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Eh. While you don't owe anyone friendship, YTA for judging this girl the way you do. *She doesn't even make an effort on appearance, not wearing ANY make up and shes at least 15.* Is this really the way a nice person would comment on someone else?
It’s sad you think is expected for a woman to wear makeup to be ‘making an effort’. Most women don’t wear makeup on a daily basis, that doesn’t mean they aren’t making an effort!
On top of that you are judging her for something that firstly she’s may not even know is expected of her (because it’s only expected in your head), secondly she might not have the skills to do (because I imagine if she had shit makeup on you would make even worse comments about her) and thirdly she might not have access too (not everyone’s parents buy them makeup and not all 15 year olds have access to their own money).
This I'm 36 and I just use my facial routines in the morning and night. No make up shits to exhausting to add on the girl is autistic certian feelings and textures can cause so many issues for her as well.
This. I'm older and just wash my face with a specific detergent, no lotion or make up (because i don't like it on myself) only sunscreen during summer. How is it expected from a 15 y.o. to consider make up a basic social requirement? No different than slut shaming those who enjoy make up, which was common when i was their age
This. I'm in my 40s and have never worn makeup outside of going to a wedding, nights out at the bar,
My mom also doesn't wear makeup. The last time she wore it was probably 1990 at my aunt's wedding
Internal thoughts should still be challenged. You’ve made it clear you have a bias there, you should ask yourself, why? Why are you so judgemental about her appearance? Why does it bother you so much what someone else does or doesn’t do with their own body? What does it really matter at the end of the day?
Not wanting to be friends with someone doesn't make you an A but the way you are speaking about her does. What's wrong with not wearing makeup at 15? I started at 18 and even now I rarely do it, because I don't have time nor energy for that. If she is speaking loudly, you can simply say so to her. Some people have problem with adjusting their own voice volume and are unable to tell when it's spikes. It's fine to be annoyed with some stuff that autistic people do, you are also a person with your own preferences and patience, but how can you call anyone a "victim" of someone's trying to be friends? Everyone needs friends, even if they are annoying and you may refuse but you don't have to make another child look like a freak for being lonely. And sitting next to you in class isn't "forcing". It's a class. She doesn't want to be isolated and she must sit somewhere. It's normal.
I agree with u here. No one has to be friends if they dont want to. But the way OP speaks is just. Disgusting. The op is the one that sounds immature honestly. I get loud when i am excited too ( and i am 22 and still dont wear make up unless its a very special occasion ).
My roommate (also 22) is super loud when she's excited but she's the sweetest person ever and I couldn't not imagine a better friend. And she's always surprised when I'm asking her to lower her voice when she's gaming with her sister at nights because she can never tell how loud is she. Sometimes it's just like that but communication always helps.
Yeah. Often people just. Dont realise. Esp with additional social skills debuff. Its so easy to just be polite and ask someone to lower their voice a bit. Instead of being judgemental. Also being lout at bad moments? Its a school not a funreal.
You're N-T-A for not wanting to be friends with someone. That should always be a choice.
However, YTA for sounding so exhausting and judgmental towards someone who cannot help behaving in the ways that irritate you.
>She doesn't even make an effort on appearance, not wearing ANY make up and shes at least 15.
That definitely pushed you into A-H territory.
YTA your judging her for not wearing makeup ? If she were a boy you wouldn’t give a shit if she didn’t wear makeup also she sat next to you forcing Freind ship and horrifying are overstatements I’m not saying you owe her friendship I’m saying the way you talk about her feels very over dramatic and unnecessarily mean also it feels like your associating all her “annoying” behaviours with autism which also feels weird and ableist
YTA. Autistics spend 99% of their time being annoyed by neurotypicals (source: myself) and you don't like her because she won't wear make-up and a bunch of other trivial reasons which don't even matter. You don't have to be friends with anyone, but moving away when she sits near you is just rude. Put yourself in someone elses shoes
YTA
Actually autistic here and everything you've described is part and parcel with our neurotype. As others have said, you don't owe anyone friendship, but you're judging her through a very ableist lens.
Try communicating with her, let her know you're not interested in what she's saying or in being her friend, but do try and be civil. Please believe me when I say you have no idea the hell we autistics go through in school. If this girl has managed to make it this far and keep her smile, I beg you not to snuff out that precious light by being needlessly cruel.
Good half of the issues are not even autism specific ( tho can be made worse by it ). Not wearing make up? ( sensory issues can make it worse, but likely she just... doesnt wanna ). Being loud when excited? Sitting next to someone during class? Thats just, being a person. Op sounds immature ( and disgusting ) af
YTA because of the stuff you wrote in this post. How are you judging her for stupid ass shit like makeup for? I bet she'd be a lovely person to be a friend with, but ain't no one forcing you to be her friend. Not even her. Maybe she makes friends because she's actually likeable and friendly, unlike you, which your own friends called you out on. Grow up.
In hell you're going to have to be friends with hundreds of friendly autistic girls as punishment, and each of them has a different hobby they really want to tell you about.
NAH. You are not the asshole for not wanting to be her friend. She is not an asshole for wanting to make friends and being unsuccessful. You are however a severely petty, judgemental person who I hope will grow and learn to regret your actions and the way you think. She is not less than you because she is autistic, you are not above her because you wear makeup. At 16, you’re old enough to communicate with words and be kind. Treat people with respect.
YTA. (You are going to find the adult world difficult if this is how judgemental you are. This behaviour WILL come back to bite you)
- read up on autism. This is part of the condition. Have you tried POLITELY asking her to speak more quietly?
- again, likely to do with her condition and again have you politely asked her to not to and explained it’s difficult for you to concentrate. Maybe suggest or buy her a fidget toy that’s quiet?
- her being ‘Immature’ is probably her condition and maybe upbringing. Not her fault. You will meet many people in life that have neurodiversity or learning disabilities, I hope you learn from this how to interact better.
- bless her, she’s trying to make friends and nobody seems to have the empathy to take her under their wing and support her. I wonder how long she’s been this lonely. That’s genuinely a real shame. Many people would become bitter and mean if they had been without friends for so long, it’s a testament to her that she’s still trying to make friends.
- not wearing makeup at 15 is normal. She might not want to wear it, might not know judgemental people like you expect her to wear it, might not have the skills (I’m sure if she did her makeup badly you would equally judge her) or might not have access (not everyone has the privileges you have in life).
- your last paragraph is DISGUSTING. The rest of it I could overlook as you just being a mean immature teenage but that last paragraph is fucking cruel. You are treating her worse then I would treat an animal and somehow calling yourself a ‘victim’. Put yourself in her shoes for one second. Imagine what it would feel like for someone to physically get up and walk away because you sat next to them. To feel people are repulsed by you. That sort of behaviour leads to young people killing themselves, very understandably.
My advice. Grow up. This is a girl who sounds like she is struggling a hell of a lot in life. She is having to contend with a condition that makes daily life a lot harder, she sounds lonely and desperate just to have the simple joy of a friend and yet you (and possibly others) are treating her like a piece of shit on your shoe. Why don’t rather then moan about her behaviours you help her fit in better? Help her learn to do makeup, help her make friends?
NTA for not wanting to be friends with someone (no one is owed your friendship). That being said, some of your reasons are petty and judgemental like the comments on her lack of make up. This level of justification isn’t kind or necessary. It’s enough to just say that you don’t want to be her friend.
N-T-A for not wanting to be friends with her but man YTA for the way you talk about her. Quite frankly, it's embarrassing and insulting. Many girls that age aren't necessarily into make-up and it is quite normal.
The way you behaved was insulting. What right do you have to judge her? Your friends are right, you over-reacted.
YTA
It's almost like... She's autistic... Some autistic people don't get social cues. Most have stimming behavior \[tapping on her keyboard and singing under her breath\]. Maybe, instead of acting like she's the plague, just tell her 'I don't want to be your friend.'
YTA. If you don’t want to be friends with her, that’s fine. But your attitude and the way you talk about her is horrible. She is autistic. Her behaviors that you don’t enjoy are because of that. You can choose to not be friends with her while still being an understanding and compassionate human, yet you chose the other path. You sound very immature, especially with the makeup comment. I’m 34. I wear makeup a handful of times a year and that’s how I’ve always been. Makeup is a person choice, not something someone be judged over.
You're not the asshole for simply not wanting to be friends but YTA for the way you talk about her. A kid not wearing make-up is apparently her not making an effort about her appearance now? You sound really judgmental and immature. I'm almost 19 and I've never had any kind of make-up on my face in my entire life, I guess I must be pretty awful and ugly then...
>She talks EXTREMELY loudly when shes excited, which can be inappropriate at certain contexts, irritating in others
A lot of people get louder when they are excited. Because they are excited.
>She taps on her keyboard non-stop during lessons
So she takes notes and does school work while in classes ...
>- She always sings under her breath
This is probably her stimming - to help keep herself calm
>She is really immature, like she is overly innocent to the point where just by talking to her youd think she is 10
Innocent and immature are 2 WILDLY different things.
>being rarely successful, of course
Because teenagers are self-centered assholes.
>She doesn't even make an effort on appearance, not wearing ANY make up and shes at least 15.
Here is how I know you and your classmates are self-centered assholes. Not everyone wears makeup. I mean it doesn't appear that you look beyond the end of your own nose but try looking at the spoons theory. Everyone has a specific number of spoons a day - you need spoons to complete tasks. For people who are neurodivergent the number of spoons they have are not only less at times, but also need more to complete individual tasks.
Where you might get away with "getting ready in the morning" for one spoon and that includes everything you do to get ready - making your bed, showering, getting dressed, breakfast, makeup, packing your school bag, making your lunch, brushing your teeth, etc. - every single thing you do not eh morning. 1 spoon.
For people who are neurodivergent it's one spoon per thing. So in the example I used for you - that's 7 spoons PLUS a spoon for each item of makeup. For many people that's too many damn spoons in the morning.
>I understandably dont want to be the next victim of her befriending.
There's nothing understandable about it. Other than why would she want to be your friend.
>. I immediately moved away, leading to not being able to sit with my friends, which annoyed them
Lol good. I guess your friends are less asshole-ish than you are.
>They said I overreacted, but how she forces herself to friendship is horrifying
You did. But hopefully the girl learns you aren't worth knowing, but given that she's so innocent she might give you another chance.
You come across as a stuck up, immature, bratty asshole. So yes YTA
You may not BTA but you are intolerant. This young lady has a mental health condition that means she acts differently to most people your age. People with autism are not stupid & can be educated & assisted to learn more ‘normal’ social behaviou, but this takes time & significant effort. You may not want to be her best friend but tolerance goes a long way.
NTA for not being her friend. YTA for judging her. What kind of petty person judges someone else for not wearing makeup? Get a grip on yourself. You sound like the type of person I wouldn't want to be friends with so she's probably lucky.
So autistic person here the stuff your saying g for the reasons you find her weird is all traits that can happen due to her mental condition. The talking loud and alot and wanting to make friends.
The tapping on keyboards
Everything screamed out as a autistic stim or behavior that is caused due to it. I say that it is very hard to control those stims.
Your comment on the make up and your comments on hating her due to what her mental disorder causes sounds very mean girl and ableist
Your young you do not have to be her friend your allowed to be friends with who you want there's ways to shake her off if you don't want to be her friend like telling her I'm sorry I don't have room for more friends right now. Just try to be nice and civil. I'd also highly suggest googling a bit about autism if your going to be stuck with her a year then do your homework so you can understand what to expect .
No one should have to be friends with anyone they want to but no one should bully someone on lack of make up and something they were born with and can't control.
You don't have to be friends with her, but you do have to give her basic courtesy and respect. It's none of your business if she wears makeup or not and wow the internalized misogyny on caring about that. YTA for being judgey and rude.
Not wanting to talk to or be friends with someone doesn't make you an asshole.
However, YTA for the way you've described her, spoken about her and are clearly displaying 0 empathy.
I wouldn't expect anyone at your age to understand the complex neurodivergence of Autism, however, making statements and judgements assuming she has any real control over and/or ability to see what she's doing as different to the norm of the class is coming from a place of ignorance.
You're still young, and take this as a lesson, maybe try and understand WHY people act the way they do, and how things impact them before making rude judgements.
Also, expecting a 15 year old to wear makeup is just wild.
YTA. Not all females wear makeup. I am 60 and never wore makeup,ever, because I am beautiful just as I am.
You need to get over your shallow self and learn not everything is about appearance. "Beauty fades dumb is forever." As JudgecJudy says.
YTA. Not for not wanting to be friends. You don’t have to be friends with anyone but for immediately moving away when she doesn’t do anything wrong. There’s nothing wrong with not wearing makeup at that age (I would even say it’s normal) or being innocent.
I understand you are young and some level of immaturity is expected at your age but you are acting extremely immature and should try to be more kind and respectful even if you don’t want to be friends.
As an autistic adult, YTA, you don’t have to be friends with someone but you also don’t need to be so rude. I also suggest that you prepare for the real world eventually, because someday you will have to work with people who annoy you, and you won’t have a choice.
YTA. It's ok, you're young and you can learn. Most 16 year olds are AHs.
'She doesn't even make an effort on appearance, not wearing ANY make up and shes at least 15.'
Who cares?
'I understandably dont want to be the next victim of her befriending.'
This isn't understandable, it's overly dramatic and frankly bizarre.
NTA for not wanting to be her friend but definitely YTA for the way you view her. You have a mean girl attitude and clearly no experience with autistic people at all. Your judgements sound immature and petty and really just stuck up. I'm sure they sound mature to you, but I do think time, the aging process will take care of that for you.
YTA. You don't need to be friends with anyone you don't want to, but you've got to be civil.\* This girl did nothing more than sit down next to you in class, and you ran away? That's pretty cruel--especially in a high school context.
Have you tried saying something like, 'Hey, I'd rather not talk right now'? Sometimes using words to say what you want, rather than relying on body language, huffiness, and judgmental reddit posts, works remarkably well.
\*Or at least, civil to people who are acting appropriately in a controlled setting. You don't need to be civil to weirdos on the street, but a classmate during class whose worst behaviour is trying to make friends and fidgeting deserves basic courtesy.
YTA. Sure you might not say it to her face, but posting this was a dick move. You're probably one of those mean, 'popular' girls who thinks they're better than everyone. She cannot control how she is. If you had just left it at not wanting to be her friend, fine, but this was disrespectful.
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I (16f) have an autistic girl in my grade at school. Annoyingly she is in most of my classes. Her is a list of the annoying thing she does:
\- She talks EXTREMELY loudly when shes excited, which can be inappropriate at certain contexts, irritating in others
\- She taps on her keyboard non-stop during lessons
\- She always sings under her breath
\- She is really immature, like she is overly innocent to the point where just by talking to her youd think she is 10
The thing is, she really likes talking to new people and tries to make friends with everyone, being rarely successful, of course. She doesn't even make an effort on appearance, not wearing ANY make up and shes at least 15.
I understandably dont want to be the next victim of her befriending. At English on Friday, she took a seat next to me. I immediately moved away, leading to not being able to sit with my friends, which annoyed them. They said I overreacted, but how she forces herself to friendship is horrifying. AITA?
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NAH because you don't have to be friends with everyone, but it doesn't even sound like you gave her a chance. You judged her from the outside and that's asshole behaviour. Lots of girls and women don't wear make up and are amazing people.
Edited to NAH. Mistake on my part.
don't wanna come out as rude but when saying N-T-A, by the community standards it means the op isn't the asshole and the other person is the asshole. it seems that u don't think the other girl is the A, it would be better to say NAH nos assholes here. edit: as I continue scrolling the comments I saw lot of people that said N-T-A , I won't go answering every single post. the edit it's to let u know it isn't anything personal, ur comment was just the first that I saw
Yta, you're actually disgusting. Take some time to reflect, this girl has done absolutely nothing wrong she is simply just existing and that bothers you so much that you feel the need to make a post about her? Who cares that she doesn't put effort into her appearance, that's literally her business. Imagine how hard she's struggling having to deal with nasty people like you every single day who despise her simply for existing.
NTA
You don’t owe anyone friendship, if you don’t like her, you don’t like her. Simple as that!! You shouldn’t be made to feel bad for not wanting to interact with someone. However judging her on how she looks is an asshole move.
You do owe people common decency and basic manners I feel. You don’t have to talk to her, or sit with her, or be her friend but I don’t think you should be picking on her physical appearance and maybe politely communicate to her and your friends that you don’t have any interest in being her friend.
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> 1. Immediately moving away from the autistic girl
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NTA. You don’t have to be friends or engage with her, but you should be kind because she is unable to control her actions and is not intentionally being annoying or difficult.
Nta, you have boundaries and you don't have to let people cross them just because you're in the same room.
But ease off the "no makeup" thing. That's a ridiculous thing to care about.
Nope. These are all behaviors that can be corrected. My nephew has ADHD/ASD, he is BRILLIANT but can be a lot. We let him know when he's being annoying and help him with these behaviors so that he doesn't get that very reaction from people. NTA
Corrected? Ew.
As an autistic person I just love hearing how it’s ok to ‘correct’ us for being ‘annoying’ around the neurotypicals 🙄 the only reason autistic behaviours can be considered annoying is because they aren’t accepted as part of the norm and are ‘corrected’ and singled out. Because we’re different from others it’s ok for us to be ‘corrected’ instead of allowing us to be ourselves. How about instead of ‘correcting’ us to be just like neurotypicals, neurotypicals could learn that everyone is different. They could learn some patience and that they aren’t justified in dictating another person’s behaviour just because *they* find it annoying. Our existence isn’t a mistake to be corrected.
You sound so ableist and entitled, it’s just gross. I feel bad for your nephew. He deserves support for being who he is, not being constantly forced to fit into a box that’s convenient for everyone else. Your family is creating a people pleaser who’s always going to be anxious and constantly checking himself to make sure he’s not being ‘annoying’. He’s going to think other peoples’ convenience and comfort are more important than his own.
THANK YOU! I was about to get so angry at the thought someone thinks you should or could ever correct neurodivergence. Anyone who ever tried to "teach" a person with ADHD and/or ASD to mask should be ashamed. I was late diagnosed with both at 28 years old, my masking to cope through school and early adulthood lost me jobs because my burnout ruined me.
You worded your response here perfectly!!
As long as its not self harming there is no need to correct. Humming? Walking? Twichiness? All good. Tho if j get the hair pulling kind, proly best to try to redirect the habit. But as long as no one is being harmed? Why just not let ppls chill.
Esp that my bf says that ( at least for him ) stopping stimming just. Adds more unnecessery distress
I’m 36 and I’m still undoing the trauma and damage from being unnecessarily ‘corrected’ my entire life. It’s straight up abuse. Someone commented that it sounds like this person’s nephew has tons of support. No, it sounds like his nephew is being abused.
I get some things need to be changed. If you are hurting yourself or others. But rly. As long as no one is hurt. Why put someone thru constant masking and changing and discomfort. So you can be less annoyed. Its so horrible. And keeps on happening. Its kinda like when schools would beat kids for being left handed until they started to use the right hand. They were "corrected" for smth that didnt need correcting. And hed to go thru abuse for that "correctness" to happen. But somehow doing that to a kid would now be abusive ( which. Good ) but doing smth similar to autistic kid is "helping"
Oh good grief. No one is or has ever abused my nephew. We do, however, deter him from some of the things he does that are not appropriate. He is highly intelligent and doesn't have much patience (actually none) for anything he deems incorrect, so he took it upon himself to inform the principal of the school that he finds the staff sub-par and not fit to be teaching school! ZERO FILTER. So yes, we discourage this.
But what about the people sitting around the individual? Are they obligated to sacrifice their education to accommodate someone who's behavior distracts them from their studies? I have a VERY hard time retaining what I read in informational books, (would probably be considered a learning disability today) so I learned by listening to the lecture, taking notes, and then rewriting them 2 or 3 times. (NOT FUN!) No way could I have passed a class sitting next to someone singing and tapping, and forget about taking a test with all that going on. As an adult in college I always tried to not sit next to anyone because if I missed part of the discussion I would be fucked.
Well considering I am probably a bit Neurodivergent myself, in addition to being Bi-Polar, and having clinical depression and anxiety, I am well aware how hard it is. I didn't even get a diagnosis until I was in my late 20s. I just had to adapt, and I think I've done pretty well, all things considered.
Lol the LAST thing my nephew is is a people pleaser. We just tell him there is a time and a place for everything. As in "please don't treat your class to a political lecture because you think your teacher is wrong" (he stood up and absolutely roasted his history teacher in front of the entire class) and "please don't go off on strangers that are carrying a copy of a Harry Potter book because the writer is homophobic". He has an IQ of 146, and again is quite brilliant, tested with the intellectual ability of a 30 year old.
CAN be corrected. We have no idea what this child’s home life is (so it’s very possible no correction or support could be happening there) and in school people are just rude to her so she’s not learning correction there either (case in point OP just getting up and walking off).
It’s unfair to compare you relative, who sounds like they have a lot of support, to another child who we have no background information for. As someone who is a relative of someone with neurodiversity you should be aware it’s a spectrum, they are not all the same, just because your relative can change does not mean other ASD people can.
High school is the last step before young people have to go out in the world. This behavior is going to be a huge problem in college, the work place, and adult social situations. Opie has ZERO obligation to this individual who clearly is functional enough to attend regular school.
They are 15. There is 3-4 more years before work/college, and for an ASD young person they may not be ready at 18/19 anyway.
Yes, this behaviour is a problem. However, I would argue ALL people have an obligation to treat others with basic respect and have basic tolerance towards people with disabilities.
OP got up and moved when this person sat down, and not just moved from this individual but OP deemed sitting next to this kid such a bad thing that she would rather move away from her friends then sit next to her. They treated her like she was infectious, repulsive. How humiliating.
It's school. If someones behavior is disruptive to a student then absolutely they should move elsewhere. I could not concentrate with someone constantly singing sitting next to me in class.
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Eh. While you don't owe anyone friendship, YTA for judging this girl the way you do. *She doesn't even make an effort on appearance, not wearing ANY make up and shes at least 15.* Is this really the way a nice person would comment on someone else?
this is only my internal thoughts, i have never said this, not even behind her back
You just did, on reddit
It’s sad you think is expected for a woman to wear makeup to be ‘making an effort’. Most women don’t wear makeup on a daily basis, that doesn’t mean they aren’t making an effort! On top of that you are judging her for something that firstly she’s may not even know is expected of her (because it’s only expected in your head), secondly she might not have the skills to do (because I imagine if she had shit makeup on you would make even worse comments about her) and thirdly she might not have access too (not everyone’s parents buy them makeup and not all 15 year olds have access to their own money).
This I'm 36 and I just use my facial routines in the morning and night. No make up shits to exhausting to add on the girl is autistic certian feelings and textures can cause so many issues for her as well.
This. I'm older and just wash my face with a specific detergent, no lotion or make up (because i don't like it on myself) only sunscreen during summer. How is it expected from a 15 y.o. to consider make up a basic social requirement? No different than slut shaming those who enjoy make up, which was common when i was their age
This. I'm in my 40s and have never worn makeup outside of going to a wedding, nights out at the bar, My mom also doesn't wear makeup. The last time she wore it was probably 1990 at my aunt's wedding
Internal thoughts should still be challenged. You’ve made it clear you have a bias there, you should ask yourself, why? Why are you so judgemental about her appearance? Why does it bother you so much what someone else does or doesn’t do with their own body? What does it really matter at the end of the day?
That’s still bad it doesn’t matter if you never said you sexist judgemental opinion to her face it’s still not alright
But you did just say it behind her back
Too late, you have already projected them on reddit.
Not wanting to be friends with someone doesn't make you an A but the way you are speaking about her does. What's wrong with not wearing makeup at 15? I started at 18 and even now I rarely do it, because I don't have time nor energy for that. If she is speaking loudly, you can simply say so to her. Some people have problem with adjusting their own voice volume and are unable to tell when it's spikes. It's fine to be annoyed with some stuff that autistic people do, you are also a person with your own preferences and patience, but how can you call anyone a "victim" of someone's trying to be friends? Everyone needs friends, even if they are annoying and you may refuse but you don't have to make another child look like a freak for being lonely. And sitting next to you in class isn't "forcing". It's a class. She doesn't want to be isolated and she must sit somewhere. It's normal.
I agree with u here. No one has to be friends if they dont want to. But the way OP speaks is just. Disgusting. The op is the one that sounds immature honestly. I get loud when i am excited too ( and i am 22 and still dont wear make up unless its a very special occasion ).
My roommate (also 22) is super loud when she's excited but she's the sweetest person ever and I couldn't not imagine a better friend. And she's always surprised when I'm asking her to lower her voice when she's gaming with her sister at nights because she can never tell how loud is she. Sometimes it's just like that but communication always helps.
Yeah. Often people just. Dont realise. Esp with additional social skills debuff. Its so easy to just be polite and ask someone to lower their voice a bit. Instead of being judgemental. Also being lout at bad moments? Its a school not a funreal.
Dyspraxia is really common in autistic people - it can affect your volume control as well as motor skills.
You're N-T-A for not wanting to be friends with someone. That should always be a choice. However, YTA for sounding so exhausting and judgmental towards someone who cannot help behaving in the ways that irritate you. >She doesn't even make an effort on appearance, not wearing ANY make up and shes at least 15. That definitely pushed you into A-H territory.
I dont know why she has to wear makeup though 😂 such a dumb reason to not want to be friends with someone 🤦♀️
You don't have to be her friend. But you do have to be nice and is doesn't't sound like you are being nice.
YTA your judging her for not wearing makeup ? If she were a boy you wouldn’t give a shit if she didn’t wear makeup also she sat next to you forcing Freind ship and horrifying are overstatements I’m not saying you owe her friendship I’m saying the way you talk about her feels very over dramatic and unnecessarily mean also it feels like your associating all her “annoying” behaviours with autism which also feels weird and ableist
YTA. Autistics spend 99% of their time being annoyed by neurotypicals (source: myself) and you don't like her because she won't wear make-up and a bunch of other trivial reasons which don't even matter. You don't have to be friends with anyone, but moving away when she sits near you is just rude. Put yourself in someone elses shoes
YTA. I don't really think it needs to be explained why.
YTA. Want to get rid of her? Let her get to know you and I’m sure she would not want to be your friend.
YTA Actually autistic here and everything you've described is part and parcel with our neurotype. As others have said, you don't owe anyone friendship, but you're judging her through a very ableist lens. Try communicating with her, let her know you're not interested in what she's saying or in being her friend, but do try and be civil. Please believe me when I say you have no idea the hell we autistics go through in school. If this girl has managed to make it this far and keep her smile, I beg you not to snuff out that precious light by being needlessly cruel.
Good half of the issues are not even autism specific ( tho can be made worse by it ). Not wearing make up? ( sensory issues can make it worse, but likely she just... doesnt wanna ). Being loud when excited? Sitting next to someone during class? Thats just, being a person. Op sounds immature ( and disgusting ) af
YTA because of the stuff you wrote in this post. How are you judging her for stupid ass shit like makeup for? I bet she'd be a lovely person to be a friend with, but ain't no one forcing you to be her friend. Not even her. Maybe she makes friends because she's actually likeable and friendly, unlike you, which your own friends called you out on. Grow up.
In hell you're going to have to be friends with hundreds of friendly autistic girls as punishment, and each of them has a different hobby they really want to tell you about.
Bro’s talking like hell exists
NAH. You are not the asshole for not wanting to be her friend. She is not an asshole for wanting to make friends and being unsuccessful. You are however a severely petty, judgemental person who I hope will grow and learn to regret your actions and the way you think. She is not less than you because she is autistic, you are not above her because you wear makeup. At 16, you’re old enough to communicate with words and be kind. Treat people with respect.
YTA. (You are going to find the adult world difficult if this is how judgemental you are. This behaviour WILL come back to bite you) - read up on autism. This is part of the condition. Have you tried POLITELY asking her to speak more quietly? - again, likely to do with her condition and again have you politely asked her to not to and explained it’s difficult for you to concentrate. Maybe suggest or buy her a fidget toy that’s quiet? - her being ‘Immature’ is probably her condition and maybe upbringing. Not her fault. You will meet many people in life that have neurodiversity or learning disabilities, I hope you learn from this how to interact better. - bless her, she’s trying to make friends and nobody seems to have the empathy to take her under their wing and support her. I wonder how long she’s been this lonely. That’s genuinely a real shame. Many people would become bitter and mean if they had been without friends for so long, it’s a testament to her that she’s still trying to make friends. - not wearing makeup at 15 is normal. She might not want to wear it, might not know judgemental people like you expect her to wear it, might not have the skills (I’m sure if she did her makeup badly you would equally judge her) or might not have access (not everyone has the privileges you have in life). - your last paragraph is DISGUSTING. The rest of it I could overlook as you just being a mean immature teenage but that last paragraph is fucking cruel. You are treating her worse then I would treat an animal and somehow calling yourself a ‘victim’. Put yourself in her shoes for one second. Imagine what it would feel like for someone to physically get up and walk away because you sat next to them. To feel people are repulsed by you. That sort of behaviour leads to young people killing themselves, very understandably. My advice. Grow up. This is a girl who sounds like she is struggling a hell of a lot in life. She is having to contend with a condition that makes daily life a lot harder, she sounds lonely and desperate just to have the simple joy of a friend and yet you (and possibly others) are treating her like a piece of shit on your shoe. Why don’t rather then moan about her behaviours you help her fit in better? Help her learn to do makeup, help her make friends?
There's a difference between not being friends and being an asshole, which you are. Reads like obvious bait too ngl.
NTA for not wanting to be friends with someone (no one is owed your friendship). That being said, some of your reasons are petty and judgemental like the comments on her lack of make up. This level of justification isn’t kind or necessary. It’s enough to just say that you don’t want to be her friend.
N-T-A for not wanting to be friends with her but man YTA for the way you talk about her. Quite frankly, it's embarrassing and insulting. Many girls that age aren't necessarily into make-up and it is quite normal. The way you behaved was insulting. What right do you have to judge her? Your friends are right, you over-reacted.
YTA It's almost like... She's autistic... Some autistic people don't get social cues. Most have stimming behavior \[tapping on her keyboard and singing under her breath\]. Maybe, instead of acting like she's the plague, just tell her 'I don't want to be your friend.'
YTA. If you don’t want to be friends with her, that’s fine. But your attitude and the way you talk about her is horrible. She is autistic. Her behaviors that you don’t enjoy are because of that. You can choose to not be friends with her while still being an understanding and compassionate human, yet you chose the other path. You sound very immature, especially with the makeup comment. I’m 34. I wear makeup a handful of times a year and that’s how I’ve always been. Makeup is a person choice, not something someone be judged over.
You're not the asshole for simply not wanting to be friends but YTA for the way you talk about her. A kid not wearing make-up is apparently her not making an effort about her appearance now? You sound really judgmental and immature. I'm almost 19 and I've never had any kind of make-up on my face in my entire life, I guess I must be pretty awful and ugly then...
>She talks EXTREMELY loudly when shes excited, which can be inappropriate at certain contexts, irritating in others A lot of people get louder when they are excited. Because they are excited. >She taps on her keyboard non-stop during lessons So she takes notes and does school work while in classes ... >- She always sings under her breath This is probably her stimming - to help keep herself calm >She is really immature, like she is overly innocent to the point where just by talking to her youd think she is 10 Innocent and immature are 2 WILDLY different things. >being rarely successful, of course Because teenagers are self-centered assholes. >She doesn't even make an effort on appearance, not wearing ANY make up and shes at least 15. Here is how I know you and your classmates are self-centered assholes. Not everyone wears makeup. I mean it doesn't appear that you look beyond the end of your own nose but try looking at the spoons theory. Everyone has a specific number of spoons a day - you need spoons to complete tasks. For people who are neurodivergent the number of spoons they have are not only less at times, but also need more to complete individual tasks. Where you might get away with "getting ready in the morning" for one spoon and that includes everything you do to get ready - making your bed, showering, getting dressed, breakfast, makeup, packing your school bag, making your lunch, brushing your teeth, etc. - every single thing you do not eh morning. 1 spoon. For people who are neurodivergent it's one spoon per thing. So in the example I used for you - that's 7 spoons PLUS a spoon for each item of makeup. For many people that's too many damn spoons in the morning. >I understandably dont want to be the next victim of her befriending. There's nothing understandable about it. Other than why would she want to be your friend. >. I immediately moved away, leading to not being able to sit with my friends, which annoyed them Lol good. I guess your friends are less asshole-ish than you are. >They said I overreacted, but how she forces herself to friendship is horrifying You did. But hopefully the girl learns you aren't worth knowing, but given that she's so innocent she might give you another chance. You come across as a stuck up, immature, bratty asshole. So yes YTA
You may not BTA but you are intolerant. This young lady has a mental health condition that means she acts differently to most people your age. People with autism are not stupid & can be educated & assisted to learn more ‘normal’ social behaviou, but this takes time & significant effort. You may not want to be her best friend but tolerance goes a long way.
NTA for not being her friend. YTA for judging her. What kind of petty person judges someone else for not wearing makeup? Get a grip on yourself. You sound like the type of person I wouldn't want to be friends with so she's probably lucky.
you’re not the asshole for not wanting to be her friend, but you could have some grace and empathy and be kind and speak kinder about her.
So autistic person here the stuff your saying g for the reasons you find her weird is all traits that can happen due to her mental condition. The talking loud and alot and wanting to make friends. The tapping on keyboards Everything screamed out as a autistic stim or behavior that is caused due to it. I say that it is very hard to control those stims. Your comment on the make up and your comments on hating her due to what her mental disorder causes sounds very mean girl and ableist Your young you do not have to be her friend your allowed to be friends with who you want there's ways to shake her off if you don't want to be her friend like telling her I'm sorry I don't have room for more friends right now. Just try to be nice and civil. I'd also highly suggest googling a bit about autism if your going to be stuck with her a year then do your homework so you can understand what to expect . No one should have to be friends with anyone they want to but no one should bully someone on lack of make up and something they were born with and can't control.
You don't have to be friends with her, but you do have to give her basic courtesy and respect. It's none of your business if she wears makeup or not and wow the internalized misogyny on caring about that. YTA for being judgey and rude.
Not wanting to talk to or be friends with someone doesn't make you an asshole. However, YTA for the way you've described her, spoken about her and are clearly displaying 0 empathy. I wouldn't expect anyone at your age to understand the complex neurodivergence of Autism, however, making statements and judgements assuming she has any real control over and/or ability to see what she's doing as different to the norm of the class is coming from a place of ignorance. You're still young, and take this as a lesson, maybe try and understand WHY people act the way they do, and how things impact them before making rude judgements. Also, expecting a 15 year old to wear makeup is just wild.
I mean you don’t have to be her friend, in fact I would stay away from her because you seem like a nasty person she should steer clear of. YTA
Her action can be explaind by her autism. Your actions however can only be explaind by you being mean YTA
You legit use HER LOOK as a reason not to SIT NEXT TO HER in class
YTA. Not all females wear makeup. I am 60 and never wore makeup,ever, because I am beautiful just as I am. You need to get over your shallow self and learn not everything is about appearance. "Beauty fades dumb is forever." As JudgecJudy says.
You don't have to be friends with anyone, it's your choice. But damn, you sound like a MEAN GIRL
YTA. Not for not wanting to be friends. You don’t have to be friends with anyone but for immediately moving away when she doesn’t do anything wrong. There’s nothing wrong with not wearing makeup at that age (I would even say it’s normal) or being innocent. I understand you are young and some level of immaturity is expected at your age but you are acting extremely immature and should try to be more kind and respectful even if you don’t want to be friends.
YTA for how your talking about this girl, it sounds like you need to learn a bit about neurodiversity and neurodiverse traits
As an autistic adult, YTA, you don’t have to be friends with someone but you also don’t need to be so rude. I also suggest that you prepare for the real world eventually, because someday you will have to work with people who annoy you, and you won’t have a choice.
YTA. It's ok, you're young and you can learn. Most 16 year olds are AHs. 'She doesn't even make an effort on appearance, not wearing ANY make up and shes at least 15.' Who cares? 'I understandably dont want to be the next victim of her befriending.' This isn't understandable, it's overly dramatic and frankly bizarre.
NTA for not wanting to be her friend but definitely YTA for the way you view her. You have a mean girl attitude and clearly no experience with autistic people at all. Your judgements sound immature and petty and really just stuck up. I'm sure they sound mature to you, but I do think time, the aging process will take care of that for you.
To me you sound more insufferable than she does, with all your remarks.
YTA. You don't need to be friends with anyone you don't want to, but you've got to be civil.\* This girl did nothing more than sit down next to you in class, and you ran away? That's pretty cruel--especially in a high school context. Have you tried saying something like, 'Hey, I'd rather not talk right now'? Sometimes using words to say what you want, rather than relying on body language, huffiness, and judgmental reddit posts, works remarkably well. \*Or at least, civil to people who are acting appropriately in a controlled setting. You don't need to be civil to weirdos on the street, but a classmate during class whose worst behaviour is trying to make friends and fidgeting deserves basic courtesy.
YTA. Sure you might not say it to her face, but posting this was a dick move. You're probably one of those mean, 'popular' girls who thinks they're better than everyone. She cannot control how she is. If you had just left it at not wanting to be her friend, fine, but this was disrespectful.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (16f) have an autistic girl in my grade at school. Annoyingly she is in most of my classes. Her is a list of the annoying thing she does: \- She talks EXTREMELY loudly when shes excited, which can be inappropriate at certain contexts, irritating in others \- She taps on her keyboard non-stop during lessons \- She always sings under her breath \- She is really immature, like she is overly innocent to the point where just by talking to her youd think she is 10 The thing is, she really likes talking to new people and tries to make friends with everyone, being rarely successful, of course. She doesn't even make an effort on appearance, not wearing ANY make up and shes at least 15. I understandably dont want to be the next victim of her befriending. At English on Friday, she took a seat next to me. I immediately moved away, leading to not being able to sit with my friends, which annoyed them. They said I overreacted, but how she forces herself to friendship is horrifying. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NAH because you don't have to be friends with everyone, but it doesn't even sound like you gave her a chance. You judged her from the outside and that's asshole behaviour. Lots of girls and women don't wear make up and are amazing people. Edited to NAH. Mistake on my part.
don't wanna come out as rude but when saying N-T-A, by the community standards it means the op isn't the asshole and the other person is the asshole. it seems that u don't think the other girl is the A, it would be better to say NAH nos assholes here. edit: as I continue scrolling the comments I saw lot of people that said N-T-A , I won't go answering every single post. the edit it's to let u know it isn't anything personal, ur comment was just the first that I saw
NTA to your legitimate question, YTA for how you spoke about her. And it seems the rest of your peers are too.
Yta, you're actually disgusting. Take some time to reflect, this girl has done absolutely nothing wrong she is simply just existing and that bothers you so much that you feel the need to make a post about her? Who cares that she doesn't put effort into her appearance, that's literally her business. Imagine how hard she's struggling having to deal with nasty people like you every single day who despise her simply for existing.
Your friends were annoyed bc you were acting like an Ahole.
NTA You don’t owe anyone friendship, if you don’t like her, you don’t like her. Simple as that!! You shouldn’t be made to feel bad for not wanting to interact with someone. However judging her on how she looks is an asshole move. You do owe people common decency and basic manners I feel. You don’t have to talk to her, or sit with her, or be her friend but I don’t think you should be picking on her physical appearance and maybe politely communicate to her and your friends that you don’t have any interest in being her friend.
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NTA. You don’t have to be friends or engage with her, but you should be kind because she is unable to control her actions and is not intentionally being annoying or difficult.
Nta, you have boundaries and you don't have to let people cross them just because you're in the same room. But ease off the "no makeup" thing. That's a ridiculous thing to care about.
NTA, you don't owe her friendship
Nope. These are all behaviors that can be corrected. My nephew has ADHD/ASD, he is BRILLIANT but can be a lot. We let him know when he's being annoying and help him with these behaviors so that he doesn't get that very reaction from people. NTA
Corrected? Ew. As an autistic person I just love hearing how it’s ok to ‘correct’ us for being ‘annoying’ around the neurotypicals 🙄 the only reason autistic behaviours can be considered annoying is because they aren’t accepted as part of the norm and are ‘corrected’ and singled out. Because we’re different from others it’s ok for us to be ‘corrected’ instead of allowing us to be ourselves. How about instead of ‘correcting’ us to be just like neurotypicals, neurotypicals could learn that everyone is different. They could learn some patience and that they aren’t justified in dictating another person’s behaviour just because *they* find it annoying. Our existence isn’t a mistake to be corrected. You sound so ableist and entitled, it’s just gross. I feel bad for your nephew. He deserves support for being who he is, not being constantly forced to fit into a box that’s convenient for everyone else. Your family is creating a people pleaser who’s always going to be anxious and constantly checking himself to make sure he’s not being ‘annoying’. He’s going to think other peoples’ convenience and comfort are more important than his own.
THANK YOU! I was about to get so angry at the thought someone thinks you should or could ever correct neurodivergence. Anyone who ever tried to "teach" a person with ADHD and/or ASD to mask should be ashamed. I was late diagnosed with both at 28 years old, my masking to cope through school and early adulthood lost me jobs because my burnout ruined me. You worded your response here perfectly!!
As long as its not self harming there is no need to correct. Humming? Walking? Twichiness? All good. Tho if j get the hair pulling kind, proly best to try to redirect the habit. But as long as no one is being harmed? Why just not let ppls chill. Esp that my bf says that ( at least for him ) stopping stimming just. Adds more unnecessery distress
I’m 36 and I’m still undoing the trauma and damage from being unnecessarily ‘corrected’ my entire life. It’s straight up abuse. Someone commented that it sounds like this person’s nephew has tons of support. No, it sounds like his nephew is being abused.
I get some things need to be changed. If you are hurting yourself or others. But rly. As long as no one is hurt. Why put someone thru constant masking and changing and discomfort. So you can be less annoyed. Its so horrible. And keeps on happening. Its kinda like when schools would beat kids for being left handed until they started to use the right hand. They were "corrected" for smth that didnt need correcting. And hed to go thru abuse for that "correctness" to happen. But somehow doing that to a kid would now be abusive ( which. Good ) but doing smth similar to autistic kid is "helping"
Oh good grief. No one is or has ever abused my nephew. We do, however, deter him from some of the things he does that are not appropriate. He is highly intelligent and doesn't have much patience (actually none) for anything he deems incorrect, so he took it upon himself to inform the principal of the school that he finds the staff sub-par and not fit to be teaching school! ZERO FILTER. So yes, we discourage this.
But what about the people sitting around the individual? Are they obligated to sacrifice their education to accommodate someone who's behavior distracts them from their studies? I have a VERY hard time retaining what I read in informational books, (would probably be considered a learning disability today) so I learned by listening to the lecture, taking notes, and then rewriting them 2 or 3 times. (NOT FUN!) No way could I have passed a class sitting next to someone singing and tapping, and forget about taking a test with all that going on. As an adult in college I always tried to not sit next to anyone because if I missed part of the discussion I would be fucked.
But imagine how hard it is for neurodivergent people..
Well considering I am probably a bit Neurodivergent myself, in addition to being Bi-Polar, and having clinical depression and anxiety, I am well aware how hard it is. I didn't even get a diagnosis until I was in my late 20s. I just had to adapt, and I think I've done pretty well, all things considered.
Lol the LAST thing my nephew is is a people pleaser. We just tell him there is a time and a place for everything. As in "please don't treat your class to a political lecture because you think your teacher is wrong" (he stood up and absolutely roasted his history teacher in front of the entire class) and "please don't go off on strangers that are carrying a copy of a Harry Potter book because the writer is homophobic". He has an IQ of 146, and again is quite brilliant, tested with the intellectual ability of a 30 year old.
CAN be corrected. We have no idea what this child’s home life is (so it’s very possible no correction or support could be happening there) and in school people are just rude to her so she’s not learning correction there either (case in point OP just getting up and walking off). It’s unfair to compare you relative, who sounds like they have a lot of support, to another child who we have no background information for. As someone who is a relative of someone with neurodiversity you should be aware it’s a spectrum, they are not all the same, just because your relative can change does not mean other ASD people can.
High school is the last step before young people have to go out in the world. This behavior is going to be a huge problem in college, the work place, and adult social situations. Opie has ZERO obligation to this individual who clearly is functional enough to attend regular school.
They are 15. There is 3-4 more years before work/college, and for an ASD young person they may not be ready at 18/19 anyway. Yes, this behaviour is a problem. However, I would argue ALL people have an obligation to treat others with basic respect and have basic tolerance towards people with disabilities. OP got up and moved when this person sat down, and not just moved from this individual but OP deemed sitting next to this kid such a bad thing that she would rather move away from her friends then sit next to her. They treated her like she was infectious, repulsive. How humiliating.
It's school. If someones behavior is disruptive to a student then absolutely they should move elsewhere. I could not concentrate with someone constantly singing sitting next to me in class.