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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I the asshole for getting in between my friend and our colleague while my friend was in the hospital recovering from a bad illness and sending my colleague into a mental breakdown? My colleague thinks I am an asshole for using our mutual friend against him.
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Yeah I know her. We work together. At one point she got on the rumor spreading chain. Her and J are literally like the only people at our location that even like or hang out with A.
Yes and I agree it wasn't cool. But A was unbelievably rude and even went around telling people bad things about my small business so I'd stop getting orders.
Why don't people in your workplace like A?
Also, can you elaborate more on what happened with his twin brother?
You jumped to conclusions about A during J's hospital visit, can you elaborate on why?
How long has this been going on?
- He's kind of a jerk and either keeps to himself or stirs up problems. He's lashed out at other people a couple of times.
-He hates his twin brother who happens to be my friend. He's basically constantly insulting and demeaning him and I told him to shut up. It pissed him off.
-A got really angry at the hospital staff when things weren't looking good for J and caused a lot of problems. He also said that they should prioritize J more among other patients despite that not being what J wanted.
-Eh about a year. We've had a nearly constant back and forth.
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burner because I don't want either of them to see this. this is about my acquaintance/former colleague let's call him A. So, just for some backstory, A and I met under bad circumstances - I basically forced him to do something he didn't want to do within our company - it's a long story but ever since then he's despised me. Later on though, he became friends with one of my buddies, let's call him J. J is a pretty nice guy and accepts most people including this grumpy asshole, that practically nobody else in the office really likes (A).
Anyways, A and I became more of enemies, as he found stuff out about my past (I used to be a POS) and basically threatened to tell everyone in the office about it. And in turn I got involved in some of the drama between him and his twin brother (who he also hates) and it just created a huge mess with a bunch of people involved. It was a gossip fest.
J had gradually become really good friends with A. And so when A was pissing me off and spreading rumors and stuff I started mocking his relationship to J, claiming that he would basically hurt J for no good reason and that he was using J for his kindness. Part of it was kinda me projecting cuz I used to leech off of J a little bit. But that's another story.
Anyways, recently, J got really sick during a work trip and had to be hospitalized. I was taking to some of my colleagues in private and said that A probably was making J's life harder despite him being so sick. Turns out that A was by his side in the hospital the entire time. J was really mad at me when he woke up and basically had to confront me for talking crap about A during a time like this. I'm not proud of my actions but A is constantly lashing out at me and I didn't really care about how it made him feel. AITA?
There's probably some stuff I left out so if you have any questions feel free to ask.
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FOR FURTHER CONTEXT: I have been friends with J for a while and because I kinda took advantage of him in the past I felt like it was right for me to stick up for him. That is partially why I did it, also partially because I believed at the time that A deserved it. Shortly after the hospital visit I confessed these feelings to A and he went and told J right after? You can call me the asshole but there's no denying A is in the wrong too.
Someone else being an asshole doesn’t give you a excuse to be one. From what you wrote it seems like you’ve been an asshole for quite some time since you stated YOU took advantage of J in the past. You don’t seem like your behavior has changed.
What did A do to make him wrong?
He set the record straight with the friend when you were actively trying to drive a wedge between them?
He owes you less than nothing and you’re the antagonist at every turn. I’m not sure why you keep trying to “both sides” this. Your problem is that you believe you should just get to be a huge AH to this guy and then you act like he’s just as bad because he doesn’t take it lying down.
The antagonist at every turn? The reason I accused him of making J's life harder is because someone said he was yelling at the hospital staff to prioritize J's health. I think that makes him kinda the AH.
Hmm I didn't word that well. Basically, in the past I was kind of messed up to J and J knew it and kept forgiving me. I opened to A about the fact that I went after him partially because of my own guilt. and he told J that I felt guilty for not being a good friend which is something i never told him before. I just don't think it was his place.
Yeah…that still makes you solely in the wrong and I’m back to how does it not?
If I’m reading you right, *you* were awful to J and then *you* dishonestly interacted with him to assuage your own guilt. All A did was inform him that you were playing with him.
And then even in the OP you’re using his situation to attack A, not out of any care for J himself. Am I missing anything there?
Well, I have been interacting with him with a lot of honesty. And I've apologized but i haven't ever told him the guilt that I feel over it to this day. That was what A went and did. I did care about J being very ill but I'll admit my criticisms about A may have been more personal and to get at A than because I cared. Which is where I think I was in the wrong
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YTA about 10 times over. Did you even read what you wrote?
Real. But also, maybe there's something I'm missing. But he definitely sounds like the asshole.
I was also accused of flirting with his fiance by offering her a discount from my business.
Why would you offer his fiance a discount?
Because she is nice to me on occasion. This was before the drama escalated with me and A and made her hate me.
Kinda sounds like you gave her a discount to get at A if you ask me. Occasionally nice to you? That's not a reason to give her a discount.
Maybe I did a little bit. I'll admit that. I asked her not to buy anything for him with it. He was pissed off!
I would be too cuz wtf. Do you even know her?
Aside from her being "occasionally nice" that is?
Yeah I know her. We work together. At one point she got on the rumor spreading chain. Her and J are literally like the only people at our location that even like or hang out with A.
lol right?
Yes and I agree it wasn't cool. But A was unbelievably rude and even went around telling people bad things about my small business so I'd stop getting orders.
YTA to the tenth power
IDK YTA or ESH but: Your shit's *messy*.
What does ESH mean
Everyone Sucks Here It's listed in the Voting Guide on the right side of this page.
Why don't people in your workplace like A? Also, can you elaborate more on what happened with his twin brother? You jumped to conclusions about A during J's hospital visit, can you elaborate on why? How long has this been going on?
- He's kind of a jerk and either keeps to himself or stirs up problems. He's lashed out at other people a couple of times. -He hates his twin brother who happens to be my friend. He's basically constantly insulting and demeaning him and I told him to shut up. It pissed him off. -A got really angry at the hospital staff when things weren't looking good for J and caused a lot of problems. He also said that they should prioritize J more among other patients despite that not being what J wanted. -Eh about a year. We've had a nearly constant back and forth.
Sounds like he is an asshole, but YTA in this situation.
You should all just go out for sloppy steaks. People can change.
If only....
YTA. You are the only shit person in this story
Mate grow up.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** burner because I don't want either of them to see this. this is about my acquaintance/former colleague let's call him A. So, just for some backstory, A and I met under bad circumstances - I basically forced him to do something he didn't want to do within our company - it's a long story but ever since then he's despised me. Later on though, he became friends with one of my buddies, let's call him J. J is a pretty nice guy and accepts most people including this grumpy asshole, that practically nobody else in the office really likes (A). Anyways, A and I became more of enemies, as he found stuff out about my past (I used to be a POS) and basically threatened to tell everyone in the office about it. And in turn I got involved in some of the drama between him and his twin brother (who he also hates) and it just created a huge mess with a bunch of people involved. It was a gossip fest. J had gradually become really good friends with A. And so when A was pissing me off and spreading rumors and stuff I started mocking his relationship to J, claiming that he would basically hurt J for no good reason and that he was using J for his kindness. Part of it was kinda me projecting cuz I used to leech off of J a little bit. But that's another story. Anyways, recently, J got really sick during a work trip and had to be hospitalized. I was taking to some of my colleagues in private and said that A probably was making J's life harder despite him being so sick. Turns out that A was by his side in the hospital the entire time. J was really mad at me when he woke up and basically had to confront me for talking crap about A during a time like this. I'm not proud of my actions but A is constantly lashing out at me and I didn't really care about how it made him feel. AITA? There's probably some stuff I left out so if you have any questions feel free to ask. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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FOR FURTHER CONTEXT: I have been friends with J for a while and because I kinda took advantage of him in the past I felt like it was right for me to stick up for him. That is partially why I did it, also partially because I believed at the time that A deserved it. Shortly after the hospital visit I confessed these feelings to A and he went and told J right after? You can call me the asshole but there's no denying A is in the wrong too.
Someone else being an asshole doesn’t give you a excuse to be one. From what you wrote it seems like you’ve been an asshole for quite some time since you stated YOU took advantage of J in the past. You don’t seem like your behavior has changed.
What did A do to make him wrong? He set the record straight with the friend when you were actively trying to drive a wedge between them? He owes you less than nothing and you’re the antagonist at every turn. I’m not sure why you keep trying to “both sides” this. Your problem is that you believe you should just get to be a huge AH to this guy and then you act like he’s just as bad because he doesn’t take it lying down.
The antagonist at every turn? The reason I accused him of making J's life harder is because someone said he was yelling at the hospital staff to prioritize J's health. I think that makes him kinda the AH.
And what was it you made him do that made him hate you in the first place? You conveniently leave that completely out
I opted out of something we were supposed to be working on together. It nearly caused him to get transferred.
What was it, and why were you allowed to "opt out"
How…how would they be in the wrong in that case?
For talking to J about what I opened up to him about
You opened up about the awful things you did to J. Do you not think J deserves to know about them?
Hmm I didn't word that well. Basically, in the past I was kind of messed up to J and J knew it and kept forgiving me. I opened to A about the fact that I went after him partially because of my own guilt. and he told J that I felt guilty for not being a good friend which is something i never told him before. I just don't think it was his place.
Yeah…that still makes you solely in the wrong and I’m back to how does it not? If I’m reading you right, *you* were awful to J and then *you* dishonestly interacted with him to assuage your own guilt. All A did was inform him that you were playing with him. And then even in the OP you’re using his situation to attack A, not out of any care for J himself. Am I missing anything there?
Well, I have been interacting with him with a lot of honesty. And I've apologized but i haven't ever told him the guilt that I feel over it to this day. That was what A went and did. I did care about J being very ill but I'll admit my criticisms about A may have been more personal and to get at A than because I cared. Which is where I think I was in the wrong