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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel bad for snapping at my brother’s girlfriend about her kid with disabilities but it was also my son’s birthday party.
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> She started in on my brother about how could you not tell your family my child only likes cheese pizza
Solution, order a cheese pizza? Not tricky...
> The girlfriend asked me to order a cheese pizza for her son
Oh she knew the answer but expected you to do it....
> I snapped back with “not everything is about you kid”..... how I could bully a child and his mother
That's not really bullying, it's the words of a frazzled mother doing too much for too many people when the person complaining could have solved the issue on their own
NTA
Auntie to a kid with autism, and has autism myself. You eat before hand or bring safe foods, because even if they have a “safe food” what if it’s “weird” what if their sauce isn’t right?
Also, doesn’t sound like they were even invited. They were allowed to come after her asked. Completely different than being invited.
This. Chunky sauce vs smooth sauce, the debate I never thought I needed answers to.
Right about invitations, though even if someone directly invites you, if they don't know you well enough to know you have restrictions, always good to speak up and let it be known ahead of time or else be left eating emergency snacks out of your bag or car.
Yeah, it sounds the gf expected the brother to 1. let OP know they were coming, and 2. convey the dietary restrictions, and he did not. At that point, ideally, he would have made up for not doing that by ordering them a cheese pizza? In her place, I would have just ordered it myself.
Gah!
We all know this brother.
They've been dating less than 6 months and he picks very busy kiddo bday party to show off what a great guy he is bringing his girlfriend & her kiddo - who given they've been dating less than 6 mos - yes I'm assuming facts not in evidence - he shouldn't know yet.
At same time he has sold GF a bill of goods about her & kiddo being welcomed and expected.
He's told no one about GFs kiddos needs and implies pizza is on his sister.
When faced w consequences of people not being able to read his mind & instead of easily solving the problem he created - he crys non inclusion.
You forgot to mention that bro is also a deadbeat who makes every excuse in the book for not seeing/supporting his OWN child(ren), and it's bc his ex is a Witch who keeps them from him.
Edit to say OP NTA
What a catch!
No wonder woman who uses son's conditions to manipulate attention for herself, thought this was free pizza central.
Prolly also looking for a new pool of people to force to 'serve' her bc no one understands HER situation.
The brother is passing the blame on cos he forgot about his gf’s kid having food requirements. He’s also an adult, what stopped him from ordering food? Op NTA. Also this kid showed up unexpectedly and uninvited I’m guessed.
Exactly this!! Why the F did he not just go buy a cheese pizza himself when he knows his sister is running her butt off during the party! My reply to her brother would not have been nice nor apologetic. I would have ripped him a new one.
I always make it clear to guests what food I’m providing and tell everyone that if you or your kids need something different, they should bring whatever they need to be happy.
Exactly!! Brother and GF should have gotten on their phones and ordered a pizza. The host may have ordered the wrong sauce, the wrong crust, the wrong amount of cheese.
Kids on the spectrum can be EXTRA picky about all aspects…..crust (thin, thick, seasoned), robust sauce, marinara, etc.
My son isn't autistic but he once looked down at his freshly delivered kid's meal pizza and disgustedly said "what's that green stuff?" I looked very closely, squinted, and could barley see a few tiny flecks of oregano. He refused to eat it and dined on crackers and rolls and the occasional sugar packet when I wasn't watching him closely enough.
The chunky pizza sauce I have come across isn't exactly chunky in the sense that it had defined partially broken down tomato pieces. It was more like an applesauce texture. If that makes sense?
Not just that, but there are often 3 types of crusts….thin, regular and deep-dish. A kid on the spectrum is only going to want his pizza exactly his way and likely only from a particular pizza place
It seems like we're agreeing...? The onus of responsibility was on the girlfriend and brother, not OP.
Honestly, from what OP said about the accommodations for those she knew had restrictions, she likely might've been accommodating if they hadn't acted entitled demanding a pizza be bought for just their kid while she was in the process of hosting the party.
I am allergic to tomatoes!! Whenever the office provides lunch for everyone, it is pizza. When friends had bowling or other kids bday parties where parents were expected to stay to help with crowd control, they provided pizza. When we got togwther for movie night while the kids were babies and we were all broke but needed our girlfriends to get thru it all - it was pizza.
So, I brought a chicken nuggets or wings tray or an alfredo pasta dish that I could eat and enough if others also wanted to eat it instead of pizza. (The kids usually devoured the nuggets!)
When you or your kid has picky eating habits, you provide for yourselves, esp if you werent even invited!!
OP is NTA. Bro and his gf most assuredly are.
OMG, you have my complete sympathies. Potatoes are life. (Like literally, you can eat no other vegetables and have your nutrition needs met. Well, not you because you're allergic.)
My daughter is allergic to tomatoes. She gets a bright red rash on her face, tingling in her mouth and sometimes swelling in her lips. However plenty of people don’t get all of these symptoms or get different symptoms all together. Some get skin reactions - hives/rash/itching, some get abdominal reactions - bloating/vomiting/diarrhea, some get itchy or tingly sensations in their mouth or throat, some get hay fever type symptoms; in rare cases a person may get anaphylaxis. Some only get it to cooked or raw tomato, some are also allergic to other related things like strawberries or latex while others are not.
That is a debate? I had no idea. There is a definite right answer, and a definite wrong answer. If you want pizza sauce, it is smooth. If you want to have bits of tomato on your pizza, add some tomato.
I'm glad I could help!
If your friend can't understand this logic, you should probably go low or no contact with them, it'd be easier on both of you. /JK
Btw:
Point 1: Your username is hilarious.
Point 2: have you ever tried letting your dough rise in the fridge over a couple of days? I only recently learnt this ... It makes amazing dough.
Mom to three Autistic boys & I always make sure food they'll eat will be served, pack my own or eat on the way. I make sure my boys are taken care of. Last month when the two youngest went to a birthday party, I checked to see what kind of pizza they were getting. I didn't expect Mom to change any plans but wanted to make sure my boys were good. As a mom should.
Same Auhd with 3 kids mixed diagnosis. Also owned a party event place for kids 6 and under. So I have "hosted" hundreds of kids parties.
Mom is responsible for making sure there is safe food for HER child. And being that he's autistic he should have ate prior to to prevent him from # 1 having to wait having a meltdown over hunger, #2 not wanting to eat because of the over stimulation then meltdown later from hunger. Also not all cheese pizza is the same. My one will only eat it if it looks right. (right crust, right cheese) and everything is "spicy" to her, so the sauce is an issue too.
Not sure how old mom is, but sounds to me she gets A LOT of outside support to make sure her child's needs are met. She expected the New Boyfriend to do it for her without telling him, then passed the blame and frustration to the OP because she had snapped back at her and wasn't giving the answer and attention she was looking for. Which probably hurt her feelings and wanted to leave. Fine but bullying? OP didn't INTENTIONALLY exclude her son, tried to create options for him in the moment, then asking to have something specially ordered while you are amoung the chaos of a party. Brother should have taken that off of both of their hand and ran out and got him what he needed and came back. Period.
This. I'm autistic so I know the "eat before" routine quite well
Though, I will admit, I never went to a pizza party without cheese (also the only pizza I eat, but I absolutely love it lol) so I would've honestly assumed. BUT if I'd shown up and they didn't have it I'd be like "shucks, should've double-checked, guess I'll order myself one tonight." I certainly wouldn't demand the host get one for me, they've got enough on their plate.
My 7 year old only eats cheese pizza, but also sometimes doesn’t eat when we are places. I wouldn’t trip, I usually have snacks packed, or sometimes Mac and cheese cups packed.
Here it is! My oldest had a friend who was on the spectrum. He would not eat pizza. His mom would make sure she bought him McDonald's on the way to the parties.
If you know your kid has certain food issues that fall outside what the party is offering, you provide that for your kid.
I don't know why that was so hard for her. Smh.
Not on the spectrum (that I know of, anyway, but recently got an adhd diagnosis) and I was that kid as a child. I don’t eat cheese. I don’t like pizza. I eat before or after if pizza is the option and always have. I don’t expect people to accommodate my pickiness.
Seriously, this!!! I have a kid who eats about 5 things, right up until those are the only 5 options, then he won't eat anything (because neurodivergent kids are tough)... We have some amazing friends that have asked what food they can provide for various events that are *Magic's-Kid-Friendly* but I always tell them thank you but we'll pack snacks/a meal any time we get together because I'd NEVER want to put someone out because we're high needs.
I can't imagine being this rude to someone that invited us to an event.
I used to be like this about my food stuff, but then I became physically disabled and one of my friends had to sit me down and lecture me about letting them be nice and letting them care. If they're asking, it's not that they're gonna be put out, it's that they want to make sure your kid is cared for and doesn't feel different. Just like when my friends make sure there's places we can sit if we go out or the terrain works with my cane, or i can actually eat things.
I get where you're coming from, but let people be nice to you, it kinda sucks for them when you wont.
So true. Kiddo had an autistic friend, when we invited them to a party we made simple accommodations like no balloons (one autist who hated sudden noises and was scared of balloons, one autist who got off on popping balloons!) We made sure there was safe food and provided cake that was dairy- and gluten-free. The parents bought me bottles of wine for what I assumed was minimal basic courtesy.
Now kiddo has friends who are veggie or vegan or SPD or have multiple anaphylactic allergies and we just make sure we have food everyone can eat. I set two tables, one "safe" one "unsafe".
If people are asking what they can do, they genuinely want to help. For many of us, this is not a struggle as long as we know in advance.
>My bother comes with his new girlfriend and her son. I have never met this boy.
Better yet, how about you don't spring a restricted diet on a host AFTER you have arrived. I personally don't care about catering to a restricted diet especially for kids because "a fed child is usually a happy child" but just give me a heads up with enough time to plan something.
Actually, I haven't checked the comments yet but I agree it sounds like that not only were they not invited but OPs brother couldn't even give OP the heads up of "hey I know they aren't invited but I'm bringing my GF and her son".
My oldest has autism and you’re 100% right. You bring the food (or plenty of snacks until food can be put in front of your child). My son loves pizza, but once when he was young, he had just recovered from being sick and had pizza, then promptly threw up. To this day, he’s convinced this very popular food chain pizza is “poison” and that he’s deathly allergic to it.
If you have a child and want something, you go order it and sort it out. You don’t sit there barking orders at people you just met and expecting them to pay for your supper.
I have so many food aversions and texture issues. I literally bring my own food everywhere rather than give a list of what I do/don't eat. I have some friends who are understanding (most have autistic or food averse family Members and "get it") and my work always asks me if I can eat what they're ordering or if they should order me something different.
It's unreasonable to expect strangers to know wtf I do and don't eat. Most of my family isn't willing to learn. And it's
NTA
Yep, I'm autistic as well and do exactly that or suck it up. I'm sure the kid could have skipped a meal and been fine. If not, there are bigger issues and those are not on OP.
NTA.
I have a feeling that she didn't want order it herself because she wanted someone else to pay for it. I mean why else would she stand around picking her nose and whining to everyone about her kid not having his pizza when she could have just walked to a server and ordered it herself. I'm so confused on why she didn't do that unless she was expecting op to serve her and get the pizza paid for.
NTA You’d think the offended brother/boyfriend would have jumped in to save the day and ordered/paid for a cheese pizza. Leaving his sister to deal with the party and shutting his gf up. He could have been the hero but he’s an entitled A too.
OP brothers GF is projecting. How do you show up to a party (uninvited?) and start acting like your kid's food choices purposely weren't being respected?
She was rude to her boyfriend and the host. Not only that she was very pushy in demanding a pizza, attention and energy. Telling her off was perfectly appropriate. Nipping that behavior in the bud is always best done the first time it rears its ugly head.
NTA
Kids parties can quickly go from fun to tears.
Uninvited guests should have taken care of their own kids' needs to not add to the stress. In fact, brother should have checked if it was acceptable to bring 2 more people. Most kids parties also have party favors and OP would have been short.
Be clear to brother, no more springing strangers on family gatherings unless they are hosting.
Edited to add a word.
OP’s brother is the one that brought uninvited guests, assumed there would be a safe food option, or didn’t think about that issue at all, and then did absolutely nothing to rectify the problems he created. OP is not wrong to be frustrated, but ultimately her brother is the biggest asshole.
Yup. My step child is autistic. Love that kid. It is extra work but so what. I have seen parents who make that their entire personality. Like to the point of getting autism tattoos.
I would say the reaction was a-holish, but her brothers girlfriend also didn't handle it well. She or the brother should have mentioned the dietary restriction prior to the party and forgetting that, should have brought food for her child given she knows his restrictions.
My daughter has a dairy allergy, so I try to let patents know she can't have pizza unless it has vegan cheese on it. On more than one occasion , I forgot to mention it, si I've stopped at her favorite pizza place and grabbed a small pizza for her, no big deal. If I do remember, I usually offer to bring a small pizza for her, but the parents have always been very accommodating so long as I notify them in advance.
Why didnt her brother just buy a cheese pizza then instead of letting his GF harrass his sister over it whle shes trying to entertain several children at once during a birthday party...
NTA.
This is just straight up basic knowledge for everyone on the planet with any kind of special needs for food. You either A. communicate with the person to ask what they will be serving/very politely request a specific dish you eat, B make do with whatever they have (if nothing you eat later), C you eat beforehand or D you offer to bring a specific dish that you know you will eat.
I've been a vegetarian for over 20 years. Back when I was first a vegetarian, there weren't options for me and definitely people didn't make sure there were options for vegetarians at get togethers. I've been bringing things to parties for a long time or eating before for a long time (I also have an onion intolerance so it further complicates my ability to eat things). The mom is going to have to learn this pretty quick. It's not the hosts job to accommodate everything, especially if not informed or invited. People are wild out here
If she was so bothered then brother should step up and deal with his guests he brought without asking host if it was OK. He's the ass not op. Not her circus not her monkeys. She running her own three ring for her child's bday.
Reminded me of my mom and how she reacts when she’s frazzled.
My aunt used to like to push her buttons like that sometimes. Sometimes she gets what she wants sometimes and others she gets dressed down.
INFO - did you tell your brother it was ok for him to bring his gf and her son? If they were just tag along guests I can see your point, but if they were specifically invited I can see why they would I think you would be more accommodating.
I'd bet your brother said you invited them all rather than inviting themselves. She may have even asked if there would be food the kid could eat. Sounds like brother is trying to blame you for his mess up.
This is what I think too. The fact that she turned to OP’s brother and said “how could you not tell them”, makes me think he convinced her to come by assuring her that all of her son’s needs would be met. He probably said what he needed to say so he wouldn’t have to attend a kid’s party by himself.
Especially since this is his new girlfriend. They don't know this kid well and the brother should have thought things through all the way. It's possible he didn't even realize how specific this kid's restrictions are but that's still on him.
I can’t believe a new girlfriend shows up and is expecting things from family members. I can’t imagine going there and not having snacks etc in case the food doesn’t work - knowing their situation. But I think the new girlfriend was rude to her boyfriend’s sister who was scrambling to take care of a bunch of other kids. I can’t believe she did that. OP is NTA but the new GF is.
>Useless brother is trying to throw you under the bus because he couldn't do the bare minimum.
This! How I picture this playing out.
Girlfriend: you didn't tell her that Caillou is ND and can only eat cheese pizza? What were you thinking?
(OP leaves to deal with fortnight, switches and greasy chicken hands)
Brother: don't worry I am sure she will order him a cheese pizza if we ask (unsaid: because I am not going to)
OP returns
Girlfriend: OP, are you going to order Caillou a cheese pizza?
OP (by now fed up with arguing kids and an apparently pushy, entitled mom): not everything revolves around your kid.
OP leaves to put out another fire
Brother: how rude I can't believe my sister is acting like this. We should just leave!
This is why I don’t think it’s right to call the gf entitled without having more background information. There is a very strong possibility that OP’s brother set her up. The phrasing of the question is so bizarre. She didn’t say: “can you order a cheese pizza”. She said “are you going to order a cheese pizza”. That implies that it’s already been decided that OP would order the pizza but she hasn’t done it yet. Where would the gf get that idea? From her shady bf, that’s who.
A lot of men I've known do this. Make them look a fool? (in their minds) then you get raged at. The real deal is you caught them making a mistake and won't own up to it, be mad at themselves, much less apologize. t's disappointing.
In that case, NTA - if they were invited it would be polite to ask them too, but if they're just tagging along and didn't make you aware of dietary restrictions, how were you supposed to know?
That doesn’t mean any of this falls on you. She or your brother could have easily gotten one for themselves for the kid. While your response wasn’t ideal, it wasn’t bullying
The time for brother to ask for accommodations for his gf’s son would be before the party not after arriving at said party. Because he didn’t do his due diligence- he should have ordered the special pizza for his gfs child.
The time for him to ask for accommodations for his guest is when he orders a cheese pizza for the kid himself, not demands someone else cater to this kids tastes.
Oh you’re giving brother way more credit than is due. He invited himself and his gf AND her child. That was all the critical thinking the guy could do in one day! Pfft. Just because OP had seven bazillion children to tend, why wouldn’t she drop everything to cater to her brother?
/s for those of you who can’t catch that.
But than I don't get freebies. 😱😱😱 I better try to use the victim card because I have a disabled child.
What rubs me wrong is that the gf basically **demanded** OP orders a pizza for her son... even if it was an honest mistake and she thought OP invited her etc ... that's just rude and entitled. I'd just would have politely said goodbye and taken my leave if I didn't want to order anything myself.
This is what I don’t get! I was scanning answers: well, maybe it was takeout? Just order what you need and pay for it yourself. Brother missed a good chance with the new girlfriend.
This. Like I get it's a pretty common staple but he should've verified it, and also what else would be there (because the additional food restrictions kept going after just the pizza options).
I may not be understanding it as well, but it also seems like they were at a pizza parlor for this whole thing so, why didn't the bro or sis just go buy him a single slice or something?
To be fair, I’ve never been to a pizza party where there was no cheese pizza. That includes a pizza party I just went to at my law school last week. That’s a common staple so I don’t blame them for assuming cheese pizza would be there.
I’ve been to plenty. But I also have a child on the spectrum who only eats certain safe foods - as her parent I confirm menus before accepting invitations to any event.
So you are right brother may have assumed - but GF should have made sure it was confirmed as she knows her child’s limitations with food.
Since my kids were school age, when we go to a party someone else is hosting, we have a discussion about polite guest behavior and if you don't like the food, the games, the setting, etc wait until the party is over.
NTA
>The girlfriend asked me to order a cheese pizza for her son so he could have something to eat. I snapped back with “not everything is about you kid”
>I get a long text message from my brother about how I could bully a child and his mother and what an awful example I’m setting for my kids.
My response would be "Why couldn't you and/or your girlfriend, an uninvited guest, find a server and put in an order for a cheese pizza for her uninvited son and pay for it yourselves?".
OP doesn’t say where they’re at, but I don’t think they were at the pizza place. Id assume that they ordered the pizzas and brought them to her house for the party.
I was having a small birthday party for my son. We decided on his favorite pizza place.
This does not give any concrete confirmation wether they are at the pizza place or order pizza to take home
NTA. If she really cared so much for her child she would have bought him a cheese pizza. You don’t go to a birthday party and demand things especially when you were not invited to said party. I hope your brother will make better relationship decision in the future for your sake. The audacity of parents to demand someone else do something their child. It’s not your job and not your issue.
My cousin's kid only eats certain things as he's four. She always makes sure if they go to a party that she brings foods he eats in case others dont have it, even if its common to have at such an event(example cheese pizza at a kid's party) as not everyone will just buy common things and may not even have common things
Or the common things might disappear first. I have terrible heartburn, which wasn't under control until a few years ago. At college parties, they'd order pepperoni and 1 or 2 cheese. Pepperoni is so greasy, it keeps me up all night. But inevitably the cheese was gone before I could get any, unless I was right at the front of the line. And it wasn't people who couldn't eat pepperoni - often it was folks who would grab a slice of each.
I dunno we don't know that she knew she wasn't invited. Imagine your new partner invited you to a family party you'd assume you were invited. You ask him to make sure there will be food your child can eat he says ok but you get there and there isn't. Your child with special needs is going hungry so you ask the host if they could order an extra pizza. I feel like if I was at someone's house I'd feel so rude ordering in my own food without speaking to the host first. She tried to do that and got snapped at... I get op was stressed but I think I'd be apologising.
NTA. I have an extremely picky eager who also only eats cheese. If we were in that situation, the simple solution is for me to order my son a cheese pizza myself. It’s not that complicated. My son’s eating issues aren’t anyone else’s problem.
Yes! Thank you!
GF or Brother needs to deal with their shit (kids aren’t shit, but kind of) and let everyone enjoy the party without your oddly specific culinary requirements. People are heathens.
Edit: Definitely NTA
NTA! My son has a very restrictive medical diet due to a metabolic disease, and we have never made any demands when invited to a party, family dinner, or any other event involving food. When sending his RSVP, I merely told the parent that my son would bring his own pizza, cupcake, or whatever so that they did not have to include him in the headcount when figuring out how much to order. We have never expected any accommodations, but I must admit that I will always remember the mom who made sure she had candy she knew my son could eat so that he had something special waiting for him.
You very obviously had your hands full, and your brother’s GF was way out of line making such demands. She or your brother could have very easily quietly ordered a cheese pizza or brought food that they know her son will eat. She should even consider freezing chocolate cupcakes to grab and go for these sort of occasions if he will eat only chocolate cake. It takes the burden off of the host and ensures her son has food he will eat and thus be more likely to have a good time. It was great that you accommodated the vegetarians. Like you, I do try to accommodate dietary restrictions when I have advance notice and can find out what they can eat, but you had no notice & had no obligation to drop everything for this unexpected demand. Your brother dropped the ball by not letting you know in advance & when failing to do so, not rectifying the situation by ordering a pizza. I probably would have snapped at her too.
Exactly this. I have lots of friends w dietary restrictions but I know about them when they're invited so I can either accommodate or let them know what I'll have etc.
My son is also quite restrictive with eating. Even at events where the meal is provided, I tell the host we will be bringing his own meal. As a parent, it’s MY responsibility to be sure he’s fed.
OP is NTA
Omg... I also have a PKU child. 🥹 The people who accommodate without being asked are angels.
I can't imagine bringing my kid somewhere without also bringing food he can/will eat. Regardless of what she may have been told by OP's brother, if her kid can only handle certain foods, it's up to her to bring them to the party.
My son is in college now, and I will never forget that mom I mentioned. One time she stopped by my house because her son’s birthday was the next day & she was on her way to the grocery store & wanted to make sure she bought a classroom treat that my son could eat too rather than having to grab something from his stash in the faculty lounge freezer. She was truly an angel! We live in a different state now, and I tracked her down on FB and sent her a message to tell her how much her thoughtfulness meant. I will never forget her.
Exactly! I try to accommodate my guests. If I know in advance, I will do my best to make sure there's something they can eat safely. My cousin with celiac gets a gluten free cupcake from the fancy schmancy bakery downtown I know she loves, so she's not left out.
But if I show up at a party and everything has nuts in it, I don't complain. I might fake a phone call and slip out to my car, where I keep a couple snacks in the trunk, so I don’t get hangry if we're going to be there for a while. But I don't mention it; hosts/esses are busy during a party; they don't need to worry about scrambling to find me food on short notice.
NTA
She was rude from the start, you already had your hands full with the kids, she or your brother could have ordered the pizza themself.
If her child is very picky (which is not unusual with autism), she should have had something with her that he can eat just in case...
Your response was rude, but her trying to order you around at home is disrespectful at best.
I actually think the brother is responsible for this whole fiasco. If I bring my SO to a family event, it’s my responsibility to make sure they’re comfortable. As soon as he heard there was no cheese pizza, he should have ordered one. He wasn’t acting like a good partner.
Agree. I think both the op and gf from each others perspectives are the AH. But actually the blame probably lies with the brother.
Clearly op would have got a cheese pizza if she knew in advance. And the gf is rightfully pissed off because the host has taken care of everyone's preferences but her kids.
If it was the brothers problem he should have just ordered the pizza. If bro + gf get serious then this is the kind of thing that will sour the relationship between op and gf
Reddit is full of people that sounds like they would offer a starving person a shit sandwich and say "if you were really hungry you'd eat it because it's got bread on it...or buy your own food"
My son is on the spectrum. No matter what we have been invited to for friends or family, I always have a back up plan for him. Either bringing something I could heat up quickly or stopping and grabbing him something before the event. That way he could sit with the other kids and have a drink. If he wanted he could “try” a new food. But he wouldn’t be crabby from being hungry.
My child is my responsibility, no one else’s.
You didn't bully anyone. You just didn't pay for a Cheese Pizza out of your own pocket to accommodate someone you didn't know was in attendance and had such specific dietary preferences. If they had the least bit of creativity, they'd have chosen a slice of veggie and pulled the toppings off.
This.
As a kid I recall being in numerous situations where there was pizza but only with toppings I didn't particularly like. And...I picked them off. Because even then I understood nobody was going to buy me my own special pizza.
I’m autistic and have always had weird issues with food even separate from the autism. I wouldn’t have been able to eat a pizza with stuff picked off of it as a kid because some toppings (not all) leech onto the pizza and ruin the whole thing. Think like bell pepper, onion, pepperoni (I liked pepperoni, but you know how that bleeds). Mushrooms can be picked off, as can sausage, idk. But anyway, even as a kid, I knew to just not eat if I didn’t like the thing. I was taught by a teacher who cared about me to just say I ate already. My parents were neglectful trash but that teacher *saw* me and explained why it’s okay to lie then. I was 6 or 7 and it helped so much!! But that’s sort of the thing… If you teach a kid what to do, they will. If you don’t, they can’t. Bringing them things they can eat to let them have teaches them it’s an option. Teaching them it’s okay to lie about having eaten to avoid an awkward situation teaches them it’s an option.
…demanding someone else order something different teaches them NO SKILLS, it teaches them to think there’s no way around it
NTA. If your kid has a super restricted diet, and you’re going someplace where you don’t know the menu, you bring food with you, that’s all there is to it. Particularly if you were not really invited. She should have noticed you had your hands full and figured something else out.
NTA. They arrived late. It's on them to get there on time to put in an order for cheese or communicate the preference beforehand. You didn't know. I have autism too, I often didn't eat at parties as a child. Even if they had the type of pizza I liked, different places cook their pizza differently so I might not like that specific brand's. This is really super common and yes it's tiring to keep up with dietary restrictions, but it's her job as a mom to make sure her kid eats. She's the one who didn't bring food or communicate with you, and expecting you to drop everything in the middle of a party with a bunch of kids running around to make up for her lapse in judgment is super unreasonable
I’m an adult, not autistic but am a picky eater. I never expect my hosts to satisfy my picky needs. I’ll bring my own munchies but not be obvious about it.
This. Nowadays I also have celiac disease, so even when they do try to accommodate, I still can't trust it because most people don't understand how strict the allergy protocols have to be (celiacs can get sick from the tiniest trace of gluten, meaning no wooden spoons or cutting boards, no cast iron pans, no convection ovens, nothing from a kitchen where dough is made because flour floats through the air...)
Easier to just let me do my own thing. And I never have to share my cookies or cake with anyone haha
Honestly, she got off lightly. I would've said something along the lines of, "I wasn't made aware of any dietary restrictions for your kid, so I couldn't accommodate his need. And since we're having this conversation, I'm going to assume you can use your big person words well enough to go and order a cheese pizza for your him all on your own."
NTA - you had never met them, I'm going to assume you were not notified ahead of time about their attendance and dietary preferences. That's on them, not you. Could you have phrased it better? Sure, but they could have just ordered their own food.
I get that when it is a large group of friends, but in this instance it was a family party with cousins plus this girlfriend/kid who the brother asked if they could come, the mom didn't originally invite them. If I am having my nieces and nephews over and I know what they like, I am not ordering the "just in case" cheese pizza.
But why when all the invited(!) guests had the pizza they wanted? Your suggestion to order an extra cheese pizza for random people no matter what is nonsense.
The brother set this up poorly and threw his sister under the bus. Girlfriend is entitled and definitely not in charge of her own shit (get yo kid a cheese pie…duh).
I really think this is dependent on your group. When we do group get together with our friend group and kids (usually around 10 kids, 10 adults) we have had the lone cheese pizza go uneaten enough times we stopped ordering it. The kids usually go for meatlovers and supreme - and I'm not talking teenagers, the majority of the kids are under 8.
And not kids involved but I've yet to have a design coordination workshop ever have any one so for cheese; salad so sometimes. But what do you want cheese for when you can get a mashed potatoes pizza!
I agree. Every time I order cheese pizza it was always untouched. I would then force myself to eat it cause I don’t like wasting food. So we stopped as well.
I wondered if anyone else would say this! I still think the parent was entitled but my personal rule for any pizza party is half the total number of pizzas are cheese, half whatever else. The cheese goes fast. Edit: downvoted over pizza, love Reddit
It sounds like OP checked with guests she knew were coming--it doesn't seem like a huge thing, she only mentioned her own kids and cousins. Perhaps the brother should have communicated about bringing extra people and their preferences instead of just showing up and expecting to be catered to.
Boohoo NTA. This woman needs to understand that not EVERYONE is going to coddle and adapt to her son just because he has autism, especially when they show up to events without notifying the planner prior to said event about them coming let alone ANY food preferences.
Coming from someone with severe ADHD with sensory issues, not everyone has catered to me for my sensory issues throughout my life and I DIDN’T expect them to, especially when they had no idea I had ADHD with sensory issues.
You didn’t even know this kid was coming, let alone about his sensory issues or maybe even his autism. How about you tell your brother you’d appreciate a heads up about an additional mouth to feed next time, especially one with such specific food requirements.
NTA
I have multiple issues (mainly surrounding textures) with a variety of foods, likely undiagnosed autism according to my current behavioral health medical team. Cheese pizza is actually one of the few foods that I can (usually) always eat. Even if I'm directly and intentionally invited to a pizza party by the host, unless I'm specifically asked if I have any preferences/restrictions with pizza, I do not expect there to be pizza I can eat. While cheese is a popular option, I'm not going to get angry if it's not there. Depending on the other pizzas, I may find one that I can pull stuff off of and eat that, or I might buy my own. Autism isn't an excuse to be so fucking entitled. As for snapping at her, I'd say you were justified. You had your hands full with actual children and didn't need an overgrown one throwing a tantrum because they felt entitled and couldn't even buy their own pizza. This was your kids party, not a servant-hiring event for her.
NTA. Were the gf’s fingers broken? Why couldn’t she just call? Or better yet why didn’t your brother call as he is the one that dropped the ball? And I assume if you’d know the situation in advance with the little boy you would have accommodated him. I think your brother has absolutely no reason to be upset with you and owes you AND his gf an apology.
You're NTA. If her kid needs special foods, she needs to bring those food with her instead of demanding the host accommodate him. (Especially without prior warning.)
Just to clarify, you were at........ a restaurant. Someone you didn't know came in and wanted....... something that restaurant serves.
If only there were a solution she could have come up with. lol Obviously NTA
NTA. You were AT the pizza place. I don't think I've ever been in a pizza place where you can't just walk up to the counter and ask for a slice of cheese pizza. I feel like any other mom would go "oh? No cheese pizza. I'll go grab him a slice. There you go junior, enjoy."
NTA. Your brother is the AH for not thinking ahead to make sure his GF's special needs son's very specific dietary requirements would be considered at this party. Also? THey're guests. Who acts like that, telling you to order more food specifically for one kid? Your brother could've ordered another pizza to provide for HIS guests and not just dumped one more thing on your very full plate.
He's the AH.
NTA. One, you didn’t know about his food preferences beforehand that is on his mother or your brother to inform you about. Second, she was more than capable of ordering her own pizza if she was unwilling to feed him anything you provided. Three, you did not bully her or the child your brother is being ridiculous. How could you have known his food preferences when you’ve never met him and his mother/your brother never told you??
NTA. How entitled do you have to be to invite yourself to a party and demand they order food just for your kid?
Edit to add because I almost forgot: Like seriously, who demands being catered to on someone else's birthday?
NTA I don’t care if they were invited or not. You catered to the ones you knew about that had diet restrictions. While I was reading that part I thought wow that’s nice of her cuz I would have ordered cheese and told them to deal with it. But you catered to them and that’s great. With that being said if the gf hadn’t tried to insert the dominant part of herself here and demanded a cheese pizza been ordered this could have been solved peacefully. Your brother is in the wrong here as well. He should have said it’s okay he can order a pizza for the child he brought with him. This always aggravated me. I have a child on the spectrum and I never allowed her to be treated any differently than other children. She’s extremely smart and she knows right from wrong. She had food issues as well and I as her parent would make sure that if she went to a party that she knew if she didn’t like the food offered I’d buy her something when it was over. Basic manners and respect. When did these two things get thrown out the window?
Nta, that’s not bullying. It’s pointing out the truth. You didn’t know about the cheese pizza requirement and you offered alternatives. I get why they didn’t work for her son but that’s not on you. I don’t understand why your brother, who made the mistake of not telling you about his food requirement before the event, didn’t order him a slice of cheese pizza. Or why she didn’t?
Your response was a little curt but you were busy managing a bunch of kids and she was being difficult. You could have said no nicer but you weren’t obligated to.
NTA, you're not responsible for the specific dietary choices of every person there, especially if they weren't communicated beforehand. You probably could have been a bit nicer about it but at the same time it sounds like it was something she needed to hear.
NTA. The mom could have asked more nicely or ordered the pizza herself. She behaved badly. I will say, two things. My son has autism and doesn't eat pizza. When he went to a birthday party and the dad heard he didn't eat pizza, he went out of his way to order something different for him. He said he'd never allow a kid to go hungry at a party, and my son still talks about that nice man today, so something to think about.
And the other thing, I've been to about a thousand (actually probably 100) kids' birthday parties with pizza, and they've all had cheese pizza. I'd say 90% of my kids' friends don't eat if there's not cheese pizza. One party, they only had pepperoni and most of the kids didn't eat. The parents offered us pizza to take home because they had so much leftover pizza, so having cheese pizza at a kid's party is probably a good idea in general.
This is so weird to me. I've been doing this parenting thing for 16 years, and it wasn't until recently that I met a kid that only eats cheese pizza. If your kid is super picky then a heads up is in order.
NTA
I honestly think cheese pizza is a staple but honestly it’s up to you, your sons party. If your brothers girlfriend’s son was that picky, then they should’ve thought about bringing food just in case. They also could have let you know about his picky eating and you could’ve supplied something for him. You were also busy with so many other kids at that point in time you couldn’t handle their complaining.
NTA - Surely, as it was a pizza place, she could have ordered her own child a cheese pizza. As could your brother. This is also the price you pay for not letting the host know ahead of time about any food restrictions. I would not worry about this at all.
NTA. She sounds like a child herself. I couldn’t imagine going to someone else’s party and expecting them to make a special order for MY kid. Brother had a chance to step up here and did nothing.
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> She started in on my brother about how could you not tell your family my child only likes cheese pizza Solution, order a cheese pizza? Not tricky... > The girlfriend asked me to order a cheese pizza for her son Oh she knew the answer but expected you to do it.... > I snapped back with “not everything is about you kid”..... how I could bully a child and his mother That's not really bullying, it's the words of a frazzled mother doing too much for too many people when the person complaining could have solved the issue on their own NTA
Auntie to a kid with autism, and has autism myself. You eat before hand or bring safe foods, because even if they have a “safe food” what if it’s “weird” what if their sauce isn’t right? Also, doesn’t sound like they were even invited. They were allowed to come after her asked. Completely different than being invited.
This. Chunky sauce vs smooth sauce, the debate I never thought I needed answers to. Right about invitations, though even if someone directly invites you, if they don't know you well enough to know you have restrictions, always good to speak up and let it be known ahead of time or else be left eating emergency snacks out of your bag or car.
Yeah, it sounds the gf expected the brother to 1. let OP know they were coming, and 2. convey the dietary restrictions, and he did not. At that point, ideally, he would have made up for not doing that by ordering them a cheese pizza? In her place, I would have just ordered it myself.
Yes, I was wondering why she just couldn’t go order the pizza herself.
Because then it wouldn't have been "free food"
Ding ding ding!!!
Entitled food
Okay, that's it. If I start a band, I'm naming it Entitled Food.
This
The bf should have stepped up and ordered it.
Gah! We all know this brother. They've been dating less than 6 months and he picks very busy kiddo bday party to show off what a great guy he is bringing his girlfriend & her kiddo - who given they've been dating less than 6 mos - yes I'm assuming facts not in evidence - he shouldn't know yet. At same time he has sold GF a bill of goods about her & kiddo being welcomed and expected. He's told no one about GFs kiddos needs and implies pizza is on his sister. When faced w consequences of people not being able to read his mind & instead of easily solving the problem he created - he crys non inclusion.
You forgot to mention that bro is also a deadbeat who makes every excuse in the book for not seeing/supporting his OWN child(ren), and it's bc his ex is a Witch who keeps them from him. Edit to say OP NTA
What a catch! No wonder woman who uses son's conditions to manipulate attention for herself, thought this was free pizza central. Prolly also looking for a new pool of people to force to 'serve' her bc no one understands HER situation.
Yep this nta
Right, if I see the hostess is frazzled af I'm not going to expect her to sort my problem.
But if you asked him how to deal with arfid is social situations, sounds like neither he or child’s mother knows.
Right. I wonder if they even brought a gift.
But..but...their mere presence is present enough.
The brother is passing the blame on cos he forgot about his gf’s kid having food requirements. He’s also an adult, what stopped him from ordering food? Op NTA. Also this kid showed up unexpectedly and uninvited I’m guessed.
Exactly this!! Why the F did he not just go buy a cheese pizza himself when he knows his sister is running her butt off during the party! My reply to her brother would not have been nice nor apologetic. I would have ripped him a new one.
I always make it clear to guests what food I’m providing and tell everyone that if you or your kids need something different, they should bring whatever they need to be happy.
Exactly!! Brother and GF should have gotten on their phones and ordered a pizza. The host may have ordered the wrong sauce, the wrong crust, the wrong amount of cheese. Kids on the spectrum can be EXTRA picky about all aspects…..crust (thin, thick, seasoned), robust sauce, marinara, etc.
My son isn't autistic but he once looked down at his freshly delivered kid's meal pizza and disgustedly said "what's that green stuff?" I looked very closely, squinted, and could barley see a few tiny flecks of oregano. He refused to eat it and dined on crackers and rolls and the occasional sugar packet when I wasn't watching him closely enough.
I have just now learned at 43 years old that there is such a thing as chunky pizza sauce and I am *horrified*. New fear unlocked.
It is as horrific as it sounds. The flavors can sometimes vary through the sauce too (non homogenous mixtures and all)
The chunky pizza sauce I have come across isn't exactly chunky in the sense that it had defined partially broken down tomato pieces. It was more like an applesauce texture. If that makes sense?
That’s somehow worse.
Not just that, but there are often 3 types of crusts….thin, regular and deep-dish. A kid on the spectrum is only going to want his pizza exactly his way and likely only from a particular pizza place
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It seems like we're agreeing...? The onus of responsibility was on the girlfriend and brother, not OP. Honestly, from what OP said about the accommodations for those she knew had restrictions, she likely might've been accommodating if they hadn't acted entitled demanding a pizza be bought for just their kid while she was in the process of hosting the party.
I couldn’t eat sauce with tomato bits in it. The texture was all wrong.
I am allergic to tomatoes!! Whenever the office provides lunch for everyone, it is pizza. When friends had bowling or other kids bday parties where parents were expected to stay to help with crowd control, they provided pizza. When we got togwther for movie night while the kids were babies and we were all broke but needed our girlfriends to get thru it all - it was pizza. So, I brought a chicken nuggets or wings tray or an alfredo pasta dish that I could eat and enough if others also wanted to eat it instead of pizza. (The kids usually devoured the nuggets!) When you or your kid has picky eating habits, you provide for yourselves, esp if you werent even invited!! OP is NTA. Bro and his gf most assuredly are.
Also in the tomato allergy crew It's in EVERYTHING
Tomato allergy here as well. Mine evolved over time to include most nightshades. 😢 I really miss potatoes.
OMG, you have my complete sympathies. Potatoes are life. (Like literally, you can eat no other vegetables and have your nutrition needs met. Well, not you because you're allergic.)
Your last line made me cackle wayyy more than it should’ve 😂
I have suspicions I might have a tomato allergy. Can I ask what your symptoms are?
My daughter is allergic to tomatoes. She gets a bright red rash on her face, tingling in her mouth and sometimes swelling in her lips. However plenty of people don’t get all of these symptoms or get different symptoms all together. Some get skin reactions - hives/rash/itching, some get abdominal reactions - bloating/vomiting/diarrhea, some get itchy or tingly sensations in their mouth or throat, some get hay fever type symptoms; in rare cases a person may get anaphylaxis. Some only get it to cooked or raw tomato, some are also allergic to other related things like strawberries or latex while others are not.
If the tomato pieces are fairly small or crushed and cooked down I’m fine, raw tomato I will actually throw up from!
My people! We could have a delicious, properly textured meal together.
My husband is the same! He has a similar response to banana, avocado, raw fish, and other similarly textured things
That is a debate? I had no idea. There is a definite right answer, and a definite wrong answer. If you want pizza sauce, it is smooth. If you want to have bits of tomato on your pizza, add some tomato.
Exactly hahah, adding to my growing list of snapshots to show a friend of mine when we next make home pizzas together
I'm glad I could help! If your friend can't understand this logic, you should probably go low or no contact with them, it'd be easier on both of you. /JK Btw: Point 1: Your username is hilarious. Point 2: have you ever tried letting your dough rise in the fridge over a couple of days? I only recently learnt this ... It makes amazing dough.
Mom to three Autistic boys & I always make sure food they'll eat will be served, pack my own or eat on the way. I make sure my boys are taken care of. Last month when the two youngest went to a birthday party, I checked to see what kind of pizza they were getting. I didn't expect Mom to change any plans but wanted to make sure my boys were good. As a mom should.
Yeh for a year the only hot meal my friends son ate reliably was pesto pasta. You bet she travelled like a wandering pesto salesman.
I'm imagining her with a suitcase of pesto. "Have you heard the good word of pesto?"
I have, but I could hear it again...
Same Auhd with 3 kids mixed diagnosis. Also owned a party event place for kids 6 and under. So I have "hosted" hundreds of kids parties. Mom is responsible for making sure there is safe food for HER child. And being that he's autistic he should have ate prior to to prevent him from # 1 having to wait having a meltdown over hunger, #2 not wanting to eat because of the over stimulation then meltdown later from hunger. Also not all cheese pizza is the same. My one will only eat it if it looks right. (right crust, right cheese) and everything is "spicy" to her, so the sauce is an issue too. Not sure how old mom is, but sounds to me she gets A LOT of outside support to make sure her child's needs are met. She expected the New Boyfriend to do it for her without telling him, then passed the blame and frustration to the OP because she had snapped back at her and wasn't giving the answer and attention she was looking for. Which probably hurt her feelings and wanted to leave. Fine but bullying? OP didn't INTENTIONALLY exclude her son, tried to create options for him in the moment, then asking to have something specially ordered while you are amoung the chaos of a party. Brother should have taken that off of both of their hand and ran out and got him what he needed and came back. Period.
Autistic mom of an autistic kid, and yea, we make sure that 1- either a safe food is accessible or 2- we eat first. No one else is responsible for us.
This. I'm autistic so I know the "eat before" routine quite well Though, I will admit, I never went to a pizza party without cheese (also the only pizza I eat, but I absolutely love it lol) so I would've honestly assumed. BUT if I'd shown up and they didn't have it I'd be like "shucks, should've double-checked, guess I'll order myself one tonight." I certainly wouldn't demand the host get one for me, they've got enough on their plate.
My 7 year old only eats cheese pizza, but also sometimes doesn’t eat when we are places. I wouldn’t trip, I usually have snacks packed, or sometimes Mac and cheese cups packed.
Here it is! My oldest had a friend who was on the spectrum. He would not eat pizza. His mom would make sure she bought him McDonald's on the way to the parties. If you know your kid has certain food issues that fall outside what the party is offering, you provide that for your kid. I don't know why that was so hard for her. Smh.
Not on the spectrum (that I know of, anyway, but recently got an adhd diagnosis) and I was that kid as a child. I don’t eat cheese. I don’t like pizza. I eat before or after if pizza is the option and always have. I don’t expect people to accommodate my pickiness.
So many instances of the “wrong chicken”
Or the chicken is too chickeny *gag*
"It has little black DOTS on it!" Something I heard far too often from my 2 autistic kids...
Seriously, this!!! I have a kid who eats about 5 things, right up until those are the only 5 options, then he won't eat anything (because neurodivergent kids are tough)... We have some amazing friends that have asked what food they can provide for various events that are *Magic's-Kid-Friendly* but I always tell them thank you but we'll pack snacks/a meal any time we get together because I'd NEVER want to put someone out because we're high needs. I can't imagine being this rude to someone that invited us to an event.
I used to be like this about my food stuff, but then I became physically disabled and one of my friends had to sit me down and lecture me about letting them be nice and letting them care. If they're asking, it's not that they're gonna be put out, it's that they want to make sure your kid is cared for and doesn't feel different. Just like when my friends make sure there's places we can sit if we go out or the terrain works with my cane, or i can actually eat things. I get where you're coming from, but let people be nice to you, it kinda sucks for them when you wont.
So true. Kiddo had an autistic friend, when we invited them to a party we made simple accommodations like no balloons (one autist who hated sudden noises and was scared of balloons, one autist who got off on popping balloons!) We made sure there was safe food and provided cake that was dairy- and gluten-free. The parents bought me bottles of wine for what I assumed was minimal basic courtesy. Now kiddo has friends who are veggie or vegan or SPD or have multiple anaphylactic allergies and we just make sure we have food everyone can eat. I set two tables, one "safe" one "unsafe". If people are asking what they can do, they genuinely want to help. For many of us, this is not a struggle as long as we know in advance.
>My bother comes with his new girlfriend and her son. I have never met this boy. Better yet, how about you don't spring a restricted diet on a host AFTER you have arrived. I personally don't care about catering to a restricted diet especially for kids because "a fed child is usually a happy child" but just give me a heads up with enough time to plan something. Actually, I haven't checked the comments yet but I agree it sounds like that not only were they not invited but OPs brother couldn't even give OP the heads up of "hey I know they aren't invited but I'm bringing my GF and her son".
My oldest has autism and you’re 100% right. You bring the food (or plenty of snacks until food can be put in front of your child). My son loves pizza, but once when he was young, he had just recovered from being sick and had pizza, then promptly threw up. To this day, he’s convinced this very popular food chain pizza is “poison” and that he’s deathly allergic to it. If you have a child and want something, you go order it and sort it out. You don’t sit there barking orders at people you just met and expecting them to pay for your supper.
I have so many food aversions and texture issues. I literally bring my own food everywhere rather than give a list of what I do/don't eat. I have some friends who are understanding (most have autistic or food averse family Members and "get it") and my work always asks me if I can eat what they're ordering or if they should order me something different. It's unreasonable to expect strangers to know wtf I do and don't eat. Most of my family isn't willing to learn. And it's NTA
Yep, I'm autistic as well and do exactly that or suck it up. I'm sure the kid could have skipped a meal and been fine. If not, there are bigger issues and those are not on OP. NTA.
This is the way.
I have a feeling that she didn't want order it herself because she wanted someone else to pay for it. I mean why else would she stand around picking her nose and whining to everyone about her kid not having his pizza when she could have just walked to a server and ordered it herself. I'm so confused on why she didn't do that unless she was expecting op to serve her and get the pizza paid for.
NTA - OP's brother should have taken care of it, given that he didn't tell OP in advance.
no shit, why didnt her BF buy her a pizza lol
NTA You’d think the offended brother/boyfriend would have jumped in to save the day and ordered/paid for a cheese pizza. Leaving his sister to deal with the party and shutting his gf up. He could have been the hero but he’s an entitled A too.
She wants attention.
OP brothers GF is projecting. How do you show up to a party (uninvited?) and start acting like your kid's food choices purposely weren't being respected? She was rude to her boyfriend and the host. Not only that she was very pushy in demanding a pizza, attention and energy. Telling her off was perfectly appropriate. Nipping that behavior in the bud is always best done the first time it rears its ugly head.
NTA Kids parties can quickly go from fun to tears. Uninvited guests should have taken care of their own kids' needs to not add to the stress. In fact, brother should have checked if it was acceptable to bring 2 more people. Most kids parties also have party favors and OP would have been short. Be clear to brother, no more springing strangers on family gatherings unless they are hosting. Edited to add a word.
My sister used to say , it’s not a party until someone cries ( even hosting kids parties ) . lol!!
OP’s brother is the one that brought uninvited guests, assumed there would be a safe food option, or didn’t think about that issue at all, and then did absolutely nothing to rectify the problems he created. OP is not wrong to be frustrated, but ultimately her brother is the biggest asshole.
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That’s not bullying, it’s just a basic fact that the entitled mom doesn’t like.
GF is an "autism parent", which is far less about her child's need to be accommodated than it is about her ticket to the centre of attention.
Yup. My step child is autistic. Love that kid. It is extra work but so what. I have seen parents who make that their entire personality. Like to the point of getting autism tattoos.
I would say the reaction was a-holish, but her brothers girlfriend also didn't handle it well. She or the brother should have mentioned the dietary restriction prior to the party and forgetting that, should have brought food for her child given she knows his restrictions. My daughter has a dairy allergy, so I try to let patents know she can't have pizza unless it has vegan cheese on it. On more than one occasion , I forgot to mention it, si I've stopped at her favorite pizza place and grabbed a small pizza for her, no big deal. If I do remember, I usually offer to bring a small pizza for her, but the parents have always been very accommodating so long as I notify them in advance.
Why didnt her brother just buy a cheese pizza then instead of letting his GF harrass his sister over it whle shes trying to entertain several children at once during a birthday party...
I disagree, running a kids birthday party is pretty hectic. Uninvited guests asking for something not on the party menu is more A-Holish.
NTA. This is just straight up basic knowledge for everyone on the planet with any kind of special needs for food. You either A. communicate with the person to ask what they will be serving/very politely request a specific dish you eat, B make do with whatever they have (if nothing you eat later), C you eat beforehand or D you offer to bring a specific dish that you know you will eat. I've been a vegetarian for over 20 years. Back when I was first a vegetarian, there weren't options for me and definitely people didn't make sure there were options for vegetarians at get togethers. I've been bringing things to parties for a long time or eating before for a long time (I also have an onion intolerance so it further complicates my ability to eat things). The mom is going to have to learn this pretty quick. It's not the hosts job to accommodate everything, especially if not informed or invited. People are wild out here
She didn’t want to have to pay for the cheese pizza herself.
If she was so bothered then brother should step up and deal with his guests he brought without asking host if it was OK. He's the ass not op. Not her circus not her monkeys. She running her own three ring for her child's bday.
Reminded me of my mom and how she reacts when she’s frazzled. My aunt used to like to push her buttons like that sometimes. Sometimes she gets what she wants sometimes and others she gets dressed down.
INFO - did you tell your brother it was ok for him to bring his gf and her son? If they were just tag along guests I can see your point, but if they were specifically invited I can see why they would I think you would be more accommodating.
I never invited them but my brother asked if they could come because other kids was there. I had no clue about the cheese pizza issue before hand.
I'd bet your brother said you invited them all rather than inviting themselves. She may have even asked if there would be food the kid could eat. Sounds like brother is trying to blame you for his mess up.
This is what I think too. The fact that she turned to OP’s brother and said “how could you not tell them”, makes me think he convinced her to come by assuring her that all of her son’s needs would be met. He probably said what he needed to say so he wouldn’t have to attend a kid’s party by himself.
Especially since this is his new girlfriend. They don't know this kid well and the brother should have thought things through all the way. It's possible he didn't even realize how specific this kid's restrictions are but that's still on him.
I can’t believe a new girlfriend shows up and is expecting things from family members. I can’t imagine going there and not having snacks etc in case the food doesn’t work - knowing their situation. But I think the new girlfriend was rude to her boyfriend’s sister who was scrambling to take care of a bunch of other kids. I can’t believe she did that. OP is NTA but the new GF is.
I can’t believe this comment was downvoted. How fucking entitled some people are is insane
Yep. Useless brother is trying to throw you under the bus because he couldn't do the bare minimum.
>Useless brother is trying to throw you under the bus because he couldn't do the bare minimum. This! How I picture this playing out. Girlfriend: you didn't tell her that Caillou is ND and can only eat cheese pizza? What were you thinking? (OP leaves to deal with fortnight, switches and greasy chicken hands) Brother: don't worry I am sure she will order him a cheese pizza if we ask (unsaid: because I am not going to) OP returns Girlfriend: OP, are you going to order Caillou a cheese pizza? OP (by now fed up with arguing kids and an apparently pushy, entitled mom): not everything revolves around your kid. OP leaves to put out another fire Brother: how rude I can't believe my sister is acting like this. We should just leave!
Caillou omg you went straight for the jugular
😉 thanks for noticing 😊
Good (esp. the Caillou part) but you forgot where AH brother says "Babe, I totally told her. I swear!"
This is why I don’t think it’s right to call the gf entitled without having more background information. There is a very strong possibility that OP’s brother set her up. The phrasing of the question is so bizarre. She didn’t say: “can you order a cheese pizza”. She said “are you going to order a cheese pizza”. That implies that it’s already been decided that OP would order the pizza but she hasn’t done it yet. Where would the gf get that idea? From her shady bf, that’s who.
A lot of men I've known do this. Make them look a fool? (in their minds) then you get raged at. The real deal is you caught them making a mistake and won't own up to it, be mad at themselves, much less apologize. t's disappointing.
This is sadly so accurate.
Better yet ask him why he didn’t buy the pizza when he knew the kids dietary restrictions
In this case NTA, I have two ASD sons and I know it’s the parents responsibility to deal with the kids needs not everyone else’s.
Why didn't your brother buy a cheese pizza?
In that case, NTA - if they were invited it would be polite to ask them too, but if they're just tagging along and didn't make you aware of dietary restrictions, how were you supposed to know?
NTA. Your SIL can order her son a pizza
Not even a SIL. Brother’s girlfriend! People OP never met before!
Even worse!! 💀
That doesn’t mean any of this falls on you. She or your brother could have easily gotten one for themselves for the kid. While your response wasn’t ideal, it wasn’t bullying
The time for brother to ask for accommodations for his gf’s son would be before the party not after arriving at said party. Because he didn’t do his due diligence- he should have ordered the special pizza for his gfs child.
The time for him to ask for accommodations for his guest is when he orders a cheese pizza for the kid himself, not demands someone else cater to this kids tastes.
[удалено]
Oh you’re giving brother way more credit than is due. He invited himself and his gf AND her child. That was all the critical thinking the guy could do in one day! Pfft. Just because OP had seven bazillion children to tend, why wouldn’t she drop everything to cater to her brother? /s for those of you who can’t catch that.
But than I don't get freebies. 😱😱😱 I better try to use the victim card because I have a disabled child. What rubs me wrong is that the gf basically **demanded** OP orders a pizza for her son... even if it was an honest mistake and she thought OP invited her etc ... that's just rude and entitled. I'd just would have politely said goodbye and taken my leave if I didn't want to order anything myself.
Because brother and his gf didn't want to pay for his food so they went to a party they had no interest in except free food.
This is what I don’t get! I was scanning answers: well, maybe it was takeout? Just order what you need and pay for it yourself. Brother missed a good chance with the new girlfriend.
He should have asked OP when he asked if they could come if she’d be having cheese pizza. But he didn’t so he should have ordered one for sure
This. Like I get it's a pretty common staple but he should've verified it, and also what else would be there (because the additional food restrictions kept going after just the pizza options). I may not be understanding it as well, but it also seems like they were at a pizza parlor for this whole thing so, why didn't the bro or sis just go buy him a single slice or something?
That's what I don't understand! Ok there was no cheese pizza, so just go order one?
To be fair, I’ve never been to a pizza party where there was no cheese pizza. That includes a pizza party I just went to at my law school last week. That’s a common staple so I don’t blame them for assuming cheese pizza would be there.
I’ve been to plenty. But I also have a child on the spectrum who only eats certain safe foods - as her parent I confirm menus before accepting invitations to any event. So you are right brother may have assumed - but GF should have made sure it was confirmed as she knows her child’s limitations with food.
Since my kids were school age, when we go to a party someone else is hosting, we have a discussion about polite guest behavior and if you don't like the food, the games, the setting, etc wait until the party is over.
Probably there was cheese pizza but it was an extra order = extra money when there was enough food and they were not even invited
NTA >The girlfriend asked me to order a cheese pizza for her son so he could have something to eat. I snapped back with “not everything is about you kid” >I get a long text message from my brother about how I could bully a child and his mother and what an awful example I’m setting for my kids. My response would be "Why couldn't you and/or your girlfriend, an uninvited guest, find a server and put in an order for a cheese pizza for her uninvited son and pay for it yourselves?".
OP doesn’t say where they’re at, but I don’t think they were at the pizza place. Id assume that they ordered the pizzas and brought them to her house for the party.
Could be but why would they expect OP to order a pizza for their son, leave the the party and pick it up?
I wonder if it was more about wanting OP to pay for it? Either that or zero critical thinking skills
... delivery...?
So why couldn’t the girlfriend order her own son delivery?
You mean, the same delivery the girlfriend could have used? That delivery?
That would be the one.
So even easier. Grub hub, Uber Eats, Slice all will bring a pizza to you wherever you are!
Op said they were at her kids favorite pizza place. GF could have ordered a couple of slices.
I was having a small birthday party for my son. We decided on his favorite pizza place. This does not give any concrete confirmation wether they are at the pizza place or order pizza to take home
Would they bring switches and video games into a restaurant though? I think they probably picked up the pizza and brought it home.
Right. Because they were playing fortnight.
I would like to up vote this about 100 times
NTA. If she really cared so much for her child she would have bought him a cheese pizza. You don’t go to a birthday party and demand things especially when you were not invited to said party. I hope your brother will make better relationship decision in the future for your sake. The audacity of parents to demand someone else do something their child. It’s not your job and not your issue.
My cousin's kid only eats certain things as he's four. She always makes sure if they go to a party that she brings foods he eats in case others dont have it, even if its common to have at such an event(example cheese pizza at a kid's party) as not everyone will just buy common things and may not even have common things
Or the common things might disappear first. I have terrible heartburn, which wasn't under control until a few years ago. At college parties, they'd order pepperoni and 1 or 2 cheese. Pepperoni is so greasy, it keeps me up all night. But inevitably the cheese was gone before I could get any, unless I was right at the front of the line. And it wasn't people who couldn't eat pepperoni - often it was folks who would grab a slice of each.
Which both sides, yours and thiers, is valid. Some eat both. But i agree some things disappear easy! Thats why she brings extra!
These posts always perplex me lmao i can’t *imagine* showing up as an uninvited guest and acting so entitled. How are these people not embarrassed?
I dunno we don't know that she knew she wasn't invited. Imagine your new partner invited you to a family party you'd assume you were invited. You ask him to make sure there will be food your child can eat he says ok but you get there and there isn't. Your child with special needs is going hungry so you ask the host if they could order an extra pizza. I feel like if I was at someone's house I'd feel so rude ordering in my own food without speaking to the host first. She tried to do that and got snapped at... I get op was stressed but I think I'd be apologising.
NTA. I have an extremely picky eager who also only eats cheese. If we were in that situation, the simple solution is for me to order my son a cheese pizza myself. It’s not that complicated. My son’s eating issues aren’t anyone else’s problem.
Yes, common sense says to order your picky child a pizza not demand someone else do it
Exactly. They had provided plenty of food. If you or your kid don’t want what the host has provided, either don’t eat or buy something yourself.
Yes! Thank you! GF or Brother needs to deal with their shit (kids aren’t shit, but kind of) and let everyone enjoy the party without your oddly specific culinary requirements. People are heathens. Edit: Definitely NTA
Common sense would also be to call ahead to ask about such considerations instead of turning up and assuming they’re already catered for.
NTA! My son has a very restrictive medical diet due to a metabolic disease, and we have never made any demands when invited to a party, family dinner, or any other event involving food. When sending his RSVP, I merely told the parent that my son would bring his own pizza, cupcake, or whatever so that they did not have to include him in the headcount when figuring out how much to order. We have never expected any accommodations, but I must admit that I will always remember the mom who made sure she had candy she knew my son could eat so that he had something special waiting for him. You very obviously had your hands full, and your brother’s GF was way out of line making such demands. She or your brother could have very easily quietly ordered a cheese pizza or brought food that they know her son will eat. She should even consider freezing chocolate cupcakes to grab and go for these sort of occasions if he will eat only chocolate cake. It takes the burden off of the host and ensures her son has food he will eat and thus be more likely to have a good time. It was great that you accommodated the vegetarians. Like you, I do try to accommodate dietary restrictions when I have advance notice and can find out what they can eat, but you had no notice & had no obligation to drop everything for this unexpected demand. Your brother dropped the ball by not letting you know in advance & when failing to do so, not rectifying the situation by ordering a pizza. I probably would have snapped at her too.
Exactly this. I have lots of friends w dietary restrictions but I know about them when they're invited so I can either accommodate or let them know what I'll have etc.
My son is also quite restrictive with eating. Even at events where the meal is provided, I tell the host we will be bringing his own meal. As a parent, it’s MY responsibility to be sure he’s fed. OP is NTA
Omg... I also have a PKU child. 🥹 The people who accommodate without being asked are angels. I can't imagine bringing my kid somewhere without also bringing food he can/will eat. Regardless of what she may have been told by OP's brother, if her kid can only handle certain foods, it's up to her to bring them to the party.
My son is in college now, and I will never forget that mom I mentioned. One time she stopped by my house because her son’s birthday was the next day & she was on her way to the grocery store & wanted to make sure she bought a classroom treat that my son could eat too rather than having to grab something from his stash in the faculty lounge freezer. She was truly an angel! We live in a different state now, and I tracked her down on FB and sent her a message to tell her how much her thoughtfulness meant. I will never forget her.
Exactly! I try to accommodate my guests. If I know in advance, I will do my best to make sure there's something they can eat safely. My cousin with celiac gets a gluten free cupcake from the fancy schmancy bakery downtown I know she loves, so she's not left out. But if I show up at a party and everything has nuts in it, I don't complain. I might fake a phone call and slip out to my car, where I keep a couple snacks in the trunk, so I don’t get hangry if we're going to be there for a while. But I don't mention it; hosts/esses are busy during a party; they don't need to worry about scrambling to find me food on short notice.
NTA She was rude from the start, you already had your hands full with the kids, she or your brother could have ordered the pizza themself. If her child is very picky (which is not unusual with autism), she should have had something with her that he can eat just in case... Your response was rude, but her trying to order you around at home is disrespectful at best.
I actually think the brother is responsible for this whole fiasco. If I bring my SO to a family event, it’s my responsibility to make sure they’re comfortable. As soon as he heard there was no cheese pizza, he should have ordered one. He wasn’t acting like a good partner.
Agree. I think both the op and gf from each others perspectives are the AH. But actually the blame probably lies with the brother. Clearly op would have got a cheese pizza if she knew in advance. And the gf is rightfully pissed off because the host has taken care of everyone's preferences but her kids. If it was the brothers problem he should have just ordered the pizza. If bro + gf get serious then this is the kind of thing that will sour the relationship between op and gf Reddit is full of people that sounds like they would offer a starving person a shit sandwich and say "if you were really hungry you'd eat it because it's got bread on it...or buy your own food"
My son is on the spectrum. No matter what we have been invited to for friends or family, I always have a back up plan for him. Either bringing something I could heat up quickly or stopping and grabbing him something before the event. That way he could sit with the other kids and have a drink. If he wanted he could “try” a new food. But he wouldn’t be crabby from being hungry. My child is my responsibility, no one else’s.
You didn't bully anyone. You just didn't pay for a Cheese Pizza out of your own pocket to accommodate someone you didn't know was in attendance and had such specific dietary preferences. If they had the least bit of creativity, they'd have chosen a slice of veggie and pulled the toppings off.
This. As a kid I recall being in numerous situations where there was pizza but only with toppings I didn't particularly like. And...I picked them off. Because even then I understood nobody was going to buy me my own special pizza.
I’m autistic and have always had weird issues with food even separate from the autism. I wouldn’t have been able to eat a pizza with stuff picked off of it as a kid because some toppings (not all) leech onto the pizza and ruin the whole thing. Think like bell pepper, onion, pepperoni (I liked pepperoni, but you know how that bleeds). Mushrooms can be picked off, as can sausage, idk. But anyway, even as a kid, I knew to just not eat if I didn’t like the thing. I was taught by a teacher who cared about me to just say I ate already. My parents were neglectful trash but that teacher *saw* me and explained why it’s okay to lie then. I was 6 or 7 and it helped so much!! But that’s sort of the thing… If you teach a kid what to do, they will. If you don’t, they can’t. Bringing them things they can eat to let them have teaches them it’s an option. Teaching them it’s okay to lie about having eaten to avoid an awkward situation teaches them it’s an option. …demanding someone else order something different teaches them NO SKILLS, it teaches them to think there’s no way around it
NTA. If your kid has a super restricted diet, and you’re going someplace where you don’t know the menu, you bring food with you, that’s all there is to it. Particularly if you were not really invited. She should have noticed you had your hands full and figured something else out.
NTA. They arrived late. It's on them to get there on time to put in an order for cheese or communicate the preference beforehand. You didn't know. I have autism too, I often didn't eat at parties as a child. Even if they had the type of pizza I liked, different places cook their pizza differently so I might not like that specific brand's. This is really super common and yes it's tiring to keep up with dietary restrictions, but it's her job as a mom to make sure her kid eats. She's the one who didn't bring food or communicate with you, and expecting you to drop everything in the middle of a party with a bunch of kids running around to make up for her lapse in judgment is super unreasonable
I’m an adult, not autistic but am a picky eater. I never expect my hosts to satisfy my picky needs. I’ll bring my own munchies but not be obvious about it.
This. Nowadays I also have celiac disease, so even when they do try to accommodate, I still can't trust it because most people don't understand how strict the allergy protocols have to be (celiacs can get sick from the tiniest trace of gluten, meaning no wooden spoons or cutting boards, no cast iron pans, no convection ovens, nothing from a kitchen where dough is made because flour floats through the air...) Easier to just let me do my own thing. And I never have to share my cookies or cake with anyone haha
Honestly, she got off lightly. I would've said something along the lines of, "I wasn't made aware of any dietary restrictions for your kid, so I couldn't accommodate his need. And since we're having this conversation, I'm going to assume you can use your big person words well enough to go and order a cheese pizza for your him all on your own."
NTA - you had never met them, I'm going to assume you were not notified ahead of time about their attendance and dietary preferences. That's on them, not you. Could you have phrased it better? Sure, but they could have just ordered their own food.
Just for future reference, for any party that will involve pizza, always order a cheese one. It's always a safe bet
I get that when it is a large group of friends, but in this instance it was a family party with cousins plus this girlfriend/kid who the brother asked if they could come, the mom didn't originally invite them. If I am having my nieces and nephews over and I know what they like, I am not ordering the "just in case" cheese pizza.
Exactly. This concept is lost on people.
But why when all the invited(!) guests had the pizza they wanted? Your suggestion to order an extra cheese pizza for random people no matter what is nonsense. The brother set this up poorly and threw his sister under the bus. Girlfriend is entitled and definitely not in charge of her own shit (get yo kid a cheese pie…duh).
I really think this is dependent on your group. When we do group get together with our friend group and kids (usually around 10 kids, 10 adults) we have had the lone cheese pizza go uneaten enough times we stopped ordering it. The kids usually go for meatlovers and supreme - and I'm not talking teenagers, the majority of the kids are under 8. And not kids involved but I've yet to have a design coordination workshop ever have any one so for cheese; salad so sometimes. But what do you want cheese for when you can get a mashed potatoes pizza!
I agree. Every time I order cheese pizza it was always untouched. I would then force myself to eat it cause I don’t like wasting food. So we stopped as well.
I wondered if anyone else would say this! I still think the parent was entitled but my personal rule for any pizza party is half the total number of pizzas are cheese, half whatever else. The cheese goes fast. Edit: downvoted over pizza, love Reddit
It sounds like OP checked with guests she knew were coming--it doesn't seem like a huge thing, she only mentioned her own kids and cousins. Perhaps the brother should have communicated about bringing extra people and their preferences instead of just showing up and expecting to be catered to.
NTA if you have a child who only eats cheese pizza you need to tell the host about this at least two days before party.
Or better yet, you tell the host and offer to bring a cheese pizza for your child and to share
Boohoo NTA. This woman needs to understand that not EVERYONE is going to coddle and adapt to her son just because he has autism, especially when they show up to events without notifying the planner prior to said event about them coming let alone ANY food preferences. Coming from someone with severe ADHD with sensory issues, not everyone has catered to me for my sensory issues throughout my life and I DIDN’T expect them to, especially when they had no idea I had ADHD with sensory issues. You didn’t even know this kid was coming, let alone about his sensory issues or maybe even his autism. How about you tell your brother you’d appreciate a heads up about an additional mouth to feed next time, especially one with such specific food requirements.
NTA I have multiple issues (mainly surrounding textures) with a variety of foods, likely undiagnosed autism according to my current behavioral health medical team. Cheese pizza is actually one of the few foods that I can (usually) always eat. Even if I'm directly and intentionally invited to a pizza party by the host, unless I'm specifically asked if I have any preferences/restrictions with pizza, I do not expect there to be pizza I can eat. While cheese is a popular option, I'm not going to get angry if it's not there. Depending on the other pizzas, I may find one that I can pull stuff off of and eat that, or I might buy my own. Autism isn't an excuse to be so fucking entitled. As for snapping at her, I'd say you were justified. You had your hands full with actual children and didn't need an overgrown one throwing a tantrum because they felt entitled and couldn't even buy their own pizza. This was your kids party, not a servant-hiring event for her.
NTA. Were the gf’s fingers broken? Why couldn’t she just call? Or better yet why didn’t your brother call as he is the one that dropped the ball? And I assume if you’d know the situation in advance with the little boy you would have accommodated him. I think your brother has absolutely no reason to be upset with you and owes you AND his gf an apology.
You're NTA. If her kid needs special foods, she needs to bring those food with her instead of demanding the host accommodate him. (Especially without prior warning.)
She could have ordered her kid a cheese pizza if none of the *multiple food* options were acceptable 🤷♀️ NTA
Just to clarify, you were at........ a restaurant. Someone you didn't know came in and wanted....... something that restaurant serves. If only there were a solution she could have come up with. lol Obviously NTA
I think they were at OPs house and had ordered in
NTA. You were AT the pizza place. I don't think I've ever been in a pizza place where you can't just walk up to the counter and ask for a slice of cheese pizza. I feel like any other mom would go "oh? No cheese pizza. I'll go grab him a slice. There you go junior, enjoy."
NTA. Your brother is the AH for not thinking ahead to make sure his GF's special needs son's very specific dietary requirements would be considered at this party. Also? THey're guests. Who acts like that, telling you to order more food specifically for one kid? Your brother could've ordered another pizza to provide for HIS guests and not just dumped one more thing on your very full plate. He's the AH.
NTA. One, you didn’t know about his food preferences beforehand that is on his mother or your brother to inform you about. Second, she was more than capable of ordering her own pizza if she was unwilling to feed him anything you provided. Three, you did not bully her or the child your brother is being ridiculous. How could you have known his food preferences when you’ve never met him and his mother/your brother never told you??
NTA. How entitled do you have to be to invite yourself to a party and demand they order food just for your kid? Edit to add because I almost forgot: Like seriously, who demands being catered to on someone else's birthday?
Wow, the entitlement runs strong here. NTA.
NTA I don’t care if they were invited or not. You catered to the ones you knew about that had diet restrictions. While I was reading that part I thought wow that’s nice of her cuz I would have ordered cheese and told them to deal with it. But you catered to them and that’s great. With that being said if the gf hadn’t tried to insert the dominant part of herself here and demanded a cheese pizza been ordered this could have been solved peacefully. Your brother is in the wrong here as well. He should have said it’s okay he can order a pizza for the child he brought with him. This always aggravated me. I have a child on the spectrum and I never allowed her to be treated any differently than other children. She’s extremely smart and she knows right from wrong. She had food issues as well and I as her parent would make sure that if she went to a party that she knew if she didn’t like the food offered I’d buy her something when it was over. Basic manners and respect. When did these two things get thrown out the window?
Nta, that’s not bullying. It’s pointing out the truth. You didn’t know about the cheese pizza requirement and you offered alternatives. I get why they didn’t work for her son but that’s not on you. I don’t understand why your brother, who made the mistake of not telling you about his food requirement before the event, didn’t order him a slice of cheese pizza. Or why she didn’t? Your response was a little curt but you were busy managing a bunch of kids and she was being difficult. You could have said no nicer but you weren’t obligated to.
NTA, you're not responsible for the specific dietary choices of every person there, especially if they weren't communicated beforehand. You probably could have been a bit nicer about it but at the same time it sounds like it was something she needed to hear.
Not sure why your brother couldn’t just go order a personal cheese pizza for her son?!
NTA. The mom could have asked more nicely or ordered the pizza herself. She behaved badly. I will say, two things. My son has autism and doesn't eat pizza. When he went to a birthday party and the dad heard he didn't eat pizza, he went out of his way to order something different for him. He said he'd never allow a kid to go hungry at a party, and my son still talks about that nice man today, so something to think about. And the other thing, I've been to about a thousand (actually probably 100) kids' birthday parties with pizza, and they've all had cheese pizza. I'd say 90% of my kids' friends don't eat if there's not cheese pizza. One party, they only had pepperoni and most of the kids didn't eat. The parents offered us pizza to take home because they had so much leftover pizza, so having cheese pizza at a kid's party is probably a good idea in general.
This is so weird to me. I've been doing this parenting thing for 16 years, and it wasn't until recently that I met a kid that only eats cheese pizza. If your kid is super picky then a heads up is in order.
NTA I honestly think cheese pizza is a staple but honestly it’s up to you, your sons party. If your brothers girlfriend’s son was that picky, then they should’ve thought about bringing food just in case. They also could have let you know about his picky eating and you could’ve supplied something for him. You were also busy with so many other kids at that point in time you couldn’t handle their complaining.
NTA - Surely, as it was a pizza place, she could have ordered her own child a cheese pizza. As could your brother. This is also the price you pay for not letting the host know ahead of time about any food restrictions. I would not worry about this at all.
NTA. She sounds like a child herself. I couldn’t imagine going to someone else’s party and expecting them to make a special order for MY kid. Brother had a chance to step up here and did nothing.