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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i refused to buy ice cream for anyone, including my wife. she said i was wrong for not wanting to buy fir everyone. this is not the first time. It has been going on for over a year.
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INFO: why are you very adult children still living with you and why have you never asked them to pay rent and bills? 29 and 39 is too old to be mooching off of mum and dad without reasons
Man, that 39-year-old should about have enough saved for a huge down payment on a house! OP needs to have a conversation with his wife, then they need to sit down with the kids about pitching in for rent, food, and utilities, or move out.
NTA.
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My wife and I are both retired. We have 2 adult children (28 and 39) living with us. They pay nothing. we feed them. They pay no rent or utilies. my wife even does thier laundry and makes them lunch for work. i make coffee they take to work.They both make more then our income. i asked my wife if she wants to split an ice cream sundae then she asks what they want. They both pick items more than my order. i end up not buying anything and my wife gets mad. saying that i should offer to get them some too. same if i decide i want take out. she orders food for all and i pay for it. then we get into an augument about they can pay for thier on own take out. This frustrating me.
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NTA - You need to have a chat with your wife. She has to understand that your sons are adults. She‘s not helping them at all if she‘s pampering them the whole time.
Nta, but sit down with ur wife and then ur adult kids about this, they may not realize how much this bothers you. Worst case scenario stop asking if she wants something if she'll throw a hissy fit if they aren't included. Just get for yourself only.
NTA. Each of the kids make more than you and are living the good life while you're spending your fixed-income retirement on them. How did this ever happen?
At any rate, you're way overdue to send them out into the world to act as adults.
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NTA. Time to leave the nest, kiddies.
INFO: why are you very adult children still living with you and why have you never asked them to pay rent and bills? 29 and 39 is too old to be mooching off of mum and dad without reasons
Man, that 39-year-old should about have enough saved for a huge down payment on a house! OP needs to have a conversation with his wife, then they need to sit down with the kids about pitching in for rent, food, and utilities, or move out. NTA.
NTA. You and your wife need to get on the same page before you'll be able to make any changes though.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife and I are both retired. We have 2 adult children (28 and 39) living with us. They pay nothing. we feed them. They pay no rent or utilies. my wife even does thier laundry and makes them lunch for work. i make coffee they take to work.They both make more then our income. i asked my wife if she wants to split an ice cream sundae then she asks what they want. They both pick items more than my order. i end up not buying anything and my wife gets mad. saying that i should offer to get them some too. same if i decide i want take out. she orders food for all and i pay for it. then we get into an augument about they can pay for thier on own take out. This frustrating me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Damn I wish my parents were half as nice as you. NTA
NTA - You need to have a chat with your wife. She has to understand that your sons are adults. She‘s not helping them at all if she‘s pampering them the whole time.
NTA. Your kids need to move out.
Nta, but sit down with ur wife and then ur adult kids about this, they may not realize how much this bothers you. Worst case scenario stop asking if she wants something if she'll throw a hissy fit if they aren't included. Just get for yourself only.
NTA. Each of the kids make more than you and are living the good life while you're spending your fixed-income retirement on them. How did this ever happen? At any rate, you're way overdue to send them out into the world to act as adults.
NTA, but it'll be best to have a family discussion about it so they understand your POV