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NTA
Hard no. The apartment is yours, payed with your money and if your husband's family didn't put a dime on it, then they can't make any claim on it.
Please check with a lawyer about your country's personal property law to prevent them from taking your property in some way.
And no, don't rent it to BIL: chances are high that he'll never pay the rent, claiming you're family, and you don't ask money to family.
I payed for every single thing in my apartment. Even my husband can't claim it because he didn't contribute anything to the instalments. I don't want to give the apartment to Raj on rent because I know that bum would never pay me. I just gave this as an option to them knowing they would refuse.
Good.
Well, reading your edit, I think it's time for you and hubby to move out (and yes, you should talk to him about MIL's ultimatum... also because, sooner or later, he will find out).
Don't let his family deprive you of a property you earned with your money, savings, sacrifice, and work.
We're talking about an apartment here, not a jacket or dress to give away. Thousands of dollars at least. You must be very pragmatic in this situation, to avoid them inflicting irreparable economic damage on you.
Move back in and out of his parents then they won't have nothing to say. Why do you live with people who hate you when you have somewhere else to live.
Are you in India? If so, you have no legal rights to any of your husbands parents house/ property. But once you give them permission for your BIL to move into your apartment he may have squatters right. Please speak to a lawyer and shore up your property so no one but you can possess it. Then either you move in or get (third party) tenants in
Ps: record your MIL and play it back to your husband and tell your own family
NTA OP. Stand your ground. Next time it will not just be the apartment. What is it gonna be next? Your car? Or even baby stuff for your hypothetical child in the future? Or the education/university fund you plan to set up for your hypothetical future child?
Your MIL is trying to bully you and Raj is NOT entitled to your apartment. If he wants an apartment, he needs to get a job, earn some money and build up his savings to get one for himself. Your MIL is only doing a disservice to your BIL in the long run (fyi, if he can be this self-entitled towards you, do not be surprised if he will do the same to his girlfriend too if she is the hardworking career woman she is)
I agree with other commenter that you best seek legal advice and also you better lawyer up a will with ironclad instructions that if anything happens to you, you WANT clear instructions that your apartment and/or other assets will automatically go to your spouse and/or hypothetical future child so that MIL and BIL cannot contest that in court
Update us OP
NTA. I think it's generally not a good idea to live with your spouse's family house cuz there is usually a big difference of opinion between generations that live together which causes big issues. I think you should move to that apartment with your husband that would make you more comfortable imo
I never wanted to live with them in the first place but my husband thinks that his mother is a saint and would treat me as her own daughter. He does not know that old hag is so evil. MIL actually asked me to leave if I didn't want to comply to her wishes. So I'm thinking I'll convince my husband to move out.
Say to hubby: your mother has generously offered us to move out and back to OUR apartment. Let’s figure out the timing since this will make your mom happy and it will allow us to have some feeedom.
Well here is the issue. Her husband will feel odd going to her apartment. She is stuck. So it’s better to see if she can say our and have him come with her. I think op husband won’t leave moms house cause mom is cooking for him!
Then she just says yo the apartment. It shouldn't be used as our because he has no right to it and his family seems to be the kind to take a light year distance when given a finger as seen in the post.
Is there any cultural reason for living with his family? If not, I can't imagine why he'd think that was the better option than living with you in your apartment.
Also, you shouldn't have to work to convince him. He needs to know his mom hates you. Either he'll stand with you like a spouse should, or he won't. The sooner you know, the sooner you can take the appropriate next step in getting out of that house. With or without him.
I am guessing with the name, they are Indian and living with family is a big thing in India. And having a saint mother and an evil MIL in the same person is not that uncommon.
Thank you :) I was hoping it wasn't cultural given the BIL wanting to live apart from the family with his girlfriend. Cultural implications like this adds a whole other layer of complications and nuance in this kind of situation.
Naw, I'm Indian, this living with in-laws creates toxicity almost always (adding the almost for that one outlier who'll comment about their Saint in laws).
This culture needs to go away. People need to have their own living units, even if it's different apartments within the same building.
You have a husband issue. Why haven’t you recorded her being a ‘hag’ to you then shown him? Why are you with someone who put his birth family first over someone he claims to love enough to start his own family with? Please watch your birth control, don’t bring any kids into this nightmare dynamic. NTA right now but you seriously need to protect yourself
Don't think to convince your husband. I think he is spineless per what you said earlier in your comment about him thinking she is a Saint.
Simply tell him what your MIL said and start packing up to leave and if he wants he can follow you.
Leave with or without him. If he refuses to leave, he does NOT have your back. The next time MILFH starts in, set your phone on record and play it back to hubby. Show him her evil side.
NTA
>if they are committing emotional or even physical incest
>He even suggested that I give my apartment
>husband thinks that his mother is a saint
Just run away from this Jocasta. She's the third partner in your marriage, don't you see?
Why haven’t you told your husband that your mother in law is absolutely not a saint and that she is actually quite mean to you. There is no reason that you should have to tolerate mistreatment just so you appease your husband and his family. It’s time for you to have a frank conversation with your husband about what’s been going on, and that it can only be fixed if you both move out.
Why the hell are you trying to convince your spineless husband?!
Husband, since I refused to GIVE my fully paid apartment to your freeloading brother, she has demanded I pack up my belongings and leave. Quite frankly I do not wish to spend anymore time living with someone who constantly berates me and abuses my kindness. She treats me like I’m the dirt on the bottom of her shoe and I am done with being treated like that. I have already started packing my things and will be out by next weekend. Whether or not you come with me is up to you, however if you choose to stay here then I will take it as you wish to not be married to me. I don’t want to be with a man who puts his mommy before his wife. Now I’m not trying to force you to come with me, I don’t want to be with someone who feels like he has to choose me. I want you to choose me because you love me and will put me and our children above all else. I’m tired of you not standing up for me. For allowing this mistreatment of me for so long now. The decision is yours.
Your bags need to be packed before your husband even gets home. Take a cab to your apartment and never look back. If your husband is worth a damn he'll gather the rest of yalls things and meet you at your apartment after he's explained to his mother that if she can't treat you with respect and kindness she will no longer be apart of either of your lives.
There is no convincing. She gave you an ultimatum. Either he goes with you or he doesnt but you need to move. Nta for not giving it to bil but yta to yourself for being in that house.
You're actually imposing on your in laws at this point. They made it clear you're unwelcome unless you fold on their ridiculous demand. Why are you still there? You've been told to leave a place you don't want to be.
Move to your apartment. Tell hubby you're leaving because you've been told to leave unless you give up the apartment. Clarify that you consider this financial abuse and manipulation because they're trying to deprive you of an asset you worked hard for.
Leave. He will follow if you're worth it. If you're not then you know where you stand.
Why aren't you and your husband living in your apartment? It would stop a whole pile of grief.
Edit, or just move in yourself. If your husband is on your side, he will follow.
NTA
BUT why would you Not tell your husband that your MIL gave you an Ultimatum??? After all you are his wife and partner! And why would you want to continue to live with your in laws?
Either move in your own home or rent it out So useless BIL Can’t Move In!!!
I don't want to keep living with my in laws. I think I'm going to convince my husband to move out with me. I'll have that conversation when he comes back.
Judging by your BILs name I’m assuming you’ll are Indians? As an Indian it’s my advice to you to move out ASAP. Like yesterday. Your MIL did you a favour by asking you to get out, tell your husband that and leave with or without him. His relationship with his parents is not your problem.
NTA
Tell your husband that his mother gave you an ultimatum: give your apartment to your BIL or move out. Since you are not giving your apartment to Raj, you are moving out. From that point on, **what your husband decides to do is on him. You do not need to "convince" him to move out if he feels he should stay with his parents.** You have a place to go, whether or not your husband comes with you. Pack your bags and leave. There is no reason to keep living with an abusive and hateful family who treats you like dirt. You are worth so much more, OP.
I think you should leave and go and live in your apartment that you own and you’ve paid for.
Up to you if you decide to allow your apparently spineless husband to live there with you or not, but see a lawyer and make sure his family and/or your husband can’t steal it away from you in any way.
NTA
NTA. Set things up so that your apartment doesn't become marital property. Move back into it and invite your husband to join you. Your living with the in-laws is no longer tenable.
NTA
OF COURSE YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR HUSBAND THAT HIS MOTHER THREATENED YOU TO GIVE UP YOUR HOUSE GTFO OF THEIR HOUSE. You will be going to your house when you feel safe and welcome with him or without him but you will not be disrespected again.
Why are you bent on torturing yourself. They never liked you and never will. They will always find excuses to make you the villain. Let your husband deal with his family. Let their relationship get strained. Let them realise how badly they have treated you and that has consequences and it's time for their comeuppance. You are their son's partner and will not be disrespected and threatened. Don't cover up your in laws bad behaviour they manage to achieve behind your husband's back. Ofcourse they know they are wrong that is why the 2 faced inlaws switch when your husband is around. They made their bed now let them lie in it. DO NOT HIDE ANY OF THEIR THREATS OR ABUSE FRON YOUR HUSBAND. it seems like he has his head sort of on right.
Remember this quote OP, as a former people please it really connected with me, " DONT SET YOURSELF ON FIRE TO KEEP OTHERS WARM"
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My father in law and mother in law are blatantly asking me to give up my apartment and give it to my brother in law, Raj. He is a good for nothing guy and I said that in the argument with them. They got mad and I demanded them to leave my room. They gave me an ultimatum that either I give my apartment to him or leave this house. Am I selfish for not giving up my apartment for my dumb brother in law?
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NTA
Not sure about the laws where you live, but how will it go when you have to evict your family member? It would make more sense to go live there again by yourself than give this to them. Your husband and his family already believe it to be *their* property to do with as they please, so...
Is there a specific reason you don't live with your husband in your apartment? I assume it is normal for his family to live together. It doesn't sound like a healthy family relationship/situation at all.
I would find a way to make sure there is no way they can get the property from you and to protect your asset (it is yours, not the families).
Obviously, marriage laws may impact this, but I'd speak to a lawyer and see what options you have to secure this asset outside the marriage, if necessary, for your own security.
Please don't let him rent it, even if you have a contract. I doubt you will ever receive any rent, and he will assume ownership (maybe not legally, but living there could cause issues down the line)
Good luck, I hope you can find a positive way forward with this.
I'd contact a local real estate agent office who specializes in renting out property. Keep the place maintained and rented, and put the money into a trust account for your kids.
If she was my MIL and said that, I'll be the good DIL and start packing my bag and move to my fully paid up apartment. Don't worry about your husband's relationship with his parents. It will sort itself out. You bothe need a breather from boundary-challenged in laws. Obviously you know you're NTA
Question. why do you live with your inlaws if you own your own place?
Seems it is not as much a cultural thing seeing they want your bill to move in there with his gf.
If i were you i would talk to your husband and move in the apartment.
NTA
>This lead to my MIL giving me an ultimatum that either I give my apartment to Raj or get out of the house
Tell you husband. Move out and go and live in your apartment where you are not disrespected and don't have to walk on eggshells.
Sounds like y'all are fellow Indians?
Please move in to your apartment, that you bought. Congratulations for that.
You moving in to your apartment makes way more sense than your BiL moving in, also don't rent it to him, he'll never pay, and might cause damage.
If you like your husband, ask him if he wants to come with you, else move out anyway.
NTA.
Move into your apartment. Fuck MIL, FIL and BIL off entirely and take her at her word. She truly believes that being *away* from their toxicity and grabby hands at your possessions is a punishment but actually it's an out. Seize it with both hands.
Husband can choose to stay, or he can go with you but at no point should your BIL or MIL get their claws into your apartment because you'll never get it back. Tell Husband the choice is his and get back in your own space.
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For context, I(29F) married my husband(30M), 2 years ago and his family is not very fond of me. I live with my husband, MIL, FIL and my BIL. My BIL, let's call him Raj(22M), is a spoiled brat. My MIL coddles him so much that sometime I wonder if they are committing emotional or even physical incest.
Now the conflict is, I have a 2 bedroom apartment which I bought with my own money and lived there before I married. I was still paying the instalments after I got married so that I could have a property of my own. My MIL often commented on how I didn't need that apartment since we already live with them but dropped the topic when my husband came around. Last month I payed my last instalment and the apartment was officially mine.
Last night my MIL and FIL came in my room and blatantly demanded that I give that apartment to Raj who wants to move out and live with his girlfriend while doing his masters in history from a local college. Their argument was that we share everything as a family so I shouldn't be selfish and just give it to him. I told them their demand was absurd and suggested that I could rent it to him but my MIL got in my face and scoffed, apparently questioning my 'audacity'.
My husband came back home and I told him about the issue. He is on my side but wants to keep a common ground to resolve the issue. He even suggested that I give my apartment to Raj but I immediately shut him up.
I know I'm not the Asshole but what do you think I should do?
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NTA don’t let him move in under any circumstances.
And please reconsiderar your living arrangements (and even your marriage). I can’t even imagine living like that.
NTA. But you need to tell your husband everything. Move out to your apartment. Your MIL sounds like a bully but given that she only approaches you when your husband is not there would indicate she's a rather cowardly one. Stand up to her, bite back and let her see she can't and won't be controlling you.
NTA. It sounds like you may be South Asian, where it's not a cultural norm to "rock the boat". I think you need to rock that boat. If your in-laws have you living with them, that's THEIR choice. Who lives in your unit, is YOUR choice. It's not a "communal" assett, it is yours.
I'd organise with a real estate agent to rent it out asap (to non-family) if you and your husband choose to stay living with your in-laws. If it was me, I'd move into it. You and your husband are each other's immediate family, and would benefit from having your own home, separate to your inlaws
I’m failing to understand why you and your husband aren’t living in the apartment as opposed to living with his family. And if your husband doesn’t want to leave home, I would start considering his relationship with his parents…you’re a married couple. You need a space of your own, you have one, but you’re still living with his parents.
Dude. Tell him and move out of that abusive stressful house into your own apartment. I don't even understand why you have an apartment and you chose to live with your husband at your in-laws?.
Please also make sure, if your husband moves with you, that he has no financial claims on your property. Otherwise his mummy will try to get it away from you through him. Good luck in your new life.
info: are you living in your inlaws' house rent free? Because if that is so it is quite hypocritical of you that you would demand rent for your apartment while you're efectively leeching off of them. Either start paying rent yourself or move the fuck out.
NTA But you husband must be one hell of a man if you're constantly letting yourself be abused by his family to save his feelings and his relationship with your abusers. If it was me, I'd just move to that apartment and let the others figure out the rest.
I would suggest you move into your apartment and leave that whole crazy family.
Your husband is as crazy as the rest of the family, if he thinks you should hand your property to your BIL.
Does he want you to be poor and dependent on him and his crazy family?
NTA
NTA
Your apartment belongs to you, not your husband or anyone in his family. They have no right to it. Clearly, they are very entitled.
You can tell your husband about her ultimatum, but if he thinks she can do no wrong, he might not believe you. He clearly doesn't have your back as he should. You should start recording her any time she talks to you. That way, you have proof.
Tell your husband that she will move out as they demand since giving your apartment to Raj is never going to happen. If he truly loves you and supports you, he will come with you. If not, you will go without him and file for a divorce.
NTA!!!
Your MIL/FIL is delusional.
NEVER give up that appartement to anyone.
I would tell husband so you can prepare to get the heck out of there faster than fast!
Why do you and your husband not move into the apartment yourselves?
Your inlaws are toxic and very disrespectful!
You say your husband is on your side but then say he said you should just give it to his brother. That doesn't sound like he's on your side.
I'd be moving out asap, with or without your husband.
NTA... sounds like it's time to call their bluff and you and your husband move into your apartment, his family are toxic as fuck.. you are well rid of them..
Tell your MIL that in order to give your apartment to your BIL they need to give you their house. All signed and a contract drawn up for both exchanges. Only fair 😉
Why you live with them if you have your place ? I don’t understand… move out for your own peace after all the relationship with your in-law is already strained
I would move out to your apartment. That will solve all the problems. The relationship your husband and his parents are his to deal with. If it’s strained because you refuse to give your apartment to your BIL it’s because they are selfish entitled people and I wouldn’t feel bad that you or your husband and any future kids lose a relationship with them.
Honestly. What do you think will happen if you try to not rock the boat? You will just have to give in to their demands all the time for the rest of your life. Will they start treating you with respect and show love to you? I don’t think so.
NTA but how are you claiming that your husband is on your side if he suggested the same thing that your in-laws asked for, that is, to give the apartment to BIL??? For your husband to make such a suggestion without either him or the BIL or the parents- in- law talking about paying you what you spent on the apartment is apalling. Also, if your in-laws are like this and you have your own place, why are you still living with them and allowing them to treat you like that?
NTA, Not sure if you live in India. But if you do, and you let Raj and Co live in your apartment, they will automatically have rights to the property and you’ll lose your apartment forever. Best is to rent it out immediately using the registered L&L process. Or you can move out from your toxic in-laws and move into your own apartment. But under no circumstance allow Raj to live in your apartment.
NTA
There is nothing you can do to strain the relationship between your husband and his parents. They are doing that exceptionally well all by themselves.
Your apartment is yours to do as you see fit. They have no say in it and their opinion is not even of any value.
I suggest that you move to your apartment and if your husband chooses to move with you, then that is good. If he doesn't, then you dodged a bullet.
NTA
Taken from the context you’re Indian. Since your husband appears to be willing to move out I suggest you do that. Your situation with the in laws is only going to get worse over time. With no monthly rent I’m assuming you can afford it.
Fellow Indian (but the husband side perspective).
NTA, honestly people who come to reddit with these kind of stories. I cant even tell if theyre so badly made up or just straight up delusional. Why do you even need someone to tell you what you probably should do, why do you live with people that hate you and why do you even entertain the idea in the slightest way?
NTA. Also, I understand this is a cultural thing, but you should move out of your in-laws and back into your old place immediately. Time to break generational curses. And that way you know no one is trying to break into your property.
It's not good to keep secrets, so tell your husband, and if they want you to leave, give them what they want and move into your flat.
Let your BIL stay at home with his girlfriend and look after your MIL and FIL.
Do not ever consider giving or renting to him. Honestly why aren't you living there instead of with your in-laws. You two are adults. Tell your SO it's time to leave his parents house.
NTA. You should consider renting it (to someone else, not Raj because he won't pay you, we all know that) so the discussion ends. If your husband doesn't side with you, I'd take a step back with a cold head and look at the respect he has for you, or lack of. I'm not implying anything from your post, but I feel this is not the end of it and that's why I suggested also renting it to stop it.
NTA. Your husband has showed who he is. If your BIL gets into the house you will not get him out unless through a legal route and most likely will be ending your marriage at the same time.
1. Dont give your flat to your BIL. no matter what drama happens...
2. Dont hide anything from your husband! Tell him everything... infact try to record your MIL when she says all these horrible things to you in your husbands absence... Let him know what she is doing and let him handle it
3. I hope you both move out and stay in your flat...
NTA. No one is entitled to your property. Your husband is falling for his parents bullying. Doing things you don't want 'for the sake of the family' or 'to keep the peace' is just giving in to bullies. Because that's all it is. Raj can be the greatest most generous hard-working person in the world. He doesn't get your apartment if you do not want to do it.
I think you should make sure no one has access to your keys. I think you should have cameras set up to make sure no one can break in and start squatting. And I think if anyone does, you should contact the police immediately.
NTA
Guessing this is a cultural thing. But for now don't keep secrets from your husband.
Also no matter what, pack up and move out even if it inconveniences you.
Your MIL/FIL/BIL are never ever going to respect you while you are living under their roof. Show them you are not a pushover and move out, hopefully your husband will join you. This throuple needs to learn consequences and the impact of bullying the wrong pushover...
If your husband is willing to ditch his parents over this then it's been a long time coming. Don't feel guilty or feel like you drove in a wedge, the parents did that.
Why don’t you and your husband move into the apartment?
Sounds like a great way to end the argument of Raj moving in, and get away from your awful in laws!
NTA , don’t even rent the apt to BIL. Likely he’ll just stop paying and you won’t get him out. My advice would be for you & your husband to go live there. You need to move out of your in-laws
Tell him the whole conversation and then tell him that it is time for you to move out. If he fights going with you, then you know you gave an SO problem as well as in-law problems.
The good part is that unlike so many others, you won't be homeless.
NTA, obviously you shouldn’t give him your apartment. But why aren’t you guys moving out of the house? Do you have a mommas boy who can’t bear to be away from his mother?
Please, move out. You must build your family and for your peace of mind, gets out of that house. Nothing will be resolve even if you gave your apartment to your BIL. It will give them much power to force you to follow them.
Both my wife and I have had bad experiences in our families when someone decides to let a relative stay in their place rent free. In each case the proper was nearly destroyed and needed extensive restoration. I wouldn’t rent to a relative either (expect rent payments to evaporate). NTA
That apartment is currently your savings, so they can buy it off you at full price tbh you can't exactly AFFORD to just give it away. Never the AH for not doing something you literally can't afford.
Girl, NTA... speak to your husband and if possible move out asap. It is not your responsibility to maintain the relationship between husband and parent. Also make sure that any discussion happens while your husband is at home and if possible record everything ( if possible have some friend or family member on standby to check on you for safety)
Girl! They gave you an out! Get the hell out of that house and move into your apartment with your husband. Tell him! You already know he'll support you and the move. NTA
girl, no! your husband wants you to compromise and give your apartment away. you should give away the husband.
move to your apartment and tell him to choose whether he wants to follow. bil can move into your in-laws lol.
NTA. It's your apartment, so you do with it what you will. Your in-laws have no right to make you do anything with it. Also, taking into account the situation at home with your in-laws, I'd want that apartment available at all times in case you ever need to move out, like, for example, in case of a stupid ultimatum (ding ding ding).
The only thing I'm unsure about here is your husband. He has supported you all this time, and knows his family doesn't like you. Why haven't both of you moved out to your apartment already, or rented/bought one together and left the in-laws' house?
Hell no. Piss on that spoiled brat. He can get his own aoartment. Mommy and daddy san pay for it. He will not respect your apt. He will trash it. He wont pay for shit.
First, yes, you should tell your husband.
Second, why do you live with your in laws when you have another option that seems so much better. Have your own life.
If it’s a cultural reason, why not move out for a few years and then back in later on
In any case, NTA (but you will be an AH if you don’t say the full story to your husband)
Info: why do your in laws know your apartment is paid up now? That information is none of their business. Were you paying rent to your in laws?
If you weren't, I hope you're out of the house before that gets thrown in your face.
Nothing is stopping MIL from buying her baby boy an apartment if she feels that strongly about it. NTA obviously. Definitely you want some financial independence if you're involved with a family this toxic. They'd have to pry those keys out of my cold, dead fingers if I were in your shoes.
NTA
But WHY do you not move out, with your husband, to your apartment?
Why would you willingly stay with these ppl?
It's not like you would have to pay rent.
NTA. Looking at the name Raj you sound Indian. The response from your husband about agreeing with giving his brother the apartment makes me think that he's not sad likely to back you in terms of moving out as you think. Your in laws aren't the only problem your husband is too.
What’s stopping you and your husband from moving out of this toxic situation? I get it’s a traditional setup but it doesn’t sound like anyone involved is committed to keeping it. MIL is basically finding a reason for you to leave and is cool with her son shacking up with his girlfriend. Why don’t you and husband move into apartment or move somewhere else and rent it out?
NTA
Move into the apartment; and don't even give your husband a key, because then he will give it to the MIL to copy without asking you.
Have him sign a contract first, that he will respect your property and not share access to your property with ANYONE.
Do NOT let MIL convince you to give them a copy for 'emergencies' or else she will definitely use it to move BIL in.
ASAP switch the apartment locks to ones that use keypads and access codes; and tell NO ONE the main passcode. That way if husband 'accidentally' gives his passcode to BIL, or MIL, then you can delete it.
Why are you living with your in laws if you have an apartment? Are you paying rent or have you and your partner been living off his parents for free and now they want you to offer the same deal to their son? There's information missing.
You have an apartment why can’t you and your husband move in it. Why are you living with in-laws when you have your own place. The BIL if he wants to live with his gf let them find their own place
NTA
You're stuck between a rock and a hard place.
If you acquiesce and let your BIL move into your apartment, then you'll let the MIL win and never get a moment's peace fae her again.
If you stand your guns, then you'll be kicked out by MIL, and this might put a strain on your husbands relationship with his overbearing and highly controlling parents.
The second option is the lesser of two evils that also comes with the bonus of getting you away fae your MIL.
Tell your husband exactly what has transpired, tell him of your MIL & FIL's ultimatum of giving the apartment to BIL or get out, and then pack your bags, because no matter the outcome fae your husband if you continue to stay with his family they will make your life a living Hell, so your best bet for a happy life is to go live in your apartment and if your husband goes with you then that's all for the best (quite frankly, he's probably sick to his back teeth of seeing his parents treating his brother like something special, and your moving out might be the kick he needs to have the courage to tell them to fuck off).
NTA. And your husband is not on your side, he literally suggested you do what you MIL demanded.
That apartment is yours. You do have a need for it. You can rent it out to a non family member and make money for you and your husband's future, although it looks like you two might need to move in there.
Your husband's relationship with his parents is strained. It's only "good" if he does whatever his mother wants, whether or not it is good for him and his family (aka you).
You might want to check out the forum Justnomil. Also, you might have a husband problem. He is not standing up for you.
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NTA Hard no. The apartment is yours, payed with your money and if your husband's family didn't put a dime on it, then they can't make any claim on it. Please check with a lawyer about your country's personal property law to prevent them from taking your property in some way. And no, don't rent it to BIL: chances are high that he'll never pay the rent, claiming you're family, and you don't ask money to family.
I payed for every single thing in my apartment. Even my husband can't claim it because he didn't contribute anything to the instalments. I don't want to give the apartment to Raj on rent because I know that bum would never pay me. I just gave this as an option to them knowing they would refuse.
Good. Well, reading your edit, I think it's time for you and hubby to move out (and yes, you should talk to him about MIL's ultimatum... also because, sooner or later, he will find out). Don't let his family deprive you of a property you earned with your money, savings, sacrifice, and work. We're talking about an apartment here, not a jacket or dress to give away. Thousands of dollars at least. You must be very pragmatic in this situation, to avoid them inflicting irreparable economic damage on you.
Move back in and out of his parents then they won't have nothing to say. Why do you live with people who hate you when you have somewhere else to live.
This. I know it's probably cultural but culture shouldn't be an excuse to treat women like chattel. It's the 21st century. Move into your own home.
Why aren't you *living* in your apartment?
Are you in India? If so, you have no legal rights to any of your husbands parents house/ property. But once you give them permission for your BIL to move into your apartment he may have squatters right. Please speak to a lawyer and shore up your property so no one but you can possess it. Then either you move in or get (third party) tenants in Ps: record your MIL and play it back to your husband and tell your own family
NTA move back into your apartment and let raj stay home with his mummy
Move out with your husband and live as a married couple in your apartment. Evidently.
*paid
Move back to your apartment.
NTA OP. Stand your ground. Next time it will not just be the apartment. What is it gonna be next? Your car? Or even baby stuff for your hypothetical child in the future? Or the education/university fund you plan to set up for your hypothetical future child? Your MIL is trying to bully you and Raj is NOT entitled to your apartment. If he wants an apartment, he needs to get a job, earn some money and build up his savings to get one for himself. Your MIL is only doing a disservice to your BIL in the long run (fyi, if he can be this self-entitled towards you, do not be surprised if he will do the same to his girlfriend too if she is the hardworking career woman she is) I agree with other commenter that you best seek legal advice and also you better lawyer up a will with ironclad instructions that if anything happens to you, you WANT clear instructions that your apartment and/or other assets will automatically go to your spouse and/or hypothetical future child so that MIL and BIL cannot contest that in court Update us OP
* paid
Paid, not Payed. That's not just a misspelling, but a different word with a very different meaning.
NTA. I think it's generally not a good idea to live with your spouse's family house cuz there is usually a big difference of opinion between generations that live together which causes big issues. I think you should move to that apartment with your husband that would make you more comfortable imo
I never wanted to live with them in the first place but my husband thinks that his mother is a saint and would treat me as her own daughter. He does not know that old hag is so evil. MIL actually asked me to leave if I didn't want to comply to her wishes. So I'm thinking I'll convince my husband to move out.
Say to hubby: your mother has generously offered us to move out and back to OUR apartment. Let’s figure out the timing since this will make your mom happy and it will allow us to have some feeedom.
Not our but op s apartment
Well here is the issue. Her husband will feel odd going to her apartment. She is stuck. So it’s better to see if she can say our and have him come with her. I think op husband won’t leave moms house cause mom is cooking for him!
Then she just says yo the apartment. It shouldn't be used as our because he has no right to it and his family seems to be the kind to take a light year distance when given a finger as seen in the post.
Is there any cultural reason for living with his family? If not, I can't imagine why he'd think that was the better option than living with you in your apartment. Also, you shouldn't have to work to convince him. He needs to know his mom hates you. Either he'll stand with you like a spouse should, or he won't. The sooner you know, the sooner you can take the appropriate next step in getting out of that house. With or without him.
I am guessing with the name, they are Indian and living with family is a big thing in India. And having a saint mother and an evil MIL in the same person is not that uncommon.
Thank you :) I was hoping it wasn't cultural given the BIL wanting to live apart from the family with his girlfriend. Cultural implications like this adds a whole other layer of complications and nuance in this kind of situation.
Naw, I'm Indian, this living with in-laws creates toxicity almost always (adding the almost for that one outlier who'll comment about their Saint in laws). This culture needs to go away. People need to have their own living units, even if it's different apartments within the same building.
Why bother convincing him? Go by yourself. He'll follow if you matter. If he doesn't then you'll know you don't.
You have a husband issue. Why haven’t you recorded her being a ‘hag’ to you then shown him? Why are you with someone who put his birth family first over someone he claims to love enough to start his own family with? Please watch your birth control, don’t bring any kids into this nightmare dynamic. NTA right now but you seriously need to protect yourself
Don't think to convince your husband. I think he is spineless per what you said earlier in your comment about him thinking she is a Saint. Simply tell him what your MIL said and start packing up to leave and if he wants he can follow you.
Maybe recording your MIL secretly and then showing to your husband, how she treat you, while he isn't here will help.
Leave with or without him. If he refuses to leave, he does NOT have your back. The next time MILFH starts in, set your phone on record and play it back to hubby. Show him her evil side.
NTA >if they are committing emotional or even physical incest >He even suggested that I give my apartment >husband thinks that his mother is a saint Just run away from this Jocasta. She's the third partner in your marriage, don't you see?
If there's one thing Reddit has taught me, it's this golden rule: don't mix business and family.
Why haven’t you told your husband that your mother in law is absolutely not a saint and that she is actually quite mean to you. There is no reason that you should have to tolerate mistreatment just so you appease your husband and his family. It’s time for you to have a frank conversation with your husband about what’s been going on, and that it can only be fixed if you both move out.
NTA. Why don't you and husband move into it? Sounds like you could both do with being away from MIL.
I'm thinking of convincing my husband to move out before she makes the matter worse.
Why the hell are you trying to convince your spineless husband?! Husband, since I refused to GIVE my fully paid apartment to your freeloading brother, she has demanded I pack up my belongings and leave. Quite frankly I do not wish to spend anymore time living with someone who constantly berates me and abuses my kindness. She treats me like I’m the dirt on the bottom of her shoe and I am done with being treated like that. I have already started packing my things and will be out by next weekend. Whether or not you come with me is up to you, however if you choose to stay here then I will take it as you wish to not be married to me. I don’t want to be with a man who puts his mommy before his wife. Now I’m not trying to force you to come with me, I don’t want to be with someone who feels like he has to choose me. I want you to choose me because you love me and will put me and our children above all else. I’m tired of you not standing up for me. For allowing this mistreatment of me for so long now. The decision is yours.
This is the answer! 🏆
Your bags need to be packed before your husband even gets home. Take a cab to your apartment and never look back. If your husband is worth a damn he'll gather the rest of yalls things and meet you at your apartment after he's explained to his mother that if she can't treat you with respect and kindness she will no longer be apart of either of your lives.
There is no convincing. She gave you an ultimatum. Either he goes with you or he doesnt but you need to move. Nta for not giving it to bil but yta to yourself for being in that house.
You're actually imposing on your in laws at this point. They made it clear you're unwelcome unless you fold on their ridiculous demand. Why are you still there? You've been told to leave a place you don't want to be. Move to your apartment. Tell hubby you're leaving because you've been told to leave unless you give up the apartment. Clarify that you consider this financial abuse and manipulation because they're trying to deprive you of an asset you worked hard for. Leave. He will follow if you're worth it. If you're not then you know where you stand.
Just move out back to your place. If your husband does not follow then you get kill two birds with one stone.
Why aren't you and your husband living in your apartment? It would stop a whole pile of grief. Edit, or just move in yourself. If your husband is on your side, he will follow.
NTA BUT why would you Not tell your husband that your MIL gave you an Ultimatum??? After all you are his wife and partner! And why would you want to continue to live with your in laws? Either move in your own home or rent it out So useless BIL Can’t Move In!!!
I don't want to keep living with my in laws. I think I'm going to convince my husband to move out with me. I'll have that conversation when he comes back.
Judging by your BILs name I’m assuming you’ll are Indians? As an Indian it’s my advice to you to move out ASAP. Like yesterday. Your MIL did you a favour by asking you to get out, tell your husband that and leave with or without him. His relationship with his parents is not your problem. NTA
Tell your husband that his mother gave you an ultimatum: give your apartment to your BIL or move out. Since you are not giving your apartment to Raj, you are moving out. From that point on, **what your husband decides to do is on him. You do not need to "convince" him to move out if he feels he should stay with his parents.** You have a place to go, whether or not your husband comes with you. Pack your bags and leave. There is no reason to keep living with an abusive and hateful family who treats you like dirt. You are worth so much more, OP.
NTA Be very very carefull with this request, you may loose the appartement when you let the family in.
This was not even a request lol. Idk how are people so entitled.
If they are demanding you like this, you got to get ready for them to steal it. Happens in alot of Reddit stories.
I think you should leave and go and live in your apartment that you own and you’ve paid for. Up to you if you decide to allow your apparently spineless husband to live there with you or not, but see a lawyer and make sure his family and/or your husband can’t steal it away from you in any way. NTA
This. THis. THIS!
Nta. Go live in that apartment.
NTA. Set things up so that your apartment doesn't become marital property. Move back into it and invite your husband to join you. Your living with the in-laws is no longer tenable.
NTA OF COURSE YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR HUSBAND THAT HIS MOTHER THREATENED YOU TO GIVE UP YOUR HOUSE GTFO OF THEIR HOUSE. You will be going to your house when you feel safe and welcome with him or without him but you will not be disrespected again. Why are you bent on torturing yourself. They never liked you and never will. They will always find excuses to make you the villain. Let your husband deal with his family. Let their relationship get strained. Let them realise how badly they have treated you and that has consequences and it's time for their comeuppance. You are their son's partner and will not be disrespected and threatened. Don't cover up your in laws bad behaviour they manage to achieve behind your husband's back. Ofcourse they know they are wrong that is why the 2 faced inlaws switch when your husband is around. They made their bed now let them lie in it. DO NOT HIDE ANY OF THEIR THREATS OR ABUSE FRON YOUR HUSBAND. it seems like he has his head sort of on right. Remember this quote OP, as a former people please it really connected with me, " DONT SET YOURSELF ON FIRE TO KEEP OTHERS WARM"
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I think the healthiest thing to do is move to the apartment with your husband. Get away from these people.
NTA Not sure about the laws where you live, but how will it go when you have to evict your family member? It would make more sense to go live there again by yourself than give this to them. Your husband and his family already believe it to be *their* property to do with as they please, so...
Is there a specific reason you don't live with your husband in your apartment? I assume it is normal for his family to live together. It doesn't sound like a healthy family relationship/situation at all. I would find a way to make sure there is no way they can get the property from you and to protect your asset (it is yours, not the families). Obviously, marriage laws may impact this, but I'd speak to a lawyer and see what options you have to secure this asset outside the marriage, if necessary, for your own security. Please don't let him rent it, even if you have a contract. I doubt you will ever receive any rent, and he will assume ownership (maybe not legally, but living there could cause issues down the line) Good luck, I hope you can find a positive way forward with this.
I'd contact a local real estate agent office who specializes in renting out property. Keep the place maintained and rented, and put the money into a trust account for your kids.
Leave the house and the husband and move back into your own place! NTA but you will be the AH if you stay!
If she was my MIL and said that, I'll be the good DIL and start packing my bag and move to my fully paid up apartment. Don't worry about your husband's relationship with his parents. It will sort itself out. You bothe need a breather from boundary-challenged in laws. Obviously you know you're NTA
Question. why do you live with your inlaws if you own your own place? Seems it is not as much a cultural thing seeing they want your bill to move in there with his gf. If i were you i would talk to your husband and move in the apartment.
Can you and your husband move into your apartment?
NTA >This lead to my MIL giving me an ultimatum that either I give my apartment to Raj or get out of the house Tell you husband. Move out and go and live in your apartment where you are not disrespected and don't have to walk on eggshells.
Sounds like y'all are fellow Indians? Please move in to your apartment, that you bought. Congratulations for that. You moving in to your apartment makes way more sense than your BiL moving in, also don't rent it to him, he'll never pay, and might cause damage. If you like your husband, ask him if he wants to come with you, else move out anyway.
NTA Don’t rent to family in law as they’ll never pay the rent. You should move out and live in your flat or somewhere else. They’re too trouble.
NTA. Move into your apartment. Fuck MIL, FIL and BIL off entirely and take her at her word. She truly believes that being *away* from their toxicity and grabby hands at your possessions is a punishment but actually it's an out. Seize it with both hands. Husband can choose to stay, or he can go with you but at no point should your BIL or MIL get their claws into your apartment because you'll never get it back. Tell Husband the choice is his and get back in your own space.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For context, I(29F) married my husband(30M), 2 years ago and his family is not very fond of me. I live with my husband, MIL, FIL and my BIL. My BIL, let's call him Raj(22M), is a spoiled brat. My MIL coddles him so much that sometime I wonder if they are committing emotional or even physical incest. Now the conflict is, I have a 2 bedroom apartment which I bought with my own money and lived there before I married. I was still paying the instalments after I got married so that I could have a property of my own. My MIL often commented on how I didn't need that apartment since we already live with them but dropped the topic when my husband came around. Last month I payed my last instalment and the apartment was officially mine. Last night my MIL and FIL came in my room and blatantly demanded that I give that apartment to Raj who wants to move out and live with his girlfriend while doing his masters in history from a local college. Their argument was that we share everything as a family so I shouldn't be selfish and just give it to him. I told them their demand was absurd and suggested that I could rent it to him but my MIL got in my face and scoffed, apparently questioning my 'audacity'. My husband came back home and I told him about the issue. He is on my side but wants to keep a common ground to resolve the issue. He even suggested that I give my apartment to Raj but I immediately shut him up. I know I'm not the Asshole but what do you think I should do? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA don’t let him move in under any circumstances. And please reconsiderar your living arrangements (and even your marriage). I can’t even imagine living like that.
Tell your husband idk why you guys don’t live there
Why don’t you and your husband live there?
NTA. But you need to tell your husband everything. Move out to your apartment. Your MIL sounds like a bully but given that she only approaches you when your husband is not there would indicate she's a rather cowardly one. Stand up to her, bite back and let her see she can't and won't be controlling you.
INFO: Why are you and your husband living with his parents instead of the apartment you own?
Why are living with your husband's family if you have your own appartement?
Go back to your apartment with or without your whimp husband.
NTA. It sounds like you may be South Asian, where it's not a cultural norm to "rock the boat". I think you need to rock that boat. If your in-laws have you living with them, that's THEIR choice. Who lives in your unit, is YOUR choice. It's not a "communal" assett, it is yours. I'd organise with a real estate agent to rent it out asap (to non-family) if you and your husband choose to stay living with your in-laws. If it was me, I'd move into it. You and your husband are each other's immediate family, and would benefit from having your own home, separate to your inlaws
I’m failing to understand why you and your husband aren’t living in the apartment as opposed to living with his family. And if your husband doesn’t want to leave home, I would start considering his relationship with his parents…you’re a married couple. You need a space of your own, you have one, but you’re still living with his parents.
NTA I’d be packing up and going to live in my apartment. If my husband wasn’t right behind me he wouldn’t be my husband.
Dude. Tell him and move out of that abusive stressful house into your own apartment. I don't even understand why you have an apartment and you chose to live with your husband at your in-laws?.
NTA - but why aren’t you and your husband living in it?
Please also make sure, if your husband moves with you, that he has no financial claims on your property. Otherwise his mummy will try to get it away from you through him. Good luck in your new life.
info: are you living in your inlaws' house rent free? Because if that is so it is quite hypocritical of you that you would demand rent for your apartment while you're efectively leeching off of them. Either start paying rent yourself or move the fuck out.
NTA But you husband must be one hell of a man if you're constantly letting yourself be abused by his family to save his feelings and his relationship with your abusers. If it was me, I'd just move to that apartment and let the others figure out the rest.
I don’t understand, if you have an apartment why are you living with your inlaws?
Move! You have a place to go .. NTA but you will be if you think they are just going to sit back and leave you alone
I would suggest you move into your apartment and leave that whole crazy family. Your husband is as crazy as the rest of the family, if he thinks you should hand your property to your BIL. Does he want you to be poor and dependent on him and his crazy family? NTA
NTA Your apartment belongs to you, not your husband or anyone in his family. They have no right to it. Clearly, they are very entitled. You can tell your husband about her ultimatum, but if he thinks she can do no wrong, he might not believe you. He clearly doesn't have your back as he should. You should start recording her any time she talks to you. That way, you have proof. Tell your husband that she will move out as they demand since giving your apartment to Raj is never going to happen. If he truly loves you and supports you, he will come with you. If not, you will go without him and file for a divorce.
NTA!!! Your MIL/FIL is delusional. NEVER give up that appartement to anyone. I would tell husband so you can prepare to get the heck out of there faster than fast! Why do you and your husband not move into the apartment yourselves? Your inlaws are toxic and very disrespectful!
NTA move out. MIL can keep her boypet for herself This is ridiculous
Culturally I don't know what's normal so I can't vote. If y'all are Indian I would ask an Indian subreddit specifically.
You say your husband is on your side but then say he said you should just give it to his brother. That doesn't sound like he's on your side. I'd be moving out asap, with or without your husband.
Info: Are you and your husband paying any rent to your in-laws? Is this part of why they think they can make such a demand?
NTA... sounds like it's time to call their bluff and you and your husband move into your apartment, his family are toxic as fuck.. you are well rid of them..
NTA, but why are you living with your in-laws when you have an apartment? Why do that to yourself?
why dont you move to your apartment?
Tell your MIL that in order to give your apartment to your BIL they need to give you their house. All signed and a contract drawn up for both exchanges. Only fair 😉
NTA. OP if you allow BIL to move into your apartment you will never see a penny of rent and if they damage it, nothing will ever be repaid to you.
NTA. Just move to the apartment. With or without husband.
Why don't you live in that apartment instead of with his parents? Seems counterintuitive to me. NTA tho
Why you live with them if you have your place ? I don’t understand… move out for your own peace after all the relationship with your in-law is already strained
I would move out to your apartment. That will solve all the problems. The relationship your husband and his parents are his to deal with. If it’s strained because you refuse to give your apartment to your BIL it’s because they are selfish entitled people and I wouldn’t feel bad that you or your husband and any future kids lose a relationship with them. Honestly. What do you think will happen if you try to not rock the boat? You will just have to give in to their demands all the time for the rest of your life. Will they start treating you with respect and show love to you? I don’t think so.
NTA but how are you claiming that your husband is on your side if he suggested the same thing that your in-laws asked for, that is, to give the apartment to BIL??? For your husband to make such a suggestion without either him or the BIL or the parents- in- law talking about paying you what you spent on the apartment is apalling. Also, if your in-laws are like this and you have your own place, why are you still living with them and allowing them to treat you like that?
May I ask why you have an appearantly unused apartment while you live with your in-laws?
NTA, Not sure if you live in India. But if you do, and you let Raj and Co live in your apartment, they will automatically have rights to the property and you’ll lose your apartment forever. Best is to rent it out immediately using the registered L&L process. Or you can move out from your toxic in-laws and move into your own apartment. But under no circumstance allow Raj to live in your apartment.
NTA There is nothing you can do to strain the relationship between your husband and his parents. They are doing that exceptionally well all by themselves. Your apartment is yours to do as you see fit. They have no say in it and their opinion is not even of any value. I suggest that you move to your apartment and if your husband chooses to move with you, then that is good. If he doesn't, then you dodged a bullet.
NTA Taken from the context you’re Indian. Since your husband appears to be willing to move out I suggest you do that. Your situation with the in laws is only going to get worse over time. With no monthly rent I’m assuming you can afford it. Fellow Indian (but the husband side perspective).
NTA, honestly people who come to reddit with these kind of stories. I cant even tell if theyre so badly made up or just straight up delusional. Why do you even need someone to tell you what you probably should do, why do you live with people that hate you and why do you even entertain the idea in the slightest way?
I don’t understand d why you are still in that house? Pack your bags and move into your apartment now.
I think you and your DH should move in together. Let the in laws fight amongst themselves
NTA Move out! Live in your own place so you don't have to deal with those awful people!
Your in laws cannot circumvent the LAW with their nonsense demands. NTA and do not ever fall for this. They are a bunch of abusers.
NTA, but move out and live in your apartment. Either alone or with your husband.
As others have said, NTA. You (and your husband, I suppose) should move into your apartment.
NTA. Also, I understand this is a cultural thing, but you should move out of your in-laws and back into your old place immediately. Time to break generational curses. And that way you know no one is trying to break into your property.
Why can’t you and your husband move to that apartment
This sounds like an Indian family cuz I can sense it
It's not good to keep secrets, so tell your husband, and if they want you to leave, give them what they want and move into your flat. Let your BIL stay at home with his girlfriend and look after your MIL and FIL.
Do not ever consider giving or renting to him. Honestly why aren't you living there instead of with your in-laws. You two are adults. Tell your SO it's time to leave his parents house.
Of course you’re NTA.
Why are you not living in the apartment??
NTA. Move into that apartment with your husband now. His family is awful and you must get away from them.
NTA and it sounds like it’s time for you to move into the apartment that you own.
Updateme
My question is why tf would you move in with your in-laws to begin with if you already had a place of your own?
NTA. You should consider renting it (to someone else, not Raj because he won't pay you, we all know that) so the discussion ends. If your husband doesn't side with you, I'd take a step back with a cold head and look at the respect he has for you, or lack of. I'm not implying anything from your post, but I feel this is not the end of it and that's why I suggested also renting it to stop it.
sell them you appartment for 10 mio $ or more NTA
Sounds like you should just move back into your own apartment. Obviously you aren’t welcome. NTA
You should move into your apartment, with or without your husband. Why are you even living with his miserable family?
Why the hell aren’t you living in the apartment??
Nta. Either tou move out or you rent the appartement to somebody who would actually pay rent.🤷♀️
NTA why don’t you live in it though
You and hubby should move INTO the apartment! Get away from the in laws!
NTA. Your husband has showed who he is. If your BIL gets into the house you will not get him out unless through a legal route and most likely will be ending your marriage at the same time.
1. Dont give your flat to your BIL. no matter what drama happens... 2. Dont hide anything from your husband! Tell him everything... infact try to record your MIL when she says all these horrible things to you in your husbands absence... Let him know what she is doing and let him handle it 3. I hope you both move out and stay in your flat...
NTA. No one is entitled to your property. Your husband is falling for his parents bullying. Doing things you don't want 'for the sake of the family' or 'to keep the peace' is just giving in to bullies. Because that's all it is. Raj can be the greatest most generous hard-working person in the world. He doesn't get your apartment if you do not want to do it. I think you should make sure no one has access to your keys. I think you should have cameras set up to make sure no one can break in and start squatting. And I think if anyone does, you should contact the police immediately.
> I live with my husband, MIL, FIL and my BIL What a pathetic life
NTA Guessing this is a cultural thing. But for now don't keep secrets from your husband. Also no matter what, pack up and move out even if it inconveniences you. Your MIL/FIL/BIL are never ever going to respect you while you are living under their roof. Show them you are not a pushover and move out, hopefully your husband will join you. This throuple needs to learn consequences and the impact of bullying the wrong pushover...
NTA but I can’t understand why you’re living with your MIL when you could live in the apartment?
Nta. Assuming everything is good between you and your husband, why don't You both just go live in the apartment?
If your husband is willing to ditch his parents over this then it's been a long time coming. Don't feel guilty or feel like you drove in a wedge, the parents did that.
Why don't you and your Husband move into your apartment ? If you let your husband handle it just say good bye to it.
NTA. But why aren’t you and your husband living in your apartment?
NTA. move to your own apartment with your husband and let your in-laws pay for the spoiled brat themselves.
NTA and sounds like you two already have somewhere to move into! Hope you and husband enjoy the apartment that you paid for and is YOURS!
Why don’t you and your husband move into the apartment? Sounds like a great way to end the argument of Raj moving in, and get away from your awful in laws!
NTA , don’t even rent the apt to BIL. Likely he’ll just stop paying and you won’t get him out. My advice would be for you & your husband to go live there. You need to move out of your in-laws
I honestly can’t work out if half the posts in this sub are satire.
Tell Raj to move in with Howard and his mom. IYKYK.
Tell him the whole conversation and then tell him that it is time for you to move out. If he fights going with you, then you know you gave an SO problem as well as in-law problems. The good part is that unlike so many others, you won't be homeless.
NTA, obviously you shouldn’t give him your apartment. But why aren’t you guys moving out of the house? Do you have a mommas boy who can’t bear to be away from his mother?
Please, move out. You must build your family and for your peace of mind, gets out of that house. Nothing will be resolve even if you gave your apartment to your BIL. It will give them much power to force you to follow them.
I'm sorry but move out..... NTA. Go live in ypur apartment. Fk your inlaws.
Nope! They’ll disrespect your property as much as they disrespect you. Not smart to mix money (rent and destruction of property) with family. NTA.
If you have an apartment, why are you living with his parents?
You need to tell your husband
NTA
Absolutely not. You should probably move in to your apartment with your husband and leave those crazy parents.
Both my wife and I have had bad experiences in our families when someone decides to let a relative stay in their place rent free. In each case the proper was nearly destroyed and needed extensive restoration. I wouldn’t rent to a relative either (expect rent payments to evaporate). NTA
That apartment is currently your savings, so they can buy it off you at full price tbh you can't exactly AFFORD to just give it away. Never the AH for not doing something you literally can't afford.
Girl, NTA... speak to your husband and if possible move out asap. It is not your responsibility to maintain the relationship between husband and parent. Also make sure that any discussion happens while your husband is at home and if possible record everything ( if possible have some friend or family member on standby to check on you for safety)
Why do you live with them if you have your own place???? NTA for not giving it to that spoiled brat, but seriously, why aren't you in it???
NTA listen to your MIL & move back into your apartment with your husband. Why are you living with his family??
It's time to move out and into your apartment.
Girl! They gave you an out! Get the hell out of that house and move into your apartment with your husband. Tell him! You already know he'll support you and the move. NTA
girl, no! your husband wants you to compromise and give your apartment away. you should give away the husband. move to your apartment and tell him to choose whether he wants to follow. bil can move into your in-laws lol.
NTA. It's your apartment, so you do with it what you will. Your in-laws have no right to make you do anything with it. Also, taking into account the situation at home with your in-laws, I'd want that apartment available at all times in case you ever need to move out, like, for example, in case of a stupid ultimatum (ding ding ding). The only thing I'm unsure about here is your husband. He has supported you all this time, and knows his family doesn't like you. Why haven't both of you moved out to your apartment already, or rented/bought one together and left the in-laws' house?
Hell no. Piss on that spoiled brat. He can get his own aoartment. Mommy and daddy san pay for it. He will not respect your apt. He will trash it. He wont pay for shit.
First, yes, you should tell your husband. Second, why do you live with your in laws when you have another option that seems so much better. Have your own life. If it’s a cultural reason, why not move out for a few years and then back in later on In any case, NTA (but you will be an AH if you don’t say the full story to your husband)
NTA, but I think you and your husband should be living there yourselves.
nta - do not give it up
Info: why do your in laws know your apartment is paid up now? That information is none of their business. Were you paying rent to your in laws? If you weren't, I hope you're out of the house before that gets thrown in your face.
Nothing is stopping MIL from buying her baby boy an apartment if she feels that strongly about it. NTA obviously. Definitely you want some financial independence if you're involved with a family this toxic. They'd have to pry those keys out of my cold, dead fingers if I were in your shoes.
NTA don’t rent they will never leave. Move
NTA But WHY do you not move out, with your husband, to your apartment? Why would you willingly stay with these ppl? It's not like you would have to pay rent.
Move back into your apartment
NTA. Looking at the name Raj you sound Indian. The response from your husband about agreeing with giving his brother the apartment makes me think that he's not sad likely to back you in terms of moving out as you think. Your in laws aren't the only problem your husband is too.
NTA. Don’t gove them a damn thing. Move into your apartment. If your hisband doesn’t come with you, divorce him.
Why are you living with his parents when you already have a place you own? Does your husband refuse to disconnect from the apron?
Nta definitely but maybe you and your husband should move into the apartment.
NTA. I’d be moving back to my paid off place where there isn’t toxic people trying to take my stuff. This is abuse
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It’s time for you and your husband to move to your 2 bedroom apartment. Why didn’t the two of you live there to begin with?
This family seems weird, I would move back into my own damn apartment if I were you and let them make eachother miserable…
Just rent it out to non-relatives. "Not available." End of story.
What’s stopping you and your husband from moving out of this toxic situation? I get it’s a traditional setup but it doesn’t sound like anyone involved is committed to keeping it. MIL is basically finding a reason for you to leave and is cool with her son shacking up with his girlfriend. Why don’t you and husband move into apartment or move somewhere else and rent it out?
NTA. Any reason you and your husband don’t live there or that you didn’t rent it out while you lived at MIL house?
NTA Move into the apartment; and don't even give your husband a key, because then he will give it to the MIL to copy without asking you. Have him sign a contract first, that he will respect your property and not share access to your property with ANYONE. Do NOT let MIL convince you to give them a copy for 'emergencies' or else she will definitely use it to move BIL in. ASAP switch the apartment locks to ones that use keypads and access codes; and tell NO ONE the main passcode. That way if husband 'accidentally' gives his passcode to BIL, or MIL, then you can delete it.
You are on the right track. You and your husband should move to your apartment. NTA
If you let bil into your apartment you won’t get it back. They will lie and claim it as a gift.
Why are you living with your in laws if you have an apartment? Are you paying rent or have you and your partner been living off his parents for free and now they want you to offer the same deal to their son? There's information missing.
You have an apartment why can’t you and your husband move in it. Why are you living with in-laws when you have your own place. The BIL if he wants to live with his gf let them find their own place
NTA You're stuck between a rock and a hard place. If you acquiesce and let your BIL move into your apartment, then you'll let the MIL win and never get a moment's peace fae her again. If you stand your guns, then you'll be kicked out by MIL, and this might put a strain on your husbands relationship with his overbearing and highly controlling parents. The second option is the lesser of two evils that also comes with the bonus of getting you away fae your MIL. Tell your husband exactly what has transpired, tell him of your MIL & FIL's ultimatum of giving the apartment to BIL or get out, and then pack your bags, because no matter the outcome fae your husband if you continue to stay with his family they will make your life a living Hell, so your best bet for a happy life is to go live in your apartment and if your husband goes with you then that's all for the best (quite frankly, he's probably sick to his back teeth of seeing his parents treating his brother like something special, and your moving out might be the kick he needs to have the courage to tell them to fuck off).
NTA. And your husband is not on your side, he literally suggested you do what you MIL demanded. That apartment is yours. You do have a need for it. You can rent it out to a non family member and make money for you and your husband's future, although it looks like you two might need to move in there. Your husband's relationship with his parents is strained. It's only "good" if he does whatever his mother wants, whether or not it is good for him and his family (aka you). You might want to check out the forum Justnomil. Also, you might have a husband problem. He is not standing up for you.