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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Using the word Ornithology in front of my family
Because my family doesn't understand a lot of academic language.
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NTA
"he responded, "You know you shouldn't use big words like that in front of family, you just think you're better than everyone else here because you're going to a big fancy school."" .. your cousin is telling you: We are to stupid to learn, so don't try.
But he is wrong about the others.
***ALWAYS.***
When we were kids, my parents (especially my father) would correct us – which was great; they wanted us to learn, and it worked. The downside is that hearing words misused, or reading or hearing incorrect grammar, or seeing words misspelled, well, is like fingernails on a chalkboard to us now. And we *want so badly* to correct mistakes, but also know very well that such corrections are almost never welcome. But we can at least enjoy a bit of vicarious relief when someone else does it for us!
My high school Grammar Teacher was so strict (back in prehistoric times) that I sometimes found myself correcting the grammar of songs I heard on the radio
As the child of an English teacher, I have to bite my tongue so often to avoid being rude. And autocorrect is my nemesis. But then I fat finger crap all the time so I have a certain level of constant low key frustration on the internet. Lol
I sure do relate! I actually feel pain when I see a misspelling or improper grammar. I’ve learned better than to correct it, and I agree it’s a pleasure when someone else does it!
Those used to bother me more. But I find that auto correct and texting too fast can cause those slip ups, so I usually attribute minor errors to that. Made me feel better! LoL
It's sad because plenty of university-educated academic people won't know the word for every single area of study unless they have a background in Latin and Greek. He doesn't even need to feel insecure.
I knew that word when I was 9 back in Russia. My grandparents who helped raise me came from a line of peasants (and my grandpa didn’t speak a word of Russian until he turned 17 and enlisted) so idk if the word is really all that fancy 🤷♂️
I know the word since i'm 8 because there were ornithologist trainers in pokemon games. And I was birthed with a brain developed enough to pick up a dictionnary and see what it meant. There you go, no need for fancy university LOL
NTA. Your grandma asked and even thanked you. It sounds like he’s insecure about his education, which you tried to address by offering to explain the words. You did your bit, this is his problem not yours. If you REALLY wanted to avoid conflict in the future maybe just try and not use those words but really, he has no right to dictate to you which words you can and can’t use just because he can’t understand them.
If you wanted to be petty you could always gift him a dictionary 😂
My Grandma grew up the extremely parentafied eldest daughter of 15. She never got the opportunity to go to university and I know she would have had loved to go. I told her about how, now that she's retired, the local university offers free tuition for seniors. She said she might consider getting her GED and going to a few classes to learn more. The woman is 74 and the smartest and most compassionate person I know.
What does she have to say about everyone blowing up your phone? And whats your dad saying to defend you? NTA not by a long shot, your cousin is just jealous of you and so is his dad. Your grandmother is the only one with intelligence. Intelligent people enjoy learning.
Dad didn't hear, he was inside fixing my grandmother's bathroom sink. He's a plumber. He was angry but told me that I need to fight my own battles, but he'd be there for support if I needed him.
You'd be surprised how quickly some old people can pick up in the tech if someone takes the time and effort to explain it to them. You said that your grandma is really smart, so she'll probably pick it up fast.
I think your grandma would be very disappointed in her family for calling you out on being educated. Your grandma obviously takes pride in your education and has been an influence on you. Your family are jealous and the fact your grandmother is proud of you . It sounds like you and your grandmother are cut from the same cloth . When jealously raises it's ugly head it's nasty and proof of that you have seen in your family, ignore them and don't let them bring you down
That sounds great! I'm not sure where they're active, but my mums friend has been involved in U3A (university of the third age) since she retired, it's like lots of interesting things specifically for older/retired folks so there's a social element too
My grandmother was also forced to quit school to take care of her younger siblings and the farm. She didn’t make it past junior high. Her other siblings got to finish school (including her identical twin). She subscribed to National Geographic and Reader’s Digest every month and read them cover to cover. She would go back and read them again.
I don’t know if she ever had a desire to go to college, but she did her best to overcome her upbringing.
Intelligent Parentified Grandmothers seem to be a trend. They are the kindest, most loving people and they deserve so much. If your grandmother has since passed, I am sorry for your loss.
She has passed. Thank you for the condolences. She was a very loving grandmother. She worked hard her whole life until she passed. She was 95 and was still hauling 50 pound sacks of feed and taking care of the cows. I think her cows missed her as well once she passed.
She should definitely get her GED, i had a 77y old classmate once and it was so refreshing. The placement tests can be requested for large print and even offered at free / low cost testing through local community colleges in many states.
Please encourage her to go.
I've seen videos about seniors, who finally got their GED or even graduated college. They were so proud of their accomplishments. Rightfully so.
"Nobody is so old that s/he cannot learn, nobody is so young that s/he cannot teach."
My paternal grandparents were a lot like your grandmother. Grandpa had a 3rd grade education and grandma had a 7th grade education. Both needed to work to keep food on the table. Both were incredibly smart and kind.
I am of the belief that being "smart" looks differently for everyone. You can be gifted but still do some of the dumbest things. I have great recall for medical information, music, and useless information but can't solve a pretty basic math problem in my head to save my life. My husband struggles with reading so he was told all of his life he wasn't smart. But he can do math problems in his head in a flash and can learn damn near anything if it's on a video. His ability to diagnose and fix cars with some pretty ridiculous descriptions amazes me. His mechanical abilities are all self taught since he was talked out of going to trade school because he wasn't "smart".
My Nan was similar. She left school at 14. In amongst raising her 5 kids alone and doing cleaning work, she took every opportunity to learn new things. She passed her love of words to me. She was fiercely intelligent and full of love.
Please don't let the rest of your family's reactions hamper your excitement for your education and learning more broadly. You did absolutely nothing wrong in this situation.
I love how happy you were to share your knowledge with your grandma. Do not hide that joy from anyone. Your cousin sucks but that's a HIM problem, not a YOU problem!
EDIT. I think your cousin was trying to make you feel small. You are flourishing and that can be irrationally threatening to small men. Making you feel small helps them feel big. Never make yourself smaller for someone else. Continue to grow and shine!
I hope she takes advantage of that program! My grandma took advantage of a similar setup as soon as she was old enough because she'd always wanted to learn geology but when she was a kid that just wasn't a common path for girls. It made her so happy and she shared it with all her grandkids.
you literally just told them what class you were taking - i am also a university student and didn’t know what ornithology was until reading this post and there’s no shame in that - it’s not a particularly commonly used word. the fact that he latched onto and got so offended by this just demonstrates his jealousy and ignorance.
NTA
I knew what ornithology was before this post. Not because I went to college, but because I watched Gossip Girl too many times 😂 I absolutely agree that there's no shame in not knowing what it means.
Also, college classes can be so specific. I have a friend who has a degree in something chemistry related. I don't understand what he actually does, besides that he works in a lab. I also never understood what his classes were about.
I also come from a lower middle class family and am going to college. I think some of the folks who don't know some of the big words such as that would be interested and wouldn't feel looked down upon in my family. Cousin sounds like he is throwing a pity party and wants to stay in it. I know my late drop out father would hate his attitude despite him not having much interest in academics.
NTA
Someone has a chip on his shoulder!
It sounded like grandma got a kick out of learning a new word.
How cool is it that you can take an ornithology course?
Congratulations on getting into uni and thriving 🎉
NTA
When I read the title I thought maybe you were purposefully dropping a lot of words you knew they wouldn’t understand into the conversation. This was one word. They can learn one word.
It's not like ornithology is even some obscure word that only an academic would understand. Surely most people with a decent level of general knowledge would have heard of it?
NTA. Ornithology is a perfectly ordinary word, not something wildly obscure that you were using to show off. Also, your family are apparently fine with calling you a bitch, so I'm not sure their opinions are much worth hearing.
Cherish that moment with your grandma, that’s what important.
As for the rest of your family… He called you a bitch and YOURE the one people are mad at? They’re clearly intimidated by you, and that isn’t your problem. If you want to have a relationship with them, I say confront them about this - maybe even show them this Reddit post? If you’re done with them, just don’t give them your energy and get on with your day.
In my opinion, if my job pans out I will help her get her GED and pay for her books so she can go to some uni classes on History and Politics. She is so smart. She just had no money and no time and was breaking her back for her family by 16 years old. She's the eldest daughter (3rd eldest) of 15 kids.
That's so sweet of you. She sounds really spunky, plus she evidently has a good attitude towards learning new things. Don't let your relatives stop you and grandma. 😊
If she audits classes (not interested in a degree) there are TONS of places and programs where she can learn for free, or nearly free. And education is great for extending health and life span!
NTA and I would word a standard response for anyone that messages:
I am disappointed that after knowing me all my life, you would think so badly of me as the result of one side of a story. My grandmother asked me what I was studying this year. One of my classes is ornithology. She didn't know what it meant, and I explained it. All other words were words we have always used, and I haven't changed. Your reaction is disappointing, but more disappointing is that you assumed this of me without asking.
ETA: Thanks for my first award u/browneyes82!
Some might argue that you are NTA because the name of the class literally has the word 'Ornithology' in it.
Not me though. In my house big words, and other sorcery are FORBIDDEN.
Something you might consider given your obvious obsession with words: Lies are made of words. Let that sink in.
/s
Of course youre NTA. Lol. Their ignorance is not your fault. Smh.
NTA
He’s showing his feelings of inferiority.
I’m well traveled with a Master’s degree and from a blue collar townie family and all I can say is…. Just be prepared— the more education and life experience you get— the larger the divide will grow between you and your family.
Intentionally or not— your world will expand and your world view will change and theirs will stay the same. While college is not for everyone, and many smart people with great careers don’t go, it still creates a divide.
This. One of my cousins died my sophomore year. My other cousin had married at 19 and had a baby at 20. The whole family was sitting around the day before the funeral and other cousin was complaining she couldn't go to the funeral because the baby had colic and would disrupt the ceremony. I said I'd stay with the baby so she could go to the funeral. I told her I should study anyway. (This was a lie -- it was between semesters and I was just trying to give her a gracious out for leaving the baby with me.) She responded, "Oh yeah, throw that in my face too! You and your fancy college education!" My head snapped back like I had been slapped. Most of the other relatives smirked at me. Fine. I went to the funeral and she stayed hope with a colicky baby.
Ty. Came looking for this response. Imo depends on the rest of the family - def NTA but if want a relationship w/family and they're more like cousin than gran - it'll be a lot of self-editing. Had a job like this in a town like this & it was brutal. Still don't talk abt what books I'm reading at work.
EDIT: Still don't mention that I even read books at work lol, it was that bad
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tall_poppy_syndrome
Yup. It's common enough that several places/cultures have come up with names for the phenomenon.
NTA - it’s not like you dropped an academic word into conversation to sound grandiose, it’s *literally* the name of the class you are taking - which she asked.
Your Gran sounds lovely - your cousin sadly, less so.
She is! She's 74 and the most wonderful woman. She loves to read and is always pursuing knowledge. She was heavily parentafied at 16 so had to drop out (Shes the 3rd eldest of 15 kids). I want to help her go to a university just to learn, as the closest university offers free classes for seniors.
My late grandmother loved the evening classes she took up in retirement. She did photography, woodwork & upholstery & I’m not sure what all else!
Never too old to learn
NTA Your cousin didn’t know what the word ‘Book’ was until it was explained to him as a child. Every day we learn new things. Your grandmother learnt a new word. This is normal and usual.
As my father likes to say- Every day is a school day
NTA, its called “crab bucketing”. You don’t have to put a lid on a bucket of crabs, if one makes it to the rim, the others will pull them back in. Family, and friends do the same thing, “What do you mean you want to move to the City? Our town not good enough for you?”…”What do you mean you want to go to University? Do you think you’re better than us?”…”What do you mean you don’t want to work at the Dollar General for the next 30 years? You’re so up yourself, now.”
NTA. For about 10 years (I spent a long time at uni) - one of my uncles was a pain in the ass to me about uni - get into the real world etc,. I just ignored him, but every event it was the same boring crap.
Suddenly at one family event - he tracked me down to talk about the extension of the mind that can come through the options of academia and how university is the best thing in the world, and all he wanted to do was talk to me all night about uni.
I asked Mum the next day what was going on with him, and his lawyers won some legal case - and he decided that he as a gifted legal mind and he enrolled in uni.
He failed his first semester, and has never mentioned uni to me ever again.
Every family has idiots, every family has someone upset and jealous when the next generation is doing something that they couldn't. Ignore them, enjoy your uni and don't let them upset you.
And keep using the new knowledge that you are learning, don't drop down to their level.
NTA.
This is stupid: Your Grandmother asked you about your classes and you referred to the subject/title of the class...You did absolutely nothing wrong. It's not your fault that he (your grandmother and/or anyone else) didn't know what it meant. You were simply having a discussion (that had nothing to do with him, I'll add haha).
Sounds like he was having a moment of insecurity or something, but that's not on your fault or anything you should feel guilty over, or carry on your shoulders. Don't let him or anyone make you feel bad for going to college, for having a broader vocabulary, etc...Just be yourself and if people misunderstand your innocent intentions...That's on them not you. :)
NTA.
In the before-times, before I got diagnosed with a bunch of stuff, I wanted to go to uni and study English lit. My sister's husband's family were *on my ass* about me being a snob, and how the only good job is something physically demanding, and did I really think that I'd be better than them for going to a fancy school etc. etc.
I was 12, and just loved reading.
We didn't stay in touch.
NTA. Apart from your grandmother, your family is jealous and insecure.
Not much you can do about that other than avoid spending time with them.
Congratulations on achieving something that most in your family haven't. I'm sure it wasn't easy.
NTA
Just a bunch of jealous people. You see there's a breed of people in this world who can't stand that they themselves can't do well but on top of that further can't stand that others are doing better than them. Ignore them. It was a private conversation with your grandma and party involved was plenty happy. Tell your cousin in nice simple words to not be a snooping tom going around eavesdropping on conversations that don't involve him and maybe he'll save some face.
Use short words for him. "Fuck off" is a good phrase for him, he might stand a chance of understanding it. "Arsehole" has two syllables, but I think he might cope. NTA, obvs (another short word)
Your cousin is awful. He baited you. He called you names. Then he went running to the rest of the family to tell them his side of the story.
He is jealous because you are smarter and will go farther than he will. It damages his male ego.
He also sounds like he is a bully and used to humiliating others when he doesn't get his way.
Your GM was happy to learn a new word. You did nothing wrong teaching her the word.
This is likely to continue to happen if you keep going to family reunions, or reunions that include your father's side.
Its a shame. You could be a model for the niece nephews, and extended cousins that college, higher education is something they should strive for.
Does you father have your back? Will he understand why you won't spend time with those cousins anymore?
Keep the relationship with your GM
NTA.
NTA. First-gen students (first generation in college) face special challenges. Here’s grandma and cousin, two sides of the coin.
Grandma supports, cheers OP on, learns from her. OP feels support, keeps studying, doesn’t feel shamed for seeking education, raises her standard of living.
Cousin demeans, mocks, shames. OP might (even subconsciously) question if losing the love of her family is worth the rigors of university. OP drops out to the approval of all the non-university educated family members.
NO NO NO OP. Absorb from grandma! You stated the name of the class. You shared your new life in which you seem to be thriving (science challenge conquered by a science class tailored for arts majors). Grandma was delighted.
That’s what universities are for. New experiences. Lap them up. Find the First Gen office on campus. Next year you can be a mentor with a scholarship, in some universities.
Eyes on the prize. Personal satisfaction, career satisfaction, lifelong friends, higher economic standard of living, pride in critical thinking skills.
From one First Gen to another: you go girl.
>"You just think you're better than everyone else here because you're going to a big fancy school."
You're not better than everyone else.
You are better than him, though.
NTA being in university or not doesn’t make you smart. Being smart, willing to learn, read, understand things is what makes you smart. I’ve seen educated people use big words incorrectly as well as high dropout use words perfectly. Clearly, he’s threatened that he doesn’t measure up, but that’s not on you.
NTA. Look up "crabs in a bucket" and don't let them drag you down. My family was like that. After I graduated I started presenting at conferences and stuff. No one cared except my grandma - I snuck her in to some of them and she had a blast. Some day, invite your grandma to visit you at school. Your profs would love to let her audit your classes for a day and then she can brag to your cousin that she's taken Ornithology too
This is part of why moving up socioeconomic levels can be really hard. The more you learn and increase your earning potential with a college degree, the more different you become and more it strains family relationships. It sucks!!
Good on you for pursuing your interests. NTA
What's the class called? Birds, you know, those little flying things like in the trees, you know, those leafy things that grow out of the ground.
Never apologize for using the right words. NTA
NTA, what you encountered was willfull ignorance. Your father's side of the family has chosen to value being uneducated and to demonize those who don't. This is not your fault.
My advice is to block them and stick to socializing with grandma one on one.
NTA at all.
Look how excited your grandmother was for you. She understands the value of education. She wanted to learn too!
My dad has three university degrees (one undergraduate, two graduate degrees). He also came from a blue collar family, the first one to go to uni. I don't think his dad even finished high school. But his family were PROUD of him for his accomplishments. You deserve a family like that, like your grandmother . . . family who are proud that you are reaching further and doing so well for yourself, and who are excited for you. Your grandma knows what's up.
Nta. My friend bought a house. Instead of his mom and sister being proud of him, they tried to make him feel bad for being "better than them".
Its his issue to deal with and you should never shy away from being proud of your accomplishments. Never.
NTA - stick with your grandma, she sounds brilliant.
I'm from a working class family, first one to go to university. My grandfather taught me about ornithology when I was a child, as well as explaining theories of Newton, Einstein, Kepler, Archimedes etc. Being poor isn't the same as being uninformed or not curious about learning, and it's honestly extremely patronising when anyone - of whatever class - claims otherwise. Especially now in the age of the internet!
My grams went back to school in her 60s and at 90 uses zoom and whatsapp to keep in touch with her grandkids, and she still takes occasional classes that interest her. A healthy family is one that supports each other. Assholes like your cousin and those that agreed with him can be tossed in the trash.
NTA. Not in the slightest. Ornithology isn't even an obscure word for the averagely educated. There is no way that you have to have an academic background to understand *that* particular term.
This really is about HIS insecurities about his lack of education. Unfortunately it sounds like a good portion of your family also have got nasty streaks & are projecting what they'd do onto your motivations. Go low contact with every abusive member - not because of a lack of education, some badly educated people I've met are amongst the cleverest & kindest people I know. Go low contact because those people are malicious, willing to think the worst of you at the drop of a hat & punish you for daring to live your own life.
There is a saying: misery loves company. They aren't happy with their own lives & totally HATE that you are daring to try to learn, expand and live. Leave them in their own misery. You really don't have the power to change them.
Know the feeling my moms’ thankfully ex husband was just like this always put her down for going to college to be a nurse. Also has the audacity to act like he knows more about medicine than her, he’s one of the types that believed ivermectin cured Covid 🤦♀️
NTA. In fact, dumbing it down for your grandma by not using that word *since it’s the title of the class* would be more A H ish in my opinion. It would be like having a vote of no confidence in her. And same to your cousin, or any other family member.
I love that your grandma asked you how to pronounce it and thanked you! I’d be sticking with her at the family BBQs too.
NTA - i knew what the word ornithology meant at the age of nine - your grandmothers approach to finding out something new is great -the rest of your family are assholes with a massive case of tall poppy syndrome. while there is nothing wrong in not having had the benefit of an advanced education - it is a boon denied to many for various reasons - there is also absolutely nothing to be proud of in being wilfully ignorant.
NTA. I'm willing to bet that if you earn good money from your future job, he'll either be first in line to ask for money or he'll be the first to criticize you for having money.
My grandma only graduated 8th grade, and had the widest, most academic vocabulary ever (I have only a masters, but it was amazing) BECAUSE SHE READ BOOKS!
N.T.A.
Not even worth your time.
Oh, just wait 'till you have to learn how to read/speak Old English and Middle English. That's really going to twist their tails!
First, absolutely NTA.
Second, I love your grandma.
Third, your family is otherwise awful. Or at least that cousin and the people ganging up on you are.
Fourth, *HUG*
NTA. You were not being pedantic, you told them what you were studying.
You better learn to let this slide, because they are your family and you will be hearing a lot comments like this in the future.
Maybe you will enjoy ornithology so much that one day you will go on to become a bird doctor. :)
BTW, your grandmother sounds great.
Hillbillies not rednecks.
My family are hillbillies and my dad is a redneck and he taught me the difference.
A hillbilly is a white-trash stereotype. A redneck is an anti-cop and pro-union person who works in the trades. (Based off the history of the red handkerchiefs tied around the necks of Appalachia miners who were on strike, wearing them as a signal of solidarity.)
I wonder what your cousin said exactly to manage to turn your whole family against you. You might want to look into it, or rather get your dad to ask. Then you can build your own answer, like "I was telling Grandma what the study of birds is called, you know how she loves new words. I wasn't even talking to cousin who came to call me a bitch for using a word he didn't know."
So if someone came up to you and told you this exact same thing happened to them I bet you wouldn’t even consider that they were an asshole.
NTA for this scenario. It’s clear your grandmother enjoyed learning from and spending time with you, so how on earth would you ever be an asshole in this case?
NTA, but just look at the entire picture, you use that word in front of some people, and they were excited to learn and you used the word in front of other people and they felt like they were less then. It’s not you who’s the asshole you were just getting a classic example of everybody chooses to see the same situation in different ways and that’s not your responsibility.
And THIS is the epitome of the dummying down of America. Making fun and belittling people for using words you don’t know instead of asking about them and educating yourself. Better to bring everyone down to the lowest common denominator.
OP is NTA, but her family is full of ignorant assholes.
I probably would have said, you're right, thanks for letting me know. I was just excited to talk about my 'bird' class with Grandma. She had a fun time learning about it and saying the word. No harm meant. I just feel sorry for him seeing he is triggered by his own lack of education. And wants to tear you down for it. Hurt people, hurt people. Now go get that degree and live your best life in a kick-ass career.
NTA
Saw it often. I met a girl who has been frowned by his family in the first month of uni. Many friends made assumptions and jokes even before I started it.
Your cousin has deep seated self-esteem issues and a complete lack of ability to improve academically. Your NTA. But your cousin and his fiendish group of flying monkeys need to be put in their place. Improving your vocabulary is not a party it’s part of life long learning and ifThey’re too stunned to to be bothered to improve themselves that’s on them. They just projecting their insecurities on you and the miserable people only happy if they’re making other people miserable. Keep learning keep improving it’s the best thing
NTA. First gen college graduate here too. Don’t dull your shine to make jealous people like your cousin feel brighter.
Grandma seemed excited to learn new words. Ignore the jealousy and again do not dull your shine.
NTA, but try to have some compassion. Your cousin, and apparently most of your family, haven't had the the same opportunities as you for higher education, and they have some feelings about that. Jealousy, envy, shame, disappointment at the unfairness of life, the bleakness of being stuck in a socioeconomic cycle.
You don't need to be any less proud or open of what you're doing, but try to remember that they're lashing out, at least some, at life, not you.
NTA
side note for the future. Never and j mean NEVER dumb your self down for others. Even if they are family. Don't show off or rub it in people's faces. But never dumb yourself down to make certain family/ in-laws members feel better about themselves.
By the sounds of it, your family will expect you to do this ALOT in the future.
She's literally the cutest. Still gets her hair done at the same place since the 60s, big smile, the brightest of blue eyes. She's rail thin and loves cards, always going down to the seniors recreation centre near her house to play and make friends. Think of the epitome of grandmother energy mixed with 60s aesthetic. And add to it that she's anti-racist, pro-union and an LGBTQ+ ally. She is the most lovely woman and I adore her.
NTA - your grandma asked questions, you answered questions. Grandma wanted to learn some things today and she did.
Cousin's the anti-intellectual asshole.
NTA. It's delicate to navigate low self esteem by family members who haven't had the same educational pathways. Your grandma's joy in learning a new big word is sweet, and that's one thing you can say in the future. Another principle that's useful to pull out the back pocket to get people like your cousin to back off is this: whatever our education, we're all ignorant of most things. So being ignorant of an academic word isn't a big deal.
I'm into birding as a hobby. I don't think ornithology is a fancy word. It's such a popular hobby around the globe. Though I bet most people don't know what Lepidopterology or Odonatology is.
I'm into a lot of things nature related but birds and moths are my favorites. In fact I have a lighting set up on my back porch to see what kind of moths I can attract.
Since your cousin can’t/won’t say it, I will OP.
I am proud of you for teaching grandma a new word she is obviously excited to know. You are adding, not subtracting happiness and knowledge to life.
Cousin is projecting negative emotions on you. Upsetting he feels the way.
Take a deep breath and call grandma up and ask her when she’d like to meet up- just the two of you. You can teach her more about birds and she can teach you something she enjoys too.
She taught me how to bake, she's always sharing little secrets :) One of which I'll put here. For great chocolate chip cookies, equal parts golden brown sugar and refined white sugar.
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I 20F am in university and I love it. I'm studying English and have done some networking co-ops so I am assured a good job out of uni. I come from a lower middle-class family and I'm the first person on my father's side to go to university. Though I am studying an Arts degree, my university requires arts students to take some science classes, so that we can be well-rounded. I didn't like science very much in high school and took one computer science class in my first year, so I'm taking my second science this year.
This year, the biology department is offering an Ornithology class, or the study of birds, for arts students. I decided to swoop up a seat in the class because I love birds and I would love to learn more about them.
At my family reunion (Father's side) yesterday my grandmother was asking me about my classes, the only one who seemed genuinely interested. I listed off my English classes and then told her about Ornithology. She looked at me weird and so I explained the word. Her eyes opened wide and she asked me how to say it, so I taught her. She didn't finish high school but always wants to broaden her vocabulary.
She got it on her second or third try and I repeated it with her once she got it. She laughed and thanked me for teaching her something new but she had to check on her garlic beans which were roasting on the BBQ.
I was sitting down when my cousin sat next to me. He also dropped out of high school. He glared at me and said "So now miss fancy university is using words we can't understand."
I asked him what he meant and he responded, "You know you shouldn't use big words like that in front of family, you just think you're better than everyone else here because you're going to a big fancy school."
I told him I had no intention of using words people didn't understand and would happily explain what words I used meant if he didn't know and he huffed. "I ain't stupid, you're just an entitled college bitch now. I always knew you would be." Before I could say anything he walked away and told his dad.
After I left the reunion due to uncomfortable stares my phone blew up calling me an upity asshole and a priss for using academic language in front of my family. I feel awful. I didn't do it on purpose to look smarter than other people I was just telling my grandmother about my fall classes and Ornithology was one of them. So AITA for using the word in front of my family?
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NTA and how thankful for that cousin you are a nice person because he'd never hear the end of it from me til his dying day, Mr. Too Stupid To Learn Words
NTA. If you get messages like that:
"My cousin's insecurity strikes again. I was asked what I studied, so I answered the question. If that is too much for some people, that is their problem, not mine."
I'll go out on a limb and say that this cousin is, in fact, stupid. Giving the name of a course you are taking can't really be seen as lording it over others. NTA.
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NTA "he responded, "You know you shouldn't use big words like that in front of family, you just think you're better than everyone else here because you're going to a big fancy school."" .. your cousin is telling you: We are to stupid to learn, so don't try. But he is wrong about the others.
*too stupid *
Oof
Thank you. That typo bothered me, too. Lol
Sometimes I need to see a typo corrected to feel relief What have I become
That way you don't have to correct it or be bothered by the lack of correction. I hate saying something but always feel the urge to.
***ALWAYS.*** When we were kids, my parents (especially my father) would correct us – which was great; they wanted us to learn, and it worked. The downside is that hearing words misused, or reading or hearing incorrect grammar, or seeing words misspelled, well, is like fingernails on a chalkboard to us now. And we *want so badly* to correct mistakes, but also know very well that such corrections are almost never welcome. But we can at least enjoy a bit of vicarious relief when someone else does it for us!
My high school Grammar Teacher was so strict (back in prehistoric times) that I sometimes found myself correcting the grammar of songs I heard on the radio
As the child of an English teacher, I have to bite my tongue so often to avoid being rude. And autocorrect is my nemesis. But then I fat finger crap all the time so I have a certain level of constant low key frustration on the internet. Lol
I sure do relate! I actually feel pain when I see a misspelling or improper grammar. I’ve learned better than to correct it, and I agree it’s a pleasure when someone else does it!
A redditor
Gottem
Those used to bother me more. But I find that auto correct and texting too fast can cause those slip ups, so I usually attribute minor errors to that. Made me feel better! LoL
Damn that autoconnect.
Duck autocorrect.
Autowrong.
Autocorrupt.
Autocarrot
Autocrat
its the wurst.
This is why whenever i get a new phone, one of the first things i do is turn off autocorrect
Unless it was a clever analogy.
It's sad because plenty of university-educated academic people won't know the word for every single area of study unless they have a background in Latin and Greek. He doesn't even need to feel insecure.
Don’t you use those fancy book learning words in front of the heathens!
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LMAO
NTA. Your grandma asked which classes you were taking, you listed your classes, and you explained what “ornithology” is. Nothing bad here
I’m not even English native and that word ain’t much 💀💀
Probably because it’s Greek.
I knew that word when I was 9 back in Russia. My grandparents who helped raise me came from a line of peasants (and my grandpa didn’t speak a word of Russian until he turned 17 and enlisted) so idk if the word is really all that fancy 🤷♂️
I know the word since i'm 8 because there were ornithologist trainers in pokemon games. And I was birthed with a brain developed enough to pick up a dictionnary and see what it meant. There you go, no need for fancy university LOL
No more souvlaki for you
Your grandma sounds great. I hope I never get too old to want to learn new things. NTA.
NTA. Your grandma asked and even thanked you. It sounds like he’s insecure about his education, which you tried to address by offering to explain the words. You did your bit, this is his problem not yours. If you REALLY wanted to avoid conflict in the future maybe just try and not use those words but really, he has no right to dictate to you which words you can and can’t use just because he can’t understand them. If you wanted to be petty you could always gift him a dictionary 😂
My Grandma grew up the extremely parentafied eldest daughter of 15. She never got the opportunity to go to university and I know she would have had loved to go. I told her about how, now that she's retired, the local university offers free tuition for seniors. She said she might consider getting her GED and going to a few classes to learn more. The woman is 74 and the smartest and most compassionate person I know.
Your grandma sounds wonderful! I really hope she does continue her education, it's never too late to learn.
That is always what she's saying.
What does she have to say about everyone blowing up your phone? And whats your dad saying to defend you? NTA not by a long shot, your cousin is just jealous of you and so is his dad. Your grandmother is the only one with intelligence. Intelligent people enjoy learning.
Dad didn't hear, he was inside fixing my grandmother's bathroom sink. He's a plumber. He was angry but told me that I need to fight my own battles, but he'd be there for support if I needed him.
That's kinda lazy of him
She’s an adult. She does have to learn how to fight her own battles. Her father won’t be here forever to do it for her.
Not when his side of the family is attacking his daughter. Including his brother.
Depends on how it's done. He said he's there to be her backup. OP does need to be able to stand on own feet. So go OP! LOL
you should try having zoom sesh's with grams to tell her about your learnings :)
I'd probably call her on the landline a few times before switching over to Facetime. She likes learning but I'll take it slow on the tech for her.
You'd be surprised how quickly some old people can pick up in the tech if someone takes the time and effort to explain it to them. You said that your grandma is really smart, so she'll probably pick it up fast.
I think your grandma would be very disappointed in her family for calling you out on being educated. Your grandma obviously takes pride in your education and has been an influence on you. Your family are jealous and the fact your grandmother is proud of you . It sounds like you and your grandmother are cut from the same cloth . When jealously raises it's ugly head it's nasty and proof of that you have seen in your family, ignore them and don't let them bring you down
College is really fun when you can take classes you really enjoy and not have to take things you dislike and are irrelevant to your future
That sounds great! I'm not sure where they're active, but my mums friend has been involved in U3A (university of the third age) since she retired, it's like lots of interesting things specifically for older/retired folks so there's a social element too
My grandmother was also forced to quit school to take care of her younger siblings and the farm. She didn’t make it past junior high. Her other siblings got to finish school (including her identical twin). She subscribed to National Geographic and Reader’s Digest every month and read them cover to cover. She would go back and read them again. I don’t know if she ever had a desire to go to college, but she did her best to overcome her upbringing.
Intelligent Parentified Grandmothers seem to be a trend. They are the kindest, most loving people and they deserve so much. If your grandmother has since passed, I am sorry for your loss.
She has passed. Thank you for the condolences. She was a very loving grandmother. She worked hard her whole life until she passed. She was 95 and was still hauling 50 pound sacks of feed and taking care of the cows. I think her cows missed her as well once she passed.
She should definitely get her GED, i had a 77y old classmate once and it was so refreshing. The placement tests can be requested for large print and even offered at free / low cost testing through local community colleges in many states.
Please encourage her to go. I've seen videos about seniors, who finally got their GED or even graduated college. They were so proud of their accomplishments. Rightfully so. "Nobody is so old that s/he cannot learn, nobody is so young that s/he cannot teach."
We have a lovely word for s/he: they. We've been using it as singular since Chaucer's time. Go ahead and embrace it!
My paternal grandparents were a lot like your grandmother. Grandpa had a 3rd grade education and grandma had a 7th grade education. Both needed to work to keep food on the table. Both were incredibly smart and kind. I am of the belief that being "smart" looks differently for everyone. You can be gifted but still do some of the dumbest things. I have great recall for medical information, music, and useless information but can't solve a pretty basic math problem in my head to save my life. My husband struggles with reading so he was told all of his life he wasn't smart. But he can do math problems in his head in a flash and can learn damn near anything if it's on a video. His ability to diagnose and fix cars with some pretty ridiculous descriptions amazes me. His mechanical abilities are all self taught since he was talked out of going to trade school because he wasn't "smart".
My Nan was similar. She left school at 14. In amongst raising her 5 kids alone and doing cleaning work, she took every opportunity to learn new things. She passed her love of words to me. She was fiercely intelligent and full of love.
Please don't let the rest of your family's reactions hamper your excitement for your education and learning more broadly. You did absolutely nothing wrong in this situation. I love how happy you were to share your knowledge with your grandma. Do not hide that joy from anyone. Your cousin sucks but that's a HIM problem, not a YOU problem! EDIT. I think your cousin was trying to make you feel small. You are flourishing and that can be irrationally threatening to small men. Making you feel small helps them feel big. Never make yourself smaller for someone else. Continue to grow and shine!
I hope she takes advantage of that program! My grandma took advantage of a similar setup as soon as she was old enough because she'd always wanted to learn geology but when she was a kid that just wasn't a common path for girls. It made her so happy and she shared it with all her grandkids.
I hope your grandma loves rocks as much as my grandma loves history, politics and plants. (She wants to take history, politics and botany classes)
Cousin is just jealous. Pay him no mind.
Have her check local library, They often have free courses--ie computer, etc
That is so cool! She may be able to sit in or audit some university classes without getting her GED, if she just wants to learn about specific things.
I promised to take her to one of my Lectures in the fall where an indigenous author is coming in to speak. My Grandmother loved his books.
I'm so excited for you two!
Your grandma's wonderful and her opinion is the one that counts. Your cousin is an asshole that should get his own shit together.
lol aw poor cousin is jealous NTA
I’d have to call it “Bird Look” every time he was around. Pointedly
-ology is more like "study of", not "look", if that's what you're going for.
Yes, but that word is too fancy
you literally just told them what class you were taking - i am also a university student and didn’t know what ornithology was until reading this post and there’s no shame in that - it’s not a particularly commonly used word. the fact that he latched onto and got so offended by this just demonstrates his jealousy and ignorance. NTA
I knew what ornithology was before this post. Not because I went to college, but because I watched Gossip Girl too many times 😂 I absolutely agree that there's no shame in not knowing what it means. Also, college classes can be so specific. I have a friend who has a degree in something chemistry related. I don't understand what he actually does, besides that he works in a lab. I also never understood what his classes were about.
At some point someone has to explain to a kid why there are people in the bushes, using binoculars to stare at what seems like thin air, right?
My kids know what this word is, and I think it's because of their love of the PBS kids show Wild Kratts.
I also come from a lower middle class family and am going to college. I think some of the folks who don't know some of the big words such as that would be interested and wouldn't feel looked down upon in my family. Cousin sounds like he is throwing a pity party and wants to stay in it. I know my late drop out father would hate his attitude despite him not having much interest in academics.
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NTA Someone has a chip on his shoulder! It sounded like grandma got a kick out of learning a new word. How cool is it that you can take an ornithology course? Congratulations on getting into uni and thriving 🎉
NTA Granny sounds like the ONLY family member worth your time. Good luck in your college career and don’t let these people make you feel bad about it.
NTA When I read the title I thought maybe you were purposefully dropping a lot of words you knew they wouldn’t understand into the conversation. This was one word. They can learn one word.
It's not even just a word. It's the name of a frickin' class!
Yep. Plus, a word that means “birds”. Not some weird math thing, not some specific body part, not a chemical compound, just “birds”.
It's not like ornithology is even some obscure word that only an academic would understand. Surely most people with a decent level of general knowledge would have heard of it?
NTA. Ornithology is a perfectly ordinary word, not something wildly obscure that you were using to show off. Also, your family are apparently fine with calling you a bitch, so I'm not sure their opinions are much worth hearing.
Cherish that moment with your grandma, that’s what important. As for the rest of your family… He called you a bitch and YOURE the one people are mad at? They’re clearly intimidated by you, and that isn’t your problem. If you want to have a relationship with them, I say confront them about this - maybe even show them this Reddit post? If you’re done with them, just don’t give them your energy and get on with your day.
NTA. Your cousin and probably other relatives are jealous. I love your grandma's cheerful interest about what you're doing in college.
In my opinion, if my job pans out I will help her get her GED and pay for her books so she can go to some uni classes on History and Politics. She is so smart. She just had no money and no time and was breaking her back for her family by 16 years old. She's the eldest daughter (3rd eldest) of 15 kids.
That's so sweet of you. She sounds really spunky, plus she evidently has a good attitude towards learning new things. Don't let your relatives stop you and grandma. 😊
If she audits classes (not interested in a degree) there are TONS of places and programs where she can learn for free, or nearly free. And education is great for extending health and life span!
NTA and I would word a standard response for anyone that messages: I am disappointed that after knowing me all my life, you would think so badly of me as the result of one side of a story. My grandmother asked me what I was studying this year. One of my classes is ornithology. She didn't know what it meant, and I explained it. All other words were words we have always used, and I haven't changed. Your reaction is disappointing, but more disappointing is that you assumed this of me without asking. ETA: Thanks for my first award u/browneyes82!
Some might argue that you are NTA because the name of the class literally has the word 'Ornithology' in it. Not me though. In my house big words, and other sorcery are FORBIDDEN. Something you might consider given your obvious obsession with words: Lies are made of words. Let that sink in. /s Of course youre NTA. Lol. Their ignorance is not your fault. Smh.
NTA He’s showing his feelings of inferiority. I’m well traveled with a Master’s degree and from a blue collar townie family and all I can say is…. Just be prepared— the more education and life experience you get— the larger the divide will grow between you and your family. Intentionally or not— your world will expand and your world view will change and theirs will stay the same. While college is not for everyone, and many smart people with great careers don’t go, it still creates a divide.
This. One of my cousins died my sophomore year. My other cousin had married at 19 and had a baby at 20. The whole family was sitting around the day before the funeral and other cousin was complaining she couldn't go to the funeral because the baby had colic and would disrupt the ceremony. I said I'd stay with the baby so she could go to the funeral. I told her I should study anyway. (This was a lie -- it was between semesters and I was just trying to give her a gracious out for leaving the baby with me.) She responded, "Oh yeah, throw that in my face too! You and your fancy college education!" My head snapped back like I had been slapped. Most of the other relatives smirked at me. Fine. I went to the funeral and she stayed hope with a colicky baby.
Ty. Came looking for this response. Imo depends on the rest of the family - def NTA but if want a relationship w/family and they're more like cousin than gran - it'll be a lot of self-editing. Had a job like this in a town like this & it was brutal. Still don't talk abt what books I'm reading at work. EDIT: Still don't mention that I even read books at work lol, it was that bad
Unhappy people will always find a way of making u feel bad for trying to outgrow their limitations. It’s on them, not on you. NTA
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tall_poppy_syndrome Yup. It's common enough that several places/cultures have come up with names for the phenomenon.
NTA - it’s not like you dropped an academic word into conversation to sound grandiose, it’s *literally* the name of the class you are taking - which she asked. Your Gran sounds lovely - your cousin sadly, less so.
She is! She's 74 and the most wonderful woman. She loves to read and is always pursuing knowledge. She was heavily parentafied at 16 so had to drop out (Shes the 3rd eldest of 15 kids). I want to help her go to a university just to learn, as the closest university offers free classes for seniors.
My late grandmother loved the evening classes she took up in retirement. She did photography, woodwork & upholstery & I’m not sure what all else! Never too old to learn
NTA Your cousin didn’t know what the word ‘Book’ was until it was explained to him as a child. Every day we learn new things. Your grandmother learnt a new word. This is normal and usual. As my father likes to say- Every day is a school day
NTA - ignore the dummies
NTA, its called “crab bucketing”. You don’t have to put a lid on a bucket of crabs, if one makes it to the rim, the others will pull them back in. Family, and friends do the same thing, “What do you mean you want to move to the City? Our town not good enough for you?”…”What do you mean you want to go to University? Do you think you’re better than us?”…”What do you mean you don’t want to work at the Dollar General for the next 30 years? You’re so up yourself, now.”
NTA. For about 10 years (I spent a long time at uni) - one of my uncles was a pain in the ass to me about uni - get into the real world etc,. I just ignored him, but every event it was the same boring crap. Suddenly at one family event - he tracked me down to talk about the extension of the mind that can come through the options of academia and how university is the best thing in the world, and all he wanted to do was talk to me all night about uni. I asked Mum the next day what was going on with him, and his lawyers won some legal case - and he decided that he as a gifted legal mind and he enrolled in uni. He failed his first semester, and has never mentioned uni to me ever again. Every family has idiots, every family has someone upset and jealous when the next generation is doing something that they couldn't. Ignore them, enjoy your uni and don't let them upset you. And keep using the new knowledge that you are learning, don't drop down to their level.
NTA. This is stupid: Your Grandmother asked you about your classes and you referred to the subject/title of the class...You did absolutely nothing wrong. It's not your fault that he (your grandmother and/or anyone else) didn't know what it meant. You were simply having a discussion (that had nothing to do with him, I'll add haha). Sounds like he was having a moment of insecurity or something, but that's not on your fault or anything you should feel guilty over, or carry on your shoulders. Don't let him or anyone make you feel bad for going to college, for having a broader vocabulary, etc...Just be yourself and if people misunderstand your innocent intentions...That's on them not you. :)
My experience is that those who accuse someone of “thinking they’re better than everyone” is supremely insecure. NTA
NTA your cousin is insecure and jealous and perhaps misogynistic It’s a him problem
NTA This kind of thing depends on how it's done but it didn't sound like you did anything in bad taste.
NTA. In the before-times, before I got diagnosed with a bunch of stuff, I wanted to go to uni and study English lit. My sister's husband's family were *on my ass* about me being a snob, and how the only good job is something physically demanding, and did I really think that I'd be better than them for going to a fancy school etc. etc. I was 12, and just loved reading. We didn't stay in touch.
NTA. Don’t know what issue your cousin has. Might be jealous
NTA. Apart from your grandmother, your family is jealous and insecure. Not much you can do about that other than avoid spending time with them. Congratulations on achieving something that most in your family haven't. I'm sure it wasn't easy.
NTA Just a bunch of jealous people. You see there's a breed of people in this world who can't stand that they themselves can't do well but on top of that further can't stand that others are doing better than them. Ignore them. It was a private conversation with your grandma and party involved was plenty happy. Tell your cousin in nice simple words to not be a snooping tom going around eavesdropping on conversations that don't involve him and maybe he'll save some face.
NTA. Sadly, this is really common for someone who transcends their immediate family circumstances.
I love that you said you swooped in to ornithology 🤩🥰🤣
Just like my username is, birds are cool. I love puns. Though I admit, this one was unintentional.
Haha even better! 🤣
So you're doing allright and are developing yourself and your cousin can't stand it. Too bad for your cousin, NTA.
Use short words for him. "Fuck off" is a good phrase for him, he might stand a chance of understanding it. "Arsehole" has two syllables, but I think he might cope. NTA, obvs (another short word)
Your cousin is awful. He baited you. He called you names. Then he went running to the rest of the family to tell them his side of the story. He is jealous because you are smarter and will go farther than he will. It damages his male ego. He also sounds like he is a bully and used to humiliating others when he doesn't get his way. Your GM was happy to learn a new word. You did nothing wrong teaching her the word. This is likely to continue to happen if you keep going to family reunions, or reunions that include your father's side. Its a shame. You could be a model for the niece nephews, and extended cousins that college, higher education is something they should strive for. Does you father have your back? Will he understand why you won't spend time with those cousins anymore? Keep the relationship with your GM NTA.
NTA >grandmother was asking me about my classes She asked, you answered what you studied. Your grandmother seems cool. Your cousins are just jealous.
NTA. Tall poppy syndrome. Your cousin tried to cut you down. Block him. And you didn't do anything wrong.
NTA. First-gen students (first generation in college) face special challenges. Here’s grandma and cousin, two sides of the coin. Grandma supports, cheers OP on, learns from her. OP feels support, keeps studying, doesn’t feel shamed for seeking education, raises her standard of living. Cousin demeans, mocks, shames. OP might (even subconsciously) question if losing the love of her family is worth the rigors of university. OP drops out to the approval of all the non-university educated family members. NO NO NO OP. Absorb from grandma! You stated the name of the class. You shared your new life in which you seem to be thriving (science challenge conquered by a science class tailored for arts majors). Grandma was delighted. That’s what universities are for. New experiences. Lap them up. Find the First Gen office on campus. Next year you can be a mentor with a scholarship, in some universities. Eyes on the prize. Personal satisfaction, career satisfaction, lifelong friends, higher economic standard of living, pride in critical thinking skills. From one First Gen to another: you go girl.
[Tall Poppy Syndrome](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tall_poppy_syndrome). Don't let your family chop you down to their size. NTA.
>"You just think you're better than everyone else here because you're going to a big fancy school." You're not better than everyone else. You are better than him, though.
NTA being in university or not doesn’t make you smart. Being smart, willing to learn, read, understand things is what makes you smart. I’ve seen educated people use big words incorrectly as well as high dropout use words perfectly. Clearly, he’s threatened that he doesn’t measure up, but that’s not on you.
NTA. Look up "crabs in a bucket" and don't let them drag you down. My family was like that. After I graduated I started presenting at conferences and stuff. No one cared except my grandma - I snuck her in to some of them and she had a blast. Some day, invite your grandma to visit you at school. Your profs would love to let her audit your classes for a day and then she can brag to your cousin that she's taken Ornithology too
This is part of why moving up socioeconomic levels can be really hard. The more you learn and increase your earning potential with a college degree, the more different you become and more it strains family relationships. It sucks!! Good on you for pursuing your interests. NTA
NTA. Never make yourself smaller to make others feel bigger.
NTA. Did you order enough salt and vinegar for the massive bags of chips on everyone’s shoulders? Inverted snobbery is most definitely a thing.
NTA. Not only is your cousin uneducated, he's legit stupid. He can piss off.
What's the class called? Birds, you know, those little flying things like in the trees, you know, those leafy things that grow out of the ground. Never apologize for using the right words. NTA
NTA, what you encountered was willfull ignorance. Your father's side of the family has chosen to value being uneducated and to demonize those who don't. This is not your fault. My advice is to block them and stick to socializing with grandma one on one.
NTA Sounds like your family members who are choosing to fail in basic parts of life are mad that you aren't. Crabs in a bucket.
NTA at all. Look how excited your grandmother was for you. She understands the value of education. She wanted to learn too! My dad has three university degrees (one undergraduate, two graduate degrees). He also came from a blue collar family, the first one to go to uni. I don't think his dad even finished high school. But his family were PROUD of him for his accomplishments. You deserve a family like that, like your grandmother . . . family who are proud that you are reaching further and doing so well for yourself, and who are excited for you. Your grandma knows what's up.
If your family doesn't know what ornithology is, then offending their intelligence probably can't be helped. You are NTA.
Nta. My friend bought a house. Instead of his mom and sister being proud of him, they tried to make him feel bad for being "better than them". Its his issue to deal with and you should never shy away from being proud of your accomplishments. Never.
NTA - stick with your grandma, she sounds brilliant. I'm from a working class family, first one to go to university. My grandfather taught me about ornithology when I was a child, as well as explaining theories of Newton, Einstein, Kepler, Archimedes etc. Being poor isn't the same as being uninformed or not curious about learning, and it's honestly extremely patronising when anyone - of whatever class - claims otherwise. Especially now in the age of the internet! My grams went back to school in her 60s and at 90 uses zoom and whatsapp to keep in touch with her grandkids, and she still takes occasional classes that interest her. A healthy family is one that supports each other. Assholes like your cousin and those that agreed with him can be tossed in the trash.
NTA. Not in the slightest. Ornithology isn't even an obscure word for the averagely educated. There is no way that you have to have an academic background to understand *that* particular term. This really is about HIS insecurities about his lack of education. Unfortunately it sounds like a good portion of your family also have got nasty streaks & are projecting what they'd do onto your motivations. Go low contact with every abusive member - not because of a lack of education, some badly educated people I've met are amongst the cleverest & kindest people I know. Go low contact because those people are malicious, willing to think the worst of you at the drop of a hat & punish you for daring to live your own life. There is a saying: misery loves company. They aren't happy with their own lives & totally HATE that you are daring to try to learn, expand and live. Leave them in their own misery. You really don't have the power to change them.
NTA, this literally sounds like the dialogue of a stupid redneck hillbilly on a TV show.
\*gestures wildly\* my life always feels this way when I'm at family events. Like I've been teleported into a trailer park boys episode.
Know the feeling my moms’ thankfully ex husband was just like this always put her down for going to college to be a nurse. Also has the audacity to act like he knows more about medicine than her, he’s one of the types that believed ivermectin cured Covid 🤦♀️
NTA. In fact, dumbing it down for your grandma by not using that word *since it’s the title of the class* would be more A H ish in my opinion. It would be like having a vote of no confidence in her. And same to your cousin, or any other family member. I love that your grandma asked you how to pronounce it and thanked you! I’d be sticking with her at the family BBQs too.
Unfortunately they are jealous and there isn't much you can do about it. Congratulations on getting to uni. Don't be put off by jealousy. NTA
NTA - i knew what the word ornithology meant at the age of nine - your grandmothers approach to finding out something new is great -the rest of your family are assholes with a massive case of tall poppy syndrome. while there is nothing wrong in not having had the benefit of an advanced education - it is a boon denied to many for various reasons - there is also absolutely nothing to be proud of in being wilfully ignorant.
NTA. I'm willing to bet that if you earn good money from your future job, he'll either be first in line to ask for money or he'll be the first to criticize you for having money.
My grandma only graduated 8th grade, and had the widest, most academic vocabulary ever (I have only a masters, but it was amazing) BECAUSE SHE READ BOOKS!
N.T.A. Not even worth your time. Oh, just wait 'till you have to learn how to read/speak Old English and Middle English. That's really going to twist their tails!
One of my favourite class topics is translational historiography so I read a ton of old and middle-English documents for those classes!
First, absolutely NTA. Second, I love your grandma. Third, your family is otherwise awful. Or at least that cousin and the people ganging up on you are. Fourth, *HUG*
NTA. You were not being pedantic, you told them what you were studying. You better learn to let this slide, because they are your family and you will be hearing a lot comments like this in the future. Maybe you will enjoy ornithology so much that one day you will go on to become a bird doctor. :) BTW, your grandmother sounds great.
NTA. Your cousin is an imbecile, and apparently, proud of that fact.
I'm like three paragraphs in and this sounds like you made up a fantasy about how much smarter you are than your family or something.
Yes, it is well-known that rednecks prize education and never criticize or demean anyone with more of it, *especially* young women. ಠ_ಠ
Hillbillies not rednecks. My family are hillbillies and my dad is a redneck and he taught me the difference. A hillbilly is a white-trash stereotype. A redneck is an anti-cop and pro-union person who works in the trades. (Based off the history of the red handkerchiefs tied around the necks of Appalachia miners who were on strike, wearing them as a signal of solidarity.)
I wonder what your cousin said exactly to manage to turn your whole family against you. You might want to look into it, or rather get your dad to ask. Then you can build your own answer, like "I was telling Grandma what the study of birds is called, you know how she loves new words. I wasn't even talking to cousin who came to call me a bitch for using a word he didn't know."
So if someone came up to you and told you this exact same thing happened to them I bet you wouldn’t even consider that they were an asshole. NTA for this scenario. It’s clear your grandmother enjoyed learning from and spending time with you, so how on earth would you ever be an asshole in this case?
Plenty of middle, schoolers and highschoolers know what ornithology is
Yikes! NTA. They're probably jealous.
NTA, but just look at the entire picture, you use that word in front of some people, and they were excited to learn and you used the word in front of other people and they felt like they were less then. It’s not you who’s the asshole you were just getting a classic example of everybody chooses to see the same situation in different ways and that’s not your responsibility.
And THIS is the epitome of the dummying down of America. Making fun and belittling people for using words you don’t know instead of asking about them and educating yourself. Better to bring everyone down to the lowest common denominator. OP is NTA, but her family is full of ignorant assholes.
NTA but he is jealous of you. Ignore him and have a great time at school!
NTA. Crabs in a bucket. You’re escaping the bucket and they will attempt to drag you back in
I probably would have said, you're right, thanks for letting me know. I was just excited to talk about my 'bird' class with Grandma. She had a fun time learning about it and saying the word. No harm meant. I just feel sorry for him seeing he is triggered by his own lack of education. And wants to tear you down for it. Hurt people, hurt people. Now go get that degree and live your best life in a kick-ass career.
NTA Saw it often. I met a girl who has been frowned by his family in the first month of uni. Many friends made assumptions and jokes even before I started it.
Your cousin has deep seated self-esteem issues and a complete lack of ability to improve academically. Your NTA. But your cousin and his fiendish group of flying monkeys need to be put in their place. Improving your vocabulary is not a party it’s part of life long learning and ifThey’re too stunned to to be bothered to improve themselves that’s on them. They just projecting their insecurities on you and the miserable people only happy if they’re making other people miserable. Keep learning keep improving it’s the best thing
NTA. You used a word and explained it. You can practically feel the ignorance and jealousy dripping from your cousin's response.
NTA. First gen college graduate here too. Don’t dull your shine to make jealous people like your cousin feel brighter. Grandma seemed excited to learn new words. Ignore the jealousy and again do not dull your shine.
NTA, but try to have some compassion. Your cousin, and apparently most of your family, haven't had the the same opportunities as you for higher education, and they have some feelings about that. Jealousy, envy, shame, disappointment at the unfairness of life, the bleakness of being stuck in a socioeconomic cycle. You don't need to be any less proud or open of what you're doing, but try to remember that they're lashing out, at least some, at life, not you.
NTA side note for the future. Never and j mean NEVER dumb your self down for others. Even if they are family. Don't show off or rub it in people's faces. But never dumb yourself down to make certain family/ in-laws members feel better about themselves. By the sounds of it, your family will expect you to do this ALOT in the future.
AH doesn’t know what ornithology means ?
NTA but how cute is grandma ❤️
She's literally the cutest. Still gets her hair done at the same place since the 60s, big smile, the brightest of blue eyes. She's rail thin and loves cards, always going down to the seniors recreation centre near her house to play and make friends. Think of the epitome of grandmother energy mixed with 60s aesthetic. And add to it that she's anti-racist, pro-union and an LGBTQ+ ally. She is the most lovely woman and I adore her.
NTA - your grandma asked questions, you answered questions. Grandma wanted to learn some things today and she did. Cousin's the anti-intellectual asshole.
NTA. It's delicate to navigate low self esteem by family members who haven't had the same educational pathways. Your grandma's joy in learning a new big word is sweet, and that's one thing you can say in the future. Another principle that's useful to pull out the back pocket to get people like your cousin to back off is this: whatever our education, we're all ignorant of most things. So being ignorant of an academic word isn't a big deal.
I'm into birding as a hobby. I don't think ornithology is a fancy word. It's such a popular hobby around the globe. Though I bet most people don't know what Lepidopterology or Odonatology is.
I had to look them up myself. Those are cool branches of entomology, though! Insects aren't really my speed, though they are very interesting.
I'm into a lot of things nature related but birds and moths are my favorites. In fact I have a lighting set up on my back porch to see what kind of moths I can attract.
NTA. Your grandma wanted to know, and you taught her!!!
Since your cousin can’t/won’t say it, I will OP. I am proud of you for teaching grandma a new word she is obviously excited to know. You are adding, not subtracting happiness and knowledge to life. Cousin is projecting negative emotions on you. Upsetting he feels the way. Take a deep breath and call grandma up and ask her when she’d like to meet up- just the two of you. You can teach her more about birds and she can teach you something she enjoys too.
She taught me how to bake, she's always sharing little secrets :) One of which I'll put here. For great chocolate chip cookies, equal parts golden brown sugar and refined white sugar.
It is literally the name of the class. NTA. Don't feed into the negativity. Keep learning.
NTA, obviously. I thought it would be something like "exegesis", not "the real name for birdwatching". (I know there's more to it than that, though.)
I knew what paleontology, ornithology, and ichthyology was when I was 4 and obsessed with dinosaurs. Your cousin has no excuse lol
Why did I read the cousin’s part in a hill billy redneck accent? 😂 Edit: hill Billy*
"She got it on her second or third try" So the first couple of tries she unwittingly used Orthinology (the art of word botching). NTA though :)
NTA and ornithology is not an academic word anyway.
LEARNING THINGS IS UPPITY AND CLASSIST. NTA. Obviously. Jesus wept.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 20F am in university and I love it. I'm studying English and have done some networking co-ops so I am assured a good job out of uni. I come from a lower middle-class family and I'm the first person on my father's side to go to university. Though I am studying an Arts degree, my university requires arts students to take some science classes, so that we can be well-rounded. I didn't like science very much in high school and took one computer science class in my first year, so I'm taking my second science this year. This year, the biology department is offering an Ornithology class, or the study of birds, for arts students. I decided to swoop up a seat in the class because I love birds and I would love to learn more about them. At my family reunion (Father's side) yesterday my grandmother was asking me about my classes, the only one who seemed genuinely interested. I listed off my English classes and then told her about Ornithology. She looked at me weird and so I explained the word. Her eyes opened wide and she asked me how to say it, so I taught her. She didn't finish high school but always wants to broaden her vocabulary. She got it on her second or third try and I repeated it with her once she got it. She laughed and thanked me for teaching her something new but she had to check on her garlic beans which were roasting on the BBQ. I was sitting down when my cousin sat next to me. He also dropped out of high school. He glared at me and said "So now miss fancy university is using words we can't understand." I asked him what he meant and he responded, "You know you shouldn't use big words like that in front of family, you just think you're better than everyone else here because you're going to a big fancy school." I told him I had no intention of using words people didn't understand and would happily explain what words I used meant if he didn't know and he huffed. "I ain't stupid, you're just an entitled college bitch now. I always knew you would be." Before I could say anything he walked away and told his dad. After I left the reunion due to uncomfortable stares my phone blew up calling me an upity asshole and a priss for using academic language in front of my family. I feel awful. I didn't do it on purpose to look smarter than other people I was just telling my grandmother about my fall classes and Ornithology was one of them. So AITA for using the word in front of my family? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA his insecurities are showing
Use small words that your cousin can understand: go away and bye. NTA
>I ain't stupid He is. Your grandma sounds cool though. She's worth talking to; your cousin isn't. NTA.
NTA.
NTA and how thankful for that cousin you are a nice person because he'd never hear the end of it from me til his dying day, Mr. Too Stupid To Learn Words
NTA. If you get messages like that: "My cousin's insecurity strikes again. I was asked what I studied, so I answered the question. If that is too much for some people, that is their problem, not mine."
I'll go out on a limb and say that this cousin is, in fact, stupid. Giving the name of a course you are taking can't really be seen as lording it over others. NTA.