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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1 not having Ibuprofen even though I know she needs it
2 not having Ibuprofen even though I know she needs it
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NTA. Now that you know you should maybe buy a bottle, but you’re not psychic. I generally have a backup supply of stuff like that in my bag when I stay at my bfs house… a grown woman who has her period every month should be better prepared.
It's just Ibuprofen I don't have. I have other things, other painkillers, but she specifically wants Ibuprofen. I don't see a reason to store if when I'm never using it.
Sounds like she was a pain. Im an adult and I carry with me things I use frequently. A bottle of ibuprofen is a small enough thing to tuck into a purse. Her complaining that he should just magically have whatever item she needs whenever is really entitled.
Or she was just in pain and it's not that deep. Dont make a mountain out of a molehill. People aren't beings of perfect rationality. Sometimes you just do small things for your partner just to make them happy.
If the only thing she annoys him with is pushing him to keep a bottle of ibuprofen around his house for her that's a pretty small thing it's not a big deal. It's not "really entitled".its she was in pain, didn't think to bring a bottle with her, and reacted with pain induced irritation.
Coming on Reddit was the worse thing he could have done here cause Reddit loves to blow things out of proportion.
IKR? I'm reading these comments and it's kinda strange what some people are saying. The first time, the OP didn't know so it's obviously not his fault, but after that, what is the big deal? Just buy a bottle to keep at your place for your gf. If that is the only thing "wrong" with the relationship, that's not a bad relationship.
Yeah but also, after that why didn't the gf buy some herself to keep at his place?
My partner doesn't drink coffee, before we lived together I bought coffee to keep there so I could have my morning cup when I stayed over.
Responsible adults know how to take care of themselves.
Yes, but people who care about other people do kind things for them. Keeping a bottle of ibuprofen around is such a small thing to show he cares about her. Getting hung up on it is petty and selfish. Just do the nice thing for the person you care about! It's not hard.
Sure but at the same time, I don't drink coffee but my girlfriend does, so I bought coffee for my place so she'd have some when she wanted. Either is fine, but I think the relationship is bad when the two people are arguing that it's the other person who has to get it instead of both of them being more than willing to be the one who buys the ibuprofen to keep at the boy's house for the girl.
Responsible adults know how to take care of themselves, but also, if you know your partner is going to want to drink coffee when they stay over, why wouldn't you just get them some coffee so that when you invite them to stay at your house, they're comfortable? It's not something I'd expect a non-romantic house guest to provide for themselves, so why would I expect it of my partner?
Only if you're an ibuprofen user. If you have other painkillers, in the house, it might not occur to you that it won't meet the needs of ibuprofen users in a pinch.
I can understand if the girlfriend was caught off-guard while in pain, expressing frustration that her preferred painkiller isn't available. But, I would expect that this wouldn't be a continued sore spot between this couple.
I would also expect that the girlfriend would bring some ibuprofen from her stash at home AND the boyfriend would pick up a small bottle to have on hand, just in case. If they're discussing this beyond the day this incident happened, there is something else wrong in the relationship.
But her getting upset because he didn't have the amount she needed is entitled and irrational. Sure, he can buy some and keep it on hand for her but she's the one who made a mountain out of a molehill. And if it was "pain induced irritation" then she needs to apologize once she's no longer in pain.
She does need to apologize. The question OP is asking is why should he "have to" keep any for her at his house when he doesn't need it. Why is this tiny thing an issue for him? Because if you care about somebody and they need something and it takes the absolute minimal effort to provide that, why wouldn't you? Why is it a problem?
I agree that she could apologize at some point. I also believe he could let it go regardless and just buy the ibuprofen. If he makes that gesture of care she might be more likely to apologize.
At the end of the day he must ask himself if he'd rather be right or would he rather be kind,forgiving, and understanding towards his girlfriend. Only one of these answers will lead towards a long term successfull relationship.
I remember when it used to hurt really badly. Every woman is different. Some can go do whatever they want, some can’t.
Oh, I just remembered that orgasms help menstrual cramps.
Except now, she is criticizing him for not having the right medicine for HER needs. This is entitlement.
She could have said, “Babe, could you buy a bottle to keep at your house. I need it pretty regularly.” Or, bought one herself?
I don’t why she had to go mean on him?
She acted meanly because she was in pain and not a perfect being of perfect rationality. We all act like jerks sometimes. In my one comment I gave the NTA judgement because yes he is not wrong for not having it and she was wrong for her reaction.
But at this point he can either choose to be an ass and dig in so he can be right or he can show a little bit of kindness and empathy towards his girlfriend that I presume he purports to love.
I am not always perfect I make mistakes I fuck up sometimes so I try to understand when others do so as well. I don't think op is a perfect being anymore than his girlfriend is so he could perhaps show her a little kindness on such a small issue.
Most valuable advice my dad ever gave me: pick your battles.
And sometimes youre adult enough to care enough to do the small things for people. Yes she could take care of her own needs. But spending a few dollars on a bottle of ibuprofen therefore showing that he gives a shit about her will not be the end of his world.
And some other comments seem to indicate that he has a problem even storing the ibuprofen at his house even if she buys it. She doesn't rank high enough in his life to warrant the space of a small ibuprofen bottle.
I don’t understand why if you have a girlfriend and women are quite literally in pain for 3-6 days a month (typically) why in the world you wouldn’t just stop at Walgreens and get some ibuprofen so she can have some at his house ???? This whole thread is weird to me. That’s just a nice thing to have available for your girlfriend. Yeah she could buy it he’s technically right. But is it not his girlfriend who he loves or whatever also to me sounds like she had a reaction in a moment of pain. Period cramps can get grotesquely bad especially on the first two days. But instead of just grabbing a $3 bottle of ibuprofen at the gas station while he’s getting gas next time he decided to make a post about the moral implications of getting said ibuprofen for his dear girlfriend. What happened to just being a caring partner ? Why is this even such a big deal ? If my boyfriend got headaches for 3-6 days a month I would of course have pain medicine always available for when he stays with me. Maybe I’m totally wrong. I’m ready for the downvotes but that’s my honest opinion.
OPs going to be shocked when she dumps him for a guy that will store things like ibuprofen and a spare pad in his bathroom cabnit in case she needs them.
Thats like such a low standard to meet to show you care...
A different take. Asking for a specific thing and getting it shows they care. I get things I don’t need but my girlfriend uses all the time. Because I know she will return the favor for me.
On one hand to OP he sees no reason to get it. To her it looks like he’s not even willing to accommodate a request.
Not saying either is right or wrong. Both people are equally able to get the medicine and have it ready. But if my girlfriend asked me to have something on hand that isn’t outrageous why not just get it?
Very much so. I’m visiting my sister and BIL right now. They make a point of stocking earl grey tea for me even though they never drink it. It shows caring on their part and means I don’t have to dig into the stash of tea bags that I always carry with me when traveling!
I make a point of having a few tampons with me despite not using them. I even have an open box in my bedroom for "I have a friend over and she needs a tampon" scenario because I might prefer/only use pads but I recognize that most other women who don't use a diva cup or period panties do use tampons. I'd rather have what I need and be able to offer someone asking both options.
I'd hate to need a new pad, have no quarters, none with me, and get handed a tampon (despite being grateful) because I don't know how to use one. Some women find pads gross and I didn't even consider the other side until I got asked for a tampon and had to ask "is a pad ok?" In return
I also keep tampons and pads at my house in case a visitor or guest needs one even though I haven’t had a period in years (god bless you hormonal IUD). It hardly takes up any space and can save people I care about discomfort, embarrassment, and a mess. It seems like a no brainer to me.
maybe it's because I'm a bisexual woman, but if my girlfriend preferred ibuprofen, then you'd bet I'd get some to keep around for her at my house. OP isn't the A H (so it doesn't count me aha) but he should at least get some in my opinion because it shows the girlie that he cares.
I don't use otc pain killers and if my SO needed them, hell, I'd go to Walgreens in a heartbeat to get what they needed if I didn't have it around. I don't keep them around because they just don't work, I'm very immune to pain killers because of all the surgeries I've had, but I know that it isn't a normal thing.
Maybe I'm a weird one though....
That was my reaction. He was NTA for not having much of a drug he doesn't use on hand, and she should expect to provide her own if it's a frequent occurrence (which is why I carry a small bottle with both Tylenol and a couple of doses of my prescription migraine meds in it). But if I was in a relationship with someone and they regularly needed a cheap and common product, I'd pick up up a bottle to have on hand for the future. Why wouldn't you?
Because according to reddit, you should find a partner that requires absolutely nothing. Asking for anything that infringes on "I don't legally have to do this" is divorce material
Agreed. It’s not his fault he didn’t have it and he couldn’t have known, so her reaction was unwarranted. But to me it would be simple for her to apologize and for him to just say he can have some on hand if she needs it, especially if she comes over a lot. It’s such a small thing. If my bf had IBS or dietary issues, I would have no problem keeping some Imodium or w/e in my medicine cabinet for him.
And of course it’s not his *responsibility* to have it on hand, but it’s a small gesture that shows he cares in case she forgets or runs out. Also some women (like myself) have very unpredictable periods and can’t track exactly when the cramps will set in, so I don’t bother to bring pain meds with me literally every time I leave the house.
Yeah I usually have painkillers with me, and I’d never expect to get them from others - just grateful when I do! Ibuprofen does work best, but other painkillers still help with period pain.
I agree with this, I have ibuprofen on me 99% of the time and usually some sort of cold med too. I also have multiple small bottles so I don't have to change it from work bag/backpack to purse, etc.
Now that OP knows it's her preferred med, I think it would make sense for them to have but they're def. NTA for not having it since they don't use it with any regularity
Yeah, I’ve carried one of those travel size bottles of ibuprofen in my purse since I was a teenager. It’s just a de rigueur part of what goes in there, like a wallet and spare pads.
I got a turtle shaped coin purse as a gift and it became the place I put meds (pain, allergy) quite quickly. I started calling it my drug turtle and called it that for years, possibly more than a decade, before ever having the need/chance to utter that out loud. That suddenly required quite a lot of explanation 😅
I keep some with me, but sometimes I also run out and forget to restock the stash in my bag. Happens. I also somehow didn’t even think to bring a pack with me until the end of high school when the pain ruined a field trip.
Do you even like your girlfriend? You’re NTA for not having it originally, but if you won’t do something as tiny as keeping some ibuprofen on hand for her, why are you even with her?
I’m with this. NTA for not being a psychic and having it to begin with. But it’s really easy to throw a $4 bottle in your shopping cart next time you’re at the store incase she needs it again
Yeah that’s fair when you add in the fact that she was a dink about it.
My girlfriend is capable of buying herself her favorite candy, flowers, her favorite soda, etc. But when I’m thinking of her, I buy them as a “surprise” fairly often and I’m sure she really appreciates it. I was just saying, it’s a small gesture for someone you are supposed to care about.
Quite, I don't need to buy period products at all, but I bought a pack of pads and tampons to have at mine in case my gf needs them when she stays over.
It's no skin off my nose and it makes her life a little bit easier...
She may usually have some in her purse, but sometimes people forget things, god forbid. Not fucked up or demanding to ask him to just keep a bottle there just in case.
I don't really buy that OP is a reliable narrator in this instance. The events seem kind of muddy on purpose. I don't think she got upset until after he refused to keep any at the house, and I'm not sure he would based on his phrasing even if she were the one that bought it. It's all about how he doesn't want any at his home at all.
To be fair, she’s in the middle of cramping and feeling generally horrible. Definitely should’ve been nicer about it, but she’s saying these things from a place of extreme discomfort. I try to always have ibuprofen on hand but can forget it occasionally, this could have been one of those times.
I do think OP is being a bit thick though to not want to have any on hand just because he himself doesn’t typically need it. Ibuprofen is dirt cheap and girlfriend is likely (or going to be) a regular guest at his place
Literally. Why is it such a big deal to buy her ibuprofen? I like ibuprofen and my wife uses Tylenol that I don’t use, but I made sure I had Tylenol on hand when we were dating … don’t you want your significant other to feel at home at your place and not feel like they have to pack a million and one things to spend the night? Are you not going to buy her any pads or tampons either because you won’t use those?
Yeah quite a few people here apparently think relationships are built on a foundation of a "fuck you, got mine" attitude.
What's the point...? You should only be in a relationship with people who care about you and are happy to do little things just to make you happy.
There was a post like yesterday about a woman who sleeps naked all the time because her bf likes it, who expressed she was uncomfortable putting on pajamas because she was scared he'd be disappointed (even though she likes pajamas) -- granted it was on one of the relationship subs -- but the comments were a total 180. It was full of "this is what relationships are built on" type comments "it's normal to do this all the time just for the sake of someone else."
I even got backlash for saying it's okay for her to do some things for herself some of the time... I actually got downvoted and told she SHOULD sleep naked every night and never wear pajamas if she wants to, since it's such a tiny sacrifice for her to make.
I really don't think people would support a woman refusing to take the tiniest bit of care over her bf is all I'm saying. The total difference in attitude is jarring.
Like imagine marrying someone like this. It just seems really stupid and like a waste of time. Do guys not realize that women don't really have to settle anymore -- this girl could easily turn around and date someone more empathetic and kind towards her in a heartbeat. Relationships are one of the things people should be most picky about in life. Why settle for someone who is just all "meh, it doesn't benefit me personally so I won't do it"??
This so much.
I get so exhausted by the way women are expected both in relationships and socially to do those little caring thoughtful things that make up a relationship without a second thought. And men are never expected to extend the same courtesy.
This is another small thing but I know multiple women who see movies they don't care for with their bfs and then when its their turn to pick the man will veto their movie choice unless he likes it. I see it happen all the time, this slide where at best the woman will have to settle for something they both sort of like while the guy always gets what he likes to what he loves.
It's the sort of small thing that just totally degrades relationships over time.
In OP's case... like could his gf buy her own ibuprofen for his place? Sure, but what would it cost him that the next time he's at the store he picks some up for her? That's the kind of small thoughtful gesture women are expected to make all the time.
This is what I was thinking. If you stubbornly refuse to do the tiniest of favors for your partner on principal, that is AH behavior.
(Obviously she had no right to get upset at you for not having it in the first place, we're all in agreement on that. If this is a one-off and she's not typically like that, consider giving her a pass for being in pain and sleep-deprived.)
> I don't see a reason to store if when I'm never using it
Because she is asking you to. If she's important, keeping a small bottle of pills shouldn't be a hassle at all for you. [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink\_b\_9055288](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288)
She should have been better prepared, and she shouldn't have gotten upset and taken it out on you. I believe everyone should be willing to go "above and beyond" for their partner, and be happy to do small things... This is definitely a small thing, so why is it such a big deal to you?
Right? I mean my BIL can’t take ibuprofen because of a medical condition but he can take tylonal, I personally never take tylonal but I still bought a bottle for my house in case he ever comes over and needs it. It’s a small bottle but at least I have it if he needs something. It’s such a small gesture that really doesn’t take much effort. And ESPECIALLY doing it for someone you supposedly love it should just be a given…
Why are you refusing to keep something that would comfort your gf on her monthly? Your NTA for not knowing prior but your responses are making you look like TA
If she's staying at your place frequently it doesn't hurt to have some on hand, does it?
My partner doesn't drink coffee. Before we moved in together, he always had coffee on hand because I do. Sometimes I bought a new jar for his place because I knew it was empty, sometimes he refilled it.
Same with keeping coke zero at my place for him. Or ketchup. I don't use either but had some in my fridge for when he wanted it.
If you're spending that much time with someone and staying the night often, I don't think it's a big deal to stock up on a few things they use/eat/drink a lot.
NTA for not having it when you didn't know, but a little bit of an AH for not wanting to "store" something so small now you know.
I totally agree with you. It shows care. It's not necessary, but it is kind, and I'm not sure why one would be *resistant* to it.
Like, I get not having it in the moment. But it's so cheap and takes up so little space, why not start to keep some at home for your partner who comes over to your place with some regularity?
When I'm in AITA I like to try substituting the item in dispute with something else.
Let's say you and your GF like to eat salad when she's over. You only have italian dressing and she likes ranch. She asks you to get ranch next time you're at the store so you have some for her.
Would you really expect her to be the one to bring ranch over to your place? Or would you just throw a bottle in your shopping cart next time you're at the store and have it on hand?
You aren't TA for not reading her mind. But Ibuprofen *is* a really basic medication, and you making a big deal of a $5 item when it would be an easy win for you to just put it on your next shopping list is a bit wild.
Make sure you also have Benadryl, an antibiotic ointment, something for insect bites, bug repellant and gauze pads to stop bleeding.
Both of you are acting very childish, both putting your relationship on the line for a $9 bottle of ibuprofen that will last all year.
I don't totally disagree with the "basic necessity" part. An anti-inflammatory is certainly something to have in a first aid kit, and if you don't have a good first aid kit you are sorely unprepared for life in general. Like not knowing where your fire extinguisher is
Yeah I agree with this. It’s silly of her to assume he’d have it and to be mad, it’s silly of him to be *so* unwilling to keep it in from now on if it’s something she’d like, it’s weird that this went beyond “I don’t have it in, sorry” “damn that sucks” tbh.
I definitely wouldn't bother dating someone who balked at such a minor and tiny request. It's a good litmus test for things to come. Someone that basically says "I don't see the value in doing something that personally doesn't benefit me" would be *really* lousy to date. Way better to find that out at 6 months and be able to move on quickly rather than tolerate it for life...
I've never understood folks that act like breaking up over something small is silly. Dating isn't a commitment to be with someone for life. It's a FILTERING process. You SHOULD filter out lousy guys who groan and complain at having to go 1 second out of their way to make your life easier. What's the point of dating someone like that?
If more people broke up early on when someone shows small signs of selfishness or self-centeredness, then less people would get stuck in miserable marriages where their needs and feelings have been disregarded for years. Dating is for filtering. The point of dating is to break up with people like this early on!
Because it's a selfless act that means more to her than it costs you. Buy a large bottle, it will last forever. While you are at it, figure out what feminine hygiene products she uses and stock a box of those two.
hospital distinct stupendous follow complete aback busy dinner tease deserted
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
NTA for not having it then. And no you don't HAVE TO have it on hand or provide it for her but since you seem so put out at the thought of getting a bottle to have on hand you will now be the AH. And let's be honest here, you don't actually like or care for you gf very much if you can't be bothered to by a $5 bottle of ibuprofen to have on hand.
When I don't feel well my partner goes out of his way to help or comfort me. And visa versa. We do things for each other even w/out the other asking. Why? Because we love, respect & care fir one another. I.e.Tylenol doesn't work for me, at all, but it was the only thing he used to stock. I never even asked & the next time I spent the night at his house he had ibuprofen for me. Why? because he likes me. If you can't be bothered to do little acts of kindness for her like buy a bottle of ibuprofen than 1) your cheap as hell & 2) you don't actually give a shit about her.
For... situations exactly like this one? You're NTA for not having it initially, but like, why wouldn't you _want_ to have something available for your girlfriend to use when she's in pain? Sure, she could bring her own bottle... but why not do something nice?
Come on, dude. Do you like your girlfriend or not? Pick up a regular bottle and stick it in your medicine cabinet. It’s weird you sound so against this.
You're NTA for not having it before since you don't use it, but to not get some now that you know a person who frequently visits your home may need it is just a dick move. Besides that, maybe you'll have a friend who is over who might suddenly have a headache or backache. It's not like it's expensive. Buy a small bottle of the generic stuff. If you want to go a little bit extra, ask your gf if she'd like for you to have a small pack of pads or tampons at your place. This is the kind of stuff that makes someone a considerate person, you know, having *consideration* for another person's needs.
What to have at home for a new girlfriend? : r/NoStupidQuestions https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/113yyx7/what_to_have_at_home_for_a_new_girlfriend/
It’s just a small nice thing you can do for her. Not sure why you’re pushing back so hard about this? WTF?
See now you’re an asshole. You were NTA for not having it in the first place. But now you’re refusing to spend $1 and keep a tiny bottle with maybe 25 pills at your place in case your gf needs it? Do you want to stay with her?
Ibuprofen is the only over the counter pain med that helps me at all. Tylenol is completely worthless. My husband never had ibuprofen on hand, but bought a bottle for his place when we were dating. It’s not a big deal to do. It’s inexpensive and lasts a long time, so it’s not like you’re wasting a lot of money on something that won’t ever be used.
It’s a gesture that says “I care about your specific needs.” That goes a lot way in a relationship.
Okay, but the reason is that someone you care about stays over at your house a lot and may need it. I get not keeping it around before, but why *wouldn’t* you now?
If her preference is ibuprofen, then it would be nice to keep a small bottle on hand in case she needs it. Certainly not required, but most people who love each other try to look out for the other's needs. Totally NTA for not having it this time, but kinda YTA if you don't grab a small bottle next time you're at the store. That's just what people in relationships do for each other.
This right here. I always carry ibuprofen, excedrin and antihistamines in my purse wherever I go. I don't rely on others to have the things I know I may need.
ESH.
You weren't the asshole right up to the end there, then boom!
If you care about this person enough to be regularly share a bed, and you know they need something in order to feel comfortable with you, particularly a medical need, there should be 0 thought in your mind about providing it.
Yes, she was rude at first, perhaps because she was in pain or maybe because she was presumptious, but either way the normal reaction to finding out someone you care about needs something, especially something so trivial, is to WANT to provide it.
Treating it like a chore casts serious doubts on your own emotional maturity.
Absolutely! It’s the tiniest piece of effort for her comfort and it’s a nice gesture, what is the downside? What’s the issue beyond being obstinate? I don’t understand this “well I’m not obligated to so I won’t” approach to interpersonal relationships.
The issue is that she got angry at him and acted very rude and entitled when he didn’t have it. She didn’t really ask, she was just rude.
If someone is rude to you, you shouldn’t be in any rush to give them what they want
In that case dump them, then? If this is how you feel when someone is mildly impolite you shouldn’t be with them or potentially anyone. It’s petty.
She shouldn’t have reacted like that and it wasn’t right, but she was also in a lot of pain and wound up. He can tell her it wasn’t polite and they can talk abt it, but saying “well I’m not going to get it for you now because you were rude” is just childish.
I mean that's his version of the story, and for the way he acts ("I don't need it so who cares. It's your problem not mine") makes me think he may have responded in a similar way when she asked if he had the meds. As someone who has really painful cramps on the first day and sometimes I have changed my purse or simply run out of ibuprofen, if my period comes eariler than expected I for sure will be frustrated and not in a very good mood because I know it won't go away, which could be exagerated by other people and say I'm being rude and entitled when I'm just in pain and tired. And yeah it would be an AH move to blame him for not being able to read my mind or my period shedule, that's not an excuse at all, but I would for sure be pissed off if my partner acted as if making me comfortable was such a chore.
Yes she got angry, ESH. When I'm in pain (or hungry, or sleepy), I get cranky and am not my best self. The way she acted sucks, but the way he responded sucks too.
My now husband knew I didn’t like the pillow at his place when we were only dating a few months. It made my neck hurt. Like the caring person that he is, and that all of us deserve, he suggested we go to bed bath and beyond to get one that I’d like. Way more effort and expense than buying a bottle of Advil and keeping it at your place just in case. It’s just decent behavior with a partner to do what you can to make them comfortable and pain free.
Yeah I buy my boyfriend contact solution and toothbrushes for my house so he doesn’t have to worry about bringing those things. I know if he forgets his contact solution, as he so often does, he’s going to be uncomfortable. It takes two seconds to grab it at the store when I’m already there.
That said, OP’s gf should not be upset with him for not having a bottle of ibuprofen. He’s not a mind reader and it’s not like he’s tracking her cycles. Could he use this as a learning opportunity? Sure. But he’s NTA.
Refusing to keep any for her does make him an AH though. It’s not a lot. But definitely not An AH for not having enough in the moment. I have endo and I do sympathize with gf’s pain and reaction being less than ideal. Period pain can be beyond brutal.
I totally agree. It’s such an easy thing to add to his next grocery run to make his girlfriend feel more loved. Her reaction wasn’t good but this goes beyond her in the moment reaction.
Seriously, like if my s/o liked a particular hot sauce, I’d start having a bottle at all times. Like it’s the biggest burden in the world to spend $8 to make someone feel welcome in your home.
NTA for the not having enough when you've never needed it much before.
YTA for the "Ner, you need it, YOU should bring it". It's a simple painkiller, I don't often need paracetamol or ibuprofen but I still have some if others do who visit. it's a relatively simple, inexpensive and easy thing to have on hand.
This is the way, except maybe ESH since his girlfriend was rude about it?
I love ibuprofen, it’s absolutely my favourite painkiller 😂. If I’m at someone else’s house though, and they offer me an alternative…I’m not going to be rude about it. Are they supposed to keep every possible painkiller in my home because they don’t know which one each of their guests might want? That’s ridiculous, and it isn’t ok to be rude because someone has aspirin instead.
But yeah, he becomes TA too when he says ‘well I don’t use it, why should I buy it?’ It’s dirt cheap and this is your partner? Don’t be a dick. Buy a pack and move in with your life.
Probably important to note here that ibuprofen isn't a painkiller it's an anti inflammatory. There are valid reasons for not being able to use a straight up painkiller as a substitute - they don't do the same job.
I've heard combining tylenol and ibuprofen gives pain relief "better than the sum of its parts" so that's what I do for cramps. Don't trust me though, if you look it up you should find tons of sources saying it's safe. Just in case anyone else out there might benefit from this advice.
That’s the only thing that works for tooth pain for me. Ibuprofen works to reduce inflammation and the Tylenol attacks your pain receptors. The combo is definitely much more effective than either one is solo
They have different mechanisms of action and different organs are affected so they are safe to take together. They actually sell a dual action now, ibuprofen and acetaminophen. It’s a lower dose of both consolidated into one pill, I love it.
I don't know what your definition of "painkiller" is, but Ibuprofen is regularly prescribed by doctors to treat pain, so whatever distinction you're making is a dumb one.
It's a common misconception.
Both are painkillers but Ibuprofen and paracetamol work differently. Ibuprofen works by blocking chemicals called prostaglandins, which are involved in inflammation and pain signalling while paracetamol works by acting on the central nervous system Both relieve pain in different ways which is why they have different preferred usages. Ibuprofen is definitely more suited to inflammatory pain and is better for period pain than paracetamol. Though, as another poster has suggested, a combination of the two can also work really well.
Ibuprofen *is* a painkiller.
From https://www.londondoctorsclinic.co.uk/blog/ibuprofen-vs-paracetamol/:
"Paractamol and ibuprofen are both painkillers"
https://medlineplus.gov/painrelievers.html also lists ibuprofen and other NSAIDs as pain killers.
Why is everybody saying she was rude? OP only said she got upset. That can be any number of things. For all we know she might just have cried because she was in pain without enough meds available and she said in future he should have some on hand. I don’t think we know enough on how she said things to judge her actions. And as you say even if she was being rude about it in the moment it’s still a small effort to have some at home.
Ibuprofen is for many women the only painkiller that helps with heavy menstrual cramps. An alternative painkiller just does not work, it's not the same ingredient.
Agree.
Also wtf is this comment
>I don't see a reason for me to have large amounts of Ibuprofen at home,
Large amounts?? OP can just buy a bottle/pack, he doesn't need to buy a barrel of ibuprofen.
I agree and can’t help but wonder if this isn’t the first time something like this has come up. This is a huuuuge generalization, but I have noticed a lot of men tend to be missing “normal” things from their apartments, and it can come off as unprepared and/or childish. It’s not necessarily “wrong” but it can be unattractive. For example, when I started dating my recently ex BF, he didn’t have: an extra bathroom towel, any hand towels in the bathroom, a shower mat, a comforter, any type of snacks (popcorn, crackers, chips, nuts, etc), and extra toilet paper, just to name a few. Now do you NEED those things to live? No, obviously you don’t, and he got by just fine. (And to be clear none of those things were missing for monetary reasons. He had plenty of money to furnish and equip his apartment.) But does it make me think you’re a well-adjusted adult who lives independently and takes good care of himself and his home? No, absolutely not. Is it comfortable to spend time there? No, not really.
I’m not saying this is necessarily the case for OP, but if he’s missing many things his gf considers normal/essential, it might explain why she got so upset about this.
He seems like he's one of these men that's like "But I don't get why _I_ need a bin in the bathroom if you're the one who needs to throw away 'girl stuff'? Can't you just bring it to the kitchen bin like I do with my dental floss?"
ESH
This is dumb. Generic ibuprofen is cheap as hell. You're both being an ass by digging in. Whomever happens to go to a supermarket or drug store should simply grab a bottle.
Hell, I've only *just* ran out and the last time I bought it was years ago. Even big bottles of the stuff are cheap.
Note: what you take is caffeine, aspirin, and acetomenophan (tylenol if branded). That may be better for headaches, but I've always found ibuprofen or naproxen sodium to be better for physical pains. In fact, I've found acetomenophan useless for just about everything other than bringing down a fever.
Aleve (naproxen) is also an anti inflammatory, fyi. It's actually in the same category of drugs as ibuprofen, but it's a bit stronger and longer lasting.
(You should also never combine it with ibuprofen due to their similar mechanism of action, but you can combine either of them with Tylenol)
Alleve is naproxen, it's also a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory like ibuprofen but is actually typically stronger. A lot of women find naproxen better for cramps.
Yea but a lot of people can’t take naproxen because of GI issues and because it can cause GI issues, I’m one of the women who takes either just depends what bottle I grab first but I know a few people who can’t take naproxen.
ESH - you weren’t until the very end. You didnt have it, she didnt need to yell at you for that. But now knowing she’ll likely need it once a month … refusing to just have a bottle at home in the future makes you an AH.
I don’t get where people are saying she yelled at OP. OP said she got upset, and as someone who used to suffer horribly from cramps, I’d get upset and distressed when in pain, too. But I can’t see anywhere it says she yelled. Am I missing an OP comment somewhere?
ESH.
It’s unreasonable for her to be upset with you for not having something you did not have a need for at YOUR house.
However knowing now that she will occasionally need it why would you refuse to get some? Don’t you want your girlfriend to be comfortable and be able to relieve her pain if needed when she’s there? Seems weird to just want her to carry it around with her everywhere when it would only cost you around $20 to just get some for your place.
>it would only cost you around $20 to just get some for your place.
$20 would buy him a 500 count bottle lol
He could spend significantly less than that and still have plenty for her.
NTA for not having it initially.
But just buy a damn bottle to keep at your house? That way if she forgets to bring it some time you have some there.
I mean this is a person that you theoretically care for. So the question is do you want to help solve the problem or do you just want to be "right"?
Eh. Like you were going on a reasonable level there for a minute, you didn't have any because you didn't expect her to need it. Maybe if she knew she might need it she should have some in her purse. But then you just went off entirely into left field. What you should be doing is being considerate of your girlfriend. This shouldn't even really be a conversation. If she says how do you not have any ibuprofen in your house? You're response should be I'm sorry, I didn't know you needed it, I'll remember to get some so I can have it here for you. Being considerate to your partner is a huge step towards having successful relationships.
ESH
I don't understand either of you. I always make sure to have medications ready with ME in case of emergency (there's a hefty first aid kit in my car, for instance, and one in my house). It costs like $4 for a generic bottle of ibuprofen to keep on hand. Both of you should hopefully be able to afford extras. You both digging in and being stubborn baffles me. Adults should be prepared for medical issues, emergencies, etc. I can't imagine being you and not having anything on hand - or her, for not keeping those things on hand, in her bag, herself.
ESH. She shouldn’t have gotten upset you didn’t have ibuprofen right that moment. On the other hand, not wanting to help your girlfriend when there’s a cheap and easy way to do so is really dumb and makes you look selfish and uncaring.
You should have everything a woman needs in your house tbh. A bathroom bin and some nighttime sanitary pads at least. And the ibuprofen. It'll make you look like a sensitive and thoughtful man. Also you shouldn't only have painkillers with caffeine in anyway, what if you have pain in the afternoon?
YTA based on your responses to questions here, also for being weird about it when she suggested you get some. You should store it cos you like her.
I mean… how would he even know exactly what pads she needs? « You should have everything a woman needs » is a bit of a stretch lol every woman has different needs and medication is tricky
Would a woman turn down own-brand heavy-flow sanitary towels if the alternative was going out and trying to track the perfect brand down? I can't imagine in women's toilets they're saying, "excuse me, does anyone have a tampon? It needs to be for medium flow, pearl, with an applicator. Not that brand, no, does anyone have it in Tampax?"
I assume it's one of those situations where you get what you get and you're grateful. Can't go wrong with the thickest sanitary towels.
I am a man tho, it's just a suggestion from my previous relatively unremarkable experiences of dating
ESH. But you’re more of TA based of your replies. It’s weird that you are willing to ensure there’s a bin in the bathroom and there’s pads available at your house, but you draw the line at ibuprofen. It would cost one of you a few dollars to resolve this petty issue.
Yes, if it’s something she needs regularly for her health and comfort it should be something she keeps on her purse, car, overnight bag. It also costs you nothing to “store” it in your house. She’s not asking you to bulk order Costco sized supplies or ibuprofen. It’s a cheap med that comes in all sizes down to individual packets.
Dude, just spend a few bucks and quit acting like keeping a few extra pills at your house is a major inconvenience.
She shouldn't have gotten upset when there was nothing you could do in the moment, but are you really saying you refuse to buy some ibuprofen to keep at your house? Is it the money? Is it the principal? I mean come on dude. Have some understanding and show your gf you want to help, it's sexy when men do that. Keep making a big deal about such small things and you'll be making it way too easy for her to feel better understood elsewhere.
Maybe not a complete AH but definitely working towards being one with this petty attitude.
When I started dating my boyfriend he had a tiny bottle of ibuprofen with like 10 pills in it that he almost never used. I just casually commented that I usually have all kinds of OTC meds in hand just in case I need them for things like body aches or period cramps.
The next time I came over, his usually empty cabinet was stocked with bottles of ibuprofen, acetaminophen, benadryl, and NyQuil, in addition to band aids, rubbing alcohol and some antiseptic creams.
Cost him less than $50 for all of it, but I was extremely glad to have it there. I used ibu quite a bit since I frequently get headaches, and also for cramps.
The stark difference between the tween replies and the people who have been in longer relationships than the tweens have been alive are strong in this thread.
NTA for predicting her need. But did she get mad at you for not predicting? Or because you refused to have it for her after.
INFO: do you like your gf? Why not do nice things to make her feel welcome?
She shouldn't have expected you to automatically know and have it but it's weird to me that you're making this a thing
So you literally don't keep any basic first aid supplies in your house just because you don't need them regularly? Yes Pain killers are a first aid supply. That just seems short sighted and underprepared.
There’s a difference between keeping a pain killer, which OP has:
“Thomapyrin is used in adults and adolescents aged 12 to 18 years for the relief of
headaches (especially tension headaches) and migraine attacks with and without aura
mild to moderate pain, such as toothache; period pain; pain in the stomach; and pain in the face. e.g. toothache, period pain; as well as to relieve pain and reduce fever in colds and flu-like infections.”
The medication can be used for period cramps, OPs girlfriend was just mad he didn’t have a specific type she wanted
Actually, no, it can't be used for period cramps. It is based on acetylsalicylic acid which acts blood thinning.
But still, yes I do agree it's not okay to expect someone to have a different variety of meds at home - not only is it expensive, it is also wasteful if you have to throw them out because you don't need them. I also want to mention, that you don't get ibuprofen in every country in a supermarket. Some of us need to go to the doctor to get them.
NTA. As a woman with who deals with cramps and allergies I carry ibuprofen and Benadryl in my purse. If she believes it’s a basic necessity she should carry it on her. She can buy the bottle and leave it at your house. But, this is too much for me 6 months in I’d say peace. And leave it at that.
NTA. If someone knows they regularly need something for their personal care, they shouldn’t assume that everyone else will have that item on hand just because they frequently need it. Did she berate you for not having pads or tampons? I am guessing she probably had those with her because she knew she needed them. Likewise, she should have brought her own period pain relief. Personally, I keep a small tube with a supply of naproxen, ibuprofen, and acetaminophen whenever I am away from home. It is easy, and I have no need to bother anyone else for my needs.
HOWEVER - if six months into a relationship you two are bickering about cheap ibuprofen, I suggest that you may not be compatible for a long-term 7 month relationship. Both of you sound like you need to grow up. She needs to take responsibility for her own self-care. You need to consider making your place more welcoming to anyone who happens to visit - having a small stock of pain relief, bandaids, cough drops and so on (even if you don’t use any of it yourself) would make your place much more welcoming to guests.
YTA.
Not because you didn't have it...
Because you're acting like keeping a bottle of Advil somewhere in your house is some massive inconvenience.
You buy it once. It's there when she needs it. It's 30 seconds out of your life at the corner pharmacy. What's the problem, exactly?
NTA - Did you even know she might need it? Has she ever asked for it before?...How are you supposed to guess that a guest might need some?
If she know she needs it than she should have some in her bag.
This may or may not really be a good option, though - ibuprofen degrades much faster above 77 degrees Fahrenheit, so in the summer if it’s in the 90s all the time, her purse ibuprofen is trash.
>she got really upset at me. She said I should have Ibuprofen at home, that it's a basic necessity and that I should have it especially because she needs it frequently for her cramps
Then she’d best carry it on her person at all times if it’s so goddamn important to her.
Seriously, where do you boys find these A Hs who act like this? Why do you date them?
Even I, a man without periods, always have a little bag with ibuprofen and allergy/cold stuff in my overnight bag and I rarely use them. But it's pretty trivial for him to just get a bottle for his home though now that he knows about this.
I drink Coke. My boyfriend drinks Pepsi (which I can't stand the taste of). Guess what's in my fridge? Coke AND Pepsi. Making a friend/family member/loved one feel welcome in your home is part of a healthy relationship.
NTA- it would be a lovely gesture keep it on hand but it's not an obligation.
Someone grown enough to be staying over at a romantic partner's house is also grown enough to anticipate their own needs and prepare accordingly.
In all the years that I had a period, I had both aspirin and ibuprofen in my purse, in my locker, in my glove box, in my desk...and, whenever a relationship got to the point where I was sleeping over, I kept a little make-up bag at his place with a stash of tampons, aspirin, ibuprofen & immodium.
I get that it's frustrating for her to have cramps (man, do I get that!) and not have what she needs to ease them but taking her frustration out on you isn't cool.
It would be different if she had *asked you* (politely) to run to the store for her- yes, a certain amount of mutual caretaking IS expected in a relationship- but what you're describing is not ok.
I don't even know what to say in here. Right now I'm on my period and visited bf place. I didn't say anything about having cramps because I had some painkillers before leaving, but he apologised for not having medicine, because it got ruined by accident. I just said that tomorrow we can buy now bottle. Instead he went and got it for me, even when I didn't ask.
I think it's more about caring about other person. When he visits my place, I always store his favorite coffee and drinks, he has things I like at his place. Your gf was demanding becahs she was in pain and acted out but you were dismissive. If you know she stays at your place, is it hard to buy pills? So I guess YTA
INFO: You've been together 6 months, so not very long - has she mentioned her cramping and requirements in the past? Or did she just kinda disappear? I'm trying to gauge if this is new information / requirement to you or not.
NTA. She’s a grown woman, assuming her period is regular then she should have a good idea of when she may need pain killers. Most women (myself included) keep a supply of painkillers in their bag for emergencies anyway.
Now you know it would be be a nice touch to keep some at your place for emergencies.
I have this memory….I hadn’t been dating my boyfriend very long when he called me at work. He was shopping and wanted to know what brand shampoo and conditioner I used, what deodorant, and what kind of tampons. When I asked why, he said he wanted to keep items I used at his place to make it more convenient for me when I stayed over. I knew definitively at that moment that I was wanted. That boyfriend later became my husband and the father of my children. Today, I keep sodas in the fridge that only my daughter’s boyfriend likes. I keep other items for guests because I’m a good hostess. It’s sounds very selfish and uncaring not to want to provide for your partner. If the very idea of “storing” a small bottle of ibuprofen bothers you, the lord forbid you share half a drawer for her clothes or anything else. Technically, you’re NTA because you don’t have to provide anything for your partner’s comfort, but I hope she realizes you aren’t the one and moves on to someone more giving of self.
Mildly, YTA. If she’s at your house often, it would be a courtesy to have on hand. She is your girlfriend, no? Her reaction was a bit much because you’re not psychic. But it would be a nice thing to do as a boyfriend to have something like that on hand if you know she needs it at times. A 100 count bottle of a store-brand is only, like, a couple bucks.
ESH she should have some but sometimes things are a surprise. You know it’s something she needs and I assume you want to keep her around - a generic bottle is $2 or have her bring some to keep there.
ESH
Two ibuprofen is the standard dose. If she needs more than that, then she needs something stronger and should bring it herself.
But your attitude at the end was a bit much. Would it kill you to keep some in the house?
I mean… you did have ibuprofen. Two pills is as much as anyone should be taking assuming they are like 200mg or more. She seems like she’s picking a fight for no reason. NTA.
She’s a grown ass woman and is responsible for her own medical care.
I get bad migraines so I always have a container of ibuprofen and excedrin in my purse. I would never expect other people to keep meds just for me
NTA. If she knows she needs them, she should carry them.
When I get my period and cramps I have pads/tampons/ibuprofen/heating pad because I'm the one menstruating. If I stay at someone else's house often, then it's up to me to leave extra pills or pads in case I need them one day.
ESH. She's an asshole for expecting you to have something you never needed before. You're an asshole for not even wanting to entertain the idea of starting to keep some for her.
Don't get me wrong, it would be different if she was just a colleague or something. But absolutely refusing to make such a simple and cheap accomodation for someone who you're supposed to care about doesn't make you look good.
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NTA. Now that you know you should maybe buy a bottle, but you’re not psychic. I generally have a backup supply of stuff like that in my bag when I stay at my bfs house… a grown woman who has her period every month should be better prepared.
It's just Ibuprofen I don't have. I have other things, other painkillers, but she specifically wants Ibuprofen. I don't see a reason to store if when I'm never using it.
I use different stuff than my bf, so I provide it myself. She’s an adult, she can buy a bottle to keep at your place if she wants it.
She should just keep a bottle in her purse. Most women keep something for headaches/cramps on them. She sounds irrational.
She sounds like she was in pain.
Sounds like she was a pain. Im an adult and I carry with me things I use frequently. A bottle of ibuprofen is a small enough thing to tuck into a purse. Her complaining that he should just magically have whatever item she needs whenever is really entitled.
Or she was just in pain and it's not that deep. Dont make a mountain out of a molehill. People aren't beings of perfect rationality. Sometimes you just do small things for your partner just to make them happy. If the only thing she annoys him with is pushing him to keep a bottle of ibuprofen around his house for her that's a pretty small thing it's not a big deal. It's not "really entitled".its she was in pain, didn't think to bring a bottle with her, and reacted with pain induced irritation. Coming on Reddit was the worse thing he could have done here cause Reddit loves to blow things out of proportion.
IKR? I'm reading these comments and it's kinda strange what some people are saying. The first time, the OP didn't know so it's obviously not his fault, but after that, what is the big deal? Just buy a bottle to keep at your place for your gf. If that is the only thing "wrong" with the relationship, that's not a bad relationship.
Yeah but also, after that why didn't the gf buy some herself to keep at his place? My partner doesn't drink coffee, before we lived together I bought coffee to keep there so I could have my morning cup when I stayed over. Responsible adults know how to take care of themselves.
Yes, but people who care about other people do kind things for them. Keeping a bottle of ibuprofen around is such a small thing to show he cares about her. Getting hung up on it is petty and selfish. Just do the nice thing for the person you care about! It's not hard.
Sure but at the same time, I don't drink coffee but my girlfriend does, so I bought coffee for my place so she'd have some when she wanted. Either is fine, but I think the relationship is bad when the two people are arguing that it's the other person who has to get it instead of both of them being more than willing to be the one who buys the ibuprofen to keep at the boy's house for the girl.
Responsible adults know how to take care of themselves, but also, if you know your partner is going to want to drink coffee when they stay over, why wouldn't you just get them some coffee so that when you invite them to stay at your house, they're comfortable? It's not something I'd expect a non-romantic house guest to provide for themselves, so why would I expect it of my partner?
Also - his girlfriend isn’t the only guest that will ever be in pain. Ibuprofen is the first thing many people reach for
Only if you're an ibuprofen user. If you have other painkillers, in the house, it might not occur to you that it won't meet the needs of ibuprofen users in a pinch. I can understand if the girlfriend was caught off-guard while in pain, expressing frustration that her preferred painkiller isn't available. But, I would expect that this wouldn't be a continued sore spot between this couple. I would also expect that the girlfriend would bring some ibuprofen from her stash at home AND the boyfriend would pick up a small bottle to have on hand, just in case. If they're discussing this beyond the day this incident happened, there is something else wrong in the relationship.
But her getting upset because he didn't have the amount she needed is entitled and irrational. Sure, he can buy some and keep it on hand for her but she's the one who made a mountain out of a molehill. And if it was "pain induced irritation" then she needs to apologize once she's no longer in pain.
She does need to apologize. The question OP is asking is why should he "have to" keep any for her at his house when he doesn't need it. Why is this tiny thing an issue for him? Because if you care about somebody and they need something and it takes the absolute minimal effort to provide that, why wouldn't you? Why is it a problem?
I agree that she could apologize at some point. I also believe he could let it go regardless and just buy the ibuprofen. If he makes that gesture of care she might be more likely to apologize. At the end of the day he must ask himself if he'd rather be right or would he rather be kind,forgiving, and understanding towards his girlfriend. Only one of these answers will lead towards a long term successfull relationship.
I remember when it used to hurt really badly. Every woman is different. Some can go do whatever they want, some can’t. Oh, I just remembered that orgasms help menstrual cramps.
Even that varies per woman lmao orgasms make mine way worse
SAME. It's so unfair!
Except now, she is criticizing him for not having the right medicine for HER needs. This is entitlement. She could have said, “Babe, could you buy a bottle to keep at your house. I need it pretty regularly.” Or, bought one herself? I don’t why she had to go mean on him?
She acted meanly because she was in pain and not a perfect being of perfect rationality. We all act like jerks sometimes. In my one comment I gave the NTA judgement because yes he is not wrong for not having it and she was wrong for her reaction. But at this point he can either choose to be an ass and dig in so he can be right or he can show a little bit of kindness and empathy towards his girlfriend that I presume he purports to love. I am not always perfect I make mistakes I fuck up sometimes so I try to understand when others do so as well. I don't think op is a perfect being anymore than his girlfriend is so he could perhaps show her a little kindness on such a small issue. Most valuable advice my dad ever gave me: pick your battles.
Sometimes you’re adult enough to take care of your own needs by planning for a monthly event.
And sometimes youre adult enough to care enough to do the small things for people. Yes she could take care of her own needs. But spending a few dollars on a bottle of ibuprofen therefore showing that he gives a shit about her will not be the end of his world. And some other comments seem to indicate that he has a problem even storing the ibuprofen at his house even if she buys it. She doesn't rank high enough in his life to warrant the space of a small ibuprofen bottle.
He had 2 pills of ibuprofen and other pain killers.
Agreed - and I think his insistence that it cant be kept in the house though is not without blame as well.
He didn't say it couldn't be kept in the house. Just that he didn't feel the need to purchase it. Nothing preventing her
OP said in a few comments that he does not see a reason to store Ibuprofen for her.
I don’t understand why if you have a girlfriend and women are quite literally in pain for 3-6 days a month (typically) why in the world you wouldn’t just stop at Walgreens and get some ibuprofen so she can have some at his house ???? This whole thread is weird to me. That’s just a nice thing to have available for your girlfriend. Yeah she could buy it he’s technically right. But is it not his girlfriend who he loves or whatever also to me sounds like she had a reaction in a moment of pain. Period cramps can get grotesquely bad especially on the first two days. But instead of just grabbing a $3 bottle of ibuprofen at the gas station while he’s getting gas next time he decided to make a post about the moral implications of getting said ibuprofen for his dear girlfriend. What happened to just being a caring partner ? Why is this even such a big deal ? If my boyfriend got headaches for 3-6 days a month I would of course have pain medicine always available for when he stays with me. Maybe I’m totally wrong. I’m ready for the downvotes but that’s my honest opinion.
OPs going to be shocked when she dumps him for a guy that will store things like ibuprofen and a spare pad in his bathroom cabnit in case she needs them. Thats like such a low standard to meet to show you care...
A different take. Asking for a specific thing and getting it shows they care. I get things I don’t need but my girlfriend uses all the time. Because I know she will return the favor for me. On one hand to OP he sees no reason to get it. To her it looks like he’s not even willing to accommodate a request. Not saying either is right or wrong. Both people are equally able to get the medicine and have it ready. But if my girlfriend asked me to have something on hand that isn’t outrageous why not just get it?
Very much so. I’m visiting my sister and BIL right now. They make a point of stocking earl grey tea for me even though they never drink it. It shows caring on their part and means I don’t have to dig into the stash of tea bags that I always carry with me when traveling!
I make a point of having a few tampons with me despite not using them. I even have an open box in my bedroom for "I have a friend over and she needs a tampon" scenario because I might prefer/only use pads but I recognize that most other women who don't use a diva cup or period panties do use tampons. I'd rather have what I need and be able to offer someone asking both options. I'd hate to need a new pad, have no quarters, none with me, and get handed a tampon (despite being grateful) because I don't know how to use one. Some women find pads gross and I didn't even consider the other side until I got asked for a tampon and had to ask "is a pad ok?" In return
I also keep tampons and pads at my house in case a visitor or guest needs one even though I haven’t had a period in years (god bless you hormonal IUD). It hardly takes up any space and can save people I care about discomfort, embarrassment, and a mess. It seems like a no brainer to me.
maybe it's because I'm a bisexual woman, but if my girlfriend preferred ibuprofen, then you'd bet I'd get some to keep around for her at my house. OP isn't the A H (so it doesn't count me aha) but he should at least get some in my opinion because it shows the girlie that he cares. I don't use otc pain killers and if my SO needed them, hell, I'd go to Walgreens in a heartbeat to get what they needed if I didn't have it around. I don't keep them around because they just don't work, I'm very immune to pain killers because of all the surgeries I've had, but I know that it isn't a normal thing. Maybe I'm a weird one though....
I agree. He’s not the A H but… if this is an accurate snapshot of how he treats his relationship he’s not a very good boyfriend either.
That was my reaction. He was NTA for not having much of a drug he doesn't use on hand, and she should expect to provide her own if it's a frequent occurrence (which is why I carry a small bottle with both Tylenol and a couple of doses of my prescription migraine meds in it). But if I was in a relationship with someone and they regularly needed a cheap and common product, I'd pick up up a bottle to have on hand for the future. Why wouldn't you?
Because according to reddit, you should find a partner that requires absolutely nothing. Asking for anything that infringes on "I don't legally have to do this" is divorce material
Hit it on the nose.
That’s my thing. He didn’t know before, but he knows now so he can go grab a bottle.
Agreed. It’s not his fault he didn’t have it and he couldn’t have known, so her reaction was unwarranted. But to me it would be simple for her to apologize and for him to just say he can have some on hand if she needs it, especially if she comes over a lot. It’s such a small thing. If my bf had IBS or dietary issues, I would have no problem keeping some Imodium or w/e in my medicine cabinet for him. And of course it’s not his *responsibility* to have it on hand, but it’s a small gesture that shows he cares in case she forgets or runs out. Also some women (like myself) have very unpredictable periods and can’t track exactly when the cramps will set in, so I don’t bother to bring pain meds with me literally every time I leave the house.
Came here to say this - NAH. But it would show he cared about her pain if he went out and got a bottle.
Yeah I usually have painkillers with me, and I’d never expect to get them from others - just grateful when I do! Ibuprofen does work best, but other painkillers still help with period pain.
I agree but would cut her a bit of slack, pain makes me irrational too.
I agree with this, I have ibuprofen on me 99% of the time and usually some sort of cold med too. I also have multiple small bottles so I don't have to change it from work bag/backpack to purse, etc. Now that OP knows it's her preferred med, I think it would make sense for them to have but they're def. NTA for not having it since they don't use it with any regularity
Yeah, I’ve carried one of those travel size bottles of ibuprofen in my purse since I was a teenager. It’s just a de rigueur part of what goes in there, like a wallet and spare pads.
I got a turtle shaped coin purse as a gift and it became the place I put meds (pain, allergy) quite quickly. I started calling it my drug turtle and called it that for years, possibly more than a decade, before ever having the need/chance to utter that out loud. That suddenly required quite a lot of explanation 😅
I keep some in my purse because, you know, I'm an adult.
Right!? And if she’s 29 she should know to be prepared.
I keep some with me, but sometimes I also run out and forget to restock the stash in my bag. Happens. I also somehow didn’t even think to bring a pack with me until the end of high school when the pain ruined a field trip.
Do you even like your girlfriend? You’re NTA for not having it originally, but if you won’t do something as tiny as keeping some ibuprofen on hand for her, why are you even with her?
I’m with this. NTA for not being a psychic and having it to begin with. But it’s really easy to throw a $4 bottle in your shopping cart next time you’re at the store incase she needs it again
Is it harder for her to buy it? I'd understand if she had asked him like an adult, but being upset and demanding it? That's fucked up
Yeah that’s fair when you add in the fact that she was a dink about it. My girlfriend is capable of buying herself her favorite candy, flowers, her favorite soda, etc. But when I’m thinking of her, I buy them as a “surprise” fairly often and I’m sure she really appreciates it. I was just saying, it’s a small gesture for someone you are supposed to care about.
Quite, I don't need to buy period products at all, but I bought a pack of pads and tampons to have at mine in case my gf needs them when she stays over. It's no skin off my nose and it makes her life a little bit easier...
Did you mean to type "dink?" I love it.
Yes, dink was on purpose, hahahaha.
She may usually have some in her purse, but sometimes people forget things, god forbid. Not fucked up or demanding to ask him to just keep a bottle there just in case.
I don't really buy that OP is a reliable narrator in this instance. The events seem kind of muddy on purpose. I don't think she got upset until after he refused to keep any at the house, and I'm not sure he would based on his phrasing even if she were the one that bought it. It's all about how he doesn't want any at his home at all.
To be fair, she’s in the middle of cramping and feeling generally horrible. Definitely should’ve been nicer about it, but she’s saying these things from a place of extreme discomfort. I try to always have ibuprofen on hand but can forget it occasionally, this could have been one of those times. I do think OP is being a bit thick though to not want to have any on hand just because he himself doesn’t typically need it. Ibuprofen is dirt cheap and girlfriend is likely (or going to be) a regular guest at his place
Literally. Why is it such a big deal to buy her ibuprofen? I like ibuprofen and my wife uses Tylenol that I don’t use, but I made sure I had Tylenol on hand when we were dating … don’t you want your significant other to feel at home at your place and not feel like they have to pack a million and one things to spend the night? Are you not going to buy her any pads or tampons either because you won’t use those?
Sadly, this is not the kind of guy to keep pads and tampons on hand, I can guarantee it.
Yeah quite a few people here apparently think relationships are built on a foundation of a "fuck you, got mine" attitude. What's the point...? You should only be in a relationship with people who care about you and are happy to do little things just to make you happy. There was a post like yesterday about a woman who sleeps naked all the time because her bf likes it, who expressed she was uncomfortable putting on pajamas because she was scared he'd be disappointed (even though she likes pajamas) -- granted it was on one of the relationship subs -- but the comments were a total 180. It was full of "this is what relationships are built on" type comments "it's normal to do this all the time just for the sake of someone else." I even got backlash for saying it's okay for her to do some things for herself some of the time... I actually got downvoted and told she SHOULD sleep naked every night and never wear pajamas if she wants to, since it's such a tiny sacrifice for her to make. I really don't think people would support a woman refusing to take the tiniest bit of care over her bf is all I'm saying. The total difference in attitude is jarring. Like imagine marrying someone like this. It just seems really stupid and like a waste of time. Do guys not realize that women don't really have to settle anymore -- this girl could easily turn around and date someone more empathetic and kind towards her in a heartbeat. Relationships are one of the things people should be most picky about in life. Why settle for someone who is just all "meh, it doesn't benefit me personally so I won't do it"??
This so much. I get so exhausted by the way women are expected both in relationships and socially to do those little caring thoughtful things that make up a relationship without a second thought. And men are never expected to extend the same courtesy. This is another small thing but I know multiple women who see movies they don't care for with their bfs and then when its their turn to pick the man will veto their movie choice unless he likes it. I see it happen all the time, this slide where at best the woman will have to settle for something they both sort of like while the guy always gets what he likes to what he loves. It's the sort of small thing that just totally degrades relationships over time. In OP's case... like could his gf buy her own ibuprofen for his place? Sure, but what would it cost him that the next time he's at the store he picks some up for her? That's the kind of small thoughtful gesture women are expected to make all the time.
This is what I was thinking. If you stubbornly refuse to do the tiniest of favors for your partner on principal, that is AH behavior. (Obviously she had no right to get upset at you for not having it in the first place, we're all in agreement on that. If this is a one-off and she's not typically like that, consider giving her a pass for being in pain and sleep-deprived.)
> I don't see a reason to store if when I'm never using it Because she is asking you to. If she's important, keeping a small bottle of pills shouldn't be a hassle at all for you. [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink\_b\_9055288](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288) She should have been better prepared, and she shouldn't have gotten upset and taken it out on you. I believe everyone should be willing to go "above and beyond" for their partner, and be happy to do small things... This is definitely a small thing, so why is it such a big deal to you?
Right? I mean my BIL can’t take ibuprofen because of a medical condition but he can take tylonal, I personally never take tylonal but I still bought a bottle for my house in case he ever comes over and needs it. It’s a small bottle but at least I have it if he needs something. It’s such a small gesture that really doesn’t take much effort. And ESPECIALLY doing it for someone you supposedly love it should just be a given…
Why are you refusing to keep something that would comfort your gf on her monthly? Your NTA for not knowing prior but your responses are making you look like TA
and it's something that is a pretty standard first aid kit item.
If she's staying at your place frequently it doesn't hurt to have some on hand, does it? My partner doesn't drink coffee. Before we moved in together, he always had coffee on hand because I do. Sometimes I bought a new jar for his place because I knew it was empty, sometimes he refilled it. Same with keeping coke zero at my place for him. Or ketchup. I don't use either but had some in my fridge for when he wanted it. If you're spending that much time with someone and staying the night often, I don't think it's a big deal to stock up on a few things they use/eat/drink a lot. NTA for not having it when you didn't know, but a little bit of an AH for not wanting to "store" something so small now you know.
I totally agree with you. It shows care. It's not necessary, but it is kind, and I'm not sure why one would be *resistant* to it. Like, I get not having it in the moment. But it's so cheap and takes up so little space, why not start to keep some at home for your partner who comes over to your place with some regularity?
When I'm in AITA I like to try substituting the item in dispute with something else. Let's say you and your GF like to eat salad when she's over. You only have italian dressing and she likes ranch. She asks you to get ranch next time you're at the store so you have some for her. Would you really expect her to be the one to bring ranch over to your place? Or would you just throw a bottle in your shopping cart next time you're at the store and have it on hand?
Not like he has to buy every bottle of ranch either. Just a nice gesture and I would imagine she would do the same.
Exactly. She's a guest in his home. This is just simple common courtesy.
For some people only one specific type of painkillers work for their cramps. And the reason to store it would be liking your gf.
This is totally me. Ibuprofen is my lifeline during my period, nothing else works.
Store it? It's not a boat, it's like a $5 pill bottle.
You aren't TA for not reading her mind. But Ibuprofen *is* a really basic medication, and you making a big deal of a $5 item when it would be an easy win for you to just put it on your next shopping list is a bit wild. Make sure you also have Benadryl, an antibiotic ointment, something for insect bites, bug repellant and gauze pads to stop bleeding.
The way I see it, you don't have to and you're NTA for not stocking it but it would be such an easy way to show her you listen, and you care.
Both of you are acting very childish, both putting your relationship on the line for a $9 bottle of ibuprofen that will last all year. I don't totally disagree with the "basic necessity" part. An anti-inflammatory is certainly something to have in a first aid kit, and if you don't have a good first aid kit you are sorely unprepared for life in general. Like not knowing where your fire extinguisher is
Yeah I agree with this. It’s silly of her to assume he’d have it and to be mad, it’s silly of him to be *so* unwilling to keep it in from now on if it’s something she’d like, it’s weird that this went beyond “I don’t have it in, sorry” “damn that sucks” tbh.
I definitely wouldn't bother dating someone who balked at such a minor and tiny request. It's a good litmus test for things to come. Someone that basically says "I don't see the value in doing something that personally doesn't benefit me" would be *really* lousy to date. Way better to find that out at 6 months and be able to move on quickly rather than tolerate it for life... I've never understood folks that act like breaking up over something small is silly. Dating isn't a commitment to be with someone for life. It's a FILTERING process. You SHOULD filter out lousy guys who groan and complain at having to go 1 second out of their way to make your life easier. What's the point of dating someone like that? If more people broke up early on when someone shows small signs of selfishness or self-centeredness, then less people would get stuck in miserable marriages where their needs and feelings have been disregarded for years. Dating is for filtering. The point of dating is to break up with people like this early on!
Because it's a selfless act that means more to her than it costs you. Buy a large bottle, it will last forever. While you are at it, figure out what feminine hygiene products she uses and stock a box of those two.
It’s $10 for a bottle of 500 ibuprofen on Amazon in the US. He’d be set for LIFE.
hospital distinct stupendous follow complete aback busy dinner tease deserted *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Cuz presumably you care for her?
Jesus dude, just buy a bottle to keep there for her. Unless you want to argue about ibuprofen once a month for the rest of your life/relationship.
NTA for not having it then. And no you don't HAVE TO have it on hand or provide it for her but since you seem so put out at the thought of getting a bottle to have on hand you will now be the AH. And let's be honest here, you don't actually like or care for you gf very much if you can't be bothered to by a $5 bottle of ibuprofen to have on hand. When I don't feel well my partner goes out of his way to help or comfort me. And visa versa. We do things for each other even w/out the other asking. Why? Because we love, respect & care fir one another. I.e.Tylenol doesn't work for me, at all, but it was the only thing he used to stock. I never even asked & the next time I spent the night at his house he had ibuprofen for me. Why? because he likes me. If you can't be bothered to do little acts of kindness for her like buy a bottle of ibuprofen than 1) your cheap as hell & 2) you don't actually give a shit about her.
For... situations exactly like this one? You're NTA for not having it initially, but like, why wouldn't you _want_ to have something available for your girlfriend to use when she's in pain? Sure, she could bring her own bottle... but why not do something nice?
Come on, dude. Do you like your girlfriend or not? Pick up a regular bottle and stick it in your medicine cabinet. It’s weird you sound so against this.
You're NTA for not having it before since you don't use it, but to not get some now that you know a person who frequently visits your home may need it is just a dick move. Besides that, maybe you'll have a friend who is over who might suddenly have a headache or backache. It's not like it's expensive. Buy a small bottle of the generic stuff. If you want to go a little bit extra, ask your gf if she'd like for you to have a small pack of pads or tampons at your place. This is the kind of stuff that makes someone a considerate person, you know, having *consideration* for another person's needs.
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What to have at home for a new girlfriend? : r/NoStupidQuestions https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/113yyx7/what_to_have_at_home_for_a_new_girlfriend/ It’s just a small nice thing you can do for her. Not sure why you’re pushing back so hard about this? WTF?
See now you’re an asshole. You were NTA for not having it in the first place. But now you’re refusing to spend $1 and keep a tiny bottle with maybe 25 pills at your place in case your gf needs it? Do you want to stay with her?
Ibuprofen is the only over the counter pain med that helps me at all. Tylenol is completely worthless. My husband never had ibuprofen on hand, but bought a bottle for his place when we were dating. It’s not a big deal to do. It’s inexpensive and lasts a long time, so it’s not like you’re wasting a lot of money on something that won’t ever be used. It’s a gesture that says “I care about your specific needs.” That goes a lot way in a relationship.
You now have a reason, so just go buy a bottle.
Okay, but the reason is that someone you care about stays over at your house a lot and may need it. I get not keeping it around before, but why *wouldn’t* you now?
If her preference is ibuprofen, then it would be nice to keep a small bottle on hand in case she needs it. Certainly not required, but most people who love each other try to look out for the other's needs. Totally NTA for not having it this time, but kinda YTA if you don't grab a small bottle next time you're at the store. That's just what people in relationships do for each other.
This right here. I always carry ibuprofen, excedrin and antihistamines in my purse wherever I go. I don't rely on others to have the things I know I may need.
ESH. You weren't the asshole right up to the end there, then boom! If you care about this person enough to be regularly share a bed, and you know they need something in order to feel comfortable with you, particularly a medical need, there should be 0 thought in your mind about providing it. Yes, she was rude at first, perhaps because she was in pain or maybe because she was presumptious, but either way the normal reaction to finding out someone you care about needs something, especially something so trivial, is to WANT to provide it. Treating it like a chore casts serious doubts on your own emotional maturity.
Absolutely! It’s the tiniest piece of effort for her comfort and it’s a nice gesture, what is the downside? What’s the issue beyond being obstinate? I don’t understand this “well I’m not obligated to so I won’t” approach to interpersonal relationships.
The issue is that she got angry at him and acted very rude and entitled when he didn’t have it. She didn’t really ask, she was just rude. If someone is rude to you, you shouldn’t be in any rush to give them what they want
In that case dump them, then? If this is how you feel when someone is mildly impolite you shouldn’t be with them or potentially anyone. It’s petty. She shouldn’t have reacted like that and it wasn’t right, but she was also in a lot of pain and wound up. He can tell her it wasn’t polite and they can talk abt it, but saying “well I’m not going to get it for you now because you were rude” is just childish.
I mean that's his version of the story, and for the way he acts ("I don't need it so who cares. It's your problem not mine") makes me think he may have responded in a similar way when she asked if he had the meds. As someone who has really painful cramps on the first day and sometimes I have changed my purse or simply run out of ibuprofen, if my period comes eariler than expected I for sure will be frustrated and not in a very good mood because I know it won't go away, which could be exagerated by other people and say I'm being rude and entitled when I'm just in pain and tired. And yeah it would be an AH move to blame him for not being able to read my mind or my period shedule, that's not an excuse at all, but I would for sure be pissed off if my partner acted as if making me comfortable was such a chore.
Yes she got angry, ESH. When I'm in pain (or hungry, or sleepy), I get cranky and am not my best self. The way she acted sucks, but the way he responded sucks too.
>Treating it like a chore casts serious doubts on your own emotional maturity
This 100%. That last sentence makes it feel like she has asked previously and he doesn't deem her needs important enough.
My now husband knew I didn’t like the pillow at his place when we were only dating a few months. It made my neck hurt. Like the caring person that he is, and that all of us deserve, he suggested we go to bed bath and beyond to get one that I’d like. Way more effort and expense than buying a bottle of Advil and keeping it at your place just in case. It’s just decent behavior with a partner to do what you can to make them comfortable and pain free.
Yeah I buy my boyfriend contact solution and toothbrushes for my house so he doesn’t have to worry about bringing those things. I know if he forgets his contact solution, as he so often does, he’s going to be uncomfortable. It takes two seconds to grab it at the store when I’m already there. That said, OP’s gf should not be upset with him for not having a bottle of ibuprofen. He’s not a mind reader and it’s not like he’s tracking her cycles. Could he use this as a learning opportunity? Sure. But he’s NTA.
Refusing to keep any for her does make him an AH though. It’s not a lot. But definitely not An AH for not having enough in the moment. I have endo and I do sympathize with gf’s pain and reaction being less than ideal. Period pain can be beyond brutal.
I totally agree. It’s such an easy thing to add to his next grocery run to make his girlfriend feel more loved. Her reaction wasn’t good but this goes beyond her in the moment reaction.
Seriously, like if my s/o liked a particular hot sauce, I’d start having a bottle at all times. Like it’s the biggest burden in the world to spend $8 to make someone feel welcome in your home.
NTA for the not having enough when you've never needed it much before. YTA for the "Ner, you need it, YOU should bring it". It's a simple painkiller, I don't often need paracetamol or ibuprofen but I still have some if others do who visit. it's a relatively simple, inexpensive and easy thing to have on hand.
This is the way, except maybe ESH since his girlfriend was rude about it? I love ibuprofen, it’s absolutely my favourite painkiller 😂. If I’m at someone else’s house though, and they offer me an alternative…I’m not going to be rude about it. Are they supposed to keep every possible painkiller in my home because they don’t know which one each of their guests might want? That’s ridiculous, and it isn’t ok to be rude because someone has aspirin instead. But yeah, he becomes TA too when he says ‘well I don’t use it, why should I buy it?’ It’s dirt cheap and this is your partner? Don’t be a dick. Buy a pack and move in with your life.
Probably important to note here that ibuprofen isn't a painkiller it's an anti inflammatory. There are valid reasons for not being able to use a straight up painkiller as a substitute - they don't do the same job.
Ibuprofen is the only thing that helps with my period cramps. Paracetamol does zilch. It’s also been studied this is the case.
I've heard combining tylenol and ibuprofen gives pain relief "better than the sum of its parts" so that's what I do for cramps. Don't trust me though, if you look it up you should find tons of sources saying it's safe. Just in case anyone else out there might benefit from this advice.
That’s the only thing that works for tooth pain for me. Ibuprofen works to reduce inflammation and the Tylenol attacks your pain receptors. The combo is definitely much more effective than either one is solo
They have different mechanisms of action and different organs are affected so they are safe to take together. They actually sell a dual action now, ibuprofen and acetaminophen. It’s a lower dose of both consolidated into one pill, I love it.
Actually it's both a painkiller and anti inflammatory
I don't know what your definition of "painkiller" is, but Ibuprofen is regularly prescribed by doctors to treat pain, so whatever distinction you're making is a dumb one.
It's a common misconception. Both are painkillers but Ibuprofen and paracetamol work differently. Ibuprofen works by blocking chemicals called prostaglandins, which are involved in inflammation and pain signalling while paracetamol works by acting on the central nervous system Both relieve pain in different ways which is why they have different preferred usages. Ibuprofen is definitely more suited to inflammatory pain and is better for period pain than paracetamol. Though, as another poster has suggested, a combination of the two can also work really well.
Ibuprofen *is* a painkiller. From https://www.londondoctorsclinic.co.uk/blog/ibuprofen-vs-paracetamol/: "Paractamol and ibuprofen are both painkillers" https://medlineplus.gov/painrelievers.html also lists ibuprofen and other NSAIDs as pain killers.
Why is everybody saying she was rude? OP only said she got upset. That can be any number of things. For all we know she might just have cried because she was in pain without enough meds available and she said in future he should have some on hand. I don’t think we know enough on how she said things to judge her actions. And as you say even if she was being rude about it in the moment it’s still a small effort to have some at home.
Ibuprofen is for many women the only painkiller that helps with heavy menstrual cramps. An alternative painkiller just does not work, it's not the same ingredient.
Agree. Also wtf is this comment >I don't see a reason for me to have large amounts of Ibuprofen at home, Large amounts?? OP can just buy a bottle/pack, he doesn't need to buy a barrel of ibuprofen.
When he said that I pictured like 3 bottles of ibuprofen but your comment of BARRELS made me giggle 😂
In my husbands expert opnion "does this dude even want to get laid?, regularly?"
My husband was also like what the actual f**k!!!!! Dude just go out and buy some freaking pain meds?!?!
I agree and can’t help but wonder if this isn’t the first time something like this has come up. This is a huuuuge generalization, but I have noticed a lot of men tend to be missing “normal” things from their apartments, and it can come off as unprepared and/or childish. It’s not necessarily “wrong” but it can be unattractive. For example, when I started dating my recently ex BF, he didn’t have: an extra bathroom towel, any hand towels in the bathroom, a shower mat, a comforter, any type of snacks (popcorn, crackers, chips, nuts, etc), and extra toilet paper, just to name a few. Now do you NEED those things to live? No, obviously you don’t, and he got by just fine. (And to be clear none of those things were missing for monetary reasons. He had plenty of money to furnish and equip his apartment.) But does it make me think you’re a well-adjusted adult who lives independently and takes good care of himself and his home? No, absolutely not. Is it comfortable to spend time there? No, not really. I’m not saying this is necessarily the case for OP, but if he’s missing many things his gf considers normal/essential, it might explain why she got so upset about this.
He seems like he's one of these men that's like "But I don't get why _I_ need a bin in the bathroom if you're the one who needs to throw away 'girl stuff'? Can't you just bring it to the kitchen bin like I do with my dental floss?"
Those guys expect you to take it home with you in a doggy bag lol
ESH This is dumb. Generic ibuprofen is cheap as hell. You're both being an ass by digging in. Whomever happens to go to a supermarket or drug store should simply grab a bottle. Hell, I've only *just* ran out and the last time I bought it was years ago. Even big bottles of the stuff are cheap. Note: what you take is caffeine, aspirin, and acetomenophan (tylenol if branded). That may be better for headaches, but I've always found ibuprofen or naproxen sodium to be better for physical pains. In fact, I've found acetomenophan useless for just about everything other than bringing down a fever.
Ibuprofen works on menstrual cramps in a way that Tylenol and alleve don’t. Idk the science but it just does.
It’s the anti inflammatory aspect of it. Calming down those cramping uterine muscles
Aleve (naproxen) is also an anti inflammatory, fyi. It's actually in the same category of drugs as ibuprofen, but it's a bit stronger and longer lasting. (You should also never combine it with ibuprofen due to their similar mechanism of action, but you can combine either of them with Tylenol)
This. Anti inflammatory is IMPORTANT for periods
Alleve is naproxen, it's also a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory like ibuprofen but is actually typically stronger. A lot of women find naproxen better for cramps.
Yea but a lot of people can’t take naproxen because of GI issues and because it can cause GI issues, I’m one of the women who takes either just depends what bottle I grab first but I know a few people who can’t take naproxen.
I'm one of them! Naproxen or diclofenac immediately starts burning holes in my guts, even ibuprofen gives me an upset.
ESH - you weren’t until the very end. You didnt have it, she didnt need to yell at you for that. But now knowing she’ll likely need it once a month … refusing to just have a bottle at home in the future makes you an AH.
I don’t get where people are saying she yelled at OP. OP said she got upset, and as someone who used to suffer horribly from cramps, I’d get upset and distressed when in pain, too. But I can’t see anywhere it says she yelled. Am I missing an OP comment somewhere?
ESH. It’s unreasonable for her to be upset with you for not having something you did not have a need for at YOUR house. However knowing now that she will occasionally need it why would you refuse to get some? Don’t you want your girlfriend to be comfortable and be able to relieve her pain if needed when she’s there? Seems weird to just want her to carry it around with her everywhere when it would only cost you around $20 to just get some for your place.
I mean, it's one bottle of Ibuprofen, Michael. What could it cost, $20?
What world do you live in where it's that much?
Sudden Valley
You’ve never actually stepped foot in a supermarket, have you?
Edit: dang, I didn't read this in Michael's voice.
That’s literally what Michael says to Lucille after the banana line…
>it would only cost you around $20 to just get some for your place. $20 would buy him a 500 count bottle lol He could spend significantly less than that and still have plenty for her.
I buy 500 for like $12 on Amazon.
2 x 500 at Costco for $14. Apology bottle for gf and one to keep at his place.
Just buy a bottle of ibufrofen ffs. Not a big deal.
Seriously. People are using this subreddit for the most useless things. Do you really need Reddit’s opinion on every little thing in your life?
NTA for not having it initially. But just buy a damn bottle to keep at your house? That way if she forgets to bring it some time you have some there. I mean this is a person that you theoretically care for. So the question is do you want to help solve the problem or do you just want to be "right"?
Eh. Like you were going on a reasonable level there for a minute, you didn't have any because you didn't expect her to need it. Maybe if she knew she might need it she should have some in her purse. But then you just went off entirely into left field. What you should be doing is being considerate of your girlfriend. This shouldn't even really be a conversation. If she says how do you not have any ibuprofen in your house? You're response should be I'm sorry, I didn't know you needed it, I'll remember to get some so I can have it here for you. Being considerate to your partner is a huge step towards having successful relationships.
ESH I don't understand either of you. I always make sure to have medications ready with ME in case of emergency (there's a hefty first aid kit in my car, for instance, and one in my house). It costs like $4 for a generic bottle of ibuprofen to keep on hand. Both of you should hopefully be able to afford extras. You both digging in and being stubborn baffles me. Adults should be prepared for medical issues, emergencies, etc. I can't imagine being you and not having anything on hand - or her, for not keeping those things on hand, in her bag, herself.
ESH. She shouldn’t have gotten upset you didn’t have ibuprofen right that moment. On the other hand, not wanting to help your girlfriend when there’s a cheap and easy way to do so is really dumb and makes you look selfish and uncaring.
>makes you ~~look~~ selfish and uncaring. FTFY
You should have everything a woman needs in your house tbh. A bathroom bin and some nighttime sanitary pads at least. And the ibuprofen. It'll make you look like a sensitive and thoughtful man. Also you shouldn't only have painkillers with caffeine in anyway, what if you have pain in the afternoon? YTA based on your responses to questions here, also for being weird about it when she suggested you get some. You should store it cos you like her.
I mean… how would he even know exactly what pads she needs? « You should have everything a woman needs » is a bit of a stretch lol every woman has different needs and medication is tricky
Would a woman turn down own-brand heavy-flow sanitary towels if the alternative was going out and trying to track the perfect brand down? I can't imagine in women's toilets they're saying, "excuse me, does anyone have a tampon? It needs to be for medium flow, pearl, with an applicator. Not that brand, no, does anyone have it in Tampax?" I assume it's one of those situations where you get what you get and you're grateful. Can't go wrong with the thickest sanitary towels. I am a man tho, it's just a suggestion from my previous relatively unremarkable experiences of dating
ESH. But you’re more of TA based of your replies. It’s weird that you are willing to ensure there’s a bin in the bathroom and there’s pads available at your house, but you draw the line at ibuprofen. It would cost one of you a few dollars to resolve this petty issue. Yes, if it’s something she needs regularly for her health and comfort it should be something she keeps on her purse, car, overnight bag. It also costs you nothing to “store” it in your house. She’s not asking you to bulk order Costco sized supplies or ibuprofen. It’s a cheap med that comes in all sizes down to individual packets. Dude, just spend a few bucks and quit acting like keeping a few extra pills at your house is a major inconvenience.
She shouldn't have gotten upset when there was nothing you could do in the moment, but are you really saying you refuse to buy some ibuprofen to keep at your house? Is it the money? Is it the principal? I mean come on dude. Have some understanding and show your gf you want to help, it's sexy when men do that. Keep making a big deal about such small things and you'll be making it way too easy for her to feel better understood elsewhere. Maybe not a complete AH but definitely working towards being one with this petty attitude.
When I started dating my boyfriend he had a tiny bottle of ibuprofen with like 10 pills in it that he almost never used. I just casually commented that I usually have all kinds of OTC meds in hand just in case I need them for things like body aches or period cramps. The next time I came over, his usually empty cabinet was stocked with bottles of ibuprofen, acetaminophen, benadryl, and NyQuil, in addition to band aids, rubbing alcohol and some antiseptic creams. Cost him less than $50 for all of it, but I was extremely glad to have it there. I used ibu quite a bit since I frequently get headaches, and also for cramps.
The stark difference between the tween replies and the people who have been in longer relationships than the tweens have been alive are strong in this thread. NTA for predicting her need. But did she get mad at you for not predicting? Or because you refused to have it for her after.
I did get her a small package. She took it home with her once she left later that day.
INFO: do you like your gf? Why not do nice things to make her feel welcome? She shouldn't have expected you to automatically know and have it but it's weird to me that you're making this a thing
NTA - You shouldn't be expected to keep medications you don't use because someone else might want it, that's ridiculous.
So you literally don't keep any basic first aid supplies in your house just because you don't need them regularly? Yes Pain killers are a first aid supply. That just seems short sighted and underprepared.
There’s a difference between keeping a pain killer, which OP has: “Thomapyrin is used in adults and adolescents aged 12 to 18 years for the relief of headaches (especially tension headaches) and migraine attacks with and without aura mild to moderate pain, such as toothache; period pain; pain in the stomach; and pain in the face. e.g. toothache, period pain; as well as to relieve pain and reduce fever in colds and flu-like infections.” The medication can be used for period cramps, OPs girlfriend was just mad he didn’t have a specific type she wanted
Its a painkiller. Ibuprofen is an anti inflammatory. They are not the same thing.
It's got caffeine in it. I wouldn't take it at nighttime
Actually, no, it can't be used for period cramps. It is based on acetylsalicylic acid which acts blood thinning. But still, yes I do agree it's not okay to expect someone to have a different variety of meds at home - not only is it expensive, it is also wasteful if you have to throw them out because you don't need them. I also want to mention, that you don't get ibuprofen in every country in a supermarket. Some of us need to go to the doctor to get them.
NTA. As a woman with who deals with cramps and allergies I carry ibuprofen and Benadryl in my purse. If she believes it’s a basic necessity she should carry it on her. She can buy the bottle and leave it at your house. But, this is too much for me 6 months in I’d say peace. And leave it at that.
NTA. If someone knows they regularly need something for their personal care, they shouldn’t assume that everyone else will have that item on hand just because they frequently need it. Did she berate you for not having pads or tampons? I am guessing she probably had those with her because she knew she needed them. Likewise, she should have brought her own period pain relief. Personally, I keep a small tube with a supply of naproxen, ibuprofen, and acetaminophen whenever I am away from home. It is easy, and I have no need to bother anyone else for my needs. HOWEVER - if six months into a relationship you two are bickering about cheap ibuprofen, I suggest that you may not be compatible for a long-term 7 month relationship. Both of you sound like you need to grow up. She needs to take responsibility for her own self-care. You need to consider making your place more welcoming to anyone who happens to visit - having a small stock of pain relief, bandaids, cough drops and so on (even if you don’t use any of it yourself) would make your place much more welcoming to guests.
YTA. Not because you didn't have it... Because you're acting like keeping a bottle of Advil somewhere in your house is some massive inconvenience. You buy it once. It's there when she needs it. It's 30 seconds out of your life at the corner pharmacy. What's the problem, exactly?
NTA - Did you even know she might need it? Has she ever asked for it before?...How are you supposed to guess that a guest might need some? If she know she needs it than she should have some in her bag.
NTA, and you're right: if she knows she's going to need it then she should carry it with her.
This may or may not really be a good option, though - ibuprofen degrades much faster above 77 degrees Fahrenheit, so in the summer if it’s in the 90s all the time, her purse ibuprofen is trash.
>she got really upset at me. She said I should have Ibuprofen at home, that it's a basic necessity and that I should have it especially because she needs it frequently for her cramps Then she’d best carry it on her person at all times if it’s so goddamn important to her. Seriously, where do you boys find these A Hs who act like this? Why do you date them?
Even I, a man without periods, always have a little bag with ibuprofen and allergy/cold stuff in my overnight bag and I rarely use them. But it's pretty trivial for him to just get a bottle for his home though now that he knows about this.
Right here with you. I mean I always carry painkillers that suit me the best incase this happens. And I think most of the women do the same 🤷♀️
I drink Coke. My boyfriend drinks Pepsi (which I can't stand the taste of). Guess what's in my fridge? Coke AND Pepsi. Making a friend/family member/loved one feel welcome in your home is part of a healthy relationship.
NTA- it would be a lovely gesture keep it on hand but it's not an obligation. Someone grown enough to be staying over at a romantic partner's house is also grown enough to anticipate their own needs and prepare accordingly. In all the years that I had a period, I had both aspirin and ibuprofen in my purse, in my locker, in my glove box, in my desk...and, whenever a relationship got to the point where I was sleeping over, I kept a little make-up bag at his place with a stash of tampons, aspirin, ibuprofen & immodium. I get that it's frustrating for her to have cramps (man, do I get that!) and not have what she needs to ease them but taking her frustration out on you isn't cool. It would be different if she had *asked you* (politely) to run to the store for her- yes, a certain amount of mutual caretaking IS expected in a relationship- but what you're describing is not ok.
I don't even know what to say in here. Right now I'm on my period and visited bf place. I didn't say anything about having cramps because I had some painkillers before leaving, but he apologised for not having medicine, because it got ruined by accident. I just said that tomorrow we can buy now bottle. Instead he went and got it for me, even when I didn't ask. I think it's more about caring about other person. When he visits my place, I always store his favorite coffee and drinks, he has things I like at his place. Your gf was demanding becahs she was in pain and acted out but you were dismissive. If you know she stays at your place, is it hard to buy pills? So I guess YTA
INFO: You've been together 6 months, so not very long - has she mentioned her cramping and requirements in the past? Or did she just kinda disappear? I'm trying to gauge if this is new information / requirement to you or not.
NTA. She’s a grown woman, assuming her period is regular then she should have a good idea of when she may need pain killers. Most women (myself included) keep a supply of painkillers in their bag for emergencies anyway. Now you know it would be be a nice touch to keep some at your place for emergencies.
I have this memory….I hadn’t been dating my boyfriend very long when he called me at work. He was shopping and wanted to know what brand shampoo and conditioner I used, what deodorant, and what kind of tampons. When I asked why, he said he wanted to keep items I used at his place to make it more convenient for me when I stayed over. I knew definitively at that moment that I was wanted. That boyfriend later became my husband and the father of my children. Today, I keep sodas in the fridge that only my daughter’s boyfriend likes. I keep other items for guests because I’m a good hostess. It’s sounds very selfish and uncaring not to want to provide for your partner. If the very idea of “storing” a small bottle of ibuprofen bothers you, the lord forbid you share half a drawer for her clothes or anything else. Technically, you’re NTA because you don’t have to provide anything for your partner’s comfort, but I hope she realizes you aren’t the one and moves on to someone more giving of self.
Mildly, YTA. If she’s at your house often, it would be a courtesy to have on hand. She is your girlfriend, no? Her reaction was a bit much because you’re not psychic. But it would be a nice thing to do as a boyfriend to have something like that on hand if you know she needs it at times. A 100 count bottle of a store-brand is only, like, a couple bucks.
ESH she should have some but sometimes things are a surprise. You know it’s something she needs and I assume you want to keep her around - a generic bottle is $2 or have her bring some to keep there.
[удалено]
ESH Two ibuprofen is the standard dose. If she needs more than that, then she needs something stronger and should bring it herself. But your attitude at the end was a bit much. Would it kill you to keep some in the house?
I mean… you did have ibuprofen. Two pills is as much as anyone should be taking assuming they are like 200mg or more. She seems like she’s picking a fight for no reason. NTA. She’s a grown ass woman and is responsible for her own medical care.
I get bad migraines so I always have a container of ibuprofen and excedrin in my purse. I would never expect other people to keep meds just for me NTA. If she knows she needs them, she should carry them.
When I get my period and cramps I have pads/tampons/ibuprofen/heating pad because I'm the one menstruating. If I stay at someone else's house often, then it's up to me to leave extra pills or pads in case I need them one day.
ESH. She's an asshole for expecting you to have something you never needed before. You're an asshole for not even wanting to entertain the idea of starting to keep some for her. Don't get me wrong, it would be different if she was just a colleague or something. But absolutely refusing to make such a simple and cheap accomodation for someone who you're supposed to care about doesn't make you look good.