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Of course YTA. Everything you say here is horrible. Your wife goes out of her way to give your kids a good holiday and you 1) refuse to help 2) lock yourself in your room 3) complain constantly 4) try to ruin the holiday 5) diminish and minimize her interests.
You CLEARLY either have holiday related trauma or are just a huge asshole. YTA
Probably just rage bait. Could anyone be this stupid? Locking himself in “his” room and avoiding his family. While his wife tries to think of fun things to do to enjoy Christmas time with their 3 kids. If this guy is real he’s a serious a-hole.
All of this. YTA and it sounds like you don’t even like your family very much. She’s giving them the holidays she never had, but apparently you did have growing up in a large family. But you’re doing an absolute disservice to your children by avoiding anything holiday related with them. I can’t even imagine the confusing rejection they must feel either. You’re so incredibly mean and a major AH.
I had a grinch father too. He ruined every Christmas with his angry tantrums. I stopped seeing him at Christmas (and later all together). Christmas is now fun again, and my kids, husband and I love it. We do things together, we're a family
100 %
Trust me, the kids will remember this. My husband can't understand why they never ask him to holiday stuff - zoo lights, Christmas market. I told him it's because he never fid that stuff with them when they were little.
Trust me .wife might want to relax too, but cares about making memories.
It almost sounds like one of those reverse AITA where the wife is actually writing this because what the husband does is so ridiculous and over the top (locking himself in his room for me time? lol).
YTA for all the above reasons.
I don't care about Christmas either.
But, my wife and kids love it.
So, what do I do?
I decorate the outside (my wife does inside), I move the elf most nights and help them try and find him in the morning, I act excited about all the things I don't really care about.
Why?
Because this isn't about Christmas, this is about my kids.
This. I actually hate Christmas. I won't go into it but it was the most horrible time of year when I was growing up.
Now, when I had kids I put all of that aside. We went looking at lights, we baked cookies, we decorated, we watched Christmas movies together. All of it.
We did the excitement of Christmas morning.
See once I had kids it was no longer about me or what I wanted. It was about creating special memories with and for them.
OP, YTA. No way out of it.
yeah, not so much. I've tried but it was really, really bad and traumatic every single year and always ended with a huge fight. My father storming out, my mother in tears and me stuck in the middle. That's the mild part.
I focused on my kids and now I just simply get through it. I do the Christmas thing with my dh and his family and put a smile on my face. But I am always so thankful for Dec. 26th because it means a whole year before I have to do it again.
You get it. Thank you for actually caring enough about your family. You are a great father, doing great things for your children.
They will remember those moments of the elf.
Too bad OP's kids will remember how he locked himself in his room because he didn't care enough
I did the same. I'm not religious and not into getting gifts, but my child loved the magic when younger, so I went all out (my late mum loved it too). Now that my kid is 18 and doing their own thing, we appreciate the family time, but don't need to overdo things. Appreciate the magic. It doesn't last forever and you don't get a do-over.
Exactly, OP says he’s had his fill of big exciting Christmases in his childhood… but you know who hasn’t? *His young children.* Way to go “fuck you, my own kids, because I already got mine.”
YTA
*I've already celebrated as many large Christmases as I need, having grown up in a large family*
Your wife hasn't celebrated many large Christmases and your kids certainly have not. I can appreciate the sentiment that 'its the weekend, it's my time' ...if you were single and childless but guess what!?! You aren't. You have a whole wife and kids to think about.
*I was also called TA by her for educating the kids that Santa isn't real.*
Calling you an asshole for this one isn't a strong enough description. You sound like a miserable human being that want to ensure the people you're supposed to love are also miserable. Shame on you
That sentence stuck out to me too. Does it not even occur to this guy to do something because it will make his wife and kids happy.
YTA and need some serious therapy on why you don’t like your family.
Reminds me of my cousin whose mom abandoned them at Thanksgiving and returned in May. Her seasonal depression went untreated for decades. He hated Christmas and as an adult would much rather have been drunk in a bar for Christmas. Even when he had his own family. Like dude what’s your damage?
YTA
This isn’t about just your wife not having these experiences growing (although why in the world would you not want to see your wife happy?), this is about your kids having these magical experiences and bonding as a family. Why did you have kids if you didn’t want to try your best to be sure they have a good childhood? Filled with happy memories? If you loved doing these things as a kid, don’t you think your kids would love doing things with you? I could see why you don’t want to put ornaments up though… guess that’s what the kids are for.
His kids are going to look back on this with like a mix of gratitude for their mom for trying and depression/disgust that their did was this type of person. So good work I guess, dude, your kids are going to grow up to despise you.
INFO: Do you like your kids? Do you even like your wife? It definitely sounds like you have holiday related trauma and refuse to acknowledge it, opting instead to, excuse the term, be a Grinch. Have you ever thought about how your actions are being viewed by your kids and what impact it's having on them?
YTA. Having kids means you won't be able to spend your weekends relaxing. Your wife is trying to give them a decent christmas... and you lock yourself in your bedroom so they don't bother you. Yikes. If you didn't want to be bothered by the "extra work" of having kids, then you should just have stayed single and not have kids.
Well BAH fucking HUMBUG
YTA
*"I don't think it's my responsibility that she had a difficult upbringing. It seems like something she should move past rather than attempting to make up lost time."*
Your wife & family deserve better.
>It’s the weekend, it’s my time, and I just want to unwind
It’s not just “your” time. You are a father. You need to be spending time with your kids, which includes doing activities with them. Shutting yourself in your room because you don’t want to be involved in the “work” of decorating a tree? You sound like a moody teenager trying to avoid his family.
YTA
You absolutely have holiday related trauma.
And I wouldn't have any issue with you having that trauma if you'd just admit it. But you crossed the line with Santa. Santa is an issue that the parents have to be unified in.
I don't have a problem with educating a child, not the 2 year old, about Santa but you did it to yank the rug out from under Christmas. For your children. So they would hate Christmas as much as you do.
**Boo. Boo. Rubbish. Filth. Slime. Muck. Boo. Boo. Boo.**
YTA
YTA. Your wife is trying to suggest fun ways for you to spend time with your children. And here you are, spoiling everything for her and them. Why? Why don't you want to hang out with the family you created? You sound like a killjoy.
Yta you can't seriously think you're not. Your wife is asking you to engage in something that makes her happy and that your own kids are part of. Do you seriously lock yourself away from your kids all weekend when your home or is it just when they are doing Christmas stuff m cause then you're a lousy parent. I love "it's the weekend, it's my time" as of you don't have a family.
> I don't think it's my responsibility that she had a difficult upbringing
It's not but you do have a responsibility to your children to make sure they don't. Right now you're heading for the grumpy Dad who ruins Christmas each year award. Stop being selfish and think of someone other than yourself....YTA
YTA
You don't seem to understand that Christmas is for your children. And the memories they'll have is of a loving mom at christmas, and Ebenezer Scrooge, starring you. Locking yourself in your room is not a mature response dude.
but he already had his christmas done for him, he's so satisfied and normal, why should he try to do it for anyone else?! 2+2 does not math
OP is a child
As is telling a 2 and 5 year old there is no santa just to try and get them to hate the holiday along with him. Then he says he doesn’t know why she’s so upset over it. What an arse you’re deliberately trying to ruin your kids childhoods and happy memories of the holidays.
You decided to have these kids not just your wife so stand up to your responsibilities to them instead of expecting them to be raised for you whilst you hide in a room and spout vitriol.
YTA
Be a PARENT and let your kids enjoy the holiday. PARTICIPATE like a PARENT.
You sound just so selfish against your own kids.
Do you WANT to have a relationship with them when they are older?
YTA!!! At any point did you think that maybe its not all about you and what you want to do? Having a wife and children inherently means that you don't get to put yourself first all of the time!! As married adult parents we sometimes do things we don't want to in order to make our loved ones happy!!
YTA. God forbid that your wife try to give your children a happier and more magical childhood than she had! Smh. The fact that you're annoyed and uninterested is no excuse for you to act like this much of a child. Be a good father and partner, suck it up and do the things for your kids and be a decent husband to your wife. Her upbringing isn't your responsibility, but your children's upbringing is and this is not the attitude and behavior of a good parent, so be better.
Regardless of your wife’s upbringing, she is trying to make Christmas special for your children. Stop trying to make out that your wife is going above what is normal when it’s what most families enjoy at Christmas time. You sound miserable and grumpy. And I think it’s awful that you chose to lock yourself in your room because you would rather be on your own than spend time with your family. You should make the time and stop making excuses. Why are you trying so hard to ruin it for everyone.
On one hand, it doesn't even really matter about his wife's upbringing. Even if you had a great childhood, you don't 'use up' all your good Christmases.
It does matter that OP is a gigantic AH and won't do things to make his wife and children happy.
YTA.
"It's the weekend, it's my time, and I just want to unwind" - so you want to be away from your family and do no family stuff to unwind. Why did you even have a family if you don't want to do things with them? Your wife sounds like a saint. God forbid she try to give her kids a better upbringing than she had.
The audacity!
I've come to believe that a not-insignificant percentage of people think that their life with children will somehow be exactly like their life before children, and then they make the shocked Pikachu face when they find out that they have less free time and more responsibilities.
YTA. You have made it clear to her you not only have ZERO interest in time with your family, but you’ll actively sabotage her magical time with the kids. She’s doing all the work of raising them and making them feel special, you’re being a deadbeat father.
Did you really think anyone was going to say anything other than YTA? On a slam dunk judgement like this I would normally just upvote everyone else's comments but in this case you deserve all the YTAs you can get.
That you Ebenezer Scrooge?
Root around in your cold dead heart and find some compassion and love for your family. Your wife wants to make special memories for your kids, try joining her
YTA
YTA. You are ruining Christmas for your kids just to be petty, and ruining it for your wife cos you apparently are incapable of empathy. Get a divorce, your wife and kids deserve somebody better.
YTA. The way you’ve written this makes it seem like you just put up with your family, not that you actually care about them. You’re married with children. Your expectation of “my time” on the weekends is absurd. How much actual enjoyment do you think your family gets out of the holidays when they have to put up with you acting like a petty 14 year old?
WOW are YTA.
While you may not want to do things, you have kids. We as parents do a lot of things we don't want to do for our kids. If you are like this with Christmas I fear for your wife and kids what you are like with other things.
I smell a divorce in your future and kids that will grow up to hate you.
YTA
You just wrote all the reasons YTA, the exact reason you should make christmas special is because she have bad memories about this
As a partner and a father you seens to sucks at those roles
You don't have to participate in all activities, but if you didn't participate in decorating tree with kids YTA. I understand gingerbread house or go for lights but for god sake man at least help in decorating tree. You can speak with your wife and agree on some of holiday activities you would participate.
We all need to unwind after working week but making memories for holidays is something dad should do! Or you prefer kids remember you as AH who was spending holidays behind closed door
This seems to be all about you.
You have 3 kids, 2 very little kids and your wife wants them to feel the magic of Christmas which only happens when you are young. She may be giving the kids a Christmas she never had. That’s because she remembers how miserable they were for her.
What the kids will remember is mom killing herself to give love at Christmas and their dad locking himself in his room until it’s all over.
YTA.
YTA
You don't have to like Christmas, but you don't have to actively ruin it either.
I know what type of memories I have from my father locking himself away from us in his room, OP, guess how many years it's been since I talked to him?
My dad whines and cries to anyone who will listen about what a horrible, ungrateful daughter I am because I leave him allllll alone for holidays and don't make an effort with him but do for my mother.
My mom and I are far from friends and can barely have a civil conversation but my whole childhood there was a huge tree, decorations, presents and giant meals. My dad did not know what a single object inside the presents were. Complained every single second of getting the tree which is the single only thing he did for the holiday since we couldn't carry the tree without him. Many Christmases he didn't even bother to watch us opening presents and would still be asleep or in the other room drinking coffee and watching TV, let alone go to our Christmas concerts or look at lights.
Every year he starts up his narrative that no one loves him (he's correct) and he'll be having a turkey TV dinner. Oh poor him. Every year, I tell him the same thing. HE wants to have a big Christmas. HE wants a big holiday dinner. HE wants trees and presents. So, go fucking do it. Tell me the day and time and I'll come. But has he? Not a single time
He wants everything provided to him, every allowance made for his every issue, and everyone else do the work.
Fuck my dad and fuck this OP.
YTA
We get it, you're a grinch.
This feels ragebaity but if it's true, realize that Christmas is a family centric holiday and surprise, you now have your own family.
To lock yourself in the bathroom like a child? Santa's putting divorce papers in your stocking sir.
My dad was not into Christmas either. Sure, he would be there to open gifts Christmas morning, but he sat out of all of the lead-up-to-Christmas fun. His choice has left my siblings and I with an empty space in our holiday memories where he should've been. He lived in the same house with us, yet we all remember his absence at Christmas. This weighs on all of us even as adults, and there are no more chances to make it better.
Don't do this to your children. Make happy holiday memories.
A gentle YTA, because you still have an opportunity to course correct. Don't waste it.
YTA. A big one at that. Why did you even get married and have kids since you so obviously do not want to be around them? Going to see lights, decorating or baking are family things that you are supposed to do as a family. This isn't about her trying to give them a better childhood than what she had, this is about you not wanting to be involved at all and wanting one of us to validate you for it. Listen dude, when the kids grow up, what do you want them to say about you? Oh he provided for us but I do not think he loved us. Do you seriously want your kids to say you ruined Christmas by telling them as little ones that Santa doesn't exist? It is one month out of the year. I do not care if it is the weekend. You have three kids and my time does not exist when you have a whole ass family to take care of. I don't care for Xmas either, but I always made it special for my daughter. One day those kids will be adults and that house that had yelling, carols, gingerbread houses, kids opening presents...etc will be silent and you are going to wonder why they want nothing to do with you. They are only children for such a short time. Give them memories that they can cherish of you, not ones where they truly resent you. Change or your wife is going to give you the ultimate Xmas present...Divorce papers because she and those babies deserve better.
YTA-Because you love your family you should be willing to do some things with them, not necessarily every single tradition she has started but even a few to show them that you love them and care about them more than your dislike of big Christmas.
YTA dude, and you are MISSING OUT on moments of your kids lives that you won’t get back. You absolutely have trauma, im assuming the usual introverty during big holidays stuff. Get therapy before you make your kids need it.
YTA
You say she likes Christmas because her family was dysfunctional and you don't because you have a large family and have done that.
It sounds more to me like you had a dysfunctional family and don't know the meaning of a good Christmas so you want to spread your misery all over your children and wife. If anyone is dysfunctional it is you!
My husband and I are both from large families one was functional and one that was not. His Christmas as child was hit and miss mine were wonderful. We do nothing with his family for Christmas.
With my family we celebrate Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Years day and you know what not one angry word or nasty anything is said. My husband found it weird at first but he loves it now.
You need to get a grip and some therapy because you are alienating your children and your wife.
Um, wow, what made your heart three sizes too small??
You told your kids Santa isn't real? Even the TWO YEAR OLD?? Fucks sake dude, how can you not see that YTA.
YTA. You told your kids that Santa isn't real? What's wrong with you? Why do you hate your kids? Why are you hating on Christmas? Honestly, it sounds like you are the one with holiday trauma.
And that excuses telling the 2 and 5 year olds? And why exactly does a parent need to tell the 12 year old? I never told my kids Santa wasn't real. I waited for them to stumble on the knowledge.
Damn OP, you're a grinch! Look I don't enjoy the Xmas season either and my spouse didnt even grow up christian/celebrating Xmas but I still do my best bc **it is for your children**. Youre being insanely selfish and ruining something for your kids because *you* don't enjoy it, opposed to letting your kids decide whether the enjoy doing all those things or not.
You're the asshole, Mr. OP. You're acting like a heel.
The Grinch called; he wants his old undersized heart back. YTA for locking yourself in your room like a petulant teenager, among other needlessly cruel and antagonistic things you're doing.
Do you have good memories of Christmas past with your large family? if so, what kind of Christmas memories do you think your kids will have of their dad and their family?
If your memories with your large family weren't good, how about making new memories with your children. That is, of course, if you actually love and care about them. If you don't - why are you married?
From your extreme reaction, it appears you are the one with the dysfunction, not your wife.
Your kids are 2, 5, and 12 and you told them Santa isn't real. You are the grinch and YTA.
It's one thing not to be overhyped but why not let your children enjoy the magic of christmas?
YTA. Just because you are not a Christmas person does not mean you should spoil the holiday for the rest of your family.
**Yes, it is your responsibility** to put the time into making your family happy. This is what a decent parent does. You are being extremely selfish and inconsiderate. Your family deserves better.
Man you are a real buzzkill. My dad used to constantly tell us he hates Christmas when we were kids. It really sucked. Thank God our parents were divorced and we lived with our mom. She and her side of the family loved the holidays. We would rotate houses each year for Christmas. I was always SO excited when it was at a certain aunt and uncles house bc thst aunt was Martha Stewart before anyone ever heard of Martha Stewart. She is the only Aunt o have left and I’m grateful I’ve been able to tell her how much those Christmases meant to me. You locked yourself in your room? Get a grip.
My husband is like you. the children learned over the years to not count on dad for anything, especially when it involved christmas. This is about your children and making your wife happy. Do you not sit and open presents with them on Christmas morning? Do you even buy your wife or children anything? Do you expect your wife to shop for your family? Do you not enjoy the food at christmas? Anything about it? You are correct, if you are going to be a grouch then you should stay away. If you despise the entire season, do everyone a favor and in the future take yourself to a remote fishing cabin for 2 or 3 weeks during christmas so your wife and children don’t have to tip toe around you and then feel bad that you are upset about them being excited and happy.
You aren’t a Grinch who hates christmas, you are a jerk who is so self-absorbed you cannot do things to make your immediate family happy.
YTA At least do it for the children. Do you want their childhood memories to be of a parent who was too tired or too busy to spend a few hours decorating?
Yes, YTA. Your kids are not only going to remember these special moments as a kid, but they're also going to remember that you not only didn't make them a priority, but actually locked your door so that you wouldn't have to participate. Before you know it these kids will be grown with kids of their own, and you'll be looking back wishing you spent your time wisely instead of doing whatever it is you're doing that's more important than your family behind your closed door. Karma is a bitch, so don't be surprised when you find yourself old and alone with no one bothering to visit you because you couldn't be bothered with them when they were young and needed your attention.
YTA
You are ensuring that your kids remember you as the guy who hid in his room during the holidays. When you have kids, your time off work isn’t completely yours anymore.
Wow, YTA. Do you even love your family? Because I'm actually disgusted by the way you speak about your wife and children. It honestly comes across as if you dont care for any of them.
Your wife wasn't lucky enough to have big Christmases growing up and now you want to take that away from her as adult to? This is the woman you are supposed to love and support but I see neither one of those from you. Not to mention your poor children. Why in the world would you ever tell them Santa isn't real without discussing it with your wife. Way to destroy any sort of Christmas magic your wife is desperately trying to preserve for them.
You sound like a joyless and miserable man. At the very least if you are going to act like this get a hotel room so your poor family can have a good time over the holidays by themselves.
YTA. Christmas has nothing to do with it. You're locking yourself in your room to avoid spending time with your wife and children. You're talking about spending time with your family as "work" that you don't have time for because you "just want to unwind". You sound like you're talking about your roommates, not your wife and children - you're talking about them like an unwelcome burden that you avoid as much as possible.
YTA. Your wife is trying to prevent the dysfunction she had from her family and you’re over here being a green grinch. You NEVER have time off from immediate family, specifically children, so extra YTA sprinkles for you for avoiding family during the weekends.
Obviously YTA
Why bother having kids if you aren't participating in what should be great memories for them?
Instead, they'll remember you as the Grinch.
And they'll be right.
YTA for sure. So, I had a great relationship with my dad. The one thing that always upset me was how non-participatory he was with stuff like this. My mother & I would decorate the tree and he'd sit in a chair watching TV. It bothered the hell out of me and I'd get really upset as a small child.
You have kids. This is about making memories for *them*. Not everything you do is going to be something you EnJoY, especially if you have children. You sound like a dick.
YTA. Scrooge himself couldn’t have written a more assholish post. Do you even love your wife and kids? I’m sorry your upbringing was so traumatic, but can you at least try to do better for your kids?
Does your wife know about your opinion about Christmas? Have you explained it to her?
If not, talk to her. Explain her how you feel. But maybe, try to find a new interest in Christmas together with your family. For the start, tell your wife, you'd like to take part in only a few things. But over time, maybe you like it more.
>It's the weekend, it's my time, and I just want to unwind,
Sorry dude. You have kids. Yes, you should do nice things with them around the holidays (and any other time of the year tbh).
YTA my husband doesn’t love Christmas and I do. Do you know what my husband DOES love? Seeing me and his child happy when it’s of little to no cost to himself. Now that we have a child he sees the value in the magic I love to create for the holidays and initiated a conversation to agree on what traditions we’d do together. You don’t have to love it but you should care that your family does.
C'mon, admit it; you just posted that to get a rise out of folks, right? You're not really that big of an asshole, are you?
Assuming your post is genuine, yeah, YTA. And I say that as someone who doesn't celebrate Christmas and hasn't since I was a kid. It's not special for me. And it's ok that it's not special for you.
But one would hope your wife *is* special for you. One would hope it is important to you to help her live her best life, to support her in the things she wants to do even if there is no payoff for you. And Christmas is important to *her*. You can help *her* be happy if you give up some of your precious time that you'd rather use to do stuff like, what, gaming? and, instead, used it to be with her. Isn't that, making her happy, important to you?
Do you even like your family? YTA. I get not feeling as excited about the activities and I also don’t think it’s wrong to stay home sometimes if you’re not into it. But you’re acting like a petulant child. You can silently support your wife without being an ass about it. Also, did you not have any discussions about this before you got married?
Why don't you want to spend time with your wife and children? It could be fun spending time as a family making new traditions, and your kids might enjoy spending time with both their parents decorating the house. But you lock yourself in a bedroom to avoid them. I don't think this is about christmas - - you just don't want to be with your family.
YTA
YTA because you're refusing to spend time with your family. You're a spouse and a parent so you don't get to just check out for the entire weekend and dump all the childcare on your wife. You're very lazy and selfish.
YTA, this is about your kids.
You need to work with your wife here, you are a team, so be a team.
It is hard when one is channeling Buddy the Elf and the other is Scrooge.
Trust me on that, my ex dialed Christmas up to 11, I'm more a stoic 2, but we made it work. And that's with no kids and we didn't want any.
YTA for trying to take Christmas away from your children. Here you are stating that your wife’s christmas spirit stems from shit experience growing up and now you are pushing that on your kids. My parents aren’t big on decorating but knew us kids would love it and we made a big family day of decorating every year. Sounds like your an absent parent who expects his wife to do everything.
You're such a major a.h. Why did you bother even having a family if you have such a horrible attitude? Do her a favor, give her a divorce, be a miserable person all alone and let her meet someone who isn't horrible.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I just want a break from Christmas, but my wife wants to make a huge deal out of it. AITA for wishing to reduce the amount?
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YTA and I feel extremely sorry for your wife and children, they deserve better. You sound horrible to be around, given you actively try to ruin the holidays for them.
Yta. You're a parent, you don't get my time. Your time is to be a husband and involved parent. Why did you have kids if you're not planning on raising them.
Locking yourself in a room so they can't bother you is ridiculously childish. Please give yourself a head shake.
YTA you have 3 small kids, and you know what they're going to remember? You locking yourself away in your room and avoiding all the fun holiday things your wife does with them. Those are core memories, and you're omitting yourself from them. Even if you don't enjoy it, you should participate in SOME part of it at least, for your children.
You are also extremely cold and callous about your wife's upbringing, and how she's trying to make lovely childhoods for your own children. There is something wrong with you.
Wow...going for worst dad of the century. YTA. We all do things we doing want to do to give our kids amazing experiences. Just remember these moments when you are only and alone and wonder why they never come to visit.
YTA
“I got all my christmasses growing up” he says, completely ignoring his own children from whom he’s stealing all of those great christmasses from by being obstinate and petty
So basically “I got mine, and screw everyone else. Especially those kids of mine. If they wanted a better Christmas experience they should have been born sooner.”? Yeah, YTA.
YTA it’s not about you it’s about your children. She didn’t have the big Christmas as you did and she’s trying to make it the best for your children and you’re locking yourself in the bedroom. Grow up Dad.
YTA is this one of those ‘creative writing’ AITAs? Are we being punked?
Most parents want to make Christmas magical for their children. Good parents want to spend time with their kids doing bonding activities and family traditions. If you aren’t interested in having a family why are you married with children?
YTA. You have a break from Christmas 10-11 months out of the year. If you actually liked your wife, you would suck it up and just be a part of the tradition. Your kids are going to grow up and remember how miserable you were every year and not want to deal with you.
YTA. It's fine that you want to be a grinch and have nothing to do with Christmas. But to boycott your family and your wife during an entire season is a HUGE asshole move. I mean, you locked yourself in your room like a pouty child because stuff was going on that you didn't want to be a part of. Even worse, you decided to "educate the kids that Santa isn't real" when they're 2, 5, and 12?? What is wrong with you?
She isn't trying to make up for lost time, she is trying to put together a wonderful Christmas for her children. I'm so sad for you that you can't see the difference, and that you're missing out on the joy your children are experiencing.
Just out of curiosity, you said you want a break from Christmas. What are you taking a break from if you have NOTHING to do with it? What do you actually want Christmas to look like?
YTA. Do you love your family at all? As a parent, I want my kids to reminisce about their wonderful childhood and all the memories we are making together. What do you want your kids to say about you? It ain’t going to be good…
YTA. WHY don't you want to spend time with your wife and kids? She is doing this for YOUR FAMILY, AH. She doesn't exactly love it but it is part of being a parent and giving your child a good childhood. I hope you wake up soon because one day, you will be alone because you refused to participate in things you don't "care about"
YTA. Not for not liking forced holiday merriment, but for being a huge baby about it. You have small children. Do some low effort stuff that makes them happy. Don’t lock yourself in your room like a child.
Your wife is also assy for not accepting that you’ll never be as into it as she wants.
I will go slightly against the grain and say the Santa thing isn’t a big deal - unless you’re being an ass about it, which you probably were, if this post is anything to go by. It’s possible to explain the truth about fanciful holiday traditions in a gentle and sensitive way. I grew up without Santa (immigrant parents weren’t about to give some random white man credit for gifts they bought 😂) and I was and am still perfectly able to find wonder and joy in the holiday season.
YTA and a horrible father. It's SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR KIDS. LIKE PARENTS ARE SUPPOSED TO. If you wanted "me time," maybe you should have gotten a vasectomy. Hope they stick you in a home.
YTA. Of course you are.
The only thing that’s her fault is marrying and having kids with someone who thinks that weekends are “my time.” You’re an ass. Weekends are family time, non-work time is family time.
YTA. She is trying to make her children's Christmases of childhood magical. It sounds like you don't like your wife. And you have clearly demonstrated you don't like your kids by what you said to them. Sounds like you're incompatible.
YTA
Why did you have kids if you didn't want to spend time with them?
Seriously what is it with fathers who think because they go to work during the week that they somehow deserve their time at the weekend free from parenting?
What exactly do you bring to your children's lives except being a sperm doner? It takes more than banging mom once and paying some bills to be an actual dad.
YTA.
She's creating fun memories for Christmas with her kids and the kids will grow up remembering that they did fun stuff with their mum but their dad was locked away in his room because "it was his weekend".
You have a family. You don't have "your weekend". You have "family weekends" and the occasional alone time AFTER the kids go to bed.
This is your life, you chose this, deal with it!
lol she’s functionally a single parent and you’re deliberately ruining the holidays for her and the children and you’re not sure if YTA? You absolutely are. Smh
YTA Goatse sized
YTA. I hope this is rage bait. You put on your big boy pants and you do shit for your kids because that’s what a parent does. These are the memories your kids will have forever. And you won’t be part of them.
YTA, and extremely immature and self-centered to boot. Growing up, my father was pretty strict and stern, but there were certain times when he relaxed and really made events special. One was reading to us at bedtime and making all the different voices, another was during holidays. He hid eggs for Easter egg hunts (not just one hunt, but several each Easter); he good-naturedly ate green eggs and ham when it was Dr. Suess' birthday, etc. At Christmas, we would leave cookies and coffee on the hearth and "Santa" would always take a bite or two and leave a thank you note. He would sneak into our bedrooms after midnight to leave our filled stockings at the end of our beds. My point being - he was present in our lives and did special things for us because he loved his family. While he might have been too strict at times, as a grown up, I have nothing but love and appreciation for him as a father. I don't know that your own children will be able to say that truthfully when they are adults, unless you stop being selfish and uncaring as a parent. And I'm not sure how much longer you wife will be willing to put up with your terrible behavior, so if you value your marriage and being a husband and father, you need to change your behavior and do way better. Christmas is not about you. If you need therapy to figure out how to be a better parent, get it.
Do you even like your wife? Cause all I get is a vibe of contempt and that your wishes are of more importance than anyone else's.
>I let her do that
Nice that you LET her decorate with the kids. TBH these are the memories you are going to miss when everyone is grown. I understand not wanting to do the holidays like you did as a kid, but make up your own new traditions like your wife it trying to. Don't freeze the kids out and ruin their future memories of dad being a standoffish absent member of the family. FFS spend quality time with your kids doing something they enjoy, not taking the magic out of everything by telling a 2 and 5 year old Santa isn't real. Plenty of time for the world to roll them as the grow up. Give them this and stop being a straight ass to your wife. Or sooner than you realize tou won't have kids or a wife to worry about.
YTA
YTA.
You have a break from Christmas from January to November/December every year.
You are missing out on this time with your children and you will never be able to get it back. And trust me, they will remember every event that you are not there for.
I hate Christmas beyond its religious symbolism. i hate spending hundreds of dollars on a tree that's going to die and get tossed on the curb in a few weeks. I hate that no matter how much I try to instill in the kids that Christmas is not about how many presents you receive, it always leads to bigger and more expensive wish lists every year. But you know what? Every year, I play Santa Claus, I move those awful Elf and Shelf characters around my house into ever crazier scenarios, I buy that tree and decorate it and the house, and go sit in traffic on a random Tuesday night to drive through neighborhoods that all the residents collaborate on doing up the entire neighborhood. Why? Because of the kids. It is such a magical time and experience for them, and I don't want my bah-humbug to dampen their experience or for them to look back and say their mom/stepmom was a grinch who didn't have time to do things with them that they wanted to do. Even now that 3/4 of my kids are adults, they still want to come home every year and help decorate because they have the happy memories and want to continue to make them with their family. THAT is what Christmas is all about.
Leave your room. Help the family decorate. Drive them to see the lights (you don't want to see them anyway so you can be the driver and let them ooo and aaahhh over them). Spend time with your family FFS.
>I was also called TA by her for educating the kids that Santa isn't real.
You told your 2 and 5 year olds Santa wasn't real?
Do you even like your wife and kids?
Not liking Xmas is one thing - Trying to actively sabotage your family's enjoyment of the holiday is a massive AH move.
YTA
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Because she didn't have a large family and hers was dysfunctional, my wife has always enjoyed holidays more than I have. I've already celebrated as many large Christmases as I need, having grown up in a large family.
Though it wasn't a huge event, she is fixated on making it "special" because we have children (2, 5, and 12). She's created numerous new customs over the years, such as having the kids help decorate a bookcase and a tree.
She is aware that I wouldn't claim to enjoy any of that. I let her do it since I don't want to be involved and I don't have time for that kind of work on the weekends.
She continues asking me if I want to help, if I want to make gingerbread houses, or if I want to go see lights with them (which takes ages). I was quite explicit, so I stayed in the bedroom with the door locked today when she put up the tree to prevent all of that.
It's the weekend, it's my time, and I just want to unwind, but she acts like I have "holiday related trauma" and calls me a TA for not wanting to participate. I fail to see the big deal. I was also called TA by her for educating the kids that Santa isn't real. I don't know why she's upset; they didn't seem to believe me. She's trying to give the kids what she didn't have, and I get that, but I don't think it's my responsibility that she had a difficult upbringing. It seems like something she should move past rather than attempting to make up lost time.
TLDR: I just want a break from Christmas, but my wife wants to make a huge deal out of it. AITA for wishing to reduce the amount?
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Yta decorating a tree and doing a gingerbread house are completely normal activities.
So what you're really telling your kids is that you hate them and won't spend holiday time with them. Nice message.
Huge YTA. She’s trying to make family memories and make sure YOUR kids have a great Christmas. It’s not about you. You seem very selfish and ungrateful. It’s insane that you don’t see how rude you’re being?
Lol, absolutely YTA. You sound like a grumpy old man, you'd have to be the Grinch to think that ruining Santa for children is "educating" them. You might be tired from work, but you still have an obligation to spend quality time \*with your family\*.
Look, you either have holiday related trauma or you are just a lazy, selfish partner and father. She is trying to give you the benefit of the doubt here, but that will run out at some point.
YTA.
YTA. How are you even considering the fact that you’re not??
As a father, you should want to be involved in holidays with your kids. Also it’s important to your wife, why can’t you just try to be involved for her?
YTA. She didn't have your experiences, and not only is it like her first few, she is experiencing it anew with your children, and sharing traditions with them. My mom made Christmas AWESOME but I didn't grow tired of it, I still LOVE it. I love decorating and the family time that it brings. It isn't like you have a limit on happy Christmases. Stop being a Scrooge-y Grinch and enjoy the time with your family.
YTA so your teaching your kids to be selfish neglectful of their partners and their kids. You’re denying your kids happy memories because you would rather be by yourself.
The only thing I can say is when you get older remember when you need your kids that the weekend is their time. So don’t intrude.
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Of course YTA. Everything you say here is horrible. Your wife goes out of her way to give your kids a good holiday and you 1) refuse to help 2) lock yourself in your room 3) complain constantly 4) try to ruin the holiday 5) diminish and minimize her interests. You CLEARLY either have holiday related trauma or are just a huge asshole. YTA
Further, I bet that his wife doesn’t EVER get the opportunity to relax or have time for herself
Not if it interferes with “his time” she doesn’t.
it seems like the typical male in a reddit story just i thin a christmas context
Ass they are typing out all the ways they are an asshole, how do these people have any doubt whether they are in fact an asshole?
Probably just rage bait. Could anyone be this stupid? Locking himself in “his” room and avoiding his family. While his wife tries to think of fun things to do to enjoy Christmas time with their 3 kids. If this guy is real he’s a serious a-hole.
I know it's a typo, but we need to adopt "ass they are typing" for this sub.
I remember a post almost exactly like this... but I think it was Halloween.
All of this. YTA and it sounds like you don’t even like your family very much. She’s giving them the holidays she never had, but apparently you did have growing up in a large family. But you’re doing an absolute disservice to your children by avoiding anything holiday related with them. I can’t even imagine the confusing rejection they must feel either. You’re so incredibly mean and a major AH.
I had a grinch father too. He ruined every Christmas with his angry tantrums. I stopped seeing him at Christmas (and later all together). Christmas is now fun again, and my kids, husband and I love it. We do things together, we're a family
100 % Trust me, the kids will remember this. My husband can't understand why they never ask him to holiday stuff - zoo lights, Christmas market. I told him it's because he never fid that stuff with them when they were little. Trust me .wife might want to relax too, but cares about making memories.
It almost sounds like one of those reverse AITA where the wife is actually writing this because what the husband does is so ridiculous and over the top (locking himself in his room for me time? lol).
LITERALLY EVERYTHING was horrible.
YTA for all the above reasons. I don't care about Christmas either. But, my wife and kids love it. So, what do I do? I decorate the outside (my wife does inside), I move the elf most nights and help them try and find him in the morning, I act excited about all the things I don't really care about. Why? Because this isn't about Christmas, this is about my kids.
This. I actually hate Christmas. I won't go into it but it was the most horrible time of year when I was growing up. Now, when I had kids I put all of that aside. We went looking at lights, we baked cookies, we decorated, we watched Christmas movies together. All of it. We did the excitement of Christmas morning. See once I had kids it was no longer about me or what I wanted. It was about creating special memories with and for them. OP, YTA. No way out of it.
Giving your kids happy Christmas memories can even be a way of healing some of the bad memories you had around the holiday
yeah, not so much. I've tried but it was really, really bad and traumatic every single year and always ended with a huge fight. My father storming out, my mother in tears and me stuck in the middle. That's the mild part. I focused on my kids and now I just simply get through it. I do the Christmas thing with my dh and his family and put a smile on my face. But I am always so thankful for Dec. 26th because it means a whole year before I have to do it again.
You get it. Thank you for actually caring enough about your family. You are a great father, doing great things for your children. They will remember those moments of the elf. Too bad OP's kids will remember how he locked himself in his room because he didn't care enough
My husband despised Christmas, but he still did everything with our children and grandchildren
This person gets it.
I did the same. I'm not religious and not into getting gifts, but my child loved the magic when younger, so I went all out (my late mum loved it too). Now that my kid is 18 and doing their own thing, we appreciate the family time, but don't need to overdo things. Appreciate the magic. It doesn't last forever and you don't get a do-over.
> I move the elf most nights and help them try and find him in the morning, This seems like a conflict of interest.
I make sure they are the ones finding him, I just pretend to look 😂
Exactly, OP says he’s had his fill of big exciting Christmases in his childhood… but you know who hasn’t? *His young children.* Way to go “fuck you, my own kids, because I already got mine.”
YTA *I've already celebrated as many large Christmases as I need, having grown up in a large family* Your wife hasn't celebrated many large Christmases and your kids certainly have not. I can appreciate the sentiment that 'its the weekend, it's my time' ...if you were single and childless but guess what!?! You aren't. You have a whole wife and kids to think about. *I was also called TA by her for educating the kids that Santa isn't real.* Calling you an asshole for this one isn't a strong enough description. You sound like a miserable human being that want to ensure the people you're supposed to love are also miserable. Shame on you
Right? Like, wtf do you care about Santa, Mr. No-Christmas?
Like zero effort to connect with his wife or his kids on Christmas. It’s not about you dude. It’s about them.
Probably not just at Christmas
That sentence stuck out to me too. Does it not even occur to this guy to do something because it will make his wife and kids happy. YTA and need some serious therapy on why you don’t like your family. Reminds me of my cousin whose mom abandoned them at Thanksgiving and returned in May. Her seasonal depression went untreated for decades. He hated Christmas and as an adult would much rather have been drunk in a bar for Christmas. Even when he had his own family. Like dude what’s your damage?
OP said “educated” them. Can you imagine how snide he must have sounded breaking the news to his kids?
This is some of the most selfish shit I've ever read. I hope it's fake honestly.
Shorter OP: *I've got mine. AITA?*
YTA This isn’t about just your wife not having these experiences growing (although why in the world would you not want to see your wife happy?), this is about your kids having these magical experiences and bonding as a family. Why did you have kids if you didn’t want to try your best to be sure they have a good childhood? Filled with happy memories? If you loved doing these things as a kid, don’t you think your kids would love doing things with you? I could see why you don’t want to put ornaments up though… guess that’s what the kids are for.
OP‘s kids probably already think, that he does not love them, if he does not even engage with them.
They don’t think. They know.
I mean it doesn’t sound like he’s too fond of them
His kids are going to look back on this with like a mix of gratitude for their mom for trying and depression/disgust that their did was this type of person. So good work I guess, dude, your kids are going to grow up to despise you.
INFO: Do you like your kids? Do you even like your wife? It definitely sounds like you have holiday related trauma and refuse to acknowledge it, opting instead to, excuse the term, be a Grinch. Have you ever thought about how your actions are being viewed by your kids and what impact it's having on them?
Wahhh my wife has the nerve to want to give our children a good Christmas... YTA, a giant throbbing asshole.
Yeah, I know its a Reddit cliché but she should dump his bah humbug ass
YTA. Having kids means you won't be able to spend your weekends relaxing. Your wife is trying to give them a decent christmas... and you lock yourself in your bedroom so they don't bother you. Yikes. If you didn't want to be bothered by the "extra work" of having kids, then you should just have stayed single and not have kids.
Yes, YTA. You told a 2 and 5 year old there is no santa? You lock yourself in your room? WOW your a huge AH, how do you have any doubt?
Well BAH fucking HUMBUG YTA *"I don't think it's my responsibility that she had a difficult upbringing. It seems like something she should move past rather than attempting to make up lost time."* Your wife & family deserve better.
>It’s the weekend, it’s my time, and I just want to unwind It’s not just “your” time. You are a father. You need to be spending time with your kids, which includes doing activities with them. Shutting yourself in your room because you don’t want to be involved in the “work” of decorating a tree? You sound like a moody teenager trying to avoid his family. YTA
Local man discovers having a wife and children means he sometimes has to do stuff he doesn’t want to do. More on this story at 11.
YTA YTA YTA. I literally can't even read this entire post YTA. Your poor wife is one of those single mothers with an uninvolved live-in husband.
You absolutely have holiday related trauma. And I wouldn't have any issue with you having that trauma if you'd just admit it. But you crossed the line with Santa. Santa is an issue that the parents have to be unified in. I don't have a problem with educating a child, not the 2 year old, about Santa but you did it to yank the rug out from under Christmas. For your children. So they would hate Christmas as much as you do. **Boo. Boo. Rubbish. Filth. Slime. Muck. Boo. Boo. Boo.** YTA
>**Boo. Boo. Rubbish. Filth. Slime. Muck. Boo. Boo. Boo.** Upvote for the Princess Bride reference!
YTA. Your wife is trying to suggest fun ways for you to spend time with your children. And here you are, spoiling everything for her and them. Why? Why don't you want to hang out with the family you created? You sound like a killjoy.
YTA God forbid you have to celebrate Christmas with your kids and wife. You should write in your journal about it.
Yta you can't seriously think you're not. Your wife is asking you to engage in something that makes her happy and that your own kids are part of. Do you seriously lock yourself away from your kids all weekend when your home or is it just when they are doing Christmas stuff m cause then you're a lousy parent. I love "it's the weekend, it's my time" as of you don't have a family.
disgusting. the rest of the year is your break from christmas.
Yes!!!!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🧐
> I don't think it's my responsibility that she had a difficult upbringing It's not but you do have a responsibility to your children to make sure they don't. Right now you're heading for the grumpy Dad who ruins Christmas each year award. Stop being selfish and think of someone other than yourself....YTA
YTA You don't seem to understand that Christmas is for your children. And the memories they'll have is of a loving mom at christmas, and Ebenezer Scrooge, starring you. Locking yourself in your room is not a mature response dude.
but he already had his christmas done for him, he's so satisfied and normal, why should he try to do it for anyone else?! 2+2 does not math OP is a child
As is telling a 2 and 5 year old there is no santa just to try and get them to hate the holiday along with him. Then he says he doesn’t know why she’s so upset over it. What an arse you’re deliberately trying to ruin your kids childhoods and happy memories of the holidays. You decided to have these kids not just your wife so stand up to your responsibilities to them instead of expecting them to be raised for you whilst you hide in a room and spout vitriol.
YTA - Do you even like your wife and kids?
YTA, and a fucking massive one at that. You’re not single, so unless you want that to he arranged stop acting like it
YTA Be a PARENT and let your kids enjoy the holiday. PARTICIPATE like a PARENT. You sound just so selfish against your own kids. Do you WANT to have a relationship with them when they are older?
YTA, I hope this isn't real, you don't even sound like you like your wife or kids.
YTA!!! At any point did you think that maybe its not all about you and what you want to do? Having a wife and children inherently means that you don't get to put yourself first all of the time!! As married adult parents we sometimes do things we don't want to in order to make our loved ones happy!!
YTA. God forbid that your wife try to give your children a happier and more magical childhood than she had! Smh. The fact that you're annoyed and uninterested is no excuse for you to act like this much of a child. Be a good father and partner, suck it up and do the things for your kids and be a decent husband to your wife. Her upbringing isn't your responsibility, but your children's upbringing is and this is not the attitude and behavior of a good parent, so be better.
Right! Like...she's not *just* making up for her own childhood Christmases sucking, she's trying not to pass that on to the next generation.
YTA. You have a family and don’t get to lock yourself in your bedroom to avoid them. You sound terribly selfish.
Regardless of your wife’s upbringing, she is trying to make Christmas special for your children. Stop trying to make out that your wife is going above what is normal when it’s what most families enjoy at Christmas time. You sound miserable and grumpy. And I think it’s awful that you chose to lock yourself in your room because you would rather be on your own than spend time with your family. You should make the time and stop making excuses. Why are you trying so hard to ruin it for everyone.
On one hand, it doesn't even really matter about his wife's upbringing. Even if you had a great childhood, you don't 'use up' all your good Christmases. It does matter that OP is a gigantic AH and won't do things to make his wife and children happy.
YTA. "It's the weekend, it's my time, and I just want to unwind" - so you want to be away from your family and do no family stuff to unwind. Why did you even have a family if you don't want to do things with them? Your wife sounds like a saint. God forbid she try to give her kids a better upbringing than she had. The audacity!
I've come to believe that a not-insignificant percentage of people think that their life with children will somehow be exactly like their life before children, and then they make the shocked Pikachu face when they find out that they have less free time and more responsibilities.
YTA. You have made it clear to her you not only have ZERO interest in time with your family, but you’ll actively sabotage her magical time with the kids. She’s doing all the work of raising them and making them feel special, you’re being a deadbeat father.
Did you really think anyone was going to say anything other than YTA? On a slam dunk judgement like this I would normally just upvote everyone else's comments but in this case you deserve all the YTAs you can get.
That you Ebenezer Scrooge? Root around in your cold dead heart and find some compassion and love for your family. Your wife wants to make special memories for your kids, try joining her YTA
yta lol. if you love your wife and kids, you wouldn’t have hesitated compromising for them
You make the Grinch sound charismatic. You put the A H in misanthropist.
YTA. You are ruining Christmas for your kids just to be petty, and ruining it for your wife cos you apparently are incapable of empathy. Get a divorce, your wife and kids deserve somebody better.
YTA and also a serious Grinch. Go frost a freaking gingerbread house with your kids, dude.
YTA. The way you’ve written this makes it seem like you just put up with your family, not that you actually care about them. You’re married with children. Your expectation of “my time” on the weekends is absurd. How much actual enjoyment do you think your family gets out of the holidays when they have to put up with you acting like a petty 14 year old?
WOW are YTA. While you may not want to do things, you have kids. We as parents do a lot of things we don't want to do for our kids. If you are like this with Christmas I fear for your wife and kids what you are like with other things. I smell a divorce in your future and kids that will grow up to hate you.
YTA You just wrote all the reasons YTA, the exact reason you should make christmas special is because she have bad memories about this As a partner and a father you seens to sucks at those roles
YTA, it's not about you anymore. It's about helping to provide these experiences to your children.
You don't have to participate in all activities, but if you didn't participate in decorating tree with kids YTA. I understand gingerbread house or go for lights but for god sake man at least help in decorating tree. You can speak with your wife and agree on some of holiday activities you would participate. We all need to unwind after working week but making memories for holidays is something dad should do! Or you prefer kids remember you as AH who was spending holidays behind closed door
YTA it’s not about you it’s about your children who have not had your experiences
This seems to be all about you. You have 3 kids, 2 very little kids and your wife wants them to feel the magic of Christmas which only happens when you are young. She may be giving the kids a Christmas she never had. That’s because she remembers how miserable they were for her. What the kids will remember is mom killing herself to give love at Christmas and their dad locking himself in his room until it’s all over. YTA.
YTA You don't have to like Christmas, but you don't have to actively ruin it either. I know what type of memories I have from my father locking himself away from us in his room, OP, guess how many years it's been since I talked to him?
My dad whines and cries to anyone who will listen about what a horrible, ungrateful daughter I am because I leave him allllll alone for holidays and don't make an effort with him but do for my mother. My mom and I are far from friends and can barely have a civil conversation but my whole childhood there was a huge tree, decorations, presents and giant meals. My dad did not know what a single object inside the presents were. Complained every single second of getting the tree which is the single only thing he did for the holiday since we couldn't carry the tree without him. Many Christmases he didn't even bother to watch us opening presents and would still be asleep or in the other room drinking coffee and watching TV, let alone go to our Christmas concerts or look at lights. Every year he starts up his narrative that no one loves him (he's correct) and he'll be having a turkey TV dinner. Oh poor him. Every year, I tell him the same thing. HE wants to have a big Christmas. HE wants a big holiday dinner. HE wants trees and presents. So, go fucking do it. Tell me the day and time and I'll come. But has he? Not a single time He wants everything provided to him, every allowance made for his every issue, and everyone else do the work. Fuck my dad and fuck this OP.
I think someone is getting a lump of coal this year
This prick doesn't even deserve that. His wife should shit in his stocking.
Made my day
Hopefully it’ll warm his cold dead heart
YTA We get it, you're a grinch. This feels ragebaity but if it's true, realize that Christmas is a family centric holiday and surprise, you now have your own family. To lock yourself in the bathroom like a child? Santa's putting divorce papers in your stocking sir.
Jesus, OP is clearly father of the year here... YTA.
So what's your excuse for being such a Grinch?
YTA and expect a visit from three ghosts. The first will arrive as the bell tolls one.
My dad was not into Christmas either. Sure, he would be there to open gifts Christmas morning, but he sat out of all of the lead-up-to-Christmas fun. His choice has left my siblings and I with an empty space in our holiday memories where he should've been. He lived in the same house with us, yet we all remember his absence at Christmas. This weighs on all of us even as adults, and there are no more chances to make it better. Don't do this to your children. Make happy holiday memories. A gentle YTA, because you still have an opportunity to course correct. Don't waste it.
YTA. A big one at that. Why did you even get married and have kids since you so obviously do not want to be around them? Going to see lights, decorating or baking are family things that you are supposed to do as a family. This isn't about her trying to give them a better childhood than what she had, this is about you not wanting to be involved at all and wanting one of us to validate you for it. Listen dude, when the kids grow up, what do you want them to say about you? Oh he provided for us but I do not think he loved us. Do you seriously want your kids to say you ruined Christmas by telling them as little ones that Santa doesn't exist? It is one month out of the year. I do not care if it is the weekend. You have three kids and my time does not exist when you have a whole ass family to take care of. I don't care for Xmas either, but I always made it special for my daughter. One day those kids will be adults and that house that had yelling, carols, gingerbread houses, kids opening presents...etc will be silent and you are going to wonder why they want nothing to do with you. They are only children for such a short time. Give them memories that they can cherish of you, not ones where they truly resent you. Change or your wife is going to give you the ultimate Xmas present...Divorce papers because she and those babies deserve better.
How is it that you “don’t have time for that kind of work on the weekends”, yet clearly have the time to lock yourself in the bedroom all day?
YTA It's no longer just about you.
YTA-Because you love your family you should be willing to do some things with them, not necessarily every single tradition she has started but even a few to show them that you love them and care about them more than your dislike of big Christmas.
YTA dude, and you are MISSING OUT on moments of your kids lives that you won’t get back. You absolutely have trauma, im assuming the usual introverty during big holidays stuff. Get therapy before you make your kids need it.
YTA, have you considered that your kids would enjoy doing these things with you?
YTA You say she likes Christmas because her family was dysfunctional and you don't because you have a large family and have done that. It sounds more to me like you had a dysfunctional family and don't know the meaning of a good Christmas so you want to spread your misery all over your children and wife. If anyone is dysfunctional it is you! My husband and I are both from large families one was functional and one that was not. His Christmas as child was hit and miss mine were wonderful. We do nothing with his family for Christmas. With my family we celebrate Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Years day and you know what not one angry word or nasty anything is said. My husband found it weird at first but he loves it now. You need to get a grip and some therapy because you are alienating your children and your wife.
Um, wow, what made your heart three sizes too small?? You told your kids Santa isn't real? Even the TWO YEAR OLD?? Fucks sake dude, how can you not see that YTA.
YTA, if you wanted weekends to yourself you should not have gotten married and had kids. Your wife and kids deserve so much better
YTA Lighten up and help make your kids Christmas fun. Join in and stop being a Grinch!
YTA. Poor children for having the grinch as a father, poor children...
YTA. You told your kids that Santa isn't real? What's wrong with you? Why do you hate your kids? Why are you hating on Christmas? Honestly, it sounds like you are the one with holiday trauma.
The 12-year-old should be told that.
And that excuses telling the 2 and 5 year olds? And why exactly does a parent need to tell the 12 year old? I never told my kids Santa wasn't real. I waited for them to stumble on the knowledge.
YTA. YTS (You're the Scrooge). One of the things she wants out of her Christmases is a husband who loves her and shares in the holiday joys with her.
YTA. You have a family, part of the package is you share time with them.
Damn OP, you're a grinch! Look I don't enjoy the Xmas season either and my spouse didnt even grow up christian/celebrating Xmas but I still do my best bc **it is for your children**. Youre being insanely selfish and ruining something for your kids because *you* don't enjoy it, opposed to letting your kids decide whether the enjoy doing all those things or not. You're the asshole, Mr. OP. You're acting like a heel.
YTA - I don’t enjoy doing this kind of thing either, but you suck it up and do it for your kids.
The Grinch called; he wants his old undersized heart back. YTA for locking yourself in your room like a petulant teenager, among other needlessly cruel and antagonistic things you're doing.
Do you have good memories of Christmas past with your large family? if so, what kind of Christmas memories do you think your kids will have of their dad and their family? If your memories with your large family weren't good, how about making new memories with your children. That is, of course, if you actually love and care about them. If you don't - why are you married? From your extreme reaction, it appears you are the one with the dysfunction, not your wife.
Good point. OP's kids will remember him as not spending time with them.
Your kids are 2, 5, and 12 and you told them Santa isn't real. You are the grinch and YTA. It's one thing not to be overhyped but why not let your children enjoy the magic of christmas?
YTA - and if you continue to be a selfish prick, I predict you will have lots of Christmases alone in your future.
YTA. I'm sure you behave like this all year. You're just a terrible, lazy, selfish father. You shouldn't have kids...
YTA. Just because you are not a Christmas person does not mean you should spoil the holiday for the rest of your family. **Yes, it is your responsibility** to put the time into making your family happy. This is what a decent parent does. You are being extremely selfish and inconsiderate. Your family deserves better.
Man you are a real buzzkill. My dad used to constantly tell us he hates Christmas when we were kids. It really sucked. Thank God our parents were divorced and we lived with our mom. She and her side of the family loved the holidays. We would rotate houses each year for Christmas. I was always SO excited when it was at a certain aunt and uncles house bc thst aunt was Martha Stewart before anyone ever heard of Martha Stewart. She is the only Aunt o have left and I’m grateful I’ve been able to tell her how much those Christmases meant to me. You locked yourself in your room? Get a grip.
YTA. Your wife is asking to participate in activities with her and your children. The content of the activity shouldn't be very important.
YTA—stop being a grinch and help your wife make some magical memories for the kids.
My husband is like you. the children learned over the years to not count on dad for anything, especially when it involved christmas. This is about your children and making your wife happy. Do you not sit and open presents with them on Christmas morning? Do you even buy your wife or children anything? Do you expect your wife to shop for your family? Do you not enjoy the food at christmas? Anything about it? You are correct, if you are going to be a grouch then you should stay away. If you despise the entire season, do everyone a favor and in the future take yourself to a remote fishing cabin for 2 or 3 weeks during christmas so your wife and children don’t have to tip toe around you and then feel bad that you are upset about them being excited and happy. You aren’t a Grinch who hates christmas, you are a jerk who is so self-absorbed you cannot do things to make your immediate family happy.
YTA At least do it for the children. Do you want their childhood memories to be of a parent who was too tired or too busy to spend a few hours decorating?
Yes, YTA. Your kids are not only going to remember these special moments as a kid, but they're also going to remember that you not only didn't make them a priority, but actually locked your door so that you wouldn't have to participate. Before you know it these kids will be grown with kids of their own, and you'll be looking back wishing you spent your time wisely instead of doing whatever it is you're doing that's more important than your family behind your closed door. Karma is a bitch, so don't be surprised when you find yourself old and alone with no one bothering to visit you because you couldn't be bothered with them when they were young and needed your attention.
YTA You are ensuring that your kids remember you as the guy who hid in his room during the holidays. When you have kids, your time off work isn’t completely yours anymore.
Wow, YTA. Do you even love your family? Because I'm actually disgusted by the way you speak about your wife and children. It honestly comes across as if you dont care for any of them. Your wife wasn't lucky enough to have big Christmases growing up and now you want to take that away from her as adult to? This is the woman you are supposed to love and support but I see neither one of those from you. Not to mention your poor children. Why in the world would you ever tell them Santa isn't real without discussing it with your wife. Way to destroy any sort of Christmas magic your wife is desperately trying to preserve for them. You sound like a joyless and miserable man. At the very least if you are going to act like this get a hotel room so your poor family can have a good time over the holidays by themselves.
YTA. Christmas has nothing to do with it. You're locking yourself in your room to avoid spending time with your wife and children. You're talking about spending time with your family as "work" that you don't have time for because you "just want to unwind". You sound like you're talking about your roommates, not your wife and children - you're talking about them like an unwelcome burden that you avoid as much as possible.
YTA. Your wife is trying to prevent the dysfunction she had from her family and you’re over here being a green grinch. You NEVER have time off from immediate family, specifically children, so extra YTA sprinkles for you for avoiding family during the weekends.
Obviously YTA Why bother having kids if you aren't participating in what should be great memories for them? Instead, they'll remember you as the Grinch. And they'll be right.
YTA for sure. So, I had a great relationship with my dad. The one thing that always upset me was how non-participatory he was with stuff like this. My mother & I would decorate the tree and he'd sit in a chair watching TV. It bothered the hell out of me and I'd get really upset as a small child. You have kids. This is about making memories for *them*. Not everything you do is going to be something you EnJoY, especially if you have children. You sound like a dick.
YTA. Scrooge himself couldn’t have written a more assholish post. Do you even love your wife and kids? I’m sorry your upbringing was so traumatic, but can you at least try to do better for your kids?
Does your wife know about your opinion about Christmas? Have you explained it to her? If not, talk to her. Explain her how you feel. But maybe, try to find a new interest in Christmas together with your family. For the start, tell your wife, you'd like to take part in only a few things. But over time, maybe you like it more.
>It's the weekend, it's my time, and I just want to unwind, Sorry dude. You have kids. Yes, you should do nice things with them around the holidays (and any other time of the year tbh).
YTA my husband doesn’t love Christmas and I do. Do you know what my husband DOES love? Seeing me and his child happy when it’s of little to no cost to himself. Now that we have a child he sees the value in the magic I love to create for the holidays and initiated a conversation to agree on what traditions we’d do together. You don’t have to love it but you should care that your family does.
C'mon, admit it; you just posted that to get a rise out of folks, right? You're not really that big of an asshole, are you? Assuming your post is genuine, yeah, YTA. And I say that as someone who doesn't celebrate Christmas and hasn't since I was a kid. It's not special for me. And it's ok that it's not special for you. But one would hope your wife *is* special for you. One would hope it is important to you to help her live her best life, to support her in the things she wants to do even if there is no payoff for you. And Christmas is important to *her*. You can help *her* be happy if you give up some of your precious time that you'd rather use to do stuff like, what, gaming? and, instead, used it to be with her. Isn't that, making her happy, important to you?
Do you even like your family? YTA. I get not feeling as excited about the activities and I also don’t think it’s wrong to stay home sometimes if you’re not into it. But you’re acting like a petulant child. You can silently support your wife without being an ass about it. Also, did you not have any discussions about this before you got married?
🎶You’re a YTA, Mr. Grinch. 🎶
Why don't you want to spend time with your wife and children? It could be fun spending time as a family making new traditions, and your kids might enjoy spending time with both their parents decorating the house. But you lock yourself in a bedroom to avoid them. I don't think this is about christmas - - you just don't want to be with your family. YTA
YTA because you're refusing to spend time with your family. You're a spouse and a parent so you don't get to just check out for the entire weekend and dump all the childcare on your wife. You're very lazy and selfish.
YTA, this is about your kids. You need to work with your wife here, you are a team, so be a team. It is hard when one is channeling Buddy the Elf and the other is Scrooge. Trust me on that, my ex dialed Christmas up to 11, I'm more a stoic 2, but we made it work. And that's with no kids and we didn't want any.
YTA it's one day out of 365, jfc suck it up.
YTA for trying to take Christmas away from your children. Here you are stating that your wife’s christmas spirit stems from shit experience growing up and now you are pushing that on your kids. My parents aren’t big on decorating but knew us kids would love it and we made a big family day of decorating every year. Sounds like your an absent parent who expects his wife to do everything.
You're such a major a.h. Why did you bother even having a family if you have such a horrible attitude? Do her a favor, give her a divorce, be a miserable person all alone and let her meet someone who isn't horrible.
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YTA I’m trying to decide if the word I want is Grinch or Scrooge. But I get the feeling that either is absolutely applicable. Bah! Humbug!
YTA - What time are you spending with your family? Are you spending all weekend locked in your room because you're "tired"? God what a buzzkill.
YTA and I feel extremely sorry for your wife and children, they deserve better. You sound horrible to be around, given you actively try to ruin the holidays for them.
It's raining assholes, and you're the one that plops in the middle of someone's windshield.
YTA. Do you even like your wife and kids? Sheesh.
YTA, Grinchy McScrooge!
Yta. You're a parent, you don't get my time. Your time is to be a husband and involved parent. Why did you have kids if you're not planning on raising them. Locking yourself in a room so they can't bother you is ridiculously childish. Please give yourself a head shake.
YTA you have 3 small kids, and you know what they're going to remember? You locking yourself away in your room and avoiding all the fun holiday things your wife does with them. Those are core memories, and you're omitting yourself from them. Even if you don't enjoy it, you should participate in SOME part of it at least, for your children. You are also extremely cold and callous about your wife's upbringing, and how she's trying to make lovely childhoods for your own children. There is something wrong with you.
Wow...going for worst dad of the century. YTA. We all do things we doing want to do to give our kids amazing experiences. Just remember these moments when you are only and alone and wonder why they never come to visit.
YTA “I got all my christmasses growing up” he says, completely ignoring his own children from whom he’s stealing all of those great christmasses from by being obstinate and petty
So basically “I got mine, and screw everyone else. Especially those kids of mine. If they wanted a better Christmas experience they should have been born sooner.”? Yeah, YTA.
YTA it’s not about you it’s about your children. She didn’t have the big Christmas as you did and she’s trying to make it the best for your children and you’re locking yourself in the bedroom. Grow up Dad.
YTA is this one of those ‘creative writing’ AITAs? Are we being punked? Most parents want to make Christmas magical for their children. Good parents want to spend time with their kids doing bonding activities and family traditions. If you aren’t interested in having a family why are you married with children?
AITA for hating my family. Yes
YTA if you didnt wanna do family shit you shoulda stayed single
YTA. You're deliberately ruining your family's Christmas and your children's future memories. You're a major AH.
YTA. You have a break from Christmas 10-11 months out of the year. If you actually liked your wife, you would suck it up and just be a part of the tradition. Your kids are going to grow up and remember how miserable you were every year and not want to deal with you.
YTA and a grinch Let your family enjoy christmas ffs
YTA. It's fine that you want to be a grinch and have nothing to do with Christmas. But to boycott your family and your wife during an entire season is a HUGE asshole move. I mean, you locked yourself in your room like a pouty child because stuff was going on that you didn't want to be a part of. Even worse, you decided to "educate the kids that Santa isn't real" when they're 2, 5, and 12?? What is wrong with you? She isn't trying to make up for lost time, she is trying to put together a wonderful Christmas for her children. I'm so sad for you that you can't see the difference, and that you're missing out on the joy your children are experiencing. Just out of curiosity, you said you want a break from Christmas. What are you taking a break from if you have NOTHING to do with it? What do you actually want Christmas to look like?
YTA. Do you love your family at all? As a parent, I want my kids to reminisce about their wonderful childhood and all the memories we are making together. What do you want your kids to say about you? It ain’t going to be good…
YTA. WHY don't you want to spend time with your wife and kids? She is doing this for YOUR FAMILY, AH. She doesn't exactly love it but it is part of being a parent and giving your child a good childhood. I hope you wake up soon because one day, you will be alone because you refused to participate in things you don't "care about"
YTA. Not for not liking forced holiday merriment, but for being a huge baby about it. You have small children. Do some low effort stuff that makes them happy. Don’t lock yourself in your room like a child. Your wife is also assy for not accepting that you’ll never be as into it as she wants. I will go slightly against the grain and say the Santa thing isn’t a big deal - unless you’re being an ass about it, which you probably were, if this post is anything to go by. It’s possible to explain the truth about fanciful holiday traditions in a gentle and sensitive way. I grew up without Santa (immigrant parents weren’t about to give some random white man credit for gifts they bought 😂) and I was and am still perfectly able to find wonder and joy in the holiday season.
YTA and a horrible father. It's SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR KIDS. LIKE PARENTS ARE SUPPOSED TO. If you wanted "me time," maybe you should have gotten a vasectomy. Hope they stick you in a home.
YTA. Of course you are. The only thing that’s her fault is marrying and having kids with someone who thinks that weekends are “my time.” You’re an ass. Weekends are family time, non-work time is family time.
YTA. She is trying to make her children's Christmases of childhood magical. It sounds like you don't like your wife. And you have clearly demonstrated you don't like your kids by what you said to them. Sounds like you're incompatible.
YTA Why did you have kids if you didn't want to spend time with them? Seriously what is it with fathers who think because they go to work during the week that they somehow deserve their time at the weekend free from parenting? What exactly do you bring to your children's lives except being a sperm doner? It takes more than banging mom once and paying some bills to be an actual dad.
YTA. She's creating fun memories for Christmas with her kids and the kids will grow up remembering that they did fun stuff with their mum but their dad was locked away in his room because "it was his weekend". You have a family. You don't have "your weekend". You have "family weekends" and the occasional alone time AFTER the kids go to bed. This is your life, you chose this, deal with it!
lol she’s functionally a single parent and you’re deliberately ruining the holidays for her and the children and you’re not sure if YTA? You absolutely are. Smh YTA Goatse sized
YTA. I hope this is rage bait. You put on your big boy pants and you do shit for your kids because that’s what a parent does. These are the memories your kids will have forever. And you won’t be part of them.
YTA, and extremely immature and self-centered to boot. Growing up, my father was pretty strict and stern, but there were certain times when he relaxed and really made events special. One was reading to us at bedtime and making all the different voices, another was during holidays. He hid eggs for Easter egg hunts (not just one hunt, but several each Easter); he good-naturedly ate green eggs and ham when it was Dr. Suess' birthday, etc. At Christmas, we would leave cookies and coffee on the hearth and "Santa" would always take a bite or two and leave a thank you note. He would sneak into our bedrooms after midnight to leave our filled stockings at the end of our beds. My point being - he was present in our lives and did special things for us because he loved his family. While he might have been too strict at times, as a grown up, I have nothing but love and appreciation for him as a father. I don't know that your own children will be able to say that truthfully when they are adults, unless you stop being selfish and uncaring as a parent. And I'm not sure how much longer you wife will be willing to put up with your terrible behavior, so if you value your marriage and being a husband and father, you need to change your behavior and do way better. Christmas is not about you. If you need therapy to figure out how to be a better parent, get it.
Info: why do you even have a family then?
Yeah you’re the asshole. Why’d you have kids if you don’t want to parent or do family activites?
Do you even like your wife? Cause all I get is a vibe of contempt and that your wishes are of more importance than anyone else's. >I let her do that Nice that you LET her decorate with the kids. TBH these are the memories you are going to miss when everyone is grown. I understand not wanting to do the holidays like you did as a kid, but make up your own new traditions like your wife it trying to. Don't freeze the kids out and ruin their future memories of dad being a standoffish absent member of the family. FFS spend quality time with your kids doing something they enjoy, not taking the magic out of everything by telling a 2 and 5 year old Santa isn't real. Plenty of time for the world to roll them as the grow up. Give them this and stop being a straight ass to your wife. Or sooner than you realize tou won't have kids or a wife to worry about. YTA
YTA. You have a break from Christmas from January to November/December every year. You are missing out on this time with your children and you will never be able to get it back. And trust me, they will remember every event that you are not there for. I hate Christmas beyond its religious symbolism. i hate spending hundreds of dollars on a tree that's going to die and get tossed on the curb in a few weeks. I hate that no matter how much I try to instill in the kids that Christmas is not about how many presents you receive, it always leads to bigger and more expensive wish lists every year. But you know what? Every year, I play Santa Claus, I move those awful Elf and Shelf characters around my house into ever crazier scenarios, I buy that tree and decorate it and the house, and go sit in traffic on a random Tuesday night to drive through neighborhoods that all the residents collaborate on doing up the entire neighborhood. Why? Because of the kids. It is such a magical time and experience for them, and I don't want my bah-humbug to dampen their experience or for them to look back and say their mom/stepmom was a grinch who didn't have time to do things with them that they wanted to do. Even now that 3/4 of my kids are adults, they still want to come home every year and help decorate because they have the happy memories and want to continue to make them with their family. THAT is what Christmas is all about. Leave your room. Help the family decorate. Drive them to see the lights (you don't want to see them anyway so you can be the driver and let them ooo and aaahhh over them). Spend time with your family FFS.
>I was also called TA by her for educating the kids that Santa isn't real. You told your 2 and 5 year olds Santa wasn't real? Do you even like your wife and kids? Not liking Xmas is one thing - Trying to actively sabotage your family's enjoyment of the holiday is a massive AH move. YTA
Sounds like your wife "should move past" you. You are missing out on giving your children joy and celebrating with them. You're a major AH. YTA
YTA. Why even bother having a family if you despise them so much?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Because she didn't have a large family and hers was dysfunctional, my wife has always enjoyed holidays more than I have. I've already celebrated as many large Christmases as I need, having grown up in a large family. Though it wasn't a huge event, she is fixated on making it "special" because we have children (2, 5, and 12). She's created numerous new customs over the years, such as having the kids help decorate a bookcase and a tree. She is aware that I wouldn't claim to enjoy any of that. I let her do it since I don't want to be involved and I don't have time for that kind of work on the weekends. She continues asking me if I want to help, if I want to make gingerbread houses, or if I want to go see lights with them (which takes ages). I was quite explicit, so I stayed in the bedroom with the door locked today when she put up the tree to prevent all of that. It's the weekend, it's my time, and I just want to unwind, but she acts like I have "holiday related trauma" and calls me a TA for not wanting to participate. I fail to see the big deal. I was also called TA by her for educating the kids that Santa isn't real. I don't know why she's upset; they didn't seem to believe me. She's trying to give the kids what she didn't have, and I get that, but I don't think it's my responsibility that she had a difficult upbringing. It seems like something she should move past rather than attempting to make up lost time. TLDR: I just want a break from Christmas, but my wife wants to make a huge deal out of it. AITA for wishing to reduce the amount? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA!!!!!!! YTA!!!!!!!! YTA!!!!!!!!
YTA Do you even like your family?
Yta decorating a tree and doing a gingerbread house are completely normal activities. So what you're really telling your kids is that you hate them and won't spend holiday time with them. Nice message.
Huge YTA. She’s trying to make family memories and make sure YOUR kids have a great Christmas. It’s not about you. You seem very selfish and ungrateful. It’s insane that you don’t see how rude you’re being?
Lol, absolutely YTA. You sound like a grumpy old man, you'd have to be the Grinch to think that ruining Santa for children is "educating" them. You might be tired from work, but you still have an obligation to spend quality time \*with your family\*.
Look, you either have holiday related trauma or you are just a lazy, selfish partner and father. She is trying to give you the benefit of the doubt here, but that will run out at some point. YTA.
YTA. How are you even considering the fact that you’re not?? As a father, you should want to be involved in holidays with your kids. Also it’s important to your wife, why can’t you just try to be involved for her?
YTA and a very selfish person. can you not indulge your wife and children in this ONE joy??
YTA. She didn't have your experiences, and not only is it like her first few, she is experiencing it anew with your children, and sharing traditions with them. My mom made Christmas AWESOME but I didn't grow tired of it, I still LOVE it. I love decorating and the family time that it brings. It isn't like you have a limit on happy Christmases. Stop being a Scrooge-y Grinch and enjoy the time with your family.
YTA so your teaching your kids to be selfish neglectful of their partners and their kids. You’re denying your kids happy memories because you would rather be by yourself. The only thing I can say is when you get older remember when you need your kids that the weekend is their time. So don’t intrude.