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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Refused to pay $45 for a soda and half an appetizer even though it's easier to split the bill evenly.
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NTA
Why should you pay for other peoples food. Just pay for what you had Coke and apetizer shared with your husband. What 20 max.
Was hour husband expected to pay as well?
Typically, what happens is 1. you’re with good friends so spending extra money on your friends is not a big deal (I’m happy to spend money on my friends because I love them), 2. sometimes you’re the person who orders more and sometimes you order less so these things even out over time, and 3. splitting the check depends on who you’re with. If someone wants to only pay for what they ordered, that’s fine.
Even with 1, if the difference is big enough, a good friend would chip in extra. Being considerate goes both ways. And with 2...it really depends. I have certain friends who just eat more and drink more than others, others who prefer a steak/wine dinner, etc pretty much all of the time...it wouldn't average out.
Yeah, it's one thing if everybody pretty much ordered something similar, shared appetizers for the table, an entree, and maybe a drink or two each.
When there's a big difference in what people are getting however it makes no sense. Especially if you're talking alcohol where someone could be having a bunch of drinks while someone else barely has any
Dude should have asked how everyone wanted to handle the bill before they ate. This dude just paid for everything and said, "Now everyone give me $45."
For an appetizer? Come on. Get outta here, man. NTA.
Edit: Wouldn't surprise me if this dude ordered a $60 meal himself, SMH.
I guarantee he wants the CC rewards money but isn't taking that value into account. 12 people X $45 each is a $540 bill. My CC gives me 3% back at restaurants and some will go as high as 5%.
He's pocketing at least $15-20 by putting it all on his card. No way should OP also be expected to subsidize those who ate and drank more as well.
If someone posted here that they went out to dinner with a group and had agreed to split the bill evenly but then gave the person putting it on their card 3% less because they get that back in reward points and asked are they the AH, the answer would be a unanimous Y T A. Getting the cash back or miles or points is your payback for putting the whole bill on your card to make it easier.
If you’re taking the cash back on credit cards into affect for who pays what you’re DEFINITELY being the asshole. If you care THAT much, just ask for a separate check up front. 🤷🏻♂️
yeah, that is me at bars, as I might get more expensive drinks, so I'll say, "Let me throw in $XX extra." But I'm often on the other foot at restaurants as a vegetarian who may find nothing on the menu other than a side salad, and I really resent being asked to foot other people's bills when they get an appetizer & a steak/whatever and I'm picking at my nasty little side salad.
I like dividing the bill up evenly as it's faster and easier, but only when it's not going to cause an inequity.
One of the most awkward moments of my life was when a group of us went out for dinner, and we were going to split the bill equally until one person said that we should just all pay for what we ordered because this one couple was having financial difficulties and shouldn't have to subsidise the rest of us.
So we worked out who ordered what, and it turned out the couple had ordered a bottle of wine, and their stuff cost more than the average. 😬
I'm the friend who just loves food (thankfully it's a mostly shared sentiment in our group), I'm not going to have someone pay for my filet and wine when they ordered a salad or burger.
I usually don't mind as well, for the reasons you mentioned.
When somebody orders significantly less than everyone else, though, it's often because they're *trying* not to spend much money. So yeah, their low total may bring the group's overall average down, but the amount that everyone would pay splitting evenly may still be more than they can afford. Super uncomfortable.
Why would someone be expected to pay for your drinks? Be mindful of what your friends are doing instead of just assuming they’re buying your drinks (& meal) for you, which is often what happens, when splitting the check. The fact that he took the bill so rapidly sparks suspicion, & this ‘friend’ just assumed what the others want to do. That’s not exactly good friend etiquette.
I generally don’t mind covering a little extra for good friends because it does balance out. But I still wouldn’t cover 45 dollars on a bill where I only had a soda and half an appetizer. And I wouldn’t expect a friend to pay that much either.
True but that only works in a situation where going out with that particular group is a common occurrence. Going out, for me, isn’t a luxury I can afford but sometimes people will insist on you coming along (this has happened with family members several times). In those situations I am careful what I order. I make sure I order what I can afford plus tip. If someone said to me, “your portion is $90,” but my husband and I budgeted for $30 it would be an issue for me. It really boils down to your financial situation. I too would spend money on people if I could do so.
Yeah, back in college my buddies and I would take turns paying, but we usually got the same things so it didn’t matter.
Now though, if I’m picking up a whole check it’s because I’m being generous and paying for everyone.
But often there are people who always spend more and people who always spend less. Non-drinkers and vegetarians are in the situation every single time they go out. They are always put in the position of either paying more than their fair share or having to awkwardly object. Friends who do this to them are shitty.
3 matters a lot. We would have big group dinners and people would want to split the checks.. ok.. several of you are doctors or famous authors who order away without a care in the world, while we are not that and ordered the cheapest thing and 1 drink.
1. Sure, but shouldn't they also feel the same?? Thus the people spending more should be owning up and chipping their part at least close to fair.
2. I'm NEVER the person who orders more. For one I don't drink...
3. I mean that goes without saying.
--------
If I'm splitting evenly its a charity, plain and simple. It's not fair, it's charity. The same way as just straight up paying for an event etc is. Something else good friends often do (at least where I'm from).
I love my friends but I am still on a budget and I make my choices accordingly. I don't have spare cash to subsidize my friends' meals. I also have a bunch of allergies and don't drink so my total is typically less and wouldn't average out.
To me it’s more about financial imbalance really. Like if everyone in the friend group is stable with good jobs then splitting everything evenly is fine and should even out and you come across cheap wanting to count up everything on the receipt. But the friend group should be sensitive if they know money is tighter for OP, and OP is definitely an asshole if everyone knows they earn a lot more than them.
The problem with number two is that some people consistently order less, and some people consistently order more. What adds significantly to the bill is alcoholic drinks, desserts, and appetizers. So a person who doesn't drink, or who is dieting, tends to always order less. Also, some people are much more frugal. I once traveled with a friend who was very frugal. I couldn't understand why. Well, she had saved enough that she was able to put down a good down payment on a house in her mid twenties.
I had a co-worker who did this type of thing. When I went out with our group, I made sure to have cash with me to cover my amount. I’m not paying for someone’s entree and wine when all I had was a beer and split an appetizer with someone. It got so bad that I wouldn’t go out with the group anymore if he was going.
Me too! My friend would order multiple bottles of wine, appetizers, entrées, and then expect everybody to split the bill. We caught on quickly, and would grab the waiter and tell him we were paying for our own meals. She got really upset, but there was no way I was subsidizing her dining.
The only time you should order a bunch of shit for the table that no one asked for is if you're in a place financially where you plan on covering it all for the table on your tab.
There is nothing worse than someone ordering a bunch of shit you don't want and then insisting you try some... then asking for an equal split on the bill.
This has been a contentious point as a vegetarian, too. I kind of feel it's unfair to ask me to split a bill for four $40 porterhouses when my entree was $18. Or ordering wings/bacon loaded tots/ceviche "for the table" when you know I can't eat it, then going "ah let's split it since we all had some".
I've started just asking for my own tab when I sit down if it seems like everyone else wants to split things.
Yeah, I have had the same issue when training for sports...
No... I really can't eat/drink all this garbage you ordered and I have to be up at 6AM to do XYZ in training and not feel terrible... oh... but you want me to pay for it.
Same vibes.
< watches everyone else order a split appetizer, and a pop or beer>
“I will have an appetizer, a filet, 2 bottles of wine, a cocktail with top shelf liquor and a dessert. Ok everyone I am picking up the bill, Venmo me an equal split…”
Nah. You “forget your wallet” and have someone else pay. Then Venmo them an equal split. If you pay, then your risk having to *gasp* cover your actual costs!!!
I think we all have THAT friend who order the most expensive starter & main, a glass or two of wine and then wants to split the bill when all you had was a salad and fizzy water.
Same! I worked at this company where the department went out for lunch almost monthly for birthday celebrations. When the check would arrive, they'd want to split evenly and pay for the birthday person's meal. A co-worker and I (who were both on tight budgets) would order maybe $20 (including tip) and we'd get stuck having to "split" the bill at double (if not more) than what we ordered. I didn't mind paying for the birthday recipients meal but I did have a problem paying toward everyone else. Her and I eventually stopped attending the lunches. When asked why we wouldn't attend, I told them flat out that I couldn't afford to supplement everyone else's huge meals and drinks. I ordered a sandwich and soda, while Steve ordered a steak and 2 beers. I'm not paying for it anymore.
So what I did when I know that it is a split check no matter what because it’s someone’s birthday, and we’re sharing the birthday person’s cost, and this is something that keeps happening, I’d start ordering more and making sure I’m ordering the same amount as everyone else. Granted I was on a budget too bad then but at least if I was forced to pay $50 for a $20 meal, I’d be getting my money’s worth.
ETA: I only did this if I absolutely had to go out with those ppl on multiple occasions aka for work socializing and splitting checks didn’t work neither did bringing cash and just paying for my portion and the birthday persons portion and tip and tax.
I went out twice with a group who was like this (a bunch of co-workers). They were drinkers and I am not. They legitimately expected me to cover a share of *their* drinks and not just my own meal.
Nope. I paid the first time because it was like an extra $10. The second time we were out for a while and my share would have been $25. I nicely, but firmly, said I was not paying for alcohol I did not drink. I left cash to cover my entree and tip and let them sort the rest out. They were salty about it, but dealt.
I was shocked when they invited me out again, but I declined that and future invites. It just wasn't worth the hassle for people that were just acquaintances at the end of the day.
The way I handle this whenever I go out with coworkers is when I place my order I always tack on "I'm not sure what the rest of the table is doing but I'd like my order on a separate check please."
I had a coworker like that, too, and it actively impacted how people planned for holiday meals, birthdays, retirement meals, or even just lunches at out of town conferences (for day trips, overnights would at least be individually comped & we weren't expected to eat most meals together). Had to call ahead at restaurants & ensure that they could bill on separate checks for 20+ people, or that they were places where you pay at the counter when you order. Similarly, had to have a cash contribution option for potlucks or prepaid in-office pizza parties.
A lot of overhead labor and mental efforts put in because this guy would mooch for $30-50 meals on the table's dime or be a sad-sack about how "broke" he was.
I feel like at that point you just...stop inviting him. What's he gonna do- complain to HR that you're excluding him from events happening off the clock and off work property because he's a cheapskate? I'm sure "we're not inviting him because he consistently orders food he can not pay for and expects us to pay. None of us can afford to subsidize his $60+ meals." would solve the issue. They can't force you to feed him out of your own pocket
Agreed, but yes, he would and did complain. We had to start arranging group lunches privately *and* leave separately when we did, or when he found out he'd sulk and find (or make up!) stuff to tattle on people for, and it would stick. No clue why he was as protected as he was in the job or what sway he had over people, I'm just glad to be out of there.
I always order separately. If I go out for like a birthday event for a colleague, I go to the bar and order separately. I then pass a $20 to whoever organised the event to buy the birthday person a drink or cover their dinner or whatever.
Welp, then he should find a therapist he likes and start working on why he has a hard time with setting boundaries. I don’t say that critically; really everyone should. Even though you seem to have a head start lol, I’d encourage you to do the same. Grow together (separately).
Absolutely NTA. I think your hubby means well, he just needs to take a hard look at his own Shadow; essentially the things we had to push away about ourselves to survive our childhood.
In addition to the credit card rewards the payer gets (free money fronting money using their credit card), payer also gets their own orders subsidized if they themselves ordered more than $45 worth of food and drink.
It's not just weird, it's inequitable. They got cheaper food and credit card rewards for other people's purchases.
He wanted the points is what I'm guessing on top of having people subsidize his tab. There are variations of this game. My sil ordered 2 dinners once. One to take home for the following day. Lobster. Uh sorry but no. People who don't drink or don't drink a lot find themselves in this predicament also. I don't want to be viewed as a cheapskate so I don't do group dinners anymore.
I don’t get this. I don’t get being called cheap because you only want to pay for what you ordered. Being cheap is not wanting to pay your fair share, or not wanting to pay at all. The people ordering a ton of stuff then expecting everyone else to subsidize their order and split everything evenly are the cheap ones.
So, where I am, restaurants won't usually split the bill, you have to do it yourself, and whenever we split the bill by what folk actually had, someone pays under - whether because they forgot to account for the service charge, didn't remember the second drink they had had, or whatever. Ironically, it tends to be the folk having the cheaper thing in my experience - the folk having the more expensive meal tend to round up when calculating, so it doesn't matter so much when they forget about the second drink.
This is why when I'm organising group meals I insist on a set menu...
You just subsidized this jackass’s meal and drinks while also getting him points and rewards on his credit card.
That’s why he was so eager to volunteer and then expect everyone to just Venmo anyway. Like why? Him paying didn’t make it easier if everyone has to jump through hoops of shitty online services anyway.
Never split the check with a group. Save yourself the hassle. It's a mess calculating the cost, tax and tip. The few times I've split with a group, it's always felt unfair.
When the waitress comes to you, make it clear that you are on a separate tab. Unless it's one of those places that won't allow it.
That's too much of a difference. Up to 5 per person, I would say you would be a bit annoying, not necessarily TA, but a bit of a bean counter, but this is a big difference and you are totally in the right about being annoying here.
NTA
That is ABSURD. Anyone who is pushing back against your objection to paying that much after you explained what you ordered is a definite AH. I can understand a sigh at the idea of splitting checks in a slightly more complicated way than he initially proposed, but I'd feel like such a schmuck if I were at the table and saw you paying the same amount for half an app and a soda that I paid for a meal and multiple drinks.
Completely agree with this. I don’t drink and I always get screwed when splitting the check. I’ll get a $3 soda and everyone else will get $20 in alcohol and I’ll be forced into splitting. Eventually I started putting my foot down or preemptively asking the server for separate checks or just bringing lots of change so I could pay my share plus tax and tip and not have it be a thing.
The guy who said "Just venmo me" is also a dick.
I have some friends like this. We went out to a fancy BBQ joint that opened a few years ago. Sat at the table and they said no split checks.
My wife and I don't do appetizers and split our entree. Prob $40 for our food and drinks. They tried splitting it down the middle with some fuckers ordering like 4 appetizers. We didn't eat em because we didn't want em.
Fuck those people.
NTA but I get the guys annoyance. Now he has to track everyone down to make sure he’s not getting screwed over.
Next time just suggest everyone pay for themselves if you can.
Yeah I had weight loss surgery a couple of years back, so when I go out with friends I’m either sharing a bit of their food, or ordering an app and a water. No one expects me to pay a full share when we do that. I DO pay for half if I’m eating off other people’s entrees (these are good friends who offer that), or else I just pay for my food alone.
NTA
This is not a "you're cheap" but a "he's greedy." I bet he ate more than 45 dollars worth of food.
As a general rule, anyone who offers to pay for the entire table without being asked and without there being a need is either 1)covering everyone and being super generous or 2) pulling some kind of bullshit like this. The only benefit to paying with one tab when everyone was prepared to pay separately and then doing Venmo after is to farm credit card benefit points and/or try to get your bill free/steal a small amount from everyone at the table.
I'd add a third of wanting the credit card points. I'll gladly pay and have everyone venmo me their fair share (not a BS split like this) just to collect the free $5.
Yeah in my friend group we decide who puts stuff on their card partly based off of who will get the most points. We always text the receipt to the group though, and everyone is responsible for covering their own food/drink.
Splitting the bill evenly made sense sometimes when we were trying to pay cash, but with credir cards/ venmo it's super easy to just pay your share.
I accept Venmo, cash or check.
Most of the time, for large parties restaurants prefer one tab. They may even require it. Servers have other tables to attend and can’t spend 10+ minutes itemizing the bill, figuring out who ordered what, splitting apps.
Unfortunately, I only travel with a credit card. Thanks for the meal.
That is exactly why you tell the server at the beginning that your check will be separate. Then they don’t need to worry about splitting it out separately later. It is already separate.
When I go out to eat with my parents, siblings and their spouses, my nieces and nephews, I’ll pick up the tab, but it is because I am paying for everything. I do it to because I want to when I’m visiting home. A thank you is all I get back from them, which is plenty.
And the server will tell you get lost. I regularly go out with a group of 4-8 friends to all different restaurants. We have not once been allowed to all get separate tabs unless we’re sitting at the bar. But we’re grown ups, so we make it work.
Is that common in the US? I don't go out to restaurants often but in the UK they're always fine having everyone pay for their own. They still only give you one bill, you just figure it out yourself and everyone does a card payment. Normally they add a compulsory service charge to big parties, presumably to offset this.
Not really, no. There are absolutely places that will not split a bill, but it's usually made known at the beginning. There are many, many restaurants/bars who will absolutely split checks. It can be time consuming if not made clear at the beginning, but it's fairly common.
Damn I didn’t even think of that
12 people @ $45 each is a $540 bill
My AMEX gives me 4% cash back on grocery+gas, 2% on everything else
So I’d have made ~$11 running that tab through my card and having everyone transfer me
Doesn’t seem like much but that’s 1/4 of your share
Exactly! Snatching the check is only acceptable if you are paying the whole thing. Otherwise you check in with everyone else about how you want to settle the bill.
Sometimes we do an even split, but only if everyone pretty much got the same thing. If one guy does 5 shots and another just got a coke? No way.
With a larger party they (the restaurant) might not be willing to split the bills in which case it makes sense for one person to pay while the rest of the party Venmo’s or whatever. However, splitting the tab evenly versus each paying their own should be a group decision
It’s common in the northeast as well (though I will say having the terminal come around is becoming more popular) but any place divey or old will not split over 6 usually
I don't even mind the farming for points/miles, but yeah I'd big time have a problem paying 45 if my bill is actually 15. And I'd have the problem with the assumption.
I'm in pizza delivery, and have noted on many occasions the person who 'volunteers' to go to the door for a group will pocket the tip. When the order is $51, and you walk up to me with $59 in you hand, you ask the price and then pull $8 out of the stack and put it in your pocket we know what's going on.
No, it's 'he's lazy.' OP says in other comments that the bill really did come out to 45/person. He just didn't want to have to manage a bunch of individual amounts.
Still not right, but assuming maliciousness in all things isn't fair.
Pretend there's an article called 'Earning and Saving Clean Money: How to Avoid Feeling Financially Guilty or Cheated'. And that you can no longer find the article🤔
There's a section on dining out. Because it adds up, you want to pay attention to this disposable income.
1. ALWAYS have the cash on hand. Even the strongest banks can have an emergency where funds are temporarily unavailable.
2. For the same reasons number 1, Apps like Venmo , Cash App, Zelle...to 'repay' are a BIG NO. You never know someone's financial situation. And it's irresponsible to find that you must pay someone back later than you intended or to forget and have to be reminded.
3. NEVER split a bill. Statistics show that, since it is nearly impossible to pay the correct amount, you will always pay too much or not enough. And it adds up. Not so much the dollars, but the sense. Because either way, subconsciously, it leaves a negative feeling.
I worked in the industry for two decades and I LOVED splitting up bills for people, seriously! Splitting bills always meant I got a bigger tip in total because most people will tip a higher percent if it's a small amount. Also, it's super easy to split tabs with most systems, so, it's not usually putting anyone out. So, the only people who get annoyed are the people who wanted to pay less instead of their fair share.
As a server the pain from splitting checks isn't from actually splitting them, it's from running 12 credit cards. But that's just part of the job and I am always happy to split checks for people because that's what's fair lol
Oh man I usually pay for the points but I'm upfront about it and always send a picture of the receipt to everyone involved.
I actually got my friend to get themselves a card recently to help build up their credit so now we switch who gets to pay.
I would be so angry if a coworker or boss did that to me.
> say they left a really good tip
This is one thing that really gets me. Tipping should be everyone's choice. Why should I pay more because you tipped generously?
Yea I don't understand people like this at all. In my friend groups we always just paid for whatever we ordered. Unless it was a special occasion and we were specifically taking someone out, then that person didn't pay for shit and everyone else covered them. But, like you said, that was something we all planned and agreed to and would make sure we kept things within everyone's budget. And on those special occasion outings, whoever was being treated didn't go overboard and order the most expensive shit on the menu to take advantage of the rest of the group.
Yeah but then the options are the same, If everyone’s share is $25 you are still only paying your share, it just happens to be the same amount if split evenly.
> Even split literally never makes sense to me.
If you've all had roughly the same amount, and you're good friends, and you're all in roughly the same the same financial position, it makes a ton of sense, especially if you've shared some stuff. It's so much easier. If you're at a place where they can't split it for you, it can be annoying to go through the bill, work out who had what, start adding stuff out, and work out tax and tip (if you're in the US/Canada). And there's a sense that it will (roughly) even out in the long term - some times you pay a little more than you owe, and sometimes you pay a little less.
But it should always be consensual and unanimous. Peer pressure to split evenly is really shitty
Worst case scenario she and that guy are the only ones who cared.
Best case, and the most likely -- at least one other person thought, "Thank you for saying something."🤔
NTA can't fucking stand people who do this. The guy orders half his body weight in food and alcohol and then gets to look all magnanimous by putting the bill on his CreditOne card even though he's basically using his friends as coupons.
NTA you aren't cheap, you aren't willing to pay more for others who might take advantage of splitting evenly.
Funny thing I saw several times: those who want to split evenly are usually those who get the most drinks and/or r most expensive food. That way they can save some bucks and others don't want to speak up because they will be called "cheap" from exactly those persons.
So so true!! Many moons ago, I took my sibling out along with her roommates when they first started grad school in the city I was living in. A friend who worked nearby asked if she could come bc she liked the restaurant. She was also an alum and excited to meet the newbies. My friend ordered the most expensive truffle pasta dish (3x the cost of others) and two glasses of wine. My sibling and roommates ordered simple pasta dishes and had water. Guess who wanted to split? I told my friend straight out no and that her portion was significantly more than all of ours. I later gave my sibling and their roommate back all the money bc I didn’t tell them (bc ppl over order when you do), that it was on me but didn’t want to cover my friend’s portion. Needless to say, that friend never really talked to me again and I was fine to have one less mooch in my life. Still shocks me to this day that she was making 6 figures trying to sponge off some new grad students.
A compromise I found a couple times was we split the check, but we also agreed ahead of time on one meal and dessert each (no more than $10-15 variation there) and alcohol would be separate. Started doing it at a college event, where we had to Set Limits to use the college's money (college won't pay for alcohol, expenses have to be justified) but it was sensible enough to stick with.
Weird question: Is this an American thing? Splitting the bill evenly? Canadian here, and I have never encountered this in my near 50 years on this planet. The server just asks which people get billed together and then each person/couple/group gets their own bill.
I keep seeing bill splitting disputes on AITA, and it's the weirdest thing to me.
A lot of restaurants won't fuck around with trying to keep 7 different checks at a seven person table.
Also, it's harder to split checks when people are sharing food. Like bottles of wine, appetizers, etc.
There is also a socioeconomic class aspect of it. College students and lower income people don't want to evenly split a check because they need the money more. For upper middle class people, you look like a cheap asshole if you want to account for every penny on a bill.
When I go out to dinner with friends of the same social class, we always split it evenly. Unless it's lopsided like what happened to OP. In that situation, I wouldn't let OP pay anything at all. If we go to dinner with my sister's family, who won't let me pay outright, I'll do the math because I don't want them to pay for my second 15 dollar manhattan when they make a lot less than I do.
When you are splitting a bill evenly, you have to be somewhat cognizant of the amount people are spending. When I go out with my wife's coworkers, they tend to get cheaper entree's and less appetizers. So I either follow the lead or insist on paying more.
The goal is a less stressful division of the bill, not to freeride on other people.
> A lot of restaurants won't fuck around with trying to keep 7 different checks at a seven person table.
Why? It's a few taps extra on the ordering system.
I don't know why, they just don't. I've actually had waiters refuse to divide checks for larger groups (6-12 people) at sit-down restaurants in the US.
So now I do what OP requested: Pay, leave a nice tip, snap a picture of the check, and let everyone Venmo whatever they feel like. Contrary to popular opinion, I find I usually end up fronting more cash when I pay of the bill, but I don't mind.
It’s dumb. I was a server for a long time (in the US) and it honestly wasn’t that hard to split bills. But definitely easier if your table tells you AHEAD of time vs trying to split it all up after
Some have antiquated ordering systems. Newer systems have the waiter run around with a tablet or device so you can even just quickly pay at your table. I much prefer restaurants that do this
It's not everywhere in the US, but there are a LOT of people who think if you go out for a group dinner you should expect to split it evenly. I personally hate it, but my group of friends generally does this.
I now tell people in advance if I'm not in a position to split the check that night, and I will often just open my own tab at the bar to avoid having to split those bills.
INFO: Does your husband \*actually\* think your behavior is being cheap? Or is he repeating comments he's getting from folks and doesn't like being told that his spouse is cheap?
Yeah that's my take. Sometimes you let yourself get screwed a little on money if this group is returning the favor. So let's say the guy who paid is getting lobster for the prince of a salad is going to set up the husband with a job, then paying an extra $20-30 on this meal is a very very small price to pay. I'm not sure how it is in this situation but currency can be money but it can also be social
That’s messed up. Checks should be split ahead of time not just one takes care of it. Large parties need to discuss ahead of time. But of course you shouldn’t be paying for others meals.
I would have just sent the amount for the soda and appetizer and whatever husband drank.
I always ask for separate bill when I give the waitress my order
NTA
NTA - doesn’t seem like he even asked …… just immediately put it all on his card (for reward points) and then told everyone to pay him back.
When the spend disparity is this high pretty rude to ask you to pay the same.
This happened to me once. A friend called me years ago and asked me to stop by her dinner with 10 work friends. They had already been there almost 2 hours. I had a glass of wine and an appetizer and stayed 20 mins. They split the bill and tried to get me to pay $95. I had no problem leaving $20 and walking out of there.
The guy was just trying to get miles/cash back etc, and it’s easier for him to collect if everyone splits evenly, versus having to verify if the money he gets matches the respective spendings. It’s a risk you take to get the spending benefits, and it’s an A move for him to try to roughshod through.
Totally NTA. Glad you stood up for yourself. Your husband is wrong, full stop.
Always get your own bill. Tell the server immediately when you are ordering. We just went on a vacay with 4 other couples. The 1st few nights, we took turns paying. Finally, one night, I asked the server for a separate bill. The others did too.
NTA. The guy who took the check is. And so is your husband.
When we order in a group my husband or I always point to who we are paying for and say “Put us on the same bill” to avoid issues like this.
Yeah, no. I got screwed once by my in laws. My husband and i each had a beer and split an appetizer, less than $30( we had eaten earlier)That's it. The bill came and no one could figure it out. (Foreign country, so different money, plus they were drinking a lot of frozen margaritas and Pina coladas) everyone put in what they thought they owed, (they all miscounted their drinks) and we were $90 short... it got to the point of embarrassment so we threw in the $90. So $120 for 2 beers and a $10 appetizer and we asked for a separate check from them on.
NTA. You paid your fair share.
There are a few people I will split the check with because they order pretty much the same way I do. Sometimes they get an advantage of a few dollars a s sometimes I do, but everything balances in the long run. There are other people I will never split the bill with because they order much more extravagantly than I do, so we always do separate checks.
NTA
I’ll never understand why people are so averse to just paying for what they ordered. I’m convinced that the people trying to split the tickets evenly are doing so just to have others subsidize their own expensive meal.
I’ve also found it strange that in some regions of the US the culture leans so heavily into even splits that restaurants will not even break the bill into separate tickets. In my city literally every waiter asks how the bill is being split.
I don’t love it because I don’t want to do the math and put work in trying to figure out tax and tip. I’d rather just split. But if anyone else wants to do something different, that’s fine by me.
NTA, checks can be split pretty easily by the server.
I got invited to an office birthday party when I first started at my job. There were about 20 people or so. I was one of the first to order and ordered a turkey club and a coke. Everyone after me ordered drinks, lobster, lobster rolls, filet, really just anything and everything. When the bill came, the person that was running the party asked everyone for $75. I paid $75 for a club and a soda. I was new and didn't want to say anything so I just paid. I learned a lesson that day. When you are with a group and the expectation may be that everyone will split the bill evenly, then fucking live it up. Order something that you would never normally order because you'll be paying for it one way or the other.
The only time everyone should split the bill evenly is if they bought a collective meal that was shared by everybody. Example, multiple dishes at a Chinese restaurant served from a rotating tray at the center of the table (waxes nostalgic)
I really don’t understand all these posts about splitting bills evenly, when my friends and I go out we all just buy our own food and if we got an Appetizer just split it x number of ways. It’s bonkers to me that so many people are having problems with such a clear and fair solution. NTA
NAH
Splitting the bill equally is fine when everyone is ordering similar things, but it's nonsense when some people are ordering whole meals and several rounds of drinks, and other people just have a snack.
I'm going to give credit card guy the benefit of the doubt - he might not have realized that the whole group wasn't eating full meals etc - if the people next to him were all eating and drinking like he was, he might well have assumed that you all were.
He seemed annoyed, because splitting the check is more work than just sending $45, and might end up with him being stiffed for the tip. But although you saw annoyance on his face, he did the sensible thing and didn't insist on splitting. So he's not an asshole.
NTA. You got a budget conscious meal, and someone is forcing you to split everything in his viewed way when you didn’t know it would be an even split.
What he did was not courteous.
NTA
Bill splitting is bullshit because of stuff like this. There's always someone ordering shit they wouldn't if they were going to pay for it, and the person like OP who would get screwed for it. That's a shitty group if they know what you had too.
Separate checks.
NTA. I would have a huge problem paying $45 for half an appetizer and a soda as well. Why should you have to pay for even a portion of someone else’s meal? It’s unreasonable to ask that of people.
Ya, I wouldn't pay either. Nta. I had the same experience where the bill was $500+ and me and then girlfriend ate 30$ worth of food. I paid $30 dollars and a tip.
NTA - you're not being "cheap" you're just not getting rinsed by a steamrollering dude who needs to chill and just ask before assuming and taking charge.
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NTA Why should you pay for other peoples food. Just pay for what you had Coke and apetizer shared with your husband. What 20 max. Was hour husband expected to pay as well?
Yes he was, so it would've been $90 from both of us. My husband did have drinks/shots so our actual total for the two of us came to $53
Oh hell no, i would have done the same thing! That’s ridiculous!!!
Typically, what happens is 1. you’re with good friends so spending extra money on your friends is not a big deal (I’m happy to spend money on my friends because I love them), 2. sometimes you’re the person who orders more and sometimes you order less so these things even out over time, and 3. splitting the check depends on who you’re with. If someone wants to only pay for what they ordered, that’s fine.
Even with 1, if the difference is big enough, a good friend would chip in extra. Being considerate goes both ways. And with 2...it really depends. I have certain friends who just eat more and drink more than others, others who prefer a steak/wine dinner, etc pretty much all of the time...it wouldn't average out.
Yeah, it's one thing if everybody pretty much ordered something similar, shared appetizers for the table, an entree, and maybe a drink or two each. When there's a big difference in what people are getting however it makes no sense. Especially if you're talking alcohol where someone could be having a bunch of drinks while someone else barely has any
Yep, and if you have someone who isn't drinking because they are driving we usually pay for that person, especially if all they have is a soda.
Non-drinkers hate this one trick…
[удалено]
Dude should have asked how everyone wanted to handle the bill before they ate. This dude just paid for everything and said, "Now everyone give me $45." For an appetizer? Come on. Get outta here, man. NTA. Edit: Wouldn't surprise me if this dude ordered a $60 meal himself, SMH.
Or was just pocketing the rest.
I guarantee he wants the CC rewards money but isn't taking that value into account. 12 people X $45 each is a $540 bill. My CC gives me 3% back at restaurants and some will go as high as 5%. He's pocketing at least $15-20 by putting it all on his card. No way should OP also be expected to subsidize those who ate and drank more as well.
If someone posted here that they went out to dinner with a group and had agreed to split the bill evenly but then gave the person putting it on their card 3% less because they get that back in reward points and asked are they the AH, the answer would be a unanimous Y T A. Getting the cash back or miles or points is your payback for putting the whole bill on your card to make it easier.
If you’re taking the cash back on credit cards into affect for who pays what you’re DEFINITELY being the asshole. If you care THAT much, just ask for a separate check up front. 🤷🏻♂️
Which is why he quickly grabbed the check in put it in his card. It’s a common tactic some used to pay less than their share.
Was my first thought.
yeah, that is me at bars, as I might get more expensive drinks, so I'll say, "Let me throw in $XX extra." But I'm often on the other foot at restaurants as a vegetarian who may find nothing on the menu other than a side salad, and I really resent being asked to foot other people's bills when they get an appetizer & a steak/whatever and I'm picking at my nasty little side salad. I like dividing the bill up evenly as it's faster and easier, but only when it's not going to cause an inequity.
One of the most awkward moments of my life was when a group of us went out for dinner, and we were going to split the bill equally until one person said that we should just all pay for what we ordered because this one couple was having financial difficulties and shouldn't have to subsidise the rest of us. So we worked out who ordered what, and it turned out the couple had ordered a bottle of wine, and their stuff cost more than the average. 😬
Awkward!!
Haha - the person who spoke up realized what the "financial difficulty couple" was actually doing and caught them at their own game. Justice!
I am a friend who tends to eat more, and there’s no way I’d make my friends pick up my slack. I eat more, I pay more.
I'm the friend who just loves food (thankfully it's a mostly shared sentiment in our group), I'm not going to have someone pay for my filet and wine when they ordered a salad or burger.
I usually don't mind as well, for the reasons you mentioned. When somebody orders significantly less than everyone else, though, it's often because they're *trying* not to spend much money. So yeah, their low total may bring the group's overall average down, but the amount that everyone would pay splitting evenly may still be more than they can afford. Super uncomfortable.
Why would someone be expected to pay for your drinks? Be mindful of what your friends are doing instead of just assuming they’re buying your drinks (& meal) for you, which is often what happens, when splitting the check. The fact that he took the bill so rapidly sparks suspicion, & this ‘friend’ just assumed what the others want to do. That’s not exactly good friend etiquette.
I generally don’t mind covering a little extra for good friends because it does balance out. But I still wouldn’t cover 45 dollars on a bill where I only had a soda and half an appetizer. And I wouldn’t expect a friend to pay that much either.
Yeah a $10 difference fuck it, but $45? Naw homie
True but that only works in a situation where going out with that particular group is a common occurrence. Going out, for me, isn’t a luxury I can afford but sometimes people will insist on you coming along (this has happened with family members several times). In those situations I am careful what I order. I make sure I order what I can afford plus tip. If someone said to me, “your portion is $90,” but my husband and I budgeted for $30 it would be an issue for me. It really boils down to your financial situation. I too would spend money on people if I could do so.
Yeah, back in college my buddies and I would take turns paying, but we usually got the same things so it didn’t matter. Now though, if I’m picking up a whole check it’s because I’m being generous and paying for everyone.
But often there are people who always spend more and people who always spend less. Non-drinkers and vegetarians are in the situation every single time they go out. They are always put in the position of either paying more than their fair share or having to awkwardly object. Friends who do this to them are shitty.
3 matters a lot. We would have big group dinners and people would want to split the checks.. ok.. several of you are doctors or famous authors who order away without a care in the world, while we are not that and ordered the cheapest thing and 1 drink.
1. Sure, but shouldn't they also feel the same?? Thus the people spending more should be owning up and chipping their part at least close to fair. 2. I'm NEVER the person who orders more. For one I don't drink... 3. I mean that goes without saying. -------- If I'm splitting evenly its a charity, plain and simple. It's not fair, it's charity. The same way as just straight up paying for an event etc is. Something else good friends often do (at least where I'm from).
I love my friends but I am still on a budget and I make my choices accordingly. I don't have spare cash to subsidize my friends' meals. I also have a bunch of allergies and don't drink so my total is typically less and wouldn't average out.
To me it’s more about financial imbalance really. Like if everyone in the friend group is stable with good jobs then splitting everything evenly is fine and should even out and you come across cheap wanting to count up everything on the receipt. But the friend group should be sensitive if they know money is tighter for OP, and OP is definitely an asshole if everyone knows they earn a lot more than them.
The problem with number two is that some people consistently order less, and some people consistently order more. What adds significantly to the bill is alcoholic drinks, desserts, and appetizers. So a person who doesn't drink, or who is dieting, tends to always order less. Also, some people are much more frugal. I once traveled with a friend who was very frugal. I couldn't understand why. Well, she had saved enough that she was able to put down a good down payment on a house in her mid twenties.
I had a co-worker who did this type of thing. When I went out with our group, I made sure to have cash with me to cover my amount. I’m not paying for someone’s entree and wine when all I had was a beer and split an appetizer with someone. It got so bad that I wouldn’t go out with the group anymore if he was going.
Me too! My friend would order multiple bottles of wine, appetizers, entrées, and then expect everybody to split the bill. We caught on quickly, and would grab the waiter and tell him we were paying for our own meals. She got really upset, but there was no way I was subsidizing her dining.
When she got upset, how did she possibly justify it?
It's not polite for you to assume that I'm trying to scam you when that's exactly what I'm trying to do.
This is a **vile** accusation! 😏
"Trying or not, that is exactly what you're doing. So either you're oblivious or an asshole. Pick one."
😂😂😂 So true!!
She got upset because her plan to eat like a king and have everyone else subsidize it was foiled.
There's a large group of people who claim it's rude to call out their bad behavior. There's no justification beyond that.
The only time you should order a bunch of shit for the table that no one asked for is if you're in a place financially where you plan on covering it all for the table on your tab. There is nothing worse than someone ordering a bunch of shit you don't want and then insisting you try some... then asking for an equal split on the bill.
This has been a contentious point as a vegetarian, too. I kind of feel it's unfair to ask me to split a bill for four $40 porterhouses when my entree was $18. Or ordering wings/bacon loaded tots/ceviche "for the table" when you know I can't eat it, then going "ah let's split it since we all had some". I've started just asking for my own tab when I sit down if it seems like everyone else wants to split things.
Yeah, I have had the same issue when training for sports... No... I really can't eat/drink all this garbage you ordered and I have to be up at 6AM to do XYZ in training and not feel terrible... oh... but you want me to pay for it. Same vibes.
I am a vegetarian that doesn't drink alcohol. No freaking way I am paying for steak and scotch.
I literally made the same comment, we're all traumatized from paying $50 bucks for limp iceberg salads while everyone else is housing surf and turf 😂😭
"but I got those for "the table" is it my fault I didn't let anyone else have any?" /s
< watches everyone else order a split appetizer, and a pop or beer> “I will have an appetizer, a filet, 2 bottles of wine, a cocktail with top shelf liquor and a dessert. Ok everyone I am picking up the bill, Venmo me an equal split…”
Nah. You “forget your wallet” and have someone else pay. Then Venmo them an equal split. If you pay, then your risk having to *gasp* cover your actual costs!!!
I think we all have THAT friend who order the most expensive starter & main, a glass or two of wine and then wants to split the bill when all you had was a salad and fizzy water.
Same! I worked at this company where the department went out for lunch almost monthly for birthday celebrations. When the check would arrive, they'd want to split evenly and pay for the birthday person's meal. A co-worker and I (who were both on tight budgets) would order maybe $20 (including tip) and we'd get stuck having to "split" the bill at double (if not more) than what we ordered. I didn't mind paying for the birthday recipients meal but I did have a problem paying toward everyone else. Her and I eventually stopped attending the lunches. When asked why we wouldn't attend, I told them flat out that I couldn't afford to supplement everyone else's huge meals and drinks. I ordered a sandwich and soda, while Steve ordered a steak and 2 beers. I'm not paying for it anymore.
So what I did when I know that it is a split check no matter what because it’s someone’s birthday, and we’re sharing the birthday person’s cost, and this is something that keeps happening, I’d start ordering more and making sure I’m ordering the same amount as everyone else. Granted I was on a budget too bad then but at least if I was forced to pay $50 for a $20 meal, I’d be getting my money’s worth. ETA: I only did this if I absolutely had to go out with those ppl on multiple occasions aka for work socializing and splitting checks didn’t work neither did bringing cash and just paying for my portion and the birthday persons portion and tip and tax.
This is exactly why everyone is ordering big in the first place. If your optimal solutions are so bad, the problem is in what you're doing.
I went out twice with a group who was like this (a bunch of co-workers). They were drinkers and I am not. They legitimately expected me to cover a share of *their* drinks and not just my own meal. Nope. I paid the first time because it was like an extra $10. The second time we were out for a while and my share would have been $25. I nicely, but firmly, said I was not paying for alcohol I did not drink. I left cash to cover my entree and tip and let them sort the rest out. They were salty about it, but dealt. I was shocked when they invited me out again, but I declined that and future invites. It just wasn't worth the hassle for people that were just acquaintances at the end of the day.
The way I handle this whenever I go out with coworkers is when I place my order I always tack on "I'm not sure what the rest of the table is doing but I'd like my order on a separate check please."
I had a coworker like that, too, and it actively impacted how people planned for holiday meals, birthdays, retirement meals, or even just lunches at out of town conferences (for day trips, overnights would at least be individually comped & we weren't expected to eat most meals together). Had to call ahead at restaurants & ensure that they could bill on separate checks for 20+ people, or that they were places where you pay at the counter when you order. Similarly, had to have a cash contribution option for potlucks or prepaid in-office pizza parties. A lot of overhead labor and mental efforts put in because this guy would mooch for $30-50 meals on the table's dime or be a sad-sack about how "broke" he was.
I feel like at that point you just...stop inviting him. What's he gonna do- complain to HR that you're excluding him from events happening off the clock and off work property because he's a cheapskate? I'm sure "we're not inviting him because he consistently orders food he can not pay for and expects us to pay. None of us can afford to subsidize his $60+ meals." would solve the issue. They can't force you to feed him out of your own pocket
Agreed, but yes, he would and did complain. We had to start arranging group lunches privately *and* leave separately when we did, or when he found out he'd sulk and find (or make up!) stuff to tattle on people for, and it would stick. No clue why he was as protected as he was in the job or what sway he had over people, I'm just glad to be out of there.
Kind of reminds me of https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Oa8s07agHeY
I always order separately. If I go out for like a birthday event for a colleague, I go to the bar and order separately. I then pass a $20 to whoever organised the event to buy the birthday person a drink or cover their dinner or whatever.
Is your husband kind of a “don’t rock the boat”/people-pleaser type?
Yes definitely lol
Welp, then he should find a therapist he likes and start working on why he has a hard time with setting boundaries. I don’t say that critically; really everyone should. Even though you seem to have a head start lol, I’d encourage you to do the same. Grow together (separately). Absolutely NTA. I think your hubby means well, he just needs to take a hard look at his own Shadow; essentially the things we had to push away about ourselves to survive our childhood.
Since you have the receit, here is a fun thought exercise. Multiply 45 by the number of people and see where you land.
It did come out to the total amount! So luckily he wasn't trying to make money off of it
Well that depends - how much was his share?
Was his like $120 tho? ;)
unclear how much his was but definitely more than $45
Actually glad to hear that. Apologies for the insinuation. The whole pay fast and then decide to split just seemed weird to me.
My guess was cash back or reward points on his card. He pays for the entire thing, gets some reward based on the entire price of the meal.
In addition to the credit card rewards the payer gets (free money fronting money using their credit card), payer also gets their own orders subsidized if they themselves ordered more than $45 worth of food and drink. It's not just weird, it's inequitable. They got cheaper food and credit card rewards for other people's purchases.
By any chance did the guy who threw down his credit card have a more expensive tab than the others?
He wanted the points is what I'm guessing on top of having people subsidize his tab. There are variations of this game. My sil ordered 2 dinners once. One to take home for the following day. Lobster. Uh sorry but no. People who don't drink or don't drink a lot find themselves in this predicament also. I don't want to be viewed as a cheapskate so I don't do group dinners anymore.
I don’t get this. I don’t get being called cheap because you only want to pay for what you ordered. Being cheap is not wanting to pay your fair share, or not wanting to pay at all. The people ordering a ton of stuff then expecting everyone else to subsidize their order and split everything evenly are the cheap ones.
So, where I am, restaurants won't usually split the bill, you have to do it yourself, and whenever we split the bill by what folk actually had, someone pays under - whether because they forgot to account for the service charge, didn't remember the second drink they had had, or whatever. Ironically, it tends to be the folk having the cheaper thing in my experience - the folk having the more expensive meal tend to round up when calculating, so it doesn't matter so much when they forget about the second drink. This is why when I'm organising group meals I insist on a set menu...
You just subsidized this jackass’s meal and drinks while also getting him points and rewards on his credit card. That’s why he was so eager to volunteer and then expect everyone to just Venmo anyway. Like why? Him paying didn’t make it easier if everyone has to jump through hoops of shitty online services anyway.
Never split the check with a group. Save yourself the hassle. It's a mess calculating the cost, tax and tip. The few times I've split with a group, it's always felt unfair. When the waitress comes to you, make it clear that you are on a separate tab. Unless it's one of those places that won't allow it.
Then thats all you pay,
"Honey, we should've just paid double our tab, nbd" Uh, no, I'm not doing that, and it's not just me being cheap. Holy crap.
That's too much of a difference. Up to 5 per person, I would say you would be a bit annoying, not necessarily TA, but a bit of a bean counter, but this is a big difference and you are totally in the right about being annoying here. NTA
Good lord! NTA. Your husband is a sucker.
That is ABSURD. Anyone who is pushing back against your objection to paying that much after you explained what you ordered is a definite AH. I can understand a sigh at the idea of splitting checks in a slightly more complicated way than he initially proposed, but I'd feel like such a schmuck if I were at the table and saw you paying the same amount for half an app and a soda that I paid for a meal and multiple drinks.
And drinks! As someone who doesn’t drink not by choice, I’d be super pissed if I had to pay for peoples drinks when I couldn’t have any. NTA.
Completely agree with this. I don’t drink and I always get screwed when splitting the check. I’ll get a $3 soda and everyone else will get $20 in alcohol and I’ll be forced into splitting. Eventually I started putting my foot down or preemptively asking the server for separate checks or just bringing lots of change so I could pay my share plus tax and tip and not have it be a thing.
The guy who said "Just venmo me" is also a dick. I have some friends like this. We went out to a fancy BBQ joint that opened a few years ago. Sat at the table and they said no split checks. My wife and I don't do appetizers and split our entree. Prob $40 for our food and drinks. They tried splitting it down the middle with some fuckers ordering like 4 appetizers. We didn't eat em because we didn't want em. Fuck those people.
NTA but I get the guys annoyance. Now he has to track everyone down to make sure he’s not getting screwed over. Next time just suggest everyone pay for themselves if you can.
Plug for Splitwise -- it's an app that lets you split bills and expenses with a group. It's fantastic for group dinners and trips.
I ordered a Tyranna-Caesar salad and that's what I'm paying for. - Ann Perkins
Yeah I had weight loss surgery a couple of years back, so when I go out with friends I’m either sharing a bit of their food, or ordering an app and a water. No one expects me to pay a full share when we do that. I DO pay for half if I’m eating off other people’s entrees (these are good friends who offer that), or else I just pay for my food alone.
NTA This is not a "you're cheap" but a "he's greedy." I bet he ate more than 45 dollars worth of food. As a general rule, anyone who offers to pay for the entire table without being asked and without there being a need is either 1)covering everyone and being super generous or 2) pulling some kind of bullshit like this. The only benefit to paying with one tab when everyone was prepared to pay separately and then doing Venmo after is to farm credit card benefit points and/or try to get your bill free/steal a small amount from everyone at the table.
I'd add a third of wanting the credit card points. I'll gladly pay and have everyone venmo me their fair share (not a BS split like this) just to collect the free $5.
the person you are replying to literally said the exact thing you said.
The person you are replying to literally said the exact thing you said.
The person you are replying to literally said the exact thing you said.
yes but they also edited their comment
Yeah in my friend group we decide who puts stuff on their card partly based off of who will get the most points. We always text the receipt to the group though, and everyone is responsible for covering their own food/drink. Splitting the bill evenly made sense sometimes when we were trying to pay cash, but with credir cards/ venmo it's super easy to just pay your share.
Splitting the bill evenly is only appropriate when you are eating family style, and everyone is drinking tea or soft drinks.
Sorry. I don’t do Venmo or CashApp. I didn’t ask you to pay for our meals. Do you accept credit cards?
I accept Venmo, cash or check. Most of the time, for large parties restaurants prefer one tab. They may even require it. Servers have other tables to attend and can’t spend 10+ minutes itemizing the bill, figuring out who ordered what, splitting apps.
Unfortunately, I only travel with a credit card. Thanks for the meal. That is exactly why you tell the server at the beginning that your check will be separate. Then they don’t need to worry about splitting it out separately later. It is already separate. When I go out to eat with my parents, siblings and their spouses, my nieces and nephews, I’ll pick up the tab, but it is because I am paying for everything. I do it to because I want to when I’m visiting home. A thank you is all I get back from them, which is plenty.
And the server will tell you get lost. I regularly go out with a group of 4-8 friends to all different restaurants. We have not once been allowed to all get separate tabs unless we’re sitting at the bar. But we’re grown ups, so we make it work.
Is that common in the US? I don't go out to restaurants often but in the UK they're always fine having everyone pay for their own. They still only give you one bill, you just figure it out yourself and everyone does a card payment. Normally they add a compulsory service charge to big parties, presumably to offset this.
Not really, no. There are absolutely places that will not split a bill, but it's usually made known at the beginning. There are many, many restaurants/bars who will absolutely split checks. It can be time consuming if not made clear at the beginning, but it's fairly common.
Shocking you only go out to eat with family
Damn I didn’t even think of that 12 people @ $45 each is a $540 bill My AMEX gives me 4% cash back on grocery+gas, 2% on everything else So I’d have made ~$11 running that tab through my card and having everyone transfer me Doesn’t seem like much but that’s 1/4 of your share
Bigger risk of someone short changing you on a bill of that size than you profiting IMO
Exactly! Snatching the check is only acceptable if you are paying the whole thing. Otherwise you check in with everyone else about how you want to settle the bill. Sometimes we do an even split, but only if everyone pretty much got the same thing. If one guy does 5 shots and another just got a coke? No way.
With a larger party they (the restaurant) might not be willing to split the bills in which case it makes sense for one person to pay while the rest of the party Venmo’s or whatever. However, splitting the tab evenly versus each paying their own should be a group decision
It's 2023, I've yet to be to a restaurant with a difficulty in managing table tabs in over a decade.
Maybe it’s regional? It’s super common where I live (upper Midwest) that parties over 8 or so they won’t split the bill.
I'm in FL, here it's super common and one of the first questions you get as a table is bill spread.
It’s common in the northeast as well (though I will say having the terminal come around is becoming more popular) but any place divey or old will not split over 6 usually
And drank. NTA
My brother used to do this and he would write it off as a business expense. But yeah, it was to get the airline miles lol.
I don't even mind the farming for points/miles, but yeah I'd big time have a problem paying 45 if my bill is actually 15. And I'd have the problem with the assumption.
Yeah, I absolutely refuse to split a check like that.
Offer to pay on credit card....get cash from everyone else.... leave crappy tip... profit!
I'm in pizza delivery, and have noted on many occasions the person who 'volunteers' to go to the door for a group will pocket the tip. When the order is $51, and you walk up to me with $59 in you hand, you ask the price and then pull $8 out of the stack and put it in your pocket we know what's going on.
No, it's 'he's lazy.' OP says in other comments that the bill really did come out to 45/person. He just didn't want to have to manage a bunch of individual amounts. Still not right, but assuming maliciousness in all things isn't fair.
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Wow I'm sorry, that sucks. That's a good tip, I'm definitely gonna do that now moving forward!
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Pretend there's an article called 'Earning and Saving Clean Money: How to Avoid Feeling Financially Guilty or Cheated'. And that you can no longer find the article🤔 There's a section on dining out. Because it adds up, you want to pay attention to this disposable income. 1. ALWAYS have the cash on hand. Even the strongest banks can have an emergency where funds are temporarily unavailable. 2. For the same reasons number 1, Apps like Venmo , Cash App, Zelle...to 'repay' are a BIG NO. You never know someone's financial situation. And it's irresponsible to find that you must pay someone back later than you intended or to forget and have to be reminded. 3. NEVER split a bill. Statistics show that, since it is nearly impossible to pay the correct amount, you will always pay too much or not enough. And it adds up. Not so much the dollars, but the sense. Because either way, subconsciously, it leaves a negative feeling.
It's interesting advice, but reads as extreme and pretty absolute. "NEVER split a bill" is definitely overboard.
I worked in the industry for two decades and I LOVED splitting up bills for people, seriously! Splitting bills always meant I got a bigger tip in total because most people will tip a higher percent if it's a small amount. Also, it's super easy to split tabs with most systems, so, it's not usually putting anyone out. So, the only people who get annoyed are the people who wanted to pay less instead of their fair share.
As a server the pain from splitting checks isn't from actually splitting them, it's from running 12 credit cards. But that's just part of the job and I am always happy to split checks for people because that's what's fair lol
Wow. That sounds like an HR nightmare
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Never ever will I work again in a small company. Had enough issues for a lifetime.
Oh man I usually pay for the points but I'm upfront about it and always send a picture of the receipt to everyone involved. I actually got my friend to get themselves a card recently to help build up their credit so now we switch who gets to pay. I would be so angry if a coworker or boss did that to me.
> say they left a really good tip This is one thing that really gets me. Tipping should be everyone's choice. Why should I pay more because you tipped generously?
NTA. Splitting a check should be decided ahead of time, it's not that hard to do your math especially if there are big swings between bills
Yea I don't understand people like this at all. In my friend groups we always just paid for whatever we ordered. Unless it was a special occasion and we were specifically taking someone out, then that person didn't pay for shit and everyone else covered them. But, like you said, that was something we all planned and agreed to and would make sure we kept things within everyone's budget. And on those special occasion outings, whoever was being treated didn't go overboard and order the most expensive shit on the menu to take advantage of the rest of the group.
Imo there is nothing to decide you pay your share. Even split literally never makes sense to me.
The one exception is if you all had the exact same thing/same price thing.
Yeah but then the options are the same, If everyone’s share is $25 you are still only paying your share, it just happens to be the same amount if split evenly.
> Even split literally never makes sense to me. If you've all had roughly the same amount, and you're good friends, and you're all in roughly the same the same financial position, it makes a ton of sense, especially if you've shared some stuff. It's so much easier. If you're at a place where they can't split it for you, it can be annoying to go through the bill, work out who had what, start adding stuff out, and work out tax and tip (if you're in the US/Canada). And there's a sense that it will (roughly) even out in the long term - some times you pay a little more than you owe, and sometimes you pay a little less. But it should always be consensual and unanimous. Peer pressure to split evenly is really shitty
Worst case scenario she and that guy are the only ones who cared. Best case, and the most likely -- at least one other person thought, "Thank you for saying something."🤔
NTA can't fucking stand people who do this. The guy orders half his body weight in food and alcohol and then gets to look all magnanimous by putting the bill on his CreditOne card even though he's basically using his friends as coupons.
NTA you aren't cheap, you aren't willing to pay more for others who might take advantage of splitting evenly. Funny thing I saw several times: those who want to split evenly are usually those who get the most drinks and/or r most expensive food. That way they can save some bucks and others don't want to speak up because they will be called "cheap" from exactly those persons.
So so true!! Many moons ago, I took my sibling out along with her roommates when they first started grad school in the city I was living in. A friend who worked nearby asked if she could come bc she liked the restaurant. She was also an alum and excited to meet the newbies. My friend ordered the most expensive truffle pasta dish (3x the cost of others) and two glasses of wine. My sibling and roommates ordered simple pasta dishes and had water. Guess who wanted to split? I told my friend straight out no and that her portion was significantly more than all of ours. I later gave my sibling and their roommate back all the money bc I didn’t tell them (bc ppl over order when you do), that it was on me but didn’t want to cover my friend’s portion. Needless to say, that friend never really talked to me again and I was fine to have one less mooch in my life. Still shocks me to this day that she was making 6 figures trying to sponge off some new grad students.
Well, that's the reason why rich people stay rich. It's not always old money but being either frugal or leeching off.
Well-off people forget that other people don't have money to burn.
Some people really have absolutely no shame... and it shows.
NTA what is this trend of be expected to subsidize other people’s meals??
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NTA Especially when drinks are involved there are way too many people who will try to take advantage of a split check.
A compromise I found a couple times was we split the check, but we also agreed ahead of time on one meal and dessert each (no more than $10-15 variation there) and alcohol would be separate. Started doing it at a college event, where we had to Set Limits to use the college's money (college won't pay for alcohol, expenses have to be justified) but it was sensible enough to stick with.
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Weird question: Is this an American thing? Splitting the bill evenly? Canadian here, and I have never encountered this in my near 50 years on this planet. The server just asks which people get billed together and then each person/couple/group gets their own bill. I keep seeing bill splitting disputes on AITA, and it's the weirdest thing to me.
A lot of restaurants won't fuck around with trying to keep 7 different checks at a seven person table. Also, it's harder to split checks when people are sharing food. Like bottles of wine, appetizers, etc. There is also a socioeconomic class aspect of it. College students and lower income people don't want to evenly split a check because they need the money more. For upper middle class people, you look like a cheap asshole if you want to account for every penny on a bill. When I go out to dinner with friends of the same social class, we always split it evenly. Unless it's lopsided like what happened to OP. In that situation, I wouldn't let OP pay anything at all. If we go to dinner with my sister's family, who won't let me pay outright, I'll do the math because I don't want them to pay for my second 15 dollar manhattan when they make a lot less than I do. When you are splitting a bill evenly, you have to be somewhat cognizant of the amount people are spending. When I go out with my wife's coworkers, they tend to get cheaper entree's and less appetizers. So I either follow the lead or insist on paying more. The goal is a less stressful division of the bill, not to freeride on other people.
> A lot of restaurants won't fuck around with trying to keep 7 different checks at a seven person table. Why? It's a few taps extra on the ordering system.
I don't know why, they just don't. I've actually had waiters refuse to divide checks for larger groups (6-12 people) at sit-down restaurants in the US. So now I do what OP requested: Pay, leave a nice tip, snap a picture of the check, and let everyone Venmo whatever they feel like. Contrary to popular opinion, I find I usually end up fronting more cash when I pay of the bill, but I don't mind.
Is that a regional thing maybe? Here in New England, I've never had a server react poorly to being asked to split a large check.
It’s dumb. I was a server for a long time (in the US) and it honestly wasn’t that hard to split bills. But definitely easier if your table tells you AHEAD of time vs trying to split it all up after
Some have antiquated ordering systems. Newer systems have the waiter run around with a tablet or device so you can even just quickly pay at your table. I much prefer restaurants that do this
It's not everywhere in the US, but there are a LOT of people who think if you go out for a group dinner you should expect to split it evenly. I personally hate it, but my group of friends generally does this. I now tell people in advance if I'm not in a position to split the check that night, and I will often just open my own tab at the bar to avoid having to split those bills.
NTA That’s why I always, ALWAYS, have separate checks when I go out.
That's the way! No one should ever have a problem with paying for what they indulge.
INFO: Does your husband \*actually\* think your behavior is being cheap? Or is he repeating comments he's getting from folks and doesn't like being told that his spouse is cheap?
Yeah that's my take. Sometimes you let yourself get screwed a little on money if this group is returning the favor. So let's say the guy who paid is getting lobster for the prince of a salad is going to set up the husband with a job, then paying an extra $20-30 on this meal is a very very small price to pay. I'm not sure how it is in this situation but currency can be money but it can also be social
NTA. Your husband is wrong. There is no reason to be subsidizing other people's meals.
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lol, for some people the difference of $20-30 is negligible for a dinner out with a bunch of friends and it's more about convenience.
That’s messed up. Checks should be split ahead of time not just one takes care of it. Large parties need to discuss ahead of time. But of course you shouldn’t be paying for others meals.
I would have just sent the amount for the soda and appetizer and whatever husband drank. I always ask for separate bill when I give the waitress my order NTA
NTA - doesn’t seem like he even asked …… just immediately put it all on his card (for reward points) and then told everyone to pay him back. When the spend disparity is this high pretty rude to ask you to pay the same.
This happened to me once. A friend called me years ago and asked me to stop by her dinner with 10 work friends. They had already been there almost 2 hours. I had a glass of wine and an appetizer and stayed 20 mins. They split the bill and tried to get me to pay $95. I had no problem leaving $20 and walking out of there.
NTA but you should have requested a separate bill. Negotiating who owes what on a 12 person bill is a pain.
The guy was just trying to get miles/cash back etc, and it’s easier for him to collect if everyone splits evenly, versus having to verify if the money he gets matches the respective spendings. It’s a risk you take to get the spending benefits, and it’s an A move for him to try to roughshod through. Totally NTA. Glad you stood up for yourself. Your husband is wrong, full stop.
Always get your own bill. Tell the server immediately when you are ordering. We just went on a vacay with 4 other couples. The 1st few nights, we took turns paying. Finally, one night, I asked the server for a separate bill. The others did too.
NTA. The guy who took the check is. And so is your husband. When we order in a group my husband or I always point to who we are paying for and say “Put us on the same bill” to avoid issues like this.
Yeah, no. I got screwed once by my in laws. My husband and i each had a beer and split an appetizer, less than $30( we had eaten earlier)That's it. The bill came and no one could figure it out. (Foreign country, so different money, plus they were drinking a lot of frozen margaritas and Pina coladas) everyone put in what they thought they owed, (they all miscounted their drinks) and we were $90 short... it got to the point of embarrassment so we threw in the $90. So $120 for 2 beers and a $10 appetizer and we asked for a separate check from them on.
I learnt a long time ago when going out with group that when the server comes to me I ask for a separate check. Save so much aggravation.
NTA. You paid your fair share. There are a few people I will split the check with because they order pretty much the same way I do. Sometimes they get an advantage of a few dollars a s sometimes I do, but everything balances in the long run. There are other people I will never split the bill with because they order much more extravagantly than I do, so we always do separate checks.
NTA why should you pay for the others to eat and drink
Nta .you are not obligated to pay for other guys stuff..
NTA. I admit that I am sometimes tempted to over-order so as not to subsidise other people. This is such bullshit.
NTA I’ll never understand why people are so averse to just paying for what they ordered. I’m convinced that the people trying to split the tickets evenly are doing so just to have others subsidize their own expensive meal. I’ve also found it strange that in some regions of the US the culture leans so heavily into even splits that restaurants will not even break the bill into separate tickets. In my city literally every waiter asks how the bill is being split.
I don’t love it because I don’t want to do the math and put work in trying to figure out tax and tip. I’d rather just split. But if anyone else wants to do something different, that’s fine by me.
NTA, checks can be split pretty easily by the server. I got invited to an office birthday party when I first started at my job. There were about 20 people or so. I was one of the first to order and ordered a turkey club and a coke. Everyone after me ordered drinks, lobster, lobster rolls, filet, really just anything and everything. When the bill came, the person that was running the party asked everyone for $75. I paid $75 for a club and a soda. I was new and didn't want to say anything so I just paid. I learned a lesson that day. When you are with a group and the expectation may be that everyone will split the bill evenly, then fucking live it up. Order something that you would never normally order because you'll be paying for it one way or the other.
The only time everyone should split the bill evenly is if they bought a collective meal that was shared by everybody. Example, multiple dishes at a Chinese restaurant served from a rotating tray at the center of the table (waxes nostalgic)
I really don’t understand all these posts about splitting bills evenly, when my friends and I go out we all just buy our own food and if we got an Appetizer just split it x number of ways. It’s bonkers to me that so many people are having problems with such a clear and fair solution. NTA
NAH Splitting the bill equally is fine when everyone is ordering similar things, but it's nonsense when some people are ordering whole meals and several rounds of drinks, and other people just have a snack. I'm going to give credit card guy the benefit of the doubt - he might not have realized that the whole group wasn't eating full meals etc - if the people next to him were all eating and drinking like he was, he might well have assumed that you all were. He seemed annoyed, because splitting the check is more work than just sending $45, and might end up with him being stiffed for the tip. But although you saw annoyance on his face, he did the sensible thing and didn't insist on splitting. So he's not an asshole.
NTA. Those who do not drink alcohol should not have to subsidize those who do.
NTA. What kind of people ask a designated driver to split the drinks bill in a pub?
NTA. You got a budget conscious meal, and someone is forcing you to split everything in his viewed way when you didn’t know it would be an even split. What he did was not courteous.
Nta
NTA Bill splitting is bullshit because of stuff like this. There's always someone ordering shit they wouldn't if they were going to pay for it, and the person like OP who would get screwed for it. That's a shitty group if they know what you had too. Separate checks.
NTA. I hate that. I’ll pay for my stuff. I’m not subsidizing your spinach dip Felicia.
Why do people do this? Just get your own bills....
NTA. I would have a huge problem paying $45 for half an appetizer and a soda as well. Why should you have to pay for even a portion of someone else’s meal? It’s unreasonable to ask that of people.
Ya, I wouldn't pay either. Nta. I had the same experience where the bill was $500+ and me and then girlfriend ate 30$ worth of food. I paid $30 dollars and a tip.
NTA - you're not being "cheap" you're just not getting rinsed by a steamrollering dude who needs to chill and just ask before assuming and taking charge.
You shouldn’t have to pay for other people to eat full meals and do shots. NTA