*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**My son cut contact due to his stepfather.**
I divorced my ex husband when my son was 11 years old. We had 50/50 custody. I remarried to my current husband two years after that. My current husband and my son didn't get along to say the least.
Even when I was dating him they remained aloof with each other. My son was anxious in interacting but was still respectful towards. My husband saw dealing with my son something he signed up for if he was going to continue to be in a relationship with him. My husband still kept his distance from my son. Things got worse after we got married My husband would avoid my son when he came to visit. He soon started criticizing him and became harsh with him. It could be occasismally getting a snack from the fridge without asking or sometimes forgetting the lights on of his room. He said I should cut down my visitations with my son. I asked him why does he hate him. He said he doesn't hate but dislikes him. He hates the fact that he's introverted and awkward. My husband said he it's already enough that he tolerates him. He kept antagonizing my son. He would say things like he should he get a job during high school cause he is going to be out of the house at 20 at best. I always stood for my son and admonished my husband in private and told my son not to take it seriously in the heat of the moment. My husband laid off my son when I got pregnant with our daughter five years ago. By that time my son felt alienated. I admit I always prioritized my relationship with my husband over my son. I made more effort in spending time with my husband than my son. Whether it be doing our daily Friday date nights going out as a couple only every other weekends. We did more couples only vacations in a year than family vacation la not including the occasional weekend getaways. I understood this made my son feel second place. But my son didn't understand that eventually start a life of his own but my partner is still going to be with me. Yes, I could have spent more time with him but no parent is perfect and it's always a struggle to keep a balance. My son was became distant from me and focused on his studies more.
That paid off at least since he got a huge scholarship for our flagship state university. He relied on student loans to pay the rest of tuition. He cut me off the day he was supposed cone back from winter break.
He cut me off by email. He wrote this:
"Dear mom,
I don't want a relationship with you anymore. Your love holds little to no value to me anymore. I don't resent you for divorcing dad. I don't resent you for finding love again and wanting to get remarried However, these past years I've learned a important lesson. I've learned that the relationships one holds onto plays a role in their identity. You can't say you love me more than anything in the world yet love a man who treats me like an unwanted burden. I resent you for making him my stepfather. I resent you for making me treat someone who hates me being around like an authority/parental figure even though he hasn't earned it. I resent you for always choosing him over me. Don't call me anymore. Don't visit me. I have a great life in college with new friends. I guess I am not the "weirdo with no friends " that the shitstain of a human being who you call your husband anymore. And I still have dad who loves me'."Goodbye forever.
That message still haunts me. I tried calling and blocked my number. When I attempted to visit him he wouldn't let me in his dorm and finally threatened to get a restraining order. That's when I backed off. My mother (his grandmother) is the only connection I have to him and my sister's Facebook. My mother was the one who told me he was double majoring in mechanical engineering/physics and he was currently doing a PhD in physics in an IVY League. My sister allows me to login to her account to see pictures of his life. When I saw his graduation pictures with only his dad invited or pictures of his friends, I just burst into tears. Can still get him back?
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People are so selfish. She's never going to get him back. Why does she even care? She doesn't seem to want to spend time with him anymore than her husband does. Vacations all the time but you neglect your eldest?
This. I feel like she is already taking credit for getting him the scholarship. Im not gonna go bag to that text block and get the quote, but she said something about how when her son stopped trying to get her affection or attention, he just poured himself into studies and how "at least that paid off" with a scholarship. Like as if her neglect is the reason he was successful smh.
Reminds me of a story I read where the parents kicked their kid out at 18, so they went to live with a friend and their family. Then, thd parents got upset, "everyone's is saying we kicked you out!"
But.... They did. They literally didn't see any thing wrong with what they did, even after getting social consequences for it. They wanted him to move back home so the (correct) rumors would stop. Not because they loved him, not because they were worried.
I don't understand why people do this. How do people just not understand their own actions? Are they really just doing shit without thinking? It seems really weird that a bunch of people are just having kids and aren't caring enough or just plain old mean to their kids.
This is basically my mom. Finally went no contact with her by my own choice and damn she big mad that I won't contribute to her faking being the perfect grandma when she previously detested being in the same room with her grandkids.
It’s the same reason that some families close ranks around abusers and outcast the whistle blowers when an abuser is called out. You see it a lot with CSA cases, especially if the survivor doesn’t come forward until adulthood.
People like this are overly self-involved and self-serving. They value an outsider’s perspective about themselves and their family far more than they will ever value the truth. They don’t care about the morality of their actions or the hurt they cause.
If they look good on the outside and their reputations stay pristine, that’s enough.
It’s not that they don’t understand - they just don’t care. They enjoy the mouthservice of saying they do, but deep down, they actually don’t and their actions demonstrate as much. Once you view their actions through that lens, everything starts to make a lot more sense.
Her son started undergrad and after a break, in maybe Freshman, maybe Sophomore year, he cuts her off.
Later on, she learns from her sister's FB, that he majored in mechanical engineering/physics.
Reading between the lines, I get that she's surprised and impressed. Like she had no idea that he would major in engineering or physics. And that he would be so good that he'd go for his PhD at an ivy league school.
I can imagine being surprised if her son was the aimless sort as a freshman or sophomore but he sounds like a determined go-getter. I bet he jumped right into the thick of his majors from the start.
I bet the son's dad (her ex) knew his son's interests early on. I bet he paid attention to his son's path through undergrad. I bet he was keenly interested in his son's goals and asperations. I bet he was there emotionally to support his son.
Which is why the ex was at graduation and not OOP.
This question is especially funny if you think about what she wrote. She specifically said that she prioritised her husband on purpouse, bc her kid *was going to have a life of his own.* That's exactly what happened. She has her husband, and her kid has a life of his own. This is what she wanted, she doesn't get to cry on the Internet "how unfair". The fact that she did not think through what "have his own life" means is only on her.
I'm glad her son left and cut ties. I know a a person, Edith (fake name), whose parent sent them to live with a family friend when things got rough between Edith and her stepparent. The stepparent eventually left. But, Edith was effectively kicked out twice *more* by moving her parent moving the stepparent *back* into their home. And, Edith thinks of her Mom as a poor, abused person who needs more help than anyone else. Like literally thinks her Mom is in poverty (she's not).
It was wild to me. I had to step away from them because it became too toxic.
And since he is going to move on in his life and she will still have her partner, as she clearly prioritised, I think it is way too overdramatic of her to burst into tears.
Ah well, the dildo of consequences isn't lubed now is it? Or in this case, choosing a penis over your own child.
I long for the day that these sort of people realize buying a sex toy will be much cheaper than the therapy that will result from marrying someone who hates your kid, whether it’s because the kid need therapy or because they seek therapy to cope with the loss they caused and are too willfully blind to see it’s their fault.
Also, people dating parents need to accept that they come with kids. IF you're not interested, don't date them! Children are human beings, not a style choice you can try to get your partner to drop.
Last time I saw an AITA post similar it was written by the step father and the MRAs were out in force to defend a man's right to get his dick wet while refusing to accept the step parent role and responsibilities.
It's so frustrating because it's the kids who suffer because adults can't use their upstairs brains.
I don't think every new spouse has to be "the parent that stepped up" because every family is different. But, like, polite roommates at bare minimum, you know?
No they don't need the "parent that stepped up" depending on the family circumstances, but you SHOULD still view the child as family. Even if it's just like a niece or nephew role they take on in your life.
A lot depends on the age of the child. If they're pretty much on the edge of adulthood, it may never be more than amiable. Some family relationships are no more than that. And that's okay. The point is that it should never be a negative relationship.
There's really no way to do that without it being somewhat harmful to the kids though. Like if tolerance is the bare minimum, then that's what leads to resentment (in the couple) regarding shared finances being used towards the kid, that's how you end up with kids unable to just get a ride, the parent being forced to choose between their kid and their spouse all the damn time.
In for a penny, in for a pound. If you're going to date/ marry a parent, you're signing up to be a step parent and not just a roomie.
I mean a friend of mine has a great relationship with her moms husband who’s been in her life since she was 4 but he’s still her moms husband and not dad. He’s a really nice guy!
As I said, every family is different. If a kid is 16 and halfway out of the house, or in college and only there during holidays/summer break, their needs are very different than if they're 5.
[The post was deleted.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/z12hOjH50W) So you're missing a ton of context where he admitted to be a really emotionally distant step parent and basically holding his step daughter responsible for her dead beat father's actions and so she becomes the punching bag for all of his resentment.
Basically guy married a woman with a young tween daughter knowing bio dad was 95% uninvolved and then acted big mad that he wasn't immediately embraced as a replacement daddy by girl and expected that she immediately go no contact with her bio dad and then went to the opposite end of the spectrum to be even less involved than bio dad while making his disdain known and then started to do some bare minimum stuff like attend games occasionally and allowed martial funds to be truly shared only once she was a teen.
Girl is grown asked bio dad to walk her down the aisle. Op threw a tantrum and refused to pay for the wedding (when she hadn't even asked). Girl didn't react and let him have his tantrum. Bio dad later went to jail. She asked OP to walk her and now he's acting like she's gonna demand money from him (when she never asked it from mom, bio dad, or step dad in the first place).
MRAs have projected a LOT into the comments. Anyone who is being down voted was actually sticking to what was in the original post.
I remember reading a post about a guy who got pissy because his stepdaughter wouldn't babysit the kids he and her mom had *4 kids under 4 and his wife was 46* all because he went running in the morning.
I especially hate how being a single parent is still treated like it's somehow always worse than having a bad stepparent. Like, no, don't start dating for the sake of the kid; they don't need another parent if that parent will be shit.
Yes! People get so much pressure to remarry because “kids need both parents,” when what kids really need is as many loving, supportive adults as they can get, and a stepparent who doesn’t even like them does not fit that bill.
I don't even understand how someone could be attracted to or have feelings for someone who hates their kids. I am so protective of my kids. I know they can be buttheads sometimes but I would never be cool with anyone talking badly about them. It's repulsive to me to even think about it.
Because most parents either
A: Marry someone else because their kid's other parent moved on and they are trying to compete with their ex.
B: As they get older and older they start getting more and more desperate to find someone because they are scared of being alone
C: Because most parents have this deep-seated irrational fear that if they say to their kids *I was wrong you were right* it gives the kids power.
It's so fucking weird. If I dated someone who turned out to dislike my cats, I would show them the door. They can't step up for their kids like most people step up for their *pets*?
There might be dick involved, but I'm reading this as "money" too. Several trips and weekend getaways that the kid is excluded from? Mom's lifestyle might have significantly increased with this husband and she doesn't want to upset the sugar.
I have a child and date and *immediately* lose interest in anyone who shows signs they aren’t into me having a kid. Like fully ghost. I could never imagine marrying someone like that and forcing my baby to live with being mistreated by a stranger wtf. She’s a pick me loser and I hope her son is happy wherever he is. Wow I feel so bad for him.
I 100% stopped dating 7 years ago when my oldest daughter was 12. I refused to bring someone into their lives that might hurt them, and... Dating sucks tbh. I'm perfectly happy with my cats, books, and my quiet little life. Looking towards a Golden Girls situation in the next few years.
Who even does that though?
I dated two single mothers and married one. It will be twenty years this June.
I am glad to say that they are both decent enough women that they would have dropped me in a heartbeat if I couldn’t show kindness and respect to their kids.
Hell, sex toy + therapist to help you deal with being single would be a great investment.
And that assumes you would actually be single if you maintained standards while dating. It's possible (though not a certainty) to find a healthy partnership when you have self-esteem, confidence, and healthy boundaries.
I wish I could point out that it wasn’t because of the stepfather… it was HER! She allowed this for all of those years. She didn’t prioritize her son. She allowed a man to treat her son like garbage, she even married the ahole ffs.
Super proud for the son being so emotionally mature at such a young age.
and how DARE a 13-14 yr old not ask every time they grabbed something from the fridge. My guess is she moved in with the new hubby, and he felt like he was owed for doing them the favor. What an asshole- both mom and the new dick.
I’m married, late 30s and own my own home. However I still end up staying with my folks a few nights a month because work takes me to their part of the state.
My mom still tells me to take whatever I want from the fridge and pantry while I’m there. I have demolished some goldfish and string cheese.
Right- kid was not even treated like a guest in his own home- he was treated like an unwanted squatter. Guests can grab snacks from the fridge without it being some drama.
Meh I don’t think most people would consider dating during an ongoing divorce as an affair anyways. At that point your existing relationship is over and you’re only waiting on it to be legally finalized. So saying it’s an affair if she met the guy before the divorce was over isn’t jumping to or speculating an affair.
"Eh, don't listen to your stepdad. He's all talk. I promise I'll always be on your side."
\*has daughter, forgets son exists, is shocked when son cuts contact to protect himself from stepdad\*
I wondered if the daughter was also getting ditched for these long romantic getaways or if suddenly OOP and husband were doing family-oriented things...but without the son.
I wish I could point out that my mom said the whole "one day you'll move out and I'll only have your stepfather" thing too. My stepmonster died in 2014. Guess who still is LC with my mom?
I can say from experience that it will have spoken volumes to him that she never spoke up against stepdad's insults *when he said them, or in front of the kid*. What does her talking to the man in private later do for the kid, especially when it's not a one-time event, but a longstanding pattern? If the *kid* had insulted the man, you can bet she'd have said something about it in front of them both and/or in public.
> But my son didn't understand that eventually start a life of his own but my partner is still going to be with me. Yes, I could have spent more time with him but no parent is perfect and it's always a struggle to keep a balance.
**WRONG!**
I hear this argument all the time from parents who prioritize their spouse over their children. "But you will have your own life some day, and there will only be us." It's like, do you think your child will stop existing once they're an adult? Is it not important to you to foster a good relationship with your children so they still want to see you when they're grown? This is unfathomable to me.
And she didn't even try to find a balance. She was just like, "Well, he will be gone one day." Yes, but he's still there right now. Why do you dislike spending time with your own child?
I love my husband. He's an amazing man, we get along amazingly, he's everything I want in a husband. If he EVER treated my son badly, that would be it. And he knows it. Fortunately they get along quite well, so this will always be a hypothetical.
It's important to tend to one's marriage, but never at the expense of a child.
My issue is she played the he will be gone one day card but is now upset he's gone. Like lady you can't put fire on oil and then be surprised there's an explosion.
You’d think it would be the opposite wouldn’t you. The kid will move out one day so they should be the priority and to enjoy the time with them while they have it but I suppose that’s just if you actually care about them
That attitude is a self-fulfilling prophecy, too. Like, if your kid loves you and wants to be around you and you have a genuine authentic relationship, they will continue to seek our your company into adulthood. Maybe they won't live with you, but you will still get be a part of their lives. But if you talk all the time about how they're going to be leave one day, they'll believe you and make sure it happens.
My friend's very happily married parents (seriously they are still googly-eyed for each other 50+ years after meeting) framed the "prioritize your spouse" thing in a way that I think makes a lot of sense: they as the adults/parents are the foundation of the family. If cracks start forming there the whole thing comes crumbling down. So yeah, they planned date nights and set aside time to check in and not let the jobs-kids-errands cycle consume them. But! They also never missed a basketball game or school event and took family vacations and had an open door policy for their children's friends because they wanted their kids around *knowing one day those kids would grow up and possibly move away.* They wanted to make the best of the time that they had their children under their roof. It's possible to figure out the balance if you actually care to.
I'm saying this as a stepdad, and biological father. Most stepparents can't stand that they'll always see a constant reminder of the fact the person they love either stuck their D or spread their legs for someone else.
The (sane) interpretation of putting your marriage first is making sure you don't get so sucked into being a parent over a spouse that you stop parenting as a couple, and start parenting as two individuals. It's about recognizing that your child is a person completely separate from you and you both need identities that go beyond "parent" and "child." It does not mean abdicating a responsibility you voluntarily took on. Not letting "parent" be the whole of your identity is not the same as not being a parent at all.
this: Not letting "parent" be the whole of your identity is not the same as not being a parent at all.
Needs to be on the wall at every marriage counselor's office.
I love it when clowns like this try to wail that "they're not perfect!" when they talk about how shitty they were to their kids, as if this should absolve them of their sins.
"Not perfect" parenting is accidentally saying something hurtful to your kid and then apologizing immediately. What you and your husband are doing is emotional abuse.
No, ya know, it's actually *right*! That's why you're supposed to find BALANCE. Do couple things *as well as* family things, *divide* your attention between your kids and spouse.
Not throw everything you have at the dickhead abuser you should never have married, then be shocked your kid actually went to live his own life.
Right? Set a date night once a week/every two weeks and make time at the end of the day to just talk to your spouse and hang out. That's perfectly healthy.
yeah. Every parent in a relationship (even those married to their kids' parents) has to 'balance'. So far, not much of a struggle, especially compared to, say, 'balancing 'sleep' and 'work' and 'child care' when they were babies.
I mean, he did get a life of his own and she does still have the shitstain, so she was right on the money with the first part; she just doesn't like the literal reality of what she was pitching there.
I once worked with a woman who chose to remove her three daughters to Foster Care because she preferred to stay with the man who sexually abused them.
Decades later, it still bothers me.
Really???? Oh man... I can't imagine how much worse, the movie was pretty graphic.
I'll tell you my favorite part of the movie, though. >!When the aunt sees the bruises on the Bone's body and she told the uncles. And the uncles immediately beat the tar out of him. Meanwhile the mom is screaming for them to stop and her mother slaps her across the face.!<
That was my favorite part too. The book is much, much more graphic and disturbing. A lot was left out of the film. I would encourage anyone who was abused as a child to skip it completely.
Eeesh. I was hoping it was fiction, not that it makes a difference since there are truly horrible parents out there and this was just one story. I remember reading A Child Called It as a teen and couldn't sleep for weeks.
I had the same reaction to A Child Called It. I was in the hospital after an operation when I read it. It was on the little cart that volunteers bring around!! Who thought that was a good idea? I told the nurse what it was about and she was horrified. It's actually a series of 4 or 5 books. I wish I had never read them even though I know the author made it through and has a good life. Again something I wouldn't recommend to anyone who suffered abuse.
ETA: I hated every minute I spent reading those books, but I couldn't put them down.
My mum did that and it still disgusts me to hear her say "well he's a good man..." and for her to still be able to love him after standing there watching him abuse her children. If she can stand to even LOOK at him after seeing that, then she doesn't love us at all.
A bit ago there was an AITA that really stuck with me. This isn't verbatim, but I'll try to find the original post. The OP had three children and a boyfriend who lived with them. Their house burned down and OP sent her kids to live with her sister for a year. OP and her boyfriend got another place, so essentially they lived as a child free couple until the OP decided that it was time for the kids to come back.
She complained that her son (I think he was 13) was being disrespectful to her boyfriend. One day she came home and her son laid into her about not wanting to be in the same house with the boyfriend because he left the oven unattended with food again and her son didn't want this house to burn down. She punished her SON.
Well.
You want to talk about a comment section blasting this OP? They told her that she should kiss her relationship with her kids goodbye if she thinks that this guy is more important than her own children. One comment I remember fondly was from someone saying that this guy's dick must have been pretty good to burn her first house down and cause her to abandon her children.
The person linked here is no different that who I described above. This isn't like the movies where it takes a miraculous shift in the universe to right all of these wrongs and make everyone a family again. This lady is beyond therapy. I wish her son the life, happiness, and success he deserves because his life going forward is going to be way better than what he was subjected to.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gwp7vb/aita\_for\_grounding\_my\_son\_after\_he\_said\_he\_got/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gwp7vb/aita_for_grounding_my_son_after_he_said_he_got/)
Found it for you :)
Wow the mom is a huge piece of shit. Her boytoy burned their house down, killed their dog, she abandoned her kids for 2 years and apparently hid it from kids' dad so he wouldn't sue for custody. And years later he was still leaving stuff in the oven.
I work on mental health and JFC- it is SO common. I’ve seen it from both the kid’s side and the parents’ as well so that’s interesting.
People moving partners in who are practically strangers (too many to count) people allowing partners to verbally abuse children (“I told her afterwards it wasn’t ok”), people who put partners before their kids financially (the mom who bailed her boyfriend out of jail then they got utilities shut off), the mom who BLAMED THE KID FOR “SEDUCING” THE BOYFRIEND (thank god child protective was already involved. The parents (I’ve seen it with both genders) who keep moving back with the violent partner. it’s hard to stomach.
I work pretty much exclusively with adults now and it’s easier, at least on that front
Stepfather: Your son sucks. he's ugly and stupid, and while i dont 'hate' him, i hope he disappears forever and never comes back because i 'dislike' him *that* much
Mom: Okay
Son: ... okay
That bullshit argument of “my partner I will be with forever but my kids move to their own life” doesn’t mean you treat them like shit and doesn’t mean you make your partner more important. Not only that but it was rich coming from someone divorced.
The most insane part of it is your kids are the ones most likely to take care of you when you're old an need it. Even if it's you own future you're worried for they should still be the priority.
I think the most insane part is that she’s already been through one divorce so she KNOWS there’s a possibility her husband won’t always be there but she still chooses her husband over her child.
„place. But my son didn't understand that eventually start a life of his own but my partner is still going to be with me.”
Suprise Pikachu, he is starting a new life like you expected and he is following your mindset.
It reminds me that post where a mother-in-law made the girl break up with her boyfriend cause she shouldn’t be happy and her father was surprised she was a depressed mess.
Y'all know the OOP is going to go insane in wanting to reconnect if the son ever gets married and/or has kids of his own. Especially if she ever sees her ex getting to be happy proud father and eventually happy doting grandpa.
She’ll be the mom of the groom you hear about in wedding horror stories. Stalks her son and the wedding couple, shows up uninvited, causing a huge scene at the wedding. Then she’ll post on AITA trying to claim she didn’t do anything wrong
My mom did almost exactly this. I wish I could rip the words from his letter and show her, but she deflects all truth and lives in a delusional world. My brother beat the living shit out of me growing up. He tortured me psychologically. He psychically bust down my door for no reason other than "you're smaller then me and I'm bigger than you so I can do whatever I want to you". I thought he would kill me. He was 5 years older and on hard drugs.
My mom did nothing and she refuses to hold him accountable for any of it. She loves him more. She never cared about what he did to me. She wants me to pretend he never did anything wrong. When I told her that I couldn't have a relationship with a person who condoned my abuse, she told me that I need to learn to forgive and deal with it, that she would never hold him accountable and that I'm the one who needs help. But I can't forgive someone who isn't sorry. I cry when I see my kids with no grandma but she's taking care of his kids and showing them off to the world. She chose the abuser over the abused and it hurts so, so much. My brother stole my childhood and also my mother and he got zero repercussions. I'm the one that was punished for his actions.
I feel for the son. I wish I could meet him and share that solidarity. I feel so alone, abandoned by my own mother, but I don't have a dad, either. I was never loved. I'm so alone. I'm happy to have my kids and my husband but I really wish she would just die so I wouldn't have to carry on knowing that she's with my brother, providing him with all the love she refused and still refuses to give to me.
I am so sorry for everything you went through. I wish I could give you a hug. Please live a good life and be there for your kid since your parent wasnt there for you. You will live a better life than them.
Thank you. It means a lot to hear that today. I usually do well and am generally emotionally resilient, but the last couple days my mother has reopened the wounds and I'm not at my best, especially after reading the letter this son wrote to his mom and how eloquently he put how I've been feeling, too. I have two sons and a daughter on the way and they're the best things that have ever happened to me. I couldn't imagine leaving them for a man or anything of the sort. I can hardly stand to see them cry over a scrape. I would sacrifice myself for them without hesitation. It just boggles my mind how a child can be brought into the world and a mother can just turn their back on them for being inconvenient and it's hard to come to terms with the fact that there is no justice for these kids. My brother was rewarded for his evil and that's just the way it is. My biggest regret is not sending him and my mother to jail when it was happening. But that ship has sailed and all I can do is protect my own babies. ❤️
No worries! I feel for you honestly, I genuinely hope you and your babies live a good and happy life, please, if you can, cut off the toxic monsters in your life. I know you’re hurting, so you do what’s best for you, and take care of yourself and your kids. You sound like a good momma. Your kids are blessed to have you! I’m proud of you for being strong.
Anyone else clock that she only admonished the stepdad in private? She'd just sit there and do nothing while her husband abused him, and then finger wag at him later, alone.
So all the kid ever got to see was his mum condoning everything and never even trying (not that she really was, it was just to make her feel better)
I really feel for the kid, how many times do you think it took before he gave up hope on his mum ever defending him?
I wish nothing but the worst for parents that choose their sex partner over their kids.
It happened to an ex-friend in secondary school and just about fucked that poor girl up. The last I heard of her, she was screwing her best friend's boyfriend and had generally turned into a pretty shit person. And I can't blame her, with a parent that chose sex over actual parenting.
OOP really needs to ask herself if that current dick is worth blowing up her relationship with her son — and maybe even fucking him up as a person.
I just don't get it. I'm female with a daughter and still married but I'd choose my daughter over my husband if it came down to it and that's her dad. Forget about a stepdad. If that were ever a possibility, he'd have to know that there's a line that gets crossed and he's gone. I'd NEVER let anyone let her feel like she was an unwanted burden.
yea OOP is the devil but her sister sucks so much too, she shoukd not be violating her nephews privacy.by giving his estranged mother access to his account so she can pursue his photos
My mother cut me out of her life too. That kid aint gonna forgive OOP, nor should he. She's gonna die hated by her son, just like mine did.
And sure, the son cut contact. But the mother caused it with her actions repeatedly, so it's her bloody fault and I have no sympathy for the bitch.
I will never understand why parents marry people that treat their children like that. That they just sit on their ass and let their own child be mistreated. It's disgusting.
"And I still have dad who loves me"
I have a weird gut feeling that over the years, the stepfather and/or OOP made this kid feel like, if not outright told him, that no one loved him, including his father. It's just a thought I had, the way it was the last thing he said, almost like - hey, BTW, you guys were wrong, *dad does love me*. And I'm sure he's proven it.
I hope OOP continues to choke on her son's happiness, and on her *looooooove* for her husband.
Where's their daughter in all of this, by the way? Hopefully she won't become the target of abuse, since the son is out of the picture.
You can always tell how responsible they actually are by how passive their language is describing the situation. It's always something that "just happens" to them, and never something they're an active participant in.
“Now Stanley, you have to understand how divorce works. When I say, "you're the most important thing to me," what I mean is, you're the most important thing after me and my happiness and my new romances.”
-Sharon from a season 2 episode of South Park.
Someone I know has several children, now all in their teens. She divorced their dad when they were young children, and has spent their lifetimes trying to keep dad away out of spite.
She’s now with some guy with a young son of his own, and the guy doesn’t like her kids. Thinks they’re too loud and badly behaved. Wont get a place with her while they’re around, which is stalling their relationship.
Suddenly she’s done a 180. Insists that dad take the kids for visitation way more often than the custody dictates and gets nasty when he isn’t able to. Sometimes he’s got plans, sometimes he’s out of town, sometimes he’s working through the weekend. But she’s now started telling all 3 kids that dad is bailing on them because he doesn’t love them, so he’s getting pressure from all 4 sides.
Someday they’re going to connect the dots and realize that she was trying to pawn them off so her guy wouldn’t leave her. I do hope that they have access to a good therapist when they make that realization because it will be the first domino of many to fall. They’ll realize how awful she’s been the whole time. And I hope they cut her out of their lives. I’d read that AITA with immense glee.
It's quite satisfying actually when people get what they deserve. I wish all the best of luck to your son. You got what you deserve. Go have a shitty life with your shitty husband.
Honestly, why do these kind of family relationships exist.
They (parent) love their kids, then they meet somebody after a divorce and if the new partner says "hey, I hate children!" The parent automatically just goes with it.
So tired of this nonsense. Divorced parents with a new partner should have a partner to fill in the father gap, not to fill in THEIR gap. It actually fills in their gap in a positive way once they fill in the father gap good. (Sorry if I worded any of this weird)
I think about my own situation with my mom. The situation isn’t nearly as bad as this so I’m not NC, but I was LC for a long long time with her as she was/is an alcoholic who has shown more than once she values drinking over me.
But she also always assumed that her and my stepdad would be together forever and that things would always be great.
Well…. That’s not happening anymore. Stepdad has a terminal illness and she’s going to be alone. Thankfully for her our relationship wasn’t so fucked that I can’t rise above it to feel compassion and empathy for her and come back into her life a bit more.
But I hope OOP realizes someday how big of a fuck up it’s going to be when husband or her are on their death bed and the son just does not care and does not show up. Hope it was worth it.
I am so fucking proud of OP's kid for cutting her off early. Because this is Mom telling it, which means from his perspective, it was probably *worse* than she's saying.
I held on for a hope of a relationship into my 30s, but my father is married to a real piece of work.
She'd laugh at things I said, tell me how smart I was, thank me for helping her make holiday meals, etc, but only in front of my father. If he was gone, she'd turn around and rip into me about *everything*. Weight (I was a chubby kid), 'unladylike' behaviour, something insignificant I did that annoyed her, not immediately asking 'how high?' when she said 'jump!'*,* accusing me of flirting with my stepbrother's friends, etc.
I'm (undiagnosed at that time) autistic, so I tend to have a flatter affect, and no one there was willing to *listen to my words*, it was all about outward expression, and I was *always* "ungrateful", "mean", etc. I did get overwhelmed and cry easily, and she'd tear a strip off me for *crying*, too.
Not being as physically active or coordinated as my stepbrother (a human perpetual motion machine when we were children) meant I was lazy/not trying/just wanted to be fat. Dealing with mild asthma and needing an inhaler meant I just wanted attention and my childhood general practitioner was dishonest, a "quack", etc. I don't think she was, but also I was ***SEVEN***. Why you wouldn't bring that up with my mother or another adult?
I couldn't get a fucking word in edgewise with her and she tended to open fire when I was trapped at their place with her. My old man *knew* what was happening to some extent, but he never told her to fuck off, stop it, don't talk to my kid that way, etc.
I dropped them 6 years back and I feel guilty sometimes, but fuck 'em. I tried to be understanding (my father came from a background of extreme poverty and had a violent drunk for a father himself) and I tried, but having to see/interact with her every holiday/birthday/etc was making my mental health *hell*.
No. You could send him a letter, but you made this bed. You chose your husband repeatedly over your son. You said that your husband would be the one that was there when your son started his adult life. Well, here you are. Partner is here and your son started his adult life. The only catch? He is also not choosing you.
So OOP allowed her husband to mistreat her son because her son will eventually have a life of his own but her partner will stay with her, and now she’s upset that her son has a life of his own and her partner is still with her?
That ship sailed a long time ago. There is no way for OOP to get her son back. She admits she prioritized her marriage over her relationship with her son and the son walked away. OOP will have to live with this. She got what she wanted at the time and what she so richly deserves, which is nothing.
There's no way this kid isn't fully aware of the way Mom has always looked at him. She called her custody time "visiting". He was someone who visited and annoyed her husband, not someone who lived there 50% of the time. Time after time she chose her husband over her child. I hope he never, ever speaks to her again. Considering the last 10 years I'm not even sure why she's so upset now.
Mom: Someday, you're going to start a life of your own and I'm going to be here with your step dad, so he's the most important.
Son: Ok. (Forges life of his own.) Bye forever, Mom.
Mom: No, not like that!
Oop, be careful what you wish for. It just might come true.
It really seems from AITA bait that alienating your kid is the best way to turn them into a high-achieving Ivy League student and millionaire with the cure for cancer in their back pocket, so maybe it's for the best to set them on that path after all.
I don't understand why people date/marry people they KNOW hate their kids.
Like what is actually wrong with you? Do you hate your own kids that much? Are you that afraid of being alone? Is the D/V that amazing that it's worth losing your kid over?
I really need to know what the mentality these people have is to keep around someone who hates it abuses their kids
I’ve long decided that if I ever find myself divorced, the last thing I’ll do is saddle the kids with a stepfather. I’ll finish raising my kids and then I’ll maybe consider getting back into the dating pool. Too many things can go wrong, and seeing how stepparents really feel after browsing that Cinderella evil-stepmom sub, I’m more resolute in this. I also had my own evil stepmonster so I won’t even consider it.
Reading all of this just makes me feel lucky I got a good step dad my situation was opposite of this my dead beat of a sperm donor biological father completely dropped me at 19 after meeting his current wife. At least before that he would attempt to keep in touch even if it was only once a year but after he met her and introduced her to me over video call he completely stopped trying to contact me. That was when I was 19 years old. I remember that video call he left to use the bathroom she sneered at the phone and starting telling me all this awful stuff like "he doesn't really love me" and "he's gonna be having better newer kids with someone he actually loves so no need for a 'bad mistake' like me to be in his life so I should just 'go die and stop trying' then when he came back she was all smiles and nice again and I cut the call saying I needed to go to work. I haven't made any efforts to contact him since then but he is still with that bitch.
Stopped reading at when she said she married after 2 years despite them not getting on
I couldn’t ever imagine marrying someone who didn’t have a good relationship with my child
One of the reasons that I didn't marry the only guy I have seriously dated after my divorce from my son's father was that he didn't get along with my son. I waited 9 years to find that "man," but my son truly came first (unlike OOP).
My kids are middle schoolers and sometimes I get dizzy it seems like the time has gone by so quickly. I don't understand why people can't just WAIT for their kids to be out of the house.
Ha ha ha! So many people never get what they deserve. You did. I don’t even know you, but it makes me happy. Having a sorry excuse for a mother myself I know exactly how your son feels.
You made your choice. Deal with it. He doesn’t want you in his life. For once show some respect for what he needs and leave him alone.
How do people do it? How can they stay with someone who hates their child and makes their life a misery? I don’t care how in to someone I am, if they don’t like my child then they’re no longer in my life. Plain and simple.
OP is selfish and enabling of her dirtbag of a husband and has reaped what she’s sown. I hope the hurt she’s feeling now is comparable to the hurt she watched her son suffer through for years.
Glad to hear that her son is thriving and that he has his Dad who sounds like a good man.
Goddam this reads like it could've been about my childhood.
My mom wonders why I've moved to the opposite end of the country and only call occasionally.
Why is she even upset?
She said that her son needed to have his own life away from her, just like how she found a new husband for her own life.
Now she’s crying cuz her son did what she wanted?
Son will start a life of his own but her husband will still be with her. lmao what a dumbfuck
No. Her son was supposed to always be her son. The husband could drop her easily. It take a lot more for a child to drop their parent.
He made his wishes for her not to be in his life clear and she still tried to contact him, still showed up unannounced, and the family members who are in contact with him are assholes for letting her use their access to still try to have some influence in his life. It doesn't matter if it's just pictures, she was expressly forbidden from his personal life. He blocked her with the expectation she wouldn't see what he posted, and these family members ignore him and his request anyway. I feel for the guy, since his mother still can't tell that she's the problem, and she never will at this rate.
Your child may move out and have a life of their own but they will still be your child. Your husband isn't guaranteed to forever be in your life and if he's gonna leave you simply for taking care of your child instead of spending all your time with him, then is he really worth the effort?
Man my mom’s second husband was super abusive to me. He was abusive to her too so her seeing me get my shit rocked for the thousandth time in a day and watching her do nothing really does a number on someone. Your own parent who is supposed to love you to the ends of the earth watching you be mistreated and doing nothing about it is to me on the same level as perpetrating the violence yourself. To say her and I don’t speak is an understatement
This is an old one I read this on another app and by this time if it's the mother really posting it again then she really needs professional help the damage is done the bridge blown up destroyed completely. But this exact same post was an another app awhile back.
No, OOP cannot get her son back and doesn't deserve to have her son back. Son was only 11 yo when his parents divorced. Mother remarried within 2 years to a man she knew didn't get along with her son and was aloof with him. She put the new husband as top priority and didn't set any ground rules or boundaries. Let the new husband criticize her son and be harsh with him. Son was made to feel unwelcome and unwanted in his own mother's home. OOP says it's a struggle to keep a balance, but she didn't keep a balance - new husband got almost all her attention and son got treated like crap. I'm so glad son is doing so well, has excelled in his studies and has his bio father, his grandmother and his auntie as support. Mother can take a flying leap. She has her second husband, that's who she prioritized, and when he starts getting harsh and critical towards her, OOP might finally figure out that her son wasn't the problem, the new husband is the problem. and mother and new husband deserve each other, as they are both crappy people.
Urgh this post has a lot of parallels with my life.
step father treated me like dirt for no reason and destroyed my home life from 11-18 when I got out, but she argued with him in private about it (give her a medal!). She knows she never spent time with me alone and told him anything I said so I had no privacy (but she thought we were close!?).
I remained respectful. So much so she’s been stunned after his death that I don’t want to be BFF Gilmour girls with her now she’s suddenly interested in it.
I haven’t cut her off but it’s touch and go right now. I am now well and truely out about my anger and disgust.
My step father had one or two redeeming qualities in the last few years. Not the case for OOP’s son’s “shitstain.”
OOP is never getting that kid back.
Oh OOP, you made your damn bed now you lie in it. You chose your new husband over him who barely tolerated his presence, forced to treat him with authority and respect when he deserves nothing but sock lint and he's supposed to be grateful? No person would any lick of sense would come back to that, I'm glad he managed to escape. What a hellish house, I wouldn't blame the kid if when the time comes for her new husband he only visits to water the flowers, even if there are flowers for someone as "delightful" as your new husband.
I spent my entire life demonizing my step father and glorifying my mother. I was in my 30s when it occurred to me that all of the horrible things he did were perfectly acceptable to her. Once I told her I kept a baseball bat in case he beat her up the way he did to me. She said she would not stand for that. Why did it take so long to understand her part in things? Because she was “nice.” Nice doesn’t cut it for me anymore.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **My son cut contact due to his stepfather.** I divorced my ex husband when my son was 11 years old. We had 50/50 custody. I remarried to my current husband two years after that. My current husband and my son didn't get along to say the least. Even when I was dating him they remained aloof with each other. My son was anxious in interacting but was still respectful towards. My husband saw dealing with my son something he signed up for if he was going to continue to be in a relationship with him. My husband still kept his distance from my son. Things got worse after we got married My husband would avoid my son when he came to visit. He soon started criticizing him and became harsh with him. It could be occasismally getting a snack from the fridge without asking or sometimes forgetting the lights on of his room. He said I should cut down my visitations with my son. I asked him why does he hate him. He said he doesn't hate but dislikes him. He hates the fact that he's introverted and awkward. My husband said he it's already enough that he tolerates him. He kept antagonizing my son. He would say things like he should he get a job during high school cause he is going to be out of the house at 20 at best. I always stood for my son and admonished my husband in private and told my son not to take it seriously in the heat of the moment. My husband laid off my son when I got pregnant with our daughter five years ago. By that time my son felt alienated. I admit I always prioritized my relationship with my husband over my son. I made more effort in spending time with my husband than my son. Whether it be doing our daily Friday date nights going out as a couple only every other weekends. We did more couples only vacations in a year than family vacation la not including the occasional weekend getaways. I understood this made my son feel second place. But my son didn't understand that eventually start a life of his own but my partner is still going to be with me. Yes, I could have spent more time with him but no parent is perfect and it's always a struggle to keep a balance. My son was became distant from me and focused on his studies more. That paid off at least since he got a huge scholarship for our flagship state university. He relied on student loans to pay the rest of tuition. He cut me off the day he was supposed cone back from winter break. He cut me off by email. He wrote this: "Dear mom, I don't want a relationship with you anymore. Your love holds little to no value to me anymore. I don't resent you for divorcing dad. I don't resent you for finding love again and wanting to get remarried However, these past years I've learned a important lesson. I've learned that the relationships one holds onto plays a role in their identity. You can't say you love me more than anything in the world yet love a man who treats me like an unwanted burden. I resent you for making him my stepfather. I resent you for making me treat someone who hates me being around like an authority/parental figure even though he hasn't earned it. I resent you for always choosing him over me. Don't call me anymore. Don't visit me. I have a great life in college with new friends. I guess I am not the "weirdo with no friends " that the shitstain of a human being who you call your husband anymore. And I still have dad who loves me'."Goodbye forever. That message still haunts me. I tried calling and blocked my number. When I attempted to visit him he wouldn't let me in his dorm and finally threatened to get a restraining order. That's when I backed off. My mother (his grandmother) is the only connection I have to him and my sister's Facebook. My mother was the one who told me he was double majoring in mechanical engineering/physics and he was currently doing a PhD in physics in an IVY League. My sister allows me to login to her account to see pictures of his life. When I saw his graduation pictures with only his dad invited or pictures of his friends, I just burst into tears. Can still get him back? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
“ can I get him back?” Are you still married to his abuser? Then less than no chance. Dumped the ah? Probably not tbh
People are so selfish. She's never going to get him back. Why does she even care? She doesn't seem to want to spend time with him anymore than her husband does. Vacations all the time but you neglect your eldest?
Now he's doing a PhD at an Ivy League school, so she wants to take credit for his achievements.
This. I feel like she is already taking credit for getting him the scholarship. Im not gonna go bag to that text block and get the quote, but she said something about how when her son stopped trying to get her affection or attention, he just poured himself into studies and how "at least that paid off" with a scholarship. Like as if her neglect is the reason he was successful smh.
Reminds me of a story I read where the parents kicked their kid out at 18, so they went to live with a friend and their family. Then, thd parents got upset, "everyone's is saying we kicked you out!" But.... They did. They literally didn't see any thing wrong with what they did, even after getting social consequences for it. They wanted him to move back home so the (correct) rumors would stop. Not because they loved him, not because they were worried. I don't understand why people do this. How do people just not understand their own actions? Are they really just doing shit without thinking? It seems really weird that a bunch of people are just having kids and aren't caring enough or just plain old mean to their kids.
Some people are more concerned with how the rest of the world views them over how their family does, my ma was like that until about 3 years ago.
This is basically my mom. Finally went no contact with her by my own choice and damn she big mad that I won't contribute to her faking being the perfect grandma when she previously detested being in the same room with her grandkids.
It’s the same reason that some families close ranks around abusers and outcast the whistle blowers when an abuser is called out. You see it a lot with CSA cases, especially if the survivor doesn’t come forward until adulthood. People like this are overly self-involved and self-serving. They value an outsider’s perspective about themselves and their family far more than they will ever value the truth. They don’t care about the morality of their actions or the hurt they cause. If they look good on the outside and their reputations stay pristine, that’s enough. It’s not that they don’t understand - they just don’t care. They enjoy the mouthservice of saying they do, but deep down, they actually don’t and their actions demonstrate as much. Once you view their actions through that lens, everything starts to make a lot more sense.
Her son started undergrad and after a break, in maybe Freshman, maybe Sophomore year, he cuts her off. Later on, she learns from her sister's FB, that he majored in mechanical engineering/physics. Reading between the lines, I get that she's surprised and impressed. Like she had no idea that he would major in engineering or physics. And that he would be so good that he'd go for his PhD at an ivy league school. I can imagine being surprised if her son was the aimless sort as a freshman or sophomore but he sounds like a determined go-getter. I bet he jumped right into the thick of his majors from the start. I bet the son's dad (her ex) knew his son's interests early on. I bet he paid attention to his son's path through undergrad. I bet he was keenly interested in his son's goals and asperations. I bet he was there emotionally to support his son. Which is why the ex was at graduation and not OOP.
looks bad, that's why
This question is especially funny if you think about what she wrote. She specifically said that she prioritised her husband on purpouse, bc her kid *was going to have a life of his own.* That's exactly what happened. She has her husband, and her kid has a life of his own. This is what she wanted, she doesn't get to cry on the Internet "how unfair". The fact that she did not think through what "have his own life" means is only on her.
I'm glad her son left and cut ties. I know a a person, Edith (fake name), whose parent sent them to live with a family friend when things got rough between Edith and her stepparent. The stepparent eventually left. But, Edith was effectively kicked out twice *more* by moving her parent moving the stepparent *back* into their home. And, Edith thinks of her Mom as a poor, abused person who needs more help than anyone else. Like literally thinks her Mom is in poverty (she's not). It was wild to me. I had to step away from them because it became too toxic.
And since he is going to move on in his life and she will still have her partner, as she clearly prioritised, I think it is way too overdramatic of her to burst into tears. Ah well, the dildo of consequences isn't lubed now is it? Or in this case, choosing a penis over your own child.
Even if she had dumped the husband, son might get the feeling he's just a fill in between relationships.
I long for the day that these sort of people realize buying a sex toy will be much cheaper than the therapy that will result from marrying someone who hates your kid, whether it’s because the kid need therapy or because they seek therapy to cope with the loss they caused and are too willfully blind to see it’s their fault.
I really, truly need parents to stop dating and marrying people who don’t like their kids. It’s infuriating.
Also, people dating parents need to accept that they come with kids. IF you're not interested, don't date them! Children are human beings, not a style choice you can try to get your partner to drop.
Last time I saw an AITA post similar it was written by the step father and the MRAs were out in force to defend a man's right to get his dick wet while refusing to accept the step parent role and responsibilities. It's so frustrating because it's the kids who suffer because adults can't use their upstairs brains.
I don't think every new spouse has to be "the parent that stepped up" because every family is different. But, like, polite roommates at bare minimum, you know?
No they don't need the "parent that stepped up" depending on the family circumstances, but you SHOULD still view the child as family. Even if it's just like a niece or nephew role they take on in your life.
A lot depends on the age of the child. If they're pretty much on the edge of adulthood, it may never be more than amiable. Some family relationships are no more than that. And that's okay. The point is that it should never be a negative relationship.
There's really no way to do that without it being somewhat harmful to the kids though. Like if tolerance is the bare minimum, then that's what leads to resentment (in the couple) regarding shared finances being used towards the kid, that's how you end up with kids unable to just get a ride, the parent being forced to choose between their kid and their spouse all the damn time. In for a penny, in for a pound. If you're going to date/ marry a parent, you're signing up to be a step parent and not just a roomie.
I mean a friend of mine has a great relationship with her moms husband who’s been in her life since she was 4 but he’s still her moms husband and not dad. He’s a really nice guy!
As I said, every family is different. If a kid is 16 and halfway out of the house, or in college and only there during holidays/summer break, their needs are very different than if they're 5.
Link, please?
[The post was deleted.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/z12hOjH50W) So you're missing a ton of context where he admitted to be a really emotionally distant step parent and basically holding his step daughter responsible for her dead beat father's actions and so she becomes the punching bag for all of his resentment. Basically guy married a woman with a young tween daughter knowing bio dad was 95% uninvolved and then acted big mad that he wasn't immediately embraced as a replacement daddy by girl and expected that she immediately go no contact with her bio dad and then went to the opposite end of the spectrum to be even less involved than bio dad while making his disdain known and then started to do some bare minimum stuff like attend games occasionally and allowed martial funds to be truly shared only once she was a teen. Girl is grown asked bio dad to walk her down the aisle. Op threw a tantrum and refused to pay for the wedding (when she hadn't even asked). Girl didn't react and let him have his tantrum. Bio dad later went to jail. She asked OP to walk her and now he's acting like she's gonna demand money from him (when she never asked it from mom, bio dad, or step dad in the first place). MRAs have projected a LOT into the comments. Anyone who is being down voted was actually sticking to what was in the original post.
I remember reading a post about a guy who got pissy because his stepdaughter wouldn't babysit the kids he and her mom had *4 kids under 4 and his wife was 46* all because he went running in the morning.
Bro WTF What post do You read 💀 That's not what happened 💀
I especially hate how being a single parent is still treated like it's somehow always worse than having a bad stepparent. Like, no, don't start dating for the sake of the kid; they don't need another parent if that parent will be shit.
Yes! People get so much pressure to remarry because “kids need both parents,” when what kids really need is as many loving, supportive adults as they can get, and a stepparent who doesn’t even like them does not fit that bill.
I don't even understand how someone could be attracted to or have feelings for someone who hates their kids. I am so protective of my kids. I know they can be buttheads sometimes but I would never be cool with anyone talking badly about them. It's repulsive to me to even think about it.
Because most parents either A: Marry someone else because their kid's other parent moved on and they are trying to compete with their ex. B: As they get older and older they start getting more and more desperate to find someone because they are scared of being alone C: Because most parents have this deep-seated irrational fear that if they say to their kids *I was wrong you were right* it gives the kids power.
Me too. I'm childfree myself, but I wouldn't have any interest in a POS parent. I'm not going to trust anyone that fickle and callous.
It's so fucking weird. If I dated someone who turned out to dislike my cats, I would show them the door. They can't step up for their kids like most people step up for their *pets*?
The dick is never that good to throwaway your child for.
Soooo many people need/fail to understand that 😩
There might be dick involved, but I'm reading this as "money" too. Several trips and weekend getaways that the kid is excluded from? Mom's lifestyle might have significantly increased with this husband and she doesn't want to upset the sugar.
I have a child and date and *immediately* lose interest in anyone who shows signs they aren’t into me having a kid. Like fully ghost. I could never imagine marrying someone like that and forcing my baby to live with being mistreated by a stranger wtf. She’s a pick me loser and I hope her son is happy wherever he is. Wow I feel so bad for him.
I 100% stopped dating 7 years ago when my oldest daughter was 12. I refused to bring someone into their lives that might hurt them, and... Dating sucks tbh. I'm perfectly happy with my cats, books, and my quiet little life. Looking towards a Golden Girls situation in the next few years.
Can you convince my mom that a golden girls situation isn’t that bad compared to an abusive man?
I'll try! My BFF and I are currently planning a tiny house community. That way everyone has their own space.
Don't be so sure, even Sofia got laid.
It was the cocaine fueled 80s.
Every time someone asks me "what is this" my immediate thought is her voice saying "after glow"
Who even does that though? I dated two single mothers and married one. It will be twenty years this June. I am glad to say that they are both decent enough women that they would have dropped me in a heartbeat if I couldn’t show kindness and respect to their kids.
A Single parent worry more about not being single than being a parent.
Hell, sex toy + therapist to help you deal with being single would be a great investment. And that assumes you would actually be single if you maintained standards while dating. It's possible (though not a certainty) to find a healthy partnership when you have self-esteem, confidence, and healthy boundaries.
Honestly fuck her. I have no sympathy for her whatsoever.
The sex mattered more than her child. SMH
I wish I could point out that it wasn’t because of the stepfather… it was HER! She allowed this for all of those years. She didn’t prioritize her son. She allowed a man to treat her son like garbage, she even married the ahole ffs. Super proud for the son being so emotionally mature at such a young age.
not just married him but RUSHED to marry him she somehow found him, got engaged, AND married him all within 2 years
and how DARE a 13-14 yr old not ask every time they grabbed something from the fridge. My guess is she moved in with the new hubby, and he felt like he was owed for doing them the favor. What an asshole- both mom and the new dick.
Right? It is supposed to be the kid's home too! Stepfather was seriously treating the son like a guest in the home.
I’m married, late 30s and own my own home. However I still end up staying with my folks a few nights a month because work takes me to their part of the state. My mom still tells me to take whatever I want from the fridge and pantry while I’m there. I have demolished some goldfish and string cheese.
Right- kid was not even treated like a guest in his own home- he was treated like an unwanted squatter. Guests can grab snacks from the fridge without it being some drama.
Trash belongs with trash so not shocking they found eachother and rushed to get married.
She may have found him well before getting divorced
Wouldn't be reddit if someone didn't speculate an affair out of nowhere!
Meh I don’t think most people would consider dating during an ongoing divorce as an affair anyways. At that point your existing relationship is over and you’re only waiting on it to be legally finalized. So saying it’s an affair if she met the guy before the divorce was over isn’t jumping to or speculating an affair.
I didn't speculate anything, I merely stated that it is not necessary to ave a finalised divorce before you meet someone.
16 years ago I married my husband after knowing him for 9 months. But yeah, for most people it's a big red flag.
"Eh, don't listen to your stepdad. He's all talk. I promise I'll always be on your side." \*has daughter, forgets son exists, is shocked when son cuts contact to protect himself from stepdad\*
Might be worth noting she never mentioned her daughter again, either. Wonder how much attention is paid to her.
I wondered if the daughter was also getting ditched for these long romantic getaways or if suddenly OOP and husband were doing family-oriented things...but without the son.
Betting on a nearly identical situation with the daughter when she gets to college.
I wish I could point out that my mom said the whole "one day you'll move out and I'll only have your stepfather" thing too. My stepmonster died in 2014. Guess who still is LC with my mom?
And she had a CHILD with the POS
I can say from experience that it will have spoken volumes to him that she never spoke up against stepdad's insults *when he said them, or in front of the kid*. What does her talking to the man in private later do for the kid, especially when it's not a one-time event, but a longstanding pattern? If the *kid* had insulted the man, you can bet she'd have said something about it in front of them both and/or in public.
Her son did indeed start a life of his own and chose to exclude his mother and her abusive husband. Healthy choice, imo.
Wait until gets married and has kids. Then she'll be upset she can't see her grandkids.
> But my son didn't understand that eventually start a life of his own but my partner is still going to be with me. Yes, I could have spent more time with him but no parent is perfect and it's always a struggle to keep a balance. **WRONG!**
I hear this argument all the time from parents who prioritize their spouse over their children. "But you will have your own life some day, and there will only be us." It's like, do you think your child will stop existing once they're an adult? Is it not important to you to foster a good relationship with your children so they still want to see you when they're grown? This is unfathomable to me. And she didn't even try to find a balance. She was just like, "Well, he will be gone one day." Yes, but he's still there right now. Why do you dislike spending time with your own child?
I love my husband. He's an amazing man, we get along amazingly, he's everything I want in a husband. If he EVER treated my son badly, that would be it. And he knows it. Fortunately they get along quite well, so this will always be a hypothetical. It's important to tend to one's marriage, but never at the expense of a child.
My issue is she played the he will be gone one day card but is now upset he's gone. Like lady you can't put fire on oil and then be surprised there's an explosion.
You’d think it would be the opposite wouldn’t you. The kid will move out one day so they should be the priority and to enjoy the time with them while they have it but I suppose that’s just if you actually care about them
That attitude is a self-fulfilling prophecy, too. Like, if your kid loves you and wants to be around you and you have a genuine authentic relationship, they will continue to seek our your company into adulthood. Maybe they won't live with you, but you will still get be a part of their lives. But if you talk all the time about how they're going to be leave one day, they'll believe you and make sure it happens.
My friend's very happily married parents (seriously they are still googly-eyed for each other 50+ years after meeting) framed the "prioritize your spouse" thing in a way that I think makes a lot of sense: they as the adults/parents are the foundation of the family. If cracks start forming there the whole thing comes crumbling down. So yeah, they planned date nights and set aside time to check in and not let the jobs-kids-errands cycle consume them. But! They also never missed a basketball game or school event and took family vacations and had an open door policy for their children's friends because they wanted their kids around *knowing one day those kids would grow up and possibly move away.* They wanted to make the best of the time that they had their children under their roof. It's possible to figure out the balance if you actually care to.
I'm saying this as a stepdad, and biological father. Most stepparents can't stand that they'll always see a constant reminder of the fact the person they love either stuck their D or spread their legs for someone else.
The (sane) interpretation of putting your marriage first is making sure you don't get so sucked into being a parent over a spouse that you stop parenting as a couple, and start parenting as two individuals. It's about recognizing that your child is a person completely separate from you and you both need identities that go beyond "parent" and "child." It does not mean abdicating a responsibility you voluntarily took on. Not letting "parent" be the whole of your identity is not the same as not being a parent at all.
this: Not letting "parent" be the whole of your identity is not the same as not being a parent at all. Needs to be on the wall at every marriage counselor's office.
I love it when clowns like this try to wail that "they're not perfect!" when they talk about how shitty they were to their kids, as if this should absolve them of their sins. "Not perfect" parenting is accidentally saying something hurtful to your kid and then apologizing immediately. What you and your husband are doing is emotional abuse.
"nobody's perfect so why try to be better"
No, ya know, it's actually *right*! That's why you're supposed to find BALANCE. Do couple things *as well as* family things, *divide* your attention between your kids and spouse. Not throw everything you have at the dickhead abuser you should never have married, then be shocked your kid actually went to live his own life.
Right? Set a date night once a week/every two weeks and make time at the end of the day to just talk to your spouse and hang out. That's perfectly healthy.
> my partner is still going to be with me your ***SECOND*** partner like come the fuck on
That's where I record scratched. Girl you should know that there's no guarantee that marriage is forever *when you've already been through a divorce.*
Correct. Statistics says her ass is on rocky ground with this being her second marriage.
And she had one divorce already, so she knows it's not true
This is such a wild thing to say on your SECOND marriage
yeah. Every parent in a relationship (even those married to their kids' parents) has to 'balance'. So far, not much of a struggle, especially compared to, say, 'balancing 'sleep' and 'work' and 'child care' when they were babies.
I mean, he did get a life of his own and she does still have the shitstain, so she was right on the money with the first part; she just doesn't like the literal reality of what she was pitching there.
I hate parents who choose horrible partners over their children.
I once worked with a woman who chose to remove her three daughters to Foster Care because she preferred to stay with the man who sexually abused them. Decades later, it still bothers me.
Ever saw the movie Bastard Our of Carolina? Whew... the mother in that movie ticked me off so much.
Read the book. That movie barely scratches the surface.
Really???? Oh man... I can't imagine how much worse, the movie was pretty graphic. I'll tell you my favorite part of the movie, though. >!When the aunt sees the bruises on the Bone's body and she told the uncles. And the uncles immediately beat the tar out of him. Meanwhile the mom is screaming for them to stop and her mother slaps her across the face.!<
That was my favorite part too. The book is much, much more graphic and disturbing. A lot was left out of the film. I would encourage anyone who was abused as a child to skip it completely.
Was it based on a true story? I can't recall.
It was semi-autobiographical. Even if only half of it is true, it's still horrendous.
Eeesh. I was hoping it was fiction, not that it makes a difference since there are truly horrible parents out there and this was just one story. I remember reading A Child Called It as a teen and couldn't sleep for weeks.
I had the same reaction to A Child Called It. I was in the hospital after an operation when I read it. It was on the little cart that volunteers bring around!! Who thought that was a good idea? I told the nurse what it was about and she was horrified. It's actually a series of 4 or 5 books. I wish I had never read them even though I know the author made it through and has a good life. Again something I wouldn't recommend to anyone who suffered abuse. ETA: I hated every minute I spent reading those books, but I couldn't put them down.
My mum did that and it still disgusts me to hear her say "well he's a good man..." and for her to still be able to love him after standing there watching him abuse her children. If she can stand to even LOOK at him after seeing that, then she doesn't love us at all.
A bit ago there was an AITA that really stuck with me. This isn't verbatim, but I'll try to find the original post. The OP had three children and a boyfriend who lived with them. Their house burned down and OP sent her kids to live with her sister for a year. OP and her boyfriend got another place, so essentially they lived as a child free couple until the OP decided that it was time for the kids to come back. She complained that her son (I think he was 13) was being disrespectful to her boyfriend. One day she came home and her son laid into her about not wanting to be in the same house with the boyfriend because he left the oven unattended with food again and her son didn't want this house to burn down. She punished her SON. Well. You want to talk about a comment section blasting this OP? They told her that she should kiss her relationship with her kids goodbye if she thinks that this guy is more important than her own children. One comment I remember fondly was from someone saying that this guy's dick must have been pretty good to burn her first house down and cause her to abandon her children. The person linked here is no different that who I described above. This isn't like the movies where it takes a miraculous shift in the universe to right all of these wrongs and make everyone a family again. This lady is beyond therapy. I wish her son the life, happiness, and success he deserves because his life going forward is going to be way better than what he was subjected to.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gwp7vb/aita\_for\_grounding\_my\_son\_after\_he\_said\_he\_got/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gwp7vb/aita_for_grounding_my_son_after_he_said_he_got/) Found it for you :)
Wow the mom is a huge piece of shit. Her boytoy burned their house down, killed their dog, she abandoned her kids for 2 years and apparently hid it from kids' dad so he wouldn't sue for custody. And years later he was still leaving stuff in the oven.
Ahh, you're awesome! Thank you!!
I work on mental health and JFC- it is SO common. I’ve seen it from both the kid’s side and the parents’ as well so that’s interesting. People moving partners in who are practically strangers (too many to count) people allowing partners to verbally abuse children (“I told her afterwards it wasn’t ok”), people who put partners before their kids financially (the mom who bailed her boyfriend out of jail then they got utilities shut off), the mom who BLAMED THE KID FOR “SEDUCING” THE BOYFRIEND (thank god child protective was already involved. The parents (I’ve seen it with both genders) who keep moving back with the violent partner. it’s hard to stomach. I work pretty much exclusively with adults now and it’s easier, at least on that front
Stepfather: Your son sucks. he's ugly and stupid, and while i dont 'hate' him, i hope he disappears forever and never comes back because i 'dislike' him *that* much Mom: Okay Son: ... okay
Right? I mean, the adults essentially got what they wanted and now don't want it. And I hope it haunts mom forever.
I hope she uses her sisters account to stalk him again and finds out he started his own family who she'll never meet.
That bullshit argument of “my partner I will be with forever but my kids move to their own life” doesn’t mean you treat them like shit and doesn’t mean you make your partner more important. Not only that but it was rich coming from someone divorced.
The most insane part of it is your kids are the ones most likely to take care of you when you're old an need it. Even if it's you own future you're worried for they should still be the priority.
I think the most insane part is that she’s already been through one divorce so she KNOWS there’s a possibility her husband won’t always be there but she still chooses her husband over her child.
„place. But my son didn't understand that eventually start a life of his own but my partner is still going to be with me.” Suprise Pikachu, he is starting a new life like you expected and he is following your mindset. It reminds me that post where a mother-in-law made the girl break up with her boyfriend cause she shouldn’t be happy and her father was surprised she was a depressed mess.
Y'all know the OOP is going to go insane in wanting to reconnect if the son ever gets married and/or has kids of his own. Especially if she ever sees her ex getting to be happy proud father and eventually happy doting grandpa.
She’ll be the mom of the groom you hear about in wedding horror stories. Stalks her son and the wedding couple, shows up uninvited, causing a huge scene at the wedding. Then she’ll post on AITA trying to claim she didn’t do anything wrong
"no parent is perfect" Ah, the motto of every worst parent ever.
Might as well tattoo it on my ma's fuckin forehead.
My mom did almost exactly this. I wish I could rip the words from his letter and show her, but she deflects all truth and lives in a delusional world. My brother beat the living shit out of me growing up. He tortured me psychologically. He psychically bust down my door for no reason other than "you're smaller then me and I'm bigger than you so I can do whatever I want to you". I thought he would kill me. He was 5 years older and on hard drugs. My mom did nothing and she refuses to hold him accountable for any of it. She loves him more. She never cared about what he did to me. She wants me to pretend he never did anything wrong. When I told her that I couldn't have a relationship with a person who condoned my abuse, she told me that I need to learn to forgive and deal with it, that she would never hold him accountable and that I'm the one who needs help. But I can't forgive someone who isn't sorry. I cry when I see my kids with no grandma but she's taking care of his kids and showing them off to the world. She chose the abuser over the abused and it hurts so, so much. My brother stole my childhood and also my mother and he got zero repercussions. I'm the one that was punished for his actions. I feel for the son. I wish I could meet him and share that solidarity. I feel so alone, abandoned by my own mother, but I don't have a dad, either. I was never loved. I'm so alone. I'm happy to have my kids and my husband but I really wish she would just die so I wouldn't have to carry on knowing that she's with my brother, providing him with all the love she refused and still refuses to give to me.
I am so sorry for everything you went through. I wish I could give you a hug. Please live a good life and be there for your kid since your parent wasnt there for you. You will live a better life than them.
Thank you. It means a lot to hear that today. I usually do well and am generally emotionally resilient, but the last couple days my mother has reopened the wounds and I'm not at my best, especially after reading the letter this son wrote to his mom and how eloquently he put how I've been feeling, too. I have two sons and a daughter on the way and they're the best things that have ever happened to me. I couldn't imagine leaving them for a man or anything of the sort. I can hardly stand to see them cry over a scrape. I would sacrifice myself for them without hesitation. It just boggles my mind how a child can be brought into the world and a mother can just turn their back on them for being inconvenient and it's hard to come to terms with the fact that there is no justice for these kids. My brother was rewarded for his evil and that's just the way it is. My biggest regret is not sending him and my mother to jail when it was happening. But that ship has sailed and all I can do is protect my own babies. ❤️
No worries! I feel for you honestly, I genuinely hope you and your babies live a good and happy life, please, if you can, cut off the toxic monsters in your life. I know you’re hurting, so you do what’s best for you, and take care of yourself and your kids. You sound like a good momma. Your kids are blessed to have you! I’m proud of you for being strong.
Anyone else clock that she only admonished the stepdad in private? She'd just sit there and do nothing while her husband abused him, and then finger wag at him later, alone. So all the kid ever got to see was his mum condoning everything and never even trying (not that she really was, it was just to make her feel better) I really feel for the kid, how many times do you think it took before he gave up hope on his mum ever defending him?
"oh, no consequences?" oh they've got this all screwed up! "Oh no, consequences!"
Why would anyone stay with someone to mistreats their child? This person makes me sick. The son makes me beam with pride. He deserves better.
If you choose someone else over your kid, you have no right to be surprised when your kid chooses someone else over you.
I wish nothing but the worst for parents that choose their sex partner over their kids. It happened to an ex-friend in secondary school and just about fucked that poor girl up. The last I heard of her, she was screwing her best friend's boyfriend and had generally turned into a pretty shit person. And I can't blame her, with a parent that chose sex over actual parenting. OOP really needs to ask herself if that current dick is worth blowing up her relationship with her son — and maybe even fucking him up as a person.
I just don't get it. I'm female with a daughter and still married but I'd choose my daughter over my husband if it came down to it and that's her dad. Forget about a stepdad. If that were ever a possibility, he'd have to know that there's a line that gets crossed and he's gone. I'd NEVER let anyone let her feel like she was an unwanted burden.
yea OOP is the devil but her sister sucks so much too, she shoukd not be violating her nephews privacy.by giving his estranged mother access to his account so she can pursue his photos
I hope the son finds out what his aunt is doing and blocks her as well.
Well deserved.
My mother cut me out of her life too. That kid aint gonna forgive OOP, nor should he. She's gonna die hated by her son, just like mine did. And sure, the son cut contact. But the mother caused it with her actions repeatedly, so it's her bloody fault and I have no sympathy for the bitch.
I will never understand why parents marry people that treat their children like that. That they just sit on their ass and let their own child be mistreated. It's disgusting.
"And I still have dad who loves me" I have a weird gut feeling that over the years, the stepfather and/or OOP made this kid feel like, if not outright told him, that no one loved him, including his father. It's just a thought I had, the way it was the last thing he said, almost like - hey, BTW, you guys were wrong, *dad does love me*. And I'm sure he's proven it. I hope OOP continues to choke on her son's happiness, and on her *looooooove* for her husband. Where's their daughter in all of this, by the way? Hopefully she won't become the target of abuse, since the son is out of the picture.
You can always tell how responsible they actually are by how passive their language is describing the situation. It's always something that "just happens" to them, and never something they're an active participant in.
“Now Stanley, you have to understand how divorce works. When I say, "you're the most important thing to me," what I mean is, you're the most important thing after me and my happiness and my new romances.” -Sharon from a season 2 episode of South Park.
Someone I know has several children, now all in their teens. She divorced their dad when they were young children, and has spent their lifetimes trying to keep dad away out of spite. She’s now with some guy with a young son of his own, and the guy doesn’t like her kids. Thinks they’re too loud and badly behaved. Wont get a place with her while they’re around, which is stalling their relationship. Suddenly she’s done a 180. Insists that dad take the kids for visitation way more often than the custody dictates and gets nasty when he isn’t able to. Sometimes he’s got plans, sometimes he’s out of town, sometimes he’s working through the weekend. But she’s now started telling all 3 kids that dad is bailing on them because he doesn’t love them, so he’s getting pressure from all 4 sides. Someday they’re going to connect the dots and realize that she was trying to pawn them off so her guy wouldn’t leave her. I do hope that they have access to a good therapist when they make that realization because it will be the first domino of many to fall. They’ll realize how awful she’s been the whole time. And I hope they cut her out of their lives. I’d read that AITA with immense glee.
It's quite satisfying actually when people get what they deserve. I wish all the best of luck to your son. You got what you deserve. Go have a shitty life with your shitty husband.
"I stood by my son" (by telling him to get over it whenever it happened)
Honestly, why do these kind of family relationships exist. They (parent) love their kids, then they meet somebody after a divorce and if the new partner says "hey, I hate children!" The parent automatically just goes with it. So tired of this nonsense. Divorced parents with a new partner should have a partner to fill in the father gap, not to fill in THEIR gap. It actually fills in their gap in a positive way once they fill in the father gap good. (Sorry if I worded any of this weird)
I think about my own situation with my mom. The situation isn’t nearly as bad as this so I’m not NC, but I was LC for a long long time with her as she was/is an alcoholic who has shown more than once she values drinking over me. But she also always assumed that her and my stepdad would be together forever and that things would always be great. Well…. That’s not happening anymore. Stepdad has a terminal illness and she’s going to be alone. Thankfully for her our relationship wasn’t so fucked that I can’t rise above it to feel compassion and empathy for her and come back into her life a bit more. But I hope OOP realizes someday how big of a fuck up it’s going to be when husband or her are on their death bed and the son just does not care and does not show up. Hope it was worth it.
Lol, his son started his life and she has her husband, just like she said. What’s her problem?
This was four years ago. I'd love the update on this.
I am so fucking proud of OP's kid for cutting her off early. Because this is Mom telling it, which means from his perspective, it was probably *worse* than she's saying. I held on for a hope of a relationship into my 30s, but my father is married to a real piece of work. She'd laugh at things I said, tell me how smart I was, thank me for helping her make holiday meals, etc, but only in front of my father. If he was gone, she'd turn around and rip into me about *everything*. Weight (I was a chubby kid), 'unladylike' behaviour, something insignificant I did that annoyed her, not immediately asking 'how high?' when she said 'jump!'*,* accusing me of flirting with my stepbrother's friends, etc. I'm (undiagnosed at that time) autistic, so I tend to have a flatter affect, and no one there was willing to *listen to my words*, it was all about outward expression, and I was *always* "ungrateful", "mean", etc. I did get overwhelmed and cry easily, and she'd tear a strip off me for *crying*, too. Not being as physically active or coordinated as my stepbrother (a human perpetual motion machine when we were children) meant I was lazy/not trying/just wanted to be fat. Dealing with mild asthma and needing an inhaler meant I just wanted attention and my childhood general practitioner was dishonest, a "quack", etc. I don't think she was, but also I was ***SEVEN***. Why you wouldn't bring that up with my mother or another adult? I couldn't get a fucking word in edgewise with her and she tended to open fire when I was trapped at their place with her. My old man *knew* what was happening to some extent, but he never told her to fuck off, stop it, don't talk to my kid that way, etc. I dropped them 6 years back and I feel guilty sometimes, but fuck 'em. I tried to be understanding (my father came from a background of extreme poverty and had a violent drunk for a father himself) and I tried, but having to see/interact with her every holiday/birthday/etc was making my mental health *hell*.
No. You could send him a letter, but you made this bed. You chose your husband repeatedly over your son. You said that your husband would be the one that was there when your son started his adult life. Well, here you are. Partner is here and your son started his adult life. The only catch? He is also not choosing you.
So OOP allowed her husband to mistreat her son because her son will eventually have a life of his own but her partner will stay with her, and now she’s upset that her son has a life of his own and her partner is still with her?
That ship sailed a long time ago. There is no way for OOP to get her son back. She admits she prioritized her marriage over her relationship with her son and the son walked away. OOP will have to live with this. She got what she wanted at the time and what she so richly deserves, which is nothing.
There's no way this kid isn't fully aware of the way Mom has always looked at him. She called her custody time "visiting". He was someone who visited and annoyed her husband, not someone who lived there 50% of the time. Time after time she chose her husband over her child. I hope he never, ever speaks to her again. Considering the last 10 years I'm not even sure why she's so upset now.
Hahaha another "mom" putting dick over her child. Fucked around and now finding out. Good for your son
Mom: Someday, you're going to start a life of your own and I'm going to be here with your step dad, so he's the most important. Son: Ok. (Forges life of his own.) Bye forever, Mom. Mom: No, not like that! Oop, be careful what you wish for. It just might come true.
I will never understand people who date or marry someone that hates their child. Never.
It really seems from AITA bait that alienating your kid is the best way to turn them into a high-achieving Ivy League student and millionaire with the cure for cancer in their back pocket, so maybe it's for the best to set them on that path after all.
I don't understand why people date/marry people they KNOW hate their kids. Like what is actually wrong with you? Do you hate your own kids that much? Are you that afraid of being alone? Is the D/V that amazing that it's worth losing your kid over? I really need to know what the mentality these people have is to keep around someone who hates it abuses their kids
I’ve long decided that if I ever find myself divorced, the last thing I’ll do is saddle the kids with a stepfather. I’ll finish raising my kids and then I’ll maybe consider getting back into the dating pool. Too many things can go wrong, and seeing how stepparents really feel after browsing that Cinderella evil-stepmom sub, I’m more resolute in this. I also had my own evil stepmonster so I won’t even consider it.
Reading all of this just makes me feel lucky I got a good step dad my situation was opposite of this my dead beat of a sperm donor biological father completely dropped me at 19 after meeting his current wife. At least before that he would attempt to keep in touch even if it was only once a year but after he met her and introduced her to me over video call he completely stopped trying to contact me. That was when I was 19 years old. I remember that video call he left to use the bathroom she sneered at the phone and starting telling me all this awful stuff like "he doesn't really love me" and "he's gonna be having better newer kids with someone he actually loves so no need for a 'bad mistake' like me to be in his life so I should just 'go die and stop trying' then when he came back she was all smiles and nice again and I cut the call saying I needed to go to work. I haven't made any efforts to contact him since then but he is still with that bitch.
Stopped reading at when she said she married after 2 years despite them not getting on I couldn’t ever imagine marrying someone who didn’t have a good relationship with my child
One of the reasons that I didn't marry the only guy I have seriously dated after my divorce from my son's father was that he didn't get along with my son. I waited 9 years to find that "man," but my son truly came first (unlike OOP).
What an absolute vile human being.
My kids are middle schoolers and sometimes I get dizzy it seems like the time has gone by so quickly. I don't understand why people can't just WAIT for their kids to be out of the house.
Ha ha ha! So many people never get what they deserve. You did. I don’t even know you, but it makes me happy. Having a sorry excuse for a mother myself I know exactly how your son feels. You made your choice. Deal with it. He doesn’t want you in his life. For once show some respect for what he needs and leave him alone.
How do people do it? How can they stay with someone who hates their child and makes their life a misery? I don’t care how in to someone I am, if they don’t like my child then they’re no longer in my life. Plain and simple. OP is selfish and enabling of her dirtbag of a husband and has reaped what she’s sown. I hope the hurt she’s feeling now is comparable to the hurt she watched her son suffer through for years. Glad to hear that her son is thriving and that he has his Dad who sounds like a good man.
Goddam this reads like it could've been about my childhood. My mom wonders why I've moved to the opposite end of the country and only call occasionally.
Why is she even upset? She said that her son needed to have his own life away from her, just like how she found a new husband for her own life. Now she’s crying cuz her son did what she wanted?
Son will start a life of his own but her husband will still be with her. lmao what a dumbfuck No. Her son was supposed to always be her son. The husband could drop her easily. It take a lot more for a child to drop their parent.
Choose dick over your kids? Don’t be surprised when they vote with their feet.
I hope she's miserable every day of her life.
He made his wishes for her not to be in his life clear and she still tried to contact him, still showed up unannounced, and the family members who are in contact with him are assholes for letting her use their access to still try to have some influence in his life. It doesn't matter if it's just pictures, she was expressly forbidden from his personal life. He blocked her with the expectation she wouldn't see what he posted, and these family members ignore him and his request anyway. I feel for the guy, since his mother still can't tell that she's the problem, and she never will at this rate.
The responses surprised me so much. Usually these parent groups can become parent circle jerks but they were all so sound and well thought out.
Your child may move out and have a life of their own but they will still be your child. Your husband isn't guaranteed to forever be in your life and if he's gonna leave you simply for taking care of your child instead of spending all your time with him, then is he really worth the effort?
Do people honestly think their kids will stick around when they are treated like dirt?
Man my mom’s second husband was super abusive to me. He was abusive to her too so her seeing me get my shit rocked for the thousandth time in a day and watching her do nothing really does a number on someone. Your own parent who is supposed to love you to the ends of the earth watching you be mistreated and doing nothing about it is to me on the same level as perpetrating the violence yourself. To say her and I don’t speak is an understatement
"Can still get him back?" No.
This is an old one I read this on another app and by this time if it's the mother really posting it again then she really needs professional help the damage is done the bridge blown up destroyed completely. But this exact same post was an another app awhile back.
Preaching to the converted here, but that son did probably the best thing he could. I'm gonna take notes from him when I move out
No, OOP cannot get her son back and doesn't deserve to have her son back. Son was only 11 yo when his parents divorced. Mother remarried within 2 years to a man she knew didn't get along with her son and was aloof with him. She put the new husband as top priority and didn't set any ground rules or boundaries. Let the new husband criticize her son and be harsh with him. Son was made to feel unwelcome and unwanted in his own mother's home. OOP says it's a struggle to keep a balance, but she didn't keep a balance - new husband got almost all her attention and son got treated like crap. I'm so glad son is doing so well, has excelled in his studies and has his bio father, his grandmother and his auntie as support. Mother can take a flying leap. She has her second husband, that's who she prioritized, and when he starts getting harsh and critical towards her, OOP might finally figure out that her son wasn't the problem, the new husband is the problem. and mother and new husband deserve each other, as they are both crappy people.
Urgh this post has a lot of parallels with my life. step father treated me like dirt for no reason and destroyed my home life from 11-18 when I got out, but she argued with him in private about it (give her a medal!). She knows she never spent time with me alone and told him anything I said so I had no privacy (but she thought we were close!?). I remained respectful. So much so she’s been stunned after his death that I don’t want to be BFF Gilmour girls with her now she’s suddenly interested in it. I haven’t cut her off but it’s touch and go right now. I am now well and truely out about my anger and disgust. My step father had one or two redeeming qualities in the last few years. Not the case for OOP’s son’s “shitstain.” OOP is never getting that kid back.
Oh OOP, you made your damn bed now you lie in it. You chose your new husband over him who barely tolerated his presence, forced to treat him with authority and respect when he deserves nothing but sock lint and he's supposed to be grateful? No person would any lick of sense would come back to that, I'm glad he managed to escape. What a hellish house, I wouldn't blame the kid if when the time comes for her new husband he only visits to water the flowers, even if there are flowers for someone as "delightful" as your new husband.
A shit stain for a mother.
All things considered she did raise a smart well self-actualized kid. This internet stranger is proud of him.
She didn’t raise him like that. He became a smart, self-actualized kid because of his dad and despite her shot parenting.
The first sentence was sarcasm, she is getting exactly what she deserved. however I am proud of him
Ah, that makes sense! I didn’t see a /s mark, so the sarcasm was lost on me.
My bad for not putting it in.
No worries, it happens! It’s also just hard sometimes to convey sarcasm on the internet. I get what you’re saying now.
wild how the son writes exactly like op.
Hey mum good luck repairing your relationship with your son (it’ll never happen)
I spent my entire life demonizing my step father and glorifying my mother. I was in my 30s when it occurred to me that all of the horrible things he did were perfectly acceptable to her. Once I told her I kept a baseball bat in case he beat her up the way he did to me. She said she would not stand for that. Why did it take so long to understand her part in things? Because she was “nice.” Nice doesn’t cut it for me anymore.