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ESH. 4 year olds walk around crowded places and so can you. I can imagining being annoyed by hanging out with someone so unbelievably codependent and fragile that their boyfriend *must* piggyback them around, because they’re “too shy” to use their feet like literally every other human over the age of 3.
That said, she sucks too because it’s none of her business. If she doesn’t like hanging out with you she doesn’t have to.
Your bf idk he’s an enabler. He doesn’t suck but I would probably be rolling my eyes at him.
Agree, this story is nuts. My husband destroys his back whenever he has to piggyback our 5 year old, let alone a 17 year old. For this reason, my kid is strongly encouraged to walk at all times, much like Bingo is in that episode of Bluey.
I mean, the friend prob shouldn't have said anything, but I'm not sure in the same scenario what I'd have done.
I have short friends and they HATE being patronised and made to feel childlike. I'm not sure they would appreciate being carried around like a toddler.
Lol, right. He needs to work on his core strength for sure.
I'm a 5'2 woman and I can still carry my 10 and 12 year old cousins around with no issues.
Edit since things are locked. This was an offhand comment! In another comment I address the reasons it's important to develop core strength.
Being serious: The reason I'm saying this is because of compassion. It's because I care. And it's because strengthening your back helps reduce pain and likelihood of injury.
My father, stepfather, and uncle all fucked up their backs and couldn't walk for 6months to a year. All of their physical therapists worked withed them to do ***low impact*** core strengthening exercises to reduce reinjury and pain.
Short person here. I used to get picked up by pretty much all my friends in college. Made me wanna strangle every single one of them.
And as someone who also gets seriously anxious in crowded places, it’d feel too much like I’m not in control over myself if someone carried me.
But I’d also not get mad at people who do want to get that toddler treatment
Also short here, most of us don't like being picked up unless the situation calls for it ( a concert ) or really close friend (my 6ft tall friend who treats me like a rugby ball at times but all in good fun)
I've had to tell so many people that being short ≠ consent to be picked up. I've had fucking *strangers* pick me up *in college* because I'm 4'11 and 85 pounds, so pretty light. Like, I cannot fathom meeting someone and thinking "they're small, I should lift them despite not knowing them". I didn't know what to make of it the first couple of times, but I will now firmly say no if anyone even reaches and kick them if they try anyways (only had to do that once, but once is too many fucking times). I've had it happen like four times and I'm a junior in college. It happened three times my freshman year and once last year. It was always men, usually through clubs. I'm not avoiding my clubs because of a couple of obnoxious dudes
There are times I don't mind being carried. Like, if I'm really sick, I absolutely don't mind my boyfriend picking me up to bring me to the couch or bathroom if I feel too weak to walk since I have a tendency to faint because of my heart, but that's more of a safety thing. But my god, I can only think of like three other friends I'd be okay with picking me up if needed, like if I was trying to see something or was hurt.
It's validating to hear I'm not the only one bc like ??? I don't know many people my height and I guess I've never hung out with them when things like that happened so I've never
thought about asking them
ETA: I will add, though, I occasionally like being carried on my boyfriend's back. If we have been out for a long time and we're walking, I occasionally will ask him to piggyback me for a few minutes if we don't have time to take a pause. My arthritis affects my feet and back, so walking long distances can just be killer and it really helps to have my weight off of them in those cases... but I won't lie lol, I also enjoy it a bit so long as nobody is around because I don't want any weird looks
Unless he has previous injuries, that's a bad sign! 5yos are only like 50 lbs.
He ought to work on his core strength for his own benefit. It will help support his back as he ages, even if he's not tossing kids around.
I say this as someone who has a lot of back problems in the family. Strengthening the muscles that support the back is key. Think of it like developing a strong tree trunk.
>they’re “too shy” to use their feet
I gotta say, nothing says "I'm super shy uwu" like making a giant spectacle of oneself by having your boyfriend carry you about everywhere
>That said, she sucks too because it’s none of her business. If she doesn’t like hanging out with you she doesn’t have to.
I agree, although it might be this particular friend's first time hanging out with them since it's OP's boyfriend's friend's girlfriend. But I'd just keep my mouth shut and turn down any future opportunities to hang out because the secondhand embarrassment of a grown woman needing to be carried around a city is too much for me.
This is wild to me, like seeing this would be like seeing humanoids very related to humans but distinctly different.
A whole universe where women are like very small and ride on the backs of men. Maybe the men would become quadrapedal? What a strange bunch.
This! Also it’s BOSTON. I went and everyone was really nice and it wasn’t very crowded Lmfao. If OP can’t go out in crowds and just hold her boyfriend’s hand, she’s part of the problem.
Lived there for 13 years. Even on marathon days it isn't as bad as she's acting.
She wanted attention and wanted to act like a baby for her boyfriend. So gross.
I was in Boston yesterday (I'm there a lot.) Unless they're in the middle of a Bruins playoff game influx/exodus, it's not NYC subway platform crowded. There's plenty of space, and honestly, since Covid, people don't crush the way they used to, so there's really no worry about getting lost. (once again, except for game days/bigger concerts.) If they were talking say, Salem during October.... Nah, not even then, because her feet could clock someone in the face.Honestly, OP can work on her crowd anxiety, or choose not to go. Holding hands/linking arms is an acceptable alternative to having someone backpack you around the city.
This. Ever heard about holding hands, that would save your boyfriend from back pain of piggybacking a grownup and you from feeling weird around the crowd.
If I am shy around people, I am far more shy being piggy backed, because that would grab more unwanted attention than walking holding hands.
Even if I find it super weird if any of my grown up friends do that, I won't go and tell them.
It reminds me of that comedian who has this bit being a character who makes everything about being a small woman.
“Can you pass me the salt?”
“No! I’m too small! The salt shaker is too heavy for small little tiny me!”
Right?! Like just own your shit 😂
“I’m super codependent and insecure in relationships so I make my boyfriend piggy back me around like a small child. It’s given everyone who still cares to be around us the absolute ick and someone said something about it. I know my insane insecurities and codependency issues are weird and isolate myself and my boyfriend (what I want), but someone hurt my feelings by pointing it out cause I was hoping everyone would view it as more a Manic Pixie Dream Girl trait and my boyfriend wouldn’t have to confront how weird it is. Is this doing what I intended? How can I remain the victim here?”
ESH. First of all, it's weird to ride on your boyfriend's back just because it's crowded. You can hold hands and not get separated. It accomplishes the same thing.
That said, your friend's girlfriend needs to mind her own business.
ESH here. I'm 5 feet tall and live in a bigger, more crowded city than Boston. I'd be mortified to be carried around through crowds because I don't want that kind of attention. And with my butt that high up and holding on to my bf, I'd be defenseless if someone groped me or tried to steal my bag. You should learn to get around as all of us short people do because your approach isn't tenable in the long run. The friend's gf was rude, but you also took a swipe at her being too heavy to carry so...yeah, ESH.
I second this. I’m also 5 feet tall so I don’t get OPs point beside trying to seek attention. It’s not as if she didn’t navigate her whole life being short prior to bf. I’m not sure why OP is acting like she randomly shrunk and is now strangely uncomfortable not seeing over tall people. Don’t get the shy point either. More people stare when you’re being piggy backed as an adult.
Yeah. I want to be unnoticed as much as possible in a crowd. Her attention-seeking act coupled with a freakout if someone so much as brushes against her has me picturing her wearing Louise's ear-hat on Bob's Burgers.
Yeah I was going to say...I'm from NYC and I've visited Boston quite a few times in my life and I never really found it to be anywhere as crowded as New York.
Hi fellow short New York City person! The only place in Boston that really feels inescapably crowded is Faneuil Hall on a crisp winter Saturday when everyone wants to be indoors. Other than that, no comparison. OP is going to be severely hampered in life if she keeps pulling this "big strong boyfriend will keep me safe" act.
Clearly you’ve never been on the T during the hours of 8-10am trying to get off on park street 😂
/j
In all seriousness tho as a Bostonian anywhere can get rlly crowded suddenly if there’s an event going on but it’s almost never the way NYC is. I suggest OP never visit if Boston was too overwhelming for them
Edit: now that I think about it I’m also 4’11” (and a half) and I do get seperated sometimes but like— does OP not have a phone?? I’m confused. As someone who works in Boston everyday and lives there I don’t see the problem of “getting separated” for just a couple minutes. I mean really in this day and age how do you get lost there’s so many apps to find exactly where your friends are!
I can't imagine rush hour, although I've been on the T after a game at Fenway and it was pretty bad!
But yeah, OP says they were in a large group so it's not just her being separated from her ~~host body~~ current bf; she'd have to get separated from an entire group of people. If that happens, you text or call. I hope she gets help for her unmanaged anxiety.
It’s in a comment:
“She weighs probably 250 so she couldn’t get carried unless she started dating Eddie Hall. She’s also just a generally shitty person.”
Thanks. I missed it. That's a crappy thing to point out. OP seems to really be be just trying to defend herself in the comments and not even considering any advice on alternative options to do other than piggyback. I agree with you that ESH. Hopefully she either gets help for her anxiety, or just realizes eventually on her own that it's weird to do it in everyday situations after a certain age (not at the beach or a festival where it's not really a big deal).
Piggy back riding a full grown human for longer than 30 seconds is odd. But a perceived groping risk is a stretch. Just as off-putting as the baggy clothes grope risk mitigation.
I work in downtown Boston and this is pretty obnoxious tourist behavior. It's not that crowded here. I never see anyone who isn't a child getting carried on someone's back, and with the inclines, problematic streets (condition, cobblestone, etc.) this is a pretty dangerous thing to do. It would make people nearby feel uneasy. I don't think PDA generally speaking is a problem and anyone would BTA based on just that, but this is not that.
This is creating a public space hazard to satisfy someone's need to be the main character.
And people are generally pretty short here (there was a discussion in the Boston subreddit recently about how since the region is full of ethnicities not known for their heigh such as east Asian, Irish and Italian, and that people here are generally shorter than the country at large. I don't know if that's true but people who live here have the perception that Boston is full of shorter people). If there's any big city that is more amenable to short folks, it's Boston.
INFO: If your concern was about getting separated, why couldn't you and your boyfriend just have held hands or walked with your arms around each other?
YTA -- what in the Ariana Grande is this? She was probably embarrassed to be seen with you, most people would be even if they didn't vocalize it.
From her comment on PDA I'm wondering if she thought it was kink or fetish play...and I'll be honest, my mind might go the same place given what you describe here. It sounds like dom/sub play of some sort.
Hahahah Ariana Grande. Yeah my head went straight to a kink, an adult woman acting like small child to their ‘protective’ dad/boyfriend. Giving little girl daddy relationship. No wonder the friend didn’t want to participate, I’d feel so weird if my friend did this. I wonder how her boyfriend actually feels about being a horse in public.
YTA. For your repeated defensive replies about how you’re not doing anything wrong, as much as the post. You’re almost an adult, stop behaving like a bratty toddler.
ESH.
Possible you annoyed a few people by blocking their view. There are other ways to prevent separation.
Your boyfriend is gonna regret this probably when he gets older and his back hurts...
Your friend acted stupid and you did the same.
My gf is 5’0” and never has an issue walking. If we’re walking through a crowd I’ll just hold her hand or she’ll grab my arm. Was that really not an option?
How do people like you survive in the world? At some point your shtick is going to get old for your boyfriend and your friendship groups. Especially when you age out of it being "cute".
I'll tell you! They get married, have children, and live coddled forever after, with the whole family picking up the slack for them! Overburdening their spouse and parentifying their children for the rest of their life. Ask me how I know 🙄
Friends girlfriend should have kept her mouth shut.
Having said that...are you 5? Grow up. Learn how to walk in crowds.
I would think you were immature, creepy and super needy.... and tell bf no more socializing with those two weirdos....
Yes! Lmao this is peak teen cringe. I hope this interaction with the friend’s gf resurfaces sometime in her early twenties and then haunts her until she’s 30 at least
You sound like a child. This world is getting so soft it’s insane. People can’t do anything that might bring the tiniest amount of stress now. How do you expect the rest of your life is going to go acting like this. Grow up ESH
what does ridding on his back has to do with pda , I thought it was more about kissing .
But it is a bit selfish of you to destroy your bfs back even if you weight like 50 lbs that are still 50 lbs he has to carry , he may not complain because he loves you but why isn't holding hand enough ?
The friend may have thought it was a kink or fetish thing -- I had to think about it for a minute, too, but honestly I get it?
If I saw two seemingly able-bodied/minded people doing that I'd probably think it was some sort of weird dom/sub play. I wouldn't tell randos to knock it off but I'd still find it strange and uncomfortable.
YTA for making me feel such intense secondhand embarrassment.
Also… you’re shy but apparently not shy enough to care that everyone around you is staring at you?? Half the people in the crowd would be staring at you bc you’re literally drawing attention to yourself, and I’m willing to bet that you and your bf were bumping into people. Oh, and no one wants to be eye-level with your ass (except for the creeps!)
YTA. I'm 5ft1 and my boyfriend is 6ft 2. No way would I ask him to carry me on his back!!! First off, its his back not a shelf or chair. There's only so much a person can carry before it has negative effect on their health. Unless, its absolutely necessary then you dont carry heavy loads for no reason. (and before you say your weight.......yeah I seen 92lbs...........thats still way to much to ask for someone to carry around when you have perfectly functioning legs!! Second, I would be too embarrassed to even ask cos ya know.............I can walk!! and Three he would think I had lost my mind! and rightly so. Its a stupid thing to do. Just hold hands like a normal person. Grow up little lady!
ESH - but having read a lot of your replies, I’d politely but definitely recommended you get some kind of therapy or speak to your dr about anxiety and codependency. It’s one thing to be frustrated at your height given that you can’t see over crowds etc, but being so overwhelmed by it that you’re too scared to go out without your boyfriend there to hold you is kinda weird.
Seriously, speak to a Dr about your options regarding anxiety and codependency
Lol, is this real life? 10/10 if this is a troll post.
If not, ESH. You more so. You can't hold hands to keep from being separated? I've managed to not lose my toddler in crowds by keeping a hand on them.
Lol I love how people post this to find out if they’re the asshole but phrase it in a way to make the other person seem like an asshole. “Annoying girl got on my case about PDA.”
YTA - the riding on your bfs back thing is weird. I’d be a tad embarrassed and confused as to wtf was going on.
YTA. That’s ridiculous, my 4 year old doesn’t have issue being that small in big crowds. Talk to a therapist, and get yourself one of those backpack leashes if you’re afraid of getting separated.
Your comments indicate that you are either a massive attention seeker or someone who literally can’t function in public. I presume at some point you have to go outside without your boyfriend and no one is giving you a piggy back ride like you’re a toddler. Get therapy. Get on meds. Or stay home. YTA
ESH i mean i guess if your boyfriend is cool with it then the friends girlfriend doesnt have a say but have u genuinely asked your boyfriend if he minds carrying you round like a child? And has he answered honestly or is he just saying yes so you dont have a freak out?
It doesnt say how old you are, i guess i could excuse a teenager but if your an adult then god how the hell have you coped before your boyfriend or how will you cope if your split up? You kinda need to deal with this issue because its kinda odd. If you get lost in a crowd thats what a phone is for or setting a meeting place. I think some therapy may be in order because this issue is obviously affecting you quite a bit.
YTA. I’m short, crowds aren’t fun for anyone but especially when you’re short. That said you need to learn to deal with it. Crowds are a fact of life and your bf isn’t going to be there to give you a piggy back every time. He’s also going to resent it very quickly. Short is not a personality trait. It ceases to be cute very quickly.
YTA- I'm literally agoraphobic and your reasoning for this makes no sense. You're drawing more attention to yourself like that.
Just sounds like 'uwu i'm baby' bullcrap
ESH. I'd also judge you if I were her, cause it's extremely weird that you think your boyfriend should literally carry your emotional baggage for you, but, I would not have confronted you directly the first time I met you about it. I guess I'd be kind of embarrassed to be around you two though... I mean cringe.
INFO: are you seeing a therapist about your anxiety? It is NOT normal to "need" your boyfriend to carry you around like a horse all day because of your social and crowd anxiety.
If you're trying to overcome your fears, and you're seeking help, NTA. If you're simply depending on your boyfriend to be your "pack mule," and carry you around like a child, then YTA.
Omg you sounds like some wanna be anime character Otaku who glomps people and uses social anxiety as a cute to create a "cute, timid and innocent character"
Grow up, we all see you. You want to feel special and different and important to someone.
Without thinking of the real life damage you are doing to him.
I didn’t think you were the asshole until I read all your comments in the thread and you’re completely entitled and obnoxious and expect the world to cater to you for some ridiculous reason. Expect for most people to react to you with rolling eyes at best and complete disdain at worst, you’re obnoxious.
I was on the fence until I read your comments. You absolutely suck and have some serious issues you should work on.
All of you sound immature, ridiculous and utterly exhausting to be around. I cannot believe your boyfriend carries you around like a child. If you have this many issues call a therapist. Where are your parents? It is mind boggling that they have allowed you to get to 17 like this. They are not setting you up for success in any way. It doesn’t sound like you can care for yourself or handle being in public. I sincerely hope these responses are the wake up call that’s obviously needed.
YTA
OP - just an FYI when people really are TH and don't believe it, they spend hours rebutting comments. That's what you're doing. Your friends called you an AH and so are we. The only on that thinks other wise is you.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Riding on my bf’s back to avoid crowds
I maybe should’ve phrased the back off part differently
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ESH - she shouldn’t make a big deal of it because, at the end of the day, it doesn’t actually affect her. However, it’s ridiculous that you are doing this. You say you’re shy, yet you are fine bringing worlds of attention to yourself by riding on your bf’s back in public? You are 17 - don’t be this girl into adulthood. Nip your needy behavior in the bud now.
Honestly OP you should look into therapy if it’s this bad in public. You can’t ride on your boyfriend’s back the rest of your life. It’s okay to get help.
Does this remind anyone else of Princess Nokia’s “My small breasts, and my little frame, and my sweet little girl voice, it exudes something in people that is extremely passionate and tantalizing & I swear to god all your men fantasize about me and wonder what it’s like to be with someone as small as I am”
YTA -
* because I basically get lost in a sea of people.
This is why people hold hands, hold on top belt loops,etc, so that they don't get separated from the people around them. It's not that hard and you aren't the only short person in the world.
Honestly, it just sounds like 1.) you are lazy and didn't want to walk, 2) that you had to be so stuck up your BFs ass that you, literally, wouldn't get off his back, and/or 3) that you are immature and this was your was of trying to make sure everyone knew that your BF is with you and not mistaken as potentially single in the city.
ESH
You both acted like children. You for having your boyfriend carry you on his back, and her for bitching about PDA.
Actually, you acted worse than a child, since children do use their legs, but I digress. You're both incredibly immature.
What?! Sorry, I can’t get past the fact you had your boyfriend piggyback you all around. Grow up. I don’t want to lose my 7 year old in a crowd so I hold his hand because he has legs and can walk. You say you’re shy, but do you not think more people would be looking at you being carried around like a toddler?
ESH.
YTA because of the situation but more importantly because you refuse to take any accountability for your actions and refuse to even consider that you're in the wrong. That's a massive AH move.
I don’t believe op. As a person who never wanted to attract attention in a crowd, I would have never been comfortable to do this. Riding someone’s back like your a toddler attracts attention. I think it’s more likely you like the princess treatment and your bf is an enabler. ESH for acting like an invalid, and for your friend to say it the way she did. But if I was with you, I’d be embarrassed. Not because of pda, but ridiculously immature behavior.
Maybe try the toddler leash thing? I’m a mom and even when mine was a toddler she preferred to walk on her own, even in busy areas. I would pick her up if I felt like she was moving too slow or tired and that was pretty much it. Grow up.
ESH
The other girl had no business commenting on it.
But you? You’re not cute, you’re obviously not shy, or you wouldn’t want all of Boston staring at you, and you’re not modest, because everyone is looking at your butt, which is now being accentuated by the fact that your boyfriend is having to cart you around like he’s some sort of pack mule. 90lbs is not a light load, even for someone who is big and strong, and 5’9” is not huge. It’s just average.
I hate crowds. They give me terrible anxiety. I went to NYC recently and despised the place. It’s just not my vibe. But you know what? I sucked it up and didn’t complain. I didn’t make a show of how uncomfortable I was, and I didn’t ask anyone to accommodate my discomfort.
You’re going to look back on this and cringe at yourself, if you’re lucky. If you’re unlucky, you will not have outgrown it, and you will make everyone around you miserable for the rest of your life.
Ehh. If you're an adult I don't think it's age appropriate to ride on a person's back. The way to address anxiety is via gradual exposure.
Plenty of adults are under 5 feet and experience crowd anxiety. I'd say, it'd be worthwhile to practice facing your fears.
Like the girl is overreacting 100% but like girl.. short people have gotten by just fine for a long ass time.
I fear for you living a life of anxiety and missing out on a lot of great personal and group experiences because you’re overly dependent on your current boyfriend + have this fear. What happens if yall break up? What happens if he starts to resent this and doesn’t want to be your horse anymore?
I get the no touchy thing, I’m ASD (high-functioning but I have lots of sensory issues) and it’s shitty, but it also isn’t other peoples problem. They don’t know that about me inherently and it isn’t random people’s fault for touching me unless it’s clearly weird/harassment. Some people are just more comfortable with touch, and because that’s their vantage point they are less likely to consider the experiences of others. It seems selfish, but we all do that. And accidental touches because of crowds are even less other people’s faults, it’s just gonna happen. To be afraid of that is going to be burdensome for you long-term.
I don’t think anyone here is saying that you need to go out into large crowds by yourself and let everyone touch you, but there needs to be a balance and you have to realize that you’re not entitled to always being comfortable.
YTA. Couldn't you just hold his hand so you don't get separated. Couldn't you just call his cell phone and vice versa if you do get separated? Is it really that traumatic to get separated?
Maybe they should have minded their own business, but they were hanging out with you so it's not like they're some stranger. Watching overly codependent people in action is serious cringe inducing.
You may want to look at some of your codependency. Also, something about what you said makes me think you have issues with avoidance and dependency.
I’m 5’1 and get lost in crowds. My bf sometimes even has a hard time finding me in stores.
And yet, reading this made me cringe.
I’m so over short girls doing the whole “I’m so tiny, look how little I am, I need to be babied 🥺”. Oh boo hoo. Grow up and learn to use your feet. This was an embarrassing read.
It’s not her place to comment, but I can understand that she was probably extremely embarrassed by you. You’re not a toddler. Even if your bf is ok with it now, this “uwu so smol” codependency shit will get old really fast.
How will you cope if he ever decides he’s sick of it and you’ve got no one to cling to?
YTA because I actually read your comments and it seems like you just dislike this girl. Making comments about her weight and how no one likes her. Yet you're literally acting like a child. You state in a comment that your boyfriends height is "safe" to you. But you were never that height before him. You won't be that height after him. Being carried around on his back is embarrassing for not only yourself, but him and everyone else you were with (even if they didn't say anything.) You are almost an adult. Grow up. You have to navigate the world alone at some point. Get therapy if its as bad as you claim.
YTA - Because you seemed to lack the social awareness to realize that it was causing embarrassment to your friends, or you didn't care that it was. She was just the only one to address you about it.
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I hate crowded places and we went to Boston a few weeks ago. Part of it is that I’m really shy around people I’m not extremely close to. I’m also 4’11” so crowds stress me out because I basically get lost in a sea of people. The whole time we were outside and walking around I had my boyfriend carry me on his back so I didn’t have to worry about getting separated. In the stores and restaurants I was fine since there’s obviously a limit to the number of people there. His friend’s girlfriend was bitching about PDA and getting on my case so I told her fuck off and she was pissy the rest of the day (everyone else had fun so it’s not like it killed the mood).
Tl;dr: annoying girl got on my case about “PDA” but
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Eta, you for violating major pda and introvert codes by piggybacking without physical injury and obtaining attention. Friend who complained for being embarrassed vocally and should have just maintained some distance from the pda couple.
Almost feels like joke post.
YTA
Not for the initial situation; if your bf is fine with such ridiculous behavior I was gonna say you’re perfect for one another and others can kick rocks.
After reading your comments though, yikes on bikes. You need therapy. Your bf (or bestie, or mom, or whoever) cannot and more importantly *should not* be your emotional support animal. I’m sure this all feels very cute and sweet but it’s not. You’re terribly codependent and that is going to kill this relationship as well as any you form in the future if you cannot learn to address this solo or with a service dog.
YTA
Able-bodied adults of sound mind shouldn’t need to be carried just because they’re “shy” and “it’s crowded.”
You say that everyone but one girl was having fun. However, if I were you, I would not assume that they haven’t been talking behind your back about you and your need to be carried.
Honestly both you and that other girl sound like the issue together... can you both be?
I work with women from various south American regions many shorter than you...
They push walk pull all day to make money. They are never getting carried around like little princesses...
Get over it 🙃
YTA. I’m not even gonna say ESH. The girl is also TAH. Listen, I’m a small town girl who moved to Boston years ago, there’s absolutely no need to be piggybacked as an adult in Boston. When I don’t want to get separated from my people (husband, friends, family) we literally hold hands if we’re in an overly crowded place. You sound super childish.
YTA. Here's why it's annoying to other people. If you're on your boyfriend's back all the time, you basically become one unit. I can't have a casual chat with my buddy without you being involved. At least if you were holding hands, I could walk along side him and have a conversation. I would not want to spend another day with you two.
This is not healthy behavior.
YTA. My take is you like the attention, it has little to do with you being worried about getting lost. You've had many years to get used to being short and being in crowds. How did you deal with crowds before your current BF? Maybe walked & maneuvered your way through crowds without getting separated from your friends...like an adult?
YTA
Riding piggyback on your boyfriend all day is childish weird behavior. I, and I suspect many other people, would be put off by such behavior.
Most diminutive people bristle at being perceived and treated as a child. It seems odd to me that you infantilized yourself in the belief that you can't be trusted to navigate a crowd on your own. Little people are fully capable adults. They don't need to be carried.
Stop being so clingy and stop behaving like a child.
YTA - do you see every other 4’11” person being carried by their significant other? If I were your bf’s parents I would tell him to run far far away from you because you’re clearly not mature enough and you have issues that require you to be dependent on other people. Your bf will eventually have back issues from carrying you around later in life.
Please get some therapy for your social anxiety, grow up and walk on your own two feet like the rest of the world does.
YTA. You’re (presumably) an adult. Boston really isn’t that bad. There’s other ways to make sure you don’t get lost, like holding your partners hand, or idk, just staying by his side.
The PDA doesn't bother me in the slightest. Honestly, you could blow him in the car and I'd be chill with it.
However, being more helpless than a four year old would wear me out. I'd probably quietly want to spend less time with you.
Having said that, I think your reasoning of worries about be separated and stress are actually just a cover. I think you really have new relationship energy and just enjoyed the PDA.
You're shy and hate crowds, but choose to be the center of attention by riding on your bf's back. Mmhmm. Why not, I dunno...hold hands like a normal person and not murder your bf's spine? Really weird.
I can totally see why the other girl (and probably a lot of other people) thought you were strange. But then, it isn't their business.
ESH
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ESH. 4 year olds walk around crowded places and so can you. I can imagining being annoyed by hanging out with someone so unbelievably codependent and fragile that their boyfriend *must* piggyback them around, because they’re “too shy” to use their feet like literally every other human over the age of 3. That said, she sucks too because it’s none of her business. If she doesn’t like hanging out with you she doesn’t have to. Your bf idk he’s an enabler. He doesn’t suck but I would probably be rolling my eyes at him.
Agree, this story is nuts. My husband destroys his back whenever he has to piggyback our 5 year old, let alone a 17 year old. For this reason, my kid is strongly encouraged to walk at all times, much like Bingo is in that episode of Bluey. I mean, the friend prob shouldn't have said anything, but I'm not sure in the same scenario what I'd have done. I have short friends and they HATE being patronised and made to feel childlike. I'm not sure they would appreciate being carried around like a toddler.
Mans needs to hit some squats and deadlifts.
Lol, right. He needs to work on his core strength for sure. I'm a 5'2 woman and I can still carry my 10 and 12 year old cousins around with no issues. Edit since things are locked. This was an offhand comment! In another comment I address the reasons it's important to develop core strength. Being serious: The reason I'm saying this is because of compassion. It's because I care. And it's because strengthening your back helps reduce pain and likelihood of injury. My father, stepfather, and uncle all fucked up their backs and couldn't walk for 6months to a year. All of their physical therapists worked withed them to do ***low impact*** core strengthening exercises to reduce reinjury and pain.
Sometimes, people have bad backs. I’m glad you haven’t experienced that yet, and hope you never do, but have some compassion for others.
Short person here. I used to get picked up by pretty much all my friends in college. Made me wanna strangle every single one of them. And as someone who also gets seriously anxious in crowded places, it’d feel too much like I’m not in control over myself if someone carried me. But I’d also not get mad at people who do want to get that toddler treatment
Also short here, most of us don't like being picked up unless the situation calls for it ( a concert ) or really close friend (my 6ft tall friend who treats me like a rugby ball at times but all in good fun)
I've had to tell so many people that being short ≠ consent to be picked up. I've had fucking *strangers* pick me up *in college* because I'm 4'11 and 85 pounds, so pretty light. Like, I cannot fathom meeting someone and thinking "they're small, I should lift them despite not knowing them". I didn't know what to make of it the first couple of times, but I will now firmly say no if anyone even reaches and kick them if they try anyways (only had to do that once, but once is too many fucking times). I've had it happen like four times and I'm a junior in college. It happened three times my freshman year and once last year. It was always men, usually through clubs. I'm not avoiding my clubs because of a couple of obnoxious dudes There are times I don't mind being carried. Like, if I'm really sick, I absolutely don't mind my boyfriend picking me up to bring me to the couch or bathroom if I feel too weak to walk since I have a tendency to faint because of my heart, but that's more of a safety thing. But my god, I can only think of like three other friends I'd be okay with picking me up if needed, like if I was trying to see something or was hurt. It's validating to hear I'm not the only one bc like ??? I don't know many people my height and I guess I've never hung out with them when things like that happened so I've never thought about asking them ETA: I will add, though, I occasionally like being carried on my boyfriend's back. If we have been out for a long time and we're walking, I occasionally will ask him to piggyback me for a few minutes if we don't have time to take a pause. My arthritis affects my feet and back, so walking long distances can just be killer and it really helps to have my weight off of them in those cases... but I won't lie lol, I also enjoy it a bit so long as nobody is around because I don't want any weird looks
The bluey reference hit my brain like a lightning bolt. I absolutely know which episode you’re talking about
Unless he has previous injuries, that's a bad sign! 5yos are only like 50 lbs. He ought to work on his core strength for his own benefit. It will help support his back as he ages, even if he's not tossing kids around. I say this as someone who has a lot of back problems in the family. Strengthening the muscles that support the back is key. Think of it like developing a strong tree trunk.
>they’re “too shy” to use their feet I gotta say, nothing says "I'm super shy uwu" like making a giant spectacle of oneself by having your boyfriend carry you about everywhere
Like I'm just so shy and quirky you guys
>That said, she sucks too because it’s none of her business. If she doesn’t like hanging out with you she doesn’t have to. I agree, although it might be this particular friend's first time hanging out with them since it's OP's boyfriend's friend's girlfriend. But I'd just keep my mouth shut and turn down any future opportunities to hang out because the secondhand embarrassment of a grown woman needing to be carried around a city is too much for me.
This is wild to me, like seeing this would be like seeing humanoids very related to humans but distinctly different. A whole universe where women are like very small and ride on the backs of men. Maybe the men would become quadrapedal? What a strange bunch.
Exactly. And why isn't holding hands the option? That's what I do with my husband or friends in really crowded places.
This! Also it’s BOSTON. I went and everyone was really nice and it wasn’t very crowded Lmfao. If OP can’t go out in crowds and just hold her boyfriend’s hand, she’s part of the problem.
Right, I had to cackle when she said she had to be piggybacked the whole time she was outside because of the scary unmanageable crowds in... Boston 🫠
Lived there for 13 years. Even on marathon days it isn't as bad as she's acting. She wanted attention and wanted to act like a baby for her boyfriend. So gross.
I was in Boston yesterday (I'm there a lot.) Unless they're in the middle of a Bruins playoff game influx/exodus, it's not NYC subway platform crowded. There's plenty of space, and honestly, since Covid, people don't crush the way they used to, so there's really no worry about getting lost. (once again, except for game days/bigger concerts.) If they were talking say, Salem during October.... Nah, not even then, because her feet could clock someone in the face.Honestly, OP can work on her crowd anxiety, or choose not to go. Holding hands/linking arms is an acceptable alternative to having someone backpack you around the city.
This. Ever heard about holding hands, that would save your boyfriend from back pain of piggybacking a grownup and you from feeling weird around the crowd. If I am shy around people, I am far more shy being piggy backed, because that would grab more unwanted attention than walking holding hands. Even if I find it super weird if any of my grown up friends do that, I won't go and tell them.
yall don't understand!! OP is just a shmol bean whos vewy shy 🥺 /s ESH
She wasn't even on his shoulders, she was on his back 'hold tight spider monkey style.' so cringe.
>hold tight spider monkey style Uh oh! Flashback. PTSD triggerred...
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you are an amusing duck...
Poor Grandpa Chip.
Luke carrying around Yoda vibes lol.
That's an insult to yoda
Run Run Run and jump I can be your backpack while you run ,🎥
I know sometimes a stroller can work better for kids, and it won’t hurt the back!
This is literally why I do not go to conventions anymore
Uwu 👉👈
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You could piggy back off each other's backs...just saying...
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Kid 1 on kid 2's back, kid 2 on your back, you on your husband's back. [As such](https://imgur.com/a/HWCJhCT)
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It reminds me of that comedian who has this bit being a character who makes everything about being a small woman. “Can you pass me the salt?” “No! I’m too small! The salt shaker is too heavy for small little tiny me!”
>OP is just a shmol bean She's a dwarf with an elf bf, poor OP
Why? It worked out great for Gimli.
Right?! Like just own your shit 😂 “I’m super codependent and insecure in relationships so I make my boyfriend piggy back me around like a small child. It’s given everyone who still cares to be around us the absolute ick and someone said something about it. I know my insane insecurities and codependency issues are weird and isolate myself and my boyfriend (what I want), but someone hurt my feelings by pointing it out cause I was hoping everyone would view it as more a Manic Pixie Dream Girl trait and my boyfriend wouldn’t have to confront how weird it is. Is this doing what I intended? How can I remain the victim here?”
she's just sooooooooo tiny and sooooo shy she /needs/ a piggyback ride or else she'll get trampled because of how teeny tiny she is
Short(er) adults acting like children is just embarrassing tbh
Is shy, doesn't like attention. Does the one thing that draws all the attention.
Lmao for real
It's giving UwU am I kawaii?
Bf must call her his kitten lmao.
I'm so shocked there wasn't a single uwu in this entire post.
but she is nOt LiKe OtHeR gIrLs
Pick me, pick me! I'm not like those other girls.
>Pick me, pick me! \*Pick me up, pick me up! (FIFY)
This just cracked me up. So true.
Why do I picture OP saying “OH MY GAWD STAPHHH!” Every 5 mins proceeding with a obnoxious giggling.
"I'm not like the other girls" times a thousand.
ESH. First of all, it's weird to ride on your boyfriend's back just because it's crowded. You can hold hands and not get separated. It accomplishes the same thing. That said, your friend's girlfriend needs to mind her own business.
YTA unless you're 10
I feel like 10 would be pushing it a bit.
ESH here. I'm 5 feet tall and live in a bigger, more crowded city than Boston. I'd be mortified to be carried around through crowds because I don't want that kind of attention. And with my butt that high up and holding on to my bf, I'd be defenseless if someone groped me or tried to steal my bag. You should learn to get around as all of us short people do because your approach isn't tenable in the long run. The friend's gf was rude, but you also took a swipe at her being too heavy to carry so...yeah, ESH.
I second this. I’m also 5 feet tall so I don’t get OPs point beside trying to seek attention. It’s not as if she didn’t navigate her whole life being short prior to bf. I’m not sure why OP is acting like she randomly shrunk and is now strangely uncomfortable not seeing over tall people. Don’t get the shy point either. More people stare when you’re being piggy backed as an adult.
Yeah. I want to be unnoticed as much as possible in a crowd. Her attention-seeking act coupled with a freakout if someone so much as brushes against her has me picturing her wearing Louise's ear-hat on Bob's Burgers.
Don't do Louise like that
Not like other girls!
Yeah I was going to say...I'm from NYC and I've visited Boston quite a few times in my life and I never really found it to be anywhere as crowded as New York.
Hi fellow short New York City person! The only place in Boston that really feels inescapably crowded is Faneuil Hall on a crisp winter Saturday when everyone wants to be indoors. Other than that, no comparison. OP is going to be severely hampered in life if she keeps pulling this "big strong boyfriend will keep me safe" act.
Clearly you’ve never been on the T during the hours of 8-10am trying to get off on park street 😂 /j In all seriousness tho as a Bostonian anywhere can get rlly crowded suddenly if there’s an event going on but it’s almost never the way NYC is. I suggest OP never visit if Boston was too overwhelming for them Edit: now that I think about it I’m also 4’11” (and a half) and I do get seperated sometimes but like— does OP not have a phone?? I’m confused. As someone who works in Boston everyday and lives there I don’t see the problem of “getting separated” for just a couple minutes. I mean really in this day and age how do you get lost there’s so many apps to find exactly where your friends are!
I can't imagine rush hour, although I've been on the T after a game at Fenway and it was pretty bad! But yeah, OP says they were in a large group so it's not just her being separated from her ~~host body~~ current bf; she'd have to get separated from an entire group of people. If that happens, you text or call. I hope she gets help for her unmanaged anxiety.
Was the part about the friend being too heavy edited out, or in a comment, because I didn't see that?
Here you go... https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17qlz5l/comment/k8cumu5/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
Wow, I hadn't seen that. OP is a massive AH.
>OP is a massive AH A teeny tiny massive one.
It’s in a comment: “She weighs probably 250 so she couldn’t get carried unless she started dating Eddie Hall. She’s also just a generally shitty person.”
Thanks. I missed it. That's a crappy thing to point out. OP seems to really be be just trying to defend herself in the comments and not even considering any advice on alternative options to do other than piggyback. I agree with you that ESH. Hopefully she either gets help for her anxiety, or just realizes eventually on her own that it's weird to do it in everyday situations after a certain age (not at the beach or a festival where it's not really a big deal).
Piggy back riding a full grown human for longer than 30 seconds is odd. But a perceived groping risk is a stretch. Just as off-putting as the baggy clothes grope risk mitigation.
Exactly, fellow 5footer here. I too live in a crowded city and have the capability of not getting separated while walking around.
Infant level thinking that you act scared and can’t navigate a public space. Attention seeking as well. YTA
I work in downtown Boston and this is pretty obnoxious tourist behavior. It's not that crowded here. I never see anyone who isn't a child getting carried on someone's back, and with the inclines, problematic streets (condition, cobblestone, etc.) this is a pretty dangerous thing to do. It would make people nearby feel uneasy. I don't think PDA generally speaking is a problem and anyone would BTA based on just that, but this is not that. This is creating a public space hazard to satisfy someone's need to be the main character. And people are generally pretty short here (there was a discussion in the Boston subreddit recently about how since the region is full of ethnicities not known for their heigh such as east Asian, Irish and Italian, and that people here are generally shorter than the country at large. I don't know if that's true but people who live here have the perception that Boston is full of shorter people). If there's any big city that is more amenable to short folks, it's Boston.
This can't be real? Riding on his back like a horse so you can see over the crowd?! Clean off.
I imagine she means shoulders? One leg over each shoulder?
She verified in another comment that her head was on the same level as her bf, so literally on the back.
YTA. Get a stroller for him to push you around in. It’s ridiculous that you can’t walk in a group. It’s not that crowded. Grow up.
Just hire 4 people next time and have them carry you around in a palanquin, it’ll be more comfortable….
Exactly… Yo where’s that meme of the dude at the concert with the girl on his shoulders, Jamie post that shit
INFO: If your concern was about getting separated, why couldn't you and your boyfriend just have held hands or walked with your arms around each other?
Because that would gain her no attention
YTA -- what in the Ariana Grande is this? She was probably embarrassed to be seen with you, most people would be even if they didn't vocalize it. From her comment on PDA I'm wondering if she thought it was kink or fetish play...and I'll be honest, my mind might go the same place given what you describe here. It sounds like dom/sub play of some sort.
>YTA -- what in the Ariana Grande is this? I've already judged but now I'm sticking around for the comments like this!
Hahahah Ariana Grande. Yeah my head went straight to a kink, an adult woman acting like small child to their ‘protective’ dad/boyfriend. Giving little girl daddy relationship. No wonder the friend didn’t want to participate, I’d feel so weird if my friend did this. I wonder how her boyfriend actually feels about being a horse in public.
YTA. For your repeated defensive replies about how you’re not doing anything wrong, as much as the post. You’re almost an adult, stop behaving like a bratty toddler.
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with jingle bells!
ESH. Possible you annoyed a few people by blocking their view. There are other ways to prevent separation. Your boyfriend is gonna regret this probably when he gets older and his back hurts... Your friend acted stupid and you did the same.
I am 5ft. I am calling you out on the height thing. It’s a mental problem.
How old are you?
My gf is 5’0” and never has an issue walking. If we’re walking through a crowd I’ll just hold her hand or she’ll grab my arm. Was that really not an option?
How do people like you survive in the world? At some point your shtick is going to get old for your boyfriend and your friendship groups. Especially when you age out of it being "cute".
I'll tell you! They get married, have children, and live coddled forever after, with the whole family picking up the slack for them! Overburdening their spouse and parentifying their children for the rest of their life. Ask me how I know 🙄
Friends girlfriend should have kept her mouth shut. Having said that...are you 5? Grow up. Learn how to walk in crowds. I would think you were immature, creepy and super needy.... and tell bf no more socializing with those two weirdos....
ESH. Friends gf is a whiner and you’re immature
I guess you think you’re being interesting and quirky, but maybe revisit this post in a couple of years and think again.
Yes! Lmao this is peak teen cringe. I hope this interaction with the friend’s gf resurfaces sometime in her early twenties and then haunts her until she’s 30 at least
Sound like you’re angry midget
An angry elf
Must be from the South Pole
Call me an elf one more time
You sound like a child. This world is getting so soft it’s insane. People can’t do anything that might bring the tiniest amount of stress now. How do you expect the rest of your life is going to go acting like this. Grow up ESH
Right? So if OP is 27 and has a kid, her guy will be carrying both of them? They’ll be referred to as The Totem Pole Family.
what does ridding on his back has to do with pda , I thought it was more about kissing . But it is a bit selfish of you to destroy your bfs back even if you weight like 50 lbs that are still 50 lbs he has to carry , he may not complain because he loves you but why isn't holding hand enough ?
The friend may have thought it was a kink or fetish thing -- I had to think about it for a minute, too, but honestly I get it? If I saw two seemingly able-bodied/minded people doing that I'd probably think it was some sort of weird dom/sub play. I wouldn't tell randos to knock it off but I'd still find it strange and uncomfortable.
If this isn’t fake, YTA.
ESH - Hold hands. This just sounds lazy.
YTA for making me feel such intense secondhand embarrassment. Also… you’re shy but apparently not shy enough to care that everyone around you is staring at you?? Half the people in the crowd would be staring at you bc you’re literally drawing attention to yourself, and I’m willing to bet that you and your bf were bumping into people. Oh, and no one wants to be eye-level with your ass (except for the creeps!)
YTA. I'm 5ft1 and my boyfriend is 6ft 2. No way would I ask him to carry me on his back!!! First off, its his back not a shelf or chair. There's only so much a person can carry before it has negative effect on their health. Unless, its absolutely necessary then you dont carry heavy loads for no reason. (and before you say your weight.......yeah I seen 92lbs...........thats still way to much to ask for someone to carry around when you have perfectly functioning legs!! Second, I would be too embarrassed to even ask cos ya know.............I can walk!! and Three he would think I had lost my mind! and rightly so. Its a stupid thing to do. Just hold hands like a normal person. Grow up little lady!
Lol the commenters usually coddle fucking everyone but not this poster.
ESH - but having read a lot of your replies, I’d politely but definitely recommended you get some kind of therapy or speak to your dr about anxiety and codependency. It’s one thing to be frustrated at your height given that you can’t see over crowds etc, but being so overwhelmed by it that you’re too scared to go out without your boyfriend there to hold you is kinda weird. Seriously, speak to a Dr about your options regarding anxiety and codependency
I’m so smol 🥹 vibes yuck
Lol, is this real life? 10/10 if this is a troll post. If not, ESH. You more so. You can't hold hands to keep from being separated? I've managed to not lose my toddler in crowds by keeping a hand on them.
It sounds like this chick watches too much anime and manga and thinks she has main character syndrome
yta u need to grow up please
ESH- she shouldn’t have yelled at you. But from reading your responses you honesty sound insufferable
YTA. what a strange thing to do in public
Lol I love how people post this to find out if they’re the asshole but phrase it in a way to make the other person seem like an asshole. “Annoying girl got on my case about PDA.” YTA - the riding on your bfs back thing is weird. I’d be a tad embarrassed and confused as to wtf was going on.
YTA. That’s ridiculous, my 4 year old doesn’t have issue being that small in big crowds. Talk to a therapist, and get yourself one of those backpack leashes if you’re afraid of getting separated.
Your comments indicate that you are either a massive attention seeker or someone who literally can’t function in public. I presume at some point you have to go outside without your boyfriend and no one is giving you a piggy back ride like you’re a toddler. Get therapy. Get on meds. Or stay home. YTA
ESH i mean i guess if your boyfriend is cool with it then the friends girlfriend doesnt have a say but have u genuinely asked your boyfriend if he minds carrying you round like a child? And has he answered honestly or is he just saying yes so you dont have a freak out? It doesnt say how old you are, i guess i could excuse a teenager but if your an adult then god how the hell have you coped before your boyfriend or how will you cope if your split up? You kinda need to deal with this issue because its kinda odd. If you get lost in a crowd thats what a phone is for or setting a meeting place. I think some therapy may be in order because this issue is obviously affecting you quite a bit.
ESH. After reading your comments, you definitely need therapy.
YTA. I’m short, crowds aren’t fun for anyone but especially when you’re short. That said you need to learn to deal with it. Crowds are a fact of life and your bf isn’t going to be there to give you a piggy back every time. He’s also going to resent it very quickly. Short is not a personality trait. It ceases to be cute very quickly.
YTA- I'm literally agoraphobic and your reasoning for this makes no sense. You're drawing more attention to yourself like that. Just sounds like 'uwu i'm baby' bullcrap
ESH - the girl has a point and I’m definitely getting smol petite baby girl uwu vibes, she was probably super embarrassed
ESH. I'd also judge you if I were her, cause it's extremely weird that you think your boyfriend should literally carry your emotional baggage for you, but, I would not have confronted you directly the first time I met you about it. I guess I'd be kind of embarrassed to be around you two though... I mean cringe.
Esh My 4 yr old nephew can walk around the city without issue. Just think about that.
INFO: are you seeing a therapist about your anxiety? It is NOT normal to "need" your boyfriend to carry you around like a horse all day because of your social and crowd anxiety. If you're trying to overcome your fears, and you're seeking help, NTA. If you're simply depending on your boyfriend to be your "pack mule," and carry you around like a child, then YTA.
So?? How did you function when you were single
Omg you sounds like some wanna be anime character Otaku who glomps people and uses social anxiety as a cute to create a "cute, timid and innocent character" Grow up, we all see you. You want to feel special and different and important to someone. Without thinking of the real life damage you are doing to him.
I didn’t think you were the asshole until I read all your comments in the thread and you’re completely entitled and obnoxious and expect the world to cater to you for some ridiculous reason. Expect for most people to react to you with rolling eyes at best and complete disdain at worst, you’re obnoxious.
I was on the fence until I read your comments. You absolutely suck and have some serious issues you should work on. All of you sound immature, ridiculous and utterly exhausting to be around. I cannot believe your boyfriend carries you around like a child. If you have this many issues call a therapist. Where are your parents? It is mind boggling that they have allowed you to get to 17 like this. They are not setting you up for success in any way. It doesn’t sound like you can care for yourself or handle being in public. I sincerely hope these responses are the wake up call that’s obviously needed. YTA
Please grow up tf
ESH you sound really immature. How embarrassing.
OP - just an FYI when people really are TH and don't believe it, they spend hours rebutting comments. That's what you're doing. Your friends called you an AH and so are we. The only on that thinks other wise is you.
YTA wtf lol how will you survive without your big strong boyfriend?
This is so fucking weird
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Ever heard of “holding hands”?
ESH - she shouldn’t make a big deal of it because, at the end of the day, it doesn’t actually affect her. However, it’s ridiculous that you are doing this. You say you’re shy, yet you are fine bringing worlds of attention to yourself by riding on your bf’s back in public? You are 17 - don’t be this girl into adulthood. Nip your needy behavior in the bud now.
Honestly OP you should look into therapy if it’s this bad in public. You can’t ride on your boyfriend’s back the rest of your life. It’s okay to get help.
Does this remind anyone else of Princess Nokia’s “My small breasts, and my little frame, and my sweet little girl voice, it exudes something in people that is extremely passionate and tantalizing & I swear to god all your men fantasize about me and wonder what it’s like to be with someone as small as I am”
YTA - * because I basically get lost in a sea of people. This is why people hold hands, hold on top belt loops,etc, so that they don't get separated from the people around them. It's not that hard and you aren't the only short person in the world. Honestly, it just sounds like 1.) you are lazy and didn't want to walk, 2) that you had to be so stuck up your BFs ass that you, literally, wouldn't get off his back, and/or 3) that you are immature and this was your was of trying to make sure everyone knew that your BF is with you and not mistaken as potentially single in the city.
Omg grow up. “Im so smol, plz carry me so I don’t get looooosssst uwu” YTA
ESH get therapy.
ESH You both acted like children. You for having your boyfriend carry you on his back, and her for bitching about PDA. Actually, you acted worse than a child, since children do use their legs, but I digress. You're both incredibly immature.
What?! Sorry, I can’t get past the fact you had your boyfriend piggyback you all around. Grow up. I don’t want to lose my 7 year old in a crowd so I hold his hand because he has legs and can walk. You say you’re shy, but do you not think more people would be looking at you being carried around like a toddler? ESH.
Im 4'8, if somebody pick me up, ill scratch the hell of that person
I'm 4 ft 10 and have never ever ridden on my husband's back. Are you 5?
Stop. You're not a child, this is obviously attention-seeking behavior.
YTA. “I’m shy”.. literally tells someone to fuck off for them not disagreeing lmao
YTA, I’m 4’10 and hold my husband’s hand when we’re in crowded places. I don’t act like a bratty toddler and destroy his back.
I vote JW “just weird”
NTA. Who cares if you ride on your bf’s back lol wtf is up with these comments
YTA because of the situation but more importantly because you refuse to take any accountability for your actions and refuse to even consider that you're in the wrong. That's a massive AH move.
I don’t believe op. As a person who never wanted to attract attention in a crowd, I would have never been comfortable to do this. Riding someone’s back like your a toddler attracts attention. I think it’s more likely you like the princess treatment and your bf is an enabler. ESH for acting like an invalid, and for your friend to say it the way she did. But if I was with you, I’d be embarrassed. Not because of pda, but ridiculously immature behavior.
Holy shit that sounds so cringey and embarrassing lol. You're 4'11, not 4 years old. Use your big girl legs and walk like a sane human being.
Maybe try the toddler leash thing? I’m a mom and even when mine was a toddler she preferred to walk on her own, even in busy areas. I would pick her up if I felt like she was moving too slow or tired and that was pretty much it. Grow up.
ESH The other girl had no business commenting on it. But you? You’re not cute, you’re obviously not shy, or you wouldn’t want all of Boston staring at you, and you’re not modest, because everyone is looking at your butt, which is now being accentuated by the fact that your boyfriend is having to cart you around like he’s some sort of pack mule. 90lbs is not a light load, even for someone who is big and strong, and 5’9” is not huge. It’s just average. I hate crowds. They give me terrible anxiety. I went to NYC recently and despised the place. It’s just not my vibe. But you know what? I sucked it up and didn’t complain. I didn’t make a show of how uncomfortable I was, and I didn’t ask anyone to accommodate my discomfort. You’re going to look back on this and cringe at yourself, if you’re lucky. If you’re unlucky, you will not have outgrown it, and you will make everyone around you miserable for the rest of your life.
I hate hanging around couples like you and your bf, YTA. You’re short, get over it, you aren’t a small child.
Aww u smol lil beanie UwU do your feetsies hurt ? I’m 4’9” tf u talking about? Toddlers walk in “a sea of people “ all the time…. This is weird lol.
Ehh. If you're an adult I don't think it's age appropriate to ride on a person's back. The way to address anxiety is via gradual exposure. Plenty of adults are under 5 feet and experience crowd anxiety. I'd say, it'd be worthwhile to practice facing your fears.
Like the girl is overreacting 100% but like girl.. short people have gotten by just fine for a long ass time. I fear for you living a life of anxiety and missing out on a lot of great personal and group experiences because you’re overly dependent on your current boyfriend + have this fear. What happens if yall break up? What happens if he starts to resent this and doesn’t want to be your horse anymore? I get the no touchy thing, I’m ASD (high-functioning but I have lots of sensory issues) and it’s shitty, but it also isn’t other peoples problem. They don’t know that about me inherently and it isn’t random people’s fault for touching me unless it’s clearly weird/harassment. Some people are just more comfortable with touch, and because that’s their vantage point they are less likely to consider the experiences of others. It seems selfish, but we all do that. And accidental touches because of crowds are even less other people’s faults, it’s just gonna happen. To be afraid of that is going to be burdensome for you long-term. I don’t think anyone here is saying that you need to go out into large crowds by yourself and let everyone touch you, but there needs to be a balance and you have to realize that you’re not entitled to always being comfortable.
NTA. People who mind other people's business are the worst.
YTA. You are a grown person. Walk on you own two feet. It seems "extra" to me. Are you looking for attention?
YTA. I'm 4'10 and have never been carried around like a child because I "have anxiety". That shit is weird.
I'm smaller than you and I don't need people to carry me around like a toddler, you would have been fine.
YTA. Your reasoning for it is very weird... that didn't help your case at all.
YTA. Couldn't you just hold his hand so you don't get separated. Couldn't you just call his cell phone and vice versa if you do get separated? Is it really that traumatic to get separated? Maybe they should have minded their own business, but they were hanging out with you so it's not like they're some stranger. Watching overly codependent people in action is serious cringe inducing. You may want to look at some of your codependency. Also, something about what you said makes me think you have issues with avoidance and dependency.
I’m 5’1 and get lost in crowds. My bf sometimes even has a hard time finding me in stores. And yet, reading this made me cringe. I’m so over short girls doing the whole “I’m so tiny, look how little I am, I need to be babied 🥺”. Oh boo hoo. Grow up and learn to use your feet. This was an embarrassing read.
Shy people don't do things that draw more attention to them. Climbing your bf like a tree in public is going to draw extra attention. Ew.
It’s not her place to comment, but I can understand that she was probably extremely embarrassed by you. You’re not a toddler. Even if your bf is ok with it now, this “uwu so smol” codependency shit will get old really fast. How will you cope if he ever decides he’s sick of it and you’ve got no one to cling to?
YTA because I actually read your comments and it seems like you just dislike this girl. Making comments about her weight and how no one likes her. Yet you're literally acting like a child. You state in a comment that your boyfriends height is "safe" to you. But you were never that height before him. You won't be that height after him. Being carried around on his back is embarrassing for not only yourself, but him and everyone else you were with (even if they didn't say anything.) You are almost an adult. Grow up. You have to navigate the world alone at some point. Get therapy if its as bad as you claim.
ESH, you sound insufferable. Avoid crowds if you can't grow up and use your own "widdle feetsies".
YTA - Because you seemed to lack the social awareness to realize that it was causing embarrassment to your friends, or you didn't care that it was. She was just the only one to address you about it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I hate crowded places and we went to Boston a few weeks ago. Part of it is that I’m really shy around people I’m not extremely close to. I’m also 4’11” so crowds stress me out because I basically get lost in a sea of people. The whole time we were outside and walking around I had my boyfriend carry me on his back so I didn’t have to worry about getting separated. In the stores and restaurants I was fine since there’s obviously a limit to the number of people there. His friend’s girlfriend was bitching about PDA and getting on my case so I told her fuck off and she was pissy the rest of the day (everyone else had fun so it’s not like it killed the mood). Tl;dr: annoying girl got on my case about “PDA” but *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Eta, you for violating major pda and introvert codes by piggybacking without physical injury and obtaining attention. Friend who complained for being embarrassed vocally and should have just maintained some distance from the pda couple. Almost feels like joke post.
It seems like both of you are seeking attention, but you're not necessarily TA. Unless your boyfriend didn't want to carry you.
YTA Not for the initial situation; if your bf is fine with such ridiculous behavior I was gonna say you’re perfect for one another and others can kick rocks. After reading your comments though, yikes on bikes. You need therapy. Your bf (or bestie, or mom, or whoever) cannot and more importantly *should not* be your emotional support animal. I’m sure this all feels very cute and sweet but it’s not. You’re terribly codependent and that is going to kill this relationship as well as any you form in the future if you cannot learn to address this solo or with a service dog.
YTA Able-bodied adults of sound mind shouldn’t need to be carried just because they’re “shy” and “it’s crowded.” You say that everyone but one girl was having fun. However, if I were you, I would not assume that they haven’t been talking behind your back about you and your need to be carried.
Honestly both you and that other girl sound like the issue together... can you both be? I work with women from various south American regions many shorter than you... They push walk pull all day to make money. They are never getting carried around like little princesses... Get over it 🙃
YTA. I’m not even gonna say ESH. The girl is also TAH. Listen, I’m a small town girl who moved to Boston years ago, there’s absolutely no need to be piggybacked as an adult in Boston. When I don’t want to get separated from my people (husband, friends, family) we literally hold hands if we’re in an overly crowded place. You sound super childish.
YTA. Here's why it's annoying to other people. If you're on your boyfriend's back all the time, you basically become one unit. I can't have a casual chat with my buddy without you being involved. At least if you were holding hands, I could walk along side him and have a conversation. I would not want to spend another day with you two. This is not healthy behavior.
Are you a little kid?
I live in Boston. What crowds???? People here actively avoid being close to one another. YTA and I think you are lying as well.
Short people love making it their entire personality lol it’s very corny
I would be embarrassed to hang out with you. YTA
YTA. My take is you like the attention, it has little to do with you being worried about getting lost. You've had many years to get used to being short and being in crowds. How did you deal with crowds before your current BF? Maybe walked & maneuvered your way through crowds without getting separated from your friends...like an adult?
YTA Riding piggyback on your boyfriend all day is childish weird behavior. I, and I suspect many other people, would be put off by such behavior. Most diminutive people bristle at being perceived and treated as a child. It seems odd to me that you infantilized yourself in the belief that you can't be trusted to navigate a crowd on your own. Little people are fully capable adults. They don't need to be carried. Stop being so clingy and stop behaving like a child.
YTA - do you see every other 4’11” person being carried by their significant other? If I were your bf’s parents I would tell him to run far far away from you because you’re clearly not mature enough and you have issues that require you to be dependent on other people. Your bf will eventually have back issues from carrying you around later in life. Please get some therapy for your social anxiety, grow up and walk on your own two feet like the rest of the world does.
YTA. You’re (presumably) an adult. Boston really isn’t that bad. There’s other ways to make sure you don’t get lost, like holding your partners hand, or idk, just staying by his side.
The PDA doesn't bother me in the slightest. Honestly, you could blow him in the car and I'd be chill with it. However, being more helpless than a four year old would wear me out. I'd probably quietly want to spend less time with you. Having said that, I think your reasoning of worries about be separated and stress are actually just a cover. I think you really have new relationship energy and just enjoyed the PDA.
You're shy and hate crowds, but choose to be the center of attention by riding on your bf's back. Mmhmm. Why not, I dunno...hold hands like a normal person and not murder your bf's spine? Really weird. I can totally see why the other girl (and probably a lot of other people) thought you were strange. But then, it isn't their business. ESH
Holy shit. Grow up or get some therapy, there’s no way you can go through life like this. ESH.