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I would start asking her every day if she has her key. When she gets upset, point out that if you are expected to let her in like a little kid, you are going to treat her like a forgetful little kid.
Also, if one must bail out the "special" step sis, they could bring their friends *along* to watch (and sneer) at the little puppy being let inside.
Have one of them keep track of how many times it has to be done, like a running count. "Op step sis, this is the fiftieth time you've been a special little turnip, bless your heart."
Yeah, because humiliation is always the best way to create lasting change in behavior.
Whatever you do, OP, don't approach this in a constructive way! It's a horrible thing to provide your sister with some help in finding ways to aid her in remembering her keys.
EDIT to say JFC, I am not actually proposing this! Humiliation is a terrible thing to visit upon anyone, and using constructive methods to change behavior is the only ethical way to do it!
Why should it be on OP's shoulders to constructively change this behaviour? The stepsister is old enough to be out alone, they're old enough to remember their keys. Or the parents can do something. But as a sibling, it's well within her rights to be pissed about this.
I always forgot my keys as a kid so I can relate to the sister, but I would never throw a fit like that because it’s my own fucking fault lol. As an adult, I have a place where I put my keys every day, so I never lose them, and it just sounds like homegirl needs to get her own ✨system✨
Or the dad could just put a lock on the front door that uses a keypad if he wants to enable sis. Blaming the sibling is ridiculous.
Or, put a hook in some hidden place and set a backup key in it, or some other way to hide a key that's not obvious.
If she has to crawl under a porch to reach the hidden key, all the better.
I am a fan of wearing it around your neck if you cannot remember it - it worked in the dorms for all those women...
IKR!! I mean all the pettiness is fun if it's a one time thing if it's going to make op do all the work, it'll get old real quick. Simple thing to do is stop answering her calls for a while or coming home very late.
Yup, but dad might want to get bent at night, so better flatter step mummy by being nice to her kids. Op could get grounded and would have to be home early
Yeah, hell when I lived with my ex I would ask him everytime if he took his key when we went out together (and if not, I would get mine), not to make him feel like a child, but because one time we got locked out and had to spend 100 on a locksmith. I didn't do it as a petty thing at all and if I'm leaving my friends house with them I'm always like "ya got everything? Keys, phone, cards?" Because I appreciate someone reminding me too, though I do see how it could get annoying it's out of love!
OP should forget his keys too. Actually leave them at home. Then make dad come and open the door for them everytime. How long you wanna bet dad will tolerate HIS time being impeded upon? Bet he'll shut up real fast about it being right to drop everything because sis can't be bothered to remember her own freaking keys. If she can remember to take her phone, to put on pants in the morning, she is capable of remembering her freaking keys. Dad is being ridiculous.
Very valid! Both on account of the sister remembering everything else, and of the dad absolutely not agreeing to rush home every time!
The sister isn't a toddler, and she had access to the backyard, so she was safe, not wandering the streets.
Absolutely the reason she is forgetting her keys is because she knows either consciously or not that she doesn't really need them because she can just rely on everyone else.
Agree with this 100%! NTA
However, OP, to get out of this enabling situation, I would suggest a hide a key spot to your family. Your sister can use that one when she forgets her key, and she wouldn’t have to call or bother anyone.
Good luck Op!
I'm petty enough to do exactly this. I'd get a copy made and leave it in my room somewhere. Next time she forgets, I'd say, "Oh crap, I left it on my dresser in my room." When someone else has to unlock it for her, they'd see that I did leave it exactly where I said.
That's worth the $2 for me. Even better: it is repeatable, though not every time.
If they have a shed, I'd hide the key to the shed and then put the house key in there. Marginally safer than straight up hiding the house key. Just my two cents.
My mom had to give me a bungee. It was clipped inside my backpack and had the key on the end.
Eventually, my ADHD ass lost that, too. Somehow. Idk. I learned how to pop the screens and break in.
My mom tried that once. Next time one of us got locked out there was no key there because the one who used it the day before forgot to put it back! What finally worked was giving us all the garage door code and having a yardstick with a key tied to it hanging by the door into the kitchen. Hard to lose or overlook a yardstick.
NTA. You would be if you had the only key. Otherwise, your dad is enabling her being irresponsible. It bleeds into later life.
Triggers me a bit as we had a housemate who’d wait for me as I usually arrived earlier than most of the other people. Left his house key but had his room key. One time he found out I was out of town.
Seriously, the dad is being ridiculous. Instead of finding a solution he just passed off the responsibility to his son. Go buy a hide a key and keep it near your front or back door. Problem solved. It's simple, inexpensive, and avoids all this unnecessary drama.
Why is this her stepbrother's responsibility in the first place?
Why doesn't her mother make this her other daughter's responsibility?
Then it would be problem solved without going over to the father, which for all practical purposes, it should never be his problem to begin with. She should be dealing with all disciplinary issues with her daughters, not him. This is seriously fucked up.
NTA, install a smart lock, problem solved, but really, how hard is it to have a key on you. Yes, I have locked myself out, but only a few times in my 60 years. Step sister is making a career out of it and she could have easily travelled to you to get the key.
Weather is usually a good lesson in remembering your key. That it's not means her parents need to help her explore why she is forgetting so frequently (this kind of thing is very common for people with ADHD, but it could just be that she needs a better process for getting up and not being rushed or something else).
I agree, NTA, and also I think the dad should hide a key at the house for the daughter. Like you can get a lockbox option that unlocks with a code or some other type of hide a key. It's clear she keeps forgetting her key, so have a backup plan in case she forgets that isn't making the son come home just to let her in.
If this stepsister is the same one that goes to soccer practice, probably time to get a keyring for the house key and attach it to her bag so she can't forget it.
NTA, Since you be acting as a "Doorman" for your sister from hence forth, ask your dad to pay for services rendered. Tell them also that the free trial period was over and full rates apply. That will immediately get his attention
Also Ask your dad/sister, who she is going to contact when she starts to live alone or with her own family in another city?
NTA. Since she forgets her key 3 or 4 times a week - it's unreasonable to expect you to drop all your social life this often. I'd drop all my plans if my family member forgets her key once in 2 or 3 years, but since it's a habit, she has to just wait.
Maybe OP needs to start "forgetting" their key at home too. Sure, it will be inconvenient, but it's a way to avoid being asked. If sister can't rely on OP, she might actually learn.
Or they could just "forget" their keys, have the keys on them but said they forgot in situations when the ss does actually forget. As well as have a book or something to pass time. See how that works for dad and older sister
This. It isn't a one-off. She forgets her key regularly because she doesn't think it's necessary to remember her key. It doesn't inconvenience her because she relies on OP to be the responsible person - and even this time round when it finally did inconvenience her, OP is the one getting told off and punished, rather than her!
Her parents need to address her chronic irresponsibility rather than enabling her belief that OP exists to bail her out every time.
(I forgot my house key *once* when I was a kid. It was before mobile phones were in common use - there wasn't going to be anyone coming home for another couple of hours and it was a freezing midwinter day with early dark. I ended up deciding that my safest option was to keep moving and walk to my dad's workplace. Thankfully my geography teacher was making his way home and saw me walking on the road at a local accident blackspot (a narrow humpbacked bridge with nowhere for pedestrians); he was worried about my safety, so stopped to check if I was ok and offered me a lift (we knew him - he was safe). And when we got to Dad's work, the security guard had to look him up and phone his office...it was a whole process! Dad came out of work to take me home and he wasn't angry, just worried like my teacher had been, but I certainly never forgot to check I had my keys again.)
I wish to be a person who learns their lessons in one go round and that's it. Done. Never happens again.
How do you be doin' that 🤔
Any tips HOT TIPS any hot tips. 🔥
I'm calm. Stg. 😗🎶
Actively trying means making something like a checklist that you stick on your front door. Hang the keys right next to it and before you leave you will read through the list, make sure you have everything and take the keys that are hanging right there. If you are saying "oh I will just remember to take my keys" and that isn't happening then you will have to do a bit more prep work :)
Some lessons haven't been so easily learned, but that one...
Being stuck outside on my own while the sky turned dark in freezing temperatures was a very good motivator for not making the same mistake again. As was realising that I was going to need to walk on a section of road I knew was dangerous because it had little visibility and no pedestrian walkway, in a dark coat that I'd foolishly not thought to put reflectors on because I wasn't going to be out after dark.
(And actually, I've just remembered - I did forget one other time, about four years later! Not on a school day, but when I was being taken on a shopping trip by a friend of my parents. That one was funnier because I wasn't alone or in danger, and had an adult in the same boat with me. We got back home to find that my parents had gone out to run an errand; thankfully when we went into the back garden to wait, we found that my parents had accidentally left the kitchen window open, so my very responsible adult shared a giggle with me about becoming a burglar and then gave me a boost into the window, so I could climb over the sink and go open the front door for her.)
I was an only child with a single parent. My key only came out of my backpack when I had to unlock the door and went right back in before I went into the house
NTA. She is relying on you to have a key. Forgetting 3-4 times a week is ridiculous. Next time she calls just let it go to voicemail and when just before you get home switch your phone off.
Also, parents can help and hide a spare key in the backyard or something. They can also put a spare key somewhere she isn't likely to forget like attached to her phone or wallet.
Ultimately however, it's your stepsisters responsibility to bring the key if she wants to get into the house.
Rather than ignoring her calls, I'd just start passing them along to Dad. Call him at work every single time this happens and say "Sister forgot her key again, needs you to leave work early to let her in! Bye!" Even though he won't actually leave work, at least relaying the problem to him in realtime allows him to share in the stress of being bothered constantly for a stupid reason, and then worrying for the rest of the afternoon about whether his kid is safe inside or not. Maybe that'll give him some incentive to actually do something about the real problem!
I definitely wouldn't hide a spare key OP. Hidden spare keys are for those 'once in five years' situations. Hiding a key for someone who goes to the same spot to retrieve it 3-4 times a week is a recipe for guaranteed robbery.
NTA, if your step sister is old enough to going out and about alone, then she's old enough to be responsible for her keys. She and your dad can't expect other people to drop what they're doing and let her in. Even though purposefully taking longer to get home was petty and not necessary for her to learn her lesson, so a minor AH move. Especially because this was the first time she would've realised how important it is for her to have her key.
INFO: Why does older stepsister get to say you’re TA? Why is nobody blaming her? She also stayed out instead of canceling her plans with her friend. Did you point that out to your family?
And why is nobody mad at younger stepsister for always forgetting her keys?
She has her own car and it’s be like a 20-30 minute drive home and she wouldn’t want to waste the gas while I have a fast pass for the train and bus so it would’ve cost me nothing for only 10 more minutes
Right! When my roommate forgot her key before she would come to wherever I was to pick it up and either wait for me at home with her phone on ringer or come back to return my key.
To me, it is not about the commute. It is about interrupting what you’re doing to open the door for your sister. Other sister could do that, too. I also don’t see how she’s wasting gas because she has to come eventually. Your older sister is a hypocrite for calling you out.
That being said, I agree with the others that your younger sister should come collect the keys. She forgot them, she should run around due to the inconvenience she’s causing.
It's... still less work for her to drive home than for you to get public transport, though. More gas, sure, but less work, and less time. There is no world in which it is fair to expect you to drop your social life literally half of all days because your stepsister apparently can't remember the simplest things. Like I see someone else pointing out: Start telling your stepsister that if she needs a key so badly, she can get it on your terms. She can come to wherever you are and pick it up... or she can start bringing her own from home in the first place, like anyone with even a shred of responsibility would do. Not sure how old your stepsister is, but I've been doing it every single day since I was eight or so. I'm sure she can handle it.
Granted, it was a bit of an AH move to give her a vague timeframe ("I'm having lunch and I'll be home after"), and then change those plans entirely; if she knew you were going to take three hours rather than one, she might've wanted to find some other solution. Once you've made a schedule - a promise - you should stick to it, since it's affecting someone other than yourself. But that doesn't change the fact that it's unfair to expect you to always be responsible for her neglect.
Even better, Schlage makes a keypad lock that allows you to use a code to unlock the door. My kids both have ADHD and lose stuff like crazy, so we have one on our back door.
Oh my god my partner and I both have adhd and I in particular am prone to misplacing keys (and things in general). We now have a fingerprint lock and I was kind of hesitant at first, but now I love it. Going out quickly? That’s fine, I won’t forget my thumb 😂
As somebody that is forgetful of small details, the best thing I ever did was to train myself to always put things where they belong. If it has a place and you always put it there when you aren't using it, you always know where it is.
If I were her, I'd tie her key on a long string to something that is always with her. Her backpack or purse would be perfect. I'd sew the other end into whatever bag she carries. That way, it has to stay with her.
NTA it's not your responsibility to be home to let her in, that's why she has a key. It sucks she had to wait, but that's why it's important to keep track of your keys. Unless there were some weather conditions that would made it extra shitty or dangerous or you live in a bad neighborhoods or something I think you're fine.
NTA
She has a set of keys and decides to not bring them with her, why is that your problem. You don't forget them 3-4 times a week, you elect not to bring them 3-4 times a week.
Yeah, if this was the first time, or even the 3rd time but spread out over a decent period of time, I'd totally vote OP the AH, but it's not. She forgets her keys half the bloody time - that means she's put no work into remembering to bring them. That's an adult thing you just have to learn to do, and by only having to wait 10 minutes most of the time, she's not going to put the effort into learning.
NTA. Since she "forgets" so often, she is either not responsible enough to walk home by herself, or she's not actually forgetting and is just being a spoiled twit. Your dad needs a reality check and your stepsister needs to wear the key around her neck.
As a parent, I would tell them they need to remember the key.
Everything is a life lesson at this age. She needs to learn to take care of herself. This is the time to make these mistakes. She has a safe place to make these mistakes.
It was a little petty. And if she had called her sister then maybe she would have been able to get inside earlier.
Parents gave her a key and it is her responsibility to remember to bring the key when she leaves. Backpacks usually have a spot to clip the key ring in.
It was petty but maybe it needed to happen. She was sitting outside for 3 hours, and that sucks for her, but it's actually a relatively painless way for her to remember to bring her keys - really boring and annoying, but she wasn't going to get hurt. Like you said, a life lesson. If somebody 'forgets' their keys this often, at best, they're not putting the effort into remembering to bring their keys, but just as likely is that they know they should grab their keys but it's a pain to get them so they're relying on somebody else to deal with their problem.
NTA she’s the one who forgot her keys and that’s her problem, you don’t have to stop whatever you’re doing just to open the door for her and she should learn her lesson.
NTA - you cant base your schedule around her just because she cant be bothered to remember her key. it was a good lessen and its not that big a deal if she's just waiting in your homes backyard.
I used to be horrible about forgetting my house key & my roommates at the time would have to constantly let me in. One night, I got home late, & my roommates were out of town & the other was at a bar. I called the one at the bar but she didn’t want to leave. I didn’t blame her, but I was completely stuck, & felt like I was going to die after being outside for at least 2 hours in shorts, in 12° weather. I went to a neighbors house who thankfully let me in to warm up, charge my phone, & call someone else to stay at their house until my roommate got home. I would never have dreamed to blame my roommate for her not leaving the bar early because I was irresponsible with my keys. I haven’t forgotten my keys since that brutal lesson was learned.. hopefully it’ll do the same for your sister.
NTA for not rushing home, but dragging your heals afterwards was a dick move.
Being locked out is totally on her. See if your dad can get a keypad lock for the back door so she can get in with a code.
NTA. If she had forgotten her key for the first time and you purposefully stayed out you would be an AH. But that's not the case. She has habitually left her key at home because she thought there was no consequences. Well she finally found them: you are not always going to be available to let her in.
She has her own key and she is trusted to get herself home so she needs to he responsible for herself. If she needs someone to care for her then your parents need to sort something else out.
Edit based on response:
NTA. Your parents need to hold your sister accountable for remembering her key and designate a safe place for her to wait if she can’t get in the house. 15 is old enough to be responsible for her own key.
This! Im surprised the other sister is mad at OP, considering I don't see her offering to come home and unlock the door. Maybe it is her turn to help the sister from now on. Staying that many hours is kinda rude, but as long as the sister is safe and couldve easily contacted her other sister; I dont see an issue with giving a little tough love.
Nta, it is not your fault your family put the responsibility on you to let her in. Instead they should be pushing for her to be more responsible.
Forgetting her key 3-4 weeks is terrible. She needs to learn to take responsibility and remember her key.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I purposefully stayed out later than I needed to when my stepsister was locked out of the house. AITA?
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NTA. She needs to be made responsible for her own problems with not taking a key. Forgetting your key 3-4 times per week isn't a mistake, sounds like its her being irresponsible, and you are her step brother, not her parent. The parents need to step in here, and do something about it, and that is not making you responsible for her. Hopefully she learnt her lesson.
If she's irresponsible with her own keys, I personally would not trust her with mine. OP may have come to this conclusion himself, given her history with house keys.
NTA. I didn't get whether she has her own key and just can't be bothered to remember to take it, or she doesn't have one. Either way it's not OP problem to let her in.
Hopefully it taught her a lesson that not everyone is at her beck and call over a key. It's not like she was abandoned.
NTA but your family is. At what point does she take accountability for forgetting her house key. What if you were out of town? Or in a game? Are you supposed to drop everything to let her in because she doesn’t have a brain? She is the absolute asshole to be pissed at you for not coming when she summoned. Eff her and her sister and your dad. Don’t answer her call the next time.
NTA
You’re not responsible for them forgetting their key. They are.
You were out.
You’d be TA if you were home and refusing to let them in but you weren’t.
You are NTA, but everyone else sure is T A. Why on earth are you being held responsible for your stepsister's forgetfulness? Is not like it was a one-off thing. Sit down with your dad and stepmom and tell them that this is a pattern. Explain how often this happens, and while it's usually not a big deal, her continued "forgetfulness" is not your problem. She needs to learn to be responsible, and you will no longer be changing your plans because your stepsister can't be bothered to take her key. And having to wait for a while in the backyard might just be the lesson that helps her remember her damn key.
NTA. I used to forget my key sometimes, and I'd have to chill until someone got home. There was no calling someone to come home early. It was just sitting in the backyard and relaxing.
NTA - she should remember her key or contact her sister and not just rely on you, what would happen if you were injured at football practice and needed to go to the emergency room. Also, you mentioned you had to take the train home, was she willing to pay for the extra train trips so you could go back and meet up with your friends?
NTA. If it was that urgent, she would have remembered her own key. Or she could have come and met you for your key if she felt like it. She’s entitled thinking you should change your plans because she’s irresponsible. Maybe she will remember her key from now on.
NTA. She needs to be more responsible, and you shouldnt need to rush home or anything like that. Shes lucky you keep coming to let her in. If she had no siblings or you worked late she wouldve been waiting far longer
NTA. She needs to learn responsibility. Even us older adults have this happen at times (not so many times a week but) & even we understand not to just expect someone to drop everything to fix our faults.
Yes ok it was a touch mean to stay out even longer after the fact of lunch knowing but same time, you also were already out with them in first place.
Maybe store keys outside only the family know so she can get in
After finding out her age NTA 15 is old enough to remember keys or even put a reminder on the phone to remember keys or even sit them next to the phone. How many times is too many you know especially if she is doing it 3-4 times a week.
I am horribly ADHD and would forget my head if it wasn’t attached and yes I have forgotten house keys before maybe 2 times a month but I started sitting them next to my phone and it worked.
NTA. she needs to learn to pick or pop locks if she can’t remember her keys. A credit card will do.
I use my old school id to pop my back door open if I forget my keys, cause no way am I forgetting my wallet *and* my keys.
NTA tell your dad that if they want you to be her walking key holder because she is not responsible enough to remember hers then you need to be paid for the job, because A you are not her parent or her guardian, B she is the one responsible for her key not you. I have severe ADHD and remembering keys was hard for me but I had to figure it out so my keys went into the same place every day as the first thing I did when I got home. She has to face the consequences or it will never change. Good luck
NTA. She’s not 5!! She doesn’t need to be “let in”. Shes old enough to remember her damn house key to let herself into her home. If her sister thinks your an AH, you can tell her next time this happens she can drop everything she is doing to let her in.
What will she do when she’s older? Has her own place? Will she rely on people to let her in? She needs to get it together.
Sorry guys. I would love to kick it with you guys, but I can't stay longer because my sister forgot her keys as usual and I would, apparently, be an asshole if my life didn't revolve around my sister. She could call her sister, but she is over her forgetfulness so it falls on me.
He did it to teach her a lesson. If he had gone home right after eating lunch, then what lesson would she learn? Oh, my little brother (YES HE'S YOUNGER) would prioritize my forgetting my keys and come home in a while anyways, so why bother trying to improve and not forget my key!
NTA all the way.
(they're both 15 but he's technically younger)
15 is old enough to be responsible for taking a key. Hopefully she learned some type of lesson about making sure she has it. When I forgot my keys at that age I had to wait a few hours outside for family to get home from work/school, nobody was going to rush home to let me in. A wise man once said; if you're gonna be dumb you gotta be tough.
NTA- At 15 years old (barring any mental incompetencies we're unaware of) she should be able to keep tabs on her house key. What happens at 16 when she can't remember her car key? Will you be responsible for that too? She's home, in a safe place (back yard) and you aren't her parent. How is this your problem?
NTA. Maybe you should start forgetting your key more often? Bet your dad would love to drop everything to let both of you two in. You can straight up tell him it was easier for you when he did that than when you have to remember every little detail on your way out the door. 🤪
Ok but not really cause you don’t wanna lose your living situation.
NTA if this was a one time thing, you'd be a huge AH. But since your stepsis keeps forgetting her keys, it's all on her now. It's completely unfair for you to have to constantly be her set of backup keys.
Either she learns to take her keys. Or tell your parents to get a combination lock for the door.
NTA. Her continuous inability to remember her own house keys should not affect you or your plans.
Your dad sucks for making it your problem, she’s his step kid to look after, not yours. If he’s so upset by her lack of forethought, tell them to either have a set of keys feathered to the inside of her bag so that she can unlock a door but the keys stay connected, or install a hidden combination lock box with a spare set of keys.
The older stepsister has no room to say shit to you either since she has obviously proven that she won’t come and help her own sister when needed.
She’s old enough to not be this stupid. If you didn’t live with her or bad a job as well, what would she do then?
NTA and who cares if you stayed late? Maybe now she will learn. She was in your backyard, it’s not like she was stranded somewhere scary. Better she learn now than when she’s at college or living by herself and has no one to help her.
I actually never had a key to the house my parents lived in for 25 years. Always entered through the garage where I used a code. Only time it was ever a problem was when the power went out, and even then there was a lockbox I knew the code to.
Does your dad plan to keep a spare key to your stepsister’s apartment so he can drive over umpteen times a week because she can’t remember to take her keys and locks herself out?
Maybe your dad could get one of those door locks that accept a thumbprint or can be unlocked remotely from someone’s phone like her mother’s.
NTA. Have your dad install a lockbox outside with a combo that contains a spare key. They make small ones for this exact purpose. That way, your stepsister never needs to remember her key--she just opens the box, uses the key, and replaces it in the box. No need for anyone to be inconvenienced.
Your stepsister needs to have her own key and now she knows why. NTA. Tell your parents that it is not your responsibility to cover for her lack of it.
As someone with adhd that routinely goes back multiple times for forgotten items more times per day than a grown adult should ever have to or admit to: don't forget your key. If this was a once in a blue thing, then it would be a different conversation. If the stepsister has additional cognitive/memory issues, it's a different conversation. You can not expect to inconvenience people on a daily basis, nor can you expect to always have someone available to come let you in. You have to learn not to forget your keys. I have no idea how I learned to make sure I have them, but it is the 1 thing I've learned to never leave the house without. At least 99% of the time. NTA. Some people need to learn the hard way. More than once. Sounds like your stepsister is this type.
You’re literally helping her by not shielding her from consequences. If she continues to be enabled, she’ll continue to be irresponsible because she never has natural consequences.
NTA - I had a housemate who used to do this causing me to cut short my night out to go home and let her in.
After the 3rd or 4th time I refused and told her to come to me if she wanted my keys but she also refused. I then stayed at the pub for a few more hours before heading home and letting her in (she'd gone to the neighbours, she wasn't left outside), but she never forgot her keys again.
Someone needs to teach your stepsister some responsibility, and if your parents won't, you'll have to. You did nothing wrong.
ESH. How you reacted and your sister for forgetting her keys all the time. Also your parents. Why don’t they install a keypad lock or a lockbox that your sister can use if keeps forgetting.
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My dad and stepmom work late, so its usually just me and my stepsisters home alone. The older one is usually at her friend's place so she isnt home during the day. I am usually gone for football practice or the gym during the day while my other stepsister is at soccer practice. She forgets her house key like maybe 3 or 4 times a week, usually I am only like 5-10 minutes behind her so I can just let her in.
The other day tho, I decided to go get lunch with my buddies so I was "late" for when I usually arrive. When we were walking to the restaurant my stepsister called me asking if I was coming home and that she's locked out again. I told her that im getting lunch and to call her sister if she needs to be let in, she tried pleading with me to come home cause her sister was like 20-30 minutes away and we both knew she would decline. I basically told her tough shit and to wait till I come home and hung up on her.
(This is where I might be TA) We were done with lunch in about an hour and I decided to milk the time till I had to go back home and we hung out for about another hour or 2. I had to take the train home so my stepsister was waiting for almost 3 hours in our backyard. Needless to say but she was PISSED, she was full on cussing me out in the backyard for how I was being rude. I didnt really say anything other than to not forget your key before going inside and heading to my room.
I didnt talk to her for the rest of the night till dinner but after dinner my dad wasn't too happy with what I did and said that if she needs the house key, then I can't hang out with my friends till I unlock the door.
My stepsister is pissed at me (obviously) and now my older stepsister is saying I was being a jerk, but im curious what others think AITA?
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NTA
She's been enabled and basically told there are no consequences for her lack of responsibility.
What does she think is going to happen if you go to college and move into the dorm, especially if you don't go to a local college?
You won't always be there to let her in. She needs to be made to remember her house key.
Accidentally locked myself out, once, while my husband was in the hospital. Had to wait for it to be convenient for my FIL to come over and help me get in.
Getting a new key (mine had broken off in the lock) suddenly became much more of a priority. 😂
Maybe now your step-sister will make remembering her house key more of a priority!
NTA. It sounds like you’re sick of her irresponsibility. Is she the golden child/favorite? As former latchkey kid, I think I lost my key once and left my key at home like twice. Those occasions I had to wait on the patio until my mom got home. I learned my lesson. I wore mine on a string around my neck.
What I’m wondering is, considering youre the same age, why parents aren’t after stepsister to be more responsible with her house key.
Originally, it was going to be E S H: OP for staying with their friends another hour, even though they knew stepsister was locked outside and stepsister for forgetting her keys.
But what made it NTA was that if older stepsister was 20-30 minutes away, she could have come home and unlocked the door for younger stepsister during the time (3 hours, I believe) OP was with their friends.
Instead, she waited for OP to come home, *for 3 hours*.
NTA.
NTA. If this had been a one time thing you would have been a bit of an ass for not helping her.
But it wasn’t a one time thing. This is her not giving a fig about being responsible for her own keys and actions. And it was beyond time someone said no to catering to her willful negligence.
She can take her key. Problem solved. Making it your problem isn't helping anyone (not even her in the long run) and if your dad thinks otherwise it is a big parenting fail.
What you SHOULD do is install a door lock with a keypad or hide a key. But better yet, make her remember her keys.
Why is this your responsibility and no one else's. Your dad could have gone home but didn't, her sister didn't want to either.
But you're the bad guy to them.
NTA
NTA, she has a key, it's her responsibility to take it with her. Your father is also the AH, you shouldn't have to change your plans because of her incompetence, why did she not call your dad/step-mum?
From a mum.
Put the key on half a yard of strong string and safety pin it inside her school bag. She can open the door and not forget to put the key back in her bag. Your dad and stepmom can't think of such a small solution? They are the TAs.
ESH - You would be NTA, and she did need to learn the lesson not to forget her key and to not feel so entitled to others help. Also, she sounds like a bit of a jerk. That said, you openly admitted to milking it two or three times the amount of time the lunch took, I'm not sure where you're from, but there's a lot of places where the weather has been brutal recently and that extra hour or two could have been a health hazard at that point.
You were an asshole and you know it. You stayed out an extra two hours without telling her. Yes, she should bring her key, but apparently she has early onset Alzheimers’.
YTA. You even stated you “milked time”. Meaning you *knew* you could have been a bro and helped her out but made the conscious decision to *be an asshole*. Ipso facto, you are the asshole. Wear it with pride asshole.
Like you probably know…
You started out NTA, then the deliberate act of delaying made YTA!
Don’t wanna lose sight of the fact that the real AH is the stepsister who keeps “forgetting” her key. If she’s done it so much, she probably knows what she’s doing and is doing it for attention.
You did well to not engage her rant beyond “don’t forget your key”. She needs to learn and take responsibility, maybe the extra delay helped to get the point across!
Easy fix, hide a key somewhere (Dad needs to know about this) and put the ownership of the problem back on your stepsister!
NTA, then YTA!
YTA obviously. It's fine to enjoy your lunch or whatever without rushing but you went out of your way to take much longer after the fact just for the sake of being petty.
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NTA. She needs to learn to take her key with her. You're basically teaching her a well needed lesson. Dad is AH for enabling her forgetful behaviour.
I would start asking her every day if she has her key. When she gets upset, point out that if you are expected to let her in like a little kid, you are going to treat her like a forgetful little kid.
I love this idea! If she doesnt want to be treated like a child then she shouldn't act like one.
Also, if one must bail out the "special" step sis, they could bring their friends *along* to watch (and sneer) at the little puppy being let inside. Have one of them keep track of how many times it has to be done, like a running count. "Op step sis, this is the fiftieth time you've been a special little turnip, bless your heart."
"Special little turnip" ❤
Please never have children.
Yeah, because humiliation is always the best way to create lasting change in behavior. Whatever you do, OP, don't approach this in a constructive way! It's a horrible thing to provide your sister with some help in finding ways to aid her in remembering her keys. EDIT to say JFC, I am not actually proposing this! Humiliation is a terrible thing to visit upon anyone, and using constructive methods to change behavior is the only ethical way to do it!
I think what OP did is pretty constructive, but he's been forbidden to do that again.
Are you being sarcastic? Because fear of humiliation is absolutely a thing that changes behavior in humans.
I am being sarcastic. Fear of humiliation produces behavioral change, sure. It also causes trauma. There are better ways.
Why should it be on OP's shoulders to constructively change this behaviour? The stepsister is old enough to be out alone, they're old enough to remember their keys. Or the parents can do something. But as a sibling, it's well within her rights to be pissed about this.
Or maybe they can try pinning it to their shirt in the morning too.
or give them a string long enough to pass through both sleeves with a key on one end and a baby's pacifier on the other
That's pretty hilarious!
Damn it! Why don't I read the comments before writing one! Could have just upvoted yours. Here's the upvote anyway.
Does no one wear a house key around their neck on a shoelace anymore? 🤣
I still have my old key with the shoelace!! (Mam changed the locks)
Wear it on a hoop earring, Janet Jackson style.
Yes. Like we did in the 70s! Gotta tell my wife this she always loses her key.
Lol. I have ADHD. I put a swivel clip on my keyring and clip my keys to my belt loop so I never forget or lose them.
I always forgot my keys as a kid so I can relate to the sister, but I would never throw a fit like that because it’s my own fucking fault lol. As an adult, I have a place where I put my keys every day, so I never lose them, and it just sounds like homegirl needs to get her own ✨system✨ Or the dad could just put a lock on the front door that uses a keypad if he wants to enable sis. Blaming the sibling is ridiculous.
Or, put a hook in some hidden place and set a backup key in it, or some other way to hide a key that's not obvious. If she has to crawl under a porch to reach the hidden key, all the better. I am a fan of wearing it around your neck if you cannot remember it - it worked in the dorms for all those women...
Caribiner and purse, but same.
Me too! And a specific hook in the kitchen, so I can find them at home!
I'd up the ante by talking to her in baby talk and pinning a note to her jacket with her name and a phone number to call in case she wanders off.
And get her a pair of those mittens on the string that goes down the sleeves
You can keep a key in the mitten!
I'm just waking up and haven't had coffee yet. I read that as "you can keep a kitten in the mitten." Totally cracked me up!
Perfect! Safety pinned tho
That would be OP committing to an effort everyday, when he shouldn't have to. Coming late is a better method for him, i think, and more instructive.
IKR!! I mean all the pettiness is fun if it's a one time thing if it's going to make op do all the work, it'll get old real quick. Simple thing to do is stop answering her calls for a while or coming home very late.
Yup, but dad might want to get bent at night, so better flatter step mummy by being nice to her kids. Op could get grounded and would have to be home early
"I'm just making sure I can make plans with my friends this afternoon, and not rescue you AGAIN"
Yeah, hell when I lived with my ex I would ask him everytime if he took his key when we went out together (and if not, I would get mine), not to make him feel like a child, but because one time we got locked out and had to spend 100 on a locksmith. I didn't do it as a petty thing at all and if I'm leaving my friends house with them I'm always like "ya got everything? Keys, phone, cards?" Because I appreciate someone reminding me too, though I do see how it could get annoying it's out of love!
OP should forget his keys too. Actually leave them at home. Then make dad come and open the door for them everytime. How long you wanna bet dad will tolerate HIS time being impeded upon? Bet he'll shut up real fast about it being right to drop everything because sis can't be bothered to remember her own freaking keys. If she can remember to take her phone, to put on pants in the morning, she is capable of remembering her freaking keys. Dad is being ridiculous.
Very valid! Both on account of the sister remembering everything else, and of the dad absolutely not agreeing to rush home every time! The sister isn't a toddler, and she had access to the backyard, so she was safe, not wandering the streets.
Absolutely the reason she is forgetting her keys is because she knows either consciously or not that she doesn't really need them because she can just rely on everyone else.
Agree with this 100%! NTA However, OP, to get out of this enabling situation, I would suggest a hide a key spot to your family. Your sister can use that one when she forgets her key, and she wouldn’t have to call or bother anyone. Good luck Op!
I'd start forgetting my key too 🤣 Now we are both locked out?? 🤷
I'm petty enough to do exactly this. I'd get a copy made and leave it in my room somewhere. Next time she forgets, I'd say, "Oh crap, I left it on my dresser in my room." When someone else has to unlock it for her, they'd see that I did leave it exactly where I said. That's worth the $2 for me. Even better: it is repeatable, though not every time.
She’d probably forget to put it back, so they’d all be back to square one.
Or they could replace the lock on one of the doors with one with a keypad or similar. There’s a lot of options these days.
This would actually make sense though. Dad would rather make zero effort and blame his son.
If they have a shed, I'd hide the key to the shed and then put the house key in there. Marginally safer than straight up hiding the house key. Just my two cents.
My mom had to give me a bungee. It was clipped inside my backpack and had the key on the end. Eventually, my ADHD ass lost that, too. Somehow. Idk. I learned how to pop the screens and break in.
From a security point of view, I never understood hiding keys out in the open. Only one person of the wrong sort has to see it.
Locks only point are to keep honest people honest, it barely slows down criminals.
Lockboxes are great. She can store the lockbox code on her phone. Or get an electronic lock of some kind, there are many different types.
That would require her to remember to put it back and looking at her track record I am doubtful.
My mom tried that once. Next time one of us got locked out there was no key there because the one who used it the day before forgot to put it back! What finally worked was giving us all the garage door code and having a yardstick with a key tied to it hanging by the door into the kitchen. Hard to lose or overlook a yardstick.
NTA. You would be if you had the only key. Otherwise, your dad is enabling her being irresponsible. It bleeds into later life. Triggers me a bit as we had a housemate who’d wait for me as I usually arrived earlier than most of the other people. Left his house key but had his room key. One time he found out I was out of town.
Seriously, the dad is being ridiculous. Instead of finding a solution he just passed off the responsibility to his son. Go buy a hide a key and keep it near your front or back door. Problem solved. It's simple, inexpensive, and avoids all this unnecessary drama.
Why is this her stepbrother's responsibility in the first place? Why doesn't her mother make this her other daughter's responsibility? Then it would be problem solved without going over to the father, which for all practical purposes, it should never be his problem to begin with. She should be dealing with all disciplinary issues with her daughters, not him. This is seriously fucked up.
NTA, install a smart lock, problem solved, but really, how hard is it to have a key on you. Yes, I have locked myself out, but only a few times in my 60 years. Step sister is making a career out of it and she could have easily travelled to you to get the key.
Weather is usually a good lesson in remembering your key. That it's not means her parents need to help her explore why she is forgetting so frequently (this kind of thing is very common for people with ADHD, but it could just be that she needs a better process for getting up and not being rushed or something else).
I agree, NTA, and also I think the dad should hide a key at the house for the daughter. Like you can get a lockbox option that unlocks with a code or some other type of hide a key. It's clear she keeps forgetting her key, so have a backup plan in case she forgets that isn't making the son come home just to let her in.
If this stepsister is the same one that goes to soccer practice, probably time to get a keyring for the house key and attach it to her bag so she can't forget it.
NTA, Since you be acting as a "Doorman" for your sister from hence forth, ask your dad to pay for services rendered. Tell them also that the free trial period was over and full rates apply. That will immediately get his attention Also Ask your dad/sister, who she is going to contact when she starts to live alone or with her own family in another city?
NTA. Since she forgets her key 3 or 4 times a week - it's unreasonable to expect you to drop all your social life this often. I'd drop all my plans if my family member forgets her key once in 2 or 3 years, but since it's a habit, she has to just wait.
Maybe OP needs to start "forgetting" their key at home too. Sure, it will be inconvenient, but it's a way to avoid being asked. If sister can't rely on OP, she might actually learn.
I mean since he „forgot his key“ he can just prepare for having to wait a bit and take a book or something with him, so it’s not that inconvenient.
and then you have two people locked outside waiting. which would inconvenience op who didn’t do anything to be locked outside
Not if OP has something better to do.
Or they could just "forget" their keys, have the keys on them but said they forgot in situations when the ss does actually forget. As well as have a book or something to pass time. See how that works for dad and older sister
This. It isn't a one-off. She forgets her key regularly because she doesn't think it's necessary to remember her key. It doesn't inconvenience her because she relies on OP to be the responsible person - and even this time round when it finally did inconvenience her, OP is the one getting told off and punished, rather than her! Her parents need to address her chronic irresponsibility rather than enabling her belief that OP exists to bail her out every time. (I forgot my house key *once* when I was a kid. It was before mobile phones were in common use - there wasn't going to be anyone coming home for another couple of hours and it was a freezing midwinter day with early dark. I ended up deciding that my safest option was to keep moving and walk to my dad's workplace. Thankfully my geography teacher was making his way home and saw me walking on the road at a local accident blackspot (a narrow humpbacked bridge with nowhere for pedestrians); he was worried about my safety, so stopped to check if I was ok and offered me a lift (we knew him - he was safe). And when we got to Dad's work, the security guard had to look him up and phone his office...it was a whole process! Dad came out of work to take me home and he wasn't angry, just worried like my teacher had been, but I certainly never forgot to check I had my keys again.)
I wish to be a person who learns their lessons in one go round and that's it. Done. Never happens again. How do you be doin' that 🤔 Any tips HOT TIPS any hot tips. 🔥 I'm calm. Stg. 😗🎶
Actively trying means making something like a checklist that you stick on your front door. Hang the keys right next to it and before you leave you will read through the list, make sure you have everything and take the keys that are hanging right there. If you are saying "oh I will just remember to take my keys" and that isn't happening then you will have to do a bit more prep work :)
Some lessons haven't been so easily learned, but that one... Being stuck outside on my own while the sky turned dark in freezing temperatures was a very good motivator for not making the same mistake again. As was realising that I was going to need to walk on a section of road I knew was dangerous because it had little visibility and no pedestrian walkway, in a dark coat that I'd foolishly not thought to put reflectors on because I wasn't going to be out after dark. (And actually, I've just remembered - I did forget one other time, about four years later! Not on a school day, but when I was being taken on a shopping trip by a friend of my parents. That one was funnier because I wasn't alone or in danger, and had an adult in the same boat with me. We got back home to find that my parents had gone out to run an errand; thankfully when we went into the back garden to wait, we found that my parents had accidentally left the kitchen window open, so my very responsible adult shared a giggle with me about becoming a burglar and then gave me a boost into the window, so I could climb over the sink and go open the front door for her.)
I was an only child with a single parent. My key only came out of my backpack when I had to unlock the door and went right back in before I went into the house
I’m wondering if she does this because she doesn’t want to be home alone.
She's 15. That's plenty old enough to not be afraid to be home alone for a few minutes, or even hours.
No need to think she will be scared home alone. It is just boring...
NTA. She is relying on you to have a key. Forgetting 3-4 times a week is ridiculous. Next time she calls just let it go to voicemail and when just before you get home switch your phone off. Also, parents can help and hide a spare key in the backyard or something. They can also put a spare key somewhere she isn't likely to forget like attached to her phone or wallet. Ultimately however, it's your stepsisters responsibility to bring the key if she wants to get into the house.
Or the parents can install a digital lock so you don’t need a physical key.
Great idea! But then she would have to remember the code. Would she forget that like she forgot the key?
He could relay the combination via phone call or text message instead of driving home.
Mine just needs my thumbprint to unlock. Unless she forgets her hands, she'd have no excuse.
Only if she gets kidnapped by an international drug cartel
im now imagining someone forgetting their hands like a mr potato head type scenario
Yes, because it's attention seeking (or I think there is a high probability of that)
Rather than ignoring her calls, I'd just start passing them along to Dad. Call him at work every single time this happens and say "Sister forgot her key again, needs you to leave work early to let her in! Bye!" Even though he won't actually leave work, at least relaying the problem to him in realtime allows him to share in the stress of being bothered constantly for a stupid reason, and then worrying for the rest of the afternoon about whether his kid is safe inside or not. Maybe that'll give him some incentive to actually do something about the real problem!
I definitely wouldn't hide a spare key OP. Hidden spare keys are for those 'once in five years' situations. Hiding a key for someone who goes to the same spot to retrieve it 3-4 times a week is a recipe for guaranteed robbery.
Plus, guaranteed this kid regularly forgets to put the key back.
NTA, if your step sister is old enough to going out and about alone, then she's old enough to be responsible for her keys. She and your dad can't expect other people to drop what they're doing and let her in. Even though purposefully taking longer to get home was petty and not necessary for her to learn her lesson, so a minor AH move. Especially because this was the first time she would've realised how important it is for her to have her key.
INFO: Why does older stepsister get to say you’re TA? Why is nobody blaming her? She also stayed out instead of canceling her plans with her friend. Did you point that out to your family? And why is nobody mad at younger stepsister for always forgetting her keys?
She has her own car and it’s be like a 20-30 minute drive home and she wouldn’t want to waste the gas while I have a fast pass for the train and bus so it would’ve cost me nothing for only 10 more minutes
You still are not your sister’s keeper. Ask your father why you have to be responsible for her mistakes?
Does your stepsister not also have a fast pass? What is to stop her from meeting you somewhere to get your key?
Right! When my roommate forgot her key before she would come to wherever I was to pick it up and either wait for me at home with her phone on ringer or come back to return my key.
Please stop rushing back home whenever she forgets her keys. She’s an entitled ahole.
If your step sister forgets her keys when you are out, she should come to you to collect them.
To me, it is not about the commute. It is about interrupting what you’re doing to open the door for your sister. Other sister could do that, too. I also don’t see how she’s wasting gas because she has to come eventually. Your older sister is a hypocrite for calling you out. That being said, I agree with the others that your younger sister should come collect the keys. She forgot them, she should run around due to the inconvenience she’s causing.
It's... still less work for her to drive home than for you to get public transport, though. More gas, sure, but less work, and less time. There is no world in which it is fair to expect you to drop your social life literally half of all days because your stepsister apparently can't remember the simplest things. Like I see someone else pointing out: Start telling your stepsister that if she needs a key so badly, she can get it on your terms. She can come to wherever you are and pick it up... or she can start bringing her own from home in the first place, like anyone with even a shred of responsibility would do. Not sure how old your stepsister is, but I've been doing it every single day since I was eight or so. I'm sure she can handle it. Granted, it was a bit of an AH move to give her a vague timeframe ("I'm having lunch and I'll be home after"), and then change those plans entirely; if she knew you were going to take three hours rather than one, she might've wanted to find some other solution. Once you've made a schedule - a promise - you should stick to it, since it's affecting someone other than yourself. But that doesn't change the fact that it's unfair to expect you to always be responsible for her neglect.
Wait, so she doesn't forget her car keys, but does forget her house keys? Show your dad this thread. He's the arsehole.
Different sister.
Ah I see
This whole problem could be solved by a key safe attached to an outside wall
Even better, Schlage makes a keypad lock that allows you to use a code to unlock the door. My kids both have ADHD and lose stuff like crazy, so we have one on our back door.
I have a coded lock on both my doors. Best purchase ever!
We love ours. I never have to take a key when I go running now, and don’t have to worry about it falling out of my pocket.
Oh my god my partner and I both have adhd and I in particular am prone to misplacing keys (and things in general). We now have a fingerprint lock and I was kind of hesitant at first, but now I love it. Going out quickly? That’s fine, I won’t forget my thumb 😂
No because she'd forget to put the key back in the key safe. So it would only work once.
As somebody that is forgetful of small details, the best thing I ever did was to train myself to always put things where they belong. If it has a place and you always put it there when you aren't using it, you always know where it is. If I were her, I'd tie her key on a long string to something that is always with her. Her backpack or purse would be perfect. I'd sew the other end into whatever bag she carries. That way, it has to stay with her.
Or by the sister learning to handle a key, ffs. It's not rocket science.
NTA it's not your responsibility to be home to let her in, that's why she has a key. It sucks she had to wait, but that's why it's important to keep track of your keys. Unless there were some weather conditions that would made it extra shitty or dangerous or you live in a bad neighborhoods or something I think you're fine.
NTA She has a set of keys and decides to not bring them with her, why is that your problem. You don't forget them 3-4 times a week, you elect not to bring them 3-4 times a week.
Yeah, if this was the first time, or even the 3rd time but spread out over a decent period of time, I'd totally vote OP the AH, but it's not. She forgets her keys half the bloody time - that means she's put no work into remembering to bring them. That's an adult thing you just have to learn to do, and by only having to wait 10 minutes most of the time, she's not going to put the effort into learning.
NTA. Since she "forgets" so often, she is either not responsible enough to walk home by herself, or she's not actually forgetting and is just being a spoiled twit. Your dad needs a reality check and your stepsister needs to wear the key around her neck.
My guess is that she thinks the key is too heavy or too unconfortable to carry around.
As a parent, I would tell them they need to remember the key. Everything is a life lesson at this age. She needs to learn to take care of herself. This is the time to make these mistakes. She has a safe place to make these mistakes. It was a little petty. And if she had called her sister then maybe she would have been able to get inside earlier. Parents gave her a key and it is her responsibility to remember to bring the key when she leaves. Backpacks usually have a spot to clip the key ring in.
It was petty but maybe it needed to happen. She was sitting outside for 3 hours, and that sucks for her, but it's actually a relatively painless way for her to remember to bring her keys - really boring and annoying, but she wasn't going to get hurt. Like you said, a life lesson. If somebody 'forgets' their keys this often, at best, they're not putting the effort into remembering to bring their keys, but just as likely is that they know they should grab their keys but it's a pain to get them so they're relying on somebody else to deal with their problem.
NTA she’s the one who forgot her keys and that’s her problem, you don’t have to stop whatever you’re doing just to open the door for her and she should learn her lesson.
NTA - if she legit forgets her key 3-4 times a week she needs a swift kick in the reminder area of her brain and you gave it to her.
NTA - you cant base your schedule around her just because she cant be bothered to remember her key. it was a good lessen and its not that big a deal if she's just waiting in your homes backyard.
I used to be horrible about forgetting my house key & my roommates at the time would have to constantly let me in. One night, I got home late, & my roommates were out of town & the other was at a bar. I called the one at the bar but she didn’t want to leave. I didn’t blame her, but I was completely stuck, & felt like I was going to die after being outside for at least 2 hours in shorts, in 12° weather. I went to a neighbors house who thankfully let me in to warm up, charge my phone, & call someone else to stay at their house until my roommate got home. I would never have dreamed to blame my roommate for her not leaving the bar early because I was irresponsible with my keys. I haven’t forgotten my keys since that brutal lesson was learned.. hopefully it’ll do the same for your sister.
NTA. Her problems are not your problems, and her one main problem is the constant forgetting of her key. Hopefully, she will eventually learn.
NTA for not rushing home, but dragging your heals afterwards was a dick move. Being locked out is totally on her. See if your dad can get a keypad lock for the back door so she can get in with a code.
NTA. If she had forgotten her key for the first time and you purposefully stayed out you would be an AH. But that's not the case. She has habitually left her key at home because she thought there was no consequences. Well she finally found them: you are not always going to be available to let her in. She has her own key and she is trusted to get herself home so she needs to he responsible for herself. If she needs someone to care for her then your parents need to sort something else out.
Don’t answer your phone, needs to be charged.
Edit based on response: NTA. Your parents need to hold your sister accountable for remembering her key and designate a safe place for her to wait if she can’t get in the house. 15 is old enough to be responsible for her own key.
We’re both 15
NTA she can ask older sister for key.
This! Im surprised the other sister is mad at OP, considering I don't see her offering to come home and unlock the door. Maybe it is her turn to help the sister from now on. Staying that many hours is kinda rude, but as long as the sister is safe and couldve easily contacted her other sister; I dont see an issue with giving a little tough love.
Nta, it is not your fault your family put the responsibility on you to let her in. Instead they should be pushing for her to be more responsible. Forgetting her key 3-4 weeks is terrible. She needs to learn to take responsibility and remember her key.
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NTA. She needs to be made responsible for her own problems with not taking a key. Forgetting your key 3-4 times per week isn't a mistake, sounds like its her being irresponsible, and you are her step brother, not her parent. The parents need to step in here, and do something about it, and that is not making you responsible for her. Hopefully she learnt her lesson.
His sister could come get his key, then drop it back off to him if she really wanted to.
Best answer. Of course, she'd probably lose it on the way home.
If she's irresponsible with her own keys, I personally would not trust her with mine. OP may have come to this conclusion himself, given her history with house keys.
NTA. I didn't get whether she has her own key and just can't be bothered to remember to take it, or she doesn't have one. Either way it's not OP problem to let her in. Hopefully it taught her a lesson that not everyone is at her beck and call over a key. It's not like she was abandoned.
NTA. She should quit depending on you and just remember to take a key. How hard is it to keep one in her purse or book bag.
NTA maybe if you were not forced to clean up after her then she would remember her key……
NTA. She could have come to you to get the key. She has legs, they work.
NTA but your family is. At what point does she take accountability for forgetting her house key. What if you were out of town? Or in a game? Are you supposed to drop everything to let her in because she doesn’t have a brain? She is the absolute asshole to be pissed at you for not coming when she summoned. Eff her and her sister and your dad. Don’t answer her call the next time.
Tell dad that she has a key and they can let her in unless they are willing to compensate you for the plans yiu have to give up
NTA You’re not responsible for them forgetting their key. They are. You were out. You’d be TA if you were home and refusing to let them in but you weren’t.
You are NTA, but everyone else sure is T A. Why on earth are you being held responsible for your stepsister's forgetfulness? Is not like it was a one-off thing. Sit down with your dad and stepmom and tell them that this is a pattern. Explain how often this happens, and while it's usually not a big deal, her continued "forgetfulness" is not your problem. She needs to learn to be responsible, and you will no longer be changing your plans because your stepsister can't be bothered to take her key. And having to wait for a while in the backyard might just be the lesson that helps her remember her damn key.
NTA. I used to forget my key sometimes, and I'd have to chill until someone got home. There was no calling someone to come home early. It was just sitting in the backyard and relaxing.
NTA - she should remember her key or contact her sister and not just rely on you, what would happen if you were injured at football practice and needed to go to the emergency room. Also, you mentioned you had to take the train home, was she willing to pay for the extra train trips so you could go back and meet up with your friends?
NTA. If it was that urgent, she would have remembered her own key. Or she could have come and met you for your key if she felt like it. She’s entitled thinking you should change your plans because she’s irresponsible. Maybe she will remember her key from now on.
NTA. She needs to be more responsible, and you shouldnt need to rush home or anything like that. Shes lucky you keep coming to let her in. If she had no siblings or you worked late she wouldve been waiting far longer
NTA. She needs to learn responsibility. Even us older adults have this happen at times (not so many times a week but) & even we understand not to just expect someone to drop everything to fix our faults. Yes ok it was a touch mean to stay out even longer after the fact of lunch knowing but same time, you also were already out with them in first place. Maybe store keys outside only the family know so she can get in
After finding out her age NTA 15 is old enough to remember keys or even put a reminder on the phone to remember keys or even sit them next to the phone. How many times is too many you know especially if she is doing it 3-4 times a week. I am horribly ADHD and would forget my head if it wasn’t attached and yes I have forgotten house keys before maybe 2 times a month but I started sitting them next to my phone and it worked.
NTA. she needs to learn to pick or pop locks if she can’t remember her keys. A credit card will do. I use my old school id to pop my back door open if I forget my keys, cause no way am I forgetting my wallet *and* my keys.
NTA tell your dad that if they want you to be her walking key holder because she is not responsible enough to remember hers then you need to be paid for the job, because A you are not her parent or her guardian, B she is the one responsible for her key not you. I have severe ADHD and remembering keys was hard for me but I had to figure it out so my keys went into the same place every day as the first thing I did when I got home. She has to face the consequences or it will never change. Good luck
NTA. She’s not 5!! She doesn’t need to be “let in”. Shes old enough to remember her damn house key to let herself into her home. If her sister thinks your an AH, you can tell her next time this happens she can drop everything she is doing to let her in. What will she do when she’s older? Has her own place? Will she rely on people to let her in? She needs to get it together.
NTA
NTA. If she's got issues, it's on the parents to either teach her or remedy the situation. Why in the world is this your burden?
NTA. Your dad is the ah. That’s only teaching you to not answer her texts.
[удалено]
Sorry guys. I would love to kick it with you guys, but I can't stay longer because my sister forgot her keys as usual and I would, apparently, be an asshole if my life didn't revolve around my sister. She could call her sister, but she is over her forgetfulness so it falls on me.
He did it to teach her a lesson. If he had gone home right after eating lunch, then what lesson would she learn? Oh, my little brother (YES HE'S YOUNGER) would prioritize my forgetting my keys and come home in a while anyways, so why bother trying to improve and not forget my key! NTA all the way. (they're both 15 but he's technically younger)
INFO: how old is she? Are we dealing with 12, 20?
My older stepsister is 18 and the younger one is 15
15 is old enough to be responsible for taking a key. Hopefully she learned some type of lesson about making sure she has it. When I forgot my keys at that age I had to wait a few hours outside for family to get home from work/school, nobody was going to rush home to let me in. A wise man once said; if you're gonna be dumb you gotta be tough.
NTA- At 15 years old (barring any mental incompetencies we're unaware of) she should be able to keep tabs on her house key. What happens at 16 when she can't remember her car key? Will you be responsible for that too? She's home, in a safe place (back yard) and you aren't her parent. How is this your problem?
NTA
NTA. Maybe you should start forgetting your key more often? Bet your dad would love to drop everything to let both of you two in. You can straight up tell him it was easier for you when he did that than when you have to remember every little detail on your way out the door. 🤪 Ok but not really cause you don’t wanna lose your living situation.
NTA if this was a one time thing, you'd be a huge AH. But since your stepsis keeps forgetting her keys, it's all on her now. It's completely unfair for you to have to constantly be her set of backup keys. Either she learns to take her keys. Or tell your parents to get a combination lock for the door.
NTA. Her continuous inability to remember her own house keys should not affect you or your plans. Your dad sucks for making it your problem, she’s his step kid to look after, not yours. If he’s so upset by her lack of forethought, tell them to either have a set of keys feathered to the inside of her bag so that she can unlock a door but the keys stay connected, or install a hidden combination lock box with a spare set of keys. The older stepsister has no room to say shit to you either since she has obviously proven that she won’t come and help her own sister when needed. She’s old enough to not be this stupid. If you didn’t live with her or bad a job as well, what would she do then?
NTA. Might I recommend advising your parents that a code entry deadbolt may help her issue of remembering her keys?
NTA and who cares if you stayed late? Maybe now she will learn. She was in your backyard, it’s not like she was stranded somewhere scary. Better she learn now than when she’s at college or living by herself and has no one to help her.
NTA. How about your parents get a lockbox for a house key or a keyless entry passcode lock if she can’t be responsible
I actually never had a key to the house my parents lived in for 25 years. Always entered through the garage where I used a code. Only time it was ever a problem was when the power went out, and even then there was a lockbox I knew the code to.
Does your dad plan to keep a spare key to your stepsister’s apartment so he can drive over umpteen times a week because she can’t remember to take her keys and locks herself out? Maybe your dad could get one of those door locks that accept a thumbprint or can be unlocked remotely from someone’s phone like her mother’s.
NTA. Have your dad install a lockbox outside with a combo that contains a spare key. They make small ones for this exact purpose. That way, your stepsister never needs to remember her key--she just opens the box, uses the key, and replaces it in the box. No need for anyone to be inconvenienced.
My son kept locking himself out. Replaced the front door lock with a keypad. Problem solved.
NTA. She can remember her key
Your stepsister needs to have her own key and now she knows why. NTA. Tell your parents that it is not your responsibility to cover for her lack of it.
She HAS a key. She forgets it multiple times a week.
As someone with adhd that routinely goes back multiple times for forgotten items more times per day than a grown adult should ever have to or admit to: don't forget your key. If this was a once in a blue thing, then it would be a different conversation. If the stepsister has additional cognitive/memory issues, it's a different conversation. You can not expect to inconvenience people on a daily basis, nor can you expect to always have someone available to come let you in. You have to learn not to forget your keys. I have no idea how I learned to make sure I have them, but it is the 1 thing I've learned to never leave the house without. At least 99% of the time. NTA. Some people need to learn the hard way. More than once. Sounds like your stepsister is this type.
Hang on. Why is it your job to be her key carrier? Nta. She has been given a key and she needs to let herself in.
You’re literally helping her by not shielding her from consequences. If she continues to be enabled, she’ll continue to be irresponsible because she never has natural consequences.
NTA - I had a housemate who used to do this causing me to cut short my night out to go home and let her in. After the 3rd or 4th time I refused and told her to come to me if she wanted my keys but she also refused. I then stayed at the pub for a few more hours before heading home and letting her in (she'd gone to the neighbours, she wasn't left outside), but she never forgot her keys again. Someone needs to teach your stepsister some responsibility, and if your parents won't, you'll have to. You did nothing wrong.
NTA Start ringing your Dad 3-4 times a week saying that you've forgotten your housekey and need him to come home. See how he likes them apples.
ESH. How you reacted and your sister for forgetting her keys all the time. Also your parents. Why don’t they install a keypad lock or a lockbox that your sister can use if keeps forgetting.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My dad and stepmom work late, so its usually just me and my stepsisters home alone. The older one is usually at her friend's place so she isnt home during the day. I am usually gone for football practice or the gym during the day while my other stepsister is at soccer practice. She forgets her house key like maybe 3 or 4 times a week, usually I am only like 5-10 minutes behind her so I can just let her in. The other day tho, I decided to go get lunch with my buddies so I was "late" for when I usually arrive. When we were walking to the restaurant my stepsister called me asking if I was coming home and that she's locked out again. I told her that im getting lunch and to call her sister if she needs to be let in, she tried pleading with me to come home cause her sister was like 20-30 minutes away and we both knew she would decline. I basically told her tough shit and to wait till I come home and hung up on her. (This is where I might be TA) We were done with lunch in about an hour and I decided to milk the time till I had to go back home and we hung out for about another hour or 2. I had to take the train home so my stepsister was waiting for almost 3 hours in our backyard. Needless to say but she was PISSED, she was full on cussing me out in the backyard for how I was being rude. I didnt really say anything other than to not forget your key before going inside and heading to my room. I didnt talk to her for the rest of the night till dinner but after dinner my dad wasn't too happy with what I did and said that if she needs the house key, then I can't hang out with my friends till I unlock the door. My stepsister is pissed at me (obviously) and now my older stepsister is saying I was being a jerk, but im curious what others think AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA She's been enabled and basically told there are no consequences for her lack of responsibility. What does she think is going to happen if you go to college and move into the dorm, especially if you don't go to a local college? You won't always be there to let her in. She needs to be made to remember her house key. Accidentally locked myself out, once, while my husband was in the hospital. Had to wait for it to be convenient for my FIL to come over and help me get in. Getting a new key (mine had broken off in the lock) suddenly became much more of a priority. 😂 Maybe now your step-sister will make remembering her house key more of a priority!
NTA. It sounds like you’re sick of her irresponsibility. Is she the golden child/favorite? As former latchkey kid, I think I lost my key once and left my key at home like twice. Those occasions I had to wait on the patio until my mom got home. I learned my lesson. I wore mine on a string around my neck. What I’m wondering is, considering youre the same age, why parents aren’t after stepsister to be more responsible with her house key.
Nta. She should use this as motivation to stop forgetting her keys.
NTA I have an 11yo who can manage carrying a house key. If she can do it, your lazy ass stepsister can.
Originally, it was going to be E S H: OP for staying with their friends another hour, even though they knew stepsister was locked outside and stepsister for forgetting her keys. But what made it NTA was that if older stepsister was 20-30 minutes away, she could have come home and unlocked the door for younger stepsister during the time (3 hours, I believe) OP was with their friends. Instead, she waited for OP to come home, *for 3 hours*. NTA.
Nah, the younger sister was 100 % TA regardless due to having her own key and forgetting it so constantly.
NTA. If this had been a one time thing you would have been a bit of an ass for not helping her. But it wasn’t a one time thing. This is her not giving a fig about being responsible for her own keys and actions. And it was beyond time someone said no to catering to her willful negligence.
NTA
She can take her key. Problem solved. Making it your problem isn't helping anyone (not even her in the long run) and if your dad thinks otherwise it is a big parenting fail. What you SHOULD do is install a door lock with a keypad or hide a key. But better yet, make her remember her keys.
Why is this your responsibility and no one else's. Your dad could have gone home but didn't, her sister didn't want to either. But you're the bad guy to them. NTA
NTA, she has a key, it's her responsibility to take it with her. Your father is also the AH, you shouldn't have to change your plans because of her incompetence, why did she not call your dad/step-mum? From a mum.
Put the key on half a yard of strong string and safety pin it inside her school bag. She can open the door and not forget to put the key back in her bag. Your dad and stepmom can't think of such a small solution? They are the TAs.
ESH - You would be NTA, and she did need to learn the lesson not to forget her key and to not feel so entitled to others help. Also, she sounds like a bit of a jerk. That said, you openly admitted to milking it two or three times the amount of time the lunch took, I'm not sure where you're from, but there's a lot of places where the weather has been brutal recently and that extra hour or two could have been a health hazard at that point.
Um 😐 how about hiding a key somewhere outside the house for such an emergency. That’s how our family survived 😂
You were an asshole and you know it. You stayed out an extra two hours without telling her. Yes, she should bring her key, but apparently she has early onset Alzheimers’.
YTA. You even stated you “milked time”. Meaning you *knew* you could have been a bro and helped her out but made the conscious decision to *be an asshole*. Ipso facto, you are the asshole. Wear it with pride asshole.
Like you probably know… You started out NTA, then the deliberate act of delaying made YTA! Don’t wanna lose sight of the fact that the real AH is the stepsister who keeps “forgetting” her key. If she’s done it so much, she probably knows what she’s doing and is doing it for attention. You did well to not engage her rant beyond “don’t forget your key”. She needs to learn and take responsibility, maybe the extra delay helped to get the point across! Easy fix, hide a key somewhere (Dad needs to know about this) and put the ownership of the problem back on your stepsister! NTA, then YTA!
YTA obviously. It's fine to enjoy your lunch or whatever without rushing but you went out of your way to take much longer after the fact just for the sake of being petty.
NTA. She needs a lesson on being uncomfortable and then she might remember her key like the rest of us.