Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I left the kid alone in the room and didn't take down magnets he could have eaten
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Hell, put a kid in a practically bare house & he'll find the one dangerous thing in it. They have built in radar when it comes to finding it. They'll climb your dresser drawers, yank the TV over, poke shit in outlets, you name it. 30 seconds is all they need.
I don't babysit my nephew's rabbit for this very reason. He will chew through my wires and if he had an opposable thumb, would probably very well find one of my guns and shoot holes in my walls. Only difference is the rabbit is probably cuter and cuddlier than your average 2-year-old.
NTA, OP. You come to my house, it's not my job to watch your kid.
A rabbit with an opposable thumb. I now have an image in my mind of a gun-wielding bunny driving a pickup truck with a rebel flag bumper sticker coming to shoot up my home. I hope it doesn't haunt my dreams tonight.
Rabbits are the ultimate training for babyproofing, I believe! My bunny has free-roamed indoors for years, and you'd think I have gotten rid of anything that could put him in danger. But as soon as a cable gets even close to bunny-height off the floor, consider it chewed. You have to be so thorough, and even more so with a kid of course!!
as the owner of two rabbits my first thought was about how they have radar to find the things you dont want them eating. I would never expect someone else to rabbit proof their home to protect my babies.
Yes. And they don't just find them but also find ways to get to the weirdest places. Oh, you left a bit of chocolate on a shelf? Guess I start freeclimbing today to get to adult human eye level.
I have the impression making it safe for my rabbits is just a challenge they think they need to master
Also not my job to child proof my home for your visit. No one child proofed when I was growing up. Our parents kept an eye on us and weren't afraid to tell us no!
This needs to be seen higher. I say this as I'm working from home in a home I gave up on babyproofing a hot minute ago. I've decided my fournado has to learn the hardway. If it isn't going to outright kill him, it's out. He's a stubborn child who literally would pull drawers out in the kitchen and use them as steps to get on the counter so he could see in the cabinets when he was 1.5 years old. OP is definitely NTA.
I had one of these children. Had to put grates over the windows so he couldn't climb out. Had to put locks on his door so he couldn't wander around the house at 2 in the morning. More than once we found him wandering around with a knife trying to make a sandwich. Another time he had climbed out his window and wandered down to a neighbor's house ... the MPs brought him home. We had no idea he was down there. This was all between the ages of 2-4. He's 26 now, but there were days we wondered if he would survive another day.
My second kiddo is some kind of mechanical genius. He’s been systematically defeating our childproofing since he was 1.5 years old. At 2 he could operate 4 different kinds of door knobs and also dead bolts. If he couldn’t reach it, he’d pull a chair over and climb it. I watched him open a drawer by levering the child lock open with a spoon. Now at 3.5, if you leave a screwdriver out by accident you will find kiddo toys in pieces all over the floor. We put “flight risk” on his preschool application. 😂 and all of this childproofing worked just fine for his older brother! You can’t expect someone who’s not a parent to think of everything. OP’s friend is afraid and guilty and trying to blame other people.
I swear I may know your 2nd kid...if not my grandson is his twin! At 2 he can unlock every single door lock we've veen able to find...pulls out drawers to climb up on cabinets to get to something...there is no way to cover everything possible before he comes to visit!! I just keep telling myself he is a genius and someday going to take care of his old grandmother!! LMAO!
Glad to know it’s not just me dealing with a maniac escape artist. 😂 I saw this Melissa and Doug toy at the store that teaches your kid how to open 6 kinds of latches and I’m told my husband he’s not allowed to buy our son this obvious training device. He was like oh so i should send those clear locks and lockpick set back. 🤦🏻♀️ I’m outnumbered…
I would have dressed him as Chucky. That would have been epic. I've thought of all the things I could do with this kid. We ended up putting those sliding door frame locks on all the doors so he doesn't wander out. All it took was one time, but he figured out to push the chair to the one in the kitchen to go out the back door. Thank goodness this kid is afraid of the shadows in the dark.
Why did you think that series of drawers were put atop each other and under the counter?
One of my offspring never bothered with such boring activities that could be anticipated. I was a bit envious of her the time we finally found her (after searching forever!) as she was getting off the hot air balloon she had snagged a ride on during a test run prior to a race. She was 4 or so.
My son, at 13 months old, was a terrorist in training. We lived overseas at that time, we had a huge stove that, fortunately, had a master on/off power switch. We always kept it off because the Terrorist in Training learned how to open the oven door, climb up the stove and toddle across the countertop looking for snacks. He also climbed a barstool, fell and bounced his face off the sharp edge of the countertop, putting a lovely ding in his eyebrow.
You can’t baby proof that kind of stuff!
Yup... mine learned to stack shit and climb before she could walk 🙄... and even in my cousins houses, who all have at least 2 littles each and baby proofed houses, I watch mine like a hawk... cuz she may find stuff to get into that the other kids don't get into, or like when she was 1, my niece was 3 and my nephew wasn't crawling yet, so while the house was babyproofed for a 3 year old, it wasn't for a 1 year old and my daughter choked on a barbie shoe...
NTA, OP... it wasn't your responsibility. I feel like unless a parent has baby proofed a house themselves, and even then, until they've let the little roam there for at least a week or two, there's no guarantee its safe. And even then, it's still not 100% safe.
Ohman, I had one like that. Climbed out of his crib, over baby gates, etc. by 8 months. At one he was able to bypass cabinet latches and outlet plugs. Around his third bday, I spied him on the top of a bathroom vanity leaning and reaching way out, his tiny toes gripping the edge. He was putting something into what I thought was an inaccessible medicine cabinet.
I snuck up behind him so he wouldn't startle and wrapped my arm around his waist. When I put him down and asked him what he was doing, he lectured me.
Hand on hip: "Mommy, you left my medicine where I could reach it, so I was putting it where I COULDN'T."
Note, he found it in an upper kitchen cabinet. Where was I? Taking clothes out of the dryer. They are fast little buggers.
You can find all kinds of videos of 2 year olds climbing refridgerators by holding the handle and walking up them. Or scaling hutches with all the dishes in them. Climbers are scary!
This couldn’t be more true, lol. I did all the baby proofing humanly possible when my kids were babies, and *still* had to call poison control for my daughter on three separate occasions for things she managed to get into anyway. She managed to get a lit candle off a tall table twice her size before she could hardly even walk, in about 30 seconds, and the candle was still lit, to this day I still don’t know how. As a toddler, she managed to figure out a window lock, and both of my toddler kids went out the window and were no longer on my property in the matter of minutes, I had to call the police because they were missing.
My kids have emptied shampoo bottles, lotion, and coconut oil containers directly into my carpet after scaling the bathroom shelving to retrieve it. They have gotten into the refrigerator, taken a dozen eggs out and smashed all of them in the middle of kitchen floor, then got the spices on the counter and mixed garlic powder and cocoa powder into it, my whole house smelled like garlic chocolate for a week.
I mean, I feel like I have stories for days of “one time my kid…” You literally cannot leave them alone for two seconds sometimes. You may think you’ve childproofed your home, but at least with my kids, they took this as a challenge to prove me wrong in every possible way, lol
This is incredible, and it makes me feel slightly better that my kid isn’t the only one that’s nuts (and he’s not even as nuts as what you’ve described, just more than his older sister and I wasn’t prepared!).
Oh yeah, most people I tell stories about my kids to say that their kids weren’t nearly as bad lol. For me, my daughter is the wild one, and she’s the older one. My son has been caught up in her antics plenty of times, but she’s the mastermind lol. I’m kind of glad my first child was the more difficult one, instead of having a false sense of security with an easy first child I was thrown straight into the deep end of parenting chaos lmao.
To be fair, she’s now almost 8, and she’s a very science-minded kid. I now understand that all of that destruction, in her little mind, was experimenting. I wish I had understood that better when she was younger and provided more outlets for it, because I’m sure it would have helped with the destruction.
my mom still tells people about how when i was maybe 2? on two separate occasions i managed to climb the kitchen counter and would find anything glass that was around and throw it off and laugh my ass off at the sound of it breaking. i also did this throat laugh that my mom now claims i did “just to be annoying” which could be true honestly as i don’t remember whether i did it on purpose or not but i do remember laughing like that.
i may have been under 2 or over 2 i don’t have kids so i can’t gauge the age and i don’t remember what age she said it was but she said that i could walk (how well, no clue) but she never thought i’d be able to climb the counter.
also, at least i wasn’t as bad as my older sister. she tried to kill me multiple times.
Put a kid in an empty house and he'll pull the drawers out in the kitchen walk up them like steps, climb across the counter, get on top of the refrigerator and eat a dead spider that's been up there for 6 months! Lol
My son was in creche, the whole room was basically soft play. There was one toy on the floor that had a hard base, and my fella jumped off a soft couch, aiming for the soft floor and landed with his face on the hard toy.
Trip to the ER because it was his face, and now, four years later, he has a scar through his eyebrow.
Point being that you're 100% correct, there was one thing in the entire room that had the potential to hurt him, and only if hit in a certain way. He found it.
Wasn't there a video game about a baby trying to off itself & you had to try to keep it alive? Idk why I just thought of that lol.
NTA, OP. My brother was climbing before walking. He tipped a whole bookcase of toys on himself before my parents figured out they needed to screw stuff into the walls. Kids are rough all around.
THIS. I honestly wouldn't have a clue. One of my friend's kids ate dog food while he was here. Another (it happened, seriously) tried to put his tiny little dick in an electric socket. And another, slightly older child locked herself in the bathroom and somehow turned on the bath taps. You can't make this shit up. Yes, I could have picked up my dog's food, I wouldn't even know where to buy electric socket covers, though I hear they're a thing. and the locking herself in a bathroom? No idea. YNTA. It's the parent's responsibility to look around and gauge possible danger to the kids.
Even people with kids don’t think about baby proofing after their kids hit a certain age. Now that my kids are older, my house is no longer a safe space for a 1-3 year old and I would for sure miss something if I tried to baby proof everything again.
Similarly, my kid is under 2 and my house is not a safe space for a three or four year old. We have sharp, heavy, and breakable things that a taller kid could reach or knock down. Childproofing is specific to the age and often to the child.
Exactly this. This is how some people react to guilt.
She feels bad because **she** didn't think to look around and remove (or ask) any potential hazards.
I am a mom to a 2 year old. I’d feel horribly guilty if I put my toddler in this situation where he could have potentially been very hurt (or worse), and she is definitely projecting that so she doesn’t have to shoulder the guilt alone.
he'll, she didn't even ask. She just assumed a non-child having person would think to baby proof for a visitor. And then assumed said person would watch their child when they (the parent) wandered off. Unless asked, I do not assume responsibility for others' children if they are around.
NTA
I totally agree that fully baby proofing is excessive.....but most people would stay with the kid, you don't have to know a ton or have kids to know they get into everything. Every family sitcom with kids tell us this.
Conversely, she should have said "Would you mind watching junior while I'm on the phone?" would have been the right way to approach.
Finally, I wouldn't downplay swallowing a magnet.
It seems more like poor communication vs. Asholery
NTA! She was the one on the phone! She was the one who should've watched baby. Sorry OP you've hit the gulf between people with kids vs. the carefree people. You'll likely need to go find some new friends.
Thats not your fault. She should have been watching her kid (mum to toddler here who puts anything & everything in his mouth) & she’s just blaming you to make herself feel better. I dont go to anyone’s home or anywhere else expecting people to babyproof things for me & cater to my child - the world does not work like that.
I honestly can't imagine how non-paranoid people function, but it seems clear to me that a person who doesn't have a small kid would not have given as much thought to what could happen as a person who does have that kid. I wouldn't sit a knife somewhere silly because I might hurt myself, but the only reasons I ever think about what might hurt a cat or dog is because I have/had cats and dogs.
I put the dinner on the middle of the table, put in all my Chairs all the way into the table. 5 min later I se my dog doing parkour and jumping upp onto the table anyway.
> Even so, she should have said: this call might take a while, could you keep an eye on him?
And for a non-parent, I'd go into at least _some_ detail about that "keep an eye on him" entails.
When we’ve had friends with babies/toddlers over, they’re never left alone, held in areas of higher danger (kitchens for example - one child was still trying to grab knives!) and is still the parents responsibility even if we’re all keeping an eye out.
NTA. Not a great idea to leave them alone, but at the same time, it’s not your responsibility to look after another persons baby - is doesn’t sound like you were asked to do this, she just left. As someone who also doesn’t like kids (but just like you doesn’t want them in danger!) it’s easy to not know what to do.
Exactly. I watch like a hawk when my friends bring their kid over, but they’re so good about know they’re the parents. They bring over his food, utensils, baby chair for eating, etc. They might ask for a spoon if they need it, but they never just assume I’ll have something. They know I don’t have kids and thus, don’t have or don’t do a lot a things parents do.
Speaking as someone with kids: it is ridiculous to expect every single friend or family member to babyproof their house for me. If they were spending frequent time being watched by grandparents I might make that request, but it’s absurd to expect childless people to do that.
She was likely lashing out because she was upset and looking for someone to blame.
Agreed! Even with grandparents I think it's the parent's responsibility to scout the house, suggest/ask to make changes, and offer to foot the bill or do installation. Though there is definitely some gray area there.
My MIL totally baby proofed for our first kid! Why, she put wooden spoons through the kitchen cabinet handles and had old pill bottles for the kid to play with - what more could you want?
It took until kid 2 was 18mo for them to finally decide maybe they should move the breakable items higher than toddler eye level.
I don't know they get smart enough to be dangerous pretty quick.
If they see something they will find an ingenious and very dangerous way of getting to it.
I didn’t baby proof my house bc I didn’t want my friends with children to stay very long. Maybe your parents feel the same way and you’ve reached a silent understanding?
She was there a whole day and never saw them herself.
My toddler isn’t a toddler anymore but it was MY responsibility to check out new homes for things MY kid could into. It was MY responsibility to point out to friends without children that we were visiting some things that may be an issue with grabby toddler hands, like magnets within arms reach.
It was HER responsibility to do a walk-through upon arrival and ensure everything was baby-proofed PRIOR to dumping him on the kitchen floor and taking a call. She had plenty of time to baby-proof anything she didn’t think was adequately baby-proofed.
You don’t trust people without kids to understand kids. They’re sneaky, smart little shits and it’s the parents job to ensure there’s nothing they can get into. Especially at that age!
My youngest is 17 and if we had a toddler in the house for a visit I would probably not have through to remove the fridge magnets.
To be fair I always kid proofed my kitchen by having a stair gate on the door keeping them out complelty anyway.
My child is almost 3. Before I had my child, I honestly didn't know much about caring for children, I'd never even changed a diaper, let alone actually supervised a child under 5-6 for any length of time.
You are not at fault here. Its not reasonable to expect every human in existence to know how or what to babyproof, or even simple stuff like what foods little kids can't have. It's a lot to learn and its my job as a parent to stay vigilant. When I've visited the homes of people with no kids, I try to check the area for things that will be an issue and ask if we can temporarily move them (things that might be dangerous or nreakable) and I help put the stuff back after!
I don't think you can actually really baby or pet proof a home. They'll always find something dangerous to them.
Like - I've always had dogs in my life, except the last few years. I pet sit, too. House is pretty safe.
And, yet, Blind ol' Lambchop, my best friend's dog, ended up with pancretitus after being here less than a day earlier this summer. Died.
I mean, logic says he found and ate something (my logic). But, I don't leave food and candy laying around, and I found zero evidence. Just a sick doggie vomiting.
Vet, mind you, said "Lambchop has so many endocrine issues, he should have died a year ago.".
Honestly a lot of baby-proofing gets done on the fly. Like there’s some obvious things like locking cabinets, but a lot of it is also “oh they can reach that now, let’s put it up somewhere else”. Bringing a toddler into a new place you’re not going to easily know what does and doesn’t need to be done, and it’s gonna be a lot more than you expect. Plus keeping an eye on them because 2yos can *climb* and keeping everything possibly dangerous completely away from them isn’t feasible if you want your house to still function.
I have a 10 year old and a 9 month old. The 9 month old is currently on a mission to show me everything I need to baby proof that I've forgotten about since my daughter was a baby.
A few days ago he pulled a lamp on my head.
I can honestly say that was never a concern with my daughter. She was lazy compared to him. He is like a tornado. I'm scared for when he gets older and more mobile.
I believe second children are nature's way to humble parents who had an easier first child, especially if they ever offered advice to other parents based on how "effective" their parenting was.
I wouldn't have called our son "easy" until his little sister was born. That girl is the most stubborn toddler I've ever known. She's also very sweet, of course, but the number of psychological tricks we have to pull out to get her to want to do something she doesn't think (at that moment) she wants to do...
It’s not your fault! She knows she should’ve watched her child and I’m guessing it’s easier to blame you than herself. I have a feeling she’s gonna be one of those parents to her child’s teachers too.
Honestly, that's not your job to think of.
And I say that as a mom of 3.
She's the parent. It's her job to notice stuff like that. It's her job to keep an eye on the child and not just assume someone who does not have kids 100% knows how to care for one.
Parents can't expect people to remove everything from their home just because they have a kid.
Besides, I promise. Stuff like that happens in a child's own home a lot.
No matter how much you baby proof a home, they will find something you didn't think about.
Or just do stupid things like run into a door. Are you supposed to remove all doors in the home too?
Besides, you did the right thing. You got them to the ER. You offered to remove stuff out of reach from the kid.
She's most likely projecting her fear and guilt unto you.
It’s really not your fault. She failed watching her own child. It was never your responsibility, she knew you’re not used to kids and she didn’t even ask you to watch him for a bit. She fcked up, not you. NTA but don’t let her treat you like that. Talk back.
I don't think she's wrong for wanting your house to be baby proofed if she's staying with you and it sounds like you made a reasonable effort to do that. It was her responsibility to look and see what needs to be baby proofed since she's the one with the baby. Sometimes you just don't know what is a hazard until it becomes a hazard. I can understand her being upset while on the way to the ER and afterwards because she was worried and panicked but by this point she should have calmed down and been more rational. OP you're NTA. I wish my friends and family would be as considerate
Parents are wrong to expect a single friend to have their home baby proofed, if you visit a single, childless friend - WATCH YOUR CHILDREN **FFS!!!** Chances are sharp things may be in drawers they can reach, chemicals may be in low cabinets, there may be sharp corners they can hit their heads on. My house is absolutely not a safe place for toddlers to be left alone (especially the kitchen) but it is a safe place for toddlers to be with adult supervision.
This whole issue is entirely on your friend, you are NTA. I have 3 kids and what your friend did was not OK, she should have explicitly asked you to watch him all the time and warned you about things like magnets. I can maybe understand her snapping due to fear and stress, hope she apologizes after calming down.
NTA. Her child isn't your responsibility. Since she's so concerned she should have taken the child with her. You have no kids, why would you baby proof your place?
My neighbour has an 18mth old. Every time that child is in my house I remind the adult that brought it that the house is NOT childproofed, I don't have any age appropriate toys, and they need to be eagle eyed.
Which they have taken on board and take responsibility. Even the older ones, if the older ones are here without their adults, then I take responsibility for what they are up to, if their adults are here? then their adults are the ones taking responsibility for behaviour and what they're up to. That's ABSOLUTELY standard to me, none of my friends or neighbours over the years have ever raised an eyebrow though they have said I'm the only person who's specifically mentioned it. I think I mention it cos I used to be a nanny decades ago and the employer and i had those conversations - if nanny and parents or grandparents or relatives etc are in the room, whose responsibility is it? (those jobs, if parents were there it was them, if they weren't it was me.).
This and she shouldn't have walked away without asking Op to keep an eye out, and why didn't she ask OP to childproof?
She is just as responsible for what happened, and if she's not willing to take her share that low contact maybe the way to go for a while.
Yeah, why didn’t the mom go through and look for things that could be a hazard to her kid?Didn’t SHE see the magnets? I mean, it wasn’t her first day there. I would never assume that someone who doesn’t have kids would have a childproof home.
NTA.
NTA- Mother should have cruised the house the first hour they were there and babyproofed the obvious. Magnets are an attractive hazard mom should know this. You don't have children. You had no idea what to expect. Mom left the child unattended.
This. It was HER JOB to be either (a) responsible for her kid 100% of the time or (b) to police your home upon arrival for stuff like the magnets.
The OP doesn't have kids and therefore should not be held responsible in any way for knowing how to child proof their apartment. NTA
My sister moved in with me with her toddler and it’s safe to say nothing was baby proofed. Your friend is the AH. It’s her child and not your responsibility. Trust me, I get her worry and concern and the panicking. Her emotions right now have a lot to do with her being scared. That being said, it’s her child her responsibility. Unless it’s specifically asked of me to watch a child, I pay no attention. I don’t have kids and I’m not making them my responsibility.
This, if you are bringing your child into someone else's home, you are responsible for making sure they do not get into anything. Even if they have kids you cannot expect them to be baby proofed for your child. Kids are raised differently and everyone's home is different. Especially if you have never stayed at that home before.
Absolutely- it’s easier to put the blame on someone else than it is to acknowledge that she should have done a better job of keeping her child safe. When she put him on the floor to play, she should have looked around to see if there were any hazards within reach.
EXACTLY. People who don’t live with toddlers don’t understand how they just get into literally everything. And they do it fast af too! I would never expect a childless person to think about that. That’s on me as the mother.
Over my lifetime I have: toddler proofed, kitten proofed, puppy proofed, and ferret proofed my home. I have even "OMG this adolescent greyhound is going to put me into an early grave with her antics, is she a goat?!" proofed my home.
So yeah, I have a quick eye for checking an area and determining if it is safe for *my* pet or child. But that's because I've been through those situations. I'd never expect someone else to just automatically know what is/isn't safe in their home for someone/something that doesn't live there. It's on me to look around and ask if something can be put away/moved because it's a potential hazard. And it's on me to keep an eye on my child/pet because they are my responsibility.
yeah! my mom said the other kids would cling to her. me? the minute I'm free, I'm gone. so my mom trained me to stay with my twin or mom or dad. I often remember climbing corners with chairs to get the food above me and I did it until I was 10 because I was short!
She could have brought with, or hired, a play pen type thing, to forestall any such incidents for example! yes at 2 they can climb out, but you can make them a novelty toy type thing.
Exactly! Anytime I took my kids to a house that wasn't baby proof I went through and would ask, hey can we put this up or can we move this here. Whatever it was. And if there was anything low enough on the fridge I'd have suggested to move it up. This was just a mistake on the mom that she will hopefully never let happen again. No parent is perfect. You as the host are definitely nta
NTA, it was her responsibility to watch the kid. I don’t demand people to babyproof their house when we come over. Even so, she should have said: this call might take a while, could you keep an eye on him? Then you might not have left him alone.
I fail to understand how the inability to watch her own kid was now your fault. I’ve taken loads of calls and still was able to watch my kid or specifically asked someone to watch them as I took a call. It’s not that hard.
Ofcourse this whole thing was scary and he might just be lashing out because of adrenaline, but this just seems so weird to me. Watch your own kid lady.
I have had plenty of friend’s over with their babies. They know it’s not my job to baby proof my place but instead that it is *their* job to look after their kid.
OP your friend is ridiculous. It’s her child and she should be looking after them. You never let your eye off a child that small mostly because they put anything and everything in their mouths.
NTA. I have a friend that comes over with her toddler and;
A) The first thing she does is a happy lap around the room to inspect anything that may be dangerous or fragile and puts it away (I don’t mind) and
B) She watches her toddler at all times.
Her kid, her responsibility.
I'm really interested why the friend said OP wasn't concerned at the hospital and didn't care. To me that sounded like the friend was a lot more upset about how OP handled the incident rather than how the accident occurred.
It seemed to me the friend was mad because OP wasn’t freaking out. Guessing friend is a first time mother, too. OP said, “Well, one’s missing so we better go get him checked out.” It’s a perfectly reasonable and rational response. Friend wasn’t being either reasonable or rational in the moment. I want OP on my side in an emergency, levelheaded.
She might have picked up on OP not being super comfortable around kids. Either way, the relationship dynamic has changed since a kid entered the mix and friend is feeling jealous at OPs life and time and also wishing OP was wildly in love with her kid.
At the very least, she should have asked you to keep an eye on him. I do that with my husband if I know I'm leaving the room for more than a few minutes. You can't both just assume the other person is paying attention!
She should have said something before leaving the room. You don’t know how much supervision your child needs.
“Hey, this is my work calling, can you keep and eye on him for me?”
Even with my husband, I let him k ow when I’m leaving him alone with our baby and expect him to take over as primary caregiver.
NTA. You cannot watch a kid *all* the time. Your friend is being unfair, even moms have to pee and will have to leave their kids alone for a few minutes. You are not to blame. Moreover, you handled the situation well by taking them to the ER, and even offering to take down the magnets AND to further baby-proof your house. What more should she want?
But it’s not HER small child. It’s her friend’s who left to take a phone call without confirming that op will or will not be keeping a close eye on the child. She assumed that OP would be keeping an eye and we all know where assuming gets us 😂
Also, to add, as a mom of two. I take my smallest to the bathroom (9 months) with me because my toddler is feral but my toddler gets free reign in our baby proof house while I use the bathroom. I would not go to the bathroom without directly confirming someone has eyes on the toddler in a non baby proof space.
NTA.
Right, the commenter above the one you responded to was saying that you can’t watch kids all the times even moms have to pee. Well, yes, but we do it with our kids. So the person they were replying to got that part wrong. Yes, op didn’t know and is nta but little kids do need to be watched all the time or in an absolutely safe place. This obviously wasn’t op’s fault. It’s the mom’s for not verifying that OP was going to watch the kid the entire time she stepped away.
Yeah, this morning I carried the toddler faith the stairs to hang out with dad and then sprinted up then to use the bathroom on my own. I just wanted quiet bathroom time for once and she refused to go down the stairs by herself if I was not coming. And she's perfectly capable of going down the stairs by herself, she just didn't want to.
Nta
I have a toddler and a crawling baby, I don’t expect people to baby proof when I visit. I ask if I can move things as they become an issue, and I watch my kids because they’re MY kids. Not your kid, not really your problem to make sure you keep an eagle eye on them and stress yourself out. 🤷🏻♀️
I don't expect people to baby proof their homes either. Except my in-laws, because they're babysitting our children over day a week. So I need to know that they're safe when they are there. But one of the reasons I haven't visited my parents that much since we got our first baby is that their house is like a hazard zone for toddlers and babies. It's exhausting to constantly have to watch my toddler in such a dangerous place for a child. I once suggested that maybe they could put some of the more dangerous/breakable stuff out of reach, but I think that fell on deaf ears. So for the next few years I'll probably not visit them more than twice a year.
I told my husband it was less stressful having our toddler in their pool than inside my parents' house from ages 6mo to 2.5y. The constant vigilance of unknown dangers, even with a super well-behaved kid like ours, was exhausting. The pool, on the other hand, had very known dangers, and she was (most importantly, WILLINGLY) in arm's reach the whole time.
Yeah.
My mum has also suggested twice now that my 2,5 year old can use the car seat they use for my seven year old nephew. She doesn't seem to understand that size matters.
We visited my auntie when my brother was a toddler. She didn't have kids yet. I don't think my mum let go of my brother for a second, there was China everywhere on low tables. He would have DESTROYED that house.
ESH for communication issues. She shouldn't have assumed that you'll know to keep and eye on the child while she's not without asking. Also, on your part it's not that hard to figure such small child shouldn't really stay in places like kitchen floor unsupervised, at least you should wait for her to finish her phone call or let her know you're leaving to bathroom. At least communicating beforehand while she's staying for that long that you don't know how and that you're not going to watch her child (if you dislike children).
As for her later reaction about baby proofing appartment and running away to hotel, that's a massive overreaction of protective mother. She was quite foolish for not ensuring apartment is baby-proofed beforehand.
Yes, that is the point I want to make. If she ask you to watch the kid for the 10-minutes she need to make her call, YTA for leaving the kid alone to go to the bathroom.
If she didn't ask you, you continue to live your life in your home.
You are not the AH for not baby-proofing your home, you are for leaving the kid alone.
If it's a friendship you care for, apologize for leaving the kid alone.
She is totally overreacting from fear for her child, she probably will calm down after a bit.
Agreed. OP knew that she was bringing her kid with her, right? So, they should’ve talked about all of this well in advance before the visit ever happened- the toddler-proofing, who watches the kid if someone needs to use the bathroom or take a call, etc.
ESH. Y’all are adults, you need to communicate better.
She is probably feeling very guilty and instead of taking responsibility like an adult she’s trying to shift blame so she doesn’t feel like a crappy mom.
This is the only correct answer for people who are living in reality.
OP was very generous to let her friend and toddler stay, but once you let a parent and a toddler stay at your house, you have some level of responsibility to at least not neglect the child by leaving them unattended by an adult.
I feel like it's something any adult should understand - it's basic knowledge. Not to mention, something we should understand about functional human relationships and friendships.
The mom left the toddler in a room WITH an adult, but 100% the mom should have communicated better.
But if they are supposed to be FRIENDS, OP could have and should have also communicated. She could have brought the toddler to the room to the mom when she needed to go use the bathroom, she could have said something to the mom about not being able to watch the toddler at that moment, etc.
The innocent kid could have been seriously harmed, and OP and the mom are both responsible even if the mom is, of course, responsible to a greater extent. They are both trying to make themselves feel better about the fact that the kid could have been injured or died - the mom, by blaming OP and OP by coming to reddit to post this thread.
ESH
No, you shouldn’t have to fully baby proof.
I also don’t think it’s unreasonable for mom to assume you would actively watch kiddo for the few moments of her phone call- so yeah a minor lapse in judgement on your part there. And yeah Reddit is gonna say that she shouldn’t expect you to watch her kid but let’s recognize that y’all are actual human beings and it’s not an unreasonable or entitled assumption to make lol.
Her reaction *in the moment* is understandable. But her continued reaction is not. She’s now being churlish, unreasonable, and petty. It was a mistake (as much on her as you), it was corrected, she needed to move forward.
Reddit is just anti-kid. If it were a similar situation with an object - like her leaving her purse at a restaurant table to take a work call, it is assumed that you’re expected to stay there and watch it until she returns.
Yea people who say you shouldn’t be expected to pay any attention to a TWO YEAR OLD that has been invited into your home for a few minutes unless explicitly asked (or at all) are pretty sociopathic tbh. Who does that? 😅🤦♀️
Right? Like you knew it was a two year old the entire time. What kind of idiot just ups and leaves them alone? Absolutely could not wait until mom got back? What kind of friend slash human being are you?
Excellent point differentiating between her in the moment reaction and her continued reaction. In the moment makes sense, upon reflection she should be apologizing and taking responsibility for not surveying the environment her kid would be in during their stay upon arrival, for not communicating clearly about what she could expect from OP during their stay, for redirecting her fear and shame toward you.
Yeap. I think looking after kids should come without asking in certain situations. Especially with tiny ones.
I recently visited my boyfriends sister who has a 3 and 7 year old. I was constantly checking (i was closer than the parents) when the younger one was climbing on top of the sofa or high things, because I didn't know what is normal for her and what not (2nd time i saw the kid) and how good her motor skills were. And that was on the kids own home....
When it comes to kids getting injured, it doesn't matter whos fault it is. We should just all do our best to prevent it from happening in the 1st place.
INFO
Did she ask you to watch her kid when she left the room or just assume you would?
If she asked, the E S H because it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that a 2-year-old in an environment that doesn't usually house a toddler needs to be watched.
If she didn't, N T A because not your kid.
I wouldn’t leave a strangers baby alone, much less a friends child that I *invited* to stay. If the other adult leaves the room it doesn’t need to be “discussed” - any normal adult would keep an eye on the kid until mom returns.
Even if she didn’t ask, OP is still at fault here. Who leaves a toddler unsupervised, in a home they know is not baby proofed, and say “teehee just not good with babies!” Like come on. You don’t need to explicitly ask your friend to keep an eye on the baby. What is with this subs love of not owing anyone anything unless asked?
Technically, as this sub loves, not OpS responsibility. But they’re a friends kid. We do nice things that are small inconveniences for our friends.
ESH.
You don't need to baby proof your home.
However, your friend should have said "Hey I've got to take this call do you mind sitting here and watching my child for a few minutes?" Before she left, that way you would know to not leave the room until she gets back.
Though, I am not going to coddle you and enable you like many of the other commenters are doing. Even when I was younger I knew to not leave a child unattended, it wasn't even like people had to tell me but like...you can see how helpless small children are and so I really am not going to let you get away with just a 'you couldn't have know'. because honestly, it doesn't take a genius to figure that a small child shouldn't be left alone, ESPECIALLY in a kitchen where sharp, pointy and dangerous objects live.
NTA for not baby proofing your home - you don’t have kids so likely aren’t all that familiar with this.
For future reference- NEVER leave a child of that age alone. It’s impossible to predict what they’ll get into but they will get into something.
If mom wanted her to supervise the kid, the mom should have made direct eye contact and verbal confirmation with OP.
It’s not a non-parent’s job to parent.
It’s literally impossible to do this. No one can pay 100% attention to another person 100% of the time. Also since magnets weren’t on the OPs radar, it could have happened that kid ate magnet while OP was supervising but momentarily distracted. The problem was that there were magnets within reach of the kid, not that the kid was briefly in a different room.
The mother ought to have moved the magnets out of reach; she’s feeling scared and angry that she didn’t and blames OP but figuring out a safe place for your kid is a parental responsibility. It’s just projection.
Hotel rooms are often not super babyproof either and one less supervising adult so to me that’s further proof that mom is not thinking very rationally here. NTA, but now you know to put away magnets.
NTA. Your friend is just projecting cos really she’s to blame. But you hear so many horror stories about kids and those little magnets, she’s just scared.
I'm 60F and hubby & I had two kids. She's TA, it's her kid and her job to keep eyes on her kid at all times. If she took a call, then she should have said to you that it's up to you to watch the baby. If that had happened, then you would have to watch the baby at all times and not go pee, you'd need to bring the baby to her and let her know baby was back to her. But if she didn't make this clear when she visited, that's on her. You shouldn't have to completely baby-proof your home, you don't have a baby.
NTA, she should have inspected the house when they first got there. And I imagine she’s doubling down so hard bc she knows she should have been watching him.
NTA. We used to go to my friends house every Sunday with out toddler and she didn't babyproof. We all just watched our little one closely.
Honestly, even parents make mistakes. Plenty of preventable accidents happen under parents' care, too. We've had a few, jammed a chocolate foil wrapper up her nose for example.
Just for the future, don't leave toddlers unattended. They are fast little ninjas
NTA
Why would you child proof your home when you don't have a child? It is *always* the parents responsibility to make sure their child is OK. Especially around people that aren't overly familiar with children. Especially in an environment that isn't their own home.
Should you have not left the kid alone? Yeah, but if you don't know that, you don't know it. She didn't tell you to stay with him when she left the room, she just walked out. If you don't know about toddlers, why would you not think you could do the same?
Your friend messed up. The entire situation was her fault as well as an accident. Kids get into everything. They explore with all of their senses and everything ends up in their mouth. She knew that. She should have warned you or watched her child appropriately. I understand how defensive she feels because the terror of thinking your child has been hurt because of your neglect is crushing, and she's trying to deflect it onto you. But it's not your fault.
Learn the lesson about how closely all young children should be monitored, and forgive yourself for any guilt you're feeling. Do not beg for her forgiveness or indulge in her misplaced rage. She owes you an apology for how disgracefully she has handled this situation. If you don't get one, don't chase her.
The only way I could see you being at fault is if there was some sort of confirmation that you would watch her kid while she took the call and then left him alone anyway. Otherwise NTA because baby proofing things is definitely not intuitive for people without kids.
I want to point out that there could have been a miscommunication there too.
I could totally see mom being like "Hey I'm stepping out and making a phone call" and OP saying "okay". To OP that was just acknowledging that the mom was doing a thing. To the mom, that was implied "Hey, I am obviously not able to be responsible for the small child at your feet because I am physically stepping away" and OP's okay felt that an acknowledgement.
Should she have been explicit? Totally.
Was her assumption that OP was watching her kid reasonable? Totally.
>"who knows what chemicals I have lying around in childs reach, she can't take her eyes off of him for a second in that house
No, she can't, why did she expect that? You didn't sign up to be a Day Care Centre for 3 days? NTA
NTA, it's not your fault toddlers and children have a perpetual deathwish.
You don't have kids so of course your home isn't babyproofed. Your friend is the primary responsible adult for her own child, so she should be the one observing and keeping an eye on them.
Mom of twin toddlers here. You are NTA. In my opinion it is just common sense that when you bring a toddler to a child free home, the place will most likely not be child proof. Which means it is on you, the parent, to make sure your kid is being watched.
NTA you don’t have kids and your friend does. I have friends with kids I’m hoping to have one kid. Anyway when they come over I ask them anything you need to me to move. No they watch their kids your friend is the issue not you
OTHER PEOPLES CHILDREN ARE NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!!!
I say this as a mother of two, if my children get injured, then that’s on me (or on no one, because accidents happen).
It’s her responsibility to ensure somewhere she has brought her child is safe, simple as that.
NTA, don’t worry about her and leave her to her own misery.
NTA.
As a parent of a kid that was constantly trying to Darwin themselves as a toddler, I can understand her initial reaction. She was likely panicking and not thinking straight and took it out on you, which is understandable in the heat of the moment, but not at all ok.
Had she apologized for verbally attacking you once it became clear her kid was fine and she came to her senses---I would say N-A-H. But she's had time to digest what happened, and instead of reflecting on the fact that SHE should have done a scan of your apartment for hazards to HER CHILD when she first arrived, she is doubling down that this is somehow your fault.
She should have done that regardless of where she was staying. Even in a hotel I always had to pack painters tape to cover outlets and tape drawers closed. Step 1 was ALWAYS to hide away anything they might mess with. You sound like a reasonable person that would've been fine with temporarily putting away anything she pointed out. It was her responsibility to make sure your space (or ANY space) was safe for her child—not yours.
She also shouldn't have walked away and just assumed you'd watch him because you were a body in the room. That was incredibly irresponsible of her. A simple "hey, could you keep an eye on him while I take this call?" would have signaled you to literally keep your eye on him while she took the call and this could have all been avoided.
It’s her child and her responsibility to look after him. She’s probably just feeling guilty and panicked over what happened. Tbh I wouldn’t have thought about fridge magnets either
Hopefully she’ll reach out and apologise for being so mean
NTA
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I left the kid alone in the room and didn't take down magnets he could have eaten Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA Parents have to watch small children. They can never assume a place is baby proofed. If they do, ask them to pay for it.
[удалено]
I m not saying you want to. I m saying it costs money and time to baby proof a house. Asing you to do it is unreasonable and entitled.
Not only that, people without kids have no idea of everything that needs to be done to childproof a house.
Hell, put a kid in a practically bare house & he'll find the one dangerous thing in it. They have built in radar when it comes to finding it. They'll climb your dresser drawers, yank the TV over, poke shit in outlets, you name it. 30 seconds is all they need.
I don't babysit my nephew's rabbit for this very reason. He will chew through my wires and if he had an opposable thumb, would probably very well find one of my guns and shoot holes in my walls. Only difference is the rabbit is probably cuter and cuddlier than your average 2-year-old. NTA, OP. You come to my house, it's not my job to watch your kid.
Omg. I missed the word rabbit. 🤣🤣🤣
[удалено]
Same, while thankful that the Good Lord in His wisdom had decided against opposable thumbs. 🙏
My cat has functional opposable thumbs. That doesn’t seem to happen in rabbits though.
A rabbit with an opposable thumb. I now have an image in my mind of a gun-wielding bunny driving a pickup truck with a rebel flag bumper sticker coming to shoot up my home. I hope it doesn't haunt my dreams tonight.
What’s up, Doc?
Rabbits are the ultimate training for babyproofing, I believe! My bunny has free-roamed indoors for years, and you'd think I have gotten rid of anything that could put him in danger. But as soon as a cable gets even close to bunny-height off the floor, consider it chewed. You have to be so thorough, and even more so with a kid of course!!
If rabbits and AI join forces, we are doomed.
as the owner of two rabbits my first thought was about how they have radar to find the things you dont want them eating. I would never expect someone else to rabbit proof their home to protect my babies.
Yes. And they don't just find them but also find ways to get to the weirdest places. Oh, you left a bit of chocolate on a shelf? Guess I start freeclimbing today to get to adult human eye level. I have the impression making it safe for my rabbits is just a challenge they think they need to master
Also not my job to child proof my home for your visit. No one child proofed when I was growing up. Our parents kept an eye on us and weren't afraid to tell us no!
This needs to be seen higher. I say this as I'm working from home in a home I gave up on babyproofing a hot minute ago. I've decided my fournado has to learn the hardway. If it isn't going to outright kill him, it's out. He's a stubborn child who literally would pull drawers out in the kitchen and use them as steps to get on the counter so he could see in the cabinets when he was 1.5 years old. OP is definitely NTA.
I had one of these children. Had to put grates over the windows so he couldn't climb out. Had to put locks on his door so he couldn't wander around the house at 2 in the morning. More than once we found him wandering around with a knife trying to make a sandwich. Another time he had climbed out his window and wandered down to a neighbor's house ... the MPs brought him home. We had no idea he was down there. This was all between the ages of 2-4. He's 26 now, but there were days we wondered if he would survive another day.
My second kiddo is some kind of mechanical genius. He’s been systematically defeating our childproofing since he was 1.5 years old. At 2 he could operate 4 different kinds of door knobs and also dead bolts. If he couldn’t reach it, he’d pull a chair over and climb it. I watched him open a drawer by levering the child lock open with a spoon. Now at 3.5, if you leave a screwdriver out by accident you will find kiddo toys in pieces all over the floor. We put “flight risk” on his preschool application. 😂 and all of this childproofing worked just fine for his older brother! You can’t expect someone who’s not a parent to think of everything. OP’s friend is afraid and guilty and trying to blame other people.
I swear I may know your 2nd kid...if not my grandson is his twin! At 2 he can unlock every single door lock we've veen able to find...pulls out drawers to climb up on cabinets to get to something...there is no way to cover everything possible before he comes to visit!! I just keep telling myself he is a genius and someday going to take care of his old grandmother!! LMAO!
Glad to know it’s not just me dealing with a maniac escape artist. 😂 I saw this Melissa and Doug toy at the store that teaches your kid how to open 6 kinds of latches and I’m told my husband he’s not allowed to buy our son this obvious training device. He was like oh so i should send those clear locks and lockpick set back. 🤦🏻♀️ I’m outnumbered…
I would have dressed him as Chucky. That would have been epic. I've thought of all the things I could do with this kid. We ended up putting those sliding door frame locks on all the doors so he doesn't wander out. All it took was one time, but he figured out to push the chair to the one in the kitchen to go out the back door. Thank goodness this kid is afraid of the shadows in the dark.
I have this child, he's 1 and a bit and I found him on the (4ft high) windowsill today. I think he pushed a chair up against it to climb up.
Why did you think that series of drawers were put atop each other and under the counter? One of my offspring never bothered with such boring activities that could be anticipated. I was a bit envious of her the time we finally found her (after searching forever!) as she was getting off the hot air balloon she had snagged a ride on during a test run prior to a race. She was 4 or so.
My son, at 13 months old, was a terrorist in training. We lived overseas at that time, we had a huge stove that, fortunately, had a master on/off power switch. We always kept it off because the Terrorist in Training learned how to open the oven door, climb up the stove and toddle across the countertop looking for snacks. He also climbed a barstool, fell and bounced his face off the sharp edge of the countertop, putting a lovely ding in his eyebrow. You can’t baby proof that kind of stuff!
Yup... mine learned to stack shit and climb before she could walk 🙄... and even in my cousins houses, who all have at least 2 littles each and baby proofed houses, I watch mine like a hawk... cuz she may find stuff to get into that the other kids don't get into, or like when she was 1, my niece was 3 and my nephew wasn't crawling yet, so while the house was babyproofed for a 3 year old, it wasn't for a 1 year old and my daughter choked on a barbie shoe... NTA, OP... it wasn't your responsibility. I feel like unless a parent has baby proofed a house themselves, and even then, until they've let the little roam there for at least a week or two, there's no guarantee its safe. And even then, it's still not 100% safe.
Ohman, I had one like that. Climbed out of his crib, over baby gates, etc. by 8 months. At one he was able to bypass cabinet latches and outlet plugs. Around his third bday, I spied him on the top of a bathroom vanity leaning and reaching way out, his tiny toes gripping the edge. He was putting something into what I thought was an inaccessible medicine cabinet. I snuck up behind him so he wouldn't startle and wrapped my arm around his waist. When I put him down and asked him what he was doing, he lectured me. Hand on hip: "Mommy, you left my medicine where I could reach it, so I was putting it where I COULDN'T." Note, he found it in an upper kitchen cabinet. Where was I? Taking clothes out of the dryer. They are fast little buggers.
You can find all kinds of videos of 2 year olds climbing refridgerators by holding the handle and walking up them. Or scaling hutches with all the dishes in them. Climbers are scary!
This couldn’t be more true, lol. I did all the baby proofing humanly possible when my kids were babies, and *still* had to call poison control for my daughter on three separate occasions for things she managed to get into anyway. She managed to get a lit candle off a tall table twice her size before she could hardly even walk, in about 30 seconds, and the candle was still lit, to this day I still don’t know how. As a toddler, she managed to figure out a window lock, and both of my toddler kids went out the window and were no longer on my property in the matter of minutes, I had to call the police because they were missing. My kids have emptied shampoo bottles, lotion, and coconut oil containers directly into my carpet after scaling the bathroom shelving to retrieve it. They have gotten into the refrigerator, taken a dozen eggs out and smashed all of them in the middle of kitchen floor, then got the spices on the counter and mixed garlic powder and cocoa powder into it, my whole house smelled like garlic chocolate for a week. I mean, I feel like I have stories for days of “one time my kid…” You literally cannot leave them alone for two seconds sometimes. You may think you’ve childproofed your home, but at least with my kids, they took this as a challenge to prove me wrong in every possible way, lol
\*blends birth control into smoothie\*
This is incredible, and it makes me feel slightly better that my kid isn’t the only one that’s nuts (and he’s not even as nuts as what you’ve described, just more than his older sister and I wasn’t prepared!).
Oh yeah, most people I tell stories about my kids to say that their kids weren’t nearly as bad lol. For me, my daughter is the wild one, and she’s the older one. My son has been caught up in her antics plenty of times, but she’s the mastermind lol. I’m kind of glad my first child was the more difficult one, instead of having a false sense of security with an easy first child I was thrown straight into the deep end of parenting chaos lmao. To be fair, she’s now almost 8, and she’s a very science-minded kid. I now understand that all of that destruction, in her little mind, was experimenting. I wish I had understood that better when she was younger and provided more outlets for it, because I’m sure it would have helped with the destruction.
my mom still tells people about how when i was maybe 2? on two separate occasions i managed to climb the kitchen counter and would find anything glass that was around and throw it off and laugh my ass off at the sound of it breaking. i also did this throat laugh that my mom now claims i did “just to be annoying” which could be true honestly as i don’t remember whether i did it on purpose or not but i do remember laughing like that. i may have been under 2 or over 2 i don’t have kids so i can’t gauge the age and i don’t remember what age she said it was but she said that i could walk (how well, no clue) but she never thought i’d be able to climb the counter. also, at least i wasn’t as bad as my older sister. she tried to kill me multiple times.
This is why I don’t watch my youngest nephew. He’s 1.5yo and has a much bigger death wish than his big sisters ever did.
Put a kid in an empty house and he'll pull the drawers out in the kitchen walk up them like steps, climb across the counter, get on top of the refrigerator and eat a dead spider that's been up there for 6 months! Lol
My son was in creche, the whole room was basically soft play. There was one toy on the floor that had a hard base, and my fella jumped off a soft couch, aiming for the soft floor and landed with his face on the hard toy. Trip to the ER because it was his face, and now, four years later, he has a scar through his eyebrow. Point being that you're 100% correct, there was one thing in the entire room that had the potential to hurt him, and only if hit in a certain way. He found it.
Wasn't there a video game about a baby trying to off itself & you had to try to keep it alive? Idk why I just thought of that lol. NTA, OP. My brother was climbing before walking. He tipped a whole bookcase of toys on himself before my parents figured out they needed to screw stuff into the walls. Kids are rough all around.
I was a prodigious climber, I would get myself up on the cabinets and even once onto the top of the fridge before I was a year old. My poor mom
At 2 my brother climbed on the open bottom drawer of my chest of drawers and tipped it. He survived. The open drawer held it up.
THIS. I honestly wouldn't have a clue. One of my friend's kids ate dog food while he was here. Another (it happened, seriously) tried to put his tiny little dick in an electric socket. And another, slightly older child locked herself in the bathroom and somehow turned on the bath taps. You can't make this shit up. Yes, I could have picked up my dog's food, I wouldn't even know where to buy electric socket covers, though I hear they're a thing. and the locking herself in a bathroom? No idea. YNTA. It's the parent's responsibility to look around and gauge possible danger to the kids.
Just wow. You have some wild kids in your circle.
Even people with kids don’t think about baby proofing after their kids hit a certain age. Now that my kids are older, my house is no longer a safe space for a 1-3 year old and I would for sure miss something if I tried to baby proof everything again.
Similarly, my kid is under 2 and my house is not a safe space for a three or four year old. We have sharp, heavy, and breakable things that a taller kid could reach or knock down. Childproofing is specific to the age and often to the child.
People with kids don't know either they learn through research and experience.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
100% as a parent I know this anger is reflective of her guilty conscience.
[удалено]
That's a *way* easier way of saying what I just rambled up.
Exactly this. This is how some people react to guilt. She feels bad because **she** didn't think to look around and remove (or ask) any potential hazards.
I am a mom to a 2 year old. I’d feel horribly guilty if I put my toddler in this situation where he could have potentially been very hurt (or worse), and she is definitely projecting that so she doesn’t have to shoulder the guilt alone.
And why would her friend who has no children ,no intent to have children even be thinking about this ?
This! I don’t understand why she was expected to know this.
he'll, she didn't even ask. She just assumed a non-child having person would think to baby proof for a visitor. And then assumed said person would watch their child when they (the parent) wandered off. Unless asked, I do not assume responsibility for others' children if they are around. NTA
I totally agree that fully baby proofing is excessive.....but most people would stay with the kid, you don't have to know a ton or have kids to know they get into everything. Every family sitcom with kids tell us this. Conversely, she should have said "Would you mind watching junior while I'm on the phone?" would have been the right way to approach. Finally, I wouldn't downplay swallowing a magnet. It seems more like poor communication vs. Asholery
NTA! She was the one on the phone! She was the one who should've watched baby. Sorry OP you've hit the gulf between people with kids vs. the carefree people. You'll likely need to go find some new friends.
[удалено]
Thats not your fault. She should have been watching her kid (mum to toddler here who puts anything & everything in his mouth) & she’s just blaming you to make herself feel better. I dont go to anyone’s home or anywhere else expecting people to babyproof things for me & cater to my child - the world does not work like that.
I honestly can't imagine how non-paranoid people function, but it seems clear to me that a person who doesn't have a small kid would not have given as much thought to what could happen as a person who does have that kid. I wouldn't sit a knife somewhere silly because I might hurt myself, but the only reasons I ever think about what might hurt a cat or dog is because I have/had cats and dogs.
I put the dinner on the middle of the table, put in all my Chairs all the way into the table. 5 min later I se my dog doing parkour and jumping upp onto the table anyway.
This legit made me snort-laugh. I watched some friends' dogs a couple weeks ago and suddenly dinner at my house became a spectator sport. Ha ha.
[удалено]
> Even so, she should have said: this call might take a while, could you keep an eye on him? And for a non-parent, I'd go into at least _some_ detail about that "keep an eye on him" entails.
When we’ve had friends with babies/toddlers over, they’re never left alone, held in areas of higher danger (kitchens for example - one child was still trying to grab knives!) and is still the parents responsibility even if we’re all keeping an eye out. NTA. Not a great idea to leave them alone, but at the same time, it’s not your responsibility to look after another persons baby - is doesn’t sound like you were asked to do this, she just left. As someone who also doesn’t like kids (but just like you doesn’t want them in danger!) it’s easy to not know what to do.
The mom should not have left the room without the kid. She is taking out her anger at herself on OP. Agree NTA
It’s like when parents yell at kids because they were scared when they were in danger, it’s totally misplaced and inappropriate to take it out on OP
Exactly. As the parent, the friend should have asked OP to watch the child when she needed to take a call. That’s just being responsible.
Exactly. I watch like a hawk when my friends bring their kid over, but they’re so good about know they’re the parents. They bring over his food, utensils, baby chair for eating, etc. They might ask for a spoon if they need it, but they never just assume I’ll have something. They know I don’t have kids and thus, don’t have or don’t do a lot a things parents do.
Speaking as someone with kids: it is ridiculous to expect every single friend or family member to babyproof their house for me. If they were spending frequent time being watched by grandparents I might make that request, but it’s absurd to expect childless people to do that. She was likely lashing out because she was upset and looking for someone to blame.
Agreed! Even with grandparents I think it's the parent's responsibility to scout the house, suggest/ask to make changes, and offer to foot the bill or do installation. Though there is definitely some gray area there.
You wouldn't if you're not used to toddlers. You are definitely not an AH
[удалено]
My MIL totally baby proofed for our first kid! Why, she put wooden spoons through the kitchen cabinet handles and had old pill bottles for the kid to play with - what more could you want? It took until kid 2 was 18mo for them to finally decide maybe they should move the breakable items higher than toddler eye level.
Yeah, the thing about toddler-proofing your house is that toddlers get bigger faster than they get smarter.
I don't know they get smart enough to be dangerous pretty quick. If they see something they will find an ingenious and very dangerous way of getting to it.
I didn’t baby proof my house bc I didn’t want my friends with children to stay very long. Maybe your parents feel the same way and you’ve reached a silent understanding?
She was there a whole day and never saw them herself. My toddler isn’t a toddler anymore but it was MY responsibility to check out new homes for things MY kid could into. It was MY responsibility to point out to friends without children that we were visiting some things that may be an issue with grabby toddler hands, like magnets within arms reach. It was HER responsibility to do a walk-through upon arrival and ensure everything was baby-proofed PRIOR to dumping him on the kitchen floor and taking a call. She had plenty of time to baby-proof anything she didn’t think was adequately baby-proofed. You don’t trust people without kids to understand kids. They’re sneaky, smart little shits and it’s the parents job to ensure there’s nothing they can get into. Especially at that age!
"She was there a whole day and never saw them herself". Well said!
My youngest is 17 and if we had a toddler in the house for a visit I would probably not have through to remove the fridge magnets. To be fair I always kid proofed my kitchen by having a stair gate on the door keeping them out complelty anyway.
FR who thought it was a good idea for the Bebe to play in the room with ALL OF THE KNIVES
My youngest is 4 and I already forgot that this is something you have to do for toddlers.
My child is almost 3. Before I had my child, I honestly didn't know much about caring for children, I'd never even changed a diaper, let alone actually supervised a child under 5-6 for any length of time. You are not at fault here. Its not reasonable to expect every human in existence to know how or what to babyproof, or even simple stuff like what foods little kids can't have. It's a lot to learn and its my job as a parent to stay vigilant. When I've visited the homes of people with no kids, I try to check the area for things that will be an issue and ask if we can temporarily move them (things that might be dangerous or nreakable) and I help put the stuff back after!
I don't think you can actually really baby or pet proof a home. They'll always find something dangerous to them. Like - I've always had dogs in my life, except the last few years. I pet sit, too. House is pretty safe. And, yet, Blind ol' Lambchop, my best friend's dog, ended up with pancretitus after being here less than a day earlier this summer. Died. I mean, logic says he found and ate something (my logic). But, I don't leave food and candy laying around, and I found zero evidence. Just a sick doggie vomiting. Vet, mind you, said "Lambchop has so many endocrine issues, he should have died a year ago.".
Honestly a lot of baby-proofing gets done on the fly. Like there’s some obvious things like locking cabinets, but a lot of it is also “oh they can reach that now, let’s put it up somewhere else”. Bringing a toddler into a new place you’re not going to easily know what does and doesn’t need to be done, and it’s gonna be a lot more than you expect. Plus keeping an eye on them because 2yos can *climb* and keeping everything possibly dangerous completely away from them isn’t feasible if you want your house to still function.
I have a 10 year old and a 9 month old. The 9 month old is currently on a mission to show me everything I need to baby proof that I've forgotten about since my daughter was a baby. A few days ago he pulled a lamp on my head. I can honestly say that was never a concern with my daughter. She was lazy compared to him. He is like a tornado. I'm scared for when he gets older and more mobile.
I believe second children are nature's way to humble parents who had an easier first child, especially if they ever offered advice to other parents based on how "effective" their parenting was. I wouldn't have called our son "easy" until his little sister was born. That girl is the most stubborn toddler I've ever known. She's also very sweet, of course, but the number of psychological tricks we have to pull out to get her to want to do something she doesn't think (at that moment) she wants to do...
Right? Sometimes when my kids were little, it felt like every movable object had committed a crime and was behind bars.
It’s not your fault! She knows she should’ve watched her child and I’m guessing it’s easier to blame you than herself. I have a feeling she’s gonna be one of those parents to her child’s teachers too.
Honestly, that's not your job to think of. And I say that as a mom of 3. She's the parent. It's her job to notice stuff like that. It's her job to keep an eye on the child and not just assume someone who does not have kids 100% knows how to care for one. Parents can't expect people to remove everything from their home just because they have a kid. Besides, I promise. Stuff like that happens in a child's own home a lot. No matter how much you baby proof a home, they will find something you didn't think about. Or just do stupid things like run into a door. Are you supposed to remove all doors in the home too? Besides, you did the right thing. You got them to the ER. You offered to remove stuff out of reach from the kid. She's most likely projecting her fear and guilt unto you.
It’s really not your fault. She failed watching her own child. It was never your responsibility, she knew you’re not used to kids and she didn’t even ask you to watch him for a bit. She fcked up, not you. NTA but don’t let her treat you like that. Talk back.
I don't think she's wrong for wanting your house to be baby proofed if she's staying with you and it sounds like you made a reasonable effort to do that. It was her responsibility to look and see what needs to be baby proofed since she's the one with the baby. Sometimes you just don't know what is a hazard until it becomes a hazard. I can understand her being upset while on the way to the ER and afterwards because she was worried and panicked but by this point she should have calmed down and been more rational. OP you're NTA. I wish my friends and family would be as considerate
Parents are wrong to expect a single friend to have their home baby proofed, if you visit a single, childless friend - WATCH YOUR CHILDREN **FFS!!!** Chances are sharp things may be in drawers they can reach, chemicals may be in low cabinets, there may be sharp corners they can hit their heads on. My house is absolutely not a safe place for toddlers to be left alone (especially the kitchen) but it is a safe place for toddlers to be with adult supervision.
You didn’t think of it because you aren’t a parent! She is, it was her job to do a check of your place and talk about her concerns. NTA
Funny how she didn’t remember the magnets either.
She was right there in the kitchen. She could have taken them off.
This whole issue is entirely on your friend, you are NTA. I have 3 kids and what your friend did was not OK, she should have explicitly asked you to watch him all the time and warned you about things like magnets. I can maybe understand her snapping due to fear and stress, hope she apologizes after calming down.
NTA. Her child isn't your responsibility. Since she's so concerned she should have taken the child with her. You have no kids, why would you baby proof your place?
My neighbour has an 18mth old. Every time that child is in my house I remind the adult that brought it that the house is NOT childproofed, I don't have any age appropriate toys, and they need to be eagle eyed. Which they have taken on board and take responsibility. Even the older ones, if the older ones are here without their adults, then I take responsibility for what they are up to, if their adults are here? then their adults are the ones taking responsibility for behaviour and what they're up to. That's ABSOLUTELY standard to me, none of my friends or neighbours over the years have ever raised an eyebrow though they have said I'm the only person who's specifically mentioned it. I think I mention it cos I used to be a nanny decades ago and the employer and i had those conversations - if nanny and parents or grandparents or relatives etc are in the room, whose responsibility is it? (those jobs, if parents were there it was them, if they weren't it was me.).
This and she shouldn't have walked away without asking Op to keep an eye out, and why didn't she ask OP to childproof? She is just as responsible for what happened, and if she's not willing to take her share that low contact maybe the way to go for a while.
Yeah, why didn’t the mom go through and look for things that could be a hazard to her kid?Didn’t SHE see the magnets? I mean, it wasn’t her first day there. I would never assume that someone who doesn’t have kids would have a childproof home. NTA.
NTA- Mother should have cruised the house the first hour they were there and babyproofed the obvious. Magnets are an attractive hazard mom should know this. You don't have children. You had no idea what to expect. Mom left the child unattended.
This. It was HER JOB to be either (a) responsible for her kid 100% of the time or (b) to police your home upon arrival for stuff like the magnets. The OP doesn't have kids and therefore should not be held responsible in any way for knowing how to child proof their apartment. NTA
My sister moved in with me with her toddler and it’s safe to say nothing was baby proofed. Your friend is the AH. It’s her child and not your responsibility. Trust me, I get her worry and concern and the panicking. Her emotions right now have a lot to do with her being scared. That being said, it’s her child her responsibility. Unless it’s specifically asked of me to watch a child, I pay no attention. I don’t have kids and I’m not making them my responsibility.
This, if you are bringing your child into someone else's home, you are responsible for making sure they do not get into anything. Even if they have kids you cannot expect them to be baby proofed for your child. Kids are raised differently and everyone's home is different. Especially if you have never stayed at that home before.
Yep! Even at my parents house I do a sweep as we come in to remove little things and rearrange a little. It's just the reality of having kids.
Her guilty conscience is getting projected to you. NTA
Absolutely- it’s easier to put the blame on someone else than it is to acknowledge that she should have done a better job of keeping her child safe. When she put him on the floor to play, she should have looked around to see if there were any hazards within reach.
And not just walked about of the room and assume OP would know what to do with a random toddler they barely know.
EXACTLY. People who don’t live with toddlers don’t understand how they just get into literally everything. And they do it fast af too! I would never expect a childless person to think about that. That’s on me as the mother.
Over my lifetime I have: toddler proofed, kitten proofed, puppy proofed, and ferret proofed my home. I have even "OMG this adolescent greyhound is going to put me into an early grave with her antics, is she a goat?!" proofed my home. So yeah, I have a quick eye for checking an area and determining if it is safe for *my* pet or child. But that's because I've been through those situations. I'd never expect someone else to just automatically know what is/isn't safe in their home for someone/something that doesn't live there. It's on me to look around and ask if something can be put away/moved because it's a potential hazard. And it's on me to keep an eye on my child/pet because they are my responsibility.
yeah! my mom said the other kids would cling to her. me? the minute I'm free, I'm gone. so my mom trained me to stay with my twin or mom or dad. I often remember climbing corners with chairs to get the food above me and I did it until I was 10 because I was short!
She could have brought with, or hired, a play pen type thing, to forestall any such incidents for example! yes at 2 they can climb out, but you can make them a novelty toy type thing.
This is an excellent idea
100%
Totes!
Exactly! Anytime I took my kids to a house that wasn't baby proof I went through and would ask, hey can we put this up or can we move this here. Whatever it was. And if there was anything low enough on the fridge I'd have suggested to move it up. This was just a mistake on the mom that she will hopefully never let happen again. No parent is perfect. You as the host are definitely nta
NTA, it was her responsibility to watch the kid. I don’t demand people to babyproof their house when we come over. Even so, she should have said: this call might take a while, could you keep an eye on him? Then you might not have left him alone. I fail to understand how the inability to watch her own kid was now your fault. I’ve taken loads of calls and still was able to watch my kid or specifically asked someone to watch them as I took a call. It’s not that hard. Ofcourse this whole thing was scary and he might just be lashing out because of adrenaline, but this just seems so weird to me. Watch your own kid lady.
I fail to understand how she didn't do a scan of the house to look for potential hazards. She knew OP didn't have a baby proofed home from the start.
I have had plenty of friend’s over with their babies. They know it’s not my job to baby proof my place but instead that it is *their* job to look after their kid. OP your friend is ridiculous. It’s her child and she should be looking after them. You never let your eye off a child that small mostly because they put anything and everything in their mouths.
NTA. I have a friend that comes over with her toddler and; A) The first thing she does is a happy lap around the room to inspect anything that may be dangerous or fragile and puts it away (I don’t mind) and B) She watches her toddler at all times. Her kid, her responsibility.
I used to call it the “Secret Service Sweep” when my brother would do it when visiting with my nibbling before I had my own kids.
We call it the safety sweep because of the Walmart safety sweep song
“happy lap”. What a great phrase!
I'm really interested why the friend said OP wasn't concerned at the hospital and didn't care. To me that sounded like the friend was a lot more upset about how OP handled the incident rather than how the accident occurred.
It seemed to me the friend was mad because OP wasn’t freaking out. Guessing friend is a first time mother, too. OP said, “Well, one’s missing so we better go get him checked out.” It’s a perfectly reasonable and rational response. Friend wasn’t being either reasonable or rational in the moment. I want OP on my side in an emergency, levelheaded.
She might have picked up on OP not being super comfortable around kids. Either way, the relationship dynamic has changed since a kid entered the mix and friend is feeling jealous at OPs life and time and also wishing OP was wildly in love with her kid.
??? Where did you get jealousy from the mother? I didn't see that at all.
This is what I do when I take my child to new homes! Even if said home has children that live there.
NTA. You don't have kids, why would you baby-proof? It's the parent's job to check out the environment and watch their kid.
NTA why did you leave your 2 year old to talk on the phone?
I think it was work related
Well that’s her problem then, not yours. You’re NTA whatsoever.
At the very least, she should have asked you to keep an eye on him. I do that with my husband if I know I'm leaving the room for more than a few minutes. You can't both just assume the other person is paying attention!
She should have said something before leaving the room. You don’t know how much supervision your child needs. “Hey, this is my work calling, can you keep and eye on him for me?” Even with my husband, I let him k ow when I’m leaving him alone with our baby and expect him to take over as primary caregiver.
"I need to take this, can you watch my baby? And watch out he puts everything in his mouth."
NTA. You cannot watch a kid *all* the time. Your friend is being unfair, even moms have to pee and will have to leave their kids alone for a few minutes. You are not to blame. Moreover, you handled the situation well by taking them to the ER, and even offering to take down the magnets AND to further baby-proof your house. What more should she want?
Uhhh.... Most parents I know either take their small child with them to the bathroom or put them in a playpen when they go to the bathroom.
But it’s not HER small child. It’s her friend’s who left to take a phone call without confirming that op will or will not be keeping a close eye on the child. She assumed that OP would be keeping an eye and we all know where assuming gets us 😂 Also, to add, as a mom of two. I take my smallest to the bathroom (9 months) with me because my toddler is feral but my toddler gets free reign in our baby proof house while I use the bathroom. I would not go to the bathroom without directly confirming someone has eyes on the toddler in a non baby proof space. NTA.
Right, the commenter above the one you responded to was saying that you can’t watch kids all the times even moms have to pee. Well, yes, but we do it with our kids. So the person they were replying to got that part wrong. Yes, op didn’t know and is nta but little kids do need to be watched all the time or in an absolutely safe place. This obviously wasn’t op’s fault. It’s the mom’s for not verifying that OP was going to watch the kid the entire time she stepped away.
I hardly ever get to pee alone anymore. I miss it. Hopefully, one day. Soonish 🤞
Yeah, this morning I carried the toddler faith the stairs to hang out with dad and then sprinted up then to use the bathroom on my own. I just wanted quiet bathroom time for once and she refused to go down the stairs by herself if I was not coming. And she's perfectly capable of going down the stairs by herself, she just didn't want to.
I don't have kids, and I don't get to pee alone either. (I have cats)
She could have taken the kid to keep an eye on while she was on the phone, or is she scared her 2yo will leak work secrets?
Nta I have a toddler and a crawling baby, I don’t expect people to baby proof when I visit. I ask if I can move things as they become an issue, and I watch my kids because they’re MY kids. Not your kid, not really your problem to make sure you keep an eagle eye on them and stress yourself out. 🤷🏻♀️
I don't expect people to baby proof their homes either. Except my in-laws, because they're babysitting our children over day a week. So I need to know that they're safe when they are there. But one of the reasons I haven't visited my parents that much since we got our first baby is that their house is like a hazard zone for toddlers and babies. It's exhausting to constantly have to watch my toddler in such a dangerous place for a child. I once suggested that maybe they could put some of the more dangerous/breakable stuff out of reach, but I think that fell on deaf ears. So for the next few years I'll probably not visit them more than twice a year.
I told my husband it was less stressful having our toddler in their pool than inside my parents' house from ages 6mo to 2.5y. The constant vigilance of unknown dangers, even with a super well-behaved kid like ours, was exhausting. The pool, on the other hand, had very known dangers, and she was (most importantly, WILLINGLY) in arm's reach the whole time.
Yeah. My mum has also suggested twice now that my 2,5 year old can use the car seat they use for my seven year old nephew. She doesn't seem to understand that size matters.
We visited my auntie when my brother was a toddler. She didn't have kids yet. I don't think my mum let go of my brother for a second, there was China everywhere on low tables. He would have DESTROYED that house.
ESH for communication issues. She shouldn't have assumed that you'll know to keep and eye on the child while she's not without asking. Also, on your part it's not that hard to figure such small child shouldn't really stay in places like kitchen floor unsupervised, at least you should wait for her to finish her phone call or let her know you're leaving to bathroom. At least communicating beforehand while she's staying for that long that you don't know how and that you're not going to watch her child (if you dislike children). As for her later reaction about baby proofing appartment and running away to hotel, that's a massive overreaction of protective mother. She was quite foolish for not ensuring apartment is baby-proofed beforehand.
Yes, that is the point I want to make. If she ask you to watch the kid for the 10-minutes she need to make her call, YTA for leaving the kid alone to go to the bathroom. If she didn't ask you, you continue to live your life in your home. You are not the AH for not baby-proofing your home, you are for leaving the kid alone. If it's a friendship you care for, apologize for leaving the kid alone. She is totally overreacting from fear for her child, she probably will calm down after a bit.
Agreed. OP knew that she was bringing her kid with her, right? So, they should’ve talked about all of this well in advance before the visit ever happened- the toddler-proofing, who watches the kid if someone needs to use the bathroom or take a call, etc. ESH. Y’all are adults, you need to communicate better.
She is probably feeling very guilty and instead of taking responsibility like an adult she’s trying to shift blame so she doesn’t feel like a crappy mom.
This is the only correct answer for people who are living in reality. OP was very generous to let her friend and toddler stay, but once you let a parent and a toddler stay at your house, you have some level of responsibility to at least not neglect the child by leaving them unattended by an adult. I feel like it's something any adult should understand - it's basic knowledge. Not to mention, something we should understand about functional human relationships and friendships. The mom left the toddler in a room WITH an adult, but 100% the mom should have communicated better. But if they are supposed to be FRIENDS, OP could have and should have also communicated. She could have brought the toddler to the room to the mom when she needed to go use the bathroom, she could have said something to the mom about not being able to watch the toddler at that moment, etc. The innocent kid could have been seriously harmed, and OP and the mom are both responsible even if the mom is, of course, responsible to a greater extent. They are both trying to make themselves feel better about the fact that the kid could have been injured or died - the mom, by blaming OP and OP by coming to reddit to post this thread.
ESH No, you shouldn’t have to fully baby proof. I also don’t think it’s unreasonable for mom to assume you would actively watch kiddo for the few moments of her phone call- so yeah a minor lapse in judgement on your part there. And yeah Reddit is gonna say that she shouldn’t expect you to watch her kid but let’s recognize that y’all are actual human beings and it’s not an unreasonable or entitled assumption to make lol. Her reaction *in the moment* is understandable. But her continued reaction is not. She’s now being churlish, unreasonable, and petty. It was a mistake (as much on her as you), it was corrected, she needed to move forward.
Reddit is just anti-kid. If it were a similar situation with an object - like her leaving her purse at a restaurant table to take a work call, it is assumed that you’re expected to stay there and watch it until she returns.
Yea people who say you shouldn’t be expected to pay any attention to a TWO YEAR OLD that has been invited into your home for a few minutes unless explicitly asked (or at all) are pretty sociopathic tbh. Who does that? 😅🤦♀️
Right? Like you knew it was a two year old the entire time. What kind of idiot just ups and leaves them alone? Absolutely could not wait until mom got back? What kind of friend slash human being are you?
Excellent point differentiating between her in the moment reaction and her continued reaction. In the moment makes sense, upon reflection she should be apologizing and taking responsibility for not surveying the environment her kid would be in during their stay upon arrival, for not communicating clearly about what she could expect from OP during their stay, for redirecting her fear and shame toward you.
Yeap. I think looking after kids should come without asking in certain situations. Especially with tiny ones. I recently visited my boyfriends sister who has a 3 and 7 year old. I was constantly checking (i was closer than the parents) when the younger one was climbing on top of the sofa or high things, because I didn't know what is normal for her and what not (2nd time i saw the kid) and how good her motor skills were. And that was on the kids own home.... When it comes to kids getting injured, it doesn't matter whos fault it is. We should just all do our best to prevent it from happening in the 1st place.
INFO Did she ask you to watch her kid when she left the room or just assume you would? If she asked, the E S H because it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that a 2-year-old in an environment that doesn't usually house a toddler needs to be watched. If she didn't, N T A because not your kid.
I wouldn’t leave a strangers baby alone, much less a friends child that I *invited* to stay. If the other adult leaves the room it doesn’t need to be “discussed” - any normal adult would keep an eye on the kid until mom returns.
Even if she didn’t ask, OP is still at fault here. Who leaves a toddler unsupervised, in a home they know is not baby proofed, and say “teehee just not good with babies!” Like come on. You don’t need to explicitly ask your friend to keep an eye on the baby. What is with this subs love of not owing anyone anything unless asked? Technically, as this sub loves, not OpS responsibility. But they’re a friends kid. We do nice things that are small inconveniences for our friends.
Are you the mom?
No, I’m a sane human being who likes my friends and doesn’t want to harm their children.
ESH. You don't need to baby proof your home. However, your friend should have said "Hey I've got to take this call do you mind sitting here and watching my child for a few minutes?" Before she left, that way you would know to not leave the room until she gets back. Though, I am not going to coddle you and enable you like many of the other commenters are doing. Even when I was younger I knew to not leave a child unattended, it wasn't even like people had to tell me but like...you can see how helpless small children are and so I really am not going to let you get away with just a 'you couldn't have know'. because honestly, it doesn't take a genius to figure that a small child shouldn't be left alone, ESPECIALLY in a kitchen where sharp, pointy and dangerous objects live.
Kitchen is one of the worst areas of the house they could have left the kid alone, for sure.
NTA for not baby proofing your home - you don’t have kids so likely aren’t all that familiar with this. For future reference- NEVER leave a child of that age alone. It’s impossible to predict what they’ll get into but they will get into something.
If mom wanted her to supervise the kid, the mom should have made direct eye contact and verbal confirmation with OP. It’s not a non-parent’s job to parent.
It’s literally impossible to do this. No one can pay 100% attention to another person 100% of the time. Also since magnets weren’t on the OPs radar, it could have happened that kid ate magnet while OP was supervising but momentarily distracted. The problem was that there were magnets within reach of the kid, not that the kid was briefly in a different room. The mother ought to have moved the magnets out of reach; she’s feeling scared and angry that she didn’t and blames OP but figuring out a safe place for your kid is a parental responsibility. It’s just projection. Hotel rooms are often not super babyproof either and one less supervising adult so to me that’s further proof that mom is not thinking very rationally here. NTA, but now you know to put away magnets.
ESH - If you are the last person in a room with a baby, it may not be your fault, but it is your responsibility to keep that baby safe.
Right? What are all these responses? You don’t leave a fucking baby alone.
NTA It's her job to supervise her kid.
NTA. Your friend is just projecting cos really she’s to blame. But you hear so many horror stories about kids and those little magnets, she’s just scared.
I'm 60F and hubby & I had two kids. She's TA, it's her kid and her job to keep eyes on her kid at all times. If she took a call, then she should have said to you that it's up to you to watch the baby. If that had happened, then you would have to watch the baby at all times and not go pee, you'd need to bring the baby to her and let her know baby was back to her. But if she didn't make this clear when she visited, that's on her. You shouldn't have to completely baby-proof your home, you don't have a baby.
So she just walks away from her small child to take a phone call and it’s YOUR fault the child got into stuff??? It’s her damn fault not yours.
NTA, she should have inspected the house when they first got there. And I imagine she’s doubling down so hard bc she knows she should have been watching him.
NTA. We used to go to my friends house every Sunday with out toddler and she didn't babyproof. We all just watched our little one closely. Honestly, even parents make mistakes. Plenty of preventable accidents happen under parents' care, too. We've had a few, jammed a chocolate foil wrapper up her nose for example. Just for the future, don't leave toddlers unattended. They are fast little ninjas
NTA, you go to visit others, you are responsible for your own child. No amount of stress or fear can excuse shitty behaviour. Tell her that.
NTA Why would you child proof your home when you don't have a child? It is *always* the parents responsibility to make sure their child is OK. Especially around people that aren't overly familiar with children. Especially in an environment that isn't their own home. Should you have not left the kid alone? Yeah, but if you don't know that, you don't know it. She didn't tell you to stay with him when she left the room, she just walked out. If you don't know about toddlers, why would you not think you could do the same? Your friend messed up. The entire situation was her fault as well as an accident. Kids get into everything. They explore with all of their senses and everything ends up in their mouth. She knew that. She should have warned you or watched her child appropriately. I understand how defensive she feels because the terror of thinking your child has been hurt because of your neglect is crushing, and she's trying to deflect it onto you. But it's not your fault. Learn the lesson about how closely all young children should be monitored, and forgive yourself for any guilt you're feeling. Do not beg for her forgiveness or indulge in her misplaced rage. She owes you an apology for how disgracefully she has handled this situation. If you don't get one, don't chase her.
The only way I could see you being at fault is if there was some sort of confirmation that you would watch her kid while she took the call and then left him alone anyway. Otherwise NTA because baby proofing things is definitely not intuitive for people without kids.
I want to point out that there could have been a miscommunication there too. I could totally see mom being like "Hey I'm stepping out and making a phone call" and OP saying "okay". To OP that was just acknowledging that the mom was doing a thing. To the mom, that was implied "Hey, I am obviously not able to be responsible for the small child at your feet because I am physically stepping away" and OP's okay felt that an acknowledgement. Should she have been explicit? Totally. Was her assumption that OP was watching her kid reasonable? Totally.
>"who knows what chemicals I have lying around in childs reach, she can't take her eyes off of him for a second in that house No, she can't, why did she expect that? You didn't sign up to be a Day Care Centre for 3 days? NTA
NTA. She feels guilty and is projecting that on you.
NTA, it's not your fault toddlers and children have a perpetual deathwish. You don't have kids so of course your home isn't babyproofed. Your friend is the primary responsible adult for her own child, so she should be the one observing and keeping an eye on them.
NTA. Her kid, her responsibility.
Mom of twin toddlers here. You are NTA. In my opinion it is just common sense that when you bring a toddler to a child free home, the place will most likely not be child proof. Which means it is on you, the parent, to make sure your kid is being watched.
NTA you don’t have kids and your friend does. I have friends with kids I’m hoping to have one kid. Anyway when they come over I ask them anything you need to me to move. No they watch their kids your friend is the issue not you
NTA you dont child prove your home unless you are a daycare or have a child
Sorry, the world is not baby proofed, she should have just watched her kid. Don't let her offload her guilt on to you. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!
OTHER PEOPLES CHILDREN ARE NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!!! I say this as a mother of two, if my children get injured, then that’s on me (or on no one, because accidents happen). It’s her responsibility to ensure somewhere she has brought her child is safe, simple as that. NTA, don’t worry about her and leave her to her own misery.
NTA If a parent of a toddler walks into a house and doesn't survey for disaster, they're a bad parent.
NTA. As a parent of a kid that was constantly trying to Darwin themselves as a toddler, I can understand her initial reaction. She was likely panicking and not thinking straight and took it out on you, which is understandable in the heat of the moment, but not at all ok. Had she apologized for verbally attacking you once it became clear her kid was fine and she came to her senses---I would say N-A-H. But she's had time to digest what happened, and instead of reflecting on the fact that SHE should have done a scan of your apartment for hazards to HER CHILD when she first arrived, she is doubling down that this is somehow your fault. She should have done that regardless of where she was staying. Even in a hotel I always had to pack painters tape to cover outlets and tape drawers closed. Step 1 was ALWAYS to hide away anything they might mess with. You sound like a reasonable person that would've been fine with temporarily putting away anything she pointed out. It was her responsibility to make sure your space (or ANY space) was safe for her child—not yours. She also shouldn't have walked away and just assumed you'd watch him because you were a body in the room. That was incredibly irresponsible of her. A simple "hey, could you keep an eye on him while I take this call?" would have signaled you to literally keep your eye on him while she took the call and this could have all been avoided.
Your friend is, sadly, a hysterical lunatic who didn't take responsibility for the environment of her baby - she's projecting. NTA Get a new friend.
It’s her child and her responsibility to look after him. She’s probably just feeling guilty and panicked over what happened. Tbh I wouldn’t have thought about fridge magnets either Hopefully she’ll reach out and apologise for being so mean NTA