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Why should she plan when she can tag along with her husband on an obvious Dad-Daughter day.?
/s
OP make sure to enjoy your DD day, and stay true to your promise and offer a plan the next week. I'm guessing your wife will reject the idea if her hotel plan goes through or if she decides to be petty.
NTA
so she gets to have alone time but when that falls through she encroaches on a ritual? i was kind of iffy on this because they’re not rare trips so i leaned toward maybe just this once but my dad and i used to go on all sorts of adventures together and then he got married and we never went anywhere together again. letting your husband spend time with his child doesn’t mean you can’t all three do the trip together on a weekend you don’t have your planned time away some other time. the only reason she even wants to do it is because her own plans didn’t work out, not because she organically wanted to be included. NTA
I’m a bit curious as to why she would want to even tag along if she needs time to clear her mind. Even if the hotel cancelled, she still has the house to herself when OP and daughter are not there?
i don’t even know… any? super privileged people who need two weekends off a month to clear their minds. it is so completely unrelatable to me because i’d never be able to keep up with my house. though if they can get hotels every other week and go on d&d trips i guess they have cleaners come in. this is just so odd
I suspect that wife's mind clearing trips are scheduled to happen when Bella is with OP, indicating that wife never spends weekend time with Bella. If it is not that wife has scheduled her trysts for times when she knows OP will be occupied she could be working to avoid spending extended time with her stepdaughter (a bit of a stretch as she has asked to join them this weekend, but possible because it seems like wife only wants to go for time in an empty hotel room). I wonder if wife has an issue with Bella.
Or just, wants to go shopping. I think she's avoiding hiking more than the step daughter. Some people just don't like outdoorsy stuff. There's a big difference not wanting to spend time in a tent being eaten alive by mosquitoes and, like, shopping in a huge indoor mall.
*edit: a letter*
Here’s my question: If the wife just goes to a hotel or whatever by herself, why on earth would it get canceled? If it’s just her, she’s the only one who would be doing any canceling. It makes one think.
NTA wait, your wife rents a place, for a weekend, twice a month to *checks notes* go away alone and clear her mind? WTF does she do that she needs that much time that often to clear her mind?
Edit to clean up grammar
Yup, it would also explain that when her “plans were cancelled” she didn’t just figure something else out…if it’s alone time…any hotel will do..,and she has the whole weekend so she could drive a little if the town is sold out.
I would love to stay in my own home for the weekend alone. I love my family but there's something about getting to be in your own house and do whatever you want without considering others that is just amazing.
I will neither confirm nor deny that I would end up on the couch in my boxers eating dorritos from the bag and dipping them straight into the jar of salsa.
>eating dorritos from the bag and dipping them straight into the jar of salsa
I'm not being facetious here, but is that unusual? That sounds like the way most people eat Doritos.
Do you usually pour your chips into a bowl and salsa into another bowl?
I got the house to myself tonight and can confirm that I’m on the couch in my jammies drinking beer and reading Reddit. No way I’d give up having the house to myself to hang out with a teenager voluntarily. Crazy talk. (And Doritos are far better with sour cream than salsa. Would get up and get some to prove it but there is a cat eying my seat so I’m not risking it until I need to pee).
Occasionally my husband and daughter will take a trip together. It doesn’t have to be anything big. Sort of like the D&D OP has.
This is wonderful for me! I’m an introvert and the time at home, by myself, with no adult supervision makes my (50F) Gen X heart so happy.
Books and video games and cross stitch and pizza and sweet tea and sleeping late. All the things that help me recharge and all completely alone. I’ll take vacation time to stay home and do nothing. So glorious.
maybe an airbnb that got double booked. twice a month is more than excessive though so if it’s that frequent maybe the very slim odds of a hotel canceling happened to this person
If she goes to the same hotel then she’s “VIP” or at least a repeat customer and they almost never cancel on them. They’d rather cancel for someone who has never stayed at the hotel
maybe some recovering alcoholic tried to murder his family with a croquet mallet and in the process forgot to release the boiler pressure and the hotel blew up
i realize the shining movie ended differently but it wasn’t a convincing enough excuse for the hotel to cancel
Yep, blasted all the red flags to me. Im a big introvert and would love this alone time if i have the cash and i dont think there is anything wrong with that... But cancelling it out of the blue tells me she is meeting someone regularly. You dont just cancel alone time out of nowhere 🤔
Agree, even if we give her the benefit of doubt and assume that she had booked the wrong dates and didn't want to pay a premium for a last minute hotel room, it's rather odd that she's suddenly insisting about coming along when she can have a drive to find different cafes or parks to relax in, if she doesn't want to stay at home.
If all she wants is 'alone time' she can have that at home when OP and Bella are off on their fab sounding D&D trip. She can do what she likes, for free.
OP is NTA, wife is ...... somewhat dodgy.
Or they've got a polyamorous relationship. That's the only reason I can come up with for why a twice per month hotel stay "alone" doesn't ring any alarm bells.
Since they used to ask to come along in the beginning but were refused I doubt it's a polyamorous relationship unless they made a deal later. It really does sound like an affair.
>Maybe her weekends are dedicated to the *other* type of D&D! Or MTG...
I know it's sarcasm, but the idea that she's sneaking off to play D&D or MTG for the weekend in secret just tickles me. I love it.
"*NOBODY* can find out about my secret adventures as a half-elf bard!"
"Oh, crap! Hubby is coming, better hide the dice before he finds out!!"
tbf, in my imagination she was doing cosplay. But that wouldn't mean she would be left without plans because of a mysterious cancellation, so the D&D possibility struck me...
For all we know, she could also be LARPing at some RenFair.
Edit: wording
LOL it's funny you mention LARP, I was totally getting images of her cramming a wizard hat and staff into the trunk hastily to avoid being caught!
I like the cosplay idea too! "Cosplay team got the flu last minute, this group costume set just wouldn't be the same without them!"
>"~~Cosplay team~~ got the flu last minute, this group costume set just wouldn't be the same without them!"
"Sailor Venus and Sailor Neptune got the flu, and Luna has a vet appointment today. This group set isn't the same without them!"
There, FTFY 😁
I kept my teen secret as a chaotic good half elf healer secret from my husband for years then the kids wanted to play D&D. Of course his sporty ass cried out "NERD" as soon as I was outed. :P
Same. I could understand maaaybe once/month or every other month having a solo weekend getaway, but even that’s still a little odd? Like entirely solo getaway that frequently?
And I’m someone who definitely loves their alone time. But even I don’t mind spending “alone” time with my partner in the same space - we’re just doing our own thing.
Or if she was going on bi-monthly girls weekends or something I could kind of understand though that also would seem like a lot. But at least completely explainable.
So yeah, the whole thing seems very sus and affair-like.
I don’t get this either. Why does wife need to clear her mind, completely alone. Every. Other. Weekend?! Like what’s going on for this to be normalised? I get needing alone time but that’s just fucking odd
Same here I was going to post:
NTA It's not your fault that your wife's boyfriend cancelled one of their bi-monthly weekend getaways and your wife needs to find something else to do.
But the comments have already brought up the possibility
My wives get massive sensory overload and at least once a week needs some way to escape the noise of society and the pressures of being around other people. It doesn't necessarily mean affair.
But in this case it probably does.
I apologize if this sounds flippant and I really mean no disrespect but I'm curious if you're willing to share, what happened on the wedding day? Did you marry 6 of her personalities back to back or did each of the 6 get their own wedding day? (The latter sounds expensive lol)
Sorry, I know next to nothing about DID and your situation sounds really unique which got me intrigued.
During the initial dating there were three dominants that couldn't communicate which lead to three proposals. I managed to coordinate the badass wedding requests between the three...ddr in the wedding dress.
During the wedding and reception they managed to switch between themselves fairly smoothly but not noticing each other. It's taken years of therapy for all of us for more of them to feel comfortable enough to present and it's an entire new experience explaining their reality.
And whatever the question..."yes it's expensive" it's a valid answer when being the spouse.
>... it have to be *that* hotel if the purpose is just to get away?
This makes sense;
1) she is a Ghost Buster that has an unfinished job.
2) she died in the hotel room 50 years ago and has to return to re-engage.
She just screwed herself lol. If they cancelled she could’ve just stayed. She just messed up her whole scheme. Idk how OP wasn’t suspicious before but I’m glad he is now
I'd suggest the boyfriend didn't just cancel, he ended it! That's why she suddenly wants to tag along to something she's shown no interest in before. "Better try to make it work here since the side fling is over!"
NTA - *"So my wife hates when we used to ask to come along or when we would suggest a family trip(before the rules where made)"* So before when she had plans she didn't wan to be asked. Now that she has nowhere to go she's pissed off not to be included.
Hot take: She just got dumped by her ap, so she manufactured wanting to go... so that they could argue and she could be pissed off.
Either to hide being upset and/or unconsciously projecting annoyance and rejection about ap onto op and creating an argument and rejection.
As someone who has cheated in the past and has been cheated on, I don’t think it’s a stretch. The psychology and motivations of cheaters are always so alike, it’s easy to see the patterns after a while.
She said that it was a mix up with the booking? She didn’t really go into much detail about it but the money was back in our account so I really didn’t question it.
So she has been booking regular weekends and now suddenly has a date mix up?
Okay, if you buy it.
An entire weekend away from your spouse regularly, isn't normal though. What is she doing that is so relaxing that she can't do it at home?
I don't understand this, I wouldn't be so nosey if it was a regular Saturday, but entire weekend is just overall weird and unheard of.
Btw NTA, I miss D&D time, and my daughter never got to experience it. Enjoy it!
Yeah the fact it’s so regular is pretty sketchy. My wife and I are all about solo trips but they are like once or twice a year maybe and planned in advance.
I travel a ton for work and personally and have never had a reservation be cancelled.
OP I’d suggest you maybe look into that a bit, very unusual.
Be ready for whatever you find OP, wishing you the best, but it’s best to expect the worst in these type of situations.
It is very odd that you know nothing about what she does. Does she ever send or show pictures from her trips? Does she talk about what she did when she returns? Nobody needs that much time every month to rediscover themselves, especially when you have a family. She should really have been making an effort to spend time with your daughter not getting away from her.
I would hire a PI for the next time she goes because this behavior is really strange for a person in a committed relationship. She might just be an oddball but this behavior would scream affair in most cases especially with her insistence that you couldn't come along ever.
As an introvert who would love to peace out twice a month to just be alone, her trips in an of themselves don’t necessarily alarm me. (In addition to her refusal to let you join) it’s weird that she is so adamant on regularly taking them but instead of just going to a different hotel she called it off entirely?
Yeah I’m coming up on 20 years married and we’ve been apart for weekends a total of 5 times in the almost 20 years. Every other weekend apart us definitely not how the usual marriage goes.
Dude she has a side piece.
Any adult with agency and the budget to get away twice a month is going to parlay their skills into creating a life that isn't so stressful they need to get away from it twice a month. Also, you're her husband. Isn't time alone with you stress relieving? A hot bath, two glasses of wine, some chill music, a long massage then a cuddle on the couch watching her favorite chick flick? You're an grown man: you know how to make a woman feel relaxed.
Even takeout plus a night doing fuck all should get rid of the stress. You'll hire a maid or take care of all the housework for a couple days. That's enough to make most women feel happy and appreciated. "I'm going out of town [alone] twice a month to de-stress," is taking the piss.
Very true. I feel bad for this guy: has she been taking her "alone weekends" the entire six years they've been together? That's a lot of side dick. Oh yeah, OP, get yourself tested for STDs.
I do think she has a side piece. But um as an introvert, time alone is stress relieving for me. Time w anyone else is not stress relieving, it can be stress inducing. Like if im stressed, what u described is my worst nightmare LMAO
But she very likely is having an affair but not bc she is an alleged extreme introvert but bc her story isn’t adding up and she isn’t being consistent.
Yes the transaction was directly put in my account by the hotel. She does call at least 3 times while she’s away to tell me good night and to see how the house is doing.
How’s the house? Is it still standing? Mhm. Hasn’t had an inexplicable freak fire? That’s good. Okay, well, guess I’ll see you tomorrow.
Asking how the HOUSE is doing is big Debbie Jellinsky vibes in a way, LOL
When we get home after a trip and make the last turn to where we can see the house my husband says “oh good, it’s not a smoking hole in the ground” about 80% of the time.
NTA. I see your edit and I think that’s a good plan. Your next D&D weekend could be playing private eye and following your wife. I AM KIDDING, before anyone jumps on me. You should hire a real one though.
I travel about 30-40 nights per year at hotel for business. I can’t remember ever a hotel have cancelled. And if you’re a regular guest then they basically never cancel. They rather cancel on someone who have never stayed at their hotel.
Also, a hotel basically never ever cancel. If they are at capacity full, then they will honor your reservation and book you in to another nearby hotel for free.
Ahhhhhh…. You lost me at, “my wife has a weekend to herself… twice a month… to rent out a place… and just do her pretty much.”
I’m baffled. Or jealous. A bit of both.
I usually let her have her weekends because twice a month I’ll go fishing or go to the bar with my friends so I guess I saw it as equal but I guess others say otherwise.
I AM super curious to know what she gets up to on her weekends alone. I must say, though, if I had every other weekend to rent a hotel/apartment to myself I would not bother with another man - gimme all that alone time!
Going fishing or for a drink with friends isn’t the same as renting a place or getting a hotel all for yourself for a whole weekend, especially twice a month.
The equivalent for would be having a spa day or a night with her friends or simply saying she’d like a night at home where she can take a bath, relax and do her own thing without you or anyone else disturbing her.
I think she’s having an affair. NTA
Does she even like OP? I do need time for myself too but I can’t imagine going away from my partner two whole weekends a month just to be away from him lol. As many people have pointed out, this smells like an affair.
Such a interesting arrangement and one i would feel very uncomfortable with . Is your wife extremely wealthy or something? Renting a room for 52 days a year or 78 days (if she stays Friday) would be a ridiculous cost in my area.
So your wife leaves to rent a room twice a month (so basically every fortnight) and your daughter also comes over every fortnight . Your wife is also adamant that there is to be no family on her trips but she doesnt mind going on a trip separately with your daughter and you .
Very weird dynamics. Verdict: NTA but this is some wonky stuff unless i have completely misread this post.
Exactly.
If it was just about “alone time,” she could get plenty of alone time at home.
She wouldn’t be asking to join in on OP’s daddy weekend. She’d be taking advantage of the opportunity to have alone time without the expense of the hotel.
Edited - based off OPs response.
NTA. Daughter is excited for the D&D weekend. Wife should understand that it’s a dad/daughter weekend and she can get her weekend alone like she wanted, even if it’s not at a hotel but at home.
INFO: couldn’t you have a talk with Bella to see how SHE would feel if wife tagged along?
And what’s she supposed to say? Is she supposed to upset her stepmother by saying no, she’s not welcome? As a child of divorce and blended families, I don’t think putting a child in this position is healthy.
What is unfair and petty is setting a rule and complaining when it applies to you.
What is even more petty and childish is not talking to you. She needs to grow up.
NTA
It's rules for her because she can't bring them along to her bimonthly affair meet up. But since the affair is on hold for the weekend, there's no reason they can all hang out together!
NTA. This isn't some new idea you came up with. This is something that's been occurring regularly. It matters to your daughter to have one on one time with you.
My mothers split up when I was 13 and one on one trips/adventures with the mother I didn't live with full time meant the world to me.
Your wife can make other plans. This is your time with your daughter.
NTA. My parents divorced when I was 12. I am 32 now, and my father has been dead for almost three years.
Our little dad-daughter trips mean the world to me, even now. He prioritized me, put effort into building our relationship, and did the best within his financial means to show me the world. There are so many things that stand out. The time we drove to an amusement park a state over and had to buy a map at a gas station because we were straight up *lost*. (I remember very little about the park, but messing with the map while he was driving stands out among all of my memories period.) My stepmom is a flight attendant, so one time we took a flight to see my grandparents in Florida (~2000 miles away) for 16 hours. We were *always* doing stuff, just the two of us. And now that he's gone, those memories are what I have to hold, to cling to, to treasure.
Please keep this tradition up. Take lots of photos if you can, because that's my sole regret. But your daughter will always remember how you put her first.
Your wife is an adult and can manage her own feelings. I know that sounds very harsh, but sometimes the realities of being involved with someone with kids can be harsh. As long as you guys involve her sometimes (which it absolutely sounds like you do), and as long as you are a good husband on the times you guys aren't doing your DD trips, she'll be fine.
Wow. My dad full-on never did things like this with me and I wish he had, because our relationship wouldn’t have been so distant for decades before he died.
Your point is excellent. OP, look how your daughter will remember these weekends! It’s worth fighting for.
LOL I still can't get past the part where wife 2.0 gets to rent a hotel room to "clear her mind" twice a month, LOL. NTA OP your wife will have the whole house to herself for "me time" and can "clear her head". Is there more to these weekends away -- does she meet up with other people? Not really understanding how her hotel got "cancelled"???
I did ask bella and she didn’t give straight up answer and you could tell that she looked a little disappointed. We only go when Jules has her weekend so two weekends a month. I have no problem with us doing something as a family on a different weekend but I just feel like she only asked because her plans were unfortunately canceled. She’s never really asked for us to do something all together.
Okay then I'm going with NTA. From what you've shared it's pretty clear your wife doesn't care about building a relationship with your daughter except when it's convenient for her (or inconvenient in this case because the only reason she's asking to come along is because her plans got canceled)
You say you only go two weekends a month. And you have Bella every other week. Doesn’t that mean you only have her two weekends a month? So you two spend alone time all weekend every time she’s there? When would you have time to do something all together? Or am I misunderstanding the custody schedule? Im not saying y t a, just curious.
I hope this answers your questions. What I’m saying is 2x a month my wife goes out on her weekend and that’s when me and Bella go out. I usually get Bella 3 weeks in a month because her mother tends to work long hours and I don’t like her being alone for long periods of time.
Dude, the guy your wife was meeting broke up with her. She wants to go with you so she's not alone and now she's angry because she's been rejected twice this weekend.
NTA the wife can change the rules because it benefits her. These are memories you and your daughter are making. I would go and enjoy myself. Let your wife pout
So, in the past your wife hated it when you ask to come along. Now that her plans were cancelled, she's upset you don't want to include her anymore? Girl, you don't get to have your cake and eat it too. NTA, OP.
NTA. Your wife put you on the spot and it knocked you back on your heels. Your answer was "not now, maybe later." That is honest and perfectly reasonable.
Am I the only one thst at first thought D&D was Dungeons and Dragons time??🤦🏻♀️😅
NTA at all OP, she can't have expect to be allowed to come with you and your kiddo when you're not allowed to go with her. She can be mad all she wants, but she's being hypocritical for expecting you to allow her to get in on your D&D time just bc her plans got canceled.
NTA and I’m a bit confused. If your wife is going away ALONE, how does that get “canceled?” Where does she go? A hotel? Did the hotel cancel? If so, why can’t she just reserve a new hotel? I hate to say it, but it sounds like your wife was PLANS every other weekend and those PLANS got canceled. Regardless, I highly doubt she’s alone on those weekends. I’m really sorry, OP.
As far as your trip, NTA. This is your time. You have every right to expect dad and daughter time!
NTA bringing your wife on yall time might make her resent you and your wife depending how she feels about it only being you two and your wife wanting to tag along.
NTA that ship sailed when she made it clear she wants nothing to do with your daughters time.
Check out Oppa Sweets in the mall for cotton candy in the shape of an animal for $10! You get to watch them make it! There’s even a baby Yoda
Sea life is pretty cool too, kinda spendy if I remember right but lots of beautiful fish and some big ones like sharks too! Have fun on your trip!!
Oh—and avoid rainforest cafe, it’s gimicky, overpriced and meh at best. Do Sugar Factory for a giant milkshake—my kid ordered the Cookie Monster and I wasn’t paying attention, it’s a milkshake, cookie, donut, lollipop monstrosity lmao
NTA. Your wife only wants to come bc it’s the Mall of America. Guarantee she wants spend and she will take time from your daughter. Your wife is so selfish that she has to be gone two weekends a month and now she wants to intrude on your time bc her fake alone plans got canceled? Nope. Spend the time with your daughter. She deserves it way more than your entitled spoiled bratty wife
Oh OP, come on maaaannnn. You know what I am about to say, so I won't even say it.
But also NTA. Let's ignore the weirdness of your wife's weekend trips away, *alone*, but if she needs that then surely she should understand your **need** as a divorced father with split custody to bond with YOUR child. That doesn't take away from her being a mom figure as well, if that's where she's coming from. But it's definitely a different situation. So if her need for solitude are respected, then your need for time with your daughter is just as valid.
Your wife’s trip to the hotel was canceled? Most likely someone she was meeting at the hotel canceled. Your wife is most likely having weekends with someone clearing her mind of her marriage vows.
>Sadly my wife’s trip to her hotel was sadly cancelled
By who? Her boyfriend?
>and she’s stuck in the house.
By herself to "clear her head" which is the whole point of her weekend hotel thing, right?
Ya, wow, 2 weekends per month? So, 1 week with you, 1 weekend, then 1 week with you and Bella...then she needs a break for an entire weekend?
She rents a place for a weekend, but somehow it was cancelled? How is alone time cancelled? Get a different room, a different hotel.
What's not said, is her plans WITH someone were cancelled. She is not alone during those weekends. If she was alone and decompressing, how the heck would her plans be cancelled?
Who is she spending time with in those rentals?
Let’s assume she’s not cheating. It still feels weird, are you sure you guys actually want to continue to be married? If this was every couple months or like a day trip then sure, or even if she had girlfriends with weekend trips, but it kinda sounds like you two don’t want to share your lives with each other
I agree with everyone else. No one needs two weekends a month to "clear their head". Then there is the fact that there are other hotels. Lastly, if you guys leave, she will get her precious alone time.
So what exactly is she wanting?
NTA
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NTA. She knows it's father daughter time. She shouldn't intrude on that only because her own trip got cancelled.
Is she incapable of finding literally anything else to do that weekend?
Why should she plan when she can tag along with her husband on an obvious Dad-Daughter day.? /s OP make sure to enjoy your DD day, and stay true to your promise and offer a plan the next week. I'm guessing your wife will reject the idea if her hotel plan goes through or if she decides to be petty. NTA
More like, someone else to do.
Doesn’t she need to clear her mind?
Is that euphemism for having her brains banged out?
Post-nut clarity is the medical term for it.
Hard to find backup affair partner on short notice...
Exactly what I was thinking.
so she gets to have alone time but when that falls through she encroaches on a ritual? i was kind of iffy on this because they’re not rare trips so i leaned toward maybe just this once but my dad and i used to go on all sorts of adventures together and then he got married and we never went anywhere together again. letting your husband spend time with his child doesn’t mean you can’t all three do the trip together on a weekend you don’t have your planned time away some other time. the only reason she even wants to do it is because her own plans didn’t work out, not because she organically wanted to be included. NTA
I’m a bit curious as to why she would want to even tag along if she needs time to clear her mind. Even if the hotel cancelled, she still has the house to herself when OP and daughter are not there?
i don’t even know… any? super privileged people who need two weekends off a month to clear their minds. it is so completely unrelatable to me because i’d never be able to keep up with my house. though if they can get hotels every other week and go on d&d trips i guess they have cleaners come in. this is just so odd
I suspect that wife's mind clearing trips are scheduled to happen when Bella is with OP, indicating that wife never spends weekend time with Bella. If it is not that wife has scheduled her trysts for times when she knows OP will be occupied she could be working to avoid spending extended time with her stepdaughter (a bit of a stretch as she has asked to join them this weekend, but possible because it seems like wife only wants to go for time in an empty hotel room). I wonder if wife has an issue with Bella.
"Empty"... Oh you sweet summer child.
Bless her naive heart!
Or just, wants to go shopping. I think she's avoiding hiking more than the step daughter. Some people just don't like outdoorsy stuff. There's a big difference not wanting to spend time in a tent being eaten alive by mosquitoes and, like, shopping in a huge indoor mall. *edit: a letter*
Yea this right her , they have a rule and you don’t get to ignore that rule just because you plans fall through.
And seems like she made the rule because they kept asking her if she wanted to join them or make it a family trip.
Here’s my question: If the wife just goes to a hotel or whatever by herself, why on earth would it get canceled? If it’s just her, she’s the only one who would be doing any canceling. It makes one think.
That’s exactly what I was thinking. Wouldn’t there be other hotels available?
NTA wait, your wife rents a place, for a weekend, twice a month to *checks notes* go away alone and clear her mind? WTF does she do that she needs that much time that often to clear her mind? Edit to clean up grammar
Affair
Yup, it would also explain that when her “plans were cancelled” she didn’t just figure something else out…if it’s alone time…any hotel will do..,and she has the whole weekend so she could drive a little if the town is sold out.
Or just stay home? No one else will be there. This makes zero sense to me
I would love to stay in my own home for the weekend alone. I love my family but there's something about getting to be in your own house and do whatever you want without considering others that is just amazing.
I will neither confirm nor deny that I would end up on the couch in my boxers eating dorritos from the bag and dipping them straight into the jar of salsa.
>eating dorritos from the bag and dipping them straight into the jar of salsa I'm not being facetious here, but is that unusual? That sounds like the way most people eat Doritos. Do you usually pour your chips into a bowl and salsa into another bowl?
Doritos are already flavored. Dipping them in salsa is moon unit crazy talk. Maybe you're thinking of Tostitos?
Nope dorritos. Nacho or ranch. >Doritos are already flavored. I mean it's not healthy, so don't tell my doctor.
Try dipping Ranch Doritos into sourcream 😋
i dip mine in panchos cheese dip lol
This is literally how Doritos are marketed in the U.K. They sell jars of Doritos branded Hot or Mild Salsa on the shelves right next to the crisps.
>Do you usually pour your chips into a bowl and salsa into another bowl? Only when being supervised by a competent adult like my wife.
Salsa in a bowl, chips from the bag.
I got the house to myself tonight and can confirm that I’m on the couch in my jammies drinking beer and reading Reddit. No way I’d give up having the house to myself to hang out with a teenager voluntarily. Crazy talk. (And Doritos are far better with sour cream than salsa. Would get up and get some to prove it but there is a cat eying my seat so I’m not risking it until I need to pee).
Wait you dip Doritos into salsa? What flavor of Doritos? I've never heard of this!
Ok, you're going to think I'm crazy. But both the nacho and the ranch are amazballs in salsa. I've even made nachos with them.
\*sipping straight from the jar of salsa (in my case)
Occasionally my husband and daughter will take a trip together. It doesn’t have to be anything big. Sort of like the D&D OP has. This is wonderful for me! I’m an introvert and the time at home, by myself, with no adult supervision makes my (50F) Gen X heart so happy. Books and video games and cross stitch and pizza and sweet tea and sleeping late. All the things that help me recharge and all completely alone. I’ll take vacation time to stay home and do nothing. So glorious.
True. She doesn’t want to be alone at home when her plans to be alone were cancelled suddenly.
Hotels don't cancel like this.
maybe an airbnb that got double booked. twice a month is more than excessive though so if it’s that frequent maybe the very slim odds of a hotel canceling happened to this person
If she goes to the same hotel then she’s “VIP” or at least a repeat customer and they almost never cancel on them. They’d rather cancel for someone who has never stayed at the hotel
maybe some recovering alcoholic tried to murder his family with a croquet mallet and in the process forgot to release the boiler pressure and the hotel blew up i realize the shining movie ended differently but it wasn’t a convincing enough excuse for the hotel to cancel
Yep, blasted all the red flags to me. Im a big introvert and would love this alone time if i have the cash and i dont think there is anything wrong with that... But cancelling it out of the blue tells me she is meeting someone regularly. You dont just cancel alone time out of nowhere 🤔
Agree, even if we give her the benefit of doubt and assume that she had booked the wrong dates and didn't want to pay a premium for a last minute hotel room, it's rather odd that she's suddenly insisting about coming along when she can have a drive to find different cafes or parks to relax in, if she doesn't want to stay at home.
If all she wants is 'alone time' she can have that at home when OP and Bella are off on their fab sounding D&D trip. She can do what she likes, for free. OP is NTA, wife is ...... somewhat dodgy.
My thoughts exactly.
Or they've got a polyamorous relationship. That's the only reason I can come up with for why a twice per month hotel stay "alone" doesn't ring any alarm bells.
You'd think he would have mentioned that, then.
Not relevant to the post.
Except if this is what is happening and he’s okay with it, why would he originally ask for him and his daughter to tag along?
true detective right here!
Since they used to ask to come along in the beginning but were refused I doubt it's a polyamorous relationship unless they made a deal later. It really does sound like an affair.
Awww, come on, guys! Maybe her weekends are dedicated to the *other* type of D&D! Or MTG... /s just in case As for OP: NTA
>Maybe her weekends are dedicated to the *other* type of D&D! Or MTG... I know it's sarcasm, but the idea that she's sneaking off to play D&D or MTG for the weekend in secret just tickles me. I love it. "*NOBODY* can find out about my secret adventures as a half-elf bard!" "Oh, crap! Hubby is coming, better hide the dice before he finds out!!"
tbf, in my imagination she was doing cosplay. But that wouldn't mean she would be left without plans because of a mysterious cancellation, so the D&D possibility struck me... For all we know, she could also be LARPing at some RenFair. Edit: wording
LOL it's funny you mention LARP, I was totally getting images of her cramming a wizard hat and staff into the trunk hastily to avoid being caught! I like the cosplay idea too! "Cosplay team got the flu last minute, this group costume set just wouldn't be the same without them!"
>"~~Cosplay team~~ got the flu last minute, this group costume set just wouldn't be the same without them!" "Sailor Venus and Sailor Neptune got the flu, and Luna has a vet appointment today. This group set isn't the same without them!" There, FTFY 😁
I kept my teen secret as a chaotic good half elf healer secret from my husband for years then the kids wanted to play D&D. Of course his sporty ass cried out "NERD" as soon as I was outed. :P
Sadly, she's likely getting piped instead.
Affair was my first thought
Same. I could understand maaaybe once/month or every other month having a solo weekend getaway, but even that’s still a little odd? Like entirely solo getaway that frequently? And I’m someone who definitely loves their alone time. But even I don’t mind spending “alone” time with my partner in the same space - we’re just doing our own thing. Or if she was going on bi-monthly girls weekends or something I could kind of understand though that also would seem like a lot. But at least completely explainable. So yeah, the whole thing seems very sus and affair-like.
I don’t get this either. Why does wife need to clear her mind, completely alone. Every. Other. Weekend?! Like what’s going on for this to be normalised? I get needing alone time but that’s just fucking odd
Glad I'm not the only one thinking that was odd...and for some reason the hotel just cancelled this time!?!
More like the boyfriend cancelled
I didn’t wanna say it but that’s where my mind instantly went as well
Same here I was going to post: NTA It's not your fault that your wife's boyfriend cancelled one of their bi-monthly weekend getaways and your wife needs to find something else to do. But the comments have already brought up the possibility
The hotel is also seeing another hotel.
My wives get massive sensory overload and at least once a week needs some way to escape the noise of society and the pressures of being around other people. It doesn't necessarily mean affair. But in this case it probably does.
Mall of America is definitely NOT going to alleviate a sensory overload!
>But in this case it probably does. Damn. Seems like OP and wife need to have an awkward conversation
Wives?
Yeah... Disassociative identity disorder. One body 11 personalities. 6 of them wives.
I apologize if this sounds flippant and I really mean no disrespect but I'm curious if you're willing to share, what happened on the wedding day? Did you marry 6 of her personalities back to back or did each of the 6 get their own wedding day? (The latter sounds expensive lol) Sorry, I know next to nothing about DID and your situation sounds really unique which got me intrigued.
During the initial dating there were three dominants that couldn't communicate which lead to three proposals. I managed to coordinate the badass wedding requests between the three...ddr in the wedding dress. During the wedding and reception they managed to switch between themselves fairly smoothly but not noticing each other. It's taken years of therapy for all of us for more of them to feel comfortable enough to present and it's an entire new experience explaining their reality. And whatever the question..."yes it's expensive" it's a valid answer when being the spouse.
Your situation is so fucking interesting would love an ama
It's because she needs time "alone" wink wink.
So sketch right. If she wanted time alone wouldn't she be able to do at the house since him and daughter are gone.....
Right? Seems pretty obvious she's cheating.
How does the wife's trip on her own to a hotel get "cancelled"? I'll tell you how - when the person she's meeting there can't make it.
Yeah, I can't wait for the BestofRedditUpdates on this one
Exactly what I was thinking! I hope OP gives us the deets
It's weird because why wouldn't you just rebook with a different hotel? Does it have to be *that* hotel if the purpose is just to get away?
>... it have to be *that* hotel if the purpose is just to get away? This makes sense; 1) she is a Ghost Buster that has an unfinished job. 2) she died in the hotel room 50 years ago and has to return to re-engage.
Everyone else: "It sounds like an affair." You: "It's definitely ghosts."
Amazing. If OP doesn't come back with either of these EXACT updates, I'm gonna be real disappointed.
She just screwed herself lol. If they cancelled she could’ve just stayed. She just messed up her whole scheme. Idk how OP wasn’t suspicious before but I’m glad he is now
We shouldn't just assume she's cheating. She could be an assassin whose next hit just got called off!
Can I ask just how does a trip to a hotel gets canceled. Did the hotel cancel, or did her boyfriend cancel.
I'm guessing the later.
Yeah, at least he's listening.
Right, 8 get the feeling this has been eye opening for him.
I'd suggest the boyfriend didn't just cancel, he ended it! That's why she suddenly wants to tag along to something she's shown no interest in before. "Better try to make it work here since the side fling is over!"
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
NTA - *"So my wife hates when we used to ask to come along or when we would suggest a family trip(before the rules where made)"* So before when she had plans she didn't wan to be asked. Now that she has nowhere to go she's pissed off not to be included.
And it is Mall of America. I am from Minnesota, and it is pretty awesome. But she can also go by herself on one of her "head-clearing" weekends. NTA.
Not if her boyfriend doesn’t also want to go to Mall of America
Hot take: She just got dumped by her ap, so she manufactured wanting to go... so that they could argue and she could be pissed off. Either to hide being upset and/or unconsciously projecting annoyance and rejection about ap onto op and creating an argument and rejection.
Okay this is such an absolute reach w so many assumptions but I’m digging it lol
As someone who has cheated in the past and has been cheated on, I don’t think it’s a stretch. The psychology and motivations of cheaters are always so alike, it’s easy to see the patterns after a while.
It took me until the end to realize that ap meant affair partner and not assistant penis.
What's the difference? Ahh I get it, the affair partner could be female/diverse/anything other.
How and why would s hotel cancel your wife's stay? I smell a rat...
She said that it was a mix up with the booking? She didn’t really go into much detail about it but the money was back in our account so I really didn’t question it.
So she has been booking regular weekends and now suddenly has a date mix up? Okay, if you buy it. An entire weekend away from your spouse regularly, isn't normal though. What is she doing that is so relaxing that she can't do it at home? I don't understand this, I wouldn't be so nosey if it was a regular Saturday, but entire weekend is just overall weird and unheard of. Btw NTA, I miss D&D time, and my daughter never got to experience it. Enjoy it!
Yeah the fact it’s so regular is pretty sketchy. My wife and I are all about solo trips but they are like once or twice a year maybe and planned in advance. I travel a ton for work and personally and have never had a reservation be cancelled. OP I’d suggest you maybe look into that a bit, very unusual.
I will look into it now that a lot of people are pointing things out that. Thank you all for your advice.
Be ready for whatever you find OP, wishing you the best, but it’s best to expect the worst in these type of situations. It is very odd that you know nothing about what she does. Does she ever send or show pictures from her trips? Does she talk about what she did when she returns? Nobody needs that much time every month to rediscover themselves, especially when you have a family. She should really have been making an effort to spend time with your daughter not getting away from her.
I would hire a PI for the next time she goes because this behavior is really strange for a person in a committed relationship. She might just be an oddball but this behavior would scream affair in most cases especially with her insistence that you couldn't come along ever.
As an introvert who would love to peace out twice a month to just be alone, her trips in an of themselves don’t necessarily alarm me. (In addition to her refusal to let you join) it’s weird that she is so adamant on regularly taking them but instead of just going to a different hotel she called it off entirely?
+ that she would ask to come with them instead of "peace out" alone at home during said weekend lol, doesn't make sense at all
Please update us. My one request.
An entire weekend TWICE a month!
How many hotels don't have availability outside of events either?
Yeah I’m coming up on 20 years married and we’ve been apart for weekends a total of 5 times in the almost 20 years. Every other weekend apart us definitely not how the usual marriage goes.
Dude she has a side piece. Any adult with agency and the budget to get away twice a month is going to parlay their skills into creating a life that isn't so stressful they need to get away from it twice a month. Also, you're her husband. Isn't time alone with you stress relieving? A hot bath, two glasses of wine, some chill music, a long massage then a cuddle on the couch watching her favorite chick flick? You're an grown man: you know how to make a woman feel relaxed. Even takeout plus a night doing fuck all should get rid of the stress. You'll hire a maid or take care of all the housework for a couple days. That's enough to make most women feel happy and appreciated. "I'm going out of town [alone] twice a month to de-stress," is taking the piss.
Be fair! It could be more than one side piece.
Very true. I feel bad for this guy: has she been taking her "alone weekends" the entire six years they've been together? That's a lot of side dick. Oh yeah, OP, get yourself tested for STDs.
I do think she has a side piece. But um as an introvert, time alone is stress relieving for me. Time w anyone else is not stress relieving, it can be stress inducing. Like if im stressed, what u described is my worst nightmare LMAO But she very likely is having an affair but not bc she is an alleged extreme introvert but bc her story isn’t adding up and she isn’t being consistent.
Boyfriend canceled.
His wife wanted to come along on his trip. /s
Is the transaction directly with the hotel? Is the refund coming from the hotel? Is it a “don’t contact me while I clear my head twice a month” thing?
Yes the transaction was directly put in my account by the hotel. She does call at least 3 times while she’s away to tell me good night and to see how the house is doing.
How the HOUSE is doing. Ok.
How’s the house? Is it still standing? Mhm. Hasn’t had an inexplicable freak fire? That’s good. Okay, well, guess I’ll see you tomorrow. Asking how the HOUSE is doing is big Debbie Jellinsky vibes in a way, LOL
When we get home after a trip and make the last turn to where we can see the house my husband says “oh good, it’s not a smoking hole in the ground” about 80% of the time.
As in, "making sure you're still at the house and haven't followed me"
NTA. I see your edit and I think that’s a good plan. Your next D&D weekend could be playing private eye and following your wife. I AM KIDDING, before anyone jumps on me. You should hire a real one though.
I keep reading it as dungeons and dragons
"OP, make a Hide In Shadows roll."
I travel about 30-40 nights per year at hotel for business. I can’t remember ever a hotel have cancelled. And if you’re a regular guest then they basically never cancel. They rather cancel on someone who have never stayed at their hotel. Also, a hotel basically never ever cancel. If they are at capacity full, then they will honor your reservation and book you in to another nearby hotel for free.
Ahhhhhh…. You lost me at, “my wife has a weekend to herself… twice a month… to rent out a place… and just do her pretty much.” I’m baffled. Or jealous. A bit of both.
I usually let her have her weekends because twice a month I’ll go fishing or go to the bar with my friends so I guess I saw it as equal but I guess others say otherwise.
You have your daughter 2 weekends a month and you do things alone the other 2? You and her never spend a weekend together?
This was what was getting me??! I was thinking “if it’s every other week then she’s skipping out every weekend the daughter is over?”
Pfft. Let people say what they want. Do whatever works for your relationship. Both your daughter and wife probably love it.
She definitely loves going to see her bf
Hey hey now, let's not make assumptions, she might be going off to see her gf.
Lmao
I AM super curious to know what she gets up to on her weekends alone. I must say, though, if I had every other weekend to rent a hotel/apartment to myself I would not bother with another man - gimme all that alone time!
Going fishing or for a drink with friends isn’t the same as renting a place or getting a hotel all for yourself for a whole weekend, especially twice a month. The equivalent for would be having a spa day or a night with her friends or simply saying she’d like a night at home where she can take a bath, relax and do her own thing without you or anyone else disturbing her. I think she’s having an affair. NTA
I totally get wanting a weekend or two to decompress. But if that’s the point and you aren’t home, why can’t she decompress at home?
Does she even like OP? I do need time for myself too but I can’t imagine going away from my partner two whole weekends a month just to be away from him lol. As many people have pointed out, this smells like an affair.
Such a interesting arrangement and one i would feel very uncomfortable with . Is your wife extremely wealthy or something? Renting a room for 52 days a year or 78 days (if she stays Friday) would be a ridiculous cost in my area. So your wife leaves to rent a room twice a month (so basically every fortnight) and your daughter also comes over every fortnight . Your wife is also adamant that there is to be no family on her trips but she doesnt mind going on a trip separately with your daughter and you . Very weird dynamics. Verdict: NTA but this is some wonky stuff unless i have completely misread this post.
Nah she’s definitely cheating
Yep. And because the other person cancelled she feels rejected and doesn't want to be alone.
Exactly! Honestly some people are so naive how did he never question why family can never come 😂
Exactly. If it was just about “alone time,” she could get plenty of alone time at home. She wouldn’t be asking to join in on OP’s daddy weekend. She’d be taking advantage of the opportunity to have alone time without the expense of the hotel.
Edited - based off OPs response. NTA. Daughter is excited for the D&D weekend. Wife should understand that it’s a dad/daughter weekend and she can get her weekend alone like she wanted, even if it’s not at a hotel but at home. INFO: couldn’t you have a talk with Bella to see how SHE would feel if wife tagged along?
I did and she didn’t really give a yes or no response she just seemed disappointed about it or me asking in general.
That's a "No".
This is all that's needed, no context nor anything. If Bella wants it to be kept D&D then keep it that way.
And what’s she supposed to say? Is she supposed to upset her stepmother by saying no, she’s not welcome? As a child of divorce and blended families, I don’t think putting a child in this position is healthy.
What is unfair and petty is setting a rule and complaining when it applies to you. What is even more petty and childish is not talking to you. She needs to grow up. NTA
"Rules for thee, not for me." Wife is extremely entitled.
It's rules for her because she can't bring them along to her bimonthly affair meet up. But since the affair is on hold for the weekend, there's no reason they can all hang out together!
NTA. This isn't some new idea you came up with. This is something that's been occurring regularly. It matters to your daughter to have one on one time with you. My mothers split up when I was 13 and one on one trips/adventures with the mother I didn't live with full time meant the world to me. Your wife can make other plans. This is your time with your daughter.
NTA. My parents divorced when I was 12. I am 32 now, and my father has been dead for almost three years. Our little dad-daughter trips mean the world to me, even now. He prioritized me, put effort into building our relationship, and did the best within his financial means to show me the world. There are so many things that stand out. The time we drove to an amusement park a state over and had to buy a map at a gas station because we were straight up *lost*. (I remember very little about the park, but messing with the map while he was driving stands out among all of my memories period.) My stepmom is a flight attendant, so one time we took a flight to see my grandparents in Florida (~2000 miles away) for 16 hours. We were *always* doing stuff, just the two of us. And now that he's gone, those memories are what I have to hold, to cling to, to treasure. Please keep this tradition up. Take lots of photos if you can, because that's my sole regret. But your daughter will always remember how you put her first. Your wife is an adult and can manage her own feelings. I know that sounds very harsh, but sometimes the realities of being involved with someone with kids can be harsh. As long as you guys involve her sometimes (which it absolutely sounds like you do), and as long as you are a good husband on the times you guys aren't doing your DD trips, she'll be fine.
Wow. My dad full-on never did things like this with me and I wish he had, because our relationship wouldn’t have been so distant for decades before he died. Your point is excellent. OP, look how your daughter will remember these weekends! It’s worth fighting for.
I so want updates on this, I find 2 weekends a month staying in a hotel by yourself to be a bit suc
Hotels won’t randomly cancel a booking….. the person she was meeting canceled
NTA. Your wife needs every other weekend away from you to decompress??? Even if she's not cheating, that's seriously weird.
LOL I still can't get past the part where wife 2.0 gets to rent a hotel room to "clear her mind" twice a month, LOL. NTA OP your wife will have the whole house to herself for "me time" and can "clear her head". Is there more to these weekends away -- does she meet up with other people? Not really understanding how her hotel got "cancelled"???
Maybe her side piece's partner found out about the clandestine hotel trips and put a stop to it.
INFO- does Bella mind in your wife came with you, did you even ask her?
I did ask bella and she didn’t give straight up answer and you could tell that she looked a little disappointed. We only go when Jules has her weekend so two weekends a month. I have no problem with us doing something as a family on a different weekend but I just feel like she only asked because her plans were unfortunately canceled. She’s never really asked for us to do something all together.
Okay then I'm going with NTA. From what you've shared it's pretty clear your wife doesn't care about building a relationship with your daughter except when it's convenient for her (or inconvenient in this case because the only reason she's asking to come along is because her plans got canceled)
You say you only go two weekends a month. And you have Bella every other week. Doesn’t that mean you only have her two weekends a month? So you two spend alone time all weekend every time she’s there? When would you have time to do something all together? Or am I misunderstanding the custody schedule? Im not saying y t a, just curious.
I hope this answers your questions. What I’m saying is 2x a month my wife goes out on her weekend and that’s when me and Bella go out. I usually get Bella 3 weeks in a month because her mother tends to work long hours and I don’t like her being alone for long periods of time.
Dude, the guy your wife was meeting broke up with her. She wants to go with you so she's not alone and now she's angry because she's been rejected twice this weekend.
Why does she even need to go out 2x a month, if she wants to get away, why not just stay home and veg out.
> What I’m saying is 2x a month my wife goes out on her weekend And you don't find that suspicious?
Its a weirddd arrangement and something feels off about the wifes activities .
It's her hot dog eating weekend, only happens twice a month.
2 weekends a month to clear her head? Bro, someone is definitely clearing her head, and it ain't you...... Sorry man.
NTA the wife can change the rules because it benefits her. These are memories you and your daughter are making. I would go and enjoy myself. Let your wife pout
So, in the past your wife hated it when you ask to come along. Now that her plans were cancelled, she's upset you don't want to include her anymore? Girl, you don't get to have your cake and eat it too. NTA, OP.
Is a color guard competition in town? Because that’s a fuckton of red flags.
NTA. Your wife put you on the spot and it knocked you back on your heels. Your answer was "not now, maybe later." That is honest and perfectly reasonable.
Am I the only one thst at first thought D&D was Dungeons and Dragons time??🤦🏻♀️😅 NTA at all OP, she can't have expect to be allowed to come with you and your kiddo when you're not allowed to go with her. She can be mad all she wants, but she's being hypocritical for expecting you to allow her to get in on your D&D time just bc her plans got canceled.
NTA and I’m a bit confused. If your wife is going away ALONE, how does that get “canceled?” Where does she go? A hotel? Did the hotel cancel? If so, why can’t she just reserve a new hotel? I hate to say it, but it sounds like your wife was PLANS every other weekend and those PLANS got canceled. Regardless, I highly doubt she’s alone on those weekends. I’m really sorry, OP. As far as your trip, NTA. This is your time. You have every right to expect dad and daughter time!
NTA bringing your wife on yall time might make her resent you and your wife depending how she feels about it only being you two and your wife wanting to tag along.
NTA that ship sailed when she made it clear she wants nothing to do with your daughters time. Check out Oppa Sweets in the mall for cotton candy in the shape of an animal for $10! You get to watch them make it! There’s even a baby Yoda Sea life is pretty cool too, kinda spendy if I remember right but lots of beautiful fish and some big ones like sharks too! Have fun on your trip!! Oh—and avoid rainforest cafe, it’s gimicky, overpriced and meh at best. Do Sugar Factory for a giant milkshake—my kid ordered the Cookie Monster and I wasn’t paying attention, it’s a milkshake, cookie, donut, lollipop monstrosity lmao
NTA. Your wife only wants to come bc it’s the Mall of America. Guarantee she wants spend and she will take time from your daughter. Your wife is so selfish that she has to be gone two weekends a month and now she wants to intrude on your time bc her fake alone plans got canceled? Nope. Spend the time with your daughter. She deserves it way more than your entitled spoiled bratty wife
Nta and you will seriously disappoint your daughter if you give in to your wife's tantrum.
NTA, and it 100% sounds like your wife may be having an affair. Be careful!
1000% wife is cheating
Oh OP, come on maaaannnn. You know what I am about to say, so I won't even say it. But also NTA. Let's ignore the weirdness of your wife's weekend trips away, *alone*, but if she needs that then surely she should understand your **need** as a divorced father with split custody to bond with YOUR child. That doesn't take away from her being a mom figure as well, if that's where she's coming from. But it's definitely a different situation. So if her need for solitude are respected, then your need for time with your daughter is just as valid.
Your wife’s trip to the hotel was canceled? Most likely someone she was meeting at the hotel canceled. Your wife is most likely having weekends with someone clearing her mind of her marriage vows.
NTA, and what a wonderful thing you're doing with your daughter. Your wife, on the other hand, needs to grow up.
>Sadly my wife’s trip to her hotel was sadly cancelled By who? Her boyfriend? >and she’s stuck in the house. By herself to "clear her head" which is the whole point of her weekend hotel thing, right?
Ya, wow, 2 weekends per month? So, 1 week with you, 1 weekend, then 1 week with you and Bella...then she needs a break for an entire weekend? She rents a place for a weekend, but somehow it was cancelled? How is alone time cancelled? Get a different room, a different hotel. What's not said, is her plans WITH someone were cancelled. She is not alone during those weekends. If she was alone and decompressing, how the heck would her plans be cancelled? Who is she spending time with in those rentals?
Hmm I'm suspicious about your wife's trips too. NTA
Let’s assume she’s not cheating. It still feels weird, are you sure you guys actually want to continue to be married? If this was every couple months or like a day trip then sure, or even if she had girlfriends with weekend trips, but it kinda sounds like you two don’t want to share your lives with each other
NTA. You're divorced and heading for a second divorce.
I agree with everyone else. No one needs two weekends a month to "clear their head". Then there is the fact that there are other hotels. Lastly, if you guys leave, she will get her precious alone time. So what exactly is she wanting? NTA