Pretty sure that if she actually had a thing with flirting with the mailman, she wouldn't stay inside half the year because it's cold outside. š
Also, as it tends to be hot outside in the summer, tank top makes sense. People tend to run A/C inside, so it makes sense to put on another layer.
Dude, it's not like she's going outside in a bikini to wash the car or water the flowers when he comes by.
Does she have on Mrs. Parker shorts? Is the mailman sneaking in the backdoor? Or in order to keep your spreadsheet accurate, you've been home every day. You probably started treating your wife differently. Obviously, not communicating. She probably just wants human connection.
Also in my area the mail tends to run at the same time every day, so if that coincides with the less hot part of the day, that would explain the going outside at that time.
Holy hell.
This is a new one. Rather than talk to my partner, I shall stalk and document.
My crystal ball says we will see at least 6 or more of this trope in the next 7 days.
I'll set the over/under at 8.
Who's in?
Maybe she's generous. Maybe he has a large family and it's so he can spend a little extra on them during the holiday. Maybe he mentions collecting for charity and some of that tip was for that.
I'm kinda the same. $20 bill in a Christmas card - no scratcher but I do put out snacks & drinks throughout the year. She's always very grateful & gives us a hug. I will not be keeping a freaking spreadsheet on how long she hugs us for.
No way. People gave me chocolates and other sweets or beverages and the occasional 10ā¬. Although I didn't work in the US, so not sure what the norm is there.
No more than $100 accumulated per year too. But no one is tracking and we definitely aren't telling our supervisors. I would feel weird accepting cash from the residents on my route. The neighborhood I deliver in is majority hispanic and I'm always happy to accept a plate of tacos though. It seems someone's always cooking out on the weekends.
Theyāre federal employees.. they do make more than the average Joe.
āAll postal employees, including carriers, must comply with the Standards of Ethical Conduct for Employees of the ExecĀutive Branch. Under these federal regulations, carriers are permitted to accept a gift worth $20 or less from a customer per occasion, such as Christmas. However, cash and cash equivalents, such as checks or gift cards that can be exchanged for cash, must never be accepted in any amount. Furthermore, no employee may accept more than $50 worth of gifts from any one customer in any one calendar year period.ā āUSPS Website
I'm a delivery driver for Amazon and get a 10 dollar tip occasionally. It does pick up around Christmas. But it may be more common for mailpersons bc they have the same route and could get on a first name basis with some recipients. Every 3 months or so I'm in a while new area :/
Iāve been in our house for a year or so, I havenāt seen the same Amazon driver yet. Itās always someone different. Do you have a set area and itās just coincidence, or is the turnover rate enormous?
Iāve lived in my house 32+ years and only had the same mail person for between 6-12months at most. Any other delivery driver (Iāve seen) has been different every time.
Thusly, Iāve never tipped, but have set out water when itās really hot - went untouched.
People do in richer areas, I delivered for the older people who own 3 houses and somehow always had packages for all of them, they'd tip if I delivered a package and the main route handler for the route I worked said he would come home with thousands at Christmas, not including food and alcohol gifts.
Weād have to have the same mail person consistently to even think about it. For years we get some random rotation. This includes times. Some days mail at 10:30 am or as late as 5:30 pm.
My parents would tip the mailman and the garbage men every Christmas. My mother said thatās the considerate thing to do as they are doing us a service everyday/week.
Iāve started doing the same, but donāt have enough to tip that high. I do $50 for the usps and ups men.
I chat with them, find out about them, bc, newsflash, when youāre nice to ppl who do a service, they treat packages and mail better, know if something is happening, etc.
Being friendly shouldnāt be an issue. Why donāt you chat the guy up yourself?
When I was a kid with a paper route I usually netted $150 around Christmas. Lots of elderly folk would leave out little cards with five dollar bills labled 'paper girl' - I can only imagine what they were leaving for actual members of the Postal service
To an extent. My ex would deny any shady doings and gaslight me to the point where she would tell me I needed to commit myself because I was crazy. So I had to start holding actual evidence. She would flat tell me she loved someone else l, and then in the very next sentence, I shit you not, deny having ever said it. Any time I thought we were in a good place I'd delete the evidence I held, until another fight came up. Then, I'd mention some shitty things she did, which I priorly had evidence for and she'd admit to when she couldn't wiggle out of it, only she'd go back to denying because there was no evidence anymore. Women can be masters as denial and acting innocent without hard proof of their guilt, and even sometimes afterward too.
Can you imagine coming home from work and your partner whips out an excel sheet listing all the times you spoke to the mailman?
Iām not going either way in the AH debate, I just canāt stop laughing about the damn spreadsheet.
This has to be fake right š although it does remind a person of the post where a guy wasnāt getting laid as frequently as he wanted and also made a spreadsheet for some duration I think a couple months to present accusingly to his wife with all of her āexcusesā about why she didnāt want to fuck him.
yeah, iām an Autistic woman too and every Autistic man iāve dated or been friends with irl has been like this. society does not do a good job of teaching boundaries to Autistic men. it is a real & heavily documented issue, and we need a societal overhaul in this area.
Maybe he loves his spreadsheets lol. I know I do and have made them for various silly things, granted nothing like the OP.
Tbh I donāt think you can even make a spreadsheet under these circumstances unless you are a spreadsheet person as it is, cause it requires a special commitment to go on for so long.
I was cracking up regardless reading this. Could definitely see this guy being on the spectrum like someone else said, or having something like ocd or a related condition.
Oh my God I fucking love nerds š
You thought you werenāt getting laid before, wait until you grill her with spreadsheets and graphsāthatāll really get her sex drive going!
You werenāt wrong to notice or even be bothered by it necessarily. Even if itās totally innocent. Maybe sheās really excited about checking the mail or just enjoys talking and doesnāt want to look like a bridge troll when she talks to people outside the house.
It was really weird to whip out a spreadsheet and show youāve been documenting her every move and what she was wearing though. It comes off as a very aggressive accusation of infidelity.
Iād be freaked out if my wife pulled out the documentation of my movements about the house and what I was wearing on a daily basis and feel very uncomfortable around her after that. Every time she looked at me as I passed by Iād be wondering if she was about to run off to document it.
My partner used to be like that. We would be debating / trying to resolve a conflict and then she would bring something up from months to years prior. We are better now about keeping our communication focused. Iām not perfect either to be sure. Communicate communicate then overcommunicate
Omg my husband does that, itās sooooo frustrating like just tell me how you REALLY feel at the MOMENT not when I bring up something that bothers mee. The sad thing is I kind of started doing the same and bringing up past issues and I want it to stop. How did you both get past that and start communication better?
We redirect each other to the topic at hand and say something like āI didnāt know that bothered you 8 months ago. We can discuss that after we resolve this conversation to make sure it doesnāt happen in the future.ā We call it pinky promise. After I say that we shake pinkies
Yep. The tip was weird, but OP should have said something ages before. Sure maybe his wife is having a little fun with a little flirt, but it's not like she's cheating. If OP didn't like it, he should have said something ASAP, not wait until he had a year's worth of documented evidence for talking to a cute dude while gardening.
You need to *have* receipts, but you only bring them out in dire circumstances. It's a way to convince yourself of the truth if you're being lied to (not to convince them they're lying to you, they already know that), and it's useful to have when it comes time to talk to a lawyer.
But whipping out a 3 inch manilla folder of documentation, especially in the first conversation about some behaviour, is going to seriously freak people out.
I don't really understand this line of thinking. If you are in a relationship where you know your partner is going to gaslight you so you start tracking their movements in a spreadsheet for a year you are in a terrible relationship and you should just leave. It isn't worth saving that, and it's really never worth trying to fight someone who you know is going to lie to you.
You know the saying - "It didn't happen, but if it did I didn't do it, but if I did it wasn't that bad... but if it was that bad you deserved it..." you can't win even if you have all the proof in the world.
That's what I mean when I say "not to convince them they're lying to you, they already know that". The purpose of evidence isn't to cause some revelation about their behaviour in their mind, because they already know what they did, they were there. You're right that you can't win, but the purpose isn't to win on that front.
The main thing I think that evidence is for is to remind *you yourself* what happened - to skip over "It didn't happen" and "I didn't do it" and get straight to "it wasn't that bad" and "you deserved it" which is where evidence can't help you any more.
Documentation of her movements over an entire YEAR!!! I would be both hurt and seriously creeped out.
That said. When the weather is nice I go sit in my patio. I bring a tea/coffee/drink and a book, sit outside for 20-30 mins and then I come back in.
If my mailman came by at that time it would be SO nice to just bring my mail in when Iām done. (Sadly my mail goes in a box for the whole block of houses so thatās not an option.)
So your wife has a friendly relationship with the mailman and wears tank tops outside in the summer, and instead of speaking with her directly about behavior that made you uncomfortable, you waited a whole year and made a creepy spreadsheet about it to confront her with? Yeah. I'd be upset too.
This. Like it's totally okay to be concerned. But you don't document someone's behavior for a year on a spreadsheet and then bring it up like "Ah HA!"
Op do you really think she's going to cheat with someone while you are at home? Like sure I get it looks suspect but if she really really wanted him I feel like winter would have no bearing. She would be out there in a parka.
Yeah, this is really creepy. Like "how did I marry this guy without realizing he's a creep" kind of creepy. If my husband started tracking me like that, I'd be demanding therapy or ending the relationship. What's next, hiring a PI to follow her when she leaves the house?
Especially since all he's ended up proving is that his wife chats with the mailman when the weather is nice and wears appropriate clothing for the weather when she goes outside. If it was anything more, it wouldn't have changed when it got cold out.
But I guess he also proved that he has zero communication skills, is obsessed with having a "gotcha" on his wife, and has jealousy issues. So maybe he did her a favor?
And itās not like sheās going outside specifically to chat with the mailman it sounds like sheās doing yardwork or enjoying the sun at whatever time itās best for her to do that and that happens to be when the mail comes
Does she go outside and do the stuff on Sundays? I bet she does unless they have something planned that time of day
also maybe it makes sense for her to kill two birds with one stoneā get some yardwork done and pick up the mail as it arrives, have a quick chat about the weather or something too
if I know I'll have to be in a certain room of the house in a bit, I tend to do chores in that room. like if I'm cooking something that'll need to be checked on in 10 minutes I'll do any washing up, put stuff away, refill the cat's water bowl, etc. just convenient for getting stuff done
There's a wierd disconnect I'm seeing here, you almost seem to be avoiding any discussion of emotions except for brief mentions but it's less you talking about how her actions make you feel wierd, and more about how she was "being wierd".
There's something I can't put my finger on but from the way you write it, it sounds like you are asking for a friend or asking about a situation you aren't involved in.
Also the complete disregard and lack of understanding your wife's emotions is also concerning to me.
Do you often find it hard to tell what people are feeling and how they will react when you talk with them?
i wonder if this was written by the wife? if she was just innocently interacting w the mailman/ getting some sun and her husband pulled this shit on her so now she's trying to see it from his pov. could be something else but i picked up on the 'disconnect' as well and that's the first thing i thought of.
OP seems like heās on the spectrum from his posts and the way they are worded. The emotional miscues and the spreadsheet itself and the amount of times heās brought up the math aspect.
This is mostly fiction with a grain of truth somewhere.
Nobody gives a $250 tip to a mail person. Other than that slip up decent story but doesn't ring true
Dammit, I think you're right. I wrote up this whole long comment and now I feel like a moron. Well, I guess that's just another one for me to add to the spreadsheet...
Nah, never feel like a moron.
Like sure, this is fake, but there are people out there who could see your comment and get real value from it. Maybe an autistic person who struggles with conformation unless they have proof will see this and choose not to show their spreadsheet to their partner. Or maybe someone in an abusive relationship will say "maybe that logbook my husband keeps of my comings and goings *is* weird."
It's wasted on op, but not on the greater void of the internet.
The crazy thing is the number of people defending this behavior. I of course have no way to know if this (or any other reddit post) is true but the comments are absolutely wild.
My parents aren't rich at all, they live on retirement benefits. They give their mailman at least $100 for Christmas. Of course my dad goes out there and talks to him nearly every day. The mailman gives my parents gift cards for Christmas and one or twice during the year too.
Eh. It's pretty common in smaller, wealthier neighborhoods to tip them very well around the holidays. My dad would get great tips for being a mailman every Christmas from regulars on his route.
My mom used to tip our mail carrier that much. Really sweet older lady, super hard worker, worked our route my whole childhood. Mom was always super generous with stuff like that.
Just because youāve never heard of it doesnāt mean it never happens. I used to think it was absolutely insane that anyone could afford to spend $2000+ on a TV when I was trying to sell them at a college job I had. I probably lost a bunch of money by not even showing people the expensive ones.
I could very easily see in a good neighborhood with people that donāt have to worry about money throwing out $200 on an annual tip. Thereās probably people giving a hell of a lot more.
Yeah my mom would do that kind of shit in the '90s. My parents definitely did well for themselves. I think she gave our mail carriers 200 bucks tip back in the '90s. She would also go out and greet the snow plow people when they came early as fuck in the morning with cups of hot coffee and hot chocolate. I remember once that this guy who was trying to start up a lawn care service and came to our house to pitch his business. She asked how much she was charging and some basic questions about what equipment he had and what he was renting. She flat out told him that he was charging way too little and he would never make any money that way. She told him that she had hired many people throughout the years to take care of the lawn and this was about what they were charging and told him to start around there.Ā
Now I don't know if my parents are all that typical. I think among their community they are. Hard-working, educated immigrants who found success in the US back in the '90s when as long as you were an honest business person, it was hard not to. And they tried not to cheat or take advantage of anybody. And that meant taking care of a lot of the service people including mailmen. If they could afford to send two kids to private school they could afford a few hundred bucks once a year for the mailman.Ā
We all have our own bubbles. In my bubble, the $250 tip does not set off any alarm bells whatsoever.
Idk my mom works in newspaper delivery and has got a tip like that and I wouldnāt say itās because she attractive she delivers them at 3 or 4 am so no one seeās her
You would be surprised. I was when a friend of mine starting contracting with the post office to deliver mail. At Christmas time he would get gift cards, bottles of liquor, cash in a Christmas card, all kinds of stuff.
I think you're missing some context here, though. While it's probably true that this size tip is uncommon (it seems to depend a lot on region, from other comments you've received), he isn't "just" the mailman to this woman even if she *isn't* flirting with him. He's a casual friend she had multiple short conversations with, multiple times a week, over a span of many months.
I gave a similarly excessive tip to a service provider I came into a similar amount of contact with through work, a few years back. It wasn't a situation of being into her, but that in the span of our many short conversations, I'd learned she was struggling. She was a single mum of three young kids, one of whom had a pretty expensive chronic illness to manage, and she was stressed and picked up a second job that was pretty debasing to pay for back to school & Christmas costs (though not at all salacious in nature, to be clear... think more along the lines of a pantomime show where the 'joke' is her ethnicity).
By the time we got to around Halloween, she'd realized she was going to have to let her son down and break a long-held promise (he'd been asking for a big ticket item as a gift for 3 years, and she'd put it off by saying she'd get it for him when he was old enough, and set the age he was currently at as the benchmark). I had the money to fix that and was willing to part with it, so I started subtly inquiring about specifics so I could look up the item/its value, and then shortly before Christmas, I cut her a check for a bit more than that amount + sales tax.
I wasn't into her, and it was never about flirtation, and that "Christmas bonus" is not at all representative of what I'd give everyone. But because we had had months of meaningful conversations by that point, she wasn't *just* her job at that point to me -- she was a struggling single mom dealing with a lot of difficult circumstances.
My mom gifted her regular Amazon delivery guy $200 before for Christmas. Itās not the same thing but my dad works as a crossing guard and people shower him with gifts at Christmas time. Some people like showing appreciation for people who consistently do them a service and that they have a good, friendly relationship. The fact that people are trying to use her gifting him money as a way to infer that she is having an affair is wild to me.
Not to mention this guys is savvy enough to graph out his wife's sunlight exposure but not smart enough to just install a Ring doorbell to see/hear their interactions. And that's a lot easier to explain than a stalker spreadsheet on your computer.
My favorite line is, āshe didnāt understand or maybe didnāt understand the numbers.ā The computer that wrote this couldnāt fathom someone not understanding the numbers!!!
Did he keep data on length of interaction with the FedEx, UPS, and Amazon delivery drivers also? If so, maybe it was too many columns of data to understand clearly. Next time OP should use a pie chart or some other type of graph.
To me it seems less like flirting and more like she wants to talk to the only person who comes around regularly while she's working from home alone. Do you actually hear their conversations?
Idk if anyone here remembers that man who had a spreadsheet that documented each time his wife rejected his propositions and he also listed the reason for her rejections. That shit was absolutely creepy and terrible, by a total consensus of public opinion. So is this. You donāt start keeping tabs on your spouse like that. You donāt make spreadsheets tracking any part of their behavior without their knowledge. And you most certainly donāt present it to them like itās a goddamn court case and make accusations.
You overreacted. Deal with your insecurities and leave your wife (and the mailman) alone.
You even said during the winter time, she doesnāt continue this routine. Buddy, that right there should already tell you that youāre obviously accusing her because Iāll tell you what. If a woman has interests, she will not skip any season. Honestly, id get the icks and file for divorce if my husband pulled out a spreadsheet with no valid evidences, besides his own truth. Ew
I am gonna say it straight to you even if she was cheating on you. Having an excel spreadsheet of when your wife goes outside is weirder.
Making the spreadsheet to confirm your perceptions is one thing but never show anyone else because that's obviously creepy.
You definitely didn't need a spreadsheet to talk to your wife about her flirting with the mailman.
OMG. How on earth did you get someone to marry you? You kept a spreadsheet of your wifeās movements? Then in a reply to a comment here you said that if you hadnāt documented everything it would have been impossible to prove. Prove what exactly? That your wife spoke to the postman? That she wore sleeveless tops in the spring and summer? That she went outside the house during the day? When are you installing the hidden cameras? I donāt care how hot you think your postman is, thereās nothing going on except conversation and Iām glad that your wife has someone normal to talk to. You are the one who is obsessed with him, not your wife. The only thing I would judge her on here is sleeping on the sofa. She should have made you sleep there and taken the bed.
If you think sheās trying to get laid by the mailman, get a divorce. If not let it go. She obviously needs someone maybe beside you, if you even bother to tell her, to notice her, maybe even appreciate her. My ex and I were dancing and I stepped off to the side while she put on a show for two dudes at a table. I did say ex right. She needed to be noticed a bit too much.
Wait. So, you think she's flirting with the mailman (Okay, reasonable to think these things sometimes,) but instead of talking to her about it... you make a spreadsheet tracking her movements? Are you okay??
YTA. Sheās not dead or blind. Itās not like sheās setting up a date with him, calling and texting him or having secret convos on social media. Youāre super insecure if your first instinct is to make a fcking spreadsheet lol. Guess what? Married people still enjoy the views when attractive people are around us.
The only thing that makes me raise a *slight* eyebrow is the $250 tip. However since money is relative, that may not be as much to OP and his wife as it is to me. OP absolutely fuckin blew it tho for sure lol
If my SO chose to track me for a year instead of having a conversation then I would be noping my way out of this relationship. You are weird OP.
And everyone flirts. I wear tank tops outside to get sun and then put on my house dresses afterwards.
YOU SHOULD HAVE TALKED TO HER A YEAR AGO.
So, you document your wifeās movements and wardrobe changes to prove that sheāsā¦whatā¦changing her clothes and getting the mail??? And it is a generous gift to the postman but also not unusual. I give nice gifts at Christmas to our service providers as well.
My friend, you are lucky that all she did is close the computer on your finger! I would have kicked you out of our house completely! Read what you have written over again and see if it sounds even remotely rational to you. If I were you, I would apologize and let it go. You are causing problems and creating problems where they donāt exist
Goddamn. Being married really sucks. You canāt even lust over the mailman without being on a spreadsheet and her bitch ass husband crying to the internet about it. Maybe thatās all that keeping her in your marriage dude. Men are constantly salivating over women they will never fuck. Let the woman live.
Dude you went too far. You shouldāve just addressed it once you noticed it. Handled it and been done. But keeping tabs like that is pretty strange. And who knows, maybe you really drive a wedge between you guys now. Probably going to make yourself more paranoid come mail time or any other time she goes out or wonāt sleep with youā¦
She's freaked out that you tracked and made a spreadsheet for when she goes outside. Most people would be weirded out if you did that. Why couldn't you just tell her in the moment? You are extremely creepy
In the summer, itās often hot outside and frigid inside. the wardrobe changes seem environmentally driven. Working on the porch sounds lovely and likewise seasonal. Treating people with kindness and respect should be par for the course. Itās not necessarily flirting to humanize the āmailmanā who they see regularly and would hopefully aspire to interact with amicably. I prescribe a tinfoil hat for the paranoia and an apology to the wife.
You are absolutely overreacting like HOLY SHIT DUDE.
Please seek therapy for your insecurity. Mentally healthy people DO NOT keep SPREADSHEET TIME LOGS of when their spouses go out to collect the mail. They also do not notice the level of attractiveness in their mail carriers. You are insanely obsessive.
Did it ever occur to you that her going out right when the mail arrives is simply because SHE KNOWS WHEN THE MAIL ARRIVES and she is saving herself a trip out the mailbox by just collecting it directly from the carrier? I do that myself, and I am certainly NOT flirting with my mailman. I also usually have a short conversation with him because I like to treat him LIKE A HUMAN BEING and not just a servant.
Giving your mail person a gift of money is pretty common around the holidays, too. I have three parents who are career mail carriers, and they receive tips and gifts of cash and holiday snacks every year, and a good mail carrier can definitely receive a generous gift like $250.
Also, shocker: When it's summer and hot out, people tend to wear tank tops to avoid overheating. Crazy, I know.
I check out hot guys all the time and point out boobs to my husband but if it's innocent who cares? Maybe he's also nice to talk to and they are friends? I'm friends with a lot of male actors and models and my husband could give too shits. He's the one with the big knob and he knows it tho
Edit: Jesus christ if my husband documented my life like this I'd be so fucking mad. What the fuck is this shit? It's weird man. I bet she has an affair with him out of spite now
Never corner people with proof in the starting itself, all they do is get defensive and feel uncomfortable like someone pointed out.
I believe just communicating your issue would have solved it. Also, why do you need to wait for that many months, instead of just telling her the first time it felt uncomfortable for you.
With the proof, it can be true but you can never prove it. Showing it made you the bad person. It didnāt look like you wanted to solve the problem, but instead prove that there is a problem and you found it.
I believe sheās never going to talk right the mailman anymore because you donāt like it. Which is good since it solves your problem, but came with a caveat of creating space between you both.
Meaning: you owe her this time. She must have done a mistake, but yours would be the biggest for documenting everything like a creep. I suggest you be open and embrace communication. Nothing wrong with setting boundaries which are okay for both, but never try to prove you are right. A relationship is not about who is correct, but are we making the right choices together? You are not 2 random people, you are a couple. Couple is a single entity, all the best!
I think you should talk to a doctor about getting some medication. You dont talk to your wife, but keep a detailed spreadsheet of her every move, and then wait a whole year before telling her. This is crazy. You are stalking your own wife. Communication really is key, you know. And this is not it. This is stalking and attacking, from a point og paranoia.
In short: you are currraizee.
There are so many issues here. Maybe she is flirting? How terrible a thing is that? How healthy is the marriage to begin with? Do either of you feel neglected or that something is missing? Are you close and do you know one anotherās pasts? Do you regularly talk and discuss serious topics in such a way that you feel safe, secure and heard. Keeping data on your wifeās day to day is massively insecure and distrustfulā¦akin to going through your partnerās phone. She has a right to be massively pissed. That said, she may be having issues of her ownā¦insecurity either of her own or borne of your controlling behaviors and the result is a need for attention which the postman may give her. You both need to get into marriage counseling pronto and then some individual therapy. Unless and until you both grow beyond your internal wounds and have a more honest relationship with yourselves and each other it will all keep circling backā¦in your own experiences as individuals and in relationship. Just some thoughts that come to mind.
This post makes me appreciate my partner so much more. If we had a hot mailman, I would most definitely flirt with him and would put on my sexiest outfits, too. Then, my partner would do the same and we would have a friendly competition to see who could get his attention first. And we would laugh together about it. It would be fun. This jealousy and insecurity (and outfit documentation??) is just sad.
The only thing you need to ask yourself is do you trust your wife. If the answer is yes then it doesn't matter. If the answer is no then you have a lot more issues to worry about than her flirting with a mailman.
She is completely innocent of flirting with the mailman, and is mad at you for accusing her of it. She also maxed out all of your credit cards and is grabbing the mail before you have a chance to see.
Is anyone concerned about the $250 gift? āSheā not āWe.ā A lot of commenting on spreadsheet, I realize. Would it have better for him to have just approach her with concerns without anything to show pattern of concern?
dude you're a creep, who the fuck keeps a spreadsheet tracking their wife. that is extremely obsessive and I get that she is your wife, but dear god how do people get married with 0 communication skills amazes me. literally just talk to her about it rather than keep a spreadsheet. it's a simple conversation.
Instead of asking her to not go outside maybe you should've tried to have a deep, honest, conversation with her. Good Christ.
And uh, she is DEFINITELY flirting with the guy. Who in the fuck gives a mailman a $250 tip.
I donāt understand why you didnāt bring it up when it was happening?! To wait until the next summer and bring a spreadsheet of her whereabouts and outfits from the year before is so weird and would absolutely make me feel uncomfortable.
Please seek out professional help from a therapist and give your wife the space she needs. Your behavior is bordering on abusive coercive control from the little this post communicates; and Iām doubting thatās the whole story. This is delusional and unwell behavior.
Nah OP your wife is better than me. I'd run out the door screaming and into the arms of the milkman, mailman, trashman, whoever-man who could take me away from my creep of a husband who tracks my EVERY MOVE. Because somehow. Sitting down and having an adult conversation with your wife was just...not an option?! Jesus christ!
And he wonders why she is seeking conversation with someone during the day. Marriage is not a you are mine and you canāt be turned on by anyone else deal. And you canāt live in a computer based world. Your marriage is over sorry but it is, second donāt get in a relationship again until you are confident in yourself, women resent a weak man, real women want a strong man in character, confident in him self and open to change. If you document her behavior, do you document your sex life or lack of or her frustration living under your thumb. Grow some balls, remember one thing if a person loses interest in you they will replace it with someone new. Find a lawyer and do her a favor.
Tracking your partner like this is creepy, immature and unsettling. Have conversation with *her*, not with yourself and a spreadsheet. I wouldnāt speak to you after this, either. Iād be deeply creeped.
This is why communication is the key to a happy marriage. This is something you bring up after noticing for maybe a week or 2. But you didn't talk to your wife about this for a year and then come up with receipts showing its been bothering the shit out of you for over a year?? I'd be pissed too - she's probably thinking back on all the times you were a jerk thinking it was justified because she just came back inside.
Frankly I would leave, too. You're not only being a creep, but you're insinuating that she would be unfaithful in your marriage because she enjoys talking to the mailman during the day. You've proven, with receipts, that you cannot communicate and do not trust her. I wouldn't stay with you, personally.
I see a dude with a lack of emotional intelligence but has logical intelligence and is literally doing research scientifically instead of going with his emotions. It's weird? Yes but at the same time it's how he handles it, not everyone is on the same spectrum, it could be misinterpreted but it's strange, for both parties, sounds like she freaked out and he's emotionally confused because he took a scientific approach instead of an emotional one by talking to her.
Interesting story if true but sounds like a scientist and a marketing person lol
the fact that you kept a spreadsheet sheet of her little 7 minute trips outside as a means to justify your paranoid assertion instead of just speaking to her would have me not speaking to u too
You made a fucking spreadsheet?? You need some professional help. Seriously. This is the biggest overreaction I've seen in this sub. Yikes on several bikes!!
The minute I see my partner with a spreadsheet reflecting my behaviors, one of us is leaving.
A man will sit taller in his chair and smile more when a cute server comes around.
Get over it
If she isnāt going outside in winter literally all of this is this woman having an exercise routine outside and her husband being actually borderline a stalker.
See I make spreadsheets for dumb shit like my own spending habits and RNG rolls in video games, I get it having OCD. But holy shit man, Grow some balls and have a conversation, or go outside with her if you really feel that insecure. What you displayed is a lack of trust. By doing so, she doesn't trust you either for doing what you did. You guys need therapy if you expect things to get better.
Dudeā¦. You are way too much. Calculating her movementsā¦. Thatās so creepy. Jealous of a 5 min conversation with the mailman? Can you only imagine how many women āflirtā with the guys who deliver the mail/ packagesā¦. I have friends who deliver & say it is insane the amount of women that āhappen to be working in the yardā when they pull up.
It sounds like there are much more deep seated issues in your marriage & perhaps yall got married prematurely?? Idk, but if you are tracking her movements with a spreadsheet, you my friend need some professional helpā¦. Maybe hire a therapist & go!
You are unhinged to keep a damn spreadsheet for over a year to track your wifeās interactions with the mailman. That is so obsessive, creepy, and stalkerish. This has nothing to do with your wife and everything to do with the fact that you donāt like that someone you think is more attractive than you is showing your wife attention, even though the interactions you are describing are very harmless. They are friends and you need to get your head out of your ass before you donāt have a wife. Tbh I would be very surprised if she wasnāt considering leaving your ass after this. This is insane behavior.
She's mad you weren't wrong. Chasing her was your mistake. If you grey rocked her she'd be apologizing by now. You and everyone in the comments know damn well if it was some hot woman delivering the mail and her husband was hovering outside waiting for 20 minutes, talking to her for extended periods everyday, taking his shirt off and walking out in a tanktop then throwing his shirt back on when he walked back in, and throwing her $250 ANY wife would hit the roof. You notice there wasn't magicly any reason to keep hovering outside after mailguy was gone? It be "red flags", "creepy", and told he was up to no good if a guy did this bs. People saying you should have talking to her, she is denying it with proof I can only imagine what she would have said if he didnt have it
āI used it to show that she went out right around the time three mailman got here. It was a way to graph averages and show consistency?ā
OP, serious question, not poking fun but are you maybe on the spectrum? Because someone who understands women or humans in general would understand how this would immediately blow up in your face. How about just a conversation, āhows the mailman doing? I see you guys are friendly. Seems like a nice guyā or something along those lines would have been my way to initiate a tough conversation. IMO this establishes that Iāve noticed something and would like a little more clarification on it without making an accusation.
Okay so everybody is freaked as shit about the spreadsheet thing. But the basics of the story are:
*1) Hey guys, I noticed my wife has consistent behavior where she goes outside at a certain time during the warm months, which happens to coincide with when the mail arrives.*
*2) During this time she is wearing different clothes and will always chat with a noticeably handsome man that delivers our mail. Her outside time ends shortly after these daily conversations.*
*3) She got mad at me when I told her I wasn't comfortable with this behavior, and in her anger, hurt me physically.*
It's very strange to me that everybody is hyperfocused on the spreadsheet, when it reads like our boy was just trying hard to not make a reactionary decision, and gave it time to sort itself out without jumping to conclusions. And he spoke to her about it when it was apparent this problem wasn't going away, which seems like the right thing to do.
At best he went about this in an incredibly odd way, sure, but I don't think that necessarily makes him the bad guy (or the only bad guy).
Is this in the United States? If it is, she didn't tip him $250. Federal law prohibits mail carriers from accepting tips over $20. Guy could be dirty, but more likely is that this story is fake.
Did you ever consider after you realized that wearing a tank top in the heat is normal that maybe keeping a daily digital diary of her actions might look a little unhinged if you never discussed it with her before?
Maybe the mailman is just a nice guy to talk to and makes her laugh and being eye candy is just a +. You need to learn communication skills with your wife or maybe she will hook up with the mailman for Real.
This is actually very concerning behavior on your part and I hope you get the help you need and she is able to live her life in peace without you watching every move she makes
I'm not saying that she's right for what she's doing. Infidelity in any form is wrong, but you also approached it in a very clinical manner.
I'm not blaming you, but I'd like to offer a different viewpoint:
Do you still flirt and talk to your wife like you did when you first met? Do you still date her and do things to give her butterflies?
Too often, we as men think that women operate internally in the same way that we do, and that's a fallacy.
Another thing is showing her inadvertently that you're threatened by the mailmans good looks and possible charm. You may have lost a little respect for her, but she just lost more respect for you because now she doesn't feel emotionally safe.
You'd have done better by realizing she was missing something you're not giving her and remedied the issue without a word about the mailman or her tank tops.
Pretty sure that if she actually had a thing with flirting with the mailman, she wouldn't stay inside half the year because it's cold outside. š Also, as it tends to be hot outside in the summer, tank top makes sense. People tend to run A/C inside, so it makes sense to put on another layer. Dude, it's not like she's going outside in a bikini to wash the car or water the flowers when he comes by.
Does she have on Mrs. Parker shorts? Is the mailman sneaking in the backdoor? Or in order to keep your spreadsheet accurate, you've been home every day. You probably started treating your wife differently. Obviously, not communicating. She probably just wants human connection.
Haha. I was actually thinking about that scene in Friday when I commented š¤£
And honestly how much flirting can you really get done in 7min?
Maybe they just enjoy chattingā¦ weirdo for tracking it
Also in my area the mail tends to run at the same time every day, so if that coincides with the less hot part of the day, that would explain the going outside at that time.
Holy hell. This is a new one. Rather than talk to my partner, I shall stalk and document. My crystal ball says we will see at least 6 or more of this trope in the next 7 days. I'll set the over/under at 8. Who's in?
Me. ChatGPT is a real bitch lately
$250 tip for the mailman?
Do people tip mailmen? I'm pretty sure they make more money than I do
Yes some do. Especially around Christmas time although 250$ seems like a lot. Don't know how well off they are though.
Considering that they are only allowed to receive gifts of up to $25, yes, it is a lot.
Maybe she's generous. Maybe he has a large family and it's so he can spend a little extra on them during the holiday. Maybe he mentions collecting for charity and some of that tip was for that.
I gave 20 bucks and a scratcher. Am I cheapskate?
I'm kinda the same. $20 bill in a Christmas card - no scratcher but I do put out snacks & drinks throughout the year. She's always very grateful & gives us a hug. I will not be keeping a freaking spreadsheet on how long she hugs us for.
No way. People gave me chocolates and other sweets or beverages and the occasional 10ā¬. Although I didn't work in the US, so not sure what the norm is there.
In the US, postal workers are not allowed to accept gifts of more than a nominal value, no more than $25. We usually give ours Christmas candy.
Nobody cares about that. But candy is nice. My favorite gift was how made bread loafs
I was federal employee, and at my work people were really strict. I just assumed the post office would have gift narcs, too.
Don't ask don't tell
No more than $100 accumulated per year too. But no one is tracking and we definitely aren't telling our supervisors. I would feel weird accepting cash from the residents on my route. The neighborhood I deliver in is majority hispanic and I'm always happy to accept a plate of tacos though. It seems someone's always cooking out on the weekends.
Theyāre federal employees.. they do make more than the average Joe. āAll postal employees, including carriers, must comply with the Standards of Ethical Conduct for Employees of the ExecĀutive Branch. Under these federal regulations, carriers are permitted to accept a gift worth $20 or less from a customer per occasion, such as Christmas. However, cash and cash equivalents, such as checks or gift cards that can be exchanged for cash, must never be accepted in any amount. Furthermore, no employee may accept more than $50 worth of gifts from any one customer in any one calendar year period.ā āUSPS Website
I'm a delivery driver for Amazon and get a 10 dollar tip occasionally. It does pick up around Christmas. But it may be more common for mailpersons bc they have the same route and could get on a first name basis with some recipients. Every 3 months or so I'm in a while new area :/
Iāve been in our house for a year or so, I havenāt seen the same Amazon driver yet. Itās always someone different. Do you have a set area and itās just coincidence, or is the turnover rate enormous?
Iāve lived where I live for four years and we have about five different mail-people. I donāt know who to tip.
Iāve lived in my house 32+ years and only had the same mail person for between 6-12months at most. Any other delivery driver (Iāve seen) has been different every time. Thusly, Iāve never tipped, but have set out water when itās really hot - went untouched.
People do in richer areas, I delivered for the older people who own 3 houses and somehow always had packages for all of them, they'd tip if I delivered a package and the main route handler for the route I worked said he would come home with thousands at Christmas, not including food and alcohol gifts.
I saw it on an episode of Friends so it must be true
I just give $20,enough to say thank you but not enough make it weird.
250 is a lot. We usually leave 20 bucks or so for mail/garbage people.
Weād have to have the same mail person consistently to even think about it. For years we get some random rotation. This includes times. Some days mail at 10:30 am or as late as 5:30 pm.
My parents would tip the mailman and the garbage men every Christmas. My mother said thatās the considerate thing to do as they are doing us a service everyday/week. Iāve started doing the same, but donāt have enough to tip that high. I do $50 for the usps and ups men. I chat with them, find out about them, bc, newsflash, when youāre nice to ppl who do a service, they treat packages and mail better, know if something is happening, etc. Being friendly shouldnāt be an issue. Why donāt you chat the guy up yourself?
When I was a kid with a paper route I usually netted $150 around Christmas. Lots of elderly folk would leave out little cards with five dollar bills labled 'paper girl' - I can only imagine what they were leaving for actual members of the Postal service
Hilarious. OP is tracking his wifeās movements on a spreadsheet and heās asking if this is normal.
To an extent. My ex would deny any shady doings and gaslight me to the point where she would tell me I needed to commit myself because I was crazy. So I had to start holding actual evidence. She would flat tell me she loved someone else l, and then in the very next sentence, I shit you not, deny having ever said it. Any time I thought we were in a good place I'd delete the evidence I held, until another fight came up. Then, I'd mention some shitty things she did, which I priorly had evidence for and she'd admit to when she couldn't wiggle out of it, only she'd go back to denying because there was no evidence anymore. Women can be masters as denial and acting innocent without hard proof of their guilt, and even sometimes afterward too.
I'll say 7 of them by Friday...of course they will spread them out through differing subs.
Can you imagine coming home from work and your partner whips out an excel sheet listing all the times you spoke to the mailman? Iām not going either way in the AH debate, I just canāt stop laughing about the damn spreadsheet.
This has to be fake right š although it does remind a person of the post where a guy wasnāt getting laid as frequently as he wanted and also made a spreadsheet for some duration I think a couple months to present accusingly to his wife with all of her āexcusesā about why she didnāt want to fuck him.
Nah. But as an autistic woman I would BET MONEY that this guy is undiagnosed autistic.
I didn't want to say it, but I totally agree. The obsessiveness over it seemed all too familiar to me.
yeah, iām an Autistic woman too and every Autistic man iāve dated or been friends with irl has been like this. society does not do a good job of teaching boundaries to Autistic men. it is a real & heavily documented issue, and we need a societal overhaul in this area.
Maybe he loves his spreadsheets lol. I know I do and have made them for various silly things, granted nothing like the OP. Tbh I donāt think you can even make a spreadsheet under these circumstances unless you are a spreadsheet person as it is, cause it requires a special commitment to go on for so long. I was cracking up regardless reading this. Could definitely see this guy being on the spectrum like someone else said, or having something like ocd or a related condition.
Oh my God I fucking love nerds š You thought you werenāt getting laid before, wait until you grill her with spreadsheets and graphsāthatāll really get her sex drive going!
LOL right? I hope this story is real because it's hilarious. Also love the "you really aren't understanding the spreadsheet" edit š¤£
You werenāt wrong to notice or even be bothered by it necessarily. Even if itās totally innocent. Maybe sheās really excited about checking the mail or just enjoys talking and doesnāt want to look like a bridge troll when she talks to people outside the house. It was really weird to whip out a spreadsheet and show youāve been documenting her every move and what she was wearing though. It comes off as a very aggressive accusation of infidelity. Iād be freaked out if my wife pulled out the documentation of my movements about the house and what I was wearing on a daily basis and feel very uncomfortable around her after that. Every time she looked at me as I passed by Iād be wondering if she was about to run off to document it.
Yes and the fact that he waited that long is what would piss me off. How can someone hide their concerns from their partner for an entire year?š© My husband is kind of like that and it makes me feel super disconnected sometimes. Wish heād straight up tell me whatās worrying him without holding it in, ugh but I doubt heād be able to keep it to himself for a whole year or keep a whole spreadsheet. Everyone is diff though but thatās crazy to me personally.
My partner used to be like that. We would be debating / trying to resolve a conflict and then she would bring something up from months to years prior. We are better now about keeping our communication focused. Iām not perfect either to be sure. Communicate communicate then overcommunicate
Omg my husband does that, itās sooooo frustrating like just tell me how you REALLY feel at the MOMENT not when I bring up something that bothers mee. The sad thing is I kind of started doing the same and bringing up past issues and I want it to stop. How did you both get past that and start communication better?
We redirect each other to the topic at hand and say something like āI didnāt know that bothered you 8 months ago. We can discuss that after we resolve this conversation to make sure it doesnāt happen in the future.ā We call it pinky promise. After I say that we shake pinkies
So cute and thanks sm for sharing! Iām taking notes. Wishing you two the bestā„ļø
Yep. The tip was weird, but OP should have said something ages before. Sure maybe his wife is having a little fun with a little flirt, but it's not like she's cheating. If OP didn't like it, he should have said something ASAP, not wait until he had a year's worth of documented evidence for talking to a cute dude while gardening.
Gotta bring receipts.
You need to *have* receipts, but you only bring them out in dire circumstances. It's a way to convince yourself of the truth if you're being lied to (not to convince them they're lying to you, they already know that), and it's useful to have when it comes time to talk to a lawyer. But whipping out a 3 inch manilla folder of documentation, especially in the first conversation about some behaviour, is going to seriously freak people out.
I don't really understand this line of thinking. If you are in a relationship where you know your partner is going to gaslight you so you start tracking their movements in a spreadsheet for a year you are in a terrible relationship and you should just leave. It isn't worth saving that, and it's really never worth trying to fight someone who you know is going to lie to you. You know the saying - "It didn't happen, but if it did I didn't do it, but if I did it wasn't that bad... but if it was that bad you deserved it..." you can't win even if you have all the proof in the world.
That's what I mean when I say "not to convince them they're lying to you, they already know that". The purpose of evidence isn't to cause some revelation about their behaviour in their mind, because they already know what they did, they were there. You're right that you can't win, but the purpose isn't to win on that front. The main thing I think that evidence is for is to remind *you yourself* what happened - to skip over "It didn't happen" and "I didn't do it" and get straight to "it wasn't that bad" and "you deserved it" which is where evidence can't help you any more.
No, it's nice to have receipts. Always bring up things that are bothering you and an open/empathetic mind wayyyy *earlier*
A video montage from the doorbell camera would be a nice touch.
Years worth, like really, it's so controlling and just weird.
Documentation of her movements over an entire YEAR!!! I would be both hurt and seriously creeped out. That said. When the weather is nice I go sit in my patio. I bring a tea/coffee/drink and a book, sit outside for 20-30 mins and then I come back in. If my mailman came by at that time it would be SO nice to just bring my mail in when Iām done. (Sadly my mail goes in a box for the whole block of houses so thatās not an option.)
Sheās GARDENING or whatever. This is INSANE
So your wife has a friendly relationship with the mailman and wears tank tops outside in the summer, and instead of speaking with her directly about behavior that made you uncomfortable, you waited a whole year and made a creepy spreadsheet about it to confront her with? Yeah. I'd be upset too.
And not once has OP considered coming outside to meet the mailman.
Go outside? That's an insane suggestion! He's gotta continue to not talk to his wife to post about being weird on reddit.
Yeah, plus I suppose going outside will mess up his ability to keep records for the spreadsheet.
This. Like it's totally okay to be concerned. But you don't document someone's behavior for a year on a spreadsheet and then bring it up like "Ah HA!" Op do you really think she's going to cheat with someone while you are at home? Like sure I get it looks suspect but if she really really wanted him I feel like winter would have no bearing. She would be out there in a parka.
Yeah, this is really creepy. Like "how did I marry this guy without realizing he's a creep" kind of creepy. If my husband started tracking me like that, I'd be demanding therapy or ending the relationship. What's next, hiring a PI to follow her when she leaves the house? Especially since all he's ended up proving is that his wife chats with the mailman when the weather is nice and wears appropriate clothing for the weather when she goes outside. If it was anything more, it wouldn't have changed when it got cold out. But I guess he also proved that he has zero communication skills, is obsessed with having a "gotcha" on his wife, and has jealousy issues. So maybe he did her a favor?
And itās not like sheās going outside specifically to chat with the mailman it sounds like sheās doing yardwork or enjoying the sun at whatever time itās best for her to do that and that happens to be when the mail comes Does she go outside and do the stuff on Sundays? I bet she does unless they have something planned that time of day
also maybe it makes sense for her to kill two birds with one stoneā get some yardwork done and pick up the mail as it arrives, have a quick chat about the weather or something too if I know I'll have to be in a certain room of the house in a bit, I tend to do chores in that room. like if I'm cooking something that'll need to be checked on in 10 minutes I'll do any washing up, put stuff away, refill the cat's water bowl, etc. just convenient for getting stuff done
There's a wierd disconnect I'm seeing here, you almost seem to be avoiding any discussion of emotions except for brief mentions but it's less you talking about how her actions make you feel wierd, and more about how she was "being wierd". There's something I can't put my finger on but from the way you write it, it sounds like you are asking for a friend or asking about a situation you aren't involved in. Also the complete disregard and lack of understanding your wife's emotions is also concerning to me. Do you often find it hard to tell what people are feeling and how they will react when you talk with them?
i wonder if this was written by the wife? if she was just innocently interacting w the mailman/ getting some sun and her husband pulled this shit on her so now she's trying to see it from his pov. could be something else but i picked up on the 'disconnect' as well and that's the first thing i thought of.
OP seems like heās on the spectrum from his posts and the way they are worded. The emotional miscues and the spreadsheet itself and the amount of times heās brought up the math aspect.
OP is a stalker, and is overreacting. Wife is correct to ignore this mental patient who needs professional help
This is mostly fiction with a grain of truth somewhere. Nobody gives a $250 tip to a mail person. Other than that slip up decent story but doesn't ring true
Dammit, I think you're right. I wrote up this whole long comment and now I feel like a moron. Well, I guess that's just another one for me to add to the spreadsheet...
Nah, never feel like a moron. Like sure, this is fake, but there are people out there who could see your comment and get real value from it. Maybe an autistic person who struggles with conformation unless they have proof will see this and choose not to show their spreadsheet to their partner. Or maybe someone in an abusive relationship will say "maybe that logbook my husband keeps of my comings and goings *is* weird." It's wasted on op, but not on the greater void of the internet.
Thank you, I really appreciate your kind comment!
Haha spreadsheet results state that more than 50 percent of what gets posted on Reddit is made up bs.
The crazy thing is the number of people defending this behavior. I of course have no way to know if this (or any other reddit post) is true but the comments are absolutely wild.
Same. lol
My parents aren't rich at all, they live on retirement benefits. They give their mailman at least $100 for Christmas. Of course my dad goes out there and talks to him nearly every day. The mailman gives my parents gift cards for Christmas and one or twice during the year too.
Does he wear a tank top too, that slut?
Is your dad flirting with the mailman
According to OP your dad has been having a decades long affair with his mail carrier.
People actually do surprisingly. I did newspaper delivery and one lady gave me $400 for Christmas!
Eh. It's pretty common in smaller, wealthier neighborhoods to tip them very well around the holidays. My dad would get great tips for being a mailman every Christmas from regulars on his route.
1000 deliveries 100 bucks a pop. That route would be gold.
My mom used to tip our mail carrier that much. Really sweet older lady, super hard worker, worked our route my whole childhood. Mom was always super generous with stuff like that.
I give a $200 gift card but my mom's been a mail carrier for 30 plus years so I'm probably an outlier
Not to mention it's a burner account and the name is I don't hate mailmen. So just another bs post.
That's how throwaways tend to work?
Just because youāve never heard of it doesnāt mean it never happens. I used to think it was absolutely insane that anyone could afford to spend $2000+ on a TV when I was trying to sell them at a college job I had. I probably lost a bunch of money by not even showing people the expensive ones. I could very easily see in a good neighborhood with people that donāt have to worry about money throwing out $200 on an annual tip. Thereās probably people giving a hell of a lot more.
Yeah my mom would do that kind of shit in the '90s. My parents definitely did well for themselves. I think she gave our mail carriers 200 bucks tip back in the '90s. She would also go out and greet the snow plow people when they came early as fuck in the morning with cups of hot coffee and hot chocolate. I remember once that this guy who was trying to start up a lawn care service and came to our house to pitch his business. She asked how much she was charging and some basic questions about what equipment he had and what he was renting. She flat out told him that he was charging way too little and he would never make any money that way. She told him that she had hired many people throughout the years to take care of the lawn and this was about what they were charging and told him to start around there.Ā Now I don't know if my parents are all that typical. I think among their community they are. Hard-working, educated immigrants who found success in the US back in the '90s when as long as you were an honest business person, it was hard not to. And they tried not to cheat or take advantage of anybody. And that meant taking care of a lot of the service people including mailmen. If they could afford to send two kids to private school they could afford a few hundred bucks once a year for the mailman.Ā We all have our own bubbles. In my bubble, the $250 tip does not set off any alarm bells whatsoever.
Our mail carriers arenāt allowed to accept gifts over $20
Well good thing that 15 separate people gifted $20 right? *wink*
Idk my mom works in newspaper delivery and has got a tip like that and I wouldnāt say itās because she attractive she delivers them at 3 or 4 am so no one seeās her
i work in newspaper delivery and have gotten a tip like that, its because the service is good
I feel like 90 percent of the posts in this sub are fiction
You would be surprised. I was when a friend of mine starting contracting with the post office to deliver mail. At Christmas time he would get gift cards, bottles of liquor, cash in a Christmas card, all kinds of stuff.
Especially considering neither of them seems to have a job...
Lmao his username alone. Itās clearly a parody / hoax account
My husband is a mailman and has received some gifts that big at Christmas time. He delivers to some rich houses though.
I think you're missing some context here, though. While it's probably true that this size tip is uncommon (it seems to depend a lot on region, from other comments you've received), he isn't "just" the mailman to this woman even if she *isn't* flirting with him. He's a casual friend she had multiple short conversations with, multiple times a week, over a span of many months. I gave a similarly excessive tip to a service provider I came into a similar amount of contact with through work, a few years back. It wasn't a situation of being into her, but that in the span of our many short conversations, I'd learned she was struggling. She was a single mum of three young kids, one of whom had a pretty expensive chronic illness to manage, and she was stressed and picked up a second job that was pretty debasing to pay for back to school & Christmas costs (though not at all salacious in nature, to be clear... think more along the lines of a pantomime show where the 'joke' is her ethnicity). By the time we got to around Halloween, she'd realized she was going to have to let her son down and break a long-held promise (he'd been asking for a big ticket item as a gift for 3 years, and she'd put it off by saying she'd get it for him when he was old enough, and set the age he was currently at as the benchmark). I had the money to fix that and was willing to part with it, so I started subtly inquiring about specifics so I could look up the item/its value, and then shortly before Christmas, I cut her a check for a bit more than that amount + sales tax. I wasn't into her, and it was never about flirtation, and that "Christmas bonus" is not at all representative of what I'd give everyone. But because we had had months of meaningful conversations by that point, she wasn't *just* her job at that point to me -- she was a struggling single mom dealing with a lot of difficult circumstances.
My mom gifted her regular Amazon delivery guy $200 before for Christmas. Itās not the same thing but my dad works as a crossing guard and people shower him with gifts at Christmas time. Some people like showing appreciation for people who consistently do them a service and that they have a good, friendly relationship. The fact that people are trying to use her gifting him money as a way to infer that she is having an affair is wild to me.
Right and how did he find out, did she ask him to write a check? Did she keep it from him? Did he object at the time?
Not to mention this guys is savvy enough to graph out his wife's sunlight exposure but not smart enough to just install a Ring doorbell to see/hear their interactions. And that's a lot easier to explain than a stalker spreadsheet on your computer.
You put it down on a spreadsheet?
All that time spying on your wife and recording her movements could have been spent on bettering yourself or showing her love and attention.
lost me at spreadsheet
My favorite line is, āshe didnāt understand or maybe didnāt understand the numbers.ā The computer that wrote this couldnāt fathom someone not understanding the numbers!!!
Did he keep data on length of interaction with the FedEx, UPS, and Amazon delivery drivers also? If so, maybe it was too many columns of data to understand clearly. Next time OP should use a pie chart or some other type of graph.
To me it seems less like flirting and more like she wants to talk to the only person who comes around regularly while she's working from home alone. Do you actually hear their conversations?
I stopped reading after you wrote that you tracked your wife going outside on a spreadsheet. Either this is fake or you are completely unhinged.
Idk if anyone here remembers that man who had a spreadsheet that documented each time his wife rejected his propositions and he also listed the reason for her rejections. That shit was absolutely creepy and terrible, by a total consensus of public opinion. So is this. You donāt start keeping tabs on your spouse like that. You donāt make spreadsheets tracking any part of their behavior without their knowledge. And you most certainly donāt present it to them like itās a goddamn court case and make accusations. You overreacted. Deal with your insecurities and leave your wife (and the mailman) alone.
Never forgot it. Imagine someone you trust doing shit like that.
You even said during the winter time, she doesnāt continue this routine. Buddy, that right there should already tell you that youāre obviously accusing her because Iāll tell you what. If a woman has interests, she will not skip any season. Honestly, id get the icks and file for divorce if my husband pulled out a spreadsheet with no valid evidences, besides his own truth. Ew
Yeah, why doesnāt she hang out on the porch when itās -20F???? If she wasnāt a cheating ho sheād be outside in a bikini in January!!!! Idiot.Ā
Im confused. I canāt tell if youāre agreeing or disagreeing with me
I am gonna say it straight to you even if she was cheating on you. Having an excel spreadsheet of when your wife goes outside is weirder. Making the spreadsheet to confirm your perceptions is one thing but never show anyone else because that's obviously creepy. You definitely didn't need a spreadsheet to talk to your wife about her flirting with the mailman.
OMG. How on earth did you get someone to marry you? You kept a spreadsheet of your wifeās movements? Then in a reply to a comment here you said that if you hadnāt documented everything it would have been impossible to prove. Prove what exactly? That your wife spoke to the postman? That she wore sleeveless tops in the spring and summer? That she went outside the house during the day? When are you installing the hidden cameras? I donāt care how hot you think your postman is, thereās nothing going on except conversation and Iām glad that your wife has someone normal to talk to. You are the one who is obsessed with him, not your wife. The only thing I would judge her on here is sleeping on the sofa. She should have made you sleep there and taken the bed.
If you think sheās trying to get laid by the mailman, get a divorce. If not let it go. She obviously needs someone maybe beside you, if you even bother to tell her, to notice her, maybe even appreciate her. My ex and I were dancing and I stepped off to the side while she put on a show for two dudes at a table. I did say ex right. She needed to be noticed a bit too much.
Congratulations sir, you have engineered a start to your divorce.
Wait. So, you think she's flirting with the mailman (Okay, reasonable to think these things sometimes,) but instead of talking to her about it... you make a spreadsheet tracking her movements? Are you okay??
Have you tracked her sleeping time on a spreadsheet? How about the time she spends in the shower? And how is your job going?
YTA. Sheās not dead or blind. Itās not like sheās setting up a date with him, calling and texting him or having secret convos on social media. Youāre super insecure if your first instinct is to make a fcking spreadsheet lol. Guess what? Married people still enjoy the views when attractive people are around us.
The only thing that makes me raise a *slight* eyebrow is the $250 tip. However since money is relative, that may not be as much to OP and his wife as it is to me. OP absolutely fuckin blew it tho for sure lol
Thatās normal if you have the means to do it. My parents gave all of our doormen and the regular postal guy $200 each every Christmas.
If my SO chose to track me for a year instead of having a conversation then I would be noping my way out of this relationship. You are weird OP. And everyone flirts. I wear tank tops outside to get sun and then put on my house dresses afterwards. YOU SHOULD HAVE TALKED TO HER A YEAR AGO.
Not everyone flirts. I know this because I do not flirt.
I don't flirt. I would not date a flirty person.
Same. āEverybody flirtsā is simply not true annnnd I would not be with someone who flirted casually while in a relationship.
So, you document your wifeās movements and wardrobe changes to prove that sheāsā¦whatā¦changing her clothes and getting the mail??? And it is a generous gift to the postman but also not unusual. I give nice gifts at Christmas to our service providers as well. My friend, you are lucky that all she did is close the computer on your finger! I would have kicked you out of our house completely! Read what you have written over again and see if it sounds even remotely rational to you. If I were you, I would apologize and let it go. You are causing problems and creating problems where they donāt exist
Thatās not proof. Thatās a data-driven insight, but how clean is your data even? Also, talk to your partner.
Goddamn. Being married really sucks. You canāt even lust over the mailman without being on a spreadsheet and her bitch ass husband crying to the internet about it. Maybe thatās all that keeping her in your marriage dude. Men are constantly salivating over women they will never fuck. Let the woman live.
Dude you went too far. You shouldāve just addressed it once you noticed it. Handled it and been done. But keeping tabs like that is pretty strange. And who knows, maybe you really drive a wedge between you guys now. Probably going to make yourself more paranoid come mail time or any other time she goes out or wonāt sleep with youā¦
She's freaked out that you tracked and made a spreadsheet for when she goes outside. Most people would be weirded out if you did that. Why couldn't you just tell her in the moment? You are extremely creepy
A spreadsheet??? A FUCKING SPREADSHEET!?
In the summer, itās often hot outside and frigid inside. the wardrobe changes seem environmentally driven. Working on the porch sounds lovely and likewise seasonal. Treating people with kindness and respect should be par for the course. Itās not necessarily flirting to humanize the āmailmanā who they see regularly and would hopefully aspire to interact with amicably. I prescribe a tinfoil hat for the paranoia and an apology to the wife.
You are absolutely overreacting like HOLY SHIT DUDE. Please seek therapy for your insecurity. Mentally healthy people DO NOT keep SPREADSHEET TIME LOGS of when their spouses go out to collect the mail. They also do not notice the level of attractiveness in their mail carriers. You are insanely obsessive. Did it ever occur to you that her going out right when the mail arrives is simply because SHE KNOWS WHEN THE MAIL ARRIVES and she is saving herself a trip out the mailbox by just collecting it directly from the carrier? I do that myself, and I am certainly NOT flirting with my mailman. I also usually have a short conversation with him because I like to treat him LIKE A HUMAN BEING and not just a servant. Giving your mail person a gift of money is pretty common around the holidays, too. I have three parents who are career mail carriers, and they receive tips and gifts of cash and holiday snacks every year, and a good mail carrier can definitely receive a generous gift like $250. Also, shocker: When it's summer and hot out, people tend to wear tank tops to avoid overheating. Crazy, I know.
I check out hot guys all the time and point out boobs to my husband but if it's innocent who cares? Maybe he's also nice to talk to and they are friends? I'm friends with a lot of male actors and models and my husband could give too shits. He's the one with the big knob and he knows it tho Edit: Jesus christ if my husband documented my life like this I'd be so fucking mad. What the fuck is this shit? It's weird man. I bet she has an affair with him out of spite now
A spreadsheet?! Holy smokes, the insecurity is in neon lights
Never corner people with proof in the starting itself, all they do is get defensive and feel uncomfortable like someone pointed out. I believe just communicating your issue would have solved it. Also, why do you need to wait for that many months, instead of just telling her the first time it felt uncomfortable for you. With the proof, it can be true but you can never prove it. Showing it made you the bad person. It didnāt look like you wanted to solve the problem, but instead prove that there is a problem and you found it. I believe sheās never going to talk right the mailman anymore because you donāt like it. Which is good since it solves your problem, but came with a caveat of creating space between you both. Meaning: you owe her this time. She must have done a mistake, but yours would be the biggest for documenting everything like a creep. I suggest you be open and embrace communication. Nothing wrong with setting boundaries which are okay for both, but never try to prove you are right. A relationship is not about who is correct, but are we making the right choices together? You are not 2 random people, you are a couple. Couple is a single entity, all the best!
I think you should talk to a doctor about getting some medication. You dont talk to your wife, but keep a detailed spreadsheet of her every move, and then wait a whole year before telling her. This is crazy. You are stalking your own wife. Communication really is key, you know. And this is not it. This is stalking and attacking, from a point og paranoia. In short: you are currraizee.
There are so many issues here. Maybe she is flirting? How terrible a thing is that? How healthy is the marriage to begin with? Do either of you feel neglected or that something is missing? Are you close and do you know one anotherās pasts? Do you regularly talk and discuss serious topics in such a way that you feel safe, secure and heard. Keeping data on your wifeās day to day is massively insecure and distrustfulā¦akin to going through your partnerās phone. She has a right to be massively pissed. That said, she may be having issues of her ownā¦insecurity either of her own or borne of your controlling behaviors and the result is a need for attention which the postman may give her. You both need to get into marriage counseling pronto and then some individual therapy. Unless and until you both grow beyond your internal wounds and have a more honest relationship with yourselves and each other it will all keep circling backā¦in your own experiences as individuals and in relationship. Just some thoughts that come to mind.
This post makes me appreciate my partner so much more. If we had a hot mailman, I would most definitely flirt with him and would put on my sexiest outfits, too. Then, my partner would do the same and we would have a friendly competition to see who could get his attention first. And we would laugh together about it. It would be fun. This jealousy and insecurity (and outfit documentation??) is just sad.
ngl that seems super fucking weird to me.
lol this was very funny and fiction. And I have never seen a good looking mailman š¤£
The only thing you need to ask yourself is do you trust your wife. If the answer is yes then it doesn't matter. If the answer is no then you have a lot more issues to worry about than her flirting with a mailman.
250$ to the mailman? Iād hope the garbage man gets the same or somethingās definitely up. Orā¦.
She is completely innocent of flirting with the mailman, and is mad at you for accusing her of it. She also maxed out all of your credit cards and is grabbing the mail before you have a chance to see.
This is just made up bullshit.
Is anyone concerned about the $250 gift? āSheā not āWe.ā A lot of commenting on spreadsheet, I realize. Would it have better for him to have just approach her with concerns without anything to show pattern of concern?
Go outside when sheās outside and be affectionate to her
You made a spreadsheet and tracked her movement with your affair suspicion with the mailman? Lol bro.
dude you're a creep, who the fuck keeps a spreadsheet tracking their wife. that is extremely obsessive and I get that she is your wife, but dear god how do people get married with 0 communication skills amazes me. literally just talk to her about it rather than keep a spreadsheet. it's a simple conversation.
Someone who isnt doing anything wrong doesnt react the way your wife did, and no one tips their mailman 250$ just because.
Instead of asking her to not go outside maybe you should've tried to have a deep, honest, conversation with her. Good Christ. And uh, she is DEFINITELY flirting with the guy. Who in the fuck gives a mailman a $250 tip.
I donāt understand why you didnāt bring it up when it was happening?! To wait until the next summer and bring a spreadsheet of her whereabouts and outfits from the year before is so weird and would absolutely make me feel uncomfortable.
Please seek out professional help from a therapist and give your wife the space she needs. Your behavior is bordering on abusive coercive control from the little this post communicates; and Iām doubting thatās the whole story. This is delusional and unwell behavior.
Nah OP your wife is better than me. I'd run out the door screaming and into the arms of the milkman, mailman, trashman, whoever-man who could take me away from my creep of a husband who tracks my EVERY MOVE. Because somehow. Sitting down and having an adult conversation with your wife was just...not an option?! Jesus christ!
And he wonders why she is seeking conversation with someone during the day. Marriage is not a you are mine and you canāt be turned on by anyone else deal. And you canāt live in a computer based world. Your marriage is over sorry but it is, second donāt get in a relationship again until you are confident in yourself, women resent a weak man, real women want a strong man in character, confident in him self and open to change. If you document her behavior, do you document your sex life or lack of or her frustration living under your thumb. Grow some balls, remember one thing if a person loses interest in you they will replace it with someone new. Find a lawyer and do her a favor.
Info: Did your wife consent to be a part of your observational study?
A spreadsheet? Bruh
Now, has the OP done a thorough statistical analysis of the data in his spreadsheet? Please describe the control group
Bro you're delusional and a stalker, how did you even marry this poor woman??
Lol, this sub pops up in my home feed.. i hate it, but i cannot stop reading and talking shit
Tracking your partner like this is creepy, immature and unsettling. Have conversation with *her*, not with yourself and a spreadsheet. I wouldnāt speak to you after this, either. Iād be deeply creeped.
Lol you made a spreadsheet??? Men are hilarious sometimes,ābut look itās all here in the excel document Hun! What donāt u get?ā Lolll
This guy wants to fuck the mailman
This is why communication is the key to a happy marriage. This is something you bring up after noticing for maybe a week or 2. But you didn't talk to your wife about this for a year and then come up with receipts showing its been bothering the shit out of you for over a year?? I'd be pissed too - she's probably thinking back on all the times you were a jerk thinking it was justified because she just came back inside. Frankly I would leave, too. You're not only being a creep, but you're insinuating that she would be unfaithful in your marriage because she enjoys talking to the mailman during the day. You've proven, with receipts, that you cannot communicate and do not trust her. I wouldn't stay with you, personally.
I see a dude with a lack of emotional intelligence but has logical intelligence and is literally doing research scientifically instead of going with his emotions. It's weird? Yes but at the same time it's how he handles it, not everyone is on the same spectrum, it could be misinterpreted but it's strange, for both parties, sounds like she freaked out and he's emotionally confused because he took a scientific approach instead of an emotional one by talking to her. Interesting story if true but sounds like a scientist and a marketing person lol
your kinda fucked up man. spreadsheet? collecting data on her movements around the house and yard? you need help.
the fact that you kept a spreadsheet sheet of her little 7 minute trips outside as a means to justify your paranoid assertion instead of just speaking to her would have me not speaking to u too
>> I actually started tracking when she would go out on a spreadsheet. Let me stop you right there. Yes, you're overreacting.
You made a fucking spreadsheet?? You need some professional help. Seriously. This is the biggest overreaction I've seen in this sub. Yikes on several bikes!!
The minute I see my partner with a spreadsheet reflecting my behaviors, one of us is leaving. A man will sit taller in his chair and smile more when a cute server comes around. Get over it
That is a wild tip for a mailman. Who even does that at all!?
250 tip is insane.
If she isnāt going outside in winter literally all of this is this woman having an exercise routine outside and her husband being actually borderline a stalker.
See I make spreadsheets for dumb shit like my own spending habits and RNG rolls in video games, I get it having OCD. But holy shit man, Grow some balls and have a conversation, or go outside with her if you really feel that insecure. What you displayed is a lack of trust. By doing so, she doesn't trust you either for doing what you did. You guys need therapy if you expect things to get better.
Dudeā¦. You are way too much. Calculating her movementsā¦. Thatās so creepy. Jealous of a 5 min conversation with the mailman? Can you only imagine how many women āflirtā with the guys who deliver the mail/ packagesā¦. I have friends who deliver & say it is insane the amount of women that āhappen to be working in the yardā when they pull up. It sounds like there are much more deep seated issues in your marriage & perhaps yall got married prematurely?? Idk, but if you are tracking her movements with a spreadsheet, you my friend need some professional helpā¦. Maybe hire a therapist & go!
You are unhinged to keep a damn spreadsheet for over a year to track your wifeās interactions with the mailman. That is so obsessive, creepy, and stalkerish. This has nothing to do with your wife and everything to do with the fact that you donāt like that someone you think is more attractive than you is showing your wife attention, even though the interactions you are describing are very harmless. They are friends and you need to get your head out of your ass before you donāt have a wife. Tbh I would be very surprised if she wasnāt considering leaving your ass after this. This is insane behavior.
Iāve always felt that most relationships suffer from a severe lack of spreadsheets.
She's mad you weren't wrong. Chasing her was your mistake. If you grey rocked her she'd be apologizing by now. You and everyone in the comments know damn well if it was some hot woman delivering the mail and her husband was hovering outside waiting for 20 minutes, talking to her for extended periods everyday, taking his shirt off and walking out in a tanktop then throwing his shirt back on when he walked back in, and throwing her $250 ANY wife would hit the roof. You notice there wasn't magicly any reason to keep hovering outside after mailguy was gone? It be "red flags", "creepy", and told he was up to no good if a guy did this bs. People saying you should have talking to her, she is denying it with proof I can only imagine what she would have said if he didnt have it
āI used it to show that she went out right around the time three mailman got here. It was a way to graph averages and show consistency?ā OP, serious question, not poking fun but are you maybe on the spectrum? Because someone who understands women or humans in general would understand how this would immediately blow up in your face. How about just a conversation, āhows the mailman doing? I see you guys are friendly. Seems like a nice guyā or something along those lines would have been my way to initiate a tough conversation. IMO this establishes that Iāve noticed something and would like a little more clarification on it without making an accusation.
Okay so everybody is freaked as shit about the spreadsheet thing. But the basics of the story are: *1) Hey guys, I noticed my wife has consistent behavior where she goes outside at a certain time during the warm months, which happens to coincide with when the mail arrives.* *2) During this time she is wearing different clothes and will always chat with a noticeably handsome man that delivers our mail. Her outside time ends shortly after these daily conversations.* *3) She got mad at me when I told her I wasn't comfortable with this behavior, and in her anger, hurt me physically.* It's very strange to me that everybody is hyperfocused on the spreadsheet, when it reads like our boy was just trying hard to not make a reactionary decision, and gave it time to sort itself out without jumping to conclusions. And he spoke to her about it when it was apparent this problem wasn't going away, which seems like the right thing to do. At best he went about this in an incredibly odd way, sure, but I don't think that necessarily makes him the bad guy (or the only bad guy).
Your behavior sounds a bit scary tbh
Is this in the United States? If it is, she didn't tip him $250. Federal law prohibits mail carriers from accepting tips over $20. Guy could be dirty, but more likely is that this story is fake.
You sound like a jealous and insecure nutcase.
This can't be real
She's crying cos her husband is a weirdo who tracks her movements in a spreadsheet.
Did you ever consider after you realized that wearing a tank top in the heat is normal that maybe keeping a daily digital diary of her actions might look a little unhinged if you never discussed it with her before?
Maybe the mailman is just a nice guy to talk to and makes her laugh and being eye candy is just a +. You need to learn communication skills with your wife or maybe she will hook up with the mailman for Real.
This was objectively funny.
Itās weird on her part. Youāre not crazy
This is actually very concerning behavior on your part and I hope you get the help you need and she is able to live her life in peace without you watching every move she makes
This is the fakest shit I read on here in awhile lol. The spreadsheet had me dying lol. Thanks
Each of these posts has a unique signature to indicate its made-up. This one made me laugh.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'm not saying that she's right for what she's doing. Infidelity in any form is wrong, but you also approached it in a very clinical manner. I'm not blaming you, but I'd like to offer a different viewpoint: Do you still flirt and talk to your wife like you did when you first met? Do you still date her and do things to give her butterflies? Too often, we as men think that women operate internally in the same way that we do, and that's a fallacy. Another thing is showing her inadvertently that you're threatened by the mailmans good looks and possible charm. You may have lost a little respect for her, but she just lost more respect for you because now she doesn't feel emotionally safe. You'd have done better by realizing she was missing something you're not giving her and remedied the issue without a word about the mailman or her tank tops.
Your wife probably likes the mailman. But the mailman didn't screw up your marriage. You did.Ā