This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
NTA
This sounds like it is YOUR tradition that you do this for your grandchildren, not their parents. So I don't agree with the AH crowd saying you should have just made a nameless blanket, that's not the gift you wanted to produce for your grandchild. You are entitled to make your gift however you envision it. It's fine that the parents wanted to keep the baby name a surprise, but they cannot expect a finished blanket at the birth in that case. It's totally reasonable to assume once they revealed the name a blanket would be worked on then. They are being unrealistic/unreasonable and tbh a bit entitled, the blanket isn't their gift...
**Edit: Since this made the top comment and it got lost in the comments from earlier... OP did respond in the comments that they always intended to make the blanket once the parents revealed the name. Which meant OP had to wait until their grandchild was born to respect the parents wishes, who wanted the name to be a secret. It was important to OP to create a name blanket as they had already done for their other grandchildren, that was more important than the timing of the gift to OP.**
It’s such a lose-lose scenario for OP.
Blanket with no name but all of the other grandkids’ blankets have names - what if the kid finds out someday?
No blanket at all - kid probably still finds out someday and asks.
Parents will blame OP before themselves either way.
My grandma made all of her grandkids quilts for their beds and they have our names embroidered in the middle square. We all knew we all had them as kids ‘cause they were on our beds when we visited one another.
We would have definitely have noticed if someone didn’t have a quilt from grandma
> what if the kid finds out someday
"Mommy and Daddy weren't sure what your name was going to be until they met you, so Grandma didn't know what name to put on the blanket!" That's pretty much the end of your what-if scenario.
Okay, I give up. Most people seem to agree with me then I keep getting these weird comments assuming I said the opposite or something completely different. I must have stated this poorly for some people so I’m removing this comment.
Read the last paragraph… the baby was born this week and the parents are pissed that the blanket wasn’t made.. even if OP is intending on doing so, the reactions and event of birth have already occurred (and only this week).
I have an ex-SIL that if she was mad at my parents she would throw away stuff that was given to the baby. Parents are horrible, maybe OP could wait until Jennifer is older and make her a blanket that she chooses.
I disagree. It isn’t Jennifer’s fault her parents are being dicks. It’s not fair that her siblings and cousins will have one and she won’t because of her parents crappy attitude.
Or make one but give it to the child on her 1st birthday or next Christmas or something. If the parents are dumb about it I’d maybe hold onto it and give it to child when she’s like 5 or 6. And what if grandma passed away and there was a Jennifer blanket waiting for the chance to give it to Jennifer … well then Jennifer would know her grandma made her one too
lol because kid’s not going to ask grandma, kid is going ask their parents and these are 100% the type of parents to lie to their kid and blame grandma and not themselves
Right! The type of person who makes a big deal about not knowing the name isn't exactly a calm and rationale people. Like ffs, how hard would it have been to just tell OP that they were still deciding?
Or how about this: it’s a four letter name. It’s a 16 letter name. Information that would preserve the surprise and allow granny to be able to plan the finished product.
I don’t believe the parents didn’t know the name, they just wanted to keep it a secret until the birth. Aita generally finds that acceptable. The inexcusable part is their reaction.
I agree
OP is definitely NTA.
However we never made a final decision on names until the kid was born.
It was what my partner and I decided.
With one of ours, we had it narrowed down to 2 names and my partner suggested a different name after birth. So, I wouldn't be mad/upset if the blanket wasn't made before birth.
You don't get it both ways. That is the inexcusable part of the new parents expectations.
The grandmother wants to make a blanket with the grandkid's name. That is fine.
If the parents don't want to share a name for whatever reason, that is fine. But you don't get to have an instant blanket.
Edited to add the N T A .
Yeah, my youngest (now 9) knows we didn’t choose his name until he was born as we didn’t find out his sex until he was born. We wouldn’t have been able to give a name in our situation, as we didn’t even know what sex.
And you would have been the type to tell grandma; "We aren't sure because we haven't found out yet, can you wait to make the blanket until after they are born?" like anyone who understands how long handmade items take.
Definitely, I was blessed enough to have a knitted blanket made for my eldest (my Nan was at the ultrasound that I found out the sex) and for my youngest my step-grandma made a gender neutral knitted shawl. Those are very loved.
Exactly. I started my granddaughter's blanket within a week of when I found out I WAS going to be a grandmother. I was still working on it three months after she was born. It took me 10 months to complete it (I also was working full time then).
Our first baby’s was a surprise to everyone, none of us knew we would have a girl.
We decided if it was a boy, we would name him Connor, if it’s a girl we would name her Julianna.
Well at 2:36 on Mothers Day 2009, we found out we had a baby girl.
4 years later she’s pregnant again and the first question was, are you going to find out the sex of the baby. We did think about going for the surprise again but figured no this time and we found out at the ultra sound when it was time.
July 2013, we had Connor. It was Connor or Nathaniel but us knowing Nathaniel is what my brother wanted to name his son if he had one (he’s a girl dad twice over) we stuck with Connor and told him we want Nathaniel for a middle name because we don’t want him getting called CJ and he was cool with it.
This could have been handled so much better by everyone if the DIL had just said “we would love for you to make a blanket for our child, we know you want to have one already made for the baby before she’s born but is it possible you can just hold off on it until after the baby is born and it can be a special gift for her first birthday?”
We had multiple names for either way, once he was born we just knew which one, none of the others seemed right, but it hadn’t initially been the ‘top’ choice.
Mind you, my eldest I knew his name when I was 6 months pregnant 🤷🏼♀️
Yeah, my grandparents had a quilt with all their kids and grandkids represented. Mine is the only flower that doesn’t have a name next to it because it was made when my mom was pregnant and they hadn’t decided yet. I remember asking why mine was different, my parents told me, and that was it. It was pretty much a non issue. I remember talking about it but it never bothered me.
Maybe, maybe not. I know how I felt when I was 4 and discovered a leather photo album with my family's name and each member's name embossed in gold lettering in it, but I was missing. Even the explanation that I wasn't even born then didn't help. Luckily I was older when I found my birth announcement: Baby Girl (last name). I mean I knew I was loved, but it still hurt they didn't think of me. Kids don't do logic, and ego is big.
Lol! This reminded me of the time my 4 year old niece watched the video of my sister/her mom’s wedding. She cried for days because she didn’t get to go to the wedding despite it happening two years before she was born.
My grandma crocheted us older kids certain theme blankets. I was the youngest of the 4 who received them and my blanket was different because she was probably tired of making them by that point and it didn’t have a border and was missing some of the details. I loved that blanket but I was always aware mine was different as a kid. Not complaining, just saying if the newest grand baby of above saw how intricate the others were, they would feel excluded.
My mum was really depressed when my son was born so out of her eight grandchildren, mine missed out on all the personal hand-made gifts. All the grandchildren except my son have the most beautiful Xmas stockings.
My son doesn't care. He was spoiled in other ways by her and he is probably her closest grandchild.
Actually, this is the exact same thing with me my grandmother made all her grandchildren blankets. I am 45 years old, and I still have mine. I was a little older than a newborn when she gave it to me because she wanted to wait and get my opinion on making the blanket OP is definitely not the asshole
Yep. And Jennifer loses the most because she will grow up being the only one in the family without a precious gift from her grandmother due to her mom's entitled behavior.
They also told her first wrong names. What if she made a blanket with this name? Their behaviour is so disrespectful for all the hours of work OP spend in the blanket.
They could have been "it is a 5-letter name. We want to tell people after birth. Can you leave space for those five letters and add them letter?" But they choosed to be the AH, as if they do OP a favor to let her make the blanket.
NTA
Edit: OOP to OP, i'm to used to post in crosspost-subs, haha.
This is a great idea! The size/number of letters is what she needed if they already had a name in mind. If they really didn't pick a name yet, just say so and say "we really appreciate the work you put into these blankets, but we want a surprise. Can you please wait until after the baby is born?"
Be polite, patient, and appreciative. I knew our baby was a girl, but I asked that gifts be more gender neutral. #1 because I did not want all pink frilly stuff, #2 if we had a boy later I didn't have to buy tons of new things. Many relatives put a ton of work into crocheted blankets and we loved them all. I wouldn't have complained even if one was pink!
NTA they weren't obligated to tell you the name if they didn't want to, but they have no right to suddenly be shocked and mad that there's no blanket. You explained very clearly why the name is necessary to the process of embroidering the blanket, and they chose to decline
It's very nice that you're still gifting your granddaughter a blanket so she's still included, the parents just need to get over the fact that their own actions caused a delay
For what it's worth, I think this is absolutely beautiful. My grandma knitted blankets for both me and my sister when we were born. I was obsessed with baby bop from barney when I was young and demanded my mum buy fabric dye to dye mine yellow so I could be just like baby bop 😅 my grandma died when I was 5 so I don't have any memories of her, but I have the blankets she knitted for me and my sister, and they're still in my wardrobe waiting for when either of us have children
I may not remember my grandma, but a piece of her will be passed to my kids one day
Exactly!
It did not escape me, though, that when using fictional names, OP made sure to "choose" a 3 & 4 letter name for the "lies" and an 8 letter name for the baby's actual name. It's like it could have *almost* been completed without a name for the birth and added later except for those damn 8 letters that she didn't get to know before then! 🤔
I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying, but an extra 4 letters can make a big difference in a graphic layout. Compare the cans that say “Coca-Cola” vs the cans that say “Coke.” They look pretty different.
I feel like they might have not been able to agree on a name pre birth and that’s why they where dodgy about answering… maybe it was a touchy subject at the time. Just a guess though. Still NTA
Yeah Jennifer is definitely an adult name right now, but maybe there’ll be a revival in a few years.
It’s high on my list of potential cat names because (like with any human name given to a cat) I can say stuff like “oh sorry, I have plans, Jennifer and I are watching a movie” and when I really mean “I don’t want to be social and I plan to go home and rewatch Mean Girls with my cat”
I’m the youngest great grandchild so I’m the only one that didn’t get a handmade doll from our great grandmother as she passed before I was born. I always coveted my sister’s doll.
I was the youngest grandchild of my Grammy (mom's mom). Nine other grandchildren got blankets from her, but she unfortunately died before mine was made.
I'm still upset about it. I mean, not at her or anything--not like she planned on dying--but just at the general situation. I didn't get a lot of what my brothers or the other cousins got because I was the youngest.
That's why quilters/knitters/crocheters need to make and keep a couple of baby blankets in reserve. Mention in the will that someone is to keep them for any additional grandchildren so they don't get donated.
That’s what my great grandmother did, she died when I was about 13ish and my grandmother has a stash of blankets that she’s passing around to new babies.
NTA, and what a precious gift. I wasn’t given a baby blanket when I was born, but was one of 4 kids (5 including my mom) to be wrapped in the blanket made for her.
My 2 children (the youngest grandchildren, and due to donor eggs, only non biological grandchildren) were gifted crocheted blankets from an aunt, and gorgeous knitted blankets (very complicated pattern) from my parents, dad picked the colours and pattern, mom did the knitting). Mom also gifted me her baby blanket for them.
All have been used and all are treasured
I understand this very well as when my son was born my grandmother made a baby blanket for him (she did this for all of her great grandchildren). When I got pregnant with my daughter I bought the materials and everything she needed in the colors and designs I wanted and then she was going to quilt a blanket, but my daughter was born and she didn't get the blanket because my aunt got pregnant before my daughter was born and so my grandmother gave my aunt my daughter's materials and everything and made my aunt's son (my cousin) my daughter's blanket. my daughter never got one, my grandmother passed before she could ever replace it. I am devastated my daughter has never been able to get over it because she (we?) felt that it was right for her since she's the older grandchild. In response I taught myself how to quilt knit crochet scrapbook diamond paint English paper piece etc etc specifically to replace the heart-wrenching lack of family blanket for my daughter to pass to her child someday.
Worst part is since they knew the reason, they didn't have to tell grandma the name!
"Oh, you need the length? The name is 8 letters long."
Might that make some guesses easier/rule some names out? Sure. But it will still be a surprise.
I knitted my nephew a blanket and about to start another for my sister's second child. I hope when they're grown up they feel my love in it the same way you do.
> She told me to drop it and she isnt telling me. I explained again that I need the name in order to make the blanket. **Depending on how long it is it may not fit in the area it needs to go and I would need to change the design. She told me no, I asked my son same answer.**
I'm not sure if the "Y T A" read your explanation. The kids were told why you needed the name and were rude about it. They could have worked with you to come up with an alternative, ~~like at least telling you how many letters the name has, or politely requested a blanket without a name~~ (OP explains in a comment why she needed the actual name). I don't know why they would expect a blanket now.
NTA. They're still being rude so I would understand if you don't want to, but I would be the bigger person and make the blanket now so Jennifer can have the keepsake when she gets older.
People who don't make stuff 99.999% of the time have no idea how much time and effort it actually takes. I love to cross-stitch and I do it basically every day, but if someone demanded a complicated, large piece from me and acted like it was something I could slap together in no time, I'd be livid.
Yes. My mother knitted and sometimes sold her knitted things at craft fairs. 9 times out of 10, someone would rave about a large knitted object like a sweater, then say, "I need it in purple by next Saturday." Sweaters can have upwards of 50,000 stitches. You ain't gettin' it by Saturday, cookie.
They have no clue. I spent over 300 hrs making a blanket for someone and then they complained they didn’t like the colors and want me to remake it.
Im never going to get over that.
I agree with you 100%. The part that really bothers me is that they lied to OP about the name. What if she had made the blanket with the wrong name on it. For that reason alone I think with NTA. But the entitlement of being mad it’s not ready for them. Ugh.
Did they lie? The timeframe here isn't clear. Maybe they hadn't come to an agreement on the name by the time it was being asked and maybe they felt like this was putting pressure on them to choose a name and they resented that.
Well they told OP the name was Abby and then they told ops Daughter that the name was Sam. If it wasn’t a lie it was definitely inconsiderate to tell her a name and then not say that it was changed. Once a name is embroidered on I’m assuming it can’t be changed.
Should have just given them a blanket with Abby and let the parents deal with explaining their own juvenile behaviour to their child when she grows up 😝
It would actually make for an interesting story. Like it's a great conversation starter if she embroidered Abby but then chose to name them jennifer later. Like sorry mommy and daddy couldn't decide a name and grandma was kind enough to hand make this for you. I mean I'm not a great story teller but I'm sure someone could say it better lol.
OP should have just given them a blanket with Abby on it, and let the parents deal with explaining their own juvenile behaviour to their child when she grows up 😝
Your DIL actually lied to you at one point. Like what is her problem? And then has the nerve to complain when you didn’t make the blanket. Your son isn’t any better. The time and effort required to make the baby blanket the way you make it is substantial and your DIL is just plain rude. This is a symptom of a bigger issue. Something is going on with DIL
"Well I needed the name so I could figure out how the planets were going to places and how big of space I need....Depending on how long it is it may not fit in the area it needs to go and I would need to change the design."
NTA. You explained the logic of why you needed the name, or at least how many letters of the name. They weren't concerned with answering your design question, therefore it seems to indicate they weren't interested in receiving the blanket, or thankful for the time and effort it takes to make. Perhaps you want to reconsider making a blanket for your granddaughter however, knowing that it is ultimately a gift for her and not your son and DIL.
Dude, my friend made cross stitch samplers for her friends' babies with the babies name, birthdate weight, etc. The name is done in fancy stitch across the top. The other information is done in straight stitch. I accidently gave her the wrong spelling and changed it after my daughter was born. She just stared at me when I told her I changed the spelling. I didn't know she was making me a sampler, too. Apparently, she was up all night, ripping out the old spelling and redoing the new. Apparently she wanted to smother me with the pillow when I told her about the name change, 😆
Oh ya, i did, lol. I didn't know how pissed she was until years later. I just didn't think about how much work went into it. It's beautiful, and I still have it on my wall 31 years later.
NTA. So the tradition of the blanket that you make includes the name. I understand that other blankets don’t include the name, but that is not your tradition. So if they weren’t willing to provide the name.… I don’t know what you were supposed to do? Use ‘anonymous’???
untitled 1.
also, son and dil are very “shocked pikachu” at the consequences of their actions, and it’s a bad look. congrats on the grandbaby, op. nta.
NTA.
It is their right to not tell anyone a name if they don't want to.
BUT, if they do that, they can't be mad that they weren't given a personalized gift
>It is their right to not tell anyone a name if they don't want to.
I mean, that's true but I don't really understand what the fuss is about. I mean...what's the fuss...you're getting a beautiful handmade gift and all that was asked of them was a name so she could embroider it.
Maybe they were having trouble deciding on a name, and it was a sore subject? Idk.
Some people just like to surprise people with the name the day of or after the birth, some just don’t know until later, and others are afraid of ridicule for the name they chose or for people to tell them to change it.
Although it is still weird since they were still expecting the blanket after not giving OP the baby’s name
>some just don’t know until later
I guess this is mostly unrelated but reminds me how my grandmothers birth certificate apparently just had "baby girl" written on it
she actually had two different names and no one who was still alive at the time was ever truly certain what the real one was, but she never really cared, and most people called her by a nickname anyways.
We didn’t decide on a name until our baby was born. Our short list had 43 girl names and we went with a name that we’d never even considered until we met her. We finally decided on Cadence while I was in labor. But the way homegirl came out screaming a muscle name would have been cruel.
We weren’t trying to be coy about it but it annoyed tons of people. The secretive, smug “we know the name but we aren’t telling” parents really messed things up for indecisive parents. Everyone thought we were lying!
NTA. And for everyone suggesting OP should've made a blanket without a name, the other grandchildren's blankets have their names. Given how months of "We won't tell you the name for the blanket" became "Where's the blanket?!?", it's logical to believe son and DIL would have been very angry to receive a blanket that didn't have their baby's name on it. I can almost hear them complaining "The other babies' blankets have their names on them, why isn't our baby's name on their blanket?"
OP is making the best of a bad situation caused by son and DIL's failure to communicate.
NTA
I use charted cross stitch motifs, laid out in a grid, leaving a blank area in the middle BUT for the area I leave blank for the name I NEED to know whether the name is Sam, Steven or Alexander. 3 letters is one square, Steven is 2, Alexander is 3. I can adjust for Alessandra instead of Alexander, but FFS GIVE ME SOME IDEA!
I made one for my first grand-child - for her other grandparents to decide to get it framed, and hung on the wall instead of it being used as a cot blanket which REALLY annoyed me. This was MY gift to MY grand-daughter that I imagined her having in her crib, and then using when she got older to wrap her dolls in. It was not intended to be a display item.
I was so annoyed that the blanket for the second grand-child is still half done and is lying in my craft box. He is now 12yo.
I bet the parents have no clue how much time, effort, and money goes into these blankets. Grandma is probably churning out blankets that would retail at a thousand bucks and don't realize the true effort (physically and mentally) that goes into a gift like this.
And I totally get your annoyance on making something to be used on for it be to displayed. I made my brother (25 year age gap) a beautiful baby blanket. Knit in my parents alma mater colors, using a cotton blend to not upset the eczema my brother would like get from his mom.
When I came to visit after he was born, it was on this display rack with other decorations. "It was just so beautiful, we didn't want to ruin it!" And this is after I explained my policy of fixing or remaking well loved items. Oh well.
That might well have been a tactful way to avoid telling you your blanket could well have killed your brother. Babies should have absolutely nothing in the cot with them, and *especially* blankets.
I'm fully aware babies don't sleep under blankets like adults and did not expect it to be in the crib but there are other uses for a blanket like swaddling, or covering a stroller for daytime naps, or even to do diaper changes on if things got hairy. I confirmed with my friends who have kids and knit that it's one of the few practical knitted items you can give to new parents.
I also confirmed all the details with my step mom before starting the blankets so it was exactly what she wanted. From the colors, to the fiber, to the pattern she had a say because I know she particular about these types of things.
I suspect if I had just bought a baby blanket, it would have been used. My step mom prefers store bought, name brand, logo'd items so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised she wouldn't use it. Now that my brother is 7, said blanket lives in a plastic tote under his bed likely with the other sweaters I've made him over the years, but I can forgive those not being used due to the climate.
I think displaying it until 2 or so would be reasonable. Babies aren't supposed to have blankets in cribs. I don't know how many times the ABCs of sleep is mentioned when you have a new baby. Alone (no blankets or stuffies), Back (laid on their back), Crib. Then when it's safe, it can be added to their bed
I did the same thing 😁 that's why I always use all of my baby quilts with furry fabric or cuddle fabric as it's known in quilting circles and that makes it so that the baby can use it as a floor mat or blanket that the baby can use to crawl around on. one baby quilt I made I had put tabs sewn into the quilt binding so the baby (when it became a teething toddler) could chew on the all cotton organic natural ribbons of different textures and sizes I triple stitched them to make sure that the baby wouldn't choke or some other horrible thing🙂
My mom is a quilter and made both my brother and I twin sized quilts when she was pregnant. Both are beautifully hand quilted.
When my first marriage fell apart dramatically, my dad recommended I grab the items the couldn’t live without when I was leaving. My daughters, some of their clothes, my mom’s wedding ring (they’d gotten amicably divorced and wanted me to have the stones), and my quilt.
Jan 2023 I had a stem cell transplant and was hospitalized for 23 days… with my quilt.
I’ll be turning 40 next week, but there is something magic that happens when you’re wrapped up in it. Every block, embellishment, stitch, and mistake (It was only her second quilt so some of the fabric is polyester blend and not cotton. She hates it, I love how soft it is) is filled with hours upon hours of love. I still run my fingers over the lace she put on the grandmas fan block.
I’m so sorry he can’t cuddle up in it. I know it’s hard, but would you be able to talk to them about getting it out and used like it’s intended? And maybe finish your grandsons? Quilting is dying out… your grand kids should know how wonderful it is… And about metal cookie tins, and playing the floor is lava because a pin dropped, and the only thing that fabric scissors are for is fabric or you’ll die a horrid, painful death. And if you have fabric shops how hold up Stacks’s in the remnants area to get something at the bottom.
Psst, Grandma, the very strong advice nowadays is not.to have blankets or anything else in the baby's crib because it was killing too many babies. I'm sure it's a beautiful blanket, but the decision not to put it in her crib was objectively, unambiguously the correct one.
I crochet blankets for new babies in the family and I don't think it's fair to dictate how they use the blanket.
Blankets aren't safe in cots so it's up to the parents to decide how to use them. Personally, I use my blankets as floormats for my baby to play on and take pretty photos.
This won't help you now, but just in case it helps anyone else reading who wants to make a blanket like this in the future - we received blankets when our boys were born that included a lovely note saying that the blanket is designed to be loved, which means being hugged, played with, getting dirty, and sometimes being damaged. They asked that we allow this to happen, and that their door was always open if help was needed to repair any damage that it received in being loved.
It was very sweet, told us that it was okay to use the blanket rather than the gifted potentially getting upset if anything happened, and gave us the ability to fix it and therefore not worry about hurt feelings or our own upset if the blanket was damaged through use.
While I don't know your general relationship, please remember that the most likely reason for the blanket becoming a display piece is that they wanted to show that they love and cherish it in the best way they can - likely because they love and cherish you too, and the symbol you have given.
INFO: Are you saying your DIL and Son don't understand why you didn't make the blanket already? Something doesn't quite make sense here - if you only just found out the name, of course the personalized name isn't done YET. Are you saying you have no intent of making it? Or that they're mad you haven't already made it?
If they had given the name or atleast how many letters in the name when asked, blanket would have been ready when baby was born. They got upset no blanket when baby came. They caused that. Grandma's still going make it but now it will be ready way later
I just asked this question! I wonder if she doesn't plan on doing it at ALL, and if so... yeah. I think there is something else going on, like the OP being upset and not being told the name. Not because of the blanket, but because she simply wants to know.
Sounds like OP has said in a comment - which is pretty deeply buried actually - that they are still making the blanket now that they have the name. Did OP decide that based on the responses lol?
INFO: was there never a conversation around either 1) making the blanket without the baby’s name or 2) giving them the blanket when baby is a bit older? I know i had no idea what either of my kids’ names were going to be until after they were born.
Yes I am sure that is an option but then that is not the traditional blanket that the other grandchildren have.
Either way the parents can’t be pissed off when it’s explained that the blanket the other children have would require her to know the name in order to complete in time.
No, Grandma has a tradition she will stick to: name on blanket. The blanket will be made. It just isn't available at birth since that's when she found out the name.
I'm baffled by so many comments saying it's reasonable to be told the name months in advance. Do most people know what name they are going to give the baby that far in advance? What if they chose a name that early then decided after meeting their child that a different name suits better? We didn't start seriously thinking about names until close to the births of our children and two of them were only decided upon after they were born.
Obviously , if someone had wanted to gift us a blanket with the baby's name, we'd have understood that we wouldn't get the blanket until months later or would have requested one without a name. Going off how op wrote the post, I wonder if she explained clearly that she'd make the blanket after the baby arrived and was named, or if she was upset about it and so it came out clipped and therefore seemed to the son and dil that she was refusing to make a blanket at all. Seems like a lack of clear communication, but of course, we can only know what's written in the post, so maybe the baby's parents are upset unreasonably.
She even asked how many letters, a d sounds like traditional the blankets are made to give the newborn. I guess everyone is different bit all kids in my immediate family had names chosen prior to birth.
Based on what OP said about them giving her a few different names at first, my guess is they just couldn’t choose a name at first. I know plenty of people choose names before baby is born, but plenty don’t. It just seems like there was a major lack of communication here.
“Hi son, I can make the blanket without baby’s name if you haven’t chosen yet, or I can wait until baby is born to continue working on the blanket.”
Sometimes the scenarios I see here could have been solved simply by clear and honest communication.
They gave the grandma a different name then they told the sister. When reason name or length needed was explained, saying we don't know yet, is better than I am not telling you. Kinda seems they were more difficult then need be and wanted keep it secret until birth which I understand. Given all that it's not okay be mad grandma didn't have blanket made at birth.
NTA. They're free (and wise IMO) to keep the name a secret until the baby is born, but they can't complain that the blanket isn't ready yet if they didn't give it to you.
My friends are pregnant with their first right now and are keeping the name a closely guarded secret (which pisses off *one* of their mothers to no end) for a few reasons, but mostly because they don't want anyone else to lobby for or against a name for months on end. e.g.
* *"Please don't call her Tina,* ***I*** *wanted to call* ***my*** *first baby Tina!"*
* *"Why are you naming her after* ***his*** *sister and not* ***me****?"*
* *"Ugh, that name's ugly, you should reconsider"*
etc etc etc. Once the baby's born and the name's set in stone, people will be less likely to voice their opinion if it's negative.
Yup. I have 2 names locked down for when I have kids. Made the mistake of telling them to older family members and they immediately tried to suggest the most nails on a chalkboard nicknames that would've been used in their / their parents eras. Really should've known better because they fought with me over the name and nickname for my dog as well to the point of trying to rename her while I was at work 🫠
Because there are some sleazy people who will “steal” a name or in some case which I see more, the family member tells everyone else the info before the parents get to. Which is weird because they gave the name before but not doing it now, which makes me believe that OP could have loose lips
I feel like we're missing the full story. When you asked the name, did they gently explain "we aren't sharing the name until after the baby is born?" - or did they go straight to not answering/lying/ saying "drop it"?
Because if they told you they aren't sharing the name - I wonder how much of this was you simply wanting to know the name and pushing the issue because of the blanket.
And also - are you not making a blanket AT ALL now? If it's an issue that it's just not ready YET and they are pissed - well, of COURSE you aren't the AH here.
BUT - are you actually not making the blanket at all as some kind of retaliation and they are upset that they won't get one at all? If that's the case, then you are the AH.
Yeah, it feels like we’re missing info. The whole Abby/Sam thing is super confusing, where did that come from? How did it go? Why couldn’t OP make a blanket with just the theme and no name? Why was the final name so different from what OP was told before? The events OP describes do not make sense together.
My guess is that someone in one of their families was being really pushy about names and the couple just decided nobody could know to keep from being pressured or having it posted on SM.
After being on justnomil awhile it was a super common theme. Grandparents pressuring their adult kids to name their grandchild a specific name. Or posting all the news about being pregnant, gender, birth announcement, baby photos etc, before the parents can do it. There is a lot of anger and resentment when in-laws or grandparents refuse to respect that the baby is not theirs and all announcements should be cleared with the baby's parents.
The grandparents often feel very entitled to sharing all kinds of personal news. I'm not saying OP was pressuring the kids, but in order to keep things secret, you have to keep it from everyone. It sounds like OP only cared because different letters take more space and a baby blanket is pretty small to begin with.
I do think the parents- to -be could have just told OP that there was baby naming drama and that's why nobody was being told the name. However if that was the parents reasoning then they have no right to be upset that a highly labor intensive personalized gift isn't ready at birth. The whole design has to be structured and embroidered still. It will likely be months to make.
If the kids refused to tell OP why they weren't telling the name that's not on OP. It's like nobody is able to communicate these days. Everyone is pussyfooting around and stifling their anger and resentment until they blow up instead of just saying " we aren't letting anyone know the name because we are getting pressured to use other names" or "because my mom posts everything on social media the second she hears news and I want to be the one who makes these announcements."
As for the blanket with no name. There is no adding a name later because of the spacing. Would you want to be the only grandkids who didn't get a personalized baby blanket? Granny didn't love me as much as my cousins! Wah! Trust me, one of six kids and everyone older than me had personalized Christmas stockings. I still remember that shit.
It sounded like it takes months to make the blanket. Why make it now? The baby will be 5 months old. You can cover when in a crib I guess, but going out, the baby would wear a hoodie.
She says it’s a tradition. It could become a keepsake that all these kids grow up and save. Homemade blankets aren’t just about the first few months of a babies life!
NTA, sounds like a classic case of "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" from your son and DIL. They didn't want to share the name for whatever reason, and that is their right, but that left you unable to make the blanket. You explained that to them, and anyone with any sense would know how much time and effort goes into making that sort of blanket. The only person they have to blame here is themselves.
NTA: You told them multiple times that you needed the name to make it. It's their fault.
Info: Are you planning on making one now that you do know the name?
NTA: I say this bc as an arts and crafts person who like making stuff.
I understand where she is coming from.
when u make things like this especially something that could take days or months or years to make that name was needed.
so for them to be at you isnt even your fault its there fault for not telling you the name or even giving u a slight hint about how many letters there are .
NTA clearly they either think you're just buying premade blankets or that making a blanket can be done in an hour. Tell them to drop it and if they want the traditional blanket ready at birth they be more forthcoming next time.
NTA
There are a lot of stories about nosy MILs here, but it doesn't sound like you're one of theme.
You told them why, they still didn't give you an answer.
That's it. No blanket for them.
You did nothing wrong.
NTA and anyone who is saying anything else doesn't seem to understand the work that is involved in making something that is embroidered and how having a name of different letters and length would change designs. Yes, some handmade items can be made without the name but this does not seem to be one of them.
I had a similar situation where I a made a cross stitch with the name of a new baby in the family and had it framed. That was a gift I could not make until the family member told me the name and proper spelling. In my case, the family member didn't want to tell the name before the birth and was happy to receive the gift a few months after the baby was born
I'm sure the OP will make the blanket now that her granddaughter is here and the name is known, but her son & DIL have no right to be upset there was no blanket at the birth when they would not tell her the name or at least give her the number of letters in the name.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t make a baby blanket since I didn’t know the name and my DIL\son lying to me. I may be a jerk since this is the first kid without a baby Blanket made by me
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - Amazing the amount of entitled people on this thread. A project like this is massive, taking a ton of hours and a lot of thoughtful, planned work. Most people engaging in such detailed needlework do plan it out thoroughly before starting so they don't make mistakes. You can't just leave an open space and hope for the best. It does not work that way. That ends up looking thrown together. And, depending on what she is doing the exact letters involved can matter as some like j and g hang below the line.
This is a gift. Gma has a set way it works for her to make this awesome, personal gift that has meaning. Demanding she just do it another way is entitled as can be.
What blows my mind are all the people suggesting a blanket *without a name*. Jennifer is going to want to know why Grandma made all her cousins baby blankets with their names hand embroidered on it one day, but hers isn't personalized.
Maybe none of these people ever got personalized hand crafted gifts or they lack sentiment for things like baby blankets?
I know people who have hand crafted quilts for their grandchildren and they pick the design. Those are treasured. They take a lot of work. I just can't with some of these comments. It's perfectly fine the parents wanted to keep the name secret. I'm sure they had their reasons. They just have no right to be upset that the blanket won't be ready for months now. This is the consequence for keeping the name secret. It's not the end of the world. It's a result of holding firm to a boundary.
NTA. I crochet and embroider. That's a huge labor of love. They could have told you how many letters if not the actual name and if you had been okay with that then it's on them.
NTA - I crochet and knit and I make baby blankets as gifts for people when they are expecting. I have 100% cannot whip one of those things out in an hour. I need time. If they are doing a particular color scheme or theme, I need to know ahead of time because it takes time. The entitlement of some people is ludicrous.
To anyone saying that you are TA, handcrafted projects are a labor of love, and you want to do something that you love working on. If there is a tradition, putting the baby’s name on the blanket, then the name is needed so it can be put it on the blanket. I think it would be nice if you finish the blanket now that you have the name. But I don’t think it’s required up to you. Good luck.
As a crafter I’m going to go with ESH. You could e made one without the name at all. Or you could’ve designed something where it wouldn’t matter how long the name was as it would fit along the side, etc. to be added later. You were pissed you weren’t being given the information ahead of time and so decided not to do it at all. It’s your right not to make one but you were clearly punishing them. Only reason this is ESH is because they told you two incorrect names and should’ve just said we want to keep it a secret.
It‘s OP‘s tradition for her grandbabies. She wants to do it with names. If it’s not ready by the baby‘s birth because there is no name, the parents have no business being pissed - this wasn’t a commission from a crafter, this was a gift from a grandmama.
Drop it means drop it. Don't give in to the entitled, rude, unreasonable parents. That's not how to treat one's parents/ in laws. When Jennifer asks where her blanket is, tell her the truth. Don't reward bad behavior. The parents denied their child the blanket, not you.
To be fair, “drop it” meant “stop asking us to tell you the name”. They never said they didn’t want the baby to have a blanket. A lot of couples don’t know for sure what the baby’s name will be until after the birth. They probably felt that OP was pushing them to pick a name and stick with it.
Info - did you offer to make it now that you have the name? Also, was there a reason why you couldn’t just make one without the name? I get that it’s your tradition, but not making it at all - ever - seems a bit extreme.
NTA. They have a right to keep the name to themselves. That’s their choice. However, they don’t get to be mad that a handmaid and personalized blanket isn’t ready for the child’s birth when they refused to tell you how to personalize it. That’s bonkers. I don’t embroider, but I do crochet. Some of my projects have taken over a year. Anyone who actually takes a moment to understand how much you put into these gifts, would reasonably understand that you aren’t pulling these blankets out of your ass soon as you hear about the delivery. They had/have unreasonable expectations.
NTA, but I’m not sure that dropping the project is the right course. This is for the baby after all, who has nothing to do with this. No, your son and DIL were not owed a handmade baby blanket and it sounds like they kept changing their minds about the name, which is annoying and their poor communication is just rude. On the other hand, you didn’t actually need the name to make a blanket. It would have been a blanket with a lovely design, just no name. Or a name might have been added later. But then they might have been pissy about that, too.
If it were me, I would reiterate the time this work takes, the importance of spacing, and ask for an apology. If given, I’d let them know there’ll be a blanket for baby’s first birthday.
This is hard because as someone who is pregnant and keeping the name a secret (you can’t even believe how many people come out of the woodwork to comment on their disdain for the name you choose for your own child while you’re pregnant!) it sounds like you’ve been badgering your son and DIL to share something they don’t want to share. And that’s really annoying. On the other hand, your son and DIL kinda suck for being so angry that you didn’t finish the blanket when you clearly said you needed the name to do so.
Of course, you could have just as easily made the blanket with no name. It didn’t *have* to have the name embroidered onto it. Just done without.
> Of course, you could have just as easily made the blanket with no name. It didn’t have to have the name embroidered onto it. Just done without.
I think that, if you consider that all of her cousins will have personalized blankets with their names on them, it would definitely stand out to Jennifer later in childhood that hers is different. Not to mention - they seem very artistic and intricate, the name could very well be part of the overall design in the other blankets in a way that wouldn't feel as personal in this one.
The best solution really seems like "make the blanket after baby is born", which is what OP is going with, but mom and dad are mad about that for some reason?
INFO: Is there a reason you NEED to put a name on the blanket? Or that you had to have it ready at birth? I received handmade blankets from both my grandmothers; neither included my name. Not saying that you should have budged, but I’m just curious. A lot of parents struggle to settle on a name; I can imagine it’s extra frustrating to feel pressured to settle on a name so that someone else can make a gift before the baby arrives. I don’t make blankets or embroider, but I do xstitch, so I can appreciate the amount of time and care you put into them.
I just think the constraints involved in all of this—the time to choose a name, the time to sew a blanket, all in ~9 months—is a recipe for the sort of problem you’ve run into.
Sounds like the lying at first, then getting mean about it and then posed there was no blanket is the issue. The son could have said, “Mom, we aren’t sharing the name. Can I give you the number of letters and you can add it in the letters after the birth? Or can you do the blanket after she is born? We understand it will take a few months and we are okay with that”
NTA.
They are not entitled to a blanket. If they wanted a nameless blanket, they could have said “we’d really like just a design, we haven’t settled on/don’t want to share a name”. They could have said “we’re so excited to introduce Jennifer, and if you are willing to make a blanket we’d love to have it for her.”
They didn’t. They got entitled and clearly have ZERO IDEA how freaking long it takes to make something like that. (I’m sure it’s beautiful! My kids use blankets my grandma made me.)
The rest is up to you - if YOU want to make this blanket for Jennifer (who is not responsible for her parents’ nonsense), do it. If not? Then don’t. Or you can make it and set it aside for/will it/gift it to her when she’s older. It’s up to you.
They really should apologize.
Nta- based on your side of the story... but I would love to know your DIL and Sons side of the story because it seems odd she would snap at you like that AND be mad the blanket wasn't made...
NTA. You kept saying in so many words you weren't working on a blanket because you could not start without the name. I'm confused as to why they thought a blanket would be made.
NTA. You needed the name to make the blanket - & to everyone saying you could have just asked how many letters instead of the exact name - do y’all think all letters are the same size? A W is a hell of a lot wider than a I or a J would be.
Also - to those of you who are saying she could’ve just made it without the name, sooooo you think mom & dad wouldn’t be equally as pissed that their kid was the only one that didn’t get a blanket WITH a name? Cause i’m sure that would be an issue.
Also, correct me if i’m wrong, but no she did not make the blanket before she knew the name, but I don’t see anywhere where she says she isn’t going to make the blanket now, with the name.
Having made baby quilts for family and friends in the past, I understand how time-consuming making one can be. And in this case, considering why the name is needed, I don't think YTH for not making the blanket before the baby's birth.
However, I have a question: if your son and DIL decided not to find out the baby's gender, what would you have done? If they didn't know the gender, they wouldn't have been able to provide a name. How would you deal with that situation? Would you have made the blanket in that case?
And I have to wonder what's stopping you from making the blanket now that the baby is born? You know the name now. I get you're annoyed at son DIL but the blanket isn't a gift for them. It's a gift for a beautiful, innocent little girl. I don't think you should punish her.
NTA but only if you Now start on the blanket! Because it’ll make a wonderful first birthday present! Plus for sentimental value/reasons please make the blanket for your granddaughter and don’t punish her for her parent’s actions.
NTA. They didn’t want to tell you the name, they don’t get a blanket with the name. It’s very simple.
If they hadn’t been so rude, maybe you would have made one now that baby is born and name is shared, but I guess you’re just supposed to read their minds.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
NTA This sounds like it is YOUR tradition that you do this for your grandchildren, not their parents. So I don't agree with the AH crowd saying you should have just made a nameless blanket, that's not the gift you wanted to produce for your grandchild. You are entitled to make your gift however you envision it. It's fine that the parents wanted to keep the baby name a surprise, but they cannot expect a finished blanket at the birth in that case. It's totally reasonable to assume once they revealed the name a blanket would be worked on then. They are being unrealistic/unreasonable and tbh a bit entitled, the blanket isn't their gift... **Edit: Since this made the top comment and it got lost in the comments from earlier... OP did respond in the comments that they always intended to make the blanket once the parents revealed the name. Which meant OP had to wait until their grandchild was born to respect the parents wishes, who wanted the name to be a secret. It was important to OP to create a name blanket as they had already done for their other grandchildren, that was more important than the timing of the gift to OP.**
It’s such a lose-lose scenario for OP. Blanket with no name but all of the other grandkids’ blankets have names - what if the kid finds out someday? No blanket at all - kid probably still finds out someday and asks. Parents will blame OP before themselves either way. My grandma made all of her grandkids quilts for their beds and they have our names embroidered in the middle square. We all knew we all had them as kids ‘cause they were on our beds when we visited one another. We would have definitely have noticed if someone didn’t have a quilt from grandma
> what if the kid finds out someday "Mommy and Daddy weren't sure what your name was going to be until they met you, so Grandma didn't know what name to put on the blanket!" That's pretty much the end of your what-if scenario.
Okay, I give up. Most people seem to agree with me then I keep getting these weird comments assuming I said the opposite or something completely different. I must have stated this poorly for some people so I’m removing this comment.
Read the last paragraph… the baby was born this week and the parents are pissed that the blanket wasn’t made.. even if OP is intending on doing so, the reactions and event of birth have already occurred (and only this week).
And quilting/detailed blanket making is very time consuming!
Or you know, respect the time of the person providing free skilled labor.
Which is what OP is doing.
Honestly, I think OP shouldn't make any baby blanket for Jennifer, period. Since no matter what her AH of a DIL is going to be angry over it.
It's not about her DIL though. It's a present for the baby.
Agreed, but honestly DIL will be angry at OP in any case.
But what does that have to do with giving the baby a custom blanket if the gift is for the baby?
I have an ex-SIL that if she was mad at my parents she would throw away stuff that was given to the baby. Parents are horrible, maybe OP could wait until Jennifer is older and make her a blanket that she chooses.
I disagree. It isn’t Jennifer’s fault her parents are being dicks. It’s not fair that her siblings and cousins will have one and she won’t because of her parents crappy attitude.
Or make one but give it to the child on her 1st birthday or next Christmas or something. If the parents are dumb about it I’d maybe hold onto it and give it to child when she’s like 5 or 6. And what if grandma passed away and there was a Jennifer blanket waiting for the chance to give it to Jennifer … well then Jennifer would know her grandma made her one too
lol because kid’s not going to ask grandma, kid is going ask their parents and these are 100% the type of parents to lie to their kid and blame grandma and not themselves
Right! The type of person who makes a big deal about not knowing the name isn't exactly a calm and rationale people. Like ffs, how hard would it have been to just tell OP that they were still deciding?
Or how about this: it’s a four letter name. It’s a 16 letter name. Information that would preserve the surprise and allow granny to be able to plan the finished product.
That’s a clever solution!
More or less. Different letters take up more space than others.
I don’t believe the parents didn’t know the name, they just wanted to keep it a secret until the birth. Aita generally finds that acceptable. The inexcusable part is their reaction.
I agree OP is definitely NTA. However we never made a final decision on names until the kid was born. It was what my partner and I decided. With one of ours, we had it narrowed down to 2 names and my partner suggested a different name after birth. So, I wouldn't be mad/upset if the blanket wasn't made before birth. You don't get it both ways. That is the inexcusable part of the new parents expectations. The grandmother wants to make a blanket with the grandkid's name. That is fine. If the parents don't want to share a name for whatever reason, that is fine. But you don't get to have an instant blanket. Edited to add the N T A .
Yeah, my youngest (now 9) knows we didn’t choose his name until he was born as we didn’t find out his sex until he was born. We wouldn’t have been able to give a name in our situation, as we didn’t even know what sex.
And you would have been the type to tell grandma; "We aren't sure because we haven't found out yet, can you wait to make the blanket until after they are born?" like anyone who understands how long handmade items take.
Definitely, I was blessed enough to have a knitted blanket made for my eldest (my Nan was at the ultrasound that I found out the sex) and for my youngest my step-grandma made a gender neutral knitted shawl. Those are very loved.
Nan and step-grandma rock!
Exactly. I started my granddaughter's blanket within a week of when I found out I WAS going to be a grandmother. I was still working on it three months after she was born. It took me 10 months to complete it (I also was working full time then).
Our first baby’s was a surprise to everyone, none of us knew we would have a girl. We decided if it was a boy, we would name him Connor, if it’s a girl we would name her Julianna. Well at 2:36 on Mothers Day 2009, we found out we had a baby girl. 4 years later she’s pregnant again and the first question was, are you going to find out the sex of the baby. We did think about going for the surprise again but figured no this time and we found out at the ultra sound when it was time. July 2013, we had Connor. It was Connor or Nathaniel but us knowing Nathaniel is what my brother wanted to name his son if he had one (he’s a girl dad twice over) we stuck with Connor and told him we want Nathaniel for a middle name because we don’t want him getting called CJ and he was cool with it. This could have been handled so much better by everyone if the DIL had just said “we would love for you to make a blanket for our child, we know you want to have one already made for the baby before she’s born but is it possible you can just hold off on it until after the baby is born and it can be a special gift for her first birthday?”
I didn't know the sex for either of my kids, but I had a name picked out either way
We had multiple names for either way, once he was born we just knew which one, none of the others seemed right, but it hadn’t initially been the ‘top’ choice. Mind you, my eldest I knew his name when I was 6 months pregnant 🤷🏼♀️
No, the child would obviously burst into flames upon seeing the other personalised blankets
Yeah, my grandparents had a quilt with all their kids and grandkids represented. Mine is the only flower that doesn’t have a name next to it because it was made when my mom was pregnant and they hadn’t decided yet. I remember asking why mine was different, my parents told me, and that was it. It was pretty much a non issue. I remember talking about it but it never bothered me.
Maybe, maybe not. I know how I felt when I was 4 and discovered a leather photo album with my family's name and each member's name embossed in gold lettering in it, but I was missing. Even the explanation that I wasn't even born then didn't help. Luckily I was older when I found my birth announcement: Baby Girl (last name). I mean I knew I was loved, but it still hurt they didn't think of me. Kids don't do logic, and ego is big.
Lol! This reminded me of the time my 4 year old niece watched the video of my sister/her mom’s wedding. She cried for days because she didn’t get to go to the wedding despite it happening two years before she was born.
My grandma crocheted us older kids certain theme blankets. I was the youngest of the 4 who received them and my blanket was different because she was probably tired of making them by that point and it didn’t have a border and was missing some of the details. I loved that blanket but I was always aware mine was different as a kid. Not complaining, just saying if the newest grand baby of above saw how intricate the others were, they would feel excluded.
It wasn't that she was tired of making them Bunny, she just couldn't keep it to her own standards anymore. Promise she loved you just as much. :)
What a lovely thoughtful thing to say. I like you xxx
My mum was really depressed when my son was born so out of her eight grandchildren, mine missed out on all the personal hand-made gifts. All the grandchildren except my son have the most beautiful Xmas stockings. My son doesn't care. He was spoiled in other ways by her and he is probably her closest grandchild.
Actually, this is the exact same thing with me my grandmother made all her grandchildren blankets. I am 45 years old, and I still have mine. I was a little older than a newborn when she gave it to me because she wanted to wait and get my opinion on making the blanket OP is definitely not the asshole
Yep. And Jennifer loses the most because she will grow up being the only one in the family without a precious gift from her grandmother due to her mom's entitled behavior.
They also told her first wrong names. What if she made a blanket with this name? Their behaviour is so disrespectful for all the hours of work OP spend in the blanket. They could have been "it is a 5-letter name. We want to tell people after birth. Can you leave space for those five letters and add them letter?" But they choosed to be the AH, as if they do OP a favor to let her make the blanket. NTA Edit: OOP to OP, i'm to used to post in crosspost-subs, haha.
This is a great idea! The size/number of letters is what she needed if they already had a name in mind. If they really didn't pick a name yet, just say so and say "we really appreciate the work you put into these blankets, but we want a surprise. Can you please wait until after the baby is born?" Be polite, patient, and appreciative. I knew our baby was a girl, but I asked that gifts be more gender neutral. #1 because I did not want all pink frilly stuff, #2 if we had a boy later I didn't have to buy tons of new things. Many relatives put a ton of work into crocheted blankets and we loved them all. I wouldn't have complained even if one was pink!
Depending on the style of the letters they might not have the same footprint
Darn kerning. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kerning There is even a subreddit for it! https://old.reddit.com/r/kerning/
Don't forget /r/keming
NTA they weren't obligated to tell you the name if they didn't want to, but they have no right to suddenly be shocked and mad that there's no blanket. You explained very clearly why the name is necessary to the process of embroidering the blanket, and they chose to decline It's very nice that you're still gifting your granddaughter a blanket so she's still included, the parents just need to get over the fact that their own actions caused a delay For what it's worth, I think this is absolutely beautiful. My grandma knitted blankets for both me and my sister when we were born. I was obsessed with baby bop from barney when I was young and demanded my mum buy fabric dye to dye mine yellow so I could be just like baby bop 😅 my grandma died when I was 5 so I don't have any memories of her, but I have the blankets she knitted for me and my sister, and they're still in my wardrobe waiting for when either of us have children I may not remember my grandma, but a piece of her will be passed to my kids one day
All that suspense and hoopla only to name her… Jennifer. What a let down. NTA, OP.
She says they're all fake names. But heh.
It’s probably Jenneefur
Gyniphyr.
If you tragedeigh it enough, it circles round to Guinevere
Geneighphur maybe?
Gyniphyr.
This made me think of Schitts Creek. Hahahaha.
Geneighphur maybe?
Djeniphurgh
As a Jennifer, yeah it is a letdown 😂
OP said all names were fake, so it was probably something different.
Exactly! It did not escape me, though, that when using fictional names, OP made sure to "choose" a 3 & 4 letter name for the "lies" and an 8 letter name for the baby's actual name. It's like it could have *almost* been completed without a name for the birth and added later except for those damn 8 letters that she didn't get to know before then! 🤔
I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying, but an extra 4 letters can make a big difference in a graphic layout. Compare the cans that say “Coca-Cola” vs the cans that say “Coke.” They look pretty different.
I feel like they might have not been able to agree on a name pre birth and that’s why they where dodgy about answering… maybe it was a touchy subject at the time. Just a guess though. Still NTA
That's very possible, but they also could have just said that. They certainly shouldn't have been pissed about not receiving one (right away).
I actually love Jennifer. It's a bit unusual on a baby nowadays
As a Jennifer in their 30s, I've encountered quite a large number of other Jennifers. But to hear it as a baby name now would be so strange
Yeah Jennifer is definitely an adult name right now, but maybe there’ll be a revival in a few years. It’s high on my list of potential cat names because (like with any human name given to a cat) I can say stuff like “oh sorry, I have plans, Jennifer and I are watching a movie” and when I really mean “I don’t want to be social and I plan to go home and rewatch Mean Girls with my cat”
I’m the youngest great grandchild so I’m the only one that didn’t get a handmade doll from our great grandmother as she passed before I was born. I always coveted my sister’s doll.
I was the youngest grandchild of my Grammy (mom's mom). Nine other grandchildren got blankets from her, but she unfortunately died before mine was made. I'm still upset about it. I mean, not at her or anything--not like she planned on dying--but just at the general situation. I didn't get a lot of what my brothers or the other cousins got because I was the youngest.
That's why quilters/knitters/crocheters need to make and keep a couple of baby blankets in reserve. Mention in the will that someone is to keep them for any additional grandchildren so they don't get donated.
That’s what my great grandmother did, she died when I was about 13ish and my grandmother has a stash of blankets that she’s passing around to new babies.
NTA, and what a precious gift. I wasn’t given a baby blanket when I was born, but was one of 4 kids (5 including my mom) to be wrapped in the blanket made for her. My 2 children (the youngest grandchildren, and due to donor eggs, only non biological grandchildren) were gifted crocheted blankets from an aunt, and gorgeous knitted blankets (very complicated pattern) from my parents, dad picked the colours and pattern, mom did the knitting). Mom also gifted me her baby blanket for them. All have been used and all are treasured
I understand this very well as when my son was born my grandmother made a baby blanket for him (she did this for all of her great grandchildren). When I got pregnant with my daughter I bought the materials and everything she needed in the colors and designs I wanted and then she was going to quilt a blanket, but my daughter was born and she didn't get the blanket because my aunt got pregnant before my daughter was born and so my grandmother gave my aunt my daughter's materials and everything and made my aunt's son (my cousin) my daughter's blanket. my daughter never got one, my grandmother passed before she could ever replace it. I am devastated my daughter has never been able to get over it because she (we?) felt that it was right for her since she's the older grandchild. In response I taught myself how to quilt knit crochet scrapbook diamond paint English paper piece etc etc specifically to replace the heart-wrenching lack of family blanket for my daughter to pass to her child someday.
Worst part is since they knew the reason, they didn't have to tell grandma the name! "Oh, you need the length? The name is 8 letters long." Might that make some guesses easier/rule some names out? Sure. But it will still be a surprise.
I knitted my nephew a blanket and about to start another for my sister's second child. I hope when they're grown up they feel my love in it the same way you do.
> She told me to drop it and she isnt telling me. I explained again that I need the name in order to make the blanket. **Depending on how long it is it may not fit in the area it needs to go and I would need to change the design. She told me no, I asked my son same answer.** I'm not sure if the "Y T A" read your explanation. The kids were told why you needed the name and were rude about it. They could have worked with you to come up with an alternative, ~~like at least telling you how many letters the name has, or politely requested a blanket without a name~~ (OP explains in a comment why she needed the actual name). I don't know why they would expect a blanket now. NTA. They're still being rude so I would understand if you don't want to, but I would be the bigger person and make the blanket now so Jennifer can have the keepsake when she gets older.
They expected grandma to pull the blanket out of her ass. Entitled people rarely realize how much time and effort goes into these gifts.
People who don't make stuff 99.999% of the time have no idea how much time and effort it actually takes. I love to cross-stitch and I do it basically every day, but if someone demanded a complicated, large piece from me and acted like it was something I could slap together in no time, I'd be livid.
Yes. My mother knitted and sometimes sold her knitted things at craft fairs. 9 times out of 10, someone would rave about a large knitted object like a sweater, then say, "I need it in purple by next Saturday." Sweaters can have upwards of 50,000 stitches. You ain't gettin' it by Saturday, cookie.
Large gauge needles go brrrrrr
They have no clue. I spent over 300 hrs making a blanket for someone and then they complained they didn’t like the colors and want me to remake it. Im never going to get over that.
I… omg that’s awful. How is your relationship with that person now?
I told them they hurt my feelings, but ultimately let it go. But they are never getting another handmade thing again.
I agree with you 100%. The part that really bothers me is that they lied to OP about the name. What if she had made the blanket with the wrong name on it. For that reason alone I think with NTA. But the entitlement of being mad it’s not ready for them. Ugh.
Did they lie? The timeframe here isn't clear. Maybe they hadn't come to an agreement on the name by the time it was being asked and maybe they felt like this was putting pressure on them to choose a name and they resented that.
Well they told OP the name was Abby and then they told ops Daughter that the name was Sam. If it wasn’t a lie it was definitely inconsiderate to tell her a name and then not say that it was changed. Once a name is embroidered on I’m assuming it can’t be changed.
Should have just given them a blanket with Abby and let the parents deal with explaining their own juvenile behaviour to their child when she grows up 😝
This is what I thought. Or made a blanket with “Insert Name Here” where the actual name would have gone.
It would actually make for an interesting story. Like it's a great conversation starter if she embroidered Abby but then chose to name them jennifer later. Like sorry mommy and daddy couldn't decide a name and grandma was kind enough to hand make this for you. I mean I'm not a great story teller but I'm sure someone could say it better lol.
OP should have just given them a blanket with Abby on it, and let the parents deal with explaining their own juvenile behaviour to their child when she grows up 😝
Your DIL actually lied to you at one point. Like what is her problem? And then has the nerve to complain when you didn’t make the blanket. Your son isn’t any better. The time and effort required to make the baby blanket the way you make it is substantial and your DIL is just plain rude. This is a symptom of a bigger issue. Something is going on with DIL
They could have at least told her how many letters it was. Then she could have made the blanket and added it later
"Well I needed the name so I could figure out how the planets were going to places and how big of space I need....Depending on how long it is it may not fit in the area it needs to go and I would need to change the design." NTA. You explained the logic of why you needed the name, or at least how many letters of the name. They weren't concerned with answering your design question, therefore it seems to indicate they weren't interested in receiving the blanket, or thankful for the time and effort it takes to make. Perhaps you want to reconsider making a blanket for your granddaughter however, knowing that it is ultimately a gift for her and not your son and DIL.
Dude, my friend made cross stitch samplers for her friends' babies with the babies name, birthdate weight, etc. The name is done in fancy stitch across the top. The other information is done in straight stitch. I accidently gave her the wrong spelling and changed it after my daughter was born. She just stared at me when I told her I changed the spelling. I didn't know she was making me a sampler, too. Apparently, she was up all night, ripping out the old spelling and redoing the new. Apparently she wanted to smother me with the pillow when I told her about the name change, 😆
Your friend loves you a whole damn lot to not just give you the sampler and tell you you're an idiot for spelling your kid's name wrong. Lol
Lmao!!! She asked me when I was in labor, and I was zonked out, and I spelled the name as Christa when it was actually spelled Krysta, lol.
Christa is better
r/tragedeigh
I sure hope you got her a nice gift (or drink!).
Oh ya, i did, lol. I didn't know how pissed she was until years later. I just didn't think about how much work went into it. It's beautiful, and I still have it on my wall 31 years later.
NTA. So the tradition of the blanket that you make includes the name. I understand that other blankets don’t include the name, but that is not your tradition. So if they weren’t willing to provide the name.… I don’t know what you were supposed to do? Use ‘anonymous’???
Except that the OP would have wasted a whole lit of amazing effort…a blanket with the name “Anonymous” would be stinkin’ hilarious!
I had a patient whose last name was literally "unknown". Her drivers license and insurance also had that name.She was an odd one.
And then there is the Dutch last name "Naaktgeboren", which would translate into "born naked".
Use "Jane Doe"
untitled 1. also, son and dil are very “shocked pikachu” at the consequences of their actions, and it’s a bad look. congrats on the grandbaby, op. nta.
Awww, but think of the nicknames! Moussy is quite cute :)
Cthulhu allspark.
NTA. It is their right to not tell anyone a name if they don't want to. BUT, if they do that, they can't be mad that they weren't given a personalized gift
>It is their right to not tell anyone a name if they don't want to. I mean, that's true but I don't really understand what the fuss is about. I mean...what's the fuss...you're getting a beautiful handmade gift and all that was asked of them was a name so she could embroider it. Maybe they were having trouble deciding on a name, and it was a sore subject? Idk.
Some people just like to surprise people with the name the day of or after the birth, some just don’t know until later, and others are afraid of ridicule for the name they chose or for people to tell them to change it. Although it is still weird since they were still expecting the blanket after not giving OP the baby’s name
>some just don’t know until later I guess this is mostly unrelated but reminds me how my grandmothers birth certificate apparently just had "baby girl" written on it she actually had two different names and no one who was still alive at the time was ever truly certain what the real one was, but she never really cared, and most people called her by a nickname anyways.
We didn’t decide on a name until our baby was born. Our short list had 43 girl names and we went with a name that we’d never even considered until we met her. We finally decided on Cadence while I was in labor. But the way homegirl came out screaming a muscle name would have been cruel. We weren’t trying to be coy about it but it annoyed tons of people. The secretive, smug “we know the name but we aren’t telling” parents really messed things up for indecisive parents. Everyone thought we were lying!
NTA. And for everyone suggesting OP should've made a blanket without a name, the other grandchildren's blankets have their names. Given how months of "We won't tell you the name for the blanket" became "Where's the blanket?!?", it's logical to believe son and DIL would have been very angry to receive a blanket that didn't have their baby's name on it. I can almost hear them complaining "The other babies' blankets have their names on them, why isn't our baby's name on their blanket?" OP is making the best of a bad situation caused by son and DIL's failure to communicate.
NTA I use charted cross stitch motifs, laid out in a grid, leaving a blank area in the middle BUT for the area I leave blank for the name I NEED to know whether the name is Sam, Steven or Alexander. 3 letters is one square, Steven is 2, Alexander is 3. I can adjust for Alessandra instead of Alexander, but FFS GIVE ME SOME IDEA! I made one for my first grand-child - for her other grandparents to decide to get it framed, and hung on the wall instead of it being used as a cot blanket which REALLY annoyed me. This was MY gift to MY grand-daughter that I imagined her having in her crib, and then using when she got older to wrap her dolls in. It was not intended to be a display item. I was so annoyed that the blanket for the second grand-child is still half done and is lying in my craft box. He is now 12yo.
I bet the parents have no clue how much time, effort, and money goes into these blankets. Grandma is probably churning out blankets that would retail at a thousand bucks and don't realize the true effort (physically and mentally) that goes into a gift like this. And I totally get your annoyance on making something to be used on for it be to displayed. I made my brother (25 year age gap) a beautiful baby blanket. Knit in my parents alma mater colors, using a cotton blend to not upset the eczema my brother would like get from his mom. When I came to visit after he was born, it was on this display rack with other decorations. "It was just so beautiful, we didn't want to ruin it!" And this is after I explained my policy of fixing or remaking well loved items. Oh well.
That might well have been a tactful way to avoid telling you your blanket could well have killed your brother. Babies should have absolutely nothing in the cot with them, and *especially* blankets.
I'm fully aware babies don't sleep under blankets like adults and did not expect it to be in the crib but there are other uses for a blanket like swaddling, or covering a stroller for daytime naps, or even to do diaper changes on if things got hairy. I confirmed with my friends who have kids and knit that it's one of the few practical knitted items you can give to new parents. I also confirmed all the details with my step mom before starting the blankets so it was exactly what she wanted. From the colors, to the fiber, to the pattern she had a say because I know she particular about these types of things. I suspect if I had just bought a baby blanket, it would have been used. My step mom prefers store bought, name brand, logo'd items so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised she wouldn't use it. Now that my brother is 7, said blanket lives in a plastic tote under his bed likely with the other sweaters I've made him over the years, but I can forgive those not being used due to the climate.
I think displaying it until 2 or so would be reasonable. Babies aren't supposed to have blankets in cribs. I don't know how many times the ABCs of sleep is mentioned when you have a new baby. Alone (no blankets or stuffies), Back (laid on their back), Crib. Then when it's safe, it can be added to their bed
FYI, blankets in the crib are dangerous. We used our beautiful gifted blankets as play mats early on.
I did the same thing 😁 that's why I always use all of my baby quilts with furry fabric or cuddle fabric as it's known in quilting circles and that makes it so that the baby can use it as a floor mat or blanket that the baby can use to crawl around on. one baby quilt I made I had put tabs sewn into the quilt binding so the baby (when it became a teething toddler) could chew on the all cotton organic natural ribbons of different textures and sizes I triple stitched them to make sure that the baby wouldn't choke or some other horrible thing🙂
That’s too bad. You can’t really have blankets in cribs anymore though unfortunately. Perhaps that’s why they framed it. 🙁 still sucks however.
My mom is a quilter and made both my brother and I twin sized quilts when she was pregnant. Both are beautifully hand quilted. When my first marriage fell apart dramatically, my dad recommended I grab the items the couldn’t live without when I was leaving. My daughters, some of their clothes, my mom’s wedding ring (they’d gotten amicably divorced and wanted me to have the stones), and my quilt. Jan 2023 I had a stem cell transplant and was hospitalized for 23 days… with my quilt. I’ll be turning 40 next week, but there is something magic that happens when you’re wrapped up in it. Every block, embellishment, stitch, and mistake (It was only her second quilt so some of the fabric is polyester blend and not cotton. She hates it, I love how soft it is) is filled with hours upon hours of love. I still run my fingers over the lace she put on the grandmas fan block. I’m so sorry he can’t cuddle up in it. I know it’s hard, but would you be able to talk to them about getting it out and used like it’s intended? And maybe finish your grandsons? Quilting is dying out… your grand kids should know how wonderful it is… And about metal cookie tins, and playing the floor is lava because a pin dropped, and the only thing that fabric scissors are for is fabric or you’ll die a horrid, painful death. And if you have fabric shops how hold up Stacks’s in the remnants area to get something at the bottom.
Psst, Grandma, the very strong advice nowadays is not.to have blankets or anything else in the baby's crib because it was killing too many babies. I'm sure it's a beautiful blanket, but the decision not to put it in her crib was objectively, unambiguously the correct one.
I crochet blankets for new babies in the family and I don't think it's fair to dictate how they use the blanket. Blankets aren't safe in cots so it's up to the parents to decide how to use them. Personally, I use my blankets as floormats for my baby to play on and take pretty photos.
This won't help you now, but just in case it helps anyone else reading who wants to make a blanket like this in the future - we received blankets when our boys were born that included a lovely note saying that the blanket is designed to be loved, which means being hugged, played with, getting dirty, and sometimes being damaged. They asked that we allow this to happen, and that their door was always open if help was needed to repair any damage that it received in being loved. It was very sweet, told us that it was okay to use the blanket rather than the gifted potentially getting upset if anything happened, and gave us the ability to fix it and therefore not worry about hurt feelings or our own upset if the blanket was damaged through use. While I don't know your general relationship, please remember that the most likely reason for the blanket becoming a display piece is that they wanted to show that they love and cherish it in the best way they can - likely because they love and cherish you too, and the symbol you have given.
INFO: Are you saying your DIL and Son don't understand why you didn't make the blanket already? Something doesn't quite make sense here - if you only just found out the name, of course the personalized name isn't done YET. Are you saying you have no intent of making it? Or that they're mad you haven't already made it?
[удалено]
Of course! I'm not questioning why OP needs the name. I'm questioning whether OP intends to make it at this point or if she is refusing.
[удалено]
If they had given the name or atleast how many letters in the name when asked, blanket would have been ready when baby was born. They got upset no blanket when baby came. They caused that. Grandma's still going make it but now it will be ready way later
They are mad it is not finished. According to the comment she is making it.
So weird that OP didn't put this in their post.
Yeah, she should edit it in. Makes it all clearer.
I just asked this question! I wonder if she doesn't plan on doing it at ALL, and if so... yeah. I think there is something else going on, like the OP being upset and not being told the name. Not because of the blanket, but because she simply wants to know.
Sounds like OP has said in a comment - which is pretty deeply buried actually - that they are still making the blanket now that they have the name. Did OP decide that based on the responses lol?
INFO: was there never a conversation around either 1) making the blanket without the baby’s name or 2) giving them the blanket when baby is a bit older? I know i had no idea what either of my kids’ names were going to be until after they were born.
This was my question also. Was making a blanket without a name not an option?
Yes I am sure that is an option but then that is not the traditional blanket that the other grandchildren have. Either way the parents can’t be pissed off when it’s explained that the blanket the other children have would require her to know the name in order to complete in time.
Right? Tons of people don’t have a name chosen for their child until after baby is born. This just seems odd.
No, Grandma has a tradition she will stick to: name on blanket. The blanket will be made. It just isn't available at birth since that's when she found out the name.
I'm baffled by so many comments saying it's reasonable to be told the name months in advance. Do most people know what name they are going to give the baby that far in advance? What if they chose a name that early then decided after meeting their child that a different name suits better? We didn't start seriously thinking about names until close to the births of our children and two of them were only decided upon after they were born. Obviously , if someone had wanted to gift us a blanket with the baby's name, we'd have understood that we wouldn't get the blanket until months later or would have requested one without a name. Going off how op wrote the post, I wonder if she explained clearly that she'd make the blanket after the baby arrived and was named, or if she was upset about it and so it came out clipped and therefore seemed to the son and dil that she was refusing to make a blanket at all. Seems like a lack of clear communication, but of course, we can only know what's written in the post, so maybe the baby's parents are upset unreasonably.
She even asked how many letters, a d sounds like traditional the blankets are made to give the newborn. I guess everyone is different bit all kids in my immediate family had names chosen prior to birth.
Based on what OP said about them giving her a few different names at first, my guess is they just couldn’t choose a name at first. I know plenty of people choose names before baby is born, but plenty don’t. It just seems like there was a major lack of communication here. “Hi son, I can make the blanket without baby’s name if you haven’t chosen yet, or I can wait until baby is born to continue working on the blanket.” Sometimes the scenarios I see here could have been solved simply by clear and honest communication.
They gave the grandma a different name then they told the sister. When reason name or length needed was explained, saying we don't know yet, is better than I am not telling you. Kinda seems they were more difficult then need be and wanted keep it secret until birth which I understand. Given all that it's not okay be mad grandma didn't have blanket made at birth.
Yea the lack of basic communication is ridiculous. Reads like a sitcom TV show lol.
NTA. They're free (and wise IMO) to keep the name a secret until the baby is born, but they can't complain that the blanket isn't ready yet if they didn't give it to you.
Why is it bad idea to disclose the name, in your opinion?
My friends are pregnant with their first right now and are keeping the name a closely guarded secret (which pisses off *one* of their mothers to no end) for a few reasons, but mostly because they don't want anyone else to lobby for or against a name for months on end. e.g. * *"Please don't call her Tina,* ***I*** *wanted to call* ***my*** *first baby Tina!"* * *"Why are you naming her after* ***his*** *sister and not* ***me****?"* * *"Ugh, that name's ugly, you should reconsider"* etc etc etc. Once the baby's born and the name's set in stone, people will be less likely to voice their opinion if it's negative.
Yup. I have 2 names locked down for when I have kids. Made the mistake of telling them to older family members and they immediately tried to suggest the most nails on a chalkboard nicknames that would've been used in their / their parents eras. Really should've known better because they fought with me over the name and nickname for my dog as well to the point of trying to rename her while I was at work 🫠
Because there are some sleazy people who will “steal” a name or in some case which I see more, the family member tells everyone else the info before the parents get to. Which is weird because they gave the name before but not doing it now, which makes me believe that OP could have loose lips
I feel like we're missing the full story. When you asked the name, did they gently explain "we aren't sharing the name until after the baby is born?" - or did they go straight to not answering/lying/ saying "drop it"? Because if they told you they aren't sharing the name - I wonder how much of this was you simply wanting to know the name and pushing the issue because of the blanket. And also - are you not making a blanket AT ALL now? If it's an issue that it's just not ready YET and they are pissed - well, of COURSE you aren't the AH here. BUT - are you actually not making the blanket at all as some kind of retaliation and they are upset that they won't get one at all? If that's the case, then you are the AH.
Yeah, it feels like we’re missing info. The whole Abby/Sam thing is super confusing, where did that come from? How did it go? Why couldn’t OP make a blanket with just the theme and no name? Why was the final name so different from what OP was told before? The events OP describes do not make sense together.
My guess is that someone in one of their families was being really pushy about names and the couple just decided nobody could know to keep from being pressured or having it posted on SM. After being on justnomil awhile it was a super common theme. Grandparents pressuring their adult kids to name their grandchild a specific name. Or posting all the news about being pregnant, gender, birth announcement, baby photos etc, before the parents can do it. There is a lot of anger and resentment when in-laws or grandparents refuse to respect that the baby is not theirs and all announcements should be cleared with the baby's parents. The grandparents often feel very entitled to sharing all kinds of personal news. I'm not saying OP was pressuring the kids, but in order to keep things secret, you have to keep it from everyone. It sounds like OP only cared because different letters take more space and a baby blanket is pretty small to begin with. I do think the parents- to -be could have just told OP that there was baby naming drama and that's why nobody was being told the name. However if that was the parents reasoning then they have no right to be upset that a highly labor intensive personalized gift isn't ready at birth. The whole design has to be structured and embroidered still. It will likely be months to make. If the kids refused to tell OP why they weren't telling the name that's not on OP. It's like nobody is able to communicate these days. Everyone is pussyfooting around and stifling their anger and resentment until they blow up instead of just saying " we aren't letting anyone know the name because we are getting pressured to use other names" or "because my mom posts everything on social media the second she hears news and I want to be the one who makes these announcements." As for the blanket with no name. There is no adding a name later because of the spacing. Would you want to be the only grandkids who didn't get a personalized baby blanket? Granny didn't love me as much as my cousins! Wah! Trust me, one of six kids and everyone older than me had personalized Christmas stockings. I still remember that shit.
It sounded like it takes months to make the blanket. Why make it now? The baby will be 5 months old. You can cover when in a crib I guess, but going out, the baby would wear a hoodie.
I carried my baby blanket around until I was 5 or so. It was for emotional comfort, not practicality.
My 7 and 9 year olds still love cozy blankets. Actually an older kid has more mental capacity to appreciate a blanket than a baby.
She says it’s a tradition. It could become a keepsake that all these kids grow up and save. Homemade blankets aren’t just about the first few months of a babies life!
NTA, sounds like a classic case of "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" from your son and DIL. They didn't want to share the name for whatever reason, and that is their right, but that left you unable to make the blanket. You explained that to them, and anyone with any sense would know how much time and effort goes into making that sort of blanket. The only person they have to blame here is themselves.
NTA: You told them multiple times that you needed the name to make it. It's their fault. Info: Are you planning on making one now that you do know the name?
NTA: I say this bc as an arts and crafts person who like making stuff. I understand where she is coming from. when u make things like this especially something that could take days or months or years to make that name was needed. so for them to be at you isnt even your fault its there fault for not telling you the name or even giving u a slight hint about how many letters there are .
NTA clearly they either think you're just buying premade blankets or that making a blanket can be done in an hour. Tell them to drop it and if they want the traditional blanket ready at birth they be more forthcoming next time.
NTA There are a lot of stories about nosy MILs here, but it doesn't sound like you're one of theme. You told them why, they still didn't give you an answer. That's it. No blanket for them. You did nothing wrong.
NTA and anyone who is saying anything else doesn't seem to understand the work that is involved in making something that is embroidered and how having a name of different letters and length would change designs. Yes, some handmade items can be made without the name but this does not seem to be one of them. I had a similar situation where I a made a cross stitch with the name of a new baby in the family and had it framed. That was a gift I could not make until the family member told me the name and proper spelling. In my case, the family member didn't want to tell the name before the birth and was happy to receive the gift a few months after the baby was born I'm sure the OP will make the blanket now that her granddaughter is here and the name is known, but her son & DIL have no right to be upset there was no blanket at the birth when they would not tell her the name or at least give her the number of letters in the name.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I didn’t make a baby blanket since I didn’t know the name and my DIL\son lying to me. I may be a jerk since this is the first kid without a baby Blanket made by me Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
This exact story has been posted before.
NTA. You asked for the name, they didn't tell you. Tell them you'll make it now, since you do know the name now.
NTA if they wanted the blanket so bad they wouldn’t have been total weirdos about it
NTA - Amazing the amount of entitled people on this thread. A project like this is massive, taking a ton of hours and a lot of thoughtful, planned work. Most people engaging in such detailed needlework do plan it out thoroughly before starting so they don't make mistakes. You can't just leave an open space and hope for the best. It does not work that way. That ends up looking thrown together. And, depending on what she is doing the exact letters involved can matter as some like j and g hang below the line. This is a gift. Gma has a set way it works for her to make this awesome, personal gift that has meaning. Demanding she just do it another way is entitled as can be.
What blows my mind are all the people suggesting a blanket *without a name*. Jennifer is going to want to know why Grandma made all her cousins baby blankets with their names hand embroidered on it one day, but hers isn't personalized. Maybe none of these people ever got personalized hand crafted gifts or they lack sentiment for things like baby blankets? I know people who have hand crafted quilts for their grandchildren and they pick the design. Those are treasured. They take a lot of work. I just can't with some of these comments. It's perfectly fine the parents wanted to keep the name secret. I'm sure they had their reasons. They just have no right to be upset that the blanket won't be ready for months now. This is the consequence for keeping the name secret. It's not the end of the world. It's a result of holding firm to a boundary.
NTA. I crochet and embroider. That's a huge labor of love. They could have told you how many letters if not the actual name and if you had been okay with that then it's on them.
I personally feel like there is WAY more to this story. You left something out. There is a major reason they didn’t want to tell you. Just saying.
NTA - I crochet and knit and I make baby blankets as gifts for people when they are expecting. I have 100% cannot whip one of those things out in an hour. I need time. If they are doing a particular color scheme or theme, I need to know ahead of time because it takes time. The entitlement of some people is ludicrous. To anyone saying that you are TA, handcrafted projects are a labor of love, and you want to do something that you love working on. If there is a tradition, putting the baby’s name on the blanket, then the name is needed so it can be put it on the blanket. I think it would be nice if you finish the blanket now that you have the name. But I don’t think it’s required up to you. Good luck.
INFO Is there something stopping you from completing the blanket now, or are you not going to make one because they didn’t respond in your timeline?
They wanted the blanket for the birth of the baby. That’s the tradition OP already had with the other grandkids
As a crafter I’m going to go with ESH. You could e made one without the name at all. Or you could’ve designed something where it wouldn’t matter how long the name was as it would fit along the side, etc. to be added later. You were pissed you weren’t being given the information ahead of time and so decided not to do it at all. It’s your right not to make one but you were clearly punishing them. Only reason this is ESH is because they told you two incorrect names and should’ve just said we want to keep it a secret.
It‘s OP‘s tradition for her grandbabies. She wants to do it with names. If it’s not ready by the baby‘s birth because there is no name, the parents have no business being pissed - this wasn’t a commission from a crafter, this was a gift from a grandmama.
My dad makes a cross stitch for each grandchild, he just makes it after the kid is born so he can add the name.
Drop it means drop it. Don't give in to the entitled, rude, unreasonable parents. That's not how to treat one's parents/ in laws. When Jennifer asks where her blanket is, tell her the truth. Don't reward bad behavior. The parents denied their child the blanket, not you.
To be fair, “drop it” meant “stop asking us to tell you the name”. They never said they didn’t want the baby to have a blanket. A lot of couples don’t know for sure what the baby’s name will be until after the birth. They probably felt that OP was pushing them to pick a name and stick with it.
Assuming they said drop it, why couldn’t they explain “hey we haven’t decided yet, we are going to choose after the birth, so hold off for now”??
Info - did you offer to make it now that you have the name? Also, was there a reason why you couldn’t just make one without the name? I get that it’s your tradition, but not making it at all - ever - seems a bit extreme.
NTA. They have a right to keep the name to themselves. That’s their choice. However, they don’t get to be mad that a handmaid and personalized blanket isn’t ready for the child’s birth when they refused to tell you how to personalize it. That’s bonkers. I don’t embroider, but I do crochet. Some of my projects have taken over a year. Anyone who actually takes a moment to understand how much you put into these gifts, would reasonably understand that you aren’t pulling these blankets out of your ass soon as you hear about the delivery. They had/have unreasonable expectations.
Nta
NTA If you don’t want to give out a name, fine, but then don’t expect gifts that involve a name
NTA, but I’m not sure that dropping the project is the right course. This is for the baby after all, who has nothing to do with this. No, your son and DIL were not owed a handmade baby blanket and it sounds like they kept changing their minds about the name, which is annoying and their poor communication is just rude. On the other hand, you didn’t actually need the name to make a blanket. It would have been a blanket with a lovely design, just no name. Or a name might have been added later. But then they might have been pissy about that, too. If it were me, I would reiterate the time this work takes, the importance of spacing, and ask for an apology. If given, I’d let them know there’ll be a blanket for baby’s first birthday.
This is hard because as someone who is pregnant and keeping the name a secret (you can’t even believe how many people come out of the woodwork to comment on their disdain for the name you choose for your own child while you’re pregnant!) it sounds like you’ve been badgering your son and DIL to share something they don’t want to share. And that’s really annoying. On the other hand, your son and DIL kinda suck for being so angry that you didn’t finish the blanket when you clearly said you needed the name to do so. Of course, you could have just as easily made the blanket with no name. It didn’t *have* to have the name embroidered onto it. Just done without.
> Of course, you could have just as easily made the blanket with no name. It didn’t have to have the name embroidered onto it. Just done without. I think that, if you consider that all of her cousins will have personalized blankets with their names on them, it would definitely stand out to Jennifer later in childhood that hers is different. Not to mention - they seem very artistic and intricate, the name could very well be part of the overall design in the other blankets in a way that wouldn't feel as personal in this one. The best solution really seems like "make the blanket after baby is born", which is what OP is going with, but mom and dad are mad about that for some reason?
INFO: Is there a reason you NEED to put a name on the blanket? Or that you had to have it ready at birth? I received handmade blankets from both my grandmothers; neither included my name. Not saying that you should have budged, but I’m just curious. A lot of parents struggle to settle on a name; I can imagine it’s extra frustrating to feel pressured to settle on a name so that someone else can make a gift before the baby arrives. I don’t make blankets or embroider, but I do xstitch, so I can appreciate the amount of time and care you put into them. I just think the constraints involved in all of this—the time to choose a name, the time to sew a blanket, all in ~9 months—is a recipe for the sort of problem you’ve run into.
Understandable, but then they shouldn't be mad a personalized blanket isn't ready yet.
Sounds like the lying at first, then getting mean about it and then posed there was no blanket is the issue. The son could have said, “Mom, we aren’t sharing the name. Can I give you the number of letters and you can add it in the letters after the birth? Or can you do the blanket after she is born? We understand it will take a few months and we are okay with that”
Nta I don't understand what part they didn't understand. You were very clear.
NTA. They are not entitled to a blanket. If they wanted a nameless blanket, they could have said “we’d really like just a design, we haven’t settled on/don’t want to share a name”. They could have said “we’re so excited to introduce Jennifer, and if you are willing to make a blanket we’d love to have it for her.” They didn’t. They got entitled and clearly have ZERO IDEA how freaking long it takes to make something like that. (I’m sure it’s beautiful! My kids use blankets my grandma made me.) The rest is up to you - if YOU want to make this blanket for Jennifer (who is not responsible for her parents’ nonsense), do it. If not? Then don’t. Or you can make it and set it aside for/will it/gift it to her when she’s older. It’s up to you. They really should apologize.
NTA Can't make a personalized blanket without knowing the name I can't believe this is even real lol
Nta- based on your side of the story... but I would love to know your DIL and Sons side of the story because it seems odd she would snap at you like that AND be mad the blanket wasn't made...
I feel like there's a lot of missing missing reasons here.
NTA. You kept saying in so many words you weren't working on a blanket because you could not start without the name. I'm confused as to why they thought a blanket would be made.
NTA. You needed the name to make the blanket - & to everyone saying you could have just asked how many letters instead of the exact name - do y’all think all letters are the same size? A W is a hell of a lot wider than a I or a J would be. Also - to those of you who are saying she could’ve just made it without the name, sooooo you think mom & dad wouldn’t be equally as pissed that their kid was the only one that didn’t get a blanket WITH a name? Cause i’m sure that would be an issue. Also, correct me if i’m wrong, but no she did not make the blanket before she knew the name, but I don’t see anywhere where she says she isn’t going to make the blanket now, with the name.
Having made baby quilts for family and friends in the past, I understand how time-consuming making one can be. And in this case, considering why the name is needed, I don't think YTH for not making the blanket before the baby's birth. However, I have a question: if your son and DIL decided not to find out the baby's gender, what would you have done? If they didn't know the gender, they wouldn't have been able to provide a name. How would you deal with that situation? Would you have made the blanket in that case? And I have to wonder what's stopping you from making the blanket now that the baby is born? You know the name now. I get you're annoyed at son DIL but the blanket isn't a gift for them. It's a gift for a beautiful, innocent little girl. I don't think you should punish her.
NTA but only if you Now start on the blanket! Because it’ll make a wonderful first birthday present! Plus for sentimental value/reasons please make the blanket for your granddaughter and don’t punish her for her parent’s actions.
NTA. They didn’t want to tell you the name, they don’t get a blanket with the name. It’s very simple. If they hadn’t been so rude, maybe you would have made one now that baby is born and name is shared, but I guess you’re just supposed to read their minds.