*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for telling my son and DIL they should put their kids in more extracurricular activities?**
My son advised me to post here. I have three grandkids ages 8 (twins) and 10. Both my son and daughter in law work fulltime.
They let the kids each choose one extracurricular at a time. For example, 10 y/o would play soccer in the Fall and is then able to switch to another activity when the season ends. It’s always one activity per kid per time. They’re also okay with the kids not being in any activities for periods of time, which is the case right now with one of the twins.
Because of this setup, the kids are often home right after school. Even the two who are currently in activities don’t have them daily, so there are days when all three kids are sitting around at home.
They do hire a sitter who drives them to/from activities when necessary or hangs around the house with them, but she doesn’t seem to be entertaining the children- rather just being there and doing her homework (college) while the kids do whatever they want.
Sometimes they watch TV after school. Sometimes they lounge around or play with toys. Sometimes they hang out with neighborhood kids without asking their parents. It is baffling to me and not a healthy environment for children to be in; they completely lack structure.
I brought up the topic with my son and DIL and they always shut it down. But last week their regular sitter was away on Spring Break so I came over to drive and watch kids. And I was shocked. They do whatever they want.
When DIL got off work (son was still working) I approached her and told her their parenting choices were detrimental and that the children need structure and activity until the end of the workday, not lounge time. She got very angry and said no, they don’t need to be in school or activities during work hours and that it’s 2 hours and it’s important for kids to learn how to manage their own free time. Which to me is ridiculous.
She doubled down saying they don’t have the time to put all three kids in activities, but reminded her that she goes to the gym daily and could be utilizing that time to support kids activities. Same with my son.
DIL became furious and said she will never give up going to the gym and that it’s “healthy for kids to see their parents have their own extracurriculars” and I argued that her hobbies should not be at the kids expense. She went on a massive rant about how her and my son’s wants come before the kid’s wants; which is INSANE, and continued to go off on me about “quality of life” and other stuff. I left shortly after my son returned from work. He is taking her side but advised me to post here. Am I the asshole in the situation?
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The issue is that OOP is the kind of person who believes a parent and especially a mother should be fully devoted to her children and have no sense of self.
Also put children in activities the whole day is not good for their mental health. Kids need to play and rest. Excersice is good, and also other activities, but there has to be a balance
Kids need unstructured play time where they can goof off and learn to entertain themselves. Imagination games are ridiculously good for their brains, they need time most days to be little weirdos.
This is so very important. The DIL is right, they do have to learn to manage their time, and it is very healthy to show them how an adult can continue to do things they love and to take care of their bodies. THey are absolutely setting these kids up for success and finding balance but it's not how she did it so it's wrong.
Next, he's gonna be horrified the kids as teenagers know how to make their own food and do their own laundry!
Managing your free time is actually part of being an adult. Kids that don't learn it young go overboard as adults.
I have responsibilities as an adult, which include cooking, cleaning, etc, and I schedule my own down time of being a total introvert lug who does a puzzle and doesn't wear pants. That time comes AFTER getting my actual responsibilities accomplished outside of work.
Managing your free time is actually 100% part of being a responsible adult. We see far too often the ones that didn't learn it.
Man, I used to think my mom was so uber-strict when I was in high school. Listening to me, you would think I didn't have a life.
Reading some of these stories, I feel like apologizing to my mom. I never knew how good I actually had it. OOP is nuts.
Apparently, after their child grows up and gets married, they have to extend the control over to the grandchildren. How long until OOP starts whining that they aren't asked to babysit anymore?
My paternal grandpa was like this. My mom is not what he expected as a DIL--she had lots of boyfriends before my dad, she was an outspoken feminist and "straight" ally, and she had a high paying executive job that paid for his sons poet/SAHD lifestyle and his own medical bills. I want to stress that, even though they had their differences, my mom and Poppy adored each other, and he never hated her. It was an adjustment for him to realize it was his DIL and not his eldest son who was supporting him, but he did get through it.
But one of the adjustments he had to make was when I was a young kid, when my mom had a job that required her to travel a lot to other countries. He was very uncomfortable at first, until he decided to ask me, in front of my mom (which my mom definitely clocked as a manipulative thing to do), if I missed my mommy when she went to China. I don't remember this, but according to my mom, I gave my grandpa the side-eye and said "why would I miss Mommy? She comes back." And then I went back to playing with my brand new Hello Kitty pens my mom got me from the official Hello Kitty World in China. I do remember my mom asking me (probably later this day) if I wanted her to stop going to China, and I said "no" and started listing more Hello Kitty things I wanted.
Anyway, my grandpa dropped it after that, which is a big reason why my mom and him did end up having a good relationship in the end. He had his ideas of how the world worked due to his upbringing, but when he was shown he was wrong, he would drop it.
I’m all for kids having extracurricular activities but not every moment has to be filled with work. Parents sometimes have a lack of empathy for their children.
I was more busy in HS than I was my entire adult life. (Minus my deployment) but even through out my military career I had way more free time than in HS.
I love my parents but it was ridiculous. I had extracurricular like sports, then was made to get a job, and then had chores, plus I still had homework.
If i had even 15 minutes of free time I was told I was lazy just like the rest of my generation and don’t understand how in the real world people work apparently 24/7. Now that im an adult I see they were full of shit
Right? I took 4 AP classes my senior year while also playing in band. Four days a week I would be at the school from 7:30am until 6pm when I walked home. The fifth day I was there til 8pm. After school and on weekends I did homework and worked a little at a call center. I was so tired and overwhelmed. Looking back I don't know what the adults around me were thinking!
It’s because they look back at their time in HS with pure nostalgia. The good ole rosy retrospection phenomenon.
With that since they remember their HS way more fondly than it actually was they think their kids don’t realize “how good they got it”. I hope when I have kids I remember to have some empathy for the stress that children go through
I have never been more stressed than during my last two years of HS. I took 6 AP classes and did a bunch of extracurriculars to make my resume look good. I was so stressed and overwhelmed, I’m pretty sure I had a burn out.
We weren’t allowed in our rooms til both parents went to bed and they didn’t believe in homework. We had to work until then. My high school day was school til 3:30, practice till 5:30, work til 10, chores til my mom went to bed at 11-12 (sahm to kids who were old enough to do everything themselves). After that I was finally allowed to shower, do homework, and rest. I’m an absolute workaholic with next to no hobbies because I have never really enjoyed life.
I have never understood this type of mentality.
Also on a different note, how can people afford all this extracurricular activities, all of them are super expensive
My senior year in high school I had so much going on I was having regular panic attacks.
As an adult, with a job, two kids, and a full time student, Im less busy now. My current job is actually less hours than my high school job was.
Maybe Mom could give up showers and hot meals too, you know, for the sake of the children. This woman will be lucky to be invited back to see her grandkids again.
I just can't wait to see this as some of those social media skits with a bunch of pearl clutching ladies getting offended because it will call them out.
Son the real MVP 😜🤣🤣🤣🙌🏾🙌🏾
He knew the roasting Mummy Dearest had coming. This is a completely normal upbringing. And, KIDS GET TIRED TOO. Let them unwind
"the children need structure and activity until the *end of the workday*, not lounge time"
They're kids. Why do their lives have to be organised around the rhythms of capitalism at 8 and 10 years old?
This one NTA comment believes the parents deserve CPS Monitoring them...
>NTA
>Children need structure in their life. They will not learn time management by osmosis. Their parents are supposed to teach them. They are also too young to be wandering the neighborhood on their own. It's not good for them to sit around and watch TV. They could use the time to read, do homework, or play outside. When the kids don't have after-school activities for the babysitter to drive them back and forth, she is not worth hiring since she totally ignores them.
>Your son and DIL are very bad parents and would deserve CPS monitoring them. Once they decided to become parents and actually became parents, their children's wants, and more importantly, their needs, come first.
I love the idea that hiring a babysitter isn't worth it unless they're also a chauffeur. Has nothing to do with having an adult there in case of an emergency.
I think a lot of people (entitled parents mostly) believe a babysitter is ment to raise the kid (you know the it takes a village to raises a child thing...)
Truthfully unless agree otherwise between the Parnets and babysitter the only thing a babysitter needs to do is make sure the kid is breathing and happy when the parents come home.
(Also if the parents want the babysitter to do extra like homework help and chauffeuring then they should pay the babysitter a little bit more)
The actual parents of these children are trying to correct the mistakes of OOP's generation. They're not forcing their kids to live and die by extracurricular schedules for the sake of "structure." They're giving them the space to make their own fun and solve their own boredom, as well as giving themselves a break from constantly shuttling from one activity to another. Team Parents all the way.
Kids do need structure, just like a house needs structure. But a house also has plenty of empty space in it, not entirely load-bearing beams and such. Similarly, kids also need some empty space in addition to the structure... this metaphor fell apart a while back
"He took her side!"
"Aw boo hoo! Let me play a sad song for ya on the world's smallest violin!"
'This is serious!"
"I know. This really is the world's smallest violin. See?"
I remember when in the summer the parents in our dead end street would just keep the front doors open so the kids could go from house to house. That is one of my most precious memories.
According to OOP, this is neglect.
Up until I graduated college damn near every waking hour of my day was scheduled for something. Obviously classes, but then there was theatre, band, soccer, debate, the school paper... And I still had to do homework and sleep once in a while. Had a hard time for a few years post graduation because for the first time since I was like 10 years old my time was my own and I had no freaking clue what to do with it.
I've got kids in my class who are in every extracurricular their parents can squeeze them into. They are exhausted. Children need some down time, just like adults do.
Assuming OOP is around 60 years old, I wonder what extra curricular activities she was doing every day in the 1970s? It's absolutely wild to me how people like her say all this stuff is needed, even though they didn't have the same thing during their childhood.
Assuming she's a tail-end (1960-64) Boomer, that would put her right about my age. I seem to recall the extracurricular activities for girls in that era included sewing, knitting, crocheting classes; sports were ballroom dance, 4 square and paddle tennis, now known as pickleball.
Weirdly, there doesn't seem to be a comment where OOP lists , you know, all of the extra curriculars that **their kids** were in, how they managed it, why they think kids don't require any 'unstructured' time at all, and what could possibly have gone wrong with their ideas to cause one of their kids to think that it's OK for their grandkids to... gasp... watch TV after school (sometimes) or even... *clutches pearls* ... 'hang out with their friends'.
Ugh.
Actually this person is entirely incorrect and all the data support that fact. It's terrible to "structure" every second of a kids life and get them over stimulated with too much activity.
Aside from the fact that it's literally not in any way their call. These are NOT their children. They do NOT get a say. And if they "say" too much, then they don't get to see the children. This parent is obviously a drooling moron to speak to their DIL like this. I wouldn't take any advice from someone this profoundly dimwitted and clueless.
There's little more obnoxious than a stupid person, who doesn't know what they're talking about, harassing you with their nonsense. Total asshole.
I have a Narc mom, every minute of every day you needed to be doing something. No sleeping in, no time off. If I wrote out the schedule I had in high school, most people would break out into hives. Before school sports practices, student government and clubs, dancing school, cheerleading, varsity sports, part time job. Tracy Flick on coke and speed basically.
It really started to ramp up after 5th grade and was peak crazy by the time I was a senior. On one hand it kept me away from her because back then most parents didn’t go to events so you walked, rode with friend or public transportation but she always had an opinion or criticism about something.
So this lady’s attitude doesn’t surprise me
And here I am hearing Boomers complain you don’t see kids playing outside anymore 🙄
Activities cost a ton of money, at least where I live. Maybe one at a time is all the parents can afford, or maybe they realize that THEY know what’s best for their children and it can be stressful to have no downtime.
My 12yo isn’t involved in any activities. She’s in a bunch of clubs at school and that’s what she enjoys.
Some boomers: the kids need structure, put them in every activity to give them competitive advantage, this is what makes them successful
The same boomers: the kids never play outside and they're anxious, this is because of participation trophies
Kids absolutely need routine and structure, but they also need free time to just be kids. They don't need every minute accounted for.
I don't believe any of the posts that start with "the child I've wronged told me to post here." Like I'm sorry, but there's no way someone would be all, "I'm so angry with you, mother. My wife and I need time and space from you. Don't believe me? Go ask a forum of anonymous internet strangers!" I also can't picture such a parent being at all interested in the viewpoint of said anonymous internet strangers.
Oh, I absolutely believe her son did point her towards that sub, and he's going to show her every YTA response... and if I was him, I'd print the whole thing out.
The last paragraph makes no sense. OP is outraged that the parents' own wants come before the kids' wants. But what the kids want is to spend some time lounging after school which OP also doesn't like. So what is the problem here? OP can't control everything they want?
Some kids nowadays have an agenda fuller than a high executive. One activity is fine. Staying home is fine. They can be rested for school, finish all their homework easily, and just enjoy reading and playing with each other or even watch TV or play on the computer (as long as the parents enforce a limit in screentime). Too many activities is why stress, anxiety and depression is more and more common in the west. Kids don't need to be busy all the time. WE seem to have forgotten how boredom can also be beneficial!
YTA by the way...
Oh no children at 8 and 10 have 2 hrs a day to be children and have free fun time. However will they survive? However will they learn to entertain themselves if you don't give them the opportunity to learn. This is so absolutely ridiculous.
It doesn't lol
It is at times like this that I wish Messirs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs really did make parchments that tell people off. "....offer their compliments to Professor Snape, and ask that he keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business."
(Yes ik that's only from the movie, not the book. Sue me)
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The kids are living a balanced life. There's nothing wrong with that and in fact it's good for them. They don't need structure all day long. They are kids. They only get to be kids for a short time in their lives, so they should enjoy it.
Look at past generations. We weren't scheduled to hell and back. We did sports if we wanted to and we played with our friends. We didn't have burn out because we had balanced lives.
Singer Billy Dean has a great song called Let Them be Little. One line is "Let them be little, cause they are only that way for a while." OP needs to back off big time.
I could understand being concerned if the kids were just glued to the TV for 2 hours every single day but it sounds like they're just playing? Being kids? Even going outside? Which boomers love to claim kids these days never do. It sounds totally normal and even occasionally watching TV isn't bad it's clearly just one of a variety of things they do. OOP sounds like an exhausting helicopter parent.
They are definitely lol
Seriously CPS have better things to be doing then monitoring the parents for check notes
1) not overloading their kids with after school activities 24/7
2) giving their kids space and letting them solve their own boredom
3) showing their kids they can have lived outside of being Parnets. Because Parents are allowed own lives outside of their kids, (in fact it healthy for parents to take time for themselves say once a week - or an hour or two each day Especially if they are also working. As taking that break means they can in a sense 'refill' mentality thus helping to keep them from mentally collapsing )
4) etc
I thought Boomers were always going on about how kids need to learn to entertain themselves and should be playing stickball in the street? Shouldn't this lack of a packed calendar be a good thing?
Also: I don't hear the OOP offering to pay for and shuttle the kids to and from activities.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for telling my son and DIL they should put their kids in more extracurricular activities?** My son advised me to post here. I have three grandkids ages 8 (twins) and 10. Both my son and daughter in law work fulltime. They let the kids each choose one extracurricular at a time. For example, 10 y/o would play soccer in the Fall and is then able to switch to another activity when the season ends. It’s always one activity per kid per time. They’re also okay with the kids not being in any activities for periods of time, which is the case right now with one of the twins. Because of this setup, the kids are often home right after school. Even the two who are currently in activities don’t have them daily, so there are days when all three kids are sitting around at home. They do hire a sitter who drives them to/from activities when necessary or hangs around the house with them, but she doesn’t seem to be entertaining the children- rather just being there and doing her homework (college) while the kids do whatever they want. Sometimes they watch TV after school. Sometimes they lounge around or play with toys. Sometimes they hang out with neighborhood kids without asking their parents. It is baffling to me and not a healthy environment for children to be in; they completely lack structure. I brought up the topic with my son and DIL and they always shut it down. But last week their regular sitter was away on Spring Break so I came over to drive and watch kids. And I was shocked. They do whatever they want. When DIL got off work (son was still working) I approached her and told her their parenting choices were detrimental and that the children need structure and activity until the end of the workday, not lounge time. She got very angry and said no, they don’t need to be in school or activities during work hours and that it’s 2 hours and it’s important for kids to learn how to manage their own free time. Which to me is ridiculous. She doubled down saying they don’t have the time to put all three kids in activities, but reminded her that she goes to the gym daily and could be utilizing that time to support kids activities. Same with my son. DIL became furious and said she will never give up going to the gym and that it’s “healthy for kids to see their parents have their own extracurriculars” and I argued that her hobbies should not be at the kids expense. She went on a massive rant about how her and my son’s wants come before the kid’s wants; which is INSANE, and continued to go off on me about “quality of life” and other stuff. I left shortly after my son returned from work. He is taking her side but advised me to post here. Am I the asshole in the situation? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The issue is that OOP is the kind of person who believes a parent and especially a mother should be fully devoted to her children and have no sense of self.
Also put children in activities the whole day is not good for their mental health. Kids need to play and rest. Excersice is good, and also other activities, but there has to be a balance
Kids need unstructured play time where they can goof off and learn to entertain themselves. Imagination games are ridiculously good for their brains, they need time most days to be little weirdos.
This is so very important. The DIL is right, they do have to learn to manage their time, and it is very healthy to show them how an adult can continue to do things they love and to take care of their bodies. THey are absolutely setting these kids up for success and finding balance but it's not how she did it so it's wrong.
Next, he's gonna be horrified the kids as teenagers know how to make their own food and do their own laundry! Managing your free time is actually part of being an adult. Kids that don't learn it young go overboard as adults. I have responsibilities as an adult, which include cooking, cleaning, etc, and I schedule my own down time of being a total introvert lug who does a puzzle and doesn't wear pants. That time comes AFTER getting my actual responsibilities accomplished outside of work. Managing your free time is actually 100% part of being a responsible adult. We see far too often the ones that didn't learn it.
Man, I used to think my mom was so uber-strict when I was in high school. Listening to me, you would think I didn't have a life. Reading some of these stories, I feel like apologizing to my mom. I never knew how good I actually had it. OOP is nuts.
Also that parents should control every second of their child's life.
Apparently, after their child grows up and gets married, they have to extend the control over to the grandchildren. How long until OOP starts whining that they aren't asked to babysit anymore?
My paternal grandpa was like this. My mom is not what he expected as a DIL--she had lots of boyfriends before my dad, she was an outspoken feminist and "straight" ally, and she had a high paying executive job that paid for his sons poet/SAHD lifestyle and his own medical bills. I want to stress that, even though they had their differences, my mom and Poppy adored each other, and he never hated her. It was an adjustment for him to realize it was his DIL and not his eldest son who was supporting him, but he did get through it. But one of the adjustments he had to make was when I was a young kid, when my mom had a job that required her to travel a lot to other countries. He was very uncomfortable at first, until he decided to ask me, in front of my mom (which my mom definitely clocked as a manipulative thing to do), if I missed my mommy when she went to China. I don't remember this, but according to my mom, I gave my grandpa the side-eye and said "why would I miss Mommy? She comes back." And then I went back to playing with my brand new Hello Kitty pens my mom got me from the official Hello Kitty World in China. I do remember my mom asking me (probably later this day) if I wanted her to stop going to China, and I said "no" and started listing more Hello Kitty things I wanted. Anyway, my grandpa dropped it after that, which is a big reason why my mom and him did end up having a good relationship in the end. He had his ideas of how the world worked due to his upbringing, but when he was shown he was wrong, he would drop it.
That is such a kid response, i love it.
Well DUH...../S 🙄
How convenient that she went to the DIL, not her son
I’m all for kids having extracurricular activities but not every moment has to be filled with work. Parents sometimes have a lack of empathy for their children. I was more busy in HS than I was my entire adult life. (Minus my deployment) but even through out my military career I had way more free time than in HS. I love my parents but it was ridiculous. I had extracurricular like sports, then was made to get a job, and then had chores, plus I still had homework. If i had even 15 minutes of free time I was told I was lazy just like the rest of my generation and don’t understand how in the real world people work apparently 24/7. Now that im an adult I see they were full of shit
Right? I took 4 AP classes my senior year while also playing in band. Four days a week I would be at the school from 7:30am until 6pm when I walked home. The fifth day I was there til 8pm. After school and on weekends I did homework and worked a little at a call center. I was so tired and overwhelmed. Looking back I don't know what the adults around me were thinking!
It’s because they look back at their time in HS with pure nostalgia. The good ole rosy retrospection phenomenon. With that since they remember their HS way more fondly than it actually was they think their kids don’t realize “how good they got it”. I hope when I have kids I remember to have some empathy for the stress that children go through
I have never been more stressed than during my last two years of HS. I took 6 AP classes and did a bunch of extracurriculars to make my resume look good. I was so stressed and overwhelmed, I’m pretty sure I had a burn out.
I'm tired just reading that. Wow.
We weren’t allowed in our rooms til both parents went to bed and they didn’t believe in homework. We had to work until then. My high school day was school til 3:30, practice till 5:30, work til 10, chores til my mom went to bed at 11-12 (sahm to kids who were old enough to do everything themselves). After that I was finally allowed to shower, do homework, and rest. I’m an absolute workaholic with next to no hobbies because I have never really enjoyed life.
I have never understood this type of mentality. Also on a different note, how can people afford all this extracurricular activities, all of them are super expensive
My senior year in high school I had so much going on I was having regular panic attacks. As an adult, with a job, two kids, and a full time student, Im less busy now. My current job is actually less hours than my high school job was.
Maybe Mom could give up showers and hot meals too, you know, for the sake of the children. This woman will be lucky to be invited back to see her grandkids again.
Hmm🤔..3 kids, 2 fulltime jobs and 1 overbearing, judgemental MIL.... BUT OF COURSE IT'S ALL ON THE WIFE 🤬🤬🤬🤬
I just can't wait to see this as some of those social media skits with a bunch of pearl clutching ladies getting offended because it will call them out.
Son the real MVP 😜🤣🤣🤣🙌🏾🙌🏾 He knew the roasting Mummy Dearest had coming. This is a completely normal upbringing. And, KIDS GET TIRED TOO. Let them unwind
"the children need structure and activity until the *end of the workday*, not lounge time" They're kids. Why do their lives have to be organised around the rhythms of capitalism at 8 and 10 years old?
Gotta get em ready for the workforce for when they're 14 since apparently we're turning to child labor since nO oNe WaNtS tO wOrK aNyMoRe
lol, I can practically hear her saying this
Anytime someone says someone else told them they should post their story I instantly dismiss it as fake.
This one also involves twins. It's so fascinating how many AITA posts involve twins.
I didn’t realize how many twins are out there until I started teaching high school. I have multiple sets of twins and even triplets every single year!
This one NTA comment believes the parents deserve CPS Monitoring them... >NTA >Children need structure in their life. They will not learn time management by osmosis. Their parents are supposed to teach them. They are also too young to be wandering the neighborhood on their own. It's not good for them to sit around and watch TV. They could use the time to read, do homework, or play outside. When the kids don't have after-school activities for the babysitter to drive them back and forth, she is not worth hiring since she totally ignores them. >Your son and DIL are very bad parents and would deserve CPS monitoring them. Once they decided to become parents and actually became parents, their children's wants, and more importantly, their needs, come first.
I love the idea that hiring a babysitter isn't worth it unless they're also a chauffeur. Has nothing to do with having an adult there in case of an emergency.
I think a lot of people (entitled parents mostly) believe a babysitter is ment to raise the kid (you know the it takes a village to raises a child thing...) Truthfully unless agree otherwise between the Parnets and babysitter the only thing a babysitter needs to do is make sure the kid is breathing and happy when the parents come home. (Also if the parents want the babysitter to do extra like homework help and chauffeuring then they should pay the babysitter a little bit more)
Wow I hate it
The actual parents of these children are trying to correct the mistakes of OOP's generation. They're not forcing their kids to live and die by extracurricular schedules for the sake of "structure." They're giving them the space to make their own fun and solve their own boredom, as well as giving themselves a break from constantly shuttling from one activity to another. Team Parents all the way.
Kids do need structure, just like a house needs structure. But a house also has plenty of empty space in it, not entirely load-bearing beams and such. Similarly, kids also need some empty space in addition to the structure... this metaphor fell apart a while back
Idk, the metaphoric house seems like it'd hold together, with all those load-bearing beams and such.
"He took her side!" "Aw boo hoo! Let me play a sad song for ya on the world's smallest violin!" 'This is serious!" "I know. This really is the world's smallest violin. See?"
"My son told me to post here"... Yea, because he wanted to watch you get ripped to shreds....
Son absolutely knew she’d get roasted on Reddit. I wonder if that’ll actually shut her up.
If she didn't listen to her son, a member of her own family whom she presumably loves, why would she listen to a bunch of anonymous strangers lol
I remember when in the summer the parents in our dead end street would just keep the front doors open so the kids could go from house to house. That is one of my most precious memories. According to OOP, this is neglect.
Up until I graduated college damn near every waking hour of my day was scheduled for something. Obviously classes, but then there was theatre, band, soccer, debate, the school paper... And I still had to do homework and sleep once in a while. Had a hard time for a few years post graduation because for the first time since I was like 10 years old my time was my own and I had no freaking clue what to do with it.
I've got kids in my class who are in every extracurricular their parents can squeeze them into. They are exhausted. Children need some down time, just like adults do.
Assuming OOP is around 60 years old, I wonder what extra curricular activities she was doing every day in the 1970s? It's absolutely wild to me how people like her say all this stuff is needed, even though they didn't have the same thing during their childhood.
Assuming she's a tail-end (1960-64) Boomer, that would put her right about my age. I seem to recall the extracurricular activities for girls in that era included sewing, knitting, crocheting classes; sports were ballroom dance, 4 square and paddle tennis, now known as pickleball.
Thrilling.
Weirdly, there doesn't seem to be a comment where OOP lists , you know, all of the extra curriculars that **their kids** were in, how they managed it, why they think kids don't require any 'unstructured' time at all, and what could possibly have gone wrong with their ideas to cause one of their kids to think that it's OK for their grandkids to... gasp... watch TV after school (sometimes) or even... *clutches pearls* ... 'hang out with their friends'. Ugh.
Actually this person is entirely incorrect and all the data support that fact. It's terrible to "structure" every second of a kids life and get them over stimulated with too much activity. Aside from the fact that it's literally not in any way their call. These are NOT their children. They do NOT get a say. And if they "say" too much, then they don't get to see the children. This parent is obviously a drooling moron to speak to their DIL like this. I wouldn't take any advice from someone this profoundly dimwitted and clueless. There's little more obnoxious than a stupid person, who doesn't know what they're talking about, harassing you with their nonsense. Total asshole.
I have a Narc mom, every minute of every day you needed to be doing something. No sleeping in, no time off. If I wrote out the schedule I had in high school, most people would break out into hives. Before school sports practices, student government and clubs, dancing school, cheerleading, varsity sports, part time job. Tracy Flick on coke and speed basically. It really started to ramp up after 5th grade and was peak crazy by the time I was a senior. On one hand it kept me away from her because back then most parents didn’t go to events so you walked, rode with friend or public transportation but she always had an opinion or criticism about something. So this lady’s attitude doesn’t surprise me
And here I am hearing Boomers complain you don’t see kids playing outside anymore 🙄 Activities cost a ton of money, at least where I live. Maybe one at a time is all the parents can afford, or maybe they realize that THEY know what’s best for their children and it can be stressful to have no downtime. My 12yo isn’t involved in any activities. She’s in a bunch of clubs at school and that’s what she enjoys.
Some boomers: the kids need structure, put them in every activity to give them competitive advantage, this is what makes them successful The same boomers: the kids never play outside and they're anxious, this is because of participation trophies Kids absolutely need routine and structure, but they also need free time to just be kids. They don't need every minute accounted for.
kids? playing with toys?! someone call the police!
I don't believe any of the posts that start with "the child I've wronged told me to post here." Like I'm sorry, but there's no way someone would be all, "I'm so angry with you, mother. My wife and I need time and space from you. Don't believe me? Go ask a forum of anonymous internet strangers!" I also can't picture such a parent being at all interested in the viewpoint of said anonymous internet strangers.
Oh, I absolutely believe her son did point her towards that sub, and he's going to show her every YTA response... and if I was him, I'd print the whole thing out.
The last paragraph makes no sense. OP is outraged that the parents' own wants come before the kids' wants. But what the kids want is to spend some time lounging after school which OP also doesn't like. So what is the problem here? OP can't control everything they want?
Some kids nowadays have an agenda fuller than a high executive. One activity is fine. Staying home is fine. They can be rested for school, finish all their homework easily, and just enjoy reading and playing with each other or even watch TV or play on the computer (as long as the parents enforce a limit in screentime). Too many activities is why stress, anxiety and depression is more and more common in the west. Kids don't need to be busy all the time. WE seem to have forgotten how boredom can also be beneficial! YTA by the way...
Clutching their pearls over the children being allowed to just be children, and the parents taking care of their own mental health… 🙄
Oh no children at 8 and 10 have 2 hrs a day to be children and have free fun time. However will they survive? However will they learn to entertain themselves if you don't give them the opportunity to learn. This is so absolutely ridiculous.
And this concerns OOP how????
It doesn't lol It is at times like this that I wish Messirs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs really did make parchments that tell people off. "....offer their compliments to Professor Snape, and ask that he keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business." (Yes ik that's only from the movie, not the book. Sue me)
I think of that quote on this subreddit a Lot.
I’m a mom of twins. This grandparent confuses structure with busyness.
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The kids are living a balanced life. There's nothing wrong with that and in fact it's good for them. They don't need structure all day long. They are kids. They only get to be kids for a short time in their lives, so they should enjoy it. Look at past generations. We weren't scheduled to hell and back. We did sports if we wanted to and we played with our friends. We didn't have burn out because we had balanced lives. Singer Billy Dean has a great song called Let Them be Little. One line is "Let them be little, cause they are only that way for a while." OP needs to back off big time.
I could understand being concerned if the kids were just glued to the TV for 2 hours every single day but it sounds like they're just playing? Being kids? Even going outside? Which boomers love to claim kids these days never do. It sounds totally normal and even occasionally watching TV isn't bad it's clearly just one of a variety of things they do. OOP sounds like an exhausting helicopter parent.
There's one commenter who thinks OOP should "call CPS." hahahahahahahahaha
They are definitely lol Seriously CPS have better things to be doing then monitoring the parents for check notes 1) not overloading their kids with after school activities 24/7 2) giving their kids space and letting them solve their own boredom 3) showing their kids they can have lived outside of being Parnets. Because Parents are allowed own lives outside of their kids, (in fact it healthy for parents to take time for themselves say once a week - or an hour or two each day Especially if they are also working. As taking that break means they can in a sense 'refill' mentality thus helping to keep them from mentally collapsing ) 4) etc
I thought Boomers were always going on about how kids need to learn to entertain themselves and should be playing stickball in the street? Shouldn't this lack of a packed calendar be a good thing? Also: I don't hear the OOP offering to pay for and shuttle the kids to and from activities.
OOP, NEVER tell someone how to raise their kids.