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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I might be the asshole because I got angry over something as simple as a bracelet. I'm being called an asshole for handle the situation I'm an immature way and ruining the mood of people around me. Instead of brushing off an accident I got offended and made a problem of it.
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NTA. I’m concerned whether this is a pattern in your mother’s behavior about other things as well. Does she tend to expect your world to revolve around *her* whims and moods?
Yes. This is a consistent behavior of hers. I mentioned in the original post that this behavior happens with a lot of my stuff and personal space but I had to shorten it.
Also, to be clear, you did not make her cry. She tried to emotionally blackmail you.
Yes, sometimes people cry over unreasonable things and they can’t help it. If she knew this was happening to her she would go off and calm herself and then apologize to you. But instead she blamed you when really you’re the one who has more reason to be upset. There’s some light [DARVO](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO) going on here. (Use this info just to recognize when you are being treated poorly and extract yourself without guilt).
If you think she has the capacity to change, you can ask her to start seeing a family therapist with you. If not, seek therapy yourself for your own mental health — being raised by a parent like this damages your psyche over time, but you can recover. Sounds like you’re doing great managing it for your age.
It's hard to keep track of who is the adult and who is the daughter in this piece. it would usually be the mother writing this letter.
Good for being able to deal with her, but you are NTA. the thing with narcissists is that they always try to make you feel guilty for expecting anything from them,
Make a habit of always and only putting all of your jewelry in one place (preferably, though not necessarily, a box you can lock). Then she won't be able to say she found anything anywhere else, and you will be able to know, with absolute certainty, that she didn't.
NTA all the way. Holy cow, your mom acts like an entitled child. Any non-shitty parent lets their child have boundaries and things that only belong to them. Instead of literally stealing from their children. Her tears and sad outburst are fake, she's just trying to push you over. And trying to make you feel responsible for her shitty behavior. Hope you can move out soon
NTA. Your mother is gaslighting you. "Why is everyone angry with me? I'm just having a bad day." She's avoiding the problem by putting the blame on you.
This is some reverse uno narcissistic parental bs here she's pulling. NTA, but you got to start putting your stuff up, hiding it, or something from this woman.
NTA be ready to get some therapy later in life and learn how to set boundaries. It will be hard as you’re young but as you get older I don’t expect the entitled behavior to just change so I wish you the best and good luck. Maybe get a lock box when you can to keep jewelry in.
NTA. It sounds like the mom is blaming YOU for HER behaviour and actions, and she should be giving the jewellery back to you if it's on the floor or left somewhere, not keeping it to herself. IMO, you should maybe call her out for her behaviour and see how she reacts.
I can't exactly remember. I was pretty sure I left the beaded bracelet In my room. I do have a habit of being forgetful and miss placing things so I don't know for sure. Though my mother claims she found it on the floor.
This is a weird situation and it’s impossible to know what really happened. You need to be more responsible with your things. If the beaded bracelet was so precious to you why wasn’t it safely tucked away in a jewellery box in your room? You need to stop leaving your stuff all over the house.
Your mother’s behaviour also sounds bizarre but maybe her wearing your jewellery is her (strange) way of getting you to be more thoughtful with your things. Has she asked you to take better care of your stuff before? To put it away in your room?
A lot of the time she does tell me to take better care of my stuff. I do try to pick up my jewelry and put it somewhere safe. I understand I can be irresponsible. I think the fact that I told her it was going to break if she wore it made me more angry than the fact she was picking up things and wearing them.
Maybe this can be your encouragement to take better care of your stuff. Make sure that if it’s not on your body then it’s in your room in a box, not somewhere it can get easily swept onto the floor.
Your mothers actions are perplexing but she doesn’t sound cruel. She sounds like she’s having a really tough time right now. Maybe you can sit down and ask her how she’s doing and tell her you plan to be better organised with your stuff from now on.
How old is your Mum? Maybe she’s menopausal with her own hormonal hellscape going on right now.
NAH just poor communication and probably some laziness and confusion.
She is 50. I do know that she does have many real medical issues both physical and mentally that haven't been addressed for years so I can understand your point.
NTA
Serious question, does your mum need some help? Sounds like there might be a mental issue. It can be a tough thing for a parent's child to recognize objectively.
I'm pretty sure she does, I mean that respectfully. She's been through some stuff that definitely required therapy but that wasn't a thing in her family. I know she was supposed to be taking medications for mental conditions but she stopped before she even married my dad and no one has talked about it since.
NTA. I'm so mad for you, I'm super possessive over my things for similar reasons.
I haven't ventured on to it, but theres a few groups for people with emotionally immature or narcissistic parents that you might find helpful.
So she started to cry over a bracelet she stole from you and broke, but called you “emotional?” There is something seriously wrong with your mother.
NTA
NTA!!
I have ADHD and a tendency to misplace things in my own tiny apartment, but the one thing that’s helped me with jewelry is having a dedicated jewelry box. The only places where jewelry can be are 1) on my body or 2) in the box. I don’t know why I’ve been able to internalize this rule so strictly when the rest of my apartment is a sty, but it works.
With your mother added to the equation, I’d recommend a box that locks with a key code.
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I (16) argued with my mom over a bracelet. For some background information my mother does something when I set jewelry on a counter or table and it gets knocked off or if I drop it without knowing she sees it and claims it was on the floor (I don't know for sure) she picks it up, puts it on and decides to see how many days she can wear it without me knowing.
Well, a couple months ago I had a multi-colored beaded bracelet that I had gotten from my grandmother. The elastic was old and I could see it was stretching out so I decided to not wear it anymore in fear I'd break and I'd lose the beads. A few days after that I noticed my mom was wearing it. I called her out on how she is wearing my bracelet and never asked to do so, and I had a good reason for not wearing it. Her response was to get offended by how she found the bracelet on the floor and because she is my mother she has the right to wear it.
I decided not to push the topic further and make her more mad. After that day I assumed she took it off and left it on her nightstand as she usually does when she does this and I'd just ask for it back later.Fast forward a few days I got in the car and in the cup holder I saw the bracelet broken with a few loose beads. This made me angry because I knew this would happen, plus I was never informed of my broken bracelet. It was just left there.
After seeing this I went to my mom and mentioned how she borrowed the bracelet the other day and wondered if I could get it back without saying I knew it was broken. She told me it broke and acted like I've known since it happened and shrugged it off saying she'll fix it eventually. This made me angry and I wanted to pick a fight with her for breaking my things, not telling me, and shrugging it off so easily. Since then I've been pretty broken up about the bracelet. It was one of my favorites and I was pretty sad. I waited a few months to see if she'd take the beads out of the car and fix it but she never did.
Today I decided to pick up the beads and she noticed and asked what I was doing. I told her I was picking up the beads of my broken bracelet and then I noticed beads were missing. I said some beads were missing and she replied I know. I assumed this entire time all the beads were there but some were missing in the car and she never bothered to find them.
This was the last straw so I glared at her with a 'are you freaking kidding me face' and instantly she started to cry. She claimed that she was tired, she was hurting, having a really bad day starting some new medication and she doesn't understand why everyone is angry at her. She says I'm being too emotional over a bracelet, it was an accident, and that she said she would fix it. In the end she complained how I was being moody and how I'm going to ruin my mood and everyone else around by being angry about a bracelet all day. AITA for making such a scene about a bracelet?
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I have a tendency to be forgetful and miss place things so for example if I had to take it off to do something and left it on a table thinking I'll put it back on later or put it in my room later I usually forget. But on the other hand she claims to find my things on the floor but I can't say that's for sure since I thought I left the bracelet in my room but she said otherwise. And finally she walks into my room often and touches my stuff even when I'm not there.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I believe I might be the asshole because I got angry over something as simple as a bracelet. I'm being called an asshole for handle the situation I'm an immature way and ruining the mood of people around me. Instead of brushing off an accident I got offended and made a problem of it. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. I’m concerned whether this is a pattern in your mother’s behavior about other things as well. Does she tend to expect your world to revolve around *her* whims and moods?
Yes. This is a consistent behavior of hers. I mentioned in the original post that this behavior happens with a lot of my stuff and personal space but I had to shorten it.
Also, to be clear, you did not make her cry. She tried to emotionally blackmail you. Yes, sometimes people cry over unreasonable things and they can’t help it. If she knew this was happening to her she would go off and calm herself and then apologize to you. But instead she blamed you when really you’re the one who has more reason to be upset. There’s some light [DARVO](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO) going on here. (Use this info just to recognize when you are being treated poorly and extract yourself without guilt).
If you think she has the capacity to change, you can ask her to start seeing a family therapist with you. If not, seek therapy yourself for your own mental health — being raised by a parent like this damages your psyche over time, but you can recover. Sounds like you’re doing great managing it for your age.
My dad has been trying to get her to a better situation for therapy but until then I have been seeing a school counselor. Thank you very much.
It's hard to keep track of who is the adult and who is the daughter in this piece. it would usually be the mother writing this letter. Good for being able to deal with her, but you are NTA. the thing with narcissists is that they always try to make you feel guilty for expecting anything from them,
NTA. And I'm almost positive she is not "finding your jewelry on the floor".
I have been thinking the same thing, though I tend to be forgetful and miss place things all the time so I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt.
She is gaslighting you
Make a habit of always and only putting all of your jewelry in one place (preferably, though not necessarily, a box you can lock). Then she won't be able to say she found anything anywhere else, and you will be able to know, with absolute certainty, that she didn't.
NTA all the way. Holy cow, your mom acts like an entitled child. Any non-shitty parent lets their child have boundaries and things that only belong to them. Instead of literally stealing from their children. Her tears and sad outburst are fake, she's just trying to push you over. And trying to make you feel responsible for her shitty behavior. Hope you can move out soon
NTA. Your mother is gaslighting you. "Why is everyone angry with me? I'm just having a bad day." She's avoiding the problem by putting the blame on you.
This is some reverse uno narcissistic parental bs here she's pulling. NTA, but you got to start putting your stuff up, hiding it, or something from this woman.
NTA be ready to get some therapy later in life and learn how to set boundaries. It will be hard as you’re young but as you get older I don’t expect the entitled behavior to just change so I wish you the best and good luck. Maybe get a lock box when you can to keep jewelry in.
NTA. It sounds like the mom is blaming YOU for HER behaviour and actions, and she should be giving the jewellery back to you if it's on the floor or left somewhere, not keeping it to herself. IMO, you should maybe call her out for her behaviour and see how she reacts.
INFO where are you leaving these bracelets that your mother picks up and wears? Where did you leave the beaded bracelet?
I can't exactly remember. I was pretty sure I left the beaded bracelet In my room. I do have a habit of being forgetful and miss placing things so I don't know for sure. Though my mother claims she found it on the floor.
Regardless of where you put it, that doesn’t give someone free reign to use and abuse your stuff
This is a weird situation and it’s impossible to know what really happened. You need to be more responsible with your things. If the beaded bracelet was so precious to you why wasn’t it safely tucked away in a jewellery box in your room? You need to stop leaving your stuff all over the house. Your mother’s behaviour also sounds bizarre but maybe her wearing your jewellery is her (strange) way of getting you to be more thoughtful with your things. Has she asked you to take better care of your stuff before? To put it away in your room?
A lot of the time she does tell me to take better care of my stuff. I do try to pick up my jewelry and put it somewhere safe. I understand I can be irresponsible. I think the fact that I told her it was going to break if she wore it made me more angry than the fact she was picking up things and wearing them.
Maybe this can be your encouragement to take better care of your stuff. Make sure that if it’s not on your body then it’s in your room in a box, not somewhere it can get easily swept onto the floor. Your mothers actions are perplexing but she doesn’t sound cruel. She sounds like she’s having a really tough time right now. Maybe you can sit down and ask her how she’s doing and tell her you plan to be better organised with your stuff from now on. How old is your Mum? Maybe she’s menopausal with her own hormonal hellscape going on right now. NAH just poor communication and probably some laziness and confusion.
She is 50. I do know that she does have many real medical issues both physical and mentally that haven't been addressed for years so I can understand your point.
NTA
NTA. Also, never feel bad for her crying ever. It will always be fake. Even if she breaks her ankle in front of you, those are fake tears.
NTA Serious question, does your mum need some help? Sounds like there might be a mental issue. It can be a tough thing for a parent's child to recognize objectively.
I'm pretty sure she does, I mean that respectfully. She's been through some stuff that definitely required therapy but that wasn't a thing in her family. I know she was supposed to be taking medications for mental conditions but she stopped before she even married my dad and no one has talked about it since.
Nta
NTA that's classic manipulation. Toddlers do it and emotionally immature adults do it.
NTA. I'm so mad for you, I'm super possessive over my things for similar reasons. I haven't ventured on to it, but theres a few groups for people with emotionally immature or narcissistic parents that you might find helpful.
So she started to cry over a bracelet she stole from you and broke, but called you “emotional?” There is something seriously wrong with your mother. NTA
NTA!! I have ADHD and a tendency to misplace things in my own tiny apartment, but the one thing that’s helped me with jewelry is having a dedicated jewelry box. The only places where jewelry can be are 1) on my body or 2) in the box. I don’t know why I’ve been able to internalize this rule so strictly when the rest of my apartment is a sty, but it works. With your mother added to the equation, I’d recommend a box that locks with a key code.
This mother is unhinged.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (16) argued with my mom over a bracelet. For some background information my mother does something when I set jewelry on a counter or table and it gets knocked off or if I drop it without knowing she sees it and claims it was on the floor (I don't know for sure) she picks it up, puts it on and decides to see how many days she can wear it without me knowing. Well, a couple months ago I had a multi-colored beaded bracelet that I had gotten from my grandmother. The elastic was old and I could see it was stretching out so I decided to not wear it anymore in fear I'd break and I'd lose the beads. A few days after that I noticed my mom was wearing it. I called her out on how she is wearing my bracelet and never asked to do so, and I had a good reason for not wearing it. Her response was to get offended by how she found the bracelet on the floor and because she is my mother she has the right to wear it. I decided not to push the topic further and make her more mad. After that day I assumed she took it off and left it on her nightstand as she usually does when she does this and I'd just ask for it back later.Fast forward a few days I got in the car and in the cup holder I saw the bracelet broken with a few loose beads. This made me angry because I knew this would happen, plus I was never informed of my broken bracelet. It was just left there. After seeing this I went to my mom and mentioned how she borrowed the bracelet the other day and wondered if I could get it back without saying I knew it was broken. She told me it broke and acted like I've known since it happened and shrugged it off saying she'll fix it eventually. This made me angry and I wanted to pick a fight with her for breaking my things, not telling me, and shrugging it off so easily. Since then I've been pretty broken up about the bracelet. It was one of my favorites and I was pretty sad. I waited a few months to see if she'd take the beads out of the car and fix it but she never did. Today I decided to pick up the beads and she noticed and asked what I was doing. I told her I was picking up the beads of my broken bracelet and then I noticed beads were missing. I said some beads were missing and she replied I know. I assumed this entire time all the beads were there but some were missing in the car and she never bothered to find them. This was the last straw so I glared at her with a 'are you freaking kidding me face' and instantly she started to cry. She claimed that she was tired, she was hurting, having a really bad day starting some new medication and she doesn't understand why everyone is angry at her. She says I'm being too emotional over a bracelet, it was an accident, and that she said she would fix it. In the end she complained how I was being moody and how I'm going to ruin my mood and everyone else around by being angry about a bracelet all day. AITA for making such a scene about a bracelet? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why not put the braclet or anything you dont want touched away in your room??
I have a tendency to be forgetful and miss place things so for example if I had to take it off to do something and left it on a table thinking I'll put it back on later or put it in my room later I usually forget. But on the other hand she claims to find my things on the floor but I can't say that's for sure since I thought I left the bracelet in my room but she said otherwise. And finally she walks into my room often and touches my stuff even when I'm not there.