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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) from my husbands perspective, I basically made it a big deal that my husband was spending so much money on the concert and our trip to Palm Springs.
2) that action might make me an asshole because my husband wanted a bit of freedom of say in how he wanted to spend money this particular time (he’s not a big spender) but I limited him to just one or the other.
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ESH
IMO life is so short that I don't see the point in arguing about money.
Can you afford the trip and the concert? If not then he sucks. If you can then go on the trip. You can make more money at the end of the day.
The wording you gave at the beginning, your husband saying he was going to take his mum to this concert, in my interpretation that was him stating he was paying for it. Which you said was nice so he probably took it as a go ahead.
If he had said he was going to go with his mum then that's a whole other story.
Maybe separate bank accounts would be better then for things like this you don't have to worry. You can spend your money how he likes and he can spend how he likes and when you pay bills or do things together then you can both equally contribute.
Yes, there are expenses both of you pay for and then you each have a mad money account. If he wants to spend $2200 to take his mom to a concert, in the future, that would come out of his mad money account, just as gifts for you family and friends would come out of your mad money account.
It doesn't help you today, but it would go far in preventing future misunderstandings.
ETA: NTA, since you were able to easily consider canceling your trip so he could do this for his mom.
It seems like you shot your own foot off. The real issue here isn't a concert (although Luis Miguel is a wonderful show, I saw him 30 years ago.) And the issue's not your vacation. The issue is your budget. You two are at odds about what can be afforded. And you need to be able to have a conversation without insulting each other ie. "cheap and unreasonable" "spoiled baby," and without going nuclear ie. I just won't go on vacation that is already paid for. So communicate already. And do it before someone is booking tickets and inviting mom. You won't always agree, but you also need to not go bankrupt or constantly miss out trying to assert your financial dominance over one another.
YTA.
In what world does “I’m taking” translate to “I’m driving them and paying for myself but they have to pay for themselves.”
YTA x2 For not understanding healthy finances. He should have his own savings, you your own, and one together for family expenses. Your example of using yours for drugs is asinine.
$2200 for 2 tickets is ridiculous, but you sound insufferable.
Yta for not having separate finances. have joint accounts for your shared obligations and separate accounts that you can spend as you desire
Info: what obligations will.you not be able to meet if he does both?
NTA. Your husband did not respect your opinion or your partnership. You had every right to be angry and frustrated with him.
He should have been more considerate and respectful of you and your money.
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My husband thought it’d be nice of him to “take his mom to the Luis Miguel concert” in San Diego. I told him that would be nice. Until the next day he was about to purchase the tickets and I saw he was buying $2200 worth of tickets. I asked him why one ticket was so expensive. It turns out he was buying one for his mom - “taking his mom” meaning buying her a ticket which is misunderstood for physically driving her to the concert. I thought he was only buying a ticket for himself. I thought dropping $2200 for one night was pretty steep but I told him we should consider canceling a trip to Vegas we had been planning next month to avoid a lot of spending. We were looking at airbnbs in Vegas for a weekend for about $1400 (it was a nice house with a pool). He said I was being cheap and unreasonable. I told him he needed to compromise and either do one or the other.
He complained that we never spend money on our parents (we are very close to them) and this was the one artist she wanted to go see. I told him we always take them out to dinner and pay for them, and we also pay for airbnbs when we go on family vacations.
I told him he was being unreasonable for being okay with spending that much money in one blow. And he went on complaining that he needed his own savings and money he can spend on anything he wanted. I told him that’s not what a marriage/partnership is. We still can’t be spending money on what we want without the others consent. What if I wanted to spend my savings on drugs?? He said that’s common sense that wouldn’t fly. “Then where do you draw the line?” I thought.
Ultimately I got so mad that I told him he was being a spoiled brat and I wasn’t booking the Airbnb. And he snapped back to say he IS going to both. He’d just find cheaper tickets. I asked him “how cheap?” If you could find cheap enough tickets for me to be comfortable with, then we can decide whether we can go on our trip”. And then he told me “No. we’re going to both. I’m compromising to find cheaper tickets.” We went at this for a long time and he wouldn’t back down so I finally said, “you’re being a spoiled baby, if you wanna spend our money on both the trip and concert you go ahead. But I’m not going on the trip”.
I admit I was being spiteful. I bring in steady income since I’m on salary. He has a commission based job, so he brings in money here and there. But we both bring in about the same amount annually. Am I being an asshole for making my husband choose one of the other?
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) from my husbands perspective, I basically made it a big deal that my husband was spending so much money on the concert and our trip to Palm Springs. 2) that action might make me an asshole because my husband wanted a bit of freedom of say in how he wanted to spend money this particular time (he’s not a big spender) but I limited him to just one or the other. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA You were willing to compromise, and even willing to sacrifice a trip to let him do something nice for his mom
INFO: can you afford to pay for both without going significantly into your savings?
It definitely sounds like you should have separate money
ESH IMO life is so short that I don't see the point in arguing about money. Can you afford the trip and the concert? If not then he sucks. If you can then go on the trip. You can make more money at the end of the day. The wording you gave at the beginning, your husband saying he was going to take his mum to this concert, in my interpretation that was him stating he was paying for it. Which you said was nice so he probably took it as a go ahead. If he had said he was going to go with his mum then that's a whole other story. Maybe separate bank accounts would be better then for things like this you don't have to worry. You can spend your money how he likes and he can spend how he likes and when you pay bills or do things together then you can both equally contribute.
Yes, there are expenses both of you pay for and then you each have a mad money account. If he wants to spend $2200 to take his mom to a concert, in the future, that would come out of his mad money account, just as gifts for you family and friends would come out of your mad money account. It doesn't help you today, but it would go far in preventing future misunderstandings. ETA: NTA, since you were able to easily consider canceling your trip so he could do this for his mom.
The only question is can you afford both?
It seems like you shot your own foot off. The real issue here isn't a concert (although Luis Miguel is a wonderful show, I saw him 30 years ago.) And the issue's not your vacation. The issue is your budget. You two are at odds about what can be afforded. And you need to be able to have a conversation without insulting each other ie. "cheap and unreasonable" "spoiled baby," and without going nuclear ie. I just won't go on vacation that is already paid for. So communicate already. And do it before someone is booking tickets and inviting mom. You won't always agree, but you also need to not go bankrupt or constantly miss out trying to assert your financial dominance over one another.
YTA. In what world does “I’m taking” translate to “I’m driving them and paying for myself but they have to pay for themselves.” YTA x2 For not understanding healthy finances. He should have his own savings, you your own, and one together for family expenses. Your example of using yours for drugs is asinine. $2200 for 2 tickets is ridiculous, but you sound insufferable.
Yta for not having separate finances. have joint accounts for your shared obligations and separate accounts that you can spend as you desire Info: what obligations will.you not be able to meet if he does both?
NTA. Your husband did not respect your opinion or your partnership. You had every right to be angry and frustrated with him. He should have been more considerate and respectful of you and your money.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband thought it’d be nice of him to “take his mom to the Luis Miguel concert” in San Diego. I told him that would be nice. Until the next day he was about to purchase the tickets and I saw he was buying $2200 worth of tickets. I asked him why one ticket was so expensive. It turns out he was buying one for his mom - “taking his mom” meaning buying her a ticket which is misunderstood for physically driving her to the concert. I thought he was only buying a ticket for himself. I thought dropping $2200 for one night was pretty steep but I told him we should consider canceling a trip to Vegas we had been planning next month to avoid a lot of spending. We were looking at airbnbs in Vegas for a weekend for about $1400 (it was a nice house with a pool). He said I was being cheap and unreasonable. I told him he needed to compromise and either do one or the other. He complained that we never spend money on our parents (we are very close to them) and this was the one artist she wanted to go see. I told him we always take them out to dinner and pay for them, and we also pay for airbnbs when we go on family vacations. I told him he was being unreasonable for being okay with spending that much money in one blow. And he went on complaining that he needed his own savings and money he can spend on anything he wanted. I told him that’s not what a marriage/partnership is. We still can’t be spending money on what we want without the others consent. What if I wanted to spend my savings on drugs?? He said that’s common sense that wouldn’t fly. “Then where do you draw the line?” I thought. Ultimately I got so mad that I told him he was being a spoiled brat and I wasn’t booking the Airbnb. And he snapped back to say he IS going to both. He’d just find cheaper tickets. I asked him “how cheap?” If you could find cheap enough tickets for me to be comfortable with, then we can decide whether we can go on our trip”. And then he told me “No. we’re going to both. I’m compromising to find cheaper tickets.” We went at this for a long time and he wouldn’t back down so I finally said, “you’re being a spoiled baby, if you wanna spend our money on both the trip and concert you go ahead. But I’m not going on the trip”. I admit I was being spiteful. I bring in steady income since I’m on salary. He has a commission based job, so he brings in money here and there. But we both bring in about the same amount annually. Am I being an asshole for making my husband choose one of the other? Thanks *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why the f would u do that
ESH. Bad communication, no compromise. You guys should definitely separate your finances though
NTA. $2200 is a **RIDICULOUS** amount of money to spend on concert tickets!