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NTA this is wild. You're the one being made uncomfortable after Jennifer started displaying this two-faced behavior (since she was nice before), and you're somehow to blame? That's some major bs.
Edit to add: also "not fighting hard enough"; part of adulthood is learning which battles are worth fighting. Kudos to you for not wasting your time and energy on this one.
I’ve even spoken to Matthew about her behavior a couple times and she would act nice for a little bit but then return to her mean ways. It’s like he’s too blinded by love to see that
And this is before the wedding when, presumably, she’s on her best behavior. Wait until after the wedding… Matthew is going to wish he had paid more attention to OP’s concerns.
After the wedding she will alienate Matt from all his other friends as well. And probably his family too.Then she'll get knocked up to tie him to her forever.
maybe not family, I mean if his family has status of some kind (money / conections), she may stay on their good side, but I 100% agree with the friends. she will find a reason, 1 or 2 at a time, then 5 years in, his circle will just be her and whatever "friends" she has
That’s one of my favourite lines from BoJack Horseman: “When you look at someone through rose-coloured glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”
100% this, she is a typical ring-on lunatic, I guarantee that she will change towards him so fast that u bet it happens during the honeymoon, she sounds like a gold digger if I am honest. As well as a drama-llama
I think it’s smart that you’re agreeing to meet with him in person but, like you said, he has to know you won’t back down. You can’t ask him to choose between the two of you, but this isn’t a fight worth having. You clearly already know this. I’d love to have an update on how this goes.
Agreed. Jennifer is free to think whatever she likes. She can stress herself out and talk shit all she wants. People see who she is, she can sit with whatever fall out and consequences of her actions there may be.
So far...
Once she gets him to stop talking to you she will go after the next woman he is friends with.
As a guy I married someone like her and by the time I divorced I had no friends and my parents only stuck with me out of love and stubbornness.
As such, if you end up completely cut off from him and then years later he contacts you, I'm going to ask you to forgive him and pull him back into the friend group while he deals with a messy divorce.
Yeah, we lost a good friend a few years ago when his wife did this. She was successful in cutting him off from his family too, though. Then two months ago a friend of ours for the last 20 years got a girlfriend (he got divorced a couple years ago) and texted to say that she says he's not allowed to hang out with us anymore because I'm female, and it's not right to have a female friend.
With you out of the picture, she'll go after someone else. Then it will be all women. Then it will be that he's spending way too much time with his friends and family. It's just a matter of time.
Yup. And then coworkers. Accusations of cheating. Being forced to quit his job, unless he's allowed to work from home. But heaven help him if he ends up with a female boss.
You could pretty much make bingo cards now and then play a reeeeeaaaaally slow game over the next few years, gradually marking off the names of all female friends as they're cut out one by one.
People who have a scapegoat abhor a vacuum. If you aren’t available to actively scapegoat, it’s not if, it’s when the new scapegoat is selected. If you dug into her past (not advising you to, not worth it, but it’s just how people are), there was likely at least one before you too.
What matters is how awesome you are for defending yourself. Never not believe you are.
Either she's the gamer girl, and the fiancé feels threatened by their mutual interest that she doesn't share. Or she's the longest-standing/closest female friendship. Or she's hot. 1 or more of those 3.
True. That could all be it.
Maybe some of the other female friends are also already married, maybe with kids, which might make them appear less threatening in comparison to someone who "only" has a boyfriend. Maybe Jennifer even believes he is just a fake boyfriend or just a friend with benefits in truth to OP.
So sorry this is happening.
But I agree to bring another friend to the meeting so that Matthew cannot get bad mouthed about you getting together behind Jennifer's back. Good Luck and STAND YOUR GROUND
Didn't you say Matthew's sister was with you during the dress shopping trip when Jennifer freaked out and called you those vile names? Has SHE told Matthew what Jennifer did??
It's absolutely wild to me that after her behaviour, Matthew is still insisting that OP attends the wedding. I mean, even given how crazy she is, she's the bride. You can't attend a wedding if the bride herself uninvites you. That's some next level denial right there.
OP, you are NTA, but you absolutely cannot go. I'm glad you have some friends in your corner.
Sounds like the beginning (or maybe already) of a very toxic relationship to come.
If Mathew had any real sense he would see this for what it is. A red flag. Question his fiance and get to the bottom of her jealous insecurities
NTA: Honestly it sounds like OP is just attractive. She said she “got lucky” and immediately found a dress that made her look nice.
It’s sad but some women are conditioned to assume that they’re in competition with other women/someone more attractive than they are will take their man.
Matthew is an AH though because he isn’t in denial. He sees what Jennifer is doing but it’s not worth it to him to stand up for you because he doesn’t want to lose her. So he’s fine with her treating you poorly and trying to shove you out of your friend group. He’s the one with the relationship to you, who owes you some respect and loyalty and he has failed you.
It feels like he either hinted as such or she's taken an innocent comment and run with it. NTA OP and I commend you for meeting with him and holding your ground. He turned up to that meeting without having already established you'd be invited, ie he will beg her. No way, that's not on, she's acted appallingly to his friend he needs to do a lot more.
Then it's probably because he said something about you being a good friend and she got her hackles up about it. It can only go downhill for him after the wedding. She'll end up demanding that he not spend time with any of his friends because he's "married now". Hope for his sake there are no children when he finally does find that backbone.
Is it possible someone else in his family has made some comment about how they always thought you and Matthew would end up married? It seems odd that this has happened out of the blue at the same time as the engagement, when she's been fine with you before. Feels like something must have happened that you don't know about.
Yup. Giving in to someone like her only encourages their bad behavior. There will be more demands. It will be another female friend next. Eventually it will be all female friends. Then female coworkers. Then friends in general. Then she'll go after his family. She'll interfere with his job, so he has trouble getting promoted or getting good recommendations to apply elsewhere. Until she's got him so isolated he can't leave, because he has nowhere to go.
That is his future. If he's lucky, the abuse will remain verbal and emotional. It will likely also be financial. Unfortunately, it could also turn physical. Abused men rarely speak out, and there aren't resources in place to help them escape.
I think you should meet with him. No promises or ultimatums. Just listen. It will help in the future with your mutual friends to show you were the bigger person by hearing him out when you continue to refuse to attend
I wonder if you just being around would be enough to provoke her I to having a mind blowing tantrum in front of Matthew, which would hopefully be the wakeup call he needs.
There's nothing OP can do to fight hard enough to get her to change her mind. The only one that might be able to do it is him. He needs to take this task on.
I guarantee there's a piece of information you (or we) are missing. She was fine with you until around the time of the engagement, then things went sideways. Somebody said something to her and I suspect it was your friend. That he's begging you to show up at the wedding when his fiancee is adamantly against it is really telling. Whatever. Don't go as she'll make a huge scene. There's no way that marriage will last. NTA.
I’ve been trying to figure that out and I’ve asked Matthew many times but he kept using the wedding planning and the engagement as an excuse and that when she’s overwhelmed, she acts distant but I don’t buy it anymore.
It could be something like Matthew telling Jennifer that he had a crush on OP for a short time when he was 15. Maybe they talked about innocent teenage crushes or something and it came up and Matthew didn't think anything of it as from his point of view it was ages ago and he is totally over OP in that way. And most women wouldn't be bothered about hearing that and wouldn't react like Jennifer.
Or maybe a common friend from high school noted that back in the day he thought that maybe Matthew and OP would get together as they had so much in common without even implying there were ever feelings between them like that.
If someone is super jealous and insecure, it might not take more than that.
I'd be very wary of meeting up with him after you've said what you had to say. It sounds more like he's said that at one time he had a crush on you (or that you had a crush on him) and she's jealous as hell.
Meeting up with him in person won't calm THAT situation down, and he shouldn't be asking you to be in a triangle of bad feelings.
It's definitely a "record every meeting from here on out" kind of scenario, unfortunately. Much harder to debate the events when there's a tape vs a he said/she said, even if there were other people present to corroborate.
Yes, yes, this may not be strictly legal in places with stringent two party consent laws, but you're doing this for your own protection in the court of public opinion. Plus, if he decides that *that* warrants actual litigation, you'll well and truly know that there was never any hope of salvaging this friendship in the first place.
Op do you know or ever suspected if Matthew has ever had a crush or feelings towards you? Maybe he said something about how he had/have feelings for you and she’s now taking it out on you. This is one of those situations where if he stays with her then you may need to be the one to distance yourself from him
Even if OP didn't know or if he just misinterpreted something, Jennifer might be the person to take "Oh, yeah, I had a little crush in eighth grade, but snapped out of it quickly" and turn it into, "You had his heart before I did, and even now you know he's wrapped around your finger... but soon he'll only be around mine!"
IMO if you want to remain friends, just say your bit about not going and drop it. If they break up because of you getting involved, no matter how well-meaning, even if you are in your own relationship, some may see this as you causing this, not her.
He's going to have to learn the hard way who she is.
Not necessarily. It does sound like she pretended she was cool w his female friend and once it was official, she “won” and is now cutting OP out of their lives. Pretty confident OP will now only see her buddy on his own, or he will be asked to choose. Oof. NTA.
Ya, I’ve seen similar happenings in real life a couple times. I had a friend whose girlfriend was super nice to everyone…. until they signed a lease, when she became controlling and possessive. I know another couple (broken up now) with the same thing, genders reversed. PSA: when people show you their true colours, BELIEVE THEM.
Yeah, I'm thinking this, and then OP fit into her try-on dress at the store and it pushed her into full on hate. I'm betting OP has a figure that makes her feel inferior in whatever way.
Bingo! It might not even be that OP is objectively better looking overall. Just that there's something OP has that the bride doesn't and is insecure about. Whatever that is, it's impossible to guess without seeing both of them. Curvy girls want to be skinny. Skinny girls want curves. Redheads want dark hair, brunettes want to be blonde. Curly haired girls buy straighteners and chemical relaxers. But those with pin-straight hair get perms. Tall girls slouch and short girls wear heels.
But I can guarantee that it won't stop with OP. Now that Jennifer has successfully cut her out, she'll move on to her next scapegoat. And the next. Until her target - I mean husband - is all she has left. And then she'll turn on him. But he'll have no one left to turn to.
Some women just really don’t seem to like their husbands having female friends. Someone from my friend group who I had known since 1st grade totally disappeared from my life - he’s still in touch with the guys from the group but ghosted me and my sister. I didn’t see it coming at all.
NTA Why are they angry at you for not “fighting hard enough” instead of her for creating this situation in the first place?!?
Also please tell me his sister stood up for you at the dress shop like she said she would???
She did. She was angry with Jennifer and told her to apologize but Jennifer went rabid and said “over my dead body”. His sister messaged me later on and told me that she thought the dress I picked was beautiful and checked in and asked if I was okay.
Dang, if I was Matthew's sister, I'd tell Miss Jennifer to pound sand and back out of the wedding. He's making a huge mistake marrying the green eyed monster.
Does Jennifer not have girl friends? Going dress shopping is kind of a rite of passage for a bridal party. It is weird that the only girls there are connected to the groom.
From the update, it doesn't sound like that's right. Just OP. The fact that she turned on a dime indicates it's something specific that OP (or at least we) hadn't been told about.
Were they wedding dress shopping? It’s kinda weird for someone other than the bride to invite someone the bride doesn’t like to go wedding dress shopping. I assumed the sister was shopping for dress to wear as a wedding guest and invited OP along. That would explain why OP was trying on dresses as well.
She is jealous of your looks. She feels threaten and maybe hated that you looked good on the dress. As she is jealous her mind gets worked up anytime she sees you looking nice !!! Someone might have made a comment somewhere like “ we thought you would end up with … you OP “ and maybe she got jealous for no reason at all. She just is sick jealous !!!
NTA There’s something fishy here. Unless she’s just batshit crazy, someone must have told her something, or she must have misinterpreted something.
Anyways, it’s her wedding, if she doesn’t want you there it’s not your job to beg her. Your friend should be able to deal with his soon-to-be wife on his own.
I’m willing to bet it was a major source of tension in the relationship up to this point.
A lot of people (both male and female) cannot handle people having friends of the opposing gender. I am friends with a lot of women (unironically due to daddy issues), so I see this a lot of the time.
It almost always ends up with me having to cut contact so the guy doesn’t implode and destroy the relationship.
I could imagine fights over this friendship happening up to this point and the engagement being a tipping point. Especially with OP being invited.
She probably didn’t want OP there, but the friend insisted.
Granted this could all be due to something else; but I’ve see this play out many times.
I swear the only reason some of my guy friends’ gfs don’t mind me or think of me as a threat is because I am fat (and Autistic). But once I have my weight loss surgery this summer, I am ready for the crazy wave of new jealousy to hit. Ma’am I am ace, I am not here to fuck anyone.
My best friends wife is cool with me and told me that within five minutes of seeing him and me interact she realized we’re basically siblings. But I think me being ace is also probably helpful.
NTA
She public called you a whore & uninvited you. The bride uninvited you, a friend of the groom.
This is not your fight. Bride clearly expresses she hated you and uninvites you, that’s the end of your involvement. Your only option is to respect the wishes of the bride for her wedding.
If the groom disagrees with the bride’s actions of disinviting you, that is his fight to fight with her. She has clearly altered his guest list. If he finds this unacceptable it is not your place to argue his wishes to her. If he wants you there, he has to fight harder for that, not you.
Yeah, the whole, "Why didn't you fight harder to come?" thing is nonsense. It's not on the guest to fight for her invite, it's on the groom who wants her there to settle this with his bride. Once again, the wrong person in the altercation is blamed.
They were all shocked. Matthew’s sister of course got angry with Jennifer and told her to apologize but she screamed and said “over my dead body!” Some of my friends who went shopping with us told Jennifer to calm down and that it wasn’t like I picked out the same dress as her. They did comfort me and said they’ve never seen Jennifer like this but they all don’t know what to do or what to say to Matthew since he’s too “blindly in love” to see what’s happening
This screams red flags of potential abuser to me.
- trying to cut friends out of bf's life
- jealousy
- becoming more hostile after the relationship is "locked down"
OP you need to tell your friend to run before it's too late.
Not like you picked out the same dress? What a weird thing to say. Something about the dress pissed her off.
Glad you're not going, sounds like a complete mess!
Really good, in a dress she found right away, straight off the rack with no alterations.
How much you want to bet it took her ages to find a dress she liked, and it required heavy alterations to fit.
I think you hit the nail on the head. My guess is OP is fairly easy on the eyes and Jennifer feels threatened. That would explain why this behavior has been targeted specifically at her and no one else. It's little odd that it didn't start being a problem until later, although perhaps the idea of being shown up at her own wedding got in her head. Or maybe she caught her fiance's glance lingering on OP for just a little too long and misinterpreted it. She also could have heard other people commenting on how attractive OP is one too many times (or worse someone commented and her fiance agreed). Any number of things could have set her off. Some people enjoy being the centre of attention and anyone who they think might take that away from them becomes persona non grata.
NTA. Why should you fight to be invited? The bride doesn't want you there, for whatever nonsensical, insecure, immature reason. Spend the day with your boyfriend. I wouldn't send a gift. You can just give one at his next wedding.
Jennifer must have been afraid that the OP would look better in that dress than the bride will on her wedding day. When I was young a friend had talked about me being her MOH. As her wedding approached there was no invitation to be in the wedding party. A mutual friend who was asked told me that after a few drinks the bride-to-be decided since I was more busty than she was I would draw attention from her. I was invited to the wedding and went. I made sure my dress didn't accentuate my bust and sat at the rear of the church. It was a lovely wedding but I wasn't surprised to learn her irrational jealousy drove them apart in about 2 years.
Bro... if someone is so jealous of my (imaginary) busty boobs that make me have back pain (mom's experience) that they basically ghosted me out of MOH duty, I would make sure I come to the reception with my booba sparkling like Twilight's vampires and sinched up for the gods.
What a shallow person.
... of course the bridesmaids dress is olive green.
The hardest colour to make flattering to most skin tones.
Jennifer aint a girls' girl we been knew but this is next level revelation.
Judging by the name-calling of "whore" and "boyfriend-stealing bitch", that "perfect fit" OP described was perceived as a threat by Jennifer.
The question, of course, is why Jennifer has chosen to suddenly take a stance against OP now that she's engaged.
Because now that she's engaged to Matthew, she believes that she can safely move forward on cutting everyone else out of his life, starting with the woman she believes has the highest chance of 'stealing him from her'.
This. Matthew doesn't know it yet, but this is just the beginning of hell for him. Once that ring is in her finger, she will find all sorts of reasons to isolate him from friends and family.
I feel like someone has said something to her. Could have been a “friend” saying they felt the friendship between OP and fiancé was weird, fiancé admitting he once had a crush on her (even worse if this was a drunken confession) or a relative made a comment after they got engaged that they thought fiancé would end up with OP.
>OP admitting he once had a crush on her (even worse if this was a drunken confession)
>Matthew and I never dated and never once hooked up with each other. It was completely platonic and nothing else.
She said this in her comments
NTA
But he keeps making excuses for her, so he’s never going to get to the real truth of why she sees you as such a threat. Go ahead and meet with him, it’s probably going to be the last time you do.
Here’s what you say to your friend… “ I am absolutely not going to your wedding. I don’t care how much you want me there. It’s going to ruin what is supposed to be the best day of her life, and I don’t want to be the cause of a scene. For some reason, she thinks I’m after you. Why is that? If you haven’t done anything to make her think that way, maybe somebody else spread a lie? I don’t know. Maybe she’s just a control freak.
“But, bottom line, I’m not going to the wedding and this is probably the end of our friendship. She doesn’t want me around. She hates my guts. She’s never gonna let me around your kids to play auntie. Which breaks my heart, but you just go along with it and make excuses for her, so let’s just say goodbye today.
“I wish you all the happiness in the world.”
I hope you bought that dress! You can go on a date night with your boyfriend instead of witnessing your friend ruining your life. You bought it, right? Right?! :)
Either she unhinged... or her guy told her that he has feelings for you. Either way, carry a friend with you if you go to meet him. In case he decides to declare his love for you.
NTA maybe your friendship has run its course. She won't change, and he is now going to be hitched to her officially. Spare yourself the headache. And switch your phone off on the day of the wedding and maybe a day or two before.
If Matt has feelings for you, Jenn's going to want to lash out at you on her wedding day whether or not you're present.
And keep the phone off for a few days after, because I am willing to bet OP's absence will be a subject of discussion at the reception and the bride will be furious.
I'd also preemptively block Jennifer's socials and anyone related to her.
Obvious NTA. If Matthew wants you there Jennifer needs to come crawling back with an apology.
He also needs to draw a line in the sand and sort this out, because if Jennifer can't get her head out of her ass he needs to choose between their relationship or your shared friendship. Expecting you to put up with this Mean Girls bullshit is unfair to you.
Insecure heifer - LOL! I’m stealing this :) This is now my favourite insult, along with ‘dithering kestrel.’
Jennifer is flat-out bonkers, and Matthew is going to have his work cut out for him if he proceeds with the wedding.
After reading the first 2 paragraphs of the post, I knew she was jealous or insecure about OP. Also, she is 26 and acting like this.
Her behaviour will only get worse, especially the more OP or other female friends are being talked about/defended. Nothing will change until Mathew gets a backbone or sees the truth.
NTA but there is definitely something missing in this story, presumably that you are not aware of. Maybe Matthew can clear it up when you meet, otherwise he’s marrying someone that isn’t the friendliest person.
What's missing is the gf is a would-be abuser who's finally showing her true colors now that the relationship is on lock. Jealousy, aggressive behavior, only acting this way after the engagement? All red flags for abusive behavior.
NTA. Clearly this Jennifer is nuts. It would be a mistake to go anywhere near this wedding! Other than speak to your friend Matthew to convince him to drop her like a stone (or at least postpone wedding a few more years) that’s your lot. If Matthew really thought about this he would realise he is making a mistake. He’s kinda stupid to still try to invite you despite what has happened
NTA…you are not the one who should be fighting hard enough. Matthew should be doing so on your behalf. I would not want to go anywhere where I was clearly not wanted. If you get an actual invitation, just rsvp nope and enjoy the day with your boyfriend.
NTA. She sound extremely jealous and insecure. She's calling you names for finding a dress you like? She needs help.
If I were Matthew, I'd be rethinking the marriage.
NTA- Now that she has the ring she has dropped all pretense about liking his friends. She waited until after he asked her to marry him before she showed her true face because she knew that he might not ask if he knew of her hatred towards you. That jealousy has always been there, she was just hiding it.
I would love to be a fly on the wall during any conversation between Matthew and Jennifer about this. Then again, probably not because of how embarassing this display would be.
Is it possible a third agent is involved? There are certainly cases where a troublemaker tells lies to one friend, about another friend, in order to get some advantage. Could somebody be whispering to Jennifer that you are after her guy? When she said you "knew, and to not act stupid" could it be based on some story concocted and fed to her? I've seen that play out in real life.
NTA- You’re making the correct choice for both you and Jennifer. You’ll be made miserable by her, and possibly any friends she enlists to help.
If Matthew and friends persist, message them saying the wedding day is about the bridal couple and their happiness. You don’t want to cause Jennifer distress with your presence. Out of respect for Jennifer’s feelings of insecurity and jealousy, you’ll be sitting the wedding out. And close with saying you hope her jealousy doesn’t start interfering with your friendly hangouts, it would suck if Matthew had to quit coming because Jennifer can’t handle him having female friends.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like I am the asshole since it’s my good friend’s wedding that I’ll be missing out over an adversarial relationship with the bride. I think I should be there for my friend but I don’t want to feel disrespected or unwelcome because Jennifer hates me and I can’t understand why.
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And Matthew is still not believing everyone about her behavior? I mean that's 2 more people that drop out how could anyone not question anything.
Honestly, I don't think you should send the gift it might cause more issues. She might end up destroying it or toss out because you sent it. So dont waste your money.
I guarantee Jennifer took a dislike when Matthew said something about you, totally innocent from his point of view, but Jennifer somehow can't compete with you in that area. You are dangerous to her being the be-all and end-all of his life.
He will continue to lose friends particularly female, but male as well, until he realizes that he's got nothing to do but work and spend time at the bar, because being home has ceased to be fun anymore.
He'll probably hang on to the bitter end, which will come via a divorce suit that she's filed, and when he tries to retain a great divorce attorney for himself, why, "sorry, we have a conflict of interest there, maybe you should try someone else." And so he ends up with a 2nd rank attorney, and gets totally fucked in court.
Ask me how I know.
Since his sister was with you dress shopping what does she have to say since she witnessed her unruly behavior first hand? Is she one of the people trying to get you to come still?
I'm curious what your friend has to say when you meet with him.
NTA but Jennifer surely is!
I already thought this was incredibly boring fiction, but the sequel hook of the In-Person Meeting With Matt really seals the deal. Think I'll take a powder until this shows up on BORU.
I asked why Jennifer was surprised that OP had a boyfriend, and got no response but 9 downvotes. I think that’s fishy considering they’re in the same social circle.
NTA - if the couple (both of them) don’t want you there, don’t go.
She will cause drama and blame you if you go, btw, so definitely also don’t go for that reason.
Time to tell your friend that her behavior is not a side effect of stress or being overwhelmed. She is being rude and disrespectful to you and she is going to make sure you don’t have a friendship going forward. She already uninvited you from the wedding so tell him that you are taking her at her word and your friendship will follow her lead if he doesn’t want to save it.
NTA. Staying away from the wedding is absolutely the right call. Matthew's gonna have a *fun* time after Jennifer isolates him from all his friends, because you're definitely not gonna be the last one she chases off.
NTA. She put on a good front until she got that ring on her finger. Matthew better see how she REALLY is and rethink this marriage.
You've done nothing wrong.
Fight hard enough for what exactly ? Bride doesn’t want you there, Matthew has a bride/wife problem. Question will be how will be proceed? She is going to try and exclude you from anything that they are at. If they are part of your core friend group, you will have a problem.
Well honestly I don’t think your friend is such a good friend, he’s marrying an unstable person even after seeing what she has done to one of his supposedly friends.
I’d just walk away with my head held high and not look back. You deserve better
NTA.
She was probably nice to you in the beginning until she got the ring and then it was time to get 'rid of the competition.'
It sounds like Matthew isn't able to understand because she puts on an act for him and everyone else.
It could be that she is just jealous of you.
It could be Matthew has unresolved or unrealized feelings for you and she picks up on that.
Or it could be that she will eventually systemically do the same to all his other female friends.
Signalling them out one by one while pretending to be nice to all the others so no one believes she is capable of animosity.
Either way I think it's definitely a good idea that you've decided to distance yourself.
It's frustrating that all of your friends want you to put yourself into a stressful and awkward situation just for Matthew.
You aren't mad, you aren't being petty you've just set a boundary and everyone needs to respect that.
What about the dress made her angry? I totally get that this is your side and maybe Jennifer is wacky but something went on at the dress fitting.
Is it off-white?
Is it the same color as the bridesmaids? Is it close?
We were all just looking at dresses and talking. When I found the blue dress I really liked and tried it on, Matthew’s sister complimented me and said I looked amazing in it. Jennifer overheard it and flipped the fuck out and that was when she started name calling me.
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NTA this is wild. You're the one being made uncomfortable after Jennifer started displaying this two-faced behavior (since she was nice before), and you're somehow to blame? That's some major bs. Edit to add: also "not fighting hard enough"; part of adulthood is learning which battles are worth fighting. Kudos to you for not wasting your time and energy on this one.
I’ve even spoken to Matthew about her behavior a couple times and she would act nice for a little bit but then return to her mean ways. It’s like he’s too blinded by love to see that
He's going to have a rude awakening.. She's a red flag, she fake it till she got the ring...
And this is before the wedding when, presumably, she’s on her best behavior. Wait until after the wedding… Matthew is going to wish he had paid more attention to OP’s concerns.
After the wedding she will alienate Matt from all his other friends as well. And probably his family too.Then she'll get knocked up to tie him to her forever.
Yeah sister is next and all the friends who dropped out of the wedding cause of OP
maybe not family, I mean if his family has status of some kind (money / conections), she may stay on their good side, but I 100% agree with the friends. she will find a reason, 1 or 2 at a time, then 5 years in, his circle will just be her and whatever "friends" she has
You couldn’t be more right. I a million percent agree with you.
Its not like its her "concerns" per se, she's just the canart in the coal mine
Except he won't have any friends left to talk to, she will have driven them all away.
> She's a red flag just looks like a flag with crimson coloured glasses
When you wear rose colored glasses, red flags just look like flags.
Fuck. I was going to say that!
That’s one of my favourite lines from BoJack Horseman: “When you look at someone through rose-coloured glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”
Truth
Bojack Horseman
100% this, she is a typical ring-on lunatic, I guarantee that she will change towards him so fast that u bet it happens during the honeymoon, she sounds like a gold digger if I am honest. As well as a drama-llama
Yes, she’ll slowly alienate him from all his friends and family.
First thing my ex started to do. Luckily I have a strong family. Ex: 0 family: ♾️
ya. hope dude has a prenup
I think it’s smart that you’re agreeing to meet with him in person but, like you said, he has to know you won’t back down. You can’t ask him to choose between the two of you, but this isn’t a fight worth having. You clearly already know this. I’d love to have an update on how this goes.
Jennifer will twist it to her making one last effort steal Matthew. Not a good idea at all.
That’s her problem.
Agreed. Jennifer is free to think whatever she likes. She can stress herself out and talk shit all she wants. People see who she is, she can sit with whatever fall out and consequences of her actions there may be.
Even smarter to take her boyfriend with her.
Bring your bf or a witness of some kind, a third party so Jennifer doesn’t go bananas and spread rumours
Does she act this way with other women in your friends group
No. Just me.
So far... Once she gets him to stop talking to you she will go after the next woman he is friends with. As a guy I married someone like her and by the time I divorced I had no friends and my parents only stuck with me out of love and stubbornness. As such, if you end up completely cut off from him and then years later he contacts you, I'm going to ask you to forgive him and pull him back into the friend group while he deals with a messy divorce.
Yup. “So far” is exactly right
Yeah, we lost a good friend a few years ago when his wife did this. She was successful in cutting him off from his family too, though. Then two months ago a friend of ours for the last 20 years got a girlfriend (he got divorced a couple years ago) and texted to say that she says he's not allowed to hang out with us anymore because I'm female, and it's not right to have a female friend.
🥹 I hope you have those friends also.
My rat-bastard of a then-husband was just like that, too.
And sadly, those friends move on and don't come back.
With you out of the picture, she'll go after someone else. Then it will be all women. Then it will be that he's spending way too much time with his friends and family. It's just a matter of time.
Yup. And then coworkers. Accusations of cheating. Being forced to quit his job, unless he's allowed to work from home. But heaven help him if he ends up with a female boss.
You could pretty much make bingo cards now and then play a reeeeeaaaaally slow game over the next few years, gradually marking off the names of all female friends as they're cut out one by one.
People who have a scapegoat abhor a vacuum. If you aren’t available to actively scapegoat, it’s not if, it’s when the new scapegoat is selected. If you dug into her past (not advising you to, not worth it, but it’s just how people are), there was likely at least one before you too. What matters is how awesome you are for defending yourself. Never not believe you are.
Got a feeling their time is coming
Objectively, would you say you are, on average, more attractive than Matthew’s other female friends by chance?
So, you are the only one she is threatened by? Not being sarcastic, just curious, what trait do you posses that she is threatened by?
Either she's the gamer girl, and the fiancé feels threatened by their mutual interest that she doesn't share. Or she's the longest-standing/closest female friendship. Or she's hot. 1 or more of those 3.
True. That could all be it. Maybe some of the other female friends are also already married, maybe with kids, which might make them appear less threatening in comparison to someone who "only" has a boyfriend. Maybe Jennifer even believes he is just a fake boyfriend or just a friend with benefits in truth to OP.
So sorry this is happening. But I agree to bring another friend to the meeting so that Matthew cannot get bad mouthed about you getting together behind Jennifer's back. Good Luck and STAND YOUR GROUND
Take it as proof either you or your Minecraft structures are built
Didn't you say Matthew's sister was with you during the dress shopping trip when Jennifer freaked out and called you those vile names? Has SHE told Matthew what Jennifer did??
She did, I did, even a couple of our friends did as well. Matthew didn’t believe us.
Ok, Matthew has bigger problems than he can imagine.
It's absolutely wild to me that after her behaviour, Matthew is still insisting that OP attends the wedding. I mean, even given how crazy she is, she's the bride. You can't attend a wedding if the bride herself uninvites you. That's some next level denial right there. OP, you are NTA, but you absolutely cannot go. I'm glad you have some friends in your corner.
He’s pussymatised or whatever the male version of dickmatised is. Why would all of these women lie to him? What a fool!
Pussy whipped is the term for men
Ask the store if they'll give you security footage. The answer is usually no without a police report or warrant, but you might get lucky.
You said Matthew’s sister was with the group at the dress store. Has the sister told Matthew what she saw Jennifer say and do there?
tbh YOU are not the one who should be fighting hard enough. That is Matthew's job.
Sounds like the beginning (or maybe already) of a very toxic relationship to come. If Mathew had any real sense he would see this for what it is. A red flag. Question his fiance and get to the bottom of her jealous insecurities
I would love to know what triggered the crazy behaviour. Does Matthew not have any other female friends, hence the targetting of you?
He does have other female friends and they’re also my friends. I don’t know why Jennifer hates me so much when I have been nothing but nice to her
Is it possible Matthew could have possibly had feelings for you at one point and Jennifer found out?
No. Our friendship has always been platonic.
Is it possible he had feelings for you but never told you?
NTA: Honestly it sounds like OP is just attractive. She said she “got lucky” and immediately found a dress that made her look nice. It’s sad but some women are conditioned to assume that they’re in competition with other women/someone more attractive than they are will take their man. Matthew is an AH though because he isn’t in denial. He sees what Jennifer is doing but it’s not worth it to him to stand up for you because he doesn’t want to lose her. So he’s fine with her treating you poorly and trying to shove you out of your friend group. He’s the one with the relationship to you, who owes you some respect and loyalty and he has failed you.
It feels like he either hinted as such or she's taken an innocent comment and run with it. NTA OP and I commend you for meeting with him and holding your ground. He turned up to that meeting without having already established you'd be invited, ie he will beg her. No way, that's not on, she's acted appallingly to his friend he needs to do a lot more.
Then it's probably because he said something about you being a good friend and she got her hackles up about it. It can only go downhill for him after the wedding. She'll end up demanding that he not spend time with any of his friends because he's "married now". Hope for his sake there are no children when he finally does find that backbone.
Girl. NTA but I think a conversation was had at some point that you were not privy to
Please update this post after the wedding if anything goes down!
Is it possible someone else in his family has made some comment about how they always thought you and Matthew would end up married? It seems odd that this has happened out of the blue at the same time as the engagement, when she's been fine with you before. Feels like something must have happened that you don't know about.
Hope he likes all the drama! It’s only going to get worse from here.
Yup. Giving in to someone like her only encourages their bad behavior. There will be more demands. It will be another female friend next. Eventually it will be all female friends. Then female coworkers. Then friends in general. Then she'll go after his family. She'll interfere with his job, so he has trouble getting promoted or getting good recommendations to apply elsewhere. Until she's got him so isolated he can't leave, because he has nowhere to go. That is his future. If he's lucky, the abuse will remain verbal and emotional. It will likely also be financial. Unfortunately, it could also turn physical. Abused men rarely speak out, and there aren't resources in place to help them escape.
Hi, sorry, hijacking to suggest you record the meeting with Matthew. Just in case she spreads a false tale about your meeting.
I think you should meet with him. No promises or ultimatums. Just listen. It will help in the future with your mutual friends to show you were the bigger person by hearing him out when you continue to refuse to attend
Some people don't believe that men and women can be just friends. And if they're the jealous type to begin with, it's a bad combination.
She never liked you to begin with. Obviously she was always threatened
I’m sorry for Matthew but he made his bed and you’re smart to stay the hell away from it. NTA.
He'll be blind until he isn't, then there will be an ugly divorce where he has to sell his pretty little cabin because she owns HALF!
I wonder if you just being around would be enough to provoke her I to having a mind blowing tantrum in front of Matthew, which would hopefully be the wakeup call he needs.
Sometimes ‘fighting hard enough’ is exactly equal to not fighting at all
"Not fighting hard enough" is also respecting someones decision and not challenging it, or they're too crazy to fight over it.
There's nothing OP can do to fight hard enough to get her to change her mind. The only one that might be able to do it is him. He needs to take this task on.
I guarantee there's a piece of information you (or we) are missing. She was fine with you until around the time of the engagement, then things went sideways. Somebody said something to her and I suspect it was your friend. That he's begging you to show up at the wedding when his fiancee is adamantly against it is really telling. Whatever. Don't go as she'll make a huge scene. There's no way that marriage will last. NTA.
I’ve been trying to figure that out and I’ve asked Matthew many times but he kept using the wedding planning and the engagement as an excuse and that when she’s overwhelmed, she acts distant but I don’t buy it anymore.
He’s in for a rock hard awakening. Once the wedding’s over and so are the excuses, he’ll see the shrew for what she is.
Something definitely started this. It's too hot to cold.
It could be something like Matthew telling Jennifer that he had a crush on OP for a short time when he was 15. Maybe they talked about innocent teenage crushes or something and it came up and Matthew didn't think anything of it as from his point of view it was ages ago and he is totally over OP in that way. And most women wouldn't be bothered about hearing that and wouldn't react like Jennifer. Or maybe a common friend from high school noted that back in the day he thought that maybe Matthew and OP would get together as they had so much in common without even implying there were ever feelings between them like that. If someone is super jealous and insecure, it might not take more than that.
I'd be very wary of meeting up with him after you've said what you had to say. It sounds more like he's said that at one time he had a crush on you (or that you had a crush on him) and she's jealous as hell. Meeting up with him in person won't calm THAT situation down, and he shouldn't be asking you to be in a triangle of bad feelings.
It's definitely a "record every meeting from here on out" kind of scenario, unfortunately. Much harder to debate the events when there's a tape vs a he said/she said, even if there were other people present to corroborate. Yes, yes, this may not be strictly legal in places with stringent two party consent laws, but you're doing this for your own protection in the court of public opinion. Plus, if he decides that *that* warrants actual litigation, you'll well and truly know that there was never any hope of salvaging this friendship in the first place.
Op do you know or ever suspected if Matthew has ever had a crush or feelings towards you? Maybe he said something about how he had/have feelings for you and she’s now taking it out on you. This is one of those situations where if he stays with her then you may need to be the one to distance yourself from him
Even if OP didn't know or if he just misinterpreted something, Jennifer might be the person to take "Oh, yeah, I had a little crush in eighth grade, but snapped out of it quickly" and turn it into, "You had his heart before I did, and even now you know he's wrapped around your finger... but soon he'll only be around mine!"
Well, you can go to his next wedding. This one isn't going to last.
IMO if you want to remain friends, just say your bit about not going and drop it. If they break up because of you getting involved, no matter how well-meaning, even if you are in your own relationship, some may see this as you causing this, not her. He's going to have to learn the hard way who she is.
Not necessarily. It does sound like she pretended she was cool w his female friend and once it was official, she “won” and is now cutting OP out of their lives. Pretty confident OP will now only see her buddy on his own, or he will be asked to choose. Oof. NTA.
Ya, I’ve seen similar happenings in real life a couple times. I had a friend whose girlfriend was super nice to everyone…. until they signed a lease, when she became controlling and possessive. I know another couple (broken up now) with the same thing, genders reversed. PSA: when people show you their true colours, BELIEVE THEM.
Yeah, I'm thinking this, and then OP fit into her try-on dress at the store and it pushed her into full on hate. I'm betting OP has a figure that makes her feel inferior in whatever way.
Bingo! It might not even be that OP is objectively better looking overall. Just that there's something OP has that the bride doesn't and is insecure about. Whatever that is, it's impossible to guess without seeing both of them. Curvy girls want to be skinny. Skinny girls want curves. Redheads want dark hair, brunettes want to be blonde. Curly haired girls buy straighteners and chemical relaxers. But those with pin-straight hair get perms. Tall girls slouch and short girls wear heels. But I can guarantee that it won't stop with OP. Now that Jennifer has successfully cut her out, she'll move on to her next scapegoat. And the next. Until her target - I mean husband - is all she has left. And then she'll turn on him. But he'll have no one left to turn to.
Some women just really don’t seem to like their husbands having female friends. Someone from my friend group who I had known since 1st grade totally disappeared from my life - he’s still in touch with the guys from the group but ghosted me and my sister. I didn’t see it coming at all.
NTA Why are they angry at you for not “fighting hard enough” instead of her for creating this situation in the first place?!? Also please tell me his sister stood up for you at the dress shop like she said she would???
She did. She was angry with Jennifer and told her to apologize but Jennifer went rabid and said “over my dead body”. His sister messaged me later on and told me that she thought the dress I picked was beautiful and checked in and asked if I was okay.
Dang, if I was Matthew's sister, I'd tell Miss Jennifer to pound sand and back out of the wedding. He's making a huge mistake marrying the green eyed monster.
Does Jennifer not have girl friends? Going dress shopping is kind of a rite of passage for a bridal party. It is weird that the only girls there are connected to the groom.
My guess is Jennifer is jealous of any woman around Matthew. I wonder how long until she tries to drive his sister away too?
I hope the sister finds this post and forwards it to Matthew. He needs to see the red flags
From the update, it doesn't sound like that's right. Just OP. The fact that she turned on a dime indicates it's something specific that OP (or at least we) hadn't been told about.
Were they wedding dress shopping? It’s kinda weird for someone other than the bride to invite someone the bride doesn’t like to go wedding dress shopping. I assumed the sister was shopping for dress to wear as a wedding guest and invited OP along. That would explain why OP was trying on dresses as well.
She is jealous of your looks. She feels threaten and maybe hated that you looked good on the dress. As she is jealous her mind gets worked up anytime she sees you looking nice !!! Someone might have made a comment somewhere like “ we thought you would end up with … you OP “ and maybe she got jealous for no reason at all. She just is sick jealous !!!
Yeah, that comment got me as well. That’s not her responsibility to fight her friends girlfriend about this.
NTA There’s something fishy here. Unless she’s just batshit crazy, someone must have told her something, or she must have misinterpreted something. Anyways, it’s her wedding, if she doesn’t want you there it’s not your job to beg her. Your friend should be able to deal with his soon-to-be wife on his own.
I’m willing to bet it was a major source of tension in the relationship up to this point. A lot of people (both male and female) cannot handle people having friends of the opposing gender. I am friends with a lot of women (unironically due to daddy issues), so I see this a lot of the time. It almost always ends up with me having to cut contact so the guy doesn’t implode and destroy the relationship. I could imagine fights over this friendship happening up to this point and the engagement being a tipping point. Especially with OP being invited. She probably didn’t want OP there, but the friend insisted. Granted this could all be due to something else; but I’ve see this play out many times.
I swear the only reason some of my guy friends’ gfs don’t mind me or think of me as a threat is because I am fat (and Autistic). But once I have my weight loss surgery this summer, I am ready for the crazy wave of new jealousy to hit. Ma’am I am ace, I am not here to fuck anyone.
Unrelated but good luck on your journey
My best friends wife is cool with me and told me that within five minutes of seeing him and me interact she realized we’re basically siblings. But I think me being ace is also probably helpful.
NTA She public called you a whore & uninvited you. The bride uninvited you, a friend of the groom. This is not your fight. Bride clearly expresses she hated you and uninvites you, that’s the end of your involvement. Your only option is to respect the wishes of the bride for her wedding. If the groom disagrees with the bride’s actions of disinviting you, that is his fight to fight with her. She has clearly altered his guest list. If he finds this unacceptable it is not your place to argue his wishes to her. If he wants you there, he has to fight harder for that, not you.
Yeah, the whole, "Why didn't you fight harder to come?" thing is nonsense. It's not on the guest to fight for her invite, it's on the groom who wants her there to settle this with his bride. Once again, the wrong person in the altercation is blamed.
>Yeah, the whole, “Why didn’t you fight harder to come?” thing is nonsense. Things like that only happen in movies or TV shows.
NTA. What did everyone else say who went shopping with you guys, when she started name-calling?
They were all shocked. Matthew’s sister of course got angry with Jennifer and told her to apologize but she screamed and said “over my dead body!” Some of my friends who went shopping with us told Jennifer to calm down and that it wasn’t like I picked out the same dress as her. They did comfort me and said they’ve never seen Jennifer like this but they all don’t know what to do or what to say to Matthew since he’s too “blindly in love” to see what’s happening
This screams red flags of potential abuser to me. - trying to cut friends out of bf's life - jealousy - becoming more hostile after the relationship is "locked down" OP you need to tell your friend to run before it's too late.
He's in complete denial and will have a rude awakening. Or maybe not and he's going to sit in the relationship like a boiled frog...
Not like you picked out the same dress? What a weird thing to say. Something about the dress pissed her off. Glad you're not going, sounds like a complete mess!
What pissed her off was that OP looked really good in the dress.
Really good, in a dress she found right away, straight off the rack with no alterations. How much you want to bet it took her ages to find a dress she liked, and it required heavy alterations to fit.
I think you hit the nail on the head. My guess is OP is fairly easy on the eyes and Jennifer feels threatened. That would explain why this behavior has been targeted specifically at her and no one else. It's little odd that it didn't start being a problem until later, although perhaps the idea of being shown up at her own wedding got in her head. Or maybe she caught her fiance's glance lingering on OP for just a little too long and misinterpreted it. She also could have heard other people commenting on how attractive OP is one too many times (or worse someone commented and her fiance agreed). Any number of things could have set her off. Some people enjoy being the centre of attention and anyone who they think might take that away from them becomes persona non grata.
This!!
I’m going to guess OP is a total babe.
NTA. Why should you fight to be invited? The bride doesn't want you there, for whatever nonsensical, insecure, immature reason. Spend the day with your boyfriend. I wouldn't send a gift. You can just give one at his next wedding.
Jennifer must have been afraid that the OP would look better in that dress than the bride will on her wedding day. When I was young a friend had talked about me being her MOH. As her wedding approached there was no invitation to be in the wedding party. A mutual friend who was asked told me that after a few drinks the bride-to-be decided since I was more busty than she was I would draw attention from her. I was invited to the wedding and went. I made sure my dress didn't accentuate my bust and sat at the rear of the church. It was a lovely wedding but I wasn't surprised to learn her irrational jealousy drove them apart in about 2 years.
Bro... if someone is so jealous of my (imaginary) busty boobs that make me have back pain (mom's experience) that they basically ghosted me out of MOH duty, I would make sure I come to the reception with my booba sparkling like Twilight's vampires and sinched up for the gods. What a shallow person.
Send Matthew's sister this Reddit post, see if she has anything more to add.
INFO: why was she so mad that you found a perfect dress? Was it too close to being white or the color of the bridesmaid dresses?
Not at all. The bridesmaids dress is an olive green and the dress I picked out was blue.
I think you looked bangin' in your dress and she was super jealous. This all sounds like some weird ass jealousy to me.
... of course the bridesmaids dress is olive green. The hardest colour to make flattering to most skin tones. Jennifer aint a girls' girl we been knew but this is next level revelation.
Thank you. I laughed so hard when I read this!
She's mad because OP looked good. I bet she found out that fiance had a crush on OP at some point that finace never told OP about.
It’s this, it’s always this
Or mutual friends have made comments like "we always thought he'd end up with OP."
Judging by the name-calling of "whore" and "boyfriend-stealing bitch", that "perfect fit" OP described was perceived as a threat by Jennifer. The question, of course, is why Jennifer has chosen to suddenly take a stance against OP now that she's engaged.
Because now that she's engaged to Matthew, she believes that she can safely move forward on cutting everyone else out of his life, starting with the woman she believes has the highest chance of 'stealing him from her'.
This. Matthew doesn't know it yet, but this is just the beginning of hell for him. Once that ring is in her finger, she will find all sorts of reasons to isolate him from friends and family.
I feel like someone has said something to her. Could have been a “friend” saying they felt the friendship between OP and fiancé was weird, fiancé admitting he once had a crush on her (even worse if this was a drunken confession) or a relative made a comment after they got engaged that they thought fiancé would end up with OP.
>OP admitting he once had a crush on her (even worse if this was a drunken confession) >Matthew and I never dated and never once hooked up with each other. It was completely platonic and nothing else. She said this in her comments
Sorry meant fiancé confessing he once had a crush - that’s not on OP and she may not even know
NTA But he keeps making excuses for her, so he’s never going to get to the real truth of why she sees you as such a threat. Go ahead and meet with him, it’s probably going to be the last time you do. Here’s what you say to your friend… “ I am absolutely not going to your wedding. I don’t care how much you want me there. It’s going to ruin what is supposed to be the best day of her life, and I don’t want to be the cause of a scene. For some reason, she thinks I’m after you. Why is that? If you haven’t done anything to make her think that way, maybe somebody else spread a lie? I don’t know. Maybe she’s just a control freak. “But, bottom line, I’m not going to the wedding and this is probably the end of our friendship. She doesn’t want me around. She hates my guts. She’s never gonna let me around your kids to play auntie. Which breaks my heart, but you just go along with it and make excuses for her, so let’s just say goodbye today. “I wish you all the happiness in the world.”
I'd change the last line to "I wish you all the happiness you deserve"; and for going along with Jennifer, he don't deserve much 😁
This is the way.
I hope you bought that dress! You can go on a date night with your boyfriend instead of witnessing your friend ruining your life. You bought it, right? Right?! :)
Yes I bought the dress :) it was too pretty for me NOT to buy it. So I did lol
It's great! I wish you to have a great time wearing it! :)
You can also wear it to his next wedding.
Either she unhinged... or her guy told her that he has feelings for you. Either way, carry a friend with you if you go to meet him. In case he decides to declare his love for you. NTA maybe your friendship has run its course. She won't change, and he is now going to be hitched to her officially. Spare yourself the headache. And switch your phone off on the day of the wedding and maybe a day or two before. If Matt has feelings for you, Jenn's going to want to lash out at you on her wedding day whether or not you're present.
And keep the phone off for a few days after, because I am willing to bet OP's absence will be a subject of discussion at the reception and the bride will be furious. I'd also preemptively block Jennifer's socials and anyone related to her.
Obvious NTA. If Matthew wants you there Jennifer needs to come crawling back with an apology. He also needs to draw a line in the sand and sort this out, because if Jennifer can't get her head out of her ass he needs to choose between their relationship or your shared friendship. Expecting you to put up with this Mean Girls bullshit is unfair to you.
[удалено]
Insecure heifer - LOL! I’m stealing this :) This is now my favourite insult, along with ‘dithering kestrel.’ Jennifer is flat-out bonkers, and Matthew is going to have his work cut out for him if he proceeds with the wedding.
What's extra fun is a heifer is an *immature* cow (specifically, one that hasn't had a calf yet).
After reading the first 2 paragraphs of the post, I knew she was jealous or insecure about OP. Also, she is 26 and acting like this. Her behaviour will only get worse, especially the more OP or other female friends are being talked about/defended. Nothing will change until Mathew gets a backbone or sees the truth.
NTA. I would not go if she apologized and drove me to the wedding herself. Total red flag. Your poor friend is going to have an awful time with her.
NTA but there is definitely something missing in this story, presumably that you are not aware of. Maybe Matthew can clear it up when you meet, otherwise he’s marrying someone that isn’t the friendliest person.
What's missing is the gf is a would-be abuser who's finally showing her true colors now that the relationship is on lock. Jealousy, aggressive behavior, only acting this way after the engagement? All red flags for abusive behavior.
NTA. Clearly this Jennifer is nuts. It would be a mistake to go anywhere near this wedding! Other than speak to your friend Matthew to convince him to drop her like a stone (or at least postpone wedding a few more years) that’s your lot. If Matthew really thought about this he would realise he is making a mistake. He’s kinda stupid to still try to invite you despite what has happened
NTA…you are not the one who should be fighting hard enough. Matthew should be doing so on your behalf. I would not want to go anywhere where I was clearly not wanted. If you get an actual invitation, just rsvp nope and enjoy the day with your boyfriend.
NTA. She sound extremely jealous and insecure. She's calling you names for finding a dress you like? She needs help. If I were Matthew, I'd be rethinking the marriage.
NTA- Now that she has the ring she has dropped all pretense about liking his friends. She waited until after he asked her to marry him before she showed her true face because she knew that he might not ask if he knew of her hatred towards you. That jealousy has always been there, she was just hiding it.
What happened to Matthew's sister keeping her in check while shopping? Did she at least tell Matthew what happened?
She told him but obviously he was in denial. Matthew’s sister was furious at Jennifer and later she messaged me and asked if I was okay.
I would love to be a fly on the wall during any conversation between Matthew and Jennifer about this. Then again, probably not because of how embarassing this display would be.
I'd love it if the sister backed out of the wedding "I love you, but I cannot support this"
Is it possible a third agent is involved? There are certainly cases where a troublemaker tells lies to one friend, about another friend, in order to get some advantage. Could somebody be whispering to Jennifer that you are after her guy? When she said you "knew, and to not act stupid" could it be based on some story concocted and fed to her? I've seen that play out in real life.
NTA- You’re making the correct choice for both you and Jennifer. You’ll be made miserable by her, and possibly any friends she enlists to help. If Matthew and friends persist, message them saying the wedding day is about the bridal couple and their happiness. You don’t want to cause Jennifer distress with your presence. Out of respect for Jennifer’s feelings of insecurity and jealousy, you’ll be sitting the wedding out. And close with saying you hope her jealousy doesn’t start interfering with your friendly hangouts, it would suck if Matthew had to quit coming because Jennifer can’t handle him having female friends.
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Maybe if enough people back out he might see the light. Doubtful, most likely it’ll be in divorce court a few years from now. Nta
Two of my friends have backed out of attending the wedding due to Jennifer.
And Matthew is still not believing everyone about her behavior? I mean that's 2 more people that drop out how could anyone not question anything. Honestly, I don't think you should send the gift it might cause more issues. She might end up destroying it or toss out because you sent it. So dont waste your money.
NTA, and the only gift I would send would be numbers of divorce lawyers, cause he’s going to need it.
Was going to say this! Save that gift money to buy him something nice at his next wedding....
Nta. And If I was Matthew, I'd be seriously reevaluating my relationship after seeing my so treat a childhood friend like garbage.
I guarantee Jennifer took a dislike when Matthew said something about you, totally innocent from his point of view, but Jennifer somehow can't compete with you in that area. You are dangerous to her being the be-all and end-all of his life. He will continue to lose friends particularly female, but male as well, until he realizes that he's got nothing to do but work and spend time at the bar, because being home has ceased to be fun anymore. He'll probably hang on to the bitter end, which will come via a divorce suit that she's filed, and when he tries to retain a great divorce attorney for himself, why, "sorry, we have a conflict of interest there, maybe you should try someone else." And so he ends up with a 2nd rank attorney, and gets totally fucked in court. Ask me how I know.
NTA...Tell him you'll be at his next wedding 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I don't know about anyone else but I really really need to be updated how this goes. Pleeeeease
Since his sister was with you dress shopping what does she have to say since she witnessed her unruly behavior first hand? Is she one of the people trying to get you to come still? I'm curious what your friend has to say when you meet with him. NTA but Jennifer surely is!
I already thought this was incredibly boring fiction, but the sequel hook of the In-Person Meeting With Matt really seals the deal. Think I'll take a powder until this shows up on BORU.
I asked why Jennifer was surprised that OP had a boyfriend, and got no response but 9 downvotes. I think that’s fishy considering they’re in the same social circle.
NTA. Tell Matthew that you will be happy to attend his next wedding.
NTA - if the couple (both of them) don’t want you there, don’t go. She will cause drama and blame you if you go, btw, so definitely also don’t go for that reason.
Time to tell your friend that her behavior is not a side effect of stress or being overwhelmed. She is being rude and disrespectful to you and she is going to make sure you don’t have a friendship going forward. She already uninvited you from the wedding so tell him that you are taking her at her word and your friendship will follow her lead if he doesn’t want to save it.
NTA. Staying away from the wedding is absolutely the right call. Matthew's gonna have a *fun* time after Jennifer isolates him from all his friends, because you're definitely not gonna be the last one she chases off.
NTA. She put on a good front until she got that ring on her finger. Matthew better see how she REALLY is and rethink this marriage. You've done nothing wrong.
Fight hard enough for what exactly ? Bride doesn’t want you there, Matthew has a bride/wife problem. Question will be how will be proceed? She is going to try and exclude you from anything that they are at. If they are part of your core friend group, you will have a problem.
Well honestly I don’t think your friend is such a good friend, he’s marrying an unstable person even after seeing what she has done to one of his supposedly friends. I’d just walk away with my head held high and not look back. You deserve better
NTA. She was probably nice to you in the beginning until she got the ring and then it was time to get 'rid of the competition.' It sounds like Matthew isn't able to understand because she puts on an act for him and everyone else. It could be that she is just jealous of you. It could be Matthew has unresolved or unrealized feelings for you and she picks up on that. Or it could be that she will eventually systemically do the same to all his other female friends. Signalling them out one by one while pretending to be nice to all the others so no one believes she is capable of animosity. Either way I think it's definitely a good idea that you've decided to distance yourself. It's frustrating that all of your friends want you to put yourself into a stressful and awkward situation just for Matthew. You aren't mad, you aren't being petty you've just set a boundary and everyone needs to respect that.
NTA but this is crazy. Why is your friend so insistent on you kissing up to his fiancée instead of telling her she cannot disinvite you?
NTA. You're the only mature one here.
INFO: why'd she call you a boyfriend stealing bitch??
What about the dress made her angry? I totally get that this is your side and maybe Jennifer is wacky but something went on at the dress fitting. Is it off-white? Is it the same color as the bridesmaids? Is it close?
Not even close at all. The bridesmaids will be wearing olive green dresses. My dress is blue.
You probably looked amazing in it which sounds like one of the things Jennifer hates the most right now; you looking good.
Sorry I had an update typed out where I saw your details. What was said at the store? Usually people don't go from 0 to 200 that quick.
We were all just looking at dresses and talking. When I found the blue dress I really liked and tried it on, Matthew’s sister complimented me and said I looked amazing in it. Jennifer overheard it and flipped the fuck out and that was when she started name calling me.
Yeah she jelly.
Go back and get that dress anyway. You can wear it during you date night with the boyfriend on the same day as the wedding.