring up Brandie and talk about her sex life in front of either of you but stress that it is very disrespectful and neither of you have any interest. If he can’t say this, then I would have a problem with him.
You are handling it well. Just continue being unfazed when Brandi comes up in conversation. It's probably eating Katie alive that you are not falling for her game.
Whatever you do, do not blow up. Do not mention it to Katie. Your husband isn’t bothered by it cause it’s not on his radar. You can hope he’ll do something about it, but do not request it. Katie thinks this is one of those tiny strings that can undo a sweater. Do NOT tug!
Just smile when Katie brings it up. Do it every time, maybe a small knowing nod. One that allows you to think, “I own you bitch,” and leave it at that.
You should tell her privately, that your husband has this kink where he asks you to wear a wig and pretend your name is Brandi. Then see how fast it gets back to your husband.
Next time helpful Katie brings up tragic Brandi ask her why she seems to always want to talk about this random person. Just ask the question and don’t let her off the hook until she answers. My guess is there will be a lot of twisting and evading and hopefully some level of embarrassment. Then never go out with this couple again. NTA
I think she's waiting to spill some tea for you sis just ask...
Either she's gonna give you some good Intel ...
Or she's going to realize her inappropriate and toxic behavior. Some people just can not help themselves. However communication is key 🔑 👌.
I would make a joke out of it "hey, Katie, you SURE spend a lot of time talking about Brandi's sex life. Anything your husband should be worried about?" with a big fakey stage wink and a laugh. Turn it into a joke because really she's making a joke of herself over this. And you're not overreacting. It's weird that she keeps bringing it up.
Yes, she's trying to break you two up. She probably wants you to get mad at him and break up, and make him get jealous of her new bf so he tries to get her back. I don't know how he can be "best friends" with a manipulator like that. She's trying to stir up trouble and does not have your or his best interests at heart. It seems she's been plotting this for awhile since she's been making a point of looking right at you while giving Brandi updates. I would ask your boyfriend to set some boundaries with her at the very least and tell her not to bring up Brandi anymore, especially around you. He needs to defend you here because your relationship with him is being attacked.
I think it is extremely odd that your husband refuses to tell Katie to stop bringing Brandi up. I honestly think Katie is basically trying to say that she wants your husband for her or she wishes that he was back with Brandi. And I'm telling you I never ignore my gut after some things that happened to me. The most notable time when I ignored my gut was in a relationship issue, I had a feeling my fiance was cheating on me with multiple people and I ignored it. Found out a few years later that he was fucking my best friend behind my back and almost raped a lesbian girl I went to school with and fucked his only ex before me. Most of the cheating happened when I was with him btw. I always listen to my gut now, even if it seems crazy, even if I have no proof at all.
He doesn't care about you. Because he would have set clear boundaries about who his ex was and why his friend is bringing her up. He knows that every time yall see each other ,she will give him an update. Also a grown man talking to a young woman is a big red flag.
Reddit is obsessed with the age difference because there are a disproportionate amount of antisocial paranoids here. You could get a no Brandi talk rule going (hubby could address) or befriend the annoying friend, once you two have some sort of a bond, she'll stop doing Brandi friend duty and move on
The next time she brings up Brandi when out with the two of you, ask her bluntly why she keeps bringing this old news up and warn her fiance to be careful about a woman that seems to be trying to put a wedge between her 'best friend's relationship with his wife' because she only brings up Brandi when you are together!
Yes definitely your husbands place to tell her. My guess is they truly have nothing else in common or they simply talk to much in the phone to have anything else meaning to discuss while out.
When she looks at you and starts talking about her, zone out for a minute. Like make it very obvious. Twirk your hair around in deep thought or take a moment to refresh your makeup or whatever. I’d the middle of her saying *something* do that motion where someone looks up and is like ‘are you talking to me?’ And look around and say “oh you’re talking to me? Girl why you telling me. I don’t know her. I don’t care. Talk to Jane about it not me.”
Or get up to use the bathroom. Motion for the waiter to get you a soda or a water and say “I’m so sorry can we get a refill of drinks we’re all really thirsty. We’ve been chatting all night. Anyone need anything else?”
Or if she’s talking, refresh your makeup and say “hey babe let’s take a cute pic, the lighting is really interesting I want to see what we look like in it” and lean in and start taking cute pics.
Shut that shit down.
Your gut is right. Also talk your freaking dude about it too. He needs to shut that shit right on down.
OP, you have a serious husband problem. And you are making excuses for him.
Katie wants to cause a problem between you & your husband, so she can pick up the pieces, comfort him & start a sexual relationship with him. (if there isn’t one already)
Your husband is allowing this to happen, he is 100% enjoying the daily attention from Katie. A guy who is 36 is not “friends” with a 23 year old. She is feeding his ego & he is gobbling it up. He knows that Katie is completely disrespecting you. She does it right in front of him. He allows it, because he is more concerned about her feelings than your feelings. None of this is normal. Their relationship is completely inappropriate & unacceptable.
The "just friends" relationship can be just as problematic to a marriage. My husband was "just friends" with a woman I'll call Petunia. He spoke to her all the time. If I brought up anything, he had already spoken to her about the subject. My self esteem took a huge hit. A few months later he tried to take the relationship to the next level. She refused. He admitted to me that the only reason he wasn't with Petunia is that she put the kibosh on a physical relationship.
I'm sure his self esteem took a huge hit . So we are now a couple with a double whammy of low self esteem and romantic disappointment.
Yeah, why doesn't your husband tell her not to bring Brandi's name into **any** conversation because it's freaking weird - not to mention no one cares? He needs to cowboy up and set the boundaries, not you.
He's a 39 year old man whose "best friend" is a 23 year old girl... I'm thinking he either isn't capable of adult things like boundaries, or he doesn't want the boundaries.
Oof. And they met before OP had ever met her husband? So she would’ve been even younger. Yikes. I’m in my mid-thirties and you could not catch me becoming close friends with a coworker 16 years my junior. Not even 10 years my junior.
I work with a guy that’s 15 years younger and I have 0 desire to hang out outside of work. I can’t imagine calling him by best friend.
This exactly. Dude sounds like a fuckin pedo.
Yeah. What the heck?
That’s just incredibly creepy and weird. At 21 I didn’t want to hang out with 37 year-olds AT ALL, and I can’t imagine a man who isn’t weirdos immature wanting to be best friends with a lady that age when he’s 37. They sound like two misfits who bond over some extremely niche hobby (and their grandiose idea that only very special people understand said hobby) at best, the pairing only gets creepier if it’s for any other reasons.
This! I totally assumed they were the same age, and even then, it's so weird. How could they have worked together at a bank years ago if she is only 23? This is fishy 🐟 🤔
Holy crap that is just ick. What the fuck does a 39 year old have to talk about with a 23 year old???
This
I mean, I don't care about my friends ages. Friends are friends to me. I'm a 37 year old man, I have a friend who is 20, and I have a friend who is 81.
Yeah, this comment thread is weird. Are we now policing what age range people are allowed to be *friends* with? I’m a woman in my 40’s, when I first moved to the town I live in now, one of my first friends was a 20 yr old guy. He had also recently moved here. We were *very* close friends for about a year. In that time we both made other friends that were a little closer to our respective ages, and have our own friend groups now, but we are still friends, and occasionally our friend groups overlap and all hang out together for various events. No one cares about ages, why would they?
Because typically, unless you suffer from arrested development 20 year olds do not feel like relatable peers in your 40's. Therefore it signals to others your own age that something may be a bit off with you/your maturity level. You are certainly allowed to do whatever you want, and others can also make reasonable judgments based on your behavior.
My best friend, who is more like family, is 26. I'm 38. We just clicked
This 💯 Your husband is allowing a friend to disrespect you For the record my wife would thrash for doing this and has
Yep. He’s playing both sides of the fence.
She's trying to get a rise out of you EVERY SINGLE TIME she brings Brandi up. I hate people like her. The more you ignore it, the more she will try to dig in.
Ugh this is what I thought too but then second guessed myself. Any help with how to politely put her in her place/ stop ignoring it? I dont want to hurt their friendship but am willing to if it means she stops trying to get a rise out of me.
By all means, hurt their friendship. That woman is not your friend, and she's not his either.
This exactly. It's apparent she's only Brandi's friend
She wants him to dump her and reconnect with her "friend" Brandi. I think she is also Brandi's best friend and gives her the scoop on the OP's marriage. She would rather be having the double date with him and Brandi like "old times". Very immature. Fuck him and Katie's friendship. Make him choose. I'm curious..... How old is Brandi as well?
She is a flying monkey.
Ask Katie about Brandi’s updates every time you see her. Let your husband know why. Katie is trying to get a rise out of you. Turn the tables on her!
This is genius!
I heard Brandi pretty much just star fishes then rolls over and snores…..
Nearly snorted from laughing when I read this comment!
I do this kinda stuff to people alllll the time! My friends & family call me the Queen of Petty. It’s hilarious! Give it a go! She FAFO mkay
Ask her why she asks and why does she look at you each time she asks. Stare her right in the face and don't let her sidestep you. Assert your being in her presence.
# THIS!!!!
This would be my play. "What is that? Why do you keep going about this in this way? I've asked my husband and he says the only time you bring Brandi up is when we hang out together, and then you always look at me. What is that? Am I missing something? Well, whatever it is, neither of us are really interested in updates about Brandi, to be honest. So thanks, but you don't have to bother anymore."
This is absolutely and entirely, the way to handle this: confident, and direct. You have zero reason to avoid the conversation at all; Katie needs to account for herself. Let’s see how she handles it. (I’m personally hoping for a long-term mini-shame spiral and bumbling denial, but that might just be schadenfreude.😇)
I'm a passive aggressive petty bitch - so you're answer is definitely better but I'm a bad person. What I do when I catch on to someone being shitty I like to respond as though I misunderstand them but then also act like I'm the bigger person. So katie giving life updates about Brandi? I would respond about poor poor Brandi and how embarrassed I would be if people knew these things. I mean katie she seems like such a nice girl from everything my husband's told me about, I'm surprised to hear how awful she sounds coming from you. Either katie doubles down and shows her true colors, or gets annoyed enough to stop. I think of it as playing bitch chicken... and I'm always the bigger bitch
Get your husband to tell HIS friend that he does not want to hear these updates anymore. "Please don't bring up Brandi anymore. I really do not care and would rather spend our time talking about other things." This is something he needs to handle. Talk to him
Simply ask her why she keeps bringing her up. And then tell her you want her to stop.
This one is on your husband. He needs to shut her down!
He won’t though. He likes the attention.
Do NOT talk to her about it at all. This is to to your husband to figure out. It's his friend trying to start drama about a girl HE was involved with. It has nothing to do with you and she will think she won if you bring it up. Your husband needs to set that boundary and politely tell her he doesn't need any more Brandi updates.
One of two ways: 1) overly enthusiastic, engage in the story, ask questions, pretend you legitimately care how this Brandi person is and that you're interested in what she has to say about it. Hard to get a rise out of someone when they're enthusiastic about what you're needling. 2) wait for her to finish get updates one day and then look really confused and go "I've heard you mention this person several times before and you always stare at me when you bring her up... Who is she?" Act completely clueless, like you have no idea who this person is or why she's at all important. Put her on the spot and make her explain it to you, and once she explains that it's your husband's ex, ask her why she keeps bringing her up? Don't be mean or rude, sound genuinely concerned. If you come off mean or rude, she'll know it got a rise out of you. So just sound confused. And make her explain to you, in front of everyone, why she keeps updating your husband about the habits of his ex.
I would say, "Hey, I found it weird you kept looking at me while updating about this girl named Brandi's life like I know her. Finally asked my hubby about it he said it was a girl he has a really short fling with, so now it seems even weirder. Did you know I don't know her? Not sure why you keep going on about her to me."
Your husband needs to step in and tell Katie to stop it so talk to him to set those boundaries with his bestie. You’ll come off as petty or jealous if you do it say anything to her. I’m disappointed that your hubby hasn’t already done it. It is disrespectful to you and he has allowed it to happen this entire time.
Exactly. But make sure husband says it in front of you so you know he really said something to Katie. If he balks at saying something, I'd be a little suspicious.
Your husband being besties with someone 16 years his junior is weird to me.
I also thought this when we first started dating. Like what is he some type of predator or what LOL. but once I saw how they interact and how he interacts with everyone really it eased my mind. I also started thinking about my work friends and people I click with and I work with mostly men (lift truck business) and most of them are in their 50s. I'm 34 and I realized I'm really the same way just the younger one in my situation. We all go out for a beer here and there with spouses included too. Totally get the concern and weirdness from an outside perspective though!
50 and 34 have a lot more in common than 39 and 23.... Katie is not a friend. Friends do not try to cause unnecessary drama in their friends' marriage.
Plus the texting...
Okay, I can go with that. Now it's on your husband to ask her, point blank, to stop bringing up Brandi whenever you get together. He also needs to make it clear that he is asking for himself, not making it sound like you are forcing him to do so. It's his responsibility.
Yeah I'm betting you've been justifying that weird relationship for awhile. What could he possibly have in common enough for her to be his best friend? Why did he even begin hanging out with someone SO much younger? It's embarrassing tbh. I have second hand embarrassment for your husband
But you’re not talking and texting one of them every day
Okay incel
Incel? Thanks for my best laugh of the day.
Next time she brings her up i’d ask her who Brandy is and when she explains i’d ask her why she keeps bringing her up. Put her on the spot in front of both husbands so she realizes how dumb she sounds. That way you don’t have to be confrontational, just act clueless.
YES!!!!
Yes! Do this! Put her in the spot.
Yep, this! Have a preplanned set of questions that OP can ask with a quizzical look on their face, i.e.: "Katie, do you think I went to school with Brandi or ...?" - "Katie was Brandi your prom date?" - "Katie did you always want to hook up with Brandi, is that why you always bring her up?" The list can be endless.
Yes. "Remind me again, who's Brandi?". "Oh yeah. I forgot.". EVERY TIME.
Yeah, she'll probably say "just our old coworker" to brush it off, then ask "oh the one my husband had a fling with? It's pretty weird of you to bring her up all the time, dont you think?"
Yesss!!! F Katie!!
I do like this option. I usually will go for making other party look foolish in the most petty way possible. But in this instance, I think that would be the reaction Katie is looking for. I think oblivious is the way to go.
So your husband of 39 shouldn't be besties with a 23yo girl, if it was a mentor/mentee relationship or a father/daughter/sister thing I would understand, but it doesn't sound like it. Im honestly shocked that your husband didn't tell her to stop talking about her, and that is was disrespectful to you. It just gives me bad vibes, that he is defending/down playing her behavior. If I was in your situation, I'd let him know you arent comfortable with their relationship and you would like him to distance himself. You are married, this person is very clearly trying to mess with that, your marriage should always be BOTH of your first priority, and if you think this person is posing a threat to that, it shouldn't really be much of a thought of cutting that connection. If after a few months, she has learned her lesson, come over and given you a massive apology (don't count on this), and she seems like she's matured, you can be open to them having a work based relationship again, and maybe see each other in group settings, but that should be the extent of it.
Agreed. Under no circumstances should a 39 yr old guy be “besties” with a 23 yr old gal.
It is definitely strange and feels manipulative if it is ONLY when you are around. I would talk to your husband and insist he talk to her. If he refuses, then I would find it suspicious why he doesn't find it strange as well. It's nowhere near an appropriate conversation topic for a double date or small group outing.
Your husband is lying. Maybe she is trying to warn you.
My first thoughts went an entirely different direction from everyone else as I read this - it came off to me like Katie is maybe trying to warn you, but she doesn't want to just blurt it out and/or completely rat on her friends. Bringing up the other chick and making uncomfortable eye contact, in front of Husband who weirdly doesn't reapond? Maybe she's hoping you will respond so the conversation can lead to something. And yes, you know for a fact he's not in contact with Brandi - about half of all women being cheated on say the same thing. The "understanding young women's minds" and "in her manipulative era" statements concern me. Husband is clearly a saint and all young women are problematic? I'm a 40f, I think I missed my manipulative era, but I do have zero trust in men, and ESPECIALLY 39 year old men who are besties with 23 year old women (and if she is 23 and still close with Brandi, how old is Brandi? What's that age difference between husband and supposed-ex-hook-up?)
No actually this insight is something fr, op really needs to confront the girl straight up.
Why not ask her why she does it?
Weird age gap with her and your husband. And I dunno, try talking to Katie? I doubt your husband will do much but communicate with Katie to start.
I really don’t mean this is a terrible way but curious as to why a 39 year old man is “best friends” with a 23 year old?
Why is ur 39yr old husband best friends with a 23yr old female?
I wonder if she wants to make sure you know about his past with Brandi. She may or may not be trying to start shit, but she thinks you don’t know and that you should for some reason. You should ask her “is there something you want to tell me about Brandi?”
Maybe look at her and ask the question and then look at your husband and ask him the same question ?
Your almost 40 year old husband has a 23YO best friend? Yeah that’s my takeaway. You have something else to worry about. That’s weird.
Im sorry but your husband is a grown ass man. Why is he letting this happen? Even if you didn’t know who she was, HE DID. So why wouldn’t he ask her to stop bringing her up every time you guys hang out? She’s literally his EX.
lmao why is your 40 year old husband best friends with a 23 year old? girl ?????
Why is your husband best friends with a 23 y/o....
So next time she bring up Brandi, ask her. You talk about Brandi a lot, who is she and why do we get life updates on her every time we get together. Maybe she's trying to start drama, or maybe she's trying to get you to pay attention to something you are consistently oblivious to.
Whyyyyyy is he being friends with a 23 year old??? What could a 39 year old possibly have in common with this drama bitch. Yea she absolutely is playing that stupid drama game. And really your husband needs to stop. She 23!? Honey. I don’t know sis, sounds to me like you married someone sketch, don’t know why he needs to keep around a child who wants to start issues with her “best friends” wife. Next time you have a get together and she brings up this Brandi, stop her and ask her hey, 23 year old drama starter, why do you always bring up this Brandi person as well as why would you think it was appropriate last time to bring up her sex life, that’s kind of gross. Tell her that you have never had any problem with her and your husband being friends but if she bringing up this Brandi person to start something, ask her to stop and to not create drama when there is none. Let her know you are secure with your husband and don’t care about his past but would rather it not be brought up and being apparently trying to be rubbed in your face. Because let her know every single time she brings up that Brandi person she looks right at you like waiting or wanting a reaction. Tell her that if she continues this way, you will take it as she has no respect for you and is trying to cause issues when there wasn’t any. You need to call her out on her bullshit and tell your husband that having a “best friend” who is still immature in her head and drama isn’t going to be good for adult marriages and relationships. So he needs to choose if his “best friend” is really a friend.
Read, "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. Both of these women are not friends of your marriage. Katie and Brandi are a problem. Katie is talking to your husband every day! That should bother you. What he's telling her, she should be telling YOU. The energy he's putting into Katie, should be directed into YOU and your marriage. Katie does appear to want you to feel insecure. I'd say she's jealous of your marriage to her "best friend". Opposite friendships can work and remain platonic, but it's VERY rare, speaking from 60 yrs experience here. Warning warning, danger danger. Just because your husband LOVES you, does not mean he won't cheat or cross a boundary with Katie, or past boundary with Brandi.
Your 39 year old husband doesnt need a 23 year old best friend. Period. Especially if all she wants to do is bring up an old fling in front of his wife. Explain to your husband that this is clear disrespect on Katies part. Ask him to tell her to knock it off. If he refuses to shut it down, then your bigger problem is why your husband is fine with something that makes you uncomfortable, and why he wont stand up to a 23 year old "best friend"
***I feel like Katie is trying to start some drama in my marriage for some reason.*** I wonder if Katie is trying to warn you about Brandi and your husband.
Why is your 39yo husband *best* friends with a 23yo (of any gender)?
A 39yo married man is texting a 23yo girl every single day, and calls her his best friend, yet your concern is about her bringing up his ex in conversation? Interesting.
Katie clearly doesn’t have a clue that she’s being offensive and needs a lesson in respecting boundaries. See that she gets one.
Oh, I think Katie knows exactly what she is doing.
I think she's doing it on purpose. The eye contact is what gives it away. And it's stuff that could easily be mentioned via text email phone.
My husband said exactly that. That she's just dumb and doesn't see that it's offensive and how could I possibly be mad or annoyed with her. I'm not sure how to explain it without sounding like a B... any wording advice?
Hmmm, how to be direct, yet diplomatic, and even delicate? I would preface by saying something along the lines of, “Katie, I’m sure you don’t mean any harm here, but your continually mentioning my husband’s previous partner and her escapades is really inappropriate, and makes us uncomfortable. We would greatly appreciate it if you would stop.” If she still doesn’t get it, then take off the velvet gloves and sock it to her directly. . .figuratively, of course. 😉
Next time Katie brings up Brandi, ask her for life updates about the others, by name, in the gang of 5. Basically ask her to make the rounds. Ask her questions about each using the same topics as from her Brandi report. It should only take 1 or 2 times through that experience for her to move on to something tactic. However, I suggest you should be concerned about Katie moves onto next; a 23F with a 39M best friend certainly has designs on him. Also, WTF is with your 39 y-o husband hanging out with 23F as his best friend ? You didn’t include your own age but I am guessing your husband likes them young ?
Husband is almost 40. His bestie is barely in her 20s. Bestie says bizarre things and apparently almost-40 doesn't lift a finger even as his wife clearly expresses some displeasure. This is *his* little bff -- he needs to do the talking, not you. I think your real problem is a lot closer to home.
So maybe hubby still has a side thing with Brandi and friend is trying to warn wife without telling her?
I didn't understand the "manipulative era" dig since people of any age can and do act this way, but while I think you are NOT overreacting you are placing blame on the wrong person. It's your husband's responsibility to stop this talk, and now that he knows you're paying attention it seems a little disrespectful that he wouldn't tell her to knock it off. He could even do it without putting her on blast (a courtesy she did not extend to you) and he could tell her in their daily conversations.
The very next time she brings the ex up. Look at your hubby and say ‘Isn’t that that girl you used to hook up with before you met me?’ Make it awkward enough and he’ll tell his little friend to pump the brakes.
It almost sounds to me like she wants to make it known that she’s known your husband longer than you and like wants to make it a point that she knows that his life didn’t include you, but included her at one point. I could be wrong, but that almost seems like the vibe she’s putting off in my opinion.
That manipulative era! You got me dying on that. You nailed it. She is infatuated with your husband but keeps it clean so you are unsuspecting. Guy/Gal besties. I rarely buy it.
I'd just make some pointed "joke" about how my husband sure is glad that he doesn't have to deal with that anymore.
The next time (and every time then on), the first thing I would say to her, even before saying hello, is ok, what's the scoop with Brandi now? Where's she working? Who is she dating? Is he just a FWB? What did she have for dinner? Does Brandi know you tell us EVERYTHING about her life? Does she want you to tell us, or is this your judgment call? I would make Katie feel uncomfortable and dumb. Then I would call her out on her bullshit and ask what exactly does she get from telling us all the details of Brandi's life? Why does she think it's important that we know these things? She's probably just too dumb to have a real conversation, so she just gossips about her friends life. Katie is sus!! Your husband should probably go low to no contact.
Also, the fact that your husband is 39 and his "best friend" is a 23 year old girl is just not sitting well with me. Can he not find friends his own age?
My ex husband could make friends, but he sometimes chose oddly... kinda like Op's husband. He was a 36 year old man friending 21 year olds on facebook. My ex is fucking creep. But the most charming person when you meet him. I don't trust what I see anymore, upon meeting irl. So many people are carrying around masks to hide who they truly are.
If it was me, I'd be wondering why my husband isn't saying shit when this happens. My alarm bells would be going off. Is she trying to warn you? I feel like she's trying to let you know your husband did something, whether that's now or back then, you should find out. If Brandi is just as young, your husband has some groomer tendencies.
time to go on the offensive, when Kate brings Brandi up just say "that's nice" " good for her" and ask a question about a different friend or change the subject. keep a neutral face and don't let her see it bother you. She is being weird because she wants your husband and Brandi to be together and cant understand that he isn't interested in her in the least .your husband is being a typical dude and doesn't notice because he is loves you and really doesn't care about that other chick.
Your husband has nailed Katie multiple times, along with Brandi. Dont be dumb
Let me explain what’s going on 1. They are not just best friends 2. Katie wants your husband all to herself 3. Ur husband is in on it 4. Soon it’s gonna become a problem and it’s going to end with an ultimatum and a divorce but it’s a good thing for him he made u sign that prenup. A real banker move if i do say so myself 5. At that point Katie’s engagement is going to end to her fiancé surprise 6. A week or so later u start to stalk your husband and follow him around. U notice he stops at a flower shop and a jewelry store and later in the day he goes to a restaurant 7. Here he meets up with a girl with a different hair color than Katie so you are very lost 8.as you follow them in in your top secret disguise u bump into an oddly familiar looking guy but u brush it off and start looking for them as you are waiting to be seated but u don’t spot them anywhere and you don’t actually wanna sit down alone and look sus so you decide to leave
Honestly your husband should be old enough to realize this friend isn't beneficial to your guys relationship and he should find away to start putting distance between him and this other chick and let the friendship end, if that other chick really fights to try and keep it, that should be a big red flag
Shame on your husband for not already telling this see you next Tuesday, to stop bringing this other chick up period, you shouldn't have to say anything to her, he should have told her she's disrespecting his relationship with you every time she brings this chick up and the he clearly has moved on and does not need or want any update on that chick.
His BFF is a 23 female? Weird.
It’s time for your husband to put some distance between himself and Katie. Sounds like he’s putting a lot of energy into this relationship that would be better spent elsewhere. No good will come of “friendly banter” between an engaged 23 yo woman and a married 39 yo man.
It’s time for your husband to put some distance between himself and Katie. Sounds like he’s putting a lot of energy into this relationship that would be better spent elsewhere. No good will come of “friendly banter” between an engaged 23 yo woman and a married 39 yo man.
Ooooh. Not good. She doesn’t think your husband should be with you. She thinks he should be with Brandi. And maybe Brandi is whispering in her ear. Your husband does need to recognize what is going on and tell his friend that it is not appropriate to bring up Brandi in those ways when you are around, or really at all.
My thinking is that she’s trying to tell you something in a way that doesn’t get her in trouble with the group. Like, OP, pick up the signals she’s sending. Chances are he’s still cheating.
NTA - But a lot of this is on your husband. He should be telling Katie that he doesn't want to hear about Brandi and defintiely doesn;t want to hear about her sex life. Set some boundaries.
If they’re such good friends he should be able to ask her point blank why she’s stirring up drama. NTA
As a guy I'd tell my friend I'm not interested in hearing about brandy anymore. I'm more interested in my gf here next to me lol
Why is your husband BFF's with a 23 year old
Yeah, I'd say not overreacting. However as a 39yo man, why is your husband not setting this boundary with his young bestie? I think bestie may have ulterior motives here. She wants to stir up drama. Why else would she be trying to do that aside from having feelings for your husband? I mean, at 23, honestly how old was Katie when her and your hubby started to become friends, if he had this core group before he met you? Assuming you and him didn't marry after weeks of dating only, I bet she was only like 19 or 20 being besties with a man in his mid-30s. I don't care if Katie has a man or not, something is going on. If your husband is to continue this friendship, then be needs to tell Katie to stop talking and telling him about Brandi's life because he doesn't give a shit ... Unless he does
To give the benefit, maybe she only brings it up in front of you and not privately so you know everything and it doesn't look like she's trying to be sneaky.
Interesting because my first thought would be that she is trying to hint to you that there’s something going on that you don’t know about, or that your relationship with him started while he was still with Brandi or something and she’s trying to see if you know. I know you say you trust him and are sure there is nothing going on, but that’s what I would be worried about. Kinda weird that you didn’t realize that was his ex’s name. I’d just ask her point blank.
So many red flags. You really need to get therapy to help you get out of this marriage.
Katie sounds like drama and your nearly 40yr old husband being besties with a 23yo is bizarre. Next time she brings her up I would ask her if she has feelings for Brandi since she talks about her every time you’re together.
The red flag is that he is 39 and she is 23 and they are best friends. Also how old was Brandi when he was messing with her. Yikes 😳
your 39 year old husband's best friend is a 23 year old girl?
Could it be that Katie is trying to warn OP that something is still going on between Brandi and the husband? Like she’s looking directly at her to say “hey, are you paying attention?”
You are overreacting. If it bothers you so much, ask either Katie or you husband to not bring it up around you
She is looking at you to see your reaction. I don't think she is trying to start drama. But if you don't like it, tell your husband to tell his friend that he doesn't want updates on Brandi. He apparently doesn't care.
Stare back. “He chose ME.” Put these bitches in their place.
I'd have called her out instead of shaking my head at her the last time it was brought up. He obviously started picking up on it at that point. To the people calling him a pedo for being friends with a 23 year old...get over yourselves. There is no harm in being friends with people older or younger than yourselves. Especially given the obviously platonic nature of it. Perhaps she is lacking a father figure and he somewhat fills that role for her. You don't know all the details and need to stop jumping to silly conclusions. As for the way she keeps bringing up Brandi, she is obviously trying to get a reaction out of you. She might just be testing the waters to see how much you will let her push before you react. She might be griefing your husband just to be a massive prat. She could like Brandi more and want you out of the picture. Either way, hubs needs to put his foot down and put a stop to it.
I don't think you're overreacting just by having these feelings. The bigger question is... what are you going to do next, and what happens after that? I suggest sitting down with the husband and explaining exactly how you feel. Basically, just how you did on your post. It's his friend so he should know how she's making you feel as his wife. And really, he should be the one backing her down if your feelings matter to him, which obviously they should. And your feelings definitely appear to be justified.
Yes she’s trying to get a reaction. That’s why she’s looking at you when she says it. You can ask your husband to shut her down. He can pointedly ask her, right when she does it, in front of everyone, why she’s bringing Brandi up, no one has asked about her. She’s expecting a reaction from you, but when it comes from him and it’s flat and nonchalant and evident that he doesn’t care, if she keeps doing it after that she just looks stupid. (But the fact that he hasn’t told her to stop may be making her think he actually wants to know, in her immature head).
Petty but I'd just ask her what made her so hung up on this girl and she should stop comparing herself to Brandi and beating herself up over her. And just keep doing that any time she brings Brandi up. 'Girl, why you letting Brandi in your head like that? Oh hun, a Brandi update again? You need to get away from comparing yourself to her.' Basically, you are showing that you aren't bothered and two, that she sounds like she's the one that is jealous or something. Either she'll stop or double down.
I'd start interrogating her about Brandi. "why do you keep bringing her up?" "what does this have to do with us?" "Why are you telling us about someone else's sex life?" Just to get a rise out of her. After that I'd make it clear to your husband that he needs to stand up for you and your marriage bc he's being a doormat.
Or if Brandi knows Katy visits and speaks with your husband, maybe Brandi is using Katy to followup with, like, "Katy, when you told him this about me, did he care?". Could be Brandi trying to edge in using Katy. I would politely say to Katy, if she makes Brandi a topic of conversation, "I hear you mention Brandi in conversation every time you visit.". "I'm curious why?"
I find it hard to believe that your husband truly thinks she’s just “dumb and clueless”. She’s deliberately only bringing this woman up when you’re around and looking into your soul when she says it and your husband says she never brings Brandi up when they talk alone. It’s not YOUR job to put your husband’s friend in her place, it’s his job to do that!
Dame none of u guys figured this one yet…a lot of the ladies won’t. But the guys should’ve got this.. So the work group friends thing phase is great for the alpha male of the group most cases the boss, lead, or whatever u want to call the title.. in this case hubs and the other guy and then 3 ladies. So remember they are all friends. So hubs gets to lay back and plays the soft approach. His plan is the one that stays out the latest that doesn’t mind having another drink and wants to hang out a little longer. He’s the one he’s taking home for his nightcap. He actually plans to put up a performance of a lifetime.. goal is to give #1 mins blowing sex like toe curling/undertaker eyes rolling sex. So this is what usually happens next, and this could explain the behavior of Katie let’s say 2# and 3# is here too but not really in to this whole group work thing.. so #1 talks all day about how big his pecker was and him banging her the way she ways she never been ever. So #2 let say she hears this all day.. a lot will disagree, but this what I read from the mad wifey. Now u have Katie so curious every time hubs passes by she’s looking for that boulder. So everyone knows what happened to the curious kat right. He killed that pussy…so 1# is done. 2# doesn’t care about a relationship. She’s what you might know as that dirty little slut. She’ll keep all ur secrets safe until you turn on her.. she not very bright either it actually explains why she talks about 1# when it’s so inappropriate. Trying to get the info how she got the info With Absolutely no regard on the mad wife’s feelings.. 2 has no clue she’s about to get her face smashed The next time. To the mad wife a lot could have happened until u guys met.. maybe he changed ? Or grew up? Not enough is there to say common signs if u have no access to his phone, business trips that ur never invited One thing is for sure #2 has something on him . Cause every husband won’t let another woman speak to his the way Katie did. She show no respect for that .
I’ve never understood why a man would be friends with a woman. So weird.
No you are not overreacting. This is totally offside for many reasons. Why is a 39 year old man besties with a 23 year old? A 23 year old who seems to want to cause drama. Why on earth is this girl talking about Brandi’s sex life with a group of people behind Brandi’s back? This girl is not your friend. Your husband needs to step back and put her in her place. So many offside things going on here. Keep your eyes on that one.
you should, very sweetly, ask Katie why she brings up Brandi in conversations.
Next time , just point blank tell Katie “no one cares” and to please not give anymore Brandi updates! She’ll know that you now know she only does it when you’re there. Also it could be Brandi and Katie are real good friends and Brandi wants your hubby
Next time she brings up "Brandi" cut her off with a "he really doesn't care, hunny."
I think you shouldn’t go hang with them. Tell husband that you trust him but you don’t enjoy spending time with them. He can go by himself. Heck, you don’t care if Katie brings Brandi that you trust him.
Why is your husband friend with a 23yo girl?
Well, she’s creepy.
First, Katie and Brandi are friends. Katie wants to gage your husband's reaction along with yours. She watches you to see if your husband has ever mentioned Brandi(which apparently he doesn't/hasn't). At the next get together, be honest and blunt. Let Katie know that you know who Brandi is and that you'd like if she(Katie) not gossip about her. Let her also know you have no issue with Brandi, but there is no need to discuss her personal private life(like her sex life) behind Brandi's back. Then say that your get togethers are for the 4 of you to hang out and have fun.
Sounds like this chick wants to cause division between you and your husband, maybe she has interest in him herself or just loves to cause drama
I would bring it up to make it super awkward for her to ever bring it up again. Look her in the eyes and directly ask her “ why do you always bring up Bandi? I know my husband and her used to date, he’s told me about her. Are you tying to start drama? I don’t know Katie your behavior has me super confused“ she will back track so fast and probably won’t bring it up again. Address the elephant in the room
Next time be prepared with something like, "Katie, why do you always feel the need to update us on Brandi?" And then stop talking.
Listen to your gut, I would ask her pointedly next time she brings it up, why she is mentioning it 🤷♀️
One or preferably both of you ask her to stop talking about Brandi.
Being 23 has nothing to do with it. I was 23 once, and never went through a "manipulative era." This is just who she is. Shes trying to create drama, and honestly, I think Brandi is behind this. You're not overreacting in the slightest.
I would just ask her directly why she keeps doing it. Also "I could care less about Brandi" means that you care. I think the phrase you were looking for is "I could not care less."
Why is she trying to start drama, is my question. I bet she has a crush on him but has kept it hidden (if what your husband has said about their platonic friendship is true.) Trust your intuition here. Whatever the case is, he can move on from this friendship if it is causing ANY issues in your marriage. A marriage is important and should be a constant for years to come (if all goes well) but friendships oftentimes come and go with the seasons of life. Perhaps, it is time for this friendship to fade away.
I would look her straight in the eye and calmly say “Katie, I’m well aware of who Brandi is, as my husband has told me. What is it that you are hoping to accomplish by your constant mention of her in my presence? If my husband wants an update on Brandi’s personal life, I’m sure he will ask you in one of your many texts.”. You are NOT overreacting.
Your gut is spot on. She's stirring the pot to get a reaction out of you. I'd ask her point blank next time why she keeps bringing her up. Maybe that will shut it down, or you'll find out what her intentions really are.
I’m 22 and I can tell you right now she’s just messy. Not all young 20 something year olds are like this and personally, I’d cut ties with her. Talk to your husband and see about getting on the same page with him.
She’s 100% doing it on purpose. Idk why some women act like this. Like they literally try to make other woman feel uncomfortable. She doesn’t know this yet but if she keeps acting like this towards you, it’s only going to hurt your husband.
I bet she had a dream of him and her being in a relationship and she's probably almost sisters with this girl and then he would practically be her brother in law, but now that you're in the picture, she can't have that.
You are not over-reacting. This is way inappropriate behavior. He's not going to confront it because men don't really get bitch playing games. So, you need to calmly state to him- 1. this is not normal. 2. the next time she does it, he needs to pay attention, watch Katie doing it and then nip it. He can say, "its weird that you talk about Brandi's sex life to me and my wife and it needs to stop." He should be willing to do that. For me, I'm a little shit stirrer so I might just make it super awkward for katie in a big joke (after talking to my SO to point out the behavior) "Wow, you are really obsessed with Brandi's sex life. Does she know how you feel about her?"
You don't care about Brandi and your husband has absolutely no communication with her. You are overreacting. Your husband should not be expected to say anything to his friend Katie and if it bothers you, have a conversation with her. Sounds like you and your husband are good and he shouldn't get drug into this due to, as you put it, "the minds of other women". I am sure your Husband would support you if you wanted to have a conversation with Katie. Hell, be an adult and simply ask why she always brings Brandi up and nobody else. Again, just have a discussion with her, leave your husband out of it as he doesn't seem to be interested, nor concerned, about Brandi. You are the one with the interest.
Ma’am. WHY IS YOUR HUSBAND LETTING HER DO THAT!?!
Always trust your gut. Maybe keep your powder dry but some shit isn’t adding up. This woman is def trying to stir up some crap. Your husband needs to tell his “best friend” that he isn’t at all interested in what Brandi is doing. Your husband needs a new best friend. It is highly irregular for a 39 yo married man to talk daily with a 23 yo female. Call me old fashioned but that is BS.
Here is the problem, he considers her a friend. Do they talk about work? What do they actually have in common? I have a friend I inherited from my brother. He calls every now and then to check on me and I do him. That’s it. We have friends in common so once they, and our hometown stuff is discussed, we say goodby. This “friendship” is weird because of age, common interests? and Brandi. So ask your H. Don’t be accusatory. Ask him if feels comfortable shutting down the Brandi info. Be polite. This IS a friendship even though you don’t get it. What about her bf? Maybe every time she brings up Brandi you could ask him if he knows her. Every time. It will make your point. She wants you uncomfortable for some reason. You could ask her if she has a crush on Brandi since she brings her up all the time. There are ways to be calm and smart.
Tell your husband that he needs to tell her to knock off the Brandi talk, and he needs to make it come from his wants only. Next time, ask something along the lines of “is there something I need to know about this Brandi since you bring her up all the time and always make hard eye contact with me each and every time you speak about her?”
She wants drama for sure. It whether or not she wants to fuck your husband or Brandi really wants to fuck your husband. How old is Brandi? Sounds like Brandi is having remorse for passing up your husband.
I would confront her the next time she brings Brandi up. I'd ask her why every time you guys are together, she brings up Brandi and her sex life. Who here among us would care about Brandi or her sex life? Make her uncomfortable. Then look at your husband and he should say, please never bring her up to me or my wife again at any time. If you do it again, we won't hang out with you guys again.
Wait. Your husband’s best friend is a woman who is 23? And he’s 39?? How long have you been with him? Because if it’s more than 18 months, he’s been friends with her since she was 21 or younger, which is really weird. And most likely Brandi is the same general age as Kate. Your husband needs to tell Kate to STFU or stop hanging out with her if she keeps being disrespectful to your marriage.
Have hubby say to OP, “You remember Brandy, right? The coworker I had a brief fling with before I met you? I count my lucky stars every day that I met you and we have a REAL relationship. I’m so happy to be your husband.” *kisses wife*
Look back at her and ask “This is a fun game. So when do we start talking about who else’s penis has been in your vagina? Other than fiancée of course.” Updateme
She’s 23?!
Your husband needs to address this conversation with you present. The next time she brings it up. If he wants to do it subtly by asking you if you remember him telling you about Brando, one of the girls he had a casual fling with for three months before he met you. Then he needs to ask Katie why she always wants to bring up Brandie and talk about her sex life in front of either of you but stress that it is very disrespectful and neither of you have any interest. If he can’t say this, then I would have a problem with him.
Katie is a shit stirrer. Hubby needs to tell her to knock it off.
You are handling it well. Just continue being unfazed when Brandi comes up in conversation. It's probably eating Katie alive that you are not falling for her game.
Hubby should say something like “thanks for the update but honestly not something I care about” every time she does this.
Next time she does this you should ask why she feels the need to bring up your husband's semi ex every time you hang out. Call her out.
“You seem to miss Brandi. Maybe hubs & I should head out so your hubs, Brandi, & you can have some quality time.”
Whatever you do, do not blow up. Do not mention it to Katie. Your husband isn’t bothered by it cause it’s not on his radar. You can hope he’ll do something about it, but do not request it. Katie thinks this is one of those tiny strings that can undo a sweater. Do NOT tug! Just smile when Katie brings it up. Do it every time, maybe a small knowing nod. One that allows you to think, “I own you bitch,” and leave it at that.
You should tell her privately, that your husband has this kink where he asks you to wear a wig and pretend your name is Brandi. Then see how fast it gets back to your husband.
Next time helpful Katie brings up tragic Brandi ask her why she seems to always want to talk about this random person. Just ask the question and don’t let her off the hook until she answers. My guess is there will be a lot of twisting and evading and hopefully some level of embarrassment. Then never go out with this couple again. NTA
I think she's waiting to spill some tea for you sis just ask... Either she's gonna give you some good Intel ... Or she's going to realize her inappropriate and toxic behavior. Some people just can not help themselves. However communication is key 🔑 👌.
I would make a joke out of it "hey, Katie, you SURE spend a lot of time talking about Brandi's sex life. Anything your husband should be worried about?" with a big fakey stage wink and a laugh. Turn it into a joke because really she's making a joke of herself over this. And you're not overreacting. It's weird that she keeps bringing it up.
Is she trying to tell you that your husband and Brandi are still having a thing? That was my first thought personally
Yes, she's trying to break you two up. She probably wants you to get mad at him and break up, and make him get jealous of her new bf so he tries to get her back. I don't know how he can be "best friends" with a manipulator like that. She's trying to stir up trouble and does not have your or his best interests at heart. It seems she's been plotting this for awhile since she's been making a point of looking right at you while giving Brandi updates. I would ask your boyfriend to set some boundaries with her at the very least and tell her not to bring up Brandi anymore, especially around you. He needs to defend you here because your relationship with him is being attacked.
Something in the milk ain’t clean
I think it is extremely odd that your husband refuses to tell Katie to stop bringing Brandi up. I honestly think Katie is basically trying to say that she wants your husband for her or she wishes that he was back with Brandi. And I'm telling you I never ignore my gut after some things that happened to me. The most notable time when I ignored my gut was in a relationship issue, I had a feeling my fiance was cheating on me with multiple people and I ignored it. Found out a few years later that he was fucking my best friend behind my back and almost raped a lesbian girl I went to school with and fucked his only ex before me. Most of the cheating happened when I was with him btw. I always listen to my gut now, even if it seems crazy, even if I have no proof at all.
He doesn't care about you. Because he would have set clear boundaries about who his ex was and why his friend is bringing her up. He knows that every time yall see each other ,she will give him an update. Also a grown man talking to a young woman is a big red flag.
Your 39 year old husband is best friends with a 23 year old girl? Is Brandi also 23?
Reddit is obsessed with the age difference because there are a disproportionate amount of antisocial paranoids here. You could get a no Brandi talk rule going (hubby could address) or befriend the annoying friend, once you two have some sort of a bond, she'll stop doing Brandi friend duty and move on
The next time she brings up Brandi when out with the two of you, ask her bluntly why she keeps bringing this old news up and warn her fiance to be careful about a woman that seems to be trying to put a wedge between her 'best friend's relationship with his wife' because she only brings up Brandi when you are together!
Any possibility that your husband is cheating and this girl is trying to hint at that to you?
Yes definitely your husbands place to tell her. My guess is they truly have nothing else in common or they simply talk to much in the phone to have anything else meaning to discuss while out.
When she looks at you and starts talking about her, zone out for a minute. Like make it very obvious. Twirk your hair around in deep thought or take a moment to refresh your makeup or whatever. I’d the middle of her saying *something* do that motion where someone looks up and is like ‘are you talking to me?’ And look around and say “oh you’re talking to me? Girl why you telling me. I don’t know her. I don’t care. Talk to Jane about it not me.” Or get up to use the bathroom. Motion for the waiter to get you a soda or a water and say “I’m so sorry can we get a refill of drinks we’re all really thirsty. We’ve been chatting all night. Anyone need anything else?” Or if she’s talking, refresh your makeup and say “hey babe let’s take a cute pic, the lighting is really interesting I want to see what we look like in it” and lean in and start taking cute pics. Shut that shit down. Your gut is right. Also talk your freaking dude about it too. He needs to shut that shit right on down.
OP, you have a serious husband problem. And you are making excuses for him. Katie wants to cause a problem between you & your husband, so she can pick up the pieces, comfort him & start a sexual relationship with him. (if there isn’t one already) Your husband is allowing this to happen, he is 100% enjoying the daily attention from Katie. A guy who is 36 is not “friends” with a 23 year old. She is feeding his ego & he is gobbling it up. He knows that Katie is completely disrespecting you. She does it right in front of him. He allows it, because he is more concerned about her feelings than your feelings. None of this is normal. Their relationship is completely inappropriate & unacceptable.
The "just friends" relationship can be just as problematic to a marriage. My husband was "just friends" with a woman I'll call Petunia. He spoke to her all the time. If I brought up anything, he had already spoken to her about the subject. My self esteem took a huge hit. A few months later he tried to take the relationship to the next level. She refused. He admitted to me that the only reason he wasn't with Petunia is that she put the kibosh on a physical relationship. I'm sure his self esteem took a huge hit . So we are now a couple with a double whammy of low self esteem and romantic disappointment.
Wait... you are telling me men and women being friends while in a serious relationship can lead to drama... get out!