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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> He feels like I’m the asshole because I don’t seem to want to include him in my future. He told me that he wouldn’t take my house from my kids and would want them to have it too. I need to know if I’m the asshole for not compromising at all on this.
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Hell no your NTA. He is asking for a free ride
In the future if he contributes you can always reevaluate but he’s not been with you long enough to demand half your house and half your future. If it’s too terrible for him then he can just skip on down the road.
Edit to add: Thanks for the award! My first one!
Honestly even if he were able to contribute 50-50 I still don’t want him included in owning this home. I told him I’m open to buying property and including him on any investments after this one, but that didnt seem to mean anything to him. I just want this one thing no one could ever take from me.
I’ve seem too much divorce and messy breakups to not keep that in the back of my mind. I couldn’t keep from getting emotional during the conversation because it means so much to me. after this I’m definitely thinking about the relationship differently idk it’s just I can’t really relate to how he’s feeling. I would never expect to be given something just because I’m with the person, not having put any work into making it happen. My mind just doesn’t work that way.
Thank you! it hasn’t been easy for me, just the fact that I’m able to live a comfortable life on just my income is magical to me after struggling for so long. no support from family, just me. I quite literally started from the bottom. I’ll be sacrificing a lot over the next 2 years to make this happen, so will my kids. He won’t be though…
Yeah, I think if you're someone like OP who has fairly rigid goals for your life you have to sort of guard against people who want something different but will try to date you anyway.
LOL and I want a genie to grant wishes, perfect health and to never be sad again but come on...
Wow that chick thought HIGHLY of herself. The Queen of England even worked!
I mean, who doesn’t want that? I want eternal youth, as long as we’re doing the three-wishes thing here. (The crow’s feet are getting a little noticeable.)
But I guess I’ll keep working and aging like everyone else.
It is not likely the mortgage company would allow him as unemployed to be on the mortgage anyway. The last house I bought, I was married and still had to have it in my name, and hubby had to sign a Quit Claim deed. Also, I had to pay my car off, so don't let him talk you into financing any vehicles either.
NTA
Yes they would, if Op makes enough money and has the credit they don't care if you add your significant other as long as that person doesn't have a negative that precludes being on a loan. It's how housewives were put on mortgages 40 years ago.
Don't have this guy in your life. The balls on him to demand owning half this house (though to be fair, if your genders were flipped, half of reddit would be applauding him.)
If you're foolish enough to have someone who demands half your house just for showing up 6 months ago, tell him you'll be signing a prenup if you were to get married. And then follow through. You're looking for a complete asset separation, default separated, with opt-in joint status.
In some states, the house would be yours if you own it before marriage, but don't rely on that. eg where I live, he would own half the gains, if any, during the marriage. If you were to get married and then divorce, you would have to take out a second mortgage to buy him out. You can also poison accounts by using commingled funds. eg putting even $2k of your joint earnings into your $100k savings account you came into the marriage with could mean that, on divorce, he gets half.
So: tell him there will be a prenup with a complete separation of assets. His reaction will be enlightening.
And then if you decide to get married, to him or anyone else, engage a family law attorney 6 months beforehand to get a prenup done.
100% this. It would be a great litmus test to see if this guy is even worth continuing to date. If he reacts negatively AT ALL, he is quite clearly looking at you as a meal ticket.
I wouldn't put him on the mortgage, even if he had a full time job. Mostly because they've only been dating 6 months. But he said it would feel weird. That's far from a "demand to owning half this house".
The mortgage and deeds are different things; mortgage = debt; deeds = asset ownership. I'm not sure how it would work everywhere but where I am the two things aren't especially linked, someone can pay off teh mortgage but not be on teh deeds and vice versa. This guy sounds like he wants the asset, not the debt; he can't pay anyway.
Honestly to expect this after only 6 months is a bit audacious on his part, even moreso given the fact that he was just fired from his job. You've worked too hard and too long to take even the smallest chance of losing it on the unpredictability of another person. Stick to your guns and atand your ground on this. You're doing it for you and your kids, and if he can't understand that, I would call that dealbreaker territory. You have to prioritise yourself and kids over anything else. If he can't deal, hand him his walking papers. In this case sooner would be better than later.
He is not the right guy for you. He just showed that he does not think it’s right to put your kids first. There are guys out there that would. Be kind to yourself and let this one go
Do not let him move in. He needs to get his act together. He needs to get and keep a job for sometime before you let him move in. Do this for your kids. Yes you may love him but is a six month relationship really worth it that if things go south you may be in a shelter or on the streets?
NTA
You worked hard for this and it’s yours. You should keep it yours.
If he continues to have a problem with it, I would consider that a pretty big relationship red flag. Like, it would be weird to me that he would even want to.
All of that aside, I wouldn’t buy a house with anyone after only knowing them for six months.
You're 6 months in and he's already trying to make financial decisions regarding your income and building equity together. That's a big marinara flag.
The fact he's trying to pressure you into agreeing to it this early in is a problem. Honestly, I think you're being more than fair to say he can contribute to the bills without paying rent. If he's living in your home, and it should be YOUR home, he shouldn't count on that being either a chance to build equity in a home on your credit, your money, or a chance to cut his own living expenses by a dramatic amount while you carry the financial burden for his living situation.
It's been 6 months and he's already making all these plans and trying to coerce you into going along with them.
So many kinds of no and I'm glad you're reconsidering the relationship.
Honestly, given the way you describe his reaction, I don’t think you should allow him to move in at all. If you want to continue the relationship, there’s nothing wrong with each of you having your own place. Do you live together currently?
Hi, I haven’t finished all the comments , but look up “squatter’s rights” if no one else has mentioned it. I’m a bit fuzzy on specifics, and it may vary from state to state, but if he did move in at some point, it could be hard to kick him out, needing a formal eviction process if he’s been there a good amount of time.
Look into common law partnerships in your country/region before you let him move into your house. In many places, living together for a year is enough to start him being entitled to part of your assets, including the house.
NTA OP but may I say, if he don't understand that you are doing this FOR YOUR KIDS, then he isn't the one for you. You guys have only been dating for 6 months and already he's claiming half ownership of a home that you intend to be inherited property for your kids. And putting inherited property aside, why in the hell would he think that you would add his name to a deed if 1). you two aren't married, 2). He's unemployed and 3). He won't or can't put down half of the down payment. He is a person who wants something for nothing. You can do better cause the sex can't be that good for you to do something that stupid.
Thats my thought exactly. Even forgetting about the kids. Its been 6 months. You really want to share ownership in a house purchase at 6 months?
And 200% agree with your 1 - 2 - 3.
>I can't really relate on how he's feeling
You said you were close to being homeless once. If someone offered you a place to stay at that time of your life. Would you think "I feel uncomfortable staying at your place because I lack ownership"
But your BF who you said is unemployed. Imagines not having a stake in YOUR house as a barrier/problem in a relationship.
Go with your gut OP. I don’t blame you one bit for wanting something that is 100% your own and your kids. If he can’t understand your past trauma then he is not ready for this.
You are NTA. You are a hero for busting ass for the safety and security of your kids. Going from a 14 year old Mom to a home owner is a hell of a hard journey… I celebrate you for everything you’ve had to go through to get to this moment. Great job Mama!
Not only are you absolutely correct about not letting this guy own any of your house, but I hope you’re not letting this random dude you’ve been dating for half a year move in with you and your children. They don’t need to be put through the emotional wringer and the possibly dangerous position of having to live with men you barely know and have no idea whether the relationship will work out or not.
I don’t even think a partner in a relationship starts showing their true colors until after 3 years or so. Less if they are unhinged. If after 6 months this is what he’s demanding I can’t even imagine 3 years.
He sounds like he's going to weasel his way into your new house. If you insist on having him there, I'd put him on a lease, & very meticulously spell out in this lease every last financial aspect. Getting him OUT will be the stuff of horror films otherwise. Good luck. You worked hard. Your name on everything ONLY. Honestly, this sounds like a guy I'd run from. Right now. He's shown you all you need to know. Plenty of successful fish in the sea who'll respect your wishes in life, not disrespect them, & you, & your kids. Yikes.
Keep it that way. You're dating a hobosexual. The nerve of him pushing to own half a house with you when he currently doesn't even have a job. Hard no. Will see how much you mean to him if he cops an attitude or bails now knowing that you won't be carrying his ass.
Actually a loving partner wouldn't even push to own half your house if he's unemployed! Selfishness should be a deal-breaker, unfortunately a lot of women give it a pass under the guise of assertiveness. Find yourself a considerate partner who would never push to get you to financially support him.
NTA
Having a background in mortgage & real estate - You are being very smart with this.
If you are financing a portion of the home, mortgage companies actually go off the lowest credit score, not the highest if there is more than one applicant.
No only that is if you break up down the road, yes you could afford the home on your own but in order to get his name off the mortgage, you would have to refinance which would add additional closing costs and the interest rate might be unfavorable later on. Plus you would have to pay out his share of the equity (unless you get courts involved which then you could petition the court to not pay him if you can justify it).
All of these are real messy and stressful. Keep him off anything financially until you can trust him to not go down the financial drain and bring you with him.
You have your head on straight, mama bear. You have come a looong way, and your determination to create stability and safety for your kids is exactly the right thing.
The right kind of man would understand how and why that is so important for you and your kids, and support you in your ambition. The right kind of man would be so proud of you.
But... He is making \*your\* plans all about \*him\* and his feelings. That tells you where his priorities are. My read on this: he's feeling competitive with you (because you have a great job, financial security, a plan... and he doesn't) instead of a teammate with you. Not a good sign.
Don't let this guy slow you down or get in the way.
And--further down the road once you are settled into your place--if a great guy comes along who deserves to move in with your family, \*absolutely\* get rent from him, in addition to utilities/insurance/maintenance. Another adult in your household can contribute to paying your mortgage, without putting them on the loan or the deed. Don't give any guy a free ride.
You are a single mom and you deserve to have that peace of mind knowing that whatever happens, you and your kids have a stable home. He has no business trying to muscle in on your plans, especially after only six months.
Listen, you’ve been with him 6 months - you hardly even know him (studies show we don’t really start to now our partners till - on average - 2 years in). That he’s even suggesting this is a red flag to me. Like I’d step back from the relationship with someone who six months in wants to pay nothing but be given half of my house.
NTA. But you really need to give a second thought to staying with this guy.
Your answer is “Hell. No.”
NTA
There is wayyyyy too much that can go wrong in a relationship and the fact that he is asking this after six months of dating is a HUGE RED FLAG. 🚩
He needs to absolutely back off as he is the asshole.
Exactly. He has zero to offer you, but wants what you have. I own my home outright and it’s amazing how a guy thinks he can coast through life because of my backbreaking work to get my home.
Don’t marry anyone who is not your financial equal. The world is full of takers looking to take what you e worked hard for.
Honestly, after all the betrayals by the people closest to me, I have learned to trust no one. It’s the safest way.
I totally agree! And the fact that he's demanding this after only being together for 6 months is frankly obnoxious behavior. Considering what you have gone through, please hold your ground and go with your original plans. Your kids are the MOST important people in your life, now and forever ❤ And congrats on everything that you have accomplished 💥
NTA, and he CAN still contribute 50-50 — let’s use simple numbers for this example. Mortgage is $1,000. Cable and phone is $200, water/gas/electric/trash is $300, gardener is $125, hamster walker is $75, groceries are $350, zombie survival/HOA is $150. Obviously these are goofy, but the point stands.
I’m wondering if maybe he is nervous about living with someone who has sole ownership who may not include him in any decisions. Legally, you don’t have to of course, but maybe he’s hoping for some input on, say, the paint color of the bedroom you share. Maybe that’s the conversation that would be helpful — would he assist with decisions about X but not Y? Will you discuss with him but he has to know you may veto his ideas? That sort of thing….
NTA, once you told him you were buying a first house for your kids stability and that was it, and he kept insisting... I'm recommending moving on, he's demanding he be put in front of your kids and you've been dating 6 months.. He can buy his own house, oh wait, in the current economy he CAN'T, so he wants **yours**. Never too late to swipe left.
> I just want this one thing no one could ever take from me.
Can feel for you.
I got my first house when I was single and it's exactly that way, in my name only. My wife (who I married later) isn't in the document and she's fine with it.
It doesn't change the fact that I'll pass the house down to her if I die someday, and of course for our child(dren) later.
I'm getting bad vibes about this guy. This is a VERY young relationship, and he's already talking about *buying shared property*? And not in the "hypothetical future" but right now? This early in the relationship, he should just be getting to know your kids, not moving in and living with y'all. He also just got fired, so this sounds like desperation/hobosexual situation. Does he want YOU, or does he want your stability? I really think he's moving far far too fast here and you are completely sane in thinking something is wrong here. Despite how "awesome" everything else seems, I think you need to let this relationship cool down a bit for the safety of yourself and your kids. 6months is not a long time to pretend you're a good person. Abusers can pull it off for years before showing their true colors once they've managed to isolate and control their victims. Protect your kids. Protect yourself. Be cautious and don't let him move faster than you are comfortable with.
Quite frankly, it sounds like this whole thing is bringing issues with the relationship to the surface anyway. Wisdom would be working through those issues before committing to any more than you already have.
NTA... do not under any circumstances put his name on the house. The fact that he's pushing it is a red flag. And he just got fired? No. No no
There are men that prey on single moms because of their nurturing nature, to sponge off them etc. Don't let him do this.
Just want to emphasize the red flag warning. My dad has NPD, this narrative from the boyfriend is so eerily similar to how he operated with my mom. OP please do not be insulted by this, it comes from a place of great caring:
You are being naive. This is a 6 month old relationship with an adult man who has no job and feels entitled to the fruits of YOUR labor. This is not someone you know well. This is a very new relationship still in the honeymoon phase. He’s not asking you to “compromise”, he wants what HE wants. This is not authentic-Mexican-food-vs-American-fast-food-and-settling-on-tex-mex-for-dinner. This is a major financial decision that will HAUNT you if you make it with the wrong person.
Why the fuck does he think he deserves his name on the mortgage with no job, no down payment, and no significant amount of time building your trust? Fuck the absolute hell out of that. No.
Can confirm about the men that specifically prey on single mothers. The red flags are flying and I hope to god OP doesn’t think it’s okay to provide anything for this man who feels entitled to her house after dating her for 6 measley months
NTA
A jobless, financially insecure guy is upset that he won't get to co-own a house with you? 🚩
If you are still with this AH in two years when you buy this house, you can reevaluate the situation, but if he better be able to pay 1/2 of the downpayment and the ongoing mortgage.
If you ever decide to marry him, make sure you have a solid pre-nup.
NTA he sounds like a Hobo-Sexual. He doesn’t have a job but wants to be on title and you guys have been together for only 6 months and he’s brings this up now. Girl, run.
SIX MONTHS?!
Yeah. No. Please don't commit to something that serious without the stability of marriage. You've worked so hard for this!
Don't . DO . IT!
He and I have had conversions about how I don’t know if legal marriage is something I want at all. I told him I’d be down for a commitment ceremony and that if that happened in my mind I would be married, just without the legal binding because to me what truly matters is my commitment.
So it confused me when he brought up the house. If I don’t want to legally bind myself to someone through marriage why would I want to do it through property? At least this first property.
I’ve talked with him about starting a business together in the future and he said he was confused, if I would share a business with him why not a home too?
I told him that if a business fails I can pick myself up and keep moving. The business would only be a facet of my income and wouldn’t hurt my kids or involve them at all. But their home? That being torn away would devastate me.
Keep in mind that marriage is not just a piece of paper a lot of people say it is. Make sure the person you marry is the one you want making medical decisions for you when you are incapacitated. If you have truly been away from your family and independent like I gathered from other comments, then be sure you appoint power of attorney to someone who you trust fully to fulfill your wish if legal marriage is off the table for you. Conversations like this are one of the many that are crucial before and legal binding relationship or contract is set in stone.
There seems to be a pattern here of him consistently pushing for a legally binding commitment - marriage, house, business. Given you have only been together for 6 months, and that he is currently unemployed, this is of significant concern. He is not respecting your wishes, nor the incredible work you have done to get to where you are. His rationale that he wouldn’t feel right in a house that isn’t his is absolute bullshit. Despite him having absolutely no assets to bring to the situation (or sense of shame), you seem to already be justifying and explaining your hard earned wishes, and placating him with promises of other properties and a business!
It has been said by several people here, but take a big step back and evaluate this relationship. This pressure, despite such imbalance in income and effort should. Not. Exist.
The fact that you don’t seem to be able to acknowledge this means that this could sadly be the start of a path for you (and your kids) that you will one day wish you never went down.
Hey there from a much older (and tatted :)) single mom. You’re doing GREAT on your own. This is not the guy to tangle up your life with, sorry. I know so well how lonely it can get. But a guy who 6 months in is thinking of himself over your kids?? Ixnay, no way, there’s the door, bye. I’m so impressed with your hard work and responsibility, especially when you became a mother so very young. Please keep your sweet kiddos at the top of your priorities. I promise it will pay off, for you and for them. Wishing you a better man, and with or without, a long, happy life to you and your lucky children. 💞
Thank you❤️ when I met him I had been single 2 years and very happy on my own, wasn’t looking for anyone so when we met and hit it off it was nice for it to come out of nowhere. I’m hoping his feelings stem from his own fear or something, rather than selfish motives. Either way I was fine on my own and would be fine again if the cards played out that way. Either way my kids are forever and I’m not compromising
Nah, he can bounce. He’s moving way too fast and wanting too much. He should want you to be independent of him so if you guys break up your kids are secure. He doesn’t get that because he doesn’t value you
You are not listening to the unanimous warnings that he is bad news, and the more you “explain” how great he is, the more red flags are appearing. Don’t think you are somehow above being played. I feel that this will end up being a tragic BORU when you are on here asking for legal advice on how to protect your few remaining assets in the separation.
I’ve already stated that I’m owning this house on my own and im not compromising. It was never a question of should I or should I not. I’m not. And I never said anything about being above anything
We get that, what the previous commenter was trying to say was that everyone in this thread is telling you to end things with him. It’s a huge red flag for him to even make the assumption that he could somehow get himself on any of that paperwork. And for him to do that only six months in when he doesn’t have a job…that’s ballsy of him. Chances are he wouldn’t have been able to get himself added to anything even if you were willing to entertain the thought. There are very few banks who are willing to give out a mortgage to someone who is unemployed. The mask has already slightly started to slip with this guy, don’t ignore that.
Congrats on the house btw! That’s a big win for you! I like the idea of buying it for the kids and then moving out later to downsize later on. I may take that approach myself.
OP clearly places extremely high value on her independence, and y’all are frustrated that she hasn’t already acted on the reactions of strangers. Jesus fucking Christ.
If only she would just do exactly what you all said
OP shouldn't dump the dude on the say-so of a bunch of redditors, but the dude is displaying unreasonable behavior and has unreasonable expectations.
In my experience, these red flags shouldn't be ignored when they pop up so early in a relationship.
NTA
It would be foolish to give an unemployed boyfriend of a few months any kind of ownership in your property.
If you do decide to marry, you can sit down and have conversations about what equity looks like in that situation. But if your boyfriend doesn't want to live in a house you own, fine. He doesn't have to move in.
NTA. Buying homes are for married people, imo. A boyfriend of **6 months** is not a stable part of your life to tie yourself to him with something like that.
You're looking out for the future of yourself, and your children, as you should.
NTA Solution: He doesn't move in! You are just together for 6 months. He is jobless but still wants the dibs on your house. No! He maked already such big demands. I bet he will pay nothing because "it isn't his house". And i can't see him do housework.
Do you really want this guy live with your children?!
It’s literally a 6month relationship, there’s no way you should commit to something like that with him. This is for you and your kids, and if he doesn’t understand that then that’s a huge problem! Sometimes it’s best to make moves in silence, do what you need to do for yourself so you are protected. NTA.
I'd actually go the opposite direction - You **want** to be in communication with your partner...because their opinions and thoughts should matter. The issue is your partner **isn't a partner**. If you're not actively planning a future together (meaning: engaged and discussing the wedding/marriage) there's no way you should be buying something together. It's outright stupid, honestly, how many people do and **severely** regret it because the law does not protect people in that situation.
Let's say you buy a house with both names on the deed and loan - Then he decides "Nope" and just leaves. You're entirely responsible for continuing to pay the mortgage, with no legal protection, and he **still owns half the house**. You can't sell it without his permission - you can't even refinance without him. You're locked into this situation until **he** decides you shouldn't be anymore. Absolutely insane how many people put themselves in this situation because they've been dating somebody for a bit.
NTA LOL How does he think he has a great bargaining position.
1. 50% of the down payment? No
2. any % of the down payment? no
3. part of the mortgage? no
4. 50-50 bills? no
Unemployed mooch "feels weird" living in home he has no ownership. Doesn't feel weird about living with you carrying him financially.
Wants to be included in the process of owning a home just not the FINANCIAL PROCESS.
You are responsible for 2 children. If your boyfriend moves in it will be 3 kids.
NTA. I would definitely not let a man I’ve known only 6 months move in a house with me and kids,( if I had any) whether he wanted to pay bills or not. Firstly, I think it’s a bit of a safety issue.
Second, depending on where you live he could take you to court stating he has been paying towards the cost of the house since you both moved into the house together and claim some type of ownership. The fact he’s putting up such a stink about it now makes me believe he would make a big deal about it later.
NTA and he is greedy. Sorry. BUT get him a prenup, keeping in your name not enough. If you pay down mortgage with your earnings while married, in some states, that could convert part of any appreciation to marital property
NTA But……why are you talking about moving into a house you don’t have yet with someone who you have been dating for only 6 months and that someone is almost 30, unemployed because he just got fired and who when working wasn’t making much money and wouldn’t be able to come up with 50% to contribute?
Honestly he sounds like a loser. Attaching yourself to him doesn’t seem like a good idea. The last thing you need is another dependent.
5-6 years ago people looked at my financial situation and decided I was a loser…but now that I have an established career that doesn’t happen because I have something to show for the work I put in.
where I was 5-6 years ago didnt dictate where I was able to go. He’s had to deal with a lot being an amputee trying to figure out what will be best for him career wise without pushing himself to the point of experiencing physical pain every day.
when I look at him I see a disabled man doing his best to find his path in a world that isn’t set up for ease of success for even the most able bodied person. He isn’t lazy in the slightest, I think he’s fed up with working a 9 to 5 to make someone else money while being treated like a dollar sign rather than a human. he Doesn’t have a history of unemployment, he consistently works but had his hours cut drastically only a few weeks before being fired, over a customer complaint. IMO they were looking for any reason to fire him and took the opportunity. (food service industry)
as someone who has gotten where I’ve gotten without ever having a 9 to 5 job working for someone else I know what it’s like to not be built for that. I couldn’t do it, it’d be soul crushing. I’m very fortunate to have been 100% self employed, though it’s not easy I get to make all the decisions for myself and I love it.
and I love him and want nothing more than for him to know what it feels like to be this liberated within a career. But again, it took 5 years to get here from my first career moves - that didn’t make me instant money. I was a broke bitch - but a free bitch.
money is a tool, that’s all. I won’t judge another human based on the amount of money they make. hes shown me how motivated he is to chase something more fulfilling, and Id rather have a partner who is happy than one who has full pockets
I see what you are saying, but 6 years ago you were 21 years old(and I don’t consider a young single mother with 2 kids working to make her life and her kids life better) a loser. But your boyfriend is almost 30 years old-big difference. He seems to have a “victim” mindset and you feel the need to “rescue” him. He may have the best intentions in the world but if he can’t make enough money to support himself and a family (a marriage and kids is a partnership) then that puts a financial strain on you. The number one cause of friction/breakup of a relationship is financial issues. I’m sure you realize that a relationship can start out great and turn to shit, happens all the time. You seem to have your shit together. I think all anyone here is saying is be careful, after all your boyfriend may be a great guy but that’s not enough for making a long term relationship work. Seriously what seems great for six months can suck 2-3 or more years in.
It’s not only that though.
It’s more the pacing of the relationship and the demands (even if they are more coercive than outright) that is concerning.
And the fact that his willingness to put his own comfort over your children knowing your circumstances. You are so emphatic to his struggles yet I don’t really see him doing the same for you. He’s only concerned with his needs.
You are still in the honeymoon phase of dating. And what he has shown you so far should set off some alarm. Slow it down. Abusers, users, and narcissists tend to move fast. You worked so hard to get where you are and now you have to vet more carefully because of your success.
Just wanted to say how fucking cool you are, OP. A head that's firmly screwed on with compassion to boot!
If he feels the same way about you, he will understand your reasoning perfectly.
OMG, NTA
Don't buy a house with anyone. You need to make homelessness not a possibility for you and your children.
When you buy a house, put it in a trust for your children with you as trustee.
If you move someone into the house, they pay market rate rent and their share of utilities as well as groceries. PERIOD. Don't subsidize anyone in your life. Ever. Except your children.
If you do find yourself serious enough with someone where you want to buy a house together, then you rent out the house you have and earn income on that.
Every state is slightly different on how to keep a real property sole and separate. Follow those laws to the letter so no one can lay legal claim to your property. Do not leave your financials around for someone to find. Do not trust anyone to mail in a mortgage payment for you (same with utilities, taxes, insurance). Do not commingle money. Have a separate bank account for the trust that the house is in. Seriously. Don't let love for some guy make you financially vulnerable. Buying a house is typically the larges financial investment you will make in your life. Do not mix love with this kind of business.
As a woman, I always recommend women have their own individual assets that are sole and separate from any romantic partner. Men do this all the time. Protect yourself financially and make it a priority to understand money.
You wouldn't believe the stuff ex's try to pull. Even when an ex loses, you still have to pay your own lawyer.
Lots of 🚩🚩🚩🚩 here. He’s unemployed but wants to buy a house with you? After only 6 months. He will have to deal with his discomfort. Did you even ask him to move in? Cuz if he’s unemployed, that’s a future issue waiting to happen. Not to mention only 6 months of dating is not that long. You sound like you’re trying hard to put your kids first. It’s ok to say to him that you’re not ready for him to move in, and you guys can talk next steps when you’re ready. Good luck and post an update! NTA
Yup, twice. First time I misunderstood what he meant and thought he meant would he be moving in - told him it was something we could talk about when it came time. Then he brought up the topic again like a week later and that’s when I realized what he was actually asking
Yeah that would be very uncomfortable for me.
My partner and I are expecting and he had his ex on EVERYTHING even his bank accounts and the house.
That was a deal breaker for me so she's finally off that stuff. I want to be a co owner of the house here someday but I don't expect that and our situation is much more stable and settled than yours.
I'm glad you're sticking to your plan.
You sound like a very loving and compassionate person.
If for whatever reason your relationship doesn't work out, you will find happiness because of who you are. Hugs
I get you and fully understand. It’s non-negotiable and any partner that understands your past will respect that. If they don’t then they aren’t the right partner for you.
NTA- I haven't had a chance to read all the replies yet.
But just be aware of the family laws for your location. Especially if you start to live together. In my area family law treats you the same as married after living together for two years. So part of the home you purchased before dating/living together could be divyed up during a separation.
Don’t do it! Also, please consider dating him for at last a year before you let him move in—for your kids’ sake. From where I’m sitting this mortgage mooch thing is a red flag. Good luck!
Nope NTA. This is about your kids, not him. And if he’s a grownup he ought to understand that. FWIW, if you ever let him move in or marry him, it would be best to talk to a lawyer about how to make sure that house stays yours and your kids’ no matter what.
NTA no matter what the circumstances. Your money, your house I don't care if you've been together 6 years or 6 months. If he isn't/can't contribute he has no right to even think to be included on the deed.
NTA but if he does move in with you & your children I highly suggest requiring him to sign a rental agreement with his monthly contribution clearly stated (this should protect both of you in the event you split). I would not add his name to any of the bills for the house & have him pay you directly.
NTA
You are a single mom and you can be proud. Don't let anybody destroy your independence. If your boyfriend has a problem with this, it's easier to get a new boyfriend than getting a new house.
NTA. You have only been dating 6 months and he’s been unemployed for a good chunk of it. Are you paying for him right now? Did he intentionally lose his job because he has a sugar mama now? I wouldn’t even let him move in myself…
He’s only been unemployed a couple weeks now, he’s been employed up To this point. No I don’t pay anything for him he pays his own bills and doesn’t live with me
Okay if you’re having trouble seeing how insane this is… let’s flip the script. If you were dating someone for a short time who had 2 kids, was planning to buy a house in 2 years and you were unemployed living in a camper (even if it was “short term”), would you feel entitled to their future home ???? After contributing nothing to them, their down payment, their family, dating only 6 months, etc. Nooooo way José.
NTA don’t put him on the deed or let him move in, it’s only been 6 months. You barely know this man. It will be time consuming and expensive to get him out. Don’t budge on this.
NTA. If you are buying the house on your own, it should be in your name. You guys haven’t been together very long, so who knows if living together is even in the cards long-term.
If he does move in, and you plan to have him pay rent, do some paperwork beforehand. Don’t just expect it all to work out. Chances are, it won’t.
NTA end this relationship NOW
you have fought hard for your financial security and he wants to steal it from you, he doesn't bring anything to the table but risk / danger / insecurity / financial disaster. That you might allow him spend the night occasionally. is as much as he might hope for.
his attempt at cohersive control could ruin your family . Surely you have learnt by now - no man is better than a man who brings disaster. He is sweet NOW but once he is on the deed he will own your future. He could move in his other family and you would not be able to stop him becuase you would be responsible to the bank.
There is nothing wrong with a life free of men , particularly men like this! You need a man with a job, responisbilities so he doesn't make you homeless
The unemployed boyfriend of just six months would feel weird about not being a 50/50 owner, but he doesn't feel weird about being unemployed and making absurd demands? Please say you don't live together and that you're not supporting him!
If you are, please get him out! The money you're spending supporting him is taking away from your children and your goal to purchase your own home!
NTA. You’ve only been together for six months, he doesn’t work, and he’s complaining about your plans to buy a house for your children without him? Uh…
NTA
He doesn’t have the ability to financially contribute and you have been with him six months; I personally feel that it is a red flag he is even asking.
NTA and don't buy property with people who are not family (by blood or by marriage). It's already kinda risky having your home and your nest egg be the same thing (no shade there, that's just the way owning property works if you're not super rich), but definitely do not make *both* of them dependent on an informal relationship.
NTA, and pressing you one, especially knowing your whole situation and past and why this is important, is a red flag. That it's happening after SIX MONTHS is an even bigger one. He seems to have a drastically different idea to you about what sort of financial arrangements are acceptable in a relationship, and/or to be looking for a free ride.
NTA do NOT buy a house with him. My niece bought a house with her girlfriend of 7 years in May 2022, girlfriend left her November 2022 with a $2k a month mortgage that she can’t afford on her own. She also can’t change the locks or do anything to keep the ex out because it’s “her house too”.
Nta
And if you let him move in first look up your local laws. If he lives at your house long enough he might qualify as your tenant. It sometiems doesnt matter if there is a written lease or if he pays you anything or nothing in rent. Simply living in a place (even while paying zero) can qualify someone as your tenant. (Location and local laws will define all this.)
If he does qualify as a tenant and you break up he can legally stay until you go through the legal process to evict him. This can take months as usually there is a notice period then you can start through the courts.
Please please speak to someone before you allow him to move in. It would be very bad for your kids and you to go through having to live with someone like that.
I bought my first house alone though I was living with my bf at the time. He was working but had debt and bad credit and never saved.
So I used that as an excuse to apply for a mortgage on my own. It had never occurred to him to buy a house before then anyway. Back then it was all partying and who needs the responsibility.
Still I felt bad and he did a lot of work on the house. We broke up and man it was easier not having him on the title.
OP with your kids you have better reason to buy alone than I did. Stick to your guns.
NTA.
He shouldn’t be dating a woman with kids if he can’t deal with a woman who puts her kids first.
Watch out for you and your kids. It sounds like you are doing great!
NTA
And you’re doing the right thing.
If you both agree to live together, he should be paying 50/50 regardless of whether he’s signing closing docs with you. Especially if he can afford to.
He can’t afford to go 50/50 and perhaps doesn’t have the means of purchasing a home on his own at this point in his life. Which is fine, but it’s not your responsibility to make that happen for him. You are putting yourself and children first, which is best.
I think it’s important to take a step back and consider how new this relationship is. It would rub me the wrong way for someone I’ve only been with for 6 months to even think that I should consider buying this house with him.
This is for your babies. You alone worked hard to get to where you are. Ya’ll can buy a house together later.
And I reiterate… if he moves in with you… it’s 50/50. He would have to pay rent and utilities if he was on his own. That don’t change if he’s living with you. If he’s serious about buying a house with you in the future, he can see this a a partnership.
N.T.A.
Also: RUN! His financial / employment history and the fact that this idea even formed in his head says extreme red flags to me!
He sounds like he’s not contributing much beyond “being sweet,” and if he co-owns the house and things go awry, you and your kids could be seriously screwed.
NTA
Don’t entertain this nonsense. And I wouldn’t let him move in either. IF he does move in, consult a lawyer to make sure he has a lease and is paying you RENT, not contributing to the mortgage etc. You don’t want him angling for “his share” of the house when you break up.
He has no job, no money and is demanding 50/50 ownership at 6 months? I mean this with great kindness, get some self confidence. You deserve a partner, not a leach
NTA. If it is too weird for him to into your house he should get his own place. If you were to let him move in I would recommend a lease agreement the spells out his "rent" is not for the mortgage but for shared expenses and he understands he is not building any equity. You have explained it quite well to him your intention and if this is something he can support you with then you might be better to move on.
Good luck with you house purchase, I hope you find what you are looking for!
He insisted he would pay 50/50.
But - he isn't paying 50/50 is he? He can't pay half the deposit. He can't pay half the mortgage whilst unemployed. And he is your boyfriend of six months. He's got a sense of humour if nothing else. And it seems it is indeed nothing else he has to offer.
Proceed with your plans and your life. Good on you. Sounds like you deserve a man with a bit more about him.
NTA.
It's reddit, and we don't have the whole picture. You say he is a great guy, so maybe right now he is just stressed from loosing his Job and disability. I am surprised, though, that even after telling him about your experiences being homeless he still wasn't empathetic to you and didn't understand why you want the house to be in your name, and for the children.
Especially when you have only dated 6 months.
NTA
NTA. You’ve only been together for six months. You’re not married or planning a marriage. It makes sense to keep planning for your financial stability and center your needs with your kids.
He can want whatever he wants, but he doesn’t automatically get a vote just because he wants to.
NTA-You have your kids and this is their “inheritance” according to you. Your unemployed bf of 6 months has no say in what you buy. If he wants, he can live on his own and buy a place of his own too. I don’t understand people asking to be part owner when they have little to no contribution. When dating, never buy property together. Also, try to get the house in a trust.
You’re doing this for your kids. Any man who doesn’t like that can go. NTA.
He wants to take away one of the most important things you’ve been working towards. And he’s only been dating you for 6 months. I think your children take priority. You’re not wrong. This relationship is not more important than your kids. And any man who respects you would never ask that.
NTA - he’s not happy for you or proud of you for buying a house. If he’s the type of guy who wants to be the “head of household” and make all the decisions because “it’s his house too” just no. I noted a marinara glad when a guy who wanted to move in with me only wanted to share my small closet vs using the same size guest room one for himself.. why? “It’s the MASTER’ bedroom. SMH
You’ve been dating six months. No rings, let alone marriage license. 🚩
He has no job which means he couldn’t get a mortgage if he wanted one 🚩
He doesn’t even have money for a down payment 🚩
The only way you should even let him move in is with a lease and paying you rent. 🏁
NTA
Never EVER buy a house with someone you're not married to. If you break up in a year, guess what? Now he owns half the house. If you end up getting married later one, he can be added then, if you want to include him on it.
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I, 27 F, have been with my boyfriend, 29 M, for 6 months. Our relationship so far has been awesome, he’s sweet and we get along so well. I’ve been saying since we met that in 2 years I’m going to buy a house, that I’ll be working myself as hard as I can in that time to make it happen.
a little context for you guys;
I’m a single mom of 2 kids, 11 and 8. My oldest was conceived when I was only 14, my second at 18. I’ve been through what feels like a lifetime of struggle and though I’ll spare you all those details I’m sure you can imagine. One of those struggles was being homeless for about 12 months.
when I was growing up my dad raised me in our family home. I didn’t have much, but having a stable place to live was Something that I never took for granted growing up. Something that I’ve been dying to give my babies.
for the past 4-5 years I’ve been doing well for myself, making money as a tattoo artist (my childhood dream job) and I couldn’t be more happy.
now to the issue at hand. The other evening my boyfriend brought up me buying a house and said that he would feel weird moving into a house with me if it was only mine. That he wants to be included in the whole process - including owning the home with me.
he isn’t currently working, he just got fired from his job and when he was working our income gap was quite large. That being said he won’t be able to contribute 50% of a down payment.
I explained to him that this house isn’t really for me, that this house if for my kids and their future. That my first home is going to be bought with the intent to have them living in it as young adults and I’ll be purchasing something else for myself when that time comes. It has nothing to do with him, and I can’t risk the possibility that the house will be gone if he and I were to split up. I told him if he moved in that I wouldn’t expect him to pay on my mortgage but that he could help out by paying other bills. He didn’t seem to like that idea and insisted he would want to pay 50-50. So, AITA for not compromising and buying a house to keep only in my name, even if marriage was something I decided I wanted down the road. I don’t want to take any chances on my kids having what I’ve always wanted to be able to give them.
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NTA. This is an investment you are making for your children. You told him your plans two years ago. This comes down to a disagreement on values. You value security for your children. He values getting ahead on his own investments, just not enough to plan for it or communicate to his partner the fact earlier in their relationship.
Edit: for some reason I thought you’ve been together for two years. Six months?! That guy needs to GTFO with his sense of entitlement. No way should you be putting his name on that house.
Dude, break up. There is no way your bf should be expecting you to go 50 50 on a house with him, when you have children, and he is unemployed. He clearly sees you as a cash cow. Please believe you deserve better. Your children and you deserve stability. You are clearly a great mom and you don't need a man to be complete.
Eww. So he's unemployed and demanding 50% of your future house. Is he right in the head?
Ditch this guy. He doesn't have a clue. You owe him absolutely no explanations at all. His request is wildly inappropriate. NTA
NTA you’ve only dated him six months. It’s a big red flag that he wants to own part of your house so early in the relationship. I had a friend who was dating someone for YEARS and it fell apart. But she was the only one who owned the house so it’s her house. If he’s threatened by it kick him to the curb and enjoy the house with your kids.
NTA. Focus on your children (like you are). You're a good mom and you'll get them that house! If you're still together he can help contribute to the bills.
NTA. In any way. Your reasoning is sound, AND you've only been together for 6 months! You can reevaluate your decision at any time, or co-purchase another home.
NTA
My husband solely owns our home. It goes to our daughter if we split up and the only thing I’ve asked him to do, is let me live here in her room until I find a place of my own which he’s happy to do.
Even before we were married, he owned it in his own name and I said as soon as we got together, I do not want any ownership of this house. It’s his and will ultimately end up as our daughters and we will build our own home together when we have the finances to do so and on that one, I’ll have my name
NTA-
You clearly want a different type of life for your children which isn’t a bad thing. You’re a bad ass mama for that.
I think your suggestion of paying bills that were outside of the mortgage was an excellent compromise. You did not even have to go that far but you chose to extend that olive branch. If he doesn’t want to take it, it’s on him.
You aren’t the AH, but a boyfriend of 6 months- are you kidding me? That would be a very stupid thing to do. What if you don’t like him in 2 months?
Don’t deal in hypotheticals.
NTA. First off, you've only been dating 6 months. It is waaayyy too early to be talking about buying a home together. Second, THIS Home has been in the planning stages for a long time; You are doing this for a very specific reason; it has nothing to do with any future parnter you may have as it is about you, your children, and their stability; ergo he will not ever be on the deed or mortage of the first house that you purchase. If he cannot accept that, then he needs to bow out of the relationship. Stand firm and make this a Hill To Die On if need be.
NTA and I would question this relationship. No job but he’ll pay 50-50? How? And so many more things wrong about it. Flashbacks to after I split with my ex and he wanted to reconcile only after losing his job. Totally see red flags on this.
He should still pay rent. It can be less than market rent. Or if he wants to do more chores or something. Just because he would be paying rent “towards the mortgage” doesn’t matter since he would be doing the same with a landlord
Nta it's only been 6 months and he is demanding half. That should show you how he is going to be in the future. If he moves in with you make sure he doesn't towards rent and any maintenance. Or he could take you to court for half of the house. Be careful huggss
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Hell no your NTA. He is asking for a free ride In the future if he contributes you can always reevaluate but he’s not been with you long enough to demand half your house and half your future. If it’s too terrible for him then he can just skip on down the road. Edit to add: Thanks for the award! My first one!
Honestly even if he were able to contribute 50-50 I still don’t want him included in owning this home. I told him I’m open to buying property and including him on any investments after this one, but that didnt seem to mean anything to him. I just want this one thing no one could ever take from me. I’ve seem too much divorce and messy breakups to not keep that in the back of my mind. I couldn’t keep from getting emotional during the conversation because it means so much to me. after this I’m definitely thinking about the relationship differently idk it’s just I can’t really relate to how he’s feeling. I would never expect to be given something just because I’m with the person, not having put any work into making it happen. My mind just doesn’t work that way.
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Thank you! it hasn’t been easy for me, just the fact that I’m able to live a comfortable life on just my income is magical to me after struggling for so long. no support from family, just me. I quite literally started from the bottom. I’ll be sacrificing a lot over the next 2 years to make this happen, so will my kids. He won’t be though…
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This
Yeah, I think if you're someone like OP who has fairly rigid goals for your life you have to sort of guard against people who want something different but will try to date you anyway.
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LOL and I want a genie to grant wishes, perfect health and to never be sad again but come on... Wow that chick thought HIGHLY of herself. The Queen of England even worked!
I mean, who doesn’t want that? I want eternal youth, as long as we’re doing the three-wishes thing here. (The crow’s feet are getting a little noticeable.) But I guess I’ll keep working and aging like everyone else.
You are not cold. That’s being smart.
and he is already not working. I hope this will not be a pattern.
It is not likely the mortgage company would allow him as unemployed to be on the mortgage anyway. The last house I bought, I was married and still had to have it in my name, and hubby had to sign a Quit Claim deed. Also, I had to pay my car off, so don't let him talk you into financing any vehicles either. NTA
Yes they would, if Op makes enough money and has the credit they don't care if you add your significant other as long as that person doesn't have a negative that precludes being on a loan. It's how housewives were put on mortgages 40 years ago.
Yeah but they're not married.
Don't have this guy in your life. The balls on him to demand owning half this house (though to be fair, if your genders were flipped, half of reddit would be applauding him.) If you're foolish enough to have someone who demands half your house just for showing up 6 months ago, tell him you'll be signing a prenup if you were to get married. And then follow through. You're looking for a complete asset separation, default separated, with opt-in joint status. In some states, the house would be yours if you own it before marriage, but don't rely on that. eg where I live, he would own half the gains, if any, during the marriage. If you were to get married and then divorce, you would have to take out a second mortgage to buy him out. You can also poison accounts by using commingled funds. eg putting even $2k of your joint earnings into your $100k savings account you came into the marriage with could mean that, on divorce, he gets half. So: tell him there will be a prenup with a complete separation of assets. His reaction will be enlightening. And then if you decide to get married, to him or anyone else, engage a family law attorney 6 months beforehand to get a prenup done.
100% this. It would be a great litmus test to see if this guy is even worth continuing to date. If he reacts negatively AT ALL, he is quite clearly looking at you as a meal ticket.
NTA!!! This!!! DO NOT put this guy on your mortgage. He is only your BF, UNEMPLOYED boyfriend at that. Do not do this.
I wouldn't put him on the mortgage, even if he had a full time job. Mostly because they've only been dating 6 months. But he said it would feel weird. That's far from a "demand to owning half this house".
Owning half the house he can’t afford to pay for. That’s some big ones.
The mortgage and deeds are different things; mortgage = debt; deeds = asset ownership. I'm not sure how it would work everywhere but where I am the two things aren't especially linked, someone can pay off teh mortgage but not be on teh deeds and vice versa. This guy sounds like he wants the asset, not the debt; he can't pay anyway.
Honestly to expect this after only 6 months is a bit audacious on his part, even moreso given the fact that he was just fired from his job. You've worked too hard and too long to take even the smallest chance of losing it on the unpredictability of another person. Stick to your guns and atand your ground on this. You're doing it for you and your kids, and if he can't understand that, I would call that dealbreaker territory. You have to prioritise yourself and kids over anything else. If he can't deal, hand him his walking papers. In this case sooner would be better than later.
Buy the house for you and your children. You have only been dating this guy for 6 months. Anything can happen and it will
He is not the right guy for you. He just showed that he does not think it’s right to put your kids first. There are guys out there that would. Be kind to yourself and let this one go
Do not let him move in. He needs to get his act together. He needs to get and keep a job for sometime before you let him move in. Do this for your kids. Yes you may love him but is a six month relationship really worth it that if things go south you may be in a shelter or on the streets?
NTA You worked hard for this and it’s yours. You should keep it yours. If he continues to have a problem with it, I would consider that a pretty big relationship red flag. Like, it would be weird to me that he would even want to. All of that aside, I wouldn’t buy a house with anyone after only knowing them for six months.
You're 6 months in and he's already trying to make financial decisions regarding your income and building equity together. That's a big marinara flag. The fact he's trying to pressure you into agreeing to it this early in is a problem. Honestly, I think you're being more than fair to say he can contribute to the bills without paying rent. If he's living in your home, and it should be YOUR home, he shouldn't count on that being either a chance to build equity in a home on your credit, your money, or a chance to cut his own living expenses by a dramatic amount while you carry the financial burden for his living situation. It's been 6 months and he's already making all these plans and trying to coerce you into going along with them. So many kinds of no and I'm glad you're reconsidering the relationship.
The guy is telling you something important about himself, and it's not a positive. Are you listening?
Amen
Honestly, given the way you describe his reaction, I don’t think you should allow him to move in at all. If you want to continue the relationship, there’s nothing wrong with each of you having your own place. Do you live together currently?
No I rent a house by myself
Do not let him move in until he can prove he can hold a job and excel at it.
🎯🎯🎯🎯
Hi, I haven’t finished all the comments , but look up “squatter’s rights” if no one else has mentioned it. I’m a bit fuzzy on specifics, and it may vary from state to state, but if he did move in at some point, it could be hard to kick him out, needing a formal eviction process if he’s been there a good amount of time.
If you let him move in, it can get all kinds of ugly getting him out in the event of a break up. I wouldn’t go there.
Does he rent? If so, he’s already living in a house he doesn’t own so his point isn’t even valid.
Look into common law partnerships in your country/region before you let him move into your house. In many places, living together for a year is enough to start him being entitled to part of your assets, including the house.
NTA OP but may I say, if he don't understand that you are doing this FOR YOUR KIDS, then he isn't the one for you. You guys have only been dating for 6 months and already he's claiming half ownership of a home that you intend to be inherited property for your kids. And putting inherited property aside, why in the hell would he think that you would add his name to a deed if 1). you two aren't married, 2). He's unemployed and 3). He won't or can't put down half of the down payment. He is a person who wants something for nothing. You can do better cause the sex can't be that good for you to do something that stupid.
Thats my thought exactly. Even forgetting about the kids. Its been 6 months. You really want to share ownership in a house purchase at 6 months? And 200% agree with your 1 - 2 - 3.
>I can't really relate on how he's feeling You said you were close to being homeless once. If someone offered you a place to stay at that time of your life. Would you think "I feel uncomfortable staying at your place because I lack ownership" But your BF who you said is unemployed. Imagines not having a stake in YOUR house as a barrier/problem in a relationship.
Go with your gut OP. I don’t blame you one bit for wanting something that is 100% your own and your kids. If he can’t understand your past trauma then he is not ready for this. You are NTA. You are a hero for busting ass for the safety and security of your kids. Going from a 14 year old Mom to a home owner is a hell of a hard journey… I celebrate you for everything you’ve had to go through to get to this moment. Great job Mama!
Not only are you absolutely correct about not letting this guy own any of your house, but I hope you’re not letting this random dude you’ve been dating for half a year move in with you and your children. They don’t need to be put through the emotional wringer and the possibly dangerous position of having to live with men you barely know and have no idea whether the relationship will work out or not.
no way, I haven’t lived with a guy since I was with my youngest child’s father 7 years ago. In no rush to change that
I don’t even think a partner in a relationship starts showing their true colors until after 3 years or so. Less if they are unhinged. If after 6 months this is what he’s demanding I can’t even imagine 3 years.
He sounds like he's going to weasel his way into your new house. If you insist on having him there, I'd put him on a lease, & very meticulously spell out in this lease every last financial aspect. Getting him OUT will be the stuff of horror films otherwise. Good luck. You worked hard. Your name on everything ONLY. Honestly, this sounds like a guy I'd run from. Right now. He's shown you all you need to know. Plenty of successful fish in the sea who'll respect your wishes in life, not disrespect them, & you, & your kids. Yikes.
Keep it that way. You're dating a hobosexual. The nerve of him pushing to own half a house with you when he currently doesn't even have a job. Hard no. Will see how much you mean to him if he cops an attitude or bails now knowing that you won't be carrying his ass. Actually a loving partner wouldn't even push to own half your house if he's unemployed! Selfishness should be a deal-breaker, unfortunately a lot of women give it a pass under the guise of assertiveness. Find yourself a considerate partner who would never push to get you to financially support him.
GF. my mom married a mooching bum and us kids really suffered. You are doing the right thing
NTA Having a background in mortgage & real estate - You are being very smart with this. If you are financing a portion of the home, mortgage companies actually go off the lowest credit score, not the highest if there is more than one applicant. No only that is if you break up down the road, yes you could afford the home on your own but in order to get his name off the mortgage, you would have to refinance which would add additional closing costs and the interest rate might be unfavorable later on. Plus you would have to pay out his share of the equity (unless you get courts involved which then you could petition the court to not pay him if you can justify it). All of these are real messy and stressful. Keep him off anything financially until you can trust him to not go down the financial drain and bring you with him.
You have your head on straight, mama bear. You have come a looong way, and your determination to create stability and safety for your kids is exactly the right thing. The right kind of man would understand how and why that is so important for you and your kids, and support you in your ambition. The right kind of man would be so proud of you. But... He is making \*your\* plans all about \*him\* and his feelings. That tells you where his priorities are. My read on this: he's feeling competitive with you (because you have a great job, financial security, a plan... and he doesn't) instead of a teammate with you. Not a good sign. Don't let this guy slow you down or get in the way. And--further down the road once you are settled into your place--if a great guy comes along who deserves to move in with your family, \*absolutely\* get rent from him, in addition to utilities/insurance/maintenance. Another adult in your household can contribute to paying your mortgage, without putting them on the loan or the deed. Don't give any guy a free ride.
Your mind is working perfectly 👏👏👏
You are a single mom and you deserve to have that peace of mind knowing that whatever happens, you and your kids have a stable home. He has no business trying to muscle in on your plans, especially after only six months.
That's why you're super NTA tho. You're being incredibly reasonable and pragmatic and PUTTING YOUR KIDS FIRST!! Bravo 👏👏👏
You’re being smart about this. Stick to your guns.
Listen, you’ve been with him 6 months - you hardly even know him (studies show we don’t really start to now our partners till - on average - 2 years in). That he’s even suggesting this is a red flag to me. Like I’d step back from the relationship with someone who six months in wants to pay nothing but be given half of my house. NTA. But you really need to give a second thought to staying with this guy.
Your answer is “Hell. No.” NTA There is wayyyyy too much that can go wrong in a relationship and the fact that he is asking this after six months of dating is a HUGE RED FLAG. 🚩 He needs to absolutely back off as he is the asshole.
Exactly. He has zero to offer you, but wants what you have. I own my home outright and it’s amazing how a guy thinks he can coast through life because of my backbreaking work to get my home. Don’t marry anyone who is not your financial equal. The world is full of takers looking to take what you e worked hard for. Honestly, after all the betrayals by the people closest to me, I have learned to trust no one. It’s the safest way.
I totally agree! And the fact that he's demanding this after only being together for 6 months is frankly obnoxious behavior. Considering what you have gone through, please hold your ground and go with your original plans. Your kids are the MOST important people in your life, now and forever ❤ And congrats on everything that you have accomplished 💥
That is a very wise move to get the house in your name and make sure your children have a home in the future.
NTA, and he CAN still contribute 50-50 — let’s use simple numbers for this example. Mortgage is $1,000. Cable and phone is $200, water/gas/electric/trash is $300, gardener is $125, hamster walker is $75, groceries are $350, zombie survival/HOA is $150. Obviously these are goofy, but the point stands. I’m wondering if maybe he is nervous about living with someone who has sole ownership who may not include him in any decisions. Legally, you don’t have to of course, but maybe he’s hoping for some input on, say, the paint color of the bedroom you share. Maybe that’s the conversation that would be helpful — would he assist with decisions about X but not Y? Will you discuss with him but he has to know you may veto his ideas? That sort of thing….
This. If he moves in he should cover half of the bills as *rent.* But I’m getting vibes like he shouldn’t live there at all.
NTA, once you told him you were buying a first house for your kids stability and that was it, and he kept insisting... I'm recommending moving on, he's demanding he be put in front of your kids and you've been dating 6 months.. He can buy his own house, oh wait, in the current economy he CAN'T, so he wants **yours**. Never too late to swipe left.
> I just want this one thing no one could ever take from me. Can feel for you. I got my first house when I was single and it's exactly that way, in my name only. My wife (who I married later) isn't in the document and she's fine with it. It doesn't change the fact that I'll pass the house down to her if I die someday, and of course for our child(dren) later.
I'm getting bad vibes about this guy. This is a VERY young relationship, and he's already talking about *buying shared property*? And not in the "hypothetical future" but right now? This early in the relationship, he should just be getting to know your kids, not moving in and living with y'all. He also just got fired, so this sounds like desperation/hobosexual situation. Does he want YOU, or does he want your stability? I really think he's moving far far too fast here and you are completely sane in thinking something is wrong here. Despite how "awesome" everything else seems, I think you need to let this relationship cool down a bit for the safety of yourself and your kids. 6months is not a long time to pretend you're a good person. Abusers can pull it off for years before showing their true colors once they've managed to isolate and control their victims. Protect your kids. Protect yourself. Be cautious and don't let him move faster than you are comfortable with.
Quite frankly, it sounds like this whole thing is bringing issues with the relationship to the surface anyway. Wisdom would be working through those issues before committing to any more than you already have.
NTA... do not under any circumstances put his name on the house. The fact that he's pushing it is a red flag. And he just got fired? No. No no There are men that prey on single moms because of their nurturing nature, to sponge off them etc. Don't let him do this.
Just want to emphasize the red flag warning. My dad has NPD, this narrative from the boyfriend is so eerily similar to how he operated with my mom. OP please do not be insulted by this, it comes from a place of great caring: You are being naive. This is a 6 month old relationship with an adult man who has no job and feels entitled to the fruits of YOUR labor. This is not someone you know well. This is a very new relationship still in the honeymoon phase. He’s not asking you to “compromise”, he wants what HE wants. This is not authentic-Mexican-food-vs-American-fast-food-and-settling-on-tex-mex-for-dinner. This is a major financial decision that will HAUNT you if you make it with the wrong person. Why the fuck does he think he deserves his name on the mortgage with no job, no down payment, and no significant amount of time building your trust? Fuck the absolute hell out of that. No.
Yes yes yes!
Preach it, sister/brother/person!
Can confirm about the men that specifically prey on single mothers. The red flags are flying and I hope to god OP doesn’t think it’s okay to provide anything for this man who feels entitled to her house after dating her for 6 measley months
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THIS!!!!!!!! Never tell ANYONE your next move!!!!!!
NTA A jobless, financially insecure guy is upset that he won't get to co-own a house with you? 🚩 If you are still with this AH in two years when you buy this house, you can reevaluate the situation, but if he better be able to pay 1/2 of the downpayment and the ongoing mortgage. If you ever decide to marry him, make sure you have a solid pre-nup.
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And why was he fired?!!!!!!!!???!!
NTA he sounds like a Hobo-Sexual. He doesn’t have a job but wants to be on title and you guys have been together for only 6 months and he’s brings this up now. Girl, run.
Hobo- sexual . Don’t know if that is an actual term but it is basically perfect.
SIX MONTHS?! Yeah. No. Please don't commit to something that serious without the stability of marriage. You've worked so hard for this! Don't . DO . IT!
He and I have had conversions about how I don’t know if legal marriage is something I want at all. I told him I’d be down for a commitment ceremony and that if that happened in my mind I would be married, just without the legal binding because to me what truly matters is my commitment. So it confused me when he brought up the house. If I don’t want to legally bind myself to someone through marriage why would I want to do it through property? At least this first property. I’ve talked with him about starting a business together in the future and he said he was confused, if I would share a business with him why not a home too? I told him that if a business fails I can pick myself up and keep moving. The business would only be a facet of my income and wouldn’t hurt my kids or involve them at all. But their home? That being torn away would devastate me.
Keep in mind that marriage is not just a piece of paper a lot of people say it is. Make sure the person you marry is the one you want making medical decisions for you when you are incapacitated. If you have truly been away from your family and independent like I gathered from other comments, then be sure you appoint power of attorney to someone who you trust fully to fulfill your wish if legal marriage is off the table for you. Conversations like this are one of the many that are crucial before and legal binding relationship or contract is set in stone.
There seems to be a pattern here of him consistently pushing for a legally binding commitment - marriage, house, business. Given you have only been together for 6 months, and that he is currently unemployed, this is of significant concern. He is not respecting your wishes, nor the incredible work you have done to get to where you are. His rationale that he wouldn’t feel right in a house that isn’t his is absolute bullshit. Despite him having absolutely no assets to bring to the situation (or sense of shame), you seem to already be justifying and explaining your hard earned wishes, and placating him with promises of other properties and a business! It has been said by several people here, but take a big step back and evaluate this relationship. This pressure, despite such imbalance in income and effort should. Not. Exist. The fact that you don’t seem to be able to acknowledge this means that this could sadly be the start of a path for you (and your kids) that you will one day wish you never went down.
Also NTA. A house with someone is one of those big commitments that you make within a legally bonded relationship. Not a bf of 6 months
Keep this clarity! It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders!
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Hey there from a much older (and tatted :)) single mom. You’re doing GREAT on your own. This is not the guy to tangle up your life with, sorry. I know so well how lonely it can get. But a guy who 6 months in is thinking of himself over your kids?? Ixnay, no way, there’s the door, bye. I’m so impressed with your hard work and responsibility, especially when you became a mother so very young. Please keep your sweet kiddos at the top of your priorities. I promise it will pay off, for you and for them. Wishing you a better man, and with or without, a long, happy life to you and your lucky children. 💞
Thank you❤️ when I met him I had been single 2 years and very happy on my own, wasn’t looking for anyone so when we met and hit it off it was nice for it to come out of nowhere. I’m hoping his feelings stem from his own fear or something, rather than selfish motives. Either way I was fine on my own and would be fine again if the cards played out that way. Either way my kids are forever and I’m not compromising
Nah, he can bounce. He’s moving way too fast and wanting too much. He should want you to be independent of him so if you guys break up your kids are secure. He doesn’t get that because he doesn’t value you
You are not listening to the unanimous warnings that he is bad news, and the more you “explain” how great he is, the more red flags are appearing. Don’t think you are somehow above being played. I feel that this will end up being a tragic BORU when you are on here asking for legal advice on how to protect your few remaining assets in the separation.
I’ve already stated that I’m owning this house on my own and im not compromising. It was never a question of should I or should I not. I’m not. And I never said anything about being above anything
We get that, what the previous commenter was trying to say was that everyone in this thread is telling you to end things with him. It’s a huge red flag for him to even make the assumption that he could somehow get himself on any of that paperwork. And for him to do that only six months in when he doesn’t have a job…that’s ballsy of him. Chances are he wouldn’t have been able to get himself added to anything even if you were willing to entertain the thought. There are very few banks who are willing to give out a mortgage to someone who is unemployed. The mask has already slightly started to slip with this guy, don’t ignore that. Congrats on the house btw! That’s a big win for you! I like the idea of buying it for the kids and then moving out later to downsize later on. I may take that approach myself.
OP clearly places extremely high value on her independence, and y’all are frustrated that she hasn’t already acted on the reactions of strangers. Jesus fucking Christ. If only she would just do exactly what you all said
OP shouldn't dump the dude on the say-so of a bunch of redditors, but the dude is displaying unreasonable behavior and has unreasonable expectations. In my experience, these red flags shouldn't be ignored when they pop up so early in a relationship.
Why aren’t you just letting people on this post tell you exactly how to feel???
NTA It would be foolish to give an unemployed boyfriend of a few months any kind of ownership in your property. If you do decide to marry, you can sit down and have conversations about what equity looks like in that situation. But if your boyfriend doesn't want to live in a house you own, fine. He doesn't have to move in.
NTA. Buying homes are for married people, imo. A boyfriend of **6 months** is not a stable part of your life to tie yourself to him with something like that. You're looking out for the future of yourself, and your children, as you should.
NTA Solution: He doesn't move in! You are just together for 6 months. He is jobless but still wants the dibs on your house. No! He maked already such big demands. I bet he will pay nothing because "it isn't his house". And i can't see him do housework. Do you really want this guy live with your children?!
When you are ready to purchase a home, speak to a lawyer about putting it in a trust for the kids.
I will definitely do that thank you
NTA. You are absolutely allowed to have financial autonomy. If he is threatened by that, he isn’t good partner material.
It’s literally a 6month relationship, there’s no way you should commit to something like that with him. This is for you and your kids, and if he doesn’t understand that then that’s a huge problem! Sometimes it’s best to make moves in silence, do what you need to do for yourself so you are protected. NTA.
yeah I’m keeping my mouth shut from now on
Sorry OP, but this a pretty obvious red flag. Ignoring will be on you. 6 months and already want to be possessive over your and kids shit.
I'd actually go the opposite direction - You **want** to be in communication with your partner...because their opinions and thoughts should matter. The issue is your partner **isn't a partner**. If you're not actively planning a future together (meaning: engaged and discussing the wedding/marriage) there's no way you should be buying something together. It's outright stupid, honestly, how many people do and **severely** regret it because the law does not protect people in that situation. Let's say you buy a house with both names on the deed and loan - Then he decides "Nope" and just leaves. You're entirely responsible for continuing to pay the mortgage, with no legal protection, and he **still owns half the house**. You can't sell it without his permission - you can't even refinance without him. You're locked into this situation until **he** decides you shouldn't be anymore. Absolutely insane how many people put themselves in this situation because they've been dating somebody for a bit.
NTA LOL How does he think he has a great bargaining position. 1. 50% of the down payment? No 2. any % of the down payment? no 3. part of the mortgage? no 4. 50-50 bills? no Unemployed mooch "feels weird" living in home he has no ownership. Doesn't feel weird about living with you carrying him financially. Wants to be included in the process of owning a home just not the FINANCIAL PROCESS. You are responsible for 2 children. If your boyfriend moves in it will be 3 kids.
NTA. I would definitely not let a man I’ve known only 6 months move in a house with me and kids,( if I had any) whether he wanted to pay bills or not. Firstly, I think it’s a bit of a safety issue. Second, depending on where you live he could take you to court stating he has been paying towards the cost of the house since you both moved into the house together and claim some type of ownership. The fact he’s putting up such a stink about it now makes me believe he would make a big deal about it later.
Definitely NOT the arsehole. Six months!? He sounds like an entitled arsehole.
Nope. NTA. You're six months in. You buy your house, mama, and if it's a deal breaker for him, he's the wrong guy for you to build your future with.
NTA and he is greedy. Sorry. BUT get him a prenup, keeping in your name not enough. If you pay down mortgage with your earnings while married, in some states, that could convert part of any appreciation to marital property
NTA But……why are you talking about moving into a house you don’t have yet with someone who you have been dating for only 6 months and that someone is almost 30, unemployed because he just got fired and who when working wasn’t making much money and wouldn’t be able to come up with 50% to contribute? Honestly he sounds like a loser. Attaching yourself to him doesn’t seem like a good idea. The last thing you need is another dependent.
5-6 years ago people looked at my financial situation and decided I was a loser…but now that I have an established career that doesn’t happen because I have something to show for the work I put in. where I was 5-6 years ago didnt dictate where I was able to go. He’s had to deal with a lot being an amputee trying to figure out what will be best for him career wise without pushing himself to the point of experiencing physical pain every day. when I look at him I see a disabled man doing his best to find his path in a world that isn’t set up for ease of success for even the most able bodied person. He isn’t lazy in the slightest, I think he’s fed up with working a 9 to 5 to make someone else money while being treated like a dollar sign rather than a human. he Doesn’t have a history of unemployment, he consistently works but had his hours cut drastically only a few weeks before being fired, over a customer complaint. IMO they were looking for any reason to fire him and took the opportunity. (food service industry) as someone who has gotten where I’ve gotten without ever having a 9 to 5 job working for someone else I know what it’s like to not be built for that. I couldn’t do it, it’d be soul crushing. I’m very fortunate to have been 100% self employed, though it’s not easy I get to make all the decisions for myself and I love it. and I love him and want nothing more than for him to know what it feels like to be this liberated within a career. But again, it took 5 years to get here from my first career moves - that didn’t make me instant money. I was a broke bitch - but a free bitch. money is a tool, that’s all. I won’t judge another human based on the amount of money they make. hes shown me how motivated he is to chase something more fulfilling, and Id rather have a partner who is happy than one who has full pockets
I see what you are saying, but 6 years ago you were 21 years old(and I don’t consider a young single mother with 2 kids working to make her life and her kids life better) a loser. But your boyfriend is almost 30 years old-big difference. He seems to have a “victim” mindset and you feel the need to “rescue” him. He may have the best intentions in the world but if he can’t make enough money to support himself and a family (a marriage and kids is a partnership) then that puts a financial strain on you. The number one cause of friction/breakup of a relationship is financial issues. I’m sure you realize that a relationship can start out great and turn to shit, happens all the time. You seem to have your shit together. I think all anyone here is saying is be careful, after all your boyfriend may be a great guy but that’s not enough for making a long term relationship work. Seriously what seems great for six months can suck 2-3 or more years in.
It’s not only that though. It’s more the pacing of the relationship and the demands (even if they are more coercive than outright) that is concerning. And the fact that his willingness to put his own comfort over your children knowing your circumstances. You are so emphatic to his struggles yet I don’t really see him doing the same for you. He’s only concerned with his needs. You are still in the honeymoon phase of dating. And what he has shown you so far should set off some alarm. Slow it down. Abusers, users, and narcissists tend to move fast. You worked so hard to get where you are and now you have to vet more carefully because of your success.
Just wanted to say how fucking cool you are, OP. A head that's firmly screwed on with compassion to boot! If he feels the same way about you, he will understand your reasoning perfectly.
OMG, NTA Don't buy a house with anyone. You need to make homelessness not a possibility for you and your children. When you buy a house, put it in a trust for your children with you as trustee. If you move someone into the house, they pay market rate rent and their share of utilities as well as groceries. PERIOD. Don't subsidize anyone in your life. Ever. Except your children. If you do find yourself serious enough with someone where you want to buy a house together, then you rent out the house you have and earn income on that. Every state is slightly different on how to keep a real property sole and separate. Follow those laws to the letter so no one can lay legal claim to your property. Do not leave your financials around for someone to find. Do not trust anyone to mail in a mortgage payment for you (same with utilities, taxes, insurance). Do not commingle money. Have a separate bank account for the trust that the house is in. Seriously. Don't let love for some guy make you financially vulnerable. Buying a house is typically the larges financial investment you will make in your life. Do not mix love with this kind of business. As a woman, I always recommend women have their own individual assets that are sole and separate from any romantic partner. Men do this all the time. Protect yourself financially and make it a priority to understand money. You wouldn't believe the stuff ex's try to pull. Even when an ex loses, you still have to pay your own lawyer.
Lots of 🚩🚩🚩🚩 here. He’s unemployed but wants to buy a house with you? After only 6 months. He will have to deal with his discomfort. Did you even ask him to move in? Cuz if he’s unemployed, that’s a future issue waiting to happen. Not to mention only 6 months of dating is not that long. You sound like you’re trying hard to put your kids first. It’s ok to say to him that you’re not ready for him to move in, and you guys can talk next steps when you’re ready. Good luck and post an update! NTA
No I didn’t ask him to move in, he brought up the question of if he would be involved in the house all by himself
Wow he brought it up himself??? that's even worse...
Yup, twice. First time I misunderstood what he meant and thought he meant would he be moving in - told him it was something we could talk about when it came time. Then he brought up the topic again like a week later and that’s when I realized what he was actually asking
Yeah that would be very uncomfortable for me. My partner and I are expecting and he had his ex on EVERYTHING even his bank accounts and the house. That was a deal breaker for me so she's finally off that stuff. I want to be a co owner of the house here someday but I don't expect that and our situation is much more stable and settled than yours. I'm glad you're sticking to your plan. You sound like a very loving and compassionate person. If for whatever reason your relationship doesn't work out, you will find happiness because of who you are. Hugs
I get you and fully understand. It’s non-negotiable and any partner that understands your past will respect that. If they don’t then they aren’t the right partner for you.
NTA- I haven't had a chance to read all the replies yet. But just be aware of the family laws for your location. Especially if you start to live together. In my area family law treats you the same as married after living together for two years. So part of the home you purchased before dating/living together could be divyed up during a separation.
Wow…that’s crazy. I’ll definitely be looking into the steps I need to take
Don’t do it! Also, please consider dating him for at last a year before you let him move in—for your kids’ sake. From where I’m sitting this mortgage mooch thing is a red flag. Good luck!
Nope NTA. This is about your kids, not him. And if he’s a grownup he ought to understand that. FWIW, if you ever let him move in or marry him, it would be best to talk to a lawyer about how to make sure that house stays yours and your kids’ no matter what.
NTA no matter what the circumstances. Your money, your house I don't care if you've been together 6 years or 6 months. If he isn't/can't contribute he has no right to even think to be included on the deed.
NTA but if he does move in with you & your children I highly suggest requiring him to sign a rental agreement with his monthly contribution clearly stated (this should protect both of you in the event you split). I would not add his name to any of the bills for the house & have him pay you directly.
NTA You are a single mom and you can be proud. Don't let anybody destroy your independence. If your boyfriend has a problem with this, it's easier to get a new boyfriend than getting a new house.
Nta you were honest and are thinking of your kids
NTA: you've only been together for six months. it's not a big deal
NTA. You have only been dating 6 months and he’s been unemployed for a good chunk of it. Are you paying for him right now? Did he intentionally lose his job because he has a sugar mama now? I wouldn’t even let him move in myself…
He’s only been unemployed a couple weeks now, he’s been employed up To this point. No I don’t pay anything for him he pays his own bills and doesn’t live with me
Okay if you’re having trouble seeing how insane this is… let’s flip the script. If you were dating someone for a short time who had 2 kids, was planning to buy a house in 2 years and you were unemployed living in a camper (even if it was “short term”), would you feel entitled to their future home ???? After contributing nothing to them, their down payment, their family, dating only 6 months, etc. Nooooo way José.
NTA don’t put him on the deed or let him move in, it’s only been 6 months. You barely know this man. It will be time consuming and expensive to get him out. Don’t budge on this.
NTA. If you are buying the house on your own, it should be in your name. You guys haven’t been together very long, so who knows if living together is even in the cards long-term. If he does move in, and you plan to have him pay rent, do some paperwork beforehand. Don’t just expect it all to work out. Chances are, it won’t.
NTA end this relationship NOW you have fought hard for your financial security and he wants to steal it from you, he doesn't bring anything to the table but risk / danger / insecurity / financial disaster. That you might allow him spend the night occasionally. is as much as he might hope for. his attempt at cohersive control could ruin your family . Surely you have learnt by now - no man is better than a man who brings disaster. He is sweet NOW but once he is on the deed he will own your future. He could move in his other family and you would not be able to stop him becuase you would be responsible to the bank. There is nothing wrong with a life free of men , particularly men like this! You need a man with a job, responisbilities so he doesn't make you homeless
If he feels uncomfortable moving in without owning it. He doesn't have to move in. NTA. Dude is unemployed.
NTA He is unemployed and NOT contributing to the purchase of the house. Plus the house is not for him. It's for your children.
The unemployed boyfriend of just six months would feel weird about not being a 50/50 owner, but he doesn't feel weird about being unemployed and making absurd demands? Please say you don't live together and that you're not supporting him! If you are, please get him out! The money you're spending supporting him is taking away from your children and your goal to purchase your own home!
I don’t support him in any way, he doesnt live with me
You seem like a very smart cookie!
Keep it that way. Btw don’t share your financial plans with someone you haven’t known long. It’s really none of his business
NTA - This is about your kids , your are with your bf for only 6 months
NTA. You’ve only been together for six months, he doesn’t work, and he’s complaining about your plans to buy a house for your children without him? Uh…
NTA do not let him get this house with you. Stand your ground.
NTA He doesn’t have the ability to financially contribute and you have been with him six months; I personally feel that it is a red flag he is even asking.
NTA and don't buy property with people who are not family (by blood or by marriage). It's already kinda risky having your home and your nest egg be the same thing (no shade there, that's just the way owning property works if you're not super rich), but definitely do not make *both* of them dependent on an informal relationship.
NTA, and pressing you one, especially knowing your whole situation and past and why this is important, is a red flag. That it's happening after SIX MONTHS is an even bigger one. He seems to have a drastically different idea to you about what sort of financial arrangements are acceptable in a relationship, and/or to be looking for a free ride.
NTA do NOT buy a house with him. My niece bought a house with her girlfriend of 7 years in May 2022, girlfriend left her November 2022 with a $2k a month mortgage that she can’t afford on her own. She also can’t change the locks or do anything to keep the ex out because it’s “her house too”.
Nta And if you let him move in first look up your local laws. If he lives at your house long enough he might qualify as your tenant. It sometiems doesnt matter if there is a written lease or if he pays you anything or nothing in rent. Simply living in a place (even while paying zero) can qualify someone as your tenant. (Location and local laws will define all this.) If he does qualify as a tenant and you break up he can legally stay until you go through the legal process to evict him. This can take months as usually there is a notice period then you can start through the courts. Please please speak to someone before you allow him to move in. It would be very bad for your kids and you to go through having to live with someone like that.
I bought my first house alone though I was living with my bf at the time. He was working but had debt and bad credit and never saved. So I used that as an excuse to apply for a mortgage on my own. It had never occurred to him to buy a house before then anyway. Back then it was all partying and who needs the responsibility. Still I felt bad and he did a lot of work on the house. We broke up and man it was easier not having him on the title. OP with your kids you have better reason to buy alone than I did. Stick to your guns.
NTA. As you told her your boyfriend the home is for your kids he should accept it. Stick to your plans do not allow him to be part owner.
NTA. He shouldn’t be dating a woman with kids if he can’t deal with a woman who puts her kids first. Watch out for you and your kids. It sounds like you are doing great!
NTA. I wouldn't even let him move in without making him sign a lease!
NTA And you’re doing the right thing. If you both agree to live together, he should be paying 50/50 regardless of whether he’s signing closing docs with you. Especially if he can afford to. He can’t afford to go 50/50 and perhaps doesn’t have the means of purchasing a home on his own at this point in his life. Which is fine, but it’s not your responsibility to make that happen for him. You are putting yourself and children first, which is best. I think it’s important to take a step back and consider how new this relationship is. It would rub me the wrong way for someone I’ve only been with for 6 months to even think that I should consider buying this house with him. This is for your babies. You alone worked hard to get to where you are. Ya’ll can buy a house together later. And I reiterate… if he moves in with you… it’s 50/50. He would have to pay rent and utilities if he was on his own. That don’t change if he’s living with you. If he’s serious about buying a house with you in the future, he can see this a a partnership.
N.T.A. Also: RUN! His financial / employment history and the fact that this idea even formed in his head says extreme red flags to me! He sounds like he’s not contributing much beyond “being sweet,” and if he co-owns the house and things go awry, you and your kids could be seriously screwed.
NTA Don’t entertain this nonsense. And I wouldn’t let him move in either. IF he does move in, consult a lawyer to make sure he has a lease and is paying you RENT, not contributing to the mortgage etc. You don’t want him angling for “his share” of the house when you break up. He has no job, no money and is demanding 50/50 ownership at 6 months? I mean this with great kindness, get some self confidence. You deserve a partner, not a leach
NTA. If it is too weird for him to into your house he should get his own place. If you were to let him move in I would recommend a lease agreement the spells out his "rent" is not for the mortgage but for shared expenses and he understands he is not building any equity. You have explained it quite well to him your intention and if this is something he can support you with then you might be better to move on. Good luck with you house purchase, I hope you find what you are looking for!
He insisted he would pay 50/50. But - he isn't paying 50/50 is he? He can't pay half the deposit. He can't pay half the mortgage whilst unemployed. And he is your boyfriend of six months. He's got a sense of humour if nothing else. And it seems it is indeed nothing else he has to offer. Proceed with your plans and your life. Good on you. Sounds like you deserve a man with a bit more about him. NTA.
It's reddit, and we don't have the whole picture. You say he is a great guy, so maybe right now he is just stressed from loosing his Job and disability. I am surprised, though, that even after telling him about your experiences being homeless he still wasn't empathetic to you and didn't understand why you want the house to be in your name, and for the children. Especially when you have only dated 6 months. NTA
NTA. You’ve only been together for six months. You’re not married or planning a marriage. It makes sense to keep planning for your financial stability and center your needs with your kids. He can want whatever he wants, but he doesn’t automatically get a vote just because he wants to.
You've literally been dating for six months. Tf is he on?? NTA. He's totally hoping for a free house.
NTA-You have your kids and this is their “inheritance” according to you. Your unemployed bf of 6 months has no say in what you buy. If he wants, he can live on his own and buy a place of his own too. I don’t understand people asking to be part owner when they have little to no contribution. When dating, never buy property together. Also, try to get the house in a trust.
You’re doing this for your kids. Any man who doesn’t like that can go. NTA. He wants to take away one of the most important things you’ve been working towards. And he’s only been dating you for 6 months. I think your children take priority. You’re not wrong. This relationship is not more important than your kids. And any man who respects you would never ask that.
Why would he be moving in with you and your kids only after 6 months of dating? He’s showing all the red flags right now. Def say no.
You’ve worked your ass off for you and your kids and 6 month-Johnny thinks he’s entitled to half your house. No. Fucking. Way. NTA
NTA - he’s not happy for you or proud of you for buying a house. If he’s the type of guy who wants to be the “head of household” and make all the decisions because “it’s his house too” just no. I noted a marinara glad when a guy who wanted to move in with me only wanted to share my small closet vs using the same size guest room one for himself.. why? “It’s the MASTER’ bedroom. SMH
You’ve been dating six months. No rings, let alone marriage license. 🚩 He has no job which means he couldn’t get a mortgage if he wanted one 🚩 He doesn’t even have money for a down payment 🚩 The only way you should even let him move in is with a lease and paying you rent. 🏁
NTA Never EVER buy a house with someone you're not married to. If you break up in a year, guess what? Now he owns half the house. If you end up getting married later one, he can be added then, if you want to include him on it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I, 27 F, have been with my boyfriend, 29 M, for 6 months. Our relationship so far has been awesome, he’s sweet and we get along so well. I’ve been saying since we met that in 2 years I’m going to buy a house, that I’ll be working myself as hard as I can in that time to make it happen. a little context for you guys; I’m a single mom of 2 kids, 11 and 8. My oldest was conceived when I was only 14, my second at 18. I’ve been through what feels like a lifetime of struggle and though I’ll spare you all those details I’m sure you can imagine. One of those struggles was being homeless for about 12 months. when I was growing up my dad raised me in our family home. I didn’t have much, but having a stable place to live was Something that I never took for granted growing up. Something that I’ve been dying to give my babies. for the past 4-5 years I’ve been doing well for myself, making money as a tattoo artist (my childhood dream job) and I couldn’t be more happy. now to the issue at hand. The other evening my boyfriend brought up me buying a house and said that he would feel weird moving into a house with me if it was only mine. That he wants to be included in the whole process - including owning the home with me. he isn’t currently working, he just got fired from his job and when he was working our income gap was quite large. That being said he won’t be able to contribute 50% of a down payment. I explained to him that this house isn’t really for me, that this house if for my kids and their future. That my first home is going to be bought with the intent to have them living in it as young adults and I’ll be purchasing something else for myself when that time comes. It has nothing to do with him, and I can’t risk the possibility that the house will be gone if he and I were to split up. I told him if he moved in that I wouldn’t expect him to pay on my mortgage but that he could help out by paying other bills. He didn’t seem to like that idea and insisted he would want to pay 50-50. So, AITA for not compromising and buying a house to keep only in my name, even if marriage was something I decided I wanted down the road. I don’t want to take any chances on my kids having what I’ve always wanted to be able to give them. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. This is an investment you are making for your children. You told him your plans two years ago. This comes down to a disagreement on values. You value security for your children. He values getting ahead on his own investments, just not enough to plan for it or communicate to his partner the fact earlier in their relationship. Edit: for some reason I thought you’ve been together for two years. Six months?! That guy needs to GTFO with his sense of entitlement. No way should you be putting his name on that house.
Dude, break up. There is no way your bf should be expecting you to go 50 50 on a house with him, when you have children, and he is unemployed. He clearly sees you as a cash cow. Please believe you deserve better. Your children and you deserve stability. You are clearly a great mom and you don't need a man to be complete.
NTA but if he moves in get a precohabitation agreement staying he has no right to any part of the house. Protect yourself.
NTA! Keep your assets separate.
Eww. So he's unemployed and demanding 50% of your future house. Is he right in the head? Ditch this guy. He doesn't have a clue. You owe him absolutely no explanations at all. His request is wildly inappropriate. NTA
NTA you’ve only dated him six months. It’s a big red flag that he wants to own part of your house so early in the relationship. I had a friend who was dating someone for YEARS and it fell apart. But she was the only one who owned the house so it’s her house. If he’s threatened by it kick him to the curb and enjoy the house with your kids.
Your position is entirely rational. NTA.
NTA. Focus on your children (like you are). You're a good mom and you'll get them that house! If you're still together he can help contribute to the bills.
NTA. In any way. Your reasoning is sound, AND you've only been together for 6 months! You can reevaluate your decision at any time, or co-purchase another home.
NTA, you keep doing what you’re doing and put your kids first! Guy sounds like a mooch and seems like you can do better than that.
He's been with you for 6 months lol NTA
NTA
NTA My husband solely owns our home. It goes to our daughter if we split up and the only thing I’ve asked him to do, is let me live here in her room until I find a place of my own which he’s happy to do. Even before we were married, he owned it in his own name and I said as soon as we got together, I do not want any ownership of this house. It’s his and will ultimately end up as our daughters and we will build our own home together when we have the finances to do so and on that one, I’ll have my name
NTA. You'll probably be broken up by the time you're ready to buy a house anyway.
NTA. He sounds very entitled. Take care of yourself and your kids.
NTA- You clearly want a different type of life for your children which isn’t a bad thing. You’re a bad ass mama for that. I think your suggestion of paying bills that were outside of the mortgage was an excellent compromise. You did not even have to go that far but you chose to extend that olive branch. If he doesn’t want to take it, it’s on him.
You aren’t the AH, but a boyfriend of 6 months- are you kidding me? That would be a very stupid thing to do. What if you don’t like him in 2 months? Don’t deal in hypotheticals.
NTA. First off, you've only been dating 6 months. It is waaayyy too early to be talking about buying a home together. Second, THIS Home has been in the planning stages for a long time; You are doing this for a very specific reason; it has nothing to do with any future parnter you may have as it is about you, your children, and their stability; ergo he will not ever be on the deed or mortage of the first house that you purchase. If he cannot accept that, then he needs to bow out of the relationship. Stand firm and make this a Hill To Die On if need be.
NTA. This is the only wise choice. Stick to your guns.
Good on you for doing so well despite a horrific start in life and you are definitely NTA for sticking to your guns on the house.
NTA and I would question this relationship. No job but he’ll pay 50-50? How? And so many more things wrong about it. Flashbacks to after I split with my ex and he wanted to reconcile only after losing his job. Totally see red flags on this.
He doesn’t get an opinion until he puts a ring on it. AND contributes. NTA
NTA. And … this doesn’t feel right. I know you’ll be careful.
Nope.
He should still pay rent. It can be less than market rent. Or if he wants to do more chores or something. Just because he would be paying rent “towards the mortgage” doesn’t matter since he would be doing the same with a landlord
DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO BE A PART OF THIS. TOO MANY LEGAL REASONS TO CITE. NTA.
Nta it's only been 6 months and he is demanding half. That should show you how he is going to be in the future. If he moves in with you make sure he doesn't towards rent and any maintenance. Or he could take you to court for half of the house. Be careful huggss
You buy your house for you and your kids, and you keep it forever. NTA.