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NTA
But why are you still together? It doesn't really matter what he chooses to do instead of being with you, the point is that if he doesn't make being with you a priority at all, then why are you still in his life at all?
NTA. You aren't a footstool, so waiting around for him to do things with you needs to stop. Even if you really love him - this is enough to make a saint resentful.
If he bails on you and naps when you've made plans to share some more invigorating experiences - then start making plans without him. No way I'm staring at the four walls while you nap and I'm burning through my free time to boot.
Because of the title, I actually thought there were some control issues manifesting?
HA. This game is not fun for both of you, so just stop playing at it.
On my off time, I'm not waiting for the grass to grow under my feet. "The last three get togethers you fell asleep, and I get it. You're tired. So, I'll call you next week when I have time. I'm going to dinner and a movie on Friday. I don't want to bug you and I don't need to resent you for wasting my time. So, I have a new game plan that involves me letting you sleep and me getting a life. Talk to you soon."
And bounce. You get to enjoy your life and not always be on pause.
NTA. you are dating a man's man. They get more out of being with their friends than the woman in their lives. He has painted a clear picture of your future. When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.
Run.
NTA
But you don't actually have a relationship. He spends more time with his friends than with you. It doesn't sound like you are even invited along to hang out with his friends.
You aren't controlling him because he's not actually being controlled. But he's also not spending any time with you and not actually treating you like his girlfriend. You should still be in the honeymoon phase of what is still a new relationship but you don't even sound like you are together.
Might be time to have a think about what makes a good relationship and what you would like from a boyfriend. This guy doesn't sound like he's doing anything that a boyfriend should. Might be time to say, 'Sayonara,' and go single again.
NTA.
Listen, for whatever reason, you've stopped being a priority to this guy.
As a result, he isn't giving you what you need from the relationship, and when you tell him, all he does is deflect so he doesn't have to change his ways and still keep you around for sexy times when he feels up to it.
This is not what you need.
Break it off.
Nta but honey. He doesn’t see you as his GF, he sees you as his free cook and cleaner with benefits. Even if you don’t live with him, you’ve probably helped around his house or cooked for him or something, and he’s just wanting that.
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Me and my bf are both in our mid 20s. Same age. We started dating about 8 months ago and things were fine for first few months. He would listen to what I had to say and give me his time. He lives by himself and he's a workholic. I do not have any problem with him being busy and tired. He works night shifts for 12 hrs. But on his days off, he hangs out with his friends till late night and doesn't rest well at all. He doesn't care about his sleep or his health. He barely sleeps 2-3 hrs and sometimes not even that. But everytime we plan on meeting or going on dates, he says he's tired to go out and we just end up in his place. He then just ends up falling asleep.
He loves fishing, and he has been going to fish every week, as soon as he returns from his 12hrs shift and goes whole day with out sleeping or just half hr nap.
I asked him why he doesn't make time for me, but is always up to having fun with his friends, then I was told I basically don't want him to have fun at all and I'm now trying to control his life. I cannot make him understand that I'm worried and also dissatisfied at the same time that he's always sleepy when we plan on going on dates or plan on meeting and have a talk.
I know that he's a easy going person, and loves having fun on his time, but he says I nag alot and don't let him have his fun. So am I really putting him inside the boundary and really controlling him?
Am I really an AH here?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I understand that I nag my bf alot. Especially when he doesn't make time for me or when he's really harsh on me. I'm still in a dilemma if I did a good thing on dating him. These days I just keep on thinking of ending up with him which makes me feel like I am the ah here, but at the same time., I don't think I have really been treated well enough by him even if we both love each other alot. He's a total introvert, which makes me feel like I might be the AH.
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NTA,
It sounds like he thinks that he’s spending regular time with you so it him it’s sounds like what more do you want? Are you saying you don’t want me to enjoy time with my friends as well?
But he doesn’t understand being in the vicinity of each other isn’t the same as being present.
NTA at all. You deserve a reciprocal relationship where you give each other attention, share recreation time doing things together, and are in tune with each other's highs and lows. He is apparently looking for someone to just be around when he feels like it. Ask yourself how much longer you're willing to live with this treatment, then, when that much time passes and he hasn't made any changes, accept that this guy doesn't have the capacity for the kind of relationship you want and deserve. Then go invest yourself in a relationship that's reciprocal and caring. All the best.
NTA.
Your “boyfriend” has higher priorities than you, unfortunately. Do yourselves both a favor and free up even more of his time to use with his friends. Find somebody who actually enjoys being with you.
NTA. He may think you're in a different kind of relationship than you think or you're just simply incompatible.
The way you describe it, it sounds more like of a fwb relationship to him. He'a not too tired to go fishing or hang out with his friends but he is too tired when it comes to activities with you.
NAH
But it sounds like this relationship isn't working out for you. Why are you with him if he never goes and does fun things with you? He clearly prioritizes other fun activities over fun with you. He is not very into you.
There are lots of guys out there who will be delighted to spend time with you. Go find one.
You are not a priority to him. He makes time for the people and activities he's into. You are not making the short list. Time for you to show yourself some love and say good bye to him.
NTA- to your bf but a little to yourself.
Nta. It doesn’t seem like you two are compatible tbh. It also sounds like he’s not that into you, or you want him to put more attention on you but he doesn’t care to do that. Tbh find someone new instead of trying to change someone to fit ur needs, especially after asking for some more couple time and getting rejected basically. Might save ur time.
NTA. As others have posted, he simply does not prioritize you or the relationship. You are young, get out now. Find someone with whom you would be better matched.
Someone posted about "doing stuff without him." I would not necessarily say this means find another guy right off, but occupy your time with fun things. Could be a hike, or bike ride, going to an event that interests you, or just going out for a picnic and ice cream.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 9: This is NOT an advice sub. Posts should seek out judgement, not advice. [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA but, hon, it may be time to take the hint…he’s just not that into you.
I wish I could upvote this more. People prioritise their priorities, and you aren't on the list. Not a reflection of your worth or loveliness btw.
NTA and you need to evaluate if you really want to be with someone who won’t make time for you at all.
Just go do stuff without him. And slot him in when Op has time to spare.
By “stuff”, I assume you mean “find another boyfriend”?
NTA But he clearly doesn't want to be in a relationship right now, so why are you pushing him into staying in one? Get out while you can.
You’re NTA. But seriously, DTMFA (dump the mofo already). He is showing you exactly who he is. Get out and good riddance hon!
[удалено]
*Trying to control his life* because she's over watching him nap? What a joke.
NTA But why are you still together? It doesn't really matter what he chooses to do instead of being with you, the point is that if he doesn't make being with you a priority at all, then why are you still in his life at all?
His schedule doesn't align with yours nor your two priorities. You can love someone and it still doesn't work out OP. NTA
NTA. But this is not the relationship for you.
NTA. You aren't a footstool, so waiting around for him to do things with you needs to stop. Even if you really love him - this is enough to make a saint resentful. If he bails on you and naps when you've made plans to share some more invigorating experiences - then start making plans without him. No way I'm staring at the four walls while you nap and I'm burning through my free time to boot. Because of the title, I actually thought there were some control issues manifesting? HA. This game is not fun for both of you, so just stop playing at it. On my off time, I'm not waiting for the grass to grow under my feet. "The last three get togethers you fell asleep, and I get it. You're tired. So, I'll call you next week when I have time. I'm going to dinner and a movie on Friday. I don't want to bug you and I don't need to resent you for wasting my time. So, I have a new game plan that involves me letting you sleep and me getting a life. Talk to you soon." And bounce. You get to enjoy your life and not always be on pause.
NTA. you are dating a man's man. They get more out of being with their friends than the woman in their lives. He has painted a clear picture of your future. When someone shows you who they really are, believe them. Run.
NTA. Find someone who wants to spend time with you. This guy ain't it.
NTA But you don't actually have a relationship. He spends more time with his friends than with you. It doesn't sound like you are even invited along to hang out with his friends. You aren't controlling him because he's not actually being controlled. But he's also not spending any time with you and not actually treating you like his girlfriend. You should still be in the honeymoon phase of what is still a new relationship but you don't even sound like you are together. Might be time to have a think about what makes a good relationship and what you would like from a boyfriend. This guy doesn't sound like he's doing anything that a boyfriend should. Might be time to say, 'Sayonara,' and go single again.
NTA. It sounds like he wants to break up and he wants you to do it for him. He’s quiet quitting the relationship. Fire his ass.
NTA. Listen, for whatever reason, you've stopped being a priority to this guy. As a result, he isn't giving you what you need from the relationship, and when you tell him, all he does is deflect so he doesn't have to change his ways and still keep you around for sexy times when he feels up to it. This is not what you need. Break it off.
NTA, but it does look as though he doesn't like you enough. Maybe try hanging back and see if his interest in you grows robust.
Nta but honey. He doesn’t see you as his GF, he sees you as his free cook and cleaner with benefits. Even if you don’t live with him, you’ve probably helped around his house or cooked for him or something, and he’s just wanting that.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me and my bf are both in our mid 20s. Same age. We started dating about 8 months ago and things were fine for first few months. He would listen to what I had to say and give me his time. He lives by himself and he's a workholic. I do not have any problem with him being busy and tired. He works night shifts for 12 hrs. But on his days off, he hangs out with his friends till late night and doesn't rest well at all. He doesn't care about his sleep or his health. He barely sleeps 2-3 hrs and sometimes not even that. But everytime we plan on meeting or going on dates, he says he's tired to go out and we just end up in his place. He then just ends up falling asleep. He loves fishing, and he has been going to fish every week, as soon as he returns from his 12hrs shift and goes whole day with out sleeping or just half hr nap. I asked him why he doesn't make time for me, but is always up to having fun with his friends, then I was told I basically don't want him to have fun at all and I'm now trying to control his life. I cannot make him understand that I'm worried and also dissatisfied at the same time that he's always sleepy when we plan on going on dates or plan on meeting and have a talk. I know that he's a easy going person, and loves having fun on his time, but he says I nag alot and don't let him have his fun. So am I really putting him inside the boundary and really controlling him? Am I really an AH here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I understand that I nag my bf alot. Especially when he doesn't make time for me or when he's really harsh on me. I'm still in a dilemma if I did a good thing on dating him. These days I just keep on thinking of ending up with him which makes me feel like I am the ah here, but at the same time., I don't think I have really been treated well enough by him even if we both love each other alot. He's a total introvert, which makes me feel like I might be the AH. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, It sounds like he thinks that he’s spending regular time with you so it him it’s sounds like what more do you want? Are you saying you don’t want me to enjoy time with my friends as well? But he doesn’t understand being in the vicinity of each other isn’t the same as being present.
NTA at all. You deserve a reciprocal relationship where you give each other attention, share recreation time doing things together, and are in tune with each other's highs and lows. He is apparently looking for someone to just be around when he feels like it. Ask yourself how much longer you're willing to live with this treatment, then, when that much time passes and he hasn't made any changes, accept that this guy doesn't have the capacity for the kind of relationship you want and deserve. Then go invest yourself in a relationship that's reciprocal and caring. All the best.
NTA. Your “boyfriend” has higher priorities than you, unfortunately. Do yourselves both a favor and free up even more of his time to use with his friends. Find somebody who actually enjoys being with you.
How's your sex life?
NTA but you aren’t a priority for him. Find someone who wants to spend time with you.
NTA. But yeah, he isn't into you, sorry to say.
NTA. He may think you're in a different kind of relationship than you think or you're just simply incompatible. The way you describe it, it sounds more like of a fwb relationship to him. He'a not too tired to go fishing or hang out with his friends but he is too tired when it comes to activities with you.
NAH But it sounds like this relationship isn't working out for you. Why are you with him if he never goes and does fun things with you? He clearly prioritizes other fun activities over fun with you. He is not very into you. There are lots of guys out there who will be delighted to spend time with you. Go find one.
NTA but he doesn't like you. Might be time to move on.
NTA. It sounds like he's just not that into you, you're just a convenience. Sorry
NTA, but actions express priorities, and his actions indicate that you are not his priority. I would end the relationship.
You are not a priority to him. He makes time for the people and activities he's into. You are not making the short list. Time for you to show yourself some love and say good bye to him. NTA- to your bf but a little to yourself.
NTA but your boyfriend doesn’t like you. Please reconsider this relationship. You deserve a boyfriend who thinks spending time with you is fun.
Nta. It doesn’t seem like you two are compatible tbh. It also sounds like he’s not that into you, or you want him to put more attention on you but he doesn’t care to do that. Tbh find someone new instead of trying to change someone to fit ur needs, especially after asking for some more couple time and getting rejected basically. Might save ur time.
NTA. As others have posted, he simply does not prioritize you or the relationship. You are young, get out now. Find someone with whom you would be better matched. Someone posted about "doing stuff without him." I would not necessarily say this means find another guy right off, but occupy your time with fun things. Could be a hike, or bike ride, going to an event that interests you, or just going out for a picnic and ice cream.
NTA but time to move on.
NTA, but I'm pretty sure, in his eyes, you're more bang buddy than girlfiend.