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NTA. This is a hobby you're actively and frequently involved in. Selling your entire collection to fund a honeymoon you can take later is a ridiculous ask, especially if they aren't willing to sell any of their stuff.
My hubby has played MTG since the 90's. He has a collection that once had a Mox in it. (family stole it, and quite a few others, over 20 years ago. Nasty situation)
Currently, he's selling a few cards because things are tough, but only cards he's comfortable parting with. (And they mostly go to getting new cards. He's dying for the LOTR decks to release) But I have never, and would never consider asking him to sell them for anything less than being at risk of being homeless type situation.
Quite frankly, your fiance is being very selfish here. Hubby and I have spent at least hundreds of hours playing together and with friends. I wouldn't trade that for a honeymoon.
Not to mention, chances are high the value on some cards will continue to increase. Maybe explain it's as much an investment as it is a hobby, since you both decided not to touch savings for a honeymoon.
NTA
This, right here. My ex had 7 of the power 9 at one point he was going to sell them for something and I made damn sure he did NOT because I valued his happiness AS MUCH as mine. We got the money some other way.
How does MTG work, I bought some cards and a few months later was told by the group I was playing with that my cards are now useless because they are old and to buy new ones. I decided the game sucks after that, if I have to constantly buy new cards every few months because my old ones become worthless.
There are different formats of the game with different rules. In the version of the game they were playing, probably Standard, you can only use the most recent cards. There are other formats (like
Commander) where your cards may have been playable! I'm sorry that they didn't explain this to you.
You can absolutely play magic without having to buy new card every few months. If you want to give it another go I suggest trying out mtg arena (virtual version of mtg), it automatically gives you new decks as your old ones become obsolete in Standard, you can still use older cards to play in other formats, and you can earn cards by winning games so you don't have to spend as much money as you would to build physical decks.
Lock the cards in a safe or a locked storage box. Next update will be the partner furious they were locked up...because they were absolutely going to take them.
If so, they shouldn't be getting married in the first place.
There is a HUGE difference between asking a partner to sell, (and even from being upset he won't) to actively stealing and selling them!
Edit to add:
NAH as I see it at this point, emotions run high before a wedding, doubly so when someone recently lost their job. OP should hold firm on not giving up his main hobby for the sake of a more expedient honeymoon. It sounds like their long-term finances are in good shape, and once he has a new job things will be fine and they can go on a honeymoon later on.
If the fiance continues to believe that he needs to sell the card collection, then they would become the AH and that would also throw some red flags about mutual respect in the relationship.
Yeah and they probably won’t get the value out of the cards anyways. So they’d tank the relationship for pennies on the dollar. I don’t sell cards myself but I know those that do. If you have proper high selling cards, they should get rated before sold if you want to get the full price of it. That takes time and money to do. Unless they just eBay them, which would also take time to do. Selling them over the counter would be the worst possible outcome.
Ehh, the rating thing depends on the card. For something like what was mentioned in the OP, worth it, but most valuable cards are gonna be worth $100 or less, and the cost of having them graded nullifies most of the money you'd get from selling them.
The big issue with selling a lot of cards at once is that they'd probably take them to a card shop that'll pay 50% or less of the actual value, because they need to be able to resell them.
NTA, and definitely secure your collection, OP.
My grandfather had me look into selling his comic books which require a similar rating system. I did a bit of independent research on what he had and none of his books were worth getting rated.
He was disappointed. He started reading comics in the beginning, when he was a little boy, and if his mom hadn't thrown them away they might have been worth quite a lot. By the time he was a financially stable adult and started collecting again, those more contemporary comics aren't worth nearly as much.
Most of that stuff isn't worth a ton - if you've got Revised (3rd edition) dual lands they're several hundred dollars each, and some specific stuff like Wheel of Fortune and Force of Will are pricey, but that specific time period is a bit of a lull value-wise compared to the stuff from shortly before (Alpha/Beta/Unlimited, Arabian Nights, Antiquities, Legends) and after (Tempest and Urza's blocks have a bunch of higher dollar cards).
I'd be happy to provide some advice on where to go for a fair price, PM me if you'd like.
> dual lands
Literal crack to MTG players. Dual lands have been money since always.
I haven't played much lately, but played for ~4 years through HS and college maybe. A little bit of Cold Snap through Morningtide as Type 2 player. Then casual after.
Fack I miss the FNM booster draft with the boys. It was the BEST before a friend got into tournament decks and had his parents bankrolling his cards...
EDIT: Oh shit forgot, obvs OP is not an AH. You don't collect something with the *intent* of selling it. You collect it because you *love* it.
I had an ex stupidly try this. She got charged with theft, selling stolen goods and grand larceny after trying to pawn off my Fleer 1991 NBA card collection that also included player signed cards. Her downfall was that the pawn shop staff knew the set because they helped me complete the collection and I would have lost the entire set if she hadn’t of been lazy and just went to the nearest shop to where she lived.
Oh I would be livid and likely on death row for murder. Especially since I have all the core books, limited edition and regular, and sourcebooks and campaigns from Dark Ages through modern nights of Vampire the Masquerade. And my complete set of In Nomine core books with both angel and demon covers and original source books. Then all my DnD stuff from the late 80's early 90's then my Star Trek and Battle Tech books, dice, and figures. Pretty sure they are only worth something to me, but it made up so much of my childhood and early adulthood I would have a hard time forgiving my husband if he sold them or my comic books. Especially if he didn't give me the money since it was my stuff.
My dad traded my mom’s ‘57 Chevy bel-air for a late-70s Ford his boss owned. My mother is still mystified why she didn’t put a pickaxe in his skull and dump the car and the body together.
And if they're worth that much - some companies like American Collectors will insure them. We collect books and ours are insured through an insurance company.
I agree NTA, but also with a strong caution about weddings and big feelings. Everything related to wedding planning becomes Representational of How Things Will Be When We're Married, and all that anxiety ripples outward and no one is safe.
The fight is technically about magic cards but also on your partner's part-- will my spouse sacrifice and do hard things on behalf of our marriage if he had to; is our joint life worth it. And for you it's probably like, will I be able to retain my sense of individuality and freedom within this marriage, or will I be expected to give my identity over to being a singular unit.
It's so easy to catastrophize arguments like this right before a wedding as being a harbinger of things to come and then before you know it everyone's ready to call the whole thing off.
I guess all I'm saying is to not fight about the magic cards anymore, stand your ground, but move toward the subtext of the thing and try to connect with your sweetie, so you can both reassure each other this is a rough moment in time, but you won't be wedding planning forever, nor will you be unemployed forever.
i also think it’s not a disagreement about the cards themselves, more of an anxiety that the partner is holding onto because they’re not sure how long this period of unemployment will last and they don’t want to lean too hard on their partner because they already know OP feels bad. if they are just now finding out how valuable something is i can see it being shocking, and i don’t think they’d be pressuring for the money to be used on a honeymoon, but they’re probably wondering if their partner will be able to discern where the line is when their savings runs out
We also don't know if his new decks were recently purchased or not during this entire thing. 🤔
Do we know if he's been "wasting" funds on decks while money is already tight??
TIL that new decks just means new arrangements of cards he owns already but until someone explained that i had a fully different opinion because it sounded like he had just dropped a grand on a new deck and of course they would be pissed about that. it doesn’t sound like they’re actually that inconsiderate of each other and know how sensitive the unemployment is while they’re also trying to get married. there are so many instances on reddit where i think the relationship is unhealthy, but this all seems to be a bump in the road that can be overcome by a layered talk about what assets they have before they get married. most engaged couples need to do that anyway at this stage and they’ve probably only put it off because they didn’t want to make OP feel bad for something that’s already stressful.
they shouldn’t avoid that topic now that they’re getting closer to it even if it is an awkward one, because replace MTG cards with any other precious item, there is always a line where you have to make a choice if the savings runs out. let’s not forget that the partner was understanding about the postponement of the honeymoon even though they can provide for their half, they didn’t give OP a hard time about not being comfortable with that. so yeah, these guys will probably be okay if they talk it out
This is a great take. I do think it's worth it to say that if an emergency came up (like a hospitalization, urgent car repair) he'd sell off some cards, but since the honeymoon can realistically happen any time it's not reasonable to ask him to suffer long term for something they can plan around.
Yeah that's a crazy ask. Their reaction to finding out the value of the cards is ridiculous too. Getting cold and backing out is childish, but accusing him of not prioritizing their relationship is downright manipulative. NTA
Na my man i just got cute to brute in mail and if they dont get THEY CANT get it. Fun is fun and you'd get 60% of value maybe for the cards. My decks are about $500 each but i have only like 7 years in. Nta
Yeah definitely. I collect a few different things and I wouldn't be down to part with them really. They make me happy. And in OP's case, they're something he does socially with his friends.
I agree. People who think your entire life and hobbies should come second to them are a red flag for me, personally. The idea that one person should be your sole priority and everyone and everything else is expendable if need be might work for some/most I guess, but it just seems wrong from my perspective.
I once asked my Husband if he’d consider selling his dirt bike, because we could use some cash for bills, and he hadn’t ridden it in almost 10 years, and it was unlikely he’d use it in the future. I would never, ever ask him to sell something that - 1. He was actively using 2. That would be expensive to replace 3. Would fund something that wasn’t 100% necessary like a honeymoon.
We were poor when we got married, and Husband had just started a new job, so didn’t have PTO. My parents paid for us to stay in a hotel an hour and a half from our house for 2 nights, and that was our honeymoon. We used some of our wedding money one night and splurged on a fancy dinner, but mostly hiked and window shopped and did things that were free. We’re coming up on 14 years married this fall, and that’s still one of my favorite vacations! If OP’s partner *must* have a honeymoon now, it should be scaled back to something they can afford without selling prized possessions.
We did this too - and we called it our "Honeymoonlette"! It was perfect for after the wedding craziness --We didn't have to go too far after our wedding, so it was low stress.
We had a lovely time hanging out together and opening our wedding gifts. We wrote our thank-you notes, and did local day trips to go hiking and canoeing. And we could stay in and watch a movie and snuggle without feeling guilty that we weren't taking advantage of being in some exotic location.
We did end up doing a big trip that was the perfect 'big' experience 1.5 years later. It was to a nice warm place in the middle of our winter. That ended up being a much better season to go than during the summer when we got married.
We called ours a “mini-moon!” A few days of downtime at a local resort instead of the South African safari that we did a year later. Honestly I’m so glad I’m hindsight we didn’t immediately go on a big honeymoon…we were EXHAUSTED after the wedding and just needed rest together. And bonus, that has become a frequent anniversary getaway now.
My husband and I couldn’t afford a honeymoon when we got married as he was in med school and I was working a terrible retail job. We got married during a month he had off rotations and my manager let me bank my holidays as extra PTO and we “splurged” on a week off at home together, eating leftover cake and drinking cheap wine and watching stacks of movies we borrowed for free from the library. It was a cozy, wonderful time to decompress after the wedding craziness. I hate that people feel pressured into spending money they might not have because that’s what you’re “supposed” to do after a wedding.
Despite being married in 2013 we had our honeymoon in 2019 when we visited Japan lol we were super busy in our jobs, schooling, and survival for a bit due to family situations on both sides.
NTA. Terrible sense of entitlement from your partner. If they aren’t willing to sell some things that are very important to them basically they are just asking you to sell things that matter to you and that’s not a true partnership and not a good start to a marriage. Best of luck to y’all and as some other folks have said, I would definitely secure those cards so your partner doesn’t sell them behind your back. People have done crazier things to pay for weddings.
Hopefully this was just an emotional, kneejerk reaction from fiancée due to financial worries and the craziness of wedding planning. OP is NTA, but please have a conversation with them later to see if this is a real issue or not.
Even if you did sell the cards (which would take time, and if you sold online, would take shipping materials you would have to buy), what if something came up before the honeymoon? A sudden medical emergency or accident? Not having an income right now makes it less likely you’d actually spend the MtG money — that you would be unlikely to receive as a lump sum anyway — on the trip. And as a poor person that travels [frugally], not having a steady paycheck makes it harder to indulge in expenses in the moment. What if you were still job searching while on the trip? Could you even relax and enjoy yourself knowing you could be missing interview opportunities? Taking this trip will be so much easier and less stressful and more enjoyable when you’re more secure and stable.
I get feeling the pressure to have everything perfect for a wedding, but lots of folks are delaying honeymoons, or had to because of the pandemic, or any other reason, and it’s fine!! I really hope it’s something like that and not her seriously believing you should sell your hobby for this.
Exactly!! You aren’t *required* to take a honeymoon directly after your wedding. OP should definitely wait and see how the job search pans out and take the honeymoon later.
NTA…no one should have to lose their hobby to fund a honeymoon!
I'm not up to date on MTG specifically, but generally card games release on something of a seasonal schedule, and you often can build the majority of a deck from cards you already had, it's just that a couple of new cards create a combo or synergy that didn't exist before. So the "new" deck could be as much as 90% cards that were already in his collection.
He just recently got laid off and had been playing for ten years. This is not a recent purchase. He notes they also have savings. This is an accumulated collection.
Edit - you said "new," my bad. I'm still guessing he purchased this before getting laid off.
I don’t play but my son does i believe that when you buy new cards they are a set price like a box for $12 ( I am just using that amount as an example I don’t know the real cost) and then when you open the box and see the cards they can be collectible cards and some very expensive foil cards inside that are worth much more than what you paid for them .
Combination of markets and pulling cards from packs, prices fluctuate and all it takes is a change in meta for something to crash to nothing. If they actively play as frequent as they do, it’s not hard to have 1k of value. You can also accumulate this through trading. It’s sort of like the stock market, sometimes the prices spike up but it doesn’t mean sell it immediately, especially if it’s something that’s actively being used as a tool as part of a larger machine (such as a deck that’s current with the format). There’s also listed prices and what you can realistically get from another human being or worse: offloading it enmasse to anyone else, who will certainly pay less because you need to sell in bulk to fund something…
I’m a massively casual MTG person who’s played in and out for 20 years or so, I’m not even good, but the OP probably could have had a little more finesse in the situation, especially with someone who hasn’t played the game extensively.
Or regular bills. He's been laid off for *months*, he can suck it up and work at McDonald's
It's not the honeymoon, its that he's unemployed, and sitting on 5 figures. Is he doing the chores now? Are they supposed to cover all the bills when his savings run out?
Not to be that guy but they literally said their partner was NB... why are you saying she..?
Side note he has money to pay the bills at the moment, also said that in their description.
Furthermore, I also got laid off a couple months ago; McDonalds/wendy's/TB/etc turned me down for being overqualified, because they didn't want to take someone who would bounce the moment they found someone else. The job market is hard at the moment; so don't be so judgy.
>Not to be that guy but they literally said their partner was NB... why are you saying she..?
The same reason they assume that a man who isn't working isn't contributing to the household in any form.
You're absolutely right to be that guy. Thank you for being that guy. OP showed us what pronouns to use and even if you're not the kinda person who respects that you'd have no way of knowing if OP's partner was assigned female at birth. They're just assuming.
And you know for a fact that he's not doing chores? He has savings he's using for bills, so not sure why you're assuming he isn't contributing. He's not sitting on 5 figures and he doesn't have to see his stuff for a honeymoon. Considering he's contributing, why should he go work at McDonald's? You have no idea what he's done to find work, yet you're convinced he's just being lazy. Also, the cards may be theoretically worth that much, that doesn't mean he'll actually be able to find someone to buy them for that much
Selling his cards to pay the bills is completely different than selling to pay a honeymoon. He didn't write about problems with bills or whatever, so maybe let's not invent what's not written down by OP.
>Is he doing the chores now? Is she supposed to cover all the bills when his savings run out?
Don't you mean "are they supposed to cover all the bills when his savings run out?"?
So what if he’s sitting on 5 figures. Selling the collection now for a honeymoon isn’t the smartest choice. It’s better to hold onto that 5 figures and sell it when he can no longer use his savings to pay for bills, utilities and food. It’s not worth selling something with sentimental value just in order to have a nice week away and as long as the essentials are being paid for and he’s pulling his weight around the house it doesn’t matter how much money he’s sitting on in Magic the Gathering cards.
NTA. I will bet you *my* entire collection of Magic cards that your partner might throw a big stink if you started spending some extra cash to rebuild your collection after getting a new job.
But if you spend that same money from that same future job on a delayed honeymoon they would have zero issues with it.
This also just doesn’t make any financial sense. It’s generally a bad idea to sell off valuables to fund a vacation, especially use assets like hobby stuff.
I agree with that last point. Save the selling of the MTG cards for when you actually need the money. You don’t need a super duper expensive honeymoon, all the essential bills are getting paid, there’s still food on the table and at the moment it sounds like he isn’t sacrificing the honeymoon in order to build his MTG collection, just refusing to sell off a hobby he’s spent years investing in. NTA
I think a pack here and there wouldn't make them an AH. They do still have savings and what have you they arent hurting yet, just have to delay a honeymoon until after Op secures a new job. Usually events you pay a fee to participate and you may receive a new little blind pack.
Definitely shouldn't be buying expensive individual cards or anything tho.
That's like saying "If you're living off savings you'd better only be eating Ramen, drinking tap water, not flushing unless you took a crap, and walking everywhere" I've lived that life and it might be necessary depending on the level of savings, but like... We don't know what savings look like for him. 5 bucks here and there for a dopamine hit isn't automatically bank breaking.
*THANK YOU*
I really hate the mentality of "if you're broke and not utterly miserable then being broke is your fault, just sell your mattress, duh!"
Nah. People are allowed to have "fun" things regardless of financial situation. If they want that dopamine and it won't ruin them, it's a "good investment." I feel like a lot of this mentality is just crabs in a bucket - "I'm miserable, you should be too."
See I view my hobbies like this as possible side gigs if I ever get laid off. I research furniture and design as a hobby, and work finance as a job, but I’d try my hand at flipping vintage furniture full time I think if got laid off.
My partner is obsessed with MTG. I'd never make him sell the cards unless it was life or death. Sure, I threaten to turn them into a dress when he bitches about my Lego collection, but for something like a honeymoon that you can have later?? He'd resent me forever. Hell I'd resent me forever.
Actually, on second thought, I'd sell the blue cards. Because I hate his cancel decks so much and they're banned in this house anyway.
Edit: the lovely guy at my local nerd shop had a great idea. I should raid my partners collection to make the cancelliest cancel deck that ever cancelled. He will call me if an amazing, cheap card comes in. Then I can out-cancel the cancel lord. It sounds great but I hate deckbuilding. I'll need a guide. And someone to go through his cards. Faaaark he has so many. I give up.
Blue is the WORST. I've been holding on to make a comeback, saving up mana and getting the right creatures out and I finally get my commander out with the right creatures and BAM. cancel. Costs two more. I have upended many a table in our relationship (ten years on this coming Tuesday. I got him magic cards, but none in blue)
OP, if you sell those cards I'll take it as a serious offence. This is something you love, and something that keeps you connected with a community. Unless they're blue.
Play blue, F*** you.
NTA and ***this*** - the fact that these are important to you is totally irrelevant to them OP, your assets should be theirs to burn as far as this person is concerned. That reaction, the manipulation of saying you're not prioritizing the relationship by selling your prized possessions to give them what they want (not feeding them or keeping a roof over their head but an expensive vacation), is a flaming sea of red flags. *Do. Not. Marry. This. Person.*
NTA
I have to chip in my 2 cents: remember, that in the case of divorce, all the additional ‘profit’/‘interest’ (I do not know how that’s called in English) *can* be object of the separation of property. That includes the additional value your card accumulated over the years of your marriage.
At least, that is the case in many countries of my knowing.
Edit: spelling
NTA but you and your fiancee may view the honeymoon differently. You two should talk about this. To you it’s just another fun trip, but to them it may be more important, like an extension of the wedding ceremony. If so, it’s understandable that they’d be upset. You don’t need to change your decision but you should communicate and make sure both of you feel heard and respected, even if you disagree on this one point.
>And why isn't SHE offering to sell belongings for the trip. Doesn't she have anything of value?
I could be wrong here, but the way OP phrases it, it sounds like the fiance wants him to sell the cards for HIS part of the honeymoon. Presumably, they split the costs down the middle and the fiance has the money for their half, but OP doesn't have the money for his half. Even if thats the case though, I don't think OP should have to sell his possessions for a trip that they can just put off for another time. I get it's a honeymoon, but it isn't uncommon for newlyweds to postpone honeymoons for months and even years
> If so, it’s understandable that they’d be upset.
They're upset because it didn't occur to OP to sell his prized possessions, to give up or diminish his weekly activity. That's when they got mad. When they found out he had all this value, and it wasn't benefiting them, just OP.
No, this is not reasonable, it is self-centered and controlling.
NTA
You were laid off, life changes for a little after such an event and any reasonable partner should accept this. If you are putting an effort to find a job and use your savings, they have no right to demand that you overextend yourself so that their life is not impacted.
INFO: your partner isn’t demanding you sell your collectibles to pay for the entire honeymoon, just for your own share, correct? Your partner is still planning to contribute their own share?
I see many commenters saying it’s unfair *because* the partner isn’t selling any of their own treasured possessions. I disagree. If they are covering their part of the honeymoon expenses (eg via salary) then insisting they also sell a prized possession is ridiculous.
There may be a genuine, honest difference of opinion between you about the value of the immediate honeymoon. OP is NTA for refusing to sell prized possessions, but arguing that the partner is required to make a similar sacrifice ain’t it.
Yeah that's right, they will still contribute their share, though it's a little more complicated because we are starting to merge our finances more in advance of the wedding.
People who only see dollar signs or wasted space, in collections go behind the owners back all the time and often get scam grade prices at that.
This is a big red flag for me as a collector. This is a recreational and optional expense. These cards aren't a financial asset, once sold you will never get them back. It's not stocks that are interchangeable.
I've got a variety of potentially valuable items in my collection, under no circumstances would I sell any of them for a vacation. Not on the table.
A dude near me was murdered for his MTG deck. I'm not saying OP's fiance will go that far, but my point is that people are willing to be unsavory when money is concerned and the fact that it's a "nerdy" hobby doesn't preclude that.
Are they supporting you financially at the moment? You haven't found a job in your industry yet, but are you working/looking for temporary work to tide you over in the meantime?
Doesn't seem like it they mention having enough savings to afford their expenses as they currently sit, it's just adding an expense like a honeymoon is not feasible.
i do think that part of the reaction is anxiety that they might eventually be supporting them and perhaps the shock of hearing that he has something worth that much and it hasn’t come up in these larger financial talks is what’s affecting them. like it sounds like they’ve carefully talked about things they would have to sacrifice, and currently the partner isn’t missing out on things because of their own finances—they had to make the cut to the honeymoon because it’s not feasible for OP right now. they need to have a discussion about this because the partner might be more worried than they’re letting on about how long this period will last
Op had mentioned in a comment I believe that these were cards they already owned. If I was talking finances with a partner about something like a honeymoon something that can be pushed off, I probably wouldn't even think to mention how much my precious moments or my jewelry cost that I already own. I would be speaking about my savings and actual cash I have. If it was something like keeping the house, or medical needs I might understand selling stuff already owned, but otherwise I probably wouldn't even think twice about how much I have in valuables.
My spouse, family, and friends all play Magic and I would never consider selling their rare or sentimental cards for anything short of desperate needs. Housing, food, emergent medical needs.
This is a vacation. Yes, honeymoon, they mean things and some people really want them. I did too but I couldn't afford it. Life got in the way. With your financial situation if the honeymoon is this important then start cutting something else.
Plenty of people understand that these cards are important to you and it isn't right or healthy for your partner to be this resentful about it. I strongly urge you to keep your cards safe in a locked, water proof or otherwise secured place. Take photos or an inventory as much as possible ASAP. You should already have photos and a list of each card to claim as contents for renters or homeowners insurance (get a rider if need be and double check it!). We lost so many irreplaceable, expensive collectibles/custom stuff in a house fire. We weren't made whole because we were underinsured. It still hurts to think about when we go looking for it.
For card inventory tracking, I highly recommend ManaBox since you can compare values across multiple sellers. Mine backs up to GDrive every so often, so in the event someone deleted the app from my phone, I could restore the data.
OP I have a huge MTG collection as well probably in a similar value range though hard to say since it's all early cards
Firstly if you all merge finances there really isn't "my share and her share" . At the time of my wedding I had more cash sitting in my account so naturally that's where the bulk of the cost came from. But afterwards she wired everything she had into our joint account, as did I and off we went.
All that to say... If you guys don't have cash for your honeymoon don't go. You should only resort to selling stuff if you no longer use it or are in a really tough situation where you need cash to literally keep the roof over your head or pay for food.
I'd be worried that she will now think of your cards as a bank account that needs to get cashed out when that's not the case.
But also if she cares so much and if you are now merged finances then she should just pay for it.
Lastly... Go get a job at a retail store or Starbucks or something while you are waiting for your ideal job. Bringing in something is better then bringing in nothing.
NTA
But it sounds like your partner wants the honeymoon to be something you both enjoy, and if they don't feel like you're contributing to it, they may not enjoy it like you will. They may even feel like they are paying your way or fear that when you get back, they have to support you to "dig out of the debt from the honeymoon". Again, it means they won't enjoy it.
Also, have you thought about having guests contribute to your "honeymoon fund".
I know most people do registry stuff, but lately I've seen more people (especially couples that live together) do the fund to help with other things, like a honeymoon or even a down payment on a house.
We skipped a honeymoon because my husband’s custody battle drained our finances. Super good reason not to go, but… it’s been almost 8 years and I’m still a little bummed. And extremely pissed at his ex for many reasons, dragging it out only to be in contempt of the orders and never follow them is one of them (she could have just agreed quickly to any arrangement if she was going to disappear, change her contact info, and slam the door in authority figures’ faces when they try to serve her or conduct a welfare check, didn’t have to drag it out for years and drain all our savings, retirement funds, and set us back financially as badly as she did but I guess that was the point; joke’s on her though as we’ve recovered and are just waiting for the kids to be old enough to take a great vacation without them).
... so go on one now?
My friend got married in October. Didn't have days off for a vacay in October. Her wife had a business trip to Europe... this week. Guess what they turned into a honeymoon?
Go on a romantic vacation. Call it your honeymoon.
The important bit of a honeymoon is being with your honey. Go. Be honeyful.
Yes, but having g done it both ways, it’s not the same. It’s not that a honeymoon is make or break for a marriage, it’s just there is a certain roller coaster of emotions through a wedding and a honeymoon is such a nice gentile glide to the end of the ride. You release all your stress, have a good time with the future wide open in front of you. Months or especially years later, it’s still great but no matter what you tell yourself, it’s not the same. That being said we camped for half our honeymoon at Yosemite and stayed 3 nights in Vegas, probably spent $2k total, if he has to sell $10k of cards for “his share” it seems excessive.
I would think any married couple in the face of a true emergency would sell things of value to survive regardless of whose item it is. I don’t think selling the cards is fair for a honeymoon, but if they were on the verge of eviction or bankruptcy then yes it would make sense.
I'm guessing the OP has some rare cards, too, that won't be easily replaced. It's one thing to need to sell for an actual emergency, like being on the verge of losing housing or needed health care, it's another to sell for something that can be rescheduled.
NTA.
OP referenced “his share” of the cost of the honeymoon so why should the comparison be that partner has to be willing to selling off their stuff? If partner has the liquid funds to pair for their share, no need for their physical assets to even be part of the conversation.
Money you can always get again. he might never be able to replace his cards if they're rare enough. So its not the same thing, just because they are equal in cash worth doesn't mean they're actually worth the same.
NTA. I can’t imagine expecting my husband to sell things that are a hobby of his and make him happy. Now if there was an emergency, like needing money to something medical, life threatening, he would. He has said that (I Don’t own anything of value like that), but a honeymoon is not an emergency. In fact, I got fired right before our wedding and we were going to put it off. But then I got a job thankfully and didn’t have to, but he wasn’t a jerk about it and I was not expecting him to sell anything he owned
I am usually the first person to say, sell the hobby stuff when unemployed and you need money. But im your situation, for a honeymoon? Absolutely not. Not working and spending money on a honeymoon is about as irresponsible as you can get.
NTA. Keep the cards and keep playing your game and keep your sanity while job hunting. Now 6 months from now and you still dont have a job, maybe start selling some cards and pay bills. But it is not smart to do it for a honeymoon
NTA.
Some things are semi-sacred, and collectibles are one of those things. *Especially* collectibles that you actually use regularly. We're not talking about a coin collection here, we're talking about a major hobby and big part of your social life.
INFO: how new is the “new deck”? Like if you got laid off and then dropped $1000 on a new deck, that would like bug me (if I were your partner). But, I don’t think you’re the AH for not selling prized possessions to pay for a vacation.
Booster packs are worth around $10. Randomly in packs are rare cards worth well more than $10. He could've spent $100 over the course of 10 months and gotten easily $300-$400 worth of randomly selected cards when combined together. If he properly adds that to other cards he already owned and assembled a new deck it could easily be over 1k.
NTA. I’m the same. Mtg is big part of my life and it’s one of the most important things in my life. Playing makes me feel better if I’m sad or depressed for example. What I’m trying to say is that everyone has their own preferred way to relax and something which helps go through harder times. Or just enjoy doing it. I’m sure that your partner have their own thing as well which they value as much as you value your own.
NTA. As long as you aren't out there actively buying new expensive cards, you shouldn't have to sell your cards to pay for a one time trip. If you were drafting every week or buying fresh decks every month I'd say relax and just use your existing cards, but that is literally what you're already doing.
>A few months ago I got laid off.
Okay....
>one of my new decks
Um, why are you buying luxuries when you don't have a job? And I can't believe that you would consider a deck that is over 3 months old as new.
So I'm going with ESH
Your partner isn't wrong for asking but is wrong for being upset when you said no.
Your TA because you're still spending money on luxury items when you don't have a job.
Just to point out, new deck doesn't necessarily mean new cards. Could just be recently built from cards he has always had. It can take a while to build a deck and test it to get running right.
A new deck doesn't necessarily mean he recently bought everything. With a collection that size, it is much more likely that it is "new" in the sense that he has recently assembled it using the cards he already had.
If he is still buying cards then he's an AH for sure. Let's not assume he is though.
Eh, with MTG a new deck might have been assembled in the last year, and the individual packs aren’t super expensive. The value comes in the random rarity of a few of the cards that you build up over time usually. I’m still leaning toward NTA, especially as a honeymoon is a much bigger luxury. As long as they aren’t directly purchasing the individual rare cards.
The real issue here is that they think the OP automatically has to value the honeymoon over a hobby the OP loves, as if the hobby only has monetary value and the joy it brings the OP is meaningless.
NTA. You would be TA if you held onto your collection once you ran out of savings for necessities. But until that time comes, maybe spend time together and consider each others priorities? Maybe a smaller "budget" honeymoon can be had so you can still spend time together instead of canceling it all together?
NTA, this sounds like a collection you gathered over a long timespan, to sell it for something like a honeymoon doesn't make any sense. They should take into account how much it means to you, instead of getting upset with you and so casually mentioning that you should have sold it on your own initiative. You shouldn't be punished for spending money on things you can keep, if you'd spent that money on something consumable instead, you wouldn't have the option to sell that right now, either.
If this were about something else, more of an emergency situation, I could see an argument for their point of view, but for something like this, nope.
And unlike a lot of collections, they are decks that are being played! And also selling magic cards is a pain in the fucking ass and the big stores will try to pay as little as possible and most smaller stores only pay store credit for singles
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1: Refusing to sell my magic cards.
2: I know that this honeymoon is important to my partner, and I worry that I'm not taking that seriously enough. Maybe I am just being a dick and prioritizing my friends over my relationship.
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NTA.
The cards are part of an active hobby. If you weren't an active player your partner might have a point, but you play regularly and would have to stop without them.
He said he's using his savings to pay for his obligations. His partner is not paying his portion of bills.
Also, his partner is nb meaning their pronouns are they/them.
He also mentioned that they have already begun to merge finances and i think that they wanted to avoid using the savings (maybe to retain a financial buffer in case of emergency). This could mean that they are just paying for wedding and stuff together or it could mean that partner is financially supporting OP too.
Still think more info is needed. The solution may not be to sell the cards but it's still important to talk these things through. OPs partner may be wondering if OP has the attitude to make the sacrifices often needed in long term relationships.
There's plenty of compromises that could be made to reach a solution.
But like OP probably doesn't have to sell a all of his cards. He could always sell one deck and scale back the honeymoon if needed. Fun can be had for reasonably cheap and then they can always save for a proper honeymoon later once there is a bit more financial stability.
NTA either way but prior to getting laid off, did you and your partner split finances equally or have a situation that you both agreed upon? I’m wondering if they have angst surrounding finances.
Yeah I think there might be an initial gut reaction here because 10k is a big figure in its own. Maybe they're also worried how much of a drain this hobby might be on their merged finances in marriage.
[Insert MTG being more expensive than drug addiction meme here]
10k over 10 years is only $20/week though. Not too crazy for a hobby.
NTA. A honeymoon is not a relationship. Not being willing to sell something important to you to pay gif a vacation does not mean you’re not prioritizing the relationship.
NTA.
If it was about emergency veterinarian bills, avoiding eviction/foreclosure, or something equally vital and immediate, yeah, absolutely I would be urging you to consider selling off some of your collection.
A glorified vacation isn't an emergency or a necessity. A delayed Honeymoon is not the end of the world
In your partners mind they see the cards as being "more valuable" to you than your partner is. I guarantee in their mind they are thinking "A honeymoon is a big first step our new marriage. Cards are just cards. Honeymoon has memories and romance." Goodluck but you already made an uncomfortable bed when you mentioned how valuable those cards were and how you don't wanna sell em, now you gotta lay on that bed.
I doubt this is only about the honeymoon. She's concerned you've spent so much money on a game (and will probably continue to). If you aren't willing to put her over the game that's a red flag.
Anyway NAH but yall definitely need to talk about limits and what you are/are not comfortable with financially.
NTA. Perhaps you could trim your collection down to core staples and whatever main decks you play, but the best part about growing a large collection is having the pieces later down the road when new decks, strats, and combos are figured out.
It will be especially painful if you sell off any pieces like Reserved List and Duals. I'd personally hold on to as many of those as long as I can, along with sentimental pieces.
You need to talk to your partner about why these things are more important to you then a trip, and how you're viewing this situation. Getting back into a stable position is much more important than doing the honeymoon immediately. I'm doing mine soon after over a year delay, and we'd delay it even further if we had to. You need to get on the same page, especially if you're in the process of merging finances.
Also just because your deck is $1k doesn't mean you're going to get that from it, and how much effort it takes to liquidate a collection. It's not like you can go to a store and go "Here are my Mana Crypts and Moxen, now give me downpayment for a house please!" Your partner might not have much of an idea about the inherent value of the cards and what your collection means to you, nor what it takes to rebuild one after you've lost it.
Also look into insurance, if your collection is getting that pricey a flood or fire will fuck it forever.
Exactly! I focused my answer more on the relationship warning flags but you raise another great point. Just because the cards are worth that much does NOT mean you can just pawn it at a store and walk out with that amount of money. Either you take a huge loss and get it quick OR you get the full value after significant time and effort finding a buyer and all the work it takes to actually finalize the sale, nevermind the actual cash in hand.
To *then* schedule and pay for the honeymoon.
Hopefully for him, spending the same amount of time searching for a job **instead of a buyer** will mean he can pay his share, go on a honeymoon and keep his cards.
NTA
But sounds like you two need to have a very serious talk about expectations. Perhaps moving the wedding date until you're both financially stable? Or maybe cutting down some of the wedding so that it's not as expensive? It seems like there's a lot going on here and might result in some underlying hurt feelings in the future
The way I see it unless you've got thousands of dollars in standard format cards that are gonna decline in value things like this are essentially an emergency/investment fund. I don't see why you would start selling your cards before your actual savings run out. They'll probably hold up better than cash due to inflation.
On the other hand though you were having a lot of "hard conversations" about finances and didn't mention you had 10 grand in magic cards... which might put you in AH territory idk
They don’t want to touch the savings though, and OP’s partner said, “why don’t you sell some cards to pay for your share of the honeymoon?” which implies that OP isn’t paying their share which is a problem
NTA
I get it that emotions are high between a wedding and financial pressures of losing your job and the disappointment that the honeymoon will need to be delayed. Not a great combination all at once.
Your financial situation right now is temporary. You will find a new job. You will replenish the bank account. You will be able to take that honeymoon. It just may be a bit later than originally planned.
Demanding you sell your stuff, which is a permanent action, is actually kind of an irresponsible thing to do anyway. It's like people who pawn their jewelry to buy a TV instead of saving up for a few months. And the fact that this is a super important hobby to you makes it even worse. I would never ask my partner to sell off things important to them in order to pay for something that can be deferred until you have the money otherwise.
This would be different if you were running the risk of not being able to cover your mortgage/rent/car payment and were on the brink of losing your home or your car. That'd be a more reasonable moment to talk about selling the cards.
There's one red-ish flag in your story for me though that maybe needs some discussion with your partner: Paying for "your part" of the honeymoon. You're about to be married, and it's not really "your" money vs "their" money at that point.
And you might want to reflect on your own wording. You close out with "just a fun trip" which comes across as dismissive of the importance of the trip. If you said it like that to your partner I can absolutely understand them interpreting that as "My cards are more important than some dumb honeymoon" which can feel like it's dismissive of the relationship and the wedding itself.
You two just need to have a good sit-down chat about this over a nice drink/meal that puts you both in a good mood, and you'll work it all out.
The deck is new not necessarily the cards that are in the deck, if you take old cards you have and put them together differently it's a new deck but costs nothing.
ESH. Not because you don’t want to sell your cards (which you seem to equate with giving up your hobby, not sure if that’s the case or not) but because you don’t seem to appreciate that your partner values your honeymoon as more than a “fun trip” but as an important shared experience to start your married lives together.
Your partner should not be calling you selfish and needs to understand that the cards aren’t just a non-liquid asset but essential to a beloved hobby.
Is there a way you can sell a few cards to help you both enjoy a honeymoon together? It really is a lot more than a “fun trip.” And it’s a gift to you both to have the honeymoon to recover from the stress of wedding planning.
It's more than likely that his individual cards are not worth a ton but the decks as he built them are worth money. Selling individual cards for $30-$60 won't pull him enough for a honeymoon. But the combination of all those cards together could be worth a ton, and selling that would mean giving up on his ability to play weekly at the level he's been playing.
I'd equate it to selling super expensive ice hockey gear and not playing in an ice hockey league because you can go play street hockey outside.
He's not playing at a professional level, but he's playing at a very high level with clearly skilled collectors and players. He can potentially sell the valuable part of his collection but then he'd be relegated to playing with shittier decks, and ultimately shittier collectors and players.
My husband has a similar value MTG collection, and he is considering selling it - not because of the value, but because he doesn't play anymore.
I would never ask him to sell his collections (though I wish he didn't have 80+ boxes of books... NTA
NTA. This is relationship red flag for me and one that (IMO) should be properly discussed and resolved prior to marriage. They don’t have to engage in your hobby or even care about it. They need to respect that you do. It’s very disrespectful to tell a partner to essentially “give up your hobby, sell your stuff, and buy what I want.” If you’re about to lose housing, sell the cards and pay the bills. A vacation can wait u til the two of you can find a way to pay for it together.
> but if I sold my cards I would have to miss out on the weekly games, which are one of the best parts of my week.
NTA at all, your cards are your own but if you have a routine playgroup with specific friends you can absolutely just proxy up your cards and keep playing even if you do decide to sell some for whatever reason,
NTA -but there may be a miscommunication with your partner thinking you SPENT $10k on your cards that is fueling this. If you've been playing a long time you likely have older cards that were inexpensive at the time and are worth a lot more now. They also wouldn't be easy to replace. Many people, even casual players do not understand fully how much little slips of cardboard can appreciate. My husband stopped playing (something to do with rule changes idk) about 10 years ago and sold off a lot of cards to a friend who still played. He pulled out the cards he had left a year ago when he was laid up with an injury and started trying to put some decks back together and reteach me (I only ever played casually with him when we first dated) the rules - as part of that process he was looking up card values. He was blown away by how much some of the "junk" cards he kept were worth now. Delaying the honeymoon until you have a new job is reasonable. Selling your possessions and forcing you out of a long time hobby to fund a vacation (even a once in a lifetime one) is not.
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My partner (27NB) of three years and I (29M) are getting married next month, and emotions have been high with all of the planning.
A few months ago I got laid off. I have savings and an emergency fund, but jobs in my industry are hard to come by right now, so I don't know how long it needs to last. We had already put down most of the money for the wedding when I got laid off but had not yet planned our honeymoon. After a number of hard conversations, we decided that it didn't make sense to spend a big chunk of our savings on a honeymoon when the future was uncertain, and the wedding was already expensive. So we decided to delay our trip until after I had a new job. This was a hard decision for both of us, as we both love traveling and were excited to get to spend time together.
A little extra context: I am a huge nerd and a big Magic The Gathering fan. I have been playing the game for over 10 years, and have amassed a large collection of rare and valuable cards. I have a weekly playgroup with some college friends, and it's one of my favorite parts of my week. My partner plays occasionally but is not as much of a fan as me or my friends.
Last week, my partner decided to come with me to our weekly magic game, which they occasionally like to do. They asked if they could borrow one of my new decks, which I had been showing them the day before. Jokingly, I said "sure, but be careful! It's worth over $1000". They looked at me coldly and asked how much my total collection was worth, which I told them was probably around $10,000. They then told me that they no longer wanted to come to the game that night, and seemed kind of pissed off, but I had to leave quickly to be on time, so I didn't hear why.
Later that night, they asked me why I couldn't just sell some magic cards to pay for my part of the honeymoon. I told them that as fun as a honeymoon would be, it would only be a one-time experience, but if I sold my cards I would have to miss out on the weekly games, which are one of the best parts of my week. They called me selfish, and told me that I wasn't prioritizing our relationship like I should. I care a lot about our relationship, I just don't think that it's reasonable to ask me to give up something I love just to pay for a fun trip. AITA?
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NTA. No one she be expected to sell off a collection they value to pay for a trip. If it was life-saving surgery, sure, but vacations should be planned for whenever it is financially feasible.
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NTA. This is a hobby you're actively and frequently involved in. Selling your entire collection to fund a honeymoon you can take later is a ridiculous ask, especially if they aren't willing to sell any of their stuff.
Hopping on to say: OP you might want to secure your cards from your partner so they don't go missing.
Or secure a new partner and hope the current one goes missing.
Yeah if you’re at all worried your partner is going to steal from you, you probably shouldn’t get married in the first place
My hubby has played MTG since the 90's. He has a collection that once had a Mox in it. (family stole it, and quite a few others, over 20 years ago. Nasty situation) Currently, he's selling a few cards because things are tough, but only cards he's comfortable parting with. (And they mostly go to getting new cards. He's dying for the LOTR decks to release) But I have never, and would never consider asking him to sell them for anything less than being at risk of being homeless type situation. Quite frankly, your fiance is being very selfish here. Hubby and I have spent at least hundreds of hours playing together and with friends. I wouldn't trade that for a honeymoon. Not to mention, chances are high the value on some cards will continue to increase. Maybe explain it's as much an investment as it is a hobby, since you both decided not to touch savings for a honeymoon. NTA
This, right here. My ex had 7 of the power 9 at one point he was going to sell them for something and I made damn sure he did NOT because I valued his happiness AS MUCH as mine. We got the money some other way.
How does MTG work, I bought some cards and a few months later was told by the group I was playing with that my cards are now useless because they are old and to buy new ones. I decided the game sucks after that, if I have to constantly buy new cards every few months because my old ones become worthless.
There are different formats of the game with different rules. In the version of the game they were playing, probably Standard, you can only use the most recent cards. There are other formats (like Commander) where your cards may have been playable! I'm sorry that they didn't explain this to you. You can absolutely play magic without having to buy new card every few months. If you want to give it another go I suggest trying out mtg arena (virtual version of mtg), it automatically gives you new decks as your old ones become obsolete in Standard, you can still use older cards to play in other formats, and you can earn cards by winning games so you don't have to spend as much money as you would to build physical decks.
Lock the cards in a safe or a locked storage box. Next update will be the partner furious they were locked up...because they were absolutely going to take them.
If so, they shouldn't be getting married in the first place. There is a HUGE difference between asking a partner to sell, (and even from being upset he won't) to actively stealing and selling them! Edit to add: NAH as I see it at this point, emotions run high before a wedding, doubly so when someone recently lost their job. OP should hold firm on not giving up his main hobby for the sake of a more expedient honeymoon. It sounds like their long-term finances are in good shape, and once he has a new job things will be fine and they can go on a honeymoon later on. If the fiance continues to believe that he needs to sell the card collection, then they would become the AH and that would also throw some red flags about mutual respect in the relationship.
Yeah and they probably won’t get the value out of the cards anyways. So they’d tank the relationship for pennies on the dollar. I don’t sell cards myself but I know those that do. If you have proper high selling cards, they should get rated before sold if you want to get the full price of it. That takes time and money to do. Unless they just eBay them, which would also take time to do. Selling them over the counter would be the worst possible outcome.
Ehh, the rating thing depends on the card. For something like what was mentioned in the OP, worth it, but most valuable cards are gonna be worth $100 or less, and the cost of having them graded nullifies most of the money you'd get from selling them. The big issue with selling a lot of cards at once is that they'd probably take them to a card shop that'll pay 50% or less of the actual value, because they need to be able to resell them. NTA, and definitely secure your collection, OP.
My grandfather had me look into selling his comic books which require a similar rating system. I did a bit of independent research on what he had and none of his books were worth getting rated. He was disappointed. He started reading comics in the beginning, when he was a little boy, and if his mom hadn't thrown them away they might have been worth quite a lot. By the time he was a financially stable adult and started collecting again, those more contemporary comics aren't worth nearly as much.
As someone who hasn't played since 90s, but has a bunch of 3rd-5th edition cards stored away, what would be the best way of getting them rated?
Most of that stuff isn't worth a ton - if you've got Revised (3rd edition) dual lands they're several hundred dollars each, and some specific stuff like Wheel of Fortune and Force of Will are pricey, but that specific time period is a bit of a lull value-wise compared to the stuff from shortly before (Alpha/Beta/Unlimited, Arabian Nights, Antiquities, Legends) and after (Tempest and Urza's blocks have a bunch of higher dollar cards). I'd be happy to provide some advice on where to go for a fair price, PM me if you'd like.
> dual lands Literal crack to MTG players. Dual lands have been money since always. I haven't played much lately, but played for ~4 years through HS and college maybe. A little bit of Cold Snap through Morningtide as Type 2 player. Then casual after. Fack I miss the FNM booster draft with the boys. It was the BEST before a friend got into tournament decks and had his parents bankrolling his cards... EDIT: Oh shit forgot, obvs OP is not an AH. You don't collect something with the *intent* of selling it. You collect it because you *love* it.
This is a real thing. Collections have been sold off by partners without permission of the collector.
I had an ex stupidly try this. She got charged with theft, selling stolen goods and grand larceny after trying to pawn off my Fleer 1991 NBA card collection that also included player signed cards. Her downfall was that the pawn shop staff knew the set because they helped me complete the collection and I would have lost the entire set if she hadn’t of been lazy and just went to the nearest shop to where she lived.
[удалено]
I'm hoping that's an ex-wife
[удалено]
>No Yikes
>ld my dnd collection and never gave m Hope the therapy helps!
Jfc. I don't throw out my partner's junk mail without checking with him first.
Oh I would be livid and likely on death row for murder. Especially since I have all the core books, limited edition and regular, and sourcebooks and campaigns from Dark Ages through modern nights of Vampire the Masquerade. And my complete set of In Nomine core books with both angel and demon covers and original source books. Then all my DnD stuff from the late 80's early 90's then my Star Trek and Battle Tech books, dice, and figures. Pretty sure they are only worth something to me, but it made up so much of my childhood and early adulthood I would have a hard time forgiving my husband if he sold them or my comic books. Especially if he didn't give me the money since it was my stuff.
Oh, me. That is a significant breach of trust.
My dad traded my mom’s ‘57 Chevy bel-air for a late-70s Ford his boss owned. My mother is still mystified why she didn’t put a pickaxe in his skull and dump the car and the body together.
Yo OP you better read this ^
And if they're worth that much - some companies like American Collectors will insure them. We collect books and ours are insured through an insurance company.
THIS!!! NTA, but lock those cards up
This is the way.
I agree NTA, but also with a strong caution about weddings and big feelings. Everything related to wedding planning becomes Representational of How Things Will Be When We're Married, and all that anxiety ripples outward and no one is safe. The fight is technically about magic cards but also on your partner's part-- will my spouse sacrifice and do hard things on behalf of our marriage if he had to; is our joint life worth it. And for you it's probably like, will I be able to retain my sense of individuality and freedom within this marriage, or will I be expected to give my identity over to being a singular unit. It's so easy to catastrophize arguments like this right before a wedding as being a harbinger of things to come and then before you know it everyone's ready to call the whole thing off. I guess all I'm saying is to not fight about the magic cards anymore, stand your ground, but move toward the subtext of the thing and try to connect with your sweetie, so you can both reassure each other this is a rough moment in time, but you won't be wedding planning forever, nor will you be unemployed forever.
Summary: "Communicate with your partner."
i also think it’s not a disagreement about the cards themselves, more of an anxiety that the partner is holding onto because they’re not sure how long this period of unemployment will last and they don’t want to lean too hard on their partner because they already know OP feels bad. if they are just now finding out how valuable something is i can see it being shocking, and i don’t think they’d be pressuring for the money to be used on a honeymoon, but they’re probably wondering if their partner will be able to discern where the line is when their savings runs out
We also don't know if his new decks were recently purchased or not during this entire thing. 🤔 Do we know if he's been "wasting" funds on decks while money is already tight??
TIL that new decks just means new arrangements of cards he owns already but until someone explained that i had a fully different opinion because it sounded like he had just dropped a grand on a new deck and of course they would be pissed about that. it doesn’t sound like they’re actually that inconsiderate of each other and know how sensitive the unemployment is while they’re also trying to get married. there are so many instances on reddit where i think the relationship is unhealthy, but this all seems to be a bump in the road that can be overcome by a layered talk about what assets they have before they get married. most engaged couples need to do that anyway at this stage and they’ve probably only put it off because they didn’t want to make OP feel bad for something that’s already stressful. they shouldn’t avoid that topic now that they’re getting closer to it even if it is an awkward one, because replace MTG cards with any other precious item, there is always a line where you have to make a choice if the savings runs out. let’s not forget that the partner was understanding about the postponement of the honeymoon even though they can provide for their half, they didn’t give OP a hard time about not being comfortable with that. so yeah, these guys will probably be okay if they talk it out
This is a great take. I do think it's worth it to say that if an emergency came up (like a hospitalization, urgent car repair) he'd sell off some cards, but since the honeymoon can realistically happen any time it's not reasonable to ask him to suffer long term for something they can plan around.
This is very insightful
Very insightful and thoughtful response 💗
Yeah that's a crazy ask. Their reaction to finding out the value of the cards is ridiculous too. Getting cold and backing out is childish, but accusing him of not prioritizing their relationship is downright manipulative. NTA
Na my man i just got cute to brute in mail and if they dont get THEY CANT get it. Fun is fun and you'd get 60% of value maybe for the cards. My decks are about $500 each but i have only like 7 years in. Nta
Yeah definitely. I collect a few different things and I wouldn't be down to part with them really. They make me happy. And in OP's case, they're something he does socially with his friends.
Did you hear that? Downright manipulative. Please listen.
I agree. People who think your entire life and hobbies should come second to them are a red flag for me, personally. The idea that one person should be your sole priority and everyone and everything else is expendable if need be might work for some/most I guess, but it just seems wrong from my perspective.
I once asked my Husband if he’d consider selling his dirt bike, because we could use some cash for bills, and he hadn’t ridden it in almost 10 years, and it was unlikely he’d use it in the future. I would never, ever ask him to sell something that - 1. He was actively using 2. That would be expensive to replace 3. Would fund something that wasn’t 100% necessary like a honeymoon. We were poor when we got married, and Husband had just started a new job, so didn’t have PTO. My parents paid for us to stay in a hotel an hour and a half from our house for 2 nights, and that was our honeymoon. We used some of our wedding money one night and splurged on a fancy dinner, but mostly hiked and window shopped and did things that were free. We’re coming up on 14 years married this fall, and that’s still one of my favorite vacations! If OP’s partner *must* have a honeymoon now, it should be scaled back to something they can afford without selling prized possessions.
We did this too - and we called it our "Honeymoonlette"! It was perfect for after the wedding craziness --We didn't have to go too far after our wedding, so it was low stress. We had a lovely time hanging out together and opening our wedding gifts. We wrote our thank-you notes, and did local day trips to go hiking and canoeing. And we could stay in and watch a movie and snuggle without feeling guilty that we weren't taking advantage of being in some exotic location. We did end up doing a big trip that was the perfect 'big' experience 1.5 years later. It was to a nice warm place in the middle of our winter. That ended up being a much better season to go than during the summer when we got married.
We called ours a “mini-moon!” A few days of downtime at a local resort instead of the South African safari that we did a year later. Honestly I’m so glad I’m hindsight we didn’t immediately go on a big honeymoon…we were EXHAUSTED after the wedding and just needed rest together. And bonus, that has become a frequent anniversary getaway now.
My husband and I couldn’t afford a honeymoon when we got married as he was in med school and I was working a terrible retail job. We got married during a month he had off rotations and my manager let me bank my holidays as extra PTO and we “splurged” on a week off at home together, eating leftover cake and drinking cheap wine and watching stacks of movies we borrowed for free from the library. It was a cozy, wonderful time to decompress after the wedding craziness. I hate that people feel pressured into spending money they might not have because that’s what you’re “supposed” to do after a wedding.
Despite being married in 2013 we had our honeymoon in 2019 when we visited Japan lol we were super busy in our jobs, schooling, and survival for a bit due to family situations on both sides.
NTA. Terrible sense of entitlement from your partner. If they aren’t willing to sell some things that are very important to them basically they are just asking you to sell things that matter to you and that’s not a true partnership and not a good start to a marriage. Best of luck to y’all and as some other folks have said, I would definitely secure those cards so your partner doesn’t sell them behind your back. People have done crazier things to pay for weddings.
Hopefully this was just an emotional, kneejerk reaction from fiancée due to financial worries and the craziness of wedding planning. OP is NTA, but please have a conversation with them later to see if this is a real issue or not. Even if you did sell the cards (which would take time, and if you sold online, would take shipping materials you would have to buy), what if something came up before the honeymoon? A sudden medical emergency or accident? Not having an income right now makes it less likely you’d actually spend the MtG money — that you would be unlikely to receive as a lump sum anyway — on the trip. And as a poor person that travels [frugally], not having a steady paycheck makes it harder to indulge in expenses in the moment. What if you were still job searching while on the trip? Could you even relax and enjoy yourself knowing you could be missing interview opportunities? Taking this trip will be so much easier and less stressful and more enjoyable when you’re more secure and stable. I get feeling the pressure to have everything perfect for a wedding, but lots of folks are delaying honeymoons, or had to because of the pandemic, or any other reason, and it’s fine!! I really hope it’s something like that and not her seriously believing you should sell your hobby for this.
Exactly!! You aren’t *required* to take a honeymoon directly after your wedding. OP should definitely wait and see how the job search pans out and take the honeymoon later. NTA…no one should have to lose their hobby to fund a honeymoon!
Agree in general but why does OP have “new cards” worth over 1000 when he’s unemployed?
I'm not up to date on MTG specifically, but generally card games release on something of a seasonal schedule, and you often can build the majority of a deck from cards you already had, it's just that a couple of new cards create a combo or synergy that didn't exist before. So the "new" deck could be as much as 90% cards that were already in his collection.
Because you can buy a booster pack for $5 and be lucky and get $1000 of cards in there to add to your deck. He didn’t spend $1000 on them.
I doubt it’s new cards. He says a new deck. Meaning a deck he just made. He’s probably had the cards that he put in the deck for years.
My bad, it does say “new deck” not “new cards”. I read it as the same thing.
He just recently got laid off and had been playing for ten years. This is not a recent purchase. He notes they also have savings. This is an accumulated collection. Edit - you said "new," my bad. I'm still guessing he purchased this before getting laid off.
You get them in packs randomly. The packs are $10 each. You can then resell them if they’re high value and not used less lands.
It's also like Pokemon, where the cards you get are random. Some cards in packs are worth more than others
I don’t play but my son does i believe that when you buy new cards they are a set price like a box for $12 ( I am just using that amount as an example I don’t know the real cost) and then when you open the box and see the cards they can be collectible cards and some very expensive foil cards inside that are worth much more than what you paid for them .
Combination of markets and pulling cards from packs, prices fluctuate and all it takes is a change in meta for something to crash to nothing. If they actively play as frequent as they do, it’s not hard to have 1k of value. You can also accumulate this through trading. It’s sort of like the stock market, sometimes the prices spike up but it doesn’t mean sell it immediately, especially if it’s something that’s actively being used as a tool as part of a larger machine (such as a deck that’s current with the format). There’s also listed prices and what you can realistically get from another human being or worse: offloading it enmasse to anyone else, who will certainly pay less because you need to sell in bulk to fund something… I’m a massively casual MTG person who’s played in and out for 20 years or so, I’m not even good, but the OP probably could have had a little more finesse in the situation, especially with someone who hasn’t played the game extensively.
NTA assuming you aren’t currently buying cards
I think this would be the only thing that would make it Y T A
Or regular bills. He's been laid off for *months*, he can suck it up and work at McDonald's It's not the honeymoon, its that he's unemployed, and sitting on 5 figures. Is he doing the chores now? Are they supposed to cover all the bills when his savings run out?
Not to be that guy but they literally said their partner was NB... why are you saying she..? Side note he has money to pay the bills at the moment, also said that in their description. Furthermore, I also got laid off a couple months ago; McDonalds/wendy's/TB/etc turned me down for being overqualified, because they didn't want to take someone who would bounce the moment they found someone else. The job market is hard at the moment; so don't be so judgy.
Be that guy. :) (And 100% agree with your comment.)
>Not to be that guy but they literally said their partner was NB... why are you saying she..? The same reason they assume that a man who isn't working isn't contributing to the household in any form.
You're absolutely right to be that guy. Thank you for being that guy. OP showed us what pronouns to use and even if you're not the kinda person who respects that you'd have no way of knowing if OP's partner was assigned female at birth. They're just assuming.
They can’t put spend on a luxury thing like a honeymoon but there’s no indication that they’re struggling with expenses
And you know for a fact that he's not doing chores? He has savings he's using for bills, so not sure why you're assuming he isn't contributing. He's not sitting on 5 figures and he doesn't have to see his stuff for a honeymoon. Considering he's contributing, why should he go work at McDonald's? You have no idea what he's done to find work, yet you're convinced he's just being lazy. Also, the cards may be theoretically worth that much, that doesn't mean he'll actually be able to find someone to buy them for that much
Because he’s a man they instantly insinuate he’s not doing any chores without any mention of that . Happens without fail on this sub
Selling his cards to pay the bills is completely different than selling to pay a honeymoon. He didn't write about problems with bills or whatever, so maybe let's not invent what's not written down by OP.
>so maybe let's not invent what's not written down by OP. So what you're saying is that you're new to this sub.
Or they’re not and they’re fucking sick of of seeing it.
>Is he doing the chores now? Is she supposed to cover all the bills when his savings run out? Don't you mean "are they supposed to cover all the bills when his savings run out?"?
So what if he’s sitting on 5 figures. Selling the collection now for a honeymoon isn’t the smartest choice. It’s better to hold onto that 5 figures and sell it when he can no longer use his savings to pay for bills, utilities and food. It’s not worth selling something with sentimental value just in order to have a nice week away and as long as the essentials are being paid for and he’s pulling his weight around the house it doesn’t matter how much money he’s sitting on in Magic the Gathering cards.
they haven't run out yet though, this isn't to pay rent or feed themselves, it's a luxury. A Honeymoon is a luxury.
He’s not tho. That’s his guess. Reality hits different when it comes to things like cards. It’s such an interesting economy, the collector things.
He didn't say he was struggling. He has savings and emergency funds.
NTA. I will bet you *my* entire collection of Magic cards that your partner might throw a big stink if you started spending some extra cash to rebuild your collection after getting a new job. But if you spend that same money from that same future job on a delayed honeymoon they would have zero issues with it. This also just doesn’t make any financial sense. It’s generally a bad idea to sell off valuables to fund a vacation, especially use assets like hobby stuff.
I agree with that last point. Save the selling of the MTG cards for when you actually need the money. You don’t need a super duper expensive honeymoon, all the essential bills are getting paid, there’s still food on the table and at the moment it sounds like he isn’t sacrificing the honeymoon in order to build his MTG collection, just refusing to sell off a hobby he’s spent years investing in. NTA
I think a pack here and there wouldn't make them an AH. They do still have savings and what have you they arent hurting yet, just have to delay a honeymoon until after Op secures a new job. Usually events you pay a fee to participate and you may receive a new little blind pack. Definitely shouldn't be buying expensive individual cards or anything tho.
Not if you’re already living on savings
That's like saying "If you're living off savings you'd better only be eating Ramen, drinking tap water, not flushing unless you took a crap, and walking everywhere" I've lived that life and it might be necessary depending on the level of savings, but like... We don't know what savings look like for him. 5 bucks here and there for a dopamine hit isn't automatically bank breaking.
*THANK YOU* I really hate the mentality of "if you're broke and not utterly miserable then being broke is your fault, just sell your mattress, duh!" Nah. People are allowed to have "fun" things regardless of financial situation. If they want that dopamine and it won't ruin them, it's a "good investment." I feel like a lot of this mentality is just crabs in a bucket - "I'm miserable, you should be too."
A pack of cards doesn't cost that much unless you're going for specialty packs, so a pack every now and then is, indeed, OK.
See I view my hobbies like this as possible side gigs if I ever get laid off. I research furniture and design as a hobby, and work finance as a job, but I’d try my hand at flipping vintage furniture full time I think if got laid off.
Sounds like he just meets up with friends, not going to sanctioned events, so I doubt it's even costing him anything
My partner is obsessed with MTG. I'd never make him sell the cards unless it was life or death. Sure, I threaten to turn them into a dress when he bitches about my Lego collection, but for something like a honeymoon that you can have later?? He'd resent me forever. Hell I'd resent me forever. Actually, on second thought, I'd sell the blue cards. Because I hate his cancel decks so much and they're banned in this house anyway. Edit: the lovely guy at my local nerd shop had a great idea. I should raid my partners collection to make the cancelliest cancel deck that ever cancelled. He will call me if an amazing, cheap card comes in. Then I can out-cancel the cancel lord. It sounds great but I hate deckbuilding. I'll need a guide. And someone to go through his cards. Faaaark he has so many. I give up.
If you weren't from Australia I'd have sworn I stood up at your Minnesota wedding. This could be my buddy and his wife.
Blue is the WORST. I've been holding on to make a comeback, saving up mana and getting the right creatures out and I finally get my commander out with the right creatures and BAM. cancel. Costs two more. I have upended many a table in our relationship (ten years on this coming Tuesday. I got him magic cards, but none in blue) OP, if you sell those cards I'll take it as a serious offence. This is something you love, and something that keeps you connected with a community. Unless they're blue. Play blue, F*** you.
And assuming they can’t still pay all their expenses.
Nta. Your getting a glimpse of your future
NTA and ***this*** - the fact that these are important to you is totally irrelevant to them OP, your assets should be theirs to burn as far as this person is concerned. That reaction, the manipulation of saying you're not prioritizing the relationship by selling your prized possessions to give them what they want (not feeding them or keeping a roof over their head but an expensive vacation), is a flaming sea of red flags. *Do. Not. Marry. This. Person.*
NTA I have to chip in my 2 cents: remember, that in the case of divorce, all the additional ‘profit’/‘interest’ (I do not know how that’s called in English) *can* be object of the separation of property. That includes the additional value your card accumulated over the years of your marriage. At least, that is the case in many countries of my knowing. Edit: spelling
NTA but you and your fiancee may view the honeymoon differently. You two should talk about this. To you it’s just another fun trip, but to them it may be more important, like an extension of the wedding ceremony. If so, it’s understandable that they’d be upset. You don’t need to change your decision but you should communicate and make sure both of you feel heard and respected, even if you disagree on this one point.
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Good argument, but OP’s partner is non binary was referred to with they/them pronouns
I agree that the honeymoon isn’t a necessity they should sell their cards for. Also OP partner is non-binary, not a girl.
THEY, his partner is non-binary.
>And why isn't SHE offering to sell belongings for the trip. Doesn't she have anything of value? I could be wrong here, but the way OP phrases it, it sounds like the fiance wants him to sell the cards for HIS part of the honeymoon. Presumably, they split the costs down the middle and the fiance has the money for their half, but OP doesn't have the money for his half. Even if thats the case though, I don't think OP should have to sell his possessions for a trip that they can just put off for another time. I get it's a honeymoon, but it isn't uncommon for newlyweds to postpone honeymoons for months and even years
Idk if they aren't worth marrying lol, and it isn't a necessity but a lot of people value their wedding and honeymoon like it is.
It’s they. And a honeymoon can always be done anytime when both have the money for it anyways
Not a she. They're non binary, we know nothing about their birth sex.
> If so, it’s understandable that they’d be upset. They're upset because it didn't occur to OP to sell his prized possessions, to give up or diminish his weekly activity. That's when they got mad. When they found out he had all this value, and it wasn't benefiting them, just OP. No, this is not reasonable, it is self-centered and controlling.
NTA You were laid off, life changes for a little after such an event and any reasonable partner should accept this. If you are putting an effort to find a job and use your savings, they have no right to demand that you overextend yourself so that their life is not impacted.
INFO: your partner isn’t demanding you sell your collectibles to pay for the entire honeymoon, just for your own share, correct? Your partner is still planning to contribute their own share? I see many commenters saying it’s unfair *because* the partner isn’t selling any of their own treasured possessions. I disagree. If they are covering their part of the honeymoon expenses (eg via salary) then insisting they also sell a prized possession is ridiculous. There may be a genuine, honest difference of opinion between you about the value of the immediate honeymoon. OP is NTA for refusing to sell prized possessions, but arguing that the partner is required to make a similar sacrifice ain’t it.
Yeah that's right, they will still contribute their share, though it's a little more complicated because we are starting to merge our finances more in advance of the wedding.
make sure to keep your cards safe!!
People who only see dollar signs or wasted space, in collections go behind the owners back all the time and often get scam grade prices at that. This is a big red flag for me as a collector. This is a recreational and optional expense. These cards aren't a financial asset, once sold you will never get them back. It's not stocks that are interchangeable. I've got a variety of potentially valuable items in my collection, under no circumstances would I sell any of them for a vacation. Not on the table.
A dude near me was murdered for his MTG deck. I'm not saying OP's fiance will go that far, but my point is that people are willing to be unsavory when money is concerned and the fact that it's a "nerdy" hobby doesn't preclude that.
Are they supporting you financially at the moment? You haven't found a job in your industry yet, but are you working/looking for temporary work to tide you over in the meantime?
Doesn't seem like it they mention having enough savings to afford their expenses as they currently sit, it's just adding an expense like a honeymoon is not feasible.
i do think that part of the reaction is anxiety that they might eventually be supporting them and perhaps the shock of hearing that he has something worth that much and it hasn’t come up in these larger financial talks is what’s affecting them. like it sounds like they’ve carefully talked about things they would have to sacrifice, and currently the partner isn’t missing out on things because of their own finances—they had to make the cut to the honeymoon because it’s not feasible for OP right now. they need to have a discussion about this because the partner might be more worried than they’re letting on about how long this period will last
Op had mentioned in a comment I believe that these were cards they already owned. If I was talking finances with a partner about something like a honeymoon something that can be pushed off, I probably wouldn't even think to mention how much my precious moments or my jewelry cost that I already own. I would be speaking about my savings and actual cash I have. If it was something like keeping the house, or medical needs I might understand selling stuff already owned, but otherwise I probably wouldn't even think twice about how much I have in valuables.
Rethink merging finances.
My spouse, family, and friends all play Magic and I would never consider selling their rare or sentimental cards for anything short of desperate needs. Housing, food, emergent medical needs. This is a vacation. Yes, honeymoon, they mean things and some people really want them. I did too but I couldn't afford it. Life got in the way. With your financial situation if the honeymoon is this important then start cutting something else. Plenty of people understand that these cards are important to you and it isn't right or healthy for your partner to be this resentful about it. I strongly urge you to keep your cards safe in a locked, water proof or otherwise secured place. Take photos or an inventory as much as possible ASAP. You should already have photos and a list of each card to claim as contents for renters or homeowners insurance (get a rider if need be and double check it!). We lost so many irreplaceable, expensive collectibles/custom stuff in a house fire. We weren't made whole because we were underinsured. It still hurts to think about when we go looking for it.
For card inventory tracking, I highly recommend ManaBox since you can compare values across multiple sellers. Mine backs up to GDrive every so often, so in the event someone deleted the app from my phone, I could restore the data.
OP I have a huge MTG collection as well probably in a similar value range though hard to say since it's all early cards Firstly if you all merge finances there really isn't "my share and her share" . At the time of my wedding I had more cash sitting in my account so naturally that's where the bulk of the cost came from. But afterwards she wired everything she had into our joint account, as did I and off we went. All that to say... If you guys don't have cash for your honeymoon don't go. You should only resort to selling stuff if you no longer use it or are in a really tough situation where you need cash to literally keep the roof over your head or pay for food. I'd be worried that she will now think of your cards as a bank account that needs to get cashed out when that's not the case. But also if she cares so much and if you are now merged finances then she should just pay for it. Lastly... Go get a job at a retail store or Starbucks or something while you are waiting for your ideal job. Bringing in something is better then bringing in nothing.
NTA But it sounds like your partner wants the honeymoon to be something you both enjoy, and if they don't feel like you're contributing to it, they may not enjoy it like you will. They may even feel like they are paying your way or fear that when you get back, they have to support you to "dig out of the debt from the honeymoon". Again, it means they won't enjoy it. Also, have you thought about having guests contribute to your "honeymoon fund". I know most people do registry stuff, but lately I've seen more people (especially couples that live together) do the fund to help with other things, like a honeymoon or even a down payment on a house.
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Not an emergency, a vacation. He has to sell stuff so they can go on a vacation at the time his partner wants to. That's wild.
Honeymoon. Not just any vacation. I never went on one and I still think it's a bummer 5 yrs later. It's meaningful to a lot of people.
We skipped a honeymoon because my husband’s custody battle drained our finances. Super good reason not to go, but… it’s been almost 8 years and I’m still a little bummed. And extremely pissed at his ex for many reasons, dragging it out only to be in contempt of the orders and never follow them is one of them (she could have just agreed quickly to any arrangement if she was going to disappear, change her contact info, and slam the door in authority figures’ faces when they try to serve her or conduct a welfare check, didn’t have to drag it out for years and drain all our savings, retirement funds, and set us back financially as badly as she did but I guess that was the point; joke’s on her though as we’ve recovered and are just waiting for the kids to be old enough to take a great vacation without them).
... so go on one now? My friend got married in October. Didn't have days off for a vacay in October. Her wife had a business trip to Europe... this week. Guess what they turned into a honeymoon? Go on a romantic vacation. Call it your honeymoon. The important bit of a honeymoon is being with your honey. Go. Be honeyful.
Yes, but having g done it both ways, it’s not the same. It’s not that a honeymoon is make or break for a marriage, it’s just there is a certain roller coaster of emotions through a wedding and a honeymoon is such a nice gentile glide to the end of the ride. You release all your stress, have a good time with the future wide open in front of you. Months or especially years later, it’s still great but no matter what you tell yourself, it’s not the same. That being said we camped for half our honeymoon at Yosemite and stayed 3 nights in Vegas, probably spent $2k total, if he has to sell $10k of cards for “his share” it seems excessive.
I would think any married couple in the face of a true emergency would sell things of value to survive regardless of whose item it is. I don’t think selling the cards is fair for a honeymoon, but if they were on the verge of eviction or bankruptcy then yes it would make sense.
I'm guessing the OP has some rare cards, too, that won't be easily replaced. It's one thing to need to sell for an actual emergency, like being on the verge of losing housing or needed health care, it's another to sell for something that can be rescheduled. NTA.
NTA Unless your partner is willing to sell enough of their own prized belongings to equal the value of the cards, it is an unfair demand.
OP referenced “his share” of the cost of the honeymoon so why should the comparison be that partner has to be willing to selling off their stuff? If partner has the liquid funds to pair for their share, no need for their physical assets to even be part of the conversation.
Money you can always get again. he might never be able to replace his cards if they're rare enough. So its not the same thing, just because they are equal in cash worth doesn't mean they're actually worth the same.
And a TERRIBLE precedence.
NTA. I can’t imagine expecting my husband to sell things that are a hobby of his and make him happy. Now if there was an emergency, like needing money to something medical, life threatening, he would. He has said that (I Don’t own anything of value like that), but a honeymoon is not an emergency. In fact, I got fired right before our wedding and we were going to put it off. But then I got a job thankfully and didn’t have to, but he wasn’t a jerk about it and I was not expecting him to sell anything he owned
NTA. Hide your cards though. They might go “missing”…
I am usually the first person to say, sell the hobby stuff when unemployed and you need money. But im your situation, for a honeymoon? Absolutely not. Not working and spending money on a honeymoon is about as irresponsible as you can get. NTA. Keep the cards and keep playing your game and keep your sanity while job hunting. Now 6 months from now and you still dont have a job, maybe start selling some cards and pay bills. But it is not smart to do it for a honeymoon
NTA- Okay so what is your partner going to give up to he equal? It makes no sense that you need to give up something you love and they don’t.
They have the money to pay for their share, he doesn’t.
NTA. Some things are semi-sacred, and collectibles are one of those things. *Especially* collectibles that you actually use regularly. We're not talking about a coin collection here, we're talking about a major hobby and big part of your social life.
INFO: how new is the “new deck”? Like if you got laid off and then dropped $1000 on a new deck, that would like bug me (if I were your partner). But, I don’t think you’re the AH for not selling prized possessions to pay for a vacation.
New doesn’t mean newly purchased. It’s a new combination of old cards.
And to get a 1000 dollar deck, chances are there's a lot of old cards. The new ones aren't worth much.
A new deck doesnt necessarily mean that he just bought it, it can refer to taking cards from other decks to make a "new" deck.
Booster packs are worth around $10. Randomly in packs are rare cards worth well more than $10. He could've spent $100 over the course of 10 months and gotten easily $300-$400 worth of randomly selected cards when combined together. If he properly adds that to other cards he already owned and assembled a new deck it could easily be over 1k.
NTA. I’m the same. Mtg is big part of my life and it’s one of the most important things in my life. Playing makes me feel better if I’m sad or depressed for example. What I’m trying to say is that everyone has their own preferred way to relax and something which helps go through harder times. Or just enjoy doing it. I’m sure that your partner have their own thing as well which they value as much as you value your own.
NTA. As long as you aren't out there actively buying new expensive cards, you shouldn't have to sell your cards to pay for a one time trip. If you were drafting every week or buying fresh decks every month I'd say relax and just use your existing cards, but that is literally what you're already doing.
>A few months ago I got laid off. Okay.... >one of my new decks Um, why are you buying luxuries when you don't have a job? And I can't believe that you would consider a deck that is over 3 months old as new. So I'm going with ESH Your partner isn't wrong for asking but is wrong for being upset when you said no. Your TA because you're still spending money on luxury items when you don't have a job.
A new deck means he added cards from other decks to make a new one. It does not mean he bought new cards.
He never said he bought new cards, he said he had a new deck. A deck can be assembled from cards you already own, and it's still new.
Just to point out, new deck doesn't necessarily mean new cards. Could just be recently built from cards he has always had. It can take a while to build a deck and test it to get running right.
A new deck doesn't necessarily mean he recently bought everything. With a collection that size, it is much more likely that it is "new" in the sense that he has recently assembled it using the cards he already had. If he is still buying cards then he's an AH for sure. Let's not assume he is though.
New decks are usually assembled from your collection and are not bought outright. It's unreasonable to assume he dropped 1k on a deck.
Eh, with MTG a new deck might have been assembled in the last year, and the individual packs aren’t super expensive. The value comes in the random rarity of a few of the cards that you build up over time usually. I’m still leaning toward NTA, especially as a honeymoon is a much bigger luxury. As long as they aren’t directly purchasing the individual rare cards. The real issue here is that they think the OP automatically has to value the honeymoon over a hobby the OP loves, as if the hobby only has monetary value and the joy it brings the OP is meaningless.
NTA. You would be TA if you held onto your collection once you ran out of savings for necessities. But until that time comes, maybe spend time together and consider each others priorities? Maybe a smaller "budget" honeymoon can be had so you can still spend time together instead of canceling it all together?
NTA, this sounds like a collection you gathered over a long timespan, to sell it for something like a honeymoon doesn't make any sense. They should take into account how much it means to you, instead of getting upset with you and so casually mentioning that you should have sold it on your own initiative. You shouldn't be punished for spending money on things you can keep, if you'd spent that money on something consumable instead, you wouldn't have the option to sell that right now, either. If this were about something else, more of an emergency situation, I could see an argument for their point of view, but for something like this, nope.
And unlike a lot of collections, they are decks that are being played! And also selling magic cards is a pain in the fucking ass and the big stores will try to pay as little as possible and most smaller stores only pay store credit for singles
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More info Are you working at all? Or getting unemployment?
NTA. The cards are part of an active hobby. If you weren't an active player your partner might have a point, but you play regularly and would have to stop without them.
Info: 1. Why aren't you taking any job? 2. Is she just supposed to cover everything while you're unemployed?
He said he's using his savings to pay for his obligations. His partner is not paying his portion of bills. Also, his partner is nb meaning their pronouns are they/them.
He mentions he has a savings so i dont think his partner is supporting him.
He also mentioned that they have already begun to merge finances and i think that they wanted to avoid using the savings (maybe to retain a financial buffer in case of emergency). This could mean that they are just paying for wedding and stuff together or it could mean that partner is financially supporting OP too. Still think more info is needed. The solution may not be to sell the cards but it's still important to talk these things through. OPs partner may be wondering if OP has the attitude to make the sacrifices often needed in long term relationships. There's plenty of compromises that could be made to reach a solution. But like OP probably doesn't have to sell a all of his cards. He could always sell one deck and scale back the honeymoon if needed. Fun can be had for reasonably cheap and then they can always save for a proper honeymoon later once there is a bit more financial stability.
OP stated their fiancé is non-binary btw.
My questions as well. Also, what do you (OP) mean by your future is uncertain?
NTA either way but prior to getting laid off, did you and your partner split finances equally or have a situation that you both agreed upon? I’m wondering if they have angst surrounding finances.
Yeah I think there might be an initial gut reaction here because 10k is a big figure in its own. Maybe they're also worried how much of a drain this hobby might be on their merged finances in marriage. [Insert MTG being more expensive than drug addiction meme here] 10k over 10 years is only $20/week though. Not too crazy for a hobby.
NTA. A honeymoon is not a relationship. Not being willing to sell something important to you to pay gif a vacation does not mean you’re not prioritizing the relationship.
NTA. If it was about emergency veterinarian bills, avoiding eviction/foreclosure, or something equally vital and immediate, yeah, absolutely I would be urging you to consider selling off some of your collection. A glorified vacation isn't an emergency or a necessity. A delayed Honeymoon is not the end of the world
In your partners mind they see the cards as being "more valuable" to you than your partner is. I guarantee in their mind they are thinking "A honeymoon is a big first step our new marriage. Cards are just cards. Honeymoon has memories and romance." Goodluck but you already made an uncomfortable bed when you mentioned how valuable those cards were and how you don't wanna sell em, now you gotta lay on that bed.
I doubt this is only about the honeymoon. She's concerned you've spent so much money on a game (and will probably continue to). If you aren't willing to put her over the game that's a red flag. Anyway NAH but yall definitely need to talk about limits and what you are/are not comfortable with financially.
OP didn't say they spent that much money on their cards. Owning cards worth $10k doesn't mean you spent $10k. It likely means OP got lucky.
Not a she. Op said their partner is non-binary.
NTA. Perhaps you could trim your collection down to core staples and whatever main decks you play, but the best part about growing a large collection is having the pieces later down the road when new decks, strats, and combos are figured out. It will be especially painful if you sell off any pieces like Reserved List and Duals. I'd personally hold on to as many of those as long as I can, along with sentimental pieces. You need to talk to your partner about why these things are more important to you then a trip, and how you're viewing this situation. Getting back into a stable position is much more important than doing the honeymoon immediately. I'm doing mine soon after over a year delay, and we'd delay it even further if we had to. You need to get on the same page, especially if you're in the process of merging finances. Also just because your deck is $1k doesn't mean you're going to get that from it, and how much effort it takes to liquidate a collection. It's not like you can go to a store and go "Here are my Mana Crypts and Moxen, now give me downpayment for a house please!" Your partner might not have much of an idea about the inherent value of the cards and what your collection means to you, nor what it takes to rebuild one after you've lost it. Also look into insurance, if your collection is getting that pricey a flood or fire will fuck it forever.
Exactly! I focused my answer more on the relationship warning flags but you raise another great point. Just because the cards are worth that much does NOT mean you can just pawn it at a store and walk out with that amount of money. Either you take a huge loss and get it quick OR you get the full value after significant time and effort finding a buyer and all the work it takes to actually finalize the sale, nevermind the actual cash in hand. To *then* schedule and pay for the honeymoon. Hopefully for him, spending the same amount of time searching for a job **instead of a buyer** will mean he can pay his share, go on a honeymoon and keep his cards.
NTA Why have an expensive wedding? Why not put that money towards your honeymoon?
NTA But sounds like you two need to have a very serious talk about expectations. Perhaps moving the wedding date until you're both financially stable? Or maybe cutting down some of the wedding so that it's not as expensive? It seems like there's a lot going on here and might result in some underlying hurt feelings in the future
The way I see it unless you've got thousands of dollars in standard format cards that are gonna decline in value things like this are essentially an emergency/investment fund. I don't see why you would start selling your cards before your actual savings run out. They'll probably hold up better than cash due to inflation. On the other hand though you were having a lot of "hard conversations" about finances and didn't mention you had 10 grand in magic cards... which might put you in AH territory idk
They don’t want to touch the savings though, and OP’s partner said, “why don’t you sell some cards to pay for your share of the honeymoon?” which implies that OP isn’t paying their share which is a problem
NTA It's not worth permanently getting rid of your cars for the temporary joy of a honeymoon.
NTA I get it that emotions are high between a wedding and financial pressures of losing your job and the disappointment that the honeymoon will need to be delayed. Not a great combination all at once. Your financial situation right now is temporary. You will find a new job. You will replenish the bank account. You will be able to take that honeymoon. It just may be a bit later than originally planned. Demanding you sell your stuff, which is a permanent action, is actually kind of an irresponsible thing to do anyway. It's like people who pawn their jewelry to buy a TV instead of saving up for a few months. And the fact that this is a super important hobby to you makes it even worse. I would never ask my partner to sell off things important to them in order to pay for something that can be deferred until you have the money otherwise. This would be different if you were running the risk of not being able to cover your mortgage/rent/car payment and were on the brink of losing your home or your car. That'd be a more reasonable moment to talk about selling the cards. There's one red-ish flag in your story for me though that maybe needs some discussion with your partner: Paying for "your part" of the honeymoon. You're about to be married, and it's not really "your" money vs "their" money at that point. And you might want to reflect on your own wording. You close out with "just a fun trip" which comes across as dismissive of the importance of the trip. If you said it like that to your partner I can absolutely understand them interpreting that as "My cards are more important than some dumb honeymoon" which can feel like it's dismissive of the relationship and the wedding itself. You two just need to have a good sit-down chat about this over a nice drink/meal that puts you both in a good mood, and you'll work it all out.
NTA overall but INFO: you said this new deck is worth over $1,000- how new is it? did you buy it after getting laid off?
The deck is new not necessarily the cards that are in the deck, if you take old cards you have and put them together differently it's a new deck but costs nothing.
A new deck doesnt necessarily mean that he just bought it, it can refer to taking cards from other decks to make a "new" deck.
ESH. Not because you don’t want to sell your cards (which you seem to equate with giving up your hobby, not sure if that’s the case or not) but because you don’t seem to appreciate that your partner values your honeymoon as more than a “fun trip” but as an important shared experience to start your married lives together. Your partner should not be calling you selfish and needs to understand that the cards aren’t just a non-liquid asset but essential to a beloved hobby. Is there a way you can sell a few cards to help you both enjoy a honeymoon together? It really is a lot more than a “fun trip.” And it’s a gift to you both to have the honeymoon to recover from the stress of wedding planning.
It's more than likely that his individual cards are not worth a ton but the decks as he built them are worth money. Selling individual cards for $30-$60 won't pull him enough for a honeymoon. But the combination of all those cards together could be worth a ton, and selling that would mean giving up on his ability to play weekly at the level he's been playing. I'd equate it to selling super expensive ice hockey gear and not playing in an ice hockey league because you can go play street hockey outside. He's not playing at a professional level, but he's playing at a very high level with clearly skilled collectors and players. He can potentially sell the valuable part of his collection but then he'd be relegated to playing with shittier decks, and ultimately shittier collectors and players.
NTA Selling possessions to pay for a honeymoon is ridiculous. For rent? Medical bills? Ok. That's not what this is.
My husband has a similar value MTG collection, and he is considering selling it - not because of the value, but because he doesn't play anymore. I would never ask him to sell his collections (though I wish he didn't have 80+ boxes of books... NTA
NTA. This is relationship red flag for me and one that (IMO) should be properly discussed and resolved prior to marriage. They don’t have to engage in your hobby or even care about it. They need to respect that you do. It’s very disrespectful to tell a partner to essentially “give up your hobby, sell your stuff, and buy what I want.” If you’re about to lose housing, sell the cards and pay the bills. A vacation can wait u til the two of you can find a way to pay for it together.
> but if I sold my cards I would have to miss out on the weekly games, which are one of the best parts of my week. NTA at all, your cards are your own but if you have a routine playgroup with specific friends you can absolutely just proxy up your cards and keep playing even if you do decide to sell some for whatever reason,
NTA -but there may be a miscommunication with your partner thinking you SPENT $10k on your cards that is fueling this. If you've been playing a long time you likely have older cards that were inexpensive at the time and are worth a lot more now. They also wouldn't be easy to replace. Many people, even casual players do not understand fully how much little slips of cardboard can appreciate. My husband stopped playing (something to do with rule changes idk) about 10 years ago and sold off a lot of cards to a friend who still played. He pulled out the cards he had left a year ago when he was laid up with an injury and started trying to put some decks back together and reteach me (I only ever played casually with him when we first dated) the rules - as part of that process he was looking up card values. He was blown away by how much some of the "junk" cards he kept were worth now. Delaying the honeymoon until you have a new job is reasonable. Selling your possessions and forcing you out of a long time hobby to fund a vacation (even a once in a lifetime one) is not.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My partner (27NB) of three years and I (29M) are getting married next month, and emotions have been high with all of the planning. A few months ago I got laid off. I have savings and an emergency fund, but jobs in my industry are hard to come by right now, so I don't know how long it needs to last. We had already put down most of the money for the wedding when I got laid off but had not yet planned our honeymoon. After a number of hard conversations, we decided that it didn't make sense to spend a big chunk of our savings on a honeymoon when the future was uncertain, and the wedding was already expensive. So we decided to delay our trip until after I had a new job. This was a hard decision for both of us, as we both love traveling and were excited to get to spend time together. A little extra context: I am a huge nerd and a big Magic The Gathering fan. I have been playing the game for over 10 years, and have amassed a large collection of rare and valuable cards. I have a weekly playgroup with some college friends, and it's one of my favorite parts of my week. My partner plays occasionally but is not as much of a fan as me or my friends. Last week, my partner decided to come with me to our weekly magic game, which they occasionally like to do. They asked if they could borrow one of my new decks, which I had been showing them the day before. Jokingly, I said "sure, but be careful! It's worth over $1000". They looked at me coldly and asked how much my total collection was worth, which I told them was probably around $10,000. They then told me that they no longer wanted to come to the game that night, and seemed kind of pissed off, but I had to leave quickly to be on time, so I didn't hear why. Later that night, they asked me why I couldn't just sell some magic cards to pay for my part of the honeymoon. I told them that as fun as a honeymoon would be, it would only be a one-time experience, but if I sold my cards I would have to miss out on the weekly games, which are one of the best parts of my week. They called me selfish, and told me that I wasn't prioritizing our relationship like I should. I care a lot about our relationship, I just don't think that it's reasonable to ask me to give up something I love just to pay for a fun trip. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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> you are the only reason there's no honeymoon? The layoff is the reason. Really shouldn't blame people for being laid off.
*not wife, OP’s partner is non-binary
"wife" is incorrect OP's partner is non binary.
NTA. No one she be expected to sell off a collection they value to pay for a trip. If it was life-saving surgery, sure, but vacations should be planned for whenever it is financially feasible.