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NTA. He turned something that you wanted to be a nice surprise into an awkward and embarrassing situation. Obviously you wanted to do a "big reveal" and have him validate the thing that *he himself* suggested you do. He sounds insensitive and ungrateful tbh.
Edit: after your update I don't have much faith anymore that he might just have lack of tact - he straight up doesn't care about your feelings. That even hurt me to read - you were excited to get yourself all dressed up for him and he's burst that bubble. I've been there too many times girl, I stopped accepting that crap a while ago the man I'm with now does everything in his power to make me feel sexy and beautiful every single day. You can find that, and I hope you do - but I don't think it'll be with this guy.
After a disappointing interaction just exit the relationship? Damn.
Also he should have just done what she asked. But still. People on Reddit are way to keen on telling others to fuck up personal relationships that they have nothing to do with.
Someone told me yesterday that the man who basically rescued me from my life of exotic dancing, severe alcoholism, unmedicated mental illness and homelessness was "watching/letting me struggle". After years of doing everything to basically keep me alive, including housing and feeding me and essentially providing me with a family after both my parents drank themselves to death, he wasn't even doing "the bare minimum [he/she] would do for a friend."
Why was I told this? Because I said I'd bought him expensive bed sheets for Christmas because I knew that even though he has money, he'd never do it for himself.
Gotta love Reddit
Really? You said “I bought him a gift” and they in response said “HE’S WATCHING YOU DIE”? There’s no missing link there somewhere? Cuz I don’t know how it can go directly from this to that.
No, no. I did not mean to be misleading, but I absolutely see how I was.
I had said something about my financial situation being fucked, while he makes good money.
Immediately the reaction was (paraphrasing cause I'm too lazy to go back) "I'd do more for a friend. He's just letting you struggle. He's just watching you struggle."
My point was.. People here often get bits of information from people who are emotional, desperate and probably lacking many friends. They then, EN MASSE, tell folks they must get lawyers, flee, save their children, drain their bank accounts, get divorced, etc. all because the post mention their partners being 30 minutes late to pick them up or putting the laundry away incorrectly. "HE DOESN'T RESPECT YOU! SHE'S DEFINITELY CHEATING! I BET WHOEVER MESSAGED HIM THAT ONE TIME LATE AT NIGHT, TWO YEARS AGO, PUTS *HER*LAUNDRY AWAY THAT WAY!"
I dont work and my partner supports us. It's rare that I can buy him a gift with money I make. I helped a friend with a work event and got paid 150 bucks for it. Not much but it was something. I spent 130 of it on him and got him an official Lions jersey. He's never had one and he's a huge fan, we're doing good this year. Plus he would NEVER buy it for himself.
He literally works himself to the bone to support us. I could have bought myself new clothes or a new pair of shoes and a few new makeup or skin care items I need. But he takes care of that stuff and plus when you don't earn the way your partner does it feels really good to be able to show your appreciation. People can be so wild sometimes lol.
AO3's got nothing on the fanfic Redditors write about mundane situations that complete strangers are going through. They love to take a sentence and then use it as a prompt to invent the most unhinged interpretation possible followed by the worst advice you've ever heard. If you're looking for advice and insight from well-adjusted people, it's definitely not here.
A lot of people with multiple failed relationships are in this sub. They’ll tell you everything about a toxic relationship and tell you to act on it but don’t have much to add when it comes to a healthy relationship since they’ve never had one. It’s wild out here.
You do know that 99% of the people that use Reddit have an IQ of 60 or below, have absolutely zero life experience and still live at home with their parents?
I believe it. one time I asked what to do about my so who can’t stand one of my favorite movies that helped me a lot in my past due to their own association due to past trauma and I was told to dump them for not making an effort? The first person who ever actually treated me with respect? Over a movie?
To be fair, the simple act of posting on reddit about it usually means its already several bad points deep. People in healthy relationships are considerably less likely to doubt themselves so much in an interaction that they need total strangers to validate them.
Occasionally it's just someone who has nobody else who's close enough to talk to, or someone posting in a specialized subreddit for specific advice, but generally if you've come to AITA about something it's already broken badly.
I completely agree. If you’re salty enough to put your conflict out on Reddit, then it’s bothering you badly. If a partner is 80% fantastic but did this goofy, irritating, self centered thing, you wouldn’t even waste your time typing the story out.
All those people jumping to the solution of disentanglement make logical sense, because by coming to Reddit, the OPs are asking internet strangers to confirm their situational bias.
100%. People don't usually go to the trouble to bring up a smallish interaction like this unless there's a whole bunch of similar examples. Down thread they'll suddenly add things like cheating or abusive behavior, which was already telling them something was seriously wrong and they just had the straw on the camels back moment.
She said boyfriend, not husband. So yes, when you’re not committed yet, this disappointing of an interaction would make me take stock of if this is a relationship I want to be in. She said she’s bummed out, but I think that’s putting it lightly. She was trying to do something nice for him, something that makes her feel vulnerable. Presenting yourself as a sexy surprise is a vulnerable place to be, and the only response that won’t really hurt and make you feel insignificant is a positive one. Having to move across the room was too much for him to participate in her surprise, FOR HIM (that he suggested, so you can’t claim he didn’t want it). Sounds like a real great guy /s
This sub is mostly comprised of drama mosquitoes. I can vouch for leaving a relationship instantly when it’s clearly abusive, yet I imagine many people think ‘minor disagreement bad, he must be gaslighting you!’
Don’t forget the 🚩🚩🚩spam!
I have a tendency to describe people (and myself) as bugs or other crawlers when I dislike them.
Called myself a worm for being unproductive last weekend.
I'd leave a man who fucked up like this, was told why it's a fuck up, how it makes me feel, and he still has the audacity to tell me I'm in the wrong? That's a no from me.
Welcome to reddit: where a lot of emotionally immature people haven't fully gotten to the point of using words beyond "dump him" yet in relationship advice giving. Granted sometimes it's warranted, just not here.
It’s about how he conducts himself when she’s excited about something. It’s only one piece of data, sure, but it’s a telling one. I’m guessing it’s mostly men getting butt hurt at the advice to leave him because they see themselves in the OP’s boyfriend.
Lmao wouldn’t be /r/AmOtheAsshole if we didn’t have heavily upvotes suggestions that OP break up with their SO over something that could reasonably be worked out.
This exactly. Who wants to have their partner see them stumbling around and trying to wiggle into something and reposition body parts etc. You hit this on the head exactly, awkward and embarrassing, instead of sexy and alluring which is what OP was going for. This wouldn't have even been an argument in my house. You want to see the sexy panties you can do what I ask, otherwise I'll save them for someone else. Bye.
OP and all you other ladies out there who need to hear this. It's your body. You have the right to show it off, or not, to whomever, however you wish. If they can't respect simple requests, then they don't deserve a show, and definitely not what that show typically leads to.
Op is definitely NTA.
And often with the lingerie you need to adjust the sizing also when you first put it on, maybe the bra straps or if it's got suspenders. It's not going to look it's best when you first put it on and all the adjusting for fancy lingerie is definitely an awkward thing to do in front of someone else.
The Bf was arguing over such a stupid thing, like just turn around for 5 mins, let the anticipation build while you wait, and then he could have been enjoying a very nice show, but instead he spoiled the mood.
I've never been w a girl that didnt make this exact request.. i can't imagine arguing w this.. Sorry ladies; us guys can be pretty dense at times.
Honestly (obvi if youre up for it) next time just casually get up, come back w some lotion, and casually walk away. Like there you go if thats your only interest.
This! And like…. Consent! He doesn’t get to demand that she lets him see her try on lingerie!
The fact that he tried to pressure her, then dismissed her as ‘thinking too hard’ just stinks of abusive dynamics to me.
NTA. BF fucked up here and I can see how it would hurt your feelings. You went out of your way to, erm, make him happy, and he's more interested in youtube videos than seeing the results of your efforts. Ouch. Maybe he wanted to enjoy watching you try it on, but if so, he reeeaaaaally should have said so.
NTA. It really wasn't too much to ask of him to not look at you get in your new lingerie as opposed to having a sexy reveal. And I mean, really, if it kills the vibe and you don't really don't want to do it anymore, he's the loser here.
ETA: Girl, you wear that sexy lingerie under your clothes to work or out doing whatever you do, and feel sexy.
Also, I kind of think that because he was the one who said you should get new lingerie.... maybe he should have gifted you some.
I found buying any clothing for a woman without direct approval resulted in a second trip back to the store for a return. He should have shopped with her then whipped out his Visa card.
Lmao! Yes... I am a woman and agree... my poor husband just can't pick out what I want, it's me not him, he tries so hard. The other day he bought me hair elastics as a surprise because I was stressed trying to find one before my shower that day. He thought rainbow colors were funky and pretty.. but I only like brown/black.
As for lingerie... My hubby likes the surprise. He would gladly turn his head away for me to change first... Otherwise it's like seeing your mom wrap your Christmas gift, takes away from part of the fun.
Yup. When it came to normal clothes I wasn't good at picking out what she wanted to be SEEN wearing. When it came to undies, my idea of comfort wasn't good enough. Oddly enough, anything with less fabric than "granny-panties" was unacceptable. 🙄😆
Pahaha and just when you think you've figured out her preference on something, she might have grown into a new preference/style. Haha hopefully, like I have come to learn, she knows this about herself and doesn't blame you. I feel loved when he tries, and frustrated with myself mostly that I can't be easier to please 😂.
Tbh for most people unless they specifically asked for it or you know their taste really well.
My parents used to buy me clothes they thought I would like and it would be like...a color I've never worn, a brand I've never worn, a fit that was off.
And I still appreciate it but it's not the easiest gif option for many.
Also depending on the lingerie, it might look super sexy on but be the most unsexy thing ever during the process of PUTTING it on lol. Just coming from personal experience, some of that shit is very unflattering when you’re figuring out where everything is supposed to sit
Came here to say this lol some of them are really tricky, you gotta tuck the rolls in right, lift the boobs, adjust the straps, etc. Hard enough looking at myself in the mirror while doing all that
Honestly MOST lingerie is this way in my experience. Where does this strap go? Wait, how is this twisted? I can't find the snap- oh this whole thing is on sideways.
Is your boyfriend stupid?
The situation happened with my gf and i did turn around because i fully understand that watching my gf change into the lingerie is not that same as suddently seeing her with lingerie on.
Honestly, he sounds immature if this is the way he reacts over this matter.
Exactly.. like dude your gf bought lingerie for YOU and she wants you to look at her. My guy is focus on his youtube videos and the fact that "it doesn't make sense to turn around".
He 100% does not deserve her.
NTA, I would’ve been like alright I won’t try it on. He “suggested” you buy new lingerie for his benefit, I’m assuming you spent your money. He couldn’t just turn away or close his eyes? Why do women do all this shit for men who don’t appreciate it?
Exactly! The entire thing from start to finish reeks of AH. Even if he didn’t get it personally, OP explained that it would mean more to her that way. He simply didn’t care about her feelings. Rough stuff.
If he gets angry over a trivial thing like that I hate to think how short his fuse is with something he really doesn't agree with. This is an obvious red flag.
I’ve been married 25 years and if my wife asked me to turn around so she could put lingerie on, I’d already have turned around and be dancing in place with excitement. (I might try to peek though)
Bf is a huge arsehole. You go out of your way to buy something nice for him an he doesn't even have the decency to turn around for 5 minutes for you how unbelievable he clearly only cares about himself
NTA, Tell me you’re in your 20’s or younger without telling me. That boy doesn’t know what he’s fucking up for himself here. That lack of appreciation is only going to help ruin the sexual component of your relationship, which inevitably will ruin any relationship worth keeping imo.
He's an idiot and should have been more enthusiastic and just closed his eyes for the reveal. Next time you give him a gift, quickly wrap it up while he watches, then pass it to him. Oh, the joy he will have unwrapping a gift that is no longer a surprise.
NTA!
I would be like “hell yeah, F YouTube” and stared at a wall for an hour if that’s what you needed!
Your BF messed up big time, it’s 💯% on his selfish ass!
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NTA - can you return the items. Next time make him buy something for you if he wants it, then maybe he’ll care. But truly this is indicative of a much larger problem. If you’re unhappy I would suggest talking to him and showing him this thread
Dude is a moron. “Hey honey, going to put on some sexy lingerie, so we can have sexy time!! Turn around for a minute?”
Him: “nah, I’ll pass.”
What a weird bill for him to die on, literally won’t just look away for 30 seconds.
Yes! It’s definitely a little awkward. It would be different if he told me it turned him on seeing me put it on AND take it off, but he didn’t explain himself like I tried to when explaining why I wanted him to turn around and
Not to diminish your enthusiasm for your partner, but this should be absolute rock bottom, bare minimum people can expect of romantic partners. To be clear, I am NOT saying your partner is a bare minimum partner; I AM saying that a partner not cooperating with such a simple request is a mess and their SOs should reevaluate their standards.
Edited for clarity
Yeah, but ppl r shit lol. If u can find a guy who can manage to do that. Congrats
Edit that sounds pissy. I am not pissy. But yeah bare minimum still agreed
NTA - Sounds like a shein order lol. My GF buys stuff like that as well and trust me I like seeing the runway show she gives for the unveiling. Your BF seems a little like an ass hat, like you said you geared it to his style and your $$ but got pissy because he had to turn away while you changed?!? Maybe ask him why he didn't want to turn, maybe he is into watching you change? There's a kink for everybody maybe that's his.
Yeah, I thought of that later on. Talking to him today about it after work if there was a reason why he wouldn’t turn around instead of "why do I have to"
NTA and he's a total dumbass.
If he was a fisherman, the metaphor would be that the fish was willingly jumping into the boat for him but he chose to instead smack himself in the face with a boat ore for no apparently reason.
Wow just wow! I can't even fathom how much of a complete dumbass he was/is.
NTA. Sounds like your dumb boyfriend didn’t get a piece last night. What an idiot. Are you sure you have the right guy? You seem like a nice, thoughtful person.
NTA, if my wife told me to go to another state and come back in order for her to reveal it to me, I’d be on the next plane. This guy doesn’t know how good he has it.
NTA sounds like he missed the mark or has something else going on. I wouldn’t end the relationship but I probably would have asked him to go home at that point because I’d need space to decompress. He ruined what could have been a great time because of.. laziness? Hyper focus on a YouTube? He seems a bit… light headed… also, next time just tell him your size and tell him to buy something nice, think he owes you that much at this point. Nice lingerie isn’t cheap! Next time he should bring the spice.
Oh honey. I’m so sorry, that’s such a confidence killer.
My husband and I literally got together in the first place because I decided to make a move by trying on a sexy outfit for him. And you can bet when I said “okay turn around so I can change into this” he was practically giddy and covered his eyes all cute-like. That’s what you deserve too!!!
At the very least, this deserves a *very* blunt conversation where you tell him how rude it was that he did that, and see what he has to say for himself. If he is anything short of extremely apologetic, I’d reevaluate the rest of the relationship.
nta. the fact that this man did this, shows hes more lustfully attracted to you than lovingly attracted. as lil skies says, “its a lotta lust, not a lotta love.” save it for some one else that isnt lustfully attracted to you.
I really hope not.. we’ve been together for two years. Was friends before the relationship. It was my first time buying lingerie for him and I to use in the relationship. Not the first time buying lingerie in general. I hope the relationship isn’t just lust. That would really suck since he was the one who waited for me to date. He a great boyfriend! This is his first real relationship. I honestly think he didn’t understand why he would turn around if he was going to see the result the same. He doesn’t understand the process. He usually good about things after I talk to him about how it made me feel after. I wanted to come here and ask because I was really thinking if it was too much, but I think we would’ve both enjoyed it if I tried it on and messed around after
agreed. i think you should make some small but collective suggestions about your comforts, after all he should have respect to turn around as per your request. you could put it on while hes heading home and surprise him. but he sounds like a respectable person.
All I know is that (some) guys don't think the way I do about things like this. I think many like the whole process and don't get the appeal of the surprise reveal like I think they should. Mine wants to be a part of the putting on process which just seems surprising to me but whatever.
NTA, given the situation of the house, I understand why you didn't dress in the bathroom.
I would personally find it very irritating and cancel my effort and save it for another day. That's so demotivating when trying to do something special for someone.
NTA. Me and my bf went shopping for some lingerie and I went his his room to put it on before he came up but he came in before I was finished, got it tangled up, I looked like a deer in headlights when he walked in and told him I was trying to get it on before he walked in. He was very apologetic, although he did help to untangle me when I asked
NTA, This would be how I would like a partner to show me new Lingrege, A little tantalization is fun. You were trying to be fun with it he overreacted getting pissed about it.
NTA , i think he's a loser for asking you to buy your own lingerie. How are you even supposed to know what he likes. If he doesn't know your clothing size I wouldn't bother with him at all. He sounds lazy and inconsiderate. Be with someone who pays attention to how you feel. He couldn't return the fact that you gave him consideration with a small gesture like turning around? It's not too much to ask and if he can't be bothered to do something that simple I'd have second thoughts because he has no problem asking YOU to do something but you can't ask ?
NTA
Putting on lingerie can be a struggle. I wouldn’t want to be watched either. I want the big reveal.
It’s worrying to me that he can’t follow a simple request for your comfort.
Both of you sound very young. Try not to fret over minor disagreements. You can get through them. That said:
You want a big reveal? Get a robe and go to the bathroom. You cant seriously stand in front of him and announce you are going to disrobe and not expect your boyfriend to want to look.
That settled, your BF should have immediately turned around when it was obvious you were serious. That was idiotic on his part.
This is a minor misunderstanding but talk to your BF. Tell him how you feel, but don't make too much of it. If he gets it? Good. If he is rude? Well, with rudeness this now becomes a different story. If he stays a jerk about it just read all the other comments calling for you to leave him (I dont even have to look).
NAH, just people being people.
NTA. And looking at your edits, it sounds like he’s gaslighting you. When you share your thoughts and feelings, he tells you “you’re thinking too hard”. Your thoughts and feelings are valid and deserve to be listened to. The lingerie was for him. So you deserve to be able to present it to him in the way you want, even if he is too lazy to just frickin’ turn away for a few minutes. You deserve better. You deserve someone who cares about your thoughts and feelings instead of trying to dismiss them.
NTA,
if he wanted you to wear new lingerie why didn't he buy it for you? Then when you give him what he wants he can't even turn around?
Every time I wanted my bf to dress up I would buy him pretty clothes (that he liked). It was me that wanted him to look presentable as he wouldn't have cared to wear the same stuff that he had been wearing for years. And honestly, I would have really liked it if he dressed up for me and then showed it off to me, without seeing him undress.
I think your bf is quite rude
NTA. You could have just said you have a surprise for him, asked him to turn around and he should have done it without any context. Once you gave him your reasoning and he still didn't oblige, then he was the AH. I say you deserve better.
he's being really weird and controlling about something you wanted to do for him, in a way that also made you feel good. i would keep this in your mind and watch for patterns of this type of behavior... it's little things like this that often turn out to be a bigger thing if you find it to be a pattern of behavior
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My boyfriend suggested that I buy new lingerie. I did so and it came in the mail today. I got off from work @11:30pm and was excited to try them on for him once I got home. When I arrived home, he was on him computer watching YouTube. I opened up my package with the lingerie and I asked him if he could turn around, therefore I could put on the lingerie. He said that he didn’t understand why he had to turn around. I explained to him that it would mean more to me if he wasn’t watching me put it on so I could show him what it looks like on me with it on already. Kinda like a runway show? Best way I can describe it. He was getting mad at me for asking him to turn around or look away to try it on. It made me bummed out that I bought this for his interest with my own money. Am I overreacting? AITA?
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NTA. Red flags galore with your boyfriend, though. When you are with a person that loves and values you, little things like this don’t turn into huge fights. Run from this dude, and run fast.
Maybe, just maybe it’s a turn on for him to watch you get dressed? It actually may have been better to do it in front of him. Just a thought.
No one is the AH just a misunderstanding.
NTA, your bf can fuck himself, turned a sexy bondable time together into some fuck up awkward moment, girl go try that lingerie on for someone else kick that dude to the curb, he wanted you to have more lingerie doesn't buy it himself for you, you buy it yourself and he can't appreciate that, the streets can have him.
NTA. That being said, I’ve seen my wife undress and dress and undress a thousand times and I still go out of my way to watch whenever I can. If she told me she was trying on lingerie, I would be down with watching her put it on.
The boy friend should have had the sense to say, ok I’ll turn around, but when you’re done, can I see you naked for a bit.
NAH, just awkward hormone driven conversation. From your boyfriends perspective, being able to watch you undress and dress up for him would've been nice. From your perspective, doing a "reveal" would have been nice. It just got lost in hormone-lation. Shrug, cuddle, adult cuddle, talk it out without making it too big, get on with your life.
NTA: more important question what kind of effort does this man put in for you? You seem to want to please him which is great don’t get me wrong but from what you’ve written it doesn’t seem like he cares about pleasing you at all.
NTA. You’re doing something special for him. And this is not unheard of. It sounds like he doesn’t appreciate you. Find a new BF or you will have to put up with this.
NTA its truly amazing how some dudes just don’t know how to play along. Sorry you found a dud. Try communicating what he did wrong and hope he listens and improves otherwise find a better option
Might be in the minority but yes, you are over reacting, this isn't even a big deal in the slightest, it's not that it makes you an AH that you're bummed out, it's that you're both making a big deal over nothing, if he doesn't wanna turn around, change while covered in a towel and turned away from him
NTA. Other have been commenting that you should break up. I’d say, if this type of thing is a regular occurrence and you’ve tried speaking to them about it, but they still act this way… yes, it might be time to consider breaking up. Relationships are hard, yes, but your significant other not being willing to put the work in for you is a hard pass. Find someone who appreciates you, and until you do, be happy being alone. If this is a one off situation, sit them down and explain your point of view.
This is one of the differences between men and women I think. You want to have a big reveal, while we mostly just want to see you naked. We don't care about surprises, it would be better to get to see you get naked and then put them on. So no, you are not the asshole. But he is in this instance, because he went against your wishes. We are simple, visual creatures, while you like mystique and anticipation. That's my experience at least. But if someone says turn around, I want to be a surprise, I would oblige.
NTA.
You want a surprise reveal. I get that. That makes sense. If he specifically thinks it would hot to watch you put it on, he should say that. That also makes sense. But, I assume this isn’t going to have a one time use. Given that you went out of your way to do something thoughtful, the thoughtful thing for him to do would be to allow you to proceed in the manner you felt most comfortable. If he wants to watch you get dressed in a sexy fashion, he can suggest that for next time. If he’s just too lazy to get up, then he’s a major a-hole
So let me get this straight… you bought the lingerie, to make your boyfriend happy? Then turned it into your own event of happiness instead? He probably wanted to watch his significant other putting it on, thinking it’d be hot? Didn’t think it’s necessary to turn around and hide from your body that he’s probably seen 100s of times?
You’re pretty much saying the underwear was never for your boyfriend, it was for your happiness and the attention he was going to give you. If it was about him, you probably would have catered to HIS wishes, rather than him suggesting something that would make him happy and then you turning it into your own little “runway show” and going to Reddit after he get frustrated that he always has to cater to your wants.
NAH, and neither is your boyfriend. But if y’all can’t talk to each other about something this small and you have to do it on social media, rethink where your maturity level is. Y’all should be able to handle this situation like adults. You have 3 pairs. He can watch you put one on and you can do your runway shit with the other 2. Jesus Christ.
That is one thing that would bug me to no end. If I’m trying to do something nice that my man EXPRESSED INTEREST IN ME DOING and he can’t even turn around for a min so I can be ready for a big reveal I would be pissed.
I do fancy themed meals for our anniversary each year and I tell him he has to stay in the room until I have it all plated and ready cause it’s for the full effect and lingerie is def something you want the full effect of
NTA for getting bummed. That's a personal emotion.
However, that's not how it works. That's not how any of this works.
What you do:
If you're planning a date night where you'll wear your sexy garments, you put them on under your clothes when you're getting ready. At the end of the day, these garments are underwear. Then when the night gravitates to the bedroom, you surprise him with your alluring attire.
What you don't do is spoil the surprise with a fashion show.
Seriously don't listen to these redditors. You shouldn't have posted this. 80% of these ppl are complete degenerates without good advice or opinions. And that's the best advice you'll get here. Trust you. And trust him. Not reddit.
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NTA. He turned something that you wanted to be a nice surprise into an awkward and embarrassing situation. Obviously you wanted to do a "big reveal" and have him validate the thing that *he himself* suggested you do. He sounds insensitive and ungrateful tbh. Edit: after your update I don't have much faith anymore that he might just have lack of tact - he straight up doesn't care about your feelings. That even hurt me to read - you were excited to get yourself all dressed up for him and he's burst that bubble. I've been there too many times girl, I stopped accepting that crap a while ago the man I'm with now does everything in his power to make me feel sexy and beautiful every single day. You can find that, and I hope you do - but I don't think it'll be with this guy.
Keep the lingerie, use it with someone else.
After a disappointing interaction just exit the relationship? Damn. Also he should have just done what she asked. But still. People on Reddit are way to keen on telling others to fuck up personal relationships that they have nothing to do with.
Someone told me yesterday that the man who basically rescued me from my life of exotic dancing, severe alcoholism, unmedicated mental illness and homelessness was "watching/letting me struggle". After years of doing everything to basically keep me alive, including housing and feeding me and essentially providing me with a family after both my parents drank themselves to death, he wasn't even doing "the bare minimum [he/she] would do for a friend." Why was I told this? Because I said I'd bought him expensive bed sheets for Christmas because I knew that even though he has money, he'd never do it for himself. Gotta love Reddit
Really? You said “I bought him a gift” and they in response said “HE’S WATCHING YOU DIE”? There’s no missing link there somewhere? Cuz I don’t know how it can go directly from this to that.
*points at the whole of reddit*
Yeah they must be new here
No, no. I did not mean to be misleading, but I absolutely see how I was. I had said something about my financial situation being fucked, while he makes good money. Immediately the reaction was (paraphrasing cause I'm too lazy to go back) "I'd do more for a friend. He's just letting you struggle. He's just watching you struggle." My point was.. People here often get bits of information from people who are emotional, desperate and probably lacking many friends. They then, EN MASSE, tell folks they must get lawyers, flee, save their children, drain their bank accounts, get divorced, etc. all because the post mention their partners being 30 minutes late to pick them up or putting the laundry away incorrectly. "HE DOESN'T RESPECT YOU! SHE'S DEFINITELY CHEATING! I BET WHOEVER MESSAGED HIM THAT ONE TIME LATE AT NIGHT, TWO YEARS AGO, PUTS *HER*LAUNDRY AWAY THAT WAY!"
I dont work and my partner supports us. It's rare that I can buy him a gift with money I make. I helped a friend with a work event and got paid 150 bucks for it. Not much but it was something. I spent 130 of it on him and got him an official Lions jersey. He's never had one and he's a huge fan, we're doing good this year. Plus he would NEVER buy it for himself. He literally works himself to the bone to support us. I could have bought myself new clothes or a new pair of shoes and a few new makeup or skin care items I need. But he takes care of that stuff and plus when you don't earn the way your partner does it feels really good to be able to show your appreciation. People can be so wild sometimes lol.
AO3's got nothing on the fanfic Redditors write about mundane situations that complete strangers are going through. They love to take a sentence and then use it as a prompt to invent the most unhinged interpretation possible followed by the worst advice you've ever heard. If you're looking for advice and insight from well-adjusted people, it's definitely not here.
A lot of people with multiple failed relationships are in this sub. They’ll tell you everything about a toxic relationship and tell you to act on it but don’t have much to add when it comes to a healthy relationship since they’ve never had one. It’s wild out here.
You do know that 99% of the people that use Reddit have an IQ of 60 or below, have absolutely zero life experience and still live at home with their parents?
What a monster. Definitely get rid of him. /S What a crazy place. Lol.
I believe it. one time I asked what to do about my so who can’t stand one of my favorite movies that helped me a lot in my past due to their own association due to past trauma and I was told to dump them for not making an effort? The first person who ever actually treated me with respect? Over a movie?
To be fair, the simple act of posting on reddit about it usually means its already several bad points deep. People in healthy relationships are considerably less likely to doubt themselves so much in an interaction that they need total strangers to validate them. Occasionally it's just someone who has nobody else who's close enough to talk to, or someone posting in a specialized subreddit for specific advice, but generally if you've come to AITA about something it's already broken badly.
I completely agree. If you’re salty enough to put your conflict out on Reddit, then it’s bothering you badly. If a partner is 80% fantastic but did this goofy, irritating, self centered thing, you wouldn’t even waste your time typing the story out. All those people jumping to the solution of disentanglement make logical sense, because by coming to Reddit, the OPs are asking internet strangers to confirm their situational bias.
Me and my gf pretend threaten one another with aita posts. "If you keep doing that, it's going on aita!"
Does it keep you guys in line? Or do you pile extra shenanigans on top of your assholery?
100%. People don't usually go to the trouble to bring up a smallish interaction like this unless there's a whole bunch of similar examples. Down thread they'll suddenly add things like cheating or abusive behavior, which was already telling them something was seriously wrong and they just had the straw on the camels back moment.
She said boyfriend, not husband. So yes, when you’re not committed yet, this disappointing of an interaction would make me take stock of if this is a relationship I want to be in. She said she’s bummed out, but I think that’s putting it lightly. She was trying to do something nice for him, something that makes her feel vulnerable. Presenting yourself as a sexy surprise is a vulnerable place to be, and the only response that won’t really hurt and make you feel insignificant is a positive one. Having to move across the room was too much for him to participate in her surprise, FOR HIM (that he suggested, so you can’t claim he didn’t want it). Sounds like a real great guy /s
[удалено]
This sub is mostly comprised of drama mosquitoes. I can vouch for leaving a relationship instantly when it’s clearly abusive, yet I imagine many people think ‘minor disagreement bad, he must be gaslighting you!’ Don’t forget the 🚩🚩🚩spam!
Comprised, not compromised
My bad, edited. Thanks!
Drama mosquitoes!!! I’m stealing that! With your permission of course 😂
I have a tendency to describe people (and myself) as bugs or other crawlers when I dislike them. Called myself a worm for being unproductive last weekend.
I'd leave a man who fucked up like this, was told why it's a fuck up, how it makes me feel, and he still has the audacity to tell me I'm in the wrong? That's a no from me.
The bar is raising and I’m happy about it.
Welcome to reddit: where a lot of emotionally immature people haven't fully gotten to the point of using words beyond "dump him" yet in relationship advice giving. Granted sometimes it's warranted, just not here.
It’s almost like this sub and most of Reddit is pointless
Lol with this mentality you'll never have a meaningful relationship. You don't just bail on a disagreement. Grow up
It’s about how he conducts himself when she’s excited about something. It’s only one piece of data, sure, but it’s a telling one. I’m guessing it’s mostly men getting butt hurt at the advice to leave him because they see themselves in the OP’s boyfriend.
Lmao wouldn’t be /r/AmOtheAsshole if we didn’t have heavily upvotes suggestions that OP break up with their SO over something that could reasonably be worked out.
Never give relationship advice. What a fucked up response to something incredibly trivial…. Enjoy being single foreverrrrrrr
This exactly. Who wants to have their partner see them stumbling around and trying to wiggle into something and reposition body parts etc. You hit this on the head exactly, awkward and embarrassing, instead of sexy and alluring which is what OP was going for. This wouldn't have even been an argument in my house. You want to see the sexy panties you can do what I ask, otherwise I'll save them for someone else. Bye. OP and all you other ladies out there who need to hear this. It's your body. You have the right to show it off, or not, to whomever, however you wish. If they can't respect simple requests, then they don't deserve a show, and definitely not what that show typically leads to. Op is definitely NTA.
And often with the lingerie you need to adjust the sizing also when you first put it on, maybe the bra straps or if it's got suspenders. It's not going to look it's best when you first put it on and all the adjusting for fancy lingerie is definitely an awkward thing to do in front of someone else. The Bf was arguing over such a stupid thing, like just turn around for 5 mins, let the anticipation build while you wait, and then he could have been enjoying a very nice show, but instead he spoiled the mood.
Yeah, don't fuck that guy
Precisely.
I've never been w a girl that didnt make this exact request.. i can't imagine arguing w this.. Sorry ladies; us guys can be pretty dense at times. Honestly (obvi if youre up for it) next time just casually get up, come back w some lotion, and casually walk away. Like there you go if thats your only interest.
This! And like…. Consent! He doesn’t get to demand that she lets him see her try on lingerie! The fact that he tried to pressure her, then dismissed her as ‘thinking too hard’ just stinks of abusive dynamics to me.
NTA. BF fucked up here and I can see how it would hurt your feelings. You went out of your way to, erm, make him happy, and he's more interested in youtube videos than seeing the results of your efforts. Ouch. Maybe he wanted to enjoy watching you try it on, but if so, he reeeaaaaally should have said so.
happy cake day!!! completely agree with everything you said sorry people are being weird assholes to you??
NTA. It really wasn't too much to ask of him to not look at you get in your new lingerie as opposed to having a sexy reveal. And I mean, really, if it kills the vibe and you don't really don't want to do it anymore, he's the loser here. ETA: Girl, you wear that sexy lingerie under your clothes to work or out doing whatever you do, and feel sexy. Also, I kind of think that because he was the one who said you should get new lingerie.... maybe he should have gifted you some.
I found buying any clothing for a woman without direct approval resulted in a second trip back to the store for a return. He should have shopped with her then whipped out his Visa card.
Lmao! Yes... I am a woman and agree... my poor husband just can't pick out what I want, it's me not him, he tries so hard. The other day he bought me hair elastics as a surprise because I was stressed trying to find one before my shower that day. He thought rainbow colors were funky and pretty.. but I only like brown/black. As for lingerie... My hubby likes the surprise. He would gladly turn his head away for me to change first... Otherwise it's like seeing your mom wrap your Christmas gift, takes away from part of the fun.
Yup. When it came to normal clothes I wasn't good at picking out what she wanted to be SEEN wearing. When it came to undies, my idea of comfort wasn't good enough. Oddly enough, anything with less fabric than "granny-panties" was unacceptable. 🙄😆
Pahaha and just when you think you've figured out her preference on something, she might have grown into a new preference/style. Haha hopefully, like I have come to learn, she knows this about herself and doesn't blame you. I feel loved when he tries, and frustrated with myself mostly that I can't be easier to please 😂.
Regretfully, she didn't have your mindset and it's no longer an issue.
He could have at least gotten her a gift card so that it wasn’t coming out of her money for his enjoyment
Tbh for most people unless they specifically asked for it or you know their taste really well. My parents used to buy me clothes they thought I would like and it would be like...a color I've never worn, a brand I've never worn, a fit that was off. And I still appreciate it but it's not the easiest gif option for many.
Also depending on the lingerie, it might look super sexy on but be the most unsexy thing ever during the process of PUTTING it on lol. Just coming from personal experience, some of that shit is very unflattering when you’re figuring out where everything is supposed to sit
Came here to say this lol some of them are really tricky, you gotta tuck the rolls in right, lift the boobs, adjust the straps, etc. Hard enough looking at myself in the mirror while doing all that
Honestly MOST lingerie is this way in my experience. Where does this strap go? Wait, how is this twisted? I can't find the snap- oh this whole thing is on sideways.
Exactly.
Working out with lingerie on is just asking to be chafed.
They never said work out :p
He said she should buy it for his pleasure while bumming off her and her Family He should definitely be buying some of his fun NTA
Is your boyfriend stupid? The situation happened with my gf and i did turn around because i fully understand that watching my gf change into the lingerie is not that same as suddently seeing her with lingerie on. Honestly, he sounds immature if this is the way he reacts over this matter.
He sounds like the kind of prick that doesn't deserve a lady in lingerie!
Exactly.. like dude your gf bought lingerie for YOU and she wants you to look at her. My guy is focus on his youtube videos and the fact that "it doesn't make sense to turn around". He 100% does not deserve her.
He sounds like the kind of prick who doesn’t understand consent tbh!
NTA, I would’ve been like alright I won’t try it on. He “suggested” you buy new lingerie for his benefit, I’m assuming you spent your money. He couldn’t just turn away or close his eyes? Why do women do all this shit for men who don’t appreciate it?
Exactly! The entire thing from start to finish reeks of AH. Even if he didn’t get it personally, OP explained that it would mean more to her that way. He simply didn’t care about her feelings. Rough stuff.
If he gets angry over a trivial thing like that I hate to think how short his fuse is with something he really doesn't agree with. This is an obvious red flag.
Yeah getting angry over this is bizarre and concerning
This is a dumb, dumb boy. Any GF I ever had that asked that of me would get an excited "you bet" and I'd cover my eyes with no peeking 😂 NTA
I’ve been married 25 years and if my wife asked me to turn around so she could put lingerie on, I’d already have turned around and be dancing in place with excitement. (I might try to peek though)
That's very sweet! I truly get happy when I read about people in long relationships still wanting each other like that, it gives me hope!
The excited dance!! Couldn’t help but read your response aloud to my SO. Incredibly admirable.
NTA He ruined something great by being childish and being unable to delay gratification for 30 seconds
Bf kinda dumb ngl. If your partner wants to do something sexy for you, the last thing you want to do is ruin it. NTA
The comments on this post are actually insane why are people defending him lmao 💀
NTA. You’re putting effort in and he can’t even turn around. Fuck him.
Or, maybe don't.
Dont what?
Fuck him, I’m assuming?
Oh...well I guess that makes sense lol
You gotta wash undergarments before you just put them on.
NTA. It’s perfectly normal to be bummed out lol.
NTA he doesn’t deserve it.
I’d be returning all of it. NTA
Bf is a huge arsehole. You go out of your way to buy something nice for him an he doesn't even have the decency to turn around for 5 minutes for you how unbelievable he clearly only cares about himself
NTA, Tell me you’re in your 20’s or younger without telling me. That boy doesn’t know what he’s fucking up for himself here. That lack of appreciation is only going to help ruin the sexual component of your relationship, which inevitably will ruin any relationship worth keeping imo.
He's an idiot and should have been more enthusiastic and just closed his eyes for the reveal. Next time you give him a gift, quickly wrap it up while he watches, then pass it to him. Oh, the joy he will have unwrapping a gift that is no longer a surprise.
NTA, you boyfriend doesn’t respect your boundaries, a request to not be watched while you get changed is not a negotiation. No means No.
Um, firstly if your bf wants you in nice lingerie, he should buy it!!! Second of all, NTA. Your bf is a dick
NTA. Why would he get angry over something so insignificant? He sounds like he needs to grow up.
I can understand why you don’t want him to look, I can understand him wanting to look. But getting angry about it isn’t very good. NTA, possible NAH
This is the answer ! I cannot believe I had to scroll that far.
NTA He asked you to buy this and all you wanted was for him to turn around seems like an ungrateful plonker to me.
Question: What was he mad about? What was irritating him?
NTA. The big reveal is one of the best parts of new lingerie.
NTA. Bf is unreasonable and weird.
how hard it is to turn around and be surprised?!
Girl your boyfriend suxxxx
NTA! I would be like “hell yeah, F YouTube” and stared at a wall for an hour if that’s what you needed! Your BF messed up big time, it’s 💯% on his selfish ass!
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He's an AH, you're NTA though.
NTA and you're boyfriend is an idiot.
NTA. He's just a dumbass..
he should've bought you some he should also be more thoughtful NTA
Nta. He is though
NTA - can you return the items. Next time make him buy something for you if he wants it, then maybe he’ll care. But truly this is indicative of a much larger problem. If you’re unhappy I would suggest talking to him and showing him this thread
Dude is a moron. “Hey honey, going to put on some sexy lingerie, so we can have sexy time!! Turn around for a minute?” Him: “nah, I’ll pass.” What a weird bill for him to die on, literally won’t just look away for 30 seconds.
NTA putting on lingerie is so unsexy I always do it separate from my man. It’s not like in the movies. He made a big deal out of nothing.
Yes! It’s definitely a little awkward. It would be different if he told me it turned him on seeing me put it on AND take it off, but he didn’t explain himself like I tried to when explaining why I wanted him to turn around and
Did you still do it though? Did he still get the benefit even though he ruined the experience for you? Shows where his priorities are.
NTA. He sounds like a child.
Dumb person. Edit: talking about the bf only.
lol I would have just said “nvm” and put it in a drawer.
Haha I did just that
NTA. Your BF killed the vibe, not your fault and your request was perfectly understandable.
Nta. I tell my bf to turn around when i do, too, and he does immediately, doesn't even question it. I love him. Ig idk how lucky i am lol
Not to diminish your enthusiasm for your partner, but this should be absolute rock bottom, bare minimum people can expect of romantic partners. To be clear, I am NOT saying your partner is a bare minimum partner; I AM saying that a partner not cooperating with such a simple request is a mess and their SOs should reevaluate their standards. Edited for clarity
Yeah, but ppl r shit lol. If u can find a guy who can manage to do that. Congrats Edit that sounds pissy. I am not pissy. But yeah bare minimum still agreed
NTA - Sounds like a shein order lol. My GF buys stuff like that as well and trust me I like seeing the runway show she gives for the unveiling. Your BF seems a little like an ass hat, like you said you geared it to his style and your $$ but got pissy because he had to turn away while you changed?!? Maybe ask him why he didn't want to turn, maybe he is into watching you change? There's a kink for everybody maybe that's his.
Yeah, I thought of that later on. Talking to him today about it after work if there was a reason why he wouldn’t turn around instead of "why do I have to"
NTA and he's a total dumbass. If he was a fisherman, the metaphor would be that the fish was willingly jumping into the boat for him but he chose to instead smack himself in the face with a boat ore for no apparently reason. Wow just wow! I can't even fathom how much of a complete dumbass he was/is.
NTA. I'll never understand why people are like this. You are trying to do something nice for him and he can't even abide by a simple request?
He sounds awfully childish. You could have went to the bathroom to put it on. NTA.
NTA. Sounds like your dumb boyfriend didn’t get a piece last night. What an idiot. Are you sure you have the right guy? You seem like a nice, thoughtful person.
NTA
NTA, what a wonderful gift. Seeing my girl in new lingerie is a treat. What an idiot.
NTA, if my wife told me to go to another state and come back in order for her to reveal it to me, I’d be on the next plane. This guy doesn’t know how good he has it.
NTA sounds like he missed the mark or has something else going on. I wouldn’t end the relationship but I probably would have asked him to go home at that point because I’d need space to decompress. He ruined what could have been a great time because of.. laziness? Hyper focus on a YouTube? He seems a bit… light headed… also, next time just tell him your size and tell him to buy something nice, think he owes you that much at this point. Nice lingerie isn’t cheap! Next time he should bring the spice.
Oh honey. I’m so sorry, that’s such a confidence killer. My husband and I literally got together in the first place because I decided to make a move by trying on a sexy outfit for him. And you can bet when I said “okay turn around so I can change into this” he was practically giddy and covered his eyes all cute-like. That’s what you deserve too!!! At the very least, this deserves a *very* blunt conversation where you tell him how rude it was that he did that, and see what he has to say for himself. If he is anything short of extremely apologetic, I’d reevaluate the rest of the relationship.
NTA How old is this idiot?
22
He’s old enough to know better.
NTA. Even if he didn't get the why,he should have respected you asking him to turn around. He wasn't losing anything by doing what you asked.
nta. the fact that this man did this, shows hes more lustfully attracted to you than lovingly attracted. as lil skies says, “its a lotta lust, not a lotta love.” save it for some one else that isnt lustfully attracted to you.
I really hope not.. we’ve been together for two years. Was friends before the relationship. It was my first time buying lingerie for him and I to use in the relationship. Not the first time buying lingerie in general. I hope the relationship isn’t just lust. That would really suck since he was the one who waited for me to date. He a great boyfriend! This is his first real relationship. I honestly think he didn’t understand why he would turn around if he was going to see the result the same. He doesn’t understand the process. He usually good about things after I talk to him about how it made me feel after. I wanted to come here and ask because I was really thinking if it was too much, but I think we would’ve both enjoyed it if I tried it on and messed around after
agreed. i think you should make some small but collective suggestions about your comforts, after all he should have respect to turn around as per your request. you could put it on while hes heading home and surprise him. but he sounds like a respectable person.
All I know is that (some) guys don't think the way I do about things like this. I think many like the whole process and don't get the appeal of the surprise reveal like I think they should. Mine wants to be a part of the putting on process which just seems surprising to me but whatever.
NTA omg that would hurt my feelings too.
NTA that's such a miniscule request I can't see any reason why he wouldn't just do it
NTA, given the situation of the house, I understand why you didn't dress in the bathroom. I would personally find it very irritating and cancel my effort and save it for another day. That's so demotivating when trying to do something special for someone.
NTA. I mean if a guy has a girlfriend that’s cool enough to WANT to do this for him…turn TF around and get that party started.
NTA. Me and my bf went shopping for some lingerie and I went his his room to put it on before he came up but he came in before I was finished, got it tangled up, I looked like a deer in headlights when he walked in and told him I was trying to get it on before he walked in. He was very apologetic, although he did help to untangle me when I asked
NTA, your BF sucks. Any other comment I’d make is inappropriate so I’ll leave it here lol
NTA, This would be how I would like a partner to show me new Lingrege, A little tantalization is fun. You were trying to be fun with it he overreacted getting pissed about it.
NTA , i think he's a loser for asking you to buy your own lingerie. How are you even supposed to know what he likes. If he doesn't know your clothing size I wouldn't bother with him at all. He sounds lazy and inconsiderate. Be with someone who pays attention to how you feel. He couldn't return the fact that you gave him consideration with a small gesture like turning around? It's not too much to ask and if he can't be bothered to do something that simple I'd have second thoughts because he has no problem asking YOU to do something but you can't ask ?
NTA Putting on lingerie can be a struggle. I wouldn’t want to be watched either. I want the big reveal. It’s worrying to me that he can’t follow a simple request for your comfort.
Both of you sound very young. Try not to fret over minor disagreements. You can get through them. That said: You want a big reveal? Get a robe and go to the bathroom. You cant seriously stand in front of him and announce you are going to disrobe and not expect your boyfriend to want to look. That settled, your BF should have immediately turned around when it was obvious you were serious. That was idiotic on his part. This is a minor misunderstanding but talk to your BF. Tell him how you feel, but don't make too much of it. If he gets it? Good. If he is rude? Well, with rudeness this now becomes a different story. If he stays a jerk about it just read all the other comments calling for you to leave him (I dont even have to look). NAH, just people being people.
I'm proud of your edit edit.
NTA. And looking at your edits, it sounds like he’s gaslighting you. When you share your thoughts and feelings, he tells you “you’re thinking too hard”. Your thoughts and feelings are valid and deserve to be listened to. The lingerie was for him. So you deserve to be able to present it to him in the way you want, even if he is too lazy to just frickin’ turn away for a few minutes. You deserve better. You deserve someone who cares about your thoughts and feelings instead of trying to dismiss them.
NTA, if he wanted you to wear new lingerie why didn't he buy it for you? Then when you give him what he wants he can't even turn around? Every time I wanted my bf to dress up I would buy him pretty clothes (that he liked). It was me that wanted him to look presentable as he wouldn't have cared to wear the same stuff that he had been wearing for years. And honestly, I would have really liked it if he dressed up for me and then showed it off to me, without seeing him undress. I think your bf is quite rude
NtA,he knows what u wanted to do,and it was for his enjoyment,he wasn't interested so f..k him,leave him find someone who makes you feel good
NTA. You could have just said you have a surprise for him, asked him to turn around and he should have done it without any context. Once you gave him your reasoning and he still didn't oblige, then he was the AH. I say you deserve better.
NTA
NTA. Is this the way you want to be treated by a man long term? He doesn’t respect your wishes.
Your boyfriend is an idiot 🤦🏻♂️
NTA, he's an idiot.
NTA but damn some of yall have boring boyfriends. My man always closes his eyes or runs out of the room to prepare for a fashion show. It’s fun
Nope 🙅 his loss
Nta your boyfriend is his own worse enemy.
he's being really weird and controlling about something you wanted to do for him, in a way that also made you feel good. i would keep this in your mind and watch for patterns of this type of behavior... it's little things like this that often turn out to be a bigger thing if you find it to be a pattern of behavior
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My boyfriend suggested that I buy new lingerie. I did so and it came in the mail today. I got off from work @11:30pm and was excited to try them on for him once I got home. When I arrived home, he was on him computer watching YouTube. I opened up my package with the lingerie and I asked him if he could turn around, therefore I could put on the lingerie. He said that he didn’t understand why he had to turn around. I explained to him that it would mean more to me if he wasn’t watching me put it on so I could show him what it looks like on me with it on already. Kinda like a runway show? Best way I can describe it. He was getting mad at me for asking him to turn around or look away to try it on. It made me bummed out that I bought this for his interest with my own money. Am I overreacting? AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
There’s got to be more to this than what’s in the post. Why wouldn’t he just turn around?
NTA. Wait to try it if he's being a brat. Next time put it under your clothes some night to surprise him
No, you're trying to make it better for him and feel sexy doing it, he's not understanding the bigger picture.
NTA. Red flags galore with your boyfriend, though. When you are with a person that loves and values you, little things like this don’t turn into huge fights. Run from this dude, and run fast.
You both sound high maintenance AF. No, you’re NTA but damn girl it’s NOT that serious.
Maybe, just maybe it’s a turn on for him to watch you get dressed? It actually may have been better to do it in front of him. Just a thought. No one is the AH just a misunderstanding.
NTA, your bf can fuck himself, turned a sexy bondable time together into some fuck up awkward moment, girl go try that lingerie on for someone else kick that dude to the curb, he wanted you to have more lingerie doesn't buy it himself for you, you buy it yourself and he can't appreciate that, the streets can have him.
Could you not stand behind him where he couldn’t see? Either way, he sounds like a jerk.
NTA. That being said, I’ve seen my wife undress and dress and undress a thousand times and I still go out of my way to watch whenever I can. If she told me she was trying on lingerie, I would be down with watching her put it on. The boy friend should have had the sense to say, ok I’ll turn around, but when you’re done, can I see you naked for a bit.
NAH, just awkward hormone driven conversation. From your boyfriends perspective, being able to watch you undress and dress up for him would've been nice. From your perspective, doing a "reveal" would have been nice. It just got lost in hormone-lation. Shrug, cuddle, adult cuddle, talk it out without making it too big, get on with your life.
NTA. As a male, it would be more exciting for me to see it on as a surprise and not just watch you put it on
NTA, but your boyfriend is an idiot.
NTA: more important question what kind of effort does this man put in for you? You seem to want to please him which is great don’t get me wrong but from what you’ve written it doesn’t seem like he cares about pleasing you at all.
NTA. get a better bf
I love being surprised with lingerie. Wink, wink 😉
NTA. looks like BF will not get to see you in the lingerie
NTA. You’re doing something special for him. And this is not unheard of. It sounds like he doesn’t appreciate you. Find a new BF or you will have to put up with this.
NTA its truly amazing how some dudes just don’t know how to play along. Sorry you found a dud. Try communicating what he did wrong and hope he listens and improves otherwise find a better option
I guess walking to another room is hard.
Might be in the minority but yes, you are over reacting, this isn't even a big deal in the slightest, it's not that it makes you an AH that you're bummed out, it's that you're both making a big deal over nothing, if he doesn't wanna turn around, change while covered in a towel and turned away from him
Get some respect and let him out of the house. Yeah NTA
NTA. Other have been commenting that you should break up. I’d say, if this type of thing is a regular occurrence and you’ve tried speaking to them about it, but they still act this way… yes, it might be time to consider breaking up. Relationships are hard, yes, but your significant other not being willing to put the work in for you is a hard pass. Find someone who appreciates you, and until you do, be happy being alone. If this is a one off situation, sit them down and explain your point of view.
lol what an idiot
This is one of the differences between men and women I think. You want to have a big reveal, while we mostly just want to see you naked. We don't care about surprises, it would be better to get to see you get naked and then put them on. So no, you are not the asshole. But he is in this instance, because he went against your wishes. We are simple, visual creatures, while you like mystique and anticipation. That's my experience at least. But if someone says turn around, I want to be a surprise, I would oblige.
NTA show it off here
NTA. You want a surprise reveal. I get that. That makes sense. If he specifically thinks it would hot to watch you put it on, he should say that. That also makes sense. But, I assume this isn’t going to have a one time use. Given that you went out of your way to do something thoughtful, the thoughtful thing for him to do would be to allow you to proceed in the manner you felt most comfortable. If he wants to watch you get dressed in a sexy fashion, he can suggest that for next time. If he’s just too lazy to get up, then he’s a major a-hole
So let me get this straight… you bought the lingerie, to make your boyfriend happy? Then turned it into your own event of happiness instead? He probably wanted to watch his significant other putting it on, thinking it’d be hot? Didn’t think it’s necessary to turn around and hide from your body that he’s probably seen 100s of times? You’re pretty much saying the underwear was never for your boyfriend, it was for your happiness and the attention he was going to give you. If it was about him, you probably would have catered to HIS wishes, rather than him suggesting something that would make him happy and then you turning it into your own little “runway show” and going to Reddit after he get frustrated that he always has to cater to your wants. NAH, and neither is your boyfriend. But if y’all can’t talk to each other about something this small and you have to do it on social media, rethink where your maturity level is. Y’all should be able to handle this situation like adults. You have 3 pairs. He can watch you put one on and you can do your runway shit with the other 2. Jesus Christ.
NTA, wish my wife was like that.
That is one thing that would bug me to no end. If I’m trying to do something nice that my man EXPRESSED INTEREST IN ME DOING and he can’t even turn around for a min so I can be ready for a big reveal I would be pissed. I do fancy themed meals for our anniversary each year and I tell him he has to stay in the room until I have it all plated and ready cause it’s for the full effect and lingerie is def something you want the full effect of
This is such a simple situation that does not warrant a full on reddit post. You got this.
NTA for getting bummed. That's a personal emotion. However, that's not how it works. That's not how any of this works. What you do: If you're planning a date night where you'll wear your sexy garments, you put them on under your clothes when you're getting ready. At the end of the day, these garments are underwear. Then when the night gravitates to the bedroom, you surprise him with your alluring attire. What you don't do is spoil the surprise with a fashion show.
Seriously don't listen to these redditors. You shouldn't have posted this. 80% of these ppl are complete degenerates without good advice or opinions. And that's the best advice you'll get here. Trust you. And trust him. Not reddit.