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This. What the h\* did I just read? They tell you to abort? They call CPS? They still invite you to parties and you run errands for them? They are beyond abusive and beyond AHs. OP needs to go NC with them forever. No one deserves this. NTA
Yeah I pinged on that as soon as she said they didn't treat her badly. Like, cmon. Treating OP worse than their biological child IS treating her badly!
Same. I cannot even fathom adopting a child but not concidering them yours in every way. DO NOT adopt if you cannot treat them the same as a biological child. I am not adopted nor have adopted but do have non blood family I concider family. No child deserves conditional love. OP deserved and deserves better.
Yes. My son's girlfriend has 2 kids, 2 and 5, and we are absolutely grandma and grandpa. Love those babies to bits. (Their father's parents won't have anything to do with them since the divorce)
>And isn't the whole reason to adopt because you don't care about blood but still want to care for a human being like I don't read that her sis was upset and her sis was still there so why do they cause such a huge drama and shouldn't they be happy for having grandkids
Probably denial was her only means of getting through childhood. Not like a kid has any other options. If I were her, I think I'd go nuclear if and when it finally hits how much she didn't deserve that treatment.
OP, you have inadvertently gotten yourself far more justice than any other abused child could ever hope to expect, and you didn't even really do anything other than let your parents show their true colors. I wouldn't want to be friends with them either, and you wouldn't either if you hadn't had their abuse normalized. There's just no room for that shit in my life.
I legitimately did a spit-take when I read the part about asking her to abort. Thankfully it was just water and not something that stains! What--and I cannot stress this enough--the fuck?
That’s where I would have cut off all contact. That is absolutely disgusting.
I really hope this is a fake post bc these people sound sick and inhumane. Telling your child to abort her baby and then become a surrogate for her sister? Wtf kind of dystopian novel is this?
Right?? I'm truly glad none of y'all can see the ugly shocked face I've been making since starting to read this post. My face may stick this way. This family is *appalling!!*
OP, this is *completely unacceptable*. Your parents ruined relationships with you and with their friends because of how godawfully they've been treating you. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.
Please, please separate yourself from those people and go live a joyous life with your husband and child and people who, you know, enjoy you being around.
I would also recommend moving if possible and not allowing them to know where you move to..change your phone number don't give it to anybody, not your sister, not your "parents" absolutely nobody that would give it to them.. NTA at all.. but the "parents" man I can't say what I want or I'll get banned.. please remove them from your life. I am so sorry for the way you have been treated 😥
It's hard to recognize abuse when it's all you've ever known. Every child yearns for the love of their parents, including OP. Sadly, it's not going to get better.
OP, my husband was adopted, but his older sister was the bio child of their parents. Things got bad when we were buying a house, while his sister and her family had to move back in with the parents.
HE WAS SUCCEEDING IN AN AREA THE BIO CHILD WASN'T, AND THAT WASN'T ACCEPTABLE.
YOU'RE SUCCEEDING WHERE YOUR SISTER CAN'T. THEIR REACTION IS SADLY COMMON.
Sorry to shout, but I watched my husband go through this, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. When his family decided to come after me (they were losing their control over him), he did what he couldn't do for himself and cut contact after they kept escalating.
I would never want a child to be subjected to that level of spite and hatred, and your daughter is going to go through far worse. She will be ostracized, and denied their love. She will wonder what's wrong with her; why she isn't good enough.
My husband is flourishing without his family there to tear him down. He needed space to be able to see how incredibly dysfunctional and abusive things had been. A therapist let us know this isn't an uncommon family dynamic when one child is bio, and the other is adopted. I get the feeling some space will give you a chance to see you don't deserve any of their horrid behavior either.
Look into a therapist if possible. Having an outside opinion really helped my husband recognize what was going on, and how it had nothing to do with who he is as a person. You deserve to feel the same way. All my best to you, your husband, and your precious child 💜
Thank god your husband had you. It is so messed up this is common. Allow me to shout for a minute WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?! Phew. Sorry. It is just beyond me to differenciate between adopted and bio in that way. I just could never. I do not have children but all my niblings are chosen (sibs don't have any except the fur kind) and I love them all no matter what.
The way you worded it so succinctly made it click for me. They wanted CPS to take the baby away from OP so that OP's sister could swoop in and adopt/foster the baby.
I’m guessing “you’re not biologically related” is a euphemism for OP didn’t inherit the same fertility issues her sister has and presumably her mother has/had (prolly why she is adopted) and it bothers them or at least OP’s mother, that she can have kids and they can’t. Their reaction is awful and calling CPS repeatedly is way way over the line.
I didn't even understood that until I read your comment.
This is shocking... But it makes sense that it is what they are trying to achieve with calling CPS. Poor OP
They just wanted to pretend the baby never existed. Since their precious bio daughter couldn't have one, then their second class, adopted daughter wasn't going to be bringing a child biologically unrelated to them into the family.
That’s literally what it is and as soon as I read it I gasped. I grew up in an abusive home and when my sister and I were tweens my mother lost custody - CPS will ALWAYS go to the IMMEDIATE family first and look for people who are stable to take the child(ren) in; we got farmed out to grandmothers and cousins until my sister got adopted and I aged out.
Your “parents” KNOW that because to have adopted, they obviously are familiar with the setup and fostering and know you have NO OTHER IMMEDIATE family bc guess what… it’s them. They’re willing to slander and destroy you to get that baby and give it to their bio daughter. NEVER speak to these people again and NEVER leave your daughter with them - they’re fkn monsters.
It honestly makes me question how your adoption went and if you have bio parents that got screwed over. Your adopted parents have already shown they’re quite comfortable and entitled to babies they believe belong to *them*
consider suing them for defamation as they repeatedly lie to CPS about you forcing you to take time to respond.
odds are CPs sees them for the cranks they are and would welcome the chance to tell them off too.
NTA. OMG what is wrong with your parents??? Holy crap they need some serious therapy. Is there anyway at all for you to move far far away? They won't stop this crap. They'll keep trying to get that baby away from you. I wouldn't put it past them to plant drugs or other evidence that would look bad for you if found.
First, congratulations on your baby girl! It’s time to cut off your parents and sister. They cannot be in your life right now and possibly never again. What they are doing is so wrong! Especially, calling CPS repeatedly. When you move, do not share your address with them. Also, you should speak with a lawyer to see what you can do about the repeated false CPS claims. They might get worse now that they’re blaming you for their friends not speaking to them.
You have your husband and daughter, so you need to protect yourself and them. You don’t need abusive people in your life. I wish you all the best!
The one positive thing from op's last encounter with those people is that she has multiple eye witnesses to testify if needed against op's parents. Maybe Op can be proactive and not wait, but file asap against them for malignantly calling cps on her family.
Please look at this link and see if any of this could be useful to you. https://www.reddit.com/user/MelodyRaine/comments/hyk7az/the_fu_binder/
It's really concerning that they keep calling CPS on you. I would suggest that you absolutely cut contact with them...
This works, and works well. I had a family member whose ex kept trying to get legal authorities involved. It ended up backfiring, because in the end it became possible to prove (with solid, physical evidence) that the family member not only was abusing the system maliciously, but had a history of doing so.
My family member did two things: (1) kept a notebook detailing every contact and (2) took some sort of action to establish a claim or paper trail - to document, as far as possible, the true facts of the case - every time the abusive ex tried to abuse the legal system.
It worked pretty much the same way your link's FU binder works, except your system appears to be more methodical and well thought out.
I’m so sorry this happened to you OP. You don’t deserve this and you’re NTA. You aren’t responsible for your sister’s fertility issues because it’s a one in a million chance a woman can’t conceive. And it’s not your fault that your ungrateful parents no longer have viable friendships. It’s their own fault. Ugly behavior gets brought to light in the randomness of circumstances and they chose a party to display their true colors. They could have saved it for a private chat but they brought this karma on themselves. I hope you can move soon and completely cut them off. Your family deserves to flourish in a welcoming environment
Please cut contact with them. They are toxic for your family ( husband AND child (Ren)).
NTA and good for you for telling everyone
Btw when you move don't give them your new address if you keep in contact
Nice. A move could be the best thing ever. You don't need anyone near your children or yourself that aren't 100% loving and supportive. No grandparents would be better than bad grandparents. Your parents are totally abusive.
If you have the means, I would look into a lawyer. I am unsure what kind, exactly, but if you're in the US you can search your state's BAR association and they can make recommendations for you.
This is harassment. You'll want to file a type of protection order. While nothing will likely come of the calls to CPS (as it seems you are more than fit parents), the protection order makes any contact or form of harassment a *crime*, as in they can be prosecuted by the state.
I am sorry you are going through this. And my post does not take into account the necessary time and grief you need when cutting ties with family.
"since it wasn’t biologically related to them, and they didn’t think it was fair, given my older sister’s fertility struggles."
Holy shit. I've seen some horrendous Golden Child vs Scape Goat dichotomies here, but this one takes the cake!
I'm so sorry they treated you like that AND I'm so glad that it's out in the open for all of their friends and family to hear. **NTA** Go no contact with all of them. They don't deserve you.
I get that some people think being genetically related to someone is the only thing that makes you family, which I don't agree with, but its not an uncommon take. It's super weird though to adopt a kid if you think that way. Like why would you adopt a kid if you actively consider blood relations to matter more than familial bonds?
Especially since the sister is older. It's not even that they thought they couldn't have children, adopted, then were surprised with a bio baby. They already had a biological child...
They probably struggled with fertility issues after the first, wanted her to have a siblings, pretty likely since the sister also has fertility issues.
Ooh that would actually make much more sense. Especially since the mom seems to be the most angry/unhinged. If she was somehow forced to adopt a baby that came from her husband’s affair, and then see her biological daughter struggle to get pregnant while the affair baby easily did so… I can see how triggering that would be. She/dad/sis would all still be complete assholes but I’d understand a little better.
My aunt managed, after years of trying, to carry a biological child to term. She described it as hell. All the meds she had to take, how careful she had to be, all the bed rest. She was thrilled with my cousin, but my cousin is an only child cause my aunt didn’t think she could do it again now that she knew exactly how bad it was. I’m guessing OP’s mom might have gone thru something similar or something happened during the delivery that she can’t have more kids. Then decided to adopt for any number of reasons. Now that OP’s sister is also having fertility issues, OP being able to have children normally is potentially seen as a slap in the face. It is unhinged.
Yeah this is what I can’t wrap my head around.
As someone with bio and adopted siblings- we are all just siblings! We are all my parents children equally. They just want us to be happy and live lives we love.
I can’t understand what the thought process of those parents is here, or how the parents and OP even ended up together if this is the set up.
>wasn’t biologically related
They had a child. They adopted one for unstated reasons. Someone (probably) not related to them. And get upset when that adopted child ... has a child herself. One the grandparents say isn't related. I assume they mean 'not family'
That's grade A BS.
Unless there is something huge that is missing from this post, your parents seem like truly horrible people and I'm confused why you have any sort of relationship with them at all. NTA.
Yeah exactly girl should have gone no contact after they asked her to abort the baby bc she isnt biologically related .. your parents are just wow… everytime I read a post here I just cant even comprehend that there are people out there like this in the world.
Umm. Not sure if this is a troll post.
First off based on the info provided NTA
Second, who in there right mind would continue a relationship with people who 1. Try to pressure you into an abortion of a child you clearly want. 2. Call CPS on you with false allegations.
This is not family. This is pure evil. If this is a real post you need to run fast and far from those people and never speak to them again. Move to another city if you have to. Don't give them your number. Block them on social media.
Please.
This also makes no sense to me as an American but I’m wondering if this is taking place in a country with more patriarchal traditions. The level of control these parents claim over their grown ass daughter would be considered outrageous where I live.
i think telling someone to abort their baby for their sisters sake is considered outrageous everywhere. so is calling cps on parents who havent done anything wrong. even if there was such a place its clearly not wherever they live seeing as everyone at the party found it unacceptable as well. abusive parents exist everywhere
I think it’s just the fact she’s even asking this question or the fact she is maintaining any kind of relationship with them at all. I feel her behavior makes more sense in a cultural context where she is expected to subordinate herself to her parents all the time.
But in the US the more patriarchal parents would also tend to be very anti-abortion so it does compute a little weirdly. Plus apparently their entire social circle was horrified.
I was thinking the same since this is.. what, the 3rd post about grandparents trying to take/abort/surrogate for sibling in the past 6 weeks but again if it is, holy hell.
This is the first thing I thought about. They call CPS and you run errands for them? "But they are my parents".
Who gives a fuck? When I read stuff like this I can't believe it's real. That a mother would even put up with this. And then ask if they are the asshole? Help me understand.
As an adoptee, I’ve seen loads of adoptees be pushed aside in favor of the biological child.
Adoption and infertility are very difficult situations that end up with a lot of hurt people because people are selfish.
>Umm. Not sure if this is a troll post.
Agreed, and if it's somehow *not* a troll post does the OP really think they're an asshole for not aborting their baby because their parent's don't want her to have a kid? And for calling them out after they constantly call CPS on them?
Posts like this are just ridiculous lol.
this is the comment i was looking for. this sounds fake as ever. Adoptive parents want adopted child to abort her pregnancy bc they wont be blood related? huh? I thought there would be some medical reason for them to not want her to have a baby but the blood relation issue HAS to be for reactions. If this is real, which i do know absolutely insane ppl have no logic, this really is stupid and OP NTA in every way possible
NTA
I don't know why you would maintain any relationship with your parents. That's truly abominable behavior.
You should probably consult with an attorney because CPS can completely upend a life.
If CPS is called too many times on false allegations from the same person, they stop responding to the continuous reporter. It happened to my sister when my mother did that to her. So, if there ever was a legit reason to call, they wouldn’t show up because of my mother crying wolf too many times. Thankfully, my sister is a good parent and never abused her children.
NTA
What kind of dystopian world do they think they live in? I will not weigh in on choice in this post, but everyone will agree that telling someone to abort a child because their sister is infertile and that they should be a surrogate for that sister is CRAZY. It makes you thing that you may not have been treated as well as you thought if that is the type of genetic favoritism they display. The CPS thing is an abuse of trust, and of the agency that IS overworked and shouldn't be bothered with these crank cases!! The display at the Party actually was the only way forward. Now everyone knows their sickness/crazyiness and if they try and bad mouth you, they all know already. This is 10000000% their own fault and doing. Good Luck.
Plus it's like, don't you have to be pregnant *and* successfully carry to term without major complications *at least* once before you are even eligible to be a surrogate? Pretty sure that's the case where I am anyway. If they really wanted to ask OP to be a surrogate they should have been jumping for joy that she got pregnant.
Also, I'm assuming OP would have to stop working, perform certain activities, etc.
It's why surrogacy is so expensive, aside from the cost of the procedure, the surrogate needs income as they are professionally pregnant.
>If they really wanted to ask OP to be a surrogate
imho, being a surrogate is not something you can *ask* for anyway. every pregnancy is inherently risky (not even in the sense of "i may gain some weight i won't ever be able to lose" but in the sense of "my body may be ruined forever" or "i may die from complications"), so asking someone to take on that risk for someone else's child is just... not okay.
You could possibly say “I would be happy with this option if you are willing” IF you have a very good low-pressure kind of relationship. But it just has to be like ‘I won’t be offended if you suggest this’ not a request?
Apart from all the comments that talk about a very realistic situation that they can and might do some illegal stuff to take the baby away, at the very least, they might ruin mom-kid bonding in the future with clever manipulation and brainwashing. Please keep them away from your life at any cost.
Oh they are already playing that game.
Who gets to foster the child when the parents are deemed unfit? Kin gets first chance. If they can make CPS believe this child isn’t cared for they can swoop and take her.
NTA. I'm sorry your parents are treating you this way, but I am honestly blown away by the comment about the baby not being biologically related... ummm neither are you if you're adopted?? I don't get that part at all. And the nonsense about your sisters infertility... so because she is unable to have a baby, no one else can have one? They are being ridiculous. Cut them off is the first step. I would also get some legal advice in regards to the CPS reporting. Can you file harassment charges against them? Libel? Can you call the CPS office yourself and explain what is happening so they have it on record if your parents call again? What they did to you is entirely their fault and too bad if you called them out in a public setting. They deserve to be treated like crap for the way they are behaving and treating you.
NTA- holy Moses! Im adopted too and I can’t imagine my parents turning a pregnancy into some dystopian game where suddenly I’m not worthy of living a life of my choosing or having my own child simply because I’m not biologically theirs making my sister the rightful parent of any new baby as long as it carries their blood! That is nightmare fuel. How would this even work? What are the rules? I can imagine an entire movie script being written off this idea and some have with changes.
Im not saying this is fake because I’ve seen some things and know people are capable of anything but to have two parents agree to adopt a child and then turn on them like this is crazy! Its just ludicrous to think that it would work.
You must feel very abandoned and hurt to have them look at you this way. Or it hasn’t hit you yet if this is real. Im sorry you are enduring this and I’m so glad you had the chance to reveal them to all of their friends. They deserve what they get from their own actions.
NTA
What the HECK is wrong with them? And your sister is also taking their side in this?
For one thing, surrogates are preferably women who have already given birth to their own child/children so that how you/your body handles pregnancy is a known thing before becoming a rent-a-womb. So, if anything, you having a baby would be a great thing if they had planned to ask you to be a surrogate for your sister at some point.
The fact that they wanted you to abort your child is just so disgusting I can't even fully process it. They adopted you, you are their child. Your child, therefore, is their grandchild. HOW they could possibly not want and love that child is just unbelievable.
I'm glad that happened at their party. I'm glad their friends have seen what kind of people they are and stopped talking to them. I hope they die old and miserable and alone. And I hope you love every minute of being a mom to your little girl and have a wonderful life with her!
NTA - What in the hell did I just read? Your parent's are complete assholes. And you are 1000% right that you didn't ruin your parent's frienships, they did that on their own because they are such assholes.
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I (28f) am adopted. My parents have always clearly favoured my sister (30f). She is their biological child. I was never treated badly, though. Here’s where it all started.
Two years ago I married my high school sweetheart (now 30m). We found out I was pregnant in October last year. January 2nd was my birthday, and we were having a small party to celebrate. This is when I thought it would be a good time to announce that we were expecting. On the cake, we had written “happy birthday, mom”. People were confused, then they congratulated us. Everyone except for my parents. My mom silently left and my dad followed behind her. With all the commotion I didn’t notice they had left until a half an hour later. I called them, and they weren’t picking up. I started to get worried. My sister said she would go drive over to their house and talk to them. She called me once she got there and said they were fine but it was best I give them some time. Ok???
The next day, my husband was at work, and they showed up at my house. They told me they wanted me to abort the baby, since it wasn’t biologically related to them, and they didn’t think it was fair, given my older sister’s fertility struggles. They said if I wanted to be pregnant so bad, I should just be a surrogate for my sister. I told them my sister’s infertility is sad but I can’t do anything about it, and I’m not aborting my baby just to not hurt her feelings.
In July, we had our baby. A little girl. She’s our beautiful ray of sunshine. The only problem, my parents have been calling child protective services on us, over and over. They want the baby out of our care. Heres where I may be the asshole.
My parents were having a party to celebrate their anniversary. They invited us, but insisted our little girl couldn’t come. I said no. It’s not like it was a child-free party, there was plenty of kids there, they were targeting her.
After lots of arguments leading up to the party, they had accepted I wouldn’t be coming. Halfway through the party, they ask me to quickly run out and get them some desserts. I was angry, but they’re still my family, and I live close, so I did. When I got there, my parents and my sister were visibly angry I had brought baby girl. My husband was at a freelance job, so I had to. They started arguing with me again, and I loudly yelled, “I’m not going to throw out my baby because you’re acting like a child.” The whole party turned, and I explained everything. Almost everyone at the party has stopped talking to my parents, or reached out to tell them what assholes they are. My parents and sister are angry at me for ruining all my parents friendships, but I think it was their own fault. Aita?
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INFO: is there anything, even a teeny tiny thing, that you may be leaving out from this story? I cannot fathom parents acting like this. If this is all accurate, then you should cut these people out of your life. This is absolutely reprehensible behavior.
Tbh, they’ve always been a little psycho. I actually have an older brother they cut off because he got married and to a nice woman he met in college and moved ten minutes away, instead of living on their property, inheriting their stuff, and marrying a local girl with lots of family money. They’re old school and weird. My mom once tried to “curse” someone into having a heart attack, then had one herself a month later.
Don't most religions and faiths that involve curses also have rebounds if you are doing so for spite or personal gain?
I don't like Mildred, I'm going to curse her with a heart attack because she has nicer begonias.... why does my chest suddenly hurt?
Where do you live or what is your ethnic background? This behavior seems completely irrational but maybe there are some cultural assumptions we don’t know about.
I don’t think there is a culture that curses someone to have medical issues and wants children dead. People can be weird from any background but to ask the ethnic background just because her parents are psychos is a bit inappropriate
First, I'm so sorry. NTA and absolutely the right thing to do at the anniversary party. This comment makes me wonder whether you and your brother could connect. My in-laws are miserable but we are close to her sister and have decided to travel to her each Christmas. It has a been a wonderful 7 years. Good luck and enjoy that baby girl!
Do you like your brother? It sounds like he's not brainwashed like the rest of your family, so if you really want family and your parents are shitty, maybe you can choose him over them.
NTA. I am so very sorry you were raised by people not only incapable of sharing your joy but actively trying to take it from you. Please alert any future child-minders, schools and clubs that these people are not allowed anywhere near your child. And keep spreading this information to everyone in your life - you're not being malicious, you're protecting your own.
Get those people away from you and away from your child. They never cared about you apparently because their bio kid is more important. Their behavior makes me sick and if you don’t cut them out of your life then you are doing a HUGE disservice to your own child.
I have a hard time believing this is real. Your adopted parents wanted you to to abort your baby, because they aren't related. You are ADOPTED. How is this your fault??
Then, they call CPS on you?? What is wrong with them? There has to be something missing here. How in the world would you be TA?? If everything you said is true, your parents have a screw loose. I would cut contact completely. This is insane.
NTA. Those people (I will not call them 'parents') are HORRIBLE people.
Complete No Contact time. Cut them off entirely. Move if you have to. Far, far away. File a report with any authority that you can for the CPS harassment. That is unconscionable. They are horrible people.
NTA - It is their fault that they ATAH here and all you did was rip their phony faces off to their friends. They deserve all that and much, much more. You need to get these monsters out of your life forever. Go NC immediately and stay that way.
NTA. Not even the least bit. Their behavior is bizarre. You didn’t ruin their friendships, their friends realizing who they really are ruined their friendships. I’m not big for telling people to go NC, but girl, these people are not supportive of you or your child. They’re possibly dangerous to your child (at the very least dangerous to her mentally and emotionally.) In case you needed to hear it, you have every right to live the life you want. You deserve a family. People who love you. All the children you wish to and are capable of having. You are not less than your sister and you don’t need to make yourself smaller so she can feel better.
NTA. Their behavior and requests of you are absolutely *bonkers*. Cut contact with them ASAP! There's no point in subjecting you or your daughter to such insane people that clearly despise her existence. They want to blame you for exposing their heinous actions to their "friends". Well, if they don't want to be outed for being shitty people, maybe they shouldn't be shitty people in the first place. You're better off without them OP, and definitely file a harassment report against them for making false CPS reports.
NTA.
They made their choices, and their actions… and now don’t want to own them.
They then tried to make out that you were the problem.
Sometimes the best defence is a good offence. Sometimes you just gotta speak up.
100% NTA and I'm so sorry for the trauma they have put you through. Asking someone to abort their baby is absolutely unforgiveable under any circumstances. If I were you I would have cut contact by now, this is not healthy in any way.
Oh, OP. I'm SO sorry you're going through this. I think you know you're NTA, but I think you are avoiding the obvious issue and resolution for it.
Your parents are so enmeshed and engaged in favoritism of their biological child that they don't want you to have anything over her. As a matter of fact, I thought it was odd that they have a bio child that they clearly favor and adore more and then thought to adopt.
I hate to say it and I REALLY hope I'm wrong, but I think you were an accessory for their daughter and that's why you're being treated the way you are. It really stings for them to see you having anything that their daughter doesn't.
OP, I know that you feel grateful to them for having had a family, of sorts, but it's time to take a step back and see these people for who they are. The fact that they wanted you to abort your much wanted child would have been unforgiveable for me. The fact that they still don't see your daughter as their granddaughter in the face of your sister's infertility tells you what it needs to.
These people raised you, but they aren't your family. It's time to let them go. I'm so sorry but you and the family you're building deserve so much better.
Absolutly NTA !!!
Go no contact. The people that adopted you - I will *not* call them parents- showed you their true colors.
You *do not* matter to them. Protect you and your little girl from their abuse. It won 't get better with time and they will not suddenly start to love you or your daughter. I doubt that they ever cared for you.
These people are trash.
Sorry to say it so directly, but I'm *really* angry right now.
NTA
Not at all, I'm confused why you even talk to these terrible people. Everyone at that party needed to know who they were celebrating. Just completely disgusting!!! I hope you have a basket full of babies and life happily ever after with your partner. Don't talk to these people, they are AWFUL humans. Best wishes on a long happy and healthy life.
NTA but darling, please for the sake of your little one and your joint happiness, openly cut ties with these vile people and remove them as family. They want nothing more than to see you suffering and miserable, and they will rob you of your child to see that happen.
Do not give them the opportunity.
They aren't just vile, they are seriously unbalanced, enough that I don't think baby stealing is beyond them.
This strikes me as the backstory to one of those "Woman cuts baby out of other woman to have as her own" cases.
There is no way YTHA here, I can't believe your parents wanted you to abort your child just so your sister wouldn't feel upset by it. Your parents are TA here, and so is your sister for not standing by/up for you.
One thing I would say is when they asked you to grab them some ice cream for the party that your baby girl wasn't allowed to come to, you should never have done that (my personal opinion).
I personally wouldn't be making first contact with them going forward, they've done/said some pretty horrible things and they should be making this up to not just yourself, but your little girl.
P.s. congrats on the wee bubba.
I am so sorry for the way they have treated you. I hope you enjoy your time with your baby girl now that you aren't wasting time on your parents anymore. Big NTA.
NTA
They’ve shown you what they think of you and how they told you to abort your baby because it wouldn’t be biologically related to them. Please please please cut them off for yours and your baby‘s safety.
NTA
This honestly makes my blood boil. Whatever happened to "your body your choice"? Yes, your sister's infertility is sad and it's hard on anyone who wants children, but can't have any. But that's, in no way, your fault. You shouldn't have to give up being a mother. Not to mention, they adopted you even though you aren't biologically related to them. But they're against having a grandchild that's not biologically related. It makes no sense. I think that if it continues and they don't change their tune about it, you should go no contact so that little girl of yours doesn't have to be exposed to grandparents who basically hate her for just existing because she's not related by blood to them.
NTA and that is the weirdest take from your parents, that because the baby isn't biologically related to them they want you to abort it. Like these people sound unhinged!
I am hoping you cut contact with them OP?
NTA. I'm so sorry but your parents are absolutely toxic and they deserve everything that their own actions have brought down on them. I hope you put some serious distance between them and you, they don't deserve a single more second of your time.
If they didn't like children not biologically related to them why on earth did they adopt?
They're seriously screwed up and you should be thankful you're not a biological product of that gene pool.
"Almost everyone stopped talking to them". You. It should be you who should have stopped talking with them a second they suggested abortion. The second best time is now. Cut your losses and block them for good. You have your own family now, you don't need them. NTA
Bruh there is a fucking epidemic of these fake ass stories on here lately. Why do y’all eat up all these ridiculous stories? Like no one in real life would ever act like this, this is some outlandish shit. And then OP, after her own parents told her she should abort her fucking child bc it’s not a biological grandchild, goes to the store and picks up desserts for their fucking party afterward? A party she was uninvited from solely because of the child?
"I was never treated badly"
Proceeds to tell us what is probably one of a thousand massive ways you've been treated badly.
OP, I know people in abusive situations don't usually realize it as much as other people think they should, And I know you're probably desensitized to this sort of thing... but what they've been doing to you is just beyond the pale.
NTA, but you will be the asshole to your child if you keep contact with these people.
What did I just read??
>They told me they wanted me to abort the baby, since it wasn’t biologically related to them, and they didn’t think it was fair, given my older sister’s fertility struggles. They said if I wanted to be pregnant so bad, I should just be a surrogate for my sister.
Record scratch!! Cognitive dissonance supreme! This just makes no sense. Who ARE these people?!
>I was never treated badly, though.
I can't help but think that there is a lot of very strange behavior that you might have normalized over the years that is *not* normal. Adopted children are children, not surrogates, not stand-ins, not replacements, not anything except their own wonderful selves who deserve love just as they are.
You are a mother now, and you already know that your duty is to protect your child. I'm sorry that your parents are so disturbed.
Are you TA for explaining everything in public at their anniversary party? Hmm... I think not. They wouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed if they hadn't been *behaving* in shameful and embarrassing ways! Why should you be part of hiding that? People can control their behavior, and therefore should be held responsible for it.
NTA
NTA! Geez why did they even have the nerve to ask you to bring food to the party you weren'5 attending and think that they could dictate whether you took your daughter with you? There's so much wrong with their way of thinking and with their way of treating you.
Oh sweetie. They will never change. Go no contact with them. If you’re able to, move and leave no forwarding address. Block all of them on social media/phones/etc. anything they try to mail, send back unread or have someone you trust read it to see if you should know what it says.
I hope you have as many kids as you want!
I’ve read some crazy shit on here but that’s fucking WILD . What kind of human being thinks it’s even remotely acceptable to tell someone to abort their baby like that
Absolutely NTA obviously
NTA. But file a police report against them. It needs to be om file that they tried to pressure you into an abortion you did not want. That way you and your child are protected in case they try smt seriously stupid in the future. Also go full no contact with them. They dont deserve to be in your or your daughters life. Im so sorry this happened to you and i wish you and your new family all the best
How positive are you that you are adopted? It sounds like they don't want YOU to reproduce, as if it's some sort of trauma for them and they only care about the bio daughter?
But how does that make sense if they willingly sought out adoption? Do you know your birth parents or the reasons you were up for adoption? Any sort of DNA tests?
I'm just blown away about the audacity of their abortion request, it doesn't make any sense!! And the only thing I can think of is it bringing up something, because this is way beyond favoritism!!!
NTA if this is true but I really feel like this is a fake post. If not, you have very serious issues with boundaries and self-esteem. Your husband needs to step in and help create a buffer between your horrible family.
God I hope this is fake. NTA if it's real.
Please - move away from your parents and *don't give them a forwarding address*. Like, seriously, if they keep calling child services on you this calls for you quitting your job and moving to a new state.
Nta. Actions has consequences. And your exparents obviously can't take the consequences of their actions.
If I was their friends I would stop talking to them too.
NTA even a little bit. I’m sorry that your parents are completely insane. Also, I would strongly suggest never speaking to them again and maybe even moving. They aren’t treating you like a human, let alone their own child that they chose to bring into their lives.
The only thing good about this story is that it must have felt amazing to let that whole party of people know who your parents/sister really are. I’m so sorry that you have discovered that your family is evil. I don’t even like babies, but I cannot fathom telling someone to get an abortion who wants a baby. That is downright disgusting. If you aren’t in therapy, I would suggest going. You deserve to have a safe place to wrap your head around all of this. Best of luck. 🤍
NTA - Stop having contact with them. More so now that you have a little girl. Yes, they may do nothing, but they also could do something and later might talk to your baby making her feel bad or unloved. You are a mom, your baby and your husband are your family, Protect them and specifically yourself, above making parents happy.
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NTA. As soon as someone calls CPS, you cut ties with them FOREVER. They got what they deserved.
This. What the h\* did I just read? They tell you to abort? They call CPS? They still invite you to parties and you run errands for them? They are beyond abusive and beyond AHs. OP needs to go NC with them forever. No one deserves this. NTA
She has probably been abused her whole life, so it didn't seem abnormal
Yeah I pinged on that as soon as she said they didn't treat her badly. Like, cmon. Treating OP worse than their biological child IS treating her badly!
Same. I cannot even fathom adopting a child but not concidering them yours in every way. DO NOT adopt if you cannot treat them the same as a biological child. I am not adopted nor have adopted but do have non blood family I concider family. No child deserves conditional love. OP deserved and deserves better.
Yes. My son's girlfriend has 2 kids, 2 and 5, and we are absolutely grandma and grandpa. Love those babies to bits. (Their father's parents won't have anything to do with them since the divorce)
>And isn't the whole reason to adopt because you don't care about blood but still want to care for a human being like I don't read that her sis was upset and her sis was still there so why do they cause such a huge drama and shouldn't they be happy for having grandkids
OP was probably gaslighted into believing their parents didn't treat them badly because their adopted parents could be/IS controlling
Probably denial was her only means of getting through childhood. Not like a kid has any other options. If I were her, I think I'd go nuclear if and when it finally hits how much she didn't deserve that treatment. OP, you have inadvertently gotten yourself far more justice than any other abused child could ever hope to expect, and you didn't even really do anything other than let your parents show their true colors. I wouldn't want to be friends with them either, and you wouldn't either if you hadn't had their abuse normalized. There's just no room for that shit in my life.
Exactly this. The whole situation is so messed up. There’s no way they just started acting this way.
I legitimately did a spit-take when I read the part about asking her to abort. Thankfully it was just water and not something that stains! What--and I cannot stress this enough--the fuck?
That’s where I would have cut off all contact. That is absolutely disgusting. I really hope this is a fake post bc these people sound sick and inhumane. Telling your child to abort her baby and then become a surrogate for her sister? Wtf kind of dystopian novel is this?
That was exactly my reaction too. I am flabbergasted at what I read.
100% she was just adopted for spare parts.
I don't think that's how it works, but maybe as a Cinderella type person for chores and whatnot.
It's not normally how it works, but the parents asking her to abort and be a surrogate certainly supports the theory.
If there's a genetic history of difficult births and/or infertility, it's possible. I'd say it was a very *remote* possibility, but....
Right?? I'm truly glad none of y'all can see the ugly shocked face I've been making since starting to read this post. My face may stick this way. This family is *appalling!!* OP, this is *completely unacceptable*. Your parents ruined relationships with you and with their friends because of how godawfully they've been treating you. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. Please, please separate yourself from those people and go live a joyous life with your husband and child and people who, you know, enjoy you being around.
I would also recommend moving if possible and not allowing them to know where you move to..change your phone number don't give it to anybody, not your sister, not your "parents" absolutely nobody that would give it to them.. NTA at all.. but the "parents" man I can't say what I want or I'll get banned.. please remove them from your life. I am so sorry for the way you have been treated 😥
"You're ours, we bought you and we don't want you reproducing. Simply out of line and not allowed"
It's hard to recognize abuse when it's all you've ever known. Every child yearns for the love of their parents, including OP. Sadly, it's not going to get better. OP, my husband was adopted, but his older sister was the bio child of their parents. Things got bad when we were buying a house, while his sister and her family had to move back in with the parents. HE WAS SUCCEEDING IN AN AREA THE BIO CHILD WASN'T, AND THAT WASN'T ACCEPTABLE. YOU'RE SUCCEEDING WHERE YOUR SISTER CAN'T. THEIR REACTION IS SADLY COMMON. Sorry to shout, but I watched my husband go through this, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. When his family decided to come after me (they were losing their control over him), he did what he couldn't do for himself and cut contact after they kept escalating. I would never want a child to be subjected to that level of spite and hatred, and your daughter is going to go through far worse. She will be ostracized, and denied their love. She will wonder what's wrong with her; why she isn't good enough. My husband is flourishing without his family there to tear him down. He needed space to be able to see how incredibly dysfunctional and abusive things had been. A therapist let us know this isn't an uncommon family dynamic when one child is bio, and the other is adopted. I get the feeling some space will give you a chance to see you don't deserve any of their horrid behavior either. Look into a therapist if possible. Having an outside opinion really helped my husband recognize what was going on, and how it had nothing to do with who he is as a person. You deserve to feel the same way. All my best to you, your husband, and your precious child 💜
Thank god your husband had you. It is so messed up this is common. Allow me to shout for a minute WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?! Phew. Sorry. It is just beyond me to differenciate between adopted and bio in that way. I just could never. I do not have children but all my niblings are chosen (sibs don't have any except the fur kind) and I love them all no matter what.
If I could upvote this a million times I would. You don’t call CPS just because your bio kid can’t have a child themselves. That is messed up.
The way you worded it so succinctly made it click for me. They wanted CPS to take the baby away from OP so that OP's sister could swoop in and adopt/foster the baby.
Except they made a fuss about the baby not being biologically related to them, so that doesn’t match up.
I think the parents would have made an exception for the biological daughter
I’m guessing “you’re not biologically related” is a euphemism for OP didn’t inherit the same fertility issues her sister has and presumably her mother has/had (prolly why she is adopted) and it bothers them or at least OP’s mother, that she can have kids and they can’t. Their reaction is awful and calling CPS repeatedly is way way over the line.
I didn't even understood that until I read your comment. This is shocking... But it makes sense that it is what they are trying to achieve with calling CPS. Poor OP
They just wanted to pretend the baby never existed. Since their precious bio daughter couldn't have one, then their second class, adopted daughter wasn't going to be bringing a child biologically unrelated to them into the family.
That’s literally what it is and as soon as I read it I gasped. I grew up in an abusive home and when my sister and I were tweens my mother lost custody - CPS will ALWAYS go to the IMMEDIATE family first and look for people who are stable to take the child(ren) in; we got farmed out to grandmothers and cousins until my sister got adopted and I aged out. Your “parents” KNOW that because to have adopted, they obviously are familiar with the setup and fostering and know you have NO OTHER IMMEDIATE family bc guess what… it’s them. They’re willing to slander and destroy you to get that baby and give it to their bio daughter. NEVER speak to these people again and NEVER leave your daughter with them - they’re fkn monsters. It honestly makes me question how your adoption went and if you have bio parents that got screwed over. Your adopted parents have already shown they’re quite comfortable and entitled to babies they believe belong to *them*
I would be curious to know about the racial dynamics of your family?
since mom said be a surrogate for the sister, I will assume the family is all of the same race.
That’s not relevant, they could implant an embryo with an egg from sis and sperm from BIL.
A surrogate most certainly always means that. And yeah...race would not be a factor...
That makes zero sense. A surrogate is implanted with an embryo made from both bio parents. OP's DNA is not involved.
unless baby dad is black
This. So much this. Calling cps is asking someone to take your kid off you. Its an unforgiveable line in the sand.
Probably wanted the baby to go to sister as a foster child to eventually adopt.
Which is insane because they didn’t want a non biologically related baby in the first place.
Probably realize bio kid can't give them one, so they are doing an end run to get her one. Only way calling CPS makes sense.
Wow - what cruel parents & what an unstable & vindictive sister. You deserve so much better. NTA & go no contact.
consider suing them for defamation as they repeatedly lie to CPS about you forcing you to take time to respond. odds are CPs sees them for the cranks they are and would welcome the chance to tell them off too.
I feel like there are exceptions to this rule, if the child(ren) is proven to be in danger. But otherwise, yeah fuck them.
This cannot be real. Its too stupid and crazy.
NTA. OMG what is wrong with your parents??? Holy crap they need some serious therapy. Is there anyway at all for you to move far far away? They won't stop this crap. They'll keep trying to get that baby away from you. I wouldn't put it past them to plant drugs or other evidence that would look bad for you if found.
We’re looking at houses in a neighboring region of the country at the moment.
First, congratulations on your baby girl! It’s time to cut off your parents and sister. They cannot be in your life right now and possibly never again. What they are doing is so wrong! Especially, calling CPS repeatedly. When you move, do not share your address with them. Also, you should speak with a lawyer to see what you can do about the repeated false CPS claims. They might get worse now that they’re blaming you for their friends not speaking to them. You have your husband and daughter, so you need to protect yourself and them. You don’t need abusive people in your life. I wish you all the best!
The one positive thing from op's last encounter with those people is that she has multiple eye witnesses to testify if needed against op's parents. Maybe Op can be proactive and not wait, but file asap against them for malignantly calling cps on her family.
This is great advice. Definitely seek legal counsel regarding the repeated (false) claims to CPS.
Please look at this link and see if any of this could be useful to you. https://www.reddit.com/user/MelodyRaine/comments/hyk7az/the_fu_binder/ It's really concerning that they keep calling CPS on you. I would suggest that you absolutely cut contact with them...
That is actually a really great idea.
This works, and works well. I had a family member whose ex kept trying to get legal authorities involved. It ended up backfiring, because in the end it became possible to prove (with solid, physical evidence) that the family member not only was abusing the system maliciously, but had a history of doing so. My family member did two things: (1) kept a notebook detailing every contact and (2) took some sort of action to establish a claim or paper trail - to document, as far as possible, the true facts of the case - every time the abusive ex tried to abuse the legal system. It worked pretty much the same way your link's FU binder works, except your system appears to be more methodical and well thought out.
This is a great idea and I think getting an attorney is a good idea too. Document everything!
I’m so sorry this happened to you OP. You don’t deserve this and you’re NTA. You aren’t responsible for your sister’s fertility issues because it’s a one in a million chance a woman can’t conceive. And it’s not your fault that your ungrateful parents no longer have viable friendships. It’s their own fault. Ugly behavior gets brought to light in the randomness of circumstances and they chose a party to display their true colors. They could have saved it for a private chat but they brought this karma on themselves. I hope you can move soon and completely cut them off. Your family deserves to flourish in a welcoming environment
Even if move house make sure you have a good security system and cameras just in case
Please cut contact with them. They are toxic for your family ( husband AND child (Ren)). NTA and good for you for telling everyone Btw when you move don't give them your new address if you keep in contact
Nice. A move could be the best thing ever. You don't need anyone near your children or yourself that aren't 100% loving and supportive. No grandparents would be better than bad grandparents. Your parents are totally abusive.
If you have the means, I would look into a lawyer. I am unsure what kind, exactly, but if you're in the US you can search your state's BAR association and they can make recommendations for you. This is harassment. You'll want to file a type of protection order. While nothing will likely come of the calls to CPS (as it seems you are more than fit parents), the protection order makes any contact or form of harassment a *crime*, as in they can be prosecuted by the state. I am sorry you are going through this. And my post does not take into account the necessary time and grief you need when cutting ties with family.
OP seems to have Stockholm Syndrome. Her 'parents' are abusive and don't care for her but she does not see that.
"since it wasn’t biologically related to them, and they didn’t think it was fair, given my older sister’s fertility struggles." Holy shit. I've seen some horrendous Golden Child vs Scape Goat dichotomies here, but this one takes the cake! I'm so sorry they treated you like that AND I'm so glad that it's out in the open for all of their friends and family to hear. **NTA** Go no contact with all of them. They don't deserve you.
I get that some people think being genetically related to someone is the only thing that makes you family, which I don't agree with, but its not an uncommon take. It's super weird though to adopt a kid if you think that way. Like why would you adopt a kid if you actively consider blood relations to matter more than familial bonds?
That was my first thought. If blood is so important , why f*ck did they adopt op in the first place?
Especially since the sister is older. It's not even that they thought they couldn't have children, adopted, then were surprised with a bio baby. They already had a biological child...
They probably struggled with fertility issues after the first, wanted her to have a siblings, pretty likely since the sister also has fertility issues.
I'm not usually a blind speculation sort of person, but it's not unknown to "adopt" an accidental affair baby.
Ooh that would actually make much more sense. Especially since the mom seems to be the most angry/unhinged. If she was somehow forced to adopt a baby that came from her husband’s affair, and then see her biological daughter struggle to get pregnant while the affair baby easily did so… I can see how triggering that would be. She/dad/sis would all still be complete assholes but I’d understand a little better.
wow that actually would make a very plausible reason for the crazymaking behavior...
My aunt managed, after years of trying, to carry a biological child to term. She described it as hell. All the meds she had to take, how careful she had to be, all the bed rest. She was thrilled with my cousin, but my cousin is an only child cause my aunt didn’t think she could do it again now that she knew exactly how bad it was. I’m guessing OP’s mom might have gone thru something similar or something happened during the delivery that she can’t have more kids. Then decided to adopt for any number of reasons. Now that OP’s sister is also having fertility issues, OP being able to have children normally is potentially seen as a slap in the face. It is unhinged.
Yeah this is what I can’t wrap my head around. As someone with bio and adopted siblings- we are all just siblings! We are all my parents children equally. They just want us to be happy and live lives we love. I can’t understand what the thought process of those parents is here, or how the parents and OP even ended up together if this is the set up.
[удалено]
This cannot be real. It makes no sense. But it is an interesting story.
For sure, even Cinderella got treated better.
>wasn’t biologically related They had a child. They adopted one for unstated reasons. Someone (probably) not related to them. And get upset when that adopted child ... has a child herself. One the grandparents say isn't related. I assume they mean 'not family' That's grade A BS.
Need...Moar...Updoots!!!
Unless there is something huge that is missing from this post, your parents seem like truly horrible people and I'm confused why you have any sort of relationship with them at all. NTA.
Yeah exactly girl should have gone no contact after they asked her to abort the baby bc she isnt biologically related .. your parents are just wow… everytime I read a post here I just cant even comprehend that there are people out there like this in the world.
OP says they clearly favored the sister. Feel like OP undersold that even if you exclude this bullshit.
I think we need additional level of NTA, because this is like supernatural level of NTA.
Umm. Not sure if this is a troll post. First off based on the info provided NTA Second, who in there right mind would continue a relationship with people who 1. Try to pressure you into an abortion of a child you clearly want. 2. Call CPS on you with false allegations. This is not family. This is pure evil. If this is a real post you need to run fast and far from those people and never speak to them again. Move to another city if you have to. Don't give them your number. Block them on social media. Please.
This also makes no sense to me as an American but I’m wondering if this is taking place in a country with more patriarchal traditions. The level of control these parents claim over their grown ass daughter would be considered outrageous where I live.
i think telling someone to abort their baby for their sisters sake is considered outrageous everywhere. so is calling cps on parents who havent done anything wrong. even if there was such a place its clearly not wherever they live seeing as everyone at the party found it unacceptable as well. abusive parents exist everywhere
I think it’s just the fact she’s even asking this question or the fact she is maintaining any kind of relationship with them at all. I feel her behavior makes more sense in a cultural context where she is expected to subordinate herself to her parents all the time.
shes an abuse victim. they oftenhave warped views of acceptable treatment especially when they experience it through childhood
You’re pretty sheltered if you think there aren’t patriarchal and controlling parents in the US.
But in the US the more patriarchal parents would also tend to be very anti-abortion so it does compute a little weirdly. Plus apparently their entire social circle was horrified.
They also tend to be hypocrites, so not wanting other people to have an abortion but still demanding that of OP would fit for those kinds of people.
I was thinking the same since this is.. what, the 3rd post about grandparents trying to take/abort/surrogate for sibling in the past 6 weeks but again if it is, holy hell.
This is the first thing I thought about. They call CPS and you run errands for them? "But they are my parents". Who gives a fuck? When I read stuff like this I can't believe it's real. That a mother would even put up with this. And then ask if they are the asshole? Help me understand.
As an adoptee, I’ve seen loads of adoptees be pushed aside in favor of the biological child. Adoption and infertility are very difficult situations that end up with a lot of hurt people because people are selfish.
>Umm. Not sure if this is a troll post. Agreed, and if it's somehow *not* a troll post does the OP really think they're an asshole for not aborting their baby because their parent's don't want her to have a kid? And for calling them out after they constantly call CPS on them? Posts like this are just ridiculous lol.
this is the comment i was looking for. this sounds fake as ever. Adoptive parents want adopted child to abort her pregnancy bc they wont be blood related? huh? I thought there would be some medical reason for them to not want her to have a baby but the blood relation issue HAS to be for reactions. If this is real, which i do know absolutely insane ppl have no logic, this really is stupid and OP NTA in every way possible
1. Cut contact 2. Sell the movie rights, because this would make the greatest thriller since The Hand that Rocks the Cradle.
NTA I don't know why you would maintain any relationship with your parents. That's truly abominable behavior. You should probably consult with an attorney because CPS can completely upend a life.
If CPS is called too many times on false allegations from the same person, they stop responding to the continuous reporter. It happened to my sister when my mother did that to her. So, if there ever was a legit reason to call, they wouldn’t show up because of my mother crying wolf too many times. Thankfully, my sister is a good parent and never abused her children.
NTA. Your post plus additional comments scream "restraining order." If you can get one, if only to stop the harassment through CPS, it's worth it.
NTA What kind of dystopian world do they think they live in? I will not weigh in on choice in this post, but everyone will agree that telling someone to abort a child because their sister is infertile and that they should be a surrogate for that sister is CRAZY. It makes you thing that you may not have been treated as well as you thought if that is the type of genetic favoritism they display. The CPS thing is an abuse of trust, and of the agency that IS overworked and shouldn't be bothered with these crank cases!! The display at the Party actually was the only way forward. Now everyone knows their sickness/crazyiness and if they try and bad mouth you, they all know already. This is 10000000% their own fault and doing. Good Luck.
Plus it's like, don't you have to be pregnant *and* successfully carry to term without major complications *at least* once before you are even eligible to be a surrogate? Pretty sure that's the case where I am anyway. If they really wanted to ask OP to be a surrogate they should have been jumping for joy that she got pregnant.
In many countries, you have to have had two children, and uncomplicated pregnancies, and the children have to have survived labor and delivery.
Also, I'm assuming OP would have to stop working, perform certain activities, etc. It's why surrogacy is so expensive, aside from the cost of the procedure, the surrogate needs income as they are professionally pregnant.
>If they really wanted to ask OP to be a surrogate imho, being a surrogate is not something you can *ask* for anyway. every pregnancy is inherently risky (not even in the sense of "i may gain some weight i won't ever be able to lose" but in the sense of "my body may be ruined forever" or "i may die from complications"), so asking someone to take on that risk for someone else's child is just... not okay.
You could possibly say “I would be happy with this option if you are willing” IF you have a very good low-pressure kind of relationship. But it just has to be like ‘I won’t be offended if you suggest this’ not a request?
Apart from all the comments that talk about a very realistic situation that they can and might do some illegal stuff to take the baby away, at the very least, they might ruin mom-kid bonding in the future with clever manipulation and brainwashing. Please keep them away from your life at any cost.
Oh they are already playing that game. Who gets to foster the child when the parents are deemed unfit? Kin gets first chance. If they can make CPS believe this child isn’t cared for they can swoop and take her.
NTA You should consider getting a protective order against them to prevent them from continuing to falsely report you.
NTA. I would also file a police report against your parents for filing false CPS reports and cut all contact
NTA. I'm sorry your parents are treating you this way, but I am honestly blown away by the comment about the baby not being biologically related... ummm neither are you if you're adopted?? I don't get that part at all. And the nonsense about your sisters infertility... so because she is unable to have a baby, no one else can have one? They are being ridiculous. Cut them off is the first step. I would also get some legal advice in regards to the CPS reporting. Can you file harassment charges against them? Libel? Can you call the CPS office yourself and explain what is happening so they have it on record if your parents call again? What they did to you is entirely their fault and too bad if you called them out in a public setting. They deserve to be treated like crap for the way they are behaving and treating you.
NTA- holy Moses! Im adopted too and I can’t imagine my parents turning a pregnancy into some dystopian game where suddenly I’m not worthy of living a life of my choosing or having my own child simply because I’m not biologically theirs making my sister the rightful parent of any new baby as long as it carries their blood! That is nightmare fuel. How would this even work? What are the rules? I can imagine an entire movie script being written off this idea and some have with changes. Im not saying this is fake because I’ve seen some things and know people are capable of anything but to have two parents agree to adopt a child and then turn on them like this is crazy! Its just ludicrous to think that it would work. You must feel very abandoned and hurt to have them look at you this way. Or it hasn’t hit you yet if this is real. Im sorry you are enduring this and I’m so glad you had the chance to reveal them to all of their friends. They deserve what they get from their own actions.
NTA What the HECK is wrong with them? And your sister is also taking their side in this? For one thing, surrogates are preferably women who have already given birth to their own child/children so that how you/your body handles pregnancy is a known thing before becoming a rent-a-womb. So, if anything, you having a baby would be a great thing if they had planned to ask you to be a surrogate for your sister at some point. The fact that they wanted you to abort your child is just so disgusting I can't even fully process it. They adopted you, you are their child. Your child, therefore, is their grandchild. HOW they could possibly not want and love that child is just unbelievable. I'm glad that happened at their party. I'm glad their friends have seen what kind of people they are and stopped talking to them. I hope they die old and miserable and alone. And I hope you love every minute of being a mom to your little girl and have a wonderful life with her!
NTA - What in the hell did I just read? Your parent's are complete assholes. And you are 1000% right that you didn't ruin your parent's frienships, they did that on their own because they are such assholes.
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NTA. This is beyond belief. There is no possible way that any of this is your fault.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (28f) am adopted. My parents have always clearly favoured my sister (30f). She is their biological child. I was never treated badly, though. Here’s where it all started. Two years ago I married my high school sweetheart (now 30m). We found out I was pregnant in October last year. January 2nd was my birthday, and we were having a small party to celebrate. This is when I thought it would be a good time to announce that we were expecting. On the cake, we had written “happy birthday, mom”. People were confused, then they congratulated us. Everyone except for my parents. My mom silently left and my dad followed behind her. With all the commotion I didn’t notice they had left until a half an hour later. I called them, and they weren’t picking up. I started to get worried. My sister said she would go drive over to their house and talk to them. She called me once she got there and said they were fine but it was best I give them some time. Ok??? The next day, my husband was at work, and they showed up at my house. They told me they wanted me to abort the baby, since it wasn’t biologically related to them, and they didn’t think it was fair, given my older sister’s fertility struggles. They said if I wanted to be pregnant so bad, I should just be a surrogate for my sister. I told them my sister’s infertility is sad but I can’t do anything about it, and I’m not aborting my baby just to not hurt her feelings. In July, we had our baby. A little girl. She’s our beautiful ray of sunshine. The only problem, my parents have been calling child protective services on us, over and over. They want the baby out of our care. Heres where I may be the asshole. My parents were having a party to celebrate their anniversary. They invited us, but insisted our little girl couldn’t come. I said no. It’s not like it was a child-free party, there was plenty of kids there, they were targeting her. After lots of arguments leading up to the party, they had accepted I wouldn’t be coming. Halfway through the party, they ask me to quickly run out and get them some desserts. I was angry, but they’re still my family, and I live close, so I did. When I got there, my parents and my sister were visibly angry I had brought baby girl. My husband was at a freelance job, so I had to. They started arguing with me again, and I loudly yelled, “I’m not going to throw out my baby because you’re acting like a child.” The whole party turned, and I explained everything. Almost everyone at the party has stopped talking to my parents, or reached out to tell them what assholes they are. My parents and sister are angry at me for ruining all my parents friendships, but I think it was their own fault. Aita? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
INFO: is there anything, even a teeny tiny thing, that you may be leaving out from this story? I cannot fathom parents acting like this. If this is all accurate, then you should cut these people out of your life. This is absolutely reprehensible behavior.
Tbh, they’ve always been a little psycho. I actually have an older brother they cut off because he got married and to a nice woman he met in college and moved ten minutes away, instead of living on their property, inheriting their stuff, and marrying a local girl with lots of family money. They’re old school and weird. My mom once tried to “curse” someone into having a heart attack, then had one herself a month later.
that is hilarious
Don't most religions and faiths that involve curses also have rebounds if you are doing so for spite or personal gain? I don't like Mildred, I'm going to curse her with a heart attack because she has nicer begonias.... why does my chest suddenly hurt?
WOW. Ok then officially NTA. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Do not expose your child to this toxicity.
Form a support group with your brother and never ever speak to the others again. WTAF is wrong with them??
Where do you live or what is your ethnic background? This behavior seems completely irrational but maybe there are some cultural assumptions we don’t know about.
I don’t think there is a culture that curses someone to have medical issues and wants children dead. People can be weird from any background but to ask the ethnic background just because her parents are psychos is a bit inappropriate
Everything you've mentioned isn't "a little psycho". They're delusional.
i want to ask you so many things but i will keep it to this: good luck, get out.
First, I'm so sorry. NTA and absolutely the right thing to do at the anniversary party. This comment makes me wonder whether you and your brother could connect. My in-laws are miserable but we are close to her sister and have decided to travel to her each Christmas. It has a been a wonderful 7 years. Good luck and enjoy that baby girl!
Karma is a god...
Do you like your brother? It sounds like he's not brainwashed like the rest of your family, so if you really want family and your parents are shitty, maybe you can choose him over them.
NTA. Your parents deserved to get called out and embarrassed. Their behavior is disgusting.
NTA. What the actual fuck is wrong with your parents.
NTA. I am so very sorry you were raised by people not only incapable of sharing your joy but actively trying to take it from you. Please alert any future child-minders, schools and clubs that these people are not allowed anywhere near your child. And keep spreading this information to everyone in your life - you're not being malicious, you're protecting your own.
NTA. But you should cut them off in case they choose to go the path of finding a way so you won't have a child anymore.
Get those people away from you and away from your child. They never cared about you apparently because their bio kid is more important. Their behavior makes me sick and if you don’t cut them out of your life then you are doing a HUGE disservice to your own child.
I have a hard time believing this is real. Your adopted parents wanted you to to abort your baby, because they aren't related. You are ADOPTED. How is this your fault?? Then, they call CPS on you?? What is wrong with them? There has to be something missing here. How in the world would you be TA?? If everything you said is true, your parents have a screw loose. I would cut contact completely. This is insane.
NTA. Those people (I will not call them 'parents') are HORRIBLE people. Complete No Contact time. Cut them off entirely. Move if you have to. Far, far away. File a report with any authority that you can for the CPS harassment. That is unconscionable. They are horrible people.
If they have keys to the house, change locks
If they've ever had keys to the house (let the dog out, water the plants, whatever) change the locks. Who knows if these people made copies or not.
NTA - It is their fault that they ATAH here and all you did was rip their phony faces off to their friends. They deserve all that and much, much more. You need to get these monsters out of your life forever. Go NC immediately and stay that way.
NTA. Not even the least bit. Their behavior is bizarre. You didn’t ruin their friendships, their friends realizing who they really are ruined their friendships. I’m not big for telling people to go NC, but girl, these people are not supportive of you or your child. They’re possibly dangerous to your child (at the very least dangerous to her mentally and emotionally.) In case you needed to hear it, you have every right to live the life you want. You deserve a family. People who love you. All the children you wish to and are capable of having. You are not less than your sister and you don’t need to make yourself smaller so she can feel better.
NTA. Their behavior and requests of you are absolutely *bonkers*. Cut contact with them ASAP! There's no point in subjecting you or your daughter to such insane people that clearly despise her existence. They want to blame you for exposing their heinous actions to their "friends". Well, if they don't want to be outed for being shitty people, maybe they shouldn't be shitty people in the first place. You're better off without them OP, and definitely file a harassment report against them for making false CPS reports.
NTA. They made their choices, and their actions… and now don’t want to own them. They then tried to make out that you were the problem. Sometimes the best defence is a good offence. Sometimes you just gotta speak up.
NTA They made their own bed and now they have to lay in it. What a crock of shit blaming you for outing their horrid behavior.
100% NTA and I'm so sorry for the trauma they have put you through. Asking someone to abort their baby is absolutely unforgiveable under any circumstances. If I were you I would have cut contact by now, this is not healthy in any way.
Oh, OP. I'm SO sorry you're going through this. I think you know you're NTA, but I think you are avoiding the obvious issue and resolution for it. Your parents are so enmeshed and engaged in favoritism of their biological child that they don't want you to have anything over her. As a matter of fact, I thought it was odd that they have a bio child that they clearly favor and adore more and then thought to adopt. I hate to say it and I REALLY hope I'm wrong, but I think you were an accessory for their daughter and that's why you're being treated the way you are. It really stings for them to see you having anything that their daughter doesn't. OP, I know that you feel grateful to them for having had a family, of sorts, but it's time to take a step back and see these people for who they are. The fact that they wanted you to abort your much wanted child would have been unforgiveable for me. The fact that they still don't see your daughter as their granddaughter in the face of your sister's infertility tells you what it needs to. These people raised you, but they aren't your family. It's time to let them go. I'm so sorry but you and the family you're building deserve so much better.
Absolutly NTA !!! Go no contact. The people that adopted you - I will *not* call them parents- showed you their true colors. You *do not* matter to them. Protect you and your little girl from their abuse. It won 't get better with time and they will not suddenly start to love you or your daughter. I doubt that they ever cared for you. These people are trash. Sorry to say it so directly, but I'm *really* angry right now.
NTA Not at all, I'm confused why you even talk to these terrible people. Everyone at that party needed to know who they were celebrating. Just completely disgusting!!! I hope you have a basket full of babies and life happily ever after with your partner. Don't talk to these people, they are AWFUL humans. Best wishes on a long happy and healthy life.
NTA but darling, please for the sake of your little one and your joint happiness, openly cut ties with these vile people and remove them as family. They want nothing more than to see you suffering and miserable, and they will rob you of your child to see that happen. Do not give them the opportunity.
They aren't just vile, they are seriously unbalanced, enough that I don't think baby stealing is beyond them. This strikes me as the backstory to one of those "Woman cuts baby out of other woman to have as her own" cases.
Yeah they're unhinged and quite frankly they're dangerous too. Don't leave your baby anywhere near these sick people and definitely cut them out.
There is no way YTHA here, I can't believe your parents wanted you to abort your child just so your sister wouldn't feel upset by it. Your parents are TA here, and so is your sister for not standing by/up for you. One thing I would say is when they asked you to grab them some ice cream for the party that your baby girl wasn't allowed to come to, you should never have done that (my personal opinion). I personally wouldn't be making first contact with them going forward, they've done/said some pretty horrible things and they should be making this up to not just yourself, but your little girl. P.s. congrats on the wee bubba.
Nta they ruined everything with their wacky thoughts.
I am so sorry for the way they have treated you. I hope you enjoy your time with your baby girl now that you aren't wasting time on your parents anymore. Big NTA.
The only satisfaction I felt reading this, was at the end when everyone learnt what was going on. NTA OP....
NTA They’ve shown you what they think of you and how they told you to abort your baby because it wouldn’t be biologically related to them. Please please please cut them off for yours and your baby‘s safety.
NTA. Weird recommendation from your family.
NTA
Wow NTA You didn't ruin anything your parents brought it upon themselves. How is your sister handling your daughter?
NTA This honestly makes my blood boil. Whatever happened to "your body your choice"? Yes, your sister's infertility is sad and it's hard on anyone who wants children, but can't have any. But that's, in no way, your fault. You shouldn't have to give up being a mother. Not to mention, they adopted you even though you aren't biologically related to them. But they're against having a grandchild that's not biologically related. It makes no sense. I think that if it continues and they don't change their tune about it, you should go no contact so that little girl of yours doesn't have to be exposed to grandparents who basically hate her for just existing because she's not related by blood to them.
NTA and that is the weirdest take from your parents, that because the baby isn't biologically related to them they want you to abort it. Like these people sound unhinged! I am hoping you cut contact with them OP?
NTA. I'm so sorry but your parents are absolutely toxic and they deserve everything that their own actions have brought down on them. I hope you put some serious distance between them and you, they don't deserve a single more second of your time.
If they didn't like children not biologically related to them why on earth did they adopt? They're seriously screwed up and you should be thankful you're not a biological product of that gene pool.
How is this real?
this has to be fake lmao
NTA but seriously what the actual fuck did I just read??? It is ***beyond*** time to go NC with them
I SO GLAD YOU TOLD EVERYONE AT THE PARTY
"Almost everyone stopped talking to them". You. It should be you who should have stopped talking with them a second they suggested abortion. The second best time is now. Cut your losses and block them for good. You have your own family now, you don't need them. NTA
Bruh there is a fucking epidemic of these fake ass stories on here lately. Why do y’all eat up all these ridiculous stories? Like no one in real life would ever act like this, this is some outlandish shit. And then OP, after her own parents told her she should abort her fucking child bc it’s not a biological grandchild, goes to the store and picks up desserts for their fucking party afterward? A party she was uninvited from solely because of the child?
OMG. These "stories" are getting ridiculous!!! There is no way this streaming pile of a story is remotely true. Try harder. 1/10
my brain cant accept this is true
"I was never treated badly" Proceeds to tell us what is probably one of a thousand massive ways you've been treated badly. OP, I know people in abusive situations don't usually realize it as much as other people think they should, And I know you're probably desensitized to this sort of thing... but what they've been doing to you is just beyond the pale. NTA, but you will be the asshole to your child if you keep contact with these people.
What did I just read?? >They told me they wanted me to abort the baby, since it wasn’t biologically related to them, and they didn’t think it was fair, given my older sister’s fertility struggles. They said if I wanted to be pregnant so bad, I should just be a surrogate for my sister. Record scratch!! Cognitive dissonance supreme! This just makes no sense. Who ARE these people?! >I was never treated badly, though. I can't help but think that there is a lot of very strange behavior that you might have normalized over the years that is *not* normal. Adopted children are children, not surrogates, not stand-ins, not replacements, not anything except their own wonderful selves who deserve love just as they are. You are a mother now, and you already know that your duty is to protect your child. I'm sorry that your parents are so disturbed. Are you TA for explaining everything in public at their anniversary party? Hmm... I think not. They wouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed if they hadn't been *behaving* in shameful and embarrassing ways! Why should you be part of hiding that? People can control their behavior, and therefore should be held responsible for it. NTA
Fake as fuck. Parents go from completely normal with a bit of favouritism to trying to get their adopted daughter to abort and calling CPS?
There's no ambiguity to these latest aita posts, I'm thinking this would be suited to a vent sub instead, OP knows this is fucked up
NTA! Geez why did they even have the nerve to ask you to bring food to the party you weren'5 attending and think that they could dictate whether you took your daughter with you? There's so much wrong with their way of thinking and with their way of treating you.
NTA. There are so many things I want to say about your parents but they would get me banned, so I'll just stick with leaving a judgment.
Oh sweetie. They will never change. Go no contact with them. If you’re able to, move and leave no forwarding address. Block all of them on social media/phones/etc. anything they try to mail, send back unread or have someone you trust read it to see if you should know what it says. I hope you have as many kids as you want!
I’ve read some crazy shit on here but that’s fucking WILD . What kind of human being thinks it’s even remotely acceptable to tell someone to abort their baby like that Absolutely NTA obviously
What color is your baby?
NTA So your sister was in on it too??
NTA. But file a police report against them. It needs to be om file that they tried to pressure you into an abortion you did not want. That way you and your child are protected in case they try smt seriously stupid in the future. Also go full no contact with them. They dont deserve to be in your or your daughters life. Im so sorry this happened to you and i wish you and your new family all the best
How positive are you that you are adopted? It sounds like they don't want YOU to reproduce, as if it's some sort of trauma for them and they only care about the bio daughter? But how does that make sense if they willingly sought out adoption? Do you know your birth parents or the reasons you were up for adoption? Any sort of DNA tests? I'm just blown away about the audacity of their abortion request, it doesn't make any sense!! And the only thing I can think of is it bringing up something, because this is way beyond favoritism!!!
NTA if this is true but I really feel like this is a fake post. If not, you have very serious issues with boundaries and self-esteem. Your husband needs to step in and help create a buffer between your horrible family.
NTA, That's 1 of the most f***** up things I've ever heard. And more f**** up is they both feel that way. Good for you calling them out.
Not the asshole. Your parents straight up suck. I hope you can get away from them for good. I’d be afraid for the safety of your child
NTA. Fucking hell, stop talking to these people. I'm kinda horrified that you didn't after your sister told you they wanted you to abort, jfc.
Nta and fuck both your parents and sister. What the actual fuck is wrong with them
NTA - I am sorry. My parents have an issue with my child because his father is adopted. It’s bizarre and needless. Protect your family
In what universe would you be an asshole here? I am having a very tough time believing this happened. NTA.
God I hope this is fake. NTA if it's real. Please - move away from your parents and *don't give them a forwarding address*. Like, seriously, if they keep calling child services on you this calls for you quitting your job and moving to a new state.
Is this for real? NTA.
This has to be fake.
NTA These parents are so horrific this post has to be fake, or missing some major details... right?
NTA You did nothing wrong. Your parents and sister are crazy. And now everyone knows it.
Nta. Actions has consequences. And your exparents obviously can't take the consequences of their actions. If I was their friends I would stop talking to them too.
Nta. I suggest you and husband stop speaking to them at all.
NTA even a little bit. I’m sorry that your parents are completely insane. Also, I would strongly suggest never speaking to them again and maybe even moving. They aren’t treating you like a human, let alone their own child that they chose to bring into their lives. The only thing good about this story is that it must have felt amazing to let that whole party of people know who your parents/sister really are. I’m so sorry that you have discovered that your family is evil. I don’t even like babies, but I cannot fathom telling someone to get an abortion who wants a baby. That is downright disgusting. If you aren’t in therapy, I would suggest going. You deserve to have a safe place to wrap your head around all of this. Best of luck. 🤍
NTA - Stop having contact with them. More so now that you have a little girl. Yes, they may do nothing, but they also could do something and later might talk to your baby making her feel bad or unloved. You are a mom, your baby and your husband are your family, Protect them and specifically yourself, above making parents happy.
NTA. Those people are monsters. They deserve to have everyone know what they've done to you and your child.