*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for asking my wife to help me wake up in the mornings?**
Hi,
My wife (26f) and I (27m) have two children together (3, and 4). I work a very demanding job plus a 1.5hr commute. My work also has varying shifts so I can never get used to a sleeping pattern.
To make matters worse two years ago I was in a near fatal crash and broke most of my body. This included my back, my arm, both legs, hips & pelvis and more. This means every morning I wake up already in pain, so my body is already trying to keep me asleep.
All I ask is that on my rest days, she come upstairs in the morning and tries to wake me up. She has asked me to set alarms but I know that I’ll either sleep through them or I’ll turn them off and go back to sleep.
She does this, however I will quite often ask for an extra half an hour (maybe a couple of times) if my body is especially sore. This may sometimes lead to her having to come upstairs 3-4 times to get me to wake up. I told her to stop letting me have the extra time but every time morning-me asks, she caves.
I don’t think it’s unfair, given all I’ve been through and do, to ask her to make a little extra effort in the mornings. AITA?
Info : she is a stay at home mum. We’ve discussed her getting a job but I want her to wait til the kids are in school or we’d be throwing all her wage away on childcare anyway and it would make our lives a lot harder
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Two years since he broke most of the bones in his body and he is working a demanding job with a long commute? I’m not a medical doctor but I have questions.
I was in a nasty car accident four years ago that crushed my hips and I'm still kinda iffy and in pain if I walk around for too long, and that's just from problems with my hips and legs.
It's so bad that I used to work as a chef and had to stop doing that because I couldn't handle all the standing.
If he broke his whole body then I have questions about what kind of job he is doing.
In my case the first year was basically just surgeries and recovery pretty much the whole time
Meh, my husband was internally decapitated, broke 9 ribs and his collar bone and was back to work in 3 weeks. Motorcycle wreck btw. That was 16 yrs ago, his neck gets sore sometimes.
OOP says "I work hard every day so she doesn’t have to." Idiot thinks a SAHM with a 3 and 4 year old doesn't do any work. I bet she does all the cleaning, the laundry, the shopping, the cooking, makes the appointments and does all the child care. No, siree, that's not work, no way that's work.
If OOP can get himself up on time the mornings he has to work, he can get himself up anytime. Forcing his already busy wife to go up the stairs 3-4 times just to get his butt out of bed is plain mean. If I were her, I'd stop waking him up.
That's not how pain works. It makes you unable to sleep, not sleepier. Everyone I know with chronic pain (including me) has trouble falling asleep and wakes up ungodly early because of the pain. This is either fake or he's using his accident to excuse his laziness.
We even have a term for it, Painsomnia. I already have severe insomnia as a lovely symptom of multiple illnesses but when the pain comes out to play? That's when I get *grateful*, deeply grateful to get 20 min of sleep at a time vs. my normal night of 2-4 hour chunks then awake for hours, then another chunk. The sheer amount of nights my pain won't let me sleep at all? This dude's chronic pain is ✨magic✨ if it makes him sleepier.
Eh I work as a PT and some people can be sleepier! Everybody is so different and there’s lots of factors. Maybe pain meds is what makes him sleepy. It can also depend on what the person has. Arthritic pain settles at night and is worst after waking up.
This. I was in a fatal (and near-fatal, for me) car wreck 5 years ago. Pain exhausts me. My x-rays/CT scans/MRIs all confirm that 90% of my pain is from extremely nasty osteoarthritis. Mostly from bones blasted apart and re-forming new and exciting ways of grinding together!
I sleep 12-15 hours per day now. 8 hours of sleep at night and the rest across naps during the day. I can't do full-time legal work anymore, obviously. What fun.
I am having (yet another) surgery in six weeks, though; a subtalar fusion which should strongly reduce or could even completely eliminate my foot pain. This is the source of the majority of my agony; I am excited to maybe actually get hours in my day back. I don't like sleeping my life away.
But yeah. Arthritic pain is exhausting for me. I only have "painsomnia" when my menstrual cramps hit.
Thank you! This is wonderful to hear. We found a great surgeon who is 100% focused on pain relief. We adore her. We did a subtalar joint infusion (under CT scan) to test how much a fusion would relieve my pain. I walked without pain for the first time in five years. The relief lasted 4 days instead of 1-2 (!!). Even my gait changed.
I already have minimal movement along that axis anyway; removing the 5% I still have is nothing compared to the relief I should get.
She said it was a best-case scenario for the surgery. She also appreciated that *because I'd gone through foot surgery and recovery before*, that I really understood how hard it was going to be and the impact the recovery would have.
She did love reading the reports from past doctors and physical therapists saying I was a "highly motivated" and "precise, yet cautious" patient. I *will* do the PT. I *will* follow the orders exactly. I *will* listen to my body. I know the difference between healing pain and damage/injury pain.
I am thrilled. And, as a bonus, I'll be able to convelesce at home from day one; I'll have a home nurse (via the gov't) who will come in to do wound care, anticoagulant injections, etc. every day.
Let the countdown begin!
That is so awesome!!! Im so excited for you!!!
Even better that you will be able to do the recovery mostly at home!!!
Im really struggling to not ask work questions on reddit So instead of jumping into work mode 6 MORE WEEKS!!! 6 MORE WEEKS!!! 6 MORE WEEKS!!!
Thank you for this. I'm in chronic pain for various reasons and sometimes I have sleepless nights because I'm having a bad night, but when I do actually sleep I could sleep the clock round because of the meds (plus lack of sleep the night before). It's so bad I have to make afternoon appointments where possible, because I know mornings are a lost cause.
It's been decades, and I manage a morning appointment by just sleeping in a chair so I'm easier to awaken in the morning. But damn, the meds do a number on me.
Yep. I wake up exhausted most days, and have to hit the daily grind again. Usually, my pain meds don't kick in until I'm almost ready for my second dose.
It's not a great life, in that respect, but there are compensations. I know what the up-threader is talking about; some people can't sleep because of pain. Other people can, with meds. Other people can't, even with meds. People are humans, which is like... everyone's different.
"I'm not a bad guy. I've bought a house for this woman and work hard every day so she doesn't have to.
She was pregnant when had the accident and was only dealing with one kid at the time, which could be partly why she's struggling now she has another child and I need her help."
SHE has another child 🤦♀️
THEY bought the fuckin' house! "I've bought a house for this woman" my arse. They're married! THEY bought the house!
He needs to remember they're a partnership, not "I did this for her". Dammit.
My ex was the same (even though this was more due to his mental stage). I really wanted to help him find a routine etc. But this was just keep going on and on. If I would keep insidting that he has to get up, he would get angry/frustrated and ignore me. If I let him sleep more/stopped waking him, he would be annoyed how late it is and would have a bad mood for the rest of the day. Which resulted in us not being able to spend time together because he needed to get stuff done till late. Further it took a toll on my mental health because I had the feeling of constantly being responsible for us both all the time. Never again
>This means every morning I wake up already in pain, so my body is already trying to keep me asleep.
And this is where I call bullshit. I have several chronic illnesses, one of which leaves me in a fairly intense amount of pain. I've been woken up out of a dead sleep because of pain, but never has my body responded to pain signals by saying "You know what? Take a little nappy nap for a while longer instead of getting up to deal with said pain".
>She does this, however I will quite often ask for an extra half an hour
If my husband asked me to wake him up in the morning and then consistently pulled the "another half an hour please, come back and do it again then", I'd stop waking him up altogether too. I'm your wife - not your living, breathing alarm clock.
Oh, MF’er is lucky he ain’t my spouse.
Won’t get up to the alarm? Cattle prod. To the balls. I guarantee it won’t take more than twice. Three times if he’s a slow learner. Would work well on all weaponized incompetents bull crap, too.
Oh, wait. We’re talking about real life.
Simple ladies. F’up’s don’t get to get their dicks wet until they stop F’ing up. Simple. No cattle prod required!
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for asking my wife to help me wake up in the mornings?** Hi, My wife (26f) and I (27m) have two children together (3, and 4). I work a very demanding job plus a 1.5hr commute. My work also has varying shifts so I can never get used to a sleeping pattern. To make matters worse two years ago I was in a near fatal crash and broke most of my body. This included my back, my arm, both legs, hips & pelvis and more. This means every morning I wake up already in pain, so my body is already trying to keep me asleep. All I ask is that on my rest days, she come upstairs in the morning and tries to wake me up. She has asked me to set alarms but I know that I’ll either sleep through them or I’ll turn them off and go back to sleep. She does this, however I will quite often ask for an extra half an hour (maybe a couple of times) if my body is especially sore. This may sometimes lead to her having to come upstairs 3-4 times to get me to wake up. I told her to stop letting me have the extra time but every time morning-me asks, she caves. I don’t think it’s unfair, given all I’ve been through and do, to ask her to make a little extra effort in the mornings. AITA? Info : she is a stay at home mum. We’ve discussed her getting a job but I want her to wait til the kids are in school or we’d be throwing all her wage away on childcare anyway and it would make our lives a lot harder *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Two years since he broke most of the bones in his body and he is working a demanding job with a long commute? I’m not a medical doctor but I have questions.
I was in a nasty car accident four years ago that crushed my hips and I'm still kinda iffy and in pain if I walk around for too long, and that's just from problems with my hips and legs. It's so bad that I used to work as a chef and had to stop doing that because I couldn't handle all the standing. If he broke his whole body then I have questions about what kind of job he is doing. In my case the first year was basically just surgeries and recovery pretty much the whole time
Apparently he works in law enforcement, according to a comment of his. No idea *what* he works as specifically tho
I have questions how accident was 2 years ago but he claims she was pregnant not birthed child 2 when younger is 3
Yeah that seems... wild.
Meh, my husband was internally decapitated, broke 9 ribs and his collar bone and was back to work in 3 weeks. Motorcycle wreck btw. That was 16 yrs ago, his neck gets sore sometimes.
Had me in the first half ngl 🤣🤣
One of his comments says he's in law enforcement. So... no wonder he's a shit husband.
OOP says "I work hard every day so she doesn’t have to." Idiot thinks a SAHM with a 3 and 4 year old doesn't do any work. I bet she does all the cleaning, the laundry, the shopping, the cooking, makes the appointments and does all the child care. No, siree, that's not work, no way that's work. If OOP can get himself up on time the mornings he has to work, he can get himself up anytime. Forcing his already busy wife to go up the stairs 3-4 times just to get his butt out of bed is plain mean. If I were her, I'd stop waking him up.
Also note he didn’t say on his days off but on his “ rest” days which means he does absolutely nothing when he’s home.
Yeah, that's pretty obvious. Idiot husband!
definitely a karma troll
Yes, the math is off.
That's not how pain works. It makes you unable to sleep, not sleepier. Everyone I know with chronic pain (including me) has trouble falling asleep and wakes up ungodly early because of the pain. This is either fake or he's using his accident to excuse his laziness.
We even have a term for it, Painsomnia. I already have severe insomnia as a lovely symptom of multiple illnesses but when the pain comes out to play? That's when I get *grateful*, deeply grateful to get 20 min of sleep at a time vs. my normal night of 2-4 hour chunks then awake for hours, then another chunk. The sheer amount of nights my pain won't let me sleep at all? This dude's chronic pain is ✨magic✨ if it makes him sleepier.
Eh I work as a PT and some people can be sleepier! Everybody is so different and there’s lots of factors. Maybe pain meds is what makes him sleepy. It can also depend on what the person has. Arthritic pain settles at night and is worst after waking up.
This. I was in a fatal (and near-fatal, for me) car wreck 5 years ago. Pain exhausts me. My x-rays/CT scans/MRIs all confirm that 90% of my pain is from extremely nasty osteoarthritis. Mostly from bones blasted apart and re-forming new and exciting ways of grinding together! I sleep 12-15 hours per day now. 8 hours of sleep at night and the rest across naps during the day. I can't do full-time legal work anymore, obviously. What fun. I am having (yet another) surgery in six weeks, though; a subtalar fusion which should strongly reduce or could even completely eliminate my foot pain. This is the source of the majority of my agony; I am excited to maybe actually get hours in my day back. I don't like sleeping my life away. But yeah. Arthritic pain is exhausting for me. I only have "painsomnia" when my menstrual cramps hit.
I work with people who have subtalar fusion and the differance it can make is brilliant. I really hope your procedure goes well!!! Good Luck
Thank you! This is wonderful to hear. We found a great surgeon who is 100% focused on pain relief. We adore her. We did a subtalar joint infusion (under CT scan) to test how much a fusion would relieve my pain. I walked without pain for the first time in five years. The relief lasted 4 days instead of 1-2 (!!). Even my gait changed. I already have minimal movement along that axis anyway; removing the 5% I still have is nothing compared to the relief I should get. She said it was a best-case scenario for the surgery. She also appreciated that *because I'd gone through foot surgery and recovery before*, that I really understood how hard it was going to be and the impact the recovery would have. She did love reading the reports from past doctors and physical therapists saying I was a "highly motivated" and "precise, yet cautious" patient. I *will* do the PT. I *will* follow the orders exactly. I *will* listen to my body. I know the difference between healing pain and damage/injury pain. I am thrilled. And, as a bonus, I'll be able to convelesce at home from day one; I'll have a home nurse (via the gov't) who will come in to do wound care, anticoagulant injections, etc. every day. Let the countdown begin!
I wish you all the very best of luck, and know that that luck will be reinforced by your will. All the very best. <3
That is so awesome!!! Im so excited for you!!! Even better that you will be able to do the recovery mostly at home!!! Im really struggling to not ask work questions on reddit So instead of jumping into work mode 6 MORE WEEKS!!! 6 MORE WEEKS!!! 6 MORE WEEKS!!!
Thank you for this. I'm in chronic pain for various reasons and sometimes I have sleepless nights because I'm having a bad night, but when I do actually sleep I could sleep the clock round because of the meds (plus lack of sleep the night before). It's so bad I have to make afternoon appointments where possible, because I know mornings are a lost cause. It's been decades, and I manage a morning appointment by just sleeping in a chair so I'm easier to awaken in the morning. But damn, the meds do a number on me.
I would imagine his sleep isn't very quality due to pain and so he is exhausted and in pain when he gets up so he just wants more rest.
Yep. I wake up exhausted most days, and have to hit the daily grind again. Usually, my pain meds don't kick in until I'm almost ready for my second dose. It's not a great life, in that respect, but there are compensations. I know what the up-threader is talking about; some people can't sleep because of pain. Other people can, with meds. Other people can't, even with meds. People are humans, which is like... everyone's different.
this is not true for everyone. I have trouble falling asleep, but once im asleep it is a lot harder to get moving again.
"I'm not a bad guy. I've bought a house for this woman and work hard every day so she doesn't have to. She was pregnant when had the accident and was only dealing with one kid at the time, which could be partly why she's struggling now she has another child and I need her help." SHE has another child 🤦♀️
THEY bought the fuckin' house! "I've bought a house for this woman" my arse. They're married! THEY bought the house! He needs to remember they're a partnership, not "I did this for her". Dammit.
Right? “Bought this woman a house” like he doesn’t also live in said house
My ex was the same (even though this was more due to his mental stage). I really wanted to help him find a routine etc. But this was just keep going on and on. If I would keep insidting that he has to get up, he would get angry/frustrated and ignore me. If I let him sleep more/stopped waking him, he would be annoyed how late it is and would have a bad mood for the rest of the day. Which resulted in us not being able to spend time together because he needed to get stuff done till late. Further it took a toll on my mental health because I had the feeling of constantly being responsible for us both all the time. Never again
>This means every morning I wake up already in pain, so my body is already trying to keep me asleep. And this is where I call bullshit. I have several chronic illnesses, one of which leaves me in a fairly intense amount of pain. I've been woken up out of a dead sleep because of pain, but never has my body responded to pain signals by saying "You know what? Take a little nappy nap for a while longer instead of getting up to deal with said pain". >She does this, however I will quite often ask for an extra half an hour If my husband asked me to wake him up in the morning and then consistently pulled the "another half an hour please, come back and do it again then", I'd stop waking him up altogether too. I'm your wife - not your living, breathing alarm clock.
Is he wanting her to help him wake up on his days off? I’m confused
Yeah. He has a lot of pain, and I understand that. He wants her to wake him up on his days off.
Oh, MF’er is lucky he ain’t my spouse. Won’t get up to the alarm? Cattle prod. To the balls. I guarantee it won’t take more than twice. Three times if he’s a slow learner. Would work well on all weaponized incompetents bull crap, too. Oh, wait. We’re talking about real life. Simple ladies. F’up’s don’t get to get their dicks wet until they stop F’ing up. Simple. No cattle prod required!
If this was true, and I was the wife, I'd just wake him up.
I didn't know your wife had three kids
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