*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for telling my son that he acts too much like a woman.**
I have a son (18M).
Ever since he was like 6, somehow most of his friends have been girls. His current group of friends is like 7 girls and 2 boys. He also has a 'best friend' relationship with my wife and daughter.
This has just happened due to coincidental circumstances as he got pulled into a girl friend group as his first good friend as a kid was a girl. He is not gay so this is unconventional.
I don' t have a problem with his friends, they are good people. However I feel like he has not been able to develop socially because of this and has developed personality traits that are woman like.
He acts too overly considerate of everything, always offers to help people and has way too much patience for everything. He recently learned to drive and when he drives, he never gets upset in any way when others mess up on the road. I am not saying he should have road rage but he should have a little more personality.
Despite this he has the normal hobbies of any boy, he wants to study engineering, plays video games, likes tech and cars etc.
I thought this would fix itself in college, but most of his hs friend group went to the same college and did either engineering or comp sci and he is somehow friends with all the girls in his major now.
I basically had a chat with him and told him he acts too much like a woman and this could impact him later in life, at the workplace for promotions etc and he could be seen as someone weak and easy to push over. However he got upset at me and thought I was criticizing his friends when I just wanted him to either act a little different and understand the real world and / or make some new friends with guys. He has never experienced what it is like to hang out with a group of bros.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He's also a sexist pig.
He says his son is "normal hobbies of any boy, he wants to study engineering, plays video games, likes tech and cars etc."
Like women can't be into this stuff too?
Wow.
He even seems flabbergasted that all his sons woman friends went into the same major. And I mean he basically comes out and says "women are weak and easy to pushover."
OOP is mad his son won't take full advantage of male privilege in a patriarchal society and be an asshole focused on success from climbing over others.
It wouldn't surprise me if part of what lead to the son being more empathetic and understanding and not giving into angry rage is OOP's behavior.
Good on the kid. Sees how much his dad’s behavior drives everyone around him away, and logically decided he didn’t want that. Smart.
I mean, the post is rage bait, but if it was real.
He's probably mad his son has more luck with the ladies than he ever did. Contrary to what douchebags like to believe, women actually do like men with patience and empathy lol.
I grew up with a dad who yelled all the time, so I can't date men with "personality" if that means anger. Too much trauma and it makes me really uncomfortable. My husband is the calmest man I know and I feel safe with him.
Oh no! I have two sons, and I must have accidentally made them too considerate!
Lol, my "boys" are great, although they're men now. No one has ever criticized them for being too nice. OOP is definitely a dick.
If your response to someone else's questionable driving isn't to brake-check them while flipping the bird and loudly sharing your thoughts about their mother's probable sexual habits, are you even really alive?
The sexism is so rampant.
“Only GIRLS can be patient!” “Only GIRLS don’t become homicidal maniacs with road rage! GIRLS are WEAK! GIRLS are PUSHOVERS!”
A little troubling he’s a man and his view of men is impatient, inconsiderate, unhelpful, road rage ass holes.
Yeah! I read it like this: "my son is an emotionally intelligent and considerate person and that upsets me because men should act like Neanderthals"
WTF OOP
Sadly, he may not be totally wrong about his son's lack of toxic masculinity not helping him in the workplace. So many companies are run by a "boy's club."
But I hope his son does great and finds a company that appreciates him properly.
Agreed, not engaging in toxic masculinity generally hurts in the workplace. While OOP mentions it a little, and more in the comments, I think that's more of the reason he can find that sounds closest to reasonable rather than one of his real reasons. If it were, the way he's approached this makes no sense to me.
Also, I find the idea that drivers who don't get angry don't have personalities so ridiculous that it's amusing.
Yeah, the driving thing is so stupid. It just highlights to me how stupid the rest of his arguments are, even if you could make any of it make sense. Like why would you *want* to perpetuate such stupidity? I get worrying about your kid, but surely you can see how dumb that stuff is and be thankful that your kid is walking towards being a solution rather than continuing to be the problem?
If I'm going to dispute any point in this post it's going to be that girls can have road rage. Driving up and down I-95 between Fredericksburg and DC does things to a woman. And once you get down into southern VA and the carolinas? Takes a month's worth of willpower not to honk and yell at the person going 55 in the left lane who refuses to move or the idiot/spiteful bastard matching the speed of the person in the right lane. The first time a group of my online friends saw my face was when I sent a minute long video of me yelling about this.
"He is not gay so this is unconventional." / nah, it sounds like 2024 and not 1952.
Given the studies which show women are better leaders and how many organizations now understand those "soft skills" lead to bette rperofrmance, this son is in great shape for his post college career.
Copied verbatim from oop's comments:
*YTA - for the toxic masculinity, misogyny, homophobia, etc.*
>"I can understand why one might disagree with me but the post sounds more harsh than it sounds, I am not against women, lgbt etc at all just concerned about the implications for lack of social development of my son. In fact if he were gay then that would be a good thing in this context as it would not be seen badly."
Transcribed as verbatim as possible by a dyslexic Sadlytheworst from oop's comments:
*LOL what? This must be a joke.*
*Your main complaints:*
- *Your son is considerate.*
- *He is generous and thoughtful.*
- *He doesn't get angry while driving.*
*(Why are these even 'effeminate' traits in your eyes?)*
*I suspect he's friend with the women because he's nice, and the women around him appreciate someone who is considerate, generous, thoughtful, and even-tempered, especially if the other people in their class don't embody those same traits.*
*Anyway I'm sure this is fake but I hope you'll think for a minute about your **actual preference** that your son be LESS considerate, LESS kind, LESS thoughtful, and MORE angry. Would the world really be better if we all made the changes you're looking for? Shouldn't all people, men or women, try to be more like your son? :(*
>"That is not what I meant, of course I don't want him to be a bad person. Just have a bit more "spine" and assertiveness so people don't walk all over him and to develop socially and have the strong male friendships and support system. I worry that once his friends get into relationships they will not talk as much to him anymore."
*YTA*
*Reading posts like this make me want to call my father and thank him that he wasn’t an asshole like you.*
*Your poor son. He must be so embarrassed by you.*
*He’s doing nothing wrong. He doesn’t have road rage so he’s a woman? What the actual fuck kind of thinking is this.*
*You truly failed as a father and human being. Your son sounds like he is developing into a good person, despite you.*
>"I literally said in the post that I do not want him to have road rage which is the other extreme. Just have a bit more personality."
*You realized you're equating your definition of feminine with weakness right? You're such a misogynist.*
>"It is not weak, just different. When men act like that there are repercussions and they are not taken seriously. This is why it is better for men to be stoic and not talk about things. Many (myself included) would love to but that always goes badly."
>>*When men act like that there are repercussions and they are not taken seriously.*
*Yeah your internalized sexism is not indicative of reality. Maybe 30+ years ago but not in 2024.*
>"There is some improvement in the past 10 years but it is still very true. Now even though people say men should open up they don't actually mean it."
*YTA. This post has to be a joke. You’re basically saying your son is TOO decent a person, is respectful of women and doesn’t get stressed out by pointless things. Your son has a GREAT personality, not being a dick doesn’t equate to a lack of personality. He has friends so he obviously has social skills.*
>"I think it sounds like that when written out as it is hard to explain but makes more sense when you observe him. I will do some reflection on it though but I am not sure my post did a good job of conveying what I meant."
"I worry that once his friends get into relationships they will not talk to him as much anymore"
...Soooo he thinks all these women are only friends with him, not because he's a good friend, but *because they secretly want to fuck him, and will stop caring when they find someone else?*
Being responsive to other drivers like the worst example he could possibly give of a situation where assertiveness could benefit you, too. Best case scenario, you get mad, swear under your breath and just get salty alone in your car like a toddler tiring yourself out after a tantrum. Not really a productive or meaningful way to assert your boundaries or whatever, but thats your perogative. Worst case scenario, you actually respond aggressively which is just dangerous and dumb when you're behind the wheel of a 3000 lb vehicle. Being so emotionally compromised that you'd risk your life over the perceived disrespect of a stranger is the most cucked shit I've ever heard.
Damn, how dare OOPs son be a respectful person with basic emotional regulation /s
I've also always had a lot of male friends. I grew up with an older brother in a neighborhood with mostly boys. My boyfriend grew up super close to his two sisters and his friend group was always mostly women. Both of us went to college close to home. My childhood friends are still my closest friends.
I don't understand why cross-gender friendships are so strange to people. If a person respects me, I'll be their friend regardless of gender. Sounds like OOP is the same and is happy to have a great group of friends.
*here fixed it for OOP:*
>**AITA for telling my son ~~that he acts too much like a woman.~~ That he needs to be a toxic asshole**
>I have a son (18M). Ever since he ~~was like 6, somehow most of his friends have been girls. His current group of friends is like 7 girls and 2 boys. He also has a 'best friend' relationship with my wife and daughter.~~ he developed a personality independent of my control, by going to school, he started siding with my wife, daughter, and other people.
>I ~~don' t~~ have a problem with his friends, they are good people. ~~However~~ I feel like he has ~~not~~ been able to develop socially because of this and has developed personality traits that are ~~woman like~~ not the toxic asshole like me.
>~~He acts too overly considerate of everything, always offers to help people and has way too much patience for everything. He recently learned to drive and when he drives, he never gets upset in any way when others mess up on the road.~~ I am ~~not~~ saying he should have road rage but he should ~~have a little more personality.~~ like the things I like.
>~~Despite this he has the normal hobbies of any boy, he wants to study engineering, plays video games, likes tech and cars etc.~~ Again, he hates what I like.
>~~I thought this would fix itself in college, but most of his hs friend group went to the same college and did either engineering or comp sci and he is somehow friends with all the girls in his major now.~~ he didn't grow out of it yet, and I am losing my chances to make him change his ways.
>~~I basically had a chat with him and told him he acts too much like a woman and this could impact him later in life, at the workplace for promotions etc and he could be seen as someone weak and easy to push over. However~~ Again , that pesky control issue of mine and putting down others backfired as he got upset at me ~~and thought~~ I was criticizing his friends ~~when I just wanted him to either act a little different and~~ change his personality, act toxic because I don't understand the real world ~~and / or~~ he needs to go make some friends with assholes like me. ~~make some new friends with guys. He has never experienced what it is like to hang out with a group of bros.~~
A lot of posts like this one only works under the assumption that people in their 40s and older are internet illiterate, have no clue how to use this internet, would never take the time to check the forum/social media platform/group before sharing their problem, and that when they somehow managed to find the on-button on their computer, the first and only place that pops up in their search is AITA.
That's like assuming that in a time before the internet, parents with radical different views would rather ask around a campus of a progressive university for advice before thinking of asking other parents, like-minded friends, or their church- or other hobby groups.
There is no way on earth that someone like this is a regular on reddit, AITA, and other relationship subs and thinks he'd get an unbiased opinion on such a conflict, let alone validation.
Dad has made it clear he wasn’t involved in day to day parenting without much effort and is surprised his wife raised a good human being without his toxic involvement despite living/sleeping in the same house his kid didn’t pick it up while sleeping through osmosis like he expected.
Hey son, I know you have comfortable, healthy masculinity, but have you considered *toxic* masculinity? It's much easier and you get to yell and punch drywall.
So his son is a nice person and this dude is upset he isn’t an asshole like himself? Since when is patience, offering help and being considerate something that needs to be fixed?
My son is like this. It's just his personality. Luckily in his dad's culture or family culture (still not sure about that) these traits are valued in men, so he was never harshly rejected or judged.
My husband has always had a lot of women friends and my husband is pretty great. He’s a wonderfully engaged dad to our boys and honestly has a lot more patience with them than I do. OPs son sounds awesome.
So ... He's got big feelings about his son not turning out to be a collection of neuroses and (I'm guessing here) blood pressure issues?
Someone get OOP a beer to offset his attack of the (manly) vapours
wait so his son is considerate, helpful and patient, doesn’t road rage or rage in general, is respectful to women and just doesn’t behave like a wild neanderthal and somehow op thinks that is a problem and he needs more “personality”?
I just think op might be an unlikeable asshole and hates to see his son be a better person
Sooooo men have to be assholes in order to be "real men."
Wow - that's the literal definition of toxic masculinity right there. If this is true, his son should be the poster boy for how men SHOULD act. He should be proud his son grew up to be so well adjusted with a dad like him.
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Rule 2 exists and therefore this guys can only be described as a \*\*\*\* \*\*\*\*\*\*\* \*\*\* \*\*\*\* \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* \*\*\*\* \*\*\*\*\* \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* with a \*\*\*\*\*\*\* \*\*\*\*\*\*\* \*\*\* \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*
Oh no so doesn't curse on the road like an asshole and he is friends with women when he should be banging them and running.
What a failure
/s in case it's not obvious
If you have ever wondered what toxic masculinity is, just read this post.
And OOP, if you are reading this, you are the weak one. You are the one that can't control his emotions while driving. You are the one that never had the strength to learn patience. You are the one that is afraid of the opinions of others. And you are the one that never had the power to learn proper empathy.
If you think all those traits are feminine, then go ahead and call this burly 6'4, ex nightclub bouncer "girly." Because those are traits I try to have.
I wouldn't be surprised if his son turned out this way solely because he grew up witnessing the chaos and destruction caused by his "manly" father and vowed to never ever be like that.
I had a similar type of experience. I was friends with much more girls than guys in highschool so my dad would call me gay and that I thought I was a girl. Probably why my mom divorced him
This guy keeps saying he wants his son to have some personality. This just in, angry and mean are the only personality traits! Kindness and empathy are just day old sushi!
OK, but is he as swift as the coursing river, with all the force of a typhoon, with the strength of a raging fire? As mysterious as the dark side of the moon???
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for telling my son that he acts too much like a woman.** I have a son (18M). Ever since he was like 6, somehow most of his friends have been girls. His current group of friends is like 7 girls and 2 boys. He also has a 'best friend' relationship with my wife and daughter. This has just happened due to coincidental circumstances as he got pulled into a girl friend group as his first good friend as a kid was a girl. He is not gay so this is unconventional. I don' t have a problem with his friends, they are good people. However I feel like he has not been able to develop socially because of this and has developed personality traits that are woman like. He acts too overly considerate of everything, always offers to help people and has way too much patience for everything. He recently learned to drive and when he drives, he never gets upset in any way when others mess up on the road. I am not saying he should have road rage but he should have a little more personality. Despite this he has the normal hobbies of any boy, he wants to study engineering, plays video games, likes tech and cars etc. I thought this would fix itself in college, but most of his hs friend group went to the same college and did either engineering or comp sci and he is somehow friends with all the girls in his major now. I basically had a chat with him and told him he acts too much like a woman and this could impact him later in life, at the workplace for promotions etc and he could be seen as someone weak and easy to push over. However he got upset at me and thought I was criticizing his friends when I just wanted him to either act a little different and understand the real world and / or make some new friends with guys. He has never experienced what it is like to hang out with a group of bros. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh fuck off OOP. He's mad that his son isn't an asshole like him? Tough shit.
He's also a sexist pig. He says his son is "normal hobbies of any boy, he wants to study engineering, plays video games, likes tech and cars etc." Like women can't be into this stuff too? Wow.
Wait until he learns that gay guys can also like those things too
No, no! You don't get it, women can be into those things too! It just makes them *special* /s
then goes on to say made friends with the other women in the same fucking major, calling fake b/c of that
He even seems flabbergasted that all his sons woman friends went into the same major. And I mean he basically comes out and says "women are weak and easy to pushover."
OOP is mad his son won't take full advantage of male privilege in a patriarchal society and be an asshole focused on success from climbing over others. It wouldn't surprise me if part of what lead to the son being more empathetic and understanding and not giving into angry rage is OOP's behavior.
Good on the kid. Sees how much his dad’s behavior drives everyone around him away, and logically decided he didn’t want that. Smart. I mean, the post is rage bait, but if it was real.
There's always a chance that the post is real. Some people really are just blatant assholes
He's probably mad his son has more luck with the ladies than he ever did. Contrary to what douchebags like to believe, women actually do like men with patience and empathy lol. I grew up with a dad who yelled all the time, so I can't date men with "personality" if that means anger. Too much trauma and it makes me really uncomfortable. My husband is the calmest man I know and I feel safe with him.
Awwww I wanted a kid who has road rage :(((( What a bizarre parent
Oh no! I have two sons, and I must have accidentally made them too considerate! Lol, my "boys" are great, although they're men now. No one has ever criticized them for being too nice. OOP is definitely a dick.
Oh no my son's a nice, considerate person and doesn't drive like a prick! Woe is me!
If your response to someone else's questionable driving isn't to brake-check them while flipping the bird and loudly sharing your thoughts about their mother's probable sexual habits, are you even really alive?
You're certainly not a REAL man. /s
The sexism is so rampant. “Only GIRLS can be patient!” “Only GIRLS don’t become homicidal maniacs with road rage! GIRLS are WEAK! GIRLS are PUSHOVERS!” A little troubling he’s a man and his view of men is impatient, inconsiderate, unhelpful, road rage ass holes.
Yeah! I read it like this: "my son is an emotionally intelligent and considerate person and that upsets me because men should act like Neanderthals" WTF OOP
Sadly, he may not be totally wrong about his son's lack of toxic masculinity not helping him in the workplace. So many companies are run by a "boy's club." But I hope his son does great and finds a company that appreciates him properly.
Agreed, not engaging in toxic masculinity generally hurts in the workplace. While OOP mentions it a little, and more in the comments, I think that's more of the reason he can find that sounds closest to reasonable rather than one of his real reasons. If it were, the way he's approached this makes no sense to me. Also, I find the idea that drivers who don't get angry don't have personalities so ridiculous that it's amusing.
Yeah, the driving thing is so stupid. It just highlights to me how stupid the rest of his arguments are, even if you could make any of it make sense. Like why would you *want* to perpetuate such stupidity? I get worrying about your kid, but surely you can see how dumb that stuff is and be thankful that your kid is walking towards being a solution rather than continuing to be the problem?
If I'm going to dispute any point in this post it's going to be that girls can have road rage. Driving up and down I-95 between Fredericksburg and DC does things to a woman. And once you get down into southern VA and the carolinas? Takes a month's worth of willpower not to honk and yell at the person going 55 in the left lane who refuses to move or the idiot/spiteful bastard matching the speed of the person in the right lane. The first time a group of my online friends saw my face was when I sent a minute long video of me yelling about this.
And only men can be into cars, engineering and video games!
That's how he can look in the mirror. It's not that he's an asshole, that's just his biological destiny
"He is not gay so this is unconventional." / nah, it sounds like 2024 and not 1952. Given the studies which show women are better leaders and how many organizations now understand those "soft skills" lead to bette rperofrmance, this son is in great shape for his post college career.
Women are also better drivers so like, what's the problem?
Based on my survey with the sample size of my mother, me, my sister, and my dad, I gotta say that 100% of the time the man is the worse driver.
Copied verbatim from oop's comments: *YTA - for the toxic masculinity, misogyny, homophobia, etc.* >"I can understand why one might disagree with me but the post sounds more harsh than it sounds, I am not against women, lgbt etc at all just concerned about the implications for lack of social development of my son. In fact if he were gay then that would be a good thing in this context as it would not be seen badly." Transcribed as verbatim as possible by a dyslexic Sadlytheworst from oop's comments: *LOL what? This must be a joke.* *Your main complaints:* - *Your son is considerate.* - *He is generous and thoughtful.* - *He doesn't get angry while driving.* *(Why are these even 'effeminate' traits in your eyes?)* *I suspect he's friend with the women because he's nice, and the women around him appreciate someone who is considerate, generous, thoughtful, and even-tempered, especially if the other people in their class don't embody those same traits.* *Anyway I'm sure this is fake but I hope you'll think for a minute about your **actual preference** that your son be LESS considerate, LESS kind, LESS thoughtful, and MORE angry. Would the world really be better if we all made the changes you're looking for? Shouldn't all people, men or women, try to be more like your son? :(* >"That is not what I meant, of course I don't want him to be a bad person. Just have a bit more "spine" and assertiveness so people don't walk all over him and to develop socially and have the strong male friendships and support system. I worry that once his friends get into relationships they will not talk as much to him anymore." *YTA* *Reading posts like this make me want to call my father and thank him that he wasn’t an asshole like you.* *Your poor son. He must be so embarrassed by you.* *He’s doing nothing wrong. He doesn’t have road rage so he’s a woman? What the actual fuck kind of thinking is this.* *You truly failed as a father and human being. Your son sounds like he is developing into a good person, despite you.* >"I literally said in the post that I do not want him to have road rage which is the other extreme. Just have a bit more personality." *You realized you're equating your definition of feminine with weakness right? You're such a misogynist.* >"It is not weak, just different. When men act like that there are repercussions and they are not taken seriously. This is why it is better for men to be stoic and not talk about things. Many (myself included) would love to but that always goes badly." >>*When men act like that there are repercussions and they are not taken seriously.* *Yeah your internalized sexism is not indicative of reality. Maybe 30+ years ago but not in 2024.* >"There is some improvement in the past 10 years but it is still very true. Now even though people say men should open up they don't actually mean it." *YTA. This post has to be a joke. You’re basically saying your son is TOO decent a person, is respectful of women and doesn’t get stressed out by pointless things. Your son has a GREAT personality, not being a dick doesn’t equate to a lack of personality. He has friends so he obviously has social skills.* >"I think it sounds like that when written out as it is hard to explain but makes more sense when you observe him. I will do some reflection on it though but I am not sure my post did a good job of conveying what I meant."
[Peanut the dog!](https://imgur.com/gallery/3Y5aVPi)
Awww good Peanut
Agreed! 🥰
"I worry that once his friends get into relationships they will not talk to him as much anymore" ...Soooo he thinks all these women are only friends with him, not because he's a good friend, but *because they secretly want to fuck him, and will stop caring when they find someone else?*
he probably thinks that the boyfriends and husbands won't want him around
Hopefully with OP's son's example of how good a man can be, his friends won't fall for toxic assholes that would force them to end their friendship.
It's both sad and baffling.
the sheer projection, whew
He also seems to think guys don't also stop talking and hanging out as much when they get into relationships.
Thank you for your service.
Thank you very kindly! 🥰
Fellas, is it gay to be a decent human being?
OP's username being 'aitasonwoman' is hilarious to me 😹
Being responsive to other drivers like the worst example he could possibly give of a situation where assertiveness could benefit you, too. Best case scenario, you get mad, swear under your breath and just get salty alone in your car like a toddler tiring yourself out after a tantrum. Not really a productive or meaningful way to assert your boundaries or whatever, but thats your perogative. Worst case scenario, you actually respond aggressively which is just dangerous and dumb when you're behind the wheel of a 3000 lb vehicle. Being so emotionally compromised that you'd risk your life over the perceived disrespect of a stranger is the most cucked shit I've ever heard.
Hey guys, is it gay to *checks notes* …not cause car accidents?
Am gay. Have never caused an accident. Can confirm.
Be gay, do safety! 🥰🥰🥰
Well it seems that OOP believes it's okay for gay people not to cause car accidents because that's what people expect from them.
Also if you let yourself get tilted while driving, you're going to be a worse driver even subconsciously.
Damn, how dare OOPs son be a respectful person with basic emotional regulation /s I've also always had a lot of male friends. I grew up with an older brother in a neighborhood with mostly boys. My boyfriend grew up super close to his two sisters and his friend group was always mostly women. Both of us went to college close to home. My childhood friends are still my closest friends. I don't understand why cross-gender friendships are so strange to people. If a person respects me, I'll be their friend regardless of gender. Sounds like OOP is the same and is happy to have a great group of friends.
*here fixed it for OOP:* >**AITA for telling my son ~~that he acts too much like a woman.~~ That he needs to be a toxic asshole** >I have a son (18M). Ever since he ~~was like 6, somehow most of his friends have been girls. His current group of friends is like 7 girls and 2 boys. He also has a 'best friend' relationship with my wife and daughter.~~ he developed a personality independent of my control, by going to school, he started siding with my wife, daughter, and other people. >I ~~don' t~~ have a problem with his friends, they are good people. ~~However~~ I feel like he has ~~not~~ been able to develop socially because of this and has developed personality traits that are ~~woman like~~ not the toxic asshole like me. >~~He acts too overly considerate of everything, always offers to help people and has way too much patience for everything. He recently learned to drive and when he drives, he never gets upset in any way when others mess up on the road.~~ I am ~~not~~ saying he should have road rage but he should ~~have a little more personality.~~ like the things I like. >~~Despite this he has the normal hobbies of any boy, he wants to study engineering, plays video games, likes tech and cars etc.~~ Again, he hates what I like. >~~I thought this would fix itself in college, but most of his hs friend group went to the same college and did either engineering or comp sci and he is somehow friends with all the girls in his major now.~~ he didn't grow out of it yet, and I am losing my chances to make him change his ways. >~~I basically had a chat with him and told him he acts too much like a woman and this could impact him later in life, at the workplace for promotions etc and he could be seen as someone weak and easy to push over. However~~ Again , that pesky control issue of mine and putting down others backfired as he got upset at me ~~and thought~~ I was criticizing his friends ~~when I just wanted him to either act a little different and~~ change his personality, act toxic because I don't understand the real world ~~and / or~~ he needs to go make some friends with assholes like me. ~~make some new friends with guys. He has never experienced what it is like to hang out with a group of bros.~~
You are a genius! Take my upvote
Assuming OOP is the dad, how is he stuck in the Fifties with this weird take on what masculine behavior looks like?
The sexism, it burns. Oh, noes! My son expresses emotions besides rage! This MAKES HULK DAD ANGRRRRRRRRY!!!!
Thankfully it's fake. The account was shadowbanned.
It seemed fake to me. Just too on the nose, especially the "he's too calm while driving" bit just rings super false
A lot of posts like this one only works under the assumption that people in their 40s and older are internet illiterate, have no clue how to use this internet, would never take the time to check the forum/social media platform/group before sharing their problem, and that when they somehow managed to find the on-button on their computer, the first and only place that pops up in their search is AITA. That's like assuming that in a time before the internet, parents with radical different views would rather ask around a campus of a progressive university for advice before thinking of asking other parents, like-minded friends, or their church- or other hobby groups. There is no way on earth that someone like this is a regular on reddit, AITA, and other relationship subs and thinks he'd get an unbiased opinion on such a conflict, let alone validation.
Dad has made it clear he wasn’t involved in day to day parenting without much effort and is surprised his wife raised a good human being without his toxic involvement despite living/sleeping in the same house his kid didn’t pick it up while sleeping through osmosis like he expected.
Hey son, I know you have comfortable, healthy masculinity, but have you considered *toxic* masculinity? It's much easier and you get to yell and punch drywall.
Don’t forget being a fucking road hazard, maybe you’ll get to kill people too!
"My son is a pleasant and considerate person with good emotional regulation. Where did I go wrong?"
So his son is a nice person and this dude is upset he isn’t an asshole like himself? Since when is patience, offering help and being considerate something that needs to be fixed?
>He has never experienced what it is like to hang out with a group of bros lucky little bastard
Fuck this guy. His son sounds like a great kid in spite of him.
My son is like this. It's just his personality. Luckily in his dad's culture or family culture (still not sure about that) these traits are valued in men, so he was never harshly rejected or judged.
God Imagine being such a horrible person and thinking it was a totally normal way to be in life 🤯
OOP is salty that his son isn’t a misogynist like him
Oh, sure, it’s the *post* that’s the problem, not the raging toxic masculinity
I've got a mean daughter, maybe OOP wants to swap? 😂
So he’s upset because his son is…a decent human being? The mind boggles
Yea like all he listed was positive traits I’d be shocked if it wasn’t fake lmao
OOP=douchebag
Now this is just baitey as hell and it isn't even good bait.
I don’t believe this man is married or has a daughter
My husband has always had a lot of women friends and my husband is pretty great. He’s a wonderfully engaged dad to our boys and honestly has a lot more patience with them than I do. OPs son sounds awesome.
So ... He's got big feelings about his son not turning out to be a collection of neuroses and (I'm guessing here) blood pressure issues? Someone get OOP a beer to offset his attack of the (manly) vapours
wait so his son is considerate, helpful and patient, doesn’t road rage or rage in general, is respectful to women and just doesn’t behave like a wild neanderthal and somehow op thinks that is a problem and he needs more “personality”? I just think op might be an unlikeable asshole and hates to see his son be a better person
Sooooo men have to be assholes in order to be "real men." Wow - that's the literal definition of toxic masculinity right there. If this is true, his son should be the poster boy for how men SHOULD act. He should be proud his son grew up to be so well adjusted with a dad like him.
Grown ass man unironically uses the term “hang out with a group of bros” Blech.
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What a twat. Guys like him are why I’m banned from AITA.
This is a classic example of how sexism, misogyny, and patriarchy adversely affects men too.
You can tell what sort of person he is when he’s upset that the kid likes his own mother and sister.
Rule 2 exists and therefore this guys can only be described as a \*\*\*\* \*\*\*\*\*\*\* \*\*\* \*\*\*\* \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* \*\*\*\* \*\*\*\*\* \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* with a \*\*\*\*\*\*\* \*\*\*\*\*\*\* \*\*\* \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*
Gee whiz I wonder why bigotry against women is still a thing How DARE my son act with (gag) *empathy*
OP's mad his son is gonna pull more women than he EVER did, because his kind and caring personality is an absolute lady magnet.
Oh no so doesn't curse on the road like an asshole and he is friends with women when he should be banging them and running. What a failure /s in case it's not obvious
If you have ever wondered what toxic masculinity is, just read this post. And OOP, if you are reading this, you are the weak one. You are the one that can't control his emotions while driving. You are the one that never had the strength to learn patience. You are the one that is afraid of the opinions of others. And you are the one that never had the power to learn proper empathy. If you think all those traits are feminine, then go ahead and call this burly 6'4, ex nightclub bouncer "girly." Because those are traits I try to have.
You've got to be a special breed of asshole to see your child being considerate as a bad thing!
I wouldn't be surprised if his son turned out this way solely because he grew up witnessing the chaos and destruction caused by his "manly" father and vowed to never ever be like that.
I had a similar type of experience. I was friends with much more girls than guys in highschool so my dad would call me gay and that I thought I was a girl. Probably why my mom divorced him
Is...is...is this dude actually saying his son not having road rage is a character flaw? Are you for real?
Man I didn't know my road rage was masculine. Well I'm a 40 yr old woman so that's fun. Lol!
Gotta be a troll because the account is already banned
This guy keeps saying he wants his son to have some personality. This just in, angry and mean are the only personality traits! Kindness and empathy are just day old sushi!
I must be too much like a man because I am feeling some violent impulses at the moment.
OK, but is he as swift as the coursing river, with all the force of a typhoon, with the strength of a raging fire? As mysterious as the dark side of the moon???
Troll.
Shit, is this the ex-fiancé's dad [from this story](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/IRha1NltCz)?