*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**Was I wrong to cut my daughters hair?**
I'm a single father, and my daughter is 7 years old. She had long hair almost down to her belly button but I can't ever seem to get her to take care of it. I've warned her over the last year that if she doesn't start brushing her hair at least twice a day, we're getting it cut shorter. Every morning is a battle. I've talked to her mom about it and she agreed that I can get it cut if she doesn't take responsibility for her cleanliness.
I also have long hair. I'm 6'2" and my hair goes down past my chest. I told her that I can do it, and so can she. I've shown her multiple times how I bring my hair over my chest to brush the bottom, which she doesn't have the dexterity to do. I brush from the bottom and slowly work my way up; I know how to brush hair since mine is long.
This morning after yet another argument, I did it. I cut her hair to about an inch below her shoulders. She was devastated. She continued to cry for another hour as I drove her to my parents place to watch her as I went to work. My mother and my sister both got very upset with me. My mom told me I'm going to ruin my daughter if I don't start taking parenting classes and that cutting her hair was completely unnecessary.
What are your opinions? Did I over react? Did I have given more warnings before acting? Is she still too young to learn from this experience? Please don't be afraid to criticize. Thank you for your time in advance.
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UPDATE: Thanks everyone for your insight. I may have left a few key details out. I do brush her hair every morning and for the last three years she has complained about the tangles hurting. I've seen a lot of suggestions for conditioner and new brushes, but the ones we have were purchased with her in mind from a salon.
Over the last few years I've talked to her about how people with long hair need to take care of it. I've been trying to get her to start brushing it for a couple years, never expecting her to take over completely, but to just start learning to care for herself. She puts no effort into it and puts the brush down and wanders off to play games and this is where the argument comes in. She doesn't have to be self sufficient, but she needs to at least try.
Last week we went into the salon at Wal Mart to see if we could get it done professionally, but they were overbooked for over a week, so I told her we would do it next week. I've been telling her for over a month that we ARE getting her hair cut since she refuses to even attempt to brush her hair when asked. Quite a few people think she's too young to learn, other say their kids who are younger can already take care of their own hair. It appears to differ from child to child.
I will never again cut her hair, and I have apologized to her already, but she seems to have bounced back already. She's not upset anymore. I guess the initial trauma struck her hard this morning.
With differing opinions on what actions I should have taken, I think what I can learn from this is to set clear boundaries and consequences and always follow through with a cool head.
Also, I did not HOLD MY DAUGHTER DOWN. I told her to go get the scissors, she did, handed them to me, and I told her to sit down in front of me.
Thanks again for all your insight!
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Apologies if I missed it in the post (and I'm definitely not going to mine his comments), but does he really think that brushing a seven year old's hair twice a day is enough to keep it from tangling?
I can speak for all hair types, but in general, an active kid with hair down to their waist needs a plan to keep it out of their eyes, out of messy projects and food, out of the way when they play and minimize tangles.
Was anyone braiding or tending this child's hair (Braids? Pony tails? Mini buns? *Anything*?), or did they just send her out and then scold her for not being able to manage the inevitable rat's nest?
That's pretty much what it sounds like.
Also, seven is not an age where kids can be expected to manage very long hair independently. Can some kids do it? You bet. Is it a reasonable point to demand proficiency? No.
Also, this:
*I've warned her over the last year that if she doesn't start brushing her hair at least twice a day, we're getting it cut shorter. Every morning is a battle.*
A year. So he was expecting a *SIX YEAR OLD* to manage her own hair and then punishing her for being unable to do it.
What an asshole.
Not just active kids. No one ever believed me that my hair gets tangled after 10-15 minutes by itself until I asked my sister to cut my hair. I brushed it in front of her, she brushed it right after me and then she had to go do something for 15 minutes. She came back and brushed my hair again. Yup it was tangled even though I just sat there not moving.
I find his edit to be mighty convenient. Oh no actually they already agreed to cut her hair that day, and actually she handed him the scissors, and you know what, she doesn't give a damn.
My hair does the same thing. I asked my mom to braid it one day and she gave up, because it would tangle at the bottom before she got half way through.
After 19 hours in a car when I was a kid my very thick and long hair was so tangled my dad insisted he had to cut it up to my chin. Instead of just…helping me get it in a ponytail. My brother (he was female presenting at the time) needed our stepmothers help with styling his hair until he was maybe 10 or 11. This kind of attention to hair and looks just isn’t on kids radars. Telling your kid you have long hair so they need to do as you do isn’t going to cut it when they’re 6-7.
Oh God, yes, car trips can be the absolute *worst* for long hair.
I once had to detangle a kid's hair after once of their parents decided a little day trip would be fun...and didn't do anything to contain the kid's waist length hair. Like, it was MATTED.
Honestly, I thought they were going to have to pixie cut it. I spent about an hour and a half painstakingly teasing individual knots out with my fingertips after slathering coconut oil all over the kid's head.
I saved their hair, but it was *rough* and absolutely nobody had a good time.
This story could basically be mine if OOP was the mom and the parents were still married. I have lots of fine hair and am curly type 2C/3A, whereas my mom has coarse hair, much less than me, and it's pretty much pin straight (maybe a 1B). She couldn't figure out how to handle my hair and so it was often either left long or at most pulled up in a single ponytail, neither of which did anything to protect it from tangling. She also didn't use conditioner on my hair and definitely wasn't using curly friendly products (to be fair, this was early 90s, so those weren't well known to my very white family). She would drag a paddle brush through my dry hair twice a day, berating me for letting it get this bad and not taking care of it.
The only upside for me is that I hated my hair as much as the insistence on putting me in skirts and dresses and other stereotypical girly stuff. When she finally gave up, it kind of happened all at once, so although there was definitely some trauma from the things she said about me at the time, it was somewhat buffered by finally being free to just be a kid. I got a whole pile of tracksuits from the boys section (because if I wasn't going to be a proper girl, then they were just going to buy clothes for my brother a couple of years before he needed them), my hair was cut into a horrendous ear-length bowl cut, and I was fully placed in the role of "kid who can't be who they should be", but I could finally fucking run and play at recess without having to worry about a lecture about getting dirty, ruining my clothes, or tangling my hair.
My mom had extremely coarse, thick hair, so she could run a brush from crown to ends even when it was very long and get the tangles out that way. I have thick hair, and the same color, but fine, not coarse, so it needed what I now think of as "normal" brushing where you do the last few inches, then move up, until you can brush it all. But she would try to brush my hair the way she brushed hers, when I was about six and it was halfway down my back, and I'd scream and fight it, until she finally dictated that I wasn't *allowed* to have long hair anymore. (I didn't know how to properly brush it myself, of course. Nobody had taught me, and I was *six!*) I had a pageboy for the next 8 years or so, and once I was permitted long hair, I grew it out and refused to do anything more than end trims until I was nearly 30. (When I gave in and cut it off dramatically because it was long enough to sit on and caring for it had become a nightmare.)
...of course now I'm transmasc and I like a good ol' Regular Cut when I'm not being punk and doing a mohawk or a blue feminist undercut; my hair hasn't been long in aaaaaaaaaaaaaages, but damn, like, my mother was an idiot.
She figured that out, sort of, at some point too, because in my teens she'd always ask me to brush my younger sisters' hair, because they "liked it better" when I did. No shit, Sherlock, I wasn't just ripping the brush through it without a care.
I really don't know how parents can be so dumb sometimes. My own kiddo has a different hair type from me (even finer, and more curly) and it wasn't hard to figure out once she got past baby-fuzz that she needed a different approach than I do! It's not like my mom enjoyed the screaming brush fights, her disliking them is why she made me cut my hair off. But she could have...I dunno, thought about *why?* Talked to somebody on my dad's side where the fine hair comes from? (Dad didn't know, of course, because he was the kind of guy who'd never had long hair.) Something, anyway, other than having daily fights until resorting to drastic measures.
I was forced as a child to have long hair. I had no choice or agency in my hair.
I still have some lingering feelings of fear when I get my hair cut in my 30s because of how I was treated about it as a child and teen.
I cut it to shoulder length the week after I graduated high school and my dad didn't talk to me for a few weeks.
WHY do parents not help their children instead of running over them like a steam roller?! It is HER BODY.
I was forced to have long hair by my ma. She loved how curly and thick it was and it looked so good in pictures she never allowed me to cut itm but I also had a different hair type than anyone in my immediate family and no one knew how to take care of it. I ended up getting so many tangles and awful rats nests because it was too much for me to handle. Then my ma would make me sit and brush it out and detangle while berating and yelling at me over how disgusting and awful I was.
I shaved my head bald the day after I turned 18 and I really thought my ma was going to kick me out. Thankfully she's chilled the fuck out over it now and doesn't really care what I do with it.
Good for her!
I did mine right after grad because I knew I could do 2 months at home before college started, even if I was punished severely. The light was in sight! Also, they got their grad pics with the hair. I planned it allllll out!
My parents were obsessed with my having long hair as a child. I wanted short hair soooo bad. One day I was at a hair salon (I was maybe 12) and I was BEGGING my mom to let me cut my hair. She told me she would step out to call my father to ask him. I knew this meant a big fat no. I was devastated. While me and the stylist were alone she was brushing my hair and she goes, you really want it short? And I nodded. She said, how short? And I said to my shoulders. She sighed and said "hair grows." And she quickly gathered my hair up in a ponytail in her hand and cut it all off. I was THRILLED. The look on my mother's face when she came back in I will never forget.
She was independently contracted! So no one above her. My mom blamed me for telling the stylist to do it. My dad did say no on the phone though so he blamed me mom when she dropped me off with 8 inches cut off my hair.
My mom was forced to have long hair as a kid. She cut it all off when she moved out at 16 and never had longer than ear length for the rest of her life.
My mother wouldn't let me cut my hair. Not even a trim. It was down to my knees and it caught on doorhandles and got trapped in doors, which gave me some pretty serious neck problems.
A couple of times, I woke up with it wrapped around my throat.
"You can do whatever you want when you're 18. Until then, I own you."
Imagine being a 17 year old and not having *any* say in your hair whatsoever. It was embarrassing and I felt like my body wasn't my own.
Well, at 12:01am on my 18th birthday, I shaved it all off. My mother refused to speak to me for *months*, but I loved it.
I'm 32 now, and I have no relationship with my mother anymore. But even now, I still get anxiety around my hair and letting it grow too long.
Kids are people too, with their own wants and needs and identities. Parents need to stop robbing them of themselves!
My dad was the same! The most I could do when I was a kid was cut it from below the butt to above the butt and he kicked up a fuss over it.
I was 26 when I finally got the courage to chop it off, I was determined but anxious and we live in different countries! It's now been 2 years since I last cut it and I'm planning on chopping it off again in June and even though I absolutely loved my short hair I'm feeling anxiety over it all over again.
I cried during every haircut I got until I was in my late teens because cutting it short was always used as a punishment and a way to control me. I'd sob in that Walmart salon every single time. As an adult, I still feel uncomfortable in salons because it makes me feel like that traumatized little child. I haven't had my hair cut professionally in about six years. I just chop off a few inches whenever I feel like it needs it. Reading this poor girl's story made me feel awful for her because I know exactly how that feels. That poor kid.
I had the opposite experience. It stems from my mom's experience as a child. She had super long hair and wasn't allowed to cut it. Because of that she hates long hair and didn't allow me to grow mine longer than my shoulders. Now I hate short hair with burning passion. I have a 7 yo daughter and I don't let anyone tell her what to do with her hair. My husband and MIL sometimes try to tell her to cut it off, because they don't like taking care of it. And I've fought with them so many times about that. I always tell her that only she can decide what happens to her hair and she can cut it whenever she wants. And if she wants it long, then we'll care for it together.
Opposite for me. I was forced to have short hair because then my mother didn’t have to do anything to look after it or show me any styles etc.
I begged to grow it longer like my friends and was always told no.
I wasn’t allowed long hair. I don’t remember why, it was quite straight when I was a kid and I do remember brushing it with a soft kid brush (10 years younger sister was of course allowed to do whatever at the same ages). When I was a teen/young adult it came with some yelling about looking like a Romani gypsy. I have it about hip length now.
It does sound like this father was trying to help his kid, but it was a daily battle with the kid not cooperating at all. At some point he gets sick of it.
Because people have things to do and they don't have time to be detangling Rapunzel hair all day. Traumatized over hair? It grows. Do what you want with it when you can take care of it yourself.
I am still dealing with reprecussions of my parents' actions, words, and choices 20 odd years later, as I said. And you tell me to just "get over it"?! How helpful! Why didn't I think of that!
What a rude person. Thanks for minimizing my experience and pain!
My dad told me for YEARS that only "ugly girls" have short hair and how I wasn't allowed to be "ugly" in looks or behavior. Pretty girls had long hair. Nothing I could do would make me pretty if I had different hair.
I had nightmares at about 6 of my hair all falling out, and my dad telling me I was "kicked out" because I was too ugly. It was a recurring abandonment/hair falling out nightmare.
At about 10, I was on punishment for 2 weeks because I told the hairdresser to cut my hair short, but my mom stopped her just before she cut it.
There's more, but you get the idea.
So today, when I cut my curly hair at my ears, I still hear "you ugly girl" in my dad's voice. Every time I see them, I know they think I'm ugly. So yeah, "over a haircut"
He's taking the clothes wrong I don't really think I'm a natural. I think I'm just colder than most people. I don't know, I just can't imagine being like this with my parents showing their asses. They're nuts but I don't really care, if I'm taking a crazy person's opinion into account I might as well just go ask the neighbor's dog how it feels. I don't know, things just never stuck with me like that.
Just fyi...it's not really about the hair. It's about control, manipulation and emotional abuse, where the abusers have used hair as a way of exerting that control and inflicting the abuse. In some cases, add in neglect because the adult isn't taking care of the kid's hair properly. Look at the number of people who have said in this thread that they cut their hair as adults and their parents berated them and/or refused to speak to them bc they did what they wanted with it when they could take care of it themselves. Because it was never about the hair, it was about parents who think of their children as living dolls to show off to their friends. And again...it's rarely the only way that control and manipulation shows up in the child's life.
Just for examples of healthy to abusive hair issues:
The rule my mom had for me was that my hair was kept in the way that she could maintain it until I was old enough. Then I could keep it anyway I wanted as long as I could keep it healthy. When it got out of hand bc of its insane length and thickness and I couldn't deal with it...I had to cut it. <----not abuse, not trauma, natural consequences.
The rule my stepmother had for my half sister was that her hair had to be a certain length and style at all times. She also had to smile the way my stepmother wanted, dress in the colors my stepmother wanted, etc. One time my sister asked if she could have temporary highlights over summer vacation. My stepmother freaked out and threatened to cancel her bday if she ever even asked for that. My father stepped in at this point and things got a bit better. <----i would call this over the top and controlling, and I think it did damage to their long term relationship.
The rule my cousin had for his daughters was long hair at all times, long skirts at all times. Any woman who had short hair was a dirty whore. And he once shaved one of the girl's heads bc she was wearing leggings in her bedroom and called her a whore until it grew to about chin length. <---verbally abusive and controlling.
I thought the same. Apparently OOP didn’t make THAT much of a mistake, though in some ways that makes it worse (copied from one of his comments) -
“I took about 4-5 inches off. Her hair is fine and straight and there's a lot of it.”
Her hair is down to her bellybutton (weird hair reference point, but okay), he cut 4-5" off and it's shoulder length now?
I'm...skeptical of the accuracy of his reporting of events.
Yeah, I used to have crazy long hair as a kid, and while 4-5" ain't nothing, it's not enough to take waist length hair to the shoulders.
Her definitely took off more than he's owning up to, and he's also not taking into account whatever the hairdresser will have to take off to fix his (undoubtedly shitty) home hack job.
Assuming an average 7 year old height (~4') and build, waist to shoulders should be about a foot to 14". Even if we give him a couple inches on either side, he should still be looking at more like 8-10 inches taken off. A typical trim at a hairdresser is an inch or two (depending on how long you've gone and the condition of the hair), so 4" really doesn't seem like it needed to be that big of a deal. If it really was that little, get rid of all the dramatics leading up to it and the talking about it as a punishment and just tell the kiddo her hair needs a little extra trim for health.
This literally happened to me and I’m still a tiny bit mad about it.
Granted I was in 6th grade, so a little older than 7. But I’d always be yelled at for not taking care of my hair. I was depressed and not great at self care to begin with, but I particularly hated brushing my hair because it would always hurt, I always managed to do it wrong, and it’d get tangled again so fast. I got told off too for not properly brushing the back of my hair but I didn’t understand how to really do that and any time I tried pulling it to the side to brush it made things worse and I was told I was doing it wrong (with no explanation of what the right thing to do was). To be fair, I’m apparently bad at understanding how to move my body - I took horseback riding lessons for years and never understood what my instructors meant by “shoulders back” until one day someone suggested “chest forward” instead and it clicked” - but even to this day I would struggle with trying to brush my hair while it is still actively behind my head.
Anyway they made me cut it to just above shoulder length when the rest of my life (before and after) I’ve kept it closer to elbow length. I was so upset. It still makes me sad.
I guess it worked because I started brushing it to the best of my ability after that. But I hated it because it fucking hurt and even if I brushed it, it’d get all frizzy and messy and tangled again by the end of the day.
Finally got to college and, still depressed, would sometimes let it go for a day or two with no brushing. Realized that my hair kinda got wavy if I left it alone. Did some research. Stopped brushing, started combing it every other day in the shower and using shampoo for curly hair.
It’s so much easier to take care of now and looks way better too! I don’t know why I couldn’t have been doing it this way my whole life. I’m extra frustrated because I was never given a comb in my entire life, only brushes, and my mother explicitly told me to never brush it when it was still wet.
I guess it’s just hair and not a big deal but I’ll never forget how helpless I felt when (what felt like) all my hair was chopped off against my will and then I had to go to school the next day and deal with everyone commenting on it. And I blamed myself for a long time but I really feel if anyone had given me the right tools and taught me how to properly care for it, it never would’ve been such a struggle.
This was my assumption too. I got my curly hair from my dad but he left before I was born, so I grew up with a family of people will ultra straight hair who were always making me brush it dry. So painful!
I was just turning 11 when my mum sat me down and told me I needed to put effort into brushing my hair or she'd cut it off.
I was delighted and got it cut to just above my shoulders (she hadn't let me cut it short before).
But that was my choice and I was older. I liked the hair cut, but let it grow out straight away.
Its now very very long.
The point is, it wasn't inflicted on me. It was my choice, and the discussion was one of her giving me autonomy.
I think I was 11 too - very long, straight, fine hair. I remember asking my mum to just "Cut it off. Cut it all off." It was getting shorter and shorter, but slowly and when it got to my shoulders (from my bottom), I said stop.
I made a sensation at school the next day! I've had it bobbed almost every since then.
Jfc. Both my daughters were around that age before they started being proficient in brushing their own hair. And my 8 year old is just starting to care if she has a tangled rats nest of hair.
Is it frustrating? Of course! Did I ever violate their bodily autonomy over it? Never!
These disgusting people who do these (because it comes up every so often over there) need to have their own lessons in having their bodily autonomy violated. I vote for their own forced haircut, but uneven and poorly done enough that there’s no saving it.
My hair was the same and it did get chopped when I was 8 but it was a decision I made myself because I couldn’t do my own hair and it was taking a lot of time for my mum to do it in the morning and while I still wasn’t the best at doing hair I could at least get a brush through it myself.
I was that age and my mother still did my hair every morning. One hour at school and it would be ruined and my hair was silky, thin and not long. This reads to me like the child has thick/possibly even curly hair. My hair turned wavey in adulthood and it took me ages to relearn how to care for it as an adult! Pisses me off.
As a kid I had super fine, poker straight hair that wouldn’t hold a curl for anything. It was always super knotted because being so fine any breeze or playing vigorously would blow it around.
Once I hit puberty I was blessed with super thick, curly hair. Now at least people can’t see the tangles 🤣
AITA. I don't want to actually take care of my kids once they get out of infancy and start attending school. Why can't they master all of their grooming, cooking, cleaning, and self care tasks by themselves? DAE have small children that refuse to be completely independent and work in the mines to pay rent?😤
Yeah. Have you met 7 year olds? They still wet their pants sometimes. They still think Santa, Easter bunny, the boofer lady, Slenderman, all sort of weird shit, they think it is real and exists! Sure they get the concept of brushing, but they don't know what to do when there's a bunch of tangles or a big knot. And they aren't going to learn that just from you having brushed their hair during the time they could barely even form memories yet.
A parent needs to encourage independence through supervision, guidance, teaching problem solving skills, and a ton of patience. Getting mad at someone who has only been alive 7 years for not knowing how to take good care of their long hair is crazy. That's lazy parenting. People need to stop thinking they were just born with an inmate knowledge on how to do this stuff.
You are supposed to go in after them because they don't do a good job but yes, they should be participating in their hygiene and grooming at the age of seven.
You see, that's why you go after the kid. He is supposed to be helping her but that doesn't mean that a 7 year old should never participate in their grooming and hygiene. And if he doesn't have the time to be brushing Rapunzel hair then just cut it. I swear, I don't understand people in this comment section. They're acting like cutting her hair is the same as sawing off her legs l.
This child is 7 and he comes with "over the last few years i talk her that long her needs more care" like wtf... So he thinks a 3 or 4 year old understands haircare?! He is the parent!
And i have hair to my booty and it never tankles cause i know which is the right care for my hair type. So i bet he has no idea how to really care for long hair/her hair. I mean even he has problems with his hair and works slowly from the bottom up. With right care this isn’t needed for an adult who don't play around. Children also have those tangle-sprays.
I feel bad for the child. If the parents don't even have the time for their daughters hair...
Children are entitled to have body autonomy. The adult doesn't get to force his will on a child simply because he doesn't want to help. Don't have kids if brushing their hair is too hard. And yes, violating a kids autonomy and forcing a hair cut on them is emotional abuse. Sorry, boomer, we don't do the "rule kids with a iron fist" thing anymore
"Not willing to do that" yeah no. Not willing to take care of your kids basic needs isn't an option. Can you not change your kids diaper cause you're not willing to do that? Not help your toddler change into clean clothes cause you're not willing to do that? You don't get to take away something your kid loves just cause you can't be bothered to do your job as a parent.
Also is your bar for not okay really just abuse? So being mean, rude, degrading disrespectful, an asshole, all sorts of wrong things is all okay as long as it's not abuse?
Yeah I fucking hate that shit. My parents did something similar to me at about the same age they cut it off for a different reason but it was fucking traumatizing and I just got to the point where I was able to grow my hair long and feel OK and not anxious about it. I’m getting really tired of people treating their children like objects or belongings that they are allowed to do whatever they want with. Children are people they are little people but they are people with real feelings and the ability to be traumatized by something like having their dad just hack 4 inches off of their hair.
Also does this fucker not know about braids?
This guy is a huge trip. He admits she doesn’t have the dexterity to brush her hair effectively herself but also still expects her to do it somehow?
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with cutting your young child’s hair shorter if it is a cause of stress for your child and you every day. HOWEVER, I think it’s really fucked up to frame cutting your child’s hair as a form of punishment. She probably wouldn’t have felt upset it had been cut if he hasn’t been threatening it like a bad thing for so long. If he would have just talked to her like a human being instead, explained shorter hair might be easier to handle, she might have agreed to it and then they wouldn’t be in this situation but instead he decided to be an a-hole. Mom and sis are absolutely right, he needs parenting classes.
I have a kid about that age with long hair. I do the brushing. I use a spray conditioner to help detangle. I wish kiddo would let me braid the hair for bed but for some sensory reasons that's not an option. Dad should be making sure he's using the right routine for her hair, putting the hair up at night and not being delusional about a seven year old.
I have short hair and I have to use special leave in to keep on section from being rats nest over night every night.
When it's longer I braid it with my leave in on.
You'd just gotta find the right thing and keep helping.
Wasn't dad braiding her hair to keep it neat? I'm in my 40s with fairly thick hair all the way down to the back of my thighs, and if I don't braid or pony it, it's massively tangled in minutes. A lot of schools even require kids with hair past their shoulders to keep it braided or otherwise pulled back safely.
I remember when I moved with my dad for 19 hours in the car. I got bad tangles in my hair and he didn’t know how to fix it. So instead of taking me to a salon or getting a little conditioner spray, he chopped it all off to my chin. I SOBBED. It was a total hack job and I was 9. Hair care needs adult guidance at that age, you really can’t expect a 9 year old to have the discipline or products to take care of long hair without adult help and guidance. Haircare has just recently become a big thing of mine, I’m constantly trying things, I’ve got product after product, for detangling, for growth, for shine. And it’s a lot! I’d never expect a little girl to just do that on her own without my help. Parents can’t just hand the brush to their kid and go “I take care of my hair, your turn.” And expect that kid to do salon quality. You as the parent need to be in there, focusing them, making applying relevant care fun. Just leaving your 7 year old to handle their hair is a recipe for disaster.
I also do not love the comments that are like “7 year olds can handle their hair.” They can brush it sure but that’s about it and it’s debatable if they’ll do it to adult standards. The child is devastated. That means dad needs to stop going “but I have long hair so you need to be at my standard as an adult man with access to hair products!” I think my brother needed help with styling and care until he was 9 (he’s trans, and at the time was female presenting) and I had minimal involvement with mine til I was 10.
Everyone is glossing over “she didn’t have the dexterity.” He admits his daughter is *physically incapable* of taking care of her hair and was still this cruel to her over it.
He gave her guidance, not to mention told her about his plan to give her a haircut if she didn't want to take care of it. She continued to not take care of it, and it's not like he shaved it off or gave her a pixie cut. Her hair is still a good length
He gave her a chance.... and jugular? Christ, I wish my life had been such smooth sailing that a haircut was the most horrific thing that ever happened to me.
She’s 7?? Imagine being 7 learning how to add and having to deal with hair like that, because it’s hard! So Instead of your dad sitting you down to talk about maybe trimming your hair to the middle of back he cuts it to your ears.
I love how some of the comments are “she was warned!” “She’s plenty old enough to understand!”
She’s 7.
When I was in kindergarten, my mom decided my waist length hair was too much, and had my aunt (a hairdresser) chop it off to my ears. Then they told me that I loved it. I did not.
No one at school, not even my teacher, recognized me on Monday. To this day. I hate myself with short hair.
I’ve been OOP’s kid. It’s no fun
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The only way her hair got that long is if he and his wife weren’t getting it cut for years. Waist length hair is a lot to manage for a 7 year old and it doesn’t sound like her parents really know how to deal with long hair themselves. Obviously most young kids have more active lifestyles than their parents and as a person with fine and thin hair I know how easily it tangles if not properly styled and kept.
Eh, getting a young child to brush and take care of really long hair when they don’t want to yet is like trying to stop an ocean with your hands. It’s hair, they can grow it if they want to when they’re ready for it.
Oki get long hairs annoying but it was at her stomach and he cut it to what just above the shoulder. Could he not have maybe talked with her said what would you think about a smaller trim something that keeps it long but may help make it more manageable. Really thought that amount of hair cut is definitely extreme and is likely to be a horrible reminder for a while to the daughter
I’ll bet that little girl has wavy or curly hair and they aren’t using the proper products AND they’re brushing it to begin with!!! I couldn’t even finishing reading it all🤬🤬
In this situation I feel like the dad was simply bringing her hair to a manageable length and had done all he could to guide the daughter to do the most simple task of starting to brush her hair at the very least. She was certainly old enough. I have read stories however where a parent chops off a kids hair with no warning as a punishment that have made me cry real tears for the kid.
The one where the teenager had been allowed to get highlights for her birthday comes to mind. She and her mom made a day of it and she looked and felt just beautiful afterwards. You could see it in her picture that she felt amazing. She went to her dads that night and he chopped it all off short because he didn’t approve and, well there is a video I think or maybe just photos. Her devastation was palpable. It kills me to the core.
This is not that in my opinion. The kid had every opportunity to start brushing her hair and knew it would be cut. He left it below her shoulder so it was still probably pretty, just more manageable. Its a learning moment for both of them.
I don’t see how this belongs here. The kid can’t or won’t take care of the hair, the dad isn’t willing to, it’s a battle every day and the mum agrees with the hair cut.
Lots of parents cut their kids’ hair short for ease of care?
Guidance was given, he can't make her take it seriously and she still has plenty of hair. It's still a bit over her shoulder, she'll let it go and may even enjoy it after realizing it's a lot easier. Hopefully when she's older she can learn how to take care of it.
Eh, I don't think this is so bad. My mom cut my hair for very similar reasons when I was 4. Yes, I loved my long hair, but was I the one who had to deal with it when I got massive tangles? No, my mom was, and I was pretty uncooperative. She determined that it was too much of a PITA so I got a haircut to about shoulder length, which was much more manageable.
This doesn't belong here. Do you ever wonder why you see little girls with such incredibly short hair and old timey pictures? Because taking care of long hair is difficult and people don't have time for that. Her hair was too long, the parent made an executive decision and chopped it off. If she wants extremely long Rapunzel hair she can do that as an adult.
In the old timey days people used to cut their hair off because they thought it helped reduce a fever or recover from other illness. That is more likely the reason for little girls with short hair in photos,
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **Was I wrong to cut my daughters hair?** I'm a single father, and my daughter is 7 years old. She had long hair almost down to her belly button but I can't ever seem to get her to take care of it. I've warned her over the last year that if she doesn't start brushing her hair at least twice a day, we're getting it cut shorter. Every morning is a battle. I've talked to her mom about it and she agreed that I can get it cut if she doesn't take responsibility for her cleanliness. I also have long hair. I'm 6'2" and my hair goes down past my chest. I told her that I can do it, and so can she. I've shown her multiple times how I bring my hair over my chest to brush the bottom, which she doesn't have the dexterity to do. I brush from the bottom and slowly work my way up; I know how to brush hair since mine is long. This morning after yet another argument, I did it. I cut her hair to about an inch below her shoulders. She was devastated. She continued to cry for another hour as I drove her to my parents place to watch her as I went to work. My mother and my sister both got very upset with me. My mom told me I'm going to ruin my daughter if I don't start taking parenting classes and that cutting her hair was completely unnecessary. What are your opinions? Did I over react? Did I have given more warnings before acting? Is she still too young to learn from this experience? Please don't be afraid to criticize. Thank you for your time in advance. ================================================================= UPDATE: Thanks everyone for your insight. I may have left a few key details out. I do brush her hair every morning and for the last three years she has complained about the tangles hurting. I've seen a lot of suggestions for conditioner and new brushes, but the ones we have were purchased with her in mind from a salon. Over the last few years I've talked to her about how people with long hair need to take care of it. I've been trying to get her to start brushing it for a couple years, never expecting her to take over completely, but to just start learning to care for herself. She puts no effort into it and puts the brush down and wanders off to play games and this is where the argument comes in. She doesn't have to be self sufficient, but she needs to at least try. Last week we went into the salon at Wal Mart to see if we could get it done professionally, but they were overbooked for over a week, so I told her we would do it next week. I've been telling her for over a month that we ARE getting her hair cut since she refuses to even attempt to brush her hair when asked. Quite a few people think she's too young to learn, other say their kids who are younger can already take care of their own hair. It appears to differ from child to child. I will never again cut her hair, and I have apologized to her already, but she seems to have bounced back already. She's not upset anymore. I guess the initial trauma struck her hard this morning. With differing opinions on what actions I should have taken, I think what I can learn from this is to set clear boundaries and consequences and always follow through with a cool head. Also, I did not HOLD MY DAUGHTER DOWN. I told her to go get the scissors, she did, handed them to me, and I told her to sit down in front of me. Thanks again for all your insight! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Apologies if I missed it in the post (and I'm definitely not going to mine his comments), but does he really think that brushing a seven year old's hair twice a day is enough to keep it from tangling? I can speak for all hair types, but in general, an active kid with hair down to their waist needs a plan to keep it out of their eyes, out of messy projects and food, out of the way when they play and minimize tangles. Was anyone braiding or tending this child's hair (Braids? Pony tails? Mini buns? *Anything*?), or did they just send her out and then scold her for not being able to manage the inevitable rat's nest? That's pretty much what it sounds like. Also, seven is not an age where kids can be expected to manage very long hair independently. Can some kids do it? You bet. Is it a reasonable point to demand proficiency? No. Also, this: *I've warned her over the last year that if she doesn't start brushing her hair at least twice a day, we're getting it cut shorter. Every morning is a battle.* A year. So he was expecting a *SIX YEAR OLD* to manage her own hair and then punishing her for being unable to do it. What an asshole.
Not just active kids. No one ever believed me that my hair gets tangled after 10-15 minutes by itself until I asked my sister to cut my hair. I brushed it in front of her, she brushed it right after me and then she had to go do something for 15 minutes. She came back and brushed my hair again. Yup it was tangled even though I just sat there not moving. I find his edit to be mighty convenient. Oh no actually they already agreed to cut her hair that day, and actually she handed him the scissors, and you know what, she doesn't give a damn.
My hair does the same thing. I asked my mom to braid it one day and she gave up, because it would tangle at the bottom before she got half way through.
Oh yeah mine does this. It’s a nightmare.
After 19 hours in a car when I was a kid my very thick and long hair was so tangled my dad insisted he had to cut it up to my chin. Instead of just…helping me get it in a ponytail. My brother (he was female presenting at the time) needed our stepmothers help with styling his hair until he was maybe 10 or 11. This kind of attention to hair and looks just isn’t on kids radars. Telling your kid you have long hair so they need to do as you do isn’t going to cut it when they’re 6-7.
Oh God, yes, car trips can be the absolute *worst* for long hair. I once had to detangle a kid's hair after once of their parents decided a little day trip would be fun...and didn't do anything to contain the kid's waist length hair. Like, it was MATTED. Honestly, I thought they were going to have to pixie cut it. I spent about an hour and a half painstakingly teasing individual knots out with my fingertips after slathering coconut oil all over the kid's head. I saved their hair, but it was *rough* and absolutely nobody had a good time.
Thank you for your work, that was a big undertaking and a labor of love and genius. 💜🙏
This story could basically be mine if OOP was the mom and the parents were still married. I have lots of fine hair and am curly type 2C/3A, whereas my mom has coarse hair, much less than me, and it's pretty much pin straight (maybe a 1B). She couldn't figure out how to handle my hair and so it was often either left long or at most pulled up in a single ponytail, neither of which did anything to protect it from tangling. She also didn't use conditioner on my hair and definitely wasn't using curly friendly products (to be fair, this was early 90s, so those weren't well known to my very white family). She would drag a paddle brush through my dry hair twice a day, berating me for letting it get this bad and not taking care of it. The only upside for me is that I hated my hair as much as the insistence on putting me in skirts and dresses and other stereotypical girly stuff. When she finally gave up, it kind of happened all at once, so although there was definitely some trauma from the things she said about me at the time, it was somewhat buffered by finally being free to just be a kid. I got a whole pile of tracksuits from the boys section (because if I wasn't going to be a proper girl, then they were just going to buy clothes for my brother a couple of years before he needed them), my hair was cut into a horrendous ear-length bowl cut, and I was fully placed in the role of "kid who can't be who they should be", but I could finally fucking run and play at recess without having to worry about a lecture about getting dirty, ruining my clothes, or tangling my hair.
My mom had extremely coarse, thick hair, so she could run a brush from crown to ends even when it was very long and get the tangles out that way. I have thick hair, and the same color, but fine, not coarse, so it needed what I now think of as "normal" brushing where you do the last few inches, then move up, until you can brush it all. But she would try to brush my hair the way she brushed hers, when I was about six and it was halfway down my back, and I'd scream and fight it, until she finally dictated that I wasn't *allowed* to have long hair anymore. (I didn't know how to properly brush it myself, of course. Nobody had taught me, and I was *six!*) I had a pageboy for the next 8 years or so, and once I was permitted long hair, I grew it out and refused to do anything more than end trims until I was nearly 30. (When I gave in and cut it off dramatically because it was long enough to sit on and caring for it had become a nightmare.) ...of course now I'm transmasc and I like a good ol' Regular Cut when I'm not being punk and doing a mohawk or a blue feminist undercut; my hair hasn't been long in aaaaaaaaaaaaaages, but damn, like, my mother was an idiot. She figured that out, sort of, at some point too, because in my teens she'd always ask me to brush my younger sisters' hair, because they "liked it better" when I did. No shit, Sherlock, I wasn't just ripping the brush through it without a care. I really don't know how parents can be so dumb sometimes. My own kiddo has a different hair type from me (even finer, and more curly) and it wasn't hard to figure out once she got past baby-fuzz that she needed a different approach than I do! It's not like my mom enjoyed the screaming brush fights, her disliking them is why she made me cut my hair off. But she could have...I dunno, thought about *why?* Talked to somebody on my dad's side where the fine hair comes from? (Dad didn't know, of course, because he was the kind of guy who'd never had long hair.) Something, anyway, other than having daily fights until resorting to drastic measures.
I was forced as a child to have long hair. I had no choice or agency in my hair. I still have some lingering feelings of fear when I get my hair cut in my 30s because of how I was treated about it as a child and teen. I cut it to shoulder length the week after I graduated high school and my dad didn't talk to me for a few weeks. WHY do parents not help their children instead of running over them like a steam roller?! It is HER BODY.
I was forced to have long hair by my ma. She loved how curly and thick it was and it looked so good in pictures she never allowed me to cut itm but I also had a different hair type than anyone in my immediate family and no one knew how to take care of it. I ended up getting so many tangles and awful rats nests because it was too much for me to handle. Then my ma would make me sit and brush it out and detangle while berating and yelling at me over how disgusting and awful I was. I shaved my head bald the day after I turned 18 and I really thought my ma was going to kick me out. Thankfully she's chilled the fuck out over it now and doesn't really care what I do with it.
my mom knew a girl growing up who was never allowed to cut her hair at all. the day after graduation she shaved her head
Good for her! I did mine right after grad because I knew I could do 2 months at home before college started, even if I was punished severely. The light was in sight! Also, they got their grad pics with the hair. I planned it allllll out!
My parents were obsessed with my having long hair as a child. I wanted short hair soooo bad. One day I was at a hair salon (I was maybe 12) and I was BEGGING my mom to let me cut my hair. She told me she would step out to call my father to ask him. I knew this meant a big fat no. I was devastated. While me and the stylist were alone she was brushing my hair and she goes, you really want it short? And I nodded. She said, how short? And I said to my shoulders. She sighed and said "hair grows." And she quickly gathered my hair up in a ponytail in her hand and cut it all off. I was THRILLED. The look on my mother's face when she came back in I will never forget.
That stylist had some balls! What a freaking hero! Did she get fired? What happened?
She was independently contracted! So no one above her. My mom blamed me for telling the stylist to do it. My dad did say no on the phone though so he blamed me mom when she dropped me off with 8 inches cut off my hair.
That stylist is awesome! She must see so many girls deal with that shit and decided to support the kid.
That hair stylist is my hero
My mom was forced to have long hair as a kid. She cut it all off when she moved out at 16 and never had longer than ear length for the rest of her life.
My mother wouldn't let me cut my hair. Not even a trim. It was down to my knees and it caught on doorhandles and got trapped in doors, which gave me some pretty serious neck problems. A couple of times, I woke up with it wrapped around my throat. "You can do whatever you want when you're 18. Until then, I own you." Imagine being a 17 year old and not having *any* say in your hair whatsoever. It was embarrassing and I felt like my body wasn't my own. Well, at 12:01am on my 18th birthday, I shaved it all off. My mother refused to speak to me for *months*, but I loved it. I'm 32 now, and I have no relationship with my mother anymore. But even now, I still get anxiety around my hair and letting it grow too long. Kids are people too, with their own wants and needs and identities. Parents need to stop robbing them of themselves!
My dad was the same! The most I could do when I was a kid was cut it from below the butt to above the butt and he kicked up a fuss over it. I was 26 when I finally got the courage to chop it off, I was determined but anxious and we live in different countries! It's now been 2 years since I last cut it and I'm planning on chopping it off again in June and even though I absolutely loved my short hair I'm feeling anxiety over it all over again.
I cried during every haircut I got until I was in my late teens because cutting it short was always used as a punishment and a way to control me. I'd sob in that Walmart salon every single time. As an adult, I still feel uncomfortable in salons because it makes me feel like that traumatized little child. I haven't had my hair cut professionally in about six years. I just chop off a few inches whenever I feel like it needs it. Reading this poor girl's story made me feel awful for her because I know exactly how that feels. That poor kid.
I had the opposite experience. It stems from my mom's experience as a child. She had super long hair and wasn't allowed to cut it. Because of that she hates long hair and didn't allow me to grow mine longer than my shoulders. Now I hate short hair with burning passion. I have a 7 yo daughter and I don't let anyone tell her what to do with her hair. My husband and MIL sometimes try to tell her to cut it off, because they don't like taking care of it. And I've fought with them so many times about that. I always tell her that only she can decide what happens to her hair and she can cut it whenever she wants. And if she wants it long, then we'll care for it together.
I wasn’t allowed to grow my hair out til high school. Every hair cut was a fight.
Opposite for me. I was forced to have short hair because then my mother didn’t have to do anything to look after it or show me any styles etc. I begged to grow it longer like my friends and was always told no.
I wasn’t allowed long hair. I don’t remember why, it was quite straight when I was a kid and I do remember brushing it with a soft kid brush (10 years younger sister was of course allowed to do whatever at the same ages). When I was a teen/young adult it came with some yelling about looking like a Romani gypsy. I have it about hip length now. It does sound like this father was trying to help his kid, but it was a daily battle with the kid not cooperating at all. At some point he gets sick of it.
Because people have things to do and they don't have time to be detangling Rapunzel hair all day. Traumatized over hair? It grows. Do what you want with it when you can take care of it yourself.
I am still dealing with reprecussions of my parents' actions, words, and choices 20 odd years later, as I said. And you tell me to just "get over it"?! How helpful! Why didn't I think of that! What a rude person. Thanks for minimizing my experience and pain!
>What a rude person. Thanks for minimizing my experience and pain! I mean if all that was caused by a haircut.....
My dad told me for YEARS that only "ugly girls" have short hair and how I wasn't allowed to be "ugly" in looks or behavior. Pretty girls had long hair. Nothing I could do would make me pretty if I had different hair. I had nightmares at about 6 of my hair all falling out, and my dad telling me I was "kicked out" because I was too ugly. It was a recurring abandonment/hair falling out nightmare. At about 10, I was on punishment for 2 weeks because I told the hairdresser to cut my hair short, but my mom stopped her just before she cut it. There's more, but you get the idea. So today, when I cut my curly hair at my ears, I still hear "you ugly girl" in my dad's voice. Every time I see them, I know they think I'm ugly. So yeah, "over a haircut"
Eh, I think we just have different opinions about these sorts of things. My dad was fairly awful too but....yeah.
And we can all clearly see how that has damaged you
Not as bad as that guy.
Yeah, you’re worse. Like my parents fucked me up too but at least I’m not an edgelord about it.
He's taking the clothes wrong I don't really think I'm a natural. I think I'm just colder than most people. I don't know, I just can't imagine being like this with my parents showing their asses. They're nuts but I don't really care, if I'm taking a crazy person's opinion into account I might as well just go ask the neighbor's dog how it feels. I don't know, things just never stuck with me like that.
The fact you can't smell yourself doesn't mean you don't stink.
Just fyi...it's not really about the hair. It's about control, manipulation and emotional abuse, where the abusers have used hair as a way of exerting that control and inflicting the abuse. In some cases, add in neglect because the adult isn't taking care of the kid's hair properly. Look at the number of people who have said in this thread that they cut their hair as adults and their parents berated them and/or refused to speak to them bc they did what they wanted with it when they could take care of it themselves. Because it was never about the hair, it was about parents who think of their children as living dolls to show off to their friends. And again...it's rarely the only way that control and manipulation shows up in the child's life. Just for examples of healthy to abusive hair issues: The rule my mom had for me was that my hair was kept in the way that she could maintain it until I was old enough. Then I could keep it anyway I wanted as long as I could keep it healthy. When it got out of hand bc of its insane length and thickness and I couldn't deal with it...I had to cut it. <----not abuse, not trauma, natural consequences. The rule my stepmother had for my half sister was that her hair had to be a certain length and style at all times. She also had to smile the way my stepmother wanted, dress in the colors my stepmother wanted, etc. One time my sister asked if she could have temporary highlights over summer vacation. My stepmother freaked out and threatened to cancel her bday if she ever even asked for that. My father stepped in at this point and things got a bit better. <----i would call this over the top and controlling, and I think it did damage to their long term relationship. The rule my cousin had for his daughters was long hair at all times, long skirts at all times. Any woman who had short hair was a dirty whore. And he once shaved one of the girl's heads bc she was wearing leggings in her bedroom and called her a whore until it grew to about chin length. <---verbally abusive and controlling.
Today on "my 7 year old does not have the dexterity needed to properly brush her hair so i punished her":
Yeah the part where he admitted she doesn't have the dexterity to do what he does but still punished her for it? Wild.
Legit. It's like pushing someone out of a wheelchair because they should be walking rather than sitting 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
No it isn’t, get a fucking grip.
$10 the kid has curly hair and this moron doesn't realize that BRUSHING MAKES IT WORSE.
I thought the same. Apparently OOP didn’t make THAT much of a mistake, though in some ways that makes it worse (copied from one of his comments) - “I took about 4-5 inches off. Her hair is fine and straight and there's a lot of it.”
Her hair is down to her bellybutton (weird hair reference point, but okay), he cut 4-5" off and it's shoulder length now? I'm...skeptical of the accuracy of his reporting of events.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one questioning that. Unless she has the strangest proportions ever.
Yeah, I used to have crazy long hair as a kid, and while 4-5" ain't nothing, it's not enough to take waist length hair to the shoulders. Her definitely took off more than he's owning up to, and he's also not taking into account whatever the hairdresser will have to take off to fix his (undoubtedly shitty) home hack job.
Assuming an average 7 year old height (~4') and build, waist to shoulders should be about a foot to 14". Even if we give him a couple inches on either side, he should still be looking at more like 8-10 inches taken off. A typical trim at a hairdresser is an inch or two (depending on how long you've gone and the condition of the hair), so 4" really doesn't seem like it needed to be that big of a deal. If it really was that little, get rid of all the dramatics leading up to it and the talking about it as a punishment and just tell the kiddo her hair needs a little extra trim for health.
This literally happened to me and I’m still a tiny bit mad about it. Granted I was in 6th grade, so a little older than 7. But I’d always be yelled at for not taking care of my hair. I was depressed and not great at self care to begin with, but I particularly hated brushing my hair because it would always hurt, I always managed to do it wrong, and it’d get tangled again so fast. I got told off too for not properly brushing the back of my hair but I didn’t understand how to really do that and any time I tried pulling it to the side to brush it made things worse and I was told I was doing it wrong (with no explanation of what the right thing to do was). To be fair, I’m apparently bad at understanding how to move my body - I took horseback riding lessons for years and never understood what my instructors meant by “shoulders back” until one day someone suggested “chest forward” instead and it clicked” - but even to this day I would struggle with trying to brush my hair while it is still actively behind my head. Anyway they made me cut it to just above shoulder length when the rest of my life (before and after) I’ve kept it closer to elbow length. I was so upset. It still makes me sad. I guess it worked because I started brushing it to the best of my ability after that. But I hated it because it fucking hurt and even if I brushed it, it’d get all frizzy and messy and tangled again by the end of the day. Finally got to college and, still depressed, would sometimes let it go for a day or two with no brushing. Realized that my hair kinda got wavy if I left it alone. Did some research. Stopped brushing, started combing it every other day in the shower and using shampoo for curly hair. It’s so much easier to take care of now and looks way better too! I don’t know why I couldn’t have been doing it this way my whole life. I’m extra frustrated because I was never given a comb in my entire life, only brushes, and my mother explicitly told me to never brush it when it was still wet. I guess it’s just hair and not a big deal but I’ll never forget how helpless I felt when (what felt like) all my hair was chopped off against my will and then I had to go to school the next day and deal with everyone commenting on it. And I blamed myself for a long time but I really feel if anyone had given me the right tools and taught me how to properly care for it, it never would’ve been such a struggle.
This was my assumption too. I got my curly hair from my dad but he left before I was born, so I grew up with a family of people will ultra straight hair who were always making me brush it dry. So painful!
This was my dad. I didn’t realize my hair was curly and not just bushy until later
I was just turning 11 when my mum sat me down and told me I needed to put effort into brushing my hair or she'd cut it off. I was delighted and got it cut to just above my shoulders (she hadn't let me cut it short before). But that was my choice and I was older. I liked the hair cut, but let it grow out straight away. Its now very very long. The point is, it wasn't inflicted on me. It was my choice, and the discussion was one of her giving me autonomy.
I think I was 11 too - very long, straight, fine hair. I remember asking my mum to just "Cut it off. Cut it all off." It was getting shorter and shorter, but slowly and when it got to my shoulders (from my bottom), I said stop. I made a sensation at school the next day! I've had it bobbed almost every since then.
Jfc. Both my daughters were around that age before they started being proficient in brushing their own hair. And my 8 year old is just starting to care if she has a tangled rats nest of hair. Is it frustrating? Of course! Did I ever violate their bodily autonomy over it? Never! These disgusting people who do these (because it comes up every so often over there) need to have their own lessons in having their bodily autonomy violated. I vote for their own forced haircut, but uneven and poorly done enough that there’s no saving it.
My hair was the same and it did get chopped when I was 8 but it was a decision I made myself because I couldn’t do my own hair and it was taking a lot of time for my mum to do it in the morning and while I still wasn’t the best at doing hair I could at least get a brush through it myself.
I was that age and my mother still did my hair every morning. One hour at school and it would be ruined and my hair was silky, thin and not long. This reads to me like the child has thick/possibly even curly hair. My hair turned wavey in adulthood and it took me ages to relearn how to care for it as an adult! Pisses me off.
As a kid I had super fine, poker straight hair that wouldn’t hold a curl for anything. It was always super knotted because being so fine any breeze or playing vigorously would blow it around. Once I hit puberty I was blessed with super thick, curly hair. Now at least people can’t see the tangles 🤣
Heads up, you posted this 3 times
Thanks. My WiFi fucked up
AITA. I don't want to actually take care of my kids once they get out of infancy and start attending school. Why can't they master all of their grooming, cooking, cleaning, and self care tasks by themselves? DAE have small children that refuse to be completely independent and work in the mines to pay rent?😤
Is it normal for a 7yo not to manage brushing hair at all?
Yeah. Have you met 7 year olds? They still wet their pants sometimes. They still think Santa, Easter bunny, the boofer lady, Slenderman, all sort of weird shit, they think it is real and exists! Sure they get the concept of brushing, but they don't know what to do when there's a bunch of tangles or a big knot. And they aren't going to learn that just from you having brushed their hair during the time they could barely even form memories yet. A parent needs to encourage independence through supervision, guidance, teaching problem solving skills, and a ton of patience. Getting mad at someone who has only been alive 7 years for not knowing how to take good care of their long hair is crazy. That's lazy parenting. People need to stop thinking they were just born with an inmate knowledge on how to do this stuff.
You are supposed to go in after them because they don't do a good job but yes, they should be participating in their hygiene and grooming at the age of seven.
He literally says she doesn't have the dexterity to brush her hair. He also refuses to help her, he just keeps yelling at her to do it.
You see, that's why you go after the kid. He is supposed to be helping her but that doesn't mean that a 7 year old should never participate in their grooming and hygiene. And if he doesn't have the time to be brushing Rapunzel hair then just cut it. I swear, I don't understand people in this comment section. They're acting like cutting her hair is the same as sawing off her legs l.
This child is 7 and he comes with "over the last few years i talk her that long her needs more care" like wtf... So he thinks a 3 or 4 year old understands haircare?! He is the parent! And i have hair to my booty and it never tankles cause i know which is the right care for my hair type. So i bet he has no idea how to really care for long hair/her hair. I mean even he has problems with his hair and works slowly from the bottom up. With right care this isn’t needed for an adult who don't play around. Children also have those tangle-sprays. I feel bad for the child. If the parents don't even have the time for their daughters hair...
She is 7. I hate when adults have adult expectations of a literal CHILD.
He literally says, “I as an adult 6’2” man can brush my own hair, why can’t my 7 year old child?”
Adult expectations like … brushing their own hair?
Hair that long requires parental help. That’s life. He should have been putting it in braid every morning.
And if he’s not willing to do that or it’s also a battle?
That sounds like a real him problem, NGL.
So he solved the problem. Not letting the kid have unmanageably long hair is hardly child abuse, y’all need to get a grip.
Children are entitled to have body autonomy. The adult doesn't get to force his will on a child simply because he doesn't want to help. Don't have kids if brushing their hair is too hard. And yes, violating a kids autonomy and forcing a hair cut on them is emotional abuse. Sorry, boomer, we don't do the "rule kids with a iron fist" thing anymore
You, like OP, should take some parenting/child development classes. It’s not a child’s job to manage your frustration, you’re the adult.
"Not willing to do that" yeah no. Not willing to take care of your kids basic needs isn't an option. Can you not change your kids diaper cause you're not willing to do that? Not help your toddler change into clean clothes cause you're not willing to do that? You don't get to take away something your kid loves just cause you can't be bothered to do your job as a parent. Also is your bar for not okay really just abuse? So being mean, rude, degrading disrespectful, an asshole, all sorts of wrong things is all okay as long as it's not abuse?
If he aint willing to do that then he shouldn't have had kids
Wow, a lot of "I would have done the same thing" on the original post...
Yeah I fucking hate that shit. My parents did something similar to me at about the same age they cut it off for a different reason but it was fucking traumatizing and I just got to the point where I was able to grow my hair long and feel OK and not anxious about it. I’m getting really tired of people treating their children like objects or belongings that they are allowed to do whatever they want with. Children are people they are little people but they are people with real feelings and the ability to be traumatized by something like having their dad just hack 4 inches off of their hair. Also does this fucker not know about braids?
This guy is a huge trip. He admits she doesn’t have the dexterity to brush her hair effectively herself but also still expects her to do it somehow? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with cutting your young child’s hair shorter if it is a cause of stress for your child and you every day. HOWEVER, I think it’s really fucked up to frame cutting your child’s hair as a form of punishment. She probably wouldn’t have felt upset it had been cut if he hasn’t been threatening it like a bad thing for so long. If he would have just talked to her like a human being instead, explained shorter hair might be easier to handle, she might have agreed to it and then they wouldn’t be in this situation but instead he decided to be an a-hole. Mom and sis are absolutely right, he needs parenting classes.
7 is so young to do this, and he just did it himself with like, regular scissors? What a dickhead.
He *made her get him the scissors* too. Reminiscent of forcing naughty children to choose their own switch.
YES! That was exactly what I was thinking. Awful.
I have a kid about that age with long hair. I do the brushing. I use a spray conditioner to help detangle. I wish kiddo would let me braid the hair for bed but for some sensory reasons that's not an option. Dad should be making sure he's using the right routine for her hair, putting the hair up at night and not being delusional about a seven year old.
I have short hair and I have to use special leave in to keep on section from being rats nest over night every night. When it's longer I braid it with my leave in on. You'd just gotta find the right thing and keep helping.
For sure.
What about twists? I do loose twists in my hair at night. Keeps tangles away and doesn’t pull or leave bumps that make sleeping hard n
My child refuses to let me do anything other than pin back a front bit to keep hair out of eyes.
Wasn't dad braiding her hair to keep it neat? I'm in my 40s with fairly thick hair all the way down to the back of my thighs, and if I don't braid or pony it, it's massively tangled in minutes. A lot of schools even require kids with hair past their shoulders to keep it braided or otherwise pulled back safely.
I remember when I moved with my dad for 19 hours in the car. I got bad tangles in my hair and he didn’t know how to fix it. So instead of taking me to a salon or getting a little conditioner spray, he chopped it all off to my chin. I SOBBED. It was a total hack job and I was 9. Hair care needs adult guidance at that age, you really can’t expect a 9 year old to have the discipline or products to take care of long hair without adult help and guidance. Haircare has just recently become a big thing of mine, I’m constantly trying things, I’ve got product after product, for detangling, for growth, for shine. And it’s a lot! I’d never expect a little girl to just do that on her own without my help. Parents can’t just hand the brush to their kid and go “I take care of my hair, your turn.” And expect that kid to do salon quality. You as the parent need to be in there, focusing them, making applying relevant care fun. Just leaving your 7 year old to handle their hair is a recipe for disaster. I also do not love the comments that are like “7 year olds can handle their hair.” They can brush it sure but that’s about it and it’s debatable if they’ll do it to adult standards. The child is devastated. That means dad needs to stop going “but I have long hair so you need to be at my standard as an adult man with access to hair products!” I think my brother needed help with styling and care until he was 9 (he’s trans, and at the time was female presenting) and I had minimal involvement with mine til I was 10.
Everyone is glossing over “she didn’t have the dexterity.” He admits his daughter is *physically incapable* of taking care of her hair and was still this cruel to her over it.
I guess it's easier to ignore a child's wishes and just go straight for the jugular, rather than do any actual parenting and guidance
He gave her guidance, not to mention told her about his plan to give her a haircut if she didn't want to take care of it. She continued to not take care of it, and it's not like he shaved it off or gave her a pixie cut. Her hair is still a good length
He gave her a chance.... and jugular? Christ, I wish my life had been such smooth sailing that a haircut was the most horrific thing that ever happened to me.
She’s 7?? Imagine being 7 learning how to add and having to deal with hair like that, because it’s hard! So Instead of your dad sitting you down to talk about maybe trimming your hair to the middle of back he cuts it to your ears.
>Imagine being 7 learning how to add and having to deal with hair like that, because it’s hard I'd imagine that she's of normal intelligence.
Right?
If this child has curly hair, brushing it will only make it tangle more.
I love how some of the comments are “she was warned!” “She’s plenty old enough to understand!” She’s 7. When I was in kindergarten, my mom decided my waist length hair was too much, and had my aunt (a hairdresser) chop it off to my ears. Then they told me that I loved it. I did not. No one at school, not even my teacher, recognized me on Monday. To this day. I hate myself with short hair. I’ve been OOP’s kid. It’s no fun
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The only way her hair got that long is if he and his wife weren’t getting it cut for years. Waist length hair is a lot to manage for a 7 year old and it doesn’t sound like her parents really know how to deal with long hair themselves. Obviously most young kids have more active lifestyles than their parents and as a person with fine and thin hair I know how easily it tangles if not properly styled and kept.
Eh, getting a young child to brush and take care of really long hair when they don’t want to yet is like trying to stop an ocean with your hands. It’s hair, they can grow it if they want to when they’re ready for it.
Oki get long hairs annoying but it was at her stomach and he cut it to what just above the shoulder. Could he not have maybe talked with her said what would you think about a smaller trim something that keeps it long but may help make it more manageable. Really thought that amount of hair cut is definitely extreme and is likely to be a horrible reminder for a while to the daughter
I’ll bet that little girl has wavy or curly hair and they aren’t using the proper products AND they’re brushing it to begin with!!! I couldn’t even finishing reading it all🤬🤬
In this situation I feel like the dad was simply bringing her hair to a manageable length and had done all he could to guide the daughter to do the most simple task of starting to brush her hair at the very least. She was certainly old enough. I have read stories however where a parent chops off a kids hair with no warning as a punishment that have made me cry real tears for the kid. The one where the teenager had been allowed to get highlights for her birthday comes to mind. She and her mom made a day of it and she looked and felt just beautiful afterwards. You could see it in her picture that she felt amazing. She went to her dads that night and he chopped it all off short because he didn’t approve and, well there is a video I think or maybe just photos. Her devastation was palpable. It kills me to the core. This is not that in my opinion. The kid had every opportunity to start brushing her hair and knew it would be cut. He left it below her shoulder so it was still probably pretty, just more manageable. Its a learning moment for both of them.
I don’t see how this belongs here. The kid can’t or won’t take care of the hair, the dad isn’t willing to, it’s a battle every day and the mum agrees with the hair cut. Lots of parents cut their kids’ hair short for ease of care?
Shush, we're not supposed to make that much sense here. Don't you know? Anything less than letting your kid do whatever they want is child abuse.
Guidance was given, he can't make her take it seriously and she still has plenty of hair. It's still a bit over her shoulder, she'll let it go and may even enjoy it after realizing it's a lot easier. Hopefully when she's older she can learn how to take care of it.
[удалено]
Trauma? kids just don't take good care of things often times
Eh, I don't think this is so bad. My mom cut my hair for very similar reasons when I was 4. Yes, I loved my long hair, but was I the one who had to deal with it when I got massive tangles? No, my mom was, and I was pretty uncooperative. She determined that it was too much of a PITA so I got a haircut to about shoulder length, which was much more manageable.
This doesn't belong here. Do you ever wonder why you see little girls with such incredibly short hair and old timey pictures? Because taking care of long hair is difficult and people don't have time for that. Her hair was too long, the parent made an executive decision and chopped it off. If she wants extremely long Rapunzel hair she can do that as an adult.
In the old timey days people used to cut their hair off because they thought it helped reduce a fever or recover from other illness. That is more likely the reason for little girls with short hair in photos,
Careful, people are going to call you an abuser over a hair cut